The one thing to say to a narcissist to get their mask to slip
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- Tell them no #narcissism #narcissist #narcissistic
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Or... They seemingly go along with your "no", but then find a way to punish you for it later. Don't forget that one
Yep. Also some are really good at taking no but the moment they feel like you are invested in them, their true colors come out. They won't always fight your no, but like you said, they will punish you for it. I dated a guy who asked if we should get together one weekend even though he was a little busy and would have to grade papers while I stayed with him. I thought I was doing him a favor by saying no, let's wait until the next weekend. I even explained why, because he sounded busy with work. He agreed. Well he suddenly is too busy the next weekend because his friends are coming over, which was rude because we had plans, right? I mention this and he goes "Well I just wanted to reschedule plans the way you rescheduled plans last weekend." I was so pissed because I told him I suggested we reschedule for his sake and that if he objected at the time, he could have told me so. It really felt he was trying to punish me, or at least some kind of power move. I'm better off, he was such a jerk.
Boundaries and accountability are two of the best ways to weed out abusers, enablers, and bullies.
Not just saying "no" , anything you disagree with, they have a meltdown.
You ain't never lied!!!
Or steal what you told them no about.
Yes, he stole $600 from me and his special needs son, because I wouldn't give him $200! Wth?@@KarmaKitty333
Nahh fuck that
Funny how you cannot talk a narcissist in or out of anything whatsoever yet they will try to talk you out of your own feelings about * important things.
Mine said, "it's sad that you think I'd treat you this way."
I replied, "it is sad and it is how I'd think you would treat me."
Wow you got the classic guilt trip response by the book. "You should feel bad for accusing me"
@@CatalinaEX I had been on exit plan for about a year at that point, which made me feel bad about myself too. But it was like, this can't go on and I have to be meticulous about it. Once I had everything lined up, I just started pulling levers. I don't ever want to have to be that person again.
@@70Ford302 One of the things that kinda helps me with the whole guilt thing about leaving bad people is the motto "Good people are never to blame for the decision of bad people"
You don't truly know someone until they don't get their way. This was a game changer in dealing with narcissists
"You're wrong" and "I don't believe you" get that mask right off.
um no bc nobody really wants to hear that said to them. it’s not very nice in the first place to say those things. i’d recommend just saying i thanks and if they can’t take a polite no then somethings wrong
@@annabelle1471 I call out people to their face, because I'm strong enough to do that. People like you will let demons run wild, that's why society is in decline.
@@annabelle1471 you're clearly inexperienced with narcissism. but you do you.
@@annabelle1471 agreed.
@@annabelle1471 exactly. The phrase “you’re wrong” triggers me now because the narcissist I’ve been with for years will say this (shout at and demean me with this) when I dare to say something like “your tone/cruel words/actions have upset me and I wish you’d speak to me in a more respectful way. I have tried to explain the fact that my feelings cannot be “wrong” and I’m not saying anything about them as an insult just that I’m hurt or upset but narcissists will say things like that themselves as part of belittling and demeaning other people and dismissing other peoples beliefs, feelings and boundaries.
They feel entitled to a yes. Holy hell, this is SPOT ON.
Hard to not see people like this as evil/insidious. I'm pretty sure they don't know any better, but it isn't worth compromising yourself for
If you consider evil to be when someone knows when they do you harm and do it deliberately...
.... well yeah, they evil. Because they want to punish you if you don't conform to them
I don’t think I’m evil nor insidious. I’m just me.
in my lived experience, saying "no" is NOT enough. if you want to get the mask slip off, pick any or all of the following 3 options.
-call them out for a wrongdoing
-criticize them for a flaw they have
-hold them accountable for something they did or didn't do
you won't be able to unsee the ugly rage fit that these adult-aged toddlers will display.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
but you react badly when somebody do that to you, at least you can feel bad
@@yoohoo952 not sure what your intention was with your comment. if someone tells me no, i don't have a meltdown lol.
@@carparthero you could have, if "no" is ugly, sometimes it's good if you oppose
@@yoohoo952 feel bad, yes. Regretful? Cool. Remorseful? maybe. Guilty even.
Normal people don't throw a tantrum as if criticizing them was the worst thing you could possibly do to them
@@CatalinaEX it all depends how that dynamics goes between some people, who is torturing whom there and why are they holding to this relationship. sometimes people just hit others in vulnerable place
The expiration date. You nailed it. You afraid of losing all the good things if you make the narc angry.
