Kaitlin, I'm so glad you used examples of YOUNG people who had their choices taken away when they died because there was no advance directive. Too often we think of this as an old fogie problem.
EccentricSage The thing is that people don't prepare when they're young because of "were all gonna be old one day" NOPE. many many many people won't get to be old and it's to our advantage if we prepare for our death and post mortem care as early as possible.
Brian Landers It depends on where you are, but there are a lot of different forms and documents surrounding a person's after death/end of life/critical medical choices. An advanced directive essentially instructs what you want/don't want done with your body, funerary practices, medical decisions if you can't make them yourself, etc, and lays out who you want to make these decisions, what decisions they can make, who will be in charge of your estate, who gets your body, under what conditions, etc, in a legally binding way. A will is usually quite similar but deals with the disbursement of your possessions, assets, any dependants (like pets or kids), etc, and under what conditions. So an advanced directive is more like 'who gets to tell Dr's to pull the plug on grandma' and a will is more like 'who gets grandma's beautiful diamond ring'.
The thing is you do not have to be old to die and you can die at any time and you do not always have any control of it but you can have your wishes known and have a say in what you want for your final disposition and if you do you can make it where you are respected for who you are not what somebody who never bothered with you fantasizes the idea of what they wish you had been instead of the reality of you that they never even gave a rats arse about at all.
Started talking to my parents about all this kind of death stuff a few months ago, even recommending your channel since they didn't want to talk about it with me... Just the other week I was asked to come around to 'sign some forms' for my parents, lo and behold, two copies of an advanced directive with enduring power of attorney and a living will all pristine and just filled out waiting for me to sign. You are really getting through to people Caitlin! It's amazing! We love you!
Thank you for advocating this. My mother secretly designated her father minutes before being put on a respirator. My brother and I were devastated when we learned that “pulling the plug” actually means turn down all the machines slowly, beginning with the medicine that was keeping her comatose. As she was drowning in her final minutes, she awoke to find her family standing around her crying. I will NEVER forget the look of terror on her face as she clawed at her throat trying to breathe while tears ran down her face. Her father didn’t even wait around, it was too hard on him losing a child before her time. (FYI, she died of Hammon-Rich Syndrome) I am still advocating twenty years later to change the law to ensure that dying patients never regain consciousness. I don’t know how many other families have had to see that, but with COVID-19 on the rise AGAIN, but having a single person traumatized like that is too many.
omg... i've been a nurse for years and years... i worked hospice for a while and THANK YOU THANK YOUR FOR THIS.. you have no idea how hard it is to explain advanced directives to people,, at first when i saw you anounce "ADVANCED DIRECTIVES" ... I almost threw up a little,,, paperwork,, jeezzz.. but this can actually help me.. i'm going to keep your this on my phone and just hand it people instead of sitting there and wasting hours explaining.. thanks for this..
Talk to a neurosurgeon if you want to know how to sum it up. They (or at least the ones who have done my brain surgeries) have to get them from basically every single patient and explained it quickly & easily.
My parents are in their 80's and feel compelled to go over the will with me every time I visit.This time around I had a checklist of things they had not covered, including advanced directives. Perfect timing! And I totally took charge of the conversation. Dad now thinks I'm death obsessed. Well, he might be right. Your videos are super important. Thanks so much for demystifying and normalizing death and all things deathly. And congrats on being a funeral home owner!
Thank You. For Doing This. As a healthcare provider in emergency medicine and critical care for 20+ years, I have seen the most inhumane tortures and atrocities committed. Some cases are so bad, that in a 12-hour shift, we will actually switch off after only 4 or 6 hours, because we don't want to be a part of something so personally despicable as what we are asked to do. America, get a clue, there are worse things than dying.
Yes, indeed! Come work with me in long term care, especially on my Alzheimer/Dementias unit and tell me you want you or your loved ones to end life that way. I would love to slap the hell out of families that refuse to sign DNR directives, as well.
I'm transgender and that story made me feel so horrible, if I were dressed up as a girl and was remembered by my birth name I would come back and haunt whoever did it :/
That's why, if you don't want to be deadnamed or misgendered, you should get started on your advanced directives now, and choose someone good who will honor your wishes.
@@raulurquiaga457 I'm a trans guy, and I had to consult with SEVERAL psychiatrists before beginning medical transition. It's almost as if any reputable mental health institution agrees that transgender identities are valid, but hey that's just according to The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, The American Academy of Family Physicians, The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, The American Medical Association, and The American Psychiatric Association (just to name a few).
I agree, the idea of that is honestly horrific. I'm in the minority of trans people who have parents who confirm their gender, but if I wasn't, I'd be scrambling to get my power of attorney filled out asap, especially since I'm not having kids who could make the call any time soon (three cheers for testosterone-fried eggs, am I right?)
@@roylinfordadams actually, there's a recent push in archaeology to not aggressively gender bodies based solely on physical features because historically a lot of people were miscategorised, including intersex people and people who were of variant genders. Archaeology is a branch of anthropology, which is the study of human culture. When you erase people you are erasing part of culture. tldr: fuck off, you're wrong
My aunt was a polio survivor who donated her body to the university. We got a lovely letter from them thanking us for her donation. So few people see the effects of polio on the body these days they were glad for their students to see her. Pls consider donating your body to science,especially if you have a rare condition. Med students can learn a lot. Also:no cost cremation by the university so that's a nice bonus to not leave your loved ones with a huge bill for disposal of your remains.
Dear Scatty, You are right, and I am glad you wrote your part. Now I wish to offer the following. Make arrangements in advance for your body disposition. It may be a tad more complex than you think. I retired from mortuary work in rural northeastern California. When we go to town we go to Reno, Nevada. Reno has two major hospitals and a university. Yet they often turn down bodies offered for science. I guess they have more than they need, most days. But ASK. Find out how that system works. (They never told us about that, at the mortuary.) Another resource for our location could be in Redding, California. But the hospitals there need to be asked. So do some communicating in advance. You used the word "durable". Good, because some legal paperwork dies when you do. So make sure whatever legal "instruments" you use will live on and get the job done.
Yup. That's where mine is going. My body parts won't be much use to anyone else donation-wise - they don't even work for the original owner lol - so if my body can help scientists understand and treat other people like me, good.
I did mine years ago when I cut my family out of my life. If I couldn't expect them to respect my autonomy in life, there was no was I was gonna trust them in death! The process is fairly quick and relatively painless. I'd imagine the forms vary by state, but in Ohio, there are specific scenarios that you have to respond to, like: if you're terminal and unresponsive, do you want to continue to be force-fed? Not something I'd particularly thought of before.
I'm so glad you posted this. In the last two years I've lost about a dozen people who's death tore apart families, including one who's remains weren't claimed by her children (outside of US) so were disposed of as if she had no family, leaving some with no sense of closure. Any discomfort associated with addressing these issues is more than balanced by peace, healing, and peace of mind.
But I'm not discounting the value of this video. Sometime it's hard for children to talk about this subject with a parent. Meee! Meeeemeeee! I don't want my cubs to be afraid like I was, so we will watch this video together and take care of business. Thank you.
Ask A Mortician Hey I know I am a bit late... But... Could I possibly get a few of your more... Disposable... Bodies? I have certain... Needs. I mean my... Friends has certain... Needs. Yes... That sounds legitimate.
