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Signs It's Time to End Your Relationship - Terri Cole
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- Опубликовано: 15 авг 2024
- Do you feel secure, happy and fulfilled in your current relationship? Are you able to be your most authentic self with your partner? OR do your friends think you act like a completely different person when they hang out with you and your partner?
There are many signs that a relationship has reached its expiration date. One sign is that you’ve stopped making even simple requests. Every ask becomes such a hassle, and you’ve simply stopped. You’ve altered your behavior to avoid the argument. And if you get really honest with yourself, you know you’re not happy. If this is sounding like you and your current relationship, it could be time to break it off.
If you are watching this video and you feel like it's too late, that you're in too deep to break up with your partner, you are not alone. I’ve been there and have helped many clients make the decision to end a relationship they feared they could never leave. But it takes courage to change your situation. Breaking up is difficult, but there are ways to psychologically prepare to have the conversation.
However, ending an abusive or violent relationship requires different steps and strategies to ensure your safety. And if you want to read more about attachment styles (mentioned in the video) and how it could be affecting your ability to be in a healthy relationship (for example: making it difficult for you to trust your partner), watch this to learn what attachment style you may have: • This is What Stops You...
I hope this video will inspire you to make a plan to choose YOU. Take the leap and get out of your relationship if it isn't serving your highest good. If the good outweighs the bad, try to enroll your partner in seeking professional help together. If you decide to end your relationship, don’t expect your execution to be smooth or graceful. Honoring your authentic truth can be messy and hurting a person you care about can be painful, but not doing those things can lead to a life of regrets.
To read more about the signs that it might be time to end your relationship, download the Checklist: Signs It’s Time to End Your Relationship now: terricole.pages.... Do not waste your amazing, one-of-a-kind life pretending to be happy if you're not. Please don't rob yourself of the opportunity to be truly, authentically happy, and truly, authentically loved. (Cuz you deserve this beautiful experience!)
Time Stamps:
0:00 - Introduction
1:29 - Signs that your relationship isn't right
11:06 - Why it's so difficult to end a relationship
12:07 - Encouragement to leave your relationship if that's right for you
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Should You Leave? - • Should You Leave Your ...
Understanding Your Love Blocks - • This is What Stops You...
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ABOUT TERRI COLE:
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021).
CONNECT ON SOCIAL:
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RESOURCES:
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com... I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs.
As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp’s resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help’s service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
My book, Boundary Boss: boundarybossbo...
www.terricole.... - If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#terricolerealloverevolution #relationshiptips #relationshipexpert #terricoleshow
You are beautiful, thank you for your words, your knowledge.
I left him after 9 years of a one sided marriage.
It was so hard, I had to start all over again.
I had no money, no roof above my head and I had to go back to my country France with only 300e.
It was hell during 2 years but I'm so proud of myself, I'm so proud of everything I've done. He told me I would be nothing without him, he told me I'm incapable of putting my life back, He told me I'm worthless but i didn't care anymore, I knew with the help of God i could do it and i iknew I had no choice but to succeed. I didn't even consider the possibility to fail.
Now after 5 years, I'm living my best life, single, traveling the world 🌎 and becoming a better version of myself.
Everyday is a blessing 🙏
1. No interest in your family/friends.
2. You feel under appreciated / hurt/ frustrated on a regular basis.
3. Feel impossible to ask for what you want without feeling needy.
4. Feeling insecure due to lack of trust.
5. You are a dirty little secret. Nobody knows about you. Never met his family or friends.
6. You are different around your partner
4/ 6.....time to run
5/6...
5/6... it hurts
6/6
5/6 it hurt’s, time to leave
I went through this for 19 years. 19 silent, sad, horrible years........I thought it was me until he walked out the door the night my Mother died. .........My family watched and was astounded. They helped me end it. I was 47 when we met and 66 when he left. It all resonated with me...thank you! I was never my authentic self. Doesn’t matter what he thinks , I moved out of the state, changed my phone number.........Don’t waste your life....RUN DON’T WALK !
Thank you for sharing your story of inspiration and strength here with us, Andi!!
I’m in same situation as you 15 years with my partner... I’m 66 and so afraid of being alone... he’s not interested in being with my family yet expects me to be doting grandma to his kids... no affection from him, none, zilch I miss that! After 15 years of being together he’s still married to his ex wife!! Claims it’s too complicated financially to divorce her ! Help what should I do😞
I hope you are in a better place today ❤️
Well said….in essence your beautiful mother saved you♥️♥️♥️🌷🌸
2 years no meeting family, no "together" photos on FB. RUN!
thats whats happening to me , im gonna walk soon !
They are married lol
You got that right its not what they say what they do has to effect.
2 years???
You should be having those thoughts after a few months. That is, if you are both in an exclusive relationship.
If you're just "hooking up," then you shouldn't really care about meeting family members.
How do you know it's time? When you've exhausted all of your options and virtually nothing at all has moved that gauge needle. When nothing has changed, developed and you're back where you started with zero takeaways and 100% added baggage to your already-burdensome life.
Never ever regret walking out of an abusive relationship. You'll thank yourself so much after that.
