Thank you so much for highlighting my content! It's really interesting to hear your perspectives on these issues too. These conversations are exactly what we need as a community to continue moving forward 💜💚
I really think it needs to be talked about a whole lot more because there is such a stereotype that cis men can't be asexual. Everyone is welcome in the asexual community!
Yeah, I feel that. Idk if I am acesexual or just have trauma that I need to deal with, but I'm not that horny or sexual and it's something a lot of people don't get. Like I hate the idea that all men are horny people. It sucks.
Eyy!! I actually find it to be an extremely interesting intersection of masculinity to hear from, and would love to hear it way more, especially in general discussions on masculinity. It appears that a lot of cis men centre their identity around sexuality, and the absence of your experience is noticeable in the discussions about men's wellbeing, so much advice for guys is still centred around essentially "how to win the amatonormative game." Keep thriving my guy 💜
You can’t win with people….too true. You are either too young, a late bloomer, going through a phase, haven’t found „the right one (tm)“ yet, or „just doing it wrong“…people will go through all sorts of mental gymnastics to not have to accept what you are. I mean….what do people expect? That you say „Oh yeah, right! You know what, I never thought about that - gee, thanks!“
Becaue we as humans have a society wiring and if we are in any way against that, then to them we are against society, so the only way to not be against society, they feel, is to "find solutions."
The signs are typically there in the mid teens but lots of people aren't able to come to that conclusion so soon. It took me well into my 20s to come to terms with being aro. It's especially hard when you have no one in your life to which you're comfortable asking those type of questions.
this. I once got asked "so you were r_ped?" when I was talking about being asexual. there is such a term as caedosexual, which falls under the ace umbrella, but it's also such a wild question. like, none of your damn business? and the obvious - being asexual ≠ having sexual trauma. but two things can be true at once and everyone's experience is different.
As an ace man myself, it feels nice to have my existence acknowledged and validated. This video seemed to have brought a lot of us ace bros together and I'm all for it.
As an ace man i really get it. We are supposed to want it. I'm a pretty manly man in most ways but when people realise you don't want it or don't "make a move" its very hard to justify to people without them thinking less of you in a very profound way.
as an acearo man, my strategy to field questions like that is phrasing it like ‘i’m not dating rn’ or saying im focusing on my career/i’m too busy for a relationship. personally, I think people who aren’t close to me and are asking idle questions about my sex life don’t need the complete truth about me yk?
@@seguaye Totally, it is however the people who know you a while that seem to notice you always have an excuse in my experience. This is where most difficulty comes from that i've had.
Before I started identifying as aspec, my friends would jokingly refer to me as the token striaght person, which I was totally fine with and I thought it was funny. Except some of they kept calling me that after I told them I was aspec, and I would always be like "well not anymore since I'm ace lol" and try to subtly tell them no w/o making a big deal, but they just dismissed is and said I was straighter than the rest of them so it still counted. I'm heteroromantic so I'm technically "straight passing" but I'm definitely not straight and it made me feel really weird when they said I was
Ace trans guy here. It’s very sad that so many people think that just because someone is male, then they cannot be on the ace/aro spectrums. It’s frankly really disgusting and strange.
As AMAB Ace, i really felt the "ace men don't exist" problem growing up. Saying things like "I'm not interested in schmex, or not overly interested finding a partner" got me really confused looks, being called an incel or a loser in school, and parents of course dropped the usual "SpEak to me aGaIn In 10 YeArs :))))))" uuuuuggghhh
When you said something like “frontal lobe just frontal lobed…” I literally laughed out loud Which I never do Mah god you are so hilarious and true and just simply spit out facts Please don’t ever change You make this bleak world just a little bit more wholesome day by day ❤
What I like about being ace man is that I am expected by society to "make the first move" so I don't need to do that ever! So I don't need to experience being hitted on (I hope...) like ace gals do! Plus being shy and socially awkward helps a lot 😂
I have been hit-on a few times by gay guys. So far they have not pushed the issue when I said I was not interested though. Edit: Later learned that tight pants sets off "gaydar"
Thank you for this video. As a Cis Ace guy it can feel super isolating sometimes even around my friends that I know support me. You are correct about that “not enough” mindset being very prevalent. Like when my friends see a guy/girl they’re sexually attracted to it just tugs on my mind like “am I missing something?”. It’s super hard getting out of that mindset but I’m trying and I hope one day it’ll be less intrusive.
Literally!!! I only know a couple of queer cis men, let alone ace or aro men. I really hope more stereotypes like these get broken down so people can become more accepting.
I was 30 before I fully realized that I'm ace (after being in soft denial for about 5 years, mind), so if anything I'm a "late bloomer" on that front. As someone who until earlier this year identified as a possibly-ace cis man (and now ID's as aego and nb, though still masc-presenting), this kind of recognition is really important!
My partner is asexual man, his mother doesn't really like or believe it,though it doesn't matter given that they generally don't get along for all the valid reasons. I remember when I came out to him as bi and non-binary when we were already dating,when I met him I thought I was cishet. I was so nervous and afraid but he took it so well and has told me his own experience with sexuality and his current identity :)
Being an ace man can be hard, people always assume you approach them with sex in mind, it's hard to make lasting friendships even romance, when the people you want to befriend or date assume you just wanna have intimacy
Never had the late bloomer, but the one I was always being told was "You just have not met the right person". I am in my 50's and still people are saying this, you would have thought by now that they would have realised that I just am not interested.
