The power of vulnerability | Brené Brown | TED
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- Опубликовано: 2 янв 2011
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Brené Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.
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pov: your therapist told you to watch this
Still sucks
yeah
Yea :/
Where is the lie
Truth
"You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle. But you are worthy of love and belonging."
I swear I heard that and it unblocked trauma I was not aware of
i cried when she said this
We are imperfect, and are wired for struggle. But we are worthy of respect, love and belonging.
This... brought tears to my eyes
Love that quote.
Still watching this TEDTalk in 2023. It blew out my mind. Thanks Brené Brown. 🙌
There is an updated version on netflix
Same!
@@tomasambrulaitis3585thank you!
Same❤
I watch it regularly. I have a recurring reminder
I'm a therapist. I still watch this for a reminder for not only myself but my clients I serve. It never gets old.
i saw the other day a comment on her book in amazon that said that the book was not good because she uses really common language for a woman with university studies. I'll never understand how people pretend critical and important information to reach a large population using really specific and confusing terms just to give the image of profesionalism. This woman is really good at communicating and is explaining something useful and important.
"The sign of real intelligence and understanding is being able to explain concepts in the most simplest terms possible."
When I was going into my teaching education, this was repeated many times to us.
You are so correct, I can't imagine being so pretentious as to dismiss someone's extensive education and research abilities based on the language they use to convey their findings to anyone of any educational background.
100% agree with you! She considered herself a storyteller so her language will speak to all audience. If she used deep vocabulary the book will read like another research book.
The comment was probably from someone who also had university studies that feels that if they don’t use $20 words every other sentence in an effort to “prove” their own “education”, then they’re not going to be taken seriously…aka, it seems like they’re unintentionally expressing their own vulnerability. Give me someone who’s comfortable saying “bullshit” any day over some who feels they have to use some clinical …bullshit….term to try to get their point across and prove how “smart” they are.
real knowledgeable person will explain everything simply
always come back here from time to time because... well... it's necessary.
Same here, brother. She really woke me up about 1.5 years ago but I always need a refresher.
So necessary.
This is my 5th time. Always find something new.
Trying to watch it everyday for year :)
I'm here with you
This is the first video I watch in 2024. I learned how to accept my emotions whether they are good or bad. I learned how to accept my vulnerability and imperfections. I think I'm ready for a new me in 2024. Happy new year to anyone who reads this
I hope your new year started off strong. Wishing you so much joy and peace in your new year
Hope you’re having a great year. Wishing you joy, here in April
😊@@VianoMusicAcademy
POV: you keep coming back to this video because it once changed your life and you need to remind yourself that it’s okay to be vulnerable! And you keep sending it to anyone who struggles with vulnerability
❤❤❤
Up until 24 hours ago, before I watched this video I made fun of people who loved so recklessly and willingly gave into the vulnerability in order to experience something beautiful. And I know now that that judgement came from a place of shame. It came from a place that had been hurt and rejected and not chosen multiple times by multiple people. It came from a voice that told itself to harden and be strong and don't let people in anymore, be you're own happiness, your own love, don't be weak or vulnerable to men because that'll get you hurt. But this Ted Talk changed my life. It changed my perception. And although it took some brutal self analysis and judgement, I instantly felt a sense of relief as she spoke of how it's okay, NECESSARY even to let that in, to live your life with vulnerability and compassion and boundaries so thank you. You probably saved my life and future college career.
I couldn't have said it better. Thank you for your comment.
totally agree thank u
I am with you Karly. It is such a frustration to watch authentic, non-insecure, non-codependent love expressed by people. For so much of my life, I felt such a distaste for genuine expressions of love that I watched others so naturally show to each other. My cynicism wouldn't let me recognize the beauty there. It seems to have been built on a constant frustration at not seeming to be able to connect with people the way everyone else seemed to so easily, and because I never confronted it, it grew into this caustic cynicism that steals any joy or connection from any experience I had. It sucks that some of us find natural emotion more difficult (sometimes seemingly ungraspable) for whatever reasons. I know feeling is better than not feeling, though. Having felt both, there's no comparison, even though the addiction to despair or cynicism hides the discomfort of disconnection for a while. The addiction to numbness seems like the best I can hope for sometimes. But it's not.
Me too. You have inspired me to follow your example. Beautifully written.
Yeah, let me know how that all worked out when you're 60. Marry well and don't be a dumbie.
9:20 "as it turns out we cant practise compassion for others unless we can be kind to ourselves"
This killed me, it made so much sense
The biggest load of bullshit line during the entire speech.
💗
@@alegriart the delivery, and make it available and receivable for everyone is the key. She litteraly measured what she's talking about. A researcher, she accept to change herself too to help others. And she won.
That's not on psychology books. Can't you see why is so important put yourself first in the page and than be able to enrich, to give hope and help people to reconnect with them self while the whole entire society is saying your not ok, you are not right to be what you are and feel what you do feel?
since working out and feeling better. since endorphins is derived of two words. endogenous. meaning from within the body. and morphin. a pain killer. so essentially working out regularly (no not like a gym rat nut. just some good old lifting weights and staying healthy. its more than looking good. its about the mental health for me. its even helping me with confidence to open up more. i told a girl im falling for her. but shes afraid of being vulnerable. which is why i came here. and my god. im happy i did
I just started a really intense program in college and had a tough day in the lab, went home and felt unmotivated to study. My relationship is a mess and most importantly, I felt extremely lonely.
Wanted to change things up so I searched for this video, which I have initially watched 6 years ago and I remember it was inspiring.
Watched the whole video, tears run down my face and I realized that I was being too harsh on myself and forgot to be grateful for what I have.
Thank you Brene, you have taken me out of the dark place and I will rewatch this video for the stormy days to come. Life is not easy but gotta have fun and enjoy it while we can. If you are struggling like me, I genuinely hope things turn up for you and you can find the light in your life. Best wishes!!!!
