There is a Native American belief that when we are grieving, we are closest to God. Therefor, grief is seen as sacred and we need to allow ourselves the time to go through it and heal. God deeply resides with those who are grieving. We need to respect that.
I have been feeling close to God through all this even though its been difficult. I've been telling myself my prayer is my suffering and thats almost all I can manage because I've been in such shock over the realization that it is abuse even though no one in my family recognizes it as such. His behaviour is not an acceptable way for one person to treat another. But I was also a child of two narcisstic parents.. I often wondered why my colds last so long or my back goes out constantly. As soon as one thing seems healed then something else acts up. And thank you also for mentioning the thing about the clothes... What a genuinely caring way to share with us whats going on. I didn't understand. I will add this video to my fav list and watch it often to remind myself that I'm okay. I instinctively hugged myself as you spoke and cried gentle tears until the end of your video, hopefully releasing some hurt and trauma. Thank you so much for your dedication and support. Feeling like you have a friend who understands, really understands and cares is as powerful as any natural medicine. Let the healing continue! ❤ Thanks again and Happy New Year to you all!
Thank you for sharing these very comforting and compassionate words about the native American attitude towards recovering from grief. I keep trying to rush myself out of my grief because I feel I'm wasting time, but your words are wise and so, very helpful. God bless you on your journey.
Omg I have all of these! Just got away in august 25 years of an utter lie! 3 children they are the only thing that was real inThis relationship 😢 yeah, some days where I could barely function and get an out of bed and I’m like I’m doing nothing. Why am I so exhausted? I felt exhausted for years when I was with him and actually thought I had an autoimmune disease like lupus, or something to explain it. He has immediately moved on, of course, and was on the dating sites, probably even as we were together, along with going to prostitutes and transgender; gave me STDs and gaslight me always telling me everything was OK but the money was always disappearing and didn’t make sense! Through God’s grace in my upright, and not in the grave! I give God the glory for getting me out of this situation; but I feel guilty like I should be happy but there’s an inner sadness that doesn’t go away
I wept also. His kindness, softness means so much. I identified with most of what he explained even the cold that took a month to get over. I’m a year out from a 39 year abusive marriage and I need so much healing.
We are going through this as well. It took us 2 years post his walking out & divorce to accept that his behaviors were actually narc abuse. Now we're trying to navigate laws that say his abuse is not real and therefore visitations continue!
The Shame comes from other people too - their enablers. The Narcissist scapegoats you and character assassinates you. Thanks Danish, I appreciate your videos.
I can relate also. My ex’s mother who I suspect is narcissistic also, would call me and yell at me on the phone that I was being mean to her son. He had obviously lied to her and said he was trying to be my friend and I was rejecting him. My friend??? After being faithful to him for 17 years and helping him when his family wouldn’t, he was cheating on me, gaslighting, and smearing my name to play the victim. That’s NOT a friend! She actually expected me to still spend holidays with the family, him, and the new girlfriend. Nope! Been no contact with him 18 months and the family for 10 months. I’m at peace and healing finally.
It's horrible. I realized that my mom is a narcissist. And I started to remb stuff she did. I have insomnia. I just left narcissistic lady I stayed with on July 31. Oh yes I'm supposed to have a job . Place to live just a hour aft I got slammed Abt it at my mom's house. My younger sister passed away in 2018 and then my dad .. friends from covid it's terrible. Right now I'm so sick with multiple infections. I just want to leave asap. I want to work but I was injured at my last job taking care of people with disabilities. Then I found out I'm prob have autism.. it makes sense now.. my whole life. The abuse I've survived thru. But I see signs.. saw a mourning dove today.. I see angel numbers... Thank u so much this was long... I'll write a book someday. I prob have PTSD too💜💜💜
@@QueenBee-fg1iz I totally understand. My x I was with almost 30 years... Th cheating put me in a mental hospital. I was the crazy one and my family believed him. I took care of his kids...and I have one son with him. He's my rock... He's a beautiful young man
I’m sorry you went through all this and I can testify to what you say. I was scapegoated by narcissistic parents and completely collapsed as a person in my 20s. I could not stand the shower because the water hurt me. I didn’t go out in the daytime because the sun felt painful. I needed a drink to go to the corner store. My body and mind collapsed. I was also traumatized by a sexual assault I had to keep secret and a suicide attempt where my father said, before turning his back on me and my bleeding wrists, “If she wants to kill herself, let her.” I didn’t see these things as traumatic then. I blamed myself for being "worthless", for being born bad because that’s what I was told about myself for so long. It was a lie and it was only when I started to get to know myself better and stopped listening to the lies that I improved. Thank you for all you do on this channel. I’ve recently found out that my ‘partner’ is a vulnerable narcissist and this was revealed in full when he took the side of a man who, a couple of years ago, tried to force a kiss on me. If not for this community, I don’t believe I’d here and able to talk about these things. May the New Year bring new insights and awakening to all how need them. Love to all.
