Tell me about your friendships: do you have a sense you've outgrown any of them or feel obligated to stay friends? What might need to change to make it fulfilling? Remember to download the guide for a 20-question friendship assessment: www.terricole.com/problematic-friendships-guide
This is very timely. Thank you, Terry. Im going through a major friendship debacle right now. The worst part of that is I who feels like there is something wrong with me for not being able to sustain that friendship 😢😢
I distanced from a friendship, when I noticed that not only her competing all the time was exhausting, but that I shared less and less personal things with her - noticing that when I was delighted about something she nearly every time talked it down. It took me a while to be okay with it and not feeling guilty, but now I am glad I did it !
Thank you so much Terry for this video. I was in a friendship with a female that was very one-sided and I did feel bullied, controlled and I knew there was some things that weren't right. The relationship has ended and I pray for her and me regularly. I forgive her and myself and I give it to God!💜💙
Very Interesting, I have noticed that sometimes a friendship with someone is there to support my need to be of use , to be the savior. Once I realised that I stopped needing this person to change and our relationship became of a different nature and i could appreciate the lighter side of the frienship. We are really 50% part of the solution. Our friendship evolved. thank you for all your content
Wonderful video and advice. Thank you, Terri! This really resonated. I experienced the erosion of many friendships after my cancer diagnosis a few years ago. That was so painful. It still is in some ways. I was the go-to person for mostly all of the people in my life and when I became ill, I had to seriously focus on my health. Things shifted dramatically. At the time, it was so hard to lose what I thought were true friends, but as time went on and with a lot of therapy, I learned they weren't my true friends at all. When I got through the cancer hell, I realized how much I had changed--physically, mentally, spiritually---and I went through a "cleaning of the house" moment where I re-analyzed many of my connections and realized that we were just too different in our fundamental values to have a genuine connection anymore, and perhaps we never did. When I got engaged, that was yet another moment of losing friends who couldn't be genuinely happy for me. It's weird, ya know?--to always have been the one cheering everyone else on--all the time, even while I was sick! And then to experience the lack of reciprocation, it's sad. I really try not to dwell on it and just keep moving forward. Now I have only 2 super close gal friends who will be in my wedding party next year (20+ years of friendship 🙂) and a couple of others. I finally came to the conclusion that that's all I need and all I want. So many of my former friendships were so unbalanced, so I suppose cancer was a gift in that it opened my eyes to who wants to be--and gets to be--in my inner circle. I've also learned that family members can be just as toxic and draining. Do you have a video on that, specifically siblings? Thank you.💕
Hi Terri, Thank you so much for your incredible wisdom and insights. Your videos have been a source of clarity and comfort for me, but I’m currently struggling with a friendship situation that feels deeply painful, and I would love your guidance. I’ve been best friends with someone for 25 years, but over the past two years, things have changed dramatically. Since she got engaged and married, she seems to doubt my love, intentions, and actions, even though I’ve remained the same friend I’ve always been. It feels like she now interprets my behavior through a lens of mistrust, questioning my character and care for her in ways she never did before. I’ve communicated openly with her multiple times that communication is a boundary for me - that I need us to talk when something is wrong so I don’t feel ghosted, ignored, or left to guess what’s going on. Yet, this is now the third time where she’s withdrawn for months without explaining why, only to later bring up a list of disappointments and grievances, after I tell her, that something feels off in our relationship and that I feel deeply hurt by her behavior. This time, though, it’s even harder because she’s questioning my love and who I am as a person. What also troubles me deeply is the nagging feeling that her husband may be influencing this dynamic. The timing is too close to ignore - her doubts and changed behavior toward me began soon after their official engagement. She never acted this way toward me before; we always had a happy and loving relationship. The way her husband behaves reminds me strongly of my father, whose narcissistic tendencies caused so much harm. I find myself feeling like I need to “rescue” her from this dynamic, as though she’s a victim, but I know I can’t do that. No matter what kind of manipulation may be happening, she still needs to take responsibility for her choices and actions. This situation is triggering old wounds for me. My father’s manipulation often led my mother to absorb and believe his lies about me, leaving me constantly needing to defend my character and prove my love. I see this same painful pattern playing out now, and it’s overwhelming. I feel stuck between wanting to preserve this lifelong friendship and protecting my own emotional well-being. How can I handle this with grace? Is it okay to take a step back, even if it means leaving things unresolved? How do I release the need to “save” her while also honoring my own boundaries? Thank you so much for your insight and guidance. I truly value everything you share.
