Narcissistic Family: When They Don’t Stop Treating You Like A Child
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
- Learn the keys to dealing with parents who still treat you like a child and fail to recognize you as an adult. It's time to detach and reclaim your sense of adulthood in your relationship with them.
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.
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This goes for siblings too. NEVER be willing to be disrespected by them.
I agree with you
Lisa.
Andre.
Maurice Jr.
All the names of half siblings I cut out like a fucking cancer.
I moved in briefly with my parents when I was in my twenties and they actually tried grounding me for coming in late when I had no curfew. They also demanded to see my bank statements. When I let them know that this was absolutely unacceptable, they let me know I needed to find an apartment by my birthday. 😂 God, they were sooooo mad when I didn’t let them ground me and submit to their petty demands.
Too bad it didn’t stick. I’m 53, and they still treat me like I’m 16. 🙄
Parents have a way of triggering our childish responses sometimes when they push our buttons. It's challenging for me!
Yes my Mum does that, like I say please get off my coat. I'm a fully grown adult and can put my coat on myself and then my Mum will pipe up with Ok we won't take you to work then! But I don't have a car or license and the buses don't run early/ late
@@arabellamayer9195 That sounds like emotional blackmail and conditional love.
Me too I’m struggling I really got to overcome this video was eye opening though
Very challenging for me too.
Sometimes choosing the ignoring response is the only way to survive. If you are financially dependent on your parents, and are stuck living with them, it may be the only way to keep your peace and sanity.
Different circumstances can require different strategies to cope and learn to move towards living the life we want for ourselves.
I wish you the strength, clarity & courage you need to deal with your circumstances
That’s what I had to do.
@@jerrywise Thank you
I agree. I don't live with her for a year, but work for her so see her every day. (Financially dependant, too unwell to be able to have a real job)
Every attempt to implement "adult response without reactivity" fails. Cs after 40y of unhealthy comunication, she just doesn't understand it. Raises voice or starts criticising, which both triggers me so I feel defeated. Ignoring hurts less.
@@naomimara3340 I totally get it. I work with/for my mom, too, due to health issues and not being able to have a real job. It's so frustrating, isn't it? Not many people understand situations like this. Yes, in cases like ours, ignoring hurts less.
It wasn't until my mid-40s that it dawned on me that yes, I actually am a legitimately valid adult even if my parent doesn't think I am. 😞 whether they see me as an adult or not is their issue, and it doesn't define what I am. In other words, I don't need their validation of me being an adult, to actually be one. 😞
Yep, and the worst is they do this shit in public, which is humiliating!
I had to live with my parents for a while after my divorce. When I started dating again, they acted more like a jealous ex-husband than my ex-husband did. They accused me of choosing my guy over them. They went so far as to tell me that I needed to wait, that I didn't know what love is, and they even pretty much wrote me out of their will. I moved out and now they have hard feelings about that too. It got pretty ugly and we're not speaking now. It's like they think I owe them for providing me shelter during my divorce. I'm 55 and I paid rent while I was there.
I'm 34 and my mother still thinks I'm not capable of taking care of myself. The other day I went with her to a doctor appointment and on our way back home she kept telling me to watch out for cars on the street. I told her to cut it out and to stop treating me like a child, but she just keeps on doing it whenever she can. It's like she spies on me the entire time to see if I'm doing everything right
I'm 63 years old, and my siblings still infantalize me. What is wrong with people?
I refuse to drive with my mother because she does this to me too. She will give me instructions on how to drive like I am 15 years old in drivers ed class. I am 30 years old and am an excellent driver.
Sounds familiar, even long after officially becoming an adult my mother always tried to hold my hand whenever we were crossing the road, on the rare occasion we had to go to the same place together. I never let her do it but she kept trying anyway!
I'm 39 & still get treated like a punished child & addressed as "little girl"..
Covert narcissists reproduce for the purpose of their own satisfaction, not to evolve humanity further and give rise to new wave of development through a complete adult, which would be their child.
They breed for the purpose of having pets around them.
You're the produce. Leave.
Get out and be independent
@@SafiaSalam-to4lx Where did you get the idea that she’s living at home and not independent?
@@Anne_Rosevelt ofcrs she is not independent and living with them .,. It's hard to be in controll by people aren't yet in your life
I am almost 23 and living at home. They want me to call them when I get home from work to walk me from the driveway to the front door.
