“We only have $2k saved… but she can’t stop shopping”
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- Опубликовано: 29 янв 2024
- Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich speaks to April and Kevin. They are in their mid thirties with two kids. They’ve been married for twelve years and Kevin recently came across a good book on finance-one which empowered him to learn more about their finances. What he found shocked him, and has driven deep cracks in their marriage.
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Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
I have a question. The CSP is monthly based. How should I set it up if I get paid biweekly?
Shouldn't have to say this, but glad that you did. We should all learn from our fellow humans when possible.
Ramit, this show, and especially this episode, is such a fascinating look at the human psyche. Their issues are almost 1% about their actual spending and 99% about their psychological to the issue. So interesting, keep up the great content
I just want to know where you buy your clothes Ramit 😂, seriously 🙂
Anyone know how to adjust it for 2 partners like in the video. For me it just has the 1 column
The "Work hard so you can shop harder" sign in the classroom is crazy 😅
What would you think if you saw that at a parent-teacher meeting?
I would be mortified if I saw that in my kids class. Mind you, she isn’t even working that hard. Teaching nine year olds then taking a summer in Europe…teaching is important but come on she isn’t exactly breaking her back for it
A very inappropriate sign for a classroom. Talk about indoctrination.
She should take that sign down. It’s not teaching the right values.
@@TonyCox1351 just because you aren’t breaking a sweat doesn’t mean you aren’t working hard. Teaching is extremely difficult. It is a notoriously underpaid salaried position. You don’t leave your work in the classroom. You have to negotiate between students, coworkers, parents, administration, social workers, and society, along with attitudes like yours. Expectations for your role are unrealistic. Burnout is very high.
Kevin is a gem . He’s the man , husband and father I would want for my daughters . April needs to grow up and become a mature adult . BTW, April being poor doesn’t mean you look at prices . My net worth is over 1 million and I look at prices of everything! Even the trail mix I love from Target that just went up in price .
Is it the coconut trail mix? I am hooked!😭🤣
Exactly. The wealthy look at money as a tool and always think about the real cost of spending money. The woman is a huge issue and her mentality needs to change.@@Paths2business8406
I used to think $1 million net worth was a lot, until I grew up and realized that just the house and the 401k was more than that. But at least I discovered something else: buying the small tubes of Colgate Sensitive from the dollar store ends up costing less than the larger tube from Walmart. 😆
I cost compare everything!
I think it’s more the idea that you know your bank card won’t be denied due to insufficient funds or your credit card being maxed out.
It's becauW she hasn't educated herself, she's being told to do something without having a strong enough internal rationale for doing it, imo
Uh.... This is a great husband!!!!! Thousands would love a thoughtful and loving husband and father like this man. I've watched too many videos with worthless and/or abusive husbands. This woman will ruin her family and her own life if she doesn't stop this emotional spending. She needs to think about her husband's and childrens' future and not what she thinks is right. This could definitely end in divorce. Please girl, get it together!!! You already have a great thing with a loving husband who wants to talk finances with you and take care of you and your children long term. Many grow up with alone raising children or with a monster of a husband/father and end up in poverty. Work WITH your loving, caring husband! The father of your children who cares for the future of your family! You're not going to get another one like him easily.
Seems like she has alot of issues with self esteem and self worth. She may not feel worthy of Kevin and her life so she spends to fill that void and wear nice clothing to feel good, but it’s just a crutch. She freezes and closes up when Kevin reaches out, seems like it’s out of fear
Very insightful. Self esteem causes most bad behaviors.
While I definitely agree, I don't know if the message "cling to him because other women have terrible partners," is necessarily helpful.
She can find strategies to limit her spending and hopefully her mother will get on board. If she hates cooking, she could invite her mother over to cook meals with her kids, then go out for a simple coffee later (10 and 7 year olds would love this time with Grandma). One of Christina Mychas' strategies is to make a wish list of items you want, then wait and consider them for a while before purchasing. You may not even want them after the initial feelings pass.
@@MNP208 I wondered if wife is an only-child because it seems she was the focal center of her parents' marriage. Then it carried over into this couple's early marriage years prior to purchasing their own home. Wish Mr. Sethi pointed out their oldest child at 10 years old only has 8 more years before he graduates high school. Do they have any plan to help with college expenses, or is that totally on each child? Glad Mr. Sethi questioned what happens if one spouse dies, but it's even more important to have a plan if one spouse becomes disabled (yeah it happened in my family). Death can be easier than disability.
Who and when you choose your wife/husband is the most important decision in your life.
I'm glad you mentioned the "When" which I find is equally as important as the "Who"
I grew up in that household too where having things is considered happy. As a result, my mom have 3 full closets, clothes spilling out from everywhere, shoe boxes stacked up high right to the ceiling. She buys then makes her happy, absorbs the dopamine hits and goes on next week for another hit. It's like an addiction to them. As a result, I am the absolute opposite. Only have 3 pairs of shoes, 27 pieces of clothing and 1 winter jacket.
One way for her to visualize this is to have a garage sale of her 'investments' and realize that each piece of clothing is worth only $3-5 to other people.
Every thing and item she buys is costing her retirement, her husband's retirement fund, their kids college funds, their ability to go on vacation. It's a never ending cycle to work work work and spend and at the end of 40 years career, you wake up to only 200k of retirement and now you have to depend on your kids for comfortable living. Very sad.
She is 62 now and still working and living paycheck to paycheck. Don't be like her. This is a warning as a glimpse of your future. Nothing will change if you don't take steps.
Very similar to my upbringing with my mother. Unfortunately for me I’ve lived similarly (not as extreme) but it’s definitely taken a toll on my financial independence. Luckily I’ve turned things around but my mom is almost 70 and still working with 0 retirement.
