Adopting Older Kids vs. Adopting Toddlers | Pros and Cons + Our Experience
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- Опубликовано: 21 апр 2021
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Adopting school aged kids can sound intimidating if you have only ever imagined adopting a baby or toddler. In reality, there are pros and cons to adopting children of any age. As a foster/adoptive mom to 3 kids ranging in ages from 3 to 10, I have experienced both younger child adoption and older child adoption. Today I want to share about my experience with each age group and help you decide which type of adoption your family should pursue!
Pros + Cons of Toddler Adoption- 2:29
Our Experience Adopting a Toddler- 13:55
Pros + Cons of Older Child Adoption- 18:00
Our Experience Adopting Older Children- 31:25
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How to Adopt from Foster Care: • How to Adopt a Waiting...
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-Katie
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My heart is for older kids. I already have four biological kids and so I don't feel the need for all the "firsts." It honestly breaks my heart to think about these kids leaving the foster care system with no place and no family to call their own. NO human should have to just float out there without a proper support system and family love. Think about HOW vulnerable these poor kids are. 😭😭😭 Praying about this for our family.
Older child adoption is SO needed! I love that you have a heart for that! 🥰
Yeah, there's almost no help when it comes to learning what you need either unless you get very lucky with a caretaker/teacher that wants to help or assist in prepping you for aging out. Very difficult to get a job or save money when you're moving houses every 3 or 6 months.
Same you couldn’t have said it better
I was adopted as an infant and its definitely "normal" for me, I'm used to it, I always knew I was adopted for as long as I can remember. But when I was younger, maybe 10-14 years old, I was kind of angry and felt my bio parents didn't want me but now I realize they were doing what they thought was best for me.
Did your adoptive parents help you process those emotions? I'd like to get insight on adopted kids and their emotions on maybe wanting to reach out to their bio parents and how adoptive parents deal with that.
I was adopted older. I’m normal too.
We had a preschooler and I relate so much to loving the fact that he can do certain things for himself. Now he's almost 8 and can even SHOWER and empty out his own lunchbox. I'm so looking forward to him getting his own breakfast haha.
I am glad I’m not the only one!! 😂
I would love to adopt a 4/5 year old. I'm just waiting until my husband is ready
I'm a nanny and the best thing you can teach a kid is self reliability
I wish i could be adopted by someone who is loving and helpful , who can give me the real love i deserved
Wish all the best for you!❤️
This just breaks my heart 😢❤
I’ve raised 3 bio kids to adulthood and 2 step kids abandoned by their mom that are teens now. We’re going through the process of foster to adopt older kids right now. I can SO relate to what you said at the end! It’s great when they start to be independent and we aren’t raising children, we’re raising future adults.
So true!!
Loving this! I'm nowhere near adopting yet, but i am hoping I can gradually grow my knowledge until i am ready and know what to expect. Videos like this are so, so helpful!
That is exactly what I was like when we first thought about adoption! I love researching. I’m so glad to be helpful! 😊
Same here.
That’s pretty much where I am…
I went through the entire foster care licensing process, then went through a divorce. Now that I am a single mom to a 5 year old I'm working to get myself to a more stable place so that I can adopt an older child. Everyone who went through classes with us wanted babies and our age range was always 1-6. Now that my son is getting older I'm more comfortable increasing the age range.
😢 adopt me please😊
Hahahaha I teach toddlers at a daycare and I love them soooo much. They’re so fun and they don’t usually get under my skin - but at the end of the day they don’t come home with me 😂😂😂😂and I’m okay with that
Same here! I’ve had some challenging Todd’s in my day though!
Amen, I adopted my son when he was 2 and it was a struggle
Topic idea: differences between adopting legal risk and legally free children
I am.not in a place to be a foster parent but I do try to support you all through Together we rise... I am also trying to volunteer for foster care to give back.
My lover and I are planning on adopting two kids (either siblings or separately) and your channel is a huge help, thank you so much!
Your words definitely motivate me to try and talk my fiancé into adopting a child between 2 and 5/6.
