Sincere and determined people also need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by 1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing. 2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways 3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions. Go to our website and get the course(s) if you need them. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action. themarriagefoundation.org/ Please hit the like button above and comment for the algorithm. Also, see the links in the description. Thanks!
But isn't marriage about being honest and being able to communicate with eachother? How can you be the happy, smiling and loving wife, when you get hurt all the time? It would be hypocrisy to act this way.
It is far from hypocrisy when you are married to achieve that which is heaven, happiness and love. The idea you present about marriage is true but not the priority. it is what comes when you are married correctly.
When you learn to love others you will have much more happiness than any other way but that doe not mean being a sacrificial lamb. It means opening your heart with understanding compassion and support. Remember that your husband is not motivated to hurt you as much as as to protect his illusions. Stand back, in love, and pray for him.
@@TheMarriageFoundation But where's the balance? It seems as though we be so willing to be there and be patient. All while waiting on one to grow up. It gets exhausting at times.
It’s so much more in lieing. And it’s very hard to feel happy when you’re in given the silent treatment vacations are ruined and you’re totally disregarded and accused of things. smiling after all of that! Not to mention walking on eggshells Because something about you and your faults will be pointed out
Yep !!! And I have had enough of this man I married!!!! Im leaving I will find me somewhere to live this time I will relocate to another city if I can find a shelter to live In and a job so I can stand on my own two feet take care! He really think he does what a man supposed to do and don't do shit never have a stable job!!!!! Stay talking shit like he the man you not a man never have a stable job sick wacko!!! Have a nice life I promise you I'm done this time he always cry his way back and try to kiss my ass this time he can kiss and beg all he want I'm out!!!! He do the same shit over and over cry about it snotting from the nose for me to stay then turn around and do it again this man is wacko and I'm very unhappy I want out of this marriage and I will to watch me !!!!!
What happens when you stop interacting with the Narcs tendencies, but then they think everything is ok and want to be intimate... Then you have to make up a reason things really aren't ok?
Narcissists will never change and will never take accountability, when you stop interacting with their tendencies they think that everything is okay and fine and you giving them intimacy will send them the signals that everything that they've done or said is okay with you. After 18 years of cycles with my husband I started to finally notice it through videos and when I knew another cycle was about to take place I spoke up and told him that I do not want to keep repeating the cycles anymore. I stopped the intimacy because I realized that that was sending him signals that I'm okay with how he is treating me and our children, there was no intimacy for over a month and I did start to become indifferent to him because I had more knowledge about what was really going on. Even half way through no intimacy he broke down and cried and gave many reasons as to why he was doing the things he was doing I still didn't give in because normally I would give in to that and we'd make up but then he would start doing the same things again. So when he cried I didn't trust it because I didn't trust that he really meant it. After some more time passed I noticed that he is starting to be more mindful of all of us around him. He is even showing patience to our small girls when they get upset. Usually he would curse at them complain and join in on a tantrum with them. Idk if it'll continue in this new direction but I am more aware of what cycles we had and I made it clear that it won't continue that way anymore.
I'm sorry, but this is how mothers who are too afraid to say no deal with spoiled, petulant children. Your husband is not a child who constantly needs appeasement. He is a grown man who should be expected to take personal responsibility. I am stunned that while in every other area of life, none of this would be tolerated, yet marriage seems to be treated like an acceptable petri dish for mistreatment. And marriage should be the most protected and valued institution of all.
This video inspired me to mend a friendship. I find the Marriage Foundation's principles apply to every aspect of my life! These videos are my favorite hobby ... I bought three courses and two books so far from TMF because I can't get enough of the content. I plan on buying every product the TMF sells over time. I can't wait for the instructor's course and the podcast!
Best advice ever. Understanding the mind and having emotional control were things I was never taught to do. I started to practice it in my 14th year of marriage and wow I can’t believe how much happier we are as a couple and he has not changed but that does not affect our happiness at all just as you said it would not. I want to learn more from you thank you for this video.
Hi my husband and I am married for 9 years. He lives abroad since 8 years and I am living with parents. We have one autistic son of 7 years. Every year on petty issue he stops talking to me for couple of months. Until relatives intervene and convince him to talk to me. He does it every year and block me from calling him. How to deal with such a man? Or should I just leave him and find another?
The manifestations of an unhappy marriage are endless in their varieties. Trying to fix one, or two, or twenty without healing the marriage itself is the way to fail completely. Your husband may not be good at telling you that you are mistreating him but that is his point of view, as is clear by him shutting you off. Don't you think you should be looking at that instead of how he is "mistreating" you? You cannot change him and you if you refuse to change yourself you will lose your marriage, and that would be unfortunate.
