“We rushed into buying a $730K house. Now I can’t sleep at night”
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Jonathan and Shalom. They are young, 31 and 27, have been married for 5 years and they're getting used to a big addition to their lives-a rushed home purchase in the Pacific Northwest that tints their relationship with conflict. Jonathan buries himself in the numbers. Shalom buries her head in the sand.
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Can’t-miss moments
00:00:00 - 1: Opening
00:03:23 - 2: They went on a date and… bought a house?
00:09:32 - 3: Jonathan reveals he's losing sleep over the house
00:19:56 - 4: Can they afford furniture?
00:24:17 - 5: Ramit is shocked by Shalom's feelings about their new floors
00:28:52 - 6: How did Jonathan grow up with money?
00:31:13 - 7: Shalom describes her upbringing in Ethiopia
00:39:57 - 8: Ramit breaks down their numbers
00:42:19- 9: Their hilarious fight about the landscaping
00:47:29 - 10: Ramit gives them a new way to think about putting money into a house
00:50:38 - 11: Their perspective starts to change
00:54:19 - 12: Where are they now? Their follow-up messages
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0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
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@ramitsethi Do you help people outside of the US too? Would love your help/advice but I live in Malaysia 😅
Lovely couple. I will say from experience that they need to get on the same page financially. And she has married a financially conservative and responsible person-so if she could allow her husband to handle the finances, it will preserve their marriage. I am saying this from experience. She clearly said she has never lived on her own. She went from cradle to wife. She has this life she dreams of but doesn’t know what that costs. What has to happen is that she be willing to forego that couch and everything else-and embrace that fact that they now have a home. Quote frankly, they should flip that house, take the profit and find shelter until the housing market crashes where they can buy within their budget -or increase the amount of money coming in to make the house more affordable. Beautiful couple. They just need to focus on their marriage and place that above material goods and having a life free of financial stressors.
@@marieh9627 Oh my goodness how sweet your words are!!!! So eloquently stated. I so agree please if she reads this I hope she can take a few steps back on the material things that are not needed right now!!! Let your HUSBAND lead her and please cooperate with him as he take you to a wonderful life in time. It’s The Journey if she cooperates and be sensitive to his sleepless night of worrying and providing. Once she heard that from him it should automatically been oh I’m going to be better about finances. 🙏🏽🙏🏽I pray for them both being young and just getting started it’s understandable. So please help your WONDERFUL HUSBAND, knowing the couch is coming in time💖
This was a good delve into their financial relationship. What I hope they realize is that this can be one of the leading romantic diseases that can lead to a divorce. The smiles and laughter are coverups to their insecurities and pain. Jonathan mostly. They need to map out all of their gripes and disagreements and come to a solution that both of them can agree upon and not have an emotional resentment for.
@@Mizabeyta Find to have the husband take the lead on finances, but it's critical that both people know what's going on and have access to all accounts. Too many widows are completely helpless when their husbands die because of their complete dependence on their husbands running the finances.
2 years ago I put in an offer on a home for 575k in Massachusetts. The owners rejected my offer and I was so devastated. 3 months later I was laid off and I’ve never been so grateful. That was a blessing in disguise.
Were you able to get another job? Do you think you'll still try to buy a home? Hoping the best for you ❤
@@xbjrrtc I’m employed and have housing. Thank you so much 🙏🏻
Same!! I was about to buy an apartment in an "up and coming" area of my city. I had just gotten a new high paying job and submitted an offer for 300k on a condo and was rejected. This was FEBRUARY 2020. I was laid off from my brand new job April 1st 2020. Stayed in our tiny cheap apartment, and the "up and coming" area slid back 10 years crime wise.
@@CCMonet14 what a blessing 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Wow, thank God. The Lord is good. ❤
The biggest financial decision you will ever make in your life is not a house, but your partner.
Partner is a financial decision 🤔
@@alicegay4286 Yes, 100%. Your partner will affect everything.
If this man ever grows a backbone and begins telling his wife NO on a consistent basis, she will DIVORCE HIM (no fault divorce)!!! And HE WILL PAY HER - CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY for a LONG TIME!!! The reason she sleeps well at night is because SHE KNOWS that when all the dust clears - SHE will be fine because HE will be paying to support her and HER KIDS!
BIG FACTS!
Thats exactly what i thought . He is losing sleep and she is sleeping good! @@halettebrennen8460
Kids dont really need a big back yard. Its ironic but when we were living in an apartment, the kids wanted to go to the park or the beach. When we lived in a house with a big backyard, all they wanted to do was play video games. So yes, please buy a place that you can afford. Children are resilient and will adjust to wherever you are living.
And you know what else a yard brings? Yardwork nearly every weekend or every other weekend. You could pay a gardener, but there's yet ONE more phantom expense. Think of the luxury of living in a townhome with no yard and your weekends are free to go to the lake, park, beach, mountains and make some really amazing memories. I hated mowing the damn grass in the Florida heat and it was a beast in the summer because it had to be mowed every 7 days! Weeds grew like crazy too and the shrubs needed trimming every month. My summer vacations were filled with labor, not fun things!
@@jennifercrosdale5391 a house will always outpace the growth of a townhouse. you're often connected by a wall to someone else. hire the local gardener that does everyone else's lawn. maintenance can cost 60-100 bucks every two weeks. 2k maybe a year. delegate those chores so you can focus on growing your income and spending time with your family.
That's such a great observation
So true, we have a huge backyard that never gets used.
Unpopular Opinion. Yards, front or back, are a blight on suburbia. Grow victory gardens again.
Just because you’re pre-approved for 750k doesn’t mean you go find a house for the whole 750k. Sounds like wanting to get a certain house to impress folks that don’t matter while husband is stressing the hell out 🤦🏽♀️
Exactly right. Amazing how many people don't understand this. I was pre-approved for a house that's twice as much as the house I ended up buying. I knew there was no way I could afford paying for what I was pre-approved for AND still eat and have electricity, etc., lol.