Yes I have been through something like that. Not exactly like that but there are similarities. Be careful of the covert narcissists. They try to get you to feel sorry for them to escape accountability for treating you badly.
I'm 85. Yep. Narcs have filled my life beginning at birth. In 2022 I, too, collapsed. Literally. Today is Jan. 1, 2024. Danish's wisdom and experiences that he shares is making a huge difference in showing me the reality of this situation. How to recover: wow, a blessing know that Recovery IS possible !!!!! Thanks for sharing; that, too, helps many of us. NO, SURVIVORS ARE NOT CRAZY!
Far to many people are in that vicious Demonic spiral. The paralysis created from 58 years of 60 total to wake up instead of suicide that FAMILY encourages towards has also been life long. Glad to know my filthy rich loves one's can take my earthly fortune. Mine, inheritance GOD has safe from them. Desperately working to hurt me isn't working & the disgust on their face 😈 is theirs, not mine.
When I was 12, and was comin into my own, and narc parents started their abuse, I realized that the best way to cope for me personally was to 1) Take a bath everyday - maintain hygiene. 2) Exercise regularly. 3) Maintain regular sleeping and waking times. 4) Declutter my room at frequent intervals. 5) Avoid junk food. Maintain a healthy, nutritious diet. Overall, maintain a good firm routine. Tweak things a little bit every now and then, thereby the narc can never predict your next move.
@ somonpegg1196 That is the Holy Spirit's guidance. Your spirit is connected to your creator. From my childhood up till today I had narcs lined up in my life. Jesus was with me throughout my journey. Jesus can help. In fact, in Jesus’ very first sermon, he says it’s one of the reasons he came. Whether you’ve been let down by disappointment, rejection, or resentment, Jesus came to heal your heart. Jesus said about the Father, “He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted” (Luke 4:18 NKJV). If you’ve been hurt, God wants to help. The Bible says in Psalm 147:3, “[God] heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds” (The Message). You’re never closer to God than when you’re hurting. He’s here to help. Will you let him?
wow so wise for a young person. my response was honestly, I would get in the bathtub over and over and go under the water, or sit there, up to 9 times a day......when I would wake up at 3am panicky, I would run a tub and get in the tub. I realized later that this was the last time I felt "safe", was in the "womb" surrounded by warm water before I came into this world......good for you. I miss my bathtub though
Yes, I always wanted to bathe as a teenager very often but my narc mother would not let me bathe like I wanted nor would she let me sleep and be rested...always bitching at my heels like the bitch dog she was...I am glad she is dead...but I can still hear her voice...she haunts me still...In The Name of Jesus; be gone satan...
I wish I could sleep 15 hr a day-instead of 1.5 hours. It is better now. I wish I had friends. I was alone almost. This is beautiful! Thank you. My thoughts exactly. I have been crying I have to listen again…
I feel you. I also wish I could sleep, it's a very debilitating part of survival. I fear sleep due to the traumatic dreams. I also don't have friends. I can cope with the isolation, but I fear being hurt again. I struggle with trusting people. Recovering from cancer treatment and surgery some years ago was less painful emotionally, physically and psychologically than recovering from the 15 years of narcissistic abuse.
@@annegaskell9842 - I have been shot emotionally for 3+ years now. I worry if I’ll ever be able to function again. At sone point I quit eating and almost starved to death. Hearing this video today made me cry. Some days I still can’t get out of bed. I was such a beautiful human being. I had made many beautiful things. This pisses people off apparently. My family only wanted money. They kicked when I was down… I haven’t talked to them in years. Friends wouldn’t return calls. Lost my home; a home I built myself. Sorry rambling.
@@michaelgarrow3239 please don't apoligise for sharing your pain. Our experiences are very similar. 2 years 4 months since i was upgraded when my money ran out and he found his new victim. I also lost my home which i designed and built myself. Its a guest house in the Kings Valley Egypt. I now have to rent a room in my own home as he stole all my legal papers so i can't prove it's mine. I live alone, i'm not allowed visitors, i have also lost a lot of weight. I sold my home in the UK, i've lost everything. I can't talk about my life to anyone, due to the feeling of shame and failure. I have vowed to try to have a more positive year, bur so far i've not been able to get out of bed. The fear of the future is unbearable. Watching videos by Danish are helping me to understand what has happened to me. I'm glad they're helping you too.