My husband was living abroad for two years after our marriage and he will also block me every chance he gets. I will have to plead and beg for him to call me and I will feel very honoured by his call when he decides to call me back. I was constantly punished. He will be nice to me every now and again but that wouldn't last very long before I "slip" and the mistreatments start again. It is traumatic. Good news is God can heal and will lead you too. I am currently separated from my husband but I hope with all my heart that we would be reconciled in a healthy way, however I will also be fine if that doesn't happen. My hope is in Jesus.
They live in a fog of paranoia and delusion and cannot see "out". I have dived deep in this subject to help a friend but was not able to reach in, either.
No, they don't. Narcs convince themselves that they embody an ideal persona and their lives reflect an ideal way of living. Everyone else around them are misguided and clueless. So these people around them are a lost cause to themselves so why not have these people serve a purpose to them. These people are stupid and wasting time. So why not use them? While the NARC is doing this, they will throw these people a bone, maybe show some superficial love, say some BS compliments, just to keep their victims hanging on. EDIT: After that phase, they then go into systematic emotional and mental abuse mode. Nitpicking, scrutinizing, being distant and cold, demanding, controlling, etc...And when the NARC is bored or they took all they can take, they dump whoever and move on to the next victim. NO they have no clue they are the way they are, because they convince themselves that they are amazing, smart, unique and talented individuals. Even if they doubt and hate themselves, they are still better than everyone else. AND that is how they go through life...
Sincere and determined people also need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by
1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing.
2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways
3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions.
Go to our website and get the course(s) if you need them. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action. themarriagefoundation.org/
Please hit the like button above and comment for the algorithm. Also, see the links in the description. Thanks!
Abuse is never ok.
But isn't marriage about being honest and being able to communicate with eachother? How can you be the happy, smiling and loving wife, when you get hurt all the time? It would be hypocrisy to act this way.
It is far from hypocrisy when you are married to achieve that which is heaven, happiness and love. The idea you present about marriage is true but not the priority. it is what comes when you are married correctly.
When he lies smile and take it and take some abuse. Give me a break. This guy must be a narc.
I feel like I forgot how to love myself and be happy
When you learn to love others you will have much more happiness than any other way but that doe not mean being a sacrificial lamb. It means opening your heart with understanding compassion and support. Remember that your husband is not motivated to hurt you as much as as to protect his illusions. Stand back, in love, and pray for him.
@@TheMarriageFoundation But where's the balance? It seems as though we be so willing to be there and be patient. All while waiting on one to grow up. It gets exhausting at times.
This is where I am
It’s so much more in lieing. And it’s very hard to feel happy when you’re in given the silent treatment vacations are ruined and you’re totally disregarded and accused of things. smiling after all of that! Not to mention walking on eggshells Because something about you and your faults will be pointed out
Before we write him and your marriage off try taking the course for women. You have nothing to lose! themarriagefoundation.org/
Wow, this is exactly what I’m going through too
I’m feeling the same. 😢
My marriage exactly!
5 year of hell
"Feed the love and feed the happiness." That's good advice for any type of relationship. Thank you.
Thank you, I NEEDED THIS VIDEO! I think trying to understand my husband is making me go insane!
Yep !!! And I have had enough of this man I married!!!! Im leaving I will find me somewhere to live this time I will relocate to another city if I can find a shelter to live In and a job so I can stand on my own two feet take care! He really think he does what a man supposed to do and don't do shit never have a stable job!!!!! Stay talking shit like he the man you not a man never have a stable job sick wacko!!! Have a nice life I promise you I'm done this time he always cry his way back and try to kiss my ass this time he can kiss and beg all he want I'm out!!!! He do the same shit over and over cry about it snotting from the nose for me to stay then turn around and do it again this man is wacko and I'm very unhappy I want out of this marriage and I will to watch me !!!!!
Your advice is beyond impeccable. I'm floored every time you open your mouth to teach.
"The channel is blessed by that which flows through it" I, too, am often floored LOL
this is good! acting like a decent human regarldless of your spause behavior takes a load of your shoulder.
What happens when you stop interacting with the Narcs tendencies, but then they think everything is ok and want to be intimate... Then you have to make up a reason things really aren't ok?
One should never act disingenuously, there are always better ways
That's tough. That's when u pray!!!!! And I MEAN PRAY HARD!!!!!
Narcissists will never change and will never take accountability, when you stop interacting with their tendencies they think that everything is okay and fine and you giving them intimacy will send them the signals that everything that they've done or said is okay with you.
