I was with a narcissist for 3.5 years of my life. I am going to end it soon - tonight was the last straw. He cut his finger with a knife while talking to me - started yelling at ME that it was my fault for distracting him and almost hit me... I was standing two meters away from him as it happened... He has real anger management problems and this is not the first time he's lashed out at me. Absolutely zero empathy from him (which is the scariest aspect for me, since I am a very empathetic person). He has borrowed a tonne of money from me ("I'll pay you back" route) that he has no intent of paying back and no ability to do so. He's completely broke and depends on me for even the basics yet acts like he's Brad Pitt, James Bond and George Clooney combined. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him to avoid doing or saying anything that may hurt his precious feelings. I don't even care about the money at this point - I just want out. He's made me more emotionally exhausted than I've ever felt in my whole life. If you ever encounter someone with narcissistic tendencies - RUN. RUN far and quickly and don't look back. It's better to be alone than with someone who makes your life miserable.
Go YOU!!!!!!! Get the hell out, mama but make sure you can do it in a safe way. Involve friends or the authorities if you must but BE CAREFUL please. I am so happy you are ready to get out because no one desires the hell of a relationship with a narcissist xo
This is so similar to my experience. I want to get out but moved to a new state with no friends or family close by. I also came here without a job lined up because he wanted me here so fast. He makes it impossible for me to do the smallest things and complains how I take so much from him. It is the worst it's ever been. He did these things before but I had no idea about narcissism and he wasn't as bad because I my own money and family 7 hours away. I spent the entire day yesterday from 6 am to 12am being harassed and criticized after every little thing. I've never been so exhausted in my life.
Olya Shafeeva leave and don't look back.Get a restraining order if you have to, it will really help, as it really will help prevent you from contacting him either.its like breaking adrug addiction .
Olya Shafeeva you have described my partner! I had no idea about narcissism until now, 5.5 years later, obviously thought it was all me, but now can see I’m not the problematic one after all. Thankfully now I can see what the withholding of intimacy is all about now, been 4 years without!
Thats is a great way to tell if somebody is a narcissist!!! My ex would ask a question and start checking her phone and say “oh im atill listening...”. Sometimes i would start talking and just for fun i would slip in stuff like “and then the plane crashed into my house...” or “thats also why on November 13 the world will end...”. They dont listen to you AT ALL!!!
I know a narcissist who talks about himself constantly and is even writing a book about himself. He will literally fall asleep if I talk about myself, then wake up when it's time for him to talk about himself some more. It is seriously comical!
I was in a relationship with a narc for 4yrs. & to be honest, the way it showed up in life with him was through triangulation, manipulation, lies, cheating, gas-lighting. I physically was able to escape the relationship, but it still haunts me. I thought this person was my soulmate..he even said he thought we were. And of course now I know he was mirroring me. I have triggers now that cause anxiety because of what I went through. The one gift I was given through all the toxic badness, was that I was able to start discovering who my family is..where did I come from? How did this happen? I've been working on childhood trauma, boundaries, self-love...it's all a lot of work & you HAVE to be willing to do the work if you really want to be where the abuse stops. Peace & love to everyone here!
Dating a narcissistic person or being raised by a narcissistic is like living your life walking on egg shells. they are super insulting and very skin thinned.
Most of these are overt behaviours ... My narc is a covert to a T ... He doesn't act like he's better than me he just double checks everything I do ... And say ... Has to google it or ask someone else if it's right rather than just believing that I'm knowledgeable enough or capable enough it's all done covertly ... Everyone thinks he is the nicest guy and he will NEVER let anyone think otherwise ... Those are the hardest ones to recognize soon enough ...before you fall in love with this "kind" "gentle" .... Empathetic" so called person ... I hope you do a video on this covert type cuz NOTHING is obvious in the beginning and the way they roll is the same yet very different ... Lying is one if the biggest signs if narcs as well they are compulsive liars ! ... They will lie when the truth would serve them better ... The underhanded manipulation is crippling
I actually looked to see if this was one of my comments. No way you knew something he didnt so yes google it or ask me to then ask someone else. They are tiring
Angela, Thank you for sharing your story here with us. I will def dive deeper into the covert and the invert narc types. As you know all to well it is so painful to be in a relationship with a person with this disorder. Might be time to plan your escape. For more support please join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
angela gouldsborough That actually sounds like *overt* behavior. It's a direct attempt to disregard your knowledge by showing you he cannot take your word for anything. Some actions just communicate, "You're stupid, I cant trust what you say, I better fact check you." And the kicker is, he probably knows you're intelligent, he just wants you to feel diminished.
Very crippling! That's exactly how I lived on a daily basis. He would ask me something but have to either Google or ask someone else to find the same answer I had given. It's an awful life to be looked at as incapable because they refuse to acknowledge the person that they were attracted to was capable of getting through life as well off as we had without their help. I wish you the very best! Don't forget who you are!
I dated a Narcissist for nearly 4 years on and off and he cheated on me for most of that time. When I confronted him about it he showed no remorse and dissed my tears. His words: It meant nothing, it was just a little fun. He also had a gambling addiction; all in all this relationship was doomed.
Narcissist have no empathy And never take responsibility for their actions-So ultimately the relationships are filled with pain. I am glad to hear it is in the past.
My ex-boyfriend was a covert narcissist. Painful! They are the most dangerous ones. They are quite charming and helpful but if you get involved with them, they will rip you apart. In terms of previous relationships, he told me that he was friends with all his exes and unfortunately, initially, I believed him. I could write a laundry list on covert narcissists, unfortunately, perhaps I should say, fortunately, I am still recovering.
my last boyfriend was covert. On the day to day he would talk about himself, ask me about my day and then start doing or laughing at something else. He was EXTREMELY insensitive to my feelings or others feelings. He would be proud of being mean. He was the most blessed ungrateful person I have ever met. He constantly put down his friends behind his back, his parents in MN, his kind boss in GA who invited to him dinner 1/month. He would put me down in front of his friends and say he was joking. Once I told him how it made me feel, he would say "ok I won't joke with you any more." He would withhold affection & intimacy if he didn't like that I had a different opinion let alone if we actually had a disagreement. I'm so thankful that I'm not with a selfish person anymore. 2 weeks. FREE.
I was engaged to a narcissist...but I ended it in Sept. I didn't realize he was a narc until his mistress contacted me and filled me in on how he was sleeping with her the entire time. He then blamed me and twisted it around so bad that I thought I was the one who did something wrong. (I did nothing wrong.) His narc true colours were really spotlighted for the month after the affair became known. I felt every ounce of love within my heart for myself and did the kindest thing for myself by leaving. I am so happy to be free. Blessings. xx
kendal blizzard He likely felt victimized because he felt like you weren’t serving him something he desired. He was likely revealed this behaviour in the past by a former lover or his own family. Show him help if you still love him. Love is not attachment, if it hurts you thats your problem; you lack growth, realize that you are able to give and receive love healthily. The impact these people have on us are tremendous, but the best way to heal from this is soulfully. How? We must realize that their way of receiving love is not the same as ours, but rather a way that they weren’t shown. Help and therapy. My favourite way is by getting them to talk about their childhood or past that influenced them and every-time they exhibit narcissism or do something fucked up like that, I tell them why they did what they did. They either breakdown or heal on their own time. They have a grandiose sense of self, because they’ve suffered rejection and believe in order to be loved they must earn it. Vice versa. Don’t hate them, learn to love them from a distance if necessary. Doesn’t mean you have to be with them. You are lucky to have interacted with such individuals as you are now given the opportunity to empathize with someone extremely attached to their ego, this will allow you to grow spiritually exponentially, if you allow this experience to serve you to its highest. Once again, doesn’t mean you have to be with them, or friends with them, just don’t perpetuate their behaviour, by promoting that their behaviour is stagnant, cause they can change and should be given the chance to change, whether it be walking away from them with a good note (“I’m leaving because I cannot heal you”) or staying but making sure they know they are NOT normal in terms of giving and receiving love. Just let them know that they could feel the magic of love if they really wanted to, show them how trapped they are. Don’t feel as if you are the victim, because in actuality they are, as you encapsulate the strength to heal from these people, the strength they don’t currently have. The strength that you should make known to them, cause that’s what pokes their heart the most and is the greatest way to show them an open door from their narcissism.
Mine called all women, including waitresses, "sweetie" (being overtly mean to service people wasn't the issue, however I consider this demeaning). When I voiced that it made me uncomfortable, he would fly into a rage and say "You're so F----ing insecure!" I can also relate to "I can't wait to show you off to my friends and make them jealous." He would often tell me "Make sure you dress hot" or "You'd BETTER look hot." I felt like a non-person and an extension of him. Be very wary, everyone. My situation escalated to physical abuse too. Stay safe.
I have lived with a woman who is exactly word for word a narcissist, for 3 years. I finally ended the relationship, and all along I thought I was the one who was wrong. I finally realized that it was her npd that had a good of me. My advice to anyone with someone with npd, RUN! You will never be happy.
Good advice Ray and thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm so happy you were able to move on with your life as you deserve to be truly loved. Thank you for being here!
I agree, be aware. When you first meet them they do listen to you and ask you questions and are interested in you because they want to learn your vulnerabilities and they want you to think they are the caring, sensitive, romantic person and everything you ever wanted....but give it time their true colours will eventually come out. So in any relationship give it time before you commit, get to know the other person, they can’t keep up the facade for ever. They are very, very cunning, big, big rule breakers, yes they do feel they are above the law. I didn’t listen to my instincts and made excuses for him because he gave me intermittent reinforcement which caused so much confusion and big cognitive dissonance issues. But looking back all the signs were there even from the very beginning. Look at their parents, does one of them have Narc traits? Look at their siblings, ask them questions just simple casual questions that might give you some insight into the family dynamics and their upbringing. Really open your eyes and look at all the signs, they are there. Listen to what they say, they do tell on themselves and I’m sure they really enjoy it when they do and we miss the clue. The more you stay and take their abuse the worse it will get. Don’t ignore the signs because of all the good things they do for you, it’s not enough in the end, they will leave you feeling broken and empty. They are broken, empty people and want to leave you feeling the same way, they want to leave their children feeling the same way. The little good they do for you is not enough in the end I can’t stress this enough! If you feel you have attracted someone like this my advice is to get out immediately! Look at why you attracted someone like this, look at what signals you were sending out and then work on yourself so not to attract someone like this again. 25 years of living this life and I’m finally finding myself again, don’t waste your time on these people.