I would just ignore them and say I forgot to call. Keep doing it and playing dumb until they get tired of telling you.
Please work on getting out of there for your own sanity.
Thats... weird. Sounds like lovebombing or some kind of tactic. That must be so confusing.
This method worked with Dad, but it only made things worse with Mom. Frankly, making any effort to have a positive relationship with Mom was futile -- she misconstrued everything said and done and weaponized it. I finally walked away and left it up to her to call, visit, send a letter. She never had, so she never did.
My mother does this to an extreme! I am nearly 50 years old with a family of my own, have been employed all my life, owned several homes, cars, traveled, had every experience and all my adult life she has treated me as though I'm 10 and have never left home. What bothers me the most is that not only does she tell me what I can and can't do, she literally talks to me as she would a child. It's like she's stuck in time. Says things like "oh, you made a cake, I'm so proud of you. You put frosting on it and everything. Did you do that all by yourself?" It's beyond difficult to have an actual conversation with her because its like she doesn't recognize that she's speaking to an adult. I've tried sitting down with her snd calmly explaining how it makes me feel, and she went into her victim mode: "well, I guess I'm just a terrible person, I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on". After that, i have been ignoring it all, so I appreciate these tips.
Sounds similar to my mother. I know she will never change tho. She would be speaking to me like that too such as don’t touch that you might break it. Or shhh be quiet. You’ll wake someone up. Etc. And it’s very much like she’s taking a tone as if I’m a young kid.
I guess I just finally realized one day that none of that stuff is any reflection on who I really am. I used to get either frustrated or embarrassed or even revert to a more immature state temporarily. I think the main thing tho was just refuse to go there with her. And to keep all that shamed faced embarrassment on her. I got to thinking what if I was witnessing this and it wasn’t me. I’d def think the mom was a whack job tho and I would not blame the person she was doing it to. So mostly I just let go. I stopped taking on the shame of it as if I should be ashamed Bcuz she was treating me that way. But her doing that really has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her messed up mental state. Just sort of tweaking things for myself internally helped me to learn to blow it off and just not take it seriously at all. To know it was whack and that whatever she sees me as is only her own delusions. I used to joke to myself that she would be the lady in the nursing home who needed to have a doll baby and she’d prob think it was real. I just haven’t seen it the same way ever since then.
I would have said "yes please keep your mouth shut" 😂
@@la6136 Ha ha. Love that. It’s real tho. I think my mother will be one of those at the nursing home who will need a doll to pretend to be her baby. It’s pathetic ya know. We can’t do nothing about how they are but we CAN realize it’s not on us. It’s their jacked up minds. I try to remind myself of that when I get a bout of amnesia with her. But ya know. It’s them patronizing us. And I can’t stand being patronized like that either.
My mother also tries to be all pitiful like poor you. Just the girl with mental problems. I’m a smart ass tho (lol) so I just say sarcastic things back. Like who does she think she’s fooling. Like biotch, the psycho who drives someone crazy doesn’t get to play doctor about it. Like whatever 🙄 you Munchausen freak. Look at that pot calling the kettle black. And Bcuz I know I’m not half as batsh*t as she is. One lady said the funniest thing ever that I never forgot. She said “I’m just putting the crazy back where it belongs.” Lol.
I also don’t think that the patronizing is so innocent anyways and I don’t think they should get “gentle kid gloves” about it either. The pitiful oblivious thing is just an act also. Either that or a delusion. Either way I’m not going to sit there and just hand over the pity she wants from me. It’s nuts. I’m supposed to feel sorry for HER for abusing ME? I think not. And trying to bring an adult down to child level isn’t a small thing either. It’s part and parcel of trying to rob us of our own volition, independence, freedom and adult rights. And just Bcuz they remain forever infantile doesn’t me we have to also. I had to go low contact Bcuz I don’t want to have to be either her little baby nor her mother.
@@goodenoughgirl8102 thank you for taking the time to write that!
I extracted significant value from it as I am suffering the same fate. Have an amazing day.
My mother plays victim in many situations and has said I'm a terrible person ! I look at her when she does this and say you are a terrible person mom you don't wanna become a victim of your own insecurities , the look on her face priceless as she immediately snapped out of victim role and changed topics as if nothing ever happened .