$750k in & around Seattle barely gets you a fixer unless it’s a condo, definitely not a house you can impress others.
🎯🎯🎯 I was approved for 400k but bought for less than 200k
@@May-dc1ly ok, is Seattle the only place in the world where 750k houses exist? 750k in my state is a mansion.
@@Shun_Lovette your original comment about getting a $750K house to impress was specifically regarding the Seattle couple on this episode, right?
I think a lot of her opinions come from her family/friends. I'm Ethiopian and everything she's saying is very much what I hear from my community. Gurl if you're reading this, don't listen to our community, they will drive you into more debt cause people are so used to living with debt. Primarily because in Ethiopia we don't have credit system meaning you either have it or you don't. So for them they rather send the money back home and get in debt to buy the things they need. If their car needs fixing they would rather get into more debt for a new car rather than pay $500 to fix it cause that $500 could do a lot back home. It's your life not theirs remember that always.
@@Anna-qz6xwhomes are not the only way to make money or build wealth. There is an entire free market of investing that gives you plenty of opportunities
Oh my you are so right ! My mum almost got me into debt for a house she was building in Addis! I put the break and refused to get involved in her adventurous project !
And Latino community you are an absolute failure if you don’t “checke all the boxes”
Girl, you are on point. Don’t know anyone who don’t have a house back home. They sent shit load of money and live large here with debt up to their neck
I’m so glad you expressed to her not to listen to the culture! I hate she doesn’t see that she has a Amazing Husband! I hope she does not ruin it for things!!!!
As someone who got divorced over a mismatch in money values, I highly recommend you all see a financial counselor ASAP. My prayers are with you.
My wife and I have the same type of discussions about finances, but it never becomes a major issue because there is a leader of our family. I happen to be the leader of our family. So when disagreements like this come up, we follow my final decision. If my wife was the leader, then we'd follow her final decision. I find that having a leader in a family makes disagreements like the ones in this video much easier to resolve.
Sure, that helps but both parties are adults and you can't make a final decision when it impacts EVERYONE. As a leader you need to actually showcase your ability to lead and give the WHY. You need to be convincing, ANYWHERE as a leader. Its not just "I make a final decision", you make a final decision based on facts and figures not because "you're a leader". Anyway, if your wife is smart then she would've seen you're a leader before saying yes to marrying you. I know I said yes to my husband because he proved again and again in every occasion and situation that he's a leader. But there are many men who are not and women say yes to marrying them. The blind leading the blind in those cases.@@halettebrennen8460
He is going to be bitter and resentful and she is going to lose her respect for him because he is weak and complainer over money
They didn’t really sit down and count the costs. They didn’t watch each other carefully to see how they handle money.
@@halettebrennen8460- so when you have money disagreements over money, you get your way? That works for you.
I paid off all my debt. And calculated how much i would need for an emergency fund, for at least 3 months. I found and bought my repo house when I was single. 3 yrs later i was diagnosed with cancer. The following year, after my diagnosis. New management came in, and i lost my job. I couldn't look for a job, due to going back to the hospital and Dr's to chech for any remaining cancer cells. That emergency money came in handy. For those 2 and half months I was out. Fast forward several yrs later. Now married, my husband & I paid the house off & all our debt. I've had people tell me. I should of used that money to invest. But nothing would of given me a peace of mind. Knowing that the house and debt was gone. In case the cancer came back. Thats my 2 cents.
So happy you are cancer free ❤
Your two cents is well worth it. It’s amazing that ppl would rather slog along with the heavy chains of debt year after year. Glad you are in a much better place.❤
Good for you!!
Now you can invest and you’ll be much wealthier than everyone else in the long run!
I agree with you. I have found a nice middle ground with emergency funds and investing. My credit union has open certificates. I keep my emergency funds there and if I don't use them I get 5% back at the end of the year. If I do use them, I can pull them out any time and I just have to forfit the interest. That is okay though, because i would have had no interest anyway if I kept it in cash or checking.
So you’re husband saved you is what your saying? Well hey thank God for the good men. Sadly that won’t be every women’s saving grace. Glad you doing much better for you cancer 🙏🏾💯
This kind of wife is dangerous. Men choose your partners wisely. Anyone who can sleep peacefully while you stress over bills will keep you in debt forever and won’t flinch. She’s an emotional spender. Im sure she’s a nice person but she’s extremely financial irresponsible. Apologies if this comes off harsh but take the lead in your marriage sir and make these decisions. She will thank you later.
After hearing the closing statement about how much they argued after the interview about small money decisions and not major decisions and that she didn’t respond with a follow up, I can confirm she’s going to be a handful dude. Good Luck.
They are not a good match for each other. I hate to be mean but she is a leech and unappreciative. If she wants to do all those things to her house, she needs to work and make money to spend on those. She is using him as a bank.
to go from 1800 to 4100 is insane
It’s about to be over $5k! Wait till the interest rates go up again in the fall. They’re so screwed
I cannot even wrap my head around it 🤯
Disappointed Remit did not do the percentages on their budget, like what is the percentage of their combined income going towards mortgage payment/insurance/property taxes/annual maintenance costs. Also need to emphasize need for life insurance on both parties because it took both incomes to get proper Debt-to-Income Ratio to qualify for mortgage.
I crapped my pants, dude, that's an INSANE upgrade
@@jeromehenry4484 I was also disappointed. There are definitely more financial issues here and, to me, Ramit focused too much on the physiological aspects of home buying
Really respect this guy laying out all his concerns on the internet. His pain is palpable. Rooting for you bud.
Same, I feel bad from him when his wife is so free and easy with it all. Meet him halfway at least?
Oh god. This is like an ad for not getting married😂 She is just so immature and irresponsible 🙈
@@user-cr1iz8fw6h - That’s what I was thinking. He had no idea what he was getting into with her. He needs to take some blame for that, but you never know for sure until it’s too late. Makes me happy to be single for now.
