@@luminous6969 You sound like you have just as much past trauma as she does. Things are definitely changing. I know many women who make more than their husbands. I was completely self reliant when I met mine (own my own business). Not everything is about money. Also, for the men and women who DO get into situations like that…take a little accountability. You chose that.
@@supernova11711 What I said is true regardless of whether or not I have trauma, the laws are still unfair to men whether or not I have trauma, trauma has nothing to do with the facts and what I said stands as true unless you can prove me wrong.
Dr John spoke the absolute truth….she just wanted to be told that she was not only correct to feel betrayed but also that she was right to beat up on her fiancée because all of the men in her family cheat on their wives and is assuming she will experience the same. I agree she has to decide she wants to heal, and hopefully has since this was 2 years ago
Laura, please get professional help for your trauma or walk away from your fiancé. YOUR marriage will be doomed from the start if you don’t begin the healing process.
Caller: "I have this weird thing about me where I don't know how to lie." And then the caller says how she knows herself well enough to know she will never be attracted to anyone else. Girl you are lying. You are lying to yourself!!
You were getting impatient as you are not a therapist nor you could see the pain and trauma that has been inflicted on her as a child. If a dog is kicked by everyone as a puppy, when they grow up they growl at the very sight of the humans. But with love and kindness things can be helped. She wants to avoid the pain that therapy and going through childhood memories will bring her. She is trying to avoid the journey but it is causing deeper chasm and pain.
@@Applauseify No, I was getting impatient because that’s a natural reaction to have when someone else is being stubborn, regardless of that person’s legitimate distress. And you are not virtuous for denying that obvious fact.
@@BitterComments You are not virtuous for being callous and nasty. Nor are you as edgy as you think you are. It’s easy and takes no talent or skill to be rude and nasty, true skill is found in being kind in an unkind world.
@@d.c.d.8985 So you're trying to be edgy and virtuous by simply telling me that I am neither edgy nor virtuous? Wow, you're not edgy, virtuous, or even mildly intelligent.
@@mariahconklin4150her comment was absolutely right. She wouldn’t even listen to the therapist she called for advice. She obviously won’t listen to anyone.
@@jdj2022that’s just probably cause she needs more sessions. Obviously she has gone thru some trauma that is impacting her daily life. One phone call isn’t going to solve her issue. Everyone who has been to therapy knows that. It’s take year of hard work to change someone’s behavior. I hope she gets the help she needs to get pass her trauma.
Girl, don't torture your fiance if you're sure he's a good man. Why does he have to be responsible in your eyes for the sins of those other men? If your fiance knows one badly behaving lady, do you want to be seen as her by your fiance, because you're also a woman? Also, sure you can find other people attractive, we all have eyes and aesthetic sense of our own. The difference you are not going to act on it.
She sounds very co-dependent so no way can she move out on her own. She's doomed to be single for the rest of her life. She definitely has personality issues and thinks she is incapable of lying and wants the constant center of attention. I would be afraid to talk to any woman if she would be constantly hounding me about every comment I would say.
This! She keeps saying "we" found out, and really this is about her parents' marriage and her sister's marriage and that's their problem. She hasn't figured out how to build her own life.
Daniel needs to call off the engagement, maybe even break up until she is ready to trust him. She will control every part of his life and accuse him of cheating if he so much as looks at another woman their whole marriage. Marrying someone who doesn't trust you or you don't trust, for whatever reason, is almost guaranteeing the marriage will fail. People who threaten suicide in order to manipulate others rarely have any actual intent of following through. Her mom and sister shouldn't be afraid to call their bluff and leave them asap.
She has the right not to be ready! Trauma is hangups that cannot be rushed. And I'm not convinced her partner is safe. The mentality she had when she vetted him is under question.
I was married to a serial cheater and all the abuse that went along with it. I made a choice to get help, to heal, over 8 years later, I prefer being single but the pain is so so much less. I wish her well.
I've been with three men who have cheated on me because I was always too much or too crazy. I choose me now all the too much ness and craziness at least I'm not lying to myself but I choose to be single to but I'm not going to stick around for a man anymore who doesn't care about me. I'm tired of it. Clearly it's me so I'd rather be single. When you get hurt too much it's just better off being single. Oh well. I'm happy being alone now and not having any friend's you just get used to it.
That’s the word I was looking for! I noticed narcissistic traits from her. She needs help that unfortunately she won’t think she needs. These traits are deeply rooted from the way her parents raised her. Such a sad and difficult situation.
Yikes. This chick has got herself wrapped into such a victim complex. My dad cheated a ton and was abusive and his parents were abusive too. I got trauma therapy. I’m not totally healed but atleast I’m 22 and living on my own and not this much of a mess. Her fiancé needs to run faster then he’s ever run before.