I found myself constantly nodding to everything you were saying! Thank you for this...I will probably have to watch this video every time I doubt my decision or feel scared because, in the end, you are right -- if these signs exist in a relationship, there is no hope. I deserve better than that. I deserve to be me. I deserve to be happy. Thank you
You are so welcome, Vicky! I am cheering you on ;)
Why is this true
I know you posted this 3 years ago bit I truly hope your happy and have everything you deserve. Hugs girl.
I am working through codependent tendencies, and I relate to being someone else around that toxic partner. My friends noted that I was uncomfortable and stressed around him in public, and they were right. I was so worried about acting the right way and saying the right things that I could say and do nothing. It all showed in my face and body language. And yes I was scared to leave, but eventually I realized my boundaries had been crossed and scuffed out slowly and surely from the beginning. Stay strong and love yourself.
So glad to hear you're focusing on your wellbeing Heather. Thank you for sharing your story with us here.
That's me too. He has such a high image of himself that he has to maintain and if I say or do anything he doesn't think helps his image, I get dirty looks and told about it afterwards. It's to the point that I don't go with him anymore and I don't care if he likes it or not anymore.
Heather Clark,you are too precious to be with a narc 🙄!
I have just two very simple words for you, Terri... "Thank you"
You are so welcome, Theresa ;) Thanks for being here with us!
Hard to leave arelationship at 49 when you are financially not in a position to do so. Sad truth is it's harder for older women to start again and follow dreams they have long neglected. The world is not that accommodating to older people, there is a lot of insecurity
Vicki Lynn I feel the same way that’s what has kept me in my marriage even though I’m not happy.
It's not harder, unless your only skill is washing dishes. In that case it has nothing to do with age or gender - that would be more difficult for anyone.
You don't need a "dream" to follow right now - you just need full-time employment to pay your bills. Once you are out, and are more secure financially, THEN you can think about dreams.
Survival mode first. THEN you can feed your own soul.
@@dwightrenfield2241 Amen
Don’t even bother, your life will be worse
These monsters know this from day one, live your own life
@@dwightrenfield2241not unless you can really good money
Which is rare
I just found your videos a week ago and I am really looking forward to hearing more. The saying "when the Student is ready, the Teacher appears", comes to mind. Thank you Terri!
So happy you are here, Levin! PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions
We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution,
lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women )
Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
My bf would be so shocked if he sees my watching history lol. I'm not thinking about breaking up with my guy, just really enjoy your videos :)
He's all...wait...you trying to tell me something?? lol! So glad you like the vids and that you're here with me.
Your secret word porn channels, lol.
MY 26 YR MARRIAGE WAS FULL OF THESE SIGNS. THANK GOD I ENDED IT!
38 years here
This was extremely helpful, I came to the conclusion that I don't want to end my relationship.
I am sobbing right now. And it's only the second time since I cut contact with her over a week ago. I love her so much. And I have so much invested in our relationship. I have suppressed suspicions and ignored red flags over the past few years because I wanted to make it work. I love her and I care about her so much. And I still hope she finds happiness. I have been hurt so many times by her. She has given me explanations to things that make no sense and I try to not let myself come to conclusions. She has broken up with me several times and I would be confused and devastated. My family and friends have seen me at those times and they'd tell me to not look back every time. It's not that easy. And it's happened so many times that I've become numb to it. I blocked all numbers and social media with her. I've deleted pics and posts involving her. None of it is done out of spite. It's because I know how weak I can be with her and how I easily I'd fall back into the cycle that always ends badly. She had no warning from me and no explanation. I do feel bad about that. We were seeing a couple's counselor and the counselor and I have been emailing a bit back and forth since I left. I wrote an open letter to her explaining why I left and shared it with the counselor. I told her she could share it with her the next time they spoke and she suggested I share it with her. I don't think I will. They have an appointment in a couple of days. It was written in a soft tone and I wasn't accusing anyone of being at fault. I just said that our differences are too much for our fragile relationship.
Anyway, I appreciate your help and feel better about my decision after listening to this.
Joe
I am witnessing you with compassion Joe. Thank you for sharing your process. Keep looking after yourself and taking care of you.
Sorry
Sorry...I thot women were angles and they would not hurt men
There is only one step that is needed to reconnect a relationship into a 'being in love with' the spouse - Reconnected trust through successful communication.
deksper ** all good....but not everyone is a good communicator...ever heard of deaf ears???
deksper ** Amen! And that type of Communication requires humility and enough love for the other that you are willing to fight for what’s best for the partnership which involves the unique needs of each person.
Stupid
Woman care only for them
HAHA once a man commented I knew there will be that one person 🤦♂️😂 but yes! Communication is key as in sign language... talking etc... lmao
Thank you so much for your videos. Really are helping me a lot!
Have to finally end my toxic relationship. It's time for me to move on.
You are so welcome. I am so happy you are here and getting inspired to actually. take care of you, mama. Go NIna Go!!