Thats so sad. Not funding your college, but expecting you to fund her retirement 😔
@@rebvanwinkelstein2578 yup. No college fund. Lucky for me I got full academic scholarship. Heed the warning!!! Now, I am 'obliged' to help her with cost of living even though she still works. Unfortunately this is the case for many people even when they refuse to see it.
Same house growing up for me…when my mom passed I put a lot in storage….after dumping a lot…my sister and I have to clean it out soon..way too much money
Yup. Falling apart trailer in the Mobile Home park is PACKED with nice things though.
Shopping addiction is an overlooked vice. People need to address it immediately. I am victim to this as well.
Do you know what broke me out of my shopping addiction ? Only shopping at Goodwill or a thrift store . I haven’t bought a new item of clothing ( except undergarments ) since 2017 . It’s been transformative
I agree, she needs professional help 😔
I used to do this when I was younger and with cheap clothing! But at some point I bought this turtleneck from 2018 (that I still use today) and always wondered why I still LOVED wearing it over all my newer clothes. Turns out it was 100% cotton --- kept its quality over time. And turns out, all the other clothes I loved for maybe 10 wears then immediately hated them were all 100% polyester. Mind was blown.
When I started paying attention to the quality of my clothes, shopping significantly went down because it's easier to filter out the low-quality clothes from the high-quality ones. You would not believe how much brands use low quality materials but sell for premium prices. I can afford the premium prices, but am not about to be ripped off of my hard-earned money. I'm poor enough to need to care about that.
@@neycongjuico7395 1000000 spot on !!!!!
@@neycongjuico7395So true! I have a 100% cotton turtleneck from the Gap circa 2002 (!!) that’s still going strong. I’m amazed every time I wear it. I always focus on the materials and the cut of the clothes these days.
I appreciate that you don't berate some of the spending people do whether it's clothes or something else.
There's been a crop of creators on this platform lately where hosts grill people on small expenses that amount to nothing while comments cheer for the spectacle of it. It never gets to the root of the problem and I totally understand when those guests tune out on the advice.
Keep doing what you're doing!
Thank you. I find those spectacles disgusting. I will never treat my guests like zoo animals. I'm here to help by getting to the root causes, not to berate
@@ramitsethi I know exactly who you’re referring to, a certain newly popular ‘auditor’. Never thought of it that way, like a spectacle. Going deep to the root really is the only way, love what you’re doing!
Generally different clientele. Singles in their early 20s vs midlife couples. Fiscally these two are often as different as toddlers and young adults and thus often are going to learn differently. I think there is a place for both methodologies to a certain extent in both situations. For example, yes this lady needs to understand the root cause. Note she isn't buying prada, gucci, fancy crap. She is just buying A Lot of middle class mall store crap...STOP...In this case these relatively small purchases are devastating to their finances.
Shoutout to Caleb Hammer, but sometimes you need a softer touch lol
@@pinkisforpimps except Caleb hammer has no professional credentials and it shows. Gordon Ramsay berates professional cooks who are endangering people's health by violating cleanliness standards. Caleb berates uneducated young people and bosses them around like children instead of teaching them to make better choices. Unethical and ineffective.
so evident why Ramit made such an effort to say "be nice in the comments"...
April spends the entire time answering questions the way she thinks she SHOULD answer, but I don't think there was any honest introspection during this entire conversation. Unfortunately, I don't think anything in this conversation really reached her.
Very good observation.
💯 April is not gonna change. She’s just like my sister. My sister nearly hit Rick bottom husband asked for a divorce… but life is even harder in California. How to even afford housing off of 1income. This is actually preventing alit of divorce
I got the same feeling. I don't give them much hope for changing this situation.
I got that vibe too. And before he asked if she was spoiled...I knew she'd been spoiled as a kid. Too bad.
I wondered if there's a disability she's hiding. Or it's false incompetence. But he's a problem as well. They have no consequences.
If you close your eyes and imagine that she’s 11 years old, it makes a lot more sense.
she speaks with the cadence of an 11 year old too
I wouldn't want a child to be a teacher to my child.
Spot on! She’s an absolute toddler. I feel bad for this guy. He seems like a good guy married to a child.
Exactly!
Married mother of 2.. I thought children matured women, lol
Talking about money is never easy but a married couple sharing their finanacial situation not only airs out their finances but their relationship. I give April and Kevin A LOT of credit for haiving the confidence to share this information. I hope the best outcome for this couple.
How is it not easy? It’s just money smh 🤦 ppl are slow
April seems to want to keep her childlike behaviors around handling money at almost any cost. She has so many tricks to make it ok. Like when she started earning her own money and got a credit card. She said “haha” in her mind to her father’s spending rules. That was the most real moment that she showed her true self. Therapy could really help her grow into an adult mindsets around money. Very sweet couple and I wish the best for them!!
One of my sisters behaves very much the same way when the topic of money and her spending comes up. And those childlike behaviors always work when she needs to get out of a tight spot. Many in my family infantilize her and so she’s never had to learn how to manage money or confront the reality her spending has created. She gets bailed out every time and the cycle repeats - spend above means, can’t pay for the debt/basic necessities/an emergency, family or friend gives her money… Definitely a symptom of a deeper issue for her.
She just says what she thinks Ramit wants to hear. I don’t feel she is committed
🤣But she said she was committed like how many times?
it'll take time. Give her chance@@sussie9895
you dont say lol
It kills me that people come on this show without even reading Ramit's book! It's a quick, easy read and will help your life and finances immediately! Such low hanging fruit - READ THE BOOK!!
I agree
He even says, “Pick it up from the library if you can’t afford it.”