Wow, right on Dr J! People need to realize they have a choice when it comes to how they deal with past trauma. You can hold on to it and take it out on everyone around you, or you can learn to let it go and find peace inside yourself. We are responsible for our emotional reactions and the choices we make in our lives. Raging and having temper tantrum meltdowns creates our own chaos and yet we wonder why people reject us.
She said she doesn't trust the men in her life. Deep down she knows that but refuses to take accountability and deal with her traumas, so now they've become the fiancé's traumas too
As someone who has 4 other sisters, all their husbands bf cheated on them. My dad cheated on my mum.. my step dad cheated on my mum! And it took me a very long time to trust men… even yrs after getting married. I never completely surrendered myself to my husband for a very long time. I focused on my career to take my mind off it.
My family is crazy like this. I just want to move to the city 2 hours away. I’ve been living on my own for years but my family keeps meddling in my decisions. I fear the only way to heal myself is to go completely no contact with all of them.
They'll commit suicide if the women break up from them? That's 100% manipulation. Unfortunately, what she is doing to her fiance is manipulation, also. She risks losing him, especially if he has healthy boundaries.
Seeing a counselor about this is so very important! taking a step back and seeking help before getting married is the best thing she can do. Laura needs to be healed from this trauma before moving into marriage. She is not mentally ready for marriage yet and needs to realize that is okay! She is better off to seek the help now and be healed before moving forward to marriage than getting married thinking the trauma will go away after she says I do at the alter and her marriage ending in divorce. I can relate with this as my fiance and I have been seeing a counselor with my mental health that has affected us both. We thought we were ready to get married back when we got engaged and realized quickly after we both were not ready for marriage like we thought we were, which was okay. We decided to go see a counselor after everything happened and that has been easily the best decision we have made in our relationship and has only made us stronger and closer to one another! it has been roughly 10 months since I proposed and my fiance, counselor and I have seen so much progress from where we were to where we are now!
Caller...so, you're an adult in an adult relationship. Nearly every one of us come from some sort of some trauma. Be an adult. You have the power to establish your own life. Do it.
Welcome to the flashback of cheating. You don’t just cheat your spouse you cheat your children and ‘circle’. The pain never goes away and the trust boundaries can never be repaired 100%.
@@ineedhoez the children deserve to know. Often times stuff is going on in the house that you know but can't articulate. Sometimes a divorce happens and the children blame themselves thinking it's their fault. When actually it's the parents. Sometimes the child will get mad at the other parent thinking it's their fault the marriage broke when the other partner is a cheater.
I have two comments: (1) Is this ‘males threatening suicide’ a cultural thing? There are some countries where, when a male is caught cheating, gambling money away, etc by his wife, the ‘go-to’ response is threatening suicide in order to punish the victim. Usually it’s a threat with a knife, which seldom ends up with no more than a nick unworthy of stitches. All drama, intent on thrusting shame and embarrassment on the victim who exposed his misdeeds. (2) At age 28, it’s past time to move out and become independent, living a bit of a distance from the folks. Perhaps if the caller fully supported herself (job, supporting herself away from her family, etc) she would have some distance from the family drama. Heck, why not move to Kentucky to be closer to her fiancé?
On your first point, i know loads of guys who do this as well. I was also wondering if this is some sort of thing taught in some cultures? Idk its cowardly to say the least.
Do not judge others as the times were very different. You have no idea how her mom was brought up, what her financial situation was, how their relationship dynamic was. Not everyone has confidence love and support of a tribe to get out of toxic relationships.
John is completely spot on with this. We all have a choice. It takes years, growth, and maturity to understand that love is a choice. Trust is a choice. It's all a choice.
Excellent insights John 🙏🙏 thank you 🙏 🙏 spot on when you said ‘your dad threw a bucket of c**p on you and now you are throwing it at your bf’. That really resonated with me as the ‘bf’ in that situation but I guess the benefit of hindsight is a beautiful thing. Sometimes, only tough love is the remedy - well done John, fair play. Hope the lady finds peace in her situation 👏👏
Listen closely “we started to say how could you do this”. Sounds like he mother needs to grow up too. He daughter has nothing to do with the situation and was obviously dragged into it by her mother. It’s quite frankly none of Laura business. That’s between her parents.
I think she needs more experience and counseling b4 getting married. Some things are tough & you need to be strong enough to ride the wave and not end your relationship.
She really went for "My fiance thinks the cashier is hot" mode huh? I get she is seeing all these men she's close to cheating but she needs therapy. These thoughts just won't go away on there own. This will be a constant problem in there relationship and homie Dan is going to get tired of it.
She is not emotionally available to get married. As for dad n brother-in-law suicide attempts, sounds like their problem not their wives problem. Life’s to short to be stuck in that.