I relate so much! Just graduated after a really intense 2 year program. I had a light bulb moment a while back where it occurred to me that I'm so hard on myself. Trying to make a new habit of looking at all of my thoughts/feelings (especially the ones that are so automatic) and ask if I would have that same thought about someone I care about, or say to them what I say to myself, or apply that same pressure, or see the situation in that same light, etc... I knew immediately that most of those negative things I would not even think up about someone else... And if I treated others the way I treat myself, no one would like me, I'd be awful. I think it took so long to click for me because it's all so automatic, I'm used to the thoughts and sometimes its almost unconscious and takes pause to spot it happening. I also am not the 'classic' - cliche version of a perfectionist. Anyway, having realized that I just have to make a habit of be aware of those patterns of thinking.
@@steph7614 Thank you for sharing! I also relate to what you said about giving ourselves the negative talk. We should be the biggest enabler instead of the biggest critics of ourselves. But hey, having awareness is the first step!❤ Wish you all the best and congratulations on completing the program! 🥳
@@charliegarcia5058 Thank you! Good luck to you too!
chaliegarcia...Hang in there, Carlie...YOU GOT THIS ! ! ! ! 🦄🦄🦄
Thank you for sharing but right now I am also in that kind of situation where I am so hard on myself right now.
I love this message so much. To be vulnerable is to be open, to allow your emotions to be set free. To be vulnerable means to be authentic, to remove any masks you are wearing because you don't need to pretend to be someone you are not. You are worthy of love and belongingness, you are worthy of being seen, you are enough, and you matter ♥💜💙
❤
Yes! I am learning this at 70!
9:32 that's what I'm doing now. I'm a shy, introspective person, and the last few years I put on my mind I had to try to be more extroverted, talk more, but this latest months I realized that this was making me feel worst, because I'm not the way I wanted to be, and when I tried to be talkative I couldn't, so this made me sad and disappointed. So now I'm accepting myself, I'm a introspective person, and I'm fine with it. I don't care what people think about it, because people tend to judge us.
Same here. Well said
Good for you, be you, people do judge anyway.
Good job girl 👏👏👏 I'm also introvert and curently working on loving and accepting myself.
I found myself in the same place, but when i heard a podcast about Introvert people, i felt identified and i realized the good side of being an introvert. I started to feel much more comfortable and confident with myself. Being introvert isnt bad, and being an extrovert isnt the best either.
Yes, everyone comes with their own gifts and talents. How boring would be a world without diversity.
So resonated with the last episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog. "There's no such thing as perfect. You are beautiful as you are, Courage. With all your imperfections, you can do anything." said the bathtub barracuda.
“The things I do for love” 🥺
Even reading this brings tears to my eyes.
1:40 - a piece of her research that expanded her perception
3:14 - connection ````~
4:40 - shame
5:24 - vulnerability
6:53 - worthiness
8:05 - whole-hearted
8:45 - courage
9:43 - vulnerability (embracing it)
11:17 - a "little" breakdown
12:43 - vulnerability is the core of shame & fear but also the birthplace of joy/ creativity/ belonging/ love
13:51 - people embrace vulnerability, but that's not her (lol)
14:31 - why do we struggle w/ vulnerability
14:39 - numb
16:21 - you can't numb hard feelings w/o numbing other emotions
17:03 - making everything uncertain, certain
17:34 - perfection
18:31 - pretending
Thank you.
Yes
Thank you
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‘Blame’ in research is defined as the way to discharge pain and anger on somebody else. Loved it!!!
Content aside, this is an inspirational talk for any scientist. This woman is a SCIENTIST - think of all the detail, methods, metrics, statistics, alternate theories, debates with her peers, that could have been brought into this report of six years of work. That huge hammer of science has been honed down to a razor edge of a few crisp points, delivered with calmness, conviction and humor, in an 18 minute talk. WOW. I am inspired.
Bruce Meneghin Warm and fuzzy psychobabble.
chippety pop If it helps just ONE person it ain't psychobabble. Jealous much?
chippety pop Not everyone can be as perfect as you are.
***** well by saying that, he is not ;)
+Bruce Meneghin This is why I like her so much!
My therapist sent me this ted talk when I was in college. I feel like I’m just now understanding what I needed to take away from it.
Bri Burke my therapist sent me today.
My sponsor sent me to it 6 years ago and I’m still seeing layers and layers. It’s wonderful!
My therapist send me here too
I think they have a Playlist for all therapists on this planet here on yt and they are required to recommend this to at least one patient each month
same
It's crazy how true this is . About four years back when I passed high school I was broken , insecure and vulnerable. My best friend left me. The boy I liked rejected me. For the same fucking girl. I thought when I enter uni I'll change it all , I will not be this pathetic person I am , I'll change for good. That's what I did, I started relying less on others , closed myself off, had friends some really good people but I never allowed myself to get close as a protective measure. I tried to numb myself of all the feelings, good or bad. Everything was going well good grades , good social life but I was not happy. I couldn't understand what was wrong. I felt hopeless , without a direction. One day I broke down in front of a friend. Got everything on my mind out, showed her my pathetic side which I was scared to face. It was difficult. But I felt 1% better. So after watching this talk, everything made sense . I'm still not comfortable in being vulnerable in front of people. But I am trying .So anyone else suffering, you should give it a try too.
I am going to the 30s and never in my life I have cried and laughed so much at the same time. I really can’t believe I didn’t watch this video earlier. Blessed by you, Brene!
haha, yes!
She finishes with, “that’s all I have”.
That was 8 years ago ...
Her “enough” still moves the world
We are all so very vulnerable ... and we are “enough”.
Matangaro Matangaro who is she??
@@Mellyjelly1 she is a researcher and writer:
brenebrown.com/
@@Mellyjelly1 and Storyteller ;)
zubairhotelier@gmail.com
I found her thru, of all people, Tim Hawkins, an amazingly gifted Christian comedian & musician. Which kind of opened my eyes that even people of faith need to seek help because they have problems too.
