The "Bucket List" needs to go! Managing Summer Anxiety
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- Опубликовано: 2 июл 2024
- Are you experiencing more anxiety than relaxation this summer? Are your expectations realistic? Do you feel stuck or broken? What is anxiety doing to you? How can we maintain momentum when we don’t feel like it? Join Dawn and Britt Frank- a licensed neuropsychotherapist and author of The Science of Stuck and her newest release The Getting Unstuck Workbook- as they talk about seasonal summer anxiety, setting expectations, and getting “unstuck.”
:: T I M E S T A M P S ::
0:00 How to manage summer anxiety
2:36 Seasonal summer anxiety
3:51 Reset expectations
4:06 #Chuckthebucket
4:29 Don’t worry about the why
5:14 My brain is on my side.
8:10 How do we help our kids?
10:17 It’s ok to need time.
11:32 Stimulation requires down regulation.
12:40 Boredom is NOT a problem to solve.
16:00 Micro-dose relaxation
18:42 Name it and own it.
22:25 Better done than good
23:01 How do we keep momentum going when the “pink cloud” goes away?
27:10 There is no such thing as a broken person.
27:35 Getting unstuck
32:20 Brains CAN change.
:: R E S O U R C E S M E N T I O N E D ::
The Science of Stuck Book: amzn.to/3L4taLq
The Getting Unstuck Workbook: amzn.to/45LJbQ3
Previous Podcast Episode with Brit Frank: • The interruption of st...
ABOUT BRIT: Britt Frank, LSCSW, SEP is a licensed neuropsychotherapist and author of The Science of Stuck (Penguin Random House), named by SHRM, Esquire, New York Magazine, and The Next Big Idea Club as a must-read as well as her new release, The Getting Unstuck Workbook. Britt received her undergraduate degree from Duke University and her master’s degree from the University of Kansas, where she later became an award-winning adjunct instructor. Britt is a contributing writer to Psychology Today and her work has been featured in Forbes, NPR, The New York Times, Fast Company, Psych Central, SELF, and Thrive Global.
www.scienceofstuck.com
IG: @brittfrank
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ABOUT THE MINIMAL MOM:
Hi, I'm Dawn, if we haven't met before, I'm married to Tom and we have four kids ages 8-13. We live outside of the Twin Cities in MN and have called ourselves minimalists for 8 years now. We got rid of 85% of our stuff and don't miss ANY OF IT!
If you'd like to see more instructional videos about minimalism and decluttering, be sure to check out my other channel @theminimalmom
I love this! As an educator, I share summer break with my daughter and try to plan memorable activities. We are only two weeks into our summer and at least twice a day she has declared this the best summer ever. What magical activities have I made, you ask? We had a movie night at home, today I took her outside and helped her learn to ride her bike better and hit a softball, and showed her the picture of herself in the newspaper from her Special Olympics competition. That’s it. We have barely left our neighborhood and she is having the time of her life. Who knew?! Sometimes we way overthink things.
I think the best part of summer for kids is not having to get up & go in the morning. If you are fortunate enough to be home with your kids, let them sleep in, linger in their jammies, eat a not-rushed breakfast, hang out around the house & yard, discover their own street. Less schedules, less activities, less to-dos on the list. Summer can be a rest from the busy school year.
👏👏👏👏👏‼️
Everybody is different, and that is absolutely OK, but, when my kids were young and still at home, summer was my all-time absolute favorite. Why? Because the schedule was slower, the kids were home and not at school with all of the social pressures, I got to be around them so much more. We didn’t plan a lot of outings because we couldn’t afford it and I’m glad we didn’t; we went for walks, they’d swing on the swings, play with their friends and play outside, went to the pool, did the summer reading program at the library, played with water and sand. We loved it so much!!!
This is how I raise mine also. We didn’t have the money to go places that much. We would go see their grandparents in the summer. But we just played outside. I had a small little swimming pool for them. We played puzzles and books. It was the best.
This sounds like my summers growing up in the 70's. Simple fun!
I can't wait to watch this.
My youngest child asked me a few years ago if I had a bucket list.
It was so freeing to answer, "No, I really don't."
That night in bed, I asked myself, if I could have one thing in life what would it be? I'd want my kids to know and love God and walk free in His truth
This was so interesting and informative! Thank you! I am a school secretary and have the summer off. This sumner, I made a summer bucket list just for me because it helps me remember the things that I always tell myself that I’d like to do when the summer comes. Right now, I feel no pressure to do all of those things, but if I’m looking for something to do, the list is there with ideas.
This was a very informative podcast! I love it!
So good❤❤❤❤ another therapist I heard from ( a child /family therapist like her ) also talked about the idea of good enough parenting. So good to remember!