Putting another person down is a dishonest way of lifting yourself up. I cannot remember who made that quote, it is so spot on and is what I think anytime I'm contemplating saying something negative about another person. Plus, dumping the shit on other people is a double edged sword. Coverts would say something negative but wrap it in the disguise of caring / concern about the other person.
Thank you. Appreciate the videos and discussion points you have been posting. Gives food for thought and helped in getting clarity with things that have been going on for years.
I have been studying narcissists for 5 years and never fully grasped it until now. I am a narcissist magnet - ie codependent who has fallen right into another relationship with a narcissist . I knew something was wrong but didn’t think it was narcissism until watching this video😩. It was spot on. Thank you …..now to get out of yet another train wreck situation. 😢 when will I ever learn
O•M•G dead on. The more I study, watch RUclips videos and read literature on this topic the more amazed I am. The more I FINALLY feel as though I have been lifted out of the fog that no one else could see. He was the most generous, overly catering and considerate person I had ever met. Then over 3 years of having the exact same lecture every other week (almost daily towards the end, devaluation), him fake apologizing, then wash, rinse and repeat the same offensive then explosive behavior. EVERY single thing offended him and caused him to INSTANTLY stonewall me and place me in the mental prison of silent treatment. I would whisper, reevaluate and plan my approach and NO approach ever worked. I could never confront him about anything or have any necessary conversation without him saying I was arguing with him and causing a problem. The gaslighting was so bad that I began recording conversations! It’s a very specific and chronic cycle of guilting and blame shifting. It was ALWAYS my fault. My head started spinning when you talked about the constant put downs. Literally everyone he worked with was stupid and incompetent! This was his conversation daily! One of his favorite lines to strangers is “You’re smarter than you look!” Then he’d have to repeat to you every compliment anyone has ever given him on being the best. These beings are demonic and will gut the strongest of people.
Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM I am safe now. However, I’m stuck needing validation or closure. He abruptly discarded me and most dramatically. Im left wondering if this is another silent treatment or is this the dreaded discard. My Brain is so confused 💔 Do you do one one one therapy?
I can remember coming home to my EX covert narc. looking so proud of himself and telling me he emptied the dishwasher. And the way he did this made me look at him in shock and amazement that he expected me to bow down and kiss his feet like it was the grandest gesture of love that he did this! I believe my words were sarcastic toned were, "WOW why are you acting like I need to bow down to you? I do it every day!" It's not a big deal. He looked like the saddest puppy dog. Does this make me a narc? OMG here is another one,.... He had a an old emissions sticker on his truck and he called me SO SO pissed off that A cop who pulled into the gas station while he was getting gas had the NERVE to give him a ticket for it!!!! He refused to take responsibilty that it was his fault he got the ticket in the first place!!!!!
Ginny, Thanks for sharing your story here with us. That does not make you a narc ( i understand not feeling compelled to throw him a parade for emptying the dishwasher lol!) Yes sounds like a narc. I am so glad to hear he is your EX!!! xoxo
Amazing talk . My whole life is beginning to make sense now . I have attracted and been attracted to narcissists. One after the other and it's been nothing but pain to the point where I'd much rather now stay single . I have no idea after this revelation how to change things .
I'm witnessing you with compassion. I have many videos and resources here for you to keep learning and steps you can take to protect yourself. The most important thing is to take care of you.
I am always tracked down and blamed by Narcs for being a Narc. and treated as such, driven to accommodate them, manipulated, I am so tired of being yelled at, stalked, run over, turned into something I am not and then blamed... Seriously. This is a mess. THEY LOVE ME LIKE FLYS ON HONEY!
OMG. My narc spouse constantly brings up tiny, insignificant things from years ago. decades ago, as examples of what a terrible person I am and how "hurt" he was by it. And yes, sometimes they are not even real. A perfect example that he just pulled on me a few days ago: He was cataloging my faults ( again) and made a sarcastic remark about how maybe I could complain again about a task list. Decades ago, he used to make these rank- ordered task lists every weekend and insist that I participate and live every weekend by his list. I told him I didn't want to do that. He, of course, had a fit. This is from probably 25 years ago!!
I am witnessing you with compassion Nancy. Thank you for sharing you story here. How are you taking care of YOU in this situation? I'm sending you strength and light.
@@terri_cole To be honest, I'm not taking care of myself. I spend too much time trying to reason with him and explain why these things are hurtful and incite issues when they should be non- issues. I guess that's why I'm here- to rediscover how to be a priority to myself again.
Great Video, Terri. You gave good tips to test them, to know. They test us too, just to see how far they can go, Appointments or plans they spoke of but later revoked with no thoughts or concerns about the impact it was having... very shottie treatment and a definite sign they are wasting your time. Somehow whatever you do or say you end up being the person in the wrong. Hate that feelings because they will never say they were wrong forgiveness is difficult but still necessary to free yourself up.. I find your videos helpful and always so positive.
Amen!!!! U can only take being put down and treated like a door mat for so long,,,u will wake up and realize u deserve so much better,,,trust me,,,after being treated like a peice of a garbage and never hearing the words,,Thank You,,,ever,and having doors slam in ur face and helping u with absoulty nothing in general life,,,that u feel like u are all alone,,,,,,,the love u once had,,,quickly diminishes and fades away as if it never exsisted!! NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE A DOOR MAT CONSTANTLY NO MATTER U WHAT U DO,,,SO PLEASE RUN,,RUN,,,AND RUN,,,,NO MAN IS WORTH HAVIN AS A FRIEND WHEN HE TREATS YA LIKE THAT,,,,ID RATHER BE ALONE AND LET THAT HEARTLESS POS LIVE IN HIS SICK WORLD BY HISSELF AND SUFFER.....THERES Great guys around,,,dont need to settle with some heartless,immature,cruel,,mean,,lying,,disrespectable,,non-compassionate,,,boring,,impotent,,no good bastard!!! Hang in there girls,and never put up with it for any reason!! GOD BLESS AND BEST OF LUCK:)
Yes silver I missed many things because there is so much to say but this is a big one! Thank you for pointing it out. I clearly need to do a follow up vid! I appreciate you being here.
So glad you're here Erin and found it helpful! PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lots of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
Wow Nichola you really made my day! I'm so grateful you're here. PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
The worse part is these evil individuals mask their intentions and actions, so once you recognize they are manipulating you, it's already too late and they settled in your life. It take 10X the effort to get rid of a Narc than a normal person.
forozan khan unfortunately, the movies are wrong. The devil doesn't come to you scaly with horns and sharpened teeth. He comes to you warmly, as everything you've ever wanted.
You are great (for now) but everyone else in their life is a jerk and at fault. Cannot hold a job but it is someone else's fault. Refuses to make any effort for you but expects you to hop-to-it whenever they call. Cold shoulder attitude if you do not give them what they want. Triangulation by bringing other people into the conversation to bolster their power. Saying one thing but doing the complete opposite. Refusing to talk about issues you have with the relationship (don't worry about it!) and turning the conversation to how it was your fault or what you did. The list can be endless.
Thank you for your reply. Yes. It is in the past but unfortunately it is someone I live nearby. That means I do see them and have had difficulty getting over the anger. I can only say I'm happy I wrote her off before she ultimately got around to discarding me. I felt I had a little of my own ego left intact. I appreciate your concise and focused discussion on this topic. It is a sad discussion but so fascinating.
Just found your videos and your site. Love the information and wealth of resources. Being codependent for 30+ years, I'm a anxious and terrified to go through the healing process. thank you for your work and sharing this information in such a well laid out way!
I think I dated a narcissistic woman once. She negotiated about her demands in "the relationship". It didn't feel good for me. So I did not meet her demands.
If her demands were simply boundaries she wished you to respect, and those didn't make you feel comfortable, then that might have been a different issue. Your comment reminded me of the piece of paper I gave my boyfriend which said, "These are the things I need from you to feel safe in this relationship" and it listed, "Sexual exclusivity- please don't sleep around with other people. If you are with me then you are with me. I don't do open relationships". SO if that feels like a demand then you and your girlfriend simply have different relationship goals.
I catch myself talking about 'me' all the time. For example I have a good friend whom I see everyday. We usually talk about me. Once I asked her 'what about you, how are you?' She said OH THANK YOU for asking about me every once in a while. That was a bit of a shock for me cause I didn't realize I was doing it. - I like to be in the spotlight. I want to be the one who is standing out with everything. Beauty, schoolwork, friends, etc. I'd like to say that I don't mind when someone is better than me ( which is hardly the case= TYPICAL NARCISSISTIC THING TO SAY). I expect a lot from myself and the attention I'm getting is feeding my ego. I get a lot of attention and I think that I think I deserve special treatment because it's me (I know it's weird to say). - I used to not take care of my appearance at all. No one would pay attention to me. I was always quiet and just not someone you would talk to. Now, I get asked out on dates almost everyday. Friends of friends even. I take good care of myself. Clothes, make up, nails, hair etc. people say I've changed a lot. That s true. People say I used to be this cute little innocent thing and that now I've become extremely shallow. But I don't think I am, I still take my schoolwork seriously? I study law. They say I'm not the same person I used to be. It's true I used to be extremely insecure. EXTREME. I wouldn't want to get out of the house. Now I enjoy going out cause I know it'll be fun. I used to be bullied for years. People who used to bully me, now, want to become my friends or boyfriend. For example a few days ago a guy texted me from my old school. Said that I've changed drastically and that he finds me attractive. He asked if he could talk to me if I am willing. That fed my ego so much you wouldn't know. - I have no empathy at all. People say this to me all the time. To be honest I know I don't. The past has made me passive. For example when someone dies I'm not sad. I just act like I'm supposed to act because I know that what i have to do. - I don't pay attention to boys because I don't feel 'love' I don't feel anything. If I talk to a guy I just want to have a good time or feel adored. Which is a shame because they truly care about me. Help? Or not? I don't know why I wrote this.