Terri, I think you are the best!!! You give such valuable and life applicable advice!!! Thank you so very much for sharing your expertise and time with your RUclips family!!!!
Thank you Mrs. Cole for your weekly content. I am a new comer to your work and WOW it seems every episode is a chapter in my life. Friendship with my sister in law has come to a crossroad. Can’t divorce your family but I’m learning boundaries. As a recovering people pleaser this is still hard for me and I have been pulled back into some of the behaviors of old out of guilt. I married into a highly enmeshed family and I’m drowning. Any content on this would be a blessing. Appreciate you for everything you do!
Thank you Terri!!! Another great video with very valuable content. Your book was life changing for me and I’ve probably recommended it to more than 100 people by now, as a therapist. Many of my clients have benefited greatly from your work and has empowered them to either leave relationships or change the current dynamic! Can’t wait to grab your new book 😍
Also I’ve experienced a lot of these unhealthy friendships over the last years and finally not trying to mend them and just moving on and moving closer to the right people ❤
hi Terri. just watched some new videos. very interesting topics you discuss. I would like to know please how to fix a toxic relationship with a parent who won't meet you halfway. thank you! it is just out of curiousness.
Just yesterday, I fwlt like I a bottle of glue!! I seem to be the one who "does the right thing" and stays in touch. And yes, when I am down, there isn't a soul I trust enough to talk too. Usually all too busy with their own lives or laying their issues at my door. I say ENOUGH. I am worth more than being a bottle of glue! Timeous video. Thanks so much for your insights and knowledge. Sending love from Panama 🇵🇦 ❤😊
In HS I had classmates I did not know well come to me to tell me a very serious something that happened to them. It's not that we weren't friendly and we didn't become close friends. We had that intimate experience. I know the women around me hold a lot in. We can go for weeks not discussing our own troubles. I feel like there are many hurting people and struggling couples. We try to check in and are watchful for cues whether we want to share or It's too much. Women need to be there for one another. That's a good community! I hope you have the most amazing week Terri. Thank you for all the good work you do. 🧡✨️
Yes I have a few relationships I feel stuck in. You said something that I need clarity on. What behaviors classify a friend acting like a boyfriend? Like is there a standard for friendships do's and don't Or can you set whatever boundaries you want? Great topic
I just got done journaling about my cousin who has kicked me when I’m down (more than once). It’s that terrible dilemma between family love/obligation and fidelity to myself. Ugh. Thank you for this timely topic!❤️🙏🏼
I totally understand this. It's very hard!!! And the person in the middle is very stressed and feel they have to choose. I've just decided to limit group hangouts and keep strong boundaries with the difficult one. But I would pray about it.
This is how horrible some neighbours can be… the arrogant entitled neighbours next door think they deserve my house because they procreated. They tried to flood me out of my house when I had a cast on my arm. Ya there really are horrible people in the world like that!
I have a friend who only wants to listen to me when things are bad for me.....other than that she will literally cut me off when I'm talking so she can talk about herself and how much money she has since her father died..... everything is about her. She's a very greedy, selfish person who won't even buy anything for her husband who has supported her during her entire adult life and still uses his money for everything that is purchased for the household.....I guess I've answered my own questions about what I need to do about this friendship
It a cultural dynamic that breads staying in friendships and family relationships that unhealthy. Setiing limits and boundaries can be turned around and they decide your are the difficult and unreasonable person. Even that has to be acknowledged and dismissed and that can be very wearing. My tendency was to let that go because it was so misinformed and would take more time to explain and they were not interested in hearing anything which why the boundary was placed in the first place. Medication prescribed -and that was no answer tho any of this.
