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School of life, you changed me into a very mature person. I love the way you explain complicated and sensitive subject in a clear, practical , fun way.
@@spennny1000 I have many videos from The School of Life bookmarked, and when I try to view them I find some of them have been changed to be "Private" so they cannot be viewed by anyone other than the channel owner.
@@nehahahahahahah A hidden lie is something you know you should tell someone because it interests them. A secret does not necessarily share that property
1st Take: "My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier." Yours sincerely, Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook 2nd Take: “My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.” Decently yours, Cardi B. My Humble Take: What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
I think it comes down to, are you withholding the truth to protect your partner or to protect yourself. The BIG stuff like infidelity and financial trouble can’t apply to what the video is saying.
I think it comes down to, are you withholding the truth to protect your partner or to protect yourself? The BIG stuff like infidelity and financial trouble can’t apply to what the video is saying.
@Albert YK Chen the money thing. Sometimes I was afraid to tell my late wife when we were close to broke because I knew she would panic having grown up on welfare. But I was also saving myself of the add stress of handling her stress as well as my own.
@Albert YK Chen I’m interested in this, I wasn’t expecting this video to take this stance tbh and I can’t think of examples myself of things that are better hidden from our partners. Maybe I’m missing something, but I also can’t think of anything I’d want my partner to keep from me either.. :\
@@ThunderFortune it’s a complicated issue. Not as simplistic as the video suggests. In any relationship, partners need to understand each other’s ‘deal breaker’ event.
@Albert YK Chen a friend of mine snooped in her husband's text messages one day and found some disheartening comments about herself from her mother in law. The husband kept this a secret from my friend in order to protect her feelings. Ever since, my friend swore never to snoop in her husband's phone again. Honestly if it were my mother in law badmouthing me to my husband - I would hope that my husband keep it from me.
This may be a hard point to accept but I do think we may have an over obsession with the Truth. Of course there are some areas where it's incredibly important not to have secrets but there are some occasions where the Truth may not be helpful or actually achieve anything.
I don't think that was the point that they were making... Maybe a bad example since it can easily be misunderstood, and because they don't explain and elaborate what their philosophy would mean or look like in that situation.
It's been 4 years since meeting my husband, we're each other's person to go to. It's not easy to get to this level of trust, it takes time, understanding and so much compassion for yourself and the other person.
@@wenmoves I truly wish every one finds that one person they can experience what we have 🧡 Don't get me wrong it's not perfect all the time but nothing better than feeling secure
Yes. It's time. It took my bf years to tell me a member of his squad (Marine) was blown to bits and that fell over his head in Iraq. He wasn't lying, he had his reasons for not sharing, and when he felt comfortable he did.
A person who, in the name of honesty, is always sharing everything, even things that are hurtful and can not be forgotten;that person is not a friend of love.... Wow!
My ex used to tell me of his one night stands when we were together, proclaiming that they are just biological and that the reason he's telling me is because he loves me and those sexcapades really mean nothing 🤷♀️ I never got mad at him for that but it always hurts me like hell. Thinking about it now, I guess he only really cared about clearing his conscience and didn't really considered how I'd feel. Oh well... good riddance.
That is a good observation. I think sometimes guys get so caught up in their feelings and guilt ridden that they feel better airing out their secrets, however, they dont ever stop to ask if it is really beneficial to do so. There are things I've told my wife that i wish I hadn't after being promoted by her to be "100% honest". Looking back, some of those things actually caused more damage than bonding and could have been safely unknown without being deceitful. I think there is a a certain level of honesty that people want when they express a desire for honesty, but no one really wants 100% honesty. Some things are better left unsaid as they say.
Well, if they considered how you'd feel it would not have happened to start with. Would you rather not know, or to know and find someone that would consider your feelings? I think they did the right thing to tell you, but it would have been better if there was nothing to tell to begin with. And I think you were right to leave, too.
My first ex would do something like this. Before we were in a relationship she'd tell me about her sex stories with other guys and her body count and such stuff. At the time i didn't understand why she told me this stuff so i ignored it because she was always high on drugs and alcohol and she was extremely talkative. Now thinking about it i think she told me this stuff to get me to have sex with her, i think she believed that talking about her sex stories with other men would somehow arouse me or something. It didn't though, it made me be more disgusted of sex honestly
I have a really hard time to accept that my boyfriend won't tell me everything. I am that person this video describes about around 2:15. I'm not proud of it but I find it really hard to not be like that ... and also to accept that my boyfriend isn't like that. I find honesty very important, can't stand people lying or hiding things from me because then it affects my trust in them, and I notice it most of the time anyway when something is wrong. And it's the same from my side that if I keep something from him I start to worry about it so much and just can't let it go until I've said what is on my mind. I just never learned healthy boundaries when it comes to this topic and I find it very hard to teach it myself
I think it's healthy to be uncomfortable with not being honest and wanting honesty and openness from a partner. You can find people to lie to you on the street what's the point in being in a relationship with them? What do you get out of it except maybe for "not being alone" but in my book you're still alone if someone can't be honest.
@@molchmolchmolchmolch I understand what you're saying. To me being honest and open with each other says that you feel so safe and so good with this person that you can say anything. It feels like I have to be honest and share everything to have a vulnerable connection and a good relationship. So that is the reason why I say everything... so my intentions are good but yeah I don´t know sometimes
Everything you just wrote is basically how I feel and think. I like to believe I am not honest to a point where I hurt someone but if I am unhappy or struggling with something about my relationship, then I have to say something. I tried to not say anything but it made me more unhappy. I tend to bring up uncomfortable truths, a truth most people don't want to hear... I'm that brutally honest with myself too. I don't know how to feel about this, as I feel honesty is so refreshing and liberating but at the same time if it hurting people (although no one has ever said they were hurt by my honesty)... I need to learn how to be more dishonest.
@@AnnMTL I could not agree more with what you´re writing... at the same time I don´t want to be more dishonest. I don´t feel like that is healthy. But maybe that´s a wrong way of viewing it? I don´t know.. but it´s a dealbreaker for me if someone is not honest. It really hurts my trust, even when it comes to small things.
@@decockzoe I agree, I'm the same way, I find any lies to be hurtful, even small stuff. Do you ever feel like you have a built in lie detector? I always seem to be able to detect the smallest of lies and that's why I want to be honest with people...I need to figure out a way to balance it, to keep certain things to myself and yet also be honest.
It's impossible to be truly honest with a person. There is always a hidden space, something that you won't show completely to your partner. But at the same time you should be careful because the line between a silly secret and a big lie is sooooo thin.
I mean, not this channel specifically but to be 100% honest with you, there are hidden cameras in your room/home that are at least *passively checking* your life by listening to you, monitoring your screens & using AI to predict your future moves.
@@goldmidwest Yes, can you imagine the unbearable harassment and stress of living under these conditions. I wish I knew what I was guilty of, the worst of my situation is the team follows me wherever I go. Yet it’s denied to my family members. Evilness beyond belief
I would think about sharing things with my partner as if I were a kind relative. Rude relatives always want to know everything about your life, and they always want to butt in with their unkind opinions about you- telling you that true love requires “brutal honesty.” It shows that they are too focused on other’s lives than their own. It’s similar with your partner... if you’re always asking about details of how they spend their time, it means you have too much free time to think about it, rather than focusing on your own life. It means that the answer to your inquisitions has too much consequence on you and your quality of life- otherwise, why would you ask anyway? I know this because I used to be that partner who was too attached to my idea of how a relationship should be, rather than accepting the person and trusting them wholeheartedly. Detach from your expectations of how relationships should be, and see your mental health improve tremendously.
I need to understand this more and reread it, but yes at a certain extent I do agree with you. I will learn a great deal from my new partner who doesn't reveal much to me at all. It's strange to me as I'm not like this and reveal all. In the end, I do get hurt by him not telling me everything. As I find out anyway or basically the whole lot that he didn't reveal. Then he tells some more to me way later down the track. I don't get why he didn't just tell me it all in the first place like a normal conversation. It's like he's restricted to tell me things sometimes and I'm not sure why. Very frustrating to me
would you feel the same way if your partner went out drinking and didn't come home till the next afternoon and went straight to the shower and refused to say anything to you would you still trust them wholeheartedly. if you say yes then I would have to think that you don't really love them.
Yes it is, for me I would like to tell them everything depending on how close we are (married etc..) But first and foremost I have a right to my privacy and everything about me doesnt belong to them. As long as its not something that would affect the relationship its okay. Some people have trauma they dont want to revisit with ANYONE or simply just random things that no one needs to know, and thats okay! ♥️
1st Take: "My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier." Yours sincerely, Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook 2nd Take: “My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.” Decently yours, Cardi B. My Humble Take: What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
Also long as the trauma doesn't rear its head and spoil the relationship. Nobody's perfect but if we dont address our triggers and defuse them, then I feel no relationship is safe. Trust and understanding is the bedrock to any successful relationship I believe.
@@sadistichickpatt8309 Yes so true. Because at the end of the day it might very much matter for the person. It's frustrating when I don't get all the info at once from my partner. A common normal conversation and good communication can go a long way. And that's what I'm like. But he just reveals bits to me at a time. Before too long I fond out the rest from someone else and then it taints our relationship because he didn't just say things in the first place. When things don't mean much to some people, they mean everything to other's
I think everyone deserves privacy in any relationship, including with their spouse, partner, and family. In any relationship, you have the right to keep a part of your life secret,
@@ThunderFortuneThings that have nothing to do with you in particular and have no huge effect on the relationship. For example, past relationships and childhood traumas. You don't need to know those things if they aren't affecting the way your partner treats you.
