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Emily, while I’m really sorry that you’ve had to come out against and deal with this whole situation, I’m really happy that you’re gonna try to focus on yourself and your artwork again. I liked your analogy about the houses, and I loved the pretty water color painting you did. It felt very nostalgic. (Does that make sense?)
I really hope no one just associates u with the people who will not be named because I remember when I first found your channel and I was so inspired by your art and stories to be more positive you are more then the people that hurt u I know you probably know that but I just want u to know that we are still here💖♥
I started seeing you under movie recap videos and then others and everytime when I watch something I try to find you lol it's kinda nice seeing you I always wanna know what you have to say
I very distinctly remember the moment that I told my ex that I couldn't be with him anymore by saying "I will not give up my own happiness to be with you" and the look he gave me... was frightening, the look he would give me when he didnt like what I said, before he'd emotionally abuse me and beat me down. If it weren't for my stepdad waiting outside the door I am sure he would've started screaming and yelling like he used to, but he couldnt; and I was finally freed from him
I am a survivor of abuse and what made me finally "go home" was the realization that I didn't want my son to think it was ok to treat people the way his biological father treated me.
You're so right. We're not just people with trauma from what our exes did to us, we're entire human beings with likes, dislikes and a sense of humour. I was lucky, after years of putting up with it, I finally realised I didn't deserve to be treated like sh*t every day
Same. I was able to cut my abusive ex out of my life when one day something clicked & I knew it was him or me. I chose me. But I haven’t dealt with the emotional fallout. Definitely a process.
I had an abusive ex-boyfriend that stalked and threatened me online for five years. He finally went to prison for possession of "CP" that he coaxed out of other, younger victims. But I STILL wasn't safe. A few years later, from the inside, he commented on a now unlisted video of mine. He claimed that he found God, didn't remember what he did to me, and insinuated that I'm an idiot if I'm still mad. That was my catalyst. The realization that outside forces can only do so much, and I had to step up and assert myself. I told Shaun that I’m not afraid of him anymore, not to contact me again, and let him know what a pathetic scumbag he is before blocking him. I want everyone to know that it’s ok to stand up for yourself. You’re not a psycho or a stuck-up bitch for backing someone off when they hurt you. You don't need to live with abuse, you don't need to laugh it off like a joke. You need to realize that you are a human being and deserve to be treated with respect, especially by yourself.
Okay, total side note here… but that is such a great way of controlling a skin tone mix on a palette! I never thought to measure it out like that. Mixing more of the same color is going to be so much easier now. Holy crap. Okay, you’re awesome. Thanks!
IKR! I am noticing it now because you pointed to it. At first, I was like "why is she making brush strokes on the palette" Thanks for the comment I guess! It's genius!
A similar metaphor that really opened my eyes to my toxic relationship was "don't set yourself on fire just to keep somebody else warm". Being self sacrificing isn't noble or honourable or compassionate; it's maladaptive and self destructive. It is scary to look inwards and focus on ourselves and for many of us it's easier to try to help others but the bitter reality is that they don't want to be fixed, they just want to use and manipulate us. Invest in relationships that fill your soul, not ones that leave you as a husk of who you really are or could be if you nurtured yourself, which you can't do if somebody is taking up all of who you are.
I learned this the hard way. I always gave my friendships my all, but to a toxic extreme. It took my “best friend” stabbing me in the back for me to realize that I need to be kind and loyal to myself in order to do that for others
Funny enough it was when I was actually working on cleaning his apartment. He had begged me to come over and help him clean because "I was so much better at it than he was" and I saw this as a massive positive step towards him getting himself together. I was swamped with work and school and he was unemployed (No shame to those unemployed of course, he just made a point to be angry I had a very tight schedule most weeks) and I still made time to come over and clean. I thought it would be us working together but he pretty much just laid on the couch and played on his phone while I broke my back cleaning up his disgusting apartment. When I complained about this to him we got into a screaming match where he insulted and gaslit me. Dumping a bag of garbage back on the floor. I dont know why but in that very moment it was just like something snapped. I remember crying and going back to my moms house (where I lived) and seeing my own mess and just being overwhelmed with everything. And realising how bitter I was that I spent my time cleaning up his problems and not my own. I broke up with him the next day after my mom helped me clean up my own mess :)
Idk why the part about you coming home to your own mess after exhausting yourself hit so hard 😭 Like it's easier to focus and help other people while neglecting yourself till you crash. It's great your mom helped you :)
@@XxStaySmilingxX It’s so nice to be able to help others because there’s emotional detachment from someone else’s problems. But the reward is greatest when we manage our own junk first.
Repairing a house that isn’t yours is such a good metaphor. When predatory people get your to spend your time and attention on whatever they want instead of building yourself up, that’s time you could have spent weaning yourself off of them, but it’s difficult to see when you’re actively stuck in their bs
I had both an ex boyfriend who monopolized my time (you could argue he was using the isolation manipulative tactic), and later a friend who tried to. Both turned out to be toxic people. I've left them both in my past.
Your house analogy made me reexamine one of my toxic friendships that I had. While I know now how toxic it was, I never realised how much onesided it was. Looking back, I realise relationships, romantic or not, shouldn't have to take so much out of you. The final catalyst for me leaving the house was an incident that I felt was highly embarrassing and blamed myself for but I realised that it was never my fault. I still have to work this out in therapy but hey, its a work in progress. I do hope you feel better soon. Your artwork genuinely inspires me a lot as a young artist and I look forward to your future content!
@@Mandoxc anything that has to do with that person wanting to control what you want to do. Kick them to the curb. If they try to control you in any way, leave. Because once they know they can take one freedom away from you they’ll start in on everything else. Do not willingly give over power to straight men especially but just any partner that tries to start placing rules and restrictions on you like you’re not grown enough to know how to act. Fk them
@@Mandoxc i had a friend who beat around the bush when insulting me. She kinda approached it a way a loving person would do. Making it seem like they were concerned about me. It was only until after she left the country did i realise she was manipulative n she was the person who kept me a lil depressed. Sometimes if u feel like u need to look for signs, step back give yourself some time one evening to re-evaluate EVVVEEERYYYTHING as a whole. Cuz we look at things in pieces. Start trying to look at these things as a whole picture as well as the scattered pieces
If anything like "They're just worried about me and doing their best to help, I'm the one being oversensitive" keeps crossing your mind when thinking about said friendship, then step back and revaluate. Friendships are supposed to make you happy and support you, sometimes through tough love yes, but if you're constantly second guessing your feelings and avoid talking about them because you know that'd trigger an argument, then that's a rock solid sign. I had a friendship like this. She made me believe that my house was so ugly, weak and not enough to live in, so I stayed at the house I didn't own trying my best to keep it running, telling myself I just had to stop creating drama, she was just trying to make me better, right? I should be grateful. I should be happy she was willing to help me. Nope lol My breaking point was basically when she called me a whiny coward after months of full blown arguments over insignificant stuff (like me disliking vegetables), putting me down for my hobbies at the time, ice age silent treatments, one word answers and being treated like crap by her family. I had sacrificed so much for that house and in that moment I just saw how completely one sided it was and she couldn't care less about hurting me. Healing was a nightmare. I felt raw, almost begging the landlord to let me back in again many times, but boy, am I happy for not giving in. Healing hurts a lot, but it's always worth it. Now I can live at my own place in peace ✌️
@Armando Aguilar For me, it was feeling like I was the one doing the emotional weightlifting. For context, We both had become fast friends by bonding over our past mutual trauma. In the beginning, it felt nice to be heard and understood. To have someone just be there. However, it slowly began to devolve as I became their emotional punching bag. If they had a bad day, they would take it out on me. It was never physical nor verbal abuse, but it still hurt. They would always apologize afterwards and I would wave it off but it always felt disgenuine. Sometimes I would get ghosted for days only for them to pop up anytime something happened and they needed to confide in someone. I was always listening to their problems yet whenever I tried to open up, they would brush it off. It got to the point where I was being treated as their therapist, worrying about them and trying to fix them. I'll admit I shouldve also noticed how codependent this was getting but I still clung on to the fact that they had chosen to confide in me. That I was responsible for them somehow. The relationship was taking a huge toll on me, mentally and emotionally. I felt invalidated yet I couldn't say anything. I also couldn't leave because they would randomly bring up both of our past traumas as a way of indirectly going "I have shit on you so don't even try to leave." And that to despite me saying multiple times that I was uncomfortable when they did so but they would always brush it off saying They had trauma too. All in all, I'll just say this ask yourself "Do they make you feel uncomfortable? Do they cross boundaries set by you? Do they constantly put you down or make you feel invalidated? Does every interaction with them always makes you come away feeling worse?" If its yes to any of those then maybe you should take a step back and reevaluate your relationship.
Codependent relationships are hard. Full disclosure, my 14 year relationship with my late husband (started dating at 14 and he passed at 28) was codependent right up to the end. I thought it was ok because we were so happy together(obviously no relationship is perfect but in those happy moments it didnt seem to be a problem that we only wanted to be with each other) but when I lost him, I realized I didn't know who the hell I was without him. My world revolved around him and I had, at 28, no idea what I LIKED, what I enjoyed doing, what made ME happy because as long as he was happy, I was happy and that meant doing whatever he liked doing and loving it too. It's not healthy even when it feels like bliss in the moment
Your comment made me realize a mentality I hold, where I end up forming these connections just to please my partner. I had just been broken up three days ago, and I feel lost, I don't know what to do or where to go. And it's harder because my thoughts still revolve around them, and my emotions swing to an unhealthy degree based on theirs. They're impulsive, don't communicate, and while with good intention ends up push me away then making me feel unwanted just to later call all cheerfully looking back for my attention because the relationship makes me happy. It makes them happy. But they had said they just see me as a little sister and they believe they owe it to me to not feign a relationship where they don't have romantic attraction to me like they once did. It's still very painful, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I just feel out of control and want nothing more than to comfort them when I see them staring off into oblivion clearly thinking about something tough to chew. I can't seem to stop the irrational thinking and get ahold of myself, it's terrifying. And those I reach out to personally all tell me I just need to cut them off and distance myself, but I just don't want to do that. It feels if I do, they'll be alone and I will be too. I'm terrified of the idea. Being alone. It's dark, it was a four year long relationship and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do next because right now it feels like there was more weighing in externally onto the decision than just how they had begun to feel. Making me think it's more along the lines of emotional burnout resulting from stress causing them to not be able to extend themselves out into a relationship despite still having very strong attraction to me. It's just so hard, and I now know it's co dependent, I don't talk about anything but them at times and have consistently across the board, I hover around them, I look into them for comfort. I get games they like so I can play with them, or learn how to play games so I can do decently enough so that I don't ruin their fun. They're just my world. And despite them breaking up with me, we have still been doing sleep calls, we still hover around one another when possible, and still maintain some of the comforting aspects of the once relationship. It's hard. I just feel alone and I don't know what to do or how to manage it.
@XxTORIAx Thank you,, it's just rough. It's been a rough relationship and I've realized I deeply struggle with co dependency and have always had a very anxious attachment style. It's just a lot to have it torn away and kind of realize that's in front of me, you know? Over the year and a half, I've revolved everything in my life around them. Drawing for them, singing for them, building my appearance for them. And now that's just kind of gone, and I feel like a shell of myself.
@@doxiekitten6526 your comment made me realise why everything felt like shit when my ex best friend and I fell apart. I knew that the friendship was extremely unhealthy, I just didn't know how to describe it. We were really codependent... I was grieving the loss of this friendship for a whole year, so much that I needed medical attention. I feel much better about my friendships now. I would say you need to find things you like to do, not for anyone else, but for you. Just something that you can do alone and be completely at ease.... Mine is art. I'm hyperfocused on it, and I don't mind that because art is one of the healthier coping mechanisms :') good luck!
You never "mishandled" anything Emily, you felt a certain way and you acted on it like anyone would do if they were in your shoes. I hope you're doing better, and that you continue to do so.
