I lost my son he was 41 in a horrible car accident and miss him every day many tears and pain this happened very recent praying for all of you it's far more than anyone can handle
Oh, Donna. I am so, so, sorry. There really is no loss like it. It will always be with you and you will never be the same, but it DOES get a little easier. Sending hugs. ❤️
Hi Donna. My son is 42 and has terminal cancer. I know I’m blessed to be with him and heal those broken wounds we caused each other. I also know what it’s like to lose my brother to a sudden car accident. My mom had no closure and grieved him terribly. My heart breaks for you and every parent that has lost child no matter what age they are. I always say God is in charge yet it still hurts to watch him deteriorate. Prayers for you truly.
Lost my baby boy 3 months ago at the age of 3 months. My daughter is 3 years old. I wake up everyday wishing I was rather dead because the pain is crippling. I feel like a failure to both my children, living and deceased. I feel trapped in a nightmare. Nothing feels real. I'm supposed to go back to work, I'm a teacher. The last time I left my classroom I took a maternity leave loading selfie. Now my baby is gone. I have no desire to go back. I don't even want to be around kids anymore. I am stuck. Angry. I hate every bit of this new reality. With ever fibre of my being.
Going back to work was so difficult -- especially as a teacher. Take as much time as you can. Everything you're feeling is normal and it WILL get easier. Please get help if you need it. Sending so many hugs. ❤
I really feel your share -you are one of the rare people I have heard in my grief journey who admits they have actual hate of their “new reality “. I don’t like mine AT ALL either (loss of beloved parent was was my anchor in life). I think it’s normal to just push back and reject the awful and unthinkable. To have Carried a child and loose at 3 months is so massive not to mention your body is not even recovered from your preg & birth journey. Maybe teaching isn’t the right fit for your life at this juncture. Maybe there is another career path you could explore. I am sorry for your loss and those are not just words. I can’t express in this format well but The main thing I have learned that the most primary connection we all have as human beings is grief. Even more than joys. Grief is the dull ache of forever sad. And wanting to go back in time before we were in this “reality.”
Oh sweet friend. My heart is breaking so much for you. Please know your grief will never truly end and that's okay. My son passed away when he was 2 in a pool accident and it's been 26 years. You are right.....time takes the edge off but even after all these years there are times of outburst and anger. There are nights when I still cry for the void I still feel. I am so sorry you had to be on this journey. It's the worst pain we as humans could possibly bear. Big hugs for you sweet lady. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or when you need to stop. Those people have no idea your loss. Prayers you find strength for each day you face. God was my rock and he is the only reason I made it through.
Thank you I didn't know what to say and your comment says it lost my 25 year old to murder in 2015 I just felt her hurt in this video I still cry a lot. God mad tears to cleanse your soul I just keep the word of my savior close and trust and believe in him cause he has got us all just know your not alone no matter how long goes by the thought of your daughter in the morning during your day as you go to bed and while you sleep sometimes it will make you smile and sometimes cry I was a zombie at 8 months I couldn't even tell you what I did back then. All I can say is easier no the pain evens out if that makes sense
I can truly understand everything you talked about, especially the not knowing who I am anymore. It's been 11 years since I lost my son, Jason. He was 23 when he passed in a motorcycle accident. 23 short years. Everyday is a struggle. I'm so thankful I stumbled across your video because I can totally relate to everything you've shared. Prayers for you & your family ❤️
Wow. My son Isaac died in August of 2010, at 22 yrs old on his motorcycle. Half a mile from home, 25 mph, no other vehicles involved. Every single day IS a struggle, to be sure, though not like the first few days/weeks/months after he died. I wasn't sure my body or my brain was going to make it there for a while~ as in, I would catch myself forgetting to breathe. It was not, is not something I could even conceive of other people also going through- it's just too much, to say the least. My momma's heart feels every one of you speaking here, & Connie I was a bit stunned to read yours. It's just so close. I'll be praying for your peace, for your continued healing~ for everyone's healing. Sammy in AZ
8 months ago today, my 29 year old son died from sudden cardiac arrest. I was already 3 months in grief over my 14 year old cat having to be put down, and 3 days after my son, while planning his funeral, I had to put down my other 14 year old cat. It's been a long journey these 8 months. I cry weekly. I don't have as many nightmares. I can now hear an ambulance siren without losing it. But sometimes I cannot look at photos of my son. At this stage, what shocks me the most is that parts of my brain STILL hasn't accepted it. I STILL think thoughts of "I can't wait to show him this" or "its been awhile, I need to text him and get him over here to my place". It's weird. It's like my brain will not let me go to the place of believing I will never see him again.
Yesterday was 8 months exactly since my father passed. Then, after he passed, my mom passed six months later ... two months ago. I’m just stunned, shocked that both of my parents aren’t here and that o lost both of them in six months. I’m thrilled they’re with Jesus and if I keep my mind there, it changes everything. Blessings to you and your family. Thank you very much for sharing your story.