@@HorseChild Being honest, I do not know, all I can say is that at the time (80' and 90's) I did not know of any labels that applied to myself, neither asexual or transgender, both of which I am. Friends and family at the time, always told me the "You just have not met the right person yet". There were even several attempts to set me up with various people, where I liked some of these "dates" as people, I just was not interested romantically or sexually.
Ha ha!! Yes yes YES!!! I'm male and aro ace. I never really thought about it, but i think i never thought about there being other guys that are ace. But i always thought of myself as the only one. BUT THERE ARE OTHERS!!! Thanks LYNN! I always like hearing your thoughts on anything asexual, but particularly on non binary stuff because i know of that the least. Take care. stay ace!!
I am so glad I am not the only one to find out about Asexuality as a younger teen. I found out I am asexual this year, one thing I always think about this “I am only 15 maybe I am just too young”. I am so glad you found out at a younger age, it makes me feel more validated. It is really scary navigating this world where sex is so important, with my peers having relationships and sometimes even sex (I still think it’s weird to do at 15😬). Thank you for this video, I know this video is about ace men but I just want you to know how much that one sentence meant to me.
Your story reminds me of a soapbox of mine. I think young people should try on labels they think will fit, just to see. I identified as agender for about 6 months before I realized that the label that works for me is "nonbinary woman" instead. People should be allowed to say "I'm asexual" without worrying that they are faking it if that changes later. Also, I say young people because that's when people are usually exploring this stuff, and that's okay, but anyone can try out labels just to see what fits.
@@dawn8293omg somebody actually uses the label nonbinary woman? I kind of feels like it fits me and it’s very exciting to have someone else share that label
I called myself a late bloomer lol. I never said it to anyone and no one seemed to notice or care that I never dated anyone. I thought for a long time "I'm sure this liking men thing will show up eventually..." It wasn't until I was 27 and noticed that it didn't and I didn't like women either that I thought "It's a little late to be a late bloomer I guess this is just how I am."
I had that exact same feeling of "It might happen one day" slowly turn into "Welp, I'm just me.". It took so long, even though the signs were there from the start. Hindsight really is 20/20, I guess.
Society just has standards that every guy must meet for whatever reason. I’m a guy and have been an open Aroace for 2 years now and I wish I knew sooner. Would’ve made my Highschool experience a lot easier. I felt weird when I first figured it out. Since most people in the LGBTQIA+ community have something in common that some ace or aro folk don’t. But yeah guys can be ace, don’t let anyone tell you how you need to live to be “asexual” ❤️
As an asexual male, it’s nice to see this, there’s so little representation, I myself didn’t know what asexuality was until sometime around late high school or early college
that and there are woman and men saying that if a man get touched inappropriately with out consent are just supposed to deal with it. like me except im bi
I'm 80% sure I'm Ace. Took me 33 years to realise (partly because I didn't know what it even meant). And yeah, it's a bit weird how few cis men are out, making it harder to realise it's a thing, leading to feeling like an imposter. My guess is that men who know they're Ace don't want to deal with all the extra bullsh*t surrounding masculinity, so they keep it to themselves.
My least favorite assumption about ace men is that they are lying about being asexual to manipulate women. Like how invalidating can you be!? Ace men will always be aces in my book. (Get it?)
I'm a female ace, who's only new to being ace. As someone who's grown up in the cishet allo dating world, men are being rejected so frequently for sex, that some are pretending to be ace or at least sex repulsed in order to get us to feel comfortable with them, and then they come out with the truth once we are sucked in. I'm not saying it's "right" for women to disbelieve ace men genuinely exist, because obviously they do. But it's a trauma response from real world experience of men lying to us very regularly about their intentions.
It's really weird in general with society. I am turning 43 this year and I literally never had the desire for the "deed", even after a few relationships and intimacy, sex was never part of it. I actually didn't know what asexuality was until like 2015/16. Even nowadays I meet people and when you end up at that topic, people tend to stare in disbelief, when you tell them, you never did it. It usually gets replies like "Why not go to a hooker, i am sure you like it." or "You should see a therapist, because that is not healthy." I tend to say, "Have you tried to hug a cactus?" and they usually reply, "No, that probably would hurt." and I am usally replying "You don't know that yet, you haven't even tried it. I am sure you will like it." It is so annoying and even in the LGBTQIA+ community, I meet people once in a while, which are like, "Why are you here? You are not marginalized or critisized for your orientation." In the end it is usually very lonely, because even ace people long for companionship and a loving embrace. Also, the older you get, the harder it becomes to date....
I am technically asexual and aromantic. The only difference between me and most other people who self-identify as such is exactly whose idea it's been that I be those things.
I’m still quite young so I haven’t really delved much in the romantic sphere just yet although I am well aware of the fact that I am definitely ace. Alongside that, I don’t tend to watch videos covering asexuality despite being an ace myself because… I don’t really know why TBH 😅 So, this video is actually my first exposure to the fact that ace men are not treated as seriously as other aces. As a cis male myself, this is kind of disappointing to hear TBH but I’m glad I’ve been made aware of it so I’m prepared for the future. Thanks for making this video 👍
Wonderful video! I used to think I was a “late bloomer,” until after college. I would love it so much if you made an ace/aro focused app to help people find fellow aces and aros and potential qpr partners!! It’s a dream of mine to be in a qpr someday.
There's also so much toxicity within some online ace communities.I started looking into the ace community in my early 30s, but got annoyed because I kept getting the response of "well, maybe you're just repressed" and "I don't think you're asexual". There was this weird thing that if I wasn't completely repulsed by sexuality, then I couldn't be asexual.
