Coworkers Are NOT Your Friends - Reasons Why
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- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2021
- Coworkers Are NOT Your Friends - Understand Reasons Why Colleagues are NOT friends. So many of us make this same mistake of confusing colleagues for friends at some point. The truth is that there are no real friends at work! Yes, being professional means being open and friendly, but it doesn’t mean that everyone is your friend. Does that mean we can’t make friends at work? Not exactly! We might make friends in the workplace, but since the majority of us don’t know what are the boundaries that need to be set for a professional relationship, our potential friendships eventually backfire. Even if we go to lunch with our colleagues, we exchange holiday greetings, we share fun moments together, this is very far from what a real friendship is about. Because if you take “work” out of the equation, you would probably never have to speak to them again.
In this video I’ll share the reasons WHY coworkers are not your friends and stick with me till the end for 4 RULES on building healthy relationships with your co-workers, so these relationships won’t damage you in the long run!
Years ago hearing “coworkers are not your friends” would have probably not been taken seriously by me. I was convinced that I was building friendships at work, it also seemed to make the work environment much more enjoyable. But can we really build friendships at work? We might, but that’s not what happens in the 99% of cases. Just like at school, university or work, all these are people brought together by circumstances. And it’s easy to confuse these circumstantial relationships with friendships. Especially if these lack any boundaries and if these seem convenient to both. At most, I would suggest using the term: “situational friends” to describe them. But don’t overestimate the importance of these “situational friendships”.
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I am Marat from EMMOTION, myemmotion.com, Recruitment and Career Services Agency, look me up on LinkedIn. On this channel I train and coach you to ace your job interviews fast, to gain confidence as a professional and learn how to deal with corporate politics, being a better person yourself first.
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#coworkersarenotyourfriends #coworkersfriends #toxicboss #emmotionbymarat #officepolitics #careeradvice
Please, watch the video first before judging! :) Making friends at work IS possible, but you need to make sure the workplace boundaries are set right from the start. What has been your experience with work friendships?
I don't know why some criticise you for telling the truth
I think only ex coworkers can be my friends
@@ispeakmandarin Yes its the easiest
I specifically don't trust young women at the workplace; they know they can more easily manipulate the system as a weapon in our progressive society.
One of my work friends turned into my husband. And there are several instances of this at my workplace.
PS - This happened to me twice!
Never trust the words, "we're a family here".
Yes!
OMG I wish jobs would stop saying that because that's basically saying we are untrustworthy & have no privacy
Yes and no….. I worked in a hospital.. I lost half my friends and the other half and I are still friends til this day!
Yes
That's saying the most double faced people
Some workplaces are so toxic that even if you do stay out of the gossip and stay neutral, people will gossip about you simply because you don't gossip as if there's something wrong with you lol
or if you don't talk about yourself they will think you act sus cause you only listen and never say anything about yourself.
Its not that easy to survive workplace politics 😂 Lots of homework and practice needed ... No one stop solution exists for it ...
Be fake nice this is what I’m learning to do
@@ayuanabradford3206 yea, but I am sick to use fake smile when I hear again stories I am not interested at all! Every single day listen to stores about: what colour of poo babies have, what cartoon they watch, what series on Netflix they watch, what they do with families etc... it's an IT company, we have a lot of tech stuff to do at work.
@@Daria-og4flno clue this would be seen as an issue. Thanks for the enlightenment
My grandmother was in finance. “Coworkers are SILENT ENEMIES” Absolutely
The culture at my workplace is: where everyone is unprofessional and they see you being professional is classified as weird.
You come to work to actually work. Yes that is weird.
You're making an effort? That should be cherished, not frowned upon...but I have been at workplaces like that. I moved on...
Omgoodness
True.. If you are smart and clever then you will become enemy for everyone
Totally understand
Nobody at work is your friend. Do your job. Collect the check. Go home. Be friendly and kind, but keep them at an arms length
Yes preach yes preach drama starters not shy just stay away
This is exactly it! ❤
Yup!!!
Exactly
That's on 💯‼️
You are essentially forgotten the minute you walk out the door for the last time.
It's like you were never there at all. I know.
Sometimes
Yep so very true ❤
This will not be true when I retire my job at UPS which I been there for 16 years..... And won't be true whenever I do decide to leave Walmart.
I have seen a lot of people come and go. I remember several people no longer there. Why would it be different for me???
Unless you poo in your colleagues draw
Famous last works when you leave - We'll miss you and we'll definitely stay in touch. You'll never see or even hear from them again.
Oh, you will. At least at first. Then, the texts or calls start becoming less and less frequent as the months go by. You might get a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, but after that, everyone just goes on with their lives and their work. That's how it is.
I wish I had realized this when I was younger. It's more important to have great colleagues than so-called "great friends" at the workplace. A real friendship can possibly develop over time, but don't seek it.
Even friends aren’t really friends sometimes, let alone some strangers at the office.
Absolutely 💯💯 Aquarius Team!😎💕👍
@@rosebrazil3241 BRICK SQUAAAD
@@Stress_._Free 🙏😎🌹
@aquarius2284 Well said. And that goes for neighbors, church members, and even family. Many acquaintances; few friends. Friend meaning someone who supports you and will not betray you. 💙💙💙🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾👍🏾🤟🏾😊😇🥰
Except Jesus. He's always our friend.
I've had to learn that the workplace can be more ruthless than the streets. Which can be very disheartening when you're a genuine person who's not into playing workplace politics.
So true ha ha
Indeed😊
...and dirty games...
You are right. It’s not about all the bullshit that keep throwing in our face: work harder, bla bla. It’s all about politics & connections. Not really about professionalism.
There're always evil people at workplace. Don't trust any of them.
