My husband is an ISTJ and I am a INFJ and this was our first relationship for both of us. We both just knew we'd found our soul mate from the moment we met. We've been together for 23 years, married almost 18 of those and we still adore each other. We've had tough times but neither of us could imagine life without the other no matter how hard life gets. ♥️
Yep! I’m an INFJ and my husband is an ISTJ, and we’ve been married for 20 years. You pretty much hit the bullseye on every point, and I’d like to add a couple points myself. Stability. Both my husband and myself are very big on stability (I guess this may go with safety?) , and don’t hurl things at each other in a fight like “I want a divorce!” To get our way, or to be manipulative. We both value honesty, integrity, and loyalty. And- I’m talking about our relationship, but I’ve found that many INFJ/ISTJ relationships work because of these very same things. These very core values. I don’t like inconsistency, and the ISTJ is one of the most consistent and reliable personality types(speaking just what I’ve experienced and know through my own research). Stable, dependable people. Like my husband, and I believe that is refreshing for us INFJs, as we love consistency in our relationships.
We ISTJs secretly love our validation, but I think we get a bad reputation for not being able to accept it from others, especially Extroverted Feelers, when it's not genuine. However, by cross-referencing your affirmations about ISTJs with myself, I can say, "Yep. It's genuine, because it's factual." On the side of ISTJ-INFJ relationships, I have two very close INFJ friends, and it was very painful at first, trying to figure out how to even make sure of what they were trying to say, and wondering why I was so confused, as well as me having to learn to be a bit more vulnerable and expressive, but once we clicked, it ended up being two of the best friendships I ever had! *If* ISTJs watching RUclips videos exist, and you have significant others that are INFJs, persevere! It's worth it!
Very good 👍🏼 I’m an INFJ-Assertive and my husband is an ISTJ-turbulent. We are completely opposite but always got along great. We have always had the mindset of making a great marriage (34 years and counting)and commitment to it. We both value honesty and morals. We both have differences that benefit the other- an example of this is that I can have an idea(visionary) and my focus on future outcomes that are really accurate. My husband will then know how to take the practical steps to get there. Also we have other differences to keep the relationship interesting! Thank you for sharing!
Same...me INFJ husband ISTJ...I'm the visionary he's the know-how...if I could wish for one thing that's missing in our relationship it would be deep conversations
@@t.c9537 yes, I totally agree. My husband listens well but doesn’t discuss. When I try to engage in these conversations, he says I overthink. I satisfy my need for deep conversation with my long-time best friend and I’m always learning and going to school for something 📚 🕊️💕🙏🏼
I really enjoyed this. I’m an INFJ and my husband is an INTJ, and I appreciated the things you brought out in this video. I really agreed about both having particularities and I wanted to share an experience that really came to mind when you were discussing that.. My husband is very particular about the yard being clean. We live out in the country, so our children play outside, and it really bothered my husband when they didn’t have their bikes put back away when they were done using them. After the bikes were consistently not being put away and my husband was becoming perturbed after having to remind the children almost daily, I sat down with our children to find out why they were finding it difficult to remember to put them away. They told me how inconvenient the spot was where they were expected to put them, so I asked them if we set up a rack in a convenient location, would they be diligent to put them away, and they agreed they would. Right away I started looking up plans for bike racks that my husband could make out of pallet wood that we could put in a convenient location for the children, so they’d be inclined to put them back. I called my 13 year old ISTP son over to help me pick a good bike rack, and him and my husband had it built in less than 15 minutes. That was over 6 months ago, and the yard hasn’t had bikes strewn across one day since! Honestly, bikes stewn across the yard doesn’t bother me one bit, but when I could see the disunity this situation was having in our home, I decided to get to the heart of why my children were resisting their father’s request, and though I was helpless to create anything out of pallets myself, I think we each used our gifts in the situation for a positive outcome. Everyone’s voices were heard, the bikes are put away, and my husband and son had a good time doing another project together. Often over the years I’ve resisted helping others with their priorities if they aren’t mine, but I can see in situations like this in my home, where it has a positive outcome for everyone especially in a home situation, when we can just come together and focus on the situation together.