"In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be really seen."
"The people who have a strong sense of love and belonging, BELIEVE they are worthy of love and belonging."
"The origin of the word "courage" comes from the word "cour" which means heart, and it means to completely share your story with you whole heart".
"Have the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to yourself first, and fully embrace your vulnerability to create connections."
"What makes you vulnerable, makes you beautiful."
"Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear, but it is also the birthplace of joy, happiness, creativity, belonging and love."
"You are imperfect and wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging."
"Believe in yourself and say: I AM ENOUGH"
Thanks for quoting the video for me so I don't have to sit through Ted's toxic videos for school.
how do we allow ourselves to be seen? I want to connect with people..
I talked to someone about struggling with not feeling good enough and she asked me to yell I AM ENOUGH Out loud and it was embarrassing but it helped a lot.
I don't even think I know how to be vulnerable. I got involved with a married man. I never thought that would happen to me. I rarely date and I do tend to get involved with things that don't work. He had told me that if I felt that it was too overwhelming that I should do what I needed to do for myself. When it got difficult because I couldn't see him all the time I called it off. It took me two years to come to this decision. It was hard on me, but I actually felt better. It took me a long time to get to know him too.
I will NEVER feel like this! I will die before I feel this... must be a great feeling for those who can
It’s crazy how my brain figured this out on its own over the past year & I randomly got the thought to watch this & now I can finally put into words what I have been feeling the past year! It’s sooo liberating to know that I am on the right track with my mental health & so happy I’m here!
Congratulations on your growth. It's hard work ❤
Ill be back in a year. Writing the same thing. God is so good and working in me.
@@aprilhassell1747Hope you’re doing good
I learned about the magic power of vulnerability many years ago when i noticed that's what drew me into people. Being vulnerable makes you so like me, like all of us, and it stops the belief that others are different, better, more made for success. But, vulnerability is uncomfortable, and takes courage, as she mentions. It is what i admire most in people, and why I have always believed that vulnerability is what makes people hear you.
Needed this. I’m always building up walls. Not wanting anyone to come emotionally closer. But eventually I have to let it down and talk to someone. Otherwise you’re just built up with anger and sadness
Just let go.
@@Jayskiallthewayski Easier said than done.
Yes. Misery. Jealousy. Spite. We all want love. We want those things.
It sucks when you make yourself vulnerable, and others use it against you. It nips in the bud this whole "learn to be vulnerable " idea.
you said it all ...
Vulnerability is the key to all and any human connections. Without that key ingredient there will always be something missing within a relationship. Being able to be completely transparent with someone you love is a gift that some people never get to experience.
Hi paige i saw your post. I watched 5 years ago. Today it seems very appropriate to review. This election hurts so much. Brene gives encouragement to feel it and move on.
1111111111111111111111111111¹1111111111n t0 b
Wonderfully stated! Thanks!
I have Complex PTSD and cannot trust anyone.
It can get better with time, if you want it and work towards it. Otherwise youll cease to grow, stagnation = decay= death.
"DARING GREATLY" is her book that expands on this talk. It's a good read.
You can watch this talk at every stage of your life and you will always get something out of it. Note to myself went I am struggling come back to this...
"I lost the fight ... but won my life back." When two people lose, they win.
"We accept the love we think we deserve." Stephen Chbosky in The Perks of Being a Wallflower
powerful! thank you for sharing this quote
We learn that the love we deserve is our own. Because only can we truly know the heights of our worthiness when we have given it to ourselves
Mhmm... 🤔
_I _*_like_*_ this._
As Clint Eastwood said in UNFORGIVEN right before he blew Gene Hackman's brains out, "DESERVES GOT NOTHIN TO DO WITH IT". It sounds good, but we accept things we're not sure we deserve all the time, including Love, if anybody actually knows what the word means.
This is why i stopped going to therapy. Im vulnerable af, and still lonely and disconnected. Too many therapists are just puppets
My college has a graphic design show every semester for graduating seniors to display their work.
Next spring, I'm choosing to let myself feel very vulnerable by making my work themed on my autism and mild depression.
Most of my classmates, teachers, even friends and family members, will have no clue I have either of these until that day.
I doubt doing this constantly, but this video builds confidence that I am worthy to do it. Thanks, Brene Brown.
It will be an amazing revelation to your classmates, teachers, friends and family! I have no doubt that by you doing this you will not only inspire but feel the power of being open, honest and of course VULNERABLE. My words of wisdom when you feel doubt, remember this: what others think of you is none of your business ;)
There's nothing I absorb more of anything else than words of motivation like yours, so I hope you don't mind I wrote down what you said. I feel like a firework just waiting to set off next year.
Thank you so much. Maybe I could even incorporate your words of wisdom in my show. ^_^
It's this May. Still centered exactly on how I said it, and I'm excited.
Something good will come out of it!
Hi! Please let us know how it goes, I'm really proud of you for choosing to do this on such important topics. Good luck! :)
“Connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives meaning to our lives.”
Wrong. That is similar to those religious-types who claim we were born "with a purpose". Life is open to interpretation by anybody with a functioning brain. This person claims to possess knowledge no one else has, which is also something the religious will preach.
"Life is open to interpretation," then why you say "wrong?"
@@jaspinirving1007 We were born with the purpose of fulfilling evolution and novelty.
3:12
This is also the core idea of "Death of Ivan Ilitch", by Tolstoy
@@Briancnn The irony, clearly an Atheist and you had to go and use logic.
This is one of the things I think of in regards to vulnerability and connection, whatever that person is is usually what appear when there is anything meaningful.
People who go out of their way to cause DISconnection.
Vulnerability to THAT?
