A Gentle Separation - Moving on Without the Drama
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- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2024
- This week I talk about how I explain to the kids about our separation. To everyone who's going through the same process, my heart goes out to you.
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'Coming Home to Autism' book:
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Video Producer:
Tiara Westlake www.kamukami.com/
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I have a 4 year old with autism and came across your channel yesterday, from what I’ve seen you’re an amazing mum and have an equally amazing family, I’m looking forward to watching your videos from the beginning.
Thanks again for sharing your
life experiences and wisdom Tara. Take care of yourself and best wishes to you and your family on your journey.
There is so much love in your heart. All will be well.😊🙏
I am so grateful for all of the videos that you posted. You have been such an inspiration for me. My family lives abroad and raising my son with autism has been a long journey. At night I watch your videos and I feel I have people, love and support. Bless you. You are truly an amazing mother and woman.
thank you this means so much x
It’s so much easier not to be bitter or spiteful. I applaud you. May God strength you and give you peace during this time.
Thank you so much for sharing your world it means the world! I have been divorced for about 5 years now and our son has Asperger’s so we do the one & off thing but we all still struggle & you give me so much hope & courage to not give up! Xx
Thank you for sharing your story so openly. So much love and respect for you guys ❤️❤️Loved the song at the end by Luca too 🥰🥰
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Thank you for your honesty Tara. Sweetheart you are so strong that I have no doubt that you both, will not only benefit from this new step but I am sure you will thrive. I am so please you are giving yourself some well deserved alone time. There is so much good you have already done for others. There is much more the world can learn from you Tara. Thank you for sharing your family and your personal experience with autism. Very Best of luck for the future, from the bottom of my heart!!. ❤ . Your kid at the end, what a superstar!..👏👏. 🙂
So nice that you said "family home", "family apartment" and made it two homes!!!
Thank you for sharing this personal experience. I think you are navigating it gracefully. Take care! ❤
Thank you lovely x
Thank you for shaing. Very helpful for people who are in same kind of situation.
I understand this is your decision, but so many women would be so happy to have what you have. A good man, beautiful home, and sharing 3 lovely children. Why separate?? People just break up so easily these days, it saddens me. I understand if someone is abusive, presents danger, is an addict, makes you terribly unhappy and is unwilling to change in any way. But for reasons that are so minor, people just run away from commitment. I do.wish your family well though,and hope the kids remain happy with the situation in the future.
Yes me too 🎉
This is so mature. I applaud you guys for putting your children first but still giving yourselves time to heal. Thanks for sharing. Life is such a rodeo.
Isn’t it just ❤️
Tara, hello dear. Im so sorry you and Andrew have separated. I know from experience that no matter how mature and accommodating you try/want to be. A broken marriage is difficult and sad. With many ups and downs, esp when dealing with our emotions. I don't know where you stand on faith. But I know the God of the Bible can restore your marriage. If you and Andrew desire that above everything and that includes self. Marriage is sacrifice. It is not for wimps.. Its ok to cry out to God. If you ask He will comfort you and give you strength to face each moment. I hope I have not offended you or any of your readers. My heart is sincere. I will be lifting you, Andrew and the children up in prayer.
As a woman of faith I love your comment and your words of encouragement. I also pray that they'll be able to restore their marriage. I believe that God can restore marriage. He is still restoring mines. You're so right that marriage isn't for the weak. Lord knows I wanted to throw in the towel several times, and the last time I said to God "I want out", He spoke to me and said "not yet". I reluctantly said okay. We went through marriage counseling, and learned that communication and how you communicate to your spouse is SO important. I asked the Lord to give me his heart to love my husband, and I also pray for God to deal with my husband's heart. Basically marriage you to give sacrificially of yourself to one another, and pouring into one another, being there for one another through the good times and the hard times. Also put God first in your marriage. Once you lose sight of that, then your whole world starts crumbling.
You are incredibly strong woman, a huge Inspiration ❤️
This song in the end was amazing 🤩 thank you 😊 xx
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So enlightening personally... you are a gift, thank u going through something similar thanks for all the love u give with your kids. You all deserve a tv channel..was crying half way through the video and smilling till the ebd at the same time.
