I used to wonder why people mistreat me. Why people walk all over me and in therapy I realised that’s because I’m a people pleaser who gives out an impression that it’s okay to mistreat me. My kindness and my niceness was always misused and seen as a sign of weakness. I want to say that even your family and close friends will step over your boundaries if you don’t stop being a people pleaser. So treat yourself with respect, create boundaries, and start saying no.
My family feels like am runing away from them because am clearing my space for myself an kids to grow I see different an they think it a problem an they want me to put them First am trying to go where I want in life my family always try to feel me with so much Negativity Never wanted to see me grow .find ways to heal an to grow any Suggestions
I am 67 and just realizing that I have lived for others. Now I live a minimalistic life and have never been happier! My life is so joyful now. Same everyday responsibilities… but they are handled with grace and ease. ❤
They should, just don't complain when you turned 35 and fell in love and can't have children because you waited too long. I don't want to hear any complaints or sadness since you made that decision yourself (to watch this video and be selfish and focus on yourself etc)
This is such a lovely video. I think especially as women, we are conditioned to be “people pleasers,” even at the expense of our own authenticity. Thanks for sharing!
As the only daughter of immigrant parents, I've grappled with my mom calling me selfish. I like that Sophie laid out selfishness beyond the negative connotation as having boundaries and not being a people-pleaser. I especially love that her realism and life experience yielded the conclusion that disingenuous selflessness doesn't benefit anyone. If being selfish means I prioritize my health and sanity over seeming pleasant to others, then I will continue to love myself enough to be selfish.
I had 5months break from watching your videos. I went into such a busy period. I was easly getting angry, easly irritated etc. I felt like I lost joy of simple every day life. Like Ive forgotten how to slow living. Omg I was missing your calm voice and calm videos. Hope to be back on truck now and get back to peace! Finally
I owe this person the courage she gave me to start my RUclips channel 2 months ago about self development and now have 61 subs and almost 40 hours watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so much lessons that I couldn’t have learned without getting started in the 1st place
I used to think I was an introvert but then just started saying no and letting go off ppl, places and situations that weren't a match for the type of freedom, sobriety and empathy filled-life I wanted to lead. Soon afterwards, I started running into and inviting more and more ppl who matched my values and my heart felt so much joy in their company, events and outings. I now have a really big friends circle who I am very honest with, easily say No to without feeling judged and have the opportunity to truly love. It is very liberating
I’m stuck in a rut right now in my life, because I don’t know what direction I’m headed towards. All my life, I’ve listened to others. I’ve listened to my parents, my siblings, my friends shape and mold my decisions of what career and life I lead. Once I finally got into my career after 10 years of education after high school, I was the most miserable person I’ve ever been. It was super hard to stay in that profession, but it was even harder to leave. Now I’m jobless, have no money, still live with my parents at the age of almost 30, and have nothing. But I feel a sense of calm wash over me. I finally can pursue a meaningful life and career that matters to me. I’m still not sure what kind of life I’ll lead, but I know I’m a capable person who can be very much successful. I hope I can look back at this comment in a few years and smile as I know I’m in a better place.
"if you don't take control of your life someone else will" I allowed people to take the drivers seat in my life and gave away so much of my power. I decided to take my power back and the resistance I was met with was brutal. So worth it though. I feel free now. I feel peace and empowered. My therapist has been such an important part of my journey in this!
People pleasing can definitely take a toll on your overall wellbeing. Prioritizing our needs is essential to keep us balanced. Healthy selfishness is crucial! 💓
This video couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I was telling myself this yesterday. We are afraid to hurt other's feelings, but we hurt ourselves when we people please. Sometimes, it's okay to disappoint, but make sure it's with good intentions and beneficial to your own wellbeing. Thank you for sharing this video.
This video came in just in time for me. Being a people pleaser, saying yes to everything, and putting others first has been drilled into me from such a young age. As I get older I realize this is only harming me. I am unlearning this way of thinking as painful as it is to accept, it’s also a feeling of relief, the relief of weight being lifted off my shoulders. The weight that no one asked me to carry but myself.
"If you don't take control of your life, something or someone else will." Malama coming in strong with a KO from just her first sentence! That quote hit me hard. Love your work Malama x
Being selfish was such a difficult task for me and still is, but as I got older, I learned that I was destroying myself with the ideology of a good child syndrome. The fear of not being everyone’s favorite and doing things to please others eventually destroyed myself and my relationship with THE most important people around me. My anger would build up and eventually I would lash out at my husband or my mom… But I’m learning and growing. Thanks Sophie 😊
I’m learning to stop being such of a people pleaser. I have so many problems with my nerves, anxiety and my health But, I’m giving it all to God. Trying not to let others get in my way.
@@alyfink Thank you. I’m so glad to see someone who respects my wanting to be a good Christian and follow God. So many time’s there are people out there that ridicule Christian people. Thank you again. And God bless you. 🙏🏻❤️
I've definitely dealt with my share of people-pleasing. I never even allowed myself to have an opinion. I just did what I was supposed to do because I cared so much about how others saw me. I've been learning to think for myself. What a self-discovery journey this past year has been! Thanks for sharing your experience and for letting us know that we are not alone. 🥰🙏🏽
So sad people are raised this way. I was loved just for me as a child and no pressure to perform. It’s given me an unshakable core that has helped me through the occasional pain that life inevitably throws our way.