Tell me about your friendships: do you have a sense you've outgrown any of them or feel obligated to stay friends? What might need to change to make it fulfilling? Remember to download the guide for a 20-question friendship assessment: www.terricole.com/problematic-friendships-guide
This is very timely. Thank you, Terry. Im going through a major friendship debacle right now. The worst part of that is I who feels like there is something wrong with me for not being able to sustain that friendship 😢😢
I distanced from a friendship, when I noticed that not only her competing all the time was exhausting, but that I shared less and less personal things with her - noticing that when I was delighted about something she nearly every time talked it down. It took me a while to be okay with it and not feeling guilty, but now I am glad I did it !
Thank you so much Terry for this video. I was in a friendship with a female that was very one-sided and I did feel bullied, controlled and I knew there was some things that weren't right. The relationship has ended and I pray for her and me regularly. I forgive her and myself and I give it to God!💜💙
Very Interesting, I have noticed that sometimes a friendship with someone is there to support my need to be of use , to be the savior. Once I realised that I stopped needing this person to change and our relationship became of a different nature and i could appreciate the lighter side of the frienship. We are really 50% part of the solution. Our friendship evolved. thank you for all your content
Wonderful video and advice. Thank you, Terri! This really resonated. I experienced the erosion of many friendships after my cancer diagnosis a few years ago. That was so painful. It still is in some ways. I was the go-to person for mostly all of the people in my life and when I became ill, I had to seriously focus on my health. Things shifted dramatically. At the time, it was so hard to lose what I thought were true friends, but as time went on and with a lot of therapy, I learned they weren't my true friends at all. When I got through the cancer hell, I realized how much I had changed--physically, mentally, spiritually---and I went through a "cleaning of the house" moment where I re-analyzed many of my connections and realized that we were just too different in our fundamental values to have a genuine connection anymore, and perhaps we never did. When I got engaged, that was yet another moment of losing friends who couldn't be genuinely happy for me. It's weird, ya know?--to always have been the one cheering everyone else on--all the time, even while I was sick! And then to experience the lack of reciprocation, it's sad. I really try not to dwell on it and just keep moving forward. Now I have only 2 super close gal friends who will be in my wedding party next year (20+ years of friendship 🙂) and a couple of others. I finally came to the conclusion that that's all I need and all I want. So many of my former friendships were so unbalanced, so I suppose cancer was a gift in that it opened my eyes to who wants to be--and gets to be--in my inner circle. I've also learned that family members can be just as toxic and draining. Do you have a video on that, specifically siblings? Thank you.💕
Hi Terri,
Thank you so much for your incredible wisdom and insights. Your videos have been a source of clarity and comfort for me, but I’m currently struggling with a friendship situation that feels deeply painful, and I would love your guidance.
I’ve been best friends with someone for 25 years, but over the past two years, things have changed dramatically. Since she got engaged and married, she seems to doubt my love, intentions, and actions, even though I’ve remained the same friend I’ve always been. It feels like she now interprets my behavior through a lens of mistrust, questioning my character and care for her in ways she never did before.
I’ve communicated openly with her multiple times that communication is a boundary for me - that I need us to talk when something is wrong so I don’t feel ghosted, ignored, or left to guess what’s going on. Yet, this is now the third time where she’s withdrawn for months without explaining why, only to later bring up a list of disappointments and grievances, after I tell her, that something feels off in our relationship and that I feel deeply hurt by her behavior. This time, though, it’s even harder because she’s questioning my love and who I am as a person.
What also troubles me deeply is the nagging feeling that her husband may be influencing this dynamic. The timing is too close to ignore - her doubts and changed behavior toward me began soon after their official engagement. She never acted this way toward me before; we always had a happy and loving relationship. The way her husband behaves reminds me strongly of my father, whose narcissistic tendencies caused so much harm. I find myself feeling like I need to “rescue” her from this dynamic, as though she’s a victim, but I know I can’t do that. No matter what kind of manipulation may be happening, she still needs to take responsibility for her choices and actions.
This situation is triggering old wounds for me. My father’s manipulation often led my mother to absorb and believe his lies about me, leaving me constantly needing to defend my character and prove my love. I see this same painful pattern playing out now, and it’s overwhelming.
I feel stuck between wanting to preserve this lifelong friendship and protecting my own emotional well-being. How can I handle this with grace? Is it okay to take a step back, even if it means leaving things unresolved? How do I release the need to “save” her while also honoring my own boundaries?