Excellent point ! I work with a hostile narc bully in a multi shift operation. The other day, the narc bully ordered me not to touch any machine adjustments she had made. I told the bully that I am required to make adjustments to allow for material variation. She started yelling and I said " I will adjust as I see fit, do whatever you have to do " She angrily walks away and has been trying to pick a fight for days, so she can complain to HR.
Knowing and recognizing this could have saved me 27 years of hell. Thank you for your short and concice ways to recognize and combat this plague on humanity.
*concise
another guy commented on 17 years before the narcisist exploded, I added that in my case it took a full 14 years for me to erase them from your lives.
It may hurt but some people are entertaining narcissists for years on end without realizing there is nothing to save there
Could've saved me 15 years plus an unwilling 18!
PERFECT ADVICE!
None of us have to say, “I’m sorry” for anything we aren’t sorry for. It’s a crappy phrase women grow up with. Instead: “I get you want xyz, however *whatever your reason/s are*. Our job is to take care of ourselves first. This is healthy; the oxygen mask. The possible narcissist has a problem, ghost them immediately. Block them.
The biggest "apology" you will ever get from these pricks, is when they go no contact after they do and did or said something horrible. Then, they will call you up, months or even years later, with some sort of need, and the original things they ever did to you, never come up and you should be thankful, that they thought of YOU to help them.
Or they simply fly into a rage. Hair-trigger tempers over simple things must be noticed. In the case of narcissistic women, don’t ever allow or enable their rotten behaviour when with you. They must be told no, because every little tantrum you allow them to get away with, they will destroy you. Better yet, turn your back on them and never get involved with them in the first place. Strong self loving boundaries must be communicated.
It really breaks my heart to see decent men shack up with narcissistic women and just have no fucking idea what they're dealing with, because female narcissists tend to present as a) career victims or as b) passive aggressive malcontents who've perfected the malevolent art of scapegoating.
Can confirm, first time i said no to her in 17 years and she blew up at me like an atom bomb. Say no, a healthy person will accept it. Even if they are a bit disappointed and sulky they won't try to destroy you for just saying no if they're healthy. Otherwise, run.
14 years knowing one of those here, just comparing the years so people know they can last a long time draining people without being found out.
@@CatalinaEX Ye i try to say the time line for the same reason. I can recognise patterns in behaviour pretty well but still she hid who she was. Though part of it was me not wanting to see it from the person i thought i was closest to.
Its not stupid to be fooled by someone, that's something i had to teach myself after so long of being tricked into caring for them. I hope things are better for you now.
Spot on! Tell a narcissist NO and watch what happens - usually what you have described so well! Thank you 🙏
Whoosh. Thanks for laying out in 2:40 mins the last 20 years.
⚠️⚠️⚠️Just say NO!!!! Just like drugs 💯💯💯💯💯⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
No is a complete sentence. Amen to that sister! And no reaction or attention works just as well. They don’t think logically. So…I could care less about their tantrums anymore. I could care even less about what they do think or say. Thanks for this!
The phrase is you couldn't care less, not you could care less.
Amazing info, as always Danielle 👏👏👏!! I would like to bring my experience, too.
Two weeks ago I dealt with a doctor who I believe is a narcissist. He is a traumatologist and I visited him after an accident. During the visit he touched me unappropiately, but I didn't notice at that time cause I was in pain. It took him 10 minutes to put his hands all over my body, while staring at me just to rush me through the door afterwards with no treatment and no diagnosis. It is awful when we are weak and we cannot put boundaries at the right time 😢.
sorry maam
Likely a psychopath, not mere narcissist
I’m so sorry you had to experience that. I hope you reported that vile piece of shit.
In my case, the quickest way the mask slipped from my narc ex was when I told him that his ex wife and I are friends. It slipped instantly and the absolute genuine terror on his face was shocking to me. I'd never seen him look like that in the 12 years I've known him. He IMMEDIATELY started to insult and devalue her as a person. He was nearly manic. That's when I knew he had a weak spot. He knew all his lies to me over the years would be debunked by her because she has a reputation of always telling the truth, no matter what the cost.