I still struggle with trying to not care so deeply whether my mom approves of me or not. She does not respect my boundaries. I've even tried cutting her off a few times. I still live my life for myself but it hurts when someone I care about is constantly telling me I'm living my life wrong. Your videos really help me through this, thank you!
I've experienced the same thing, and trust me when I say that you'll find a family in friends, partner, etc. In those who love you without conditions, that respect you, that try to understand you instead of walking away or getting mad when you disagree with them. Those will guide you but not control you, they will speak the truth to you even when don't wanna hear it (not on a harmful way, of course, but for your best), they will be there for you when something goes wrong and will not judge you, they will walk with you through the worst. It hurts having to cut off a family member, specially a parent, but if they constantly hurt you and step on your boundaries, maybe it's time to leave them behind and pursue inner peace. Hope you eventually find it 💜
I can relate on this being Asian we belong to a culture that pleases as much as we can the people we meet , our parents told us to be one ( the Pleaser) I always thought it’s normal until I came to live half of my life in the Western world which I begun understanding my true self worth by doing what I wanted most without being selfish but just being true to myself even if my family can’t understand 💝
I can so relate. Growing up, my family ingrained it on me to be polite, agreeable, don't speak if not spoken to and always follow what superior says. I only learned later in my 20's that I was pleasing everyone and feeling left dissapointed, lost and drained. I end up questioning my decisions and if I am wrong. Then I finally decided to live my life little by little away from toxic people. I try to stick to what I enjoy and imagine myself being in the future. I still struggle with anxiety and comparing myself to others. Disconnecting from social media does help me become more present in life. And I spend morw time with my husban and family who want the best for me and understands who I really am.
"Being pleasant, cooperative, and agreeable" was, for the most part, an ethos taught to EVERYONE as children in previous generations. It was taught in order to get along with others and to be good citizens. Within reason, it can be good for society. There's much less of it being instilled in children now, but we're also seeing where that can lead with more entitlement, divisiveness, and less cooperativeness. Of course, there are extremes on both ends of the spectrum, so it's important to find a middle ground.
I’m going through a hard time making a decision at the moment and I’ve been trying hard to think about what the “right” decision is to make, balancing what I think I should do vs what I want to do. My should is always based on what I think other people’s opinions of me are so I’ve made a lot of choices in fear. I’m so happy you made this video, I struggle with people pleasing so much. I needed this reminder to be authentic first and foremost to myself because other people don’t have to live with my choices
Sophie, simply hearing your calming voice makes me feel better. I just turned 60 years old and am learning so much about boundaries. Today, watching your video, more understanding just clicked! You’re a lovely young lady and I truly look forward to all your thoughtful and intelligent information. Very well done. I’m so glad I found you.
Thank you for making my hikes and lunch breaks at work so enjoyable. Your videos consistently give me peace of mind and I love repeating them over and over again.
Your not being selfish at all. You live your life for you, your husband, and future kids. As long as you live your life and it's not stepping on others, no one should make you feel bad. The true ones are happy for you!:):) Mahalo Sophie for this video.🤙👍
Oh my, it's like you've just described how I've felt for so long. It was only during covid lock downs that I reflected on all the things I was forcing myself to do to make others happy, but I was ultimately making myself unhappy. I've always been a people pleaser, too & it's a hard habit to get out of, but I finally stopped doing it. My mental health is better without all the noise of listening to others and just finding what makes you happy.
“Selfish” means “to know thyself”, which means find who you really are… it has nothing to do with narcissism. I love when people call me selfish. It truly is a compliment (haven’t heard it recently lol). I need to change something 🤣
For the longest time I've been a people pleaser. Now at 40, I'm trying to stop because I want the next chapter of my life to be what people remember me for, authentic. As an equipment technician, it's hard to unwire myself from work but it's becoming something that I know I must do to preserve my best self for those who matter.
Me, Myself and I. Most people have some percentage of this trait in them. The biggest rule in life that i learnt was "dont inconvenience others". As always great video
Woww. Thanks for this. I have been a people pleaser since childhood and in the past 2 years I've realised that it has been costing me dearly and I have to stand for myself and speak up my needs and wants and that I have to have to live authentically, only then I can be happy from within. Currently I started practicing this thing :- saying NO to people who constantly break my boundaries, saying what I mean, and not sugarcoating things. It's a bit uncomfortable at first but deep down I feel so relieved that I respected my soul by doing that, by not going for something that doesn't align with my values. Can you make more such videos on this topic. Thank you♡♡♡
My mother has wonderful little phrase “be healthily selfish”. I think she has it right, not to ignore the needs of others, but we all sometimes get off track and focus outside ourselves too much. It’s good to come back to this simple saying and implement it again in our lives.
I was more confident and I knew what I needed in my 20s… I had goals, plans and I was straight forward to them…now at almost 42 life happened and I am more lost than when I was younger🧐 it is just that now I am more calm with my misfortunes and losses, I don’t tear myself apart if I fail anymore…
My oldest son is in university. I really regret. Thank you again. They teach us the same.i hope the younger generation will be smarter. Otherwise they should experience it.❤
I really needed your words rn. Let me tell you a little bit of myself: Soon I will move to a new town. Still in my country, but 3h away from my family and boyfriend. For some it might me normal, but for me it's challenging. I spend my whole life with my loved ones around me. But now I have to be selfish, concentrate on my career and on my self development. I've been scared, but your words took a little fear away from me. Thank you a lot!
Thank you so much for sharing. Being Self-ish means for me, Being my Self. To embody Thy Self for me is the ultimate goal in Life, only then you can help shape the World for the better. Only when you understand who you really are, you can understand the world around you.
