Clutter-Free Organization Tips for Neurodivergent Families
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- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- “How do I help my kids declutter when they are attached to EVERYTHING? I don’t want the pressure of minimizing our stuff to lead my kids into hoarding!”
Listen in as Dawn speaks with Laurie, a professional organizer, about her personal experience raising a neurodivergent child, helping kids declutter, and her learnings along the way.
IN THIS EPISODE:
0:00 Intro
4:35 Personal experience of Laurie
7:26 Setting healthy boundaries with kids and treasures
18:42 (GEM) “But will I turn them into hoarders?”
24:49 When your kids are ready to move on, and you’re not
26:36 Setting up your kids for success
37:42 Reach out to Laurie
ABOUT LAURIE:
Laurie is the founder of Simply B Organized (SBO) where she writes, teaches, and works with people of all ages helping them to declutter and work smarter. She also hosts This ORGANIZED Life, a weekly podcast where she chats with awesome guests about life, work, parenting, and the role that organization has in their lives.
LINKS:
Laurie’s IG: / simplyborganized
Podcast episode with Logan: simplyborganized.com/2019/08/...
Logans followup episode: simplyborganized.com/2023/06/...
Lauries podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
My jewelry is from Trades of Hope (Shop to help women out of poverty!): tradesofhope.com/minimalmom
Mother's Necklace on Etsy: cli.re/mom-necklace
(I have the gold in 18")
Welcome to The Official Minimal Mom Podcast channel. If you'd like to hear previous episodes, you can find them on all podcasting apps including Apple Podcasts, Spotify and iTunes.
Thank you so much for listening and could I ask a favor? Would you mind subscribing? It helps RUclips recommend this podcast to more friends. Thank you! Dawn
ABOUT THE MINIMAL MOM:
Hi, I'm Dawn, if we haven't met before, I'm married to Tom and we have four kids ages 8-13. We live outside of the Twin Cities in MN and have called ourselves minimalists for 8 years now. We got rid of 85% of our stuff and don't miss ANY OF IT!
If you'd like to see more instructional videos about minimalism and decluttering, be sure to check out my other channel @theminimalmom
I have never commented on a RUclips video before, but I had to share! My 6 year old daughter who cannot let go of ANYTHING (because everything is precious and special) wanted to watch this video because she heard me listening to it. I let her watch it while I was cleaning up the kitchen listening and she heard the part where you say the kids could fill up a box and you’d give them $5 for it and she said “that sounds so fun! I want to do that!” And then went and found a bunch of stuffed animals (which are the hardest thing for her to part with) for me to donate! 😂 who knew she would implement some of these ideas herself 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣good going mom!!! Lol
What!?! This is SO awesome to hear!!!
I love this for BOTH of you! Hopefully it has helped her view her stuff differently moving forward, even if by a little bit. :)
That's great!! So proud of your daughter! I need to find someone to give me 5 bucks for each box I can get out of my own house 😅
Money is a Ghrrreeeaaattt motivator!😂❤
I'm ADHD and when I turned 12, I became very OCD. I went from being a bit of a slob to being ULTRA clean. I'm 65, so when I was young, NO ONE addressed any of this. I discovered (10 years ago) that clutter actually fueled my anxiety - so I became a minimalist.
I didn't know I had ADD till I was a mother. When I was 16 I got rid of a bulletin board in my room because I suddenly became aware of the clutter. As an adult I have discovered that I am not good at managing my stuff and my nervous system is very sensitive to clutter. Minimalism has really saved me and allows me to have a tidy house. I may not always feel in control of my house BUT it never feels totally out of control, ONLY because I limit what I own. Limiting what you own in healthy amounts equals freedom and peace.
Oh yes! As a child, I treasured anything that was broken, because 'nobody else would want them'. A teddy with no legs, a car with a wheel missing etc. I was desperate to keep them and show them somebody loved them. I'm 72 now and realsie that the feeling is still there, however I can work around it with items that are clearly inanimate and can be thrown away but a cracked mug etc still brings those feelings out. I know it sounds a bit silly ... but it feels better to say it 🤔 Maybe hard for others to even imagine someone feeling that way.
Thank you for this topic.
Inattentive add here. I do believe my slight hoarding tendencies (not like what you see on tv type stuff but definitely tendency towards the hoard type lol) has scared my poor girl into minimalism 🤣 Between your videos, Cas from Clutterbug’s adhd hacks, and my daughter’s influence and direct verbalizing, I’m working on simplifying my life and home!
I used to incorporate pick up time in my classroom. Two or three minutes before the bell, we would all pick up and straighten up and I would do it, too. Then the next group could walk in to a more inviting space. It's subtle, but it really makes a difference.