I get that so much. I'm aro-ace with a high libido/sex drive and thus I'm not repulsed by sex at all. Just the same I experience aesthetic attraction, but it's not gender based. It's really cruel when people disregard different ace experiences and shoehorn asexuality as a complete repulsion of sex, make it into a 100% absence of attraction.
So I’m not aroace, I’m bisexual but I get it, you don’t feel sexual atraccion or romantic atraccion, and that’s fine, what I don’t get is the rest of the people don’t understanding the concept, is like the most easy to understand, what is your sexual preference?, none and that’s it, you don’t have to explain why you like one thing or another, and yet you have to explain why you don’t have that atraccion, way is people confuse about you guys?, you’re just chilling and then the rest of the people be like: why you don’t like sex? Not my cup of tea thanks yeah but why? It must feel really bad of years of feeling not understood Anyway, full support, keep going, you guys are beautiful and validated ❤️
As someone who really loves and prioritizes his friends, it sometimes feels like I *need* to have a reason to favor them so much, and have just slapped a “romantic” label on any desire to be close to someone, but as of yesterday I came out to my best friend that I’m probably Aro/Ace and she considers me a brother, even though I know how most people at our school would/do see us.
hi, i am new to your channel and have been loving how your page focuses on lgbtqia+ content. I really appreciate these not only comforting, but informative videos :)
I’m demi-panromantic, and though genderfluid I tend to identify as a guy more often or not, and dress masculinely. I’ve only been with one person, and I kinda wound up a bit hurt thinking I can’t provide for them what they might want. Though a topic I didn’t think about the topic came up once, with them talking about how doing “it” scared them. I admitted it scared me as well. They kinda got annoyed, mainly because they well, I can’t figure a friendlier way to put it but have kids. Now I wasn’t the most well versed in sexuality, so I had no idea of asexuality, along with many other things, so when they asked me what made me afraid I couldn’t really formulate a answer. I wound up feeling really bad, like it was my fault. For the record they aren’t a bad person, honestly a lot of they’re anger more or less came for other reasons, they were already going through a lot (plus this was during the pandemic) and a family member of their’s was let’s just say badly injured and hospitalized. We’re no longer together but he’s still, and always will be my best friend. Thinking back honestly things probably wouldn’t have worked out, however now I have more confidence and know it wasn’t for the reasons I was afraid of. Simply we weren’t the right people for each other. I’m lucky I’ve had such great friends, they’ve taught me a lot, and I’m much more comfortable with the ways I feel and understand myself better. For anyone who managed to read this far thank you for reading. I think one thing everyone must learn is that it’s not bad to feel a certain way. I don’t want to say it’s always okay to embrace it, sometimes some feelings can lead to some very dark places, but especially if it doesn’t hurt other people, and is what makes you feel happy, embrace it and don’t let other people mock you for it. At the very least you know You’re happy with who you are. As long as your friends are there to support you, and you are happy with the person you are then there’s no reason to be ashamed. Especially if the person mocking you is just another hateful person who’s for some reason invested in your sexuality, or your gender, or whatever thing it is they’ve chosen to use as a vendetta against you.
I am still a teenager (somewhere between 13-16), and I hear “You just not old enough yet!”, “You’re just a late boomer”, “You just need to go find someone” a lot. Everyone are so obsessed with sex it is driving me insane😭
Asexual men exist deal with it! I love the title. I'm a man turning 30 next month so I'm old enough to know by now that I'm aroace. Yes! very relatabe. Feeling broken because of asexuality and aromanticism is what I have felt a lot in my life. I tried really, really hard to love girls in my school but none of them were that "special" one you were supposed to find and that would "feel right" as everyone was talking about. I have had my incidents with relatives trying to push me into going on blind dates and stuff. But they have luckily started to realize that I just don't want to date and instead started saying things like. No pressure! You have lots of time left. One day the right one will come.
This is interesting because I will personally say I am on the ace spectrum myself as a demisexual guy, and my journey was through asexuality because I always somewhat suspected that I was comfortable with just my interests and hobbies and sex wasn't a big part of what I want. The reason I call myself a Demisexual gay guy is I am not aromantic, I desire a romantic relationship with other men 100%. It's sex that isn't a big part of why I would date a guy. But to see that asexual people deal with that dumb question of "You don't look "insert any sexuality apart from straight" is kinda stupid because what does a sexuality look like. The assumption that all gay guys are fem is a dumb stereotype that doesn't really have much truth and only applies because entertainment and media basically makes every gay guy fem. Every single gay character in a mainstream film is fem, none of them are just regular old masculine guys who just happen to like guys. Also I personally did not know that non binary and cis women and trans people were stereotyped as being more likely to be asexual because I was basically the only ace person in my community and I am male, but I guess my thing is also because I'm disabled I went through the loneliness and isolation but not through the lens of sexuality but rather disability so I was used to being the only "identity" in the community, and let's just say being an introvert has it's positives in helping with that kind of stuff. I also was exploring my identity when asexuality wasn't even considered a sexuality really in like the 2010's so I had to navigate without too much social media and internet. And It was when I got more access that I started to really explore my identity and I came to realize that despite identifying as mostly gay through my 20's, I have started to really think about my relationship with sex and sexual attraction in my later 20's and I kinda have come to the point through exploration that my young self was partly correct in his identity in that sex to me is more like "a nice bit of art." I can admire human bodies and I can like certain aesthetics but at the end of the day what does sex do to me, nothing. The sex positive part of me is the one that views sex as an artistic thing as I do like the general aesthetic of men in terms of looking at it with that perspective.
