Session 1 | Katie | In Therapy with Alex Howard
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- Опубликовано: 7 июн 2024
- In this episode, we meet 50-year-old Katie, who has come to therapy suffering with acute anxiety and depression. In their first session, Alex works with Katie to explore her past and identifies that there is an ongoing feeling of not being seen, held or heard by others and that this has impacted her relationship with herself.
0:00 Welcome to "In Therapy"
1:12 Meet Katie
4:15 Alex and Katie's first introduction
8:25 To be heard and seen
10:15 Katie's ambitions
14:17 Tracking anxiety and depression along life events
16:05 Katie's self reflection
17:34 Your relationship with yourself
20:39 Being your own loving carer
22:10 Thought diary homework
25:54 Katie's reflections on her first session
27:55 Alex's thoughts and updates
29:36 Coming up next...
In Therapy with Alex Howard follows real-life people on their therapeutic journeys as they grapple with issues like depression, anxiety and chronic illness.
Alex Howard is a London-based Therapeutic Coach dedicated to helping break the stigma around mental health and helping people make real, positive changes in their lives. Alex is also the creator of Therapeutic Coaching and founder of The Optimum Health Clinic and Conscious Life.
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Website: www.alexhoward.com
Instagram: alexhoward.tv
Facebook: alexhowardtv/
In Therapy is co-produced, directed and edited by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Rachel Forbes (Instagram: @rae_forbes).
Im 50 and i relate to Katie so much. My purpose has always been taking care of my husband and children. Im divorced now and an empty nester.
Thank you for sharing Darling. We'll be okay.
If you ever want to reach out to another 50 year old woman, please do.
This is true sisterhood and girl power! ❤
Isn’t it so common to see our identity through what we do rather than who we are. It’s like we think looking after kids, being a good wife and person is who we are. It’s not. Who we are we’ve lost sight of, this is what she and all of us is looking for.
I think when you do something for so long its very difficult to adjust when that changes, you can become a little lost. But things will get better and you'll find a new purpose. I also think the anxiety she felt isnt that unusual dont we all have those things throughout our lives? Obvioulsy some suffer more than others. Don't feel alone becaue you are not.
My heart goes out to Katie and hopefully Alex will be able to help her. By allowing us to follow her she is also helping me (and others like me) more than she could ever know. For that, I am truly grateful to both of them. I wish Katie well on her journey, as I do all the participants.
Very relatable, bless Kate, I'm 50 too and get the comments around brushing all under the carpet in the 70s and 80s
Yes
Yes❤
Absolutely can relate at 54
If you take a minute to think deeply about the huge, daily, Herculean effort of raising four children, all of the housework and planning and love and help and meals and laundry and shopping and school support, that in itself constitutes an enormous life accomplishment. Bravo Katie! You are already a hero! 🙏🏻💕
Yes to this!
I know exactly that feeling ..my childhood was traumatic. I have struggled all my life with anxiety, bouts of depression. Never liked myself. Found life one big struggle mostly ..while I do appreciate the good things ,I battle through mostly
Late diagnosed autistic mother here - I see myself in Katie’s experiences: not feeling like I fit in anywhere, using humour to try to belong and get some recognition, an innate passion against injustice… not even half way through the video yet but thought I’d share that in case it helps someone else on their journey
I'm only about 9 mins in and autism sprung to my mind too. It always seems to get overlooked in adults. The constant effort to make everything make sense stuck out to me.
Same here, I wasn't long into the video and I related hugely, seeing lots of signs of neurodivergence in her
Same here x
I can identify 100% with Katie! It’s as if she was telling my story! Unreal. It’s a horrible, difficult time of my life. I feel as if I’ve lost the old me and I don’t know what to be or how to find a new me! That sounds muddled…😢❤
Sorry ... I've delt with depression.. off and on... I rit sucks...I'd rather have pain then emotionally, mentally issues. But it was medical "unbalanced " on medication and keeps me on balance.