I'm glad I'm friends with her lol
Narcissists don't always try to get a commitment before devaluing you. Some of them want to devalue you and as long as they think you aren't seeing other people, often they will try to string you along and keep the relationship status ambiguous as a control thing. Also a lot of them people please for 3 to 6 months in the relationship. They will respect "no" and even seem to go above and beyond to respect boundaries but then they will blindside you with disrespect in other ways, like making big plans with you and then cancelling last minute for no good reason at all, and then acting offended that you are upset they blew off plans with you. Also I had one who broke up with me right before I had a big meeting that he knew about and acted offended that I pointed out how crappy it was to do that before my meeting. Yet he respected my "no" every time. It's not always so black and white. Covert narcissists are excellent maskers. The one I was with asked me questions about his dating profile and what I thought of him, etc. and after he broke up he revamped his profile to try to look more like what he thinks most women want, not to reflect who he actually is or what he actually wants. It made me sick but it gave me some closure to see it.
This isn't always necessarily so. Some narcs are so patient that they are willing to temporarily go along with your boundaries in order to win their long game. Moreover, many of them are well versed in the techniques that are used to expose them.
Patience and long game are terms more associated with psychopaths
@@benkyle76 the point still stands since some are both
@@benkyle76 A covert narc could do it as well, especially if you’re in the love bombing phase.
@@benkyle76No there are tons of narcissists that are good at the long game.
@@MadisonEstes A lot of comments I've seen come from people that faced narcisists for decades
Saying no may be dangerous, especially for individuals in potentially abusive relationships. Before changing behaviour and saying "no", be sure you have somewhere safe to go like family and friends if you feel threatened.
Moderately good advice.
Just because someone tries to convince you that you're wrong and they're right doesn't make them a narcissist. I'd certainly want to be careful to not judge someone too quickly on this sort of thing, but nonetheless this video does give a good test. The way they attempt to convince you is something to consider very carefully.
It’s the over the top rage & anger reaction she’s talking about, not one where a discussion and listening on both sides happens.
If u say no to that person; they will get mad @ u & won't ask u to do something for them.
A narcissist is usually working on a few potential partners at the same time. I'm not sure a "no" is enough, but patience and moving at your own pace will definitely weed out bad people. Time tells all truths.
I told my grandmother “no” and she immediately started got upset and told my parents that I didn’t love her anymore
The narc saying “we can work this out with mediation” or other nonsense, or no to their demands- they immediately make it harder to move on, make the divorce impossible because you’re not bowing to their demands- not needs- demands. They work very hard to do very little, nothing gets accomplished.
Damn, explains most of the women I dated in my youth...
This describes my brother completely.
Egotism is the one true sign of weakness
Yes, because you come across as someone who handles being told "no" very well.
Making you feel like their love has an expiration date... I so resonated with that... just like my mom
I wouldn't give up what I was doing (school, looking for work etc) to stay home with my mother all day while my step-dad worked. Layer when I was trying to keep from losing my help, she acted like she would help me and later said I'm not going to help you cause you weren't doing anything and made me have to be by myself ... wtaf....
I bought my now ex girlfriend a lawnmower for her yard as she had been paying neighborhood teens to cut her lawn for her .. as soon it was setup and ready to run .. she asked me to cut her grass for her .. I said “no” laughed and went inside .. heard about my saying no for months afterward .. it worked very well and told me a lot
weaponised incompetence on her part, sometimes called damselling
Ok, so you basically said you aren’t allowed to spend your money to get someone to cut your grass for you, I have decreed that you will cut it yourself using this tool. You didn’t ask her if she wanted a lawnmower, you decided that she should do that task.
Nah mate, a lawnmower is a commitment! It's almost like having a baby.
What were you thinking?
@@ariaflame-auprobably a response to constant belly aching that she is so broke because she has to pay to cut her grass
But she also didnt vocalize the part she didnt want to do it herself either
@@ariaflame-au bet he claims to be the man of the house tho
Thank You Danielle🙏🌿
‘How no means yes situation’👏👏👏👏💯Danielle!
SO.
When a woman says no, that means "no".
And when a woman says "fine", that means "fine"
Got it.
That means good men will no longer try after the first no, because no means no.
That means, ALSO, when a man says no, no means no.
That means when a man asks you if you're fine and you say you're fine, then you're fine.
I like this.
You're wonderful, Danielle. ❤
If you happen to be dealing with a covert narcissist, something you may experience in place of what this woman is saying is this will be one of the very rare instances where the person tries to be convincing or seductive or enticing
When that seems to fail such a person seems to flip into collapsing and attempting to get validation and reassurance from you, which can then go to either them raging , devaluing you, or just ghosting right from in that moment
I experienced this. I will never ignore my gut feelings about a person ever again.
In my experience, some covert narcissists can accept "no" and actually seem super sweet and accommodating at the beginning. Basically they just act like the opposite of who they are. They won't overreact or put any pressure on you. But they will start fishing for compliments more than usual. They will wait until they feel you are really invested in them before they start showing their true colors.