I needed so much to hear about letting our kids be bored. I would like to talk more about that. Feeling like I have to keep them happy and not whining that they are bored is hard to listen to at home. Learning that feeling bored is not bad and is an avenue and way to creativity ❤ is a great new way to think about it. So letting kids be bored and saying ,”no more iPad now”….well that’s going to be hard for me to get used to but I’m just going to keep remembering it’s not a bad thing.
Britt: “I’m not a parent but -“
… proceeds to say some of the absolute most helpful things I’ve heard as a parent who struggles with this stuff.
Thanks ladies ❤
Please watch the Australian show 'Bluey', they show parents having emotions and not doing it right all the time. Thanks Dawn and Brit, great to hear about real tools and info to use in this crazy world 😊❤💯✨️🌈
Everybody is different, and that is absolutely OK, but, when my kids were young and still at home, summer was my all-time absolute favorite. Why? Because the schedule was slower, the kids were home and not at school with all of the social pressures, I got to be around them so much more. we didn’t plan a lot of outings because we couldn’t afford it and I’m glad we didn’t; we went for walks, they’d swing on the swings, play with their friends and play outside, played with water and sand. The pool, the summer reading program, just everything wonderful. I loved it so much!!!
As a kid, these are my memories. Summer was so fun.
That's all kids need.
Great to see Britt Frank on again! 😃👏 *Some favorite takeaways:* 1) 23:44 When tackling a challenge, *expect* an inevitable loss of enthusiasm. 🙃😄 2) Try asking What can I say yes to? (e.g. picking up one sock) *Motivation comes AFTER taking action, not before it* i.e. it gets easier! 🤸♀ 3) Starting SMALL really works! (e.g. starting with 30 seconds of sitting quietly vs. a big meditation goal). 4) When feeling confident and competent, create a message of encouragement for your future self. 🥰
5) Adjusting expectations helps (e.g. summer & holidays can actually be pretty stressful when you're the parent not the kid!).
6) 18:47 When stressed or upset around kids, Name the emotion (anxious, sad, etc.), Say it's not their fault & not their problem to solve, & Reassure them you're going to be okay. (Works great with partners and modified for self-talk too! 😀)
7) Change is possible! Our brains continue to adapt and create new pathways throughout our lives, making new things easier and more automatic the more we do them.
🌈🌱🌿🤩🍀💐💖
Thanks, Britt and Dawn! Looking forward to your book or *whatever* you choose to collaborate on! 😃❤ I bought The Science of Stuck after the last interview and I'm excited for the new book! 🤓📚
It’s important to remember that “camp” isn’t always about packing a kid’s schedule … it’s very often the only option parents have for childcare during the summer.
"Boredom is not my problem to solve. That's on you." Yes!
If my son said he was bored, I would say, Awesome ! I've heard that's great for your brain!!
Magical summer? We got to sleep-in, go swimming at the public pool, go to the beach sometimes, read books (signed-up at the library for the summer reading program) eat popsicles, play board games....Our friends lived in our neighborhoods and that's not usually the case anymore....That was "magical" enough. My favorites were the library and the beach.
This sounds exactly like my childhood, my mom didn't like to have too many plans for us so we really could just play and enjoy ourselves
@@miraearles3372, it was great! We felt free.
After age 10, I grew up on Lake Erie. We couldn't wait for the water temp to hit 80!
My kids knew better than to tell me they were bored. Bored=work in my house. Now the grandkids are learning. 😅
As a mom to 4 young kids, who was recently started on medication for anxiety, this was so good. Thank you! I shared it with my mom, my sister, 2 good friends, and all the ladies from my Bible study group!
I wasn't going to watch this one because of the bucket list title and having recently watched a video from someone else that talked about summer bucket lists in summer routine with kids home that I think is really helpful for our new situation. I'm so thankful I decided to check this out anyway! Just the release from expectations I had on myself as the first summer as a full time grama to a very talkative energetic 7 year old granddaughter. Whew, lol. (Our bucket list, thankfully is a list to help us get out and do specific things with our granddaughter so it is really good for us.) But this information is going to help so much!!! Thank you Dawn and Britt! 😊
I love both of you so much! So much wisdom in one podcast. ❤ Thank. You.
How interesting and true that the word “relax” can trigger a fear response in those of us who struggle with anxiety! 😮
(Also, I’ve listened to your previous podcast together 10 times, not exaggerating. 😂🎉)
Now that I'm older and retired I love boredom
Yes :) There is beauty in the mundane :)
This video is so helpful and makes so much sense. I have been unsure of explaining myself to my kids because I tend to talk to them about so many things. My kids are 6,4,2 but I have noticed their emotional intelligence is far more advanced than their peers. They have so much empathy for their age it’s beautiful. The most important thing I say to them is treat others the way you want to be treated: and that means I also need to lead by example.