This made me cry because it confirms what ive known for a while but dont want to go. I'm starting tomorrow on getting out. I love him but I don't feel loved after 23 yrs. He didn't want a child do i went along & got my tubes tied. I want to be married but he let me know that would not happen. I have no family & it means I'll be completely alone but I can't take living a lie anymore. It's time to accept the painful fact that he doesn't love me,not sure he ever did. I realized this wasn't a healthy relationship in the beginning & ended it but he got me back so easy because I thought he was so great, just a private person. I don't know him any better now than I did 23yrs ago except he can be cruel at times. If I stay,I'll still not know him 20 yrs from now. I don't know how I'll make it but I have to try. I don't like what I see when I look at look at myself through his eyes. I feel ugly,stupid & unloved. He never says he's sorry no matter how bad he hurts my feelings because he doesn't seem to care about how I feel. I'm made to think I'm selfish or crazy if i don't agree with him or express myself about the distinction in our relationship. GOD help me, I can't do this anymore. Thank you.
I divorced my husband 3 years ago and we had been together for 20 years. He is a narcissist and he is now married to a woman he worked with (that I met a few years before divorcing him). I have just, this year, transformed my life through codependency recovery. I have gone through the dark night of the soul and am still sifting through the ashes of what is left in my life. maybe I should say who is left. I have gone no contact with the ex which is only tricky when having to communicate something in regards to the kids. even then, I have narrowed it to strictly emails with less than 10 words. One of our daughters, who is 19 (now) who sided with her Father during the divorce, is also narcissistic. I just went no contact with her. my own daughter. it was very sad to not say yes when my daughter asked me to go to her courthouse wedding last week but I refuse to allow myself to be in the presence of those who have hurt me and manipulate me. let alone break bread together and pretend to enjoy their company. no longer.
Terri Cole woowoo! yay! I knew immediately that I would connect with you! I saw your face and felt an instant soul family connection! awesome! Xoxoxox
Levin- Please make sure to sign up for the waiting list for the Real Love Revolution to get free gifts and weekly live stream discussions plus Q&A with me here: www.terricole.com/rlr then join our private, girls only FB group here : facebook.com/groups/RealLoveRevolution/members/ So we can keep the healing happening!
Levin Praeyur
Wow! I admire your strength! ❤️
Levin Praeyur I am so sorry you have been so hurt, I will pray for your healing. I have been with my husband for almost 31 years, and I am still trying to get out.
break up 4 months ago merely because i thought we have different strong principal in life & i feel out of love to him. Turns out after watching this, i nod to everything you say. Your explanation brings me to those occasions where i feel pressured. Perhaps, this could be the reason i gradually feel out of love. Glad i manage to escape. Thank you for the vid, i'll be more than happy to share it with my friends.
I am so happy the video resonated with you and that you got out! Also, THANK YOU for sharing with your pals!
Terri, please send more protection my way...it's working. Thanks Robin
Sending protection your way Robin.
Spot on this! Thank you, I did brake up yesterday with my boyfriend after 2 years together. I have som work to do with myself still I did not learn after last time. Life is short.
Thank you for sharing this here with us. I am cheering you on and sending you strength!
He doesn’t want to be a part of my life. Yes he’s a chameleon in our relationship.
Like your video.I would say when you are making excuses to stay it is time to go.
This is good advice, Greg!
You have the most gorgeous skin!
She really does..shes glowing
Thought the same thing!
Lynnette Radin, you got a pretty smile ☺️ lol😁
Great validation. 30 yrs chasing a rabbit like a dog in a dog track race.
BUT none of the other ted flags.
I had him move but thought we were giving it a rest to reevaluate.. I want to discuss one issue each week and he says, “Lets just relax and enjoy time without all those ‘intense discussions’ AND thats why nothing iwas never resolved anything when we lived together.?
. Cant wait for Part 2
Hey Beverly, this is an old video. I didn't see where I referenced a part 2, but this video is about red flags in dating: ruclips.net/video/jh16UgGI0Lc/видео.html
This video is more recent: Should you stay or should you go? -- ruclips.net/video/873ejDwGXfI/видео.html
Hope those help ❤️ I also have a video coming out within the next few weeks about approaching conflict-avoidant or defensive partners about problems in relationships!
she already rejected me for along time. sad too see her go, i wish the best for her, its hard for this change but i,m ready, even if i don,t find anybody, but i rather die alone than suffer forever!
I love and appreciate your videos. I’ve really been struggling with my relationship and you definitely put things into perspective. Thank you.
Wow! This hit home and so correct! I'm in the process of trying to make myself believe I have the right to leave, but fear is intense, I feel so scared
I am witnessing your growth with compassion. Be kind to you, take your time, make a plan and please be safe xo
Hoorah lady! Thank you for being you and your beautiful words of advice. :)
I just subscribed. she is very calming and informative.
Several of my husband's friends and co- workers have told me they like him better when I am around. He is very immature ( he turns 59 this week) and he's also a binge drinker- and a malignant narcissist. He is very abusive in private: physically, emotionally, verbally, and financially. Maybe he shouldn't just "be himself"- and he shouldn't expect me to accept behaviors from him that may be "authentic" but are far from acceptable in any loving relationship.
I saw last night that he had recently liked this video- unfortunately his takeaway from things like this is that he should not have to change anything about himself, but instead blame me for everything he doesn't like about his life. Now he wants a divorce because I tell him our relationship is equally his responsibility and his behaviors are 100% his responsibility. He cannot accept that because narcissists project their bad behaviors outward onto others instead of being honest about who and what they are. He would rather discard me like an old shoe than own and work on his issues so that he could be truly happy and a good husband and father.