I am the youngest of four. The age difference between the four of us is very small. I was infantalized by both parents and they taught my siblings to infantalize me. They coach me to infantalize my adult son, as they infantalize their adult children. It's infuriating. The fallout has been great. What is wrong with people? Why are so many people so condensending, contemptuous, and manipulative? Why can't they be considerate of another human being's authenticity and autonomy? Why is it so incredibly difficult for so many people to respect other people's intelligence and truth without responding with toxicity and gaslighting? In my life, this type of person is the majority. If I don't behave the way these people expect, then they openly belittle, patronize, scold, and repremand me. I have been subject to this treatment by the majorty of acquaintances and family members for 63 years. I cannot tolerate them any more. I'm done.
Same it was very unfair that our family treat us like kids, then they all like “ why aren’t you become independent like your siblings” bro I was like what “why you asking me to become independent but you never let me do it on my own” that’s freaking sucks man.
Damm! You are one strong person for withstanding that treatment, holding your boundaries, and continuing to live your life how you want to for over six decades long. My goodness... the things we do for love, eh? I hope you the best and hopefully some rest, you deserve it. Congrats on breaking the cycle by not letting your adult son be subjected to that either! You did it.
I'm married and living with my parents due to financial issues and my Dad wanted to "help me put my coat on" this morning in front of my husband. How old does he think I am- 2????! I've never been so humiliated in all my life!!
That's different and just being a man father.
My mom does the same thing with the groceries! Lol She wanted to know every purchase & make sure it was put "the right way" in the fridge
Well now you will know how to respond to her when she does that😊
This sounds exactly like my mom! It feels good to know I’m not the only one. It’s ridiculous 😂😂😂😂
Totally my parents. And when I said stuff in the past - before listening to Jerry - I would comment on it - and they’d get soo mad. “Sorry I care”. 🤦🏻♀️
Omg same here
All adults should be treated like adults!! Never mind what problems they have. Why? Because everyone should be treated the same!!!!
I can’t understand why anybody would even want to tolerate a relationship with these people. The only reason to compromise with them is if there’s some financial incentive somewhere and even that’s debatable.
I feel the opposite, I would rather work 3 jobs and get no sleep than be financially or any kind of dependent on those kinds of people. But at the same time, I still want to have/build a relationship with them.
Edit: I guess I wish they didn't think a power dynamic is so necessary, but like the first part of the video says. Cannot change others, I can only live how I would like to be treated.
Just hearing this, calms my anxious thoughts on how to deal with them.
I’m glad my videos are helpful to deal with your anxious thoughts Roman
This is my experience Jerry my narcissistic father does this too me. I'm in my 30s my father treats me like I'm 5 he needs to stop he's so disrespectful. I am tired of him trying too interfere with my life he needs to buzz off. I'm also sick n tired of him gaslighting my reality!
This video is great. I'm glad you addressed the full spectrum of conflict with parents and don't overuse the "narcissist" label. My mother isn't a narcissist and she means well. But she has been struggling for a long time to let go. Thank you for not focusing on the extreme cases and providing a good strategy for all different kinds of parents.
8:02 Watching the examples you used helped me realize in little ways I am also treating my husband like this and repeating what my parents did to me. But only because sometimes he really would buy double of this or that! But that is not my business/out of my control. One person's "help" is another person's invasion of peace of mind. Helps me also see my parents are probably coming from just being overly concerned as opposed to trying to micromanage me. Thank you for using these examples, even if mundane, to help pick up on the thought process that goes behind the action.
Acting your age is such a tricky thing to do when you've been raised to act OVER your age. My interpretation of this instruction is that I'm better off neither acting childrishly, nor acting like their own parents. And I see how in a round-about way, acting over one's age is still immaturity, as one would not be ready to be an adult as an adolescent. Admittedly, there was an iffy feeling inside when you said something along the lines of "teach your parents to grow up". That's my trigger. I'm sure it's just a wording thing, having seen your videos for a while.
Exactly. This is why so many narc parents create BPD children. They literally raised us to lose our identity + be emotionally reactive. It makes me constantly filled with rage (BPD rage) that’s just waiting to be set off.