You have the power to change anything about yourself that you don't like my friend. My instincts tell me that you may have these tendencies but so do many of us. Your awareness and desire to be less self focussed are all you need to make the change. keep up the good work. PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
"Let me think about it. I'm feeling nervous about going for some reason". Hahaha as if that was possible. What happened is he would then make the decision for me. Of course at first he'd say ok take your time. Three minutes later he'd begin his spirals of telling me that no, I'm no longer invited. I obviously don't want to do it! He's not forcing me to do it! He doesn't want me there anyway! All I needed was to dial in to my own feelings about why I was feeling uncomfortable about going to this event.
wow this perfectly describes what I'm going through. I've been looking for a video that fits and makes sense with what im dealing with and this seems to... I wish I had a certain, 100 percent yes.
Kate, I am so glad the video added some value to your situation. If this video "perfectly describes" what you are going through -then trust me you have a 100% yes. I am grateful you are here with me xo
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution I mean.. not everything BUT there are specific things that you stated.. like punishing me FOREVER for the mistakes that ive made in the relationship. Im wondering what the difference between a controlling/verbally abusive person and a narcissist is? ive been also trying to figure out if i have narcissistic tendencies or not since my mother is one. its confusing... im exploring the idea of possible alcoholism for myself, codependency within the relationship for either of us or narcissism....any ideas on how these all might relate or even look alike in some ways? Cause some of these go along with codependency or growing up in an alcoholic family or being raised by a narcissist. So its hard to tell what is what sometimes!! even with myself.
BEst advice I received when I wasnt sure 100%? "When in doubt, its a YES 100%!" Just by having the doubt, or when you feel something is off...that alone means you should not be with that person.
Indeed you are lucky Cheryl! Thanks for your comment and for being here. PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
I bet you met more of them but you didn't recognize them. They are incredibly good at hiding their true intentions, they can mimic emotions and go on for years being nice to you.
I'm glad that finally I broke up with a narcessit person, it was not easy but I could see that the relationship was only about one , not about us. now, after almost a month, I still receive bad messages from my narc's friends and some off them blocked me everywere already. How I could stop this, to get out of all this ?? we live two blocs far away... what if we cross each other someday ??? what's the best to do ??? thanks a lot for your video, sincerly look forward to hear from you @terricole
Mo- Thanks for the note. Congratulations at breaking free from a toxic situation!! Take care of you and move on. If you see them one day, nod and keep walking. Your power is to NOT get sucked back in for any reason by any person (not their friends either). Keep working on you and let this relationship be in the past because you deserve to be truly loved and happy! tc
From the 16 minute mark, that is what I have experienced personally. It is spot on. 19+ years married was not till a big blow up at 16.5 year mark that I had to accept things are stuffed. Working on exit plan, just I have property, she has not worked for 10+ years, have 14 year old son. Going to be very painful, plus feel bad about leaving (at the moment the idea as I do not like being the cause of pain). Oh and she triangulates me with our son, all lovey dovey with our son while silent treatment for me. When brought up she just denies it. Do not understand why I'm not pissed off and in a rage about it. My friends are more pissed off than I am. Suspect this is a learned behaviour in myself. Plus good thing I have not or she would get the lot. Will fight for my rights when the time comes.
If your comment about fighting for your rights when the time comes is in regards to divorce..Be prepared. Be thoroughly prepared veritas liberabit vos. Do research on a lawyer, don't hire the local guy, or someone who a friend recommended. Do your homework..Hire the best in your area, one with alot of experience. Cover your ass at all costs. I know 2 nasty Narcs and I can tell you / from my experience knowing what they did to their spouses in court that they are evil, beyond ruthless and relentless in court cases involving children and custody. Dig in and prepare yourself..Your name, character, background..everything from the past and present will be dug up, smeared and used against you. Don't underestimate a narc..You'll see a side of them that you've never seen before. They will also purposely try to draw out divorce proceedings to financially drain you.. Their way to purposely punish you for wanting to leave the marriage, especially if your wife doesn't want to divorce. They manipulate the system, lawyers they hire, mediators, even judges to get their way and they are very successful at it. If your wife is an especially calculating, angry and vengeful person, prepare yourself. Good luck
my wife likes that she gets her way all the time and jokes about being able to get what she wants at all costs from everyone in her life, she jokes that im her "slave" and when i get mad about it she says im acting different in front of people, is that narcissistic?
how about if they rant on for hours and hours and hours and ignore you when you dont do what they want and/or when you try to set a boundary? Then again, what if some of these match me? My mother is a narcissist and ive gone no contact but i wonder if its possible to pick up some of these traits without being a narcissist? sort of like learned behavior?
My gf or ex has had numerous issues with my dog, trying to remove Him from my bed, laying near us... she has rages, abusive words, mean words, temper, anger doesn't seem to care about my feelings. Gives me ultimatums, says she's gonna try and never follows through... I'm left in a whirlwind of emotional turmoil and she manipulates me a lot I know... she takes responsibility but never follow through with proving to make it better. She's undiagnosed but I believe she is narcissistic.... thoughts ? I really Struggle with this
Michael, I'm so sorry to hear about your painful situation. What you're describing is narcissistic behavior. I obviously can't diagnose someone I don't know but all you need to know is that she keeps doing the same thing and her painful treatment of you, doesn't change. time to take care of yourself.
ALWAYS attracted NARC's. Been in 3 Relationships w/ them. I am a co-dep. I have come so far. Why do i attract them? I have my experience & why I am a co-dep, starts back from a child from my dad. I NEED to do more research on why I do attract them!?..BIG TIME! That show you off to my friends thing - ends up making you feel like an object. You have it 2 A T - What a NARC is......NO GOOD!!!
Are narcissists always (or usually) aware of what they are doing (& how it doesn’t create true connection / intimacy with their partner?) or...can they be pretty much oblivious (& truly believe all past failures are the other person’s issues/fault or simply bad luck? The person I’ve been dating really seems totally unaware...
I hear you and I'm witnessing you. They are probably not aware. It's coming from their own pain and wounds, and they may not know how it's effecting anyone else. You do not have to tolerate or accept anyone else's bad behavior. You are worthy of love.
I'm curious as to why you tell a narcissist to get into therapy. From everything I've heard, therapy won't work on them because it is ingrained in their personality and plus they won't admit they have a problem.
Some people simply has narc tendencies or are self centered and self but do not actually have the personality disorder (only about 6% of the population actually have NPD) so why not try? You're right, a person with true NPD is unlikely to seek treatment or admit the problems in their life originate with them. Thanks for your insightful question and for being here!
Still me...he also seems (especially now that he’s retired & in the latter chapter of life), to truly want what he missed until now (through me). A close family - mom, kids & grands. Friends you do things with. A successful relationship. He always talks about how important communication is yet...when I try to initiate a meaningful conversation, he either texts on his phone or looks bored out the window or tells me immediately (& impatiently) what I should do or that I shouldn’t feel the way I do.
I already with a narc but I recently broke it off, he repeated over and over that I would end up leaving him so I was always having to show SOOOO much love and affection to keep him secure, I eventually said the only way we would part is if he hit me or any other physical violence again or he cheated (I ignored the isolation, the triangulation, the walking on eggshells etc) then yes it would be over, he punched me because he walked into the bathroom asked what I was doing (It was time of month I was sorting myself out!) I said "I'm in the toilet" using a very normal tone, and he punched me, luckily we were at a friends and I screamed for him to come help me, he got my 'lover' away from me and asked what happened I Said he just hit me and my guy just sat there and outright denied it. Now I'm being bombarded with texts, I still love this man, he has always got very frustrated if I don't text back immediately or answer straight away, in fact once after throwing orange juice on the bed and on me then forcing me to sit in a wet bed, slapping me, threatening to stab my eyes out while holding a metal nail file, he said to me 'im going to fire questions at u and u have 3 seconds to answer or ur getting a smack in the face u c*nt' then other times he is so so lovely. Why do I love this man and why show every narcissistic tendency except discarding me? He holds on so tightly, he locks me in, I broke up with him but am still in contact when he got a bad reaction from me for not answering his texts immediately he said it turned him on when I got angry, also sometimes he seems to love how he looks other times he says he is old looking and ugly and i'll leave for someone better looking? I would never ever have broken up with him, I feel so free now, Im getting back to my normal self slowly I think but also we can't seem to leave each other alone, he even told me to leave him alone, I said ok I will, then he texts me again? I don't know how to handle this situation please help I'm in such a dilemma wen I know the right answer is to block his number and get a restraining order like the police advised
My brother is a full on narcissist. He’s on trial for a federal crime and even during the trial he’s breaking the law (minor things like traffic laws and parking violations) and he IS proud?? Also it’s like he can’t stop. We keep telling him he can’t do this while his literal life is on the line with this court hearing but he truly feels like he’s actually above the law. He says he shouldn’t HAVE to drive a certain speed or pay to park so he doesn’t and just gets even more expensive tickets. Mind boggling narcissists are.
Can someone just have narcissistic tendencies? The person I am thinking about, did display some remorse for being cruel but then I wonder if he just did that because he saw me starting to leave and he wanted to keep his supply...are they able to "fake" empathy?