I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year because he started to have manic episodes of blaming me or accusing me of cheating. My boyfriend had bipolar and he was one of the hardest relationships I’ve ever been in but we had an amazing time as well. I didn’t realize how bad it was until just last night when he went into a manic episode. I started talking about my day and where I went to lunch and said that they renovated the new deli and painted it black and white. He literally blew a fuse saying that I was seeing someone that he painted me black-and-white. Of course that didn’t make sense whatsoever but it made me realize that he was trying to find a way out. After three hours of cussing ranting and crying I finally got to calm him down and he went to sleep. We didn’t live together so a lot of this ranting was done over text because he refused to talk to me on the phone. So I know it was wrong of me to say my goodbyes but I thought it was the best way. I texted him a letter when I knew he was off work and I didn’t lay blame on either of us I just told him that we were not getting better and we were not happy and that we should go to our separate ways. He was cordial back and he replied that he loved me and he won’t need to follow my dreams and then maybe someday we get back together again. I very much doubt we would get together again not until he gains more control of his bipolar which he has neglected. I love him very much but I knew I had to end it.
Thank you Terri!
Hello Terri. I truly enjoied listening to this video. I've been with my husband for 33 years, dated him when I was 14.....wooooweeee where did the time go? He's a hardworking and loyal man. He would go without so his family can have. He's also have a bad temper, verbal abusive and confrontational. I have 2 grown sons out the house that unfortunately exhibits their dads traits. I moved out of our home 10/1/2015 after my husband told me to leave. At 50 this was an eye opener for me considering I've never been on my own. Several years before I moved out I noticed that for some reason my soul, inter-being and what I thought was important was changing. After the death of my dad in 2014, many painful inter-emotions surfaced and i had to deal with them...my mother died when I was 7 years old. My husband wants me to come back home. He said he's giving me until 5/1/2017 to come home. I don't want to go back. I've filled for a "Separation Order" but I'm afraid to give it to him because I know it will hurt him. I still do care about him and really worry about if he will take care of himself because he don't know how to cook. Since I've been out the house I discovered that I had to deal with many deep issues about myself which included codependency. Why can't I give agreement to him?
Melissa,
Fear is the most likely reason. Fear of change, of causing pain, of being on your own, of making it permanent etc. But if you know you don't want to go back please don't. We only get one life and if you are happier without him -it is your right to choose YOU for the rest of your life. Do it and know he is responsible for figuring out what to eat, mama. You got to take care of you xo
tell him to go to a therapist
this made me cry. i've retained a divorce lawyer, but for some reason can't seem to pull the trigger.
I'm sorry to hear it my friend. Why do you think you are hesitating? Is there hope or fear holding you back?
100% fear
Pull the trigger....be happy...i totally understand but just go 4 it....i also believe in prayer mixed in with everything....but yes do it move forward...im struggling myself in my relationship but know in my heart i gotta go....take care..
How did it work for you im going through the same. I'm scared that it'll be a mistake i guess 😥
@@earthingearthling2976 Well, you got this far for a reason. Sounds like your instincts and your being know that the relationship is doomed.
As long as you are physically safe (following through doesn't risk physical retaliation), then it's the fear that needs to be surmounted. If you're not in fear for your life, then let yourself make the call and start the process. It's difficult, no doubt.
Sooo many of these flags... just needed to know I was validated in my feelings and how to end this. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks a lot....this video has helped me a lot...I have a gf ..who keeps hanging out wt her ex ....and oda guys who are asking her out....I've tried to understand that its possible to be friends wt an ex...but she constantly proves me wrong as she hides de fact dat her ex is pressuring her to quit the relationship... yet she goes out wt him behind ma bac and collects gifts from him....maybe its me...but I think its time to call it quits as I derive no joy from this relationship anymore..
Raymond Junior did you leave
wow, I'm shocked and concerned at the same time about this twenty five year emotional roller coaster. If what I understand here from this video is that I have always been in an emotionally abusive relationship for all this time. Ok, Facts and spilling my guts... I am a 57 year old male in a "significant other relationship". We have both been in a bad marriage and have agreed to never get married again. I have done many things unforgivably wrong in the relationship, mainly out of retaliation from all kinds of different abuse. I'm a vet with issues of P.T.S.D., severe social anxiety and borderline homicidal tendencies. Since being in this relationship She has done everything for me during my disability. I really owe it to her to her to get couple therapy and realize that she has a serious issue to work on , No cost to her, she can come to VA with me This is not just her issue anymore because it has added major stress to my life with the knowledge of finding out about "major coronary heart disease" . I really can't afford the stress in my life. As of lately in our daily fights my blood pressure has reached the outer limits. honestly yesterday 220/110 and major chest spasms that can only be described as like having charlie horse cramps in your calf muscle. Very painful. for the most I feel discomfort all the time but occasionally severe cramps. I have really started having rage issues where when she won't stop with everything and take a break , I blow up and I recently threatened to beat the hell out of her if she didn't stop...OMG, I've never in my life wanted to hit a woman until then and somehow I managed to just walk out. Sounds like I'm a violently abusive person and she should get away from me as well. Just leave is easier said than done. My finances have been totally depleted, I'm in debt up to my ears and totally co-dependent for basic survival needs. This sucks because I'm completely confused, hurt and pissed off....I feel completely mentally exhausted just depleted of essence....