I needed to hear this 35 years ago. You speak the truth ! Be careful with the people you work with. Some people are so cruel. I lost a wonderful career because of envious greedy co - workers. I could have avoided it if I would have kept my plans and opinions to myself.
It just happen to me 😢
Pray for me.
Just happened to me as well. Barely knew the person.
I just started a new job and the people there are so mean. The mngr told me she has people watching others and they will rat on you. That immediately gave me a bad sense of the environment that awaits me. I am sticking to myself. Only been there one week and already I have been told I don't talk much, got backlash for saying good morning to one coworker, and almost got sent home by the asst mngr because I wasn't wearing a business logo shirt on Friday (I don't even have one yet) I'm in constant worry about the work environment. I don't know what awaits me for this coming week.
@@rosesarered3904please tell me you’re looking for a new job
@@rosesarered3904”got backlash for saying good morning”
hand in ur resignation it’s not worth it as long as you’re there u will be surrounded by miserable people who make u miserable
My sister in law was friend with a co worker and did so many favors for her. Give expensive gifts for her child's birthday. And shared everything to her in friendly conversations. But during the time of getting a promotion they both had chance to get promoted. At that time she cheated my sister for having promotion. my sister was working two jobs. Her friend report this the manager and my sister got fired and that bit*h got promotion.
This is the world we are living.
Your sister is mad because she got caught breaking the rules? I have a dream...that one day... women will take accountability for their mistakes.
@@pearlsswinewow.. 😮😅
@@pearlsswine if you are forced into the same situation of having to work two jobs, just until you get the promotion you deserve, are you going to take 'accountability' for undermining yourself and reporting it to the boss and getting yourself fired?
The more important issue here is the other person being a snitch, using petty tactics to betray her colleague in order to get ahead. This is the reason there is complete societal breakdown, we have gone from a high trust to low trust society. Just like in COVID, when people were told to rat on other people for following arbitrary, inhumane mandates.
@@pearlsswine your workplace will break rules all the time, rules that are there to protect you.
Its good to be "friends" superficially with your coworkers but don't get too personal. People can and will switch up on you fast so be careful about what you reveal 💯
I better start changing now 🙊
I am learning this right now and it makes me feel so dumb
Friendship as well
@@pinkforeverlove1 It’s ok, like he said in the beginning…we ALL have made this mistake. It’s ok.
@@pinkforeverlove1 Im barely learning this as well. They all showed their true colors this year and I really regret opening up to them
There was a time in America when you could make friends at work and they would have your back. My parents and grandparents generation were like that. Nowadays, coworkers are really closer to enemies than anything else. The toxicity is real.
Sorry but the livelihood is more important. I want that promotion and I'll continue watching the coworkers who are also on the candidate list for promotion like a hawk. Just the way it is and it will not get better.
I'm not at the workplace to make friends. You are not at the workplace to make friends. The workplace in general is not the place to make friends. It's something we all must do in order to survive. Why is this such a hard concept to understand.
@@drakecarter1780😂outta pocket
@@drakecarter1780 we dont have to become enemies at least
And capitalism sure put oil on the fire to stress coworkers that you are each others competitors, so u turn against each other or elbow ur way for a better position.
I dont understand why we cabt co-operate & wirk together towards the sane goal, surely that would benefit everyone.
Yes mentality was different before, there was still humanity at large & ppl were in this together, they bled together, so it made them closer
@UniqueGeekFreak only one person will get that raise though. Wake up.
@@drakecarter1780 i am awake thank you
And i dont care about a raise.
I care about having peace while im working so I can feel good & happy with what im doing, that means bloody behave dont be a prick just because you can at work, ur a damn grown up.
The raise will go to the boss' pet or someone they can use or do the dirty work for them.
I am aware that the world is upside down & based on ego, greed & injustice
I became friends with someone at work recently. We used to see each other on some weekends. It was great until yes until a woman at work decided to bully me and my friend took her side. Our friendship died there and then. Be careful but you know what sometimes you just don't know.
I second you. Be really careful.
I have made friends I have worked with. We are still friends today 30 years later. The best of friends
I only have one.
It's easy to confuse the two because you see them every day. Kinda know them to a degree, sometimes you really enjoy their company.
But once you quit or get fired, they'll forget you in a week.
It's different for your generation and for ours
Different times
There are exceptions to the rule as you have demonstrated...im the same, I have just a couple of good friends.made though work...but generally im not looking to make friends at work..I like to draw clear boundaries
Same here. I’ve stayed friends with people I’ve worked with in multiple places. Perhaps that’s an Irish thing more than an age thing, in all my jobs we socialised a lot outside the office and attended weddings and funerals together etc.
So true. Worse is when the employer says the company or department is a family.
I heard someone say that in a TV documentary about our national health service in the UK. 'It's just one big happy family, but if someone in it doesn't function...' I can imagine, they don't last long. The idea of a family where they function like machines, horrible.
Omg i hate that when people say at a workplace “we are family” ….uh no we are not.
Lol that’s what my supervisor said!!! To all my coworkers it was RED FLAG TO ME then months later i left the company… now. I’m working for my self.
😂😂😂😂 I’m like NOT my family 😂
Family my ass. More like a lion’s den
Don't add ur co workers on social media don't talk about ur personal life with anyone. Stuff spreads like fire
Uncontrollable fire 🔥
Yup! I don’t even eat lunch with them lol.
Personal life should not be spoken to anyone not just coworkers
But genuine life advice question: is it okay to make friends outside of work? Or are you saying NEVER get close to people but i guess you should get to know people before getting "close" with them
I don't care about my personal life and anyone knowing lol
Had a "friend" in work that I was close to. We went out for beers every Friday after work. He recently got a better job and moved on. Haven't heard from him since. This video is the truth.
