What To Do When You're Married To A Narcissist | Paul Friedman
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Are you wondering what to do if you're married to a narcissist? Paul has something to tell about the issue.
I'm going to help you with this but we're going to step back first, and we're going to be realistic.
There's a few of you who are watching this who know for a fact that their husband -- yes because women rarely are diagnosed as such. But if you don't have an actual diagnosis that your husband is a narcissist which is likely, then I urge you to stop thinking of him in those terms. I'm going to show you what I Googled here because I wanted to give you more information about this. What I'm going to read to you -- well, I'll read it first.
Narcissistic personality disorder - one of several types of personality disorders is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance. A deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. And you're going, "Oh yeah, that fits!" So now let's really dig into this. Let's unwrap this a little bit.
Because in reality that's not the clinical definition so here's what a narcissist actually is. A narcissist because it's a serious problem for the individual who suffers with it more so than the people around them. So a narcissist is someone who has created an image that they put in between themselves and the rest of the world sort of like a mask but it's more complicated obviously because it's an entire personality.
Why would you do that?
What would cause that?
It's very easy to answer that. Fear - you're afraid of being found out so it's very deep-seated. The people who have developed these personalities start at a very young age and it doesn't matter what caused them to do it. It's just one of a billion ways of hiding from the reality of the world. I'm talking about it in these terms because you're married to your narcissist. And you're asking, what do I do about it? And I want to share with you what to do about it. Because when you get married you're telling the person, I'm going to love you with all I got, body mind and soul forever,
in sickness and in health.
When we use the word disorder we don't think of sickness but we should. It's kind of a sickness.
How you missed it? I don't know. It's always been there. It's this personality that they have out there and you know those people usually don't drink alcohol or use drugs. Because if they did,
the whole thing would collapse and those who do who have that problem literally become alcoholics and/or junkies because they can't handle everything collapses. And so, if they just drink a little or use a little medication like narcotic type stuff, their whole thing dissolves. So you've got a sick puppy, you might say if they are like that. Well, what do you do?
I'm going to tell you what to do. That's what you were asking for, what should I do? Obviously, you don't want to get a divorce. Bless you, for that because in sickness and in hell. So there's a
a reality that we find on Facebook and stuff in different manners with different stories but it
boils down to where there is light, darkness cannot exist.
In a marriage, believe it or not the number one missing ingredient in most marriages is the active and proactive expression of love. Ironic, isn't it? You get married because you love somebody but slowly, we call it real-life things set in and we become comfortable, being critical and judgmental of them. It's much easier to be critical and judgmental of someone other than yourself, and blame them for not getting what you need. And when you put those in, the love gets pushed away.
Most people suffer through marriages because the two reasons that they got married for get pushed away. The two reasons, the promises of marriage are happiness, increased happiness every single day. And if your marriage is properly working narcissistic or not, the happiness will still be there. But more important than that is we get married because we have an innate need for love, for unconditional love. Well, love does not exist with criticism, condemnation, critiquing,
it just gets pushed out.
The best thing to do is to revitalize your marriage. Don't worry about the symptoms of his disease which he probably doesn't have but this works either way. Revitalize your marriage. Bring into your marriage those two things that you got married for, the happiness and the love.
Dnd don't do it Helter Skelter. Don't just have, "Okay, that's what I'm going to do from now on."
You have to learn how because everything we have learned in the world is for the world. It's defensive. It's to protect us because if you're not protected in the world, you're going to get
smashed but you're supposed to go into what I call the sacred space of marriage in order to enjoy holy matrimony.
Watch the video for more.
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I believe that is an incomplete definition of marriage you. One cannot make a wise decision if somebody is baiting and switching the other- they have a responsibility to themselves and to the lifetime and the children of the other individual and that is the problem with society today, individuals are so fearful they’re gonna lose out on this trophy wife or this person. you’ve got a fall on your sword, be honest about who you are and find that lid that fits on your pot. It’s through sickness and health not to boldly go where no man has ever gone before because the whole entire thing is built on lies and deception!
I am SO glad I decided to click this and watch. God knew I needed this. I don't know if my marriage will last, but I needed to see this. More love and more focused time with Christ is what I need because the crazy now isn't working.
I guess the million dollar question is how do you have a happy marriage?
By doing that which marriage is meant for; be joyous and be love themarriagefoundation.org/
Impossible with a narcissist
If you have to stay in the marriage then all you can do is learn learn learn to try and survive and not give them any ammo any more.
You could have just said, you don't believe there is such a thing like a Narcissist, or being married to one.
What i keep seeing in your videos, is denial to abuse. I'm sure if you'd experience just once, slightly, half of what some people live with, your entire tune would change. That's why people like us look for doctors like Dr Ramani who actually has lived through this and experienced this pain on her heart, soul and every fiber of her being.
narcissists can’t capable of love, empathy and happiness. They’ll there are 7 days in 1 week the 2 days is happiness to the narc the 5 days is the miserable days. It is sad because it is true. We can’t balance the two ingredients in marriage if you marry narcissistic. Because from very beginning there is no married. 😢it’s all presentation and selfish.
I remember when I first met my husband, a friend of his told me he had a mask on. I thought what is he talking about? But now ,many years later I know what he meant. The moment I went living with him everything changed . I got to see a whole other personality. I could go on till tomorrow,but I will leave it st that
I find it sad that you do not want to try to improve yourself and your marriage.
Oh my dear Lord... this was such a positive video I mean being an empath when you're stuck with this man you love & cherish utmost but because he is (definitely) a narcissist you try to work that stiffness between you two thousands of time but every time same result just drains your hopes. And finally when you seek help from such public platforms there are infinite videos on narcissistic disorder...I mean for God's sake tell me the solution I know the problem I am already dealing with, now tell me positive solution so that j can keep the love n happiness in the relationship but those bunch of Psychologist-Therepist they just busy selling you the thought that it's impossible if nt today thn tomorrow you will have to get divorced & leave him. I mean what if that's not what I want...!! THANK YOU SIR FOR THIS VIDEO❤❤
This has truly helped my heart on today. Lord listening to his calm explanation was wholesome.
Thank you so much. I love your videos and I will definitely take your advice. I will also let go and let God. While at the same time take the focus off my situation and focus on healing and making myself happy.
Excellent counter-culture video with practical guidance. Loved this!
God bless you Sir. I needed to hear this. ❤❤❤
Well ... I would agree with you that its sickness... Yes. But when he slams a thousand reasons why you dont deserve to be loved, Im not worthy of being loved, just because he was raised by a narc mom who does not know what is love, then what do i do? Dont i feel hurt. I can take it to an extent . But beyond that my heart pains. Why am i not worthy of being loved. It crashes and crushes my heart with pain when he lists the silly reasons i Don't deserve live but ignores the mountains of good deeds i have done to him. After a time i could not love him. But still working on how to love him again. It pains deeply to hear those words from a person who you thought would love you all your life.
The idea that you must be loved to love is inaccurate and we are happiest when we learn to love