I no longer feel safe emotionally with him
wow I wished I heard this video in 2009..lol I am a slow learner in this school of life...thank you so much for your generosity and knowledge!! I broke up with my narrististic boyfriend 5 months ago , I learned ( *too late) that self respect and boundaries is like Kryptonite to a narcissist!! * better late than never, there's hope for Marie 😜
Always HOPE mama! Good for you for getting out and choosing YOU!!
Terri that symptom #1 nails it!! His narccisstic characteristic shines thru because the focus is NOT about him. I experienced this at a monumental birthday my 50th Birthday party. Although I didn't allow him to ruin my night, but I am still wearing the scar of his behavior.
Witnessing you. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm glad you're here.
@@terri_cole ooh love the expiration date analogy because I think of drinking expired milk.
@@terri_cole Your energy resonates thru these videos, I feel as though I know you personally. I have come back to listen to this video and I pick out another msg that I may have missed.
My favorite source for all this!! What a soothing voice filled with awesome information 🤗
So glad you enjoyed it, Mary 🥰
this video really hit home. i know i talked on a nother video but i wanted to write some more. :( i have been isolated and cut off from all my family and friends. i had a probation for a misdeamoner battery... (between him and myself. in my state both parties are taken to jail regardless in a domestic battery. husband coerced and scared me into taking plea bargain. i got probation for a year and a fine that im unable to pay cause he refuses to let me work. then he scared me about taking the kids and prevented me from going to my po. now im an absconder and its the perfect reason why im not allowed out of house or to have friends or work. he says i will lose our kids and go to jail and he will get full custody.)
this is the main reason i am afraid and trapped. i do not know what to do. i am not allowed a working cell phone and i dont even know what to say to the authorities about this. i am so scared of losing my kids and him getting custody of them. he has history with the police and they like him and always side with him in things. a silver tongue. i have no money to afford a good lawyer and he does. i feel like if i take this plunge and leave i will be jailed and never see my kids again. im to the point that i would rather they be in state custody and myself in jail than to continue living like this.
i dont know where to turn. he is so many steps ahead of me it feels like. i have to be so careful on how i collect evidence cause he searches everything.
i am beaten down and scared my life is over.
Contact www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/ there are trained professionals who do this every day who can help you figure out how to escape and be safe. Praying for you, Fenia.
Thank you. I wish I had seen this video 23 years ago.
Great advice
I'm 42 newly single. Have to move out from the house to small apartment. Downgrading financially. This is a living nightmare. How am I gonna find someone good at this age? Everyone has baggage kids and exes. All good ones are taken. I'm screwed. I have no kids and no family. I'm so scared. I don't think I'm gonna make it it's terrifying. I am super depressed. And btw he is already dating and we still live in the same house. This is crazy and so so so painful for me to go through. I can't take this anymore
Julie, how are you? It's been a year. Tell us uf you're ok
I'm ending my 13 year marriage because of lack of trust.....chronic infidelity( the entire marriage)....bargaining when have to attend functions with family, no social media posts because he's "private ".....This has so resonated with me. I'm sad that I allowed this to go on for several years...I plan on getting intensive counseling because my only other serious adult relationship ended because of chronic infidelity.....I question why I continue in these situations and I keep attracting unfaithful men. Thank you so much
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Be gentle with yourself, there is no need to be sad about how you behaved in the past. It took as long as it took. I'm glad to hear you are in counseling and can have the guidance you need.
I can't imagine I'm still living with such a horrible monster. Can't wait for this relationship ending. I wish I met terri when I was in my 20s
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
I wasn't expecting to cry oh wow u hit some key points
Didn't mean to make you cry but hope the vid added some value in the meantime xo
Thank you, Terri, I have been following your videos for a while now, including your videos about narcissitic mothers and other relationship advice and it feels like I've found a gold mine of information and understanding. I don't know if you'd have any time to answer a quick question or if you'll even see this comment, but I thought I'd try any way. My husband and I have been experiencing some problems in our, so far, short marriage (about 2-3 years) (I am in 27 and he is 35) and I am doing the best I can at the moment including researching relationship advice, booking consultations with therapists etc. I most likely have a certain issues as I was raised by a very abusive narcissistic mother (although I've done my best in order NOT to be like her, but I think that there has still been some damage inside me which I haven't managed to undo). My question is that I really, really REALLY need to feel loved, hugged and just needed as a person and yet no my husband never tells me he loves me, never hugs or shows any physical affection towards me whatsoever. I try to meet my needs by hugging him myself and interacting with him maybe 100 times day, but it's always one-way. I have asked, begged and reasoned with him so many times, explaining that I really need to get validation like that, but so far it's either brought no result or it even erupted in heated arguments, when he told me that I "pester" and "annoy" him with stupid things like that. I feel that the way I feel about this is still valid but when we talk about it, he makes it sound like I've got stupid demands or unreasonable expectations. I do not understand - how is it so difficult to hug someone or tell them you love them? I do not know how to get through to him or if I'm doing something wrong. Sorry for the long rant - I would be very grateful to get even a short reply from you.