After 18 years of cycles with my husband I started to finally notice it through videos and when I knew another cycle was about to take place I spoke up and told him that I do not want to keep repeating the cycles anymore. I stopped the intimacy because I realized that that was sending him signals that I'm okay with how he is treating me and our children, there was no intimacy for over a month and I did start to become indifferent to him because I had more knowledge about what was really going on. Even half way through no intimacy he broke down and cried and gave many reasons as to why he was doing the things he was doing I still didn't give in because normally I would give in to that and we'd make up but then he would start doing the same things again. So when he cried I didn't trust it because I didn't trust that he really meant it.
After some more time passed I noticed that he is starting to be more mindful of all of us around him. He is even showing patience to our small girls when they get upset. Usually he would curse at them complain and join in on a tantrum with them.
Idk if it'll continue in this new direction but I am more aware of what cycles we had and I made it clear that it won't continue that way anymore.
I'm sorry, but this is how mothers who are too afraid to say no deal with spoiled, petulant children. Your husband is not a child who constantly needs appeasement. He is a grown man who should be expected to take personal responsibility. I am stunned that while in every other area of life, none of this would be tolerated, yet marriage seems to be treated like an acceptable petri dish for mistreatment. And marriage should be the most protected and valued institution of all.
This video inspired me to mend a friendship. I find the Marriage Foundation's principles apply to every aspect of my life! These videos are my favorite hobby ... I bought three courses and two books so far from TMF because I can't get enough of the content. I plan on buying every product the TMF sells over time. I can't wait for the instructor's course and the podcast!
It inspires me to go further so thanks for the reminder that some are appreciative.
Best advice ever. Understanding the mind and having emotional control were things I was never taught to do. I started to practice it in my 14th year of marriage and wow I can’t believe how much happier we are as a couple and he has not changed but that does not affect our happiness at all just as you said it would not. I want to learn more from you thank you for this video.
I totally understand you! Bring children into this lesson please that don't approve of the relationship 🙏🏽
Children have zero say about another's marriage, including their parent's. Besides. it is damaging to them to bring them into any discussions.
Mine said you are my incogater.
You're awesome and going to help many families❤🙏🏿
Hi my husband and I am married for 9 years. He lives abroad since 8 years and I am living with parents. We have one autistic son of 7 years. Every year on petty issue he stops talking to me for couple of months. Until relatives intervene and convince him to talk to me. He does it every year and block me from calling him. How to deal with such a man? Or should I just leave him and find another?
The manifestations of an unhappy marriage are endless in their varieties. Trying to fix one, or two, or twenty without healing the marriage itself is the way to fail completely. Your husband may not be good at telling you that you are mistreating him but that is his point of view, as is clear by him shutting you off. Don't you think you should be looking at that instead of how he is "mistreating" you? You cannot change him and you if you refuse to change yourself you will lose your marriage, and that would be unfortunate.
😢😢😢😢😢 I pray God gives you peace and strength to get through🙏🏿
Divorce him I am going to it with my Narcissitic husband!
He already left the marriage 8yrs ago…how can you have a marriage if you’re not together?
My husband was living abroad for two years after our marriage and he will also block me every chance he gets. I will have to plead and beg for him to call me and I will feel very honoured by his call when he decides to call me back. I was constantly punished. He will be nice to me every now and again but that wouldn't last very long before I "slip" and the mistreatments start again. It is traumatic. Good news is God can heal and will lead you too. I am currently separated from my husband but I hope with all my heart that we would be reconciled in a healthy way, however I will also be fine if that doesn't happen. My hope is in Jesus.
Thank You ❤️
Good info…
I just found your youtube today and thank you!!!!
🙏
Very positive video
Do these people know they are this way?
They live in a fog of paranoia and delusion and cannot see "out". I have dived deep in this subject to help a friend but was not able to reach in, either.
Heck no!
No, they don't. Narcs convince themselves that they embody an ideal persona and their lives reflect an ideal way of living. Everyone else around them are misguided and clueless. So these people around them are a lost cause to themselves so why not have these people serve a purpose to them. These people are stupid and wasting time. So why not use them? While the NARC is doing this, they will throw these people a bone, maybe show some superficial love, say some BS compliments, just to keep their victims hanging on. EDIT: After that phase, they then go into systematic emotional and mental abuse mode. Nitpicking, scrutinizing, being distant and cold, demanding, controlling, etc...And when the NARC is bored or they took all they can take, they dump whoever and move on to the next victim. NO they have no clue they are the way they are, because they convince themselves that they are amazing, smart, unique and talented individuals. Even if they doubt and hate themselves, they are still better than everyone else. AND that is how they go through life...
Thank you.