The whole ‘house’ and ‘landlord’ metaphor was something that really hit with me. I used to be in a few awful relationships, ones where I would always have to fix everyone’s problems before fixing my own. Some would get so bad where they’d threaten things that no one should ever threaten and force me to stay. Some even told me that I would be alone forever and that I was a sl*t when I’d only been in around 2 relationships over the past of 2-3 years. Eventually I realized that i wasn’t happy and that I was only staying to keep them satisfied or to keep them ‘alive’. For those who have gone through something similar, I only have this to give. Someone else’s reactions and actions are not your fault. If you’re leaving or standing up for yourself and they’re threatening or saying such awful things, none of that is your fault. You have every right to leave and get out of such a nasty place because you are worthy of so much better, I promise you that you are. I know it’s scary but leaving is so freeing. You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness. Anyway, thank you Emily so much for posting this. I hope everyone has a lovely day and that you all know your all worthy of love and happiness 💕
I'm glad you're speaking if nothing else than for yourself, getting it out in the open can help. I had a similar situation to "the houses". My breaking point was when my ex decided "we" were going to move to Chicago (Where his brother lives but I knew no one) and I panicked, our relationship was already garbage, mentally and emotionally abusive and on the verge of imploding, but the idea of being isolated away from my friends and family with him in a state I was unfamiliar with terrified me, so I left. I'm glad my senses finally kicked in at that point, even if I was stuck in a shitty situation for almost 5 years.
She constantly used me as a crutch and would ghost me threatening suicide whenever I voiced a concern. Eventually it brought me down to the point where I was in a complete psychotic episode, when I reached out for her help she egged on my delusions like it was a joke. Finally I broke and was forced into the hospital after attempting to cut off part of my hand in a delusional state. Some weeks later after intense therapy and not being able to contact her I was released and texted her one last time to tell her what happened and to ask her not to contact me, instead of understanding or sympathy she said “I thought so” and blocked me for the last time. I decided screw it and started working on my own life. After a year I’m in a much better place I stopped self deprecating and have worked on my issues around sexuality. Your house analogy is fantastic and I’m so glad I’m finally sturdy and well built enough to withstand any winter.
Her text message response made my eyes go so wide, OMG what an absolute trash bag! (Sorry, sorta? 😂) I'm so sorry she treated you with such malice and disrespect, and a COMPLETE disregard for your mental health! Truly heinous. I'm so happy for you for bettering yourself and moving forward! Sometimes forced hospitalization only leads a person to pretend to get better enough to be released, just so they can go back to the situation that made them sick to begin with. You took advantage of the resources in front of you, and that alone takes courage. Keep it up! 🖤
I honestly just killed my ex. Luckily, I live in a state where you are legally allowed to kill people if they trespass on your property. She wanted to stalk me for some reason, so I just put an end to her right then and there. I feel no regrets.
I went to my own house; when the other house burnt to the ground (died). Without their death, I never would have been able to go home. It’s sad, it was hurtful and broke me because I still loved him. But that’s my story. I wish he was still here, just not with me, but he made his own choices. My house has a lot of damage still, but I’m slowly rebuilding through therapy, and self help. I wasn’t innocent and I probably did damage to that other house, I was messed up too, like when you were suffering through your addiction. The difference is, I’m trying to better myself, and be better each and every single day.
I told him I was struggling and needed to do better. He laughed in my face and said "oh yeah sure" as though the idea of me trying to get back on track in life was so pointless it was laughable. One of his friends who had met me told me soon after that I didn't look okay and that I needed to end things and get out. I will always be grateful to that friend. I didn't meet him until I had gotten into the relationship with his friend, but he stood up for me instead of looking the other way.
It's not, thankfully. It seems to have settled for the most part, this video is just me talking about important lessons I've learned from it. Just trying to share some knowledge!
The catalyst was when my newborn's health and well-being was threatened within the first few days of her life. I am grateful for my husband and first daughter who saved my life from an older sister. Thank you for opening up to all of us, sharing your story, and encouraging others to take ownership while rising above 💖
Your house analogy is mind blowing. Having a child made me go back to my own home and show them that hard work, love, and healthy relationships are what a good life is. And I have felt so much better rebuilding my own home and growing.
The house analogy is so relatable. I was in a major co dependent relationship for years as anytime we would split she would threaten self harm. I was guilted into staying in a toxic relationship for fear of her self harming. I eventually just had to move on as she was destroying my mental health. She didn't commit suicide but did stalk me for 6 months but ended up getting mental help.
I definitely understand that house story. My turning point was realizing that the person won't change, and if the relationship drives me to harm myself it's not worth it.
Hey Emily . I just wanted to say that when you warned people with trauma about co dependant relationships . It was my trauma therapist that said “no , you need to work on yourself first , so people can’t take advantage of me again” . It is so important to let everyone know the danger ⚠️
Your house metaphor had me in tears. It's the perfect way of explaining *these* kinds of relationships and why the pressure of going back can get to people
The catalyst for "going back to my house" was sharing every disrepair with an outside party, at the time not knowing that this was not normal or allowed. Seeing someone else in absolute shock that you've stayed as long as you have whilst seeing every horrific thing put in front of you was the shock I needed. Plus, having a taste of new independence and a social life shows you that you deserve the bare minimum from people. Thank you for this video and analogy Emily, it is so important.
I had a good friend pointed out to me that my then relationship was emotionally abusive and toxic after I confided in him about all the things I've been through. I'm thankful I listened and left the relationship. Hope you're better now! I know I am way better after I got out. c:
As someone who's never watched a whole lot of art content until this drama blew up and I saw your video about the shit you've been through I didn't just think "damn, what you've been through is unimaginable" but also "she's so mature and down to earth and I respect Emily as a person and want to see more from her" So yeah, you've got a new subscriber that can't wait for more artsy videos with your wise words
I haven’t actually done the going back to my own house yet. I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to that catalyst moment, but I also don’t want to. Hearing your thoughts and the metaphor have given me a bit of clarity, thank you.
You didn’t miss handle ANYTHING! You spoke your truth! And by Shannon’s actions afterwards we automatically knew it was THE truth! You honestly handled it beautifully. Especially considering the circumstances that you was in! You became a role model to everyone here to be strong and to not take abuse and stalking like this and I bet you have gave so many people the courage to speak up about their stalking. I can’t speak for everyone but I think it’s safe to say we are so proud of you! 💖💖
This was a perfect Segway to go from “the situation” back to the old Emily Artful content that we all fell in love with. I always value how you take stories that you’ve lived through and share it with your audience as a way to learn a lesson. Also stunning art as usual 🍑💕
Also I was today’s years old when I realized apparently Segway… is spelled segue. I thought the trendy standing scooter thing was called the same thing because it smoothly rides to the next place… English is bogus LOL
Being sober, hands down is the one thing that keeps me protected from dangerous people and even then I’m still learning boundaries and self worth. Seeing life through the lens of sobriety is absolutely incredible and sometimes jarring when I realize what I allowed before and even how I was toxic to other people. I’m still codependent but reading daily literature on how to heal and be complete on my own. It’s a journey and I go easy on me, when I catch myself beating myself up I just redirect and have self compassion. It works
You have actually handled this better than anyone I’ve ever seen. Your first video was very thoughtful and and second video just gave more context, answered questions, and showed proof about the screenshots. There’s no reason for you to go back and forth. We believe you. Anyone that doesn’t is crazy. Be safe, god bless your family ❤️
Emily. Thank you. The house metaphor made me realize that I was seeking comfort in my verbally and physically abusive stepdad, and it took quite LITERALLY moving out of the damaged house at 18 to mend the damage I had with my biological dad. I started to cry when you said how you hang onto them because you feel like that's the only stability you have. I clung onto my abusive stepdad for so long because I felt like without him, I would grow up with no father figure at all- and as a child that breaks you, feeling like your own dad doesn't even want you. I've been subscribed long before your first little one was even announced, I followed you as a teenager and now as a 20 year old. Thank you Emily for letting us follow your journey, just like I feel you've followed mine. Sending so much love 💖
Content aside, the art itself is very cozy feeling and comforting, which 100% reflects the artist, you are a very comforting person Emily, and I relate to many parts of your life. Stay strong!
Very cool painting! Though My breaking point in a co-dependent relationship wasn't with an s/o, but with a friend. I realized she'd get angry at me if I didn't do everything perfectly to soothe her, and I was never given anything in return even when I was practically begging for it. Then I met some new friends and realized that the great relationship I thought I had was nothing but a farce for that person to gain sympathy and validation, someone who would agree with her actions because they were too scared to do anything else. Now my "house" is completely refurbished, and I'm very happy with where I am at the moment. I've also learned to avoid people like that, so hopefully I never end up renting a shittily built apartment again :)
Same here! I'm so glad we got out of that situation. My house still needs repairs, but it's my home and I'll take care of it so it'll always be my safe place
My 'house' was when my dad died. My mother, aunts, uncle's, sisters, everyone was in mourning and I felt like I needed to be strong for them. It was a bad time but it was worse when the person I was in a romantic relationship with started to make the loss of my own father about themselves. He cried, he used the death of a man he'd only met twice as an excuse to treat me poorly, and when it got to a point where I up and told him I needed support, he cried and told me how unfair it was to not care about his feelings. It was a glass shattering moment when I started to see things for what they were and all the flaws of the 'new house' were laid out before me so I could see what needed to happen.
The moment that made me “go back home and rebuild” so to speak was when my ex partner pressured me into intercourse and told me that if I went to study for my dream job at my top choice out-of-state university, the relationship would be over and it would be entirely my fault because I owe him my life.
The catalyst for me was realising that not everyone has to replace tables and chairs in their kitchen because their partner had a bad day and needed to break something. Also, my income was starting to not be enough for everything. I worked more and more to get more money coming in, and that made me ill. Going back to my own house also made things worse before they got better. I remember working on my own house mess one day and suddenly feeling as though I could stand up straight and not have to crouch down anymore, as though there was room for all of me, without my having to make myself smaller, less irritating or just less me. I cannot describe how that felt, but I will never forget it. After that, it became easier to stick to my own house and try to fix that. Still a work in progress, but I have great help. Thanks for both the artwork and the things shared, looking forward to more of the regular content, which is always inspiring and interesting!
I haven’t even watched this and I’m curious what this title means Edit: I now know what’s going on 👍 I love how she’s able to talk about this and not act like most people online . She likes to let people learn from her own mistakes so that they don’t make the same mistakes but doesn’t talk like the cliche, she talks in a way that you actually can listen and connect to and make sure it doesn’t happen to you.
The metaphor is PERFECT. the fact that I was watching myself turn into a stranger and questioning my reality that pushed me to "work on my own house". Very great message 🍑💗
My ex was extremely toxic and abusive and he constantly told me I wasnt gonna get loved in any way from anyone but him, he isolated me and decided to destroy my confidence in things like my art, my daily things, my workouts, and actually getting work done. He destroyed me mentally and blames me for his sadness to this day..
I will admit I wasnt the best girlfriend because I lied because I didnt trust him lead by me not feeling something was right with him. Turns out I was kinda right.. he showed me him attempting his (Not alive act) multiple times traumatized me, then blamed me for everything and said that.. when I got blackmailed that was my fault.
I have "moved back into my original house" less than a year after more time than I care to admit. Old house is beginning to look good. Clean and it's mine! I wish I knew what woke me up but it just happened and I didn't know until weeks in when I suddenly realised everything wasn't so dark anymore. I was my own worst enemy (but hole crap, someone certainly gently walked me into the dark). Best of luck to you and anyone else struggle to face the truth. On a happy note, love that you used watercolors here. I just started with them a year ago and they're so hard! Please do more videos working with them. Any tips would be appreciated (never thought to roll my eraser across my drawing to lighten the pencil marks).
What made me return to "my house" was when someone I couldn't be friends with anymore for the sake of my mental health after they had effected me had turned around and tried to say that I was abandoning them. It reaffirmed that I couldn't be their friend anymore. They wanted me to fix their problems and I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to work on "my house" and chose to do that rather than continue to fix someone's problems.