Very true, especially when they see you become better than them,they create drama to frustrate you. Staying away from them is the best option. Be colleagues but, not friends..
My biggest job mistake was over sharing. That is definitely something that I need to work on for my future job.
Boko Haram
Boko Haram can't be any friend
Never over share anything because everyone talks
Did you even share your bed?
True. Even i took my then colleague to my home and had food. 1 year later he became my boss shut me down in everyway he could.
I always see my coworkers chilling and laughing it up together and I'm always working on my own on my side. The next day I see that same group of co-workers throw someone of that same group under the bus for something insignificant and gets written up. I was just fine keeping to myself and I'll stay that way.
God it sounds like a day at my job they get to relax all day and I get to work hopefully we all find something better in the future
I took two co-workers out for lunch and paid for their food. Both of them never thanked me for the free meal. I learn my lesson. Co-workers aren't your friends.
@@LaoSoftware 😂😂 you should have started with free tea. Direct free food
@@LaoSoftware Who tf gives free food to colleagues ,
Don’t lie. It didn’t happen the next day
Absolutely... co-workers rarely, if ever, become lifelong trusted friends, at least from personal experience. None of my ex-colleagues bothered to stay in touch, even if I reached out to them regularly. The only time they do is to ask me for a favour, or a job referral, or an introduction to work contact. As I got older, I stopped wasting my time on social gatherings with colleagues.
Definitely needed this video today. Everyone at my warehouse job is backstabbing, full of contempt and deceitful. Friends talking shit about friends (not in a bantering way), bitter coworkers bringing personal lives to work (shaming their husbands/wives), and slander against other coworkers.
It's like high school all over again. Some people never grow up and it shows.
I retired after 25 years and I thought my fellow coworkers were my forever friends. I occasionally will call and at first they answered the phone. After about a couple of weeks my calls were never answered and the phone calls to me stopped. I was no longer invited to parties where I once spent most of the time with my friends. 10 years later I no longer associate with them.
that is probably a very common scenario.
We're they jealous? Did you get a promotion or have a good rapport with high level mangers?
I had a 45 year career. 20 of these years were at a famous oil company where I thought I had good friends. Several of us of us married coworkers so we had what could be considered almost family relationships with some of the people. I'm Facebook friends with maybe 10 of those people. Like the video says there are times when you really believe these people are your friends. Now that some time has passed, and I've seen that these people are really not solid friends, so, I'm seriously thinking about unfriending most of them.
@@speakbulgarian they had to do it so that there is a pseudo family relationships within workplace for easy macro managing and they still have control of their people. Perhaps it was arranged by the Human Resources department or top management. ☺️🫣
@@speakbulgarian 😉
My biggest career mistake was making friends with coworkers!!!
Same I just get so lonely and depressed, going to work takes up most of my life and I don’t enjoy it regardless of where I go so I need to have some friendly interaction and banter to not hang myself lol
Dating co worker is the nuclear option
I thought a girl at work liked me but she used me.. I thought about asking her out but I decided to stay away
Been in the company for 3 months...hmm so I will consider this again
same
I learned this the hard way.... Took me years to get this wrap around my head and after getting betrayed and to some extent behind disrespected I realize I need to work on my social skills and try to make "true friends" outside of work.
My life was destroyed by a co worker I used to call a friend, to this day false rumors that was created by her a year ago still follows me.
Smh
Stay positive. Speak positively. Focus on doing the job well. Keep work and home separate. Don't talk about politics. Focus on work. Do not ever talk about your problems. You are there to work.
Politics and religion don't belong there
You are there to make MONEY
I actually have fun at work even though it's a crappy job. After eight hours a day I'm completely free
Are you giving advice or reading from chapter one from your job's current policy handbook?
@@chansouvannarath3789 Neither does the PRIDE shit in public schools but it's there.
The only person I considered my friend for 24 years was s coworker. I got promoted and got a big raise. I was so excited about it that I told him everything. I did not notice he was jealous about it because we continued being “friends”. 4 years later I heard that he called HR office to complain about me for things I did not do to try to get me fired.
That's exactly the type of things which I was making a reference to. And it feels like all those years of friendship meant nothing to them.
So much jealousy at work which I didn't care about until I realized that they will actively work to destroy you. It can be something as simple (or stupid) as that you have a good relationship with your dad and the offended coworker did not get along with his/her dad.
You should've kicked his ass it would improve his character start off by saying I'm going to do what your daddy should of done to you long ago boyyyyy and then proceed by knocking them on his ass no cops no lawyer like a real man
Happened to me too. There are no friends at work. Seriously true.
man, that's terrible. I'm glad I'm starting to see how things can get bad. I've always had great coworkers, but one of them start getting jealous of me... I don't understand why anyone would want to be jealous of anyone.... I now have to be careful of people like this. It's a sad reality I have to remind myself.
True. I had tons of "friends at work" that once they left the job never talked to me again.
Listen to this guy - it will save you from incredible heartache.
Sadly I do have to agree with this too
This is so true. It’s fine to be cordial and friendly but don’t trust them! They will spy and and rat you out without hesitation. I don’t get emotionally attached to any coworkers.
So so true
eventually they won't care about you
What a sad world it has become
I considered work a battlefield. Reading "The Art of War" really helped in how to deal with it.
So true!
That's why I have never talked about my personal problems with co-workers. Co-workers will use it against you with half truths and lies.
Of course not all of they might, but you’d still be exposing yourself to those who would.