Thank you, very clear.
Watch what happens when they ask for money and you say no get ready for onslaught of remarks
Thanks. Unfortunately late but I am 58. Yes the ex girlfriends say yes we are narcissistic. They actually admit it after men ignore them because of their age ❤❤
Know what you want, and what you won't tolerate.
Listen to your gut.
Thank You for your work that you do and for bringing this to people's attention. It is good to hear that you have a book out and that it is in audiobook format as well. :)
Well cmon. Regular people ask again and sometimes beg if the friendship or relationship can support that kind of silly, harmless PWEASE???! Those aren't signs. What to look for is actual punishment (beyond silly, temporary sulking from regular ppl)
Absolutely spot on.
Works EVERY TIME.
"No, we are not going to date because you already mated with someone else. Buh-bye."
Be careful knocking masks, it can be dangerous. More to the point is it shouldn't be dangerous to have boundaries or say no. Someone might still try to appeal to you changing your mind and that won't make them a narcissist, but the way it can turn dangerous is something to watch out for. Your autonomy isn't something you should feel you need to ask their permission to access, much less so by walking on eggshells.
from this video and the comments…i’m just realizing that my dad may be a narcissist 💀💀
Spot on!!!!!
My wife refused to help me move our inoperable jeep. All she had to do was to drive our van behind the jeep and give it a slight push while i drove the jeep to a different spot 25 feet. I had to push the jeep by hand and jump in it three times to get it done. On both occasions when i was deploying overseas, she refused to drive me to my units because the unit was too far, 20 miles. But she expects me help her clean, wash cloths, fix this and that. You think I married a narcissist?
regardless of your wife, cleaning and washing clothes is just part of being an adult.
Insufficient information to draw such a conclusion. But there are certainly low key signs of lack of respect and a willingness to support their partner in things that are important to them. Those are one of the signs of a narcissistic person. But not everyone who shows just this trait is narcissistic, there are other behaviours you’ll need to observe.
This is true. Their reaction to rejection is very immature. But some of them, especially covert ones, try to hide this reaction in public. Next test you can use is critise them or make fun of them. Just slightly, no big offense in front of others.They are so sensitive the can’t pretend it did not destroy their ego.
I think the best test is to tell them something they did that hurt your feelings. Don't minimize your pain. Explain why it hurt you and see if they apologize and how sincere they seem or if they try to lie/gaslight their way out of it or make a bunch of excuses.
saying no? they have an absolute hissy fit !!!!!!
Just because I might say no to something doesn't make me a narcissist. Merely disagreeing is no indication of that. And the fact that I don't give the predetermined answer in your head doesn't make me wrong either. I've learned these things over a number of years...longer than you've been around.
Type psychoanalysis women have to do to not get taking advantage of is craazy
The mask slip also, if you add an extra plan to their purposed and desired plan, which means, it is your desire but not theirs. And it is, because they don't want to do you a favor, they want the exclusive benefit.
The worst possible pairing has to be a narcissist with a narcissist.
*At **2:04** "Because Narcissists do not handle disapointment well" ... "Thank You for the dinner and a very pleasant evening. If your car can take me to the Airport. Mr. Corleone is a man who insists on hearing bad news immediately." **_Godfather: Hagan and Woltz_** frias13 RUclips Clip **1:28*
Yep.
How about not walking across the windiest car park while talking to your customers?
When they call send them a text reply from the drop down 👍 😆 💥
A cop tried to arrest me yesterday. I said “no” and he had a meltdown
So everyone is a narcissist? Not every, "No", is equivalent, and no one will take every single, "No", without any attempt to push back. And any sensible person will end a relationship after enough, "Nos", because eventually it becomes clear that you're not compatible if you can't ever agree on doing the same things.
There is no "one simple trick" to a professional psychological diagnosis, which is what it actually takes to accurately label someone a narcissist.
No
And if they go silent too.
Interesting. However, isn't it also somewhat narcissistic to expect that the relationship moves only at your pace? After all, if it's truly a partnership (or hopes to be one), there are two partners (and their wants, wishes, and expectations) to consider. Seems to me that playing the "no game" merely invites unnecessary game playing. Perhaps better advice might be to simply communicate and stick to clear boundaries without resorting to petty and unnecessary games that will ultimately contribute to a lack of trust and destroy the relationship anyway. Just thoughts.