Laura, you need to work through these issues with a counselor. As you know, not all men cheat and are terrible partners but if you keep accusing the person you claim to love of being unfaithful, he won’t stick around. He doesn’t deserve to be accused all the time because of your trust issues with men. That is your responsibility to fix, it is not his issue. You’re going to end up losing the man you care about if you do not address your anxiety with trust. It’s okay to have trust issues but it’s not okay to take them out on someone who doesn’t deserve it. I would pause on your engagement until you can fully trust your partner and treat him better. I hope you guys figure it out
Not all men cheat Laura. The men in my family treat their wives really well. I think you should see a male counselor. I read that if you have a problem with men you should see a male worker. If you have problems with women, see a female counselor.
Agree with everything John said... but also, Dan probably won’t but might still cheat on you some day. If you are too wrapped up in a relationship for your happiness, then you’ll almost certainly will suffocate it in your fear/anxiety.
I am 46 and I have been like this girl as long as I can remember for all my dating and 19 yrs of marriage. It's absolutely awful. I have accused my husband all of our marriage. My husband has been so, so, so patient this whole time and I know he's miserable. But, he is an ogler at women which reiterates my doubt. I have been miserable. I have fought him, screamed at him and it has been an ongoing miserable way of life. I am finally choosing to let it go but I also feel like at the same time I am allowing him to make me look like a fool. I told him the other day that I'm getting too old to fight this ongoing battle and I'm just too tired to "fight for my rights as his wife." I should call Deloney but I feel so ashamed. But it is so very real.
She should not get married if she has insecurity issues. Her whole family sounds dysfunctional! Run as far away as you can Dan! Get a fiance that is normal and sane.
@@ethxo6734 My comment has nothing to do with my insecurities and everything to do with the behavior I see around me where only one out of all the men who live around me is faithful and true.
My mom came from a bad family life with a mom who was married many time to not good men. She’s married to my father who is an excellent father and husband. You don’t have to be a product of your environment and there are loyal and good men.
No, not all men do this, but the men closest to her have done this. I agree with John. I hope things work between her and her fiance, but she needs to deal with her (understandable) anger first.
It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but it burns me up that people will “not trust” a whole group, just because of the experience with one person. Tell these people to grow up and get over it!
I agree with that statement, the only thing is the daughter found those emails her dad wrote initiating affairs with other women. So in a way the daughters stumbled upon it
Dan needs to get out of that relationship ASAP. She doesnt want to work on herself and she'll drown him This girl needs to work on self awareness because she doesnt see that she is feeding herself the drama.
I hope she doesn't lose Dan, but if she chooses to not get help and change, she will 😕 Dan doesn't deserve someone who will continue to accuse him of things and fight with him over something some other terrible people did. I wonder what Dan has to say about all of this. It is going to drive him to break up with her OR become a person he doesn't even recognize anymore because he's allowed his fiancee to drive him mad. It's like she wants him to be a bad guy to prove that "all men" are terrible. She has to choose to accept that not all men are like that, and that she is worthy of love.
She is not ready for marriage. She needs to heal! As it pertains to the constant infidelity from her father, then threats of suicide...God has stated multiple times in His Word "FLEE fornication." "The wages of sin is death"! Suicide is death and even if he doesn't do it, its a death mind-set and negative example to others in his vicinity watching that, which can bring those death-ideas to their mind and THAT person may do that in the future. Her sister's husband also is a cheater because likely she chose a man with similar characteristics to her dad. Many offspring choose a spouse with similar characteristics to their parents. THIS FAMILY NEEDS TO SURRENDER TO CHRIST!!!
Women marry their fathers. And this woman may turn the good man into her father. Self fulfilling prophecy. I have a friend that was like her and married a good man, and her jealousy drove him over the cliff. I wanted him to cheat because for all of the blaming she put on him, then might as well he do bad things.
This lady sounds so annoying lol. I understand there’s trauma there because she feels betrayed by her dad but as an adult you have to realize that that doesn’t mean your partner is like your dad. Sounds like she’s just looking for an excuse not to get married.
It was your dad. Get over it already! No need to torture your fiancé. And it sounds like to me, She needs to move out of her parents house and grow up! 60’s isn’t old! And her mother needs to move out too or tell her daughter I’ll deal with this but you need to move out because you are 28 years old!
Do not blame your parents for anything. They are human beings and make mistakes. You are an adult capable to adapt, learn and BE BETTER than both of them together. Been there done that.
Ironic when adults blame their parents for the way they behave.. okay, so you expect your parents to change but not yourself? What is different between you and your parents that put the blame and responsibility but not yourself? And it creates a cycle where every new generation of kids, they decide that their behaviour can be blamed on their parents rather than themself, and no one ever ends up changing.
She wants Daniel to fail so it proves her point that all men are alike. What’s Daniel going to do? He shouldn’t need to go the rest of his life proving he’s not like her father. I’m sure Daniel is having second thoughts, as he should.
Do you blame this woman? Her father cheated on her mother that's all she knows a father who checks out emotionally by cheating on woman. Yet reading the comment section which is filled with clearly a bunch of other cheaters. Sick.