@@smileychess He had some idea of what he was getting into.... She admits that when they got together, she told him that she was expensive to be with.
If this man ever grows a backbone and begins telling his wife NO on a consistent basis, she will DIVORCE HIM (no fault divorce)!!! And HE WILL PAY HER - CHILD SUPPORT AND ALIMONY for a LONG TIME!!! The reason she sleeps well at night is because SHE KNOWS that when all the dust clears - SHE will be fine because HE will be paying to support her and HER KIDS!
Shalom went from her parents home to living with her husband. She's never had to budget and manage money to upkeep her life on her own before. I think thats a disadvantage to her because there's a huge missing perspective there. It doesn't have to be an achilles heel in their relationship though. They're a lovely couple, I wish them well.
This is me 🫤 And now I'm a 39-year-old widow with a 4-year-old and a mortgage to pay for on a much smaller income than before. Thankfully I have never been a big spender at least.
I agree. All my girlfriends went from parents to husbands. I was the only one living a single life in my studio. I bought my own apartment with my own investment money. I was the only adult. I then invested more and made my own money, even talked my BF to do the same.
A woman needs to be financially independent. It isn’t fair that all the burden is on one partner and one never knows what might happen in the future. They probably won’t be able to afford kids. No one considers taxes, maintenance and market turns. Wish them well..glad I’m not in their spot.
Wow his wife has no idea and doesn't care how much pressure her husband is under😢 that's sad.
If you listen to what he says, he's the one that seems to control the finances.
@@LilySaintSinshe wears the pants. If it were up to him he wouldn’t have bought it
She is a liability
Its an emotional buy for her. She said that her parents never own a property in this country. For her it about saying "I own my house" to the people in her circle of community. It great that her husband is financially responsible and wants to do the right thing. I wish them well and hopefully they can figure it out.
I totally get what you are saying ( and what you are not saying👌🏽). Much of this is cultural. I have to explain to my family that although I can afford a house, I do not want to commit to that debt or responsibility of homeownership right now. That doesn't mean Im not doing well in life or Im doomed if I don't "own" a piece of land.
She's actually really irresponsible and financially dangerous in her behavior.
Always the women's fault for dudes taking dumb decisions, fml.
@@JuancoPRoFlow yep it's why most consumer advertisement (80%) is towards women. Corporations know men are financially smarter than women on average and it's not even close. So they don't even bother advertising to men. They appeal to women and their feelings and the women bring down the men.
Tale as old as time. There's a reason the devil tempted Eve and not Adam. Eve is the stumbling block for Adam, otherwise the devil would have been wasting his time with Adam directly. Same pattern repeated since
Of course it's an emotional buy she's a woman, she should be listening to her husband as in most cases in the household because most women will spend like a drunken sailor
This is why it’s so important to choose a partner whose financial values closely align with yours. My wife and I are lockstep with each other when it comes to this, and it wasn’t luck that I ended up with a woman like that. I’ve seen over and over again how it’s saved us from arguments and have time to problem-solve together instead.
💯
This is literally the most important thing to look for in a partner to avoid so many stresses
@@Sobermama927 He was talking about having financial values closely aligned....seems like you are talking about avoid many of life's stress which is not dependent on your partner.
yeah lemme date a girl for 2 yrs and if her financials dont match with mine imma break up
@@dingus8188 you discuss it on the 7th date. It's that or divorce down the line because finances is the #1 reason for divorce. And trust me you will be broke after
This was a disaster.
No kids but felt they needed to buy a $750k is insanity.
Especially when Jonathan’s definition of yard work is lawn mowing and hates Home Depot and the other doesn’t even know nor ever seen the break down of their net worth.. cmon
While I feel this is a train wreck waiting to happen, I think they’ll be able to come thru this with a serious harsh reality check
the most moronic decision I have ever seen made. I saved up for years to have at least 80 percent down payment and lived well below my means for YEARS. When I was ready to purchase, i was not stressed at all.
These guys purchase a house that is close to 1 million and can't afford it, and now they are complaining. 🥲
I agree, I'm surprised this wasn't raised by Ramit. They went too high on the purchase price and had pitiful negotiating skills. They should've walked away when 700k got rejected and said to them selves, ok tgis wasn't the one. Also, they should be factored in furnishing & repairs to their budget for buying the property so that they could've just bought a damn couch and whatever else right away, and gone with a slightly lower house price
He couldn't put his foot down
I wish you guys could see a $750k house in Seattle. A $750k house (especially since it comes with a yard, which bumps up the price) is very modest.
@@voguehaven5154the price may have been 750k$ but they’ll end up paying near double that over the next 30 years as they pay this house off😂
It hurts me for him really. 15K wedding and 15K floors... So what did you like more? She says.. the floors. SHOCKED me, and I am not married to her...The worst is she didn't even apologize for it live... She wanted the house, she wants, the kitchen, and other upgrades, she wants the yard, she wants the Ethan Allen couch and furnishings. I could get a couch for 100 on facebook market. HE WANTS None of that... poor fellow...
Why? Some people value practical things. For all you know, the wedding was mostly his family. I mean I don’t understand why it’s bad that she wants a beautiful home. She literally talks about how she wants to raise her kids in that type of environment. That’s not a evil want. That’s a pretty standard dream. Contrary to popular belief, a lot of women don’t really care about the wedding hoopla. Besides, 15 grand is half of what the average wedding cost in the US.
He allows it so that's what will be. He needs to man up
legit@@perdybirdie
@@thezu9250sounds like materialism to me
@@thezu9250 Because she is putting things (a floor) over her family (her husband). That will never work.
She's running the show in this relationship. They did not know each other well enough when they married. They value different things. That is not compatable long-term. They both have student debt most likely too.
Yep
All I see are women being so negative and cynical about this beautiful couple. They’ll be FINE. They’re both educated and professionals with great paying jobs. It just sounds like you’re envious of the fact that Shalom has a great husband.