Thank you so much for this video, Danish. I was married to a Narcissist for 34 years and together with him for 3 years before we married. I was young and, at the time, no one discussed personality disorders. Thankfully, my mother got me to a therapist in 2006 after he threatened to kill both of us. The therapist managed to dare Henry to come in for "couple's therapy" to evaluate him. At my next session, he replied that Henry was a Narcissist and was the most self-absorbed person he'd ever met!! If I planned to stay, that I would always need a therpist to help me. Henry died in 2021 from cirroshis. He drank himself to death. He died in surgery to try and save him. 4 months later, I opened the door to his room, looking though drawers for something. I found a large envelope of pictures and condoms that his "girlfriend" had given him. He'd been havinga 5-year affair. I collapsed. When I had the strength, I called some friends and told them. They came down to visit immediatedly and help. It was that same week that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Everything you discribed in this video and I needed to hear it again. I'm SLOWLY healing but feel guilty because I can't get anything done...like my cluttered house, baths, and cooking. At least I can start 2024 guilt-free. Thank you so much💖. PS: Forgot to add that he took the cash value of $180,000 of life insurance that his brother put on him for his kidney disease that I was supposed to get. Left me financially destitute too.
I am praying for you...your cancer WILL leave...it is just a STRESS response to the truth coming forth...God be with you...by HIS STRIPES WE (YOU) ARE HEALED...
Lord is with you. After reading your story, I understand that mine was nothing and am still so disturbed mentally. Thank you for sharing. I pray that 2024 bring you immense love joy n excellent health. Loads of love
@@ryangrundy4290 When my husband and I went to Christian counseling years ago, 1989, my pastor actually told me when counseling with us separately, that a woman like me should be able to use my sex on my husband and get him to do exactly as I wished...I thought that was terrible advice coming from a pastor...I am not a whore...someone give feedback, please...we had no health insurance at the time...and the way my narc husband was treating me, I certainly did NOT want sex with him...that pastor is now dead...can you imagine my life with a baby with this guy (my husband)...$10,000.00 at the time to deliver the baby; then he would have left me...then later, I found out that the pastor himself was sweet on me...what a mess...I finally got away from my husband AND his church...like I said that pastor is now dead...the churches are filled with evil things going on...satan has definitely infiltrated the modern day churches...RUN to Jesus only...I ask God to please forgive me for marrying my husband in the first place...I thought we would have a good life...I was very decieved but then again; I should have known better...
Dear Danish. Thank you again for helping me not to feel guilty about not being able to exercise, take regular showers, keep my home immaculate or to need to sleep for hours and hours during the day because I have terrible insomnia at night. You really are helping so many people with your wisdom, kindness, understanding and compassion. I really hope you are feeling better soon. God bless you.
It’s nice to know that this is normal. I felt and feel so bad about doing this. Nobody understands. I’m told to move on. Move on to where??? I’m old 🤣67, I recovered from 44 chemo rounds but this is harder. Until things are settled between us in 6:31 domestic violence court, divorce settlement, I feel stuck. Today I had a long talk with myself and I DO have to move forward and I will! He’s not going to take me down!! I’m winning this battle 💪💪
Lol move on to where.. so true.. i will use that line from now on! I mean seriously wat t these pl tell us to move on about… when they have no idea wat we r stuck in.?? U move out of my way n preach else where is wat i feel i wanna say to those guys… n hey u there hang in there .. we all live in hopes. Some day…. Just some day… some place….❤
It is NO joke. If you have survived this most sinister, invisible abuse- you are blessed! My kids are 12 and 13 and I have been teaching them bout narcissistic people for 5 years. They recently went on a trip with their narc dad- rock climbing. (It is only ever what HE wants to do!) they are telling me stories of how he sneaked on paying for the buffet dinner, cheating the parking. So glad I wasn’t there so he didn’t make it my fault. ❤😊
Mine was a house coat. That's what I wore all the time. You are so right with everything that you say and I'm still going through it. Even after my husband committed suicide in 2022. After I caught him had an affair with a married woman. We were married for 40 years and I had fallen into mass depression. I needed an even care. He threw me away like trash but one month later. When she broke up with him, he committed sdecide. And i'm still trying to fix myself
I'm recently divorced and one of the first things I bought was a fuzzy robe and a pair of pajamas because I wanted to feel warm and cozy. I'm wearing that robe as I write this. It came in the mail today and I put it on and didn't take it off all day. I might even go to sleep in it.
What an incredibly empathetic message for 2024. It’s so hard that I don’t have this kind of understanding irl, which makes me that much more thankful for Danish. I love you, man!! Thank you so much for all of your support. I wish you all the best that 2024 has to offer.
🤍 Thank you for being a comfort! I’m not ashamed of anything I did to survive. It got me here and I’m proud of myself! I have no timeframe to “get over it “ I am taking however much time I need and am celebrating my accomplishments! I’ve been 5 years free from a 20 year marriage to a psychopath. ❤
Everything you say is true. Can’t shower, can’t clean up, just making it through the days. Since I left. My brain is trying to normalize after the constant attacks for 20 years. It’s messy but it’s ok. Waking up everyday and being lazy is so wonderful! 😂 my kids and boyfriend do not complain about the clutter and mess. They know. I notice that after the kids spend time with their aggressive father they get to my place and slack off. My boyfriend was married to a narcissist woman- HE slacks off. There is just a feeling of being DRAINED from these people. We go to work, the kids go to school. I still cook but the dishes wait til the next morning. I could go on- but the body knows- we need to rest! A narcissist never lets you rest. And try to suck any life force and energy you have!!! Grrrr. 👿 this is the most horrible disorder to deal with. It is spiritual. ❤❤❤❤
Plan and organization is needed for dusting and decluttering part by part. I learnt it from an old woman. She had divided all tasks, every task or part of the house done on a different day.