BOOM say it
TRUE
Aint that some truth. And when ur quiet and dont wanma converse they ask “whats wrong, are u mad?” Lol
@@Folkintherye yes, or they think you're "stuck up". LOL - you can't win that much I've found out. I have a neighbor who gets everybody's phone number. She texts and calls everybody and gossips and lies on one to the other. She loves drama and if it weren't for using other people's lives as her gossip material, she'd have nothing in her life. I cut her off three years ago. People like that are very dangerous because you never know what they're doing behind your back. Every time I saw her, she was either asking nosey questions, trying to tell me what to do, threatening me, bullying me, showing up on my doorstep unannounced demanding we work for her for free, etc.
Worked in an office all my life until COVID. I work alone now from home. I don't have co workers. Best thing that ever happened to me. People in the workplace are generally toxic and not to be trusted. However its hard to keep your distance because they will not leave you alone to get on with the job!
Damn right, I’ve always told people I’m not at work to make friends I’m here to do my job and go home. If you don’t like me then leave me alone. I’ll be friendly to a point but that’s it. We are there to do our job, that’s it.
You do a job that you invented your self ? Or you work for other entreprenourships?
@@Potencyfunctionwhat’s that matter?
People don’t like hearing this, but it’s true. I do HR and the amount of “friends” in the office that submit complaints about each other is extremely high. They have no problem trying to get you fired, and for the pettiest things.
That’s exactly what I meant. You witness the “unseen” part of work-friends’ interaction and it’s eye opening on many levels.
Yes I am witnessing this currently and it has been so strange to witness. People seem to be so toxic for no apparent reason. I now tend to self isolate
@@MJ-qb5ph
Most people are so disingenuous it's crazy
I have experienced toxicity at work, was always friendly and helpful. New colleague started, so did the bullying and her accusations about me (but she said she liked me,!). Had to prove to my manager what I do because of her accusations. Guess what, manager realised I was a good worker. Damage done. No longer enjoy my job, but only have a year to go until I retire
@@alisontaylor7236
This is why I keep my guard up at work, you don't know who to trust & most colleagues aren't your friends
This is so true. I'm 50 years old. Started with my first company out of college in 1996 as a 23 yr old. Quickly made a bunch of other young "friends," got caught up in daily office gossip and eventually got emotionally burned by several "friends." Early lesson that sticks with me to this day. In my case my real friends are all the ones I have since childhood. However I will say that I am lucky to have made one life long friend in my later years. A dude I ended up becoming very close and even best man at his wedding. But that's it, after 27 years just ONE friend! In fact I recently got fired a few years ago from my last company after 16 years...and not ONE person has ever made contact with me since I left.
That just happened to me. Been there for 11 years. No one contacted me when I was terminated. Sent my belongings to my house by currior. I just live 10 minutes away Shows what a toxic environment it really was. I have to remember things happen for a reason.
It’s a difficult pill to swallow when you are young.. the idea that we spend so much of your time( which is limited) in the workplace and knowing that no one really cares about you or each other.. most co workers who want to spend time out of work are usually just bored and will not reach out otherwise.. that’s just the reality
The moral of the story is don't get emotionally attached to job's or co workers.
@@suzycatipiller821 I am sorry that happened to you. I agree with you, and a friend told me "sometimes a door closes to protect you." I have experienced what happened to you.
After 20+years of work I'm just now learning this. It is painful. I'm introverted, so it is nice when you and a coworker get along. When my role was eliminated last year, it was surprising who from the company was helpful and who was not. In the end, it was second- and third-level contacts on LinkedIn who helped me the most in transitioning to a new job at a new company. Also, as I've been watching more RUclips videos about retirement, I'm noticing a common theme that people thought they had good relationships with colleagues and thought they were good friends and would stay in contact but in reality don't. Former colleagues go quiet on them. This is just all so sad.
That is exactly right. The perfect test? If they don't want to do anything with you outside of work. Amiability and texting are acceptable coworker behaviors, but if it's not full blown one on one time, you're not real friends.
Repeat after me: If you see your colleagues as friends, you have serious relational issues.
Your colleagues are your colleagues,
Your friends are your friends,
Your family is your family.
Mixing these things up indicates serious relational problems.
I’ve found out the coworkers would gossip about me anyway. They didn’t have any personal info about me but they still made things up.
Making up things about people is vicious and cruel. Definitely not cool and not a good environment to be in.
That's what IYE deal with!!
@@myemmotion Had that happen to me. What would one do in that situation?
@@PaperBagMan884 I would say to keep doing your thing, work hard and go home. If you must, document all the bs that you hear and who said it to you, write down the times and days they said it too. Don’t let anyone know you’re doing it though.
@@Blaquebarbgamer Good advice 📝 ✅
Coworkers are especially not your friends when it comes to layoffs. It's every man for himself when layoffs happen.
Or someone getting fired or promoted
A friend in need is a friend indeed !
Well duh because most of us are living pay check to pay check and can't afford to help others or have control over what happens within a company
@@albertoguerra3995 I'm not sure if your trying to insult me with the well duh comment but anyhoo point taken. It's just common sense duh!
And every woman , transgender and nonbinary for themselves …
There’s always exceptions to every general rule. I have a friend who I met at work. We’ve been friends for 20 years after we’ve had many jobs. Our kids call us uncles.
Excellent advice. I'm retired now, I wish that this video was available 40 years ago , but at that time there was no internet !!! Again, THANK YOU. for this wonderful video !!! 🤗🤗🤗
One of the first jobs I ever had my boss told me, "You don't have friends at work. You have allies and adversaries but not friends." I took his advice and it served me well. Once I retired I joined facebook and have several of them as facebook friends but I never hung around them during my 36 year career.
Question 🙋🙋
Are you guys finally friends now that you're no longer co-workers?
I mean out of Facebook and all. In real life?
Boundaries are extremely essential
That's why those open border advocates are biggest idiots ever
Just begging to be transgressed upon
That’s a long time. Do you ever reach out to people who left the company and were enjoyable to be around?