I’m INFJ dating an ISTJ right now & it feels like the complete opposite of me at times, even though we do have some interests in common. I’m a strong introvert too but he seems even more of one. I’d like to go out and try new things on a weekend, even if it’s for a very short time. I suggest as such but politely let him decide, so inevitably it’s always staying in watching his selection of RUclips videos & shows. When we do talk it seems rather one sided about his work, interests, or explaining things that are over my head that I didn’t ask about. If I talk about my work, he seems to zone out. Probably bc it’s just not interesting when someone only talks about their job. It honestly feels like I’m a new employee at times. I like to connect one on one & I’m not feeling that as there are no jokes or playful banter received back.
OMG, currently im living the consequences of being too much pleasant with mi ISTJ, because I understand him an why he seems being plane but... it's quite difficult because as INFJ im looking for love expressions, other activities and get out of our comfort zone... but today we are breaking up because of that...
Much of this, is learning how to communicate with each other and how to communicate with an ISTJ. They’re not abstract thinkers, so when we use generalized language, concepts, and feelings - it’s lost on them. But if you narrow it down, bring in key facts, and add in sensory and concrete input- thats tangible information for them to envision and grasp onto. And when he’s talking about work to you, even if you didn’t ask - he’s sharing something he takes great pride in, that he wants you to have pride in him too. ISTJs, many of them- see their jobs, as something they do to provide for their loved ones, and they take great pride in what they do. Even if they hate their job, they will do it. Your ISTJ will put his all in his actions to show you he cares, maybe not in words or in other expressions you’re used to. If he’s wanting to stay in, he’s probably wanting to spend more alone time with you. Lemme tell ya, trying new things …is really hard for this type. They prefer tried and true. In everything. I’m an INFJ and I’ve been married to an ISTJ for 20 years. So, my suggestion is- don’t expect him to read your mind. Get over that expectation right now, because that’s just not going to happen. You are going to have to spell it out for him, your needs and wants. Not in any sort of accusatory way or being critical of him. Simply tell him what you want. Every other weekend, tell him you’d like to go out and try new things. If you don’t voice these things, he won’t know exactly what you want. And if you say these things while you’re being overly emotional, they don’t know how to take it. It has taken me years with my husband to get us to this point. So, don’t expect miracles overnight. As we are INFJ and they are ISTJ - it is almost as if we speak an entirely different language. Just remember, they’re in the here and now, with the 5 senses, and concrete data,in day to day functioning. We are in the past, present , and future- we are in the abstract , generalized patterns, and overall big picture. Two very different ways of looking at the world.
@@jenofire8724You've put it perfectly! I'm INFJ and my husband ISTJ and that's just like You've said he is here and now all the time and i'm everywhere at once. It has taken us long time and many attempts to establish some reasonable communication and i think we've made it, sometimes we need to translate to each other what and how we think but eventually it was worth it.
I'm an infj who thinks he has changed personality-wise throughout the last 15 years but consistently tests infj. I'm also married to an istj. I wanted her to do a personality test early on and the results were saying we were not so compatible. But 5.5 years in and were still good.
I’m 31 years in on mine and I wish I never met her, I’m in it INFJ and she is an ISTG.. Two children I wish we never had. I know, it’s crazy to think these things but it’s true. My wife/life has sucked
As an ISTJ, I am good at keeping secrets and generally peoples private information. I am getting upset if a third person is asking too much questions about our fellow acquaintances, so I always tell they should ask them directly. Also if I ended telling somebody some private things, and they go tell it to others, it makes me upset. I do not feel that I always have to point out to others, hey, this is private, but wonders me people do not realize its not nice sharing private information with others,
I’m an INFJ that’s married to an ISTJ, also. This really seems like the most serious match. Our youngest daughter, who still lives with us (young adult), is also an ISTJ.