She is not listening to what John is saying. Why is her mother and sister still with these people. He is so truthful - she wants to rage at the boyfriend. Why is she engaged to someone when she feels like this. She needs to leave the family home. She will not change and will just blame all men - it will always be someone elses fault.
It just reinforces that women love the bad boys no matter what they do. Logically it makes no sense as to why the mother and sister are still with them. She didn't mention if their sister had kids but it seems like it her sister doesn't so there is no reason for her sister to still remain with her husband.
Actually, I choose to remain single for the rest of my life. What is wrong with that? Is the "norm" being in a committed relationship? If so, then does that mean any single person is wrong or "has serious issues"?
He's not going to commit suicide. Once the mother or the sister tell them "ok, well imma leave and I'll return to call the ambulance to take your body!" Theyll stop.
This sounds totally useless to the caller. She's aware of all the obvious stuff -- that these intrusive thoughts are irrational, etc, and that the on person she can control is herself. Telling her "well just don't think about it" is not what she's looking for, she's looking for *specific*, actionable things to do to move past the thoughts.
True! When you are in the middle of things it is difficult to come up with strategies to cope/ mover forward etc. Our brains can be so hijacked by our 💭 thoughts. I think she can be open and ready to do the work of healing … some strategies can help her get started.
@@tinam761 Honestly, I wonder if Deloney was annoyed at her that she challenged his assumption that her dad was a bad father. He seems to get more pushy if his guesses don't land and get the caller to start being audibly emotional, the way he has for some other callers.
If someone threatens to commit suicide if you leave them, tell the police and keep going. Block them. This is abusive behavior.
Right.😡
She has serious issues and doesn't seem to want any help. If I was her fiance, I'd run
100%. Your dad's a jackwagon, put that on him, not me. I'd be gone.
She's exhausting. Move on from your childhood, dear. Focus on the here and now.
Are you being sarcastic? 😉
Yah she is a lifetime full of problems and regret. Move on buddy!
This is as tough-love as I’ve seen John in a while. Well done here
I feel bad for this guy Dan. Run for the hills Dan!!!
@@erichmutchler3262 Dude needs to run. She is a single cat lady in the making.
Run!!! 🏃🏽
Why would you even consider getting married if you fight every day?
Cash money baby!!
she's 28 and still lives with her parents. she is a spinster
Cos marriage equals lifelong security for women and lifelong risk for men. She has lifelong access to his money whether they stay together or not.
@@luminous6969 You sound like you have just as much past trauma as she does.
Things are definitely changing. I know many women who make more than their husbands. I was completely self reliant when I met mine (own my own business). Not everything is about money.
Also, for the men and women who DO get into situations like that…take a little accountability. You chose that.
@@supernova11711 What I said is true regardless of whether or not I have trauma, the laws are still unfair to men whether or not I have trauma, trauma has nothing to do with the facts and what I said stands as true unless you can prove me wrong.
Dr John spoke the absolute truth….she just wanted to be told that she was not only correct to feel betrayed but also that she was right to beat up on her fiancée because all of the men in her family cheat on their wives and is assuming she will experience the same. I agree she has to decide she wants to heal, and hopefully has since this was 2 years ago
Laura, please get professional help for your trauma or walk away from your fiancé. YOUR marriage will be doomed from the start if you don’t begin the healing process.
I so agree.
I agree as well!
Exactly!
Caller: "I have this weird thing about me where I don't know how to lie."
And then the caller says how she knows herself well enough to know she will never be attracted to anyone else. Girl you are lying. You are lying to yourself!!
I saw that too sarah
"I don't know how to lie" could be the most narcissistic thing I've ever heard. What an enormous red flag.
There are many people who don't know how to lie.... autistic people for example
Hats off to Dr. D for keeping cool. I was getting impatient just listening to this woman.
You were getting impatient as you are not a therapist nor you could see the pain and trauma that has been inflicted on her as a child. If a dog is kicked by everyone as a puppy, when they grow up they growl at the very sight of the humans. But with love and kindness things can be helped. She wants to avoid the pain that therapy and going through childhood memories will bring her. She is trying to avoid the journey but it is causing deeper chasm and pain.
@@Applauseify No, I was getting impatient because that’s a natural reaction to have when someone else is being stubborn, regardless of that person’s legitimate distress. And you are not virtuous for denying that obvious fact.
@@BitterComments You are not virtuous for being callous and nasty. Nor are you as edgy as you think you are. It’s easy and takes no talent or skill to be rude and nasty, true skill is found in being kind in an unkind world.
@@d.c.d.8985 So you're trying to be edgy and virtuous by simply telling me that I am neither edgy nor virtuous? Wow, you're not edgy, virtuous, or even mildly intelligent.
@@BitterComments That’s a great comeback. I hope it made you feel better about yourself. ☺️
She appears to be the type that thinks she's always right, has to have control, and has an answer for everything.