@@bellaxo1597 Not envious, no. She had him make a decision he was not comfortable making because HE manages finances and did not like the numbers. She is happy. He is not though. He values travel, she values home. Home is too much to afford travel he loves. Overextended. Scary place to be. He says he can't sleep at night. How is that okay?
@@bellaxo1597 I didn’t see anything super bad about their relationship either, they seemed like a low conflict overall good match
@@AshleySpeaks4U You are a typical western woman who has zero clue on how eastern women continue to lead more successful homes, lives, and marriages exactly as she does. Her husband is a weak man, that's the issue. She should instead be with a strong, non-western man, since western men have become weak anxious babies.
And, yes, your comment does come from a state of envy. If you cannot see that, then perhaps seeking therapy will allow your shadow of envy to be brought into your awareness.
We started with an apartment and no furniture because my husband did not want to finance. Our first purchase was a dining table after three months then furniture set after 6 months then we went from there and slowly saved and paid cash for what we wanted. This was 20yrs ago. As life went on we started getting into the financing and cc and our peace of mind was never the same. Just be patient and wait, don’t fall into debt for instant gratification.
Yes,
I bought my house alone. My livingroom was empty for two years. My puppy had chewed and destroyed a two year old living room suit, before I purchased the house. Budget is everything.
Now people have no patience but instant gratification. So many temptations all around
Bingo! I think the $1800 to $4100 ratio increas is about right. So you have to be very sure of the short & long term goal youre trying to accomplish, your chosen strategy, and be ready to make that shift fully (financially, mentally, and physically). I went from $2100 monthly rent (apartment ) to $3900 monthly for my home when I bought my house. Having a home and being a homeowner is a completely different beast/ball game. So they're ratio is actually fairly correct. Not to mention that most of it goes towards interest for a drastic # of years.
I still prefer it to renting though; more security and peace of mind. I rented, planned, got ready for 8-9 years before making the shift ;)
Delayed gratification 🙏🏼
💯
They need to sell the house. They are 5 years away from being able to truly afford a home. What is the hurry? A home should be a blessing not a curse.
How did you determine 5 years? Is this the amount of time estimated for 20% downpayment? Trying to determine when we will be ready myself 😅
They can probably afford it. It’s the jumping in that’s shocking them. They didn’t allow themselves enough time to think before rushing in.
She will divorce his ass if they sell.
@@ASanchaTXI am doing 20%. I am waiting for a possible crash as the deposit grows. If it crashes I then can put more than 20% so I can still refinance once rates lower even if the home depreciates
@@ASanchaTXput 20% down and have your mortgage no more than 30% of your monthly expense
I empathize with these two so much. We bought a house 18 months ago, and ever since we submitted our offer, my anxiety levels have been through the roof. I thought it would subside over time, but it hasn't yet. It's not even really about the money - we have plenty of money - but more about all the responsibilities that come with homeownership that nobody really talks about.
Thank you for speaking on this!! I always questioned my feelings of anxiety around such a huge responsibility because no one talks about the reality of home buying and how it affects your mental health
Totally agree. We bought a house on solid and practical financial footing and we have money to spend on upgrades but the amount of priorities and values we can spend the money in is a hot topic. We are budgeting a kitchen renovation and I want to spend more for this, he doesn’t care about that. He wants the nicer AC, I don’t care. I am stuck doing the weeding because he has a bad back…but he doesn’t want to spend for a gardener. He wants solar panels now I want other things before. There are soo many priorities and choices and it leads to tension. We are totally getting through it and negotiating but it’s been a learning curve on communication
@@Caliabrajust hire the gardener, one person should not be stuck with that job if they hate it. You speak as though your partner is a parent but you are also the owner of the property and the one lumbered with gardening. Just hire the person and let that be that.
I've lived in my house a number of years and have yet to feel "overwhelmed" by responsibilities. And I'm a single woman! I feel very fortunate and blessed.
I agree. My house is about 16% of my gross and I genuinely do not like the stress of owning it.
I genuinely feel bad for this guy.
Ramit is right, the urgency to get a mortgage and buy a house is not something we experience in other countries ☺️. Sounds super stressful 😅
I know it's a thing at least for many people in Canada and China. Not sure about other places🤷♂️
It sure is in Australia. And Sydney (housing) is the 2nd most expensive city in the world.
That urgency is experienced in Mexico too. But it's mostly felt as an eye-opener that purchasing power and cost of living are against most youth and future generations. Just having the chance to get a bad mortgage is seem as a 1st world problem over here.
Well it’s there in the UK. Our private rental sector is awful, hugely overpriced and not fit for purpose.
It is definitely there in New Zealand and Australia
Im worried about this marriage. They need to work on their teamwork.
If something ever happens to him lady you're screwed, flip that house as soon as you can, stress is the number one killer.
Buying this house was not a good idea, selling it and buying something you both live and feel good about it should be the focus. It seems Jonathan is doing everything to please shalom and and she is completely stress free. Give her more financial responsibilities and i am sure she will start to understand where you’re coming from when the weight is on her shoulders. I am sure you both love each other but remember that giving should always be reciprocated don’t give too much whilst the other person takes your only going to get resentful. You’re stressed all night and she’s sleeping like a baby that shouldn’t be so. God bless you both
I don't understand how people can get married without talking finances. We dated for 7 years before getting married and we talked about finances at least once a week.
I have a similar background as Shalom. I’ve never met anyone in my community dating/living each other for 7 years. Many also marry before the age of 30. You’re right, money should be discussed, but it isn’t prioritized when both marry in 20s when in school/early career and very much broke. So there’s that.
@@omowhanre that's a very good point! My husband and me were in our 30s when we got together and 2nd marriage for him. By the time we met, we both have assets we need to protect from each other and also other nefarious forces 😆
i watched every pod ep of this show so i understand it completely why people don't talk lol. really avoidance is the american way and the way of most cultures overall.