What stopped me from continuing my codependent relationship was seeing my sister pick her codependent relationship over her family who really cared and loved her. She betrayed me essentially, so I never want to be like her
I really liked your house analogy. I'm an abusive relationship survivor 😌 I never would have been able to escape that relationship if it weren't for my parents. They sat me down and had a talk with me about the relationship and their fear for my safety that forced me to confront reality. What a person in an abusive relationship needs is the strong support of friends and loved ones to help us confront reality, pick up the pieces and begin the journey of healing. I'm now in a wonderful, mutually supportive and respectful relationship where I feel valued as an individual. I think I'm gonna marry this one. Real love is waiting for you after the abuse if you take time for yourself to heal and keep your mind and heart open 💕
The catalyst for me was the moment I truly examined myself and the relationship and I realized I hated who I was when I was with him. And I had hated the fact that I let him walk all over me. It's not easy at all to leave, but it's worth it. Thank you Emily for sharing your story and I'm so grateful that you are in a much better place now. ❤
My stop fixing someone else's house moment: he was still angry at me and mistreating me when he was sober. Before that point it had only been when he was drinking and I thought it was just a he's an angry drunk problem. After that I didn't take him back even when he was shouting through a bolted, but not shut, door that I would be alone if I didn't let him back in. I had to go into hiding to get away from him and, sadly, needed a few more years to realize I could be happy alone, but that was when I finally decided he wasn't worth it and being alone was better than being with him.
@@agentnine3973 thank you. I'm doing much much better now. I've been single for almost 3 years so I could focus on healing and its working. I'm on antidepressants and I'm kinder to myself then I've ever been. Maybe one day I'll try again but not until I'm sure I have strong boundaries that I won't let some shit head violate.
@@agentnine3973 ya boundaries are hard lol. Especially when they've never been encouraged ever. I'll try youtube videos or blogs since I'm focusing on something else in therapy right now. Thanks for the advice and the kind wishes! ❤
I love the house analogy, so so much. It nearly brought me to tears. I can't even quantify how many times I've had to metaphorically pack up, and come back to my own house, and stop letting certain people in altogether, and change the locks. Much love to everyone whose going through anything right now
My dad is a “recovering” alcoholic, you’ll understand the quotation later. I’ve disliked him since I was in elementary because of how toxic he is when he’s intoxicated. He likes to take anger out on others when he’s drunk.. blame people for his own wrong doings, and abuse people both verbally and physically. This lead to me deciding to live with my mom full time in eighth grade BUT still visiting him every once in awhile, this was after he told me he hated me whilst drunk during a Christmas party. When I first cut contact off completely with him, he decided to talk poorly about me to the rest of my family on his side. My nephew would refer to me being on “the dark side”.. he’s ten years younger than me. Mind you, I was only about 14 at the time. When I was 15, I came back for a little because I was forced. Legal papers stated that I had to go week on and off between both parents until I turned 18. I was a freshman and had my first boyfriend and was texting him while walking down a mountain during a ski trip. We were going back to the cabin and I had talked to him the entire time we were skiing, around three-four hours. My dad got upset that I was on my phone and decided to comment on it. I retaliated with something alone the lines of “well at least I didn’t drink at eight am right before skiing and possibly cause harm to the people around me.” My dad was mad and demanded me to give up my phone and I said no and told him how he doesn’t pay for it so he wasn’t allowed to take it away. He held me by my neck and pinned me against the outer wall of a Carl’s Jr.. My stepmom, siblings, and cousin all watched and didn’t say a word to help me while he snatched the phone from me. I was scared he was going to choke me to death. I cut contact with him again after that. I came back around the age of 19 because my little sister was living with him, she was 16 about to be 17 at the time, and I wanted to be around her again. I ended up moving in because she said how she was lonely since our dad and stepmom were always working and all of our other siblings had moved out. After her 17th and my 20th birthday, she was hospitalized for private reasons that I wish to not discuss. While she was in the hospital, my dad became toxic again. At this time he’s stated he had been sober for about three years going into four. I could tell he was drinking. He would go to a grocery store to buy three things and be there for over an hour. He would start blaming people and verbally abusing them again. I kept talking back because I was tired of his behavior. He’d get mad when anyone asked him to go back to his AA meetings. And then one day he snapped. My little sister and I both owned our own cats, they’re brothers too. A picture frame was knocked over and her cat was sitting next to it and he was so angry about it. The thing is though, he blamed it on my cat. He told me I would have to get rid of my cat and when I said no he told me it’s either he leaves or I leave with him. This cat has been there for me for more than this man. Just a year prior, I was also in the hospital. I have severe depression and anxiety and I was going to attempt to take my life but this cat meowed and purred at me to calm me down. Instead of hurting myself, I got help. I wasn’t about to abandon this cat over something he obviously didn’t do. He means too much to me for that. So I left. I even ended up with my sisters cat as well. I haven’t talked to any of them in months. I’m going to be 21 soon and I now own my own meal prep and catering business. I know it’s silly to leave a toxic relationship over a cat but honestly if you have any little reason to do so, then do it.
I honestly get upset when people regard things like what you've experienced as "drama". Like, no, drama is when someone acts extra because they feel like it. Drama is what we see in TV soaps. What it is, is a series of traumatic crimes you've had the misfortune of experiencing. The horrors people in the real world are capable of should be called what they are, morally-bankrupt judgements, crimes, shitty behaviors, horrible decisions, things of that sort. Nothing is inherently squeaky clean but to minimize it to such a floaty word of whimsy is... incredibly disrespectful, imho? I wish the world was kinder and capable of acknowledging that. I've been here since before any of these scenarios came to light and I don't intend on leaving or forgetting. We live in an age of information-overwhemling, so much happening all the time that we forget what we don't hear about or see in our usual haunts. But I want you to know I look forward to your videos, I like your stories and seeing your process. I'm not familiar with painting (I scribble, pens and B&W art usually), so it's always lovely to sit and watch what you make. You're very skilled - and I hope you know that.
@@aSummerSarahndipity and im sure you are ready with your pitchfork looking for someone to harass, what? looking for a new queen now that shannon was found guilty?
Emily, my catalyst was that I realized that for all my faults and mistakes and struggles, I deserved better than to deal with the constant mess of House #2 and that House #1 was my best bet because it was mine. And even if I messed up House #1, I at least did it myself and could work to fix it. This was such a great video and you speak your truth. I hope things improve for you soon.
I think I really needed to be reminded to work on my own house and not run back to the rental and pretend like I don’t see the leaking ceilings. So thank you🖤
That Two Houses metaphor is amazing and spot-on, and I think you've helped to change a lot of perspectives with this series of videos. It's never easy to have your personal life become so public, but you've handled it with so much grace and generosity of spirit and despite being a stranger, I'm so proud of you for all of it!
You’re a wise woman Emily. I watch your videos because I like your character. I’m also an addict/recovering addict and I think you’ve done incredibly well - no way I could be as restrained as you in dealing with that over the years. Much 💛
I was in a toxic, co-dependent cycle with a boyfriend from 2004 - 2015. Unfortunately, I can’t say it was a conscious effort on my part, or his, when the cycle broke. I chose to end things when he had done something that truly made me feel like the relationship was never going to be what I hoped it would be. I closed the book and walked away with my rickety old house in tow. I feared doing it for so long because of all I had invested in our relationship. I clung to the scraps of what it had become. When I closed the book all I had was me, and the pain, and the fear. I spent a week drinking and smoking - doing whatever I could to calm my nerves and numb my pain. I contemplated suicide and begged for help as I wept on my bed. Something happened that day when I ended things between us …I didn’t die like I thought I would - rather I sunk down as I pulled back the proverbial bow and sprung higher once I released and let go. I spiraled upward instead of downward. I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted the pain to go away. Alas, it did, and I started my self-love and healing journey from that point on. 💚
Weird, horrible drama aside, this piece is absolutely beautiful. I have been following this channel for a few years now and this is BY FAR my favorite painting you've done - something I would love to put up as a centerpiece in my home. Gorgeous. I hope you are doing well and continue to do what's best for you and your family, ma'am. Cheers!
I left my "landlord" a few years ago after a lot of different types of things happened. Unfortunately I can relate to a lot of things in your story. I'm still healing to this day and now my "house" is next to a better "house" that has a genuine owner who listens and cares.
when you said, 'the only reason people pay attention to your house is because it is next to mine' i got chills, because that's the exact thing i have been told time and time again by every landlord i've ever met in my life.
Your message has got me in tears, as someone who has also experienced abuse and co-dependence I only wish for more people to hear those very same words as you've expressed. Thank you for being so honest and letting yourself be vulnerable
this hit a lot deeper because i went through a similar situation, though not on the same level. thank u for this video emily. as for what caused me to "rebuild my house", i can't say much but it was when the "landlord" "evicted" me and then begged me to come back. it really is jarring when that haze that obscures the warning signs finally lifts and it finally hits u that the relationship (whether platonic or romantic) led to u being hurt in ways u didnt even realize. im still shooing away my own, but this video helped a lot.
the landlord analogy really hit me. I was in an abusive codependent relationship for a few years and some of it was mutually toxic. but it got to a point where I was taking more responsibility for things they were doing. I was shouldering a lot of guilt and I eventually got tired of it. I realize I'm still healing from it. the trauma I've been left with has been really impacting my creativity. you've impacted me a lot and helped me realize a lot of things that are going to help me moving forward. thank you so much. 💕
The watercolor was Beautiful ❤️. And I get what you're saying about rebuilding yourself. I've had to do that a few times , thank God we're able to redesign ourselves.
my catalyst was when i was having flash backs to a traumatic event and seeking therapy for it .... i remember going into therapy the first time like "oh so if you have any tips or tricks for this thing" thinking i'd go in once and that would be that! *lol* This was an incredible analogy, I'm super glad I stumbled upon your channel this evening!
The house story hit me in the gut. I got kicked out and then my own he-who-mustnt-be-named begged for me to come back when i was building back up my own metaphorical house again. I got close for sure, but the house story really showed me the pattern. Thank you, Emily.
I’d say the reason for me going back to “my old house” would be the aftermath of one of my worst mental breakdowns and I was just sick of it, I made up my mind that I hated living like that and I’ve been working on myself since. Of course I have my bad days and sometimes I regress but take it from me it’s easier to deal with things when you’re not alone say screw it to that guilty feeling of telling someone about it it’s so much better when you have a close knit group that you can turn to and cry with. Well that and just cutting my hair and getting a new environment/decorations and throwing out all the old stuff helps to
I realized I couldn't stay in a broken house when the "owner" only wanted me around to fix it, or left me drained after hanging out together even tho she was my only friend at the time. It was so bad that every time she called me I would expect her to be crying or to be angry or want help in some kind of way, and every time I tried to distance myself from her and not answer the phone she'd come knocking on my door [literally, my parents were quite annoyed] and force me to go out with her. Were there romantic feelings involved? Yes, but it was complicated, because she couldn't decide if she liked girls or not [I'm gender-fluid, didn't know that back then tho] and I got mixed signals throughout. We were best friends, but we definitely had a couple platonic dynamic, it's hard to explain. Either way it was toxic, but I got some closure when I finally managed to cut ties, so I'm glad. After all this time I can't help but remember her fondly, because I genuinely think she didn't mean to be toxic. She just stepped all over my boundaries, like her parents did hers, and was self-absorbed and pig-headed about the worst of things, because nobody had ever given her positive attention for no reason [kind of like self-love turned to the max as a defense mechanism, she went through boyfriends pretty quick]. That doesn't change how her attitude made me feel, and how her actions drained and annoyed me to no end, but she wasn't a bad person in the end. Just a bit of a walking tragedy.
i got literal chills reading this, this is exactly what I went through but even after a huge fight over boundaries and a year later i still went back to talk to her.. it's time to stop Thank you for this comment, I truly do.
@@BrokenEvil aww, glad I could help, I didn't actually expect anyone to read this. Despite the fact that I got my closure, it's still hard some days to stop myself from seeing what she's up to; I was her confidant for so long you know? Initially it was very hard to let that status go. It took 2 years of pushing and distancing myself for her to get a hint [because she thought I was joking when I told her I didn't want to do this anymore the first several times I told her]. She kept disregarding my boundary [of not showing up at my house anymore] in an attempt to "make it work" and "fix it", she couldn't understand that I didn't want it to work, I just wanted her to leave me alone. Co-dependency sucks, and it sucks even more if one of you tries to leave. At least I'm in a good enough place now to never fall in this type of hole again. I hope you find the strength to free yourself from your shackles too. It hurts that you have to hurt them in order to escape, but you can't be the one who puts them back together. You just can't.
after reading this i realize, that this is the same way im going through right now, and honestly im conflicted because in one half i know its not healthy, but the other i feel as if i can endure it just to make her happy even when /im/ not,
@@killinglyre That's the same way I was. For a little while, I could even convince myself that her happiness was my own, but it doesn't work like that. If you keep going like this, you'll only end up hating her and dreading her company. I know I don't after all this time, and because of the closure we had, but when I cut ties I was pretty close to snapping. I know it's hard to let go of a supposed friend, especially if they were your only friend [as was in my case], but with time you'll find new friends to share your life with. Don't shackle yourself to one person, there's a whole world out there you can get along with.