I'm so incredibly glad you're advocating for advanced directives! As a nurse, I especially see why these documents are so incredibly important, but unfortunately very difficult to get people under the age of 70 to complete. Too often people chuckle, "I'm a long way from dying...I don't think we need to worry about THAT now..." Every time I want to scream "NO!!! You can NEVER guess when that time may come!" (But of course I can't say that..). We need to be discussing death more openly in the medical field, but it is just not done enough. Your channel is so inspiring and has helped me find new ways to approach the subject. I think what you're doing to promote death positivity and green burial is amazing. I'm going to start directing more people to your channel, because it's such an incredible resource. Thank you! 🙌🏽💪🏽💀✨
I am twenty, and thanks to Caitlin and watching my Nan pass away in a very drawn out fashion due to Ovarian Cancer last year (aged 69), I have done mine. I hope that I do not die anytime soon, but I want to feel empowered in the meantime to assert my agency in my end of life care, just in case. ♡
As a young person with a chronic illness I've talked about getting this together for OVER 2 YEARS thank you for making it approachable and honestly NO ONE ever told me this stuff was this easy. This is something that will give my family a lot of peace in areas I know they are crazy concerned about all the time with me. They should teach this shit in highschool
This is super important. I had to have this discussion with my dad a few years ago and I'm so glad I did. We went to the lawyer and had advanced directives and his will drawn up. My dad is aging and not in the best of health. When the time comes, I know exactly what he wants done with his remains. And when he was in the hospital last year in a medically induced coma, I knew what questions to ask the doctors regarding his health and whether or not I'd have to make any choices regarding "pulling the plug," as my dad likes to call it. In a time of such emotional chaos it was so helpful to have that set of guidelines to follow and it felt like a huge burden was lifted. I'm so glad you brought this up.
I might be the odd one out here, but I think this is cool and am really excited to do it. I've been thinking for a long time what I want to do with my body when I die. My will, my funeral requests (my mom says I'm not allowed any pyrotechnics or to have my body spring-loaded in the casket for any surprises during the funeral... but we'll see about that) and my advanced directives.
just saw this now since your icon is a c ill just say a giant letter C springing up into a sitting position with a tape recording saying I'm baaaaaaccck and family and friends screaming before it is realized some one spring loaded their their casket
Thank you, Caitlyn! My mom just passed away from cancer a few months ago, and I was DPoA for her. If not for discussions I had with her, her advanced directive, and her DNR, the decisions we made were easier. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
THIS!!! I've worked in health care for some years now. And this is one of the most important things I think most people don't think about. Beyond the examples there. Without one of these. Ive seen people put into nursing homes and had their lives prolonged for years. One person 20 years in the home no talking no visitors. Couldnt move constantly had bed sores. And when he started to pass his family wanted life saving measures taken. So please please follow this advice and set everything out exactly how you want it. Some times families cant cope with "pulling the plug" so to speak. And feel like they are giving up on mom or dad. This will show them exactly what you want so you can die with dignity.
Thank you for explaining this so clearly. My mum and husband would fight like cats and dogs over what would be done if I was in an end-of-life situation. Same with my body and funeral. My mum is very anti-organ donation, but what the hell use are they to me if I'm dead? Rip those puppies out! I want to be buried in a cardboard coffin, and feed the greenery with my corpse. Neither of them would be ok with that. The Terri Schiavo saga tore me to pieces, especially since her heart attack and resulting brain death was caused by bulimia. Sudden heart failure or stroke can be a complication from electrolyte imbalances, not nice ways to go. She's partly what helped me kick my own bulimia before my heart was too damaged, or I suffered a stroke.
Thank you, Caitlyn. I had no idea it was this simple of a process. Please keep doing what you do because you really are making a difference :) Hugs from Florida!
Sending this to my friends and partner, this information may not seem like an immediate concern for us young adults but the idea of someone I know and love not being presented as the person they were in life is heartbreaking.
If you want to make sure that you are doing the right paperwork for your state, go to your local hospital, the cancer center, or a hospice center and ask them for an advance directive packet. They will usually have an entire packet to give you before you go in for major surgery etc. And they will happily give one to you for free. Just a thought. =) Also, you can make copies and give it to your local hospital and they will keep it on file, at least both of my local hospitals did for me.
Make a copy, take it with you every time you need to have a stay at the hospital. It has been my experience that even with an advanced directive or a DNR on file, they do not look in the file for these and rely on the family for this information. My father passed 8 yrs ago. I had been appointed his DPoA. I knew where he kept his copy of his advanced directive, living will. I took the copy to the hospital. He was admitted unexpectedly, he was unconscious. By the time I arrived he had been resuscitated, and placed on a vent. Then came the battle with my siblings of removing him from the vent and into hospice. He had specific orders to have no "heroic" measures to be taken. It was an excruciating week in the hospital, then another excruciating week in hospice after I fought with siblings to follow my father's wishes. Even with his Advanced Directive on file at the hospital no one research or pulled up his records in the week he had been admitted. (Another reason you are asked three billion times about allergies, falls, recent hospitalizations when being admitted.)
Thank you for making this video. I now rest easy knowing with my new advanced directive that the evil people I spawned from and had to call 'family' will in no way have a chance to disrespect me in death as they have in life.
Caitlyn, thank you so much for writing Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. I just finished it a few weeks ago and I loved it. It was a spontaneous purchase at a local bookseller. I'd never heard of the book but it seemed very fascinating. Today, I decided to romp through RUclips to watch random videos when one of your videos popped up in my recommendations. I was delighted because I didn't know it was you until I saw your name after watching your video on Coffin Birth. I'm so happy to find out you have a RUclips series! Now I know what to do with my days off work. Anyway, I just finished filling out my advance directive. Thank you so much for all of your insight.
We've already got ours done and notarized. They're kept in the safety deposit box at the bank to make sure nothing happens to them. We used a very inexpensive computer program that made it so easy. It asked questions in a simple conversational manner, then it translated that information into a legal document form for the printout. We took them to the local library where they always have notaries on their staff, extra staff for the required number of witnesses and got them notarized. Peace of mind: check.
CrankyPants. The only thing I feel the need to say is that there are legalities involved with accessing safe deposit boxes upon the owner’s death, depending on how the ownership is set up. You may want to talk to your bank about this to make sure that the contents of your safe deposit box can be accessed by the right person when the time comes. That may be why Caitlyn mentioned putting it in the freezer instead.
Super important! I recently had a health scare and death came to mind, not my first close call and I don't even have a will, gonna get that done this week! Also, I love you more for knowing how big you heart is towards humans of all kinds. :)
Nathalie Sagt Hey, I don't want you to feel like I'm attacking you, but you seem like a caring person so I thought I'd give you a heads up. Calling someone "transexual" by itself is kind of rude, like if you called someone an "autistic" or referred to people as "those blacks." Transexual is an adjective, so you should usually say "transexual person/man/woman." Also the term "transexual" itself is kind of controversial. Some people find it offensive because sex is the biological side of gender, so calling someone "transexual" implies you are fixating on what's in their pants. Others use transexual only if a person has transitioned, because again biology. Either way, using "transgender person/man/woman" instead is a safer bet. "Transgender*ed*" however is also offensive because it sounds like something bad happened to that person, not like part of their identity. Again, you didn't do anything bad and there's lots about this stuff that may not be obvious at first. As an ally myself, I'm sure I have way more to learn. I just wanted to say something in the hopes it would be informative to you (or anyone else reading this) and help you be even more supportive to people you care about in the future :)
Emmasama240 Oh I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my comment. I'm still learing english, in my language a transexual person is expressed like that, we got a suffix in our language right after the noun to suggest the gender/neuter. I really didn't mean to sound rude. Thank you for explanation. :)
Nathalie Sagt You're welcome. I'm happy that my intuition you were a nice, uninformed person was correct. I'm also happy that my comment worked out well, cause I was pretty nervous making it. Keep on being awesome and learning about english's particular quirks
Silly question : why are you keeping your legal documents in the freezer? I sort of assume it's "durable metal box, unlikely to be blown away by a disaster" and that maybe "cold = keeps paper from decomposing" (is that a thing?) But at the same time, the amount of water that comes out of our freezer when there's a power cut and it defrosts.... Surely that would destroy any paperwork kept in there?
Today I had “the talk” with my mom, I suggested filling out the advance directives and to make our wills in case something happen to any of us, we are alone in this state and ever since a close friend of mine passed away, I been confronted by the idea that everything can happen at any given time 😞 this lose affected me because though i am (now) very aware of my mortality, I also took matters into my own hands and I am proud to say that my relationship with my mom is better than it was before, and I can feel closer to her. I might have lost a friend, but I gained the courage to try to make things better between my mom and I.