You are so welcome, and I'm so sorry about your parents. I don't know how many of my videos you've watched, but after this one I also lost my mom, so I know the pain of losing both parents. My heart is with you. ❤️
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I did watch last night and I learned of your many losses (and within days as with your father and stepmother) and your mother’s illness and passing. That was so much. LORD JESUS, wrap Your loving arms around this precious soul. She has been through so much. She needs comfort and strength to go on. Holy Spirit, envelop her in Your love. May she be held gently and guided firmly by You and may goodness and mercy follow her all the days of her life. Amen I thank you for using that all to be a tremendous blessing. You have greatly helped me today along my way. Peace 🕊
Hey 🌹 MaMa! I'm a Mom of 5 boys and I'm up in the kitchen almost 12am baking cinnamon rolls to eat all alone, knowing everyone is asleep. Lol came to your RUclips as I have been thinking about you alot. Worrying about you. Hope you are hanging in and taking the time you want and need. You will figure all the details out in your life give yourself grace as you said. I know being home is hard or night time. Maybe journal. It's ok vent. Na I'm not depressed. I feel like I know you even more and wish I could just hug you. We are always changing, growing and living our journey. I loved this video so so so much. Love your eyes by the way. Hugs from Wasilla Alaska, Tschandra
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Tschandra. 5 boys! Oh my word, haha. I'm tired just thinking about it. I hope the cinnamon rolls were delicious! I really appreciate all of your kind words. ❤️
@@brookecarlock Hello 👋 💖 Awwwww your more then welcome. I don't do any other social media so I always appreciate your posts. Hope your trip for Thanksgiving can be a new tradition. I know all about holiday traditions. I moved away from my home town at 17 drove from California to Alaska where I currently still live. I'm about to turn 38 new years eve. Lots of years away from all my family I 100% understand in a sense. Hope you have a amazing day. Big hugs. Tschandra
I am so sorry to hear of this loss.. and all of your other ones. My husband and I lost our daughter almost 8 months ago at the age of 16. She was our only child. The destruction of our lives, of the people we were in the " before, " the plans we had for the future and our Faith in life ~ consumed us and still consumes us. Agree that time does not heal all wounds... wounds that tear apart your soul need a different kind of healing ~ or at least that is what I am finding. We are not staying home for Christmas this year. I have to much more to say, to offer.. to sit in space with you ~ I just will not do it publicly. If you ever want to connect for more support from another grieving mom that is trying to figure out how to move in this world.. a world that I never expected to be without her physical presence.
I'm so, so sorry for your devastating loss. If you're interested, I run a child loss support group online. It definitely helps to share with other people who understand. Sending you so much love. ❤️
It’s interesting how we can leave our home and work and just get in the car and start bawling. One time my son was riding home with me from daycare and he said are you going to cry again. You cry girl and just let it all out. That’s part of the healing process. That dog will get better and he will become a comfort for you.
The car is definitely my worst place for crying!! I just let it happen, because you're totally right-- part of the healing process! The verdict is still out on the dog, haha. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
I am so sorry. I will definitely pray for you and your family. My son died, and it seemed like for two years I was walking into walls and didn’t know what I was doing. The grief is horrible. It does subside a bit at the two-year mark. It’s been about 16 years now, the anniversary coming up on May 30. I still get very sad every April and May, but I’m to the point that I can remember happy times And have warm thoughts. It takes a long time. It just does. You don’t have to listen to anyone but yourself and God. Like I said, I am so sorry. It’s the worst. I’m sending love and prayers.
Hi Brooke, Just want to reach out to tell you I'm so sorry for all you've been through, that's a lot to carry. Am 3 years out from my own devastating loss and experienced many of the things you're talking about. ( Couldn't look at pictures or open closet doors where his clothes were without having a total meltdown ) and the world in general was like walking through a minefield not knowing what might trigger the grief. I don't know if you have hear of the book It's OK that you're not OK by Megan Devine but I found it incredibly helpful. Hugs to you, Julie
That was one of the first books that I read! I love Megan Devine, but I sometimes feel like she's a little more "doom and gloom" than my personality. But she's great at reminding me to avoid toxic positivity and reminding me that it's totally normal to NOT be ok. I'm sorry that you're in a position to relate to what I'm experiencing -- I wish no one had to know what this felt like. ❤️
Celebrate the holidays if and how you can. I’m so sorry that you are suffering through this unfathomable loss and your mom’s cancer as well. I wish peace for you as you move forward. Please don’t feel you need to explain or apologize regarding the way you grieve. Ever. Don’t force yourself to go into your baby’s room. You’ll do it when you’re able. Take it day by day or hour by hour. I admire that you are working; I hope it help you to heal as painful as I’m sure it is.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Karen! I've learned to get better at grieving in the way that I need and not caring what people think about it, but I'm always a work in progress. ❤️
You talked about not crying in public, I didn’t cry at his funeral. I think I was the only one. I cried so much before, and so very much afterwards. It is kind of embarrassing. I don’t know the reason for all of this. But I do know God’s in charge. He will take care of you. It is the worst thing you can go through.
The pain weighs so heavy,your smile and laughter makes it so obvious how heavy and sorrowful your being is! I hear desperation and crying that feels like no one can understand your pain.Such a beautiful girl she was! 😥😥😥
Im so so sorry for youre loss i too lost a child in diffrent way its been since 1997 for me and youre right the pain never goes away u just learn along the way how to deal with it
You just described my sons room. It’s been a year as of July. I just can’t clean it or go in there. I’m avoiding it too. I also lost my child in a car accident. He was 21. I feel so broken and lost. I also can’t clean his bathroom. The same dirty clothes and towel he used is just sitting in there and we just don’t ever use that bathroom. I know I’ll have to go in there and clean it at some point but it’s like I’m frozen in time. I love fall too. I miss getting excited about the holidays. Sending you love momma.
Ugh... I'm so sorry that you're in this club. I ended up cleaning out my daughter's room when I had to move, if that video will help you in any way, here is the link (for when you're ready-- it's such a personal decision!) ruclips.net/video/Rkl3260O1u8/видео.html
i burried my 10 year old son 6 years ago from undiagnosed T1D , its something that i will never get over but carry with me the rest of my so called Life !!
I can not imagine anyone criticizing you for anything you said or did in you videos you may not be crying on video but I see it in your eyes. Strange things will be triggers. Some will make you cry. Others will make you laugh and cry at the same time. Don't stress what others say. You do you. You don't need to explain your lack of tears or the way you grieve. Hugs.