Connection to THAT?
what a GOLDEN video, i think this deserves to be seen by everyone, so many powerful lines of dialogue and key points. i have gone through my own "spiritual awakening" aka crying for 20 minutes on my bed while infront of my mums company who i would always hide emotion from because i was worried about how she would see me as such a weak person. but after that and followed by a few more tears in the coming weeks after that moment. and now im at a point where i just accept things for what they are and who people are and who i am as a whole, and life has been so much less stressful and worrisome. i have found a strong sense of calm come into my life and things have been up ever since.
As Brene said, believe you're worthy of love and belonging.
You are!!
You deserve good things!
This TedTalk made me cry. I fight vulnerability so much. Something to work on.
❤️ you're enough.
T Stanton Stay vulnerable ;) It's actually beautiful !
But inner child therapy, sexual transmutation and solving your own eodipus complex can really help strengthen that core.
Y Roncero I remember telling my mom, I value my vulnerable ability, she asked me if I knew what I was saying. So many people associate vulnerability with being weak. I see it as one of my greatest strength.
I feel you... Its so hard to tell someone that youre terrified of telling them how terrified you are, when you are still working on feeling enough. I agree to the inner child therapy comment, its definately the place to start. Good luck!
+T Stanton It made me cry too, but because I allow myself to be vulnerable, which so many people find discomforting and often criticize. I found so much validation in this, and that helps...
Brené Brown’s Netflix special brought me here. She is such a powerful and inspiring speaker.
Me too. I love her.
Alex Cantrell me too
Alex Cantrell me too
i think exactly the same!!!!!
Whats it called??
I love you Brene Brown, every time I hear you speak, it feels like I’m getting a hug.
I watched this for the first time two years ago. Vulnerability felt like a very important topic but I couldn’t quite get a good understanding of how to achieve it. I’ve been going to therapy ever since, and today I decided to rewatch this. I am honestly surprised at how much my understanding developed, I can now recognize the complexity of the concepts attached to it which I am now more aware of. I can’t say I’ve reached a good point of balance within myself yet, but I feel closer than ever before. My life experiences, fueled by greater awareness brought by therapy, have truly changed the way I perceive myself and the world - the “perceptual expansion” she mentions early on in the video.
love her warmth in this talk. I can feel her energy from here.
+Neha raj i love how you're beautiful and are concerned with aspects of the soul simultaneously.
Thank you for the thoughtful comment Anthony :) Anthony Tofiles
Anthony's trying to get in your pants...dont be too vulnerable!
Haha thanks for looking out Jesse Jesse Rice
+Jesse Rice too real 😂
10 years later and I find this speech so emotional. Tears came out unexpectedly. I guess the power of authenticity and vulnerability are timeless.
Thank you for uploading.
I also was so deeply touched... I cried and laughed and wondered
"Vulnerability is the birthplace for love, for creativity for connection"
Vulnerability is my birthplace
lol
You just made me cry!!
Likewise....
Dear Fatma Bahri,
It's heartwarming to see that Brené Brown's speech still resonates with you after all these years. The power of vulnerability is indeed timeless and a reminder that authenticity is essential to leading a fulfilling life. It's always inspiring to hear stories of how people are impacted by such speeches, and we appreciate you sharing your emotional reaction with us. Thank you for watching and commenting on this video.
Best regards,
ChatGPT
I’m periodically getting back at this talk, rewatching it and getting a bit better at live each time.
And I’m sharing it with all my friends. Thank you so much for this
a therapist that I had in 2017 recommended Brene's TED talks and books to me. Vulnerability is still something I struggle with, but I've watched these videos a few times over the years and they do help
No wonder they say, "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." :)
The worst saying ever.
Why would it be better to feel trauma than to not even know that trauma existed? It's ludacris.
@@ceIIardoor Ludacris is a rapper. I think you're looking for the word ludicrous.
@@teresagosser8921 worthless comment.
@@ceIIardoor Ditto and ditto.
Cellar Door your response to being corrected is ridiculous. To call someone a chubby old bish is ignorant and insensitive. This ladies face is not chubby in the least bit, don’t allow your insecurities to bring out the ugly in you and have you attack another person because you made a mistake on the spelling of a word. Say thank you and keep it moving, it’s an honest mistake.
18:20 - “You’re imperfect and wired for struggle and you’re worthy of love and belonging.” 👏🏼 ❤️
0
To sum up
🎉
That one hit me. So perfectly said.
Found a reddit thread about not ever having a best friend (my problem at hand) and someone in the replies recommended this video. Wish me luck on showing my true self and letting my guard down.
you will find your authentic self. you will open up the walls around you. sending so much love. you got this ❤
My new mantra: I am worthy of connection.
I was born decades ago with a really great musical ear, with exceptional eyesight , i was athletic and handsome. I still retain a lot and walk with confidence . When i watched this video i was momentarily distracted by the subtitles, when it said ''laughter'' etc. At that moment i felt great appreciation for those who could watch this but could not hear , how they watch it and can still enjoy it by reading the subtitles, not hearing laughter but they can imagine the audience laughing at what she said.
I've been blessed so much in my life , despite many of my own problems over the years. I think it is a great thing to add subtitles for those who cannot hear. I can't imagine what that life is like, and it's good that we are connected with eachother in positive ways.
+RimeTime Thank you, thank you. I am deaf, and I deeply appreciate your understanding. So glad the subtitles show everything in TedTalks!
+Kimberly Han thank you too Kimberly.
It's often been said that those things we do not possess are maybe contrasted with other gifts. There is no doubt that a person born withOUT the ability to hear can feel and be aware of many things that others miss.
+RimeTime Your comment made me smile. Sending over good vibes and lots of love from So Cal!
+RimeTime When I fart I connect positively to everyone in a room -I like to think so anyway :)
+RimeTime Every fart for a deaf person is an 'SBD'
This is the most transformative, insightful, and heartfelt TED talk ever.
only a sith speak in absolutes.
😆 relax, no it’s not…
heck yes it is. And to see that it is ten years old. wow.
@@wynton921 It is and it is not.
sounds like she's a master of talking bullshite.