@@LoreCatan thank you, for the past months ever since i started meeting other online friends, she says its fine but she kept messaging me how it was her fault, and how she was boring and i think she's attached to me to a point its unhealthy. im going to try to tell her to let go of me. I appreciate your help, :)
I don’t see you as a victim, I see you as a survivor. A complex person who has overcome many hardships & wants to share some of their knowledge with their community. As well as, an amazing watercolor artist & RUclipsr. Thank you for speaking out.
This is the art channel that I enjoy watching the most. There's art, I can see techniques and an artistic process, AND there's heart, life and personal stories. It's so fulfilling to watch.
RUclips has gotten so ridiculous, you have to censor works like victim and trauma... good lord this site is such a shit hole. People can't even educate or open up without the fear of getting demonitized or worse. As always, im always so soothed by your videos. It's like I can feel myself healing while you explain how you've overcome your pain as well. Not gonna lie, the house rental analogy is sadly accurate to my current living quarters 🤣
Oh don't you know? Not pretending everything is hunky-dory 24/7 like some kind of preschool show isn't ~advertiser friendly~ Imagine how those advertisers would look being associated with people who experience human emotions!
According to a reptile channel I watch, they cannot feed their snakes on camera any more because RUclips considers it animal abuse, meanwhile fake animal rescue channels are rampant all over the platform. I wish another platform like RUclips would come along and replace it.
Unfortunately, until enough creators choose to stop accommodating those censors or YT gives users the ability to filter the ads they see based on company, YT has no reason to care. As long as advertisers hold all of the power, the platform is forced to bend over to sustain itself.
@@Kiterpuss sadly that's true. It would take hundreds of thousands of channels in almost a sort of Digital Media Rebellion to make some kind of change. Including the 10mil+ subs channels. But it's so risky for people to risk their livelihoods like that 😞 I dont blame them one bit either
What made me return home from the “house” my “landlord” had constructed for me was the stress of them trying to get me back on thanksgiving. Using their mental illness to justify isolating me. Smearing my friends so I wouldn’t listen to them, causing me so much grief that I had a whole day worth of a breakdown. The realization that all of my major breakdowns with them were around holidays was a sign of it being a hurtful place to be. There were other massive red flags, the mistreatment had reached a hurtful, intimate level, the realization that they had been using me since age 14 to do things no child should have had to do. Thanksgiving that year was a time to reap all the knowledge I had pushed back because someone gave me safety and helped me find lucidity enough to think about what they were doing, and how it made me feel.
for me, I was living in a house that was quite literally falling apart, living with people who always complained about the state of the house but would never fix it. I slept on the mildewed floor, avoiding my own issues while using up all my energy trying to fix someone's who refused to make progress. i realized that he would never change and it was going to be the end of me if i stayed. I needed to stop going back to the rotted wood and broken floors that was my relationship and start building a real home for and in myself. so i moved away and removed myself from the circles i used to run in. i can definitely say that today i am closer to my goals than i was 4 years ago. recently, by accident, i found out that the person I left in order to finally spread my wings is still chasing his own tail and doing the very same thing he was doing when i left. I'm free of Sisyphus and the happiest I've ever been in life
The two houses story was a perfect analogy. I got out of a relationship like that, after years of being in it. What caused me to turn back to my house permanently was looking at turning 30, and staying in therapy. You're the best, keep going :)
I found a landlord that saw my house and decided he wants to repair and merge in collaboration. And yes, his fasade was already showing some cracks but his house is as solid as mine. And now it's our house, our home. Thank you for the video, thank you for sharing
My catalyst wasn't when the other woman's husband sent me proof of my ex-husbands most recent-- at that point his fifth--affair. It was realising I didn't want to spend the rest of my life being cheated on. I loved him, and I was terrified of being alone, but I was so tired of the cycle. I didn't have the energy to choose his house again. It was terrifying to be alone at first. I had been so ashamed of my own house for so long that at first, all I could see were monsters in shadows. I mourned the loss of his house months. But while I grieved, I found myself relaxing in the peace and quiet. I finally realised that I had so many neighbors who loved me, and they helped me start to clean it out and rebuild it. I love my house. I love that it's mine. It's quirky and a lot of things don't work perfectly, but it's beautiful because of its quirks, not in spite of them. And no one will ever take it from me again.
This video is exactly what I needed today. Emily, youve done nothing wrong. Youve handled this with grace for so many years and explained everything so eloquently even sounding unbiased. I dont see how someone couldve handled it any better. Also: Creepsharts “art” got nothing on Emily’s. Still cant get over how she tried to copy Emilys whole ass channel. The obsession is real
I lost my baby due to miscarriage a long time ago. That resulted in losing my relationship, which I'm told often happens. So of course, I had to move. I was in a very dark place for a very long time. I was living in my own apartment after that, a room mate decided to leave after bringing me out there to her. So I'm alone in this one bedroom basement apartment, and suddenly, doors and windows were being banged on. Turns out it was a guy I was talking to on the internet, trying to get into my apartment. I was completely by myself, terrified, thinking it was my abusive first ever boyfriend. This is when I realized I couldn't be victim anymore. I had to get out of this hole I'd dug myself into. I'm still climbing out. It's a long process.
@@SoVidushi Yeah, he came over to visit unannounced, and I didn't answer the door, I didn't know who it was. Next thing I knew the windows and all the doors, front, back and side, were being cycled through one after the other with pounding. It was pretty scary.
@@LoreCatan I was pretty steeped in depression, I blamed myself for the loss of the baby and treated myself poorly, to the point I was not taking care of myself, the apartment, or him. Basically I wasn't just crying for help, I was shrieking for it. Sadly, it was too much for my ex to handle, and the relationship was put on hold, what I thought was a few weeks break ended up with him leaving me for someone else. C'est la vie, I suppose. It was over 10 years ago, now. I still am trying my best to crawl out of the depression from the loss of my kid.
Your story of the houses gave me a measure of peace about my ending a 15yr + friendship earlier this year that was toxic. Love the art in this video, you are very talented.
All I’m looking forward to is watching your channel grow, watching your children grow (on Twitter and btw THEY ARE SO CUTE OMG), and possibly hoping to see Mr and Mrs Creepshow get some karma if they haven’t already :] Looking forward to seeing your stuff in the future and seeing you grow as an artist!
I’ve always loved the way you analyse things, how you always give your audience a lesson to take away from your videos, how you talk about serious topics but always with a positive and humorous side and that’s what I’ve always associated you with, the story times, the lessons and the humour. I don’t think anyone who knows your content will ever associate you with victim or this particular situation 💕
Your transparency is admirable to say the least! That isn't a common trait this day and time! Thank you Emily💜💙💚💛🧡❤ You really have a beautiful soul! Hope you and your family are recovering from this trauma! Love and Light from Georgia
Gosh, that house metaphor flat out broke me... it was such a haunting but painfully accurate metaphor. I had to let go of a friend a few months back and it has been so hard getting over it. I saw so many red flags and warning signs that went both ways. In the end, I broke it off because it was too unhealthy for us both. They are probably quite angry with me, I imagine they hate me in the end but the right thing doesn't always feel good. Edit: My catalyst was I stopped talking to them for a little while when they were going through a depressive phase (I still feel guilty about that but it's not black and white. I was so miserable because they kept lashing out at me. I was able to focus on my course and I even had my birthday on my hand-in date. Two days after my hand-in date and my birthday they sent me a really gut-wrenching and angry message. After reaching this high, succeeding in all these things that brought me pain and stress I was hit with so much negativity.
I cannot believe the sheer strength Emily has. If I went through any of what she went through, I don't know how I'd manage to stay afloat. (Edit:) I have been thinking a lot about a relationship I have with someone that spans years and I'm starting to distance myself because I'm starting to really realize that they don't love me the way I love them. (Not romantically, just in ways that I constantly support and it feels like they do not hold up on their end.) It's hard but I have another friend whose shown me the way I want to be loved and treated. I hope I can figure out what my house needs, because I'm tired of paying rent for a landlord who doesn't care about my homes issues. Thank you for the metaphor Emily. You're helping me think a lot about my situation.
Hi! Wanted to say I felt the same way, a friend of mine never reciprocated my efforts and feelings and I distanced myself. I have a better support system now, they also kinda held me back :(( never wanting me to be with anyone else but them. So I hope your house gets its repair and I hope it flourishes~
I returned to my house after the very last beating. I packed up my 2 year old and moved to another state with 100.00 to my name. I was the strongest I’ve ever been in my life,I had to save my son from that horrible life. I worked hard and raised my baby alone and rocked it❤️
Having gone through both codependent relationships and also a lot of harassment and trauma the last few months, I think this video was absolutely awesome and inspiring. Your art is amazing and I think your best revenge is to continue to live well. The house metaphor was a really thoughtful way to word how it's like to "forget" yourself for a while to try to build others up, one thing I'm still quite guilty of to this day. Thanks so much for your videos, I really enjoy them and can't wait for the next one.
As someone recovering from trauma and abuse, this is a wonderful and simple metaphor. I have been goin through some shit and this reminded me to fix my house- my mental health first before trying to meet someone new in a romantic way. The art you painted today was so soothing as well. Thanks for the reminder. You're just lovely and I wish you the best for your all your days to come!
Sign up for AtlasVPN today! atlasv.pn/EmilyArtful
I will be redoing my merch store soon, so make sure and get some of these designs before they go into retirement! crowdmade.com/collections/emilyartful
Parables are transformative thought.
I mean to say, you're doing beautiful work and it matters.
Emily, while I’m really sorry that you’ve had to come out against and deal with this whole situation, I’m really happy that you’re gonna try to focus on yourself and your artwork again. I liked your analogy about the houses, and I loved the pretty water color painting you did. It felt very nostalgic. (Does that make sense?)
I really hope no one just associates u with the people who will not be named because I remember when I first found your channel and I was so inspired by your art and stories to be more positive you are more then the people that hurt u I know you probably know that but I just want u to know that we are still here💖♥
Where can I get a print of this piece? I love it.
Girl you've always spoken the truth.
Fr
And brought more than enough proof
Absolutely, but she has been silenced for yeeeears and it's great to see her finally be able to get it out ❤️
so true
@@Yourlocallazymoodybith Oh, stop! 🤣 Y’all are never satisfied. It’s funny... because you’re here. I hope you get that. ✌️🤍
The whole landlord example you made was absolutely perfect in helping us understand what you were getting at.
hi everywhere guy XD I just saw you on two other videos XD
The captain obvious of RUclips has just arrived. Lol jk I agree with the comment. I’m just weirded out I always see you on the comment section.
@@koplaxklotory XD totally
I started seeing you under movie recap videos and then others and everytime when I watch something I try to find you lol it's kinda nice seeing you I always wanna know what you have to say
I'm 97% sure you are either a bot or you have shifts for multiple people to comment for you 😅
I very distinctly remember the moment that I told my ex that I couldn't be with him anymore by saying "I will not give up my own happiness to be with you" and the look he gave me... was frightening, the look he would give me when he didnt like what I said, before he'd emotionally abuse me and beat me down. If it weren't for my stepdad waiting outside the door I am sure he would've started screaming and yelling like he used to, but he couldnt; and I was finally freed from him
I am very glad you are safe now
happy your safe now :)
I am a survivor of abuse and what made me finally "go home" was the realization that I didn't want my son to think it was ok to treat people the way his biological father treated me.
Same. I left my ex husband/daughters father for the exact same reason. Hope you're doing well! 🤗
You're so right. We're not just people with trauma from what our exes did to us, we're entire human beings with likes, dislikes and a sense of humour. I was lucky, after years of putting up with it, I finally realised I didn't deserve to be treated like sh*t every day
Same. I was able to cut my abusive ex out of my life when one day something clicked & I knew it was him or me. I chose me. But I haven’t dealt with the emotional fallout. Definitely a process.
@@emkay888 definitely. Good luck with it 🐙
Yeah, well so were the exes. It's just that something bad happened to them and then they just became corrupted.
@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 what? What is this comment trying to prove?