God bless this man
my husband and i set boundaries with his family, we told his parents if they wanted to have a meeting with his sister we will not be apart of it. mom understood however when we told his sister the same thing she said she understood however since then she has been acting like a child throwing a tantrum. when my husband and i stopped talking to her to step back to cool off since we want to talk like adults, she blocked us on fb and is still angry.
QUESTION: What are your thoughts on a scenario in which a parentified daughter, the only female in a family, is treated like a child and an adult at the same time since the agenda of 10? Her opinions, needs and attempted boundaries are considered unimportant. Yet, she is expected to carry out adult caretaking responsibilities towards her younger brother, who hates her, and to serve her father in domestic servitude. Thank you very much.
Wowww I had a very similar experience growing up that I ended up becoming confused about myself (who I was) whether I was to behave like an adult or like a child which gave me extreme anxiety and depression I felt so relief when I found out about infantilizatiton narcissistic parents narcissistic abuse this information has set me free mentally.
@@Hello-iz9hl yes. I meant age 10
@@Hello-iz9hl I know what you mean. We act extremely mature in some cases and extremely immature in others. Overfunctioning and underfunctioning, as Jerry has pointed out in other videos.
We must be related. My dad always made me think he’s dying since I was 5. I am in my 50’s now. We used to sit in the hospital parking lot at 1am with pillows, “in case he might be having a heart attack”. I had to constantly comfort him. When he felt better he’d make fun of me, for FUN. Its bizarre. My sister and I share a room in our parents house. We “learned helplessness”. They made sure we can’t do ok without them. Now they’re old, tired, low on funds and its scary because we are dependent on them. Its a nightmare and I can’t wait for the next life.
@@tbunnyshy1 Why are you dependent and living with parents in your fifties? You are not responsible for them and they are not responsible for you.
My mum has treated me as a child from childhood into adolescence into adulthood all my life. In her eyes. She sees me as a child, not a 48 year old adult. Even though I have mental health issues.
Thats communicating..However some parents are narcissist and do not care/bother with what u think becuz whatever they think is always right
I was done with my family at 28. I saved up money for a year so I could go no contact.
The good ol’ bread and PB story. Thanks for all your teachings. And I love it when I set boundaries & then get the suggestion that I’m the one that needs more therapy. 😆 people who only offer crumbs get upset when you stop accepting crumbs!
I was literally thinking of this earlier. They all treat me like a child when it benefits them then I have to grow up within minutes when I want them to stand on that shyt because who wouldn't love being a child again 🫶😂🫶 Nah in realness Theres healthy ways to everything, but not everyone is the same even our kids are not the same as each other...
Shifting my responsibility toward my parents to their‘ responsibility for their feelings is something that takes more thought about what is really happening in the relationship. I really appreciated your point of accent on being decisive and clear as well as kind.
I found your channel today looking for help with dealing with toxic family before the holidays. I cannot do it anymore. Thank you, Jerry. This is changing lives for our best, not just better.
Another insightful video, thank you, Mr. Wise! I wish I had that wisdom when I was still in relationships with my parents but it still serves me moving forward. We can't punish ourselves for how we behaved in the past when we weren't given the tools to start with. We always have the choice to do better in the present and future. These videos definitely help untangle and make sense of all that crazy stuff!
Number 3 is a very big help🙏 I did it and don't feel so much discomfort this time🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much for all your help❣️❣️❣️
Great Anna, keep it up! You are very welcome
Jerry, I hope that you know just how much you are appreciated, how invaluable these videos have been and continue to be! Many thanks!!
You are absolutely right: remaining non-reactive is key - as to not give the narcissist the "proof" that they use to justify their bad behavior. A couple of thoughts:
1., if someone has suffered narcissistic abuse at the hand of their parent(s) for years/decades, then their self -esteem/-worth/-confidence could be low or non-existent. In those cases, would a reactive response be better than nothing, a sign of self-worth to oneself? Showing some "fight" and push back against the idea that she/he/they don't matter which the person might have internalized over the years? The non-reactive response is ideal, but maybe in some cases, the first step might be just to have a resistance reaction at all.
2., The non-reactive response can be extremely difficult when others are drawn into the mix. The disparity in how the "golden child" is treated versus the scapegoat; or how "flying monkeys" can extend the abuse of the narcissist. Remaining non-reactive not just with the original offending narcissist, but all others that do their bidding takes an iron will, and can lead to exhaustion (as you have talked about in prior videos). Maybe it is wise - pun intended - to think of the struggle to remain non-reactive in stages or priorities?