I am so glad you talked about this! I know that a lot of people don't want to think about their imminent and eventual demise, but it's so, so necessary (especially thinking about all the awful examples you provided as to why Advanced Directives are so necessary). I second (third? fourth?) how easy it is to put one into place. My mom had open-heart surgery last fall and the hospital had a whole person devoted to talking to patients about ADs. Even if you aren't facing major, life-threatening surgery, everyone should get one. That reminds me, I need to actually write down my wishes, my husband knows what they are, but for legality's sake and everything.
Bless you in any religon or beleife system you want! I had to do this woth my wife in 1996, she had incurable cancer and had definite wishes and with a final directive i managed to get it all accomplished even with her familys disagreeing with every choice.
I watched bride groom with my kids when they were young. Wanted them to know how important this subject was. I cried so much for the injustice of it and the pain suffered by his real family and friends. This became important to me and whenever legislation was passed in support for gay rights I made sure my voice was heard.
Preach it Caitlin! Home Hospice RN here. I just have to say that I absolutely love your stuff. I use your book and videos all the time to explain stuff to my patients and families so that death is not so scary. (One of my families recently clipped a lock of hair after watching one of your videos, held a really lovely candlelight/anointing.) Anyhow...one of my favorite mortuaries in the Denver area hands out black wristbands (ala the 19th century armband custom) to grieving families to wear, so they can publically display mourning. Recently got a call from one of my widows who was wearing her black wristband in the supermarket. Some stranger who was standing in line behind her recognized what it was, they asked who died, asked how she was doing, and then they bought all her groceries. A glimpse of hope of changing times! Anyway, thanks for helping make dying and grieving more normal, comfortable, accessible, and public. I was totally bummed that I couldn't meet you in person at the Denver Public Library last week...but I was attending a death, so you know, I thought you'd understand. Anyway, keep it coming sister!
Advanced directives and or living will. I'm glad you covered this topic. It is so very important. Even if you can't pull the plug on the vegetative person, a stand by or secondary person can. I've seen a few people who are permanently brain damaged and or brain dead being kept alive for years because the state or the family doesn't have the power to end their lives. Just a body taking space and resources that could be used for people who need it. Sad, scary, and true!
Wow! This couldn't have come at a better time. I've been talking a lot with my parents about what their wishes are and though it's been verbally said I've suggested writing things down so we have clearly laid out and no one can dispute things. Totally going to show this video to my parents.
Back in 2013 I had a stroke (made a full recovery) but While I was in rehab I got my advance directives squared away! I have a "living will" and it states I want to donate my organs and then I left my best friend who is also a nurse be in charge of what happens to me if I can't make the decisions
im a transgender male and honestly i am afraid that if i die young someone will dress me as a girl and completely ignore things i want for my postmortem care. for me i want to be cremated and possibly put in a tree pod thing, so i could grow into a willow tree. but at the same time i would want a funeral before being cremated, so my family could see me in a suit and people could say their goodbyes before im reduced to nothing but ash (literally). i dont know if this is even a thing. can you have a funeral before being cremated? and what will happen to my body after death? what if i dont want to have any procedures such as draining my blood or having an autopsy done? and can i choose to have my chosen name on a tombstone if i end up being buried? i have no idea about these things and it scares me. not the idea of death, but the idea of not having a say in how i am remembered if i die young. im only 15, if i die just like my friends have will my wishes be respected?
If you look on her website order of the good death she has a blog post about how to protect your death rights as a transgender person. Hopefully that will help. :)
My brother was cremated and put in a family plot which included a flat headstone for reasons of genealogy record , we didn't have a body at the memorial ( funeral without body is called memorial), people were rude thinking that maybe we were hiding something or he didn't actually die. I think it is a good idea to have these conversations and stuff put in writing because families thinking they doing the right thing can go completely against what the newly deceased wants. For example, my great aunt wanted a burial to fulfil her religious duties, she made sure to have family know before her passing, as a result it was a no brainer, her wish was granted because we knew what she wanted. On the other hand my grandmother blatantly expressed her desire of a closed casket, but because it was not put into writing my uncle who was the executor of the will decided it was totally fine to display her in open casket. Because death is so personal, it is in your best interest to plan ahead.
This answered so many questions, thank you! I was confronted with this when I went in for cancer surgery, and didn't understand the legalese. So I just discussed everything with my husband so he knew what to do if I didn't come back. Now I feel I can tackle that document. Keep up the great work!
Can I say thank you, thank you. For doing this video. People tend to not understand those forms. Working in the health field man, do we run into so many horrible stories and witness the horrors of what happens.
I wrote down my “living will” end-of-life care directions a long time ago, but thanks to your videos, I have added my specific preferences for the care and final disposition of my dead body. I also specified that my designee(s) could make certain changes to this if they preferred or if some situation or the condition of my body would make other arrangements necessary or easier for them. A funeral is for the living, in my opinion. There is a sense of relief in having done this; I have no reason to expect it will be needed anytime soon, but when it is needed it should make things easier.
I remember Terrys case. Oh my god. 15 days of starvation after years of the battle between her family and then spouse I was outraged at the entire situation more than I can articulate.
Thank you, Caitlin. My dad wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread across the Aegean Sea, a place where he spent more than 30 years traveling. My mom absolutely did not want anything to do with cremation and wanted a traditional Christian burial, going against his wishes. With your information, we arranged everything so I had complete control over what happened to his body, and when he passed away on September 2020 I was able to override anything my mom tried and had him cremated. I am planning to spread his ashes over the Aegean Sea on a ferry when travel is accessible again.
I teach ESL, and my students are all from Mexico, so to celebrate the day of the dead, we are having a lesson on funerals, expressing condolences, grief and advanced directives. Thank you for the inspiration.
As an RN with 30 years of experience, I've seen the bad results of folks who do not have advanced directives, and the many people (mostly families) who don't even want to think about it. Pretty sad. Thank you for addressing this topic. I learned too!
I just want to say thank you. I did not realize it was that easy to get my directive in place. Love tour videos they are educational and really smartly funny. Thanks again.
My last NOK died last year and I tried physically writing one of these and bawled my eyes out. Thank God someone has written one and I can just nominate people. Relieved.
Your timing couldn't be better! Getting my advanced directive and will in order is on my "50 Things To Do Now That I'm 50" list for this year, and I was wondering how to get started.
Due for Carotid Surgery this Week. Finishing up Directives, TODAY, Finally!! Thanks Ever so much for being here, Caitlin!! I Love your Videos and am trying to pass "The Word" around :) What a Great Adventure :D
Thank you so much for this. I was a social worker in long term care. I am such an advocate of letting your wishes be known. I do them for families. . Terri really turned my industry upside down in a good way. Please make your wishes known. There is a great tool called 5 wishes.
This is perhaps the most important video you have made. Although not the most pleasant thing to think about, advance directives not only give you peace of mind but also gives your family peace also as they are relieved of all those difficult decisions they may have to make. Doing a segment on wills and living trusts would be great also since most people hate to think about things like this.
Thank you!!! Even tho we have talked with our kids 8,18 yrs old of what we all want when that time comes its important to have legal documents just in case. I watched that bridegroom documentary thanks a lot! Made me cry 😢 and proceed to watched extremis, scares me more then death the fact that they want to keep you alive even tho you would never be able to be yourself .
I've always thought about making a will or some sort of contractual document that will save a huge amount of heartache for my living relatives or in the event that i become uncapable of making decisions for myself. I've never done one because of affordability. I never knew about advanced directives until right now. I'm so grateful for this information and I'm going to make every one of my loved ones do one. Thank you Kaitlin. P.S. i bloody love all of your videos. Death kind of scares me but I'm also more at peace with it than most people i know. I'm usually quite open about it and love to talk about it. You make it so much easier to address death and i love watching you. You amuse me greatly. Who knew you could make death subjects fun 😁❤
I'm really glad you made this video because it really brought home that I needed to do this. I'm about to turn 35 and I have a chronic condition so you never know what's going to happen.