I am 26 and my futur husband is turning 27 in a few days, and we're still focused on working on our own traumas with therapists first, but we are planning on adopting in 4/5 years
I'm curious: in many dysfunctional families, children are forced to take on adult roles at far too young an age, such as taking care of younger siblings, doing the housework, being the emotional support for narcisistic parents, etc. In a word, they were the responsible ones, instead of being allowed to just be kids. In what ways can adoptive parents (and foster parents too) help children who never had the freedom to actually be children? How do you validate the strengths they have developed, while at the same time showing them that they no longer have to bear all those huge burdens by themselves? I know that's a huge topic, but I'd love to hear any insights you have.
Yes we definitely went through this with our oldest! I touch on it slightly in this video I think, but I love the idea of making a whole video dedicated to the topic! I’m adding it to my list ☺️
@@adoptinformed Thanks so much! I'm looking forward to it! And I'm subbing so I won't miss it! 🤗💜
I not really in the age range to adopt yet but I’ve always wanted to adopt an older kid/teen anyways
- kids and the idea of birth scares me but I still want to give a good home maybe I’ll be able to do so with someone slightly older
Thank you!! I adopted my son as an infant and we are now getting ready to start our foster-adopt journey to continue building our family. Your videos are such a great resource ❤️
Hey would you please a video on how adoptive parents can respectfully decline/reject a placement of a child?????
I have no experience with any kid younger than 5. I am not 100% sure if i will even want kids just because i’m still very young, but the horror stories of babies and toddlers stripping away your personhood and sanity and ruining the bond between the married partners has kept me up until 7:30 am this morning searching the internet for answers on how to not feel like i have no life, no time to be my own person or a married couple, etc just because i have a toddler or two.
I know once the time comes to decide years down the road, my reasons will be more based around not sounding so ignorant or selfish, but hearing about adopting older kids still helps me not see parenthood as something i will dread. Idky, but the anxieties of just having a kid old enough for many things takes away a lot of anxieties that plague me about kids all together. thanks for sharing
That's a valid fear. I have an 8 month old and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Ever. And the first 3-4 months is no joke, especially for moms. However, I would say that it's more of a revealing time rather than a "stripping of personhood" or "ruining of relationships" time. It simply reveals the cracks that were always there. You do give of yourself to your child (because of their great need) and that reveals just how selfish, petty, fill-in-the-blank you really are and it's not pretty but it can be a time of tremendous growth if you let it. The best preparation you can do is to strengthen yourself and your relationships before you have kids (of any age 😊). I will say that the one main thing that kept my husband and I sane and pulled us closer (instead of apart) was Jesus.
I don't comment on videos a lot but I saw your comment and really wanted to share that life can be good because I also used to live with a lot of fear. I care about you and so does God (really). We all will stand before God one day to account for the bad things we've done and we will be judged. Everyone will be found guilty and punished. BUT God provides a way out through Jesus Christ. Jesus was punished instead of us and He is the way out! God commands us to turn away from the wrong things we do and trust in Jesus to save us. Instead of spending eternity in hell, we can spend it in heaven. You can never do enough good things to get into heaven on your own. You must trust in Jesus alone. Please consider and do this right now. You may not have another time to decide.
You are already super educated in this, your doing great!! You are being the best parent you *could* be , and that matters!
Thank you Katie. This was incredibly insightful, helpful, and encouraging!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences! We’re just starting the process of looking into fostering/adopting and have been feeling like older kids would be a better fit for us, but I was second guessing bc everyone’s been acting like we were crazy. You have eased my mind! Thank you!
Hi there. Did you ever adopt?we have been recently matched and the boy is 12/13 and our bio daughter is 4. He has some issues including emotional disturbance....ugh im second guessing meeting him
I was surprised to hear you teach older kids. For some reason, I thought you taught elementary school. You just give off that kind of vibe lol
Haha! Well, I have taught 4th and 5th grade in the past! 😊
wonderful video. You brought up many good points that I had never even thought about
Thank you for this video! It is very helpful as my husband and I are considering foster care / adoption and videos like this help us to gain an understanding.