Will definitely repeat.
❤🇿🇦 from S.A. the honestly thank u!
All the bestest of everything.
Thank you so much xox
Just found your channel and I am so glad I did. My children do not have any kind of special needs, but your advice is amazing. Your voice is so soothing and I am bingeing your videos now! Sending lots of love 💗
That so nice of you to say thank you x
honestly.. last week's video took me by surprise but all the strength and good wishes to you for navigating through this emotionally draining phase.. its lovely to know dylan has approved of the new dynamics..its beautiful that you both have decided to co parent the kids when most seperated couple end up in bitterness . sending prayers from india ....
Thank you x
Thank you for sharing. I have an autism older boy and very young girl and we are separating from their dad too. We are still sorting things out too. It is great that you two can sort things out peacefully. Sometimes , people can be so difficult to talk to. All the best to you and the kids
I know that’s why I find txting or writing helps x
Bravo on working together as a couple in making an amicable separation for the benefit of your children and yourselves.
It says a lot of both of your characters.
I work with children who have trauma and special needs.
I suggest that once you have separate residences, giving the children a couple months to get used to new circumstances, then as parents, the next step is confirming to them, this is permanent and it is a divorce for mum and dad, not from the children.
Speaking about new boy/girlfriends/ partners before the above happens, will cause confusion.
Children need to understand the permanent changes, so they don't hold onto false hope of a reunion.
Divorce is not a dirty word.
Let the information sink in and when you are ready to date and introduce a new person/s into your children's lives, they won't be blamed for the breakdown of your marriage.
Best wishes to you all.
I love listening to you speak because I always learn a lot from what you say. I’m going through a bumpy road in my relationship as well & have a 3 year old autistic child. Most days are just so hard and gloomy and not having an understanding or helpful partner just increases that stress and weight on my shoulders. My problem is that my child is very attached to his dad and that makes things harder for me to make any decisions.
Be gentle with your self i believe things work out the way they are meant too x
its so nice to see how dylan is doing
thanks for sharing... u r doing this very gracefully...Sending best wishes...love and hugs from Nepal!❤️
Thank you x
Separation or divorce are both devastating for the children esp with the special ones as the transition and changes will affect them. You are a great person and exceptional mom.
Thank you I try really hard
Thanks for sharing. Happiness is most important xxx takecare
Thank you for sharing.. Big hug and sending you lots of love Maman
❤️
What God has put together, Let no man put asunder Matthew 19:6
Trust in the Lord
He will restore your marriage 💍 🙏🏾
I have autism and I had to go back and forth between houses and it wasn’t as bad as it seems.
Thanks for sharing. God bless you guys
Thank you too
My spouse has not been on the same page for over 14 years out of 27. The last ten years he’s become emotionally and financially abusive
Luca is amazing ❤️
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Hi 👋, Your gentle separation should be the model for anyone facing or going through a separation. I applaud you & Andrew, both for doing what is best for your children/family. From your friend across the pond by the coast of the Pacific Ocean. P.S. I enjoyed Luca’s song-styling at the vlog’s end. Very thoughtful, deep, and reflective for a boy of his age! Goldilocks. 🤗🤗🤗
Thank you my friend x
Wonderful thing about this you are sharing . It can help us all . Like you say I’m in my 40 s and relationship aside I have felt I am losing myself and we can not give the best of us selves , running on empty batteries all of the time !! So a lot of selfcare is my main thing now . Will enjoy this journey with you . Can I ask how Dylan is doing ? and getting on with school how do you keep him focused on his learning , any subjects he is enjoying ,my son high sensory , won’t hold pen or pencil for long time, just enough to do a page at a time of writing 😂xx
We just take Day by day sometimes he can do more than others are you doing right but I think it’s important to listen to your child watch their movements watch their behaviour. You definitely need to have self-care because without you how would your child cope ? They need us which is why we need to put ourselves first sometimes
As Dyan's (spell?) answer proves, Autism just means "different, not less"!
100 💯
Never see honest ,strong women in the social media like you you are motivated so money women have kids with Autism.