This moved me so, I called up my grandmother and went right over to fill out our advanced directives. I had no idea what this was but coincidentally I have been subconsciously learning what this was only in different forms, or called something different. After watching this video literally everything in this work made sense to me.
My brother died young, 20 yrs. old. It was unexpected, and very traumatic; all the decisions we had to make under emotional duress. I think that it should be a mandated right of passage kind of thing, to fill out an advanced directive when you turn 18, or what ever the age of emancipation is in your state, like a draft card for men, used to be enforced. I'm sure you can alter the plan as needed, but to at least have one would be a step in the right direction.
I've done my Advanced Directive and Living Will at only 45. Never too early . AARP has a section to download free printables from any US state chEErs 93
In October 2021, I had a medical procedure done, and the hospital required that I have an advanced directive. (It wasn't considered especially risky, but any time you have major surgery, there is always risk involved.) The hospital provided me with a form. When I mentioned it to a friend, he told me that there were RELIGIOUS advanced directives. He emailed me a copy. I printed it out. We had a sort of "pre-op advanced directive signing party," with witnesses, people asking questions, getting answers, and texting my Rabbi of choice to actually make decisions if anything came up that wasn't clear. It gave me peace of mind to have it.
Sincerest thanks for this. I know it freaks patients out a little when they are asked if they have an advances directive or living will on file and/or would they want one. It's not something a young couple coming in for their first baby want to think about but death and mortal peril are always RIGHT THERE, side effect of being alive, and it needs to be talked about! Who, where, when, why, what and how! Answers must be decided on.
My family recently had to go through a some troubles when my grandmother was in hospital. Luckily the entire family was mostly on the same page but the paperwork that was signed years ago wasn't directly clear enough when power of attorney kicked in. This cause some much needed conversation about what we all want. Personally I'm not religious and I want everything donated to research. My direct family are supportive of it are considering changing from cremation to donation but oh boy did that not go over well once that left our household.
I've never been so excited about contingency planning for what could possibly be HORRIBLE future situations! I guess it just feels good to be in control!
My father is an attorney, and he made sure that I had a living will in place before I went to college. Good thing, too, because they had clear power of attorney when I had a hemorrhagic stroke at age 23 (as you do) so I survived and am mostly still all here. But we update our wills every so often, because kids happen, and they need to be accommodated for. Like my kids really should go with my parents instead of my sister because they are more comfortable with my parents. But my parents are also in their 70s...so my sister is a backup.
You are awesome, I was working on mine and stumbled on this while I was listening to you in the background. This is a TON of help so I can find what I need to do in my state
It really is so reassuring when you go in for surgery and they won’t perform the surgery until you have signed an Advanced Directive (and the waiver saying you won’t sue if they leave a pair of scissors in you).
I just did my advance directive right after watching your video I found one online they even let me convert it into a PDF so I can print it out off my phone thanks for this nice video
Than you for making this video. I wasn't aware that options for advanced directives were available. I'm just starting with the motions on this. I'm also honored to say that my best friend since high school was honored to accept the privilege of being a second alternate designated agent. She's only behind my spouse and mother.
Nice job, you found a way to hopefully get to teens and young adults. After pushing like crazy my husband finally went with me to preplan our funerals and buy our grave plots!!!! Yeah. Love you and your channel.
I work at a law office that does a lot of Wills, PoAs and Advanced Directives, and it's always older couples or somebody who needs a rush job because they are flying to Europe and are terrified the plane will crash. But everyone is always really relaxed and relieved when they get them finished.
I've got one. Sent copies to all three of the people listed on it and then scanned it and PUT IT ON MY CELL PHONE as jpgs and also in the phone number section as "DO NOT RESUSCITATE". And my various food allergies are also listed....
Ha! My partner asked why their paperwork asked for a secondary. I literally said, "Should I be unable to fulfill my duties, your first runner-up would take over."
Just saw this now, two years on, and it has spurred me to action! My wife and I will complete ours tonight, as well as writing our wills. My mom died without naming me as executor of her estate and it was a mess.
My spouse and I got our Powers of Attorney and wills done here in Canada about 2 years ago, after procrastinating about it for about 5 years! Through my work I`ve heard of many difficutl situations where a Will or POA didn`t exist and it`s been a big weight off of our shoulders to know this is done - I now also try to encourage all of my friends and family to ensure they get theirs!
I'm 31 & first wrote mine at 21. I started having brain surgeries then and am about to have brain surgeries #7 & 8, and will have them for the rest of my likely-shortened life. No way was I gonna go into brain surgery (any surgery, but brain surgery especially) without my wishes written out! I designated my mom as in charge, then my sister as a back-up (if my mom & I were injured/killed together or something) and spoke to them about what I was writing out. I trust them completely and know that they will go with what I wrote & what we talked about. I can go into brain surgeries now not wondering what would become of me if I was in a vegetative state, coma, dying, whatever. That allows me to be more confident at a time when I'm overwhelmed enough with the reality of what is happening to me.
I live in Idaho, I didn't even know Jennifer was from Idaho. I did hear about her case and it made me very upset. Even more upset to hear she was in Idaho.
I would actually love to make one because one of my biggest fears is just not being ready for certain things, or my family not being ready when things happen to me.
I'm a psych nurse now, but I spent most of my career in nursing homes (if you want to talk about sick business practices, omg that's the industry). I started pre Terri Schivo and we had tons of people in vegetative states with gastric or peg tubes. After that number dropped dramatically and we saw less and less, so all her suffering wasn't for nothing, that story made people really think about advance directives. Probably has nothing to do with this, but keep up the good work letting people know the importance of advance directives. I am an Appalachian American by birth and that culture is very death aware (not necessarily death positive) but my parents have let me know multiple times what they want done when they die and they have their funerals, gravesite paid for and their headstones up already all paid for. I don't have to worry about what they would want, I and their chosen funeral home already know.
Thanks for posting this. I kept meaning to look into it for myself and never did. Even working in the admissions office of a psych hospital many years back, I had to ask about Advance Directives. 98% of the time I'd get a blank look or a "Huh?" in return.
Kaitlin, I'm so glad you used examples of YOUNG people who had their choices taken away when they died because there was no advance directive. Too often we think of this as an old fogie problem.
EccentricSage The thing is that people don't prepare when they're young because of "were all gonna be old one day" NOPE. many many many people won't get to be old and it's to our advantage if we prepare for our death and post mortem care as early as possible.
Brian Landers It depends on where you are, but there are a lot of different forms and documents surrounding a person's after death/end of life/critical medical choices. An advanced directive essentially instructs what you want/don't want done with your body, funerary practices, medical decisions if you can't make them yourself, etc, and lays out who you want to make these decisions, what decisions they can make, who will be in charge of your estate, who gets your body, under what conditions, etc, in a legally binding way. A will is usually quite similar but deals with the disbursement of your possessions, assets, any dependants (like pets or kids), etc, and under what conditions. So an advanced directive is more like 'who gets to tell Dr's to pull the plug on grandma' and a will is more like 'who gets grandma's beautiful diamond ring'.
The thing is you do not have to be old to die and you can die at any time and you do not always have any control of it but you can have your wishes known and have a say in what you want for your final disposition and if you do you can make it where you are respected for who you are not what somebody who never bothered with you fantasizes the idea of what they wish you had been instead of the reality of you that they never even gave a rats arse about at all.
@@reyrivera119 0
@@KieranTubeCS 1
Started talking to my parents about all this kind of death stuff a few months ago, even recommending your channel since they didn't want to talk about it with me... Just the other week I was asked to come around to 'sign some forms' for my parents, lo and behold, two copies of an advanced directive with enduring power of attorney and a living will all pristine and just filled out waiting for me to sign. You are really getting through to people Caitlin! It's amazing! We love you!
Bryn Jackson awesome job!!!!!! Way to handle something uncomfortable!!!!!