Idalia, what happened? You cannot stay in a relationship that is one-sided, that will never work. I hope you got out and found someone healthy and loving?
I don’t believe in posting my relationship status on social media because I am indeed a private person. So I would hold that one loosely. But I definitely understand what you’re saying.💖👍🏽💯
Thanks for sharing!!
@@terri_cole And thank you for your amazing work!!!👍🏽💯
I just split again with my narcissus female partner. just a few days ago.. I discovered through a multitude of ways that she had been up to no good behind my back and I dread to think for how long as she painted the picture that I was some love crazed stalker to everyone within her other life she lived in when I wasn't around.. other than left to feel worthless all over again I still managed to listen to the voice of reason and end it. being an Artist I'm used to my own company so the solitude doesn't effect me, it's the almost complete lack of creative juice that has left my mind that I struggle with most but then the sacrifice made for turning off my torturous mind... my parents and most if not all of my siblings have narcissistic personalities, after a horrendous childhood my life began as all journey's do, as a great adventure for it knew not who I was, let alone existence it's self.. an xxy chromosome tends to throw a few spanners in the works... someone up high obviously has a warped sense of humour :) great video. Thank you
Jesxxy,
I'm so glad you are here and sorry for what you are going through. Good for you for getting out of a toxic situation. Now onto healing. tc
wow I love this girl. She gets straight to the point...
Thanks Miguel (that was a compliment, right? hahaha) So glad you liked the vid!
I went through the same Jessxxy we just recently broke up and the things she was doing behind my back omg
Nik Poulos - it goes beyond all reasoning Nik... narcissistic individuals have no consciousness, no limit what so ever
Thank you for opening my eyes.
a family member of mine married a man and after 14 years she tried to end the marriage and she even got a restraining order (which he did not honor) He went over to her house and shot at the kids and missed them ,but he did hit her with a bullet and killed her. Just be sure you have a place to hide if you are married to a raging alcoholic and he is violent. That makes it very hard to leave .
I am so sorry to hear about your tragic loss, Sharon. Having a safe exit plan based on how violent or volatile the person has been being is of paramount importance for safety. Thank you for sharing here with us.
Thanks for your great explanation. Your determined voice makes me feel secured already. I’m proud of your strong internel enerygy to nourish people even after going thorough hardship. Thank you so much for your being and take care 🍀
thank you for your kind words!!
brillient thanks so much ! terri cole
I HATE this because I love my baby. He has been going to counseling and he is getting better but I feel like I have fallen a little bit out of love over the course of time because of his continued neglect from the past. He is getting so much better but now that I’ve started to see changes, I kind of am afraid of the old him and not being able to stay with him. He’s my best friend and He has never cheated. I’m just unhappy now and it’s because of what we went through in the past.
I am witnessing your struggle with compassion. Are you doing anything to support yourself through this and help you find clarity?
Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM Yes I am in therapy. We recently broke up maybe a week after I posted this comment. We’ve been doing good and I see growth in both of us. It just really hurts because I take class with him every day and I see him at church every Sunday. We both love and miss each other so much but we know it was for the best.
THIS TRULY HELPED ME. SO THANKFUL FOR THIS VIDEO.
I know the basics by now. The physical incompetence is the worst part of it.
I hear you mama and I am witnessing you.
I was with a guy with NPD. Now that I am aware of Narcissism, I am soooooo grateful that I never wanted to take him to my friend's houses. We both know each other's families well. We've known each other since we were eight years old. We've been in Relationship for the past three years. After hearing your previous video, regarding Why we can't break up, you described us to a T. We had it made. Are families were sooo close. I left him 8 months ago. It's been rough. I just dumped him and never went back. I think he was trying to use another chick to make me jealous. It only did the opposite. After he realised, after four months of nothing from me, that I really had left and he began to panic. I'll never forgive that. It shows me he's been involved with her/them, all a long. I'm in the wind, soaring like a Dove with Eagle like courage. He knows he's history. P.S. All of his friend's knew about me. He still have my photos on his page. Nope, I'm the same, even talking to other gentlemen and he hated that. I feel like everyone should be cordial with other people. Now, him, he would change and be Goody Two Shoes with me and a bad boy with the fellas. He's leading.
Wow! I so needed to hear this!! Thank you so much!!
this describes my relationship with my mother
I just let my 2 year relationship this morning go. I have been dating someone who never mentioned me on his fb. He has 100s of single women on his page. Girls he dated and had relationship with, girls he had flirted with before me and girls who still flirt with him on occasion. I requested several times for him to delete them he says I am jealous but I say he doesn't respect our relationship and when I stated how it makes me feel he deflected instead of deleting off his fb page. It hurts that I was not heard on how I feel and how it doesn't make me feel I have a safe relationship and just been played.
I am sorry to hear about your painful situation, Sherrie. Good for you for choosing you. He may have heard you but is too insecure to let the other women who give him attention go, fully. But that is no longer your problem- you made the request and he showed you who is and what he is capable of with his response. Time to move on and create a healthy relationship where you feel, seen, heard and valued. I am sending you strength and grateful you are here with us.
Don't wait 2 years for a little respect and acknowledgement.
The single women "friends" should have been a HUGE red flag a long time ago for you to move on.
