“We make $113,500. Why do we feel poor?”
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2023
- Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Bebe and Paul, 37 and 40. They have two young kids and in the last few years, they have moved about ten times for various family reasons. They’re stuck in false narratives that are sinking their finances-unable to recognize the long term negative effects of their actions.
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Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Hi Ramit - I just wanted to point out that I think the math is off @ 36:59. You say you added the utilities to the amount of rent, but the 23.8% is only the rent value: 2,250 / 9,454 = 23.8%. If you add the utilities you get (2,250 + 626) = 2,876 / 9,454 = 30.4% - I've noticed this math discrepancy before on prior episodes too. I could be wrong, just wanted to bring it to your attention. Love these episodes Ramit!
TAXES are Key and Central. Keeping more of what They EARNED is Paramount.
I love these recaps and audience NUGGETS. It helps me clarify (what should i have learned in this part?) BOOM> Great way to learn!
How can we get on the podcast to get help ??
Follow the Moneynista, a Retiree IRS Tax Auditor So that Hard Working Americans are NOT Fraught With Financial Daily Struggles.
My mom made us (4 kids) feel like kings and queen with no money. The park was our going out. What made us feel rich was having her listen to our stories, share laughter, small joys goes far. 40 years later, I can say, what a wonderful childhood I had.
Same my family was not financially well off. My mom was a single mother to 5 kids she worked a lot but she made time for us. Despite the hardships that came with being in poverty I had a beautiful relationship with her and feel like I had a good childhood
How is your mom doing financially now?
@@busam1578 she is doing a lot better now. My mom was always a hard worker. She owns a home and a business with husband now. All her kids are grown now
Aww, that's beautiful. Thanks for reminding me that our kids don't always need material things, but simply our love and care
remember lifestyle and society standard is 99% different from now and 40 years ago.
“My phone’s not new, it’s a year old “. That told me so much about these two . Wishing the best for them 🙏🏿❤️
hell I still the 7 plus and I bought it, after It been out couple of yrs.
I bought my last phone in September 2021 after the screen I replaced on my own broke TWICE. I agree. They need to dial it the f back with the keeping up with the joneses crap.
it's outrageous of them, making phones every yr and the prices.....please. @@johnraviella6561
The snickers and Burger King add up like crazy.
@@johnraviella6561 I still think my samsung s20 fe is brand new with the latest tech
I watched this thinking she had so many excuses, and then I realized how I make excuses for my diet/exercise struggle.... Didn't expect this financial conversation to be so enlightening in a non financial way. Ty, for your vulnerability, allowing us to learn with you.
I have noticed the similarities as well
I do the same thing with my weight. I was always looking for motivation to start to get me started. Motivation doesn’t exist. I workout cuz I have to cuz I don’t want to be uncomfortable all the time always wearing a sweat shirt to hide. You know what I didn’t need motivation to do? Pay rent, pay my cell phone. Everyone does it.
That’s a different perspective….
Yes!
Ridiculous! "I can't, impossible, we have to", blah blah blah - nothing but excuses!!!
She said, that she grew up wealthy. No, she grew up rich. Because if she was wealthy. She would know how to create more wealth for her family. There is a big difference between the two.
delete your facebook. Delete your instagram. Stop watching people's highlight reel and start living YOUR best life!!
What’s Facebook and Instagram? 😊
Ok Joel Oelsteen. What is my best life? This is an example of people who feel entitled to whatever they want.
Delete her tattoo
I’m tryna tell ya! Sheesh get a grip
I don’t think there’s any problem of watching peoples reels. To me it’s certainly motivation, but that all depends on peoples mindset, I guess.
Ramit is so patient with these two. I’m continually impressed by how kindly he educates people to their tendencies that are crippling them in more than financial ways. It wasn’t easy this round.
It’s so inspiring!! He is great at what he does it’s so cool to watch
Exactly. I would have become unnecesarrily aggressive if a friend was telling me this situation about them
Yeah this one was uncomfortable but he got them there!
@novakd1530 Agreed! So many excuses about "not enough time," but they have the same 24 hours each of us do.
Definitely! I aspire to have the level of patience where someone gets frustrated with me about their problems and I react this calmly
Ramit showing next level emotional intelligence here. It’s commendable.
These people are incredibly transparent and brave sharing intimate details of their personal lives. I wish them the very best as they move forward with new skills, a new mindset, and a new vision to accomplish their goals together.
They’re not poor, they’re broke. They’re not willing to cut their ties to their financial anchors and they insist they can go somewhere without cutting those ties 😀
They are rich, lol 5 figures
No, theyre broke. They have only 8k to thier name.@boltvalley3076
I think the missing "aha" here was that this couple fears they aren't equal to everyone else. I've seen other episodes where Ramit pointed out that people spend on different things. I think when Bebe was talking about a trip to Galveston, it might have been good to point out that other people afford that by not spending so much on phones or groceries or other things that she doesn't see. These two are trying to keep up with everyone else's highlight reels....not their realities.
Agreed! And also they can't see their neighbors/friends finances. These other people could be massively in debt with no savings, or had family money, or who knows what. They can only see a snapshot of their friends, not the complete picture. It's impossible to compare when you really don't know what the other people's situation is.
I would go as far as to say that if they're living in an area that's way more affluent than they actually are (they kind of hinted at this in the beginning) that maybe they should consider moving to another area where they won't feel that pressure to keep up with the Joneses. Not only would it alleviate the pressure to spend more and present themselves a certain way, but it would help their kids' self esteem when they compare themselves to the other kids at school, all while keeping the same income.
@@mainHERO88 100% agreed.
That's true! People wonder how my husband and I could travel so much but they don't realise it's because we cut back on everything else. We bulk buy our groceries, we have old phones, we buy our clothes from thrift stores etc. We sacrificed in all these areas because our rich lives meant having the ability to travel without incurring debt.
Bingo!
This is like a therapy session with an emphasis on finance and I love it! Its crazy how there are so many things in our life that affect how we handle our finances.
I will always remember this quote, "Being broke is hard, and getting rich is hard. Choose your hard".
What a great quote! I’ll put it on my board.
Dude, that is AWESOME!