@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 are you making excuses for someone trying to strangle me? F off
I had an abusive ex-boyfriend that stalked and threatened me online for five years. He finally went to prison for possession of "CP" that he coaxed out of other, younger victims. But I STILL wasn't safe. A few years later, from the inside, he commented on a now unlisted video of mine. He claimed that he found God, didn't remember what he did to me, and insinuated that I'm an idiot if I'm still mad.
That was my catalyst. The realization that outside forces can only do so much, and I had to step up and assert myself. I told Shaun that I’m not afraid of him anymore, not to contact me again, and let him know what a pathetic scumbag he is before blocking him.
I want everyone to know that it’s ok to stand up for yourself. You’re not a psycho or a stuck-up bitch for backing someone off when they hurt you. You don't need to live with abuse, you don't need to laugh it off like a joke. You need to realize that you are a human being and deserve to be treated with respect, especially by yourself.
Yes.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that I hope you're doing much better now it's terrible how so many people like that are in the world
@@celene_moon Thank you, I am doing a lot better now. I really hope that others are able to find safety and harmony too. :)
and I bet now, He wants to kill you now.
@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 sorry what?
Okay, total side note here… but that is such a great way of controlling a skin tone mix on a palette! I never thought to measure it out like that. Mixing more of the same color is going to be so much easier now. Holy crap.
Okay, you’re awesome. Thanks!
IKR! I am noticing it now because you pointed to it. At first, I was like "why is she making brush strokes on the palette"
Thanks for the comment I guess! It's genius!
I mean… yeah
A similar metaphor that really opened my eyes to my toxic relationship was "don't set yourself on fire just to keep somebody else warm".
Being self sacrificing isn't noble or honourable or compassionate; it's maladaptive and self destructive. It is scary to look inwards and focus on ourselves and for many of us it's easier to try to help others but the bitter reality is that they don't want to be fixed, they just want to use and manipulate us.
Invest in relationships that fill your soul, not ones that leave you as a husk of who you really are or could be if you nurtured yourself, which you can't do if somebody is taking up all of who you are.
I couldn't have said it better myself
Thank you. This was well said and I feel I can very much relate to this
@@mommakimmins5554 this comment finally gave me the push I needed to leave. I’m so grateful thank you
I learned this the hard way. I always gave my friendships my all, but to a toxic extreme. It took my “best friend” stabbing me in the back for me to realize that I need to be kind and loyal to myself in order to do that for others
Funny enough it was when I was actually working on cleaning his apartment. He had begged me to come over and help him clean because "I was so much better at it than he was" and I saw this as a massive positive step towards him getting himself together. I was swamped with work and school and he was unemployed (No shame to those unemployed of course, he just made a point to be angry I had a very tight schedule most weeks) and I still made time to come over and clean. I thought it would be us working together but he pretty much just laid on the couch and played on his phone while I broke my back cleaning up his disgusting apartment. When I complained about this to him we got into a screaming match where he insulted and gaslit me. Dumping a bag of garbage back on the floor.
I dont know why but in that very moment it was just like something snapped. I remember crying and going back to my moms house (where I lived) and seeing my own mess and just being overwhelmed with everything. And realising how bitter I was that I spent my time cleaning up his problems and not my own. I broke up with him the next day after my mom helped me clean up my own mess :)
Glad you got out of his mess though and hope you are doing better. You are very very strong.
Thanks mom!! Sounds like you have a good one. ❤️
Good on you for realizing and putting in the work, but let's also take a minute to appreciate mom ✧
Idk why the part about you coming home to your own mess after exhausting yourself hit so hard 😭
Like it's easier to focus and help other people while neglecting yourself till you crash. It's great your mom helped you :)
@@XxStaySmilingxX It’s so nice to be able to help others because there’s emotional detachment from someone else’s problems. But the reward is greatest when we manage our own junk first.
Repairing a house that isn’t yours is such a good metaphor. When predatory people get your to spend your time and attention on whatever they want instead of building yourself up, that’s time you could have spent weaning yourself off of them, but it’s difficult to see when you’re actively stuck in their bs
I had both an ex boyfriend who monopolized my time (you could argue he was using the isolation manipulative tactic), and later a friend who tried to. Both turned out to be toxic people. I've left them both in my past.
Your house analogy made me reexamine one of my toxic friendships that I had. While I know now how toxic it was, I never realised how much onesided it was. Looking back, I realise relationships, romantic or not, shouldn't have to take so much out of you. The final catalyst for me leaving the house was an incident that I felt was highly embarrassing and blamed myself for but I realised that it was never my fault. I still have to work this out in therapy but hey, its a work in progress.
I do hope you feel better soon. Your artwork genuinely inspires me a lot as a young artist and I look forward to your future content!
do you have any signs to look out for?
@@Mandoxc anything that has to do with that person wanting to control what you want to do. Kick them to the curb. If they try to control you in any way, leave. Because once they know they can take one freedom away from you they’ll start in on everything else. Do not willingly give over power to straight men especially but just any partner that tries to start placing rules and restrictions on you like you’re not grown enough to know how to act. Fk them
@@Mandoxc i had a friend who beat around the bush when insulting me. She kinda approached it a way a loving person would do. Making it seem like they were concerned about me. It was only until after she left the country did i realise she was manipulative n she was the person who kept me a lil depressed. Sometimes if u feel like u need to look for signs, step back give yourself some time one evening to re-evaluate EVVVEEERYYYTHING as a whole. Cuz we look at things in pieces. Start trying to look at these things as a whole picture as well as the scattered pieces
If anything like "They're just worried about me and doing their best to help, I'm the one being oversensitive" keeps crossing your mind when thinking about said friendship, then step back and revaluate. Friendships are supposed to make you happy and support you, sometimes through tough love yes, but if you're constantly second guessing your feelings and avoid talking about them because you know that'd trigger an argument, then that's a rock solid sign. I had a friendship like this. She made me believe that my house was so ugly, weak and not enough to live in, so I stayed at the house I didn't own trying my best to keep it running, telling myself I just had to stop creating drama, she was just trying to make me better, right? I should be grateful. I should be happy she was willing to help me.
Nope lol My breaking point was basically when she called me a whiny coward after months of full blown arguments over insignificant stuff (like me disliking vegetables), putting me down for my hobbies at the time, ice age silent treatments, one word answers and being treated like crap by her family. I had sacrificed so much for that house and in that moment I just saw how completely one sided it was and she couldn't care less about hurting me.
Healing was a nightmare. I felt raw, almost begging the landlord to let me back in again many times, but boy, am I happy for not giving in. Healing hurts a lot, but it's always worth it. Now I can live at my own place in peace ✌️
@Armando Aguilar For me, it was feeling like I was the one doing the emotional weightlifting. For context, We both had become fast friends by bonding over our past mutual trauma. In the beginning, it felt nice to be heard and understood. To have someone just be there. However, it slowly began to devolve as I became their emotional punching bag. If they had a bad day, they would take it out on me. It was never physical nor verbal abuse, but it still hurt. They would always apologize afterwards and I would wave it off but it always felt disgenuine. Sometimes I would get ghosted for days only for them to pop up anytime something happened and they needed to confide in someone. I was always listening to their problems yet whenever I tried to open up, they would brush it off. It got to the point where I was being treated as their therapist, worrying about them and trying to fix them. I'll admit I shouldve also noticed how codependent this was getting but I still clung on to the fact that they had chosen to confide in me. That I was responsible for them somehow. The relationship was taking a huge toll on me, mentally and emotionally. I felt invalidated yet I couldn't say anything. I also couldn't leave because they would randomly bring up both of our past traumas as a way of indirectly going "I have shit on you so don't even try to leave." And that to despite me saying multiple times that I was uncomfortable when they did so but they would always brush it off saying They had trauma too.
All in all, I'll just say this ask yourself "Do they make you feel uncomfortable? Do they cross boundaries set by you? Do they constantly put you down or make you feel invalidated? Does every interaction with them always makes you come away feeling worse?" If its yes to any of those then maybe you should take a step back and reevaluate your relationship.
Codependent relationships are hard. Full disclosure, my 14 year relationship with my late husband (started dating at 14 and he passed at 28) was codependent right up to the end. I thought it was ok because we were so happy together(obviously no relationship is perfect but in those happy moments it didnt seem to be a problem that we only wanted to be with each other) but when I lost him, I realized I didn't know who the hell I was without him. My world revolved around him and I had, at 28, no idea what I LIKED, what I enjoyed doing, what made ME happy because as long as he was happy, I was happy and that meant doing whatever he liked doing and loving it too. It's not healthy even when it feels like bliss in the moment
I’m sorry for your loss and just your whole experience. I hope you’re doing well
Your comment made me realize a mentality I hold, where I end up forming these connections just to please my partner. I had just been broken up three days ago, and I feel lost, I don't know what to do or where to go. And it's harder because my thoughts still revolve around them, and my emotions swing to an unhealthy degree based on theirs. They're impulsive, don't communicate, and while with good intention ends up push me away then making me feel unwanted just to later call all cheerfully looking back for my attention because the relationship makes me happy. It makes them happy. But they had said they just see me as a little sister and they believe they owe it to me to not feign a relationship where they don't have romantic attraction to me like they once did. It's still very painful, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I just feel out of control and want nothing more than to comfort them when I see them staring off into oblivion clearly thinking about something tough to chew. I can't seem to stop the irrational thinking and get ahold of myself, it's terrifying. And those I reach out to personally all tell me I just need to cut them off and distance myself, but I just don't want to do that. It feels if I do, they'll be alone and I will be too. I'm terrified of the idea. Being alone. It's dark, it was a four year long relationship and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do next because right now it feels like there was more weighing in externally onto the decision than just how they had begun to feel. Making me think it's more along the lines of emotional burnout resulting from stress causing them to not be able to extend themselves out into a relationship despite still having very strong attraction to me. It's just so hard, and I now know it's co dependent, I don't talk about anything but them at times and have consistently across the board, I hover around them, I look into them for comfort. I get games they like so I can play with them, or learn how to play games so I can do decently enough so that I don't ruin their fun. They're just my world. And despite them breaking up with me, we have still been doing sleep calls, we still hover around one another when possible, and still maintain some of the comforting aspects of the once relationship. It's hard. I just feel alone and I don't know what to do or how to manage it.
@XxTORIAx Thank you,, it's just rough. It's been a rough relationship and I've realized I deeply struggle with co dependency and have always had a very anxious attachment style. It's just a lot to have it torn away and kind of realize that's in front of me, you know?
Over the year and a half, I've revolved everything in my life around them. Drawing for them, singing for them, building my appearance for them. And now that's just kind of gone, and I feel like a shell of myself.
@@doxiekitten6526 your comment made me realise why everything felt like shit when my ex best friend and I fell apart. I knew that the friendship was extremely unhealthy, I just didn't know how to describe it. We were really codependent... I was grieving the loss of this friendship for a whole year, so much that I needed medical attention. I feel much better about my friendships now. I would say you need to find things you like to do, not for anyone else, but for you. Just something that you can do alone and be completely at ease.... Mine is art. I'm hyperfocused on it, and I don't mind that because art is one of the healthier coping mechanisms :') good luck!
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
You never "mishandled" anything Emily, you felt a certain way and you acted on it like anyone would do if they were in your shoes. I hope you're doing better, and that you continue to do so.
The whole ‘house’ and ‘landlord’ metaphor was something that really hit with me. I used to be in a few awful relationships, ones where I would always have to fix everyone’s problems before fixing my own. Some would get so bad where they’d threaten things that no one should ever threaten and force me to stay. Some even told me that I would be alone forever and that I was a sl*t when I’d only been in around 2 relationships over the past of 2-3 years.
Eventually I realized that i wasn’t happy and that I was only staying to keep them satisfied or to keep them ‘alive’.
For those who have gone through something similar, I only have this to give.
Someone else’s reactions and actions are not your fault. If you’re leaving or standing up for yourself and they’re threatening or saying such awful things, none of that is your fault.
You have every right to leave and get out of such a nasty place because you are worthy of so much better, I promise you that you are. I know it’s scary but leaving is so freeing. You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness.