Right!?
If people read his book they likely wouldn’t be going on the show, sadly.
that's what I did, I was shock the library had it-I was so lucky🥳@@TheGooglySmoog
The fact that she she bought a top, so she "needs" to buy matching pants...🤦🏽♀️ That says it all. She most likely already had matching pants in that closet. I get the sense that she learned to weaponize her tears to avoid consequences like facing their money situation.
She might benefit by some shop your closet fashion class. Could become a new hobby. Instead of going to a mall some shop your closet groups share photos of their newly created outfits. Stopping something is hard, swapping something is easier.
As an easy crier, I never assume people cry on purpose. It's really demoralizing to be an easy crier and to be told you're doing it to manipulate people. I don't necessarily think tears always equal deep emotion--there are a lot of things that make people cry, including frustration, poor self-esteem, and touching commercials. Acknowledge the tears as an involuntary reaction but don't assume it's necessarily an indication of either deep emotion or manipulation. In a lot of people, like me, they can come even with middling emotion.
For those of you who listened to the podcast and came here for the closet, the segment starts at 41:56 😂
And it’s not even a pretty or organized closet lol. I was like “THIS is it ?!”
@@natashawilliams1694 Right! I was expecting something quite different. I'm glad I went back and watched this episode, just for the closet. It inspired me to "Konmari" my own wardrobe after seeing all those clothes. When they showed April's closet, there were so many things piled up everywhere! It was overwhelming for me, but lots of clothes aren't really part of my "rich life." I never thought about what my dream wardrobe would look like before this. Seeing this episode made me think about what I really want. Having a closet crammed with clothes is not my rich life. Having a curated, capsule-style wardrobe that is comfortable to wear and easy to take care of, with everything in my size, is what I really wanted. So I pulled everything out of my closet, tried everything on, and only kept the items that I loved, fit my body, and my vision. I've got both casual and dressier clothes and everything is in an easy-to-wear color palette of mostly purples, blues, greys, and blacks. My closet now aligns with what I want for my rich life and it didn't cost me a dime. So happy I watched this episode!
Bless you
Thank you
Lol, you caught me! My closet looks worse 😝
There’s an underlining depression with her. She could do with therapy and support. She’s self medicating by shopping. There may be a shopping addiction
Bingo!
Oh please, everyone alsmost suffers from depression, that's no excuse. She should stop thinking about herself first. I've love to have a guy like Kevin in my life, but no, sensible/caring me will be single forever , while this child woman gets to take advantage of a great caring guy instead.
lol @ may be
Y'all need to stop throwing depression around as a one size fits all to every thing. She needs to grow up and take responsibility. what does she mean not look at prices? Did she grow up with Elon Musk or something?
Mental Health issues is the card played by people who cannot be adults these days.
She has a sign in a 3rd grade classroom that says “Work Hard so you can Shop Harder”? If I see that in my child’s classroom, I’m 100% being a Karen and complaining. What a horrible message. I think the management at that school is asleep at the wheel.
Agreed. That’s her whole identity. She needs therapy!
This could mean work hard to earn “cash” to shop at the “class store”. Just a thought.
@@michellegreen1072She would have said that if she had a “classroom store.”
"Karen" stop with the "Karen and Darrens" stereotypes--there is nothing Wrong with speaking to your child's teacher and asking what was her philosophy behind the sign in the classroom is and sharing your thoughts. Just because one disagrees doesn't mean they are a "Karen or a Darren"--please stop the division, stereotyping and madness
@@travelnurseadventures3225wild guess…your name is Karen and you are triggered by a common colloquial phrase 🤦🏻♀️ A Karen is a personality type that completely matched most people named Karen. Every common saying is based on a reality of the society it created it.
I love that we’re getting into the subsidized lifestyle they were given by her parents while she went to college, a lot of people experience this and don’t realize the financial impact
Yes yes…I think that so many people believe that if you’re financially supported in college you automatically will continue to be rich and financially literate, but if anything it makes u lazier. My parents paid for my rent and tuition but I always had a job or internship and have understood (with mistakes) the implications of their investment in my education and graduated in 3 years because of that with a full time job right after. I’m so grateful for my parents financial support and would never use that an excuse to be financially irresponsible but I know people that would
@@JaviandRoninShe’s well past my parents made me lazy age.
I've yet to meet someone who lived for free at home past 22 who saved money they weren't spending on rent.
Definitely beg to differ - I think it depends on why they live with family. I stayed with family for a couple years after graduation so i could pay down my debt and get some savings going, not to mention I wouldn't have been able to make debt payments while paying rent because the rent was high compared to my income. Plenty of people move back home with family as a way to save money and it works. In the couple's case, they didn't maximize the time to do the same and get a good base before moving back out
I really hope they keep Ramit updated. I feel that this episode encompasses the money issues of most people-- financial worry fatigue, getting dopamine mostly from shopping and not hobbies, etc. Unfortunately, most people don't want to make changes until they hit rock bottom, though 😔
I think financial habits are some of the hardest to break. It's unfortunate folks don't realize until it's late how seemingly simple changes could make a huge difference in their future
Ramit was rooting for them so much, he let them do TWO updates! I think they're still not there... Wonder why a weekly money date wasn't proposed?
Hi I'm from the future. They decided to try to increase income to keep current expenses. They ended up going into credit card debt after some type of emergency, and managed to retain a balance for the next 10 years or so.