You seem like the type that should mind their own business? Maybe that will do? Gas light much. *cue my eye roll*
@@mariahconklin4150 lol! Except what you're describing is what YOU just did! Lol! Self-examination much? 🤣
@@mariahconklin4150Your response was pretty aggressive. She called into a radio show. People are going to comment.
@@mariahconklin4150her comment was absolutely right. She wouldn’t even listen to the therapist she called for advice. She obviously won’t listen to anyone.
@@jdj2022that’s just probably cause she needs more sessions. Obviously she has gone thru some trauma that is impacting her daily life. One phone call isn’t going to solve her issue. Everyone who has been to therapy knows that. It’s take year of hard work to change someone’s behavior. I hope she gets the help she needs to get pass her trauma.
Girl, don't torture your fiance if you're sure he's a good man. Why does he have to be responsible in your eyes for the sins of those other men? If your fiance knows one badly behaving lady, do you want to be seen as her by your fiance, because you're also a woman?
Also, sure you can find other people attractive, we all have eyes and aesthetic sense of our own. The difference you are not going to act on it.
Good point
She's probably a Liberal.
Well said
Why not advise her to move out of her parents’ house? She is 28 years old! She needs to shield herself from the drama.
She sounds very co-dependent so no way can she move out on her own. She's doomed to be single for the rest of her life. She definitely has personality issues and thinks she is incapable of lying and wants the constant center of attention. I would be afraid to talk to any woman if she would be constantly hounding me about every comment I would say.
This! She keeps saying "we" found out, and really this is about her parents' marriage and her sister's marriage and that's their problem. She hasn't figured out how to build her own life.
@erichchan3 😰 Yeah.
@@melinhgunther😮💨 Yes.
If I was her fiance, I'd be GONE.
🤔 Yeah.
I like Dr Delony’s delivery. Prayers to this caller. She sounds like she is suffering.
Daniel needs to call off the engagement, maybe even break up until she is ready to trust him. She will control every part of his life and accuse him of cheating if he so much as looks at another woman their whole marriage. Marrying someone who doesn't trust you or you don't trust, for whatever reason, is almost guaranteeing the marriage will fail.
People who threaten suicide in order to manipulate others rarely have any actual intent of following through. Her mom and sister shouldn't be afraid to call their bluff and leave them asap.
See a counselor, heal and move on with your life. Blaming all men for one person's actions is ridiculous (as you know).
And move OUT of the parents' house! She's 30. She likely thrives on all the drama, while stirring up more of it all the time.
Poor Dan.
Yikes. I wouldn't marry this girl! The whole family is nuts.
She has the right not to be ready! Trauma is hangups that cannot be rushed. And I'm not convinced her partner is safe. The mentality she had when she vetted him is under question.
I was married to a serial cheater and all the abuse that went along with it. I made a choice to get help, to heal, over 8 years later, I prefer being single but the pain is so so much less. I wish her well.
🙏🙏I wish you well
@@janelleg597 thx
I'm sorry that you ate missing out on the beauty on life
@@ineedhoez u got that how?.my life is good
I've been with three men who have cheated on me because I was always too much or too crazy. I choose me now all the too much ness and craziness at least I'm not lying to myself but I choose to be single to but I'm not going to stick around for a man anymore who doesn't care about me. I'm tired of it. Clearly it's me so I'd rather be single. When you get hurt too much it's just better off being single. Oh well. I'm happy being alone now and not having any friend's you just get used to it.
This was a tough caller to listen to
She sure was! 🤯
She became a vulnerable narcissist... past trauma, broken self, and now getting off raging and abusing innocent people
That’s the word I was looking for! I noticed narcissistic traits from her. She needs help that unfortunately she won’t think she needs. These traits are deeply rooted from the way her parents raised her. Such a sad and difficult situation.
She was such a know-it-all. Why did she call? I think just to get it off her chest, not to help herself.
Of course. Women always crave attention no matter the situation.
She doesn't want help. She's still trying to justify pushing her trauma on others. Run Dan, you'll be better off.
You’re incredibly judgmental for someone that only has heard something summarized on the Internet.
Healing takes time.
Blame the person not the gender. It goes both ways unfortunately. You might miss out on a good one
💯
Wow! This woman is just stone cold. Not marriage material. Run for your life bro!
Yikes. This chick has got herself wrapped into such a victim complex. My dad cheated a ton and was abusive and his parents were abusive too. I got trauma therapy. I’m not totally healed but atleast I’m 22 and living on my own and not this much of a mess. Her fiancé needs to run faster then he’s ever run before.
Wow, right on Dr J! People need to realize they have a choice when it comes to how they deal with past trauma. You can hold on to it and take it out on everyone around you, or you can learn to let it go and find peace inside yourself. We are responsible for our emotional reactions and the choices we make in our lives. Raging and having temper tantrum meltdowns creates our own chaos and yet we wonder why people reject us.
Interesting topic lets see how it flushes out
🤣🤣 STAAP
Why call a man for Advice. Not all men are the same. Not fair to the fiance.