Thank God my wife agrees with me financially. I watched the netflix show, then read the book and my wife watched the show and loves everything I have put in place since. We have all of our bills automatically and she has expressed how much easier her life is now. We are paying down debt as well as investing consistently for the first time. I hope more people find you Ramit!
I know this is a side-note, but they are such a beautiful couple. They both have the most gorgeous smiles.🥰
I appreciate their levels of self-awareness and openness. I pray they have a great marriage.
Jonathan is great man. Well plan and organized! He knows what real important in their lives. I hope Shalom knows how lucky she is to have this man in her life and learn how to be real teammate. I’m tired listening to people that “I’m expensive and I have expensive taste” that doesn’t mean anything if you can’t afford it. She can have anything she wants if she can pay for it and support him more than just keep wanting more and more.
She doesn't know how lucky she is. She's turning him into a miserable wreck. She needs to completely change the way she thinks and approaches ANY topic on buying something. She needs to sit with him and figure out how she's going to contribute more to this whale of a house they live in and stop the nonsense about couch buying. She NEEDS to put his mind at ease somehow. The guy is worried out of his mind and she is only adding to it.
Exactly! She needs a serious reality check...
This bitxh don't care.
It is so wrong how she doesn’t even bother to hide how checked out she is after hearing he is having full on panic attacks unable to sleep. It’s a real shame how she cares more about making an impression and keeping up with “The Joneses” than being a supportive wife and actually contributing to a financially stable home. No help at all, just dead weight.
@@blancawilson4747not sure what he sees in her
This is what I think about when I hear people trotting out buying is cheaper. This couple spent $730,000 on the house. Immediately there's another $15,000 for the floors.
Now let's spend $60,000 on the kitchen.
And we need new furniture.
And, by the way, she wants the shrubs but she doesn't want to take care of them...and he hates gardening...so let's pay a garden service!
Also, the amount you are losing interest every month on the mortgage
@@hilarystorey4601Yes - it may be a tax write-off but it's not earning money!
It sounds to me like they have a spending problem. I’ve been in my home for 3 years and it’s appreciated over that time. I could sell it today and make money. My monthly payment is approximately 6-700 a month cheaper than renting
Phantom costs!
@@o0usf0oyou have to remember though the housing market is nuts right now and home value has gone through the roof. In 6yrs our home has gone up $180k
The sad thing is that at 1800/mo, the difference between a mortgage and rent would have been enough to make buying a place MUCH more affordable within 5 years. They could have saved 150-200k within 7 years of renting. With a morthage, however, the first 12 or so years you are paying almost only interest
Have you factored in inflation and racy house markets? Clearly not. The price of a home in 7 years will not be the same. They also live in WA which is quite pricey to get into the housemarket as is. Good for them for seizing a good price for the house.
Should of brought a small house for 250k or a fixer that's liveable., One that is in good neighborhood that is going to appreciate
@@Chatelaine0exactly. Same people saying that same thing 5 years ago in my city and are now priced out because they Sat on the sidelines. Now almost paying double in rent than what they would've had in a mortgage.
Home ownership has very expensive, very time consuming drawbacks if neither partner is handy. Contractors will clean you out. Bought my house last year for $575K. Already put in $60K+ in repairs and updates. I’ve had to become the handy one but it’s not at all how I want to spend my time.
Well hey if you want to save some money, spend that time. It'll make it that much sweeter when it's done.
Jonathan has a provider perspective like most men. He wants to ensure long-term financial stability for his family. Shalom wants to make a nice, "livable" place for the family. Both can be accomplished within a budget. Unfortunately, it will be much more difficult after purchasing the property. They seem like a lovely couple.
I'm not one with keeping up with the Joneses. To date, the biggest purchase for my husband and myself has been our home. We were on the same page. It did not make sense for us to pay $1,000/month on rent (for 780 Sqft apartment) vs. paying $1100/month on a mortgage for total privacy (at 1950 Sqft house). Totally worth it and would do it again. Like Ramit teaches: spend money on the things that are important to you and cut back on the stuff that don't spark joy! I don't have friends named Louis Vuitton, Hermes, and Balenciaga! My friends are Mortgage, Food, Travel, and Time!
A $1100 month mortgage at today's interest rate would be ~$160K house. Where in the US are houses selling for $160K while apartment half the size renting for $1000/month?! The numbers don't make sense,
The lesson here is that a house purchase should not be an impulse purchase!!
I think it's a big red flag that she didn't provide a follow up. To me this reflects that nothing has really changed and that he is still in charge of the finances while she has a blind eye to it. I hope that they engage in therapy and improve their financial communication.
Our bad, just a simple misunderstanding. We discussed after the podcast and I responded for us both.
@@jonathan_miller11Kudos to you and Shalom being on the show. I hope there is a little bit more of an emotional investment from Shalom, but you can see how you adore each other. All the best!
@@jonathan_miller11I really enjoyed the episode. You can see the love between you two and I hope it led to some better financial conversations between you.
@@jonathan_miller11 you know that one person not participating is not a great sign lol. hope things are going great tho
This is crazy! When I purchased my home, my cost went from $1200 in rent to approximately $900. Even with the costs going up for homeowners insurance and taxes it is still at least $500 cheaper a month then the apartment I was renting with less space. And I have gained so much in equity in 5 years. It’s no way I would’ve bought my house if I couldn’t even sleep leading up to closing. It’s nerve wracking but I slept good. They can’t afford a light switch cover bc they are house poor.
That was back when people said you throw away your money when you rent, and right now, it's the opposite. 😢
That was a whole other era. This is a new era for anyone who did not buy and hold prior to 2022
try California, ur case not exists here
@@Tee-Star how is it the opposite? Are we having a housing market crash?
@@voguehaven5154 YES, if u say so!
After over 20 years of active military service with over 15 permanent change of duty station, I have decided not to spend fortune on furniture any more. Our current couch at home was purchased from Habitat For Humanity for only $75, and its nice and usable that fits a family of seven. No more unnecessary spending for us. My wife is also on board.