I remember my ex wife agressively avoiding talking about finances. I asked her as politely as I could to read The Total Money Makeover because we were getting in serious CC debt. She refused. That refusal to acknowledge spending issues was a major part of our divorce. A year after out divorce I get a letter in the mail addressed to both of us. I opened it and it was a congratulations mail on a new car. She bought a new 30k car at 19% interest with an income of less than 50k. First thing I made sure is that i was not on that loan because we had been divorced for a year and my name was on the mail. Once that was cleared out, it felt pretty validating because I had tried to tech her about finances and she refused. Now she has a car loan thay I know she will never get out of. Felt good for a while, then I felt shitty because I realizrd another persons misery made me happy.
Don't feel too bad. Enough people have gained pleasure from others' misfortune that there is actually a word for it: schadenfreude.
Not that it's a good comment on humanity, but as the man said: Be the change you want to see in the world. 😃
Maybe it wasn’t so much that you felt pleasure of someone else’s misfortune. Perhaps it was happiness from a huge relief that this was no longer your problem.
You dodged a bigger hurdle in life…it’s self gratification. I’d feel instant relief too 😂
If your partner overspends on their cc, why don’t you just cut it up and cancel it? Honest question here, if they don’t adhere to an agreement that you made together?
My favorite Dave Ramsey quote "Adults devise a plan and stick to it. Children do what feels good."
This quote helped me get out of debt and develop the discipline to make good money choices.
There are so many tools available to us today to learn about money.
They can dig in, learn how to budget, get out of debt, invest, and live a good life.
That just makes people feel inadequate and give up when they eventually mess up. We’re all not perfect
@@buhmms you are right. We should never set goals or attempt to hold ourselves accountable. We will inevitably feel inadequate and fail.
I prefer Ramit's approach of not infantilizing people.
Absolutely I repeat this all the time
Dave Ramsey is an idiot.
I love that you post early so I can listen on the way to work
Agree!!!!
Haha same! My entertainment for the bus ride.
Same!!
Same
Yes! I have my phone playing as I'm making my coffee before work.
April reverts into a childlike behavior in the parts when she talks about her spending. You can definitely see her inner child in those moments. The wires on her headset are really taking the hit.😅
Very important for April to create a new way to connect with her mother - not just shopping. She fears the relationship will change once their hobbies change
@@asavannah7439 There’s a way to get real fat, real fast. How about do something healthy together, like exercise?
@asavannah7439 My son and I love having tea parties. Bonus points if it involves a treat that we made together. My husband thinks my family is weird for our love of tea parties. (We're American.) But I'll turn him around eventually.
This is why I’m never jealous of married people, literally anyone can get married and it doesn’t mean the people are competent
I switched from podcast to RUclips just to see the closet! I get it. I have a spouse that feels happiness when he can see his things all in one place like that.
I took my phone out of pocket to see…I got claustrophobic and thought someone could get hurt in there
Me too!
So did I. I can imagine that she once she has a good discipline ( which will be soon) she will realise that she does not need all these clothes.
Me too!
that closed stressed me out beyond belief
Sigh… this is my wife and I. I totally feel for the husband when he said he feels alone. My wife will completely shut off when I bring up finances. 😞
One thing I can appreciate about this couple regardless of how much the overspending may be one sided. Everything is “WE”. The level of accountability and ownership on both sides is great!
I definitely understand how she feels about her clothes but lately I see my clothes as anxiety and overwhelming.I realized that I don't like too many options so having a capsule minimal wardrobe is what's best now. I really had to step back and ask when was the last time I wore it, does it still fit, is it versatile, did my style change, do I even like it? Answering these helped me declutter so much.
I realized that for myself as well. I don’t like fast fashion it goes out of style really quickly and most people wear 20% of their wardrobe most of the time
Yes. My rule is, if I didn’t wear it last season because I had something I liked better, out it goes, because I’ll probably never wear it again. The exception would be dress up clothes for which there was no occasion. Buy the basics and rotate accessories.
Now that I’m retired, I don’t need nearly the wardrobe I used to have because I don’t see the same people every day.
Same! Finding out my body type & color “season” helped me a lot with this. I’ve never felt terribly tied to THINGS but needed a way to sort. Had the easiest move of my life recently due to this.
I'm surprised at Ramit's negative reaction at the end of their second update. They cut $800/month from their grocery budget, she hadn't bought unnecessary things when previously I believe she was spending hundreds a month. They cancelled their vacation this year cause they want to save for a big vacation next year. He took a new job to have the opportunity to make $20k more. In one months' time those are big changes. Most people never make progress like that. Ramit even your own advice suggests to gradually reduce grocery and eating out spending, they just went all in there. I wish them all the best.
I agree, I was surprised that Ramit found their response so lackluster. I remember that hot mess couple that was living above their means who never bothered to even reply to the check-in requests. I am rooting for Kevin and April, I am optimistic that they will continue to improve.
Key word there is “Unnecessary things”. Want to bet she still bought clothes but they were “necessary”? They are spending more than they make every month and she hasn’t taken any concrete actions. “Monitoring her spending twice a year” isn’t taking action.
Did you notice how babyish, wobbly and barely audible April's voice sounded throughout when being questioned by Ramit but then her voice completely changed to much stronger and clearer in her post Ramit initial update? Says a lot. I get the feeling she plays the baby to get her way
yeah people often use tears to get their way. crocodile tears 😂
I feel like she was super nervous. I still don't know if she will change enough but I wish the best for them. This will not be a quick process.
👶🏻🍼
I disagree, it was likely nervous energy.
I, too, think she is just super nervous.
I don't think this an uncommon situation. Thank you for your bravery coming on Remit show
It feels like April hides behind some of her child-like tendencies as a way to avoid hard conversations. I hope they can get it together for the sake of their marriage and kids.