Thank you so much for your insight and guidance. I truly value everything you share.
Brilliant content! This kind of stuff improves our day-to-day.
Terri, I think you are the best!!! You give such valuable and life applicable advice!!! Thank you so very much for sharing your expertise and time with your RUclips family!!!!
Thank you so much
This is my current struggle ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Mrs. Cole for your weekly content. I am a new comer to your work and WOW it seems every episode is a chapter in my life. Friendship with my sister in law has come to a crossroad. Can’t divorce your family but I’m learning boundaries. As a recovering people pleaser this is still hard for me and I have been pulled back into some of the behaviors of old out of guilt. I married into a highly enmeshed family and I’m drowning. Any content on this would be a blessing. Appreciate you for everything you do!
Thank you Terri!!! Another great video with very valuable content. Your book was life changing for me and I’ve probably recommended it to more than 100 people by now, as a therapist. Many of my clients have benefited greatly from your work and has empowered them to either leave relationships or change the current dynamic! Can’t wait to grab your new book 😍
Also I’ve experienced a lot of these unhealthy friendships over the last years and finally not trying to mend them and just moving on and moving closer to the right people ❤
hi Terri. just watched some new videos. very interesting topics you discuss. I would like to know please how to fix a toxic relationship with a parent who won't meet you halfway. thank you! it is just out of curiousness.
Just yesterday, I fwlt like I a bottle of glue!! I seem to be the one who "does the right thing" and stays in touch. And yes, when I am down, there isn't a soul I trust enough to talk too. Usually all too busy with their own lives or laying their issues at my door.
I say ENOUGH. I am worth more than being a bottle of glue!
Timeous video. Thanks so much for your insights and knowledge.
Sending love from Panama 🇵🇦 ❤😊
In HS I had classmates I did not know well come to me to tell me a very serious something that happened to them. It's not that we weren't friendly and we didn't become close friends. We had that intimate experience.
I know the women around me hold a lot in. We can go for weeks not discussing our own troubles. I feel like there are many hurting people and struggling couples. We try to check in and are watchful for cues whether we want to share or It's too much. Women need to be there for one another. That's a good community!
I hope you have the most amazing week Terri. Thank you for all the good work you do. 🧡✨️
Right back at you 💕and I agree that women need to be there for one another! We're stronger together.
Yes I have a few relationships I feel stuck in. You said something that I need clarity on. What behaviors classify a friend acting like a boyfriend? Like is there a standard for friendships do's and don't Or can you set whatever boundaries you want? Great topic
I just got done journaling about my cousin who has kicked me when I’m down (more than once). It’s that terrible dilemma between family love/obligation and fidelity to myself. Ugh.
Thank you for this timely topic!❤️🙏🏼
I'm so sorry you're experiencing that dynamic with your cousin 💕 You're far from alone in that dilemma!
Needed this content
How do you handle it when the friend you need to break off with is part of a trio with yourself and another, healthy friend?
I totally understand this. It's very hard!!! And the person in the middle is very stressed and feel they have to choose. I've just decided to limit group hangouts and keep strong boundaries with the difficult one. But I would pray about it.
This is how horrible some neighbours can be… the arrogant entitled neighbours next door think they deserve my house because they procreated. They tried to flood me out of my house when I had a cast on my arm. Ya there really are horrible people in the world like that!
I have a friend who only wants to listen to me when things are bad for me.....other than that she will literally cut me off when I'm talking so she can talk about herself and how much money she has since her father died..... everything is about her. She's a very greedy, selfish person who won't even buy anything for her husband who has supported her during her entire adult life and still uses his money for everything that is purchased for the household.....I guess I've answered my own questions about what I need to do about this friendship
It a cultural dynamic that breads staying in friendships and family relationships that unhealthy. Setiing limits and boundaries can be turned around and they decide your are the difficult and unreasonable person. Even that has to be acknowledged and dismissed and that can be very wearing. My tendency was to let that go because it was so misinformed and would take more time to explain and they were not interested in hearing anything which why the boundary was placed in the first place. Medication prescribed -and that was no answer tho any of this.
I'm Erich Thrush