If your partner is lying about where he/she was last night, and this channel suggests you just ignore it? Yeah, that's pretty weird advice. Love doesn't mean you have to let people walk all over you. A better topic would be when and why it's okay to keep secrets. Because, there are plenty of things one might be embarrassed about that have nothing to do with ethics. Like, sure, if you're a serial killer and you don't tell your spouse - that's a nasty betrayal of trust. That'd horrify any partner (unless they're also secretly killers). But, what about the last time you crapped your pants? Or tripped and bumped your head? Or a weird dream you had? Or a random encounter where you accidentally upset someone? These kinds of things don't have anything to do with immoral behavior, and we should all have the right to keep these secrets to our graves, in the interest of preserving dignity. One of the hardest things to preserve in any long-term relationship is dignity, and that's why no one should take on the role of grand inquisitor - up and until you find strong evidence that your partner is doing something immoral - stealing, cheating, hurting people, etc.
Yea this video did not sit well with me. My bf cheated on me and lied where he was and what he did that night. And this video suggests for me to ignore it? Like, what?! The first school of life video that disappointed me...
@@EchelonBizarre look at their videos about infidelity. I just unsubscribed since my ex was such alain de botton fanboy and he secretly fucking prostitute behind my back, and he gaslighted me saying I lack of compassion and my love should be unconditional
Have good thoughts about someone you love... And stop doing something evil behind their back that might harm them. So when it comes to your time to confess, it wouldn't be bad at all... But instead, it strengthens you.
Anyone who's willing to lie to keep someone caring about them or keep a relationship unchanged has no business being in a relationship. The minute you start doing this you're not in a relationship but using someone without their consent. They can't consent to something they don't know about.
Sometimes the truth will not set you free. Sometimes the generalities are all that is needed; no details. If she is great in bed - you know how she became good in bed so why even ask? If you have a past then expect the other person to have one as well. If this relates to being unfaithful leave the relationship before. Somethings that cannot be fixed, forgiven, or forgotten. If you ever wonder if you can trust someone - you already know the answer.
Yeah I feel like it's more important to know that history for the sake of TRUST for both parties. The partner who has cheated in another relationship needs to know that he/she is worthy of being trusted for their direct honesty and the other partner needs to know they can be actively honest. There should not be a "you should have figured" clause in an agreement to have a relationship. Lack of communication doesn't just end relationships, it inhibits opportunities for both parties to grow. Aka if there are things that are "unsaid" then it must be clear that they can still be brought up and questioned if need be.
I think it's important to judge whether or not sharing something is good for a relationship on an individual basis. Some secrets may be better kept and others should be shared and that's something people would have to figure out based on what the secret is and how it might affect the relationship.
Some people use "honesty" for selfish reasons. But my take from also was that everyone deserves pieces of themselves they keep private. Even the best love relationship needs boundaries.
My problem is, that i need to be for 100% honest with everything, i need to tell my boyfriend every detail even i know that may hurt him.. i told my boyfriend about a mistake i made 3years before, he forgave me.. now that mistake popped out in my head and i want to tell him every detail.. i never cheated on him nor anything because he is the love of my life.. i made a mistake, he knows about it, but i feel anxiety if he doesn’t know even the smallest details.. am i wrong?
@@karinzajacova9929hi. I don't want to get armchair psychologisty cos I only know this specific aspect of your life. But if this is a prevalent behaviour its possible you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder such as OCD. Its very common for people with OCD to feel the need to confess mistakes to people, and even once a conflict is resolved, they will still find it difficult to move on
this video described it perfectly. it's not with the intention of lying, but withholding truth if you know for sure that the truth, in the meantime, will be hurtful for either of u or both. usually it's about past trauma. i do that with my partner. if we're not ready to share something, we don't have to
All of these videos are so helpful. I’m finally starting to watch some and I find the works starting to pay off because I’m already of the mind of the message in some of the videos. Thank your for all of the effort that is put into them!
I currently am grieving about a relationship because I decided to share something very personal to me in hopes they'd understand....I basically got ghosted. I push people away, always have. It's one of my biggest life's struggles and I opened up more about it only to be ignored and treated as if I'm a regular friend with barely any communication.
I'm really sorry you experienced that. It's not always going to go over well, and that's an unfortunate fact of life. I'd advise that you seek out friends and company that can really accept and understand you and your struggles for what they are, because that's the only way you can really be secure in being honest about it all. I'd also advise that going into your next relationship, be upfront about whatever it is sooner rather than later to find out if your partner is going to be willing to support you. They deserve to know what they're consenting to deal with, and you deserve to know that they love and respect you for who you actually are. It's better to be disliked for someone you are than accepted for someone you are not, and from the other person's point of view, we all have our boundaries on what we can and will deal with and what we can not. Everyone is entitled to that. I wish you all the best on your journey and I hope that you find your crowd and have better luck next time.
I am very very confused. Every time I start a relationship I claim for honesty and “clearness”. I can’t tolerate lies, “I rather prefer you tell me it first, than I find it out” I broke up with my bf because I found he was subscribed to a dating app when I handed his phone. This really broke my heart. He told me he liked to receive that notifications to feel “validated” It was supposed we won’t hide anything that Can hurt us ): Do I overreacted? How can you identify the limit between a lie and a secret? Personally, I do prefer hard truth, than find out lies. Truth hurts less.
You should understand that girls go through different life than boys when it comes to validation. You might not even realise it, that it has a hand in building your self esteem to know that you are desirable. Girls know it by daily life interactions where guys would hit on them. Most guys do not have that thing in life. Nobody hits on them on regular basis. I think you should have clarified in your mind, if he really desired validation or was he also speaking to folks behind your back. If it's all about validation he would not text with people he matched with.
I almost started a lovely relationship with an ex-date of mine from 2 years ago, this time around I was ready to be fully comitted. But in a moment of honesty I went ahead and ruined it by letting him know that two years ago when we first started, I was caught in-between him and someone else. He told me he wished I just never let him know that, let me out of his house, and ended the relationship we hadn't even started. I thought I should out myself for being a cheater -- after all, I was a young arrogant adolescent back then who thought I could do whatever I wanted without hurting people's feelings. And I know I'm not that way anymore, so shouldn't I share it to "come clean" and "have a clean slate?" I guess not. In the end, all that I left him with was a constant fear that he would be compared to someone else, when in fact now there was nobody else in my heart but him and that I really did learn and change from my ways two years ago. But I lost him because I chose to be honest about it. I still sometimes think being honest was the right thing, but was it really right if I hurt him?
Honestly you _not_ saying that probably wouldn't have had an impact on your potential relationship going forward. It is definitely a sucky thing to hear. But perhaps there simply wasn't enough trust between you two for it to go over well, and it would have been ideal if you could talk things out. Would have been better than just getting hung up on one emotionally bad experience and not trying to see/work past it. But he was also entitled to his emotions and that's how he chose to respond. So ultimately maybe you could've gone without admitting it? Or admitting it a little later? But I don't think the outcome of things is really your fault, nor did it have to be the end of the whole relationship, especially given that it was a past fact. I don't personally think he handled it in the most emotionally mature way. Just unfortunate.
It's better to end a relationship than be in the one full of lies. If you are living with someone who does not share with you the whole truth.....then you are living with a person who is just pretending to be someone he/she is not in reality. Also, we all must learn to be by ourselves in peace, even when we are in relationships. 🙂
Sounds like you need to make a stand for yourself. They notice that you noticed and you not acting is giving them a free pass to keep going. Please voice your boundaries and stand in for them.
Honesty and openness is the number one requirement in any relationship that goes beyond acquaintances. Bc lies and pretension I can get from any idiot on the street or at work or wherever. That's not hard to find. But I'm not interested in being superficial bc it looks prettier and is easier to handle. Are we saying adults are not able to handle honesty? Those that aren't shouldn't be in relationships but pay someone to tell them nice things only.
Agreed, but the purpose of dating is to select compatible mates, it’s a matter of being about to accept criticism or need affirmative as we are responsible for these actions ourselves.
If you can't be flawed with someone you love and decide to be selfish by hiding important truth just to protect yourself and pretending it's for the sake of love, then that's not love you are expressing. Hiding your feelings too is an issue because it can explode in an argument in less than friendly ways. Honesty and trust are the bedrock of true meaningful relation, especially love.
I think a lot of the comments here are misunderstanding the message. I don’t think this video is about keeping secrets around things that are foundational to your relationship, like breaking the terms of your relationship, deceiving your partner, or feeling unhappy with your partner. I think it’s more along the lines of being polite or maybe even a bit more silent about your thoughts and characteristics that are more likely to hurt your partner: like not unnecessarily bringing up to your partner that you don’t like their hair today, or best friend, or outfit, or not sharing what you really think about their nose, or maybe not describing past sexual experiences, or what you liked most about your most precious crush, for example.
Honesty requires introspection and vulnerability. It also requires maturity on the part of the listener. Most people lack the ability to hear that their actions, words, thoughts and ways of expressing themselves, has a negative affect on the people around them. How would most people react or feel, if they were told that they are bad for someone’s progress and that they water down the persons ability? How would most people react if they were told, that they make it difficult for others to be their authentic selves? The only time communication is key, is when there’s mutual understanding, respect and maturity. We’ve all heard of people who couldn’t handle a rejection or break up, despite seeing the signs. Despite the communication, they find it difficult to accept the decision. The decision, however, was communicated. They find it difficult to accept the other as someone with autonomy and free will. To pretend that people have the maturity to communicate and respect other peoples space and individuality, is far fetched. Many people don’t and can’t handle it.