That’s a great quote…
Feel for them. Her challenge is that she doesn’t realize that wanting basic things still means you have to figure if you have enough. Buying lululemon on a payment plan when you can’t pay rent on time is just sad.
The thing that struck me was their parenting style. You can't say no to your child??? Say it once, twice until they get it. Children need leaders to guide, not friends to please their every whim. I hope they find their way out of debt. My deepest sympathy for all their losses throughout the years.
It’s their own insecurities as children
I see this often. You want to give the child everything, but its to your own and their detriment.
Look at the dynamics of their relationship. The woman is very bullheaded, leading the conversations, speaking for them both, and the husband is just a pushover softball.
You can tell he has zero control over the finances.
He makes 80% of the money, yet has zero say in it.
Everyone is different, but my wife and I are both very frugal. We don't buy things that aren't necessities and don't replace things that aren't broken. And I think that has rubbed off on our son. He never asks for anything and he'll even turn down things we offer and criticize us for wasting money. Kids just mirror their parents.
So? @@jackieboy1593
I greatly appreciate the patience and care and respect with which Ramit interacts with this couple. It’s in stark contrast with the fake money “gurus” who yell at people and humiliate them.
You'd hate Caleb Hammer's style, he yells at the guests and makes them cry half the time talking about their debt, but damn is he entertaining.
@@invincaspartanI would say Caleb main audience are younger folks and trust me some of these younger kids need to be yelled at
@@invincaspartanhe's not entertaining anymore, he's a buffoon chasing clicks.
At first I was rolling my eyes about the mattress confession (I know someone who spent $5K at the same place and I also told him he was nuts), but after watching for a while I appreciate their honesty. The wife grew up thinking she was rich and wants to get it back, the husband grew up poor and wants to live rich. This is the common denominator.
I agree with you up until the husband part. I think he grew up poor and was a musician, probably always was frugal. But fell in love with a woman who is the opposite of frugal, and dumps his money into whatever she wants bc he doesn’t really care about money too much. That’s how I see it.
@@user-mb8rf7qk5q U only see it this way because you want to blame the woman. If the man is supposed to be the leader, let's stop with the excuses as to why he can't do better.
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
Stop comparing yourself with other people who have brains and know how to budget lol
No one is gonna listen to the caps lock warrior with no insight lol
💯 that’s usually the problem with many people
YES YES AND YES!! WAe use it to cripple ourselves and to hide what the real problems are so that we can find solutions.
Buddy, I am only 22 minutes in and she is trying to keep up with wealthy folks because that is what she grew up with. She needs to be realistic with where they are income-wise.
I remember when I paid off all of my credit cards. I found a budgeting app and tracked all of my spending. It was like getting a 600.00 a month pay raise. It was enough to never go back to carrying debt. I have been budgeting for years now and it makes such a difference.
A year update would be the real test of how things have changed. I love that they are on the right track.
I’m 16 minutes in and I don’t think I can finish. SELF-discipline is in order. Say no to the Mexican restaurant and Lululemon pants. I’m a single Mom and have had zero alimony or child support. I had the “Lulu lifestyle” before divorce. You have to decide what you WANT. Stuff or peace.
You have to decide what you WANT. Stuff or peace. 🙌🏼 I’m stealing that
Girl same! They come off as very whiny. Like come on exercise some self discipline if y'all keep having this issue 🙄
Stuff creates stress, less stuff is more peace.
Sounds like Buddha.
24 mins in it gets worse
I felt so behind financially but after watching this I feel better. I’m two weeks ahead on rent 1,300 , I make 45k and I get all my bills payed. I am looking to get a second job to pay off my credit cards. Thank you Ramit for posting these type of things. We’re all together in this & we can change our habits. I never thought I’d live in a luxury ish apartment but here I am.
Buy it s better than renting
We’re all in this together? In LaLa land?
if you get a 2nd job, dont forget to adjust your W-4 so you dont get surprised by increase of taxes
That's great. I make 143k per year n it's hard. I have a lot if bills...I can't imagine living on less...when u get out I'd debt I'm straight
@@africansisterit depends. Buying comes with a lot of financial responsibility...for repairs n maintenance
$114k is not enough for a lavish lifestyle of 4. Their rent is very decent but they're stretching their wallets way too far
I REALLY respect the courage they show by attending this show in public and seeking for help.
They don’t know to be ashamed of their spending. $2200 mattress is not mid level.
I like how Ramit pointed out their ‘innocent victim’ mindset for their own impulsive decisions. It is actually pushing the responsibilities to others when actually, it was all caused & will only be solved by you. Often times it’s psychology that controls our way of dealing with money and he addresses it so profoundly. I hope this brave couple can cut this cycle and build what they desire.
I hope they cut the cycle as well, but I don’t know if they know what they want. They have a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses mentality and if they never figure out what makes them happy, they will continue to buy what they think they should have but don’t actually need and continue being in debt
I really hope they cut the bad cycle 🔁
@@rileymartin22; I Agree ; there’s no need for comparisons. Nothing wrong with Spending time in your neighborhood park if you can’t afford luxury vacations; it’s okay 👍; most of us can’t afford it anyways . Live life on your own terms; we don’t know what happens behind close doors for the Joneses!!!
Speaking from experience--Bebe went through things that are not just brutal, but unusual. Lots of people go through brutal things, but when you go through something brutal *and* unusual, that severely cuts down on the number of people who can relate to you and you can end up emotionally isolated and wrapped up in your grief. This can contribute to a defeatist mindset--"my life is different from others' / what worked for them won't for me." Or, "really? I have to be extremely frugal on top of all this other stuff to deal with?"
She doesn't seem materialistic, but it's like she's lived her childhood in emotional deprivation and her adulthood in financial deprivation, so the idea of budgeting for a candy bar is overwhelming to her because she's already emotionally starting from a place of lack. I think that's part of the reason for her resistance to being frugal--it's a higher mental load *in the moment* (which is where she lives because of all the trauma she would have to process if she didn't).
If she saw being frugal as empowering for herself and for her family, and actually giving her family GREATER choice overall, and if her and her partner agreed on what their Rich Life is, being fiscally responsible would feel less burdensome and would be possible for them.
Just my 2 cents as a rando on the internet lol.