I understand. I miss the old me too. And in reference to the following comment, no antidepressants have ever worked for me but things have gotten so bad that I’m trying one again. I hope that the woman who made this video and everyone who reads these comments feels better because it’s hellish to suffer like this I’m stuck alone and I can’t get myself to call anybody or do anything. I think that most to me has just gone on strike because life has hurt me way too much.
@@mare2723I am running right there with you. I hope and pray that we will see better days very soon!
Same. So much of what she says--me to the letter. Amazing bravery on Kate's part to share all this.
Read Robert Adams complete collective works
I wish everyone reading this peace, prosperity, healing and courage. ❤🌸🌺✨⭐️
Katie tells a woman’s tale!!
Be brave !! ❤️
You are now a hero..a warrior to all who see this...to actually be filmed, to put yourself in front of all of us and tell us your vulnerability and " flaws " that we all pretend aren't there !!...big thank youuuuuuu..
I have cried so hard during this. I think it has hit a nerve in me that I didn’t quite know that was there. I’m pulling for you Katie and in doing so I am pulling for myself.
I lost my precious furbaby in Jan. 2020…. I will miss her forever.🐶
Katie you are an amazing person and dsepite what you think you have achieved so much in your life!
Anxiety and depression are both incredibly common yet most families still keep quiet as even in 2023, both conditions still carry a stigma.
Unfortunately you are not alone and well done you for voicing your story publicly which will undoubtedly help many others.
You have dealt with a succession of losses at a pivotal moment in your life- perimenopause and menopause.
The hormonal changes at this time in a woman's life unfortunately often coincide with the stress of caring for elderly parents and teenagers and then children leaving home.
I felt helpless when my own mother was going through this stage in her life (i did my best but had so many of my own issues to contend with)
Looking back I clearly see that what she went through then ( coupled with the anxiety she had experienced throughout most of her life) led to her early death at the age of 68.
She often told me she felt useless and worthless, and I reassured her time and again what a beautiful and loved woman/mother she was. I also encouraged her to seek professional help but she was from a generation were mental health was hugely stigmatized.
There were many happy times also but her emotional issues led to comfort eating and weight gain.
My grandmother's death, menopause and empty nest syndrome were definitely triggers.
My own life has been marred with periods of anxiety and low self esteem but I have been fortunate in developing resilience which has served me well through several family bereavements, estrangement, relationship issues, job/financial/health worries.
I have reconnected with my inner child by writing a detailed timeline of my life and examining events which shaped my life.
I am finding it helpful to use family photographs going back 3 generations and also family history research to examine patterns I notice repeating.
For those struggling with similar issues to Katie I would strongly recommend the following
1) be kind to yourself, self-care is essential and never feel guilty for resting or treating yourself.
2) walk in nature, if you dont have anywhere safe to roam then visit places of interest with gardens/ outside spaces such as wildlife parks/ stately homes/ botanical gardens.
3) fresh air, sunshine, drink lots of water, sleep well ( preferred 10pm-6am or similar pattern)
4) cut out sugar and processed foods. Eat plenty of fresh vegetables and seasonal fruits.
5) wear your favourite clothing
6) find a form of exercise you love, could be tai chi, yoga, pilates, swimming, walking - there is something for everyone!
7) lose yourself in a good book- gentle fiction, cosy mysteries, nature/travel writing
8) meditate, enjoy all the little things in life which are free as these are the best things!
Watch the sky, listen to birdsong, enjoy sipping fruit/herbal teas
9) listen to gentle music , learn a new language, try puzzles such as Wordle
10) think about people who love/loved you the most- may be a grandparent, parent, child, pet. Think how happy and healthy they would long to see you be !
11) Let go of any guilt or regret- most of us did/do the best that we could at the time (given our own issues/ thoughts/commitments at that time)
Look into the spiritual side of life- I enjoy reading and learning about near death experiences (there are some great sites on RUclips- Next Level Soul is good place to begin)
I keep an open mind but the many experiences from around the world do seem to suggest we are here to fulfill our life purpose and that being kind to ourselves and others is actually way more important than any professional achievements.
Sending love and positivity to everyone reading this- you are not alone.
Please try to stay in a mindset of love and gratitude as our thoughts are very powerful.