Thank you so much xo
A very important point not to criticise your partner in front of the children ❤️
Absolutely ❤️
This is fascinating. I've just randomly stumbled across some of these vids. Both partners are definitely fortunate in terms of being fundamentally decent enough to try to not make the split acrimonious. That said, new partners (if serious) will change the current dynamic - and not always for the better. For sure, when either of you fall in lust / love with another is when you'll discover even more about each other. Good luck, guys.x
thank you
@@ComingHometoAutism - No problem, Tara.
I’m going to be filing for divorce sometime this fall. My spouse is on the spectrum and does not provide for our family. I’m seeing a counselor how to navigate our changes coming up. I live in my she shed except for meal prep and homeschooling
your husband is def on the spectrum happy that you 2 decided to part ways xx ❤️
Thank you for sharing. Your children are beautiful, sweet, and respectful. Great job mom and dad.
Love it
Hello,
We are recently diagnosed parents, can you please let me know when the boy started talking?
So many couples broke down during lockdown 😢
How are you doing financially ? I know you have been focused on this business and your kids while he has continued to progress in his career. How is the financial situation resolved ? I know this is a sensitive topic but would love to hear any advice on how to negotiate this aspect.
Wait did they break up ?
Mam you'r older son increase undistanding or not because I have also autistic child and I am worried about my son's undistanding my son is behaving same like ur autistic son please guide me
Kindly make video about dylan therapies and daily routine plz
We have a few videos on a daily routine and therapies I will do an updated daily routine soon
Hi mam can I use sizodon syrup(for hyperactive)to my 3 year old kid mam . Doctor advised mam as it is (anti psychiatric syrup)drug we are not interested to u as it cause any harm to my baby .pls rply me mam it is very important mam
Why not go through a standard divorce proceeding ? Is the mediator based approach a better way? When do people go with your approach vs divorce ?
Hello 👋. I can’t help but wondering…have you not been watching last week’s or this vlog? I’m thinking maybe you’re hearing the “words” but certainly without a heart ♥️ understanding. The standard/routine divorce, through the court system, is brutal on each family member. I’m at a loss for words and somewhat exasperated with you questioning the manner and thoughtful ways these two loving parents are navigating the rough waters of separation. They are concerned with making this huge change as easy and gentle as possible for their children and each other. I urge you to give this more thought and look to the heart ♥️ of the situation. Respectfully, Goldilocks
@@anothergoldilocks1077 ok understood. I'm trying to understand why other parents don't do the same then and why vast vast majority of people go through divorce then
It’s about relearning a different way.
The media movies other people think that divorce has to be some horrible drama and I think that the individuals get caught up so much of themselves that they lose sight of the most important things in their lives which are the children. X
Is she saying that the step parents would live in the same house under the same roof ?
Sometimes we blame the autistic child for the reason of separation but it's not true, the actual reason is the ego , lack of understanding , avoiding responsibilities and me my myself between the couples. It's very hard decision but Sometimes there's no other way.
Do non autistic parents of autistic children mask? Idk maybe to appear normal, happy or mask to fit in or make things work. Am not judging them, but i suspect they do.
Yes they do mask to try fit in x
Hi
Can I ask you was he “spacing out “as a young age boy?
So happy to see how far he came.
Also may I ask you were all your children vaccinated?
Thank you .
I don't understand why are you doing this separation when you are so lucky couple blessed with love and other things people usually don't get so easy, even don't get at all.
Happiness, love, children, sexy man full of love and care for all of you, money, amazing house, pet...and then you make problems.
I just can not understand.
I know it may look like that on the outside. But this is not the truth. Life is not easy, we did not have that connection and that kind of love. I mothered my family but did not feel the same back. I looked after and gave my all and I felt ignored and lots of things happened which we’re not ok and no one would have stayed for. I choose not to speak of those things because we have children and because they watch the videos . But I hope that people will see behind the smiles and know that I would never just blow up my family and just make up problems . It’s Been the most hurtful of times and it’s broken me. I hope that helps you understand a bit more x
@@ComingHometoAutism I want to cry so much when such a thing happens to good people trying to do the right thing. May God ease all your private matters. My eldest son was diagnosed at 14. No one gets him as well as I do. Marriage itself is hard work, neurodivergents can add stress to the relationship. May God bless your heart with peace and protect your kids.