I love how honest and genuine Britt is!
This was amazing!!!
I LOVE BRITT 🙌🏻 so happy for the two of you together
This is awesome, Thank you. I have suffered from Anxiety from a young age. It was way before it became as well known as it now. Keeping a clean and tidy environment was absolutely necessary for my well being.
My summer bucket list is grow a vegetable garden, mow the lawn when I feel like it, relax in the hammock, go for walks, take photos of flowers, eat lots of popsicles,
I’ll keep my bucket list.
Now I want a popsicle 😂
My autistic son felt it a lot growing up . He would come and hug me before I even realized it. I did tell him I am feeling off/ sad etc and will be okay. I just need a bit of time.
I should be by the pool with a book, and I have only done that once. I literally was JUST giving myself a hard time about this.lol
Great video as always
great conversation!! thank you!!!
Love this!❤
Jumping on the #chuckthebucket bandwagon!! 😂
This was so so encouraging!
This was great! Even though it’s winter here, there were some fantastic takeaways. Thank you both!
Just about to watch this. BUT want to say, I grew up poor, parents hoarders, parents both traumatized and mentally and emotionally unavailable.
My classmate thought my father was dead, beacuse he was never there. SO we could never affort vacations or travel in country and such which is fine. BUT what I wish my parents still held up was the family orientation connection. We never ate in the same table, we never watched movies together, we never did camping, never walked together.
And I hope that even though some may not be able to uphold their «bucketlists», travels and costly activities, that they don’t give up on the family. I would be fine not travelling, if my family was still working as a family.
My parents completely detatched theselves
Edited due to writing errors
❤
Connecting as a family...it's so important, isn't it? Sorry for the difficult childhood you experienced.💔 May God bless you with your own husband and children and opportunities to overcome the past...🙏💜
This is wonderful and so informative. Thank you ❤
I use the 30 seconds to breathe. 5 seconds in through the nose, hold for a sec, and exhale 5 seconds through the nose. It's very relaxing, and stimulates the vagus nerve. I'll do this at bedtime for at least one minute ( I don't count but I have a pretty good idea).
Hey don’t come for my bucket 🤣🤣🤣🤣 but I get it we make a list but we just do as much as we can and that’s okay
Managing expectations!
Thank You! I loved bringing able to take my kids places, do things together, and try new experiences together in the summer. I usually scheduled something fun or different every week unless the kids had camp. The kids usually had church camp, VBS, and a couple of other week-long day camps during the summer (sports, space, science art, etc).
Why have a bucket list if there is always a hole in the bucket. Never had one or needed one. If we ever said we were bored, mom would find something for us to do. So whenever said we were bored. 😂😂
👍👏👏👏🙋♀️🥰‼️
You lost me at I’m not a parent but…
26:40 A caveat: asking why TRANSFORMED MY LIFE 😃by helping me learn as an adult that ADHD is part of why I just don't care about organizing, cleaning, cooking, etc. ❤🤗 Understanding that it really is easier for some people reduced my shame and self-blame so much! < : - ) It also helps me remember that *of course* I benefit from giving myself things like reminders, routines, and *FUN & ENCOURAGEMENT* with Temptation Bundling, cute dishes and cleaning tools, immediate rewards, noticing what I'm doing RIGHT, etc. For me, these are as essential as someone else putting on glasses! 🤓
Another why that has helped me so much was realizing that even *thinking* about cleaning was triggering emotional flashbacks to how irredeemably bad and helpless I felt as a child when my mother would randomly attack me for not having *already* cleaned my room (even though there was never any instruction on how or when I should do it, which I now know most kids need). Identifying that why helped me refute the damaging programming and reclaim cleaning as something I do for ME because I deserve to live in a nice environment. < : - ) I'm now a bit of a junkie for looking at why I'm upset or demotivated because often there IS something I can adjust mentally or in my environment to make things easier for myself.
That said, I agree that sometimes just ignoring the why and taking ACTION is the fastest path to better! 🤩
To any parent who feels not good enough because you just don't care about cleaning or cooking, take it from someone who grew up in a clean, efficient home yet felt horrible every day: *you're doing GREAT if your kids know you accept and love them!* 😄🏆👏 "Good enough" can be WONDERFUL!
Interesting. I grew up in chaos, and to manage ADHD I find lots of organization helpful. Keeping things tidy keeps me from becoming distracted by the visual clutter. Maintaining systems keeps me on track (purse goes in the same place when I come home so I always know where to find it, etc.)
@@MyFocusVaries Exactly! That's part of why I follow this channel. : - ) I'm excited to give myself more of those benefits through decluttering and building even more systems and routines to make things automatic. So worth it! 🤩