This is NOT intended as an insult. I am a special education teacher. April expresses herself and presents as someone with a cognitive deficit, impulse control, attention, and particularly low critical thinking skills. Yes, she is a teacher. With a lot of support and compensatory skills, this is entirely possible. It seems most of this content goes over her head and she only superficially understands it. Breaking the content and material down to more basic levels will make a difference.
Thanks for saying this, it’s exactly what I was thinking. I wonder when the last time she read a book was. I’m not surprised she barely made it through chapter one. I wonder if her husband sees it.
I'm Mexican and a lot of parents here really do keep supporting their adult kids until their last breath. It's part of the culture, I guess. The economy here is hard. However, taken to extremes, it damages the children.
Before I even knew she was Mexican American I was like , this is the most Mexican thing I’ve ever seen. I’m Mexican American and this was my childhood. Every weekend out shopping for clothes watching other Mexican families drive up from Mexico to shop at all the expensive stores. As an adult my priorities changed and I wanted more experiences. I don’t buy clothes or things for my house very often at all and I’m now the black sheep. It’s okay. You gotta do you, and financially you gotta do what’s best for you and your family.
This was me not long ago. The difference is I have never been married. I never had a partner calling me out on my spending/ poor finances. I never fought and never had anyone dragging me to a financial counselor. I wished I had. Sometimes my parents would give me a reality check. Are you done????The malls are still open. It took my parents no longer able to bail me out to understand I had to have my own safety net. I will be debt free April 23 or sooner. I want to be just as aggressive saving. I went to Debtors Anonymous to get my wake up call and education. It is possible....if you want an authentic life. Finances are a life distraction if mismanaged.
Good for you! That isn’t an easy change to make. I wish you all the best.
Wow, just wow. I think April has a serious shopping addiction and it's very much tied to rebelling against what she saw as restrictive spending rules by her father. $1800 on groceries when they eat out 3 days a week?! And I screamed when they said they threw away meat - I just can't fathom being so wasteful with food. So disappointing to hear their lack of action afterward.
Also her mindset on how poor people check the prices of things 😦 I wish she realized the connection, that by avoiding looking at prices she was trying to avoid feeling poor.
I agree... Throwing food out so cavalierly is such a problem, but unfortunately it's the norm in the US.
They could easily put the meat in the freezer, and it lasts longer. Also, checking prices is smart. Just because a person can afford to spend it don't mean they should, especially if the item is overpriced. That's how you stay rich.
😂I was raised by a third world woman …throwing away food is criminal 😢
I cracked up at Kevin's face when April said she's not spoiled😂😂😂
All jokes aside, I commend April for having the courage to show her closet to the world. Im sure that was uncomfortable for her as it's clearly a bone of contention for Kevin.
I rather think she was proud of it. In her mind, she was saying I've made it!
Saint Kevin! He is so patient
I want to see Kevin’s closet too.
Many people are like April. Things = Happiness. More Things = Happiness. Stuff is useful, stuff helps create the living environment you want to live in, stuff helps you get things done. Stuff does not equal Happiness. After my mom passed, I got rid of more than half of the stuff in my house, I downsized to a smallish home. I constantly ask: When did I last use/wear things? If it's been 2 years -- out it goes. I have plenty of stuff, have a beautiful comfortable home ... I have plenty of excess cash flow to do the things that really matter.
I wish these folks well in their journey. You can have great joy with your family without buying all this stuff. There are so many no cost things to do and have fun. My best memories of playing cards in the living room as a kid.
For sure. Kids (and spouses) just want you to spend time with them. It doesn't have to be super exciting outings all the time.
This man has 3 children, not just 2. She has a "childish" behavior, like a child that has a tantrum... "I want it! I deserve!" Hopefully this was an eye-opening session for her, or they are in real trouble. I was married to a man like this and we spent 15 years of hardship until I couldn't take it anymore. I'd rather struggle alone than struggle with someone who didn't care if we struggled as long as they got what they wanted. I hope they can turn this around.
I couldn't have said it any better!
She's unhappy with the mans inability to make enough money. If she stop spending she will be very unhappy.....
I love this guy -- so sweet and genuine 😊
I definitely resonate with this episode. I would say I have somewhat of a shopping addiction and slight hoarding tendencies learned from my parents. Like April, I have memories of shopping a lot with my parents. Shopping with them was and still is a way of connecting. My dad has poor emotional intelligence and has a hard time displaying emotion and empathy. Spending time with him doing something he enjoys has always made me feel closer to him. My mother has always shopped as a way to cope with disappointment and depression. I definitely have picked that up from her. My husband can easily let go of things and only spends money to take care of his family. He is not wasteful and does not enjoy shopping. I am trying to be more like him. I don't want to pass poor generational habits on to our daughter. I want her to know she is loved and have healthy coping mechanisms that are not tied to material possessions.
Agreed. I wonder how much mental health plays into this. Perhaps not the case here, but getting diagnosed at 38 with ADHD made both MY habits-& my mother’s-make SO much sense. I wonder how our lives might both have been different, had we been educated sooner. Instead I spent 2 decades in shame about spending. Now I know WHY I am that way and am taking steps to get out of it.
I love how sweet this couple is and despite the money issues, they have so much respect for each other. ❤
Idk, I think she isn't really respecting him. She's just completely not listening to something that's really important to him because it will be "hard" or "boring." And I always defend women, too 😂
What do you mean? Did we watch the same episode. It’s the complete OPPOSITE. She is not respecting their relationship and it will tear them apart.
@@Capycorgshe's upset because he is not making enough money for her to enjoy her life. He doesn't make enough.....
I get the sense that April has a lot of shame around money that she’s not sharing. She’s really good at parroting what she “should” do or what things “should” mean. But she just emotionally shuts down. I wonder if she grew up in a high control high shame environment around money and her shopping trips with mom are a way to deal with that. I feel for her. She seems to be suffering with all this lack of confidence and self judgement. Therapy will help her have a healthier relationship with money.