Ya, I'm never going to like AVEN and am never going to suggest it to anyone. WAY back when I came out of the closet the site had a massive hate for aegosexuality and my stay there did not go well.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m technically ace. I do desire intimacy, but it is extremely infrequent and sometimes I just don’t enjoy. I also don’t understand why hyper-sexual is becoming a very normalized concept, it’s just strange to me especially knowing it’s a side effect of…..child abuse.
Just turned 48 a week ago. No it's not a phase and no you don't grow out of it. I put so much pressure on myself because you are supposed to be in a relationship etc. Until I found out that asexuality exist, never felt better.
I had never heard anyone say men couldn't be asexual, I was not aware that was something anyone thought and can't see the logic in it... but I guess I am not surprised, if some people believe the Earth is flat then they'll believe anything.
Lynn`s just making stuff up for clicks and views. I`ve seen filmed interviews long before this `gender ideology` where a man said he wasn`t interested in sex and nobody said anything. Men living on remote farms are probably seen as better off without women (or men). But somehow the female Lynn Saga knows everything there is to know about something the West has just invented in order to recruit straight people into queer spaces.
As an ace man I clicked on this video expecting to see a lot of comments starting with “as an ace man” and because asexuals are ontologically correct about everything, those comments manifested when I searched for them
will never forget the girl that told me that I didn't "look asexual" because I wasn't "ugly". like thanks...I guess...but sexuality has zero to do with aesthetics. if I was less "conventionally appealing" I'd still be asexual.
I don't get the premiss that someone looks .... insert noun. I look like me, why do I look like me, because I'm me. What am I supposed to look like I'm a straight white male, a commonplace character, so how should I look? I don't understand those questions either. I look however I feel like looking, which is usually what I feel is comfortable for me which has very little to do with my inner self and my struggles in life. Basically, it boils down to you decide what you look like not your gender, sexual orientation, community, or anything else, because we are all individuals.
Women are pretty, women are cute. Id prefer no touchy tho. Although i have allowed my walls to go down for a couple of people. But i have to be actually attracted to them. Sex without emotions is just barbaric and animalistic 🤮. But if im genuinly attracted to them ill do the deed to make them happy or bond.
Thank you so much for highlighting my content! It's really interesting to hear your perspectives on these issues too. These conversations are exactly what we need as a community to continue moving forward 💜💚
love your content!!
Sir, you've just earned yourself a new subscriber who also happens to be ace.
@@DocTrower1980thank you!! I really appreciate that 🥹 I’m trying to grow my channel so that means a lot.
@@jacquelinejanickithank you!! That means a lot to me 🥹
As a cis man on the ace spectrum it's can be isolating
I really think it needs to be talked about a whole lot more because there is such a stereotype that cis men can't be asexual. Everyone is welcome in the asexual community!
@@lynnsaga1397 thank you for talking about it 💜🤍🩶🖤
Oof, as a fellow asexual (tho not aromantic) cis guy, I feel this
Yeah, I feel that. Idk if I am acesexual or just have trauma that I need to deal with, but I'm not that horny or sexual and it's something a lot of people don't get. Like I hate the idea that all men are horny people. It sucks.
Eyy!! I actually find it to be an extremely interesting intersection of masculinity to hear from, and would love to hear it way more, especially in general discussions on masculinity. It appears that a lot of cis men centre their identity around sexuality, and the absence of your experience is noticeable in the discussions about men's wellbeing, so much advice for guys is still centred around essentially "how to win the amatonormative game."
Keep thriving my guy 💜
“You don’t look ace” well damn, it’s almost like you can’t tell just by looking at someone what their deal is!
Yeah, when they see a beautiful woman or a handsome man they say "you don't look asexual" that's so funny.
I never get what looking asexual means. What do asexuals look like in their imagination?
You can’t win with people….too true.
You are either too young, a late bloomer, going through a phase, haven’t found „the right one (tm)“ yet, or „just doing it wrong“…people will go through all sorts of mental gymnastics to not have to accept what you are. I mean….what do people expect?
That you say „Oh yeah, right! You know what, I never thought about that - gee, thanks!“
Becaue we as humans have a society wiring and if we are in any way against that, then to them we are against society, so the only way to not be against society, they feel, is to "find solutions."
I' hope i found an ace bf, btw!
The signs are typically there in the mid teens but lots of people aren't able to come to that conclusion so soon. It took me well into my 20s to come to terms with being aro. It's especially hard when you have no one in your life to which you're comfortable asking those type of questions.
this.
I once got asked "so you were r_ped?" when I was talking about being asexual.
there is such a term as caedosexual, which falls under the ace umbrella, but it's also such a wild question.
like, none of your damn business?
and the obvious - being asexual ≠ having sexual trauma. but two things can be true at once and everyone's experience is different.
You forgot the line "there is somebody for everyone"... that one is complete bullshit!!!
As an ace man myself, it feels nice to have my existence acknowledged and validated. This video seemed to have brought a lot of us ace bros together and I'm all for it.
As an ace man i really get it. We are supposed to want it. I'm a pretty manly man in most ways but when people realise you don't want it or don't "make a move" its very hard to justify to people without them thinking less of you in a very profound way.
as an acearo man, my strategy to field questions like that is phrasing it like ‘i’m not dating rn’ or saying im focusing on my career/i’m too busy for a relationship. personally, I think people who aren’t close to me and are asking idle questions about my sex life don’t need the complete truth about me yk?