This is an interesting perspective. I used to be very black and white and age and experiences have allowed me to become a bit more lenient. I guess withholding some info to avoid hurt or conflict might not be such bad idea depending on the circumstances. But there’s a fine line. When dishonesty and lies are the norm, well...I loose trust and I’m out.
Hm, this is the first video from this channel where I don't actually agree with forgetting about dishonesty. I simply cannot! Probably because I just came out from an extremely toxic relationship where lying and manipulation were on a daily basis heard in that house
I'm with you on this, my view as always been; We can't decide what's important for anybody else. If they ask and they want to know, you gotta respect that, if they say they don't want to know, respect that too. Privacy is one thing, but never lie. It's really just as simple as saying you don't want to talk about it, or that it's private. If they can't respect that simple of a request, then maybe they're not the one.
You’re looking at it from purely the lens of cheating. Open up and see... why would I tell my partner that I don’t particularly like her makeup today? That serves no purpose than brutality. I rather tell her I admire her for trying new stuff and it looks good! You don’t have to share everything. “Those who are always brutally honest end up being more brutal than honest”
@@TheRickyH I completely agree with you my friend. People are misunderstanding this video, only looking at it from the perspective of cheating. But the subject matter is much more deep than that, it’s talking about privacy, kindness and politeness. The idea of sharing absolutely everything to your partner, and sharing the truth about absolutely everything is a very toxic and possessive way of thinking. There are plenty of times where being honest is just brutally unnecessary. The video is not talking about cheating or hiding, but about developing a relationship where not everything has to be said, since it’s unnecessary and plenty of times, really hurtful and inconsiderate
@@NoTodoEsArte1 I agree that you shouldn't be inconsiderate and say dumb/hurtful shit outta left field, but I actually think if you politely say what you think its for the better. If I don't like the color of a dress my (future) GF is wearing, I'm going to compliment something else that I like, if she asks me to comment on the dress I'll be honest and say that the color isn't my preference if there is something positive about the dress I will point that out aswell. Reason I think this is the better way is that it shows her you are honest , even if it hurts her ego, you're honest and polite about it, and that makes her believe more when you say things that you truly mean, like how beautiful she is in your eyes. It makes your words carry weight.
I want to be able to tell my partner EVERYTHING. And I will, once I reach a point of trust (marriage, for example). They probably will stay, but if they don’t then I will consider that marriage doomed to fail from the beginning.
Sometimes the problem now is catching ourselves to really know what to say and what not to say, knowing if the things we'd say are loaded with expectations, ego or negative patterns.
For me bitter TRUTH is better than a beautiful LIE but since we are all after only beautiful things so it's only natural to lie a bit not to hurt our loved ones. But for me I would prefer the TRUTH regardless in order to be at peace with it or improve it for better.
In my opinion if it's gunna benefit the other person to hear it and you really believe what you're saying, you should say it. But if it's your opinion, express it as your opinion, don't express it as fact.
Yeah that’s more the point isn’t it. Just don’t be an asshole, and accept that people have differing opinions and views of the world. I feel like as long as you express yourself rationally and open mindedly then no amount of honesty is too much with a partner.
Guy tells me "my friend who is a girl but not my girlfriend thinks I'm out of state right now" ... but then later be like "oh what do you not trust me?" No sir, no I do not.
The reality is no one can know everything about another person. No matter how much you think you know someone you NEVER will. I just feel this video is saying stop worrying about every little detail and trying to know everything. Just be. Everyone here is like just be honest and that us so fake. Are you honest about how many people you have slept with? Are you honest and open about all the details of foolish transgressions from your youth? Do you need to give an itinerary for your thoughts and movements of the day EVERYDAY? This is not love its control and a need to feel safe and secure... Its not noble at all its insecurities being pushed as connection.
The part at 2:45 was agreeable, to an extent, (based on whether you are more classical or more romantic) up until the words “or where you were last night,” because where people spend their time at night away from their partner could be a red flag 🚩 in regards to whether they are staying loyal, committed, and honest to one another. If they are not being loyal and honest then that needs to be discussed if the relationship is going to continue or not where both parties can neutrally and unbiasedly go over one another’s grievances in the relationship in the spirit of understanding, reconciliation, and teaching/learning how to love each other better. Yes boundaries are important. I believe privacy is important. I even believe lack of privacy will cause resentment and push towards negative behaviors being somewhat of a loner myself despite being in a relationship. I’ve seen a lot between my parents relationship from screaming and shouting to rumoring about infidelity and carelessness in its regard. And those events have severely negatively impacted my way of thinking when it comes to my romantic relationship balance. Then add the unique personality and trauma of a partner and the challenge (as my partner puts it) or difficulty increases. Overall school of life has a wide and worldly perspective on the topics they discuss but I had to comment on this final phrase here. And I think many would agree that, if it does not breaks trust and causes suspicion that it at the VERY least causes worry for the other partner who presumably loves their significant other deeply. And if not, then their presumably committed monogamous relationship is outside the norm at least.
🤣I’m doomed. Every time I come across this topic I know I’m doomed. Honesty is my center- lies make me miserable. lol I guess love is not for me. Good luck to you all.
@@ralfwashington1502 did you watch the video or fully read my comment in response to it? I said “honesty is my center,” how did you interpret as me having skeletons in my closet? I’m saying the opposite, and that apparently people can’t handle the extent of my honesty.
@@dlizzy3835 your comment didn't make sense at first since the video was saying be honest but nicely. So you are the type to not filter anything and then the raw truth makes them run away? I know the type and understand now. Nevermind
@@ralfwashington1502 btw you should rewatch the video they’re definitely advocating for occasional lying as an act of compassion. And ignoring when it’s done to you.
Adding specific examples would've really helped... Right now this just sounds like complete nonsense. 'To form a sincere relationship with your partner, share your secrets with them, but also, don't'' ?? I just can't think of a secret that would hurt the other if revealed but doesn't matter enough that it constitutes a lie. (unless it puts them in mortal danger or something) If it's a traumatic memory that's too painful to be shared, one can simply tell their partner just that. It's not keeping a secret, just not going into the details - though I think it's healthy to be willing to open up progressively. If it's a negative opinion one has about something their partner holds dear, it's better to tell them the truth even if it hurts, even if it ends the relationship (hell, it was built on a deception anyway). I disagree with the idea that love is about avoiding hurting the other in ALL SITUATIONS. That's politeness, and they're not the same thing. If you're married/in a long-term relationship it's logical to want to discover every aspect of your partner's personality (over time), or else you don't really believe in it.
Humans desire to know every aspect of their mate yet that is an impossibility. You will never fully know anyone, you can't possibly know everything every thought and why would you want to? What makes you long to know is fear and control. I totally understand this video. I don't need to know everything that my boyfriend thinks or does and I don't try to. We are connected on a deep level and I don't worry about if he tells me what he had for lunch or even who he went to lunch with. He is a free and responsible adult capable of accepting the consequences of his actions. So I free my mind from worry and have no desire to control his movements or interactions. He is free to do what he wants and he is free to share all the details, some, or none. Just as I am free to choose what I want and what I will accept. You don't have the right to the wgole someone's thoughts... and it's foolish to think so
@@juandellp7425 I said every aspect of their personality not every thought or action ! Obviously you can't dowload a complete file or their whole brain activity since they were born, I'm not that stupid ! What makes me want to know the person as well as possible is a desire for trust, honesty and franchise, and tbh they're exactly the opposite of fear and control. You have a deep connection w/ your boyfriend, great, I'm pretty sure you don't get there by keeping secrets from your partner. Also, I never said that one had an obligation to tell their partner everything they want to know, or that it's okay to force them or whatever, just that if you conciously decide to NEVER share a significant fact about yourself (ie smthing that affects your personality & the way you interact w/others), or lie about it, that's in no way a healthy or loving behaviour.
The one I loved most of all, used that love against me in the most cruelly manipulative and withholding manner. He touted his love of honesty and chose to lie instead by omitting the key information on the most important things. Because he's a hollow husk, a counterfeit of the guy he tailor made especially for me to get yet another person in his rotation. Because we all are here solely to engender him with the qualities that make a person of fine character. All by proxy. Because without a conscience, heart, or any real values, to which a person builds upon throughout their life...... Creating their personal character and their collective truths..... Without those core fundamentals..... An "empty husk" is what it be.
I what situation is it okay to keep secrets exactly?? I feel like if you can’t be complete honest with someone then the relationship isn’t a safe space for your feelings. If you have information that will hurt someone, people generally still would rather you tell them. How can they ever fully trust what you’re telling them otherwise?
No one needs to know my entire childhood or history or every mental struggle that I go through or every bad day that I have in order to know me as a person. They don't need to know every detail about my order history, or what kinds of conversations I have with my mom. And I don't have to tell my partner every single little thing that annoys me about them, every bad incident we've had that upset me, or that some days I very briefly think of giving up on us due to stress. We all need space to deal with our own trials and be our own person without being dependent. Now, I can _totally_ choose to talk about most of the aforementioned if I'd like to, but I don't _always_ have to. If me _not_ being honest is causing me to treat my partner differently though, or causing me to bottle up frustration, then it's healthy to communicate about it so we can work through the challenge together. If I'm withholding something that would fundamentally change the basis of our relationship, or the amount of trust we can have with eachother (e.g. cheating), or the way my partner sees me and the person they have consented to sticking by and being there for, that's an absolute no-no. It's very essential to be upfront about what kind of facts could potentially be deal-breakers and where we can have space to be our own person early on, so that we don't accidentally love based on a lie or hide harmful secrets in the name of protecting feelings. The most important thing is being able to be honest where it really counts, like you alluded to.