Thank goodness I have come across this video, you're a lifesaver. I learned so much from this video and it has helped me to understand my relationship with my boyfriend(he's an ISTJ-A while I'm an INFJ-T) on a deeper level while exploring and noticing new things that I haven't thought about before. It's a request from my side that could you create more videos on this topic. I couldn't find much online about INFJs and ISTJs being compatible, p.s. They don't have much content about ISTJs as compared to the information available for other types, that's just plainly unfair. Loved the video! Thank you!
@@pubear7514 well, it's up to you dear, in my case we were only able to meet each other for a month when our relationship started and now we're continuing it as a long distance relationship, it has always been about communication and trust, we both have a good command on expressing our thoughts and feelings, it needs a lot of time to open up to someone after all, p.s. it also matters how you understand one another and to what level you both can co-operate. In our case it's been 5 months since we started dating and now we're quite serious with our relationship on long term basis, in our case the key to a good relationship is communication, honestly, loyalty and cooperation, since you're an INFJ i would like to give you a piece of advice that you need to be familiar with yourself first, know yourself and explore yourself as much as you can, watch videos read articles, get familiar with your likes and dislikes, set boundaries, know your love style, find out what's your type, the things which attract you the most and in the end i would like to quote "Let love find you." Hope this helped! I'm here if you want to discuss more about this.
I'm INFJ too, my wife is ISTJ and I would agree more or less with everything you say, especially about the styles of order, the candour and the nit-picking. However, as the INFJ I do feel that in regards to our relationship I am the one seeing and experiencing the learning attributes of the relationship whereas she doesn't whatsoever. In fact when I told her she was an ISTJ and to read up on it, she said it's bullshit because it's not an actual science.
It took my wife a while to appreciate different personalities. She thought everyone was more or less the same. I started to point out similarities and differences between the people she knew, and that was concrete enough for her that she began to appreciate the categories: It helped her understand some of why people do what they do. That may or may not be helpful. My wife is generally slow to read about her personality; it doesn't interest her. I explain in bits and pieces and give numerous concrete examples. That's kind of what she does for me with routine chores. 😂
Interesting. I'm happy you get along that well with ISTJs. I, for one, prefer the company of intuitives. I have to explain myself much less to them than I do with sensors me. All the explaining and debates are highly draining for me. Also I find them too traditionalistic and I am too non-standart and prefer to be surrounded by people who are more like me. Whatever I'm not good at, I try to build a system to become good at and not need much from people.
Yes, good points, Light. There are definitely communication challenges between INFJs and sensing types. I could have made that more clear in this video. It's not all roses. Thanks for pointing these things out!
I have never been close to an ISTJ. They tend to be annoyed by me, and I find them not open minded, too in love with the rules and mostly boring. (my sis is ISTJ, and I have found them at uni and jobs)
I find ENxPs annoying, reckless, not determined and also more prone to be sympathetic to hedonistic/degenerate lifestyles…. I find that boring and impractical, not to mention inefficient
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
My husband is an ISTJ and I am a INFJ and this was our first relationship for both of us. We both just knew we'd found our soul mate from the moment we met. We've been together for 23 years, married almost 18 of those and we still adore each other. We've had tough times but neither of us could imagine life without the other no matter how hard life gets. ♥️
Very cool, J Gerrie! Thanks for sharing!
Exactly my ( INFJ) experience with my ISTJ husband ❤!
@@symphorosa2526 Awesome!
Yep! I’m an INFJ and my husband is an ISTJ, and we’ve been married for 20 years.
You pretty much hit the bullseye on every point, and I’d like to add a couple points myself.
Stability. Both my husband and myself are very big on stability (I guess this may go with safety?) , and don’t hurl things at each other in a fight like “I want a divorce!” To get our way, or to be manipulative.
We both value honesty, integrity, and loyalty. And- I’m talking about our relationship, but I’ve found that many INFJ/ISTJ relationships work because of these very same things. These very core values.