Love your videos - so happy to see another youtuber making foster care and adoption content to share information for others. We adopted our two year old son from foster care and would love to foster older children in the future!
Thank you for this video. We are deciding currently 😊
Thank you for this. I appreciate your candor.
I'm loving your videos! Especially your comments on how you struggled with your toddler. My husband and I are fostering toddler sibling girls (2.5 and 16 months), and it's been hard. We don't have kids of our own, so we really jumped in the deep end. We've also talked about adopting an older kid. I love this comparison video. Thank you!!
Great video, very informative!
Great video. I haven’t started fostering yet (in process) but having worked mainly with primary/ elementary kids I can agree with a number of your points.
thanks for sharing your experience with us, im sure you helped a lot of people
I love you, thank you! My husband and I are just starting this new journey of ours, im a nanny and I have a loving community that will help!
Thanks so much for this- you know your stuff! Also, I feel like I’ve seen you on TikTok? So awesome you’re sharing all this super helpful information- bless you!
Thank you! I’m not on tik tok though…I don’t think I can handle another social media platform in my life 😅
EXCELLENT! Thank you SO much for posting this! Lots & LOTS of helpful information & compassion. 👍😘
You are very welcome! 😊
This is extremely insightful. I am about to adopt, in the final step, and this has answered all the questions I have. Thanks so much. I feel more confident in adopting an older kid. ❤
Thank you so very much, this is incredibly helpful. I've been approved to adopt and I'm trying to decide between adopting a toddler or an older child. You make so many useful points, and it's so helpful to hear your honesty about your experience. I've made lots of notes that I will use to help me make a decision.
I’m so glad to hear that! :)
Thank you for this. I'm in the beginning steps to adoption and I am researching what to possibly expect. Thanks this was helpful.
So glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching 🥰
Thank you for sharing, toddler's are definitely difficult to figure out. It's definitely a testing of faith. I'm glad it's gotten better for you guy's 😊
They sure are! Thanks 🥰
Thanks for the information. I have always wanted to do foster care or adoption but my house had someone with a felony there. I live all alone now and just submitted my application for fostering in the state of Mississippi. Im 63 yrs young and would love to take on teens. This video information was just what I needed to watch as I wait for my background check to be completed. 36:45
Congrats on getting started! I think it’s wonderful you have a heart to help teens 🥰
BLESS YOU! Angel
My husband and I are wanting to foster 5-8 year olds. It's interesting that you said that you were able to adopt a waiting child thats 5 from the foster system because we were told that there's normally only kids older than 11. We loved your video! It helped a lot and was eye opening.
I'm so glad it helped! It is definitely more rare to adopt a younger child from foster care, but by no means impossible. Our youngest daughter was 1.5 when she was placed with us (adoptive placement)! You have a better chance of adopting a younger child if you are open to adopting siblings or if you can handle more types of special needs.
Very interesting I can relate to much of it. I agree that adopting an older child can be a great option for people to consider.
Whew! This video is too real
Hi Katie, my wife and I are entertaining the idea of foster/adoption. I appreciate and value your input. This is such a new venture end yet a thought I’ve had for some time. I would love to have a conversation with you!
Feel free to email me at katie@adoptinformed.com 😊
I wish i could be adopted by someone who is helpful and can give me the love i dserve.
Love to you dear ♥️🌸
I'm only 23 but I want to do a foster to adopt. I have autism and have no real interest in a romantic relationship but I do want a family and to help children who need a home. I plan on hopefully starting to foster when I'm 29 or 30. I love to watch videos like this so I can learn what to expect.
I love that you are thinking ahead! Thanks for watching:)
Tell me more about this breakfast bar!