Hi there!…it’s Colleen from Ontario Canada!…it’s been eight months since I lost my precious daughter Brianna tragically and unexpectedly in a hospital in September 22 two days before her 19 th birthday….we had to leave her in the morg!…I’m devestated!…and watching this video this morning was so honest and exactly what I feel!…thank you!…I’m feeling like I’m in hell everyday!…I have a son who is 30 and having problems with him!…your right!…don’t have anything to do now!…we watched her die…it was crazy!…I couldn’t even participate in the funeral!…anyway!..god bless…love your videos…something to do today!💔💔❤️❤️🙏🙏😘
Time doesn't heal the loss of a loved one, ever. Unless a person has literally been through this they do not know. God is the almighty Healer, life is definitely precious, we also have certain triggers that will just make us cry like crazy, but it's OK. God love you, share your thoughts, with someone who loves you and cares.
Thank you! I say all the time that until you experience it, it's almost impossible to describe. Triggers will always be triggers, because we loved our people. ❤️
My deepest condolences and losing such a young child I could only imagine. What a weather? Bad like to. Lose? One. Of my children that young as it is I lost my 30. Her husband found her at even though it's been threere's just looking at the pain on her 3 older siblings faces hearing them say please don't talk. About her because it's so emotional for them and then I let them just decide when they want to talk about her one is angry at her 1 is. So sad she's lost her best friend and my son regrets that hes spent more time with his younger sister. But he travels all over the world at the in different places so my August daughter lived. In an incredibly full life or happy life she had her masters of nutrition she had just gotten her degree for registered dietitian in June of 2019. What we found out after her death was that she attempted suicide in August 2019. We had no idea and I know her and her husband have preferred to keep that private. He stated that he wanted her in crisis but he didn't put his foot down. He has a lot of regrets my daughter was very aggressive and assertive and minipulative. She also did not want to see a therapist s***. You don't want. To? End. Up in? A cycle board. And she? Thought. She? Could. Cure herself? But it sounds like she hit every mark on the borderline personality disorder chart. Her husband after living with her for 3 and a 1/2 years aghe sold the house. It has stated our entire family. It's broken it because everybody is grieving at different levels. Everybody's grieving the loss of the past memories which I'm having a hard time with because I look at photos of her and she's so happy and her smile was so beautiful and she was an experienced hiker and ice climber with her husband she traveled to Peru and Africa. So am I blessed or happy that she at least? Like I said left lived a very full left 7 notes for a husband and thought of herself is a failure and was not perfect enough and didn't feel she. Was compatible with her husband I thank God there are no children involved and my heart aches for. Her husband of 3 years and my 3 older kids. I wasn't from my job which I love and my coworkers at my therapy. I don't think I'll still be on this Earth. The pain luck you're saying is appreciating and yes it was horrible the 1st year. It was worse the 2nd year because reality said it and then last year. I really had AI just still don't believe it mindset because grief just goes up-and-down. It's on a straight linear so don't think that it is. You will be up-and-down for the rest of your life. Aren't the only thing I could say? Is that the Downs are not as deep? As they were the 1st. Couple of years I never thought I would survive this but I did because as my one daughter tells me life goes on for everyone else and life had to go. On for them they had my grandchildren who are young and full time jobs and all of this happened right at covid. So it was just so confusing and so lengthy from the time. We had our cremated and then 6 months later finally had memorial so people could gather here in New Jersey. I still look at her photo and I cannot believe 3 years has passed she would have looked the same. She was 32 and she just went to celebrate her on a 35th birthday. I grieve for the past and the pain that you receive agreed through the present that she is not here to enjoy some things and I agree with the future. That she wanted children and she was my last daughter that could have given me any more grandchildren. That sounds selfish comment she really really wanted children but to don't think her and her husband were right for each other and they were really was nothing wrong. With. Him he was just too quiet for her
Thank you so much for share this❤ not for me, because fortunately I'm not in that situation, but instead for the people that thsi video could haved helped ❤ you're great, strong and brave for keep going and help other people woth this grief, all that feelings are normal, but the most important thing it's not yive up, you don't have to love completely this new reality, but you can make it better if you forgive yourself and understand that let other people to enter in your life would be better...because in the end...if you feel so bad...maybe...you can firgive yourself...learning for that...and build a better future❤
Thank you, so so much for sharing, I’m at 2 months since my son died. I had not heard of the tee-shirt blanket/quilt idea until you mentioned it, I have so many of his special tees and now I know what to do with some of them when I’m ready to, I can then hold it on Mothers Day, big hug ❤ x x
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 15 months into this journey. My son was 35 and passed from a pulmonary embolism 😭 I have 2 other children, so I was wondering how your other kids are dealing with the loss?? My 21 year Olds are handling things differently. One is in complete avoidance. Sending hugs and prayers your way!
That's actually a great video idea, Patty. My older child-- the one who was driving the car, is surprisingly doing very well thanks to trauma counseling. My 17 year-old is not good at sharing his feelings and has been struggling with life in general. It's difficult to watch. I wish there was a magic want to fix their hearts. ❤️. I'm so sorry about your son.
This video brings back so much I also lost my oldest son 12 years ago he was 31 from a pulmonary embolism. life has never been the same. i remember how some would tell me not to pretend but i still do somtimes. I have to in order to do this life. Im so sorry for your loss. i wonder what happened to Patty's beautiful daughter. Together we can...
i am so sorry. i have seen my sister lose her baby and its heartbreaking. i feel that you are stronger than you believe yourself to be. you are able ,hard,but somewhat able to talk to us and thats a big point in your ability to cope. im not wanting to down play your pain but i see you at least trying very hard. good on you. my brother in law broke down terribly (father to lost child)when driving along a long long road one day , he couldnt explain it ,it just was too long on his own with his own thoughts. please try and open her door,look at her room as you pass by,blow a kiss ,smile and keep walking. do it again later a little more slowly then pause one day and tell us how you go. my heart goes out to you so very much. you will be happy one day.your pain of lose will ease somewhat but you speak from the heart so perfectly...thankyou..💫💞💫💞
I think you & red white & Bethune would really connect, they lost their child in a crash I think on the way to Disney (don't quote me) if y'all did a duel collaboration one on each of your channel you could really grow & help a lot of people. I'm hell on crying in the car also!!