That's awesome that your family decided to get all their wishes in order ahead of time! 😊
Thank you for advocating this. My mother secretly designated her father minutes before being put on a respirator. My brother and I were devastated when we learned that “pulling the plug” actually means turn down all the machines slowly, beginning with the medicine that was keeping her comatose. As she was drowning in her final minutes, she awoke to find her family standing around her crying. I will NEVER forget the look of terror on her face as she clawed at her throat trying to breathe while tears ran down her face. Her father didn’t even wait around, it was too hard on him losing a child before her time. (FYI, she died of Hammon-Rich Syndrome) I am still advocating twenty years later to change the law to ensure that dying patients never regain consciousness. I don’t know how many other families have had to see that, but with COVID-19 on the rise AGAIN, but having a single person traumatized like that is too many.
omg... i've been a nurse for years and years... i worked hospice for a while and THANK YOU THANK YOUR FOR THIS.. you have no idea how hard it is to explain advanced directives to people,, at first when i saw you anounce "ADVANCED DIRECTIVES" ... I almost threw up a little,,, paperwork,, jeezzz.. but this can actually help me.. i'm going to keep your this on my phone and just hand it people instead of sitting there and wasting hours explaining.. thanks for this..
Talk to a neurosurgeon if you want to know how to sum it up. They (or at least the ones who have done my brain surgeries) have to get them from basically every single patient and explained it quickly & easily.
Same. :) I’m a home health nurse and thought the exact same thing.
thanks for keeping us informed about death! we all appreciate it
Oh hey! Fancy seeing you here 😆
My parents are in their 80's and feel compelled to go over the will with me every time I visit.This time around I had a checklist of things they had not covered, including advanced directives. Perfect timing! And I totally took charge of the conversation. Dad now thinks I'm death obsessed. Well, he might be right.
Your videos are super important. Thanks so much for demystifying and normalizing death and all things deathly. And congrats on being a funeral home owner!
Thank You. For Doing This. As a healthcare provider in emergency medicine and critical care for 20+ years, I have seen the most inhumane tortures and atrocities committed. Some cases are so bad, that in a 12-hour shift, we will actually switch off after only 4 or 6 hours, because we don't want to be a part of something so personally despicable as what we are asked to do. America, get a clue, there are worse things than dying.
Yes, indeed! Come work with me in long term care, especially on my Alzheimer/Dementias unit and tell me you want you or your loved ones to end life that way. I would love to slap the hell out of families that refuse to sign DNR directives, as well.
I'm transgender and that story made me feel so horrible, if I were dressed up as a girl and was remembered by my birth name I would come back and haunt whoever did it :/
That's why, if you don't want to be deadnamed or misgendered, you should get started on your advanced directives now, and choose someone good who will honor your wishes.
@@raulurquiaga457 I'm a trans guy, and I had to consult with SEVERAL psychiatrists before beginning medical transition. It's almost as if any reputable mental health institution agrees that transgender identities are valid, but hey that's just according to The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, The American Academy of Family Physicians, The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, The American Medical Association, and The American Psychiatric Association (just to name a few).
I agree, the idea of that is honestly horrific. I'm in the minority of trans people who have parents who confirm their gender, but if I wasn't, I'd be scrambling to get my power of attorney filled out asap, especially since I'm not having kids who could make the call any time soon (three cheers for testosterone-fried eggs, am I right?)
@@raulurquiaga457 you know i've been trying that... I'm still transgender.
@@roylinfordadams actually, there's a recent push in archaeology to not aggressively gender bodies based solely on physical features because historically a lot of people were miscategorised, including intersex people and people who were of variant genders. Archaeology is a branch of anthropology, which is the study of human culture. When you erase people you are erasing part of culture.
tldr: fuck off, you're wrong
My aunt was a polio survivor who donated her body to the university. We got a lovely letter from them thanking us for her donation. So few people see the effects of polio on the body these days they were glad for their students to see her. Pls consider donating your body to science,especially if you have a rare condition. Med students can learn a lot. Also:no cost cremation by the university so that's a nice bonus to not leave your loved ones with a huge bill for disposal of your remains.
Dear Scatty,
You are right, and I am glad you wrote your part.
Now I wish to offer the following. Make arrangements in advance for your body disposition. It may be a tad more complex than you think.
I retired from mortuary work in rural northeastern California. When we go to town we go to Reno, Nevada. Reno has two major hospitals and a university. Yet they often turn down bodies offered for science. I guess they have more than they need, most days. But ASK. Find out how that system works. (They never told us about that, at the mortuary.)
Another resource for our location could be in Redding, California. But the hospitals there need to be asked. So do some communicating in advance.
You used the word "durable". Good, because some legal paperwork dies when you do. So make sure whatever legal "instruments" you use will live on and get the job done.
Yup. That's where mine is going. My body parts won't be much use to anyone else donation-wise - they don't even work for the original owner lol - so if my body can help scientists understand and treat other people like me, good.
I cracked up with The Little Mermaid reference. Made my day.
Daniel Pointer and what was that?
Signing the form and singing flotsom and jetsem and then laughs.
"Flotsam and Jetsam, now I've got her, boys! The boss is on a rooooollllllllllll!"
It's a line from Ursula's iconic song "Poor Unfortunate Souls"
You are SO GOOD Caitlin Doughty!
I did mine years ago when I cut my family out of my life. If I couldn't expect them to respect my autonomy in life, there was no was I was gonna trust them in death! The process is fairly quick and relatively painless. I'd imagine the forms vary by state, but in Ohio, there are specific scenarios that you have to respond to, like: if you're terminal and unresponsive, do you want to continue to be force-fed? Not something I'd particularly thought of before.
I'm so glad you posted this. In the last two years I've lost about a dozen people who's death tore apart families, including one who's remains weren't claimed by her children (outside of US) so were disposed of as if she had no family, leaving some with no sense of closure.
Any discomfort associated with addressing these issues is more than balanced by peace, healing, and peace of mind.
I want to know how many advance directives you get with Caitlin Doughty as the beneficiary of post mortem custody! Body hoarder! Heeheehee
S Johnston I ALSO WONDER THIS. ALL ZE BODIES BELONG TO ME.
Made my son giggle, too!
But I'm not discounting the value of this video. Sometime it's hard for children to talk about this subject with a parent. Meee! Meeeemeeee! I don't want my cubs to be afraid like I was, so we will watch this video together and take care of business. Thank you.
S Johnston lol..."body hoarder..." so wickedly funny, you little deathling!
Ask A Mortician Hey I know I am a bit late... But... Could I possibly get a few of your more... Disposable... Bodies? I have certain... Needs. I mean my... Friends has certain... Needs. Yes... That sounds legitimate.
I'm so incredibly glad you're advocating for advanced directives! As a nurse, I especially see why these documents are so incredibly important, but unfortunately very difficult to get people under the age of 70 to complete. Too often people chuckle, "I'm a long way from dying...I don't think we need to worry about THAT now..." Every time I want to scream "NO!!! You can NEVER guess when that time may come!" (But of course I can't say that..). We need to be discussing death more openly in the medical field, but it is just not done enough. Your channel is so inspiring and has helped me find new ways to approach the subject. I think what you're doing to promote death positivity and green burial is amazing. I'm going to start directing more people to your channel, because it's such an incredible resource. Thank you! 🙌🏽💪🏽💀✨
I am twenty, and thanks to Caitlin and watching my Nan pass away in a very drawn out fashion due to Ovarian Cancer last year (aged 69), I have done mine. I hope that I do not die anytime soon, but I want to feel empowered in the meantime to assert my agency in my end of life care, just in case. ♡
As a young person with a chronic illness I've talked about getting this together for OVER 2 YEARS thank you for making it approachable and honestly NO ONE ever told me this stuff was this easy. This is something that will give my family a lot of peace in areas I know they are crazy concerned about all the time with me. They should teach this shit in highschool
This is super important. I had to have this discussion with my dad a few years ago and I'm so glad I did. We went to the lawyer and had advanced directives and his will drawn up. My dad is aging and not in the best of health. When the time comes, I know exactly what he wants done with his remains. And when he was in the hospital last year in a medically induced coma, I knew what questions to ask the doctors regarding his health and whether or not I'd have to make any choices regarding "pulling the plug," as my dad likes to call it. In a time of such emotional chaos it was so helpful to have that set of guidelines to follow and it felt like a huge burden was lifted. I'm so glad you brought this up.
smoking goji berries out of a rolled up post-it note
thenipplerenaissance your username is inspiring
Enlightenment!