Edit: Also, in narcissistic families you are squashed down as a child when you try to exercise autonomy. She was probably raised to not have agency and that her desires to lead herself in any way were ridiculous or unbecoming. That can be a barrier to getting out of a rut.
This is very beautifully said. I appreciate your insight, it puts this video into perspective.
This! So on point I got goosebumps
In response to your edit: the impulse spending may be a strike back against that lack of autonomy-my desires/my kids’ desires are more important than the invisible narcissist’s desires, I will have them. Over and over again.
Thank you, this is a beautiful response and I find it so relatable.
@@findingyesmeditations8945 yeah same. I realized in reading this that I think I have a similar mindset as well growing up in a financially unstable environment. Definitely something I can work on better now with this bit of added perspective.
These videos of real life situations are scary and a kick in the rear at the same time. Really appreciate the couples for being so candid and Ramit for the clear assessment. Thanks
This conversation hit hard. I make more money now at 31 than my dad did when he retired, but I still feel poor. I've been chasing the life my parents have now with vacations and cars without considering the years they spent living modestly.
The last 2 months I've really stopped spending on frivolous things and honestly my life hasn't changed. I was able to save 20% of my income and plan to continue it. I'm tired of keeping up with the Joneses.
Awesome 👏
I guess that your upbringing impacted on you a lot. Sometimes, the mentality of our parents or the relationship that they had with money makes us feel poor in adulthood.
Understand that affordability was way different before. 20 yrs ago you could afford the average home, afford average technology, vacations, groceries, etc. with average income.
Now, it’s difficult to afford the average home with average income. We have so much advertising and social media, that we just want the latest phone, technology, eat out often. Not saying you do these things, but our standard of living mindset has caused to spend on so much useless stuff. Inflation in just the last couple years has killed the dream of affording a home for many people. If you HAVE to use a cc to buy a tv, you can’t afford it. People need to go back to living within their affordability. This will long term get you out of debt. Yes, lower standard of living than your neighbor or friend, but big deal.
Better to be able to easily afford food every day and a roof over your head even if it means you can’t have all the hulu netflix sling streaming services on your 3rd 70” 4k tv.
I know I am speaking pretty generally and making blanket statements, but my point is clear. Think about the stuff that you have and pay for now that your parents didn’t have and pay for. Again, you can’t compare apples to apples because affordability was a bit easier back several years ago compared to now standard of living was lower, and being content with what we had was far better long time ago.
Those Joneses - just who are they anyway? In my city, they always vote for more taxes and whatever spending the city council wants. I am impressed by how rich everyone must be to constantly pay more and more. I just wish they would donate their money to the city instead of getting everyone paying more and more. I am not poor but I do like to spend my money and donate my money by my own choice and don't feel I have enough to just throw it all to the city to spend.
The life parents had is gone. Purchasing power is so eroded its not even funny. People used to be able to save for a year or two and buy a new car.
Now it's borderline impossible to buy a car outright off the lot.
A car price in 1990 has gone up 44% by 2023. Has your salary done that? Probably not. Then they pitch in financing to make a vehicle seem affordable.
Go back further and no wonder most people actually owned their cars.
Today, I think it's something like 90% of people lease their newer vehicle.
We grossly underestimate how stressed out about money are the people one higher tax bracket than us. $100,000 doesn’t mean you buy anything. Millionaires budget. Basically billionaire Kim Kardashian was bawling on the phone with Kanye because he overspent on a party. Never thinking about money is--- not the goal. Ramit is very clear that feeling good about money is the goal AND that can happen at any income.
Almost anybody can have money problems. Just because someone might appear rich does not mean they can’t get into financial trouble
I feel like I am wealthy and I live below the poverty line. I cut up those credit cards in the 1990s, paid off my house in 11 years, bought another house for rental income, grow a lot of my own food, can food, sew and alter thrift store clothes, drive a 1998 sedan and I have 2 retirement funds I won't touch till 70. I used to spend like a maniac In the early 90s but then I got wise thinking how I wanted to enjoy life and not worry about money. I learned a long the way to live way below what you earn and you won't have to worry
@@marthasimons7940 That's awesome! Enjoy your retirement when you get there. You deserve it!
Wow, this made me realize things. THis really puts it into perspective--it's not always about earning more but learning to do well with what you earn.
How many times can Ramit say “you live outside your means” and people still not accept it.
Summary and Time Stamps
00:01 🚶♀ Bibi and Paul have been struggling financially for a long time, and they describe their situation as a cycle they can't escape.
01:57 💳 They used credit cards for everyday expenses and even had to take out a loan with a high-interest rate to make ends meet, resulting in a significant debt burden.
08:30 🕵 Bibi and Paul express concerns about their lack of financial knowledge and their struggle to budget effectively.
16:02 🏠 They regularly pay their rent late, incurring late fees, despite earning what they consider decent money.
22:16 💬 Bibi grew up in a wealthy family but experienced a tumultuous upbringing, which shaped her perspective on money and her desire for a different financial life for her kids.
23:54 🤔 Paul and BB's financial behaviors are influenced by their upbringing and emotions associated with money.
25:57 😟 Paul accumulated $32,000 in student loans, never graduated, and hasn't paid them back, while his mom co-signed the loans.
27:18 😔 Both Paul and his mom made impulsive decisions out of love, resulting in long-term financial consequences.
33:00 🏡 Paul and BB have a household income of $113,500 but feel financially strained due to their high fixed costs.
37:31 💳 MoneyLion, a credit line, has been a financial trap for Paul and BB, causing them to lose money every month.
44:45 🔄 Paul and BB need to shift from short-term, impulsive thinking to addressing the deeper questions of how they got into their financial situation and what changes they're willing to make.
47:10 💡 Paul identified areas where they can reduce expenses, like cancelling unnecessary subscriptions and reevaluating their phone plans.
48:21 💰 They plan to sell some Apple Watches and save on monthly costs, making a commitment to improve their financial situation.
48:52 🤔 Bibi and Paul need to make significant changes to their financial habits to improve their situation.
49:20 🚀 They lack a clear financial vision and goals, which is hindering their progress.
50:01 💳 Bibi and Paul should avoid relying on payday loans to cover expenses, as it can lead to more significant debt.