I don’t like inconsistency, and the ISTJ is one of the most consistent and reliable personality types(speaking just what I’ve experienced and know through my own research). Stable, dependable people. Like my husband, and I believe that is refreshing for us INFJs, as we love consistency in our relationships.
Great points! Thanks for sharing!
We ISTJs secretly love our validation, but I think we get a bad reputation for not being able to accept it from others, especially Extroverted Feelers, when it's not genuine. However, by cross-referencing your affirmations about ISTJs with myself, I can say, "Yep. It's genuine, because it's factual."
On the side of ISTJ-INFJ relationships, I have two very close INFJ friends, and it was very painful at first, trying to figure out how to even make sure of what they were trying to say, and wondering why I was so confused, as well as me having to learn to be a bit more vulnerable and expressive, but once we clicked, it ended up being two of the best friendships I ever had!
*If* ISTJs watching RUclips videos exist, and you have significant others that are INFJs, persevere! It's worth it!
Thank you for this very helpful comment! Much appreciated. :-)
Very good 👍🏼 I’m an INFJ-Assertive and my husband is an ISTJ-turbulent. We are completely opposite but always got along great. We have always had the mindset of making a great marriage (34 years and counting)and commitment to it. We both value honesty and morals. We both have differences that benefit the other- an example of this is that I can have an idea(visionary) and my focus on future outcomes that are really accurate. My husband will then know how to take the practical steps to get there. Also we have other differences to keep the relationship interesting! Thank you for sharing!
That's beautiful, Wanda! 🙂
@@ispeakpeople thank you!
Same...me INFJ husband ISTJ...I'm the visionary he's the know-how...if I could wish for one thing that's missing in our relationship it would be deep conversations
@@t.c9537 yes, I totally agree. My husband listens well but doesn’t discuss. When I try to engage in these conversations, he says I overthink. I satisfy my need for deep conversation with my long-time best friend and I’m always learning and going to school for something 📚 🕊️💕🙏🏼
@@41Wanda Yes they're great listeners...they don't have much to say though 🤭
I really enjoyed this. I’m an INFJ and my husband is an INTJ, and I appreciated the things you brought out in this video. I really agreed about both having particularities and I wanted to share an experience that really came to mind when you were discussing that.. My husband is very particular about the yard being clean. We live out in the country, so our children play outside, and it really bothered my husband when they didn’t have their bikes put back away when they were done using them.
After the bikes were consistently not being put away and my husband was becoming perturbed after having to remind the children almost daily, I sat down with our children to find out why they were finding it difficult to remember to put them away. They told me how inconvenient the spot was where they were expected to put them, so I asked them if we set up a rack in a convenient location, would they be diligent to put them away, and they agreed they would. Right away I started looking up plans for bike racks that my husband could make out of pallet wood that we could put in a convenient location for the children, so they’d be inclined to put them back.
I called my 13 year old ISTP son over to help me pick a good bike rack, and him and my husband had it built in less than 15 minutes. That was over 6 months ago, and the yard hasn’t had bikes strewn across one day since! Honestly, bikes stewn across the yard doesn’t bother me one bit, but when I could see the disunity this situation was having in our home, I decided to get to the heart of why my children were resisting their father’s request, and though I was helpless to create anything out of pallets myself, I think we each used our gifts in the situation for a positive outcome. Everyone’s voices were heard, the bikes are put away, and my husband and son had a good time doing another project together. Often over the years I’ve resisted helping others with their priorities if they aren’t mine, but I can see in situations like this in my home, where it has a positive outcome for everyone especially in a home situation, when we can just come together and focus on the situation together.
I LOVE this story! So cool. Thanks for sharing!
I’m INFJ dating an ISTJ right now & it feels like the complete opposite of me at times, even though we do have some interests in common.
I’m a strong introvert too but he seems even more of one.
I’d like to go out and try new things on a weekend, even if it’s for a very short time.
I suggest as such but politely let him decide, so inevitably it’s always staying in watching his selection of RUclips videos & shows.