I had children at age 21, 24 & 25. I was absorbed in being mom. I still proudly define myself as mom, but with my kids in their 20’s I have started to find ME again. I’m so grateful for your beautiful insights and encouragement! 🤍🤍🤍
This really resonates with me. I'm a 49 year old woman. I've always been a people pleaser. Just recently stopped living like that and started putting myself in the center of my life and it feels so good. I'm indonesian so the culture plays a part but my brother is not a people pleaser so character plays a bigger part in this. 🙏❤
Hello, I met you in a video when you were still living in Portugal and I was very happy because I'm Portuguese but I live in the UK. I was a little sad to hear that you had to leave, but I understand your reasons. I hope you enjoyed living there. And I really like your videos, they are very inspiring and give a little hope in each one's life to face a complicated and disturbing world.
I think it depends how you define selfishness (which you did in the video). But I think a lot of people take being selfish to mean, "I should never let others/events/things inconvenience me". But I've found that some of the best parts of life are very inconvenient. Especially when it comes to other people. For example, I find my friends are very inconvenient to me--my lazy self just wants to hang out at home and veg out. But I also know I get a lot more out of dragging myself off the couch and cultivating those relationships. So yes to having boundaries, but also, know yourself. Sometimes what we crave (for me, sitting at home) is not what we need. My authentic self is very lazy--but I push back! :)
loving yourself before you can love others. I've also been doing that and like you said, doing things willingly instead of obligation. I used to always put others before myself and it got tiring. now I've been loving myself and in doing that, I can love others and the world and everything better. thank you for this huge reminder, Sophie. ❤ namaste!
I'm from India the concept of minimalistic life is not easily applicable and lot of people still don't know any concept like this. After seeing your video I just try to decrease my need & unnecessary buying. You inspired lot of people "keep it up" you are doing nice work. Your voice is so calming one ❤💫
Great video ❤ I’m going through this now. My children are all grown and moved out but I still put myself at the bottom of the pile, esp with family. Things are changing as I deeply work more on myself and it feels so good, to be what I always thought was selfish. Oh it’s so nourishing 😊❤ no more pleasing.
Practicing the same thing in Vancouver! ❤can’t agree now. Knowing that someone is doing the same thing other places in the world is encouraging and feeling not alone.
Learning it hard ways, but practicing it daily, makes me somehow reach to the point that I can be proud of being selfish for myself. I love the way you accept it so confidently, shows how long you have come and how hard you have worked... ❤
I totally agree with you. I’m actually going through this transition now. It’s a long time coming and still in the early stages, but it feels empowering ❤
I appreciate this so much Sophie thank you❤ a close friend of mine is always reminding me no apologizing shoulders back. We need each other to remind each other.
Thank you Sophie for sharing another Vlog. I believe in being selfish and living selfishly for the benefit of keeping myself together and maintaining happiness so that I am keeping my loved ones around me happy.
it brought tears to my eyes. i have been a people pleaser whole my Iife n i lost myself in the struggle..it took along time to learn tO say NO..I wish we all could simplify life for us as u told
Hello from Latvia, Riga. Thank You for Your blog and means🙏 You are so beautifull. My every day moto is " Give myself permission to be happy every day!" and You are my inspiration😊
Your videos and especially your voice is so soothing and calming for me. Thank you so much for guiding us through your videos and to let us know that no one is perfect in this world and that we cannot please everyone at the same time. Your voice works as a medicine for me. Whenever I feel lost, depressed, tensed, anxious I just plugged the earphone and closed my eyes and listen your voice, immediately after sometime I feeled calm and light.
Being a people pleaser is a burden that you carry with you and can't put down. It can lead to severe depression and low self esteem. But if we work on finding stillness within ourselves, we can overcome it and come out calm and peaceful on the other side.
i didn't even finish and i'm sitting here in tears and feeling so heard & i'm releasing all this pressure and heaviness that i'm still (consciously and unconsciously) carrying. i remind myself that it's normal to feel kinda lost in my twenties even after going on adventures (and being able to continue) and life is meant to be explored and to also explore & to get to know yourself + a part of that is putting yourself first imo. you can't pour from an empty cup and being authentic & living for you will benefit others as well & i love that quote in your description ☁️
Loving and caring for yourself and loving and caring for others go hand in hand I think. You can't just do one of them...all the time. You do both and try to balance the two.
Sophie 🌺 We love our minimalist lifestyle. To be financially stable, sleeping well at night, is priceless.. we are sending you happy thoughts of Aloha..