I hang out with a few of my coworkers and even my boss. My boss was a coworker who I used to shoot the sht with and he got promoted (rightfully so, he's good) and now my boss. He got me a couple of promotions and has my back. He's gotta check with his wife, but we go golfing or the gun range here and there. A couple of my coworkers even join us sometimes and we call them up when we do. I consider my boss my friend. He even offered to help me MOVE with his truck. You can tell if someone is genuine and friend material or not. If you can't and even get burned, then that's actually on you. People like my boss are rare, but they do exist. If your friends circle is only those you gotten to know when you were a kid, you'll never make more friends. There always are genuine people who you click with. Personally, I've NEVER been burned by coworkers who I considered to be friends. And I'm coming up on almost 20 years work experience at a handful of different companies. It's all about your own discretion and correct judgment about the character of people who you allow to be close to you.
@@aemjay7225 No
The point that resonated with me the most is “betrayal is a gift”. I experienced betrayal at work and I completely changed my mindset for the better. I watch these kind of videos to remind to stay on course.
I love that part of the video "betrayal is a gift", it's like the veil of blindness has been lifted and you can get rid of those which shouldn't be in your life
@@MarcosRodriguez-es4gz Exactly. I feel like it was right of passage and I’ve grown up due to that experience. I’m glad I learned that at 26😌.
Soo true, I experienced the same, same way.
Your name is quite deceiving 😮
Yeah, times like those made you realize that eventually, everyone has a price. You should know yours too
I am always surprised when my colleagues approach other colleagues as their friends...
Yep
True most of the time. But there are those moments when one comes across like minded people that stay in touch for decades.
Years ago when starting my first summer job, my Dad told me to never tell anyone anything that I do not want to be repeated to someone else. This was great advice and it has served me well. Thanks for posting this video.
I love this advice - had to write it down.
Truly great advice.
Wise dad.
Especially if it a person you are talking about or don’t like
Darn good advice from your dad. A very sensible man.
100%. I screwed myself at my first full-time job by oversharing. I was going through a hard time in my life and should have been seeing a therapist instead of talking so much. It bit me in the ass later on as the information I shared was misconstrued and spread around the office to make me look bad. Then I started being quiet and kept to myself and they took insult to that. Had to leave I was so uncomfortable there. Learned my lesson the hard way. Lots of embarrassment and just kicking myself later, but live and learn. It was a really hostile environment anyway that underpaid so not the worst place to make that mistake at lol. I saw like 2 other people get bullied out of there during the year I was there.
Always be weary of anyone that presses you for personal information or is trying to force a friendship with you. Often there is ulterior motives. Keep it casual always.
This👆. Unfortunately, starting off as outgoing and then having to later reign yourself in and act more standoffish and stoic as a practical and defensive policy often feeds into the drama that others formulated to make you switch it up in the first place.
I will leave when I want 🤣🤣🤣😁😁😁
I've done this in my last job. I overshared too and felt so embarrassed afterwards that I shared that information with them. I'm trying to work on setting boundaries because they're not my friends.... since leaving no one has contacted me so it shows, they were just nosy.
@@misschloe3678 I get what you saying but they just posts if people don't like it then move along idk why that is so fucking hard
It's mind blowing 🤯
I did exactly the same thing,i regret 100 % , now I don’t trust anyone!
Some of my best trustworthy friends I met at work! The vast majority nope! It also depends on leadership and quality of people working with you!
I have only had situational friends throughout my life. I view every encounter as a learning opportunity with no strings attached. Family always came first also.
If you make any friends at work it's in your youth. It's very rare that you will make friends at work. Be careful.
Been working for 20 years now in different jobs. I've yet to make a single friend from my current or previous jobs. Don't trust people at work either. The worst are the ones that act very nice and then stab you in the back.
I just read your other reply. It would be great to hear your opinion on the difference between private and public sector? Some say that public sector is a lot more relaxed and that there is no direct “competition”, which makes the environment better. What do you think about it?
@@myemmotion I work in the public sector. From my point of view it has been for the most a very supportive and friendly place until 3 years ago. You will see my posting above somewhere. A new person started with a vendetta against me. Made so many accusations about me, so much so I had to prove to my managers on a daily basis how much work I had done. It proved I was a good worker. It carried on with her shouting at me for the slightest thing, list too long, but was all untrue and her exaggerating things. She is now leaving because she feels management let her down. First time in a 35 year public sector career I've experienced it. Have managed since to have a good talk with management since. That person hasn't ruined my reputation because of her allegations. It seems they did finally realise what she was like, a bully.
that is so true. sappy nice and plotting to stab you in the back as soon as they get the chance
Even worse is 'outside work' friends and family who stab you in the back. That hurts more. I have found some rare examples of co-workers being more genuine and supportive than family/friends outside.
Yeah that I true. I found those people extremely easy to spot though. They are super friendly and nice to you yet you only met them once lol. A couple of jobs back we got a new manager in the team and after like 1 or 2 weeks she was like "I love all of you" and I though to myself, that seems old you barely even know us, so I knew it was bs.
From now on, since my most recent discovery pertaining to a potential job change I will not open my mouth about anything. Biggest mistake I ever made was telling people on my night crew I wanted to go to Second. Now the only chance I have is about a year and 6 months from now and I have to stay in my department on that shift, without accumulating attendance points. All because one person had salt in their mouth about the idea of me getting to go to another shift. All this while dealing with a knackered SI joint in my back causing loads of pain. That shift change would've helped. But all because of one Karen I couldn't.
Never reveal your true desires pertaining to work, to your co workers.