I dunno man. A romantic partner is an irreplaceable companion who you made a deal to be honest and open about things that has or may have an effect on your relationship. But things that do not directly effect the relationship and the bound of trust regarding loyalty is personal. You dont have to share things that you prefer to keep for yourself. I mean yeah, if some girl kissed me in a bar or whatever, gf needs to know. But she does not need to know of things i feel ashamed of in my personal life. Forcing someone to open themselves a hundred percent is despotic behavior. That is something that is desired to be achieved, not forced with guilt trip.
People forget what he says on a video doesn't go alone.... Everything he said in this video is connected with every other video he has made. "DONT TELL EVERYTHING" comes along with "be truthful to yourself and a nice person" Lol if you found that offensive, you might not be as much of a good person then you thought you were
I believe there is a question to ask of one’s self before declaring some truths to those we love. That is, does the hearer benefit from this new knowledge or truth? If the hearer has no obvious benefit, then why must they know. Perhaps there is a good reason and they may need to take some burden, but if it is just about the teller being unburdened, or solidifying their place as the one with the knowledge.....it becomes hard to justify this sharing of truth. I believe that love, is in spite of, not because of. Love endures in spite of our knowing or being known deeply, with all our faults and quirks, and not because of being rich, smart, funny etc. Thank you for this channel!
It's a moral decision and a lot of the people who are completely real, most people are attracted to, and not just in a relationship but with popular people in our culture. Joe Rogan for instance is one personality type that everyone says is NO B.S. and straight up with everyone. But great video, agreed thank you.
It's actually scary how many people I know tell their significant others the raw truth about everything, even though it means being brutally honest and hurting their lovers' feelings in the process...all in the name of 'honesty in the relationship'.
@@lzrrrrr3370 I'd rather they learn what my insecurities are and be considerate about my feelings. I'd try to do the same. For example, if you're dating a short person and you know they're insecure about their hight, don't keep telling them how you find all the taller people in the world attractive. If you're dating an introvert, don't keep complaining about how they like to stay mostly indoors and how you'd rather be outside partying with other people. If these things are deal breakers for you, you're hurting both of you by staying in the relationship and saying those things. Since you 'chose' to be in a relationship with the short or introvert person, you have no right to make them feel bad about themselves by being 'completely honest' with your partner.
Lol yes finally an example of secret keeping I agree with. Other than that though I don’t feel like there should be any part of your true self you can’t share with your partner. If that causes them pain then why are they with you.
Well ,i see things more clear now I'm the honest person I know ,i truly don't know how to lie (i never have to learn this skill even if my life could me so much more easy ..) but I can't hide things from my partner....i never was that kind of person ,i never want to know that my partner has secrets ...i am open enough and kind enough to understand any desire so ...my relationship honesty, kindness, forgiveness and time is everything I feel so relieved that I don't need to hide /lie or have boundaries with my partner ..I recomand this kind of relationships to everyone (at least one month )
The things with my bf is he won’t share all bad stuff happen to him, as per him, “I don’t want to make you worry” He will act everything is fine. Which worry me more… not knowing what is really reason behind. It hard for me to understand him and comfort him. I think all the possibilities things that might happen and mostly always negative thoughts. Which does mess me up.. I do keep telling him, I want to embrace all of it. I want him to tell me everything rather I find same information from someone else. He is loving and caring and has been with me for decade. This habit of him is really bothering me a lot. The thing is nothing can be hide forever. It always come out one way or another. I rather it be him tn someone else. If I know from someone else, the truth not only hurt but I feel like fool and been keep in dark. I will question wr I stand in your life.
I disagree. If you are truly in love with each other, you will tell your partner the truth - in a comforting way. After all, honesty doesn’t mean saying whatever comes to mind ;) . Being honest is the only way to build a real relationship: with another person and with yourself.
And questions shouldn't be asked if that person doesn't want an answer. Like do you like this dress on me? You can't say no it makes you look fat but if you think it isn't good you should be able to careful state I don't think it's for you AND the person shouldn't over react since they asked to start with.
lost a relationship recently partly because of this. I figured the only way to fully respect the person was to be always truthful about important things. I tried very hard to always disclose truth. Dont do that. Does NOT work out well despite tons of effort and it leaves you feeling dumb for being truthful.
I think you're getting something wrong here - it's still the other persons decision what to do with the truth. It is their right to say this is not ok for me. You don't get to decide what someone is and isn't ok with. If you can only keep them by lying to them you have no right to be with them at all.
My husband and I haven’t really discussed how many partners we have had. It’s not a lie. It’s just a question neither of us wants to know the answer to. We are happy with out that info.
@@ThunderFortune Honestly if they're cool with that and that's how it works for them, that's fine. Not having that information isn't really going to impact that relationship in any way and nobody is actively trying to hide it for some hidden motive. They're just free to have that space and mutually agree to having it.
I think it's alright to not sweat the small stuff and to not reveal every. single. thought. you have to your partner, but it is completely wrong to keep big secrets (like infidelity, a job loss, a dangerous family member, criminal past) from a partner. I guess you just have to ask yourself, would you want your partner to hide those things from YOU?
@@lzrrrrr3370 I mean that the small stuff is not important to confess, like a hobby, interest or preference in something. We never tell our entire life story on the first date anyway, things unfold over time. I guess I should have worded it better: if you actively have to "keep" something other than a surprise, then there's probably a problem
Are you honest with those you love? Join the discussion in the comments below. If you enjoy our films and want a say on what ones we make you can now become a channel member here: ruclips.net/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBogjoin
To summarize "all relationships have damaging lies and acts of horror so we should just pretend it doesn't happen" ?
Lol wtf 😒
School of life, you changed me into a very mature person. I love the way you explain complicated and sensitive subject in a clear, practical , fun way.
If you love me, as a follower of your channel, please tell me why are you taking many of your videos into "Private"?
@@RandomNullpointer what do you mean
@@spennny1000 I have many videos from The School of Life bookmarked, and when I try to view them I find some of them have been changed to be "Private" so they cannot be viewed by anyone other than the channel owner.
Everyone deserves privacy, but there is a thin line between a secret and a hidden lie
@@nehahahahahahah A hidden lie is something you know you should tell someone because it interests them. A secret does not necessarily share that property
@@nehahahahahahah lol
"I wish I'd had sex with that other woman"
"I wish I didn't have sex with that other woman, lol XD"
1st Take:
"My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier."
Yours sincerely,
Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook
2nd Take:
“My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.”
Decently yours,
Cardi B.
My Humble Take:
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way.
*The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell
*The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis
*Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe
*Men on Strike* by Helen Smith
*Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
*The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi
*The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar
Proverbs 31:3
Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
Isaiah 3:12
*Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
I think it comes down to, are you withholding the truth to protect your partner or to protect yourself. The BIG stuff like infidelity and financial trouble can’t apply to what the video is saying.
I think it comes down to, are you withholding the truth to protect your partner or to protect yourself? The BIG stuff like infidelity and financial trouble can’t apply to what the video is saying.
@Albert YK Chen the money thing. Sometimes I was afraid to tell my late wife when we were close to broke because I knew she would panic having grown up on welfare. But I was also saving myself of the add stress of handling her stress as well as my own.
@Albert YK Chen I’m interested in this, I wasn’t expecting this video to take this stance tbh and I can’t think of examples myself of things that are better hidden from our partners. Maybe I’m missing something, but I also can’t think of anything I’d want my partner to keep from me either.. :\
@@ThunderFortune it’s a complicated issue. Not as simplistic as the video suggests. In any relationship, partners need to understand each other’s ‘deal breaker’ event.
@@ThunderFortune the only example I can think of is me not telling my partner that I sometimes watch porn.
@Albert YK Chen a friend of mine snooped in her husband's text messages one day and found some disheartening comments about herself from her mother in law. The husband kept this a secret from my friend in order to protect her feelings. Ever since, my friend swore never to snoop in her husband's phone again.
Honestly if it were my mother in law badmouthing me to my husband - I would hope that my husband keep it from me.
I'm pretty sure keeping quiet about "where you spent last night" is NOT one of the acceptable lies in a relationship!
Thank you! I was wondering if it was me beeing radical.
Agreed, I got to that point and was like....wow school of life, tell me you’re a red flag without telling me you’re a red flag
This may be a hard point to accept but I do think we may have an over obsession with the Truth. Of course there are some areas where it's incredibly important not to have secrets but there are some occasions where the Truth may not be helpful or actually achieve anything.
I don't think that was the point that they were making... Maybe a bad example since it can easily be misunderstood, and because they don't explain and elaborate what their philosophy would mean or look like in that situation.
TY! Was hoping someone said it! 😂
It's been 4 years since meeting my husband, we're each other's person to go to. It's not easy to get to this level of trust, it takes time, understanding and so much compassion for yourself and the other person.
I admire this and wish i can find that for myself someday
@@wenmoves I truly wish every one finds that one person they can experience what we have 🧡
Don't get me wrong it's not perfect all the time but nothing better than feeling secure
Yes. It's time. It took my bf years to tell me a member of his squad (Marine) was blown to bits and that fell over his head in Iraq. He wasn't lying, he had his reasons for not sharing, and when he felt comfortable he did.
One needs to find the right person I think. It takes a lot to open up after you were hurt in the past.
A person who, in the name of honesty, is always sharing everything, even things that are hurtful and can not be forgotten;that person is not a friend of love.... Wow!
@@ayzalyohan yeah, me too...i used to think being honest equals love... But I think sometimes we need to give people a break.
Yeah this vid is stupid..