Thank you for putting a more positive spin on being selfish instead of the negative way everyone thinks of the word selfish. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
Your ability to narrate a story and capture such simple beautiful shots is amazing. You have a gift. I appreciate how much effort must have gone into to shoot this video
Sophie, your story resonated with me so much. I've been a people pleaser most of my 32 years, I'm shifting away from that and it finally feels like I'm pointed in the right direction. Thank you for sharing 💛
Thank you for this.. I relate so much with what you have been through.. On my journey to love myself and be kind to myself.. above all, to respect myself. 💌
I wish I had figured this out earlier but so glad I finally did (at 57 yrs). I am happier than i have ever been by taking the time to take care of myself and make choices that please me. Great message! Thanks so much for sharing ❤
Dear Sophie, i have been following your channel for the last 3 years. Sometimes I watch your videos multiple times as you give me a great amount of peace. You are such a beautiful soul ❤ Thanks for bringing change to the planet ❤
What a wonderful video with such an important message, you couldn't have expressed it better! While I was growing up I was often called "rebel" and "problem child" by my mum because I always stand up for myself, I protect my integrity, set boundaries, disagree with her, make my own choices... It's so important to know that's not a bad thing, we shouldn't be guilt tripped into it, there's nothing wrong with knowing what's good and/or healthy for you. You are the one who's gonna live your life, so you are the one that should be making the decisions. Life is too short, I know it's cliché but make sure you're living a fulfilling life that aligns with your beliefs, needs and goals. Lots of love! 💜
The opening sentence of your vlog says it all, how often do our tireless minds jump from one thing to the next , how much time do we give to doing for others when if we really did the things we wanted to without the distraction or fear of being seen as selfish how different could our life transform to being xx
This is so empowering. Because despite the fact that I know all of this deep inside of me, taking action and the responsibility of it is just too hard sometimes. But hearing and seeing someone else doing it with confidence and conviction, that's what really helps. So, thank you for this ♥
I just discovered your channel and have binge-watched multiple episodes... cannot get over how much I can resonate with what you are saying and striving for in your journey... feels like I have found a kindred soul. Thank you ❤️🙏🏼
Hi Sophie 👋, Just like you, I also felt uncertain with what I wanted to do with my life as a post college graduate. However, I realized that I’m much happier with the way I’m figuring it out as I go, especially by me listening to my own intuition rather than the unsolicited opinions I get from people who are unable to empathize with me for how I feel on the inside. Sending you lots of love!!! ❤️❤️❤️👋
I like all your videos, they are really relaxing and full of wisdom and maturity. I realized that I always gave too much time for other people especially in my family, co-workers and so on. People used to take my help as granted until recently I became exhausted and I started questioning myself. It’s difficult to change and give all the attention and care to one’s self but I will try hard to prioritize my person than the others.
This was just the video I needed today! I have been thinking a lot about the decisions that I have and the ones that I am supposed to make. For most of my life, I have ended up making decisions that others would be okay but wasn't something that I really wanted. Loved your message in this video. Thanks for this video :)
I resonate very much with what Sophie is talking about in this video. Traditionally there would be negative connotations with the word “selfish” but since becoming more focused on myself I’ve been a better person for other people. You can’t pour from an empty cup and in order to give to others you have to ensure you are good in yourself first. There’s a fine line though and as long as putting yourself first is for the benefit of others being selfish is the most selfless thing you can do.
Hi Sophie, This is a great reflection you are sharing. Indeed it cause more harm to be a "people pleaser" and we suffer silently. You are doing a wonderful work Sophie. Keep it up.👍👍
I also feel that I was taught to be pleasant, agreeable, polite, bite my tongue and always censor what I truly thought and what I felt, as if I was just there to accommodate others. Me as an individual didn't exist. Since I was pretty, I also got " just sit there and look pretty", or "girls are meant to be seen and not heard". I am still working through expressing myself more freely.
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71 year old man here. Nope, not selfish. We have only one life. And Maya Angelou has it right.
😁❤️👍
I used to wonder why people mistreat me. Why people walk all over me and in therapy I realised that’s because I’m a people pleaser who gives out an impression that it’s okay to mistreat me. My kindness and my niceness was always misused and seen as a sign of weakness. I want to say that even your family and close friends will step over your boundaries if you don’t stop being a people pleaser. So treat yourself with respect, create boundaries, and start saying no.
❤️
My family feels like am runing away from them because am clearing my space for myself an kids to grow I see different an they think it a problem an they want me to put them First am trying to go where I want in life my family always try to feel me with so much Negativity Never wanted to see me grow .find ways to heal an to grow any Suggestions
I am 67 and just realizing that I have lived for others. Now I live a minimalistic life and have never been happier! My life is so joyful now. Same everyday responsibilities… but they are handled with grace and ease. ❤
@@ClaraMangampoI like that. “Kind but in a smart”
Thank u so much
I feel like every woman in the 20s and 30s should watch this. I love how strong you are in sharing your own changes. Thank you.
Somehow you were always good at not letting people walk all over you
Men too. Both men and women feel pressure to be inauthentic.
I’m watching this as a man in his 40s. These universal life observations can be helpful to any age and people older than I. Thanks for sharing Sophie.
They should, just don't complain when you turned 35 and fell in love and can't have children because you waited too long. I don't want to hear any complaints or sadness since you made that decision yourself (to watch this video and be selfish and focus on yourself etc)
I'm 43, and I needed this!
This is such a lovely video. I think especially as women, we are conditioned to be “people pleasers,” even at the expense of our own authenticity. Thanks for sharing!
I hope it's helpful to share my journey ❤️
It depends. Some women are pretty entitled and aggressive so they are not as much as a people pleasure like you would think
I think men feel this too. We are pressured by family, friends to disregard what we want and be people pleasers
@@ichoosejoy2712 its true. I am one and I missed out on so much for myself.
When she advices us that you don't need to chase money and social media to be successful,I got calmer from ADHD
As the only daughter of immigrant parents, I've grappled with my mom calling me selfish. I like that Sophie laid out selfishness beyond the negative connotation as having boundaries and not being a people-pleaser. I especially love that her realism and life experience yielded the conclusion that disingenuous selflessness doesn't benefit anyone. If being selfish means I prioritize my health and sanity over seeming pleasant to others, then I will continue to love myself enough to be selfish.