51:09 📱 They spend on technology and other non-essential items that they can cut back on.
53:00 🤝 They need to be more honest with themselves about their financial situation and avoid making excuses.
54:21 🙅♀ "Innocent dough" technique doesn't work; they need to confront their financial issues.
58:28 🍞 Setting a budget for groceries and teaching their kids about responsible spending is crucial.
01:02:30 🏖 They need to establish clear financial goals, like taking their kids on a vacation, to motivate change.
01:05:31 🙌 Bibi wants to feel more confident in financial decisions, while Paul seeks financial security.
01:06:00 💪 They should aim to feel pride in their financial accomplishments and progress.
01:07:39 🤯 Overcoming the fear of investing and losing money is essential for their financial growth.
01:10:03 🤔 Bibi and Paul need to stop thinking like they are poor and start taking control of their finances.
01:12:09 📢 They should involve their kids in financial discussions and educate them about money.
01:13:19 📊 Creating a conscious spending plan was an eye-opening experience for Paul, highlighting the importance of tracking expenses.
01:13:33 💡 Becoming aware of the high interest rates on certain loans has made them more cautious about their financial decisions.
01:14:11 💰 They have successfully paid off a high-interest loan, reducing a significant financial burden.
01:14:25 📊 They were surprised to discover that 92% of their income was going toward fixed costs, highlighting the need to reevaluate their spending.
01:15:05 💪 They are committed to making changes, such as canceling unnecessary expenses like ClassPass and Apple Watches, to redirect their resources towards building a better life.
01:15:19 🚫 They have stopped using payday loans like Money Lion and are planning to open an HSA to save on medical expenses.
01:15:33 🙌 They appreciate the advice received and believe that following it will be life-changing for them.
Thanks for the content/book Ramit!
THANKS FOR THE CLIFFS NOTES! THIS WAS NEEDED!
I needed to read this thank you so much because I got frustrated when she said she bought Lululemon
You’re friggin amazing for this.
You hmgotta monetize this skill. Seriously. SOOOOO many youtubers have long winded videos.. and I need it point form as do a lot of people
You, sir, are the real hero!
He always treats people with dignity and not kicking them when they are already down.
Ramit is a very patient man!!!
Comparison is the thief of joy...this conversation really illustrates this verse. I hope that they can execute their plan and be happy. And mostly, not compare themselves to their friends. Life is hard enough. It is very commendable that they reached out for help.
You nailed it-‘comparison is the thief of joy’-every family’s situation is unique, there’s no quicker way to feeling deprived than by comparing yourself to others.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Never heard that and love it.
This was the comment I was looking for. Heard them throughout caring so much about what others think about their lives and their kids.
Bebe's way of agreeing with everything Ramit says, feeling like a victim, "wanting" to be shamed for what they are doing, is a typical behavior of a narcissist survivor. She is reproducing the narrative she grew up with in her mum's presence: in this case, putting Ramit in the authority role that her mum used to hold and abuse. But today as an adult, she needs to understand that by taking accountability for her actions and decisions, she is taking her power back. Break the cycle Bebe: you are now in the driver's seat!
Fellow narcissistic abuse survivor here - you hit the nail on the head.
🙌🏼💯👏🏼👏🏼
Agreed. Perhaps some therapy, if they can free up some $, would be helpful.
She's unwilling to decide what her priorities are, but she is a bit too willing to make decisions to spend, in the moment. She's as selfish as her mom, but not willing to admit. She only wants to take responsibility if it is fun, spending, and easy. She doesn't want responsibility for the results, debt excess good and services She's acquired as a rresult. I'm a poor person is her mantra. She could make $1M , she will still say she's poor.
Poor dude
I love Ramit’s approach to try to get to the root of the problem. I’m really surprised she said she doesn’t want her kids to feel “less than” for being poor which is so wrong as if being poor devalues you. You can see that they’re not really understanding what Ramit is trying to get through to them. Follow ups were promising. I wish them the best.
Autism families usually have ADHD, too. (I have one of these families.) Impulse spending is a HUGE problem with ADHD. I think that's a factor that's almost always ignored by financial gurus. You should see what happens to finances when a person with ADHD actually gets medicated. It's literally life-changing. Mental health greatly affects finances. Don't ignore it.
Perhaps they are not aware of it being an issue. If no one brings it to the forefront, how would anyone know of a segment of the population that needs financial assistance?
I have ADHD. Luckily I didn't struggle with spending but my friend does. She's horrible with money. It looks so ridiculous from the outside. Each of her decisions and her delusions about the reasons for her struggles. But I can't help her because she wants to see it in a certain way.
You’re totally right. But since no one said they have ADHD, it would be a serious overstep and pretty irresponsible for Ramit to even assume/diagnose either of them with anything since he’s not a psychologist.
This is true. My kid is jn the spectrum as well as being ADHD. He spends everything he makes (and he makes 6 figures). On junk (video game shit, collectibles, etc) and getting food delivered (never cooks).
Bipolar people often overspend like crazy too.
There is a thick shell surrounding Bebe. And to me it, it felt like the shell is a mix of self pity, confusion, and a bit of anger covered under fear. She was giving Ramit answers that she thinks Ramit wants to hear. Like a kid being punished. So it was hard to see who she really is and what she really wants specifically. The conversation felt very vague and abstract, especially the last self shot video. For this reason I felt a bit frustrated watching this episode, in a different way I felt from other ones.
I could feel a huge wall around from her. I don't know that she's ready for change. I totally understand how strong those stories we tell ourselves are. It took years for me to stop telling myself the limiting financial stories I was locked into. It meant accepting a reality I wasn't comfortable with.
I'm curious what's behind her wall. It could be her mom, her childhood. I wonder if deep down beyond the we're simple people story is actually we're wealthy story.
@@user-uq2ti7tj6k We only get a very small snapshot of someone's life and stories. Bebe did a very brave thing in coming on the show and being vulnerable. In the follow up, they've made steps forward.
Typical of children raised by narcissists
That's interesting, I thought the same of her (a "shell") throughout the episode but her follow up showed she'd really been reading, learning AND taking concrete steps. I'm rooting for these two to get out of their stuck mentality.