I've always known that being vulnerable, and staying vulnerable is a strength, not a weakness, because it's never easy, but always worthwhile 💖 I fiercely defend my right to be me, whatever that means, at any given time, for who I am and who I am not, and then project that out, meaning I accept others for who they are and who they are not. I fully believe that this is necessary for me to have peace in my heart, and practicing having peace in my heart has changed my life for the better...it doesn't mean that I don't get upset or hurt, it means that I try to see what the upset is teaching me, which usually is to be kinder to myself and to have more understanding about my feelings 💖 I hope this is useful and/or beneficial to anyone.
Namaste 💖
As a therapist I love this talk. Brene is great.
"To feel this vulnerable is to be alive"
Once you feel worthy, greatness will follow
Liam Prendergast bhg
"Once you feel worthy, greatness will follow."
You simply cannot know this for a fact. Not everyone who feels worthy ends up with "greatness" being thrown at them. It sounds nice, but has no basis in reality.
Here from Netflix. It’s baffling to me why anyone could leave hateful, hurtful comments about someone like her, sharing so beautifully from her deepest, most sacred places. I think she is gorgeous - brilliant smile and twinkling eyes and she presents herself with grace and confidence. Her family is blessed to have her ♥️ Thank you Brene for accepting your destiny to live in the big “arena” and for showing us a better way to “do life”.
Well said - she's life-changing!
I never heard of her befor and came upon this on recommendation videos . She is gorgeous inside and out . Beautiful looking too
Hurt people hurt people. You're not baffled. Offended possibly. Lashing out is a thing these days. It's the shame of not good enough imho while hating others who seem happy, unashamed and informed. Listen.
I dont know if this would be interpreted as hurtful or mean, but I don't think anything she said in this video is even remotely new information. We've all heard the "Love yourself and you will be loved" crap one thousand times. It's just some words that sound good, nothing more.
I mean if it’s just “love yourself crap to ya then no wonder it’s not working. Your not actually using it and a such it’s not working for ya.
She really calmed me down. She makes so many key points to being ok with who we are. Wonderful speech. Thank You.
My TAKEAWAY from this :
Embrace life's messiness and lean into discomfort, as connection and vulnerability give meaning to our existence. Shame stems from fear of disconnection, leading to a lack of love and belonging. However, those who embrace vulnerability believe in their worthiness, showing compassion to themselves and others. They understand that being imperfect is courageous and beautiful. Instead of seeking control and predictability, they choose to live authentically and embrace their emotions fully. Blame only serves to deflect pain. By allowing ourselves to be seen and loved wholeheartedly, we find fulfillment. Despite uncertainties, practicing gratitude and joy reaffirms our sense of being enough.
Vulnurability needs to be addressed by us all. As a 18 year old college student surrounded by guy friends in my dorm, we have all become experts of pushing down our fear and shame and deepest vulnerabilities because it's easy to blend into the crowd. It saddens me. Recently I've noticed that I have shame for just having emotions. And that needs to stop!
I'm feeling you
Inspiring awareness you have. Love it. Go for it, Keep inspiring yourself and others xx
It's to survive many people die by being vulnerable.
@@MindlessTubeThat's a different kind of vulnerability, the kind of vulnerability she's talking about, (the vulnerability to be authentically yourself) true to yourself and those around you,can lead to you feeling more alive, and fulfilled. Try it, you might like it? Namaste 💖
I loved this talk. Being a 28 disabled woman (who was previously a fully fit dancer) I understand embracing being vulnerable. In the thirteen years I've dealt with my condition, one that leaves me in constant agony & using a walking stick, I can honestly say I wouldn't change it. It's part of who I am, and I'm happy with that person. Hopefully, this will inspire others to embrace themselves.
+Garnet Seren - Well said! People often do not know real vulnerability, unless they have had some awful life issues. I love your attitude and spirit. Being disabled myself, I understand the pain, both physical/emotional/spiritual, and trust God daily to help me & my family. I too, try to keep a positive attitude, as I believe that helps me and all of those whom I encounter, even if just a few minutes a day - it can make a difference, you just never know.
I know when I am at my weakest (not most vulnerable necessarily), God shows up in amazing ways! When I am vulnerable and share with others (truly open up and am 'real'), is when I find that others really 'connect' with me! The BEST thing about being #vulnerable is that if you and I are willing to be vulnerable, we are also giving permission for others to be as well! It is so important, esp. in this virtual world of ours, to be vulnerable with one another (when led to do so), so that others can experience you and I in real & #genuine ways. So, let's all Connect, Share & be Genuine with someone today!
+James Buchanan Careful president Buchanan, your insecurity is showing. Using righteous indignation to attempt to assassinate the character of another you deem inferior to make yourself feel powerful is cheap and beneath someone of your reputation.
+James Buchanan I am so sorry that you feel that way about someone you have never met & know nothing about. And since I do not know you either, I will not seek to justify myself, feelings or life experience. However, I do wish to give you a piece of advice. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything. It's amazing what the power of words can do & it may be beneficial for yourself to stop slandering others & instead try to encourage someone to do or be better. Positivity is much more productive than hate.
+James Buchanan Just sad how people have to go around and express their feeling just to attempt hurt others: "I don't agree and thats why I'm gonna make my best to humiliate and make them miserable!"... Seriously, what do you know to go judge like this? Even more, why the need to disrespect and hurt? As much as you try you can't stop people from moving forward. My sincere feelings for you, I hope you can evolve and at least learn the meanings of respect an compassion.
I never said they did. What I was highlighting was the difference from being an able-bodied person to someone being disabled (I have been both) and the vulnerability that brought. I wasn't born with my disability, it happened after a bad accident, followed by a severe illness. I went from being fiercely independent, to having to use a walking stick before I'm even 30 as well as needing my husband's help to be able to shower or prepare a meal. Going from someone that nothing ever phased, to being too scared to even sit in my garden on my own. That was the vulnerability I was talking about. And the only reason I am explaining this is in a bid to make you realise that sometimes you need to stop & consider what might be someone else's story. If you still choose to be narrow minded & rude, well... that's on you. At least I tried.