P.s if you are a chronic worrier then i recommend listing your worries and then writing possible solutions next to them (rather than endless rumination)
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Bless your caring heart, thank you! 😊
Thankyou so much 💓
Katie you will come through this tough episode in your life sooner than you think. You lost your beautiful dog and that hurts. Your dog loved you because you were you. You haven't lost your children and they love you because you are you. You have proved your abilities over and over again as a loving person to your children and the people you have worked for ! The big step is to get the fabulous you in perspective to yourself. Some unwanted cruel inner voice is judging you and putting you down so tell it to f...off cause you don't have time for idiots! Best of luck and enjoy the journal with Alex. He's such a caring person .
I’ll be watching all your episodes and rooting for you Katie. I hope Alex can help you on your journey to finding happiness and purpose and love in your life
I can totally relate to you Katie. My kids were my life and then when they had each moved out I felt redundant and bereft xx
Thank you for being so vulnerable, Katie. In many ways I'm right beside you. Thanks for guiding Katie so carefully, Alex. I'm looking forward to the ongoing journey.
Katie you are Brave Beyond words.
I watched your sessions weeping and my Heartfelt gratitude for your candor in the fact that the Life you had no longer fitted your desire to live a more honest, stripped back existence.
The universe rewards the Brave.
Many blessings to you.
Australia 18 July 2023
After 30 years of caring for my beloved Son who has various Disabilities . Now he has gone into residential house i am now 57 and i relate to Katies feelings of not fitting into this world and no purpose . She is amazingly intelligent . Best wishes to you Katie ❤
This guy is so insightful. I was just like you Katie. Id put myself on the 'back-burner' for so many years as a Mum that putting myself first felt so alien and uncomfortable to me. Being honest it took me 3 years to grieve and adjust to the 'empty nest' but now I can say at 52, life begins now. I'm in a relationship after being single for 6 years and we go out together on our bike and explore the valleys of Wales together. It takes time, more than a few weeks, but it will come and you’ll learn so much about yourself, rediscover yourself even.
Wow, listening to Katie was like she was talking about me, apart from her children, which I don’t have unfortunately, but the rest was so familiar. Gonna keep watching, thank you for putting these online
Thank you Alex so much for all the knowledge that you share and my heart goes to your clients who are very brave to share their struggles with us
Katie I am proud of you! You are very courageous! I am going through a similar experience...so your helping me. Thank you
I absolutely adore these sessions so much! I can literally relate to everyone’s story!! Thank you so much for putting these out and to everyone sharing their journeys 💖
Well done Katie for reaching out. All the best to you on this journey and thanks so much for sharing this with us. Great job, as always Alex & team!
I can’t tell you how much I relate to you Katie. I’ve had ME/CFS for 25 years. Struggled with anxiety throughout my life and depression.. my lovely mum died 5 years ago. She was part of my every day.. my lovely son who was married but who we saw every day stopped calling at weekends. He lives quite a few miles away. Then 2 years ago my daughter got married and moved away. The anxiety was bad. I felt so negative towards myself. I’m a Christian and trust God will get me through this. It’s tough though Katie. You’ve been brave to share but it’s helped me and I’m looking forward to seeing where you go with Alex. I’m a 54 mum though still with my very wonderful husband. God bless you
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I hope you see this. I really relate to what you've said because I've also suffered through ME and CFS for 30 years!! I finally saw an alternative doctor got diagnosed with Hashimoto. I learned I was seriously deficient in magnesium and vitamin D3. (Medical doctors don't usually focus on these things because it's not profitable to them).
Magnesium Glycinate will make the pain, fatigue and stiffness go away! Just take the recommend does on the bottle and slowly increase it till the pain goes away.
@@ceilconstante640aww hello! I have received your message! Thank you! I wrote you a reply on my phone but it would not send! I will send this to see if it works on my iPad. If it does, I’ve taken pics of my long reply and will see if I can somehow send those. I can’t write it all again haha! I might be a while in coming. Take care and again thank you for your lovely message :)!