Thank you Danish, I think this is something a lot of us need to hear. To allow ourselves time to heal and be compassionate towards ourselves regardless of what others judge us to be. You are the kindest youtube channel on this subject. Happy new year and good health and happiness to you and everyone here.
🙏 Thank you, Danish, for your honesty and compassion! I wept through this video...I'm still crying. I so relate to all of this. I wish people understood. It's NOT depression; it really is just exhaustion after so many years of abuse. The strange thing is that I know I'm healing and moving in a positive direction...it just doesn't look like it from the world's perspective. I'm sure you and others can relate. I think that's the point, maybe...we need to stay focused on our perspective, not the world's. As long as we're going in the right direction? It's good. 🙏 God bless you, Danish, and all who read this! I'm going through this, too, but I believe things will continue to get better as we heal. No Contact is HUGE in this (distance provides clarity), and I expect this year to be better than last for all of us. Wishing Peace, Calm, and Safety to you all! 🙏⚔💜
Thank you so much and may God bless you and keep you as you heal and basically relearn how to live again. I wish you all the best for 2024 and hope it's one of if not the best year of your life ❣️
I Totally understand!! Every time I go for my yearly phys. exam, my Dr asks me if I have any problem with depression. NOOoooo!! I cry every day for about 5 mins. or less, then it just stops. I don't dwell or languish over the past... I'm just a sensitive person who has an amazing memory !!! I was Always remembering things everyone else long forgot about !!! ... But I'm Not depressed!!! I'm recovering from n.a. but I never heard of These side effects B4. Also, this helps me to understand my 3 grown daughters more. 💗💗💗
Thank you so very much sage. You described EVERYTHING I have been going though and still feel. It is comforting to know others totally understand what we feel. Thank you again for your very comforting words!❤❤❤❤
Thank you Danish for sharing your personal history, it meant a lot to me and was very healing. I was sent away at 15 years old to be a child bride in another country. Unfortunately I was married to a narcissist for 23 years, while trying to protect four children. Doing 4 years in the military made my perfectionism worse. It has been absolute hell how bad it makes me feel, slacking off from doing everyday chores and self care. I have been diagnosed with Lupus, I have also developed absence seizures, that kick in when I am not able to stop the drive and compulsion to get things done. Thank goodness with your help I am able to be kinder to myself, even though it does still feel awkward to do so. I am however getting better at doing it and feeling okay about it. 😊
Everything you covered, I have been & am still going through. Thank you for validating the time it takes to heal & recover. This helped me understand that my self criticism is just shaming myself & not helping.
This is my life. All conditions present. After decades of narcissist abuse, I developed polycystic kidney disease. It is usually heredity, but in 1% of the population, it just appears. I am in that 1%. Some claim to extreme fear is linked to the formation of kidney disease. This condition has no cure. Thank you for making this video. It was very validating.
Wow. I have never heard any of the narcissist channels talk about this and I could relate to ALL of it. I have been serially gang stalked by narcissists my entire life as if I had a mark on my forehead identifying me as an empath. It has been constant and relentless. I have all these symptoms that he talks about. I thought it was just me.
Never feel bad about taking too long to leave. Think of it as if you were suffering a disease, and survived. Mourn it , get over it and move on. Aren't you ready to live?❤❤❤ DAY 1
@dsmusicbird your still the person you used to be before narcissistic abuse. He stomped on you emotionally and stamped it down. You are still you. He took nothing from you . Claim yourself back. I'm not saying you won't be scarrd by it , you might , i am , but im great considering what i have been in. YOU will be a better you. It's going to happen
@@proanimaluver6487 I sure hope so. Such a long healing process and journey. What makes it drag out more is because I we have 3 kids together. It’s a nightmare.