I think it's hard to make friends that you really can trust on : at work or in your lifetime
Truth❤
Sad because work is the only social interaction some of us get.
Absolutely true. People I've spent time at their house and taking part in their important life moments. They dropped me like a sack of shucked oysters once I left the company
Sorry to hear that. Typical of those who don’t actually care for you or consider you a friend, you are better off alone.
I hope you find true friends
I has one like that. I got transferred and she never returned my calls or texts even though she texts all day long. Then I got transferred back and she was all buddy-buddy and told me I’m family when I brought it up.
Because everyone has to go on with their lives, you're not the center of the universe.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 same
Omg, thank you for this. I can totally relate. A lot of toxicity happens within my co-teachers, to the point that I realized, only a few are my friends. I have experienced being betrayed, backstabbed, and gossiped. But I learned not to interact much with them because I know they have problems. Although to be honest, I sometimes secretly record them because of their toxicity. I would usually mind my business but when times get rough with them, I could use those recordings against them. I don't know if it's the right thing to do :( But for now, I've kept these recordings on my phone without anyone noticing.
But you also mentioned that sometimes these "friends" would turn your back, and I have heard this from another school department. I know a "group of friends" who really hang out together, and sometimes backstab or gossip other teachers. But I was surprised that one by one they disappeared because it's either, they wanted to move on, they hated the work area, or sometimes betrayed by their colleagues, and were never even defended. That's when I realized, the so-called "friendships" will have an end for some people.
Actually, most of my true friends are my current best friend for 15 years already, and some of my friends in church. I could really see the difference between them and my co-teachers.
I trusted a couple co-workers with my negative opinions on the boss and found out fast that the boss found out my opinions. I quit and will never give personal opinions again. Coworkers are not family
I've always told people that there are different types of "friends". There are best friends, childhood friends, casual friends, work friends, and lifetime friends. All are completely different, and all have to be treated as such.
- That’s a fair statement to make 🤷♂️👍.
Well said ,and spot on …
The way you compartmentalize people is very toxic
benefits friends
@@dennis.teevee I forgot about that one! Probably because no girl that ever had sex with me considered it a benefit! :/
It is very sad that instead of having a strong brotherhood at work we have a battlefield full of snakes and rats that exploit each other. It's no wonder why so many corporate environments are crawling with toxicity, anxiety, and depression. Because in addition for being responsible for your work you also have to constantly watch your back. Living like this 5 days a week seems like a nightmare, and is no wonder why most people hate their jobs with passion.
It is also the reason why so many people get fed up and quit their jobs and walk out the front door for the last time.
Try living it 12 days on 2 days off. I'm miserable as fuck.
Exactly it's not the job that's the problem it's the worst of human nature.
No wonder they call this a rat race.
That is exactly right.
AMEN.... just wait... time will tell that's for sure I was at the same job for 23 years in the ICU in the hospital with people who are supposed to be compassionate and caring nurses. 23 years later I came out of it with about three true friends
Some family members are or can be toxic and your worst enemies, vs your co workers.
Learnt this all the hard way. I even had the older toxic woman in the workplace constantly trying to give me advice about life and trying to be my 'friend'. What she was really doing was digging for info into my personal life so she could gossip to her so-called friends. These people are dangerous and when I wouldn't give in to her whims I was labelled as the miserable dark horse. My life is my business and I don't care how old and 'experienced' you think you are.
Older women stay trying to give you unsolicited dusty advice that you didn’t ask for. Just ignore her ass and keep it moving, I feel your pain.
Same thing going on rn those bitter old hags
Sounds like the secretary Monica Lewinsky was working with. Lol
@@genxx2724 ah yes - good comparison.. what was her name?? Linda Tripp I think??
@@Mr-S.C. Yes, Linda Tripp.
My dad has only been fired twice in his career-- both times were related to befriending coworkers who then threw him under the bus to prop themselves up.
That’s horrible why it’s best not to get close to coworkers
Thank you for this video.Setting boundaries with coworkers is necessary and keeping the side eye at all costs!
There is your work life and your life outside work..Do not mix this.!.In life I’ve got so much wrong but this one I got right..I’ve worked with people who do things together after work and thought I was grumpy for not joining in..Then I see when it falls apart and can turn very nasty..Also if you have to go to a work Christmas party..Keep quiet and get away as soon as you can.!.In this way you wasn’t involved when the arguments and bad feelings start..So in work have boundaries and keep to them..Remember you’re there for money not for friends..
I've been an ironworker for 35 years. I've had tons of coworkers and buds at work, but there's only one that's been there the entire time and is like a brother to me. All the rest just come and go
Yes only 1 in a million.
Snap
Pure Gold!!! I don't tell my coworkers any of my business at all!
And you've been really wise about it. Could it be due to previous experiences?
And thanks so much for your kind feedback :)
@@myemmotion yes I had previous experiences where coworkers pretended to care about me and pretended to genuinely want to get to know me but all they wanted was another person to gossip about. They mainly wanted to now my personal life, am I with someone, sex life etc... I told them my beliefs around sex thinking they were accepting people but all I did was make them uncomfortable with themselves. They tried to get me to sleep with any man (workplace or their friends) to which got so bad, I left the job. Huge learning curve and now I don't tell anyone ANYTHING! Most women in the workplace HATE it because thry feel entilted to know my business but I do not bite anymore.
Could you do a video on how to recongise people trying to get your personal life business to use against you or gossip about you. Some people are very good at making you feel obliged in telling them all your business so they can either use it against you or gossip about you ot both?
@@vikki8699 I am sorry about such an unpleasant experience you've had. Sometimes a workplace feels like a kindergarten, once someone thinks different, there are always people trying to make them feel bad about it. But as you said, a huge learning experience which only helps us to do things right in the future.