I have had cfs for 27 years it’s been tough but I can now see I have had very difficult relationships with my narcissist mother and sister. I can see why I took it through burn out, and didn’t know how to take care of myself and love myself. Grieve your loneliness but start relaxation and meditation and do meditation on loving the inner child. It time to have a great relationship with the most important person in your life yourself. Much love sent your way .
The story was very touching. I could relate to Katie's relationship with herself. I'm looking forward to new episodes!
Me too. ❤
I keep my fingers crossed for you Katie. I think you are very brave and I hope this journey gives you peace and pleasure of feeling worthy and loved by yourself. Great episode.
Well done Katie for being so brave. Good luck as you move forward x
I am working hard on
Self-compassion. You are amazing to share
This . Thank you
Hi! I'm also working on self compassion as it was totaly foreign concept for me. Do you have some resourses to recommend? I find Lisa Romano's guided meditations helpfull and also Pete Walker: From survivng to thriewing. Good luck and I wish you all the best 🍀
Thank you once again so much for doing these series Alex, it´s really helpful. Thank you also Katie for being so open and vulnerable with us. I feel your pain and I am rooting for you. I am reading and want to recommend a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson at the moment that I find super insightful about the things that happened or rather didn´t happen in our childhood (it sounds like this might apply to your childhood as well) and how that affects our relationship with ourselves and our emotional world. It just really validates my experiences with my parents and why I always feel so empty and off balance around them and as a general theme throughout my life. I always thought it was just me being incapable and an ungrateful daughter, but the book describes my mom to a t and tells me that I´m not crazy but that my experience and reactions are rather perfectly human, which is such a relief haha. Much love to you and all the best for everyone on this bizarre and often painful journey!
New subscriber. I’m loving your videos. You’re doing great work.
Way to go Katie! You ARE so strong!💪✌💚
What a strong lady! Thank you Katie for being so open and brave. I am looking forward to seeing more of your journey and wish you well with all my heart 💜
Katie, Thank you for being so brave and vulnerable. You are not alone in the way you feel, I have been on a similar path, and I believe you are on the right track to feeling better about yourself and how you fit in in the world. Be gentle with yourself as you move forward. You will find a safe space right within you that you can always come home to no matter what happens in the outside world.
Awww you are More than Enough. Amazing woman to be sooo vulnerable to the world well done ❤🎉
Great content, thank you both of you for putting yourselves out here. so appreciated
Thank you Katie, thank you Alex!
I don’t think you can ever underestimate the role of hormones on physical and mental well-being.
Absolutely. I am so grateful to Katie for sharing this with us. I haven't read all of the comments but it sounds like PMDD and possibly ADHD play a big role here and would be useful to address/explore alongside the self worth aspect. From my perspective the three things are interlinked and when hormonal imbalance sidelines us without being recognised it can make the self worth piece incredibly difficult to access.
Thank you Kate ........ learning alot.......very good therapist.
Oh, I can relate to so much of this. Katie, I hope you are well and know you are so precious. PS: I don't know how therapists can do it. I would be a crying mess, so I very much appreciate their calm empathy!
For you to admit you are frightened is absolutely inspiring. You deserve to have a happy fulfilled life. Your legacy is forever in your children's lives, only you could have done that for them. They will surely be emotionally supportive of your journey and proud of what you do next. It will be difficult everyday to show up and be bold. With the help you are receiving and the work you put into it you will be successful. Thank you for sharing you are not alone.
This story really made Made me cry so hard, because I saw myself in that story. You can be so proud of your self because you gave so much have been through so much agony and lonleyness and are still here. You are amazing and beautiful too. I really feel with you. ❤
This is groundbreaking. Congratulations. Fierce.❤❤❤
Is it possible that this woman has clinical depression? She mentioned feeling better during pregnancy and relating this to hormones. How do you, as a therapist, determine what type of depression she has? When is a chemical intervention (anti depressants or hormone replacement) preferable? Is talking therapy always the best option or can it be counter productive for some? Many thanks and good luck to this lovely lady.