Oh my gosh, I had never heard of them before but they are AWESOME! I'd totally be down for a collaboration. Thank you for sharing. And yes-- the car is the worst!!!
the car is NOT terrible. the car is one of the few places we can cry our 💔 out where no one judges us. i cry everyday on the way home and my child has been gone 8 years. it doesn't get better im sorry
A part that I really connected to was how you were able to keep yourself busy because I lost my husband and our kids are also older so I’m still working on knowing what to do with myself .Do you have any suggestions on groups I can join people just haven’t showed up for me at all.
Their is things called big brother big sister. Lots of girls dont have moms due to them passing away of cancer or whatever. People like yourself who have some spare time spend time with them for a few hours. Bake at home or go for a walk etc. Foster care respite care. One thing my daughter said to me was dont ever be alone if anything ever happened to me. Before she was born I took in a 8 year old though freash air funds for 10 days. Lot of fun. Real eye opener. Love the dogs name!!!might be good to make a spot for her. So you dont have sadness all through the house. My neighbour took 2 years before cleaning her daughters room. With out a doubt little girls are speacil
I don't know how you could be talking about the edges softened after time. You are only 8 months into losing your child trust me when I say. You're still in the shock and zombie and step-by-step and day-by-day mode. It's not gonna hit you until months down the road where reality sets in and then it really is painful and you have to grieve. The edges do not get softer and offer at least for me. And you read my story above it took over 3 years for me to even admit that she was gone even to admit that she killed herself I still cannot. Believe she did that's my life? Maybe because we had her for so long and she was so part of our family for 32 years. It's a long time again. My deepest condolences your way in the early stages so just go up-and-down with the grief if you're devastated and feel like crying cry. All day I sat in my car and I cried so many hours. The 1st year I cried more than I've cried my entire life and I do. You want me to get told myself that I would get out of bed everyday the 1st week. I stayed with my older daughter because everybody was coming up and forth from PA and make a decision and all that and waiting for my son to come. Up from DC so I stay with my daughter for a week and sort of completely leave my granddaughter's bed. For that week unless we had to do something like go to the funeral home or go. To see Steve ready to go to clean out her belongings things like that and when I got home I took a sigh of relief and said that I will. Always get out of bed. We run covid break from work so I had to beg to go back in August. Because I went wet crazy I needed to be distracted so much I don't know. If you feel that way with such a young child I can't imagine having lost one of my children when are real little. But I did keep my promise to my kids that I had said. I will never bury one of my children and I was fortunate that her husband was so. Catatonic after finding her that regardless that he was connected to Kim I told him I wanted to run a certain term she's being clean at it and her. Older siblings agreed with me and since we had her the longest we were handsome most of everything we paid for everything and of course we let her husband give. Us direction on what he wanted and I didn't want and that was fine. We respected his. Decisions of what he wanted because I was his wife so we call them. We're all together and we just stayed on the same page. But because we had 6 months to plan her funeral after seeing her at the funeral home. And th we have an acrymnated 3 days later that we have plenty of time to plan the perfect funeral and the day was beautiful. Suddenly it was beautiful the pain was unreal but it was like it's like a not like a blur but it's my brain wasn't even there that day
That's fair... it's a year and a half now, and I still feel the same way. Every person's journey is different -- I'm just sharing mine. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending love. ❤️
Brooke I lost my brother nearly 3 years ago and I still haven’t deleted his phone number or what’s app chat ..I can’t do it as it’s my last link to him…
We are going in our 8months now on 17th what happened it’s gone to fast it feels like it happened that day when the cops came to our door, ptsd after hearing door closing and no answering the door anymore .😢
You have never been you tubbie by the way!…just trolls!..ignore them!..you have been the only one I found that is real!…and have not been like others that are of grieving also …but after. Hearing you…I’m like!..wow!…she just called it!…don’t forget I just lost my girl 11 months ago!…we will never heal yet!…I want out the pain is so bad!..but you have really saved me!…maybe because you have been a teacher…I don’t know!…all I feel is that you are so real and raw!..yes as soon as I get in my van!….my daughter had Cp and my van is a disability van…I always say..are you ready doll!..let’s go!…your beautiful!❤️❤️❤️
Aww, thank you so much Colleen! I'm so glad that you're finding my videos helpful, and I'm so, so very sorry that you can relate to the loss of a daughter. Sending love your way. ❤️
If you like this video, give this one a try! ruclips.net/video/hfee40WZUEw/видео.html
I lost my son he was 41 in a horrible car accident and miss him every day many tears and pain this happened very recent praying for all of you it's far more than anyone can handle
Oh, Donna. I am so, so, sorry. There really is no loss like it. It will always be with you and you will never be the same, but it DOES get a little easier. Sending hugs. ❤️
Hi Donna. My son is 42 and has terminal cancer. I know I’m blessed to be with him and heal those broken wounds we caused each other. I also know what it’s like to lose my brother to a sudden car accident. My mom had no closure and grieved him terribly. My heart breaks for you and every parent that has lost child no matter what age they are.
I always say God is in charge yet it still hurts to watch him deteriorate. Prayers for you truly.
Lost my baby boy 3 months ago at the age of 3 months. My daughter is 3 years old. I wake up everyday wishing I was rather dead because the pain is crippling. I feel like a failure to both my children, living and deceased. I feel trapped in a nightmare. Nothing feels real. I'm supposed to go back to work, I'm a teacher. The last time I left my classroom I took a maternity leave loading selfie. Now my baby is gone. I have no desire to go back. I don't even want to be around kids anymore. I am stuck. Angry. I hate every bit of this new reality. With ever fibre of my being.
Going back to work was so difficult -- especially as a teacher. Take as much time as you can. Everything you're feeling is normal and it WILL get easier. Please get help if you need it. Sending so many hugs. ❤
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I am sorry.