I might be the odd one out here, but I think this is cool and am really excited to do it. I've been thinking for a long time what I want to do with my body when I die. My will, my funeral requests (my mom says I'm not allowed any pyrotechnics or to have my body spring-loaded in the casket for any surprises during the funeral... but we'll see about that) and my advanced directives.
just saw this now since your icon is a c ill just say a giant letter C springing up into a sitting position with a tape recording saying I'm baaaaaaccck and family and friends screaming before it is realized some one spring loaded their their casket
C - omg lol!!!
Dawn Gianni lol right if i were they i would literally die im terrified of db lol
Thank you, Caitlyn! My mom just passed away from cancer a few months ago, and I was DPoA for her. If not for discussions I had with her, her advanced directive, and her DNR, the decisions we made were easier. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
THIS!!! I've worked in health care for some years now. And this is one of the most important things I think most people don't think about. Beyond the examples there. Without one of these. Ive seen people put into nursing homes and had their lives prolonged for years. One person 20 years in the home no talking no visitors. Couldnt move constantly had bed sores. And when he started to pass his family wanted life saving measures taken. So please please follow this advice and set everything out exactly how you want it. Some times families cant cope with "pulling the plug" so to speak. And feel like they are giving up on mom or dad. This will show them exactly what you want so you can die with dignity.
From an ICU RN, thanks so much for putting this info out there. It amazes me how many people aren't aware, or educated on this. Good job!
Thank you for explaining this so clearly. My mum and husband would fight like cats and dogs over what would be done if I was in an end-of-life situation. Same with my body and funeral. My mum is very anti-organ donation, but what the hell use are they to me if I'm dead? Rip those puppies out! I want to be buried in a cardboard coffin, and feed the greenery with my corpse. Neither of them would be ok with that.
The Terri Schiavo saga tore me to pieces, especially since her heart attack and resulting brain death was caused by bulimia. Sudden heart failure or stroke can be a complication from electrolyte imbalances, not nice ways to go. She's partly what helped me kick my own bulimia before my heart was too damaged, or I suffered a stroke.
I just realised that i havent seen your eyebrows.Ever.
Georgia Reads I know saw them.
now*
Georgia Reads wow how could u miss them lol
Check out, 'The Trial of the Corpse' video - those eyebrows will be staring right at you ;D
....but they’re so pretty
Thank you, Caitlyn. I had no idea it was this simple of a process. Please keep doing what you do because you really are making a difference :) Hugs from Florida!
Sending this to my friends and partner, this information may not seem like an immediate concern for us young adults but the idea of someone I know and love not being presented as the person they were in life is heartbreaking.
Please, folks. Do it. Especially the End of Life Care section. It will save you, your family and your physician time and heartache.
If you want to make sure that you are doing the right paperwork for your state, go to your local hospital, the cancer center, or a hospice center and ask them for an advance directive packet. They will usually have an entire packet to give you before you go in for major surgery etc. And they will happily give one to you for free. Just a thought. =) Also, you can make copies and give it to your local hospital and they will keep it on file, at least both of my local hospitals did for me.
Make a copy, take it with you every time you need to have a stay at the hospital. It has been my experience that even with an advanced directive or a DNR on file, they do not look in the file for these and rely on the family for this information.
My father passed 8 yrs ago. I had been appointed his DPoA. I knew where he kept his copy of his advanced directive, living will. I took the copy to the hospital. He was admitted unexpectedly, he was unconscious. By the time I arrived he had been resuscitated, and placed on a vent. Then came the battle with my siblings of removing him from the vent and into hospice. He had specific orders to have no "heroic" measures to be taken. It was an excruciating week in the hospital, then another excruciating week in hospice after I fought with siblings to follow my father's wishes.
Even with his Advanced Directive on file at the hospital no one research or pulled up his records in the week he had been admitted.
(Another reason you are asked three billion times about allergies, falls, recent hospitalizations when being admitted.)
Thank you for making this video. I now rest easy knowing with my new advanced directive that the evil people I spawned from and had to call 'family' will in no way have a chance to disrespect me in death as they have in life.
Caitlyn, thank you so much for writing Smoke Gets in Your Eyes. I just finished it a few weeks ago and I loved it. It was a spontaneous purchase at a local bookseller. I'd never heard of the book but it seemed very fascinating. Today, I decided to romp through RUclips to watch random videos when one of your videos popped up in my recommendations. I was delighted because I didn't know it was you until I saw your name after watching your video on Coffin Birth. I'm so happy to find out you have a RUclips series! Now I know what to do with my days off work. Anyway, I just finished filling out my advance directive. Thank you so much for all of your insight.
We've already got ours done and notarized. They're kept in the safety deposit box at the bank to make sure nothing happens to them. We used a very inexpensive computer program that made it so easy. It asked questions in a simple conversational manner, then it translated that information into a legal document form for the printout. We took them to the local library where they always have notaries on their staff, extra staff for the required number of witnesses and got them notarized. Peace of mind: check.
CrankyPants. The only thing
I feel the need to say is that there are legalities involved with accessing safe deposit boxes upon the owner’s death, depending on how the ownership is set up. You may want to talk to your bank about this to make sure that the contents of your safe deposit box can be accessed by the right person when the time comes. That may be why Caitlyn mentioned putting it in the freezer instead.
So, off-topic, but Landis is super cute.
Yes. Yes, he is!
“Dude with Awesome Hair: Future Iconic Corpse”
He’ll make a fantastic prop for a book tour, Caitlin!
Super important! I recently had a health scare and death came to mind, not my first close call and I don't even have a will, gonna get that done this week! Also, I love you more for knowing how big you heart is towards humans of all kinds. :)
The story about the transexual made me so upset... I was in tears... This is so mean.
Nathalie Sagt It shook me up as well! Can you be-leave the nerve of that poor ladies family! How could a person do such a thing?
Nathalie Sagt Hey, I don't want you to feel like I'm attacking you, but you seem like a caring person so I thought I'd give you a heads up. Calling someone "transexual" by itself is kind of rude, like if you called someone an "autistic" or referred to people as "those blacks." Transexual is an adjective, so you should usually say "transexual person/man/woman."
Also the term "transexual" itself is kind of controversial. Some people find it offensive because sex is the biological side of gender, so calling someone "transexual" implies you are fixating on what's in their pants. Others use transexual only if a person has transitioned, because again biology. Either way, using "transgender person/man/woman" instead is a safer bet. "Transgender*ed*" however is also offensive because it sounds like something bad happened to that person, not like part of their identity.
Again, you didn't do anything bad and there's lots about this stuff that may not be obvious at first. As an ally myself, I'm sure I have way more to learn. I just wanted to say something in the hopes it would be informative to you (or anyone else reading this) and help you be even more supportive to people you care about in the future :)
Point taken, thanks very much for the time and effort in explaining this. I agree, It seems rather obvious reading out loud, in hindsight.
Emmasama240
Oh I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my comment. I'm still learing english, in my language a transexual person is expressed like that, we got a suffix in our language right after the noun to suggest the gender/neuter. I really didn't mean to sound rude. Thank you for explanation. :)
Nathalie Sagt
You're welcome. I'm happy that my intuition you were a nice, uninformed person was correct. I'm also happy that my comment worked out well, cause I was pretty nervous making it. Keep on being awesome and learning about english's particular quirks
Silly question : why are you keeping your legal documents in the freezer?
I sort of assume it's "durable metal box, unlikely to be blown away by a disaster" and that maybe "cold = keeps paper from decomposing" (is that a thing?)
But at the same time, the amount of water that comes out of our freezer when there's a power cut and it defrosts.... Surely that would destroy any paperwork kept in there?