Thank you for this compassionate list. It's so true. We need to cut ourselves some slack. This narcissistic abuse by both my now dead parents who disinherited me & my 3 elder gc brothers, extended family & others who bought into the narcs' smear campaign is draining. It stole my own health, caused me cancer, menengioma and primary progressive multiple sclerosis and now I'm non weight-bearing and confined to a wheelchair...but...when I think back to the chore of cleaning the apartment's clutter, what 'normal', non scapegoats don't GET is that , in doing so, we'll encounter several triggers that will activate flashbacks, remind us of backstabbing, sentimentality, loss, our healthier, happier, younger naive selves...all those opportunities missed, foregone, lost etc cuz of the c-ptsd. Even listening to music, seeing an old shirt when we mighta THOUGHT, erroneously there was a chance our parents would eventually encourage and be loving and proud of us. Love us. Accept our individuality. Fragrance...maybe, while cleaning, encountering a former fragrance, a photo, brooch, pebble, necktie, music box...from people who once had us convinced they were friend & revealed, in fact to be foe...just another narc. Makes us afraid and not trust our ability to DISCERN friend from foe. Like lyrics of the song *_"why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down and mess me around..."_* Point being, in the vulnerable mindset, what SHOULD be experienced as a refreshing, energizing, inspiring de-cluttering the apartment session can morph into a not so welcome head trip down memory lane. It takes energy beyond just the physical to power thru that procedure. All in good time. Baby steps. ❤
Can´t collapse when you have a toddler and an ancient mother to look after. Also... having a detail-oriented job you can´t quit, while on five hours of sleep a night are not good either. And yeah... I sew blankets into coats, have fibro, and the clutter is remarkable.
I remember after 'that day' when I was 15...I stopped all hygienic practices, partially because I just didn't care anymore / nothing mattered anymore and partially because I wanted to be as unappealing to others as possible. It seems familiar that a parent or older sibling literally forced me into a shower in my clothes to get me to start cleaning myself. Narcissists expect you to just get up the next day after they have shattered your reality and destroyed all your hopes and dreams, as if nothing happened at all.
Thank you very much. This helps me not feel like such a freak or disgusting human being for these things happening. And all I ever want is someone to hear me and you answer me more than people that really know me do. I truly appreciate your help and putting in the time to make these videos for us because you don't have to. You are appreciated. Love you, take care ❤
Thank you sir Namaste !!! You really speak to me and I appreciate you and your message today!!! I salute you ! You Sir… survived !! And God had a plan for you and here you are sharing your path and Journey helping others like me !
I can relate with everything you mentioned, but the hygenie and clutter part. For my sanity and stress level to ease, I MUST stay clean, hygienic, smelling fresh, hydrated, moisturized and my environment MUST be decluttered and clean. Otherwise I will get unexplained stress and anxiety. I figured this out about myself a decade ago that I defineity get anxiety when it's a dirty and cluttered environment , I'm surrounded by people who arent keeping up with their hygenie, or if I myself am not clean enough to my standards. Once all these are checked off to my standards, my stress goes down to 95%. If these things are not done, no matter how exhausted I am, I force energy out of me to get my desired environment and hygenie, and then rest for as long as my brain needs. This is something that works for me. I'm not judging people who are unable to brush their teeth and shower. As their situation, and recovery is different than mine. My sister recovers this way. So I know this type exist. I have seen her very closely. It works for her to take out exhaustion by not brushing her teeth, taking shower, washing hands after washroom visit for weeks. But for me it's the opposite. I dont judge her from a distance, it only becomes a problem when we have to cohabitate. Because my recovery style is different than hers' . I relate clutter and bad hygenie to anxiety for myself, however clutter and not well kept hygiene is her comfort zone. I cant sleep with a dirty kitchen and bathroom. Whereas my sister eats from the same dirty dish for almost 2 weeks. Alot of times when I visit her apartment I do all her dishes because I cant sit seeing she eating from a dirty plate. She seems fine with it. I am not. When we used to live together, after cleaning my room I used to sometimes clean hers' too, and she used to find it frustrating to a point that we used to argue over this. She used to bring out the clothes I folded and kept away, spread them all over, make that chair heaped with clothes again and feel comforted by that heap of clothes which I originally saw it as a mess. I used to 'fix' her room because I couldnt sit there to spend time with her in her room. So we worked it out by me not going into her room, only she used to come sit in my room for hours every day to talk. Until some years ago, I didnt use to understand her behaviour and we used to fight over it because it wasnt working for either of us to live together in our ways, but from last few years i do get it. And it's okay if she is finding comfort in these things, it just becomes a problem to spend time together. Because both of us can't adopt to one another' environment of either getting comfortable in what seems dirty to me or for her to keep things clean to my standards. Even though we have lived for over 30 years together. My desired environment is too difficult for her to adapt and her living situation gives me anxiety, frustration and irritability as I relate to peace when I, people around me and my environment is clean. You have to find your recovery style and what gives you that peace and follow it. *** By any means, I am not trying to say that oh look how clean I am and how dirty she is. There is a solid reason behind why both of us have these poles apart recovery style. When we were young, my mom used to make me do all the cleaning, helping in the kitchen and decluttering of the entire house , where as my sister was always the privileged one and a book worm wanting to become a doctor when she grows up, so she was never bothered by mom , Instead pampered by both parents because they wanted her to become a doctor. Hence she was supported in hopes to bring pride to the family one day with her doctor degree. However I used to get beaten up multiple times daily (mostly for being the unwanted child being born due to unprotected sex) if I didnt meet my mom' standard of cleanliness. Even though she also enjoys sitting in clutter and making a mess, (which is why my sister finds it homely and comfort in mess), however as messy my mom is, when she cleans , her cleaning standards are also very high. So I, as a child had to maintain those standards routinely otherwise I'd get beaten up badly. Which is why decluttering became my comfort zone eventually because after a while you adapt to what you are thrown into. My sister on the other hand didnt have to live up to that expectation and standards of my mother in regards of chores, hence her recovery style turned out to be completely different. Had she gotten the same treatment as I did, maybe we would both have the same recovery style. So the point is, I'm not shaming her online, I'm only explaining that within the same house hold there can exist two VERY different people, with different habits, mindset and recovery styles due to certain history and experiences as explained above. Hope it helps. 😊 ***
Thank you so much for for this. Today I managed to go for a jog for the first time. . But then came the familiar crash. since then I've been sitting here in my chair all day in my workout clothes under my blanket ..too frozen to shower..change..eat.. nevermind clean stuff..and beating myself up for 'wasting the day'. Its so easy to forget that theses are trauma healing responses. Thank you sooo much for the kind reminder! Small steps!!