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I really feel your share -you are one of the rare people I have heard in my grief journey who admits they have actual hate of their “new reality “. I don’t like mine AT ALL either (loss of beloved parent was was my anchor in life). I think it’s normal to just push back and reject the awful and unthinkable. To have Carried a child and loose at 3 months is so massive not to mention your body is not even recovered from your preg & birth journey. Maybe teaching isn’t the right fit for your life at this juncture. Maybe there is another career path you could explore. I am sorry for your loss and those are not just words. I can’t express in this format well but The main thing I have learned that the most primary connection we all have as human beings is grief. Even more than joys. Grief is the dull ache of forever sad. And wanting to go back in time before we were in this “reality.”
Thanks for the courage to talk about your grief. My son passed on four months ago and I have his. Pictures all over the house and it is so consoling
I'm so sorry for your loss, Helen. I wish no one had to go through this. ❤️
Oh sweet friend. My heart is breaking so much for you. Please know your grief will never truly end and that's okay. My son passed away when he was 2 in a pool accident and it's been 26 years. You are right.....time takes the edge off but even after all these years there are times of outburst and anger. There are nights when I still cry for the void I still feel. I am so sorry you had to be on this journey. It's the worst pain we as humans could possibly bear. Big hugs for you sweet lady. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or when you need to stop. Those people have no idea your loss. Prayers you find strength for each day you face. God was my rock and he is the only reason I made it through.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. 💔
Thank you I didn't know what to say and your comment says it lost my 25 year old to murder in 2015 I just felt her hurt in this video I still cry a lot. God mad tears to cleanse your soul I just keep the word of my savior close and trust and believe in him cause he has got us all just know your not alone no matter how long goes by the thought of your daughter in the morning during your day as you go to bed and while you sleep sometimes it will make you smile and sometimes cry I was a zombie at 8 months I couldn't even tell you what I did back then. All I can say is easier no the pain evens out if that makes sense
I can truly understand everything you talked about, especially the not knowing who I am anymore. It's been 11 years since I lost my son, Jason. He was 23 when he passed in a motorcycle accident. 23 short years. Everyday is a struggle. I'm so thankful I stumbled across your video because I can totally relate to everything you've shared. Prayers for you & your family ❤️
Thank you, and I'm so glad you've found my videos if you find them helpful. Sending love. ❤️
Wow. My son Isaac died in August of 2010, at 22 yrs old on his motorcycle. Half a mile from home, 25 mph, no other vehicles involved. Every single day IS a struggle, to be sure, though not like the first few days/weeks/months after he died. I wasn't sure my body or my brain was going to make it there for a while~ as in, I would catch myself forgetting to breathe. It was not, is not something I could even conceive of other people also going through- it's just too much, to say the least. My momma's heart feels every one of you speaking here, & Connie I was a bit stunned to read yours. It's just so close. I'll be praying for your peace, for your continued healing~ for everyone's healing. Sammy in AZ
8 months ago today, my 29 year old son died from sudden cardiac arrest. I was already 3 months in grief over my 14 year old cat having to be put down, and 3 days after my son, while planning his funeral, I had to put down my other 14 year old cat. It's been a long journey these 8 months. I cry weekly. I don't have as many nightmares. I can now hear an ambulance siren without losing it. But sometimes I cannot look at photos of my son. At this stage, what shocks me the most is that parts of my brain STILL hasn't accepted it. I STILL think thoughts of "I can't wait to show him this" or "its been awhile, I need to text him and get him over here to my place".
It's weird. It's like my brain will not let me go to the place of believing I will never see him again.
Ugh... I'm so sorry. Sending strength. I still have the moments where it doesn't seem real. 💔
Yesterday was 8 months exactly since my father passed. Then, after he passed, my mom passed six months later ... two months ago. I’m just stunned, shocked that both of my parents aren’t here and that o lost both of them in six months. I’m thrilled they’re with Jesus and if I keep my mind there, it changes everything. Blessings to you and your family. Thank you very much for sharing your story.
You are so welcome, and I'm so sorry about your parents. I don't know how many of my videos you've watched, but after this one I also lost my mom, so I know the pain of losing both parents. My heart is with you. ❤️
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I did watch last night and I learned of your many losses (and within days as with your father and stepmother) and your mother’s illness and passing. That was so much. LORD JESUS, wrap Your loving arms around this precious soul. She has been through so much. She needs comfort and strength to go on. Holy Spirit, envelop her in Your love. May she be held gently and guided firmly by You and may goodness and mercy follow her all the days of her life. Amen
I thank you for using that all to be a tremendous blessing. You have greatly helped me today along my way. Peace 🕊
Hey 🌹 MaMa!
I'm a Mom of 5 boys and I'm up in the kitchen almost 12am baking cinnamon rolls to eat all alone, knowing everyone is asleep. Lol came to your RUclips as I have been thinking about you alot. Worrying about you. Hope you are hanging in and taking the time you want and need. You will figure all the details out in your life give yourself grace as you said. I know being home is hard or night time. Maybe journal. It's ok vent. Na I'm not depressed. I feel like I know you even more and wish I could just hug you. We are always changing, growing and living our journey. I loved this video so so so much. Love your eyes by the way. Hugs from Wasilla Alaska,
Tschandra
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Tschandra. 5 boys! Oh my word, haha. I'm tired just thinking about it. I hope the cinnamon rolls were delicious! I really appreciate all of your kind words. ❤️
@@brookecarlock Hello 👋 💖
Awwwww your more then welcome. I don't do any other social media so I always appreciate your posts. Hope your trip for Thanksgiving can be a new tradition. I know all about holiday traditions. I moved away from my home town at 17 drove from California to Alaska where I currently still live. I'm about to turn 38 new years eve. Lots of years away from all my family I 100% understand in a sense. Hope you have a amazing day. Big hugs.