You go! ✨💪😍
❤️❤️❤️
I had 5months break from watching your videos. I went into such a busy period. I was easly getting angry, easly irritated etc. I felt like I lost joy of simple every day life. Like Ive forgotten how to slow living. Omg I was missing your calm voice and calm videos. Hope to be back on truck now and get back to peace! Finally
thank you for tuning back in ❤️😍
I'm with you girl, it's never too late to start living for yourself 😎 (I'm 35)
Yes!!! You're so right 👏
I owe this person the courage she gave me to start my RUclips channel 2 months ago about self development and now have 61 subs and almost 40 hours watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so much lessons that I couldn’t have learned without getting started in the 1st place
I used to think I was an introvert but then just started saying no and letting go off ppl, places and situations that weren't a match for the type of freedom, sobriety and empathy filled-life I wanted to lead. Soon afterwards, I started running into and inviting more and more ppl who matched my values and my heart felt so much joy in their company, events and outings. I now have a really big friends circle who I am very honest with, easily say No to without feeling judged and have the opportunity to truly love. It is very liberating
I’m stuck in a rut right now in my life, because I don’t know what direction I’m headed towards. All my life, I’ve listened to others. I’ve listened to my parents, my siblings, my friends shape and mold my decisions of what career and life I lead.
Once I finally got into my career after 10 years of education after high school, I was the most miserable person I’ve ever been. It was super hard to stay in that profession, but it was even harder to leave.
Now I’m jobless, have no money, still live with my parents at the age of almost 30, and have nothing. But I feel a sense of calm wash over me. I finally can pursue a meaningful life and career that matters to me. I’m still not sure what kind of life I’ll lead, but I know I’m a capable person who can be very much successful.
I hope I can look back at this comment in a few years and smile as I know I’m in a better place.
❤️ Wishing you all the best
"if you don't take control of your life someone else will"
I allowed people to take the drivers seat in my life and gave away so much of my power. I decided to take my power back and the resistance I was met with was brutal. So worth it though. I feel free now. I feel peace and empowered. My therapist has been such an important part of my journey in this!
Its a hard habit to break, but feels good to be in control 😌
People pleasing can definitely take a toll on your overall wellbeing. Prioritizing our needs is essential to keep us balanced. Healthy selfishness is crucial! 💓
Yes!! A healthy amout :)
This video couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I was telling myself this yesterday. We are afraid to hurt other's feelings, but we hurt ourselves when we people please. Sometimes, it's okay to disappoint, but make sure it's with good intentions and beneficial to your own wellbeing. Thank you for sharing this video.
❤️😁 glad you enjoyed it
We are afraid of conflict or confrontation with others and hurting then feelings and than we have and internal conflict with ourselves 😢
This video came in just in time for me. Being a people pleaser, saying yes to everything, and putting others first has been drilled into me from such a young age. As I get older I realize this is only harming me. I am unlearning this way of thinking as painful as it is to accept, it’s also a feeling of relief, the relief of weight being lifted off my shoulders. The weight that no one asked me to carry but myself.
It seems great that you have realized this. So much strength is within you!
"If you don't take control of your life, something or someone else will." Malama coming in strong with a KO from just her first sentence! That quote hit me hard. Love your work Malama x
NO is a healing word.
Thank you for the beautiful and tender video. 💚
Agreed 😁
Amen - Knowing our boundaries and limits is crucial!
Being selfish was such a difficult task for me and still is, but as I got older, I learned that I was destroying myself with the ideology of a good child syndrome. The fear of not being everyone’s favorite and doing things to please others eventually destroyed myself and my relationship with THE most important people around me. My anger would build up and eventually I would lash out at my husband or my mom… But I’m learning and growing. Thanks Sophie 😊
I’m learning to stop being such of a people pleaser. I have so many problems with my nerves, anxiety and my health But, I’m giving it all to God. Trying not to let others get in my way.
Giving it all to God! I love that. Sending you strength on your journey!
@@alyfink Thank you. I’m so glad to see someone who respects my wanting to be a good Christian and follow God. So many time’s there are people out there that ridicule Christian people. Thank you again. And God bless you. 🙏🏻❤️
@@cherrycain6425 we are a community! You are never alone ☺️
I've definitely dealt with my share of people-pleasing. I never even allowed myself to have an opinion. I just did what I was supposed to do because I cared so much about how others saw me. I've been learning to think for myself. What a self-discovery journey this past year has been! Thanks for sharing your experience and for letting us know that we are not alone. 🥰🙏🏽
So cool to hear that. We're on this journey together 😁
@@MalamaLife Yes, we're in this together! 😊
Yep!
@@alittleheavenonearth 😄
@@NateshasAmbience ❤️
There’s no return on pleasing people I’m just learning to please myself completely as from now thank you Sophie
❤️😍
Being selfish is the best feeling ever 🙌🏽🙌🏽
So sad people are raised this way. I was loved just for me as a child and no pressure to perform. It’s given me an unshakable core that has helped me through the occasional pain that life inevitably throws our way.
I still struggle with trying to not care so deeply whether my mom approves of me or not. She does not respect my boundaries. I've even tried cutting her off a few times. I still live my life for myself but it hurts when someone I care about is constantly telling me I'm living my life wrong. Your videos really help me through this, thank you!