That's actually an interesting topic. I will definitely look into it!
@@myemmotion As much as I hated the experience of this immaturity, I am thankful for the lesson.
Thank you, glad you think thats a good topic. It's worth doing so younger people can see the signs of being made to feel obliged to tell coworkers all their business. ;)
@@vikki8699 Absolutely. That definitely made you grow faster! And yes, we all experience such a pressure and the need to fit in at some point and making these mistakes make our lives much harder.
Thanks for the idea again and hope to see you around often! :)
I've usually got along extremely well with my colleagues. I think at some point others in the department felt that way that we even tried to organise events so that we can spend more time together outside of work. However once we moved away to different work places because of promotions, relocations ect the friendship just fizzled and now, we are not even in touch anymore and sometimes avoid meeting if we see each other outside.
Now you know
I had to learn these lessons the hard way. As soon as I started to elevate, the “work friends” almost immediately involved me in office drama that could have harmed my reputation for future opportunities. This helped me to see the toxicity, address it an nip it in the bud. Thanks for this very valuable content.
I was let go from a work place a couple of months ago. One of the complaints was that I was not interacting enough with my coworkers. I found that to be really strange. That feedback came 3 weeks into the job, not really enough time for me to even become acclimated. I was trying to stick it out until I found another position. I was kind to everyone, I did not gossip or complain. I went in and did my job. The managers had this weird obsession of this immature culture of everyone being friends. It was borderline toxic.
That’s crazy to fire someone because they are not friendly enough..absolute crazy
No, I get it. Interaction in a workplace, also purely social, is important for the individual and the team.
What kind of country sacks you for that ? You have tobtry hard in the U.K. , to get sacked .
That's not right getting fired for not being with your coworkers? You could have a lawsuit against them
@@plainlake I did interact with the team. This “corrective feedback” was brought after being on the job for 3 weeks. I am a speech therapist and during that time I was focused on building rapport with my clients, learning the new paperwork and billing procedures. Specifically I was told to not use my colleagues for only “training” purposes. I was asking my colleagues questions pertaining to the job. The week after I was hired my mentor went on a 2 week vacation and my direct manager also was out for 2 weeks. Poor planning on the companies part. I am a very friendly person - I was at that time trying to focus on learning the new job. It is ok. It was a toxic work environment and I am glad to be out of it.
My current workplace tries to force people to be friends. There’s “team events” every month where we hang outside work, outside work hours, but we all pay out of our own pocket. Plus there’s people doing stuff together like going to the gym or going shopping after work. I don’t know. To me it’s all superficial and I refuse to ever attend these events, but now I’m seen like the black sheep of the team.
First of all, if the company ain’t paying, u really should not feel obligated to go. U have a life outside of them and u r not getting paid but for the hours you are at work and not after
@@rinnemichelle946 exactly! Which is why I never went, but then I was seen as distant and not a “team player”. In the end, I left that job and am much happier at my new one :)
I can'tthink of anything worse : D
😅that's crazy
You can go there's no prob but be very careful keep your eyes and ears open your mouth close. Don't trust them
Very true. Don't let every outside person too close to you, because you can't predict what will happen in the near future and how those people are going to use all the personal information that you gave them about you and your life.
I just had a disagreement with my colleague at work and stumbled upon this video. It has been very helpful, I'm learning a lot from it. Thank you!
Every friendship is situational. Family, mom friends (kids are same age), childhood friends (same school, same neighborhood). Therefore, we all have NO non situational friends. Out of all of the situational friends the ones that stick are the real friends.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Yea but what are they "sticking" around for? Still doesn't constitute as a real friend
@@supriimacy_7056 because they actually cared and valued the friendship, rare but does happen
@Don K What are you going to do when you get to sick to be in social situations or old?
This is why remote work is the BEST thing in the world! I used to believe that coworkers could be friends, until I got promoted and realized the lack of support that I had. All of this after colleagues smiled in my face and chatted it up with me for months. I only go in office for one pointless meeting per week, but otherwise I stay home. Setting boundaries was the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve made more genuine friends outside of work, spent more time doting over my fiancé and have leaned into my family more. Work is just work.
Fact. I would prefer remote work to not deal with coworkers.
What makes you think you can trust these friends from outside of work? Or even your fiance? Ultimately we don't know the motives of others but we must have some level of trust. Why would the workplce be any different?
@@daveanderson8927 The issue escalates with close contact. Remote works solves the issue of toxic work environment at least 70%
Lots of Life long friends from work and school! But just depends on the workplace and life if you'll be 👍
@@ibexy Just like homeschooling solves the "getting bullied by other kids" problem 😜
In my jobs I’ve had in my life, was never there to make friends. I was only there to get the shit done and over with and collect the money and leave. But as long as people get along with me I get along with them. We can be friends while not at work, but at work we’re not. We just do our own part of the job, collect our checks and leave
No crap. I always cover for people. Today, I needed 1 hour of coverage so I could leave at 4 instead of 5. Coverage would consist of answering maybe 1 or 2 calls at your desk. Calls usually last a few minutes. I've covered full days, half days, etc.
No one could do it.
Too bad we all learn this the hard way. It's human nature to interact with folks you see nearly every day and we all reveal personal info and feelings to them. Now, at 75 and retired, I realize my only real friend is my wife. Retirement makes it easy to understand exactly the topic of this video.
Retired here as well. I wish I'd known this information at 25. Learned some tough lessons. Am so glad to be out of the workforce.
Fortunate that your wife is your best friend
THis is life saving advice. jUst go to work to do your job, stay to yourself, be cordial where necessary, but don't go to work to tell all your business. Please.....I'd much rather be the quiet person who is just there than the one who everyone talks about.