I am 71 years old. Brought up by a narcissist mother and survived 4 marriages to malignant narcissists. The 4th spouse was introduced to me by the therapist that I was seeing to heal from the 3rd marriage which included every level of hell including physical abuse. I was literally meditating on the toxic shame that still can come in waves even tho I know it is not deserved when you posted this vid. I have been no contact with all family including my adult narcissistic daughter for 10 years. The healing continues. No therapy. No new relationship or friendships have helped. Radical surrender and spiritual growth is the only succor. You are blessed and blessing others in a way that is miraculous. Thank you for being.
I relate to all. Chronic unexplained shoulder, back and leg pain. Frequent chronic migraine attacks making me immobile for few days pushing me in bed. Unexplained low bp which doctors couldn't find out even after blood tests and no signs of major deficiency. Unexplained tears flowing out of feelings of helplessness, giving up. I am thankful to your detailed videos I could figure out I was a narc victim as everything was so rosy for 4yrs and suddenly all illusions fell apart. I joined yoga, started walking 6kms early morning, cut off tea coffee n sugar n replaced with green tea, regular daily meditations and lot more. Today's video helped me realize that inspite of all these changes I am still not good mentally, I don't feel happy or joyful from within. I understood that I need to give myself some more time instead of beating myself up for not coming to a normal stage like others.
I empathize with you 🤗 I'm 6 years divorces from a narc and probably 4 years cut off from my narc/physically abusive dad. I'm still struggling, in pain (emotional and physical), and would absolutely love to have someone who has been where I am and truly gets what I'm going through in my day to day life. The support of viewers of channels like these is helpful, but it isn't building a relationship. It isn't enough to feed my soul in a meaningful way. I empathize with you 🤗
When my son died and my husband, now ex, was still cruel to me, i could finally see how much energy it took to deal with how he treated me. I had nothing inside me to deal with the abuse and that was when I knew i had to get out. It was eye opening to see how much energy I was spending just to stay married before I was grieving. I couldn't do both. It was impossible.
I feel like I am surrounded by very toxic people. I feel everywhere I turn. My heart is broken. The people I have known are liars and thieves. Talking about people i have known for my whole life or very long time. I don't feel I have anyone to trust. I feel I am losing hope in humanity. I pray the Lord protects me from the wolves in sheep's clothing. God bless anyone else who is having this experience. I pray in almighty God that he protects you as well. God bless!
Thank-you Danish, for being transparent and truthful!! We all need to realize where the trauma has come from, and slowly recognize our true worth. In the sight of God, not the human definition of ourselves. It's ok to be you, God's perfect creation!! God Bless you Danish, and everyone on this channel,,,have a wonderful and Blessed New Year, one day at a time. ❤🙏❤️
Thank you for today’s episode. I’ve been through it all. I needed to hear that message. I’m trying to heal myself from IBS and fibromyalgia as well. I’m trying to exercise and rebuild myself because I’ve gone through a lifetime of Narcissistic abuse from family and relationships and friends. I’m getting better but all that you said is so true. I’m only sharing myself with others if I have the energy and then retreating to myself and resting and trying to eat better and take care of myself first from now on like I have done for so many narcissists before. It’s rough but I’ve survived it and trying to recover and make a new life for myself. I am thankful to God for not leaving me and helping me along the ways. I will eventually make new friends as I have gone no contact with the former narcissistic friends and family. They are all toxic. Appreciate your message very much as nobody else understands what we are going through. Blessings 🙏
Thankyou x I can sleep 15 hours a day and I’m still so exhausted! and to be honest I’m spending longer than that in bed. It feels like death but I want to live! I want to clean my home…I just can’t. I was homeless 9 months prior to this due to domestic violence and should be so happy to be here but I’ve been moving almost daily for the past year and it’s just too much. I want to close my door and be alone. The damage is horrific. I love your videos and I love you for speaking so honestly x I’m not lazy and I never have been but showering is exhausting. I want to go back to bed because it takes what little energy I have left. I want to be clean but I don’t care and I want to be alone. I think you are the most honest person I’ve ever watched about narcissistic abuse. Thankyou for letting me know that it’s ok to feel the way I do. From the bottom of my heart thankyou, I have will but it’s not happening at the moment. Thankyou 💕
You're are so right..the damage inflicted is horrific..drains the body but more so the soul..this is the first channel that I found that has addressed how I feel to a T. I'm really struggling horribly after my last Narc attack. Let us pray for all of us who have literally endured HELL
Yes!!!!!!!! This type of relationship has been the worst to heal from.. I compared this to my divorce and this was by far the worst and we were married for 12 years vs the narc relationship was way less... I didn't have the energy to do anything but eat, sleep and repeat. It's been a year and I still have my days, but it's getting better.. Please give yourself grace and make sure to give your healing some time. This wasn't a normal relationship/marriage so the process to heal won't be easy.