Anyway, thank you Emily so much for posting this. I hope everyone has a lovely day and that you all know your all worthy of love and happiness 💕
I'm glad you're speaking if nothing else than for yourself, getting it out in the open can help. I had a similar situation to "the houses". My breaking point was when my ex decided "we" were going to move to Chicago (Where his brother lives but I knew no one) and I panicked, our relationship was already garbage, mentally and emotionally abusive and on the verge of imploding, but the idea of being isolated away from my friends and family with him in a state I was unfamiliar with terrified me, so I left. I'm glad my senses finally kicked in at that point, even if I was stuck in a shitty situation for almost 5 years.
I’m so glad you didn’t go. I don’t know you but… support from here.
Proud of you, wholeheartedly.
i’m so glad you got out, we’re all proud of you! ❤️
Hmm
@@Simple_Grey_line Get bent, dude. We don't stand for disrespecting someone who stood strong and got out of a bad situation.
She constantly used me as a crutch and would ghost me threatening suicide whenever I voiced a concern. Eventually it brought me down to the point where I was in a complete psychotic episode, when I reached out for her help she egged on my delusions like it was a joke. Finally I broke and was forced into the hospital after attempting to cut off part of my hand in a delusional state. Some weeks later after intense therapy and not being able to contact her I was released and texted her one last time to tell her what happened and to ask her not to contact me, instead of understanding or sympathy she said “I thought so” and blocked me for the last time. I decided screw it and started working on my own life. After a year I’m in a much better place I stopped self deprecating and have worked on my issues around sexuality. Your house analogy is fantastic and I’m so glad I’m finally sturdy and well built enough to withstand any winter.
Her text message response made my eyes go so wide, OMG what an absolute trash bag! (Sorry, sorta? 😂) I'm so sorry she treated you with such malice and disrespect, and a COMPLETE disregard for your mental health! Truly heinous. I'm so happy for you for bettering yourself and moving forward! Sometimes forced hospitalization only leads a person to pretend to get better enough to be released, just so they can go back to the situation that made them sick to begin with. You took advantage of the resources in front of you, and that alone takes courage. Keep it up! 🖤
I'm sorry you had to deal with a shitty person, but I'm glad you came out the other side still capable of seeing the beauty of life
I honestly just killed my ex. Luckily, I live in a state where you are legally allowed to kill people if they trespass on your property. She wanted to stalk me for some reason, so I just put an end to her right then and there. I feel no regrets.
@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 ?????
@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 uh
I went to my own house; when the other house burnt to the ground (died). Without their death, I never would have been able to go home. It’s sad, it was hurtful and broke me because I still loved him. But that’s my story. I wish he was still here, just not with me, but he made his own choices.
My house has a lot of damage still, but I’m slowly rebuilding through therapy, and self help. I wasn’t innocent and I probably did damage to that other house, I was messed up too, like when you were suffering through your addiction. The difference is, I’m trying to better myself, and be better each and every single day.
I told him I was struggling and needed to do better. He laughed in my face and said "oh yeah sure" as though the idea of me trying to get back on track in life was so pointless it was laughable. One of his friends who had met me told me soon after that I didn't look okay and that I needed to end things and get out. I will always be grateful to that friend. I didn't meet him until I had gotten into the relationship with his friend, but he stood up for me instead of looking the other way.
I can’t believe this is still going on, I’m so sorry. You’re so strong ❤️❤️
It's not, thankfully. It seems to have settled for the most part, this video is just me talking about important lessons I've learned from it. Just trying to share some knowledge!
@@emilyartful ❤️
@@emilyartful Oh good, glad its settling down, stay strong!
@@emilyartful as my other half always reminds me...Knowledge is power 💜
The catalyst was when my newborn's health and well-being was threatened within the first few days of her life. I am grateful for my husband and first daughter who saved my life from an older sister. Thank you for opening up to all of us, sharing your story, and encouraging others to take ownership while rising above 💖
Your house analogy is mind blowing. Having a child made me go back to my own home and show them that hard work, love, and healthy relationships are what a good life is. And I have felt so much better rebuilding my own home and growing.
The house analogy is so relatable. I was in a major co dependent relationship for years as anytime we would split she would threaten self harm. I was guilted into staying in a toxic relationship for fear of her self harming. I eventually just had to move on as she was destroying my mental health. She didn't commit suicide but did stalk me for 6 months but ended up getting mental help.
I really needed the house analogy today. Thank you, Emily
I definitely understand that house story. My turning point was realizing that the person won't change, and if the relationship drives me to harm myself it's not worth it.
Hey Emily . I just wanted to say that when you warned people with trauma about co dependant relationships . It was my trauma therapist that said “no , you need to work on yourself first , so people can’t take advantage of me again” . It is so important to let everyone know the danger ⚠️
I’m in a toxic relationship right now and this really opened my eyes. I want to go back to house number 1
Your house metaphor had me in tears.
It's the perfect way of explaining *these* kinds of relationships and why the pressure of going back can get to people
The catalyst for "going back to my house" was sharing every disrepair with an outside party, at the time not knowing that this was not normal or allowed. Seeing someone else in absolute shock that you've stayed as long as you have whilst seeing every horrific thing put in front of you was the shock I needed. Plus, having a taste of new independence and a social life shows you that you deserve the bare minimum from people. Thank you for this video and analogy Emily, it is so important.
I had a good friend pointed out to me that my then relationship was emotionally abusive and toxic after I confided in him about all the things I've been through. I'm thankful I listened and left the relationship. Hope you're better now! I know I am way better after I got out. c:
@@an.n5388 I’m so glad to hear that you got out and that you’re doing well! Life is good now for me too :)
@@sadieedwards8464 hi
As someone who's never watched a whole lot of art content until this drama blew up and I saw your video about the shit you've been through I didn't just think "damn, what you've been through is unimaginable" but also "she's so mature and down to earth and I respect Emily as a person and want to see more from her"
So yeah, you've got a new subscriber that can't wait for more artsy videos with your wise words
I haven’t actually done the going back to my own house yet. I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to that catalyst moment, but I also don’t want to. Hearing your thoughts and the metaphor have given me a bit of clarity, thank you.
You didn’t miss handle ANYTHING!
You spoke your truth! And by Shannon’s actions afterwards we automatically knew it was THE truth! You honestly handled it beautifully. Especially considering the circumstances that you was in! You became a role model to everyone here to be strong and to not take abuse and stalking like this and I bet you have gave so many people the courage to speak up about their stalking.
I can’t speak for everyone but I think it’s safe to say we are so proud of you! 💖💖
This was a perfect Segway to go from “the situation” back to the old Emily Artful content that we all fell in love with. I always value how you take stories that you’ve lived through and share it with your audience as a way to learn a lesson. Also stunning art as usual 🍑💕
Also I was today’s years old when I realized apparently Segway… is spelled segue. I thought the trendy standing scooter thing was called the same thing because it smoothly rides to the next place… English is bogus LOL
@@SketchingWithSarah it is, but they added "way" to market it.
Being sober, hands down is the one thing that keeps me protected from dangerous people and even then I’m still learning boundaries and self worth. Seeing life through the lens of sobriety is absolutely incredible and sometimes jarring when I realize what I allowed before and even how I was toxic to other people. I’m still codependent but reading daily literature on how to heal and be complete on my own. It’s a journey and I go easy on me, when I catch myself beating myself up I just redirect and have self compassion. It works
Congratulations on your sobriety, this comment was really inspiring for me. Thank you.
You have actually handled this better than anyone I’ve ever seen.
Your first video was very thoughtful and and second video just gave more context, answered questions, and showed proof about the screenshots.
There’s no reason for you to go back and forth. We believe you. Anyone that doesn’t is crazy.
Be safe, god bless your family ❤️
Emily. Thank you.
The house metaphor made me realize that I was seeking comfort in my verbally and physically abusive stepdad, and it took quite LITERALLY moving out of the damaged house at 18 to mend the damage I had with my biological dad.
I started to cry when you said how you hang onto them because you feel like that's the only stability you have. I clung onto my abusive stepdad for so long because I felt like without him, I would grow up with no father figure at all- and as a child that breaks you, feeling like your own dad doesn't even want you.
I've been subscribed long before your first little one was even announced, I followed you as a teenager and now as a 20 year old. Thank you Emily for letting us follow your journey, just like I feel you've followed mine. Sending so much love 💖
Content aside, the art itself is very cozy feeling and comforting, which 100% reflects the artist, you are a very comforting person Emily, and I relate to many parts of your life. Stay strong!
Very cool painting! Though
My breaking point in a co-dependent relationship wasn't with an s/o, but with a friend. I realized she'd get angry at me if I didn't do everything perfectly to soothe her, and I was never given anything in return even when I was practically begging for it. Then I met some new friends and realized that the great relationship I thought I had was nothing but a farce for that person to gain sympathy and validation, someone who would agree with her actions because they were too scared to do anything else. Now my "house" is completely refurbished, and I'm very happy with where I am at the moment. I've also learned to avoid people like that, so hopefully I never end up renting a shittily built apartment again :)
I went through a very similar thing, it can be so hard to leave a friend
Same here! I'm so glad we got out of that situation. My house still needs repairs, but it's my home and I'll take care of it so it'll always be my safe place
I went through this! My true friends showed me what genuine friendship was and I thank them for helping me through everything
My 'house' was when my dad died. My mother, aunts, uncle's, sisters, everyone was in mourning and I felt like I needed to be strong for them. It was a bad time but it was worse when the person I was in a romantic relationship with started to make the loss of my own father about themselves. He cried, he used the death of a man he'd only met twice as an excuse to treat me poorly, and when it got to a point where I up and told him I needed support, he cried and told me how unfair it was to not care about his feelings. It was a glass shattering moment when I started to see things for what they were and all the flaws of the 'new house' were laid out before me so I could see what needed to happen.
The moment that made me “go back home and rebuild” so to speak was when my ex partner pressured me into intercourse and told me that if I went to study for my dream job at my top choice out-of-state university, the relationship would be over and it would be entirely my fault because I owe him my life.
"And don't forget to stay out of trouble "
Really hits different 💛💛
The catalyst for me was realising that not everyone has to replace tables and chairs in their kitchen because their partner had a bad day and needed to break something. Also, my income was starting to not be enough for everything. I worked more and more to get more money coming in, and that made me ill. Going back to my own house also made things worse before they got better. I remember working on my own house mess one day and suddenly feeling as though I could stand up straight and not have to crouch down anymore, as though there was room for all of me, without my having to make myself smaller, less irritating or just less me. I cannot describe how that felt, but I will never forget it. After that, it became easier to stick to my own house and try to fix that. Still a work in progress, but I have great help.
Thanks for both the artwork and the things shared, looking forward to more of the regular content, which is always inspiring and interesting!
I haven’t even watched this and I’m curious what this title means
Edit: I now know what’s going on 👍 I love how she’s able to talk about this and not act like most people online . She likes to let people learn from her own mistakes so that they don’t make the same mistakes but doesn’t talk like the cliche, she talks in a way that you actually can listen and connect to and make sure it doesn’t happen to you.
The metaphor is PERFECT. the fact that I was watching myself turn into a stranger and questioning my reality that pushed me to "work on my own house". Very great message 🍑💗
Such a beautiful art piece. It makes me want to dive into watercolors again.
My ex was extremely toxic and abusive and he constantly told me I wasnt gonna get loved in any way from anyone but him, he isolated me and decided to destroy my confidence in things like my art, my daily things, my workouts, and actually getting work done. He destroyed me mentally and blames me for his sadness to this day..
I will admit I wasnt the best girlfriend because I lied because I didnt trust him lead by me not feeling something was right with him. Turns out I was kinda right.. he showed me him attempting his (Not alive act) multiple times traumatized me, then blamed me for everything and said that.. when I got blackmailed that was my fault.
I have "moved back into my original house" less than a year after more time than I care to admit. Old house is beginning to look good. Clean and it's mine! I wish I knew what woke me up but it just happened and I didn't know until weeks in when I suddenly realised everything wasn't so dark anymore. I was my own worst enemy (but hole crap, someone certainly gently walked me into the dark). Best of luck to you and anyone else struggle to face the truth. On a happy note, love that you used watercolors here. I just started with them a year ago and they're so hard! Please do more videos working with them. Any tips would be appreciated (never thought to roll my eraser across my drawing to lighten the pencil marks).
What made me return to "my house" was when someone I couldn't be friends with anymore for the sake of my mental health after they had effected me had turned around and tried to say that I was abandoning them. It reaffirmed that I couldn't be their friend anymore. They wanted me to fix their problems and I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to work on "my house" and chose to do that rather than continue to fix someone's problems.