@@seguaye Totally, it is however the people who know you a while that seem to notice you always have an excuse in my experience. This is where most difficulty comes from that i've had.
@@cushmanarmitige2369 yeah, it’s a tough spot to be in
As a younger guy, I lived in mortal fear of having to "make the move"... I truly didn't know how I could be such a "failure"!
@@timnewman1172 I hope you know you are not a failure. After all if not having it is failure then doing something you have no interest in is success.
Thanks for putting a spotlight on ace men!
Of course! if you know any other asexual or aromantic content creator who are men please send them my way
@@lynnsaga1397 I am one but i haven't done any asexuality videos. just ukulele covers for the most part. :P
@@lynnsaga1397Check out Nik Hampshire. 💜🖤
I'm about to watch this video, so as an ace man thank you for making this! Really appreciate it!
I definitely think ace men need more love in the community!
@@lynnsaga1397 Agree. We're often overshadowed by pretty much everyone and some people don't even see us as queer which sucks
Before I started identifying as aspec, my friends would jokingly refer to me as the token striaght person, which I was totally fine with and I thought it was funny.
Except some of they kept calling me that after I told them I was aspec, and I would always be like "well not anymore since I'm ace lol" and try to subtly tell them no w/o making a big deal, but they just dismissed is and said I was straighter than the rest of them so it still counted. I'm heteroromantic so I'm technically "straight passing" but I'm definitely not straight and it made me feel really weird when they said I was
Ace trans guy here. It’s very sad that so many people think that just because someone is male, then they cannot be on the ace/aro spectrums. It’s frankly really disgusting and strange.
Same here man. Its super isolating too.
As AMAB Ace, i really felt the "ace men don't exist" problem growing up. Saying things like "I'm not interested in schmex, or not overly interested finding a partner" got me really confused looks, being called an incel or a loser in school, and parents of course dropped the usual "SpEak to me aGaIn In 10 YeArs :))))))" uuuuuggghhh
When you said something like “frontal lobe just frontal lobed…” I literally laughed out loud
Which I never do
Mah god you are so hilarious and true and just simply spit out facts
Please don’t ever change
You make this bleak world just a little bit more wholesome day by day ❤
this comment literally made my whole day! thank you so much
What I like about being ace man is that I am expected by society to "make the first move" so I don't need to do that ever! So I don't need to experience being hitted on (I hope...) like ace gals do! Plus being shy and socially awkward helps a lot 😂
I have been hit-on a few times by gay guys.
So far they have not pushed the issue when I said I was not interested though.
Edit: Later learned that tight pants sets off "gaydar"
Asexual people come in all genders. Are some people that dimb. Always love your videos, lynn awesome video
Thank you for this video. As a Cis Ace guy it can feel super isolating sometimes even around my friends that I know support me. You are correct about that “not enough” mindset being very prevalent. Like when my friends see a guy/girl they’re sexually attracted to it just tugs on my mind like “am I missing something?”.
It’s super hard getting out of that mindset but I’m trying and I hope one day it’ll be less intrusive.
Literally!!! I only know a couple of queer cis men, let alone ace or aro men. I really hope more stereotypes like these get broken down so people can become more accepting.
I was 30 before I fully realized that I'm ace (after being in soft denial for about 5 years, mind), so if anything I'm a "late bloomer" on that front. As someone who until earlier this year identified as a possibly-ace cis man (and now ID's as aego and nb, though still masc-presenting), this kind of recognition is really important!
Took me til my 30s to realize I'm AroAce too. I id as Aro/Aego. Cis/Genderqueer presenting as Masc
My partner is asexual man, his mother doesn't really like or believe it,though it doesn't matter given that they generally don't get along for all the valid reasons. I remember when I came out to him as bi and non-binary when we were already dating,when I met him I thought I was cishet. I was so nervous and afraid but he took it so well and has told me his own experience with sexuality and his current identity :)
That’s really nice to hear, I’m glad the two of you have each other’s support 😊
I’m asexual and gender-fluid, everyday is so confusing- send stable gender-
Being an ace man can be hard, people always assume you approach them with sex in mind, it's hard to make lasting friendships even romance, when the people you want to befriend or date assume you just wanna have intimacy
Never had the late bloomer, but the one I was always being told was "You just have not met the right person".
I am in my 50's and still people are saying this, you would have thought by now that they would have realised that I just am not interested.
Hi, I’m sorry if this is too personal, but was there a label back then for that identity? And what was it like back then for ace folk?
@@HorseChild Being honest, I do not know, all I can say is that at the time (80' and 90's) I did not know of any labels that applied to myself, neither asexual or transgender, both of which I am.
Friends and family at the time, always told me the "You just have not met the right person yet".
There were even several attempts to set me up with various people, where I liked some of these "dates" as people, I just was not interested romantically or sexually.
@@elvacoburg1279 I hate that. Hopefully your family understands now.
Ha ha!! Yes yes YES!!! I'm male and aro ace. I never really thought about it, but i think i never thought about there being other guys that are ace. But i always thought of myself as the only one. BUT THERE ARE OTHERS!!! Thanks LYNN! I always like hearing your thoughts on anything asexual, but particularly on non binary stuff because i know of that the least. Take care. stay ace!!
I am so glad I am not the only one to find out about Asexuality as a younger teen. I found out I am asexual this year, one thing I always think about this “I am only 15 maybe I am just too young”. I am so glad you found out at a younger age, it makes me feel more validated. It is really scary navigating this world where sex is so important, with my peers having relationships and sometimes even sex (I still think it’s weird to do at 15😬).