Shalom MUST get involved in the finances of their house hold and investments.
Stress is toxic. She's asking him to poison himself with debt. I'm sad that she's willing to sacrafice his mental health for "things" like "my wedding." Will he come to resent this? Probably. Is it unhealthy for their relationship? Absolutely.
They’ll be fine. Keep your negative projections to yourself. As someone who knows someone who knows THEM personally…they’re fine.
@@bellaxo1597 I'll give my opinion whenever I damn well please. Not in favor of free speech? Tsk tsk.
I agree with you and the comment that person made is a flat lie-! They are LITERALLY on this show because he admitted he almost had a stroke the day of closing and he stresses every night-?? Came out of the husbands own mouth? 😅 You were just quoting what he said. People are in lala land these days. Denial denial denial. More people need to speak truth like you.
I relate to the furniture conversation; it's easy to double down after buying a bigger house by trying to fill it. 5 years in, we still have an empty bonus room above our garage that will one day be our TV and game room when friends come over. We've slowly upgraded furniture as we can afford to, but the investments come first.
But they have a couch. I am lost. Why did they get such expensive house if it needed remodeling? Wait, your not going to live there forever? Why get a house so quickly?
Right! They said where are people going to sit - on the couch that we already own!! It looked pretty big too
I hope the couple doesn’t wind up in a parent-child relationship; with one being the responsible one and the other YOLO beliefs. My dad made all the financial decisions and mom did what he said. He passed away and my mom is like a child. No clue as to how the world functions financially.
Seems like it
Hmmm…was your father a controlling dominant man?
I try to teach my fiancée on things that I am much stronger on. She does the same for me. My justification is: what if i die after we have kids??
I honestly root for every couple that is interviewed on this podcast. Jonathan looks so in love with her, it makes me happy 🥰
Simp
So in love he's stressing and having panic attacks trying to please her emotions based wants 🙄
@@Wanderer25 indeed.
Now he's going to love debt.
@@Wanderer25he wanted exotic and that's what came with ut
You are so correct. People tend to do a straight comparison between mortgage and rent. However, they fail to account for property tax, HOA fees, maintenance, repairs, etc. Also, with the high standard deduction for taxes, most people do not get the mortgage interest write-off for taxes either. Moreover, you end up with an asset that is hard to sell. In addition, equity is useless unless you sell. When appliances break, you have to shell out money yourself to repair or replace rather than calling the landlord. People don't account for the new roof they need down the road for 20k.
All that is true but the issue with housing is as far as I can tell either rent or own..... So if people want the cheapest living possible what other option do they have but to own at some point?
And closing costs when selling too
Dude, run. She is on a straight trajectory to bankruptcy. You bought a house for when you have kids…that now make it impossible to afford kids. You are house rich and money poor. Your wife is planning remodeling and buying all kinds of furniture. She is not acting Ike someone who recognizes this fact. My husband and I have been married 20 yrs this winter and I could never sleep peacefully if he was stressing like this over finances. We make more money than this couple and bought a house recently that is easily 235,000 less….and we have 2 kids!
Agree... but alot of these modern women do NOT care about anyone but themselves....!! Trust me. I see it all the time. Its me me me. Women like us that considers our husbands well being is rare-!!
As much as I like this young couple for exposing their financial life, they are CLUELESS. Between the nervous laughter evading certain questions and the young lady with no clue of what's going on in her house, I don't know which is worse.
.
I could see the stress in both. I'd sell that house and go back to renting or rent those empty bedrooms for a while to pay off some of that mortgage. They need to live more as a couple, get to really know one another outside of the bedroom and have those important conversations.
I agree, she seems selfish to me. It's a train wreck.
@@shawnlove4502She said the floor was worth more than their wedding immediately after he chose the wedding and then he hung his head. Sad.
About ten minutes in at the moment. Good on Ramit for making us rethink our whole attitudes around the 'home and family' ideal. Will be taking notes in this one and looking forward to Saturday's newsletter!
@ramitsethi @anne-lucebugain5298 - What he fails to state is a Landlord can evict you at any time. That is what separates Home Owners from Renters.
@@geodude9395wow, you're on a mission!
I budget in our family and it was my choice to have a low mortgage payment lower than 25% of our salary. Even with this low payment, it is still extremely expensive keeping up with the maintenance. Moving in, we had to buy things we need for the house, such as a ladder, a lawn mower, weed eater, leaf blower, replacing a fridge that broke, a dish washer that wouldn’t turn on, etc. then the shower stand started leaking water in the walls and renovating it will cost $25k. Everyone can buy a house but can they all maintain it? Think before you buy and save $200 monthly towards the house maintenance monthly and wait to see those funds go back go zero quick!
I really want to see a excel house buying budget sheet that is actually explained. Everyone make assumptions about how much the house will cost but forget about thinks like $15,000 or $60,000 on a kitchen.
I have a friend who is like Shalom. She & her husband make good money but she refuses to learn about their finances. She laughs about it. I told her “something happens to your husband, you’re in a world of hurt because you willfully are ignorant of your own finances.” Her husband also pokes fun of her decisions. She paid 18% APR on a used FJ Cruiser that was 10 years old & cost $24k. The look of horror on my face when he told me & my husband this over dinner. 😵💫😵💫
@@bav192 that 1M will be done, in less than a year
They have to realize it’s $700,000 debt to a bank! It takes a few bad months to lose it all and burn ur credit! 1,800 to 4,000 was a very very bad idea. I would sell the house ASAP! Save the other over 2 grand in your savings! It’s never worth it! Everyone please take a lesson from this. Also I hate interest and debt so much…. I would never buy a house if it had to be on a loan to have one….
What I hear is misalignment of financial values between the both of them. Once they are able to communicate their needs and wants better. I believe both of them will thrive. All the best to the both of you. Thanks for being so brave to come on this show and be honest with yourself and your thoughts.