What is the best way to heal?I wish somebody could have seen what it was like.I had a few.The main one threatened to kill me in the end and found out where I lived.Of course he denied everything and said I was crazy.My anxiety and life has improved so much being without him, and the police were amazing, they seriously saved my life in more ways than one.Its not easy to get over that bullshit though.He was such a good actor he could really have done well in that field.He thought he was incredibly intelligent, and would lecture me for hours about his theories, he actually would also repeatedly say he was God, I'm nor sure if he actually believed he was so special, or liked saying it because it scared me.I always blamed myself thinking their was something wrong with me, because I'm a codependant, and wasn't independent enough, I always tried to listen to him and tried to change to do everything he wanted.He would always say that a relative of his was envious and out to get him, the guy would do abusive stuff exactly like him, but he could see that behaviour, or everybody elses but his own.He was extremely good at communicating and making it seem like he was the most charismatic guy who wanted to take care of the world.He was a vegetarian, yet so demeaning and cruel.He really believed he was taking care of me.I'm confused if he really cared about me or just enjoyed having me in his control thinking he could make me do whatever he wanted.It felt like a mini cult in the end.I wonder if he really did love me, or cared about me, or why did he hate me so much to do discard me.But he did me a favour! It was such a messed up relationship I felt like I was a five year old!It takes time to trust people again.Interestingly he said his ex was crazy and tried to manipulate him.I really worry that I am narcissistic too, and how to change, because I really don't want to make anybody suffer.I stayed with him for nearly 5 years, I feel bad that I ruined his life, and maybe I made him that way, but then his family is similar too, I thought he was a good person.I wish I could just forget all of this, its so hard for me to trust any man!
Theresa, Thanks for sharing here. You are not a narc from your description. He sounds like a diluted abusive narcissist. He would never have changed and his sickness is not your doing. Be grateful you are away and be mindful before getting into a new relationship. It would be good to unpack this in therapy so you can understand why you were drawn to him in the first place. I am sending you strength on your healing journey!
Britney, I'm so glad the content resonated with you! PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
Hello, Gin Loao. If you have a chance ,start by gathering all the important documents for you and your children; gather money, essential clothing and toiletries. Then use someone' else's phone and call The Crisis Center in your area. Or just go to the Police Department and ask them to take you to a safe house. There, they will start asome kind of process to help you. Hang in there. God bless..
Is it ever worth trying to get a narc to get help? The father of my children is one and I want him to get help for my children’s sake, I feel like I don’t want to drag myself down trying to confront him but if there is hope, I would try... he’s a true narcissist.
I was in a relationship with a narc. Engaged. For 5 yrs. It finally ended. A year later I meet another narc. What are the chances. After about 6 weeks of dating her. Ended it. Blocked and ignore.
The chances are high if you have not figured out the 'original injury' to why you are attracted to this type. Maybe your parents were narcs or you grew up in a chaotic family system- there is a reason and the sooner you uncover it (therapy) the less likely you will be to repeat this experience. Thank you for sharing here with us, Mike.
Hello. Terri, I hope you can make some things a bit clearer to me. After things have gotten significantly worse me and my bf have taken the time apart to think about ourselves and I am now realising that I am a codependent and he is a covert narcissist. He does not try to get back together and says he does not want to breakup either - he said he wants to work on it, and somehow it seems that he got to a similar conclusions about himself. I am not compulsively trying to get in contact with him and I think we have established some kid of balanced distance. I feel stable emotionally. I also want to (continue to) work on my part, of course. But here is my question - since there is extremely little material on the internet about how to recover from being a narcissist - is this at all possible, assuming they are really motivated to do so? I am not asking because I want to hear "yes", I want to know whether the little material is because they usually don't search for help, or because this is really a lost case? I am currently being treated for bpd and I find that many things have helped me a great deal, so I cannot imagine that there would be no chance for others. Or how does this look like in practice?
If he is willing to work on himself then he may have narcissistic tendencies but not the personality disorder. Anyone can heal if they have insight into their behavior and a desire to change. Wishing you the best luck!
Problem with NPD is that if they go to therapy it usually just makes everything worse.. And enhances the abuse on the other party (May enhance their rages following their narcissistic injuries) Usually they promise to go, then go twice or 3 times and quit... And also discard the partner right after..., Or if they do stay in therapy they only use it to further manipulate you and the therapist. It is very difficult for a therapist nowadays to diagnose NPD and if they do not have previous experience with it they may easily fall into the manipulation a of the NPD person. Beware! Of course if he does not have full NPD there might be a chance he really does want to get better and not pretending. Be very cautious and observant of him during this time. Actually 10 months passed since your comment - can you update with the progress?
Thanks Dee! I'm always so happy to see you comment here. Also for more support please join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
Your voice level is very low and difficult to hear in your video. I want to clearly hear everything you have to say. So please make sure, when you make a video, that your recording audio level is set correctly to record your voice at a level so you can be heard. Other videos here on You tube sounds fine so it's not me nor my computer.
Hi Ive read alot and just got Out of a narcissistic Marriage . We are still Battening he won't stop. I get the dinanamics He makes trouble along the way
I am a 29 YR old estonian man raised by sociopath single mother. She is dead now and i have been in therapy for depression. I am getting my health back. But the problem is that i am suffering from aspergers syndrome. How to date safely and avoid odor sociopathic women as a asperger.
Hello Terri, I really enjoy watching your videos. I’m currently getting to know myself better and learning to communicate better. I have a question about narcissistic traits. When 2 narcissistic people date what’s the best way to evaluate one another to come ti this actual conclusion? I ask because I know I have more than a few narcissistic traits from your check list, but my partner seems to believe she don’t share any of them. I’m learning that it isn’t smart to point out flaws when looking for a positive solution. So I’m stuck, I don’t know how to move forward when we can’t equally hold ourselves accountable.
You are truly welcome. I'm so grateful you are here with us. PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
thanks for this video...I have been doing a lot of research on nassasistic people after suffering for over 2 years...my question is how do I heal from the effects of this relationship now.
Get into therapy with a good clinician and continue to find online support. You can def heal, you just need guidance and support. PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution, lots of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women ) Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
Can a narcissist also be a nice person? Not necessary mean. Like even if he has all these traits u talk to him about it and he changing. Is he still considered a narcissist.
More often than not, narcissists do not consider their behavior "bad" and do not see anything wrong with it. If this person is willing to change and listen to you and actually cares about how you feel, then they might not be a narcissist. A key trait of a narcissist is lacking empathy. They might say the right things, but they rarely follow through on it long-term. Just in case, I also have a video on vulnerable or covert narcissists, who are a little trickier: ruclips.net/video/UIqesLGijU4/видео.html I hope that helps 💕
Oh my God! This is my husband ,Terry what can I do to save my marriage and my family? Is there a way he can change this about himself, I mean the good times are soo good. And I love him,our children love him,I don't wanna hurt them. Help!
The problem is not to figure out do you dating narcissist but the problem is how to leave her/him especially if she/he has 2 kids which you also love. So particulary you must self hurt by leaving 3 beloved ones. It is clear that later you will be very happy that you left but what about that moment then you opened room renting advertisements and you must dial them. This time, like many times before i open websites with room rent ads but after 2-3 days i open 10-20 ads i just can't call them and accept continuesly abuses and humiliations by my narcissist. Even listening voice records of her humiliations doesn't give enough strengh to leave unhealthy relationship(( Mine gf is malignant (toxic) narcissist
I was with a narcissist for 3.5 years of my life. I am going to end it soon - tonight was the last straw. He cut his finger with a knife while talking to me - started yelling at ME that it was my fault for distracting him and almost hit me... I was standing two meters away from him as it happened... He has real anger management problems and this is not the first time he's lashed out at me. Absolutely zero empathy from him (which is the scariest aspect for me, since I am a very empathetic person). He has borrowed a tonne of money from me ("I'll pay you back" route) that he has no intent of paying back and no ability to do so. He's completely broke and depends on me for even the basics yet acts like he's Brad Pitt, James Bond and George Clooney combined. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him to avoid doing or saying anything that may hurt his precious feelings. I don't even care about the money at this point - I just want out. He's made me more emotionally exhausted than I've ever felt in my whole life. If you ever encounter someone with narcissistic tendencies - RUN. RUN far and quickly and don't look back. It's better to be alone than with someone who makes your life miserable.
Go YOU!!!!!!! Get the hell out, mama but make sure you can do it in a safe way. Involve friends or the authorities if you must but BE CAREFUL please. I am so happy you are ready to get out because no one desires the hell of a relationship with a narcissist xo
This is so similar to my experience. I want to get out but moved to a new state with no friends or family close by. I also came here without a job lined up because he wanted me here so fast. He makes it impossible for me to do the smallest things and complains how I take so much from him. It is the worst it's ever been. He did these things before but I had no idea about narcissism and he wasn't as bad because I my own money and family 7 hours away. I spent the entire day yesterday from 6 am to 12am being harassed and criticized after every little thing. I've never been so exhausted in my life.
Olya Shafeeva leave and don't look back.Get a restraining order if you have to, it will really help, as it really will help prevent you from contacting him either.its like breaking adrug addiction .
Olya Shafeeva you have described my partner! I had no idea about narcissism until now, 5.5 years later, obviously thought it was all me, but now can see I’m not the problematic one after all. Thankfully now I can see what the withholding of intimacy is all about now, been 4 years without!
Thats is a great way to tell if somebody is a narcissist!!! My ex would ask a question and start checking her phone and say “oh im atill listening...”. Sometimes i would start talking and just for fun i would slip in stuff like “and then the plane crashed into my house...” or “thats also why on November 13 the world will end...”.
They dont listen to you AT ALL!!!
I know a narcissist who talks about himself constantly and is even writing a book about himself. He will literally fall asleep if I talk about myself, then wake up when it's time for him to talk about himself some more. It is seriously comical!
Lizzie,
I hope you limit your time with said narc!! You deserve to be heard and seen, beauty!
Lizzie Choate omg
That is funny!