This hit me hard because I can relate, she definitely had narcissistic parents. Self pity, confusion, fear, anger. Those emotions were my childhood. It’s crazy how much it affects you even after many years.
It never ceases to amaze me how the money lessons from our childhoods can have such an impact on our behaviours as adults
Youre not kidding, both my parents were terrible with money. Its a tough hole to crawl out of and at 40 Im still working on it
Better to be doing so at 40 when you can still earn, than at 60 when you're staring retirement in the face,@@Canadian_Eh_I
@@Canadian_Eh_I In the exact same situation. It’s so hard.
I watched the whole video and I have to say I was shocked at how well they turned it around at the end. That was a huge improvement and they should be proud of themselves for having made the necessary changes in their lives. It's not easy for people to change but it's possible and they did it! I'm happy for them.
You have so much patience. I was getting frustrated listening to the excuses and they weren’t really listening
This couple applied to the wrong show. Sounds like they needed to be on Caleb Hammer’s Financial Audit.
I don't know that they would respond to Caleb's fervor. I wonder if they would shut down with Caleb's frankness. Ramit uses more subtle psychology.
She did say Ramit could yell at them 😂
@@lunatiger I think her saying that puts the responsibility on Ramit(to scold them, to tell them what to do), Ramit’s approach forces them to be the adult and take responsibility
@@GlamGoddes101 I think she needs someone to yell at her, and to be told what to do. Caleb will do that, Ramit tries to get people to realize it through their own, but this approach won't work with her.
Yea that’s what I mean Calabs approach is different from Ramits. And she seems ok with it.
I get a sick pleasure out of seeing people who make 4x more than I ever did as a divorced mother to 2 teenagers with no child support and a mortgage to pay. These interviews have changed how I view the middle class people in my neighbourhood in London. Like Bebe I felt inferior, but now I feel proud of how I kept it together and provided.
I've come to accept that there is always a bigger fish and even the biggest fish will be inferior to another fish in some way.
Me too, I raised 2 very successful adults who are now "rich", because I had to say no. They also have great teeth. 😅
I raised 4 sons with no help whatsoever. I bought my home/farm on own my cars and retired in 30s and have thier college education paid . I just got remarried 5 years ago and together we bring in almost 200k but we live frugal and not upgrade life as we have a nice life and home and everything and we have freedom of our time and can do whatever we want but we make choices to have security and freedom. I don't understand how people today are doing it and see a lot of just bad choices. I worked hard as single mom for long time and was difficult. We had house fire and lost everything a couple of times and each time better. I set goals for myself and stayed course even if falled off at times. People want to impress people too much or think they should just have things or a certain lifestyle even if can't afford it. I bought a beautiful home on 10 acers 4bed 3 bath and pool and other things but I bought it by myself with my lowest income and now it's gone up and have my husband's 6 figure income and still live in same home even though we could buy something even more. I paid 165k cash before married for reno on home and will keep this home forever even if we get another. I never was taught money but as young adult I read everything and watched videos and went to conferences to learn about money and budgeting and saving. Having emergency cash so you don't get behind in bills when something comes up is important. Not getting into debt is huge and such peace being debt free except for home and paying it off faster.
I make same or less than my brother, he has a kid but also a working at home wife, I accumulated some saving , he doesn't use credit card to avoid spending beyond their means cause they do and have almost zero saving
You're a baller. I raised three on my own mostly debt free. Never understood how grown people with no kids have debt.
I really feel for you Bebe, I hope you heal from the trauma you experienced as a child. It's so hard to change your mindset and it takes a conscious choice to change. I wish you and your family well. You guys got this, only you can change this situation.
These two are brave as heck jumping on and doing this for everyone's benefit. If this is real life those two are awesome. Great stuff.
Ramit's Conscious Spending Plan has been ray of hope in the dark for our family. For the first time this month, we were able to pay for an unexpected $500 medical bill, still have a surplus in savings, enough to pay bills, and absolutely zero financial stress about it. Thank you, Ramit!
$2200 for a mattress is insane. $400 off of Amazon works just fine and will still last 8 years. Plus no delivery fee.
Yup ...I got mine very comfortable.
Yep I ordered mine from Ikea. It’s fine.
Me and my husband earned 350k combined and that mattress is too expensive for me😂
Right! I see $3-400 as “typical” and $7-800 as “extravagant”… I wouldn’t even consider a mattress over 1k. We also make less than this couple so I was wondering if that was just me or if it was typical. Growing up I never had a new mattress, when I did have one it was 30+ years old and there were some points I didn’t have one at all.
Agreed!! Plus a $200 mattress topper
It was incredibly pleasing to hear the changes they made. During the talk I was skeptical, but I was elated to hear they made the cuts identified. Mad props to both Paul and Bebe. Change is not easy, and I am hopeful for them. Keep at it you two! Special thanks for putting yourselves out there like this. Many can and will learn from this podcast and your story.
Ramit thanks for being available and putting this on, it's life altering to have a mentor, and you are a beacon in a dark place.
Amazed by this couple’s raw honesty…that is the first part. We should all empathize and …then learn
They are not financially illiterate. They have not been able to control impulsive spending. She kept talking about learning how to invest but they will never be in a position to invest as long as they continue to overspend. There’s an entitlement issue there that is masked by comparing themselves to everyone else.
The best “investment” for these two is to pay off all the consumer debt; instant 24% roi.
What so hard is the "We are the poor one among our friends" There is a deep embarrassment for her and possibly her husband. Sitting in the awareness that there are people in their life right now that can do more than they can, is really punching her in the emotions. They are actually making enough money to enjoy life! But if you take that $113,000 a year that they make and put yourself in the middle of a neighborhood where others make double or triple, you may find yourself always feeling behind. There are people in life that make $0, people who make 7 figures, and everything in between. Focus on what you DO HAVE in this life. You are greatly blessed. Don't let your constant comparison steal that from you. Remember the days are long but the years are short. Don't waste the days you are given. Make the emotional and mindset changes to get out of that comparison cycle. All the best to them!!!
Become a big fish in a small pond. Rather than another fish in a big pond.
You are so on point. So on point.
Stopped using credit cards 3 months ago and feels amazing, clearing all consumer debt.