I aree the two emotional and physical illness are interalated. I might assume Katie would beneift from both medication and therapy
Katie you are so courageous to face this, and I wish you healing and love. I felt like my world had crashed down when I had to face the empty nest as I had lost me while being mum. I'm slowly getting through this now, learning what I like to do, what I don't like to do; and ultimately getting to know who I am today. It's not easy, but gradually I'm regaining self-worth and beginning to like who I am.
Thankyou for your help, I will start journaling today. And hopefully I will learn to be compationate with myself.❤
I can relate to this as I have health anxiety and turning 50 in Feb. How brave Katie❤
So brave, thank you for sharing ❤
I can relate to Katie in so many ways. ❤
Such a touching episode. I also felt empty and a bit depressed when our kids grew up. I think it's time to really care about yourself now. ❤
Katie, Thank you for your realness. Your bravery and honesty looking inside will not only shift your view of self, but help others learn this as well. You are not alone. There are a lot of commonalities to our stories. At one point you stated your view of self as your unhappy, negative feelings. I don't agree. I think the real you is the person I see when you talk about being a mom/talking about your kids/your career interest in human stories. You are brave, kind, compassionate, loving, authentic.... not a job, degree or marital status. I have no doubt, you will find her. Thank you for taking us on your journey.
Thank you Katie for sharing your journey. I identify with your situation, as do some other “empty nesters” who are prone to anxiety and depression. I’m really. hoping that Alex can help you for your sake and for the rest of us who are dealing with similar problems. ❤
Omg kasey, you is loved, you is beautiful, you is worthy..you have a beautiful heart because your children have experienced that..your sensitive self needs nourishing, it's your time to give you a big bloody hug 🤗.. You are fearless, like who leaves the hubby whilst pregnant n takes on a high pressure job, you did not n you were good at it..all you need to do now is give yourself the love that you give to others..you can do it 💜
Thank you for sharing this! I feel hopeful watching this !❤
I cried hearing her story I could relate with most of what she's said I've had that voice since I can remember since I was a child I've been through a lot of trauma I haven't dealt with to where its starting to get to that overwhelming tipping point where I don't want to be here anymore I want the pain and that voice that says what's wrong with you to stop but I can't I don't want my babies to feel the consequences there the only reason I live
I understand. I've been there...see my note above. It is a struggle. You can do it...feel better/recovery/be happy ♥ Find your self and love that little child.
I understand, I'm 68. I'm still hopeful for each day. I don't want to miss the special moments.
I'd love to follow Katie's progress
Thank you Alex, thank you Katie ❤
Very brave to be so exposed in showing your feelings .I have has Anxiety most of my life and found myself rescuing others to feel better rather building a strong foundation for myself ,I feel for Katie and hope Alex can help .
Thank you Katie💞
Oh my goodness! On listening to this episode with Katie, I relate to so much of it. Having said that, there are some significant differences between us. I share the sense of ‘what is my purpose’ and wanting to be the best at everything I do, since my teens. But I don’t have children which has been my greatest sadness so haven’t got that conduit(?) for the love I have to give and which may have given me some sense of purpose. But the not knowing ‘who I am’ has been over-whelming at times. I loved the insights that Alex had for Katie - changing the internal voice and soothing that child that didn’t feel heard or seen. Could have a lot to do with boarding school at 8 yrs of age and relentless bullying for years by people who know not what they did to my twin sister and me! It stays with me even today at age 71!
So relatable. Saw other comments that said "this could be me and my story" even that is comforting to me.
I really hope that Katie is able to come through this time of huge change and loss and find herself calmer and happier. I found so many ad breaks really disturbing in such a sensitive programme.
Hi C.B. Thanks for your comments. Apologies for the numerous ad breaks on this episode. These will be heavily reduced in future episodes 👍
I can so relate to this woman. I suspect many can
Brave woman. Smart, curious, ambitious. We are so much harder on ourselves than we would be on a friend, or a family member.
I feel a great deal of the same fears and inadequacy. Loved being a mum. Loved being a grandma but never happy with myself. I felt for much of my life like an alien. I shall watch this with huge interest.
I totally relate to you. I too have anxiety and depression. I also have M.E.