Thank you for this video, I know this video is about ace men but I just want you to know how much that one sentence meant to me.
Your story reminds me of a soapbox of mine. I think young people should try on labels they think will fit, just to see.
I identified as agender for about 6 months before I realized that the label that works for me is "nonbinary woman" instead.
People should be allowed to say "I'm asexual" without worrying that they are faking it if that changes later.
Also, I say young people because that's when people are usually exploring this stuff, and that's okay, but anyone can try out labels just to see what fits.
@@dawn8293omg somebody actually uses the label nonbinary woman? I kind of feels like it fits me and it’s very exciting to have someone else share that label
being called a late bloomer is so infantilizing. like thanks for telling me I can't possibly know myself.
I called myself a late bloomer lol. I never said it to anyone and no one seemed to notice or care that I never dated anyone. I thought for a long time "I'm sure this liking men thing will show up eventually..." It wasn't until I was 27 and noticed that it didn't and I didn't like women either that I thought "It's a little late to be a late bloomer I guess this is just how I am."
I had that exact same feeling of "It might happen one day" slowly turn into "Welp, I'm just me.". It took so long, even though the signs were there from the start. Hindsight really is 20/20, I guess.
I wish you had used 'cis' liberally in the description and video, because asexual men include [binary] trans men and nonbinary [trans] men too.
So, they are asexual men, so why focus on cis ones?
Society just has standards that every guy must meet for whatever reason. I’m a guy and have been an open Aroace for 2 years now and I wish I knew sooner. Would’ve made my Highschool experience a lot easier. I felt weird when I first figured it out. Since most people in the LGBTQIA+ community have something in common that some ace or aro folk don’t. But yeah guys can be ace, don’t let anyone tell you how you need to live to be “asexual” ❤️
hi :D aroace cis guy, just saying hi. thank you for making this video 🧡💛🤍💙💜
I dont watch many of your videos but Im watching this one because I love feeling seen lol
As an asexual male, it’s nice to see this, there’s so little representation, I myself didn’t know what asexuality was until sometime around late high school or early college
that and there are woman and men saying that if a man get touched inappropriately with out consent are just supposed to deal with it. like me except im bi
Consent is required no matter the gender. And the idea "men always like it" is super harmful and terrible.
I'm 80% sure I'm Ace. Took me 33 years to realise (partly because I didn't know what it even meant). And yeah, it's a bit weird how few cis men are out, making it harder to realise it's a thing, leading to feeling like an imposter. My guess is that men who know they're Ace don't want to deal with all the extra bullsh*t surrounding masculinity, so they keep it to themselves.
AHHH THIS IS ME WHOOOO
YAY
My least favorite assumption about ace men is that they are lying about being asexual to manipulate women. Like how invalidating can you be!?
Ace men will always be aces in my book. (Get it?)
I'm a female ace, who's only new to being ace. As someone who's grown up in the cishet allo dating world, men are being rejected so frequently for sex, that some are pretending to be ace or at least sex repulsed in order to get us to feel comfortable with them, and then they come out with the truth once we are sucked in. I'm not saying it's "right" for women to disbelieve ace men genuinely exist, because obviously they do. But it's a trauma response from real world experience of men lying to us very regularly about their intentions.
As an Aro/Ace male, this video was very affirming. Thank you for highlighting this part of the community.
It's really weird in general with society. I am turning 43 this year and I literally never had the desire for the "deed", even after a few relationships and intimacy, sex was never part of it.
I actually didn't know what asexuality was until like 2015/16. Even nowadays I meet people and when you end up at that topic, people tend to stare in disbelief, when you tell them, you never did it.
It usually gets replies like "Why not go to a hooker, i am sure you like it." or "You should see a therapist, because that is not healthy."
I tend to say, "Have you tried to hug a cactus?" and they usually reply, "No, that probably would hurt." and I am usally replying "You don't know that yet, you haven't even tried it. I am sure you will like it."
It is so annoying and even in the LGBTQIA+ community, I meet people once in a while, which are like, "Why are you here? You are not marginalized or critisized for your orientation."
In the end it is usually very lonely, because even ace people long for companionship and a loving embrace.
Also, the older you get, the harder it becomes to date....
I am technically asexual and aromantic.
The only difference between me and most other people who self-identify as such is exactly whose idea it's been that I be those things.
I think asexual people are cool
same!
Samee
I think I'm cool too
@@Totally_not_soosWe are! 🤭
😎
I really love this video. I'm not ace but I am so happy they're being represented!
I’m still quite young so I haven’t really delved much in the romantic sphere just yet although I am well aware of the fact that I am definitely ace. Alongside that, I don’t tend to watch videos covering asexuality despite being an ace myself because… I don’t really know why TBH 😅
So, this video is actually my first exposure to the fact that ace men are not treated as seriously as other aces. As a cis male myself, this is kind of disappointing to hear TBH but I’m glad I’ve been made aware of it so I’m prepared for the future. Thanks for making this video 👍
Wonderful video!
I used to think I was a “late bloomer,” until after college.
I would love it so much if you made an ace/aro focused app to help people find fellow aces and aros and potential qpr partners!! It’s a dream of mine to be in a qpr someday.
There's also so much toxicity within some online ace communities.I started looking into the ace community in my early 30s, but got annoyed because I kept getting the response of "well, maybe you're just repressed" and "I don't think you're asexual". There was this weird thing that if I wasn't completely repulsed by sexuality, then I couldn't be asexual.