Today I had “the talk” with my mom, I suggested filling out the advance directives and to make our wills in case something happen to any of us, we are alone in this state and ever since a close friend of mine passed away, I been confronted by the idea that everything can happen at any given time 😞 this lose affected me because though i am (now) very aware of my mortality, I also took matters into my own hands and I am proud to say that my relationship with my mom is better than it was before, and I can feel closer to her. I might have lost a friend, but I gained the courage to try to make things better between my mom and I.
I am so glad you talked about this! I know that a lot of people don't want to think about their imminent and eventual demise, but it's so, so necessary (especially thinking about all the awful examples you provided as to why Advanced Directives are so necessary).
I second (third? fourth?) how easy it is to put one into place. My mom had open-heart surgery last fall and the hospital had a whole person devoted to talking to patients about ADs. Even if you aren't facing major, life-threatening surgery, everyone should get one.
That reminds me, I need to actually write down my wishes, my husband knows what they are, but for legality's sake and everything.
Bless you in any religon or beleife system you want! I had to do this woth my wife in 1996, she had incurable cancer and had definite wishes and with a final directive i managed to get it all accomplished even with her familys disagreeing with every choice.
I watched bride groom with my kids when they were young. Wanted them to know how important this subject was. I cried so much for the injustice of it and the pain suffered by his real family and friends. This became important to me and whenever legislation was passed in support for gay rights I made sure my voice was heard.
Preach it Caitlin! Home Hospice RN here. I just have to say that I absolutely love your stuff. I use your book and videos all the time to explain stuff to my patients and families so that death is not so scary. (One of my families recently clipped a lock of hair after watching one of your videos, held a really lovely candlelight/anointing.)
Anyhow...one of my favorite mortuaries in the Denver area hands out black wristbands (ala the 19th century armband custom) to grieving families to wear, so they can publically display mourning. Recently got a call from one of my widows who was wearing her black wristband in the supermarket. Some stranger who was standing in line behind her recognized what it was, they asked who died, asked how she was doing, and then they bought all her groceries. A glimpse of hope of changing times!
Anyway, thanks for helping make dying and grieving more normal, comfortable, accessible, and public. I was totally bummed that I couldn't meet you in person at the Denver Public Library last week...but I was attending a death, so you know, I thought you'd understand. Anyway, keep it coming sister!
Advanced directives and or living will. I'm glad you covered this topic. It is so very important. Even if you can't pull the plug on the vegetative person, a stand by or secondary person can. I've seen a few people who are permanently brain damaged and or brain dead being kept alive for years because the state or the family doesn't have the power to end their lives. Just a body taking space and resources that could be used for people who need it. Sad, scary, and true!
Wow! This couldn't have come at a better time. I've been talking a lot with my parents about what their wishes are and though it's been verbally said I've suggested writing things down so we have clearly laid out and no one can dispute things. Totally going to show this video to my parents.
Back in 2013 I had a stroke (made a full recovery) but While I was in rehab I got my advance directives squared away! I have a "living will" and it states I want to donate my organs and then I left my best friend who is also a nurse be in charge of what happens to me if I can't make the decisions
im a transgender male and honestly i am afraid that if i die young someone will dress me as a girl and completely ignore things i want for my postmortem care. for me i want to be cremated and possibly put in a tree pod thing, so i could grow into a willow tree. but at the same time i would want a funeral before being cremated, so my family could see me in a suit and people could say their goodbyes before im reduced to nothing but ash (literally). i dont know if this is even a thing. can you have a funeral before being cremated? and what will happen to my body after death? what if i dont want to have any procedures such as draining my blood or having an autopsy done? and can i choose to have my chosen name on a tombstone if i end up being buried? i have no idea about these things and it scares me. not the idea of death, but the idea of not having a say in how i am remembered if i die young. im only 15, if i die just like my friends have will my wishes be respected?
Liam Densmore Snapchat - swebber8285
I dont have snapchat haa
Liam Densmore Aww, ok :(
If you look on her website order of the good death she has a blog post about how to protect your death rights as a transgender person. Hopefully that will help. :)
My brother was cremated and put in a family plot which included a flat headstone for reasons of genealogy record , we didn't have a body at the memorial ( funeral without body is called memorial), people were rude thinking that maybe we were hiding something or he didn't actually die. I think it is a good idea to have these conversations and stuff put in writing because families thinking they doing the right thing can go completely against what the newly deceased wants. For example, my great aunt wanted a burial to fulfil her religious duties, she made sure to have family know before her passing, as a result it was a no brainer, her wish was granted because we knew what she wanted. On the other hand my grandmother blatantly expressed her desire of a closed casket, but because it was not put into writing my uncle who was the executor of the will decided it was totally fine to display her in open casket. Because death is so personal, it is in your best interest to plan ahead.
Your creative eye is incredible and your sense of humor is awesome! Thank you Caitlin!
This answered so many questions, thank you! I was confronted with this when I went in for cancer surgery, and didn't understand the legalese. So I just discussed everything with my husband so he knew what to do if I didn't come back. Now I feel I can tackle that document. Keep up the great work!
Can I say thank you, thank you. For doing this video. People tend to not understand those forms. Working in the health field man, do we run into so many horrible stories and witness the horrors of what happens.
I wrote down my “living will” end-of-life care directions a long time ago, but thanks to your videos, I have added my specific preferences for the care and final disposition of my dead body. I also specified that my designee(s) could make certain changes to this if they preferred or if some situation or the condition of my body would make other arrangements necessary or easier for them. A funeral is for the living, in my opinion.
There is a sense of relief in having done this; I have no reason to expect it will be needed anytime soon, but when it is needed it should make things easier.
I remember Terrys case. Oh my god. 15 days of starvation after years of the battle between her family and then spouse I was outraged at the entire situation more than I can articulate.
Thank you, Caitlin. My dad wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread across the Aegean Sea, a place where he spent more than 30 years traveling. My mom absolutely did not want anything to do with cremation and wanted a traditional Christian burial, going against his wishes. With your information, we arranged everything so I had complete control over what happened to his body, and when he passed away on September 2020 I was able to override anything my mom tried and had him cremated. I am planning to spread his ashes over the Aegean Sea on a ferry when travel is accessible again.
I teach ESL, and my students are all from Mexico, so to celebrate the day of the dead, we are having a lesson on funerals, expressing condolences, grief and advanced directives. Thank you for the inspiration.
As an RN with 30 years of experience, I've seen the bad results of folks who do not have advanced directives, and the many people (mostly families) who don't even want to think about it. Pretty sad. Thank you for addressing this topic. I learned too!
Thank you so much! You helped me out tremendously and I just printed out my advance directive!
I just want to say thank you. I did not realize it was that easy to get my directive in place. Love tour videos they are educational and really smartly funny. Thanks again.
My last NOK died last year and I tried physically writing one of these and bawled my eyes out. Thank God someone has written one and I can just nominate people. Relieved.
Thanks a bunch for making this easy to understand! Everyone should get together with best buds and family to have a Advance Directive Party!
I've been going through the older videos and that laugh got me pretty good this morning.
Your timing couldn't be better! Getting my advanced directive and will in order is on my "50 Things To Do Now That I'm 50" list for this year, and I was wondering how to get started.
How does one join the order of the good death?
Due for Carotid Surgery this Week. Finishing up Directives, TODAY, Finally!! Thanks Ever so much for being here, Caitlin!! I Love your Videos and am trying to pass "The Word" around :) What a Great Adventure :D
I wish Tickle Me Nietzsche was a thing, actually
Karmillina you tickle him and he says DON'T TICKLE ME I AM GOD
Right? And when you tickle it it just quotes nihilist existential philosophy at you instead of laughing
Thank you so much for this. I was a social worker in long term care. I am such an advocate of letting your wishes be known. I do them for families. . Terri really turned my industry upside down in a good way. Please make your wishes known. There is a great tool called 5 wishes.
This is perhaps the most important video you have made. Although not the most pleasant thing to think about, advance directives not only give you peace of mind but also gives your family peace also as they are relieved of all those difficult decisions they may have to make. Doing a segment on wills and living trusts would be great also since most people hate to think about things like this.