What stopped me from continuing my codependent relationship was seeing my sister pick her codependent relationship over her family who really cared and loved her. She betrayed me essentially, so I never want to be like her
I really liked your house analogy.
I'm an abusive relationship survivor 😌
I never would have been able to escape that relationship if it weren't for my parents. They sat me down and had a talk with me about the relationship and their fear for my safety that forced me to confront reality. What a person in an abusive relationship needs is the strong support of friends and loved ones to help us confront reality, pick up the pieces and begin the journey of healing.
I'm now in a wonderful, mutually supportive and respectful relationship where I feel valued as an individual. I think I'm gonna marry this one.
Real love is waiting for you after the abuse if you take time for yourself to heal and keep your mind and heart open 💕
The catalyst for me was the moment I truly examined myself and the relationship and I realized I hated who I was when I was with him. And I had hated the fact that I let him walk all over me. It's not easy at all to leave, but it's worth it. Thank you Emily for sharing your story and I'm so grateful that you are in a much better place now. ❤
My stop fixing someone else's house moment: he was still angry at me and mistreating me when he was sober. Before that point it had only been when he was drinking and I thought it was just a he's an angry drunk problem. After that I didn't take him back even when he was shouting through a bolted, but not shut, door that I would be alone if I didn't let him back in. I had to go into hiding to get away from him and, sadly, needed a few more years to realize I could be happy alone, but that was when I finally decided he wasn't worth it and being alone was better than being with him.
Thats amazing, you are so strong im so proud of you!
@@agentnine3973 thank you. I'm doing much much better now. I've been single for almost 3 years so I could focus on healing and its working. I'm on antidepressants and I'm kinder to myself then I've ever been. Maybe one day I'll try again but not until I'm sure I have strong boundaries that I won't let some shit head violate.
@@isapheonix maybe boundaries is something you can work on in thearpy? Or you can fins some yt vids or some blogs on it
@@agentnine3973 ya boundaries are hard lol. Especially when they've never been encouraged ever. I'll try youtube videos or blogs since I'm focusing on something else in therapy right now. Thanks for the advice and the kind wishes! ❤
I love the house analogy, so so much. It nearly brought me to tears. I can't even quantify how many times I've had to metaphorically pack up, and come back to my own house, and stop letting certain people in altogether, and change the locks. Much love to everyone whose going through anything right now
My dad is a “recovering” alcoholic, you’ll understand the quotation later. I’ve disliked him since I was in elementary because of how toxic he is when he’s intoxicated. He likes to take anger out on others when he’s drunk.. blame people for his own wrong doings, and abuse people both verbally and physically. This lead to me deciding to live with my mom full time in eighth grade BUT still visiting him every once in awhile, this was after he told me he hated me whilst drunk during a Christmas party.
When I first cut contact off completely with him, he decided to talk poorly about me to the rest of my family on his side. My nephew would refer to me being on “the dark side”.. he’s ten years younger than me. Mind you, I was only about 14 at the time. When I was 15, I came back for a little because I was forced. Legal papers stated that I had to go week on and off between both parents until I turned 18.
I was a freshman and had my first boyfriend and was texting him while walking down a mountain during a ski trip. We were going back to the cabin and I had talked to him the entire time we were skiing, around three-four hours. My dad got upset that I was on my phone and decided to comment on it. I retaliated with something alone the lines of “well at least I didn’t drink at eight am right before skiing and possibly cause harm to the people around me.” My dad was mad and demanded me to give up my phone and I said no and told him how he doesn’t pay for it so he wasn’t allowed to take it away. He held me by my neck and pinned me against the outer wall of a Carl’s Jr.. My stepmom, siblings, and cousin all watched and didn’t say a word to help me while he snatched the phone from me. I was scared he was going to choke me to death. I cut contact with him again after that.
I came back around the age of 19 because my little sister was living with him, she was 16 about to be 17 at the time, and I wanted to be around her again. I ended up moving in because she said how she was lonely since our dad and stepmom were always working and all of our other siblings had moved out. After her 17th and my 20th birthday, she was hospitalized for private reasons that I wish to not discuss.
While she was in the hospital, my dad became toxic again. At this time he’s stated he had been sober for about three years going into four. I could tell he was drinking. He would go to a grocery store to buy three things and be there for over an hour. He would start blaming people and verbally abusing them again. I kept talking back because I was tired of his behavior. He’d get mad when anyone asked him to go back to his AA meetings.
And then one day he snapped. My little sister and I both owned our own cats, they’re brothers too. A picture frame was knocked over and her cat was sitting next to it and he was so angry about it. The thing is though, he blamed it on my cat. He told me I would have to get rid of my cat and when I said no he told me it’s either he leaves or I leave with him.
This cat has been there for me for more than this man. Just a year prior, I was also in the hospital. I have severe depression and anxiety and I was going to attempt to take my life but this cat meowed and purred at me to calm me down. Instead of hurting myself, I got help. I wasn’t about to abandon this cat over something he obviously didn’t do. He means too much to me for that.
So I left. I even ended up with my sisters cat as well. I haven’t talked to any of them in months. I’m going to be 21 soon and I now own my own meal prep and catering business. I know it’s silly to leave a toxic relationship over a cat but honestly if you have any little reason to do so, then do it.
id love to see your art tips and such again, and i feel bad for all this drama and such
I honestly get upset when people regard things like what you've experienced as "drama". Like, no, drama is when someone acts extra because they feel like it. Drama is what we see in TV soaps. What it is, is a series of traumatic crimes you've had the misfortune of experiencing. The horrors people in the real world are capable of should be called what they are, morally-bankrupt judgements, crimes, shitty behaviors, horrible decisions, things of that sort. Nothing is inherently squeaky clean but to minimize it to such a floaty word of whimsy is... incredibly disrespectful, imho? I wish the world was kinder and capable of acknowledging that.
I've been here since before any of these scenarios came to light and I don't intend on leaving or forgetting. We live in an age of information-overwhemling, so much happening all the time that we forget what we don't hear about or see in our usual haunts. But I want you to know I look forward to your videos, I like your stories and seeing your process. I'm not familiar with painting (I scribble, pens and B&W art usually), so it's always lovely to sit and watch what you make. You're very skilled - and I hope you know that.
Well the fact that she clickbaited with the title doesn't exactly scream "I don't just want to be known for what they did to me"
@@aSummerSarahndipity and im sure you are ready with your pitchfork looking for someone to harass, what? looking for a new queen now that shannon was found guilty?
@@aSummerSarahndipity get off this page Ovi your a white night from the ex or creepshow
@@goreandhoodies3626 I'd say idgaf about Shannon but I'd be wasting my breath. I'm a critical thinker, which is more than can be said for you lot.
@@aSummerSarahndipity That's a negative way to look at it tbh
Emily, my catalyst was that I realized that for all my faults and mistakes and struggles, I deserved better than to deal with the constant mess of House #2 and that House #1 was my best bet because it was mine. And even if I messed up House #1, I at least did it myself and could work to fix it.
This was such a great video and you speak your truth. I hope things improve for you soon.
I think I really needed to be reminded to work on my own house and not run back to the rental and pretend like I don’t see the leaking ceilings. So thank you🖤
That Two Houses metaphor is amazing and spot-on, and I think you've helped to change a lot of perspectives with this series of videos. It's never easy to have your personal life become so public, but you've handled it with so much grace and generosity of spirit and despite being a stranger, I'm so proud of you for all of it!
You’re a wise woman Emily. I watch your videos because I like your character. I’m also an addict/recovering addict and I think you’ve done incredibly well - no way I could be as restrained as you in dealing with that over the years. Much 💛
I don't think you did anything wrong. I hope things get a lot better for you.
I was in a toxic, co-dependent cycle with a boyfriend from 2004 - 2015. Unfortunately, I can’t say it was a conscious effort on my part, or his, when the cycle broke. I chose to end things when he had done something that truly made me feel like the relationship was never going to be what I hoped it would be. I closed the book and walked away with my rickety old house in tow. I feared doing it for so long because of all I had invested in our relationship. I clung to the scraps of what it had become. When I closed the book all I had was me, and the pain, and the fear. I spent a week drinking and smoking - doing whatever I could to calm my nerves and numb my pain. I contemplated suicide and begged for help as I wept on my bed. Something happened that day when I ended things between us …I didn’t die like I thought I would - rather I sunk down as I pulled back the proverbial bow and sprung higher once I released and let go. I spiraled upward instead of downward. I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted the pain to go away. Alas, it did, and I started my self-love and healing journey from that point on. 💚
The bow is a really beautiful metaphor! Made me tear up :')
Weird, horrible drama aside, this piece is absolutely beautiful. I have been following this channel for a few years now and this is BY FAR my favorite painting you've done - something I would love to put up as a centerpiece in my home. Gorgeous. I hope you are doing well and continue to do what's best for you and your family, ma'am. Cheers!
It’s not drama?
@@stoopidalex You guys are very right, poor choice of words on my part. The rest of my comment still stands.
I left my "landlord" a few years ago after a lot of different types of things happened. Unfortunately I can relate to a lot of things in your story.
I'm still healing to this day and now my "house" is next to a better "house" that has a genuine owner who listens and cares.
Please take care of yourself and your family out there- we love and support you!
when you said, 'the only reason people pay attention to your house is because it is next to mine' i got chills, because that's the exact thing i have been told time and time again by every landlord i've ever met in my life.
We're with you Emily! It might be hard right now, but I promise you it will get better!
Focus on your family, focus on your health, okay?
Your message has got me in tears, as someone who has also experienced abuse and co-dependence I only wish for more people to hear those very same words as you've expressed. Thank you for being so honest and letting yourself be vulnerable
this hit a lot deeper because i went through a similar situation, though not on the same level. thank u for this video emily.
as for what caused me to "rebuild my house", i can't say much but it was when the "landlord" "evicted" me and then begged me to come back. it really is jarring when that haze that obscures the warning signs finally lifts and it finally hits u that the relationship (whether platonic or romantic) led to u being hurt in ways u didnt even realize. im still shooing away my own, but this video helped a lot.
the landlord analogy really hit me. I was in an abusive codependent relationship for a few years and some of it was mutually toxic. but it got to a point where I was taking more responsibility for things they were doing. I was shouldering a lot of guilt and I eventually got tired of it. I realize I'm still healing from it. the trauma I've been left with has been really impacting my creativity. you've impacted me a lot and helped me realize a lot of things that are going to help me moving forward. thank you so much. 💕
The watercolor was Beautiful ❤️. And I get what you're saying about rebuilding yourself. I've had to do that a few times , thank God we're able to redesign ourselves.
my catalyst was when i was having flash backs to a traumatic event and seeking therapy for it .... i remember going into therapy the first time like "oh so if you have any tips or tricks for this thing" thinking i'd go in once and that would be that! *lol* This was an incredible analogy, I'm super glad I stumbled upon your channel this evening!
The house story hit me in the gut. I got kicked out and then my own he-who-mustnt-be-named begged for me to come back when i was building back up my own metaphorical house again. I got close for sure, but the house story really showed me the pattern. Thank you, Emily.
I’m healing from my own experience of abuse and grooming. Thank you for this and that reminder to take care of myself.
I’d say the reason for me going back to “my old house” would be the aftermath of one of my worst mental breakdowns and I was just sick of it, I made up my mind that I hated living like that and I’ve been working on myself since. Of course I have my bad days and sometimes I regress but take it from me it’s easier to deal with things when you’re not alone say screw it to that guilty feeling of telling someone about it it’s so much better when you have a close knit group that you can turn to and cry with. Well that and just cutting my hair and getting a new environment/decorations and throwing out all the old stuff helps to
I realized I couldn't stay in a broken house when the "owner" only wanted me around to fix it, or left me drained after hanging out together even tho she was my only friend at the time.
It was so bad that every time she called me I would expect her to be crying or to be angry or want help in some kind of way, and every time I tried to distance myself from her and not answer the phone she'd come knocking on my door [literally, my parents were quite annoyed] and force me to go out with her.
Were there romantic feelings involved? Yes, but it was complicated, because she couldn't decide if she liked girls or not [I'm gender-fluid, didn't know that back then tho] and I got mixed signals throughout. We were best friends, but we definitely had a couple platonic dynamic, it's hard to explain. Either way it was toxic, but I got some closure when I finally managed to cut ties, so I'm glad.