I've experienced the same thing, and trust me when I say that you'll find a family in friends, partner, etc. In those who love you without conditions, that respect you, that try to understand you instead of walking away or getting mad when you disagree with them. Those will guide you but not control you, they will speak the truth to you even when don't wanna hear it (not on a harmful way, of course, but for your best), they will be there for you when something goes wrong and will not judge you, they will walk with you through the worst. It hurts having to cut off a family member, specially a parent, but if they constantly hurt you and step on your boundaries, maybe it's time to leave them behind and pursue inner peace. Hope you eventually find it 💜
Also heal the mother wounds ❤ it will set you free 😊
I can relate on this being Asian we belong to a culture that pleases as much as we can the people we meet , our parents told us to be one ( the Pleaser) I always thought it’s normal until I came to live half of my life in the Western world which I begun understanding my true self worth by doing what I wanted most without being selfish but just being true to myself even if my family can’t understand 💝
❤️ I feel you
I can so relate. Growing up, my family ingrained it on me to be polite, agreeable, don't speak if not spoken to and always follow what superior says. I only learned later in my 20's that I was pleasing everyone and feeling left dissapointed, lost and drained. I end up questioning my decisions and if I am wrong. Then I finally decided to live my life little by little away from toxic people. I try to stick to what I enjoy and imagine myself being in the future. I still struggle with anxiety and comparing myself to others. Disconnecting from social media does help me become more present in life. And I spend morw time with my husban and family who want the best for me and understands who I really am.
Good for you!! I love that ❤️🥰
"Being pleasant, cooperative, and agreeable" was, for the most part, an ethos taught to EVERYONE as children in previous generations. It was taught in order to get along with others and to be good citizens. Within reason, it can be good for society. There's much less of it being instilled in children now, but we're also seeing where that can lead with more entitlement, divisiveness, and less cooperativeness. Of course, there are extremes on both ends of the spectrum, so it's important to find a middle ground.
I’m going through a hard time making a decision at the moment and I’ve been trying hard to think about what the “right” decision is to make, balancing what I think I should do vs what I want to do. My should is always based on what I think other people’s opinions of me are so I’ve made a lot of choices in fear.
I’m so happy you made this video, I struggle with people pleasing so much. I needed this reminder to be authentic first and foremost to myself because other people don’t have to live with my choices
Sophie, simply hearing your calming voice makes me feel better. I just turned 60 years old and am learning so much about boundaries. Today, watching your video, more understanding just clicked! You’re a lovely young lady and I truly look forward to all your thoughtful and intelligent information. Very well done. I’m so glad I found you.
Such a kind comment :) Thank you so much.
Thank you for making my hikes and lunch breaks at work so enjoyable. Your videos consistently give me peace of mind and I love repeating them over and over again.
Thank you so much for the support! I am really happy you're enjoying the videos 😊❤️
Your not being selfish at all. You live your life for you, your husband, and future kids. As long as you live your life and it's not stepping on others, no one should make you feel bad. The true ones are happy for you!:):) Mahalo Sophie for this video.🤙👍
Mahalo for the comment 😁
Oh my, it's like you've just described how I've felt for so long. It was only during covid lock downs that I reflected on all the things I was forcing myself to do to make others happy, but I was ultimately making myself unhappy. I've always been a people pleaser, too & it's a hard habit to get out of, but I finally stopped doing it. My mental health is better without all the noise of listening to others and just finding what makes you happy.
It's made such a difference in my mental health as well ❤️
Wow this resonates as me. All of what you are saying has exactly been my life and that I’m not 20. Thank you for sharing, I feel a little less alone
“Selfish” means “to know thyself”, which means find who you really are… it has nothing to do with narcissism. I love when people call me selfish. It truly is a compliment (haven’t heard it recently lol). I need to change something 🤣
Mmm I didn't know that meaning of Selfish, thanks for sharing 😊
For the longest time I've been a people pleaser. Now at 40, I'm trying to stop because I want the next chapter of my life to be what people remember me for, authentic. As an equipment technician, it's hard to unwire myself from work but it's becoming something that I know I must do to preserve my best self for those who matter.
Good for you! Wishing you the best
Me, Myself and I. Most people have some percentage of this trait in them. The biggest rule in life that i learnt was "dont inconvenience others". As always great video
Woww. Thanks for this. I have been a people pleaser since childhood and in the past 2 years I've realised that it has been costing me dearly and I have to stand for myself and speak up my needs and wants and that I have to have to live authentically, only then I can be happy from within. Currently I started practicing this thing :- saying NO to people who constantly break my boundaries, saying what I mean, and not sugarcoating things.
It's a bit uncomfortable at first but deep down I feel so relieved that I respected my soul by doing that, by not going for something that doesn't align with my values.
Can you make more such videos on this topic. Thank you♡♡♡
This reasonates with me whole- heartedly! When we say yes to what we want, we are not resentful and can truly show up! 💕💕
My mother has wonderful little phrase “be healthily selfish”. I think she has it right, not to ignore the needs of others, but we all sometimes get off track and focus outside ourselves too much. It’s good to come back to this simple saying and implement it again in our lives.
I was more confident and I knew what I needed in my 20s… I had goals, plans and I was straight forward to them…now at almost 42 life happened and I am more lost than when I was younger🧐 it is just that now I am more calm with my misfortunes and losses, I don’t tear myself apart if I fail anymore…
My oldest son is in university. I really regret. Thank you again. They teach us the same.i hope the younger generation will be smarter. Otherwise they should experience it.❤
I really needed your words rn. Let me tell you a little bit of myself: Soon I will move to a new town. Still in my country, but 3h away from my family and boyfriend. For some it might me normal, but for me it's challenging. I spend my whole life with my loved ones around me. But now I have to be selfish, concentrate on my career and on my self development. I've been scared, but your words took a little fear away from me. Thank you a lot!