Tschandra
I hope you do your channel how YOU want to- however that comes out is perfectly you ❤ I send love, I send love, I send love!
Thank you so much!! I think I'm starting to find my groove, haha. ❤️
I am so sorry to hear of this loss.. and all of your other ones. My husband and I lost our daughter almost 8 months ago at the age of 16. She was our only child. The destruction of our lives, of the people we were in the " before, " the plans we had for the future and our Faith in life ~ consumed us and still consumes us. Agree that time does not heal all wounds... wounds that tear apart your soul need a different kind of healing ~ or at least that is what I am finding. We are not staying home for Christmas this year. I have to much more to say, to offer.. to sit in space with you ~ I just will not do it publicly. If you ever want to connect for more support from another grieving mom that is trying to figure out how to move in this world.. a world that I never expected to be without her physical presence.
I'm so, so sorry for your devastating loss. If you're interested, I run a child loss support group online. It definitely helps to share with other people who understand. Sending you so much love. ❤️
It’s interesting how we can leave our home and work and just get in the car and start bawling. One time my son was riding home with me from daycare and he said are you going to cry again. You cry girl and just let it all out. That’s part of the healing process. That dog will get better and he will become a comfort for you.
The car is definitely my worst place for crying!! I just let it happen, because you're totally right-- part of the healing process! The verdict is still out on the dog, haha. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
time does not heal. we miss them more. you be you . don't worry about others . hugs to you from one grieving mother to another 💔
I am so sorry. I will definitely pray for you and your family. My son died, and it seemed like for two years I was walking into walls and didn’t know what I was doing. The grief is horrible. It does subside a bit at the two-year mark. It’s been about 16 years now, the anniversary coming up on May 30. I still get very sad every April and May, but I’m to the point that I can remember happy times And have warm thoughts. It takes a long time. It just does. You don’t have to listen to anyone but yourself and God. Like I said, I am so sorry. It’s the worst. I’m sending love and prayers.
Hi Brooke, Just want to reach out to tell you I'm so sorry for all you've been through, that's a lot to carry. Am 3 years out from my own devastating loss and experienced many of the things you're talking about. ( Couldn't look at pictures or open closet doors where his clothes were without having a total meltdown ) and the world in general was like walking through a minefield not knowing what might trigger the grief. I don't know if you have hear of the book It's OK that you're not OK by Megan Devine but I found it incredibly helpful. Hugs to you, Julie
That was one of the first books that I read! I love Megan Devine, but I sometimes feel like she's a little more "doom and gloom" than my personality. But she's great at reminding me to avoid toxic positivity and reminding me that it's totally normal to NOT be ok. I'm sorry that you're in a position to relate to what I'm experiencing -- I wish no one had to know what this felt like. ❤️
Celebrate the holidays if and how you can. I’m so sorry that you are suffering through this unfathomable loss and your mom’s cancer as well. I wish peace for you as you move forward. Please don’t feel you need to explain or apologize regarding the way you grieve. Ever.
Don’t force yourself to go into your baby’s room. You’ll do it when you’re able. Take it day by day or hour by hour.
I admire that you are working; I hope it help you to heal as painful as I’m sure it is.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Karen! I've learned to get better at grieving in the way that I need and not caring what people think about it, but I'm always a work in progress. ❤️
I am so so sorry for the loss of your daughter .. praying for you and your family ! ❤❤❤❤
Thank you. ❤️
You talked about not crying in public, I didn’t cry at his funeral. I think I was the only one. I cried so much before, and so very much afterwards. It is kind of embarrassing. I don’t know the reason for all of this. But I do know God’s in charge. He will take care of you. It is the worst thing you can go through.
Thank you for sharing your grief
You're welcome. I hope it helps others.
I like the honesty, thank you. Prayers and hugs to you.
You are so welcome. Thank you!
The pain weighs so heavy,your smile and laughter makes it so obvious how heavy and sorrowful your being is! I hear desperation and crying that feels like no one can understand your pain.Such a beautiful girl she was! 😥😥😥
Thank you... she was amazing in every way. 💔
Thank you for being open and vulnerable. Sending beautiful Libby Angel love.
Thank you so much! That is very sweet. ❤️
Im so so sorry for youre loss i too lost a child in diffrent way its been since 1997 for me and youre right the pain never goes away u just learn along the way how to deal with it
You just described my sons room. It’s been a year as of July. I just can’t clean it or go in there. I’m avoiding it too. I also lost my child in a car accident. He was 21. I feel so broken and lost. I also can’t clean his bathroom. The same dirty clothes and towel he used is just sitting in there and we just don’t ever use that bathroom. I know I’ll have to go in there and clean it at some point but it’s like I’m frozen in time. I love fall too. I miss getting excited about the holidays. Sending you love momma.
Ugh... I'm so sorry that you're in this club. I ended up cleaning out my daughter's room when I had to move, if that video will help you in any way, here is the link (for when you're ready-- it's such a personal decision!) ruclips.net/video/Rkl3260O1u8/видео.html
i burried my 10 year old son 6 years ago from undiagnosed T1D , its something that i will never get over but carry with me the rest of my so called Life !!
They will always be with us. 💔
I can not imagine anyone criticizing you for anything you said or did in you videos you may not be crying on video but I see it in your eyes. Strange things will be triggers. Some will make you cry. Others will make you laugh and cry at the same time. Don't stress what others say. You do you. You don't need to explain your lack of tears or the way you grieve. Hugs.
Thank you, Sherry!! I appreciate it. I definitely, definitely cry- a LOT. ❤️
This is not depressing, it helps many who are grieving feel like they are not alone. Thankyou 😃
Hi there!…it’s Colleen from Ontario Canada!…it’s been eight months since I lost my precious daughter Brianna tragically and unexpectedly in a hospital in September 22 two days before her 19 th birthday….we had to leave her in the morg!…I’m devestated!…and watching this video this morning was so honest and exactly what I feel!…thank you!…I’m feeling like I’m in hell everyday!…I have a son who is 30 and having problems with him!…your right!…don’t have anything to do now!…we watched her die…it was crazy!…I couldn’t even participate in the funeral!…anyway!..god bless…love your videos…something to do today!💔💔❤️❤️🙏🙏😘
Time doesn't heal the loss of a loved one, ever.