Amazing - Thanks for sharing your journey with us Katie - great episode.
Thanks katie for sharing your story. I have two children. They are now teenagers. The transition is tough. Being a mum is so wonderful. Alex - any advice how you grieve the children growing up?
Katie's story resonates with me. Like her I was an achiever and caretaker of everyone but myself
God speed Katie! I relate, I don’t know if you are a believer but I stopped hating myself when I went to the Bible and looked up the verses where God tells me who I am. He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He says He knew me in the depths of the earth and in the womb, He says He has a plan and purpose for my life! He says that I am His!I am now 70+ and I see he has still a purpose for me! God is good! ❤️
In addition to my previous comment- art can also be hugely therapeutic, whether doodling, colouring in, creating a masterpiece.
Sewing, knitting, embroidery, crochet also, either at home or join a class.
Try not to isolate yourself- perhaps volunteer one afternoon a week in an animal shelter, hospital, playgroup or charity shop.
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Suffered anxiety and a sense of worthlessness all my life, which has actually got worse the older I've got. So much self disgust at my struggling to fit into society. It's a never ending circle with no remission or exit door.
Hugs for you - you can do it!
Yes it was fab and so true. Thank 💯👀
I love the idea of reflecting on how I am treated myself. After years of therapy and self help and meditation my self talk is excellent; however, belief in myself and my capacity to take care of myself as a disabled adult is still lagging behind.
I have heard woman express these same 'underlying' issues. So I'm so grateful to hear this episode. I think we need to be reminded of the core things that keep us on the straight nd narrow but that keeps us full of light (joy) and life. The journaling, being reminded that life IS actually hard and challenging BUT to focus on our strengths going forward. I would like to comment on the presence of Jesus and God (Our Father) once you have given Him permission to reside in you, to walk with you, to talk with you. Without Him and The Word as a daily, minute by minute presence, like a coating on the inside of your whole being (heart, mind body, soul) takes the journey thru this world to another amazing level. It gives you strength to do tge 'mining' within self to find the treasures and strengths that are within us all. AND I would lastly like to mirror Katie's comment at beginning - the hormone issue IS spit on and mostly always glossed over. .and I think is most probably the main issue for most of us women who go thru this struggle. Even to this day medical science on the issue of hormones is a guessing game at best, but we (woman) know. And hormones are about nutrition, mental/emotional state (as it affects our nervous system nd messages going to our brain and therefore affects the whole reactive physiological perspective...especially when its all rooted in fear based anxieties). I wish Katie all the best with her journey thru this valley and would encourage her to do the work required honestly, to keep moving forward to be the Katie God intended her to be (and remind her that God loved her from before she was born and continues to love her thru every day of her life).
Very brave Katy. Well done.
and Katie ..their are so many of us like you ..you are not alone .
do not worry like most people who ever you think you are, you are most definely not.....you are so much more.
Oh my goodness! I so understand as a 2x time widow and alone now. I just am doing my level best to find my footing and place in this world. So very lonely, very lonely.
Sanding you love ❤
Omg she is literally telling my story
I just want to hug Katie, because I am just like her! xxx
Thank you
Wow just stumbled across this Katie thankyou .I understand I'm In same boat
I have never written anything
I had to contact Katie
Similar circumstances my goodness thankyou
I can relate to Katie way too much.