@@dwightrenfield2241 I agree . I hadn't spoken or heard from him since I broke it off. His step mom called to tell me he died a day before Christmas. I went and packed all his stuff up and the things I seen so many questions I got answered and he probably died of doing meth. I moving forward in my life and proud of where I am. Still not dating and just focusing on myself. He was a great liar and I learned a valuable painful lesson thank you for your kind words.
I suppose this goes for other family members such as siblings, parents, children as well.
im usually afraid of not upsetting them
I've been in that mode. I'm a people-pleaser type, so I can relate.
Start standing up for yourself and saying "no" in smaller ways, and not just with him. Practice it with demanding family members and fellow employees (where appropriate, and won't get you fired).
I'm not perfect, but it has become easier to say "no" and resist people taking advantage.
Leaving lovers who don't love you and make you feel awful. Finally a revolution idea that's actually healthy.
Thank you for saying so!
@@terri_cole You commented back? Oh my. Thank you.
Huge red flag in previous dating relationship, seemed we had what it took UNTIL I went out on a limb and tested the waters with all the “theory” we seemed to be in complete agreement on I.e, discussions about Love Languages, Gottman’s material sharing many RUclips clips, but when I had issue with something and decided to CAREFULLY bring it up Wowwwww, his defenses went right up! I tried to clarify what I was trying to communicate while he insisted I meant something entirely different. As I proceeded to clarify (as now I’m getting defensive myself trying to defend myself from his false accusations and missing me completely) he insisted his interpretation was accurate while I was trying to clarify the meaning behind what I was saying and he proceeded to get very sarcastic and condescending. The whole thing created a huge breakdown in communication and I was shocked at how I could go from being his “SoulMate” to his Arch Nemesis Just because I raised some valid concerns I had! 😲🤷🏻♀️ as he continued with with the cold hearted sarcasm and then proceeded to punish me by withholding any contact for a day then left me some amazingly immature pictures and messages showing me a box of Trojans and telling me he had been using them at 3 am. I realized that this person who I thought I was getting to know was not real. I’m about 10 years younger than him and I expected a man in his 50’s to be at least somewhat more mature than a man in his late twenties!!
Thank you for sharing your story Loralie. That is definitely a red flag, to say the least. I hope you are taking care of yourself and setting boundaries. Sending you so much strength and light, mama!
I'm in a very bleak situation. I've been with this guy for 9 years I have no financial independence worth mentioning. We have 3 young children together I would lose my car my phone until a divorce settlement. It would probably be a halfway house for months. I'm really hoping he can be reasonable about this
???? U can almost immediately file for child support. If married file n ask for temp alim9ny
FABULOUS AND STRAIGHT FORWARD!
I am so scared to break up because of my fear of being alone.
I'm witnessing you with compassion. You are not alone. I have many videos about building your self love and self worth. I am glad you're here.
Well, my partner ended a 4 years relationship as he thought he can't be himself in my presence! You know why? Because I made a simple request😂 I asked him to stop looking at other women.
I am cheering you on for standing up for yourself and for asking for what you need.
My boyfriend wants to have deep emotional connections with other women. I am taking a break from this nightmare
Thank you for this video. I needed to hear this! 😘
You're welcome!
I realy love listening to you, is there a way you could invest in a microphone...its so difficult to hear you clearly....the sound is always low on your videos.
For me having gone through a divorce, I'm terrified of getting into an automatic commonlaw situation, which where I live, is almost the same as marriage, but without consent. ! It's "Implicit or implied consent" . I ticked 3 out of the 6 warning signs.
I have been abuse, but because he has cheat, and all kinds of abuse, I abuse him too, right now hes trying to be nice, but he lies to much, and i want to leave him, but i do need the courage!
Thank you!!!!
yiure too far from your microphone. I have the volume full blast and barely can hear you.
Mary Esposito,you look gorgeous 🌹 🌹🌹🌷 🌷
I needed this
I'm glad you got what you needed.
Wow, you made this video about a month after one of the most destructive relationships of my life ended
Thank you so much 💕
You are so welcome 🤗❤️
Im in love it’s difficult to leave
At times I pray I can give up and give in to these that are effecting my life. Ugh.
Wow.. I need this video..thank you so much...!❤❤❤
You are so welcome!
currently oscillating between breaking up or not...the good parts of the relationship are so good, but the bad parts are also so bad. It also leaves me wondering if I’m being too much of a snowflake, or being too selfish.
I'm witnessing you. Give yourself the time and space you need to reflect on the relationship. It sounds like a lot of big swings back and forth.
I enjoy some of your videos but this one grieved me deeply. I know your philosophy doesn't hold to biblical truth and frankly put the message here is Godless. I know you mean well when you say we can love and not be in love, but what about commitment? It seems to me all the "self help" available through RUclips and other media is very selfish and self serving. I understand that there are times when relationships fail and it's tragic. I realize also that too often these relationships should have never been. However love is far more than a feeling, it is a commitment as long as one isn't in an abusive situation. My marriage has been filled with heartbreak and infidelity, and I'm not the guilty one! I'm also far from perfect myself. There is no perfect people, places, or things in the world, in this life. Perfection may not be possible but success can be possible. Love in this life is built and success is possible. It's a very dangerous thing to broad brush this type of counsel without one on one in person counsel. You need to do some damage control on this one.