Unless a person has literally been through this they do not know.
God is the almighty Healer, life is definitely precious, we also have certain triggers that will just make us cry like crazy, but it's OK.
God love you, share your thoughts, with someone who loves you and cares.
Thank you! I say all the time that until you experience it, it's almost impossible to describe. Triggers will always be triggers, because we loved our people. ❤️
My deepest condolences and losing such a young child I could only imagine. What a weather? Bad like to. Lose? One. Of my children that young as it is I lost my 30. Her husband found her at even though it's been threere's just looking at the pain on her 3 older siblings faces hearing them say please don't talk. About her because it's so emotional for them and then I let them just decide when they want to talk about her one is angry at her 1 is. So sad she's lost her best friend and my son regrets that hes spent more time with his younger sister. But he travels all over the world at the in different places so my August daughter lived. In an incredibly full life or happy life she had her masters of nutrition she had just gotten her degree for registered dietitian in June of 2019. What we found out after her death was that she attempted suicide in August 2019. We had no idea and I know her and her husband have preferred to keep that private. He stated that he wanted her in crisis but he didn't put his foot down. He has a lot of regrets my daughter was very aggressive and assertive and minipulative. She also did not want to see a therapist s***. You don't want. To? End. Up in? A cycle board. And she? Thought. She? Could. Cure herself? But it sounds like she hit every mark on the borderline personality disorder chart. Her husband after living with her for 3 and a 1/2 years aghe sold the house. It has stated our entire family. It's broken it because everybody is grieving at different levels. Everybody's grieving the loss of the past memories which I'm having a hard time with because I look at photos of her and she's so happy and her smile was so beautiful and she was an experienced hiker and ice climber with her husband she traveled to Peru and Africa. So am I blessed or happy that she at least? Like I said left lived a very full left 7 notes for a husband and thought of herself is a failure and was not perfect enough and didn't feel she. Was compatible with her husband I thank God there are no children involved and my heart aches for. Her husband of 3 years and my 3 older kids. I wasn't from my job which I love and my coworkers at my therapy. I don't think I'll still be on this Earth. The pain luck you're saying is appreciating and yes it was horrible the 1st year. It was worse the 2nd year because reality said it and then last year. I really had AI just still don't believe it mindset because grief just goes up-and-down. It's on a straight linear so don't think that it is. You will be up-and-down for the rest of your life. Aren't the only thing I could say? Is that the Downs are not as deep? As they were the 1st. Couple of years I never thought I would survive this but I did because as my one daughter tells me life goes on for everyone else and life had to go. On for them they had my grandchildren who are young and full time jobs and all of this happened right at covid. So it was just so confusing and so lengthy from the time. We had our cremated and then 6 months later finally had memorial so people could gather here in New Jersey. I still look at her photo and I cannot believe 3 years has passed she would have looked the same. She was 32 and she just went to celebrate her on a 35th birthday. I grieve for the past and the pain that you receive agreed through the present that she is not here to enjoy some things and I agree with the future. That she wanted children and she was my last daughter that could have given me any more grandchildren. That sounds selfish comment she really really wanted children but to don't think her and her husband were right for each other and they were really was nothing wrong. With. Him he was just too quiet for her
People grieve in different ways. However you do it is ok. Praying for you and family. I can't I'magine losing a child.
Thank you so much. ❤️
Prayers for youre pain and broken heart and for healing
Thank you so much. ❤️
Honey that would be so hard😢I feel very bad for you.that would be so hard to get over it.😢it's OK to cry.linda from iowa I am praying for you😊😢
Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words. ❤
My son zack passed from renal failure in Jan 2023it leaves a hole in your heart
It absolutely does. I'm so sorry. 💔
My condolences to you & your family
Thank you! ❤️
Thank you so much for share this❤ not for me, because fortunately I'm not in that situation, but instead for the people that thsi video could haved helped ❤ you're great, strong and brave for keep going and help other people woth this grief, all that feelings are normal, but the most important thing it's not yive up, you don't have to love completely this new reality, but you can make it better if you forgive yourself and understand that let other people to enter in your life would be better...because in the end...if you feel so bad...maybe...you can firgive yourself...learning for that...and build a better future❤
Thank you so much for your kind words! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, so so much for sharing, I’m at 2 months since my son died. I had not heard of the tee-shirt blanket/quilt idea until you mentioned it, I have so many of his special tees and now I know what to do with some of them when I’m ready to, I can then hold it on Mothers Day, big hug ❤ x x
I'm so glad you found it helpful, Caroline! Sending big hugs back. Hang in there!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 15 months into this journey. My son was 35 and passed from a pulmonary embolism 😭
I have 2 other children, so I was wondering how your other kids are dealing with the loss?? My 21 year Olds are handling things differently. One is in complete avoidance.
Sending hugs and prayers your way!
That's actually a great video idea, Patty. My older child-- the one who was driving the car, is surprisingly doing very well thanks to trauma counseling. My 17 year-old is not good at sharing his feelings and has been struggling with life in general. It's difficult to watch. I wish there was a magic want to fix their hearts. ❤️. I'm so sorry about your son.