Again, THANKS Jerry for all of your work!
I think sometimes you can still “rebel” but can do it without any childlike angst. What I did at times was just be a smart ass. Flippant. Sarcastic. Lol. It worked pretty well at times for me. It’s kinda like you get to still “flip them off” but you’re also kinda laughing at them at the same time. If you don’t mind a bit of profanity in a song, I would say it’s kinda like an attitude in that rap song “Smile B*tch.” In a way it’s kinda like going “gangsta” on them but you’re not coming from a place of defeat but a place where you’re still above it. Well I hope that makes sense. I also think you can get your inner gangsta on without profanity but I guess immersing myself for awhile in rap culture was very useful for me personally. You could prob use anything tho such as Dirty Harry movies or such. He had that kind of devil may care swagger about him also. Lol.
There are times also where I’ve pretty much did a smack down. But if you go that route, you need to be in a place where you can ruthlessly slam your foot down and mean every word you say with every fiber of your being…and then also tolerate no back talk…like end of discussion. Usually the few times I did that was when I was utterly fed up to my neck with them. That is what I had to do a few times as their willful obstinance left me no other choice (at least at the time that’s the only option I felt I had). It did kind of jar them in a way. It’s like whacking a bully upside the head and they just stand there in a kind of shocked stupor for awhile. As they say. Walk softly but carry a big stick. Do no harm but take no sh*t.
Generally tho. This would be various things you could do if you just think in terms of now you are the adult and they are the kids. And well some narcs are really some kind of out of control brats that really need to be made to go sit in the corner and be made to think for awhile about how wrong their behavior really was. Other times you’d take the parent view that they’re just a worked up kid that is blowing something out of proportion and so you just don’t take it seriously. I now see my parents like that. As kids who really don’t know sh*t about sh*t and who sometimes need to have a time out or some kind of consequence.
I’m soooo exhausted. Thank you for this message 🎉
Thank you 😊 you continue to help and encourage me to keep going
You got this!
@@jerrywise ❤
My narc mother is enmeshing the problem I have with my alienated/estranged father not signing POA to get his dead mother’s name off of my car title that has my name on it. I unfortunately am at the point I will probably have them repo it and have $6000 go to collections because of how my parents are and how uncooperative the bank is being. I’m 28 and this has interfered with my income which has re-enabled my narc mother and her mother to infantilize me again over my own finances.
Monitoring purchases point really helps
I fight fire with fire.
Thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊
Jerry you are amazing at what you do!
Thanks Jerry!
You are very welcome Ed
This is Gold, as always. Thank you Jerry. Very helpful for the holidays coming up
You are very welcome Elaine, I’m glad it was helpful!
I guess I’m doing ok then. Lol. One day it just hit me that I didn’t need to be embarrassed or sort of “adopt” this forever child image they were imposing on me. Or get frustrated Bcuz of it. I saw how it wasn’t actually any indictment on me and my actual maturity level. It just wasn’t really true or a fact. It’s just how she wants it to be. Not true reality. (Really goes to how they try to control by sound such things. How they are so imposing like that. How inappropriate that really is). It was about them and the corresponding embarrassment belongs to them also. Like if my mother treated me like a little kid in public, I went from feeling shame faced to realizing that she was the one who was looking rather foolish Bcuz of it…not me. Also def that merged with letting go. I can’t help what goofy stuff she does and none of that is on me. What used to happen tho is that I used to let them “take me” into child land. So now I just stay in adult land.
💖💖 always helpful with your therapy (free therapy)... God bless you immensely
That is so kind of you Julliet, thank you very much
this doesn't always work. especially with a malignant narc. having tried to train my mom ( I have a behavioral science background ) she screams at me that I'm "handling her" now that she is 80 she expects to continue this behavior and have me take care of her. I have refused to be her caregiver
This could work well if the parents actually let you talk, but when you try to talk to them about it and they continuously change the subject, talk over you , dominate the conversation, it gets nowhere. Very frustrating.
Thank you for a great video with very good examples. Of course everyone is speaking calmly and allowing a response in your examples. Have you done any videos on how to respond to screaming, yelling and interruptions? Unfortunately this is most often what I am faced with...
much appreciated as always Jerry.