This makes so much sense. If vulnerability is being unafraid to be uncomfortable or in the midst of struggling, blame is exactly the opposite. It “discharges” all of that without confronting or dealing with it
I've watched this regularly since it first came out and it never fails to move me. It's so timeless. I always learn something new and have been changed for the better because of it
“We pretend that what we’re doing doesn’t have a huge impact on other people” okkk nah that hit differently that is so true
If you have Audible, I'd HIGHLY recommend downloading the entire book, "The Power of Vulnerability" narrated by her. It's amazing!
+Erica Lalak Thanks, will do.
+Erica Lalak All her books are amazing . I have the gift of imperfection and it is phenomenal
Choco Candy I haven't read that one yet. I'll definitely check it out! Thanks :D
+Choco Candy I ordered the gift of imperfection today, looking forward to reading it!
just finished listening to it and i absolutely loved it!!! :)
Today I am turning 22 and this is the first video I watch when I am 22. I love this speech because I am inspired and feeling love myself more. Thank you Brene, you have taken me out of the dark place and I will rewatch this video for the stormy days to come.
9:05 the courage to be imperfect
12:40
vulnerability
-core of shame, fear, struggle for worthyness
-birthplace of creativity, joy, love
15:45 we cannot ‘selectivly’ numb emotion
17:20 ‘blame’ discribed in the researsh - a way to discharge pain & discomfort
18:19 You’re imperfect, you’re wired for struggle but you’re worthy of love and belonging
19:10 love even when there’s no guarentee
19:45 I’m enough - start listening&kinder and gentler to ourselves and others
My therapist recommended me to watch her and im glad I listened very true!!!! 🙏💯🙏💋
me too!
Same!!!
same here!!
Michael Dempsey same!
Same same
Never in my life was I scared of showing my vulnerability. I talked about my emotions openly. I undertook many brave things as a solo woman. But at some point, for long stretches at a time, I seemed to have been exposed to people who shot poison arrows at my vulnerability, which eventually floored me.
So my advice is this, if you dare to be vulnerable, beware of emotional attackers, and people who suck your energy. I am a Highly Sensitive Person for whom showing vulnerability can have dire consequences. So be warned.
Forewarned is forearmed, right? ;~)
I'll say that while vulnerability is good and helpful for connecting with people, people in general should show discretion on who they are vulnerable with and what they share.
Some people will not be as open/apt to respond well, and that can be for a variety of reasons, whether it be not understanding the situation, lack of maturity, lack of emotional awareness/response in general, etc.
i.e, it'd be a bad idea to tell a known gossiper your secrets
They mistake your vulnerability as weakness, and if you are highly sensitive (I am too) you tend to be too open emotionally and spiritually. When the arrow hits it's the worst feeling in the world. Use these experiences to weed out the vampires, sending strength xx
Yes - Mostly WE MUST choose wisely who we want to be vulnerable with... And sometimes we have to step out (knowing there will be critics) just as Brene Brown did by demonstrating witht this video. CHeck out more of her videos she speaks into your well stated topic more~
I think vulnerability is about sharing yourself with safe people...and having boundaries.
That's so true/good advice. I think when people take advantage of vulnerability, it's sometimes because they're jealous or ashamed of themselves that they can't get healthily in touch with their own vulnerabilities. Then of course, there are those people who have other motives for causing harm.
Being vulnerable means your head is being chopped off, in my experience. I tried it and I stopped. People hate you for it. They don't want you to be authentic. They want you to adjust, to please or else "go away".
Not all people, you have to find a different environment. It's difficult, but you won't succeed if you don't try. Certain areas, fields of work, communities are like that and if you're a part of them, this is what you see. Try to find communities / fields of work where people are more likely to be authentic and value that in others. Good luck!
@@FrogLehane I'm 52 years old so I've been around. It's not only work, it is also family (in law) and everywhere else you go, to be honest. I can't seem to find these people. The moment you open up and be honest with them they get angry. Also a lot of dishonesty out there. I am the type of person who is empathetic, wants to help people, listen to them, and people like to take advantage of that and then toss you away.. It's a jungle.
@@stardust7176 I get it... I think it's different in some parts of Europe, for example. I've heard a lot about the US and how difficult it is there, like you're expected to wear a mask. I've definitely seen americans on the internet who are not like that, but it seems tough.
But based on the last couple sentences I'd like to give you a piece of advice, if that's ok. People actually love doing things FOR others, not so much the other way around. The ones who take advantage are more or less narcissistic and you can't expect good relationships with them. Maybe think of how you can change your approach, be around people who want to give to you or neither give nor take. I'm sure some of Dr. K's advice will also come in handy if this is an experience you struggle with. Later today I can go through his channel and see if I can remember which videos deal with that, if you are interested.
@@FrogLehane
I understand where stardust is coming from and I'm at a point where I'm craving to meet like minded people that continue to learn and grow.
What fields or groups, in your opinion, can I find people who are appreciative of authenticity?
Thank you
@@ed868 I just wrote the longest reply and it wasn't sent... I hate my life. To put it shortly, I'd say find people who care about others, e.g. involved in helping animals or people, creating and maintaining communal spaces, etc. Make sure they're not doing it for narcissistic/ego reasons or because they're trying to escape their feelings. You can also create a community/event about something like that. People who genuinely want to help others tend to be more accepting and authentic.
If you care about a cause but don't know how you can help, the best way imo is to ask someone who's involved, like an organizer, preferably in person. People like helping. I think one of the biggest issues, eps. with men, is not being able to ask for help, always wanting to be on top of things. However, that doesn't allow for genuine connection. I hope that helps a bit, have a good day!