@@baselak5 I'm pretty sure they were serious
@@AliciaB. but make it make sense
@@baselak5 I don't think the video makes sense personally
My ex used to tell me of his one night stands when we were together, proclaiming that they are just biological and that the reason he's telling me is because he loves me and those sexcapades really mean nothing 🤷♀️ I never got mad at him for that but it always hurts me like hell. Thinking about it now, I guess he only really cared about clearing his conscience and didn't really considered how I'd feel. Oh well... good riddance.
That is a good observation. I think sometimes guys get so caught up in their feelings and guilt ridden that they feel better airing out their secrets, however, they dont ever stop to ask if it is really beneficial to do so. There are things I've told my wife that i wish I hadn't after being promoted by her to be "100% honest". Looking back, some of those things actually caused more damage than bonding and could have been safely unknown without being deceitful. I think there is a a certain level of honesty that people want when they express a desire for honesty, but no one really wants 100% honesty. Some things are better left unsaid as they say.
Well, if they considered how you'd feel it would not have happened to start with. Would you rather not know, or to know and find someone that would consider your feelings? I think they did the right thing to tell you, but it would have been better if there was nothing to tell to begin with. And I think you were right to leave, too.
All I took from that is that my husband was telling me I should divorce him and find someone better. I hope you did..
@@shanelawrence7438 exactly bro. U are the right one in this WHOLE thread.
My first ex would do something like this. Before we were in a relationship she'd tell me about her sex stories with other guys and her body count and such stuff. At the time i didn't understand why she told me this stuff so i ignored it because she was always high on drugs and alcohol and she was extremely talkative. Now thinking about it i think she told me this stuff to get me to have sex with her, i think she believed that talking about her sex stories with other men would somehow arouse me or something. It didn't though, it made me be more disgusted of sex honestly
I have a really hard time to accept that my boyfriend won't tell me everything. I am that person this video describes about around 2:15. I'm not proud of it but I find it really hard to not be like that ... and also to accept that my boyfriend isn't like that. I find honesty very important, can't stand people lying or hiding things from me because then it affects my trust in them, and I notice it most of the time anyway when something is wrong. And it's the same from my side that if I keep something from him I start to worry about it so much and just can't let it go until I've said what is on my mind. I just never learned healthy boundaries when it comes to this topic and I find it very hard to teach it myself
I think it's healthy to be uncomfortable with not being honest and wanting honesty and openness from a partner. You can find people to lie to you on the street what's the point in being in a relationship with them? What do you get out of it except maybe for "not being alone" but in my book you're still alone if someone can't be honest.
@@molchmolchmolchmolch I understand what you're saying. To me being honest and open with each other says that you feel so safe and so good with this person that you can say anything. It feels like I have to be honest and share everything to have a vulnerable connection and a good relationship. So that is the reason why I say everything... so my intentions are good but yeah I don´t know sometimes
Everything you just wrote is basically how I feel and think.
I like to believe I am not honest to a point where I hurt someone but if I am unhappy or struggling with something about my relationship, then I have to say something. I tried to not say anything but it made me more unhappy. I tend to bring up uncomfortable truths, a truth most people don't want to hear... I'm that brutally honest with myself too. I don't know how to feel about this, as I feel honesty is so refreshing and liberating but at the same time if it hurting people (although no one has ever said they were hurt by my honesty)... I need to learn how to be more dishonest.
@@AnnMTL I could not agree more with what you´re writing... at the same time I don´t want to be more dishonest. I don´t feel like that is healthy. But maybe that´s a wrong way of viewing it? I don´t know.. but it´s a dealbreaker for me if someone is not honest. It really hurts my trust, even when it comes to small things.
@@decockzoe I agree, I'm the same way, I find any lies to be hurtful, even small stuff. Do you ever feel like you have a built in lie detector? I always seem to be able to detect the smallest of lies and that's why I want to be honest with people...I need to figure out a way to balance it, to keep certain things to myself and yet also be honest.
It's impossible to be truly honest with a person. There is always a hidden space, something that you won't show completely to your partner. But at the same time you should be careful because the line between a silly secret and a big lie is sooooo thin.
this channel must have a hidden camrea in my room checking my life.............always have some relvent contents uploaded when i need them
Bro I’m sayinggg
Me three 😄
I mean, not this channel specifically but to be 100% honest with you, there are hidden cameras in your room/home that are at least *passively checking* your life by listening to you, monitoring your screens & using AI to predict your future moves.
@@goldmidwest Yes, can you imagine the unbearable harassment and stress of living under these conditions. I wish I knew what I was guilty of, the worst of my situation is the team follows me wherever I go. Yet it’s denied to my family members. Evilness beyond belief
It's hard to be 100% honest with highly emotional, social animals.
No one said it was gonna be easy 😅
@@jjutt87 It's close to impossible being 100% honest, thus people's hesitancy.
Are you 100% honest?
Very true
@@jimmytimmy3680 I try to be!
Na people just don’t know HOW to b honest. All about perspective fr
I would think about sharing things with my partner as if I were a kind relative. Rude relatives always want to know everything about your life, and they always want to butt in with their unkind opinions about you- telling you that true love requires “brutal honesty.” It shows that they are too focused on other’s lives than their own. It’s similar with your partner... if you’re always asking about details of how they spend their time, it means you have too much free time to think about it, rather than focusing on your own life. It means that the answer to your inquisitions has too much consequence on you and your quality of life- otherwise, why would you ask anyway? I know this because I used to be that partner who was too attached to my idea of how a relationship should be, rather than accepting the person and trusting them wholeheartedly. Detach from your expectations of how relationships should be, and see your mental health improve tremendously.
Very insightful.
I need to understand this more and reread it, but yes at a certain extent I do agree with you. I will learn a great deal from my new partner who doesn't reveal much to me at all. It's strange to me as I'm not like this and reveal all. In the end, I do get hurt by him not telling me everything. As I find out anyway or basically the whole lot that he didn't reveal. Then he tells some more to me way later down the track. I don't get why he didn't just tell me it all in the first place like a normal conversation. It's like he's restricted to tell me things sometimes and I'm not sure why. Very frustrating to me
would you feel the same way if your partner went out drinking and didn't come home till the next afternoon and went straight to the shower and refused to say anything to you would you still trust them wholeheartedly. if you say yes then I would have to think that you don't really love them.
Yes it is, for me I would like to tell them everything depending on how close we are (married etc..) But first and foremost I have a right to my privacy and everything about me doesnt belong to them. As long as its not something that would affect the relationship its okay. Some people have trauma they dont want to revisit with ANYONE or simply just random things that no one needs to know, and thats okay! ♥️
1st Take:
"My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier."
Yours sincerely,
Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook
2nd Take:
“My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.”
Decently yours,
Cardi B.
My Humble Take:
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way.
*The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell
*The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis
*Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe
*Men on Strike* by Helen Smith
*Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
*The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi
*The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar
Proverbs 31:3
Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
Isaiah 3:12
*Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
@@BG-sq7zf Not sure this has anything to do with the video or the topic but uh okay?
Also long as the trauma doesn't rear its head and spoil the relationship. Nobody's perfect but if we dont address our triggers and defuse them, then I feel no relationship is safe. Trust and understanding is the bedrock to any successful relationship I believe.
@@jjutt87 yes exactly! thats why I said as long as it doesnt affect the relationship.
@@BG-sq7zf I agree with the first two takes.
Keeping secrets is not bad at all. But hidden lies in disguise of secret is most perilous and poisonous (in a relationship specifically).
Only if they find out.
@@ghosttrain4118 What a sick, narcisistic way of looking at that.
Reminds me of Sartre and de Beauvoir's- all truth no matter how raw- relationship.
Well, see how that turned out.
More a fan of the relationship between Dali and Gala
I'm a fan of Kafka and Melina type relationships because it's relatable
Yes it is okay
Short answer
If it's something you've forgotten which you thought was unimportant, yes. If it's something you're actively trying to hide, then no.
This.
Depends tho. I always here the adage “i didnt think it mattered” when it fact really does for the other partner.
WELL SAID!
Not really. Some things are better unknown.
@@sadistichickpatt8309 Yes so true. Because at the end of the day it might very much matter for the person. It's frustrating when I don't get all the info at once from my partner. A common normal conversation and good communication can go a long way. And that's what I'm like. But he just reveals bits to me at a time. Before too long I fond out the rest from someone else and then it taints our relationship because he didn't just say things in the first place. When things don't mean much to some people, they mean everything to other's
There is virtue and nobility in politeness. Using social and emotional awareness together can really help in the long run.
I think everyone deserves privacy in any relationship, including with their spouse, partner, and family. In any relationship, you have the right to keep a part of your life secret,
What kinds of things do you think are acceptable to keep hidden then? I’m struggling with this concept..
@@ThunderFortune things that don’t directly affect the other person or your own future with yourself or them
@@ThunderFortuneThings that have nothing to do with you in particular and have no huge effect on the relationship. For example, past relationships and childhood traumas. You don't need to know those things if they aren't affecting the way your partner treats you.
If your partner is lying about where he/she was last night, and this channel suggests you just ignore it? Yeah, that's pretty weird advice. Love doesn't mean you have to let people walk all over you. A better topic would be when and why it's okay to keep secrets. Because, there are plenty of things one might be embarrassed about that have nothing to do with ethics. Like, sure, if you're a serial killer and you don't tell your spouse - that's a nasty betrayal of trust. That'd horrify any partner (unless they're also secretly killers). But, what about the last time you crapped your pants? Or tripped and bumped your head? Or a weird dream you had? Or a random encounter where you accidentally upset someone? These kinds of things don't have anything to do with immoral behavior, and we should all have the right to keep these secrets to our graves, in the interest of preserving dignity. One of the hardest things to preserve in any long-term relationship is dignity, and that's why no one should take on the role of grand inquisitor - up and until you find strong evidence that your partner is doing something immoral - stealing, cheating, hurting people, etc.