She said she doesn't trust the men in her life. Deep down she knows that but refuses to take accountability and deal with her traumas, so now they've become the fiancé's traumas too
As someone who has 4 other sisters, all their husbands bf cheated on them. My dad cheated on my mum.. my step dad cheated on my mum! And it took me a very long time to trust men… even yrs after getting married. I never completely surrendered myself to my husband for a very long time. I focused on my career to take my mind off it.
They robbed you of your innocence in this matter.
Get professional help and don't bring that into a marriage.
i hope she heals.. cut anything toxic off sweetheart god bless
This lady needs to book a one-way flight to ANYWHERE but where she lives. She needs a new life
My family is crazy like this. I just want to move to the city 2 hours away. I’ve been living on my own for years but my family keeps meddling in my decisions. I fear the only way to heal myself is to go completely no contact with all of them.
They'll commit suicide if the women break up from them? That's 100% manipulation.
Unfortunately, what she is doing to her fiance is manipulation, also. She risks losing him, especially if he has healthy boundaries.
Seeing a counselor about this is so very important! taking a step back and seeking help before getting married is the best thing she can do. Laura needs to be healed from this trauma before moving into marriage. She is not mentally ready for marriage yet and needs to realize that is okay! She is better off to seek the help now and be healed before moving forward to marriage than getting married thinking the trauma will go away after she says I do at the alter and her marriage ending in divorce. I can relate with this as my fiance and I have been seeing a counselor with my mental health that has affected us both. We thought we were ready to get married back when we got engaged and realized quickly after we both were not ready for marriage like we thought we were, which was okay. We decided to go see a counselor after everything happened and that has been easily the best decision we have made in our relationship and has only made us stronger and closer to one another! it has been roughly 10 months since I proposed and my fiance, counselor and I have seen so much progress from where we were to where we are now!
AMEEEEEEEN WELL DONE AND PRAISE GOD!
Wow, just beautifully done. Great you sought help. Congrats and blessings from above!
Yes, I'm surprised Dr John didn't urge her to find a counselor and move away from her family asap
Poor John, he needs a hug. What are you going through today buddy? I can see the stress on you.
This caller is stressing him out. She needs therapy.
💯
John has always impressed me as an empath, who cares too much
Totally see it too! Not just this call. The whole episode
Caller...so, you're an adult in an adult relationship. Nearly every one of us come from some sort of some trauma. Be an adult. You have the power to establish your own life. Do it.
Welcome to the flashback of cheating. You don’t just cheat your spouse you cheat your children and ‘circle’. The pain never goes away and the trust boundaries can never be repaired 100%.
Wrong. The ONLY reason the children know anything is because the parents the entire family has horrific boundaries!!!
@@ineedhoez the children deserve to know. Often times stuff is going on in the house that you know but can't articulate. Sometimes a divorce happens and the children blame themselves thinking it's their fault. When actually it's the parents. Sometimes the child will get mad at the other parent thinking it's their fault the marriage broke when the other partner is a cheater.
I have two comments:
(1) Is this ‘males threatening suicide’ a cultural thing? There are some countries where, when a male is caught cheating, gambling money away, etc by his wife, the ‘go-to’ response is threatening suicide in order to punish the victim. Usually it’s a threat with a knife, which seldom ends up with no more than a nick unworthy of stitches. All drama, intent on thrusting shame and embarrassment on the victim who exposed his misdeeds.
(2) At age 28, it’s past time to move out and become independent, living a bit of a distance from the folks. Perhaps if the caller fully supported herself (job, supporting herself away from her family, etc) she would have some distance from the family drama. Heck, why not move to Kentucky to be closer to her fiancé?
I think she is still living at home to save money and waiting to get married before she moves in with the fiance'
She lives in NYC. Is not as easy as in other areas.
What cultures do this ? 🤔
On your first point, i know loads of guys who do this as well. I was also wondering if this is some sort of thing taught in some cultures? Idk its cowardly to say the least.
So did I understand that her mother learned about his infidelity BEFORE she was even born? And she CHOSE to have another child with a cheater?
Do not judge others as the times were very different. You have no idea how her mom was brought up, what her financial situation was, how their relationship dynamic was. Not everyone has confidence love and support of a tribe to get out of toxic relationships.
no I guess they found out that the cheating started back then, but all they found out just recently, including mom
John is completely spot on with this. We all have a choice. It takes years, growth, and maturity to understand that love is a choice. Trust is a choice. It's all a choice.
Her fiancé needs to run screaming far away from this chick. She’s insecure and she’s going to make this guy miserable.
Excellent insights John 🙏🙏 thank you 🙏 🙏 spot on when you said ‘your dad threw a bucket of c**p on you and now you are throwing it at your bf’. That really resonated with me as the ‘bf’ in that situation but I guess the benefit of hindsight is a beautiful thing. Sometimes, only tough love is the remedy - well done John, fair play. Hope the lady finds peace in her situation 👏👏
Listen closely “we started to say how could you do this”. Sounds like he mother needs to grow up too. He daughter has nothing to do with the situation and was obviously dragged into it by her mother. It’s quite frankly none of Laura business. That’s between her parents.