As someone that has had a lot of debt and when through consolidation, I found out real quick that there are three things you may finance with a credit card. Food, gas, emergency expense (something you can't function without). Everything else, is optional. Save money, buy cash, and don't purchase to replace something that still functional. There is always going to be something newer, better, shinnier. It's hard. Most of us are groomed to believe material possessions establish stature. Never feel like you need to compete against others. Be happy and humble
Two minutes in, and already frustrated at this couple that financed a $2200 for a mattress. If they had done a tiny bit of research, they would have realized that here are tons of mattress in a box options that are incredibly comfortable and will last a decade for half that price. Mattress stores are rip-offs.
I got a king memory foam box mattress for $400 😁 and I love it!!
Sams club all the way - so comfy, and way less $$$
@@arh1234Costco has good prices too, if someone prefers a traditional mattress rather than memory foam.
I financed a Tempur-Pedic mattress years ago for around $3500. The company offered no-interest financing and I took it because I could. I had 10 years of chronic neck pain following a car accident and neck surgery, and I was desperate for relief.
Get a Costco membership. They don’t really make a lot.
This family has been through a lot and I hope that things work out for them.
Not compared to most of us for life trauma..they are NOT as bad as they think
@@Joce123homie don't be a prick comparing traumas
I love your approach. I'm going to use "Are we going back to 'true story' right now? Can we stick with my question?" for people like this.
i like how you really listen to them and guide them, like a counsellor would. And point out things they don't want to hear but ultimately need to to change their lives for the better
$350 a month for phones!!!?? WHAT! jesus. I have two lines from Mint Mobile for 3 years and no issues. $40 a month (and i live in the middle of nowhere)
It’s not the lines but the financing of phones probably
The deeper we get into this vid the clearer it is that their children MUST already feel like have-nots. I doubt there is any way you could conceal this degree of anger at the contrast between you and your neighbors' net worth as a parent. Kids are sponges & that attitude is hard to mask over. The best thing you can give your kids is 1) a feeling that no snapshot of life is permanent & your worth isn't determined by any one moment's challenges, and 2) protecting your ability to enjoy simple pleasures like your life depends on it. It's great to appreciate the finer things, but when you lose that ability to find pleasure elsewhere, to me I'd completely lose who I am as a person.
Yeah. They are showing the kids that you need to spend outside your means in order to fit in, rather than teaching them to appreciate what they have (which seems like it is quite good to begin with!)
maybe they need to change neighborhoods and find a place where they fit in so they dont feel like have nots. or find new friends.
@@SawounVlogsthis, I’m pretty sure one of the key tenants of the millionaire next door is that the suburb you live in can influence how you spend money
Yeah, bad lessons.
You shouldnt care at all if your kids feel have nots. I didnt care and now they are frugak, responsible adults
A theme that should be addressed is the comparisons to other families. Comparison is the thief of joy. Work with what you have and do the best you can.
Needed to hear this, thank you for sharing this family’s experience.
It'd be helpful if we all stopped pretending $100k is a lot of money in the USA anymore, especially for a family of four. It can be enough, but it's definitely not the "You made it" number it was for our parents in the 90s.
Exactly, the 6 figures makes people think they made it but we don’t take into account that 100k is really 70k after tax and while that’s a good salary, it doesn’t mean you’re rich and could spend however you want
Yaaaaasssssss
Absolutely!!
Great episode! I’d love to hear more from this couple. Something Ramit almost went there with (but let it go) is that she was able to do file that thing in court which showed incredible competence. She could apply that same competence to her finances but she chooses to hold on to narratives that hold her back.
This couple has everything they need. Will they take hold of what’s right in front of them?
Wish them the best❤
That immediately stuck with me too. I was like, 'honey you're smarter than you let on. If you learnt legalese enough to be threatened with a lawsuit for practicing without a licence, you can do anything!
I applaud this beautiful couple for being brave and vulnerable. I hope that they find their way and gain the knowledge and discipline that will benefit them so much. Once they commit, it will be great for them and their family.
This is very eye opening! I almost feel embarrassed gor them and proud of them at the same time for wanting to learn and do better and opening up one of the most personal parts of their lives MONEY to the nosey world. This took courage and truth be told alot of us are, have or will be in the same or similar situation. Koodos to you bringing this to us and Koodos to Bebe and Paul for reaching out for help! Thank you ❤
The book The Millionaire Next Door really highlights the problem of living in a neighborhood where you'll be constantly comparing yourself to your neighbors, and thus your fixed costs increases
BUT. My grandchildren are networking with wealthy people..having life travel experiences because their parents are living an unaffordable image life. They are bilingual children. The hope is to catapult to a better life than their parents had.
You can't excel beng around mediocre thinking, poor schools, small thinking..It has to be advantaged life as children..you don't pick up the experience and impact later.
Status Anxiety is another book that demonstrates the stress people undergo when they can’t keep up with the Jones’s! More from a British perspective but universally applicable.
Thank you for this. Anything helpful is appreciated. Looking It up now.
Thanks for not being a judgmental, holier than thou keyboard warrior summing up our entire existence based on a podcast episode 😆🥰
@@Joce123I went to a poor school, I grew up in a house my parents bought for $5k in the 80’s. I was always embarrassed or my Christmas present when the teachers would ask what we got. We had free lunches, and then reduced cost lunches. My father dropped out in 5th grade and my mom in 9th grade, b/c they felt school was hard and decided to help out provide for the family.
My older sister is a Registered Nurse, my younger sister has her masters, and is a software developer, I got a degree in Mechanical Engineering, and working at an Aerospace Company.
I sort of agree, I don’t want to raise my kids in a inner city. But if all you can afford is a cheap suburb or rural area, that’s where you need to be. Doesn’t have to be a higher end neighborhood.
If she stopped worrying about what other people think, she could cut her spending in half if not more. Bebe I pray for your confidence to grow! You don’t need to be anyone else. You have a loving family who loves you just as you are and the only people you need to prove ANYTHING to is THEM!!!!! You can do this mama! I believe in you 💗
I’m a SAHM to two littles on one income, and I work my tail off to stay within our one income every month. It’s really hard work, but if I can do it on a military spouse budget I know you can 🙏🏻💗 I’m rooting for you! Seriously, F*CK everyone else, worry only about you and your fam. STAY in your lane.
im 16 minutes in and she's going on and on. she seems very anxious
I love how you talk to your guests. No unnecessary screaming. I tried to watch a few other people and I can’t stand the yelling and berating.