I get that so much. I'm aro-ace with a high libido/sex drive and thus I'm not repulsed by sex at all. Just the same I experience aesthetic attraction, but it's not gender based. It's really cruel when people disregard different ace experiences and shoehorn asexuality as a complete repulsion of sex, make it into a 100% absence of attraction.
Hii Lynn!I love your videos!!
Thank you so much! I hope I keep making ones you like
@@lynnsaga1397your welcome!!I'm sure you will cause I always like your videos😊
Asexuality is pretty cool, totally not biased
Let's go! Aroace men getting recognized:)
I can speak from personal experience. Ace/aro guys most certainly do exist!
Grait video! As an ace guy this is realy nice thanks @Lynn Saga
So I’m not aroace, I’m bisexual but I get it, you don’t feel sexual atraccion or romantic atraccion, and that’s fine, what I don’t get is the rest of the people don’t understanding the concept, is like the most easy to understand,
what is your sexual preference?, none
and that’s it, you don’t have to explain why you like one thing or another, and yet you have to explain why you don’t have that atraccion, way is people confuse about you guys?, you’re just chilling and then the rest of the people be like:
why you don’t like sex?
Not my cup of tea thanks
yeah but why?
It must feel really bad of years of feeling not understood
Anyway, full support, keep going, you guys are beautiful and validated ❤️
Huge fan of you,lynn saga.Your videos always brings me a smile even in toughest situations.
Yes we exist 💜🤍🖤
Thank you for sharing this. My husband is on the asexual spectrum and it's been a learning curve ❤
As someone who really loves and prioritizes his friends, it sometimes feels like I *need* to have a reason to favor them so much, and have just slapped a “romantic” label on any desire to be close to someone, but as of yesterday I came out to my best friend that I’m probably Aro/Ace and she considers me a brother, even though I know how most people at our school would/do see us.
I remember wondering what Jughead's deal in the Archie comics as a kid. Now i understand that he was definitely ace
Omg, I love fluently aspec!! :)))
hi, i am new to your channel and have been loving how your page focuses on lgbtqia+ content. I really appreciate these not only comforting, but informative videos :)
I’m demi-panromantic, and though genderfluid I tend to identify as a guy more often or not, and dress masculinely. I’ve only been with one person, and I kinda wound up a bit hurt thinking I can’t provide for them what they might want. Though a topic I didn’t think about the topic came up once, with them talking about how doing “it” scared them. I admitted it scared me as well. They kinda got annoyed, mainly because they well, I can’t figure a friendlier way to put it but have kids. Now I wasn’t the most well versed in sexuality, so I had no idea of asexuality, along with many other things, so when they asked me what made me afraid I couldn’t really formulate a answer. I wound up feeling really bad, like it was my fault.
For the record they aren’t a bad person, honestly a lot of they’re anger more or less came for other reasons, they were already going through a lot (plus this was during the pandemic) and a family member of their’s was let’s just say badly injured and hospitalized. We’re no longer together but he’s still, and always will be my best friend. Thinking back honestly things probably wouldn’t have worked out, however now I have more confidence and know it wasn’t for the reasons I was afraid of. Simply we weren’t the right people for each other.
I’m lucky I’ve had such great friends, they’ve taught me a lot, and I’m much more comfortable with the ways I feel and understand myself better.
For anyone who managed to read this far thank you for reading. I think one thing everyone must learn is that it’s not bad to feel a certain way. I don’t want to say it’s always okay to embrace it, sometimes some feelings can lead to some very dark places, but especially if it doesn’t hurt other people, and is what makes you feel happy, embrace it and don’t let other people mock you for it. At the very least you know
You’re happy with who you are. As long as your friends are there to support you, and you are happy with the person you are then there’s no reason to be ashamed. Especially if the person mocking you is just another hateful person who’s for some reason invested in your sexuality, or your gender, or whatever thing it is they’ve chosen to use as a vendetta against you.
I not identify as Asexual yet. I on journey. I am virgin in 30's. I do feel pressure by society. I don't like be touched.
I am still a teenager (somewhere between 13-16), and I hear “You just not old enough yet!”, “You’re just a late boomer”, “You just need to go find someone” a lot. Everyone are so obsessed with sex it is driving me insane😭
Represent! 🖤🐘🤍💜
Asexual men exist deal with it! I love the title. I'm a man turning 30 next month so I'm old enough to know by now that I'm aroace. Yes! very relatabe. Feeling broken because of asexuality and aromanticism is what I have felt a lot in my life. I tried really, really hard to love girls in my school but none of them were that "special" one you were supposed to find and that would "feel right" as everyone was talking about. I have had my incidents with relatives trying to push me into going on blind dates and stuff. But they have luckily started to realize that I just don't want to date and instead started saying things like. No pressure! You have lots of time left. One day the right one will come.
@@Jockwardia man you're an inspiration 👏 (from an asexual, arospec guy)
"The frontal lobe has frontal lobed."
Lynn Saga, 2024
You are enough! Thanks for the great video, very helpful content!
pre-transition trans girl here, definitely still feeling this burden and damn it sucks so bad
As an Ace guy, its nice having representation. Im lucky that people are understanding or at least somewhat understanding when i tell them im Ace.