Thank you!!! Even tho we have talked with our kids 8,18 yrs old of what we all want when that time comes its important to have legal documents just in case. I watched that bridegroom documentary thanks a lot! Made me cry 😢 and proceed to watched extremis, scares me more then death the fact that they want to keep you alive even tho you would never be able to be yourself .
Thanks for keeping us informed and explaining our rights. Your great!
I've always thought about making a will or some sort of contractual document that will save a huge amount of heartache for my living relatives or in the event that i become uncapable of making decisions for myself. I've never done one because of affordability. I never knew about advanced directives until right now. I'm so grateful for this information and I'm going to make every one of my loved ones do one. Thank you Kaitlin.
P.S. i bloody love all of your videos. Death kind of scares me but I'm also more at peace with it than most people i know. I'm usually quite open about it and love to talk about it. You make it so much easier to address death and i love watching you. You amuse me greatly. Who knew you could make death subjects fun 😁❤
So important! It can speed up the process in requesting medical records on your behalf too.
This...is something I never thought about before. I'm gonna do it! Thanks, Caitlin! *Mentos smile*
I'm really glad you made this video because it really brought home that I needed to do this. I'm about to turn 35 and I have a chronic condition so you never know what's going to happen.
This moved me so, I called up my grandmother and went right over to fill out our advanced directives. I had no idea what this was but coincidentally I have been subconsciously learning what this was only in different forms, or called something different. After watching this video literally everything in this work made sense to me.
My brother died young, 20 yrs. old. It was unexpected, and very traumatic; all the decisions we had to make under emotional duress. I think that it should be a mandated right of passage kind of thing, to fill out an advanced directive when you turn 18, or what ever the age of emancipation is in your state, like a draft card for men, used to be enforced. I'm sure you can alter the plan as needed, but to at least have one would be a step in the right direction.
I've done my Advanced Directive and Living Will at only 45. Never too early .
AARP has a section to download free printables from any US state
chEErs
93
I remember watching the Terri Shivo debacle as a middle schooler.
So disturbing.
I can’t thank you enough for addressing this critical topic. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
In October 2021, I had a medical procedure done, and the hospital required that I have an advanced directive. (It wasn't considered especially risky, but any time you have major surgery, there is always risk involved.)
The hospital provided me with a form. When I mentioned it to a friend, he told me that there were RELIGIOUS advanced directives. He emailed me a copy. I printed it out. We had a sort of "pre-op advanced directive signing party," with witnesses, people asking questions, getting answers, and texting my Rabbi of choice to actually make decisions if anything came up that wasn't clear.
It gave me peace of mind to have it.
Sincerest thanks for this. I know it freaks patients out a little when they are asked if they have an advances directive or living will on file and/or would they want one. It's not something a young couple coming in for their first baby want to think about but death and mortal peril are always RIGHT THERE, side effect of being alive, and it needs to be talked about!
Who, where, when, why, what and how! Answers must be decided on.
My family recently had to go through a some troubles when my grandmother was in hospital. Luckily the entire family was mostly on the same page but the paperwork that was signed years ago wasn't directly clear enough when power of attorney kicked in. This cause some much needed conversation about what we all want. Personally I'm not religious and I want everything donated to research. My direct family are supportive of it are considering changing from cremation to donation but oh boy did that not go over well once that left our household.
I've never been so excited about contingency planning for what could possibly be HORRIBLE future situations! I guess it just feels good to be in control!
My father is an attorney, and he made sure that I had a living will in place before I went to college. Good thing, too, because they had clear power of attorney when I had a hemorrhagic stroke at age 23 (as you do) so I survived and am mostly still all here. But we update our wills every so often, because kids happen, and they need to be accommodated for. Like my kids really should go with my parents instead of my sister because they are more comfortable with my parents. But my parents are also in their 70s...so my sister is a backup.
You are awesome, I was working on mine and stumbled on this while I was listening to you in the background. This is a TON of help so I can find what I need to do in my state
It really is so reassuring when you go in for surgery and they won’t perform the surgery until you have signed an Advanced Directive (and the waiver saying you won’t sue if they leave a pair of scissors in you).
I just did my advance directive right after watching your video I found one online they even let me convert it into a PDF so I can print it out off my phone thanks for this nice video
Than you for making this video. I wasn't aware that options for advanced directives were available. I'm just starting with the motions on this. I'm also honored to say that my best friend since high school was honored to accept the privilege of being a second alternate designated agent. She's only behind my spouse and mother.
Nice job, you found a way to hopefully get to teens and young adults. After pushing like crazy my husband finally went with me to preplan our funerals and buy our grave plots!!!! Yeah. Love you and your channel.
I work at a law office that does a lot of Wills, PoAs and Advanced Directives, and it's always older couples or somebody who needs a rush job because they are flying to Europe and are terrified the plane will crash. But everyone is always really relaxed and relieved when they get them finished.
My grandmother was in the same hospice as Terry chiavo at the same time. That sh*t permanently scarred me.
happy you made this video. thanks caitlin
This was totally reminding me of that Ursula scene, and I burst out laughing when you actually sang the verse! Awesome episode, as always.
I've got one. Sent copies to all three of the people listed on it and then scanned it and PUT IT ON MY CELL PHONE as jpgs and also in the phone number section as "DO NOT RESUSCITATE".
And my various food allergies are also listed....
Came across this accidentally today. Cannot stop watching. This is awesome and interesting!
CONGRATS ON THE FUNERAL HOME
GAHH SO EXCITING I'M YELLING
Ha! My partner asked why their paperwork asked for a secondary. I literally said, "Should I be unable to fulfill my duties, your first runner-up would take over."
Cried at just the mention of bridegroom =,[ I live in Miami and the sea level is high enough without me crying oceans tonight
Just saw this now, two years on, and it has spurred me to action! My wife and I will complete ours tonight, as well as writing our wills. My mom died without naming me as executor of her estate and it was a mess.
My spouse and I got our Powers of Attorney and wills done here in Canada about 2 years ago, after procrastinating about it for about 5 years! Through my work I`ve heard of many difficutl situations where a Will or POA didn`t exist and it`s been a big weight off of our shoulders to know this is done - I now also try to encourage all of my friends and family to ensure they get theirs!
I'm 31 & first wrote mine at 21. I started having brain surgeries then and am about to have brain surgeries #7 & 8, and will have them for the rest of my likely-shortened life. No way was I gonna go into brain surgery (any surgery, but brain surgery especially) without my wishes written out! I designated my mom as in charge, then my sister as a back-up (if my mom & I were injured/killed together or something) and spoke to them about what I was writing out. I trust them completely and know that they will go with what I wrote & what we talked about. I can go into brain surgeries now not wondering what would become of me if I was in a vegetative state, coma, dying, whatever. That allows me to be more confident at a time when I'm overwhelmed enough with the reality of what is happening to me.
I live in Idaho, I didn't even know Jennifer was from Idaho. I did hear about her case and it made me very upset. Even more upset to hear she was in Idaho.
I would actually love to make one because one of my biggest fears is just not being ready for certain things, or my family not being ready when things happen to me.
I'm a psych nurse now, but I spent most of my career in nursing homes (if you want to talk about sick business practices, omg that's the industry). I started pre Terri Schivo and we had tons of people in vegetative states with gastric or peg tubes. After that number dropped dramatically and we saw less and less, so all her suffering wasn't for nothing, that story made people really think about advance directives. Probably has nothing to do with this, but keep up the good work letting people know the importance of advance directives. I am an Appalachian American by birth and that culture is very death aware (not necessarily death positive) but my parents have let me know multiple times what they want done when they die and they have their funerals, gravesite paid for and their headstones up already all paid for. I don't have to worry about what they would want, I and their chosen funeral home already know.
Thanks for posting this. I kept meaning to look into it for myself and never did. Even working in the admissions office of a psych hospital many years back, I had to ask about Advance Directives. 98% of the time I'd get a blank look or a "Huh?" in return.