When the Avoidant Finally Goes to Therapy | Dismissive Avoidant
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
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What happens when the avoidant finally goes to therapy? Will the dismissive avoidant recognize their traumas? Will the avoidant attachment style realize what they had with you? In this video we talk about the fantasy vs. the reality of what happens when the avoidant ex goes to therapy.
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I literally just got out of a therapy session because I couldn’t make a choice to move on from this woman. After I told the therapist what her problems were being an avoidant he went straight to saying she’s damaged and it’s best to move forward.
It’s all a matter of risk assessment. When you have little trust in anyone outside of yourself, you are not going to open up for just anyone.
Extremely useful, and concise, to the point! Thanks again.
So what are your thoughts about "performing as your DA's therapist backfires", as I just saw on another channel? While I see comments & interviews by recovering DA's, "please don't give up on us"
What do you think would be the middle ground here?
Thanks! Awesome channel.
It backfires because you can't give from an empty cup. Basically, by being your DA's therapist you give them what they need yes. BUT you don't get much in return, if you get anything at all.
There's supposed to be an equal or fair balance of give and take in any relationship so that it can be healthy. And that seldom is the case with avoidants, tend to feel one-sided.
I'm torn about the "please don't give up on us". Yes they act based on their past fears and traumas, except most of us unconsciously do. The main issues with them imo are their lack of self-reflection, they tend to be very self-centered, their lack of emotional intelligence, maturity and empathy. What they can put people through can be extremely damaging. It's easy to tell someone to "not give up on them" when you're not the one who's been abused emotionally, gaslighted, manipulated, lied to or given the silent treatment just for asking for respect. And they tend to refuse, even deny, having had such behaviours.
My limit is disrespect and/or disregard. If someone thinks that punishing you is the way to solve conflict, I'm out. Same with ghosting. You're an adult now, you act like a jerk, you face the consequences. I've learnt that my mental and emotional well-being matter more than someone who keeps on choosing to harm me to make themselves feel better.
@@RubyLine thank you for your reply
@@RubyLine
"you're not the one who's been abused emotionally, gaslighted, manipulated, lied to or given the silent treatment just for asking for respect."
I hear you! I'm on the receiving end of the silent treatment, 2 months in, out of the blue... which I am returning in kind.
the thing is.... not only HAVE they experienced that
but they experienced that as *children*
With no one to look up to
Except the dad or mom who was the very person denying love, respect, closeness.
My rage from 2 months ago before I ever heard of attachment styles has waned, and I'm sure it can ignite again when I'm disrespected again.
But I really take out from these videos, there is room for improvement - on both sides.
@@luketimewalker I also experienced some of those throughout my childhood. Though it made me ap. You can either become fa, ap or da from that type of abusive and neglectful childhood, hence the many different core wounds and triggers.
But I knew and still know how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of it, to the point of refusing to inflict it on anyone else.
Most people go through traumas throughout their lifes, but using it as an excuse for constantly harming others and refusing to be held responsible? That's your inner child trying to avenge him/herself by projecting the past onto the present. It doesn't mean that things will be different though, especially since we tend to repeat the same patterns in vain hope of a different ending. Just to prove ourselves that things could have been different.
In the end no one gets to choose their childhood, their caregivers, family, circumstances and etc., but it's our own responsibility to heal ourselves from what we've been put through. Why ? Because we will spend the longest time with our own selves, we deserve everything that we got denied and we matter as much as anyone else.
@@RubyLine through these courses I have learned that I am an FA myself, or leaning FA. I have my share of trauma.
I believe the extreme suppression of... FEELINGS, that - tragically - some children develop just to survive, to the point it sends them to "Dismissive avoidant university" as Thais calls it... is on a whole nother level from what I experienced. I was blessed with an immensely loving mother...
Of course this doesn't mean we have to be doormats or punching bags for the adults that these poor kids have become. It's not our fault they suffered like that.
However, there is perhaps room for healing. With some.
All the best
My wife and I are both avoidant; she goes twice a week to hers and I started a year before her and go once every two weeks. I tell her therapy is for her not us and that i don’t want to know what happens in her sessions. But I see good positive changes and listen to whatever she shares with me without judgement, advice or anything else. Also, God is very important in this as well as holding boundaries. Lots of space and patience.😊
That’s awesome! I’m glad that therapy is proving to be helpful for your relationship.
It’s common sense for the love of “God” JUST BE NORMAL HUMAN AND KIND!!!!! DAHHHHHHHHH
My FA is crushing on her therapist. Guessing that's not helpful.
🤦🏻♀️💔
transference for the loss