I’m a 23 year old mom of 2 who recently has been diagnosed with ADHD. Dawn, I’m SO thankful I found your videos and podcast this early into parenthood! I’ve gotten rid of so much and have been consistently working on my decluttering muscles so make this journey easier. Thank you for all you do.
I have pigeon pair twins, now 17. My son has quite severe ADHD and my daughter is blind. I have modelled and shown how a decluttered space makes us feel and because both my kids do online homeschooling, my son realized that his space has to be decluttered for him to function better and be less distracted. He used to hold on to every shirt, paper, whatever as everything was special. He went through this mind shift completely on his own. My daughter is an artist and she is incapable of decluttering anything to do with art. Even her pencils even though she has moved to digital art as her eyesight has deteriorated to such an extent that she can't sketch with pencils anymore. She also does not see the clutter, but at least have simplified her wardrobe so that everything matches everything, it's all black, but it works. Slowly we will get there. I have been nudging her to declutter jewelry she doesn't wear, or clothes that is too small and I am working on their memory bins which will hopefully help a lot with being intentional about what to keep.
i made a "work clothes station" in the hallway for my 22 year old. 4 laundry baskets. for neurotypical, 4 baskets is insane but for neurodivergent is perfect. small garment rack. 6 t shirts, 6 socks, 6 underwear, 6 shorts, 6 undershirts, 1 thin hoodie, 1 pair brooks shoes, pick from the baskets, wash on friday. that organization has been perfect. no more rushing, mismatched socks, etc.
I had to make a similar system for my son and it has made getting ready so much easier!
I've often made various changes in my life after considering, "What did people do/eat/have 100 years ago?" Listening to this discussion especially as you touched on the fact that kids function better when there is less, I'm beginning to wonder how much of the rise in diagnoses we have seen is simply too much stuff combined with the overstimulation we now face in this world. Obviously there are those who are simply wired differently, and as well as those with trauma-induced ADHD, but considering how we as humans were not meant to deal with all of this stuff being thrown at us, it's no wonder so many people struggle to focus on one thing at a time. We need space, both mental and physical. As minimalism and anti-consumerism continue to gain momentum, I hope that more and more children and parents are able to find freedom through this very wise and helpful information!
How I view this rise is that the world has become a LOT less accommodating to differently-wired brains and this pressure (plus awareness, labels for things) has caused these differences to become more apparent. Those of us whose brains work differently are having a harder time navigating constant disruption, social gymnastics, overload of information and stuff, etc. Things used to be a lot simpler and slower-moving. We had more time to process and reflect. We used to have to engage in a lot more manual labor and outdoor time. The environment we're in makes a HUGE difference.
Additionally, as a woman, I should add that growing up we were conditioned to internalize whatever struggles we were having and simply blamed things on being a character flaw like lazy, weird, sensitive, dramatic. Recognizing that you function differently than most people and that there's a name and explanation for it frees you immensely from anxiety and depression and allows you to find solutions and accommodations that help (like minimalism!).
And even if it's not the cause it definitely heightens all the symptoms! I know, my whole family is suffering and I know the peace I feel in an organized space, versus what we're dealing with.
@@mrwormtester I agree 👍
This is a great perspective. I never thought about consumerism's effects on the human psyche from this perspective. Thanks for sharing!
I have ADHD and OCD. My mom has never understood when I say "Mom, I just don't know where to start. I want an organized space but cannot figure out how to get there." It's an intensely frustrating feeling wanting to be one way and not knowing how to. My mind just doesn't understand how to. I get overwhelmed and lack knowing how to start and how to finish.
I feel like I've recently started to get energy behind my messy middle. I was raised by "savers" baby boomer aged parents who struggled when we were kids and learned from their parents who grew up in or post-great depression. We are a people of emotional saving and waste-not-want-not. But I discovered much of what I purchased after college and into my second marriage has been Amazon purchases of fast fashion, housewares that need constant replacing and just junk.
I've been a Minimal Mom watcher since 2020 and things are really now (about 3 years later) starting to kick in. With the idea of hushing my house I grabbed a chalkboard and made a list of 10.
10 categories and/or gifts/inherited items I would miss if there were a fire.
I then decluttered our main living space as much as possible and hushed the main entry and dining room and hushed them to finesse it. And it's still being hushed a week later. I have so many items that pass through this main area that land on flat surfaces that I can now declutter in short bursts as I pick up a few times a day.
I finally feel like I found my groove and peace that allows me to have a clean visitor friendly area, a lot less to pick up daily, and a place where my husband and 4 year old finally knows where things are and can help put things away. Not only that, but I'm less crazy and resentful to my husband for spending time outdoors working on the yard prepping when the family comes over. We can finally respect each others concerns for presenting our house in a manner that shows that we care about the home's appearance and for the comfort of those that we invite over.