Wishing you the best
Thank you so much for sharing. Being Self-ish means for me, Being my Self. To embody Thy Self for me is the ultimate goal in Life, only then you can help shape the World for the better. Only when you understand who you really are, you can understand the world around you.
I had children at age 21, 24 & 25. I was absorbed in being mom. I still proudly define myself as mom, but with my kids in their 20’s I have started to find ME again. I’m so grateful for your beautiful insights and encouragement! 🤍🤍🤍
Best wishes in finding YOU again ❤️
This really resonates with me. I'm a 49 year old woman. I've always been a people pleaser. Just recently stopped living like that and started putting myself in the center of my life and it feels so good. I'm indonesian so the culture plays a part but my brother is not a people pleaser so character plays a bigger part in this. 🙏❤
This comes to the right time. I am also a ppl pleaser and try to live my life now. ❤
😁❤️👏
I like your videos before even watching.. Thank you for the peaceful content you share with us, much appreciated x
Aww thank you ❤️
Hello, I met you in a video when you were still living in Portugal and I was very happy because I'm Portuguese but I live in the UK.
I was a little sad to hear that you had to leave, but I understand your reasons.
I hope you enjoyed living there. And I really like your videos, they are very inspiring and give a little hope in each one's life to face a complicated and disturbing world.
I think it depends how you define selfishness (which you did in the video). But I think a lot of people take being selfish to mean, "I should never let others/events/things inconvenience me". But I've found that some of the best parts of life are very inconvenient. Especially when it comes to other people. For example, I find my friends are very inconvenient to me--my lazy self just wants to hang out at home and veg out. But I also know I get a lot more out of dragging myself off the couch and cultivating those relationships. So yes to having boundaries, but also, know yourself. Sometimes what we crave (for me, sitting at home) is not what we need. My authentic self is very lazy--but I push back! :)
loving yourself before you can love others. I've also been doing that and like you said, doing things willingly instead of obligation. I used to always put others before myself and it got tiring. now I've been loving myself and in doing that, I can love others and the world and everything better. thank you for this huge reminder, Sophie. ❤ namaste!
Selfish is great and a must❤
❤️ it really is
Well-said, what a great reminder to myself. Thank you ms. Sophie.❤
I'm from India the concept of minimalistic life is not easily applicable and lot of people still don't know any concept like this.
After seeing your video I just try to decrease my need & unnecessary buying.
You inspired lot of people "keep it up" you are doing nice work.
Your voice is so calming one
❤💫
Great video ❤ I’m going through this now. My children are all grown and moved out but I still put myself at the bottom of the pile, esp with family. Things are changing as I deeply work more on myself and it feels so good, to be what I always thought was selfish. Oh it’s so nourishing 😊❤ no more pleasing.
Practicing the same thing in Vancouver! ❤can’t agree now. Knowing that someone is doing the same thing other places in the world is encouraging and feeling not alone.
Learning it hard ways, but practicing it daily, makes me somehow reach to the point that I can be proud of being selfish for myself. I love the way you accept it so confidently, shows how long you have come and how hard you have worked... ❤
I totally agree with you. I’m actually going through this transition now. It’s a long time coming and still in the early stages, but it feels empowering ❤
Wishing you all the best!!
@@MalamaLife 🙏🪷
I appreciate this so much Sophie thank you❤ a close friend of mine is always reminding me no apologizing shoulders back. We need each other to remind each other.
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Thank you Sophie for sharing another Vlog. I believe in being selfish and living selfishly for the benefit of keeping myself together and maintaining happiness so that I am keeping my loved ones around me happy.
Yes exactly! 😁
it brought tears to my eyes. i have been a people pleaser whole my Iife n i lost myself in the struggle..it took along time to learn tO say NO..I wish we all could simplify life for us as u told
Hello from Latvia, Riga.
Thank You for Your blog and means🙏
You are so beautifull.
My every day moto is " Give myself permission to be happy every day!"
and You are my inspiration😊
Your videos and especially your voice is so soothing and calming for me.
Thank you so much for guiding us through your videos and to let us know that no one is perfect in this world and that we cannot please everyone at the same time.
Your voice works as a medicine for me.
Whenever I feel lost, depressed, tensed, anxious I just plugged the earphone and closed my eyes and listen your voice, immediately after sometime I feeled calm and light.
Thank you so much ❤️
Being a people pleaser is a burden that you carry with you and can't put down. It can lead to severe depression and low self esteem. But if we work on finding stillness within ourselves, we can overcome it and come out calm and peaceful on the other side.
i didn't even finish and i'm sitting here in tears and feeling so heard & i'm releasing all this pressure and heaviness that i'm still (consciously and unconsciously) carrying. i remind myself that it's normal to feel kinda lost in my twenties even after going on adventures (and being able to continue) and life is meant to be explored and to also explore & to get to know yourself + a part of that is putting yourself first imo. you can't pour from an empty cup and being authentic & living for you will benefit others as well & i love that quote in your description ☁️
Thank you for creating this wonderful video.
Thank you for watching it
Loving and caring for yourself and loving and caring for others go hand in hand I think. You can't just do one of them...all the time. You do both and try to balance the two.
I love this life style
I love the people who love their self
This's gonna be trend but not with this sense
I am shedding my people pleasing tendencies too it is so so empowering.