I totally agree. They were particularly harsh with her in this episode. Ramit's tone would have triggered her emotional shut down. I hope they get better.
I was also a shopaholic before. Shopping and buying clothes, shoes and other material things both in physical stores and online. when pandemic strike and decided to clean our closet and cabinets, I saw how bad my relationship with money has been. It was a difficult decision to remove and give away all the things i acquired over the years. But i chose to remove and clean up my life and i feel more happy and contented than ever. I see less clutter whenever i came home from work thus less stress. I dont do impulse shopping anymore. if i want something, i tried to think for a month before buying items. Not because i dont have the capacity to buy it but its the question of "do i really need it?Best of luck to the both of you! And its a wonderful episode. I can relate a lot..
Another great episode. I hope that April will really begin to soul search and begin to implement changes. Kevin seems to be a good husband who seems thoughtful, caring, and very patient. It's difficult when one person wants something or has a goal that the other has not a thought or consideration about. Wishing them the best.
She has a sign in her classroom saying "work hard so you can shop harder" ????
WOW! Grooming children into poor money habbits... /financial ignorance... I would complain about the sign if I were a parent!
EXACTLY!!!
I wonder how many
parents/adults/administrators have seen the sign and didn’t say anything.
Yes, to me this if the most disturbing aspect of the story. April’s commitment to spending every cent and teaching other people’s children the same. That sign would not survive if my child was in that classroom.
@@CarolBushbergRealEstateIthacayou sound like a gem to have as a parent
I don't understand how this couple got together in the first place. Her personality was like this pre-marriage. She was a child then and I don't see her changing. Even a divorce would just make her run back to her parents. I don't see change in this household, because she does not take the issues seriously. "Work hard so you can shop harder."... is clearly a mantra of a person whose life has been subsidized all her life - parents and husband. I wish this couple luck but as a woman who married someone lockstep with my goals, I don't see this one ending well.
I get the impression that he is growing at a faster rate than her, and I believe if she doesn't catch up to his growth it will cause an irreparable rift in their marriage. I hope not, though.
I really appreciate this episode. I'm working with family members who have a similarly avoidant attitude toward money. Like Ramit, I'm working on trying to get them to see the positive of being in control of their money instead of feeling beholden by it.
And Ramit's right, a lot of people who grew up with low income think after a certain earning threshold, they no longer need to "worry" about money. They feel they worried enough in the past, to the point where normal financial planning feels as punishing as it did in their past.
I got over this when I realized that I didn't have much to show for how hard I worked to get out of my low income status. Others I know aren't quite there yet.
I think it's interesting how people react differently to growing up poor. Some will continue the habits that they grew up with, keeping them poor. Others will overcompensate by never spending anything at all and become compulsive and fearful savers. I've been at both ends of that spectrum, and I feel like I'm at a comfortable place finally, but it took me a long time to get here.
When people have a high grocery budget thry really need to look at how much food is being thrown away. I bet while she buys organic meat, milk, etc she also buys lots of snacks, chips, soda, candy etc. Americans are not unhealthy because we don't buy organic it is because of all the junk we consume. If she added up all the junk food and everything that gets thrown away it is half their food budget.
I have a family of 4, soon to be 5. We spend about $700/mo on groceries on average. I was shocked when I heard their number. Not judging, mind you, just surprised. I'm glad to hear they got their number down. I hope they keep it down.
I was sad to hear they don't like cooking. I love to cook and provide good food for myself and my family. Meal prepping really could help them with their grocery budget, and reduce food waste in the process. I started doing meal prepping for work schedule reasons, but now I do it because I far prefer it over the stress of coming up with something to cook every night. Meal prepping was a real game changer for us as a young family, and I hope they start it for themselves.
With every episode I’m more convinced that a lot of people would get to their financial goals faster if they stayed single. I can’t imagine having to manage and be impacted by someone else’s bad spending habits.
One of the most important financial decisions you'll make in your life is the partner that you choose. You would be surprised how quickly you can reach your goals if everyone is on the same page. Unfortunately this couple wasn't on the same page, or book for that matter, but hopefully that changes.
On the other hand, he has a life partner and two kids, which may be worth it to him in tradeoff
@@RyChOr2005 so, so true!!
@@arh1234a life partner who you have to constantly drag along will drain you eventually. He’s already mentioned feeling defeated.
There's a bit of bias on these episodes though since the kinds of people who go on this show are not people who are successfully managing their finances. Honestly the goal of having a life partner is having someone to grow with and face the rest of life with. Everyone has bad habits, it's ok so long as both parties are willing to grow and work on them. When both parties are on the same page and working hard together, you honestly feel so unstoppable.
If you’re an alcoholic you don’t keep a fifth of whiskey in your purse. April has a spending addiction, keeping any credit cards in her purse is going to be too challenging. She really didn’t seem ready to change. They seemed like super sweet people and I do hope they can get on the same page.
Really feel for this woman because she is likely the product of how she was raised. The wasn’t taught how to save money, budget her expenses and many other core aspects of what is means to be an adult! I’m sure her parents loved providing for her and doing everything for her but now she and her family are paying the consequences of their poor parenting. It is really difficult to fix at her age and she needs intensive counseling to help her resolve her core issues. Hopefully her husband can is willing to stick it out until she can mature and grow up into a confident adult.
She might not want to clean out her closet, but that video inside of her closet made me want to go clean out mine and I have maybe a fourth of the volume that she has. At what point does a person have so many clothes that they couldn't wear all of them in a year??
Winter sweaters while living in Houston Texas.