He'll never commit suicide. They're the greatest cowards.
"I don't lie" hahaha. "I don't find men beside him" oh my goodness. She's so naive
I think she needs more experience and counseling b4 getting married. Some things are tough & you need to be strong enough to ride the wave and not end your relationship.
She really went for "My fiance thinks the cashier is hot" mode huh? I get she is seeing all these men she's close to cheating but she needs therapy. These thoughts just won't go away on there own. This will be a constant problem in there relationship and homie Dan is going to get tired of it.
She is not emotionally available to get married. As for dad n brother-in-law suicide attempts, sounds like their problem not their wives problem. Life’s to short to be stuck in that.
Laura, you need to work through these issues with a counselor. As you know, not all men cheat and are terrible partners but if you keep accusing the person you claim to love of being unfaithful, he won’t stick around. He doesn’t deserve to be accused all the time because of your trust issues with men. That is your responsibility to fix, it is not his issue. You’re going to end up losing the man you care about if you do not address your anxiety with trust. It’s okay to have trust issues but it’s not okay to take them out on someone who doesn’t deserve it. I would pause on your engagement until you can fully trust your partner and treat him better. I hope you guys figure it out
If I was her boyfriend I would leave her immediately. Way too much drama. This girl needs help not be in a relationship. Dude run, run far.
Not all men cheat Laura. The men in my family treat their wives really well. I think you should see a male counselor. I read that if you have a problem with men you should see a male worker. If you have problems with women, see a female counselor.
Agree with everything John said... but also, Dan probably won’t but might still cheat on you some day. If you are too wrapped up in a relationship for your happiness, then you’ll almost certainly will suffocate it in your fear/anxiety.
I am 46 and I have been like this girl as long as I can remember for all my dating and 19 yrs of marriage. It's absolutely awful. I have accused my husband all of our marriage. My husband has been so, so, so patient this whole time and I know he's miserable. But, he is an ogler at women which reiterates my doubt. I have been miserable. I have fought him, screamed at him and it has been an ongoing miserable way of life. I am finally choosing to let it go but I also feel like at the same time I am allowing him to make me look like a fool. I told him the other day that I'm getting too old to fight this ongoing battle and I'm just too tired to "fight for my rights as his wife." I should call Deloney but I feel so ashamed. But it is so very real.
How about go to therapy or marriage counseling?
You tell her John! She ain’t ready to heal and she ain’t ready to work on the hard stuff.
When the thumb nail is John having his head on the desk you know it's serious. Seriously though Dan should probably leave.
These woman sure do know how to pick them
She should not get married if she has insecurity issues. Her whole family sounds dysfunctional! Run as far away as you can Dan! Get a fiance that is normal and sane.
Not all men do this
True but most do...
No, most men dont. Stop projecting your insecurities onto an entire gender.
@@ethxo6734 My comment has nothing to do with my insecurities and everything to do with the behavior I see around me where only one out of all the men who live around me is faithful and true.
My mom came from a bad family life with a mom who was married many time to not good men. She’s married to my father who is an excellent father and husband. You don’t have to be a product of your environment and there are loyal and good men.
No, not all men do this, but the men closest to her have done this. I agree with John. I hope things work between her and her fiance, but she needs to deal with her (understandable) anger first.
It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but it burns me up that people will “not trust” a whole group, just because of the experience with one person. Tell these people to grow up and get over it!
My autistic brothers both have this thing as well. They cannot lie and do not know how to do it lol.
Treat yourself as someone you are responsible for helping.
& If you love your fiance, heal yourself
Marital issues need to be kept between couples. It’s not the kids business what’s going on between the couples cause they’ll never understand 😡
I agree with that statement, the only thing is the daughter found those emails her dad wrote initiating affairs with other women. So in a way the daughters stumbled upon it
Dan needs to get out of that relationship ASAP. She doesnt want to work on herself and she'll drown him
This girl needs to work on self awareness because she doesnt see that she is feeding herself the drama.
I hope she doesn't lose Dan, but if she chooses to not get help and change, she will 😕 Dan doesn't deserve someone who will continue to accuse him of things and fight with him over something some other terrible people did. I wonder what Dan has to say about all of this.
It is going to drive him to break up with her OR become a person he doesn't even recognize anymore because he's allowed his fiancee to drive him mad. It's like she wants him to be a bad guy to prove that "all men" are terrible. She has to choose to accept that not all men are like that, and that she is worthy of love.
She sounds like she's got it alllll figured out.
She is not ready for marriage. She needs to heal!