Yea this video did not sit well with me. My bf cheated on me and lied where he was and what he did that night. And this video suggests for me to ignore it? Like, what?! The first school of life video that disappointed me...
Totally feel like red flag
@@EchelonBizarre look at their videos about infidelity. I just unsubscribed since my ex was such alain de botton fanboy and he secretly fucking prostitute behind my back, and he gaslighted me saying I lack of compassion and my love should be unconditional
@@diaargh what the hell? I'm so sorry, girl.
@@diaargh sending love and safety. you will always deserves fucking better.
There comes a point where silence becomes betrayal
Have good thoughts about someone you love... And stop doing something evil behind their back that might harm them. So when it comes to your time to confess, it wouldn't be bad at all... But instead, it strengthens you.
Anyone who's willing to lie to keep someone caring about them or keep a relationship unchanged has no business being in a relationship. The minute you start doing this you're not in a relationship but using someone without their consent. They can't consent to something they don't know about.
Exactly!
Sometimes the truth will not set you free. Sometimes the generalities are all that is needed; no details. If she is great in bed - you know how she became good in bed so why even ask? If you have a past then expect the other person to have one as well. If this relates to being unfaithful leave the relationship before. Somethings that cannot be fixed, forgiven, or forgotten.
If you ever wonder if you can trust someone - you already know the answer.
If you can’t accept your partners history then that’s the issue not that they told you about it..
Yeah I feel like it's more important to know that history for the sake of TRUST for both parties. The partner who has cheated in another relationship needs to know that he/she is worthy of being trusted for their direct honesty and the other partner needs to know they can be actively honest.
There should not be a "you should have figured" clause in an agreement to have a relationship. Lack of communication doesn't just end relationships, it inhibits opportunities for both parties to grow. Aka if there are things that are "unsaid" then it must be clear that they can still be brought up and questioned if need be.
A lack of and professionalism, common decency, and absence of privacy to information, clearly a criminal offence.
I think it's important to judge whether or not sharing something is good for a relationship on an individual basis.
Some secrets may be better kept and others should be shared and that's something people would have to figure out based on what the secret is and how it might affect the relationship.
Some people use "honesty" for selfish reasons. But my take from also was that everyone deserves pieces of themselves they keep private. Even the best love relationship needs boundaries.
Very neatly put brother.
My problem is, that i need to be for 100% honest with everything, i need to tell my boyfriend every detail even i know that may hurt him.. i told my boyfriend about a mistake i made 3years before, he forgave me.. now that mistake popped out in my head and i want to tell him every detail.. i never cheated on him nor anything because he is the love of my life.. i made a mistake, he knows about it, but i feel anxiety if he doesn’t know even the smallest details.. am i wrong?
@@karinzajacova9929hi. I don't want to get armchair psychologisty cos I only know this specific aspect of your life. But if this is a prevalent behaviour its possible you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder such as OCD. Its very common for people with OCD to feel the need to confess mistakes to people, and even once a conflict is resolved, they will still find it difficult to move on
I was very afraid of watching this but this seems to me to be top 3 of all time school
this video described it perfectly. it's not with the intention of lying, but withholding truth if you know for sure that the truth, in the meantime, will be hurtful for either of u or both. usually it's about past trauma. i do that with my partner. if we're not ready to share something, we don't have to
The state of simply didn't notice is where we need to focus on, ultimately love is a selfless act.
No, we all this to be untrue, love is a mutual act.
All of these videos are so helpful. I’m finally starting to watch some and I find the works starting to pay off because I’m already of the mind of the message in some of the videos.
Thank your for all of the effort that is put into them!
I currently am grieving about a relationship because I decided to share something very personal to me in hopes they'd understand....I basically got ghosted. I push people away, always have. It's one of my biggest life's struggles and I opened up more about it only to be ignored and treated as if I'm a regular friend with barely any communication.
I'm really sorry you experienced that. It's not always going to go over well, and that's an unfortunate fact of life.
I'd advise that you seek out friends and company that can really accept and understand you and your struggles for what they are, because that's the only way you can really be secure in being honest about it all.
I'd also advise that going into your next relationship, be upfront about whatever it is sooner rather than later to find out if your partner is going to be willing to support you. They deserve to know what they're consenting to deal with, and you deserve to know that they love and respect you for who you actually are. It's better to be disliked for someone you are than accepted for someone you are not, and from the other person's point of view, we all have our boundaries on what we can and will deal with and what we can not. Everyone is entitled to that.
I wish you all the best on your journey and I hope that you find your crowd and have better luck next time.
If you don't have a partner, you don't have secrets to keep😁😁😁
Best of both worlds.
I'm always coming back to this channel. It seems like it is also keeping track of what's happening to me. It's quite creepy tbh
Shows how much it relates to so many of us. The channel just tells us how complex and fragile life is. Hope you're ok.
Amen
Enlightenment, creepy is for children, it’s all exterior events, it not me, it’s others actions.
I am very very confused.
Every time I start a relationship I claim for honesty and “clearness”. I can’t tolerate lies, “I rather prefer you tell me it first, than I find it out”
I broke up with my bf because I found he was subscribed to a dating app when I handed his phone. This really broke my heart.
He told me he liked to receive that notifications to feel “validated”
It was supposed we won’t hide anything that Can hurt us ):
Do I overreacted?
How can you identify the limit between a lie and a secret?
Personally, I do prefer hard truth, than find out lies. Truth hurts less.
You should understand that girls go through different life than boys when it comes to validation. You might not even realise it, that it has a hand in building your self esteem to know that you are desirable. Girls know it by daily life interactions where guys would hit on them. Most guys do not have that thing in life. Nobody hits on them on regular basis. I think you should have clarified in your mind, if he really desired validation or was he also speaking to folks behind your back. If it's all about validation he would not text with people he matched with.
There's an art to knowing the difference between politeness and hiding, with partners and all other loved ones.
I almost started a lovely relationship with an ex-date of mine from 2 years ago, this time around I was ready to be fully comitted. But in a moment of honesty I went ahead and ruined it by letting him know that two years ago when we first started, I was caught in-between him and someone else. He told me he wished I just never let him know that, let me out of his house, and ended the relationship we hadn't even started.
I thought I should out myself for being a cheater -- after all, I was a young arrogant adolescent back then who thought I could do whatever I wanted without hurting people's feelings. And I know I'm not that way anymore, so shouldn't I share it to "come clean" and "have a clean slate?" I guess not.
In the end, all that I left him with was a constant fear that he would be compared to someone else, when in fact now there was nobody else in my heart but him and that I really did learn and change from my ways two years ago. But I lost him because I chose to be honest about it.
I still sometimes think being honest was the right thing, but was it really right if I hurt him?
Honestly you _not_ saying that probably wouldn't have had an impact on your potential relationship going forward. It is definitely a sucky thing to hear. But perhaps there simply wasn't enough trust between you two for it to go over well, and it would have been ideal if you could talk things out. Would have been better than just getting hung up on one emotionally bad experience and not trying to see/work past it.
But he was also entitled to his emotions and that's how he chose to respond.
So ultimately maybe you could've gone without admitting it? Or admitting it a little later?
But I don't think the outcome of things is really your fault, nor did it have to be the end of the whole relationship, especially given that it was a past fact. I don't personally think he handled it in the most emotionally mature way. Just unfortunate.
It's better to end a relationship than be in the one full of lies. If you are living with someone who does not share with you the whole truth.....then you are living with a person who is just pretending to be someone he/she is not in reality. Also, we all must learn to be by ourselves in peace, even when we are in relationships. 🙂
Pretend you didn't notice...
yep, that's my whole life. I have a curse of noticing everything and have to pretend all the time in front of everyone
Sounds like you need to make a stand for yourself. They notice that you noticed and you not acting is giving them a free pass to keep going.
Please voice your boundaries and stand in for them.
Stonefinger has sound advice here!
This was absolutely amazing and giving so much positive energy and good jokes! Love the dark humor! Makes the heavy topics go down lot easier
Honesty and openness is the number one requirement in any relationship that goes beyond acquaintances. Bc lies and pretension I can get from any idiot on the street or at work or wherever. That's not hard to find. But I'm not interested in being superficial bc it looks prettier and is easier to handle. Are we saying adults are not able to handle honesty? Those that aren't shouldn't be in relationships but pay someone to tell them nice things only.
Agreed, but the purpose of dating is to select compatible mates, it’s a matter of being about to accept criticism or need affirmative as we are responsible for these actions ourselves.
If you can't be flawed with someone you love and decide to be selfish by hiding important truth just to protect yourself and pretending it's for the sake of love, then that's not love you are expressing. Hiding your feelings too is an issue because it can explode in an argument in less than friendly ways. Honesty and trust are the bedrock of true meaningful relation, especially love.
I think a lot of the comments here are misunderstanding the message.
I don’t think this video is about keeping secrets around things that are foundational to your relationship, like breaking the terms of your relationship, deceiving your partner, or feeling unhappy with your partner.
I think it’s more along the lines of being polite or maybe even a bit more silent about your thoughts and characteristics that are more likely to hurt your partner: like not unnecessarily bringing up to your partner that you don’t like their hair today, or best friend, or outfit, or not sharing what you really think about their nose, or maybe not describing past sexual experiences, or what you liked most about your most precious crush, for example.