Great video, Jerry!!! Very revealing and useful. Thank you very much 🤗
You are very welcome Adriana, I’m glad it was useful!❤️
Thank you... Wish I could have watched this 2o years ago
My parents don't see me as a 3d person never mind an adult
I’m sorry about this Susan, I hope my videos are helpful to you in this situation
I always get so much out of your videos.. I do get what you are saying.. I also do like letting my inner child out too..
Your inner child doesn’t need your parents to treat it like a child, it needs you to be it’s new healthy parent
As adults, our parents are done with their parenting job. It’s no longer their job
I’m glad my videos are helping you Darin!
@@jerrywise I totally agree with what you are saying.. My parenting is to allow my inner child to come out.. To have balance with my inner child and responsibility stuff.. Like going skiing and playing guitar and paying bills.. That stuff..
This is a great informative video. Thank you so much now I know how to speak to Deal with my Parents
This is a great video.
Thank you, that is so kind of you
@@jerrywise
No problem ☺️… You are appreciated.😄✨
Jerry, as a Protestant Christian, I am just coming out of a “religious system “ that has caused me to give up too much of me (enmeshment) inappropriately, when I NEEDED ME MORE. I think that I allowed the “common” use of guilt (which I learned well as a child, as many have) to influence me again, and my acceptance of abusiveness, when I would have been more honest with me and others, to say “no”. After all, a “good Christian “ takes everything “on the chin”...?? Anyway, I had been schooled in ACOA issues before I stepped into that “role”but obviously, I had not been “schooled” long enough. Even so, my Bible, and learning about the “real” Christ has helped me to come back to seeing how these false perceptions have colored my beliefs. Jordan Peterson coined the phrase, “the weaponization Of guilt” and pointed out how that particular manipulation has harassed even the public hijemine (sp?) during Covid lockdowns and other politically motivated moves by some in power. The dysfunction of the culture is so evident and I am so grateful to the people like you who are making strides to change the scenery, especially for our kids. I am not saying that all guilt is wrong, but allowing ourselves to be paralyzed by it so that we can not accept our mistakes and move on, is sad and dangerous. I really like to hear you say, “focus on yourself” and what you are needing to address. Most of the time, in “adult” relationships and communication, this takes a mature sense of personal responsibility and an awareness, as you have said, (like so many of our peers) that we can only change ourselves. I love your commitment to this encouraging endeavor. Thank you for “keepin on, keepin on”. God bless.❤
So calm and good teaching, thank you! 😊
I’m gonna disagree with not stating that you hate being treated like a child. If that “sounds like a child” to someone, that’s their flaw. It’s asserting oneself, and it’s stating what one feels. That’s not childish behavior.
It may be helpful to look at them for their emotional age and not their actual age. Knowing what you will tolerate or not is always important, but sometimes you just need not to tolerate without expressing that you don’t like what they are doing. This is especially relevant to do with people who don’t care how you feel or if you like it or not and often struggle to see beyond their own emotional limitations.
Never allow people who don’t respect how you think/feel to know how you think/feel. To give them the satisfaction will empower them.
How to talk to an aggressive narcissistic father? I only talk to him because it's a small town and my mother enables him/is scared of him. Edit: Nevermind, he talks about that starting at 9:06. Thank you, Jerry. Still, I'd like a video about that. I wish I could share my story because my situation sounds more difficult than some of these scenarios and I think it might maybe help someone.
Im tired .... Thats it
Question: what can you say when your mother's response to your spoken boundary or request is that you are speaking to her like SHE is a child or that you are being disrespectful..scolding her?? Thats how my mother shames and manipulates me back into line when disagreeing with her or when stating a request...i.e mother I do not wish to discuss this in front of my 10 year old son.
Say “Oh, you mean I’m controlling you by not allowing you to control me?” Then laugh and walk away.
Children don't openly express their honest feelings. They scream and rant and rave until they get what they want. Certainly adults can act childish but telling someone that what they're doing is bothering us isn't childish. Children have no grasp of Emotional Intelligence or Maturity. If what we're saying falls on deaf ears and we end up having a hissy fit, then we'd be in the wrong. It's not just parents that do this ridiculous act but other family members to. Like they're stuck in the past or something and haven't gotten with the times.