When we do talk it seems rather one sided about his work, interests, or explaining things that are over my head that I didn’t ask about. If I talk about my work, he seems to zone out. Probably bc it’s just not interesting when someone only talks about their job. It honestly feels like I’m a new employee at times.
I like to connect one on one & I’m not feeling that as there are no jokes or playful banter received back.
I'm sorry. Reciprocated interest is important - at least, that's been my experience.
OMG, currently im living the consequences of being too much pleasant with mi ISTJ, because I understand him an why he seems being plane but... it's quite difficult because as INFJ im looking for love expressions, other activities and get out of our comfort zone... but today we are breaking up because of that...
Much of this, is learning how to communicate with each other and how to communicate with an ISTJ. They’re not abstract thinkers, so when we use generalized language, concepts, and feelings - it’s lost on them.
But if you narrow it down, bring in key facts, and add in sensory and concrete input- thats tangible information for them to envision and grasp onto.
And when he’s talking about work to you, even if you didn’t ask - he’s sharing something he takes great pride in, that he wants you to have pride in him too.
ISTJs, many of them- see their jobs, as something they do to provide for their loved ones, and they take great pride in what they do. Even if they hate their job, they will do it. Your ISTJ will put his all in his actions to show you he cares, maybe not in words or in other expressions you’re used to.
If he’s wanting to stay in, he’s probably wanting to spend more alone time with you.
Lemme tell ya, trying new things …is really hard for this type. They prefer tried and true. In everything.
I’m an INFJ and I’ve been married to an ISTJ for 20 years.
So, my suggestion is- don’t expect him to read your mind. Get over that expectation right now, because that’s just not going to happen.
You are going to have to spell it out for him, your needs and wants. Not in any sort of accusatory way or being critical of him. Simply tell him what you want. Every other weekend, tell him you’d like to go out and try new things.
If you don’t voice these things, he won’t know exactly what you want. And if you say these things while you’re being overly emotional, they don’t know how to take it.
It has taken me years with my husband to get us to this point. So, don’t expect miracles overnight.
As we are INFJ and they are ISTJ - it is almost as if we speak an entirely different language.
Just remember, they’re in the here and now, with the 5 senses, and concrete data,in day to day functioning.
We are in the past, present , and future- we are in the abstract , generalized patterns, and overall big picture.
Two very different ways of looking at the world.
@@jenofire8724You've put it perfectly! I'm INFJ and my husband ISTJ and that's just like You've said he is here and now all the time and i'm everywhere at once. It has taken us long time and many attempts to establish some reasonable communication and i think we've made it, sometimes we need to translate to each other what and how we think but eventually it was worth it.
I'm an infj who thinks he has changed personality-wise throughout the last 15 years but consistently tests infj.
I'm also married to an istj. I wanted her to do a personality test early on and the results were saying we were not so compatible. But 5.5 years in and were still good.
Very cool, DJ. We’re always changing and growing. I’m so glad you’re still good! :-)
I’m 31 years in on mine and I wish I never met her, I’m in it INFJ and she is an ISTG.. Two children I wish we never had. I know, it’s crazy to think these things but it’s true. My wife/life has sucked
As an ISTJ, I am good at keeping secrets and generally peoples private information. I am getting upset if a third person is asking too much questions about our fellow acquaintances, so I always tell they should ask them directly. Also if I ended telling somebody some private things, and they go tell it to others, it makes me upset. I do not feel that I always have to point out to others, hey, this is private, but wonders me people do not realize its not nice sharing private information with others,
Good points. I appreciate your concern for protecting others' privacy.
I’m an INFJ that’s married to an ISTJ, also. This really seems like the most serious match. Our youngest daughter, who still lives with us (young adult), is also an ISTJ.
Thank goodness I have come across this video, you're a lifesaver. I learned so much from this video and it has helped me to understand my relationship with my boyfriend(he's an ISTJ-A while I'm an INFJ-T) on a deeper level while exploring and noticing new things that I haven't thought about before.