“We can’t selectively numb emotion.” 🙌🏽
To be vulnerable is to express true intimacy with someone you truly love and care about.
@@alegriart Exactly.
To those saying she is not being vulnerable: the very act of being on stage is vulnerability. Talking about such a taboo subject is vulnerable. Vulnerability does not always take the shape of a crying face in front of others. It is simply us being authentic in spite of the fact that in doing so, we allow others to demean who we really are, authentically. That is vulnerability. I will attain this one day soon.
“Shame is universal, the only people who don’t have it , are the people who have no capacity for human connection”
That quote just brought me to my knees , it is possible, I didn’t think a professional would ever say that . I perceive that there was not possible not to feel shame or empathy.
So anyone who ask how could this happen to me ? I hope this can bring you comfort as it has to me in some way, we can have some compassion for multiple offenders , As i ounce heard. No one does anything just ounce .
Connect the dots backwards . The is always going be not just one victim , God bless only eat for healing is to ask the questions everyone is scared too from fear of feeling alone.
The most authentic human being i have ever listened to,
The courage to be imperfect, thank you.
The courage to set low standards for oneself? Shouldn't we have the courage to be perfect and the courage and strength to pick ourselves up if we fail? Why would my standard be imperfection when that cannot compare to perfection one bit?
When people tell you your not good enough your whole life, you feel like you need to be perfect and not make any mistakes to be accepted
@@htht856 go ahead and chase perfection and see how happy that makes you when you realise its unattainable
I read this at the same time she said that
I can't believe there are negative comments on this video. It was absolute gold. Vulnerability is something all of us need to learn and accept and she articulates that perfectly. In her own words "Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer."
... really ?
-
no .
nunca .
nothing here Its because people are different from her and yourself. Its contradictory for you to hear this talk and hear her speak about religion saying all religion is "I'm right and your wrong" because you're basically saying everyone who disagreed and had negative comments towards this video is wrong.
yeah right. .way perfect.
Calling someone a jackass is not very healthy or healing. This is why I prefer more mature teachers on the same topic like Louise Hay. But I am glad she is focusing on these important topics.
It's so hard to be vulnerable, but i agree, everytime i let myself be vulnerable even if i "fail" i feel better after
So very glad my therapist suggest I watch this. I am in a journey in my life I’m in a holding pattern for years and it feels like the doors have opened the last few weeks. This helps me understand me a little bit more. Especially the shame as I came out in my thirties and that created issues i internalised. We should never run from sadness and expect it to not be waiting for us because it does.
I honestly didn't want her to leave :(
You're imperfect and you're wired to struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
Great one!
I know that, but it doesn't help.
Yes I am I am created in the image of God- read your Bible it will bring it all together
That sounds like an advert lol
Saw this in 2020… needed to come back to it again recently and it now rings more true than ever before.
the gift that keeps on giving. Oh my. She helped me make a decision that I should have seen a long time ago. Love her. She is so sincere.
True vulnerability is courage to say "I love you" first. To open your heart, there is no guarantee that you will be accepted or loved.
Deividas Koncius I get hurt over and over for being myself for saying what I am feeling but I can’t be different this is who I am
Please, read her book "Daring Greatly", the one who goes deeper.into this subject. It is lifechaning... Fantastic!
Would love to! Thanks for sharing.
Came to the comments for this info. Thanks.
I am reading it now
GREAT BOOK!
@@gyovanachristofolli2047 how is it?
“Stories are research with a soul.” I love it 😍. People have been passing down knowledge through stories since the beginning of people.
Im seeing this 12 years later. I always noticed I cant feel love or much of other emotions and I thought something was jut wrong with me. I learned about vulnerability and did some reserch and I've found out that thats whats been my problem all along. I want to be a man, strong, blocking anything that hurts me before it gets to me (that explains the not feeling emotions or disapointment) And I dont allow myself to be open to the negatives, which in turn blocks the positives like the love I cant seem to ever feel.
Im going to implement vulnerability in my life and see if that fixes me, Im still going to be strong, masculin, and not let people get to me. But this time im going to let the hurt get to me while im vulnerable and build a stronger mental instead of blocking out all love and emotion.
Im 16, 10th grade. Ill come back here in five years to tell you my resaults. With me luck and as always, shock the world.
( Hurt in private, heal in silence, shine in public)
Did the same for years. It would always result in romantic relationships failing before they even started if I actually liked her. I would reject them or run and mess things up the moment I assumed they weren’t interested or were malicious even though I had no clear evidence. Basically reject them before they can reject me so I don’t have to face the uncertainty. As a result I would only date women who were clearly obsessed with me and that I didn’t really care for. Made things worse that it’s incredibly rare that I would meet a woman that I was genuinely interested in because I’m pretty picky. With the most recent one I finally came back and fessed up after initially running away at the first sign of trouble. Doubt she’ll give me another chance or maybe even cares, but it was a huge moment of growth to finally face being rejected or even seen as creepy by someone. Being too prideful and having a big ego contributes to the problem
Also it's not necessary to hurt in private, being vulnerable means being ok with who you are, whenever wherever, being open, and sometimes it's in public, but that's ok, it makes you a bigger,better person and that's what's really important, right? Trust me, I'm a 60 yr old woman who's been around many blocks, both real and metaphorical, and you are on the right path 💖 Namaste ps, I sent you another message, actually it was first, but I forgot to put it here, it's down the line of comments, so please look for it, I edited it on the end, like this one, saying that it's for you 💖
Who else is watching this in October 2019? Omg I'm fascinated and getting so informed!
Nokuthula Kubheka my counsler today told me to listen to Brene Brown...so this is my first time listening and OMG she is amazing
Lol I love this! Dr Brown is amazing
@@KymGphoto Right????! I love her
I am.... some deep talk.. she is beautifully amazing...
I had never heard of her. I am fascinated
How can you not LOVE Brene Brown. She was the reason I came out of the Mental Health Closet!