My oldest child had a 5th grade teacher who told the class “study hard so you can buy cool rims for your car” 😮 She was fired (for other reasons) before the year was over. The materialism of society as a whole is ridiculous, but people at least used to know not to push their consumption ideaology on kids. They get enough of it without teachers doing so. She’s so apathetic… I hope she reflects and makes some changes. It takes teamwork.
She was spot on when she said that they were poor. Poor is a mindset that drive certain types of behaviors. Until she changes that, it wouldn't matter if they had 1M in the bank.
April has great affinity for children and she also behaves like one. The mimics, the tactics, the mindset, etc. Its adorable but can be frustrating if you’re needing to adult
This was a good episode. I love the supportive approach that Kevin is taking with April. I really hope they can make the changes that they need for their family.
Wow! Only half hour in and this is THE most relatable episode out of them all. Can't wait to finish on the ride home.
Yes, and also I like the fact that the couple is not in higher income bracket like many other couples on the show!
Kind of painful to watch. She is really holding this guy back. Be careful who you marry.
I listen to the podcast version but when they got to the closet portion I switched over to RUclips. I was surprised by how much stuff she had and if it could really all bring her joy if she can’t see all she has.
sheesh, ramit you are a great coach and therapist. Really loving how you approach these conversations.
Every time he said something like, “April is not good with money”, “April overspends”, “April, didn’t read my book”, I get triggered 😂 because my name is April and personal finance is one of my hobbies.
1:16:01 the driving example was amazing work Ramit!!! I love this channel so much
She should really consider purging the closet and selling some of it and adding it to savings. That will give them a nice head start. She has to ask the hard question what’s more important safety and security for her kids, or clothes.
This is a great idea. I started selling stuff around the house and it is ADDICTIVE.
April having pride in her wardrobe is perfectly fine. She is happy with owning good quality and comfortable clothing. Only bad thing is how often she is spending. Trying to justify her uncontrolled spending on her life's passion of good clothing.
She talked about spending $20 on a top. This isn’t good quality clothing, it’s just fast fashion. She wants to look good that’s it. It’s totally fine to want to look good but let’s call it what it is. Personally I think going into debt to look good is indicative of self esteem issues, not pride in her wardrobe, but I won’t play armchair psych
You Rock Ramit!! Thank you for using your gift to bless/ help us! 💕
I appreciate this episode and there are a few outstanding highlights I find in this episode that in my mind that are truly transformative to the couple:
1. Ramit’s totally understood April’s joy of spending money on clothes, and turned the issue of the fact that she is over spending is hurting the relationship with Kevin, not minimize her joy in having clothes. The stake of losing the relationship is a lot higher than just buying clothes.
2. Ramit pointed out to April - she can’t be living her childhood dream anymore, as she is a mother, holding her accountable the fact that she can’t always being in comfort place instead of growing out of her childhood comfort.
3. Ramit also using something that is motivating to her as to reward for her sticking to a goal. And acknowledges the change is not going to happen immediately.
Yes overspending is a problem, but if we tackle the overspending sometimes it’s just a symptom of something deeper.
Even if they solve her spending she will not be happy.. she wants a rich man. Not this guy. She's upset because she can't live her lifestyle
Husband has a lot of patience... Pretty much married a little girl and unaware of the situation. 100% parents' fault because they spoiled her and looks like they catered to her. Oblivious about money. It can be learned but the habits that she has are hard to unlearn. Good luck the two of you!
I don't think April's giggling is her giving 0 sh**t. I think she's extremely nervous. Like words are barely coming out of her mouth and her voice is a whisper
The one thing i wish i saw more from April was how she can make her shopping experience better. I saw nothing wrong going to the mall with the Mom. But there were no mention of coffee sit downs and sharing the comedy and drama of their life with eachother. The fun shopping games you can spend finding the best deals. How to enhance your color palette, buying wth the seasons. Like this shift in interaction is the key! So instead of going to buy to shake off rhe stress of life, you are hunting and engaging. It's very primal versus the very consumeristic experiences.
Thats what Ramit said by getting specific. Wasted opportunity of a conversation if you ask me.
His wife doesn’t care, the smile says it all. She thinks this is all funny, I promise you she told all her friends she would be on here and laughed with them about how much money she spends on clothes. She is not taking this seriously at all seems very immature. Her husband is in trouble because she is completely faking on this video and thinks it’s all a big joke. She isnt reading the book because she isnt interested, in her mind her spending is all owed to her. No way she respects her husband if he tells her to spend 500$ and she spends and extra 1000$. I know I was married to someone like this
Totally agree. She's just going with the flow
Wife needs therapy to find out why she needs to spend on clothes etc to make her "happy". I don't think she knows the difference between want and need items. Also, maybe the husband needs to sit with her and read each chapter with her instead of just giving her the book . Make it a fun couple thing and not a chore. Also get their children involved. Teaching others about money might help her get involved more about saving and help her get comfortable about talking about money.
Wife needs to purge and start selling those items in her closet and start putting that towards getting out of debt.
Also, sounds like they aren't making enough money for their lifestyle. Both of them need to find out if they need to ask for a raise , get a better paying job or find a side hustle .
Just a side note, I like your updated masterclass ad. It makes the content fresh. I appreciate the excellence presented
I could be totally off here and Im only halfway through at this point. However, when the husband was speaking of feeling alone on the money issue and then acknowldged that his wife has her own issues where she says she feels alone. They didnt elaborate on what those issues are for her. Many people spend money on things and outings to fill holes in their life. I am wondering if her lack of discipline stems from trying to "feel better," by buying things/spending too much, leading to that vicious cycle of over spending bc things cant fix those kinds of issues. I truly hope that somehwere along the way in this video someone mentions some counseling and digging deeper for her to get to root of problem.