12:10 A boss of mine said something that I’ll never forget, “People always find their own level of poverty.” If your mindset isn’t “save and prepare”, you’ll more often than not find yourself in financial distress. I have a spending mindset, but I’ve been able to out earn my financial fkery. If I had gotten smart about money quicker, I’d be way ahead of the game. Better late than never.
This was the most circular going no where convo episode I’ve seen. I’m actually frustrated lol.
They don’t want their kids to experience lack so they do what creates the lack. I will say, as a person who earns just over 100k who feels like she has no buying power, I did learn a lot about ways I can self correct
When thinking about how much money I need to survive, something dawned on me. There are homeless people living. This means that its possible to survive on very little money. All the other spending is quality of life and lifestyle. So when it comes to living within my means, at a minimum I need money for food and some form of shelter.
@@TheFirstRealChewyI think about that sometimes too, but it's much easier for a man to spend near nothing than an aging woman like me. Women basically aren't allowed to get old. $200/mo for highlights to cover gray, $3k/yr for botox, $2k/yr lip filler for thinning lips. Not to mention $1.5k for makeup and skincare. That's 9k/yr on what I feel is mandatory anti-aging expense.
@@lvega5606But it's not mandatory. Yes, society has put standards on women that are unfair but you would not be the first one to say F it and not follow those standards, at least not to the detriment of your budget or future. Besides, there are always cheaper ways to get things done, such as box hair dye, even Groupon has deals for everything including hair and Botox, and this is at the same salon you would go and pay full price at. There are ways around paying an arm and a leg if you CHOOSE to partake in those types of things.
@@celisseevans309that's inaccurate. There have been studies done on appearance and professional advancement as well as age discrimination in the workplace. Choosing to look your actual age is risky, especially in an industry like tech or PR where 29 year olds are promoted to senior roles.
@@lvega5606guess what? There are jobs out there that don’t require you to look a certain way or “young”. Home healthcare is not glamorous and I LOVE not having to buy clothes, makeup, shoes, etc to see my clients. I have saved THOUSANDS of dollars since leaving corporate America ❤❤❤
Victim mentality is a helluva drug.
Yeap. They make big money and blow it all. Then proclaim themselves victims.
17mins in and I totally get them. So many of us don’t know a thing about money. We are not taught. Plus so much emotion is tied up in the subject, one oftentimes can’t even wrap their heads around the problem. Ramit is really kind and patient. His book is already in the mail on the way to my house. We done to the couple for being so honest and vulnerable. I wish them the best. 👍🏾
Ramit is such a good dude. I think one of the most important parts of being financially free and happy is creating a lifestyle that supports it. Ramit does a fantastic job helping others come to that realization. Bravo Ramit! 🙏🏻
She was hung up on investing the whole time. I really think she wanted Ramit to tell her a get rich quick answer, not a tighten the belt answer. She was hoping he'd say to buy a house and flip it to get out of debt.
She thinks other people know some money secrets no one told her. Lol. It's get as a high paying job as you can and spend as little as you can. Investing to get rich takes decades.
This was so painful to watch, but very instructive. I’m sure many, many people are like these two and can benefit from what was discussed. Bravo Ramit!
Excellent podcast! The host is very patient & it seems to create trust & allow for a truly honest conversation. I feel like I’m listening in on a cognitive behavior therapy session. Great work by the host to call out BS in a kind & helpful way. Very practical advice! 1st time listener but I definitely just subscribed!
Your are gifted sir. How you keep a straight face and find a way to help adults this confused. If you have a phone, you have knowledge at your finger tips. Mom paying for your student loans 🤯
An eye opening episode for me! I am 28 years old, unmarried, from India! Learning from older couples and feeling luckier and more grateful at the same time.
🤫
I love how she said a mattress thats "supposed to last 8 years". We got a $500 memory foam mattress from wayfair and im hoping it lasts 15-20 years lol
That is the actual guidance on mattresses (7 to 10 years). It wasn’t just a random number she threw out there. Over time materials degrade and mattresses don’t provide the same support and your body will definitely start to feel it.
Going on 14 years with our mattress lol.
@@gdolly166good god your back myst feel awful.
A $500 mattress will not last 15-20 years 😂😂😂. I bought a mattress for $700 four years ago and it's completely shot.
Same. Foam mattresses can last forever and can cost under 500. I guess if you are a human whale then maybe they would break, but that is not normal use.
You're so practical and psychologically aware. Thank you, your show is easier to watch than other similar ones.
I just want to say I only recently found this channel, I was initially turned off by the name and didn’t give it a chance, but now that I have I’m honestly so impressed after watching a bunch of these videos how solid the advice is and how well suited you are to tackle these kinds of case studies that have complex behaviour issues without devolving into yelling about how badly these people are doing at whatever.
It’s not about the kids. It’s about how Bebe feels.
I’d bet a lot on those kids not thinking they’re the block brokies
Her husband is a huge enabler sadly. They both are spenders that enable each other and judge their financial situation based on material things rather than having a retirement fund or saving money etc.
Feeling that afraid that your kid will ever feel FOMO ever in their lives seems like a total parental ego thing rather than actual concern. Do people not remember how much fun simple things can be as children? The intensity w/ which she's expressing that re: summer vacation travel seems like resentment of others' privilege -- something it would be easy to pass along to your kids who then WILL feel short changed as a result. Cycles cycling.
Once you enter middle school or high school this can change a lot
My best memories are going to Six Flags and camping. I have never once looked back and felt deprived. I think this "vacation" culture is really nuts.