It doesn't happen overnight. It happens in short spurts and as time and energy allows and it does require a commitment, but your commitment to yourself, your family, and your home is worth it.
Thank you Dawn for continuing to bring new ideas and encouragement to those of us who were once so blind we could not see (the clutter as a lead balloon). Cheers!
I am definitely a person like Gage & Logan who thinks everything is special & I wanted to keep everything for everyone. Recently, I had to decide if I wanted a clean space & let everyone deal with their own stuff or continue to burden myself with it all. I decided to give myself peace of mind & I am letting everything go. It is so freeing. Great podcast. 😊
I also am that person that feels like EVERYTHING is special. I've even kept my dad's old license, my first car key, a candy wrapper from a funny time, a piece of our original vinyl tile from the house I grew up in. These were even things I kept as a kid and teen. It's gotten a little better, but only because I am always drowning in special items. It's very hard when you have an attachment to everything.
@amydepaul3039 When I was going through things, I started taking pictures of things & letting the things go. We don't have children & our siblings don't want our stuff, so we are getting rid of it.
This content is fantastic. Kids need simplicity and less choices. Same with adults. Bravo.
All the choices are making people neurotic.
Agreed! Simplicity is amazing!
Thank you for this episode & attaching Laurie's podcasts. I just listened to the 1st one you listed, and I'm feeling more hopeful & motivated. I've been pretty down for awhile, you don't probably know how much it means. Thank you!
That skill and relationship you have given your daughter to call home and ask for help is invaluable !!!!
When she finds her partner/her love/ her spouse someday she will be able to tell him and ask him for what she needs !!!!
Amazing!!!
There's a lot of crossover with these diagnoses and trauma, like CPTSD has very similar symptoms as ADHD and ADD and there's a lot of fear involved in having to give things away, so the fear has to be met before any forward motion can be made with clutter. They have to feel safe and trusting for the future. Boundaries and containers are perfect for not accomodating fear; which is practice for building confidence overcoming fear.
This was very helpful! I wish I would have heard years ago!
Mom of 2 neurospicy kiddos… 😉 I would give a number for items they had to go into their room and throw away trash or pick up items and that usually worked really well. I also made it a game sometimes… put a bin in the middle of the room ‘how many cars can you make into the bin?’ And allow them to throw it! (Obvi that doesn’t work for every toy- haha)
What I wish I had known sooner… I worked in a SPED prek class a couple years ago and learned that many kids need extra time to PROCESS our instructions.
Simplify… 1 direction at a time… give the direction and WAIT… literally PAUSE with NO EXTRA WORDS… give their brain time to take in and process your direction. Do NOT KEEP REPEATING yourself. It’ll actually help them develop that skill. Break it down as far as you have to depending on their level.
I was told that a child cleaning their room is as overwhelming as you cleaning your state. Break it down. Water, land, air. Then lakes, rivers, streams. Help your child do toys, clothes. Then Barbies, Lego, etc.
I used to block out an area with yardsticks. So then he would only clean what was in that square area and by breaking it down that way, it was more doable.
This might be the BEST podcast you have ever done for both parents and kids with ADHD and autism!!!
AND that is me AUADHD and my hubby ADD … in our 40’s 3 children and just figuring it out now!!!!
But we have included them in the process the whole way and the changes we have made and the systems we are putting in place are sooooo good!!!
Putting a number limit on objects works well in school as well. I was a special education teacher for 33 years. The students were the ones who got to choose which objects to keep or "get rid of," which usually meant the excess goes into the backpack. Some students really struggled with that number limit initially, but ultimately this helped avoid a lot of problems on a day to day basis long term.
This was so valuable for me. Thank you.
OH, how I wish I'd known this when my daughter was little!
I would also love some ways of dealing with my husband's ADHD. I think he would be happier in a simplified space, but have no idea how to persuade him. My current solution is to keep the shared parts of the house simplified and keep his office door closed.
This is my exact approach - although it is his office, the garage and the shed!
I love that you are still able to help your daughter with ghe need she had even though she is an adult. We always meed our moms. And she peobably will need more help if/ when she is a parent someday. I love that you are helping without the judgment. So beautiful. ❤
I am ALL for labels (for people), they help me feel like I’m not at fault and a lost cause but help me hone in on what works for my specific diagnosis ❤
Well guess what.... I am ADHD and didn't know it until this show. I thought of it as mildly OCD part of which is a sort of perfectionism (I want to have everything needed, and just the right kind when I need it know and in the future). I have been with Dawn a long time and growing the de-cluttering muscle, through the thousands of hints and procedures have helped me greatly. My child who is a millennial probably picked this up from me. But one thing that I have never told anybody is that I still FEEL LIKE things have feelings. I mean I do know that is irrational but the emotion is still there. I feel better if I throw away a bottle with its cap on because that is a part of it. Or if it will be physically recycled because it will have a new way to serve. The idea, even though I know it is not at all true, that the object would want to continue serving its function reduces anxiety in throwing it away. I will be trying the approaches used for and by Logan. I hope you can address the complication of a ADHD mom.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for covering this topic. Highly relevant!