This video brings back so much I also lost my oldest son 12 years ago he was 31 from a pulmonary embolism. life has never been the same. i remember how some would tell me not to pretend but i still do somtimes. I have to in order to do this life. Im so sorry for your loss. i wonder what happened to Patty's beautiful daughter. Together we can...
i am so sorry. i have seen my sister lose her baby and its heartbreaking. i feel that you are stronger than you believe yourself to be. you are able ,hard,but somewhat able to talk to us and thats a big point in your ability to cope. im not wanting to down play your pain but i see you at least trying very hard. good on you. my brother in law broke down terribly (father to lost child)when driving along a long long road one day , he couldnt explain it ,it just was too long on his own with his own thoughts. please try and open her door,look at her room as you pass by,blow a kiss ,smile and keep walking. do it again later a little more slowly then pause one day and tell us how you go. my heart goes out to you so very much. you will be happy one day.your pain of lose will ease somewhat but you speak from the heart so perfectly...thankyou..💫💞💫💞
Thank you so much, Sheryl. I'm trying my best. Some days are better than others. ❤️
I think you & red white & Bethune would really connect, they lost their child in a crash I think on the way to Disney (don't quote me) if y'all did a duel collaboration one on each of your channel you could really grow & help a lot of people. I'm hell on crying in the car also!!
Oh my gosh, I had never heard of them before but they are AWESOME! I'd totally be down for a collaboration. Thank you for sharing. And yes-- the car is the worst!!!
the car is NOT terrible. the car is one of the few places we can cry our 💔 out where no one judges us. i cry everyday on the way home and my child has been gone 8 years. it doesn't get better im sorry
This video was really good
Thank you! I appreciate it. ❤️
A part that I really connected to was how you were able to keep yourself busy because I lost my husband and our kids are also older so I’m still working on knowing what to do with myself .Do you have any suggestions on groups I can join people just haven’t showed up for me at all.
I’m so very sorry
Thank you, Karen.
Their is things called big brother big sister. Lots of girls dont have moms due to them passing away of cancer or whatever. People like yourself who have some spare time spend time with them for a few hours. Bake at home or go for a walk etc. Foster care respite care. One thing my daughter said to me was dont ever be alone if anything ever happened to me. Before she was born I took in a 8 year old though freash air funds for 10 days. Lot of fun. Real eye opener. Love the dogs name!!!might be good to make a spot for her. So you dont have sadness all through the house. My neighbour took 2 years before cleaning her daughters room. With out a doubt little girls are speacil
This is a wonderful idea, Wanda! Thank you so much for sharing.
IBet your daugther was so pretty.like her mama ❤
She was beautiful. ❤
It's been 8 weeks since I lost my son...l understanding ❤
Sending so much love. Hang in there, mama. 💔
I don't know how you could be talking about the edges softened after time. You are only 8 months into losing your child trust me when I say. You're still in the shock and zombie and step-by-step and day-by-day mode. It's not gonna hit you until months down the road where reality sets in and then it really is painful and you have to grieve. The edges do not get softer and offer at least for me. And you read my story above it took over 3 years for me to even admit that she was gone even to admit that she killed herself I still cannot. Believe she did that's my life? Maybe because we had her for so long and she was so part of our family for 32 years. It's a long time again. My deepest condolences your way in the early stages so just go up-and-down with the grief if you're devastated and feel like crying cry. All day I sat in my car and I cried so many hours. The 1st year I cried more than I've cried my entire life and I do. You want me to get told myself that I would get out of bed everyday the 1st week. I stayed with my older daughter because everybody was coming up and forth from PA and make a decision and all that and waiting for my son to come. Up from DC so I stay with my daughter for a week and sort of completely leave my granddaughter's bed. For that week unless we had to do something like go to the funeral home or go. To see Steve ready to go to clean out her belongings things like that and when I got home I took a sigh of relief and said that I will. Always get out of bed. We run covid break from work so I had to beg to go back in August. Because I went wet crazy I needed to be distracted so much I don't know. If you feel that way with such a young child I can't imagine having lost one of my children when are real little. But I did keep my promise to my kids that I had said. I will never bury one of my children and I was fortunate that her husband was so. Catatonic after finding her that regardless that he was connected to Kim I told him I wanted to run a certain term she's being clean at it and her. Older siblings agreed with me and since we had her the longest we were handsome most of everything we paid for everything and of course we let her husband give. Us direction on what he wanted and I didn't want and that was fine. We respected his. Decisions of what he wanted because I was his wife so we call them. We're all together and we just stayed on the same page. But because we had 6 months to plan her funeral after seeing her at the funeral home. And th we have an acrymnated 3 days later that we have plenty of time to plan the perfect funeral and the day was beautiful. Suddenly it was beautiful the pain was unreal but it was like it's like a not like a blur but it's my brain wasn't even there that day
That's fair... it's a year and a half now, and I still feel the same way. Every person's journey is different -- I'm just sharing mine. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending love. ❤️
Brooke I lost my brother nearly 3 years ago and I still haven’t deleted his phone number or what’s app chat ..I can’t do it as it’s my last link to him…
Totally understandable!! ❤️
It doesn’t matter the age. My son was 27 , this is a recent loss. I have no clue who I am now.
It really changes your purpose as a person, doesn't it? Sending hugs your way!
We are going in our 8months now on 17th what happened it’s gone to fast it feels like it happened that day when the cops came to our door, ptsd after hearing door closing and no answering the door anymore .😢
I totally understand -- sometimes it feels like yesterday, sometimes it feels like forever. 💔
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤💔
You have never been you tubbie by the way!…just trolls!..ignore them!..you have been the only one I found that is real!…and have not been like others that are of grieving also …but after. Hearing you…I’m like!..wow!…she just called it!…don’t forget I just lost my girl 11 months ago!…we will never heal yet!…I want out the pain is so bad!..but you have really saved me!…maybe because you have been a teacher…I don’t know!…all I feel is that you are so real and raw!..yes as soon as I get in my van!….my daughter had Cp and my van is a disability van…I always say..are you ready doll!..let’s go!…your beautiful!❤️❤️❤️
Aww, thank you so much Colleen! I'm so glad that you're finding my videos helpful, and I'm so, so very sorry that you can relate to the loss of a daughter. Sending love your way. ❤️