Ive been trying to move out and today suddenly i feel content at parents home even when i knows its been toxic. Then it took me some questioning to ask n myself if theyre treating me like a child
Tired of This Topic They Don’t Understand Me😓😔
Thank you, this was very helpful
I am a 39 year old Women and my Mom treat me like I don't have my own identity for example she would say me and her are different , like what that heck that suppose to mean ???? I have mine own place and she telling me don't let anyone in 🤔 I don't have a social life she have problems with me being friends with other Women's because what she went through with other girls in school which she end up getting expelled but yet don't have a problems with my brother having friends saying those Women's I talking too are jealous and would I after their Man I begin think my Mom is the one is jealous of me. I plan to move North Carolina from Memphis Tennessee and she telling me to not move of not families in North Carolina first of all I don't feel connected with my families and plus I tired of watching my back because of my Toxic Abusive Ex she seems to care less but I'm planning to move. She seem to have problems with people in my life before even meeting them. Than even told me to get rid of my Social Media because people would say anything to cause trouble between me and my daughter, like I can't think for myself, I ain't stupid 🙄
Right now my family won't let me make my own decisions for treatment of prostate cancer ...they want me to go the traditional route with regular doctors instead of natural healing!😢
Weird thing I think is,
I still class myself as a boy, and not a man, im 57 now, childhood trauma , I blame
Im 20 my mom has this stupid logic that parents should take care of there children otherwise they get addicted to drugs. I get it . Should take Care of children but then i asked her im i a child. And she has no answer for that. I mean if im still a child then at what age im i a adult 😂
I'm 16 and it bothers me so much that my father thinks low of me and treats me like a child, while he's treating my brother who is 3 years younger than me like he's older than me, it's so tiring, every time I bring it up to my dad he keeps gaslighting me??? saying he never treated me like that, not to mention, he's a sexist; which somehow explains why he has a fucked up mindset and treats his daughters differently from his son, my mom tried to help me multiple times, trying to convince my father that he is wrong, but he never believed her, telling her that "treating" his son "differently" from me and my sisters is "wrong", while treating my sisters and I differently from him is "right".
My brother gets to hangout with his friends alone, go training, buy whatever he wants from the market with father's money, can use a taxi alone, and has a personal phone.
I can't do or have any of that because I'm a "girl", I don't have my own room, or a phone.
My father always thinks what he says and does is right.
I think that made me sound jealous from my brother, but I have a reason for that
My mom and dad threat me like a child even when i am a adult.
I see this happening to my spouse. What can I do as the “in-law” to help my spouse?
My mum always calls me little girl......I have a name uou know
How do you deal with parents who have no respect for me. Unfortunately we live in their house. They’re retired and live in another country and are gone 10 months of the year. They come home and it makes my mental real health issues even worse. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. They yell at me
Even infront of my fiancé who lives with me. They dismiss everything. My emotions. I ask them to talk to me respectfully like and adult which just makes it worse. My mother will come into my RoomAnd yell at me and use vulgar language and call me a
Child which triggers me so much. It infuriates me. They think I’m a fool or stupid when I fact I’ve been told by professors, therapist, colleagues that I’mHighly intelligent. My mother is a narcissist and will absolutely refuse to change. She says that she’s seen on line that we are who we are and this stupid fool she follows on RUclips only reinforces her beliefs that she doesn’t need to change. There are so many semantics involved so I can’t say anything because I do live in their home. They’ve never said I love you. They were highly abusive both physically and emotionally and they refuse to accept it. They have no respect of my privacy and will tell at me I front of my fiancé leaving me infuriated, emotional, and just wanting to hurt them. They always say we’re bad ungrateful children because we don’t talk to them or we avoid them, this is due to the fact that growing up we could never go to them for anything. We couldn’t ask for advice because everything that came up was our fault. “I was diagnosed with bipolar, ptsd, depression, derealization, anxiety disorder.” “That’s because you have no balls.” Both momAnd dad believe this. I was promised this house so long as they have a bedroom they can always come back to- I’d leave but I’m financially unreliable. In recovery 4 years sober. Not once a good job. Not once a I’m Proud of you. In college trying to better myself and still get yelled at (I’m 34) like as if I were a child and reminded that I’m not doing anything with myLife. IM IN SCHOOL FOR GOODNESS SAKE. I can’t take this anymore they claim they want this schism to end and they want us to “be a family” but they refuse to change so me and my Siblings avoid them. But I live in their house, I can’t avoid them. So I’m the one being yelled at. Reprimanded on a Daily basis. Their visits here are my worst nightmare. I cannot stand them because it’s always the same. I’m working hard on fixing my