I have a feeling she's bullying him financially and the couch was just the point at which he decided to put his foot down. I mean, this dude is losing sleep and she's just fine? You think he was totally on board buying that ridiculously expensive house? SHE wanted that house and probably pestered him to agree to buy it. I feel so sorry for him. I do want them to succeed but she has some growing to do and changes to make in her thinking.
When you say communicating what you mean is convincing.
@@Concatenate I'm going to disagree and say what she has done is set boundaries on what is resonably expected from a man at his age and earning potential. They already travelled around and seen whatever they needed to see. He is just anxious and that is very normal. Once the house prices and equity start going up, and he gets a good ROI and asset, he will thank her for hunkering down and doing this. Don't be so chicken, men!
@@Concatenatethis is how I view it too. He's actually a cheap skate but marriage is about compromise. He's compromising to make her happy and it isn't enough for her. This is really a common thing for people in America at least. He got with someone who is materialistic and got screwed financially.
OMG. Totally remember freaking out about buying first house. And feeling house rich cash poor. Going a year without a couch and only 1 car.
How lucky am I to stumble into this kind of content. I needed to see this so much.
My rent went from almost $1600 to a $1900 mortgage. My home appreciated $100k in a year. My household expenses are far less than 20% my gross. The moral is be comfortable with what ur spending when buying. To rent in my community is $3k per month so i dont regret my purchase
The problem is times have changed. You cannot get a home for under $2000 without it being in a dangerous neighborhood
Can we meet Shalom's brother? Her brother sounds smart and seems to understand finances. His is a story I would like to hear. Please do an episode with her brother.
Why are y'all mad that her rich life has nice floors and a space she is proud to show off and host in? She has not worked her financial sensibilities as he does. So in her mind she isn't calculating the repercussions of her spending because she hasn't had to. Not to mention she's 27!!! Way too much judgement in these comments
27 isn't young.
It’s 54% cheaper to rent than buy right now. Not a good time to purchase a home.
At 8mins you are exactly correct!!! Thank you brother!
Excellent Presentation, Thanks !
I prefer when you share their financial info more towards the beginning of the video, I feel it’s easy to follow and understand what is going on. Also, would love if you had more thursday episodes! Can’t get enough 😂
You are doing a great job educating youg folks that sometimes get lost on economics even though they make great money, what happens with new generation is that as parents we try to give them what we didn't have and they want to have what took us 20 years to get, with the highest interest and housing prices is impossible to buy a house
Appreciate the transparency and vulnerability of this couple. Takes a lot of courage to talk openly about finances on the internet
Thanks for sharing your story Jonathan and Shalom. A good learning point for all. Great interview Ramit. I subscribed!!!👏✅👍
The husband isn't being a tightwad here, he is legitimately suffocating at the heavy monthly costs and the wife is teeheeing about it. She needs to listen to him and quit trying to live the lavish life if they can't afford it right now. She wants it all now and is wanting furniture to impress others. She's being foolish, and it sounds like he goes with the flow to make her happy. Drowning financially will put awful stress on this marriage.
But does he trust her with the finances? Doesn't seem like it.
I loved my wedding but now, if I had the choice to have a big wedding or to spend the money on our home reno, I would choose the reno. I would choose flooring over a big wedding! She is not alone!!
I think this is a woman thing. We care more about the house for sure.
Same.
@@michelepessoa1629 I don't know...most women want the wedding w/o realizing those funds can upgrade the house, which can provide a return on investment.
I had a beautiful wedding with about 130 people and it only cost $13,000 for everything including the venue
@@NRQ-zv5bp ...in 1990.
Thanks for this video.
This was a smart and sweet episode/post. You were so kind to this young married couple; it made me feel more willing to regard your content more regularly, especially because I perked up immediately at hubby's comments re: the stress of the amount of debt. That resonates with me; I'm considering buying and seeing my debt go DOWN has been the most freeing feeling in the world. P.S.: I'm surprised by the harshness of some of these comments; people are miserable.
How is the floor more important then the wedding!!!
They’re a lovely couple. They didn’t overstretch in buying this house. It’s still within what they can afford and they’re still saving and investing. What they are going through is part of growing up together. They have respect for each other and I’m sure they will soon be in sync with their financial journey. Thanks for sharing your story. This isn’t easy. Best of luck!
Then why does he feel so over burden? Oh waite he trying to make her happy at his own mental expense..she just smiles because she found a slave
THANK YOU RAMIT for having this conversation for us.. ;)
Move the couch to the living room. Have floor pillows for people to sit on. A house warming should be for people who know you and won’t come to your home judging you about what you don’t have. They are young and I think when it comes to finances I would encourage her to compromise more. After I bought my house and immediately had buyers remorse so I understand what they are going through.
I worry for this couple because Shalom is materialistic and likes to spend money to keep up with the Joneses. She even preferrred the floors over her own wedding. Johnathan is realistic and doesn't want to to be house poor for an asset that may decline in the near future.
Partners need to know where the money is going. One cannot depend on the other to take care of the finances. Deaths, disabilities and divorces change everything.
Insightful story, thank you both for sharing.
Someone who aspires to be married. So glad I found this channel. This is my 1st watch but I'm excited to hear and learn more. I appreciate the couple's ability to come on and be open about their situation.
Watched this vid for about 3 seconds, and Jonathan is such a sweetheart. my god...
Wait until they have kids and she wants a $1000 stroller, and she stays home, etc. So, the biggest expense is not the house -- it's her.
He married a beautiful materialistic woman who will drain his pockets and likely leave as soon as she's not happy.
@@perdybirdie I couldn't have said it better myself.
My wife and i bought a house in 2022 and rent was 1700 and we are almost double for the cost to own. BUT we both got large raises and are accelerating our careers so exceeding the fixed costs quickly
I think both will have to work extra hours to keep up with the monthly payments. They’re both facing financial challenges but they have to work as a team and make sacrifices to keep up. We can all learn from their experience and use them to improve our financial skills and decisions.Wish them the best.