I feel the same way. But our bodies reacted in the appropriate way at the time, it's valid to fall into a trauma response, but now you know your power. Give yourself compassion and understanding, and give none to the person that forced you to do it.
That happened by having my family get me drugged and into psychosis. 38 yrs I knew how to self care to cope. First few years very sad confused but knew projection. Denied love and affection. Yes it's a lot. 13 yrs avoid family dysfunction, now free. Ups and downs still. Don't beat myself out as much. ❤😂🎉❤😂🎉
Listening to ur voice herewith, Danish, is so comforting, like slowly pulling a soft, warm, cozy blanket up over my body and wrapping it snugly around me for a long, deep sleep. These times of immobility are like tiny electric jolts that serve to re-arouse our trauma long after much of our healing work has been done. This is the moment when we must practice self-compassion, and ur words give us the power to do so. Thank u, dear friend! ❤
Thank you Danish. I feel calmed when listening to you and you validate us in the way we've needed to be but don't get by those who don't understand in our lives. I have more or less struggled with a lot of these things, some more severe than others. Clutter has been one of them. It's a daily struggle. I want to clean but the fatigue and lack of focus impedes my efforts. I also have lupus which I am 100% certain was from having too much stress in my life. This is what I needed to hear today ❤.
Hi Danish, .I'm so happy I found your channel. You validate everything I'm going thru. My narcissist husband died 6 years ago. He was brutal. I feel like he still controls me from the grave. How do I get past this? I'm still healing. But I can hear him yelling at me, and he's gone. I feel like I'm going crazy. I do everything you discussed in this video. I feel like I am stuck in the mud. I could never get in another relationship cause I'm terrified I'd go thru the same thing again.
okay, how can i explain this? i,m speaking from a spiritual standpoint.. marriage is 2 bodies becoming 1 flesh, that stays or remains forever. whether it,s spirit physical or mental.. you and he take on certain characteristics from each other.. that,s why it,s called a mystery .. if that person has suicidal tendencies, or depression bouts or manic phases, you now have those things in your person also! that,s why the scriptures are really tantamount in who YOU CHOOSE as a partner.... But ! your NEW HOPE is when you turned to get a different web page the old has been rejected.. our choices can affect our whole lives! Continue to go in right direction.....people who understand what common sense is WILL find good. another bible quote from proverbs! I send you only wellness girlie........ keep going
I left the Covert, wounded, fragile narcissist (I am male) when I was 51 1/2 years old, in 2012. I fled to foreign country and learned a new language. It took me about 4 years to even desire to think about what happened. She had a 4 1/2 year old girl child when we married. We had 4 more... 3 boys and one girl. The youngest was my eleven year old son, when I left. Physically, I could barely walk away. In this physical condition she kicked me in my left knee, which swelled up with an hematoma, paralizing my leg. She locked me in the bedroom. I removed the window pane and my 16 year old son supportred me on one side, while I climbed out the window and hobbled to my vehicle. I was not a wimp. I was a construction worker skilled in all trades. Two weeks later, arriving in the New York air port, I hobbled off the jet and sat in the waiting area for 25 minutes, trying to stabalize myself for walking with my carry on bag, which I could barely manage. Of course, the night mare is much longer, so I will not be tedious. That was Jan. 2012. We finally got a divorce in May 2023. I had started a divorce in 2010, and rescinded it in 2011, because I fell for her hoovering, which include the opening of her legs. I let her choose therapist, and she would not participte. I had to be fixed... By the middle of 2011, I started perparing for my exit, which I barely succeded with in Jan of 2012. Hobbling away from the New York air port, I stayed with an old friend for 6 weeks before departing to a foriegn country. I had my say in court in 2023, and she was mortified publicly. But, she was still awarded everything, which came from me and my families inheritance. I have been rebuilding myself for these 12 years. 2 children communicate with me sparsely, and the 16 year old son, who helped me out the window, is now 27 and will communicate on deep levels. The story has many levels.... So, I wish the best to all of you in your journey of recovery....🙂
I am a 50 year old woman and I only sleep 2 to 3 hours every night I wake up every 2 to 3 hours through the night and I'm so exhausted from the stress that has been put on me and everything I literally feel like my heart is going to give out I don't know what to do anymore to get sleep. I wish you a happy New Year too thank you for your videos they are so helpful and comforting!