As it pertains to the constant infidelity from her father, then threats of suicide...God has stated multiple times in His Word "FLEE fornication." "The wages of sin is death"! Suicide is death and even if he doesn't do it, its a death mind-set and negative example to others in his vicinity watching that, which can bring those death-ideas to their mind and THAT person may do that in the future. Her sister's husband also is a cheater because likely she chose a man with similar characteristics to her dad. Many offspring choose a spouse with similar characteristics to their parents. THIS FAMILY NEEDS TO SURRENDER TO CHRIST!!!
Dr john is the goat for this call
Women marry their fathers. And this woman may turn the good man into her father. Self fulfilling prophecy. I have a friend that was like her and married a good man, and her jealousy drove him over the cliff. I wanted him to cheat because for all of the blaming she put on him, then might as well he do bad things.
All men are not bad. But it’s clear that she thinks this. I hope she heals.
Laura needs counseling. I question the validity of this entire scenario.
This was definitely a very strange and very strangely portrayed story
I was thinking the same
Seems a little too mugh
This lady sounds so annoying lol. I understand there’s trauma there because she feels betrayed by her dad but as an adult you have to realize that that doesn’t mean your partner is like your dad. Sounds like she’s just looking for an excuse not to get married.
This woman needs a lot of therapy and don’t get married if you are fighting with your fiancé all the time! He isn’t the right one for you!’
More like she isnt the right one for him
It was your dad. Get over it already! No need to torture your fiancé. And it sounds like to me, She needs to move out of her parents house and grow up! 60’s isn’t old! And her mother needs to move out too or tell her daughter I’ll deal with this but you need to move out because you are 28 years old!
I am getting major second-hand embarrassment by knowing that the caller is reading these RUclips comments. 😬
Do not blame your parents for anything. They are human beings and make mistakes. You are an adult capable to adapt, learn and BE BETTER than both of them together. Been there done that.
Ironic when adults blame their parents for the way they behave.. okay, so you expect your parents to change but not yourself? What is different between you and your parents that put the blame and responsibility but not yourself? And it creates a cycle where every new generation of kids, they decide that their behaviour can be blamed on their parents rather than themself, and no one ever ends up changing.
@@grafando well said
Wow! He hit the nail on the head.
13:14
John D is on it, that was my issue, I would mess up a joyful by bringing bad thoughts. Horrible! No one will fix it but you.
it blows my mind that people can watch Dr. John then go immediately and be soo vindictive in the comments right below it.
Damn first time hearing flushing mentioned on media not related to news. We are pretty much nyc
This poor girl has been raised to be out of her mind. She likes drama
She wants Daniel to fail so it proves her point that all men are alike. What’s Daniel going to do? He shouldn’t need to go the rest of his life proving he’s not like her father. I’m sure Daniel is having second thoughts, as he should.
Laura.. what do u prefer a dog or cat? Because that is her future
Dang he was not playin today. 😳 but it's what she needed to hear. Sometimes the truth hurts.
To be fair, the wife knew and stayed. This is her fault for being a doormat.
What a mess!
Do you blame this woman? Her father cheated on her mother that's all she knows a father who checks out emotionally by cheating on woman. Yet reading the comment section which is filled with clearly a bunch of other cheaters. Sick.
This girl loves being a victim
She is not listening to what John is saying. Why is her mother and sister still with these people. He is so truthful - she wants to rage at the boyfriend. Why is she engaged to someone when she feels like this. She needs to leave the family home. She will not change and will just blame all men - it will always be someone elses fault.
It just reinforces that women love the bad boys no matter what they do. Logically it makes no sense as to why the mother and sister are still with them. She didn't mention if their sister had kids but it seems like it her sister doesn't so there is no reason for her sister to still remain with her husband.
Actually, I choose to remain single for the rest of my life. What is wrong with that? Is the "norm" being in a committed relationship? If so, then does that mean any single person is wrong or "has serious issues"?
Flushing! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Great call
Wow first time hearing my hometown
He's not going to commit suicide. Once the mother or the sister tell them "ok, well imma leave and I'll return to call the ambulance to take your body!" Theyll stop.
Her parents relationship isnt her relationship ahe needs to stop acting like her dad cheated on her and grow up
I needed to hear this one, because I feel this way.
This sounds totally useless to the caller. She's aware of all the obvious stuff -- that these intrusive thoughts are irrational, etc, and that the on person she can control is herself. Telling her "well just don't think about it" is not what she's looking for, she's looking for *specific*, actionable things to do to move past the thoughts.
True! When you are in the middle of things it is difficult to come up with strategies to cope/ mover forward etc. Our brains can be so hijacked by our 💭 thoughts. I think she can be open and ready to do the work of healing … some strategies can help her get started.
@@tinam761 Honestly, I wonder if Deloney was annoyed at her that she challenged his assumption that her dad was a bad father. He seems to get more pushy if his guesses don't land and get the caller to start being audibly emotional, the way he has for some other callers.
@@razmiddle9410or he was projecting. Maybe his wife had issue like this.
I can’t lie I’M getting frustrated listening to this caller
Fiance needs to run far away