Amen!
ugh I dont know about newborn remembering trauma. I was adopted at 2 weeks old. My story is lets just say disturbing. (t wasnt confirmed until i hit 18. i tried to reflect but cant remember and have almost 0 reaction towards birth x + y. Basically, it is their loss - eff them. I am my mom's daughter and I dont feel as if I am adopted or feel discomfort in any shape or form. When my mom told me my reaction was "whatever". I kinda knew about it when i was 12ish i found a paper but even then my reaction was like "whatever" - 0 reaction. Also there was a hint of that when i was 5 years old but I was too young to understand a few things. Again, I wouldnt care nor wouldn't have been bothered. Even some family members asked me if i wanted to find my living genetics, my usual reaction is "I just don't care, I dont want to know. What I know is enough for me."
an infancy attachment gets developed until 2 years old (secure, avoidant, resistant and disorganized). Older kids will have an uphill battle vs a new born/toddler has time to get reprogrammed.
6:12 NOT always. There are some infants who have RAD (). As far as I know in the US, it is very rare vs in eastern europe, it is very common.
I wish I was given up as a child! I had 3 different fathers but one mother. That mother was terrible and I no longer have a relationship with her! I now do not have a family. I might have had one if I was given up.
I’m so sorry ❤️
Why do people hate older kids????
Wow I only see parents in comments am I the only child here ? 😂
Haha! People don't hate older kids, but I think a lot of parents find it intimidating to become parents to a kid who has been raised most of their life by other people. There are just a lot of unknowns...but there are also a lot of great things about older kids 😊
Thank you! Dance dance.
I have 2 here disc but a beautiful home and so much live for a child! My husband and I have strong moral values, even though I have physical set backs can I still do this?
Typically physical issues like that shouldn’t be an issue! :)
Do you get a say in who to adopt if do just foster to adopt?
hello, after adapting a toddler, how long does it take/how many years that toddler has to be with the adopting parent before the toddler's real father can not take him/her from the adopting parents? thanks
As soon as the adoptive parents have officially, legally adopted the child, the child cannot be taken from them. If the child is in foster care with a reunification plan (not an adoption plan), there is still a chance for biological parents to regain custody.
I would not adopt internationally. I do the domestic adoption route!😀😁😃😄😆😊😎🙂🤗😇
Hi, pls my question is can i foster international kids.As in foster to adopt
I do not believe that is possible…unless you live in the country you are hoping to adopt from. I would reach out to an agency that specializes in international adoption and ask!
Is it easy to adopt toddlers?
I’d like to know how is your experience with school. I am thinking of homeschooling.
Our kids are all currently in public school. It has actually been really good for the most part. We are planning to homeschool our oldest next year though (for 8th grade). This is partially an academic decision and partially because of things having to do with peers/social relationships. She is actually excited to be homeschooled! 😅
@@adoptinformed thanks 🙏
I torn between wanting to travel the world and wanting to adopt in my future could you travel once you adopt them
We still travel! We have taken our kids on a cruise, which was really fun. My husband and I also went to France this summer for our anniversary, while the kids had a week or so with grandma and grandpa ☺️ depending on the support you have, it can be done!
ANY kid might try to set your house on fire! It's not exclusive to adopted kids at all. I've heard about plenty of cases of parents getting murdered by their own biological kids.
So true! There are no guarantees in any sort of parenting.
What adoption agency did you use?! I’m in Ohio and just starting research
If you email me at lacasadekatie@gmail.com or DM me on Instagram @lacasadekatie I’d be happy to tell you about it 😊
@@adoptinformed I will! Thank you so much!! I’m adopted from China and have had a burden to adopt ever since
❤❤❤
Dear Katie, my husband and me always watch your videos. We are a Christian couple with a happy marriage, both clean background checks and we have a nice home with a good job. Our heart was so full of love to adopt we even had the whole nursery ready full of princess everything but unfortunately. ...we decided not to adopt or foster either anymore and I think you should make a video about this and the reason why. The reason we got turned off is the county! We used to live in riverside county CA and the social workers there were the sweetest but then we bought a house in San Bernardino County and they are unprofessional and rude! I called them 3 weeks ago and told them my husband and I are wanting to adopt and the guy who answered laughed and said he will throw us on a list and someone will us in a week. Its been 3 weeks and nothing. At this point I'm like psst forget it! There's never a reason for them to be rude to people the county is
NOT HELPING THESE KIDS! being rude to qualified good people out there who want to give these kids loving families. Since then we decided to walk away. There needs to be videos geared toward social workers and staff not to be rude.