This is amazing for those of us that have kiddos with neurodivergent brains. Thank you for bringing this topic up Dawn! ❤
Dawn thank you. This is excellent information.
Thank you both. I don't have any children, but I can relate to the "Magical Thinking" for myself. (I'm 51).
This is very interesting! I am thinking if my daughter is neurodivergent and need all the tips. ❤ Also I struggle (also husband) with clutter, messy home and time management. 🙈
Ooooo go Dawn! Great title! Excited for this one! We got a complicated family here. ❤
Beatiful podcast episode❤
This is an excellent collaboration! My youngest has all the hallmarks of ADHD so I’ll be using the advice given to try and help her manage her stuff. I e never thought to ask her why she hangs onto every tiny scrap but ‘magical thinking’ makes sense! Thank you for another wonderful podcast!
Great episode! ❤
This was AWESOME! I'm a special Education teacher and mom of a child with attention/focus issues and this resonating with me so much!
This was so helpful ❤
Thank you.
Love Minimal Mom 💕
Teaching Gage and Logan these skills will keep them off future episodes of Hoarders. 😀
Awsome convertation
Hi Dawn loved the video. It is great that tgere are more resources for ADHD.I thinkADHD is very misunderstood.Just a great video.
Thank you for ADHD relevant content! Love your channel otherwise too and find it very helpful. :)
Magical thinking can happen with ocd too. Also, intrusive thoughts from ocd can convince a person that something bad might happen if they get rid of something.
Even as an adult I need to pivot and switch things up as seasons change or things are no longer working for whatever reason
Thank you so much! This is a big struggle for us. Husband is ADD side of this. But 9 year old daughter has anxiety and ADHD (ADD side of it). My 4 year old is ADHD hyperactive and dangerous. Both have impulse control.
Make the Bin the bad guy!!!! Yes!!!!
I definitely can learn things from those who are naturally organized and ones who arent naturally that way. Eapecially if the organized people come at it from thw unserstanding that not everyone is wored that way. I have ADHD and have always struggled with organization. Wasnt a huge issue for me till i was a bome maker and eapecially a mom. But it impactedy grades for sure. I just fell through the cracks until i saw own kids struggle.
OMG. I CANT PART WITH HER BOOKS, CLOTHES, AND DOLLS. She’s a sophomore in college. I’m not ready!!!!!! She’s staying in DC this summer and I’m even clingier.
I am the first comment and thumbs up!!! 🎉🎉🎉
Love this topic! Thank you for stepping outside your own box to bring different content.
Also, I must say I'm really not a fan of the new intros.
I love the radio dudes voice! He’s a friend of Dawn and Diana’s
@@ps0195 it just doesn't feel very authentic, and they're a bit long to use every video. In my opinion. He does have a nice voice, though.
Easier said than done, like they love everything 😭 my sons room is like museum, i think i gave up. Maybe it’s his personality.
I hear you. My son is 24 and these things weren’t really talked about when he was young (or I wasn’t aware). It’s been a constant and exhausting battle. Anytime that I had tried to get rid of things, he told me I was trying to get rid of his childhood.
I am terrible with time and how long it or how hard it is to do something. Very forgetful. Never diagnosed with ADHD. I need to plan out my entire day min by min or anxiety is terrible. I am able to get rid of stuff easily I would say.
18:15 it absolutely is a real struggle
It sounded like I would link to a way to sign up with Laurie but it seems the only way is through Twitter? I will have to follow her elsewhere because I don't want a twitter account. Guess I can just do it through her website, but I was hoping there was a place to keep in touch about the specific topic on this show.
My cousin's mom cleaned out his entire room and rearranged while he was at school one day. I think he was 7 or 8. It traumatized him.
Oh Yes !😁
Teachers are not ALLOWED to tell the parents their child has ADHD. We must wait for the parent to figure it out. It's a NIGHTMARE!
I don't think teachers should diagnose, however I am sure teachers can talk about struggles in the classroom and dialogue with parents on solutions.
Is it possible that movies that humanize toys contributes to this? Like Toy Story? There is an underlying problem already and then a really big problem emerges.
18:58 that’s like the argument that if you don’t let kids have sugar they’ll go nuts for it later. Not true! Kinda who learn about health will make good choices as adults too!