Meh. If her other talks are the same as this "Love yourself and everyone else will love you!" recycled trope, then it's very unimpressive.
There’s a reason they say the pen is mightier than the sword. Words have the power to lift people higher than they’ve ever been or tear them down so they’ll never get up again. They have the power to start revolutions, or stop them from every happening. Those words you call “love yourself crap”? Those words saved someone’s life, and gave many others the chance to propose, or get out of the closet, or finally stop listening to words of their bullies. Those words made a difference. They are definitely not crap in the slightest.
Absolutely love Brene! I have 3 of her books and thoroughly enjoyed each of them.
I’m huge on making connections. She gives me courage and forces me to step outside of my comfort zone. Can’t get enough of BB!
vulnerable makes us different.
let yourself feel shame, fear and other negative emotions. when you avoid feeling them, you avoid to practice gratitude, live joyful life and e.t.c. don’t be so afraid to be seen
I don't resent my parents. I resent the fact that they taught me how to numb like a pro since the word go. They didn't even know it was going on, because of their upbringing and how they have lived their entire lives. I'm not surprised that my folks rarely socialise. They have never hosted any big parties or reunions. And the people they do socialise with on a regular basis. are just like them. I still love them. but i'm constantly reminded of how mediocre their way of thinking and feeling seems to be. The worst part is i'm not sure if I can ever shake the bad habits I have picked up and developed during my upbringing. And i'm not sure if i can ever let go of this enormous sense of regret. for all the possibilities for fulfilling connections that I have let pass me by due to this constant numbing. But thats for me to find out.
I get where you're coming from. I have people in my life who also haven't fully grasped how deeply they desire to connect - they just sort of refuse it because well... vulnerability can hurt. But it's moving on from there, and seeing that NOW you realize that you really do want connection, and you're aware that you have a tendency to numb, but now you can take time to rumble with that. Brent has a book called Rising Strong - I could spend all day talking to you about it, but she says things far more eloquently, I think it would really speak into what you were saying.
Natalie Steiner Thanks for your input.
Benjy Bro
Kully63 ???
Benjy Bro Hey just wanted to let you know about a man called jiddu krishnamurti, youtube him. I struggle with the way my family was and left them and never looked back. Mr jiddu thought about the past and I learned to let go. good luck
When I used to hear people say "Jesus loves you", I thought they were simple... But the idea that someone loves you exactly the way you are, is exactly what she means by "I am enough".
I can say I am blessed without irony. And that in and of itself is a blessing.
Yeah but, isn't it sad that people have to rely on an imaginary being to genuinely feel loved?
Doesn't that just prove that it is unattainable?
I think do.
@@ceIIardoor My point doesn't rely on whether Jesus is real or not. The point is that the feeling of loving yourself, of experiencing the feeling that you are loved and worthy of love is an incredibly rewarding feeling. And those who are blessed to experience that have a fount of love and inspiration to share with others. It just so happens that there is an "imaginary being", an archetype, if you will, of perfect love.
@@ceIIardoor the natural man cannot discern these matters because they are spiritually discerned. Jesus will wait for you to let him into your heart He won't force you. But HE will be there when you look for Him.
@@matthew9369 I love this!
I've seen this video atleast 5 times in the past year, since it was part of an English assignment. Each time I see this video, it hits me deeper and deeper. The power of vulnerability is so real, I've never been happier in my life being vulnerable with the ones I love. Not weak, I still set boundaries and avoid toxic relationships - but being vulnerable with those you feel safe with, is golden. Although I find this true, I give my thanks to Jesus because he truly transformed me from the inside out to feel worthy. I thank God every day that He made this happen for me. Thankyou, Lord and thank you Brene Brown for sharing this.
Can you tell me what your teacher was having you write about? Did you use any other texts for the assignment?
This will never get old! Thank you for the conversation you started!!
"we can't have compassion for others if we don't treat ourselves kindly" so true and dope. I am learning to be fully myself and vulnerable.
@Marten Dekker I see your point of view but I doubt the compassion one shows for another without self-compassion is even actually compassion. I don't know the word, probably crippling and loathing on the other but compassion comes from a place of accepting and empathy. IMO Thanks for sharing though
I love ur comment #URAWK
im in tears right now. this is beautiful, hit me in every level.
check out: hackers the internet's immune system & kelly mcgonigal how to make stress your friend....
never thought i would feel more comfortable knowing that hackers are out there but i do now, and we should all be thankful for their vigilance because most are good and belong to a group or society that inherently keeps them in check... and kelly's speech regarding stress as being helpful and beneficial to us is amazing and also something i've always felt but never knew how to logic or put in words - and the best part is that it's evidence based...
She really calmed me down. She makes so many key point to being ok with who we are . Thanks . Wonderful speech
Gabriel & Quentin
Binge-watching her videos for my mental health 💯🙌🏼
Same ✌🏻
I tend to hold my emotions inside, which ends up backfiring on me. I'm going to work on being more vulnerable. (:
Has it worked jialauren ?
Watching this in July 2020 (10 years later), and it still feels like she's only given this talk yesterday!
P.S.: I, too, am a PhD qualitative researcher, and I like the idea of calling myself a "storyteller".
I am also reading this, this july2020
whatcha researching?
I am between careers, and in the end that's what I would like to be remembered by - as a storyteller.
I mean presenting your research is basically telling the story of your adventure when doing your research
To some extent, calling someone a storyteller is simply calling them human. Humanity shapes communication and communication shaped humanity.
I came across this video when in college, like 10years ago, and then I practiced English with this speech by mimicking her intonation and accent. And I’m in 2022, and my mental point of view toward me has been broadened thanks to her, not to mention my English skill😉. Anyway, it, indeed, has been great help and a guide when I was being drifted in the insecure life of my 20s.
It's about the 4th time I've watched this and gained something new from it. I'm beyond grateful.
“Lean into the discomfort of the work”
Such good advice