@@Coastpsych_fi99 thats where you get creative as a parent and include kids in the decision. I suspect most kids would rather have less stressed parents than going to Disney every year. Kids are smarter than we give them credit foe
When I have kids I ain't taking them on vacation
@@cokedclassic7627so true … my kids are grown now and we never went on any Disney trips or big vacations… their fondest memories are of the most simple things… picnics , beach , hikes , the park , movie night & our yearly summer trips to Newport Rhode Island ❤
This is a really great episode. You do a great job guiding this couple through some very challenging deep inner unconscious mind work. Helping remove old stories, shadow work, etc. thank you
I’m so thankful I have a husband that has so much discipline when it comes to money. We have rarely redecorated, always drove old cars, rarely spent money on frivolous things, and we’ve never owned credit cards. We own a farm, our net worth is several million $$$. We’ve bought homes for each of our kids and paid cash for them. We buy our cars with cash now and my husband has a collection of classic cars. We go out to eat at least once a week and don’t care how much it costs. We never suffered and our kids didn’t either. It’s just a matter of knowing what is worth spending money on, the value of compound interest and careful investing. Cash is king.
i’m 24 and trying to be like you :) i know i can if i just have discipline now hope your enjoying it
@@venus3173 Good for you! It does take some discipline. My husband has always treated it like a game; how much can he put away and how much can he fix and do himself rather than hire someone to do it. He learned to do mechanics (actually as he was growing up) and also carpentry. Be diligent and don’t care what anyone else does. Don’t try to impress people you don’t know and don’t care about.
My son is this way at 23 … he is very conscious of his spending. He already has great credit & work history built up , savings & pays all bills early or a few months ahead .
He gets his clothes at goodwill , wears shoes until they wear out , repairs his own and my car , I’m teaching him to shop sales , he sews his clothes rather than buy new . Once it’s worn out he uses it as a rag instead of buying paper towels.
All of these things add up and suck money .
Honestly my mother loves nick Nacks but I tell her save instead … her home is indeed her sanctuary but I’d rather see her have food all month long instead of have to borrow to get through the last week.
She loves to shop it helps her get her mind off her illness but it’s just as satisfying to window shop , look and enjoy the time out and have money left over .
She doesn’t NEED these things .. she needs her money instead
What do you farm? How much land? How did you make enough money to do all that?
Rent is usually the first thing people pay. I’m very surprised.
Right! That was very concerning.
They need to stop worrying about other peoples finances. And focus on their own.
She grew up with money and is struggling that her kids aren’t growing up the same.
Idk if she’s accepted her situation yet.
Exactly
We moved to a very rich area when we move there. I told my children don’t compare yourself to these children. They are all very rich and we are average income family. Don’t think you’re gonna get what they have. Don’t think you’re gonna do what they do. it’s just where we’re at in life.
I'm a huge fan of your content; you tackle actual problems that resonate with many of us. I'd be honored to have you as a mentor.
I wish Bebe would be kinder to herself. Your brain is listening to the words you use! She is clearly a very loving and strong person with everything she has been through and the love she has shown her father husband and children. You got this girl!!
I think BeBe is lazy..jealous like she said. Well, get over it.
Thank you for this. ❤️
I absolutely agree that these people are loving, caring parents. They don't seem to be shying away from working hard, they have just never been taught how to live within a budget. I totally get where they are coming from. My husband and I make combined a little more than they do, but we adhere to a stranglehold budget in order to be debt free except our mortgage. I, too wonder where everyone else gets the money to do all the things other families seem to do. I try not to be envious, but sometimes it's hard. These guys really do want to run thier life differently, it will just take practice and commitment to get into the habit
@@Jewelofthe80s you brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for taking the time to balance the hatred and judgment with your kind and encouraging words.
I grew up very similarly to Paul - i wasn't deprived of basic necessities, but there wasn't any money for fun things. My mom always said "We dont have any money" which i took literally, being a kid - come to find out as an adult that she meant "we don't have money for THAT." So I stopped asking for things because i knew it made my parents feel bad to have to tell me no... And now i have trouble asking for anything even remotely expensive (ie, more than $30 per item)
Something I saw in Bebe - that I learned from my mom and then had to unlearn - is a resistance to doing the work necessary to make her life better. In my opinion, it's a subtle self harm technique based in the need to feel in control of something. She's hurt by the injustice of what her mom did, but also felt protective of her dad so she probably decided never to hurt others the way her mom did... So the only person left to hurt is herself. Also, if money was used to control her, she might associate money with negative power and be subconsciously trying to distance herself from it. The key for me was to realize that I'm a person too, and everything i would do to take care of someone else are things that i deserve as well.
This was a good episode, I thank them for being so honest and open.
Loved this episode! Thanks to BeBe and Paul for sharing your story.
You guys can do it! A lot of us have gone through really bad times, and eventually pulled through. Persevere!
This is one of the best, most profound, and real life interviews to date! This is where the rubber meets the road! Great job Ramit 💯❤️👌🏼 #realtalk
The stories we tell ourselves can be quite strong. Good for both of these adults to recognize their old thinking habits, and to really challenge their ways of doing things. Great episode.
I truly appreciate this couple coming on and showing us a glimpse of their poor life mentality. Not making fun of them at all. They were not taught how to respect the dollar and I really hope they embrace not keeping up with the Joneses. It's doable...slash everything that isnt food and shelter. You can do it❤
Wow! This episode is probably my favorite of all of Ramit’s posts. This is a real life picture of many couples in America… outstanding dialogue throughout. The couple recapped well and gave us hope that their lives have improved. Wish there was more footage of their recovery. More of these please
I agree. In a recent comment I asked for more of these- not super rich couples, not people with a huge windfall or other unusual bonus circumstance. While not exactly the same as most people I see the story resonates as something familiar. Ramit, thanks for helping these people and sharing it with us
I think what Ramit was trying to get at is that they are on a journey and their mindset needs to grow. They are not 'stuck' and can indeed grow! Hope they do get better-paid jobs. All the best to them.
I meet a lot of people like this couple. They are the poorest people in a rich neighborhood. They might feel better living in a lower middle class neighborhood. The rent would be cheaper and their idea of an average lifestyle would be different. The truth is 100k isn't a lot for a duel income family. That means they each earn 50k before taxes. That means they are each trying to support 1 adult and 1 child on approximately 40k a year after taxes.
Yep. It's not a lot. Where did she get that idea??
True. I would like to know if they live in CA bec that amount is not enough for 4 people. Apple gadgets for 8 years old is extravagance actually.