Sophie 🌺 We love our minimalist lifestyle. To be financially stable, sleeping well at night, is priceless.. we are sending you happy thoughts of Aloha..
Thank you for putting a more positive spin on being selfish instead of the negative way everyone thinks of the word selfish. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
Your ability to narrate a story and capture such simple beautiful shots is amazing. You have a gift. I appreciate how much effort must have gone into to shoot this video
Sophie, your story resonated with me so much. I've been a people pleaser most of my 32 years, I'm shifting away from that and it finally feels like I'm pointed in the right direction. Thank you for sharing 💛
❤️🙌 love that!! Happy to hear that
I empathize with you so much. Trying to define what is "normal" in our society seems to be a never ending quest for everyone.
Thank you for this.. I relate so much with what you have been through.. On my journey to love myself and be kind to myself.. above all, to respect myself.
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This kind of content we all want to consume ❤️❤️. I badly want to see how you shoot . All your shots are soo beautiful
Selfish for a good reason is worth it !👍
Yes!!
I wish I had figured this out earlier but so glad I finally did (at 57 yrs). I am happier than i have ever been by taking the time to take care of myself and make choices that please me. Great message! Thanks so much for sharing ❤
This resonate a lot thank you for sharing 💓
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Dear Sophie, i have been following your channel for the last 3 years. Sometimes I watch your videos multiple times as you give me a great amount of peace. You are such a beautiful soul ❤ Thanks for bringing change to the planet ❤
What a wonderful video with such an important message, you couldn't have expressed it better! While I was growing up I was often called "rebel" and "problem child" by my mum because I always stand up for myself, I protect my integrity, set boundaries, disagree with her, make my own choices... It's so important to know that's not a bad thing, we shouldn't be guilt tripped into it, there's nothing wrong with knowing what's good and/or healthy for you. You are the one who's gonna live your life, so you are the one that should be making the decisions. Life is too short, I know it's cliché but make sure you're living a fulfilling life that aligns with your beliefs, needs and goals. Lots of love! 💜
Your voice over are always so calm and confident! I love this message and have felt similar too!
One of your best videos. You were truly authentic in this share. Wishing you the best!
I loveeee your content. Always looking forward to them.
Thank you so much ❤️
Loved this!! A nice reminder for me!! I’m headed to San Diego for the first time this upcoming week. Can’t wait!!
The opening sentence of your vlog says it all, how often do our tireless minds jump from one thing to the next , how much time do we give to doing for others when if we really did the things we wanted to without the distraction or fear of being seen as selfish how different could our life transform to being xx
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Of course you’re reading Dr. Mate! You and he have the same message, and it is helping to heal people. 💖
❤️ what a compliment. Thank you so much. He is awesome
This is so empowering. Because despite the fact that I know all of this deep inside of me, taking action and the responsibility of it is just too hard sometimes. But hearing and seeing someone else doing it with confidence and conviction, that's what really helps. So, thank you for this ♥
Thank you for sharing your value packed life experience ❤
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I just discovered your channel and have binge-watched multiple episodes... cannot get over how much I can resonate with what you are saying and striving for in your journey... feels like I have found a kindred soul. Thank you ❤️🙏🏼
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Hi Sophie 👋,
Just like you, I also felt uncertain with what I wanted to do with my life as a post college graduate. However, I realized that I’m much happier with the way I’m figuring it out as I go, especially by me listening to my own intuition rather than the unsolicited opinions I get from people who are unable to empathize with me for how I feel on the inside.
Sending you lots of love!!! ❤️❤️❤️👋
I like all your videos, they are really relaxing and full of wisdom and maturity. I realized that I always gave too much time for other people especially in my family, co-workers and so on. People used to take my help as granted until recently I became exhausted and I started questioning myself. It’s difficult to change and give all the attention and care to one’s self but I will try hard to prioritize my person than the others.
This was just the video I needed today! I have been thinking a lot about the decisions that I have and the ones that I am supposed to make. For most of my life, I have ended up making decisions that others would be okay but wasn't something that I really wanted. Loved your message in this video. Thanks for this video :)
Love this, especially prioritising growth for happiness. Happy people dont hurt others. More people in the world need this. ❤
I resonate very much with what Sophie is talking about in this video. Traditionally there would be negative connotations with the word “selfish” but since becoming more focused on myself I’ve been a better person for other people. You can’t pour from an empty cup and in order to give to others you have to ensure you are good in yourself first. There’s a fine line though and as long as putting yourself first is for the benefit of others being selfish is the most selfless thing you can do.
Thank you for this video. I needed this today and its really helping me to be bolder, braver and more determined to get the outcomes which I want.
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Hi Sophie,
This is a great reflection you are sharing. Indeed it cause more harm to be a "people pleaser" and we suffer silently.
You are doing a wonderful work Sophie.
Keep it up.👍👍
You absolutely nailed the subject, ❤❤
I also feel that I was taught to be pleasant, agreeable, polite, bite my tongue and always censor what I truly thought and what I felt, as if I was just there to accommodate others. Me as an individual didn't exist. Since I was pretty, I also got " just sit there and look pretty", or "girls are meant to be seen and not heard". I am still working through expressing myself more freely.
Oh Sophie….this just touched my heart so deeply. I learned in a very hard way the importance of living selfishly. With Love, Lilac🕊️
What a pretty name! Thanks Lilac
Thank you for this! I happen to be a people pleaser and I feel like I’m lossing my self. I really need it this message.
❤️ glad it resonates with you
your videos are always on time
Yay!!