I was in a relationship with a narc for 4yrs. & to be honest, the way it showed up in life with him was through triangulation, manipulation, lies, cheating, gas-lighting. I physically was able to escape the relationship, but it still haunts me. I thought this person was my soulmate..he even said he thought we were. And of course now I know he was mirroring me. I have triggers now that cause anxiety because of what I went through. The one gift I was given through all the toxic badness, was that I was able to start discovering who my family is..where did I come from? How did this happen? I've been working on childhood trauma, boundaries, self-love...it's all a lot of work & you HAVE to be willing to do the work if you really want to be where the abuse stops. Peace & love to everyone here!
I hope I can do nc
Dating a narcissistic person or being raised by a narcissistic is like living your life walking on egg shells. they are super insulting and very skin thinned.
So true. It's EXHAUSTING.
Most of these are overt behaviours ... My narc is a covert to a T ... He doesn't act like he's better than me he just double checks everything I do ... And say ... Has to google it or ask someone else if it's right rather than just believing that I'm knowledgeable enough or capable enough it's all done covertly ... Everyone thinks he is the nicest guy and he will NEVER let anyone think otherwise ... Those are the hardest ones to recognize soon enough ...before you fall in love with this "kind" "gentle" .... Empathetic" so called person ... I hope you do a video on this covert type cuz NOTHING is obvious in the beginning and the way they roll is the same yet very different ... Lying is one if the biggest signs if narcs as well they are compulsive liars ! ... They will lie when the truth would serve them better ... The underhanded manipulation is crippling
I had a mother, 2 sisters with Narc behavior, and just found out there are more in the family! Where is a good chat room?
I actually looked to see if this was one of my comments. No way you knew something he didnt so yes google it or ask me to then ask someone else. They are tiring
Angela,
Thank you for sharing your story here with us. I will def dive deeper into the covert and the invert narc types. As you know all to well it is so painful to be in a relationship with a person with this disorder. Might be time to plan your escape. For more support please join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions
We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution,
lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women )
Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
angela gouldsborough
That actually sounds like *overt* behavior. It's a direct attempt to disregard your knowledge by showing you he cannot take your word for anything. Some actions just communicate, "You're stupid, I cant trust what you say, I better fact check you."
And the kicker is, he probably knows you're intelligent, he just wants you to feel diminished.
Very crippling! That's exactly how I lived on a daily basis. He would ask me something but have to either Google or ask someone else to find the same answer I had given. It's an awful life to be looked at as incapable because they refuse to acknowledge the person that they were attracted to was capable of getting through life as well off as we had without their help. I wish you the very best! Don't forget who you are!
I dated a Narcissist for nearly 4 years on and off and he cheated on me for most of that time. When I confronted him about it he showed no remorse and dissed my tears. His words: It meant nothing, it was just a little fun.
He also had a gambling addiction; all in all this relationship was doomed.
Narcissist have no empathy And never take responsibility for their actions-So ultimately the relationships are filled with pain. I am glad to hear it is in the past.
My ex-boyfriend was a covert narcissist. Painful! They are the most dangerous ones. They are quite charming and helpful but if you get involved with them, they will rip you apart. In terms of previous relationships, he told me that he was friends with all his exes and unfortunately, initially, I believed him. I could write a laundry list on covert narcissists, unfortunately, perhaps I should say, fortunately, I am still recovering.
my last boyfriend was covert. On the day to day he would talk about himself, ask me about my day and then start doing or laughing at something else. He was EXTREMELY insensitive to my feelings or others feelings. He would be proud of being mean. He was the most blessed ungrateful person I have ever met. He constantly put down his friends behind his back, his parents in MN, his kind boss in GA who invited to him dinner 1/month. He would put me down in front of his friends and say he was joking. Once I told him how it made me feel, he would say "ok I won't joke with you any more." He would withhold affection & intimacy if he didn't like that I had a different opinion let alone if we actually had a disagreement. I'm so thankful that I'm not with a selfish person anymore. 2 weeks. FREE.
The part about withholding affection and intimacy... OMG.
I was engaged to a narcissist...but I ended it in Sept. I didn't realize he was a narc until his mistress contacted me and filled me in on how he was sleeping with her the entire time. He then blamed me and twisted it around so bad that I thought I was the one who did something wrong. (I did nothing wrong.) His narc true colours were really spotlighted for the month after the affair became known. I felt every ounce of love within my heart for myself and did the kindest thing for myself by leaving. I am so happy to be free. Blessings. xx
Right on, Kendal! Now you can actually build a happy, healthy fulfilling life! Sending you the best energy ;)
I am so sorry that happened to you. 🙏🏻
kendal blizzard He likely felt victimized because he felt like you weren’t serving him something he desired. He was likely revealed this behaviour in the past by a former lover or his own family. Show him help if you still love him. Love is not attachment, if it hurts you thats your problem; you lack growth, realize that you are able to give and receive love healthily. The impact these people have on us are tremendous, but the best way to heal from this is soulfully. How? We must realize that their way of receiving love is not the same as ours, but rather a way that they weren’t shown. Help and therapy. My favourite way is by getting them to talk about their childhood or past that influenced them and every-time they exhibit narcissism or do something fucked up like that, I tell them why they did what they did. They either breakdown or heal on their own time. They have a grandiose sense of self, because they’ve suffered rejection and believe in order to be loved they must earn it. Vice versa. Don’t hate them, learn to love them from a distance if necessary. Doesn’t mean you have to be with them. You are lucky to have interacted with such individuals as you are now given the opportunity to empathize with someone extremely attached to their ego, this will allow you to grow spiritually exponentially, if you allow this experience to serve you to its highest. Once again, doesn’t mean you have to be with them, or friends with them, just don’t perpetuate their behaviour, by promoting that their behaviour is stagnant, cause they can change and should be given the chance to change, whether it be walking away from them with a good note (“I’m leaving because I cannot heal you”) or staying but making sure they know they are NOT normal in terms of giving and receiving love. Just let them know that they could feel the magic of love if they really wanted to, show them how trapped they are. Don’t feel as if you are the victim, because in actuality they are, as you encapsulate the strength to heal from these people, the strength they don’t currently have. The strength that you should make known to them, cause that’s what pokes their heart the most and is the greatest way to show them an open door from their narcissism.
I dealt w the exact same situation.
bananasrule1 👏💯nicely put
Mine called all women, including waitresses, "sweetie" (being overtly mean to service people wasn't the issue, however I consider this demeaning). When I voiced that it made me uncomfortable, he would fly into a rage and say "You're so F----ing insecure!" I can also relate to "I can't wait to show you off to my friends and make them jealous." He would often tell me "Make sure you dress hot" or "You'd BETTER look hot." I felt like a non-person and an extension of him. Be very wary, everyone. My situation escalated to physical abuse too. Stay safe.
Samantha Portis Mine said these same exact words to me and called everyone sweetie after I told him it bothers me.
I have lived with a woman who is exactly word for word a narcissist, for 3 years. I finally ended the relationship, and all along I thought I was the one who was wrong. I finally realized that it was her npd that had a good of me. My advice to anyone with someone with npd, RUN! You will never be happy.
Good advice Ray and thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm so happy you were able to move on with your life as you deserve to be truly loved. Thank you for being here!
I agree, be aware. When you first meet them they do listen to you and ask you questions and are interested in you because they want to learn your vulnerabilities and they want you to think they are the caring, sensitive, romantic person and everything you ever wanted....but give it time their true colours will eventually come out. So in any relationship give it time before you commit, get to know the other person, they can’t keep up the facade for ever. They are very, very cunning, big, big rule breakers, yes they do feel they are above the law.
I didn’t listen to my instincts and made excuses for him because he gave me intermittent reinforcement which caused so much confusion and big cognitive dissonance issues. But looking back all the signs were there even from the very beginning. Look at their parents, does one of them have Narc traits? Look at their siblings, ask them questions just simple casual questions that might give you some insight into the family dynamics and their upbringing.
Really open your eyes and look at all the signs, they are there. Listen to what they say, they do tell on themselves and I’m sure they really enjoy it when they do and we miss the clue. The more you stay and take their abuse the worse it will get.
Don’t ignore the signs because of all the good things they do for you, it’s not enough in the end, they will leave you feeling broken and empty.
They are broken, empty people and want to leave you feeling the same way, they want to leave their children feeling the same way.
The little good they do for you is not enough in the end I can’t stress this enough!
If you feel you have attracted someone like this my advice is to get out immediately! Look at why you attracted someone like this, look at what signals you were sending out and then work on yourself so not to attract someone like this again.
25 years of living this life and I’m finally finding myself again, don’t waste your time on these people.
😊
Putting another person down is a dishonest way of lifting yourself up. I cannot remember who made that quote, it is so spot on and is what I think anytime I'm contemplating saying something negative about another person. Plus, dumping the shit on other people is a double edged sword. Coverts would say something negative but wrap it in the disguise of caring / concern about the other person.
Thank you. Appreciate the videos and discussion points you have been posting. Gives food for thought and helped in getting clarity with things that have been going on for years.
Veritas,
Totally true! And we both know that putting someone else down does not lift you up. thank you for sharing your insights here.
I have been studying narcissists for 5 years and never fully grasped it until now. I am a narcissist magnet - ie codependent who has fallen right into another relationship with a narcissist . I knew something was wrong but didn’t think it was narcissism until watching this video😩. It was spot on. Thank you …..now to get out of yet another train wreck situation. 😢 when will I ever learn
She described my ex. We have been for 5 months and it was all crying for me. Glad I'm free now.
I'm so happy you are free now, Fritz! Thanks for listening.