Mental health but they cause me to relapse. It’s as if they’ve got a hold
Of me they claim they want to see me
Succeed but I’m sure if I was gone theyd still try to have me under their thumb. They’re hypocrites. Show no respect to me front of my fiancé. My mother is a hoarder filling ever single room with worthless junk but I’m the one ruining her house because I didn’t clean the counter properly after seasoning some meat. She’s filthy and makes a mess when she cooks but if I’m cooking and there’s oil splats on the stove I’m a pig and need to learn to cook. My
Father yells at me as if I were a 10 year old. He just yelled at me for leaving a bonfire which was embers unattended momentarily claiming I’m going to burn his house down when I’ve seen him leave a bonfire and letting it die over night. It’s as if they just want to find anything to bring me down emotionally. The semantics are a huge issue because this is their house. I live here with my fiancé alone and they visit once a year for 6 weeks and they make my life hell. I have bipolar, depression, derealization, anxiety, ptsd but to them it’s all because I don’t have balls. They’re hypocrites and continue to make myLife a living hell when they’re here. Yeah you’ll say then move out. First I have no money. I’m in recovery 4 years sober which they’ve never said good job. Never heard I love you from them. Just cold people who don’t care about how i feel. To them I’m an ungrateful son and useless. Even though I try my best to make peace with them. Over and over I’ve tried to make peace. Ask them to speak to me with respect. Like an adult. I don’t know if I hate them or love them but they are constantly on my ass. I’m in school trying to better myself and not even a good job son. And the only time they bother to come talk to me is when they want to say something to put me down about how I messed this up or what I’m doing wrong with my life. But when I want to talk to them all of a sudden the cats got their tongue. Yet I’m the one who hides away and never wants to talk. They refuse to change. My
Mother is a narcissist and my father to to a lesser extent. Nobody on earth makes me feel as low as they do. Nobody knows how to get under my skin like they do. After doing research on children raised with emotional abuse it fit me to a T. I developed substance issues. I’m hard on myself. My friends, therapist, councilors, psychiatrists have said I’m highly intelligent but I feel like an idiot. I’ve been told I’m highly talented but I always doubt myself. My parents have always put me down. Told me
Not to dream. I was never able to come to them with a problem because it was always my fault. Oh mom I have anxiety- their response- it’s because you’re not a man. I’m tired of it. I don’t know how to make them see it from my perspective I’m a human and would love to be treated as such. But treated like a son more so. My parents are the Bain of my existence. They don’t respect me. When I try to talk to them and explain that they need to respect me it turns into a huge ordeal. I need help. I wish I could afford to leave. I wish I could afford for a specialist to come in here and let them see how wrong they are in the way they treated me and my
Siblings and how everything isn’t my fault. Every problem comes back to me. It’s always my
Fault. Small things that are innocuous and simple turn into a giant argument. I’m sick of this. I’m tired. I fear my parents will die or I will die hating my parents.
I am tired of this whole "being treated like a kid" being used as synonym for control and abuse, and yet, children are sistematically being treated as "less than", with comments like "narcissists are like 3 year olds".
This is childism.
Walk away
Obviously I STILL DONT GET IT because I was wondering if your mum is proud of your channel jerry, or if she dismisses Jerry's silly channel. A healed person wouldn't need their mum to approve of a channel that is objectively very successful
Jerry’s mom passed away, he said so in this video. Maybe the reason you “don’t get it” is because you didn’t listen.
Love this as always, Jerry! When I use the excuse of "busy schedule" to set a boundary, my narc parents immediately fake concern and say they are worried about me, and if I share good career news with them, they will say I am overworked. How can I counter this? It's nuts!
Same! I went no contact because there’s no way to stand up for myself.
Counter it by going no contact. If ya can't do that altogether, listen to Jerry! He has helped me have words to actually cope effectively with the slights and other bullshit.
Tell them you have to work because you’re 20 years behind your peers as you got a late start. Then dare them to challenge it🤣😂🤣