I’m so sorry that your experience has been so bad! Unfortunately social workers are some of the most overworked and underpaid people. They are overwhelmed by the difficult situations they encounter every day and often they don’t work for long in one place, meaning high turnover rates. This was a big reason why we decided to get licensed through an agency instead of the county. We had a wonderful experience with our agency and got much more support than those who go through their county. Is there an agency in your area you could work with instead?
I think you should focus on what you guys really want! A rude customer service should not be enough!
I think you should keep calling them. You won’t get the same social worker every time. Report them if you remember their name and keep trying. If you really want a child, that shouldn’t be the only thing to deter you. Keep fighting!
Did you adopt any of your kids interstate or from your state?and what state are you in?
We are in Ohio, and all of our kids are from here too…although from different counties. We could have adopted out of state as well. We were almost matched with a boy from Texas originally.
@@adoptinformed ty for the response!but did you go with a private agency or the state agency? Right now in NJ there are a very limited # of kids as they are really pushing for next of kin placements and/or reunification with parents.
@@lovebug8482 we went with a private agency, which was definitely the right choice in our state.
I must be odd cuz i would honestly prefer to adopt a kid that’s 10+.
I have so many questions!!
Thank you for all you do! Can you pm me? Is that OK to ask?
You can email me if you want! katie@adoptinformed.com. I actually offer adoption consultation calls if that’s something you are interested in :)
AMEN lol (RE: toddlers)
Toddlers are so tough! 😅
adopting a toddler you said they can be angry or frustratd because they grew attached to the foster care parent which they wont see again. Dont these foster care agencies and parents talk to the children and tell them that eventually they will get a real parent but that they are not them? In some way I think it is irresponsible for a foster parent to never explain these things or try to atleast.
Yes, they definitely try to prepare the kids as best they can…but a 1 to 3 year old has a very limited understanding about what any of that means, so they are frustrated because they don’t fully understand what is happening. Our daughter is now 4 and was adopted at 2…she is just now starting to grasp what adoption even is. I know her foster mom tried to prepare her, but she was only 18 months when she moved in with us.
No matter what they tell a young toddler, it’s gonna be deeper than that
Kids aren’t going to have any comprehension of any of
that. Its WAY beyond their comprehension.
My biggest fear is coming out on crime watch because my adoptive child killed me.
Oh dear! That is quite unlikely to happen, so I think you are safe!
I think it's fair to say we're a bigger threat to kids than they are to us. They're small and easily distracted. :P
Trust me you missed many with birth kids kill more😂😂😬😂
@@theresagbekia1284 no not really. I haven’t missed that lol. It’s a known thing, not even what I was talking about. Nice try tho.
Just be aware of the signs and take them to therapy and a psychiatrist if you feel uneasy
So, make sure to shop for the least damaged kids. I just can’t with this topic.
I’m sorry to hear that’s how it came across! I’m honestly just trying to shed some light on the fact that older kids aren’t all “damaged” like people think. I want older kids to have a chance to be adopted as well…because so many people are afraid they wouldn’t be able to parent an older kid.
@@adoptinformed I’m quite biased. Every time I look for support for myself as an older adopted child I find nothing but info about dogs, and a couple of things for parents.
@@adoptinformed I work in healthcare and have listened to my charge nurse tell another nurse “only adopt baby’s, older kids will ruin your life”. Being separated from my brother for more money when his adoptive parents wanted me too, and enduring “attachment therapy” AKA literal torture by Connell Watkins I just kind of hate this industry with a passion.
@@adoptinformed it’s definitely my bias and not how it came across. I just can’t help but hear it that way
@@mckenzieschmitt2841 that’s understandable! I’m so sorry you’ve had a hard time finding resources for adoptees. 😞 I recommend becominglydiafaye on Instagram. Or tori hope Petersen. There are a more adult adoptees I follow, but those are two that come to mind first!