O•M•G dead on. The more I study, watch RUclips videos and read literature on this topic the more amazed I am. The more I FINALLY feel as though I have been lifted out of the fog that no one else could see. He was the most generous, overly catering and considerate person I had ever met. Then over 3 years of having the exact same lecture every other week (almost daily towards the end, devaluation), him fake apologizing, then wash, rinse and repeat the same offensive then explosive behavior. EVERY single thing offended him and caused him to INSTANTLY stonewall me and place me in the mental prison of silent treatment. I would whisper, reevaluate and plan my approach and NO approach ever worked. I could never confront him about anything or have any necessary conversation without him saying I was arguing with him and causing a problem. The gaslighting was so bad that I began recording conversations! It’s a very specific and chronic cycle of guilting and blame shifting. It was ALWAYS my fault. My head started spinning when you talked about the constant put downs. Literally everyone he worked with was stupid and incompetent! This was his conversation daily! One of his favorite lines to strangers is “You’re smarter than you look!” Then he’d have to repeat to you every compliment anyone has ever given him on being the best. These beings are demonic and will gut the strongest of people.
Thank you for sharing your story here. I hope you are safe and far away from this toxic behavior.
Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM I am safe now. However, I’m stuck needing validation or closure. He abruptly discarded me and most dramatically. Im left wondering if this is another silent treatment or is this the dreaded discard. My Brain is so confused 💔
Do you do one one one therapy?
I can remember coming home to my EX covert narc. looking so proud of himself and telling me he emptied the dishwasher. And the way he did this made me look at him in shock and amazement that he expected me to bow down and kiss his feet like it was the grandest gesture of love that he did this! I believe my words were sarcastic toned were, "WOW why are you acting like I need to bow down to you? I do it every day!" It's not a big deal. He looked like the saddest puppy dog. Does this make me a narc? OMG here is another one,.... He had a an old emissions sticker on his truck and he called me SO SO pissed off that A cop who pulled into the gas station while he was getting gas had the NERVE to give him a ticket for it!!!! He refused to take responsibilty that it was his fault he got the ticket in the first place!!!!!
Ginny,
Thanks for sharing your story here with us. That does not make you a narc ( i understand not feeling compelled to throw him a parade for emptying the dishwasher lol!) Yes sounds like a narc. I am so glad to hear he is your EX!!! xoxo
I know it has nothing to do with the subject, but your hair looks amazing 😍
Lael,
Hahahaha thank you! ( I always have time for a hair moment ;) xo
Here is is another quote "I like when other men look at you and say things like danmmm that guy is lucky".
My Narc, was quiet. just saying thats not always the case that they are grandiose about themselves.
Idalis-
Yes you're correct and thank you for sharing. I need to do a follow up on covert narcissism, as the signs and symptoms are different. xo
would really want to hear about it too
Amazing talk . My whole life is beginning to make sense now . I have attracted and been attracted to narcissists. One after the other and it's been nothing but pain to the point where I'd much rather now stay single . I have no idea after this revelation how to change things .
I'm witnessing you with compassion. I have many videos and resources here for you to keep learning and steps you can take to protect yourself. The most important thing is to take care of you.
I am so thankful to have watched this narcissist video. I have dated several!! Thank you for opening my eyes!!!
Unsatisfying and painful. You nailed it!
I am always tracked down and blamed by Narcs for being a Narc. and treated as such, driven to accommodate them, manipulated, I am so tired of being yelled at, stalked, run over, turned into something I am not and then blamed... Seriously. This is a mess. THEY LOVE ME LIKE FLYS ON HONEY!
Unsatisfying and painful. That sums up the past 5 years. I honestly didn’t know what was happening.
I'm witnessing you with compassion.
can we take a moment to appreciate how beautiful this woman is, wow.
OMG. My narc spouse constantly brings up tiny, insignificant things from years ago. decades ago, as examples of what a terrible person I am and how "hurt" he was by it. And yes, sometimes they are not even real.
A perfect example that he just pulled on me a few days ago:
He was cataloging my faults ( again) and made a sarcastic remark about how maybe I could complain again about a task list. Decades ago, he used to make these rank- ordered task lists every weekend and insist that I participate and live every weekend by his list. I told him I didn't want to do that. He, of course, had a fit. This is from probably 25 years ago!!
I am witnessing you with compassion Nancy. Thank you for sharing you story here. How are you taking care of YOU in this situation? I'm sending you strength and light.
@@terri_cole To be honest, I'm not taking care of myself. I spend too much time trying to reason with him and explain why these things are hurtful and incite issues when they should be non- issues. I guess that's why I'm here- to rediscover how to be a priority to myself again.
I’ve become one because of so many of them, but I don’t plan to stay one because it’s not who I want to be.
Great Video, Terri. You gave good tips to test them, to know. They test us too, just to see how far they can go, Appointments or plans they spoke of but later revoked with no thoughts or concerns about the impact it was having... very shottie treatment and a definite sign they are wasting your time. Somehow whatever you do or say you end up being the person in the wrong. Hate that feelings because they will never say they were wrong forgiveness is difficult but still necessary to free yourself up.. I find your videos helpful and always so positive.
Thanks for sharing your insights here with us, Rosemary! I'm glad you're here and the content is resonating with you ;)
Amen!!!! U can only take being put down and treated like a door mat for so long,,,u will wake up and realize u deserve so much better,,,trust me,,,after being treated like a peice of a garbage and never hearing the words,,Thank You,,,ever,and having doors slam in ur face and helping u with absoulty nothing in general life,,,that u feel like u are all alone,,,,,,,the love u once had,,,quickly diminishes and fades away as if it never exsisted!! NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE A DOOR MAT CONSTANTLY NO MATTER U WHAT U DO,,,SO PLEASE RUN,,RUN,,,AND RUN,,,,NO MAN IS WORTH HAVIN AS A FRIEND WHEN HE TREATS YA LIKE THAT,,,,ID RATHER BE ALONE AND LET THAT HEARTLESS POS LIVE IN HIS SICK WORLD BY HISSELF AND SUFFER.....THERES Great guys around,,,dont need to settle with some heartless,immature,cruel,,mean,,lying,,disrespectable,,non-compassionate,,,boring,,impotent,,no good bastard!!! Hang in there girls,and never put up with it for any reason!! GOD BLESS AND BEST OF LUCK:)
Thank you for sharing here with us, Rebecca!
you miss the most important: gaslighting
Yes silver I missed many things because there is so much to say but this is a big one! Thank you for pointing it out. I clearly need to do a follow up vid! I appreciate you being here.
You are speaking my language Terri! Woof, I relate to all of this.
thank you my sister, nice to be on board, healing through awareness. THANK YO SO MUCH.
Very informative! Thank you for giving me a deeper understanding a narcissistic personality.
So glad you're here Erin and found it helpful!
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Thank you Terri Cole much needed information
You're so welcome, Nik!
Thank you, you have helped me change my situation.
Wow Nichola you really made my day! I'm so grateful you're here.
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So grateful that you are sharing and spreading this message and awareness!💖
And I'm so grateful you are here with me!
The absolute sickest people on earth! I had zero clue true EVIL actually existed on this earth! Please run soooo fast!!
The worse part is these evil individuals mask their intentions and actions, so once you recognize they are manipulating you, it's already too late and they settled in your life. It take 10X the effort to get rid of a Narc than a normal person.
forozan khan unfortunately, the movies are wrong. The devil doesn't come to you scaly with horns and sharpened teeth. He comes to you warmly, as everything you've ever wanted.
You are great (for now) but everyone else in their life is a jerk and at fault. Cannot hold a job but it is someone else's fault. Refuses to make any effort for you but expects you to hop-to-it whenever they call. Cold shoulder attitude if you do not give them what they want. Triangulation by bringing other people into the conversation to bolster their power. Saying one thing but doing the complete opposite. Refusing to talk about issues you have with the relationship (don't worry about it!) and turning the conversation to how it was your fault or what you did.
The list can be endless.
Sounds like you have had personal experience on this one. Thanks for sharing here. I hope you are referring to a former relationship and are now free.
Thank you for your reply. Yes. It is in the past but unfortunately it is someone I live nearby. That means I do see them and have had difficulty getting over the anger. I can only say I'm happy I wrote her off before she ultimately got around to discarding me. I felt I had a little of my own ego left intact.
I appreciate your concise and focused discussion on this topic. It is a sad discussion but so fascinating.
Just found your videos and your site. Love the information and wealth of resources. Being codependent for 30+ years, I'm a anxious and terrified to go through the healing process. thank you for your work and sharing this information in such a well laid out way!
I think I dated a narcissistic woman once. She negotiated about her demands in "the relationship". It didn't feel good for me. So I did not meet her demands.
Thanks for your comment E.R! If it doesn't feel good that is telling you something about your truth. Good for you!
If her demands were simply boundaries she wished you to respect, and those didn't make you feel comfortable, then that might have been a different issue. Your comment reminded me of the piece of paper I gave my boyfriend which said, "These are the things I need from you to feel safe in this relationship" and it listed, "Sexual exclusivity- please don't sleep around with other people. If you are with me then you are with me. I don't do open relationships". SO if that feels like a demand then you and your girlfriend simply have different relationship goals.
This truly is a very good guide to follow when dating a Narcissist.
Than you, Christine!
Incredible explanation
I am a narcissist and I know it. I tick every box.. And people have said it to me.
I catch myself talking about 'me' all the time. For example I have a good friend whom I see everyday. We usually talk about me. Once I asked her 'what about you, how are you?' She said OH THANK YOU for asking about me every once in a while. That was a bit of a shock for me cause I didn't realize I was doing it.
- I like to be in the spotlight. I want to be the one who is standing out with everything. Beauty, schoolwork, friends, etc. I'd like to say that I don't mind when someone is better than me ( which is hardly the case= TYPICAL NARCISSISTIC THING TO SAY). I expect a lot from myself and the attention I'm getting is feeding my ego. I get a lot of attention and I think that I think I deserve special treatment because it's me (I know it's weird to say).