Honesty requires introspection and vulnerability. It also requires maturity on the part of the listener. Most people lack the ability to hear that their actions, words, thoughts and ways of expressing themselves, has a negative affect on the people around them.
How would most people react or feel, if they were told that they are bad for someone’s progress and that they water down the persons ability? How would most people react if they were told, that they make it difficult for others to be their authentic selves?
The only time communication is key, is when there’s mutual understanding, respect and maturity. We’ve all heard of people who couldn’t handle a rejection or break up, despite seeing the signs.
Despite the communication, they find it difficult to accept the decision. The decision, however, was communicated. They find it difficult to accept the other as someone with autonomy and free will.
To pretend that people have the maturity to communicate and respect other peoples space and individuality, is far fetched. Many people don’t and can’t handle it.
Self restraint means I care...
Amazingly helpful and true! We misunderstand being honest with sharing all the time even hurtful things that would be better kept within ourselves ❤
Both truth and lie are necessary human's characteristics. Knowing and not knowing are essential.
This is an interesting perspective. I used to be very black and white and age and experiences have allowed me to become a bit more lenient. I guess withholding some info to avoid hurt or conflict might not be such bad idea depending on the circumstances. But there’s a fine line. When dishonesty and lies are the norm, well...I loose trust and I’m out.
Hm, this is the first video from this channel where I don't actually agree with forgetting about dishonesty.
I simply cannot! Probably because I just came out from an extremely toxic relationship where lying and manipulation were on a daily basis heard in that house
I agree.
There is a time i lied all my family, or even everyone around me. But now, I'm learning how to share with everybody.
We can't be 100% honest with our selves because it'll hurt same with others
I disagree with some of this. I'd much rather know than not know. Ya know?
And if my man doesn't want to know, I'll respect that boundary.
I'm with you on this, my view as always been; We can't decide what's important for anybody else.
If they ask and they want to know, you gotta respect that, if they say they don't want to know, respect that too.
Privacy is one thing, but never lie. It's really just as simple as saying you don't want to talk about it, or that it's private.
If they can't respect that simple of a request, then maybe they're not the one.
You’re looking at it from purely the lens of cheating.
Open up and see... why would I tell my partner that I don’t particularly like her makeup today? That serves no purpose than brutality. I rather tell her I admire her for trying new stuff and it looks good!
You don’t have to share everything. “Those who are always brutally honest end up being more brutal than honest”
@@TheRickyH I completely agree with you my friend. People are misunderstanding this video, only looking at it from the perspective of cheating. But the subject matter is much more deep than that, it’s talking about privacy, kindness and politeness. The idea of sharing absolutely everything to your partner, and sharing the truth about absolutely everything is a very toxic and possessive way of thinking. There are plenty of times where being honest is just brutally unnecessary. The video is not talking about cheating or hiding, but about developing a relationship where not everything has to be said, since it’s unnecessary and plenty of times, really hurtful and inconsiderate
@@NoTodoEsArte1 I agree that you shouldn't be inconsiderate and say dumb/hurtful shit outta left field, but I actually think if you politely say what you think its for the better.
If I don't like the color of a dress my (future) GF is wearing, I'm going to compliment something else that I like, if she asks me to comment on the dress I'll be honest and say that the color isn't my preference if there is something positive about the dress I will point that out aswell.
Reason I think this is the better way is that it shows her you are honest , even if it hurts her ego, you're honest and polite about it, and that makes her believe more when you say things that you truly mean, like how beautiful she is in your eyes.
It makes your words carry weight.
I agree
"Secrets" has a negative connotation. My spouse and I have a need-to-know policy. I don't need or want to know EV-ER-Y-THING and neither does he.
I want to be able to tell my partner EVERYTHING. And I will, once I reach a point of trust (marriage, for example). They probably will stay, but if they don’t then I will consider that marriage doomed to fail from the beginning.
More often than not when people say they are keeping secrets "for your own good", it's actually for their own good.
Unfortunately, it’s usually a self serving or self destructive situation, never to be life giving to either partner.
Sometimes the problem now is catching ourselves to really know what to say and what not to say, knowing if the things we'd say are loaded with expectations, ego or negative patterns.
For me bitter TRUTH is better than a beautiful LIE but since we are all after only beautiful things so it's only natural to lie a bit not to hurt our loved ones. But for me I would prefer the TRUTH regardless in order to be at peace with it or improve it for better.
In my opinion if it's gunna benefit the other person to hear it and you really believe what you're saying, you should say it. But if it's your opinion, express it as your opinion, don't express it as fact.
Yeah that’s more the point isn’t it. Just don’t be an asshole, and accept that people have differing opinions and views of the world. I feel like as long as you express yourself rationally and open mindedly then no amount of honesty is too much with a partner.
Business trips turned fun isn't honest when you committed. When you take time to focus on your own business it helps keep relationships strong💪🏾💪🏾
Striking and fluid animation. Well done.
Finding balance between honesty and politeness might be the answer :)
Lesson 101 of choosing the right care for yourself and your family
Lol it felt like it was to short 😂
They didn’t want to share too much !! 🤣
that is what she said.
@@user-hh2is9kg9j well I set that one up pretty well didn’t I 📺📝📄☕️
@@chrisdavidson6838 I felt like they just brought up the topic... I see they didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes. 😅
@@angelinasurreal 😅😂
I am no friend of love.
This video felt like it was expecting a second half. 💚
His voice is a bless to my ears! 😊
No.
Straight like that.
To the point... NOPE.
💯✔
While on this surface this seems like really good advice, even kind and loving advice, I think this video is not only wrong but tragically so.
Guy tells me "my friend who is a girl but not my girlfriend thinks I'm out of state right now" ... but then later be like "oh what do you not trust me?" No sir, no I do not.
Exactly as a guy I totally agree
The reality is no one can know everything about another person. No matter how much you think you know someone you NEVER will. I just feel this video is saying stop worrying about every little detail and trying to know everything. Just be. Everyone here is like just be honest and that us so fake. Are you honest about how many people you have slept with? Are you honest and open about all the details of foolish transgressions from your youth? Do you need to give an itinerary for your thoughts and movements of the day EVERYDAY? This is not love its control and a need to feel safe and secure... Its not noble at all its insecurities being pushed as connection.
The part at 2:45 was agreeable, to an extent, (based on whether you are more classical or more romantic) up until the words “or where you were last night,” because where people spend their time at night away from their partner could be a red flag 🚩 in regards to whether they are staying loyal, committed, and honest to one another. If they are not being loyal and honest then that needs to be discussed if the relationship is going to continue or not where both parties can neutrally and unbiasedly go over one another’s grievances in the relationship in the spirit of understanding, reconciliation, and teaching/learning how to love each other better. Yes boundaries are important. I believe privacy is important. I even believe lack of privacy will cause resentment and push towards negative behaviors being somewhat of a loner myself despite being in a relationship.
I’ve seen a lot between my parents relationship from screaming and shouting to rumoring about infidelity and carelessness in its regard. And those events have severely negatively impacted my way of thinking when it comes to my romantic relationship balance. Then add the unique personality and trauma of a partner and the challenge (as my partner puts it) or difficulty increases. Overall school of life has a wide and worldly perspective on the topics they discuss but I had to comment on this final phrase here. And I think many would agree that, if it does not breaks trust and causes suspicion that it at the VERY least causes worry for the other partner who presumably loves their significant other deeply.
And if not, then their presumably committed monogamous relationship is outside the norm at least.
If I ever get into relationship I would need a video encouraging me to open up.
This comment section is something special
🤣I’m doomed. Every time I come across this topic I know I’m doomed. Honesty is my center- lies make me miserable. lol I guess love is not for me. Good luck to you all.
@@ralfwashington1502 did you watch the video or fully read my comment in response to it? I said “honesty is my center,” how did you interpret as me having skeletons in my closet? I’m saying the opposite, and that apparently people can’t handle the extent of my honesty.
@@dlizzy3835 your comment didn't make sense at first since the video was saying be honest but nicely.
So you are the type to not filter anything and then the raw truth makes them run away? I know the type and understand now. Nevermind
@@ralfwashington1502 eww 😷 wrong again. You’re a very presumptuous person. Move along...
@@ralfwashington1502 btw you should rewatch the video they’re definitely advocating for occasional lying as an act of compassion.
And ignoring when it’s done to you.
My favorite is people that are cruel and brutally honest in conversation but then lie about cheating etc.
You have strange taste in people.
*I hope you will achieve your life goals!!*
Adding specific examples would've really helped... Right now this just sounds like complete nonsense. 'To form a sincere relationship with your partner, share your secrets with them, but also, don't'' ?? I just can't think of a secret that would hurt the other if revealed but doesn't matter enough that it constitutes a lie. (unless it puts them in mortal danger or something)
If it's a traumatic memory that's too painful to be shared, one can simply tell their partner just that. It's not keeping a secret, just not going into the details - though I think it's healthy to be willing to open up progressively. If it's a negative opinion one has about something their partner holds dear, it's better to tell them the truth even if it hurts, even if it ends the relationship (hell, it was built on a deception anyway).
I disagree with the idea that love is about avoiding hurting the other in ALL SITUATIONS. That's politeness, and they're not the same thing. If you're married/in a long-term relationship it's logical to want to discover every aspect of your partner's personality (over time), or else you don't really believe in it.