God bless you Katie xx
Thank you Katie. I see a lot of myself in you. I am looking into HRT and ASD. I think that your thought about hormones being related is probably correct. I totally get the anxiety and constant thinking and having to just get on with it. I am seeing this two years on, and am looking forward to seeing more. I hope that you are doing ok. Alex I have picked up some good tips from you. The conversation we have with ourself is so important. Journaling is something that may help too, so I am going to give it a go for when I find a suitable therapist. ❤😌
@@tessalee6253 thanks for the advice. I am doing my best with diet and e exercise. It’s been a tough few years for me trying to work out how to cope with a multitude of changes and events. As much as diet and exercise are important I now understand that they can’t cure everything. I don’t think diet will magically regenerate post menopause hormones or make me not autistic, but yes diet and exercise are most certainly important in creating your best self (as long as they aren’t taken to extremes or become damaging: just be aware that people on the autism spectrum may also have eating and control disorders and further advice about exercise may actually not be appropriate depending on their struggles)
Progesterone cream helped and estrogen patch
Teaching her about her inner child would be fantastic (trauma informed therapy)
I live with a guy since 2006, never married. His Mom who is a psychologist told me to stop criticizing him and do all house hold responsibilities. She then told me I should go get therapy, seek aid through local charities like Catholic charities, get on Medicaid. But don't be dependent on her son, that would be wrong thing to do. She told me to get off his back and that most of my physical pain was in my head, not in my body. I told her I would try to leave, and I know how much she loves her son. She was happy that I seemed to understand her suggested advice to me. I have no way to leave and my auto-immune disorder never qualified me for disability, I applied 3x's. I feel none of his family approve of me, and my family and friends would probably agree with her also since she is a psychologist.
Am interested to hear what Katie is doing now. Hope she is doing well. Blessings.
Making Space for my Feelings
The things you said Katie, was sooo like my own life! Having watched a tv programme when I was a child, where there was something wrong with a child who was dyeing I think, and I went up to my bedroom, and thought I was dyeing too. Ever since then, I have had this fear that I am dyeing. I never fitted in at school, and a girl, who was my only friend at the time said to me "I will be your friend if you don't tell anyone" I have always remembered that. I grew up feeling rejected. I did go on to get married, and opened my own private nursery school on the side of my house, but never had any children of my own. My marriage ended after 18 years, and I have been on my own ever since. I am 66 years young. I had a close male friend, but he died at the age of 45. My wonderful dog Charlie, who was my life, had to be put to sleep at the age of 12, three years ago now, and that broke my heart in two. Since then, I rescued a black greyhound called Madge (her racing name was Devils Magic) and because I suffer from sever anxiety, I only go out of my rural home to walk her. I sold my car, because I could not go out in it, as every time I did, (despite having loved driving everywhere) I would start to choke after about 10 minutes, then have to stop to be sick, so I gave up going out at all, and order everything I need on line. I am drinking too much g & t but it gives me company. I can not afford to have a private therapist, who I would really love to have. Just need to know where I go from here? If anyone out there has any suggestions to help me, I would be so very grateful. xxx
Maybe follow the suggestion he makes at the end about the journalling tips he's put on his Instagram account.
Using CBT map out attainable goals - one step at a time. Like, for example, do a short 5 minute walk from home and back and keep at it till you feel comfortable enough to go further. Reward yourself with something each time you attain your goal. See yourself in your mind as an achiever. If you can picture it in your mind, you'll be able to make it real.
@@happycazable Thank you sooo much for this happycazable! This is what I am trying to do - my aim is to walk a mile to the village underground shop! I have managed to get 1/2 way so far, then have to turn back and get back to my home, my safe zone. But I will keep trying. xxx
I feel for Kate. Don't many of us feel like that hurt little child? I hope she finds herself.
Hang in there Katie. ❤❤❤
I so can relate
Once the grandchildren come the love will come back ❤
It’s so brave to speak your truth. Thank you, Katie.
She is telling my story! 😕
Trauma gets stuck in the brain.
The limbic system and the amygdala actually re-wire...
The amygdala actually gets bigger
which makes us even more hyper vigilant and reactive...
SO HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW and WHEN
will I ever heal?
I am constantly in a state of frozen paralyzed trauma...
Do him and her have Evil Demons inside of their Souls?
Or do they just love each other?
And in their passion for one another...
He discarded me...
Is it as simple as the latter?
UNBEARABLE PAIN. SUICIDAL GRIEF.
DARKNESS. TERROR. PANIC. ALONENESS.
I beg to die.
Please, Lord, let me die.
I can't take this pain and panic anymore.
I'm so desperately alone.
I live in panic and despair.
I have SEVERE PTSD.
I am dizzy with grief and nauseous with panic and terror.
I'm so very very very alone.
HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?
HOW HOW HOW???