It's a request from my side that could you create more videos on this topic. I couldn't find much online about INFJs and ISTJs
being compatible, p.s. They don't have much content about ISTJs as compared to the information available for other types, that's just plainly unfair.
Loved the video! Thank you!
So glad you found it helpful, J! I will keep that request in mind as I think about future videos. Thanks!
@@ispeakpeople thank you!! I hope your channel grows!
@@daisys.tulips0408 Thank you!
I second this. I’m an INFJ and ISTJs seem attracted to me- but I find them very confusing when dating.
@@pubear7514 well, it's up to you dear, in my case we were only able to meet each other for a month when our relationship started and now we're continuing it as a long distance relationship, it has always been about communication and trust, we both have a good command on expressing our thoughts and feelings, it needs a lot of time to open up to someone after all, p.s. it also matters how you understand one another and to what level you both can co-operate. In our case it's been 5 months since we started dating and now we're quite serious with our relationship on long term basis, in our case the key to a good relationship is communication, honestly, loyalty and cooperation, since you're an INFJ i would like to give you a piece of advice that you need to be familiar with yourself first, know yourself and explore yourself as much as you can, watch videos read articles, get familiar with your likes and dislikes, set boundaries, know your love style, find out what's your type, the things which attract you the most and in the end i would like to quote "Let love find you."
Hope this helped! I'm here if you want to discuss more about this.
So happy to see you back!!!
Thanks, Debbie!
I'm INFJ too, my wife is ISTJ and I would agree more or less with everything you say, especially about the styles of order, the candour and the nit-picking. However, as the INFJ I do feel that in regards to our relationship I am the one seeing and experiencing the learning attributes of the relationship whereas she doesn't whatsoever. In fact when I told her she was an ISTJ and to read up on it, she said it's bullshit because it's not an actual science.
It took my wife a while to appreciate different personalities. She thought everyone was more or less the same. I started to point out similarities and differences between the people she knew, and that was concrete enough for her that she began to appreciate the categories: It helped her understand some of why people do what they do. That may or may not be helpful. My wife is generally slow to read about her personality; it doesn't interest her. I explain in bits and pieces and give numerous concrete examples. That's kind of what she does for me with routine chores. 😂
Another name for ISTG is a covert narcissist
@@Desmondbrown73so, all ISTJs are covert narcissists? Interesting theory. How’d you come by this premise?
This helped me to understand people I am close to. Me and my husband are both INFP.
Awesome! I’m glad to hear it. :-)
So you’re telling me when I give a sensing estj istj, a 30 page thesis in chart and graphs and detailed explanation they enjoy that.
As an Istj.. yes, I would enjoy this 😆
@@kristinarman7125 you must be a curvy lady
Interesting. I'm happy you get along that well with ISTJs. I, for one, prefer the company of intuitives. I have to explain myself much less to them than I do with sensors me. All the explaining and debates are highly draining for me. Also I find them too traditionalistic and I am too non-standart and prefer to be surrounded by people who are more like me. Whatever I'm not good at, I try to build a system to become good at and not need much from people.
Yes, good points, Light. There are definitely communication challenges between INFJs and sensing types. I could have made that more clear in this video. It's not all roses. Thanks for pointing these things out!
Thanks for sharing this. I’m an INFJ. Almost textbook! Lol
That's awesome! You're very welcome! :-)
I live with my two ISTJs 🤗💚🌼
История с полами и предметами в доме: 100% попадание😂
Wow! You’re back! How long have you been doing videos again?
Hi, Christopher! Since October. :-)
I have never been close to an ISTJ. They tend to be annoyed by me, and I find them not open minded, too in love with the rules and mostly boring. (my sis is ISTJ, and I have found them at uni and jobs)
I find ENxPs annoying, reckless, not determined and also more prone to be sympathetic to hedonistic/degenerate lifestyles….
I find that boring and impractical, not to mention inefficient
I am an INFJ male
I want to bring an ISTJ female in to my live for marriage... Can we live together??
Are you asking if the two of you would be able to get along?
@@ispeakpeople yes