That is exactly the point of this video. Going to work to make friends should never be one of the main professional goals, because it is bond to lead to disappointments. Be friendly and respectful, but know your boundaries.
But yet these companies will accuse you being unfriendly, disinterested , or not a team player.. 🙄
I keep to myself at work and people still talk about me. Just recently I was getting bullied by a coworker for “being so quiet”. Feels like you can’t win no matter what you do.
I was the quiet hardworking type and got labelled as miserable as a result of not cooperating in the gossip of a team. You can't win either way.
@@Mr-S.C. ignore them. They just want you to validate them. You can’t make everyone happy. Some people are just so unhappy with their lives, they will try to belittle others to make themselves feel better.
I agree with the message for the most part, but you apply this logic to any place ever where you’ve met a person. Like school for example, you’re there, because your primary through high school you have no choice but to be there, and in college you’re there to further your chances of getting a better career. You’re at ALL of these places by circumstance.
So true. Thanks for the video.
Finding something to be passionate about outside of work, something just for yourself...that you do not share with co-workers, is a good way to maintain professional boundaries. When you care about something other than work, work simply becomes a means to pay bills and nothing more. You have something to look forward to when you clock out, something that you reserve only for yourself. You no longer feel like you are trapped in a dead end loop of endless low wage shifts. Those shifts pay bills, but bills are not who you are. You have something more than that waiting for you, and only you, back at home.
Spot on. Knowing I have other things going on in my life outside of my job keeps me from having a mental meltdown at work.
Spot on. It also raises your vibration, so you’re less likely to be targeted or feel too much in the way of effects if you are! It’s great for confidence 🙂
Good luck doing that when you come home with no energy or time for any hobbies
This video should be compulsory in every school. Never heard anything more accurate and clear.
absolutely, this video should be a mandatory for schools/colleges/even offices
Man, I know so much about my co-worker's personal business because they tell it all to each other. I'm sure they talk about me too, but not about my personal business because I don't discuss my life with them. I keep my boundaries.
I’ve been binging your videos due to my toxic workplace environment. You described it to a T. There’s the people who will throw you under the bus to get ahead, there’s people who spread rumors to bring you down. It might be a time for a change
It's difficult but doable. Know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. We're not friends, We're acquaintances who put our lunches in the same fridge.
You are spot on!!! This message is what more people need to hear.
Great post and spot on. Been working for 50 some years and yep, no one at work is your friend. The upper echelon may push for having a "best friend at work" or your friend may leave the company and you still maintain the "friendship." Be careful, there's always someone that may negatively change things for you.
I met one of my best friends at work and this has been 16 years ago. I stopped working for this company after four years. Our friendship is still going strong and we are speaking to each other weekly. I only read comments of people who are disappointed or let down by their co-workers but it is possible to, unexpectedly, bump into a friend for life at work.
Yeah. There can be real friendships developed through work. Even now I keep in touch once or twice a year with retired colleagues whom I shared good memories and chemistry with.
That's what I said, you're lucky if u have 1 or 2 good friends from work or in life.
Yeah well that’s rare. But good for you.
True.
I hang out with a few of my coworkers and even my boss. My boss was a coworker who I used to shoot the sht with and he got promoted (rightfully so, he's good) and now my boss. He got me a couple of promotions and has my back. He's gotta check with his wife, but we go golfing or the gun range here and there. A couple of my coworkers even join us sometimes and we call them up when we do. I consider my boss my friend. He even offered to help me MOVE with his truck. You can tell if someone is genuine and friend material or not. If you can't and even get burned, then that's actually on you. People like my boss are rare, but they do exist. If your friends circle is only those you gotten to know when you were a kid, you'll never make more friends. There always are genuine people who you click with. Personally, I've NEVER been burned by coworkers who I considered to be friends. And I'm coming up on almost 20 years work experience at a handful of different companies. It's all about your own discretion and correct judgment about the character of people who you allow to be close to you.
Great video. You must be careful around ANYONE. As an extrovert I know this, we love to talk, and we can talk ourselves into trouble. Never ever trust your coworkers, and never reveal too much!
I actually go with a tenant who lives in one of the buildings of the agency i work for; but we are very discret: we never tell our intimate moments with these people.
It's easier to put up these walls as an introvert. I find stimulation in meaningful conversations and being in my own biz.
Worked with a non stop chatter boxes. Questioned me a few times how I can stay quiet while keeping myself sane and with only bit of social interaction (I can easily go hours without talking)
I don't mind being social. It's just it is draining being around those who have verbal direrhea of the mouth and say little of substance (like gossip).
A social battery if you will and that shit gets depleted after awhile. It's the exact opposite for extrovert, who needs the battery full by socializing a lot.
This is a great video. Compared to the other videos I watch, this one has at least 100x the value. Thank you.
I have learned these lessons the hard way. I keep to myself and keep the banter to a minimum. I certainly don't attend any after work gatherings for fear of oversharing.
Remember this. Everyone is nice until they’re not.
Co workers are not your friends. They will throw you under the bus in a heartbeat.
Those who over share are often the most ruthless in taking down other people .They never have any problems with their conscience
Is that what you would do? You do realize that to your co-workers YOU are a co-worker. You’re just criticizing yourself 😂
@Marvin-dg8vj
Yup I worked with someone who was like that!
Yep so true, going through this bulls__t now. It's the betrayal that cuts the most.
💯💯💯
You are incredibly insightful. I really benefitted from your content and points you shared. Thanks for doing this topic.
Totally agree! nailed it! Do not make friends with co workers. I did at 52 years old, now 55 and the so called co-worker/friend, turned out to be a binge drinking alcoholic and almost bankrupted me. I've learnt my lesson. Getting back on my feet now, thank God. Just don't do it!