I love the new CSP and visuals highlighting the numbers! I also love the clip at the end with the misc conversation.
Love the new CSP design, not sure about Ramit's insinuation that he doesnt love dogs 😅😅😅
The husband is phenomenally patient. She gets tearful about her habits upsetting her husband, but then embraces it as part of her identity and laughs about it, "Work hard to spend harder," at the same time. I get that it's a defense mechanism to cope, but it would be incredibly hard not to resent that attitude as a money-anxious spouse. That devil-may-care attitude toward toxic behavior would feel like cruelty to me as a worried partner.
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In life, I will forever be grateful for health, wealth and a great professional whose help has been great for my finances.
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Such information we don't get from must RUclipsrs, how can I get to her.?
OMGoodness!!!! I am April. As I increased my earnings (about 65% increase) I realized I had less money. I am starting a business to create more income but if I keep increasing my spending it will keep consuming my earnings. I think I have poverty trauma and mindset, not to make excuses.
Ramit please could you do a video about ironing and teach us what you know? It's great to hear from people about what interests them and what they have skills in
37:51 This is a prime example of someone who's self-centred. She wasn't listening. She's always focused on her feelings/how others feel about her.
It's false empathy.
This is not selfish...this is what she learnt from her mom. Its pattern we all carry from our childhood. Its the feeling associated with the activity. She is unaware what triggers her own behaviour. She is just chasing happiness that she felt when she shopped with her mother.
I just got to this part and she’s unable to understand how he feels alone and ignored my his partner. He literally says he’s given up. That’s a massive red flag when your partner says they give up on you for something that is supposed to be a team sport
@@Daveyjonesvi She comes across as very emotionally unintelligent - throughout the whole thing. Always just going for "pity", always doing the "let's just commit and that's enough" thing... A lot of really childish behaviour that's been enabled by her mum.
@@steffli6722 I didn't say anything about selfishness.
Ramit I love this podcast, in each episode, there is something that I can relate to. I love how you approach the psychology behind how we feel about money, got me a lot to think about. I noticed that there are always couples. It will be great and very interesting to see this in different types of people: single, young, single parents, etc...
Congrats on this amazing and valuable content. 👏
As a teacher, and mother, my heart got broken when I heard about the "Shop hard thing"
lol the American pet part got me. My sister in law they got a German shepherd and then a rabbit and now a cat lmao
Bingo
The way you navigated this conversation is compassionate, powerful and expert. I think a lot of people with a spouse like April here could learn a thing or two about how to talk about finances with a partner that doesn’t want to
I just recently discovered you and your podcasts. I listened to one of them and loved it! Now I am hooked! It wasn't until recently I got my finances under control after years dealing with crippling amounts of credit card debt and student loans. I've learned a lot and appreciate the respect you treat each guest. I believe that April would have benefited from hearing the things you say throughout the video. They might be a little hard to hear but I believe they are necessary for her to hear in order to change. I wish them the best! Keep up the good work Ramit!
One thing that helped a previous girlfriend of mine pair down her clothes was a rule that for any new item of clothes she purchased one had to be donated. With as many clothes as she has for a period of a year, that number could be raised to two items of clothes needing to be donated for every item purchased
She loves to play the victim and ignore reality. Not being mean. Just being real. I feel for them and hope she can work out her challenges.
I believe she deserves Extra Brownie Points for how she describes her driving style...We all wish most drivers were like her. Bravo! 1:13:30
Buying clothes is a symptom. Just one facet of her life... Her problem is being an ostrich. Meaning, i spend now, i deal with it tomorrow or next month, or my husband will always bail me out. Or my parents will.
Its clothes, shoes, kids activities, things for the house, oblivious to bills, food prices. Its the mindset of ah don worry, we work hard, we should be able to do this. If not, someone will always bail me out.
Brilliant insights. Lovely, humble people. Thank you all!
It seems like Kevin is really trying to be supportive of his wife, in getting her to change hence coming on the show. But if real progress is not made on her part, I'm not sure how long he will continue. I think he's at a very high point of frustration with her.
I appreciate these episodes; especially when they are so relatable. My husband and I are reading IWT now and I just may get the journal. I hope they keep Ramit updated. I would actually like some "update" episodes from past guests.
Smart move to post early, love listening to you on the way to work
The one thing I can say at the end of this is I appreciate you so much and what you teach me Rami. About money and communication. Thank you!
This couple sounds like me and my ex-husband, the accountant! Unfortunately, I was the overspender and my overspending did contribute our divorce 😢
What if instead of going to the mall with her mother, she goes for a walk in the park, I’ll take the kids and have a picnic in the park, something that isn’t wasteful. 🤔
Ball games, inlineskating, cooking together (maybe mealprepping to have a less stressfull week?), crafting, gardening, planting... so many free possibilities
I said the same thing to my girlfriend. Just go for a walk in the park or get yearly passes to an aquarium or botanical gardens.
..or she could join a gym/sportsteam@@o0usf0o
@@pinkisforpimps it’s not happiness if it’s self destructive. It’s basically a drug to cover a deeper issue.
Some bonding activities I do with my kids:
walks
playing cards
board games
reading
movie night
cooking/baking
library
crafting
swimming
Those are all things we do that usually don't involve spending money. We also get an annual membership to a different place each year, so we can go to that place a bunch without breaking the bank. Last year was the zoo. This year is the science center. We love spending our Saturdays there.
I’m also from Houston, she should feel proud of her driving 😭😭 it’s crazy out here .
Lol-ing over Ramit's unconvinced face @25:37 😂🤣