Humans desire to know every aspect of their mate yet that is an impossibility. You will never fully know anyone, you can't possibly know everything every thought and why would you want to? What makes you long to know is fear and control. I totally understand this video. I don't need to know everything that my boyfriend thinks or does and I don't try to. We are connected on a deep level and I don't worry about if he tells me what he had for lunch or even who he went to lunch with. He is a free and responsible adult capable of accepting the consequences of his actions. So I free my mind from worry and have no desire to control his movements or interactions. He is free to do what he wants and he is free to share all the details, some, or none. Just as I am free to choose what I want and what I will accept. You don't have the right to the wgole someone's thoughts... and it's foolish to think so
@@juandellp7425 I said every aspect of their personality not every thought or action ! Obviously you can't dowload a complete file or their whole brain activity since they were born, I'm not that stupid !
What makes me want to know the person as well as possible is a desire for trust, honesty and franchise, and tbh they're exactly the opposite of fear and control.
You have a deep connection w/ your boyfriend, great, I'm pretty sure you don't get there by keeping secrets from your partner.
Also, I never said that one had an obligation to tell their partner everything they want to know, or that it's okay to force them or whatever, just that if you conciously decide to NEVER share a significant fact about yourself (ie smthing that affects your personality & the way you interact w/others), or lie about it, that's in no way a healthy or loving behaviour.
The one I loved most of all, used that love against me in the most cruelly manipulative and withholding manner. He touted his love of honesty and chose to lie instead by omitting the key information on the most important things. Because he's a hollow husk, a counterfeit of the guy he tailor made especially for me to get yet another person in his rotation. Because we all are here solely to engender him with the qualities that make a person of fine character. All by proxy. Because without a conscience, heart, or any real values, to which a person builds upon throughout their life...... Creating their personal character and their collective truths.....
Without those core fundamentals..... An "empty husk" is what it be.
There is a major difference between secrets and privacy.
You means secrets and public humiliation. 🌍
I what situation is it okay to keep secrets exactly?? I feel like if you can’t be complete honest with someone then the relationship isn’t a safe space for your feelings. If you have information that will hurt someone, people generally still would rather you tell them. How can they ever fully trust what you’re telling them otherwise?
No one needs to know my entire childhood or history or every mental struggle that I go through or every bad day that I have in order to know me as a person. They don't need to know every detail about my order history, or what kinds of conversations I have with my mom. And I don't have to tell my partner every single little thing that annoys me about them, every bad incident we've had that upset me, or that some days I very briefly think of giving up on us due to stress.
We all need space to deal with our own trials and be our own person without being dependent.
Now, I can _totally_ choose to talk about most of the aforementioned if I'd like to, but I don't _always_ have to. If me _not_ being honest is causing me to treat my partner differently though, or causing me to bottle up frustration, then it's healthy to communicate about it so we can work through the challenge together. If I'm withholding something that would fundamentally change the basis of our relationship, or the amount of trust we can have with eachother (e.g. cheating), or the way my partner sees me and the person they have consented to sticking by and being there for, that's an absolute no-no.
It's very essential to be upfront about what kind of facts could potentially be deal-breakers and where we can have space to be our own person early on, so that we don't accidentally love based on a lie or hide harmful secrets in the name of protecting feelings. The most important thing is being able to be honest where it really counts, like you alluded to.
I dunno man. A romantic partner is an irreplaceable companion who you made a deal to be honest and open about things that has or may have an effect on your relationship. But things that do not directly effect the relationship and the bound of trust regarding loyalty is personal. You dont have to share things that you prefer to keep for yourself. I mean yeah, if some girl kissed me in a bar or whatever, gf needs to know. But she does not need to know of things i feel ashamed of in my personal life. Forcing someone to open themselves a hundred percent is despotic behavior. That is something that is desired to be achieved, not forced with guilt trip.
Beautiful explanation ☺️
You’re 100% right and I hate it
People forget what he says on a video doesn't go alone.... Everything he said in this video is connected with every other video he has made. "DONT TELL EVERYTHING" comes along with "be truthful to yourself and a nice person" Lol if you found that offensive, you might not be as much of a good person then you thought you were
Depends on what the secret is and it's implications on the relationship.
I believe there is a question to ask of one’s self before declaring some truths to those we love. That is, does the hearer benefit from this new knowledge or truth? If the hearer has no obvious benefit, then why must they know. Perhaps there is a good reason and they may need to take some burden, but if it is just about the teller being unburdened, or solidifying their place as the one with the knowledge.....it becomes hard to justify this sharing of truth.
I believe that love, is in spite of, not because of. Love endures in spite of our knowing or being known deeply, with all our faults and quirks, and not because of being rich, smart, funny etc.
Thank you for this channel!
One should not lie, but there is no need to disclose everything. Ultimately, if it is not conducive to the relationship, it is best not said.
It's a moral decision and a lot of the people who are completely real, most people are attracted to, and not just in a relationship but with popular people in our culture. Joe Rogan for instance is one personality type that everyone says is NO B.S. and straight up with everyone.
But great video, agreed thank you.
It's actually scary how many people I know tell their significant others the raw truth about everything, even though it means being brutally honest and hurting their lovers' feelings in the process...all in the name of 'honesty in the relationship'.
Honesty should not be used as an excuse to say/do hurtful or indecent things.
Would you rather your partner tell the truth, or live your whole life wondering what they really think about you.
@@lzrrrrr3370 I'd rather they learn what my insecurities are and be considerate about my feelings. I'd try to do the same.
For example, if you're dating a short person and you know they're insecure about their hight, don't keep telling them how you find all the taller people in the world attractive. If you're dating an introvert, don't keep complaining about how they like to stay mostly indoors and how you'd rather be outside partying with other people. If these things are deal breakers for you, you're hurting both of you by staying in the relationship and saying those things. Since you 'chose' to be in a relationship with the short or introvert person, you have no right to make them feel bad about themselves by being 'completely honest' with your partner.
I'm honest but not to the point if it can hurt them, so protecting their feelings out weights pure honesty/truthfulness. Because the truth hurts
Yes, in some cases...but don’t tell them that.
Graphic designer deserves more credit to these videos than content creator
I do keep Christmas, birthday and anniversary gifts a secret but outside of that I’m very open
Lol yes finally an example of secret keeping I agree with. Other than that though I don’t feel like there should be any part of your true self you can’t share with your partner. If that causes them pain then why are they with you.
@@ThunderFortune because you were denied access to legal services. Ask Canada Human Rights Toronto
Well ,i see things more clear now
I'm the honest person I know ,i truly don't know how to lie (i never have to learn this skill even if my life could me so much more easy ..) but I can't hide things from my partner....i never was that kind of person ,i never want to know that my partner has secrets ...i am open enough and kind enough to understand any desire so ...my relationship honesty, kindness, forgiveness and time is everything
I feel so relieved that I don't need to hide /lie or have boundaries with my partner ..I recomand this kind of relationships to everyone (at least one month )
The things with my bf is he won’t share all bad stuff happen to him, as per him, “I don’t want to make you worry” He will act everything is fine. Which worry me more… not knowing what is really reason behind. It hard for me to understand him and comfort him. I think all the possibilities things that might happen and mostly always negative thoughts. Which does mess me up.. I do keep telling him, I want to embrace all of it. I want him to tell me everything rather I find same information from someone else. He is loving and caring and has been with me for decade. This habit of him is really bothering me a lot.
The thing is nothing can be hide forever. It always come out one way or another. I rather it be him tn someone else. If I know from someone else, the truth not only hurt but I feel like fool and been keep in dark. I will question wr I stand in your life.
I disagree. If you are truly in love with each other, you will tell your partner the truth - in a comforting way. After all, honesty doesn’t mean saying whatever comes to mind ;) .
Being honest is the only way to build a real relationship: with another person and with yourself.
And questions shouldn't be asked if that person doesn't want an answer. Like do you like this dress on me? You can't say no it makes you look fat but if you think it isn't good you should be able to careful state I don't think it's for you AND the person shouldn't over react since they asked to start with.
@@ralfwashington1502 who asks their partner if they approve of their clothing? It’s trivial, and has nothing to do with love.
Man I needed to hear this. Thank you so much!
I think this channel will save many relationships 😊
lost a relationship recently partly because of this. I figured the only way to fully respect the person was to be always truthful about important things. I tried very hard to always disclose truth. Dont do that. Does NOT work out well despite tons of effort and it leaves you feeling dumb for being truthful.
I think you're getting something wrong here - it's still the other persons decision what to do with the truth. It is their right to say this is not ok for me. You don't get to decide what someone is and isn't ok with. If you can only keep them by lying to them you have no right to be with them at all.
@@molchmolchmolchmolch Oh wow this ia great insight thank you.
Being aware of the 'intention' of whether to tell or not to tell...therein lies the crux.
My husband and I haven’t really discussed how many partners we have had. It’s not a lie. It’s just a question neither of us wants to know the answer to. We are happy with out that info.
Don’t you think that’s maybe more a reflection of both your insecurities rather than you wanting stuff to be kept secret from each other?
@@ThunderFortune Honestly if they're cool with that and that's how it works for them, that's fine. Not having that information isn't really going to impact that relationship in any way and nobody is actively trying to hide it for some hidden motive. They're just free to have that space and mutually agree to having it.
please post videos on sociology, history, political science, economics, english literature
etc
I think it's alright to not sweat the small stuff and to not reveal every. single. thought. you have to your partner, but it is completely wrong to keep big secrets (like infidelity, a job loss, a dangerous family member, criminal past) from a partner. I guess you just have to ask yourself, would you want your partner to hide those things from YOU?
Who would want anyone to hide anything from them? Especialy in a long term relationship.
@@lzrrrrr3370 I mean that the small stuff is not important to confess, like a hobby, interest or preference in something. We never tell our entire life story on the first date anyway, things unfold over time. I guess I should have worded it better: if you actively have to "keep" something other than a surprise, then there's probably a problem