I've been watching every single episode. I hope Ramit can one day talk with people out of US. I'm from Brazil and so much he talks looks similar in my country.
Personally, the first year in the home, I'd have placed a higher priority on purchasing some functional, long-lasting furniture. To me, that seems more like a "must have." Spending $15 K on refinishing floors sounds more like a "nice to have," but not a necessity. Any blemishes on the floor won't be as noticeable, once there is more furniture, covering it. (Besides, their future kids will scuff up the walls and floors in no time.)
That was a backwards purchase plan than I would have expected.
This is the first episode I have watched after seeing a few of the Netflix episodes. I clicked on this one b/c my wife and I bought a home for $725k last year. It was our second home purchase together. We needed more space as our daughters got older. Even with the experience of having owned a home for 12+ years together we were surprised by the added expenses. And ha! we just paid someone a few hundred dollars to trim our hedges. We have also had the same couch situation and waited a couple years before we made the purchase (b/c of $ and also b/c we tend to obsess). We also had a hand-scraped oak floor installed in our previous home. I have to disagree with Jonathon on this one b/c I miss that floor! Anyway, we have a similar dynamic in our relationship. I am confident you two will figure it out and have many happy years together!
She seems very immature financially and also in general. Hopefully they Will mature and have a better understanding of finances before it’s too late. Beautiful young couple. Wishing them the best.
Well done. Home people pay for and nobody ever goes over the real numbers. Mortgage payment x usually 30yrs means you are most likely ending up paying double, plus property taxes, insurance every year, plus maintenance and upkeep, lawn care, etc..
Sorry I did what Dave Ramsey said and this year I paid off my mortgage with 7% interest. The house was paid of 16 years into a 30 year mortgage. I sleep like a baby.
Need to state this is not a house this is my home
"And we never heard from Shalom again." Bit weird, that part...
not really. She got what she wanted
@@louelaine3680 Oh I see. Is it normal where you come from to ignore the people who help you once you get what you want out of them? Cos you're right, that's isn't weird, it's rude/ungrateful.
(I'm mindful that that's just your opinion and Shalom may have a completely different reason for not responding back to Ramit. This is just the first one of these I've seen where they've not replied back.)
@@chillgamingchannel1283 This privileged entitled spoiled young woman does not want "help" or advice. Her life is going just the way she wants it. She has no intention of changing anything for anyone else. The young man she's with is aging quickly.
@@chillgamingchannel1283 to be fair, she may of thought that her husband responded for the both of them? I didn’t think that part was necessary
Her husband submitted a joint response for the both of them.
Sadly, they may find themselves tragically under water on this. Also if you're not family planning... why buy now?
Please, don't let this house upend your marriage.
I love the generosity fund! Great idea!! ❤
I guarantee it was her idea to buy the house. I hope they figure it out.
The questions he's asking are so insightful. I hope they realize how much wisdom he's coaching with.
Also, they should use some of their generosity budget to buy a couch for guests.
If renting is so much cheaper than buying, why do landlords exist? They must not be making a profit, since homeownership has so many costs that renters do not have. If we follow this logic it effectively means landlords are subsidizing their tenants rather than profiting from them.
The reason why homeownership seems so much expensive compared to renting is because people buy bigger houses than they otherwise would live in if they were renting. Like this couple was renting a 1bdrm apartment before and now they own a multi bedroom house with a backyard. No shit your mortgage is so much higher than your rent, you went and inflated your lifestyle and blamed it on homeownership. If i was leasing a camry and then went and bought a porsche and quadrupled my car payment, does that make leasing a better option than buying a car?
@MrYawdie, you absolutely nailed it - the sweet spot between between renting and ownership is buying within your means. Thank you!
@mryawdie, landlords buy at a price that will get them a profit- either immediately or there is a clear plan for it within a few years. Good real estate investors don't fall in love with a house, they look at the numbers and see if it's a good deal. It's a totally different approach to home buying. Most people buy houses for the new appliances, the huge backyard, etc. Real estate investors buy the worst house on the block for cheap, fix it up, rent it out and make a profit.
THIS!
Did you watch the entire episode? Renting an equivalent home in the area is $1500/month cheaper. Rental and ownership costs are affected differently by economic conditions. Right now in their market area it is cheaper to rent than buy. High home prices and mortgage rates are contributing to this. It may be different in a couple of years if home prices decline and interest rates fall.
100% agree on this!
Why does no one consider a used couch? There is a lot of beautiful used furniture out there that is very affordable.
I’d say no to a used couch. Used table and chair? Yes!
Or outlets!
Same @@okok-uc8hi
Ewwww
Thank you for this show
I live in seattle i understand the anxiety of Jonathan. There is no point of putting more money in this market.
In the early 2000’s, I bought a home and my mortgage was 56% of my gross wages. I had a roommate whose rent paid the utilities. I bought nothing. I had no furniture. No going out to eat. I couldn’t afford an emergency. I had no savings. I still own the home and it’s cheaper than the rent.
Hows your savings today?
Are you currently a millionaire?
@@lang6626 How much has it cost him to afford to maintain a million dollar asset for 20 years? Why does everyone believe that's cheaper than rent over time?
@@ReturnOfTheJ.D. Opportunity cost is expensive. You only have 1 life. He probably missed alot of fun and experiences, and worked hard.
I am living in the Bay Area people buying a house for couple millions but let their yard like a mess but when they hire a gardener they bargained over 40 or 50 dollars to maintain their yard.😂
Love these videos
Excited to watch this. I’m Somali- always nice to see how ppl from a similar culture handle their finances- especially in mixed culture relationships. Also topic aside she is beautiful Mashallah, and he is very handsome there a good looking couple.
She doesn't handle finances very well.
Good looking is just beside the point. They’re heading toward stormy waters in their relationship.