This is interesting because I will personally say I am on the ace spectrum myself as a demisexual guy, and my journey was through asexuality because I always somewhat suspected that I was comfortable with just my interests and hobbies and sex wasn't a big part of what I want. The reason I call myself a Demisexual gay guy is I am not aromantic, I desire a romantic relationship with other men 100%. It's sex that isn't a big part of why I would date a guy. But to see that asexual people deal with that dumb question of "You don't look "insert any sexuality apart from straight" is kinda stupid because what does a sexuality look like. The assumption that all gay guys are fem is a dumb stereotype that doesn't really have much truth and only applies because entertainment and media basically makes every gay guy fem. Every single gay character in a mainstream film is fem, none of them are just regular old masculine guys who just happen to like guys.
Also I personally did not know that non binary and cis women and trans people were stereotyped as being more likely to be asexual because I was basically the only ace person in my community and I am male, but I guess my thing is also because I'm disabled I went through the loneliness and isolation but not through the lens of sexuality but rather disability so I was used to being the only "identity" in the community, and let's just say being an introvert has it's positives in helping with that kind of stuff.
I also was exploring my identity when asexuality wasn't even considered a sexuality really in like the 2010's so I had to navigate without too much social media and internet. And It was when I got more access that I started to really explore my identity and I came to realize that despite identifying as mostly gay through my 20's, I have started to really think about my relationship with sex and sexual attraction in my later 20's and I kinda have come to the point through exploration that my young self was partly correct in his identity in that sex to me is more like "a nice bit of art." I can admire human bodies and I can like certain aesthetics but at the end of the day what does sex do to me, nothing. The sex positive part of me is the one that views sex as an artistic thing as I do like the general aesthetic of men in terms of looking at it with that perspective.
Ya, I'm never going to like AVEN and am never going to suggest it to anyone. WAY back when I came out of the closet the site had a massive hate for aegosexuality and my stay there did not go well.
Sorry that you had that experience.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m technically ace. I do desire intimacy, but it is extremely infrequent and sometimes I just don’t enjoy. I also don’t understand why hyper-sexual is becoming a very normalized concept, it’s just strange to me especially knowing it’s a side effect of…..child abuse.
Just turned 48 a week ago. No it's not a phase and no you don't grow out of it. I put so much pressure on myself because you are supposed to be in a relationship etc. Until I found out that asexuality exist, never felt better.
I was once an ace man before I started identifying as nonbinary.
I had never heard anyone say men couldn't be asexual, I was not aware that was something anyone thought and can't see the logic in it... but I guess I am not surprised, if some people believe the Earth is flat then they'll believe anything.
Lynn`s just making stuff up for clicks and views. I`ve seen filmed interviews long before this `gender ideology` where a man said he wasn`t interested in sex and nobody said anything. Men living on remote farms are probably seen as better off without women (or men). But somehow the female Lynn Saga knows everything there is to know about something the West has just invented in order to recruit straight people into queer spaces.
As an ace man I clicked on this video expecting to see a lot of comments starting with “as an ace man” and because asexuals are ontologically correct about everything, those comments manifested when I searched for them
will never forget the girl that told me that I didn't "look asexual" because I wasn't "ugly". like thanks...I guess...but sexuality has zero to do with aesthetics. if I was less "conventionally appealing" I'd still be asexual.
Is that Itachi on your computer screen? If so, I had no idea you liked anime or Naruto.
Great video,im so happy yt recommended me your channel (it was the furry one) and btw im also male and asexual
theres a cis dude youtuber i watch who’s ace and i can imagine how that acephobia would affect him different which sucks
acephobia is sad :
also “you don’t look ” makes me sick
i don’t have to look any certain way due to my identity
Btw i orderd the book,cant wait for it
Alastor (hazbin hotel)
Octavia (helluva boss)
Also mammon 💲
@@sortascouseace Yes
hello i am not ace or a man but yes! The stereotyping of cishet men as oversexual and unable to control themselves is super problematic.
As an ace man I can confirm I exist
I feel like any sexuality that has to do with sex and fluidity or are valid enough
Ive never seen this stereotype. The only person in my life i know who's asexual is a cis male
I don't get the premiss that someone looks .... insert noun. I look like me, why do I look like me, because I'm me. What am I supposed to look like I'm a straight white male, a commonplace character, so how should I look? I don't understand those questions either. I look however I feel like looking, which is usually what I feel is comfortable for me which has very little to do with my inner self and my struggles in life. Basically, it boils down to you decide what you look like not your gender, sexual orientation, community, or anything else, because we are all individuals.
I'm almost certainly somewhere on the asexual spectrum as well. Not enough to actually claim being asexual but, yea, men do be asexual, knowwaddamean?
Women are pretty, women are cute. Id prefer no touchy tho. Although i have allowed my walls to go down for a couple of people. But i have to be actually attracted to them. Sex without emotions is just barbaric and animalistic 🤮. But if im genuinly attracted to them ill do the deed to make them happy or bond.
Demi here...
"you're just a late bloomer" "you'll find the right woman (cause I'm a guy)"
I'm sick of it.
Btw. I was 41 when I found out.
I want to make a aroace dating app called
For tax reasons
Yeh sure Lynn...we`ll try and deal with it. Straight men who don`t wanna get laid. We`ll struggle and try to deal with that.
STORIES ABT U BEING ACE
👇🏽
💖
I have never experienced these things that these other people have experienced. Because they are different from me, they are wrong and bad.
Who cares?
I am Single by Choice. I choose to not have xes because I don't want the burden of a relationship with a man.
Where can I get my medal?
Lynn`s just trying to recruit the straights to join the queers.
No we don't.
No idea what you are replying to.
@@ariaflame-au was saying that asexual people like myself don't exist. Was a little humor.
the joy and feeling of being seen i get from watching your videos is whats keeping me going. thank you lynn 💜🤍🖤