- I used to not take care of my appearance at all. No one would pay attention to me. I was always quiet and just not someone you would talk to. Now, I get asked out on dates almost everyday. Friends of friends even. I take good care of myself. Clothes, make up, nails, hair etc. people say I've changed a lot. That s true. People say I used to be this cute little innocent thing and that now I've become extremely shallow. But I don't think I am, I still take my schoolwork seriously? I study law. They say I'm not the same person I used to be. It's true I used to be extremely insecure. EXTREME. I wouldn't want to get out of the house. Now I enjoy going out cause I know it'll be fun. I used to be bullied for years. People who used to bully me, now, want to become my friends or boyfriend. For example a few days ago a guy texted me from my old school. Said that I've changed drastically and that he finds me attractive. He asked if he could talk to me if I am willing. That fed my ego so much you wouldn't know.
- I have no empathy at all. People say this to me all the time. To be honest I know I don't. The past has made me passive. For example when someone dies I'm not sad. I just act like I'm supposed to act because I know that what i have to do.
- I don't pay attention to boys because I don't feel 'love' I don't feel anything. If I talk to a guy I just want to have a good time or feel adored. Which is a shame because they truly care about me.
Help? Or not? I don't know why I wrote this.
You have the power to change anything about yourself that you don't like my friend. My instincts tell me that you may have these tendencies but so do many of us. Your awareness and desire to be less self focussed are all you need to make the change. keep up the good work.
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Well at least you know who you are.
Spot on - every element - thank you for sharing !
Thank you for saying so and for being here. I truly appreciate it.
This has been eye-opening... And so helpful. Thank you.
"Let me think about it. I'm feeling nervous about going for some reason". Hahaha as if that was possible. What happened is he would then make the decision for me. Of course at first he'd say ok take your time. Three minutes later he'd begin his spirals of telling me that no, I'm no longer invited. I obviously don't want to do it! He's not forcing me to do it! He doesn't want me there anyway!
All I needed was to dial in to my own feelings about why I was feeling uncomfortable about going to this event.
i am a narsist but i love my husband and im really tring to end this bs with my narssism but its super difficult but im hanging in there
wow this perfectly describes what I'm going through. I've been looking for a video that fits and makes sense with what im dealing with and this seems to... I wish I had a certain, 100 percent yes.
Kate,
I am so glad the video added some value to your situation. If this video "perfectly describes" what you are going through -then trust me you have a 100% yes. I am grateful you are here with me xo
Terri Cole Real Love Revolution I mean.. not everything BUT there are specific things that you stated.. like punishing me FOREVER for the mistakes that ive made in the relationship. Im wondering what the difference between a controlling/verbally abusive person and a narcissist is? ive been also trying to figure out if i have narcissistic tendencies or not since my mother is one. its confusing... im exploring the idea of possible alcoholism for myself, codependency within the relationship for either of us or narcissism....any ideas on how these all might relate or even look alike in some ways? Cause some of these go along with codependency or growing up in an alcoholic family or being raised by a narcissist. So its hard to tell what is what sometimes!! even with myself.
BEst advice I received when I wasnt sure 100%? "When in doubt, its a YES 100%!"
Just by having the doubt, or when you feel something is off...that alone means you should not be with that person.
gosh this is so very true,luckily i have only met one
Indeed you are lucky Cheryl! Thanks for your comment and for being here.
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I bet you met more of them but you didn't recognize them. They are incredibly good at hiding their true intentions, they can mimic emotions and go on for years being nice to you.
I'm glad that finally I broke up with a narcessit person, it was not easy but I could see that the relationship was only about one , not about us.
now, after almost a month, I still receive bad messages from my narc's friends and some off them blocked me everywere already. How I could stop this, to get out of all this ?? we live two blocs far away... what if we cross each other someday ??? what's the best to do ???
thanks a lot for your video, sincerly
look forward to hear from you @terricole
Mo-
Thanks for the note. Congratulations at breaking free from a toxic situation!! Take care of you and move on. If you see them one day, nod and keep walking. Your power is to NOT get sucked back in for any reason by any person (not their friends either). Keep working on you and let this relationship be in the past because you deserve to be truly loved and happy! tc
Sort of dating one now!!! I really never knew much about them, but now, at age 60!!!, I am realizing I have a pattern and perhaps am an Empath....:/
From the 16 minute mark, that is what I have experienced personally. It is spot on. 19+ years married was not till a big blow up at 16.5 year mark that I had to accept things are stuffed. Working on exit plan, just I have property, she has not worked for 10+ years, have 14 year old son. Going to be very painful, plus feel bad about leaving (at the moment the idea as I do not like being the cause of pain). Oh and she triangulates me with our son, all lovey dovey with our son while silent treatment for me. When brought up she just denies it.
Do not understand why I'm not pissed off and in a rage about it. My friends are more pissed off than I am. Suspect this is a learned behaviour in myself. Plus good thing I have not or she would get the lot. Will fight for my rights when the time comes.
If your comment about fighting for your rights when the time comes is in regards to divorce..Be prepared.
Be thoroughly prepared veritas liberabit vos.
Do research on a lawyer, don't hire the local guy, or someone who a friend recommended. Do your homework..Hire the best in your area, one with alot
of experience. Cover your ass at all costs.
I know 2 nasty Narcs and I can tell you / from my experience knowing what they did to their spouses in court that they are evil, beyond ruthless and relentless in court cases involving children and custody.
Dig in and prepare yourself..Your name, character, background..everything from the past and present will be dug up, smeared and used against you.
Don't underestimate a narc..You'll see a side of them that you've never seen before.
They will also purposely try to draw out divorce proceedings to financially drain you.. Their way to purposely punish you for wanting to leave the marriage, especially if your wife doesn't want to divorce.
They manipulate the system, lawyers they hire, mediators, even judges to
get their way and they are very successful at it.
If your wife is an especially calculating, angry and vengeful person, prepare yourself.
Good luck
my wife likes that she gets her way all the time and jokes about being able to get what she wants at all costs from everyone in her life, she jokes that im her "slave" and when i get mad about it she says im acting different in front of people, is that narcissistic?
Not necessarily Amanda. She may simply be selfish or self centered. You deserve to feel valued mama xoxxoxo
how about if they rant on for hours and hours and hours and ignore you when you dont do what they want and/or when you try to set a boundary?
Then again, what if some of these match me? My mother is a narcissist and ive gone no contact but i wonder if its possible to pick up some of these traits without being a narcissist? sort of like learned behavior?
Terri - you have a funny personality- i like your delivery here. Good info thanks.
Thank you for taking the time to say so! I am grateful you are here with me ;)
My gf or ex has had numerous issues with my dog, trying to remove
Him from my bed, laying near us... she has rages, abusive words, mean words, temper, anger doesn't seem to care about my feelings. Gives me ultimatums, says she's gonna try and never follows through... I'm left in a whirlwind of emotional turmoil and she manipulates me a lot I know... she takes responsibility but never follow through with proving to make it better. She's undiagnosed but I believe she is narcissistic.... thoughts ? I really
Struggle with this
Michael,
I'm so sorry to hear about your painful situation. What you're describing is narcissistic behavior. I obviously can't diagnose someone I don't know but all you need to know is that she keeps doing the same thing and her painful treatment of you, doesn't change. time to take care of yourself.
OMG ....i thought my dog was the only victim of a narc.....I've still got my dog....he went back to his wife
10'000 kms apart from each other he managed to do all this shit to me! Can't believe how silly I was....
ALWAYS attracted NARC's. Been in 3 Relationships w/ them. I am a co-dep. I have come so far. Why do i attract them? I have my experience & why I am a co-dep, starts back from a child from my dad. I NEED to do more research on why I do attract them!?..BIG TIME! That show you off to my friends thing - ends up making you feel like an object. You have it 2 A T - What a NARC is......NO GOOD!!!
Wish I heard this 30 years ago! You described my ex to a tea! 😮
Are narcissists always (or usually) aware of what they are doing (& how it doesn’t create true connection / intimacy with their partner?) or...can they be pretty much oblivious (& truly believe all past failures are the other person’s issues/fault or simply bad luck? The person I’ve been dating really seems totally unaware...
I hear you and I'm witnessing you. They are probably not aware. It's coming from their own pain and wounds, and they may not know how it's effecting anyone else. You do not have to tolerate or accept anyone else's bad behavior. You are worthy of love.
I'm curious as to why you tell a narcissist to get into therapy. From everything I've heard, therapy won't work on them because it is ingrained in their personality and plus they won't admit they have a problem.
Some people simply has narc tendencies or are self centered and self but do not actually have the personality disorder (only about 6% of the population actually have NPD) so why not try? You're right, a person with true NPD is unlikely to seek treatment or admit the problems in their life originate with them. Thanks for your insightful question and for being here!
Still me...he also seems (especially now that he’s retired & in the latter chapter of life), to truly want what he missed until now (through me). A close family - mom, kids & grands. Friends you do things with. A successful relationship. He always talks about how important communication is yet...when I try to initiate a meaningful conversation, he either texts on his phone or looks bored out the window or tells me immediately (& impatiently) what I should do or that I shouldn’t feel the way I do.
I'm witnessing you with compassion and holding space. I appreciate you sharing your story here.
Brilliant video !
June Burns
I already with a narc but I recently broke it off, he repeated over and over that I would end up leaving him so I was always having to show SOOOO much love and affection to keep him secure, I eventually said the only way we would part is if he hit me or any other physical violence again or he cheated (I ignored the isolation, the triangulation, the walking on eggshells etc) then yes it would be over, he punched me because he walked into the bathroom asked what I was doing (It was time of month I was sorting myself out!) I said "I'm in the toilet" using a very normal tone, and he punched me, luckily we were at a friends and I screamed for him to come help me, he got my 'lover' away from me and asked what happened I Said he just hit me and my guy just sat there and outright denied it. Now I'm being bombarded with texts, I still love this man, he has always got very frustrated if I don't text back immediately or answer straight away, in fact once after throwing orange juice on the bed and on me then forcing me to sit in a wet bed, slapping me, threatening to stab my eyes out while holding a metal nail file, he said to me 'im going to fire questions at u and u have 3 seconds to answer or ur getting a smack in the face u c*nt' then other times he is so so lovely. Why do I love this man and why show every narcissistic tendency except discarding me? He holds on so tightly, he locks me in, I broke up with him but am still in contact when he got a bad reaction from me for not answering his texts immediately he said it turned him on when I got angry, also sometimes he seems to love how he looks other times he says he is old looking and ugly and i'll leave for someone better looking? I would never ever have broken up with him, I feel so free now, Im getting back to my normal self slowly I think but also we can't seem to leave each other alone, he even told me to leave him alone, I said ok I will, then he texts me again? I don't know how to handle this situation please help I'm in such a dilemma wen I know the right answer is to block his number and get a restraining order like the police advised
I love you Terri...a million thanks to you....