After all this time I can't help but remember her fondly, because I genuinely think she didn't mean to be toxic. She just stepped all over my boundaries, like her parents did hers, and was self-absorbed and pig-headed about the worst of things, because nobody had ever given her positive attention for no reason [kind of like self-love turned to the max as a defense mechanism, she went through boyfriends pretty quick]. That doesn't change how her attitude made me feel, and how her actions drained and annoyed me to no end, but she wasn't a bad person in the end.
Just a bit of a walking tragedy.
i got literal chills reading this, this is exactly what I went through but even after a huge fight over boundaries and a year later i still went back to talk to her.. it's time to stop
Thank you for this comment, I truly do.
@@BrokenEvil aww, glad I could help, I didn't actually expect anyone to read this.
Despite the fact that I got my closure, it's still hard some days to stop myself from seeing what she's up to; I was her confidant for so long you know? Initially it was very hard to let that status go.
It took 2 years of pushing and distancing myself for her to get a hint [because she thought I was joking when I told her I didn't want to do this anymore the first several times I told her]. She kept disregarding my boundary [of not showing up at my house anymore] in an attempt to "make it work" and "fix it", she couldn't understand that I didn't want it to work, I just wanted her to leave me alone.
Co-dependency sucks, and it sucks even more if one of you tries to leave. At least I'm in a good enough place now to never fall in this type of hole again. I hope you find the strength to free yourself from your shackles too.
It hurts that you have to hurt them in order to escape, but you can't be the one who puts them back together. You just can't.
after reading this i realize, that this is the same way im going through right now, and honestly im conflicted because in one half i know its not healthy, but the other i feel as if i can endure it just to make her happy even when /im/ not,
@@killinglyre That's the same way I was. For a little while, I could even convince myself that her happiness was my own, but it doesn't work like that.
If you keep going like this, you'll only end up hating her and dreading her company. I know I don't after all this time, and because of the closure we had, but when I cut ties I was pretty close to snapping.
I know it's hard to let go of a supposed friend, especially if they were your only friend [as was in my case], but with time you'll find new friends to share your life with. Don't shackle yourself to one person, there's a whole world out there you can get along with.
@@LoreCatan thank you, for the past months ever since i started meeting other online friends, she says its fine but she kept messaging me how it was her fault, and how she was boring and i think she's attached to me to a point its unhealthy. im going to try to tell her to let go of me. I appreciate your help, :)
I don’t see you as a victim, I see you as a survivor. A complex person who has overcome many hardships & wants to share some of their knowledge with their community. As well as, an amazing watercolor artist & RUclipsr. Thank you for speaking out.
im so so sorry you have to keep reliving this. i truly hope that i can become even a fraction of how resilient and brave as you are one day 🤍
This is the art channel that I enjoy watching the most. There's art, I can see techniques and an artistic process, AND there's heart, life and personal stories. It's so fulfilling to watch.
RUclips has gotten so ridiculous, you have to censor works like victim and trauma... good lord this site is such a shit hole. People can't even educate or open up without the fear of getting demonitized or worse.
As always, im always so soothed by your videos. It's like I can feel myself healing while you explain how you've overcome your pain as well. Not gonna lie, the house rental analogy is sadly accurate to my current living quarters 🤣
Oh don't you know? Not pretending everything is hunky-dory 24/7 like some kind of preschool show isn't ~advertiser friendly~ Imagine how those advertisers would look being associated with people who experience human emotions!
According to a reptile channel I watch, they cannot feed their snakes on camera any more because RUclips considers it animal abuse, meanwhile fake animal rescue channels are rampant all over the platform.
I wish another platform like RUclips would come along and replace it.
@@manifestationsofasort there are actual horrifying snuff videos on YT, Yt is REDICULOUS
Unfortunately, until enough creators choose to stop accommodating those censors or YT gives users the ability to filter the ads they see based on company, YT has no reason to care. As long as advertisers hold all of the power, the platform is forced to bend over to sustain itself.
@@Kiterpuss sadly that's true. It would take hundreds of thousands of channels in almost a sort of Digital Media Rebellion to make some kind of change. Including the 10mil+ subs channels. But it's so risky for people to risk their livelihoods like that 😞 I dont blame them one bit either
What made me return home from the “house” my “landlord” had constructed for me was the stress of them trying to get me back on thanksgiving. Using their mental illness to justify isolating me. Smearing my friends so I wouldn’t listen to them, causing me so much grief that I had a whole day worth of a breakdown. The realization that all of my major breakdowns with them were around holidays was a sign of it being a hurtful place to be. There were other massive red flags, the mistreatment had reached a hurtful, intimate level, the realization that they had been using me since age 14 to do things no child should have had to do. Thanksgiving that year was a time to reap all the knowledge I had pushed back because someone gave me safety and helped me find lucidity enough to think about what they were doing, and how it made me feel.
for me, I was living in a house that was quite literally falling apart, living with people who always complained about the state of the house but would never fix it. I slept on the mildewed floor, avoiding my own issues while using up all my energy trying to fix someone's who refused to make progress. i realized that he would never change and it was going to be the end of me if i stayed. I needed to stop going back to the rotted wood and broken floors that was my relationship and start building a real home for and in myself. so i moved away and removed myself from the circles i used to run in. i can definitely say that today i am closer to my goals than i was 4 years ago. recently, by accident, i found out that the person I left in order to finally spread my wings is still chasing his own tail and doing the very same thing he was doing when i left. I'm free of Sisyphus and the happiest I've ever been in life
The two houses story was a perfect analogy. I got out of a relationship like that, after years of being in it. What caused me to turn back to my house permanently was looking at turning 30, and staying in therapy. You're the best, keep going :)
I love how symbolic your art is 💖💖💖 I'm sorry, you've been through so much
Wherever your content goes, im excited to see what you come up with 💖💖💖
I found a landlord that saw my house and decided he wants to repair and merge in collaboration. And yes, his fasade was already showing some cracks but his house is as solid as mine. And now it's our house, our home. Thank you for the video, thank you for sharing
My catalyst wasn't when the other woman's husband sent me proof of my ex-husbands most recent-- at that point his fifth--affair. It was realising I didn't want to spend the rest of my life being cheated on. I loved him, and I was terrified of being alone, but I was so tired of the cycle. I didn't have the energy to choose his house again.
It was terrifying to be alone at first. I had been so ashamed of my own house for so long that at first, all I could see were monsters in shadows. I mourned the loss of his house months. But while I grieved, I found myself relaxing in the peace and quiet. I finally realised that I had so many neighbors who loved me, and they helped me start to clean it out and rebuild it.
I love my house. I love that it's mine. It's quirky and a lot of things don't work perfectly, but it's beautiful because of its quirks, not in spite of them. And no one will ever take it from me again.
Beautifully said.
Beautiful, thank you for sharing your story
This video is exactly what I needed today. Emily, youve done nothing wrong. Youve handled this with grace for so many years and explained everything so eloquently even sounding unbiased. I dont see how someone couldve handled it any better.
Also: Creepsharts “art” got nothing on Emily’s. Still cant get over how she tried to copy Emilys whole ass channel. The obsession is real
I lost my baby due to miscarriage a long time ago. That resulted in losing my relationship, which I'm told often happens. So of course, I had to move. I was in a very dark place for a very long time. I was living in my own apartment after that, a room mate decided to leave after bringing me out there to her. So I'm alone in this one bedroom basement apartment, and suddenly, doors and windows were being banged on. Turns out it was a guy I was talking to on the internet, trying to get into my apartment. I was completely by myself, terrified, thinking it was my abusive first ever boyfriend.
This is when I realized I couldn't be victim anymore. I had to get out of this hole I'd dug myself into. I'm still climbing out. It's a long process.
Omg what happened when that guy started banging? Goodluck with the process btw, you got this
@@SoVidushi Yeah, he came over to visit unannounced, and I didn't answer the door, I didn't know who it was. Next thing I knew the windows and all the doors, front, back and side, were being cycled through one after the other with pounding. It was pretty scary.
@@ladypseudo6096 I hope ure okayy
I'm sorry if this is personal but why did your partner leave you for that? Seems kinda shitty to me
@@LoreCatan I was pretty steeped in depression, I blamed myself for the loss of the baby and treated myself poorly, to the point I was not taking care of myself, the apartment, or him. Basically I wasn't just crying for help, I was shrieking for it. Sadly, it was too much for my ex to handle, and the relationship was put on hold, what I thought was a few weeks break ended up with him leaving me for someone else. C'est la vie, I suppose. It was over 10 years ago, now. I still am trying my best to crawl out of the depression from the loss of my kid.
Your story of the houses gave me a measure of peace about my ending a 15yr + friendship earlier this year that was toxic. Love the art in this video, you are very talented.
All I’m looking forward to is watching your channel grow, watching your children grow (on Twitter and btw THEY ARE SO CUTE OMG), and possibly hoping to see Mr and Mrs Creepshow get some karma if they haven’t already :]
Looking forward to seeing your stuff in the future and seeing you grow as an artist!
I’ve always loved the way you analyse things, how you always give your audience a lesson to take away from your videos, how you talk about serious topics but always with a positive and humorous side and that’s what I’ve always associated you with, the story times, the lessons and the humour. I don’t think anyone who knows your content will ever associate you with victim or this particular situation 💕
Your transparency is admirable to say the least! That isn't a common trait this day and time! Thank you Emily💜💙💚💛🧡❤ You really have a beautiful soul! Hope you and your family are recovering from this trauma! Love and Light from Georgia
Gosh, that house metaphor flat out broke me... it was such a haunting but painfully accurate metaphor. I had to let go of a friend a few months back and it has been so hard getting over it. I saw so many red flags and warning signs that went both ways. In the end, I broke it off because it was too unhealthy for us both. They are probably quite angry with me, I imagine they hate me in the end but the right thing doesn't always feel good.
Edit: My catalyst was I stopped talking to them for a little while when they were going through a depressive phase (I still feel guilty about that but it's not black and white. I was so miserable because they kept lashing out at me. I was able to focus on my course and I even had my birthday on my hand-in date. Two days after my hand-in date and my birthday they sent me a really gut-wrenching and angry message. After reaching this high, succeeding in all these things that brought me pain and stress I was hit with so much negativity.
I cannot believe the sheer strength Emily has. If I went through any of what she went through, I don't know how I'd manage to stay afloat.
(Edit:)
I have been thinking a lot about a relationship I have with someone that spans years and I'm starting to distance myself because I'm starting to really realize that they don't love me the way I love them. (Not romantically, just in ways that I constantly support and it feels like they do not hold up on their end.)
It's hard but I have another friend whose shown me the way I want to be loved and treated.
I hope I can figure out what my house needs, because I'm tired of paying rent for a landlord who doesn't care about my homes issues. Thank you for the metaphor Emily. You're helping me think a lot about my situation.
Hi! Wanted to say I felt the same way, a friend of mine never reciprocated my efforts and feelings and I distanced myself. I have a better support system now, they also kinda held me back :(( never wanting me to be with anyone else but them. So I hope your house gets its repair and I hope it flourishes~
I returned to my house after the very last beating. I packed up my 2 year old and moved to another state with 100.00 to my name. I was the strongest I’ve ever been in my life,I had to save my son from that horrible life. I worked hard and raised my baby alone and rocked it❤️
My moment was realizing that my dignity and well being was never going to be respected as much as their freedom and whims
this. hit so hard
I love that metaphor💗 so spot on
A very difficult 💔 made me snap out of the illusion of repairing a faulty foundation.
Having gone through both codependent relationships and also a lot of harassment and trauma the last few months, I think this video was absolutely awesome and inspiring. Your art is amazing and I think your best revenge is to continue to live well. The house metaphor was a really thoughtful way to word how it's like to "forget" yourself for a while to try to build others up, one thing I'm still quite guilty of to this day. Thanks so much for your videos, I really enjoy them and can't wait for the next one.
As someone recovering from trauma and abuse, this is a wonderful and simple metaphor. I have been goin through some shit and this reminded me to fix my house- my mental health first before trying to meet someone new in a romantic way. The art you painted today was so soothing as well. Thanks for the reminder. You're just lovely and I wish you the best for your all your days to come!
i'm so glad things are starting to settle down, emily