A brilliant share ! 👍
Great advice....
Which "letter" do you not understand Ms.Narcy... the "N" or the "O" ??
This is true. It's hilarious. 😂
*No absolutely will "Cod-Lock" these hobgoblins... (COD-LOCK) is a British Billiards term similar to **_(Check-Mate)_** in Chess. But instead of cornering the adversary they are BLOCKED. hahaha LOL*
*gotcha back Danielle for ... **_"quash"_*
Well they became easy with my last male support worker
For real!
It might be a narcissist… no it is a narcissist
💯
Nope😊 you know why cause no angers everyone😂you need something that specificly angers the narcissist for this you need to act indifferent or donť pay em any mind they kill themselves for your attention😊nobody needs attention like a narcissist does.Also when they really make a big deal out of something or the things they achived 🤞so you be like wow really😃, you know its a narcissist😂.Many people have manipulative tendencies when they hear no😊and love you only when they can get something out of you sadly.Also give em one simple compliment they loose themselves😂😂like no other they feel like you acknowledged they re king or a queen😂😂or something
No doesn't angers everyone, if everyone near you gets angry at a no then everyone around you needs to grow up and become a better person.
But yeah, not giving them attention will make them burst out of anger.
I dated a woman who accused me of a laundry list of false complaints, however there was one item that she was correct on, So I said you are right I shouldn't have done that:
This did Not bring peace, she got even more angry and ramped up the attack,
So I calmly asked her why are you getting more angry?
I agree with you, that I shouldn't have done that,
There is no peace with such people unfortunately, be blessed amen,
Diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder is a complex disorder and just diagnosing people around you because of bad behaviour or manipulation doesn’t automatically make a person a narcissist. Internet needs to chill t f out with this😊
On topic, I wrote an entire guide book on how to date a narcissist (or person with BPD)
Step 1.) Dont
Look at Kev building his "brand" on RUclips in the comments section.He is making such a valuable contribution to society and is so very important to the people around him and the community at large. I sense he is a "chosen one" and shall be plucked out of the dregs of society and placed center stage with all the important and influential stars of our time!
“Help! Throw me that rope. I can’t swim.”
“No”
“Please! I’m drowning!”
Must be a narcissist
Ps every one here is also a narcisit, giving their opinions on narcism that no one asked for
You couldn't even copy the word narcissist, much less understand the distinction she was making. Instead, you got defensive & lashed out at commenters.
Typical petty behavior by a sad little incel troll.
Well that could be said to a victim.
instead of playing games with things important to this person why don't you just speak what u think and feel
Empaths are just covert narcissists, change my mind. 😂😂😂
"I know what you're feeling because I imagined what you're feeling and immediately believed it."
Or borderline.
Empaths are the worst gas lighters
And where is it that anyone cares about your suggestions Kev?
This woman is oozing bad energy
I like to watch your videos everyday but you’ll be single the rest of you life because of the damaged you received,,,,, now I know why you make these videos everyday,,,,you want to sell your book I get it now
Narcissists often assume and they think that whatever they assume and whatever is going on in their mind is right and you can't convince them otherwise.
Okay Danielle you win. This video did it. I watched the whole thing and missed almost every word. I will marry you and submit to you. Let me get my business up and running and I'll set up some jobs in Frisco and bump into accidently or I'll probably just call you but my favorite romantic gesture is to show up unannounced to your home or jobsite at any hour that feels right for me. So look out for the gray haired guy because I'm too masculine to dye my hair like the ladies. Oh yeah, "just say NO" to their face and watch their eyes do something weird I don't know if I've seen the black.
I don't think basically saying "I didn't listen to you" and "I'm gonna stalk you" were the logical approach to be honest.
I loved every word you said and I'd like to take you to dinner might be better than I didn't hear a word you said and I'm gonna show up unannounced. Just a suggestion.
She really should be careful not to give away her location. Walking outside is dangerous, since people might see landmarks. Even street names can be used if the person gets the right combination.
@HealthWyze I told her it's safer to post videos from the office but she's full of energy, so.my plan is to marry her and keep her on my farm, far away from Hollywood. Plenty of work to use up all that energy on my farm.
@@MichaelDuncan-g7m You need to see a psychiatrist.
@@HealthWyze 🤐🙏🏾👍🏾
Literally everyone I currently live with is a narcissist...no I am not okay, and yes I do need help 🫠
dont you think it might be narcissism to expect that you MUST be allowed to meet their kids after the first week? etc etc? self reflection can be a real bitch sometimes