My brother is a full on narcissist. He’s on trial for a federal crime and even during the trial he’s breaking the law (minor things like traffic laws and parking violations) and he IS proud?? Also it’s like he can’t stop. We keep telling him he can’t do this while his literal life is on the line with this court hearing but he truly feels like he’s actually above the law. He says he shouldn’t HAVE to drive a certain speed or pay to park so he doesn’t and just gets even more expensive tickets. Mind boggling narcissists are.
Can someone just have narcissistic tendencies? The person I am thinking about, did display some remorse for being cruel but then I wonder if he just did that because he saw me starting to leave and he wanted to keep his supply...are they able to "fake" empathy?
What is the best way to heal?I wish somebody could have seen what it was like.I had a few.The main one threatened to kill me in the end and found out where I lived.Of course he denied everything and said I was crazy.My anxiety and life has improved so much being without him, and the police were amazing, they seriously saved my life in more ways than one.Its not easy to get over that bullshit though.He was such a good actor he could really have done well in that field.He thought he was incredibly intelligent, and would lecture me for hours about his theories, he actually would also repeatedly say he was God, I'm nor sure if he actually believed he was so special, or liked saying it because it scared me.I always blamed myself thinking their was something wrong with me, because I'm a codependant, and wasn't independent enough, I always tried to listen to him and tried to change to do everything he wanted.He would always say that a relative of his was envious and out to get him, the guy would do abusive stuff exactly like him, but he could see that behaviour, or everybody elses but his own.He was extremely good at communicating and making it seem like he was the most charismatic guy who wanted to take care of the world.He was a vegetarian, yet so demeaning and cruel.He really believed he was taking care of me.I'm confused if he really cared about me or just enjoyed having me in his control thinking he could make me do whatever he wanted.It felt like a mini cult in the end.I wonder if he really did love me, or cared about me, or why did he hate me so much to do discard me.But he did me a favour! It was such a messed up relationship I felt like I was a five year old!It takes time to trust people again.Interestingly he said his ex was crazy and tried to manipulate him.I really worry that I am narcissistic too, and how to change, because I really don't want to make anybody suffer.I stayed with him for nearly 5 years, I feel bad that I ruined his life, and maybe I made him that way, but then his family is similar too, I thought he was a good person.I wish I could just forget all of this, its so hard for me to trust any man!
Theresa,
Thanks for sharing here. You are not a narc from your description. He sounds like a diluted abusive narcissist. He would never have changed and his sickness is not your doing. Be grateful you are away and be mindful before getting into a new relationship. It would be good to unpack this in therapy so you can understand why you were drawn to him in the first place. I am sending you strength on your healing journey!
Thanks for the info. Love your hair!
Thank you!!
Excellent video thank you for posting this!
Britney,
I'm so glad the content resonated with you!
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We have been dating nine months, he has asked me for money, he has refused to meet me in person and I have caught him in many many lies
im dating one now and have two kids with...and i dont know how to get out
Hello, Gin Loao. If you have a chance ,start by gathering all the important documents for you and your children; gather money, essential clothing and toiletries. Then use someone' else's phone and call The Crisis Center in your area. Or just go to the Police Department and ask them to take you to a safe house. There, they will start asome kind of process to help you. Hang in there. God bless..
trust God,and pray,other than that you could be damaged goods.
Disregard for sozial norms - you deal with a psychopath.
Thank you for sharing. Take care of you.
Excellent - thank you!
You are so welcome!
Is it ever worth trying to get a narc to get help? The father of my children is one and I want him to get help for my children’s sake, I feel like I don’t want to drag myself down trying to confront him but if there is hope, I would try... he’s a true narcissist.
I was in a relationship with a narc. Engaged. For 5 yrs. It finally ended. A year later I meet another narc. What are the chances. After about 6 weeks of dating her. Ended it. Blocked and ignore.
The chances are high if you have not figured out the 'original injury' to why you are attracted to this type. Maybe your parents were narcs or you grew up in a chaotic family system- there is a reason and the sooner you uncover it (therapy) the less likely you will be to repeat this experience. Thank you for sharing here with us, Mike.
Hello. Terri, I hope you can make some things a bit clearer to me. After things have gotten significantly worse me and my bf have taken the time apart to think about ourselves and I am now realising that I am a codependent and he is a covert narcissist. He does not try to get back together and says he does not want to breakup either - he said he wants to work on it, and somehow it seems that he got to a similar conclusions about himself. I am not compulsively trying to get in contact with him and I think we have established some kid of balanced distance. I feel stable emotionally. I also want to (continue to) work on my part, of course. But here is my question - since there is extremely little material on the internet about how to recover from being a narcissist - is this at all possible, assuming they are really motivated to do so? I am not asking because I want to hear "yes", I want to know whether the little material is because they usually don't search for help, or because this is really a lost case? I am currently being treated for bpd and I find that many things have helped me a great deal, so I cannot imagine that there would be no chance for others. Or how does this look like in practice?
If he is willing to work on himself then he may have narcissistic tendencies but not the personality disorder. Anyone can heal if they have insight into their behavior and a desire to change. Wishing you the best luck!
Problem with NPD is that if they go to therapy it usually just makes everything worse.. And enhances the abuse on the other party (May enhance their rages following their narcissistic injuries) Usually they promise to go, then go twice or 3 times and quit... And also discard the partner right after..., Or if they do stay in therapy they only use it to further manipulate you and the therapist. It is very difficult for a therapist nowadays to diagnose NPD and if they do not have previous experience with it they may easily fall into the manipulation a of the NPD person. Beware! Of course if he does not have full NPD there might be a chance he really does want to get better and not pretending. Be very cautious and observant of him during this time. Actually 10 months passed since your comment - can you update with the progress?
Perfect video!!!!!
Thanks Dee! I'm always so happy to see you comment here. Also for more support please join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions
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Your voice level is very low and difficult to hear in your video. I want to clearly hear everything you have to say. So please make sure, when you make a video, that your recording audio level is set correctly to record your voice at a level so you can be heard. Other videos here on You tube sounds fine so it's not me nor my computer.
I defo have attracted narcissists, my mother was one I think and I i have been in two relationships with narcissist
Hi Ive read alot and just got
Out of a narcissistic
Marriage . We are still
Battening he won't stop.
I get the dinanamics
He makes trouble along the way
How can you tell whether you are a Narcassist or co dependent?
I am a 29 YR old estonian man raised by sociopath single mother. She is dead now and i have been in therapy for depression. I am getting my health back. But the problem is that i am suffering from aspergers syndrome. How to date safely and avoid odor sociopathic women as a asperger.
No disrespect........ you're strikingly beautiful
Hello Terri, I really enjoy watching your videos. I’m currently getting to know myself better and learning to communicate better. I have a question about narcissistic traits. When 2 narcissistic people date what’s the best way to evaluate one another to come ti this actual conclusion? I ask because I know I have more than a few narcissistic traits from your check list, but my partner seems to believe she don’t share any of them. I’m learning that it isn’t smart to point out flaws when looking for a positive solution. So I’m stuck, I don’t know how to move forward when we can’t equally hold ourselves accountable.
thank you, truly
You are truly welcome. I'm so grateful you are here with us.
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Thank you for this video! =)
You are so welcome and thank you for being here!
thanks for this video...I have been doing a lot of research on nassasistic people after suffering for over 2 years...my question is how do I heal from the effects of this relationship now.
Get into therapy with a good clinician and continue to find online support. You can def heal, you just need guidance and support.
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Can a narcissist also be a nice person? Not necessary mean.
Like even if he has all these traits u talk to him about it and he changing. Is he still considered a narcissist.
More often than not, narcissists do not consider their behavior "bad" and do not see anything wrong with it. If this person is willing to change and listen to you and actually cares about how you feel, then they might not be a narcissist. A key trait of a narcissist is lacking empathy. They might say the right things, but they rarely follow through on it long-term.
Just in case, I also have a video on vulnerable or covert narcissists, who are a little trickier: ruclips.net/video/UIqesLGijU4/видео.html I hope that helps 💕
Thanks. Nice video.
Thank you!
file cabinet omg and belittling ..my husband
Ana,
I'm so sorry to hear that. Take care of you , mama.
you are smart and very beautifull
Oh my God! This is my husband ,Terry what can I do to save my marriage and my family? Is there a way he can change this about himself, I mean the good times are soo good. And I love him,our children love him,I don't wanna hurt them. Help!
Hi Terri, great video. I have been married to a narcissist for 21 years. Will she ever change?
I am more concerned for my children.
for guys watch corey wayne and his channel best guy out there for understanding relationship. I dated a Narcissist
Healthy narcissism vs unhealthy narcissism. Look it up.
The problem is not to figure out do you dating narcissist but the problem is how to leave her/him especially if she/he has 2 kids which you also love. So particulary you must self hurt by leaving 3 beloved ones. It is clear that later you will be very happy that you left but what about that moment then you opened room renting advertisements and you must dial them. This time, like many times before i open websites with room rent ads but after 2-3 days i open 10-20 ads i just can't call them and accept continuesly abuses and humiliations by my narcissist. Even listening voice records of her humiliations doesn't give enough strengh to leave unhealthy relationship((
Mine gf is malignant (toxic) narcissist
I'm witnessing you in your current situation and sending you strength.
@TerriCole I REALLY need your help, are you taking new clients??
Thanku so much xxx