If I had friends. Not allowed to socialize not even with my family. He hates them all
Hi Terri, so glad I found your video! I've been in a long distance relationship for a year. In the beginning the distance didn't bother me. Lately, it has taken a toll on me, because it feels like we've only been together 3 months and we're not as close as we should be. Lastly, I've come to the realization that I don't want to move where he lives, and his career is the driving force where he ends up. If we can't close the gap, should I end it sooner rather than later?
It sounds like you already know the answer to that question, Ebony. If you want your life to be self determined and if his is determined by his work, sooner than later makes more sense to me. Good luck!
Ebony Waddles run girl
On point,thank you..
Thanks for being here, Steve ;)
Thank you.
Jillian S,you look stunning 🌹 🌹🌹🌷 🌷🌺🌹 🌹
What about long distance? Same expiration dates?
Not necessarily but long distance has it's own set of issues. If the relationship is solid and has a lot of trust, it can work. If it's not and there is a lot of jealousy -it's just a matter of time before a long distance relationship implodes. xo
Convenient relationship.
So hard to just quit taking the free rides that he HOPES will garner some affectionate gestures.
I am SO creeped out.
I've GOT to quit scheduling these excursions.
Time to get a car, Grandma.
Yes alot of these signs are currently in my relationship, I definitely think it's time to end things. She hides everything from me and she never apologizes for the things she does, doesn't like hanging out with my friends she is never around I never see her she constantly calls me a drama queen for the things she starts. She also recently bought a new car around tax time but I know she waited for her "ex" to give her half of his tax money I'm done and I want nothing to do with her ever again.
I'm witnessing you with compassion. Take care of yourself.
5 years with him, he doesn't post anything of us in FB, he doesn't involve me with his family, I have tried to involve him with mine but he's just reluctant, and he even left the country finally 😂
thank you..i wish i had of seen this sooner..!
Thanks for the video. 5 days ago I ended a relationship exactly because of the things you listed. Today I am doubting myself because I have 11 month old daughter that my ex does not allow to see. I hope that she will grow up happy and one day understand the reasons. I stopped trusting my partner when she left me just because I argued with her mother, after that she accused me that I did not stop her. She blamed me for the things I have never done. She also has schizophrenia and somehow I was bound to her because I made a promise to always love her.
I learned to live by myself and started exercising and my fitness was never better then it is now.
I made everything for the her to come back and we got back together but the blame continued and that was my moment when I realized that without trust, faith, ability to be a team and solve problems together there can not be healthy relationship and I will be miserable.
After watching the video I understand I made the right choice.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am witnessing you with compassion and sending you strength.
Great video
Thank you Liz! PS: Join us for a weekly live stream and ask me ANY questions
We just launched our waiting list for The Real Love Revolution,
lot's of free gifts and a free private Facebook Group ( just for women )
Click her to join for free: www.terricole.com/RLR
Again another thought provoking video.
I know for myself I have offered the olive branch many times to kick up dialog and start rebuilding. To no avail; she puts headphones on, walks out of the room, or gets angry. She has told me I need to fix it, when I ask for specifics she will make the comment of, "You want me to go over the whole thing again." I know she wants me do listen to her and do as she asks. She had a list once the had point form of: (1) agrees to not encourage son to stay at the school, (2) agrees to allow wife and son go to her home country at the end of the year, etc, etc.
No negotiation, just agree. Oh, if I listen to the accountant's advise about something my wife wanted to do and I'm told don't do that as the tax office will fine you. Of course the accountant is not good as her sister is doing this. And at this point my character is starting to come under attack. Then I'm told that maybe I'm doing this to dump wife and have a crack at the accountant, etc.
All crazy making. Stonewalling and name calling. The words fly so fast and there is such emotion behind them. It is just amazing to watch. Myself, like the woman with the joint account / joint property, just do not look forward to all the pain. Then to top it off is our son, I really feel for him as he is caught in something not of his making. Now, being a teenager, he is acting out at times (not in big ways, more like he is just sick of it, he knows when something is said that is triggering I notice the change in body language and he quickly goes to his room.)
I know what I have to do, just painful.
Your wife is another who believes that men have no feelings. She is also truth resistant.
On account of the latter alone, the relationship has zero future success chance.
Varitas,
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Your son is lucky to have you in his corner. Knowing what you need to do is the most important first test but still difficult. I am sending you good energy.
veritas liberabit vos
sounds like a classic narcissist
Good advice great points this got me thinking, thank you. And you're very attractive beautiful eyes.
I'm glad the video resonated for you!
Im called a drama queen. I cant ask for what i want. Absolutely no romance. Because when i try , he says im aggressive. So i stopped trying. N yes i wondered what he was doing. I havent had anyone in my life i could trust. I was attachee to my mom. I just dont trust anyone. My ex husband cheated on me. So its hard now .. I was never part of his life . he always said his personal life was private. My family dont like him so i could never brung him.
I have every one of these red flags. :(
I am witnessing you with compassion and holding space for you. You are in the right place and it is within your power to make whatever change you decide.
Jennifer Nokes,you look gorgeous 🌹 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌷 🌷