I trusted him. I loved him. I needed him.
He raped my soul and left me in darkness.
He gave me severe PTSD. Severe severe severe.
I live in constant panic and horrific terror.
Can't believe what he's done to me.
How could he do this to me?
WHAT! A! MONSTER!!!
I can't breathe.
I don't breathe.
I am paralyzed with frantic terrified panic.
I am submerged in darkness.
I am breathless and lonely and so very alone.
Debilitating paralyzing panic attacks.
They are almost constant.
I'm in hell. I can't find escape nor relief.
My soul is tortured and tormented and raped.
He raped me. On a soul level. He raped my soul.
I am in agony.
Anguished.
Haunted.
Panicked.
In despair.
I die inside.
The pain is unbearable.
I drowned in terror and darkness.
Nightmares all night.
Panic attacks all day.
When and how will I ever heal?
This happened to me in February,
and now we're in July...
I need a miracle.
A million little miracles...
His name is Bryan.
He raped my soul.
Viciously maliciously
brutally violently.
I thought he was my best friend.
He betrayed and abandoned me
and left me alone to die.
Replaced me.
Discarded me.
Like garbage.
Gave me severe PTSD.
So...
I release all chords, hooks, ties, and attachments
to him specifically, and also generally:
to any person, place, or thing,
on any time continuum,
that is no longer for my highest and best good, and healing...
I release all of these things now, and forevermore,
and I watch them dissolve into the nothingness, from which they came...
Thank you, thank you, thank you
- IT IS DONE! 🙏
And here are 13 gentle and urgent reminders:
1. You're ALWAYS exactly where you are supposed to be
2. Self-esteem is measured by you (nobody else gets to decide your worth)
3. Get rid of fear: FOREVER!!!
4. When things are tough, change the way you see things...
5. Don't dwell on/in the past (come back to this present moment!)
6. It's only temporary (all of it!)
7. You have what it takes
8. You don't need to change
9. Release your need for control
10. Accept. Allow. Breathe. Deep.
11. Remember where you came from
12. Remember that you are not alone (not ever!)
13. Remember who you are
GOD has a purpose for your pain,
A reason for your struggle,
and a reward for your courage/bravery/faithfulness...
Trust, and never give up. 🙏🏽
I'm walking into my victory!
Thank you, God!❤💯
Instead of saying: “what’s the worst that could happen?”
Let’s say: “what’s the BEST that could happen?”
I choose God's LOVE and MIRACLES
over the temptation of unbelief!
I surrender all the pain, the darkness, the grief, the misery, and the self judgement.
I am ready to have it all transmuted to joy, comfort, safety, bliss, miracles,
magic, beauty, happiness, strength, and aliveness!
AFFIRMING:
- I am divine
- I am sacred
- I am radically honest
- I am a warrior
- I am an angel
- I am light
- I am love
- I am one with the eternal
- I am one with my twin flame (we are magnetized to each other!)
- I am protected
- I am strong
- I am multidimensional
- I am grateful
- I am abundantly blessed
- I am brave and courageous
- I am creative
- I am resilient
- I am ambitious
- I am a healer
- I make the world a better place
Listening to Katie is me hearing myself. I never had children, but 2 marriages & the 2nd is near ending. I don't know who I am or why I'm here or what my purpose is. I know my relationship w my husband isn't good but I'm terrified to be on my own. I'm scared to be alone. I don't think I'd make it.
Wow i could write your message.
I'm newly divorced, i don't have children, i didn't know who i was until 4 years ago when i had an epiphany and everything has changed.
I went to therapy, ive been reading hundreds of books 📚, I've been watching thousands of videos on youtube and now i can say after 3 decades without knowing myself that i finally know who I am.
It's been hard and painful to dig my past but the light in the end of the tunnel is so worth it 😌
May you find yourself 🙏
It is very scary stepping out in your own. It is growth. Find a woman you trust and confide in her. It's ok to be scared...ask questions of other older women you respect. Let them know you're scared but you're gonna do it!
I think our purpose is to hopefully leave this place a little better for our being here. 😊