Thank you I though something is wrong with me, but no nothing is wrong with me, it is the natural reaction of my body dealing with years of abuse and trauma. Thank you
As you talked about having something warm and comfortable on like a robe tears fell down my face. I have had this blue robe that actually has a name it’s blue boy lol for over 12 years it thick and warm and I wear it constantly and now I know why! 🥺😢
Long story short this past year I found out through a probate attorney in NM that my narcissistic Mother died over 2 years ago… I cut her and my entire family off over 10 years ago. My brother tried to keep my share of the inheritance for himself and me hidden. 9 months later after having to hire my own attorney because of my brother, who is the Golden Child and I the Scapegoat; I only found out a few days ago how my Mom actually died. She was only 62 and died a pretty painful death that involved a stroke, paralyzation, a blood clot to the brain and after a week in hospice died, finally. Within that same week I came down with a really bad the flu/cold or whatever. No one else in my family has gotten sick from me. I have done everything you described. I can barely function. I collapsed. I have a 14 month old so I do have responsibilities I need to take care of but I’m very blessed to have an amazing husband who gets me and has been through my recovery process since 2015. As I lay here in bed pissed off that I’m feeling so rotten, I can’t help but feel like it’s the last time she can ever hurt me.
Wow. This is the first video that popped up in my feed after waking from a nap I didn’t want to take that reduced the amount of time I had planned to work on the clutter and mess in my house. I had fallen asleep with a cozy sweater jacket on, woke up overheated, annoyed with myself that it’s midday and I haven’t taken a shower yet and trying to remember if I had even brushed my teeth when I got up this morning. For real. All of this. And watched this video. And felt like spirit was speaking to me through your words. I am recovering from narcissistic abuse. And I still have to deal with him as he’s the father of my children. My children who both have numerous challenges including hypersensitive nervous systems which also triggers my own. I’m trying to heal while continually being hit with retraumatization over and over and over. It’s exhausting. Dealing with my narc ex brings up feelings of rage. My children induce stress and panic inside of me and I try to help them regulate, I also have to regulate myself. And the dysfunction in my nervous system and years of depression and anxiety led to a chronic illness that only gets worse the more inactive and bedridden I am. I’m hard on myself to overcome these challenges and get to a better place. I began the day optimistic but when succumbing to exhaustion and waking up disappointed in myself for napping, AGAIN, there is no video that could have offered me as much compassion and understanding as this one. Thank you, Danish. Truly.
Thank you so much Danish. All of this. Being gently encouraged by my recovery coach to tell myself 'well done' for even the smallest daily accomplishment; like having a wash, making a sandwich, taking the dog for a walk, changing my clothes etc because those normal things are so difficult some days. Love and healing wishes to everyone going through this ❤
Thank you for this video. My therapist turned out to be very abusive and my energy level is very low recently. My house is a mess and it has never been like that and I'm really ashamed of it but I struggle to get up.
Thank you so much!! So now I understand why i am up and down...energy wise, needing more sleep, have lack of energy, not shaving my legs, needing naps, feeling like I have anchors on my arms and legs when even thinking about showering, struggling to wash my hair. Some days it takes so much effort I just toss my hands up. My hair has got gray areas. I have the hair dye but no energy to dye my hair. I have some cluttered areas. Saturday I tackled my walk in closet and today i struggle to unload the dishwasher. Comfort clothing is a thing too. I wear certain sweatshirts, sweaters over and over. No energy needed to choose an outfit either. I went no contact over a year ago. But I am still healing from 15 miserable years with a covert narcissist. I will heal with time. But honestly Danish the amount and extent of damage was not truly apparent to me until now. Thank you for letting us know all this is okay. Happy New Year!
So accurate on recovery from abuse. Those never abused don't get it. They do try to rush you and I'm sorry it takes what it takes to recover not a day sooner. Your so in tune with Narcissistic Abuse suffering. You are a King for showing us the way out of this dark tunnel. Best all out Empath is you The rest of us learning from you. God Bless your New Year Danish. Your a 💎 gemstone
Thank you Danish! Your confirmation and support means so very much. I have been watching your videos for the past 6 months and they have been so very helpful in my recovery journey. You are a Godsend. God bless you. 🙏💖🕊
I have just gone no contact, and I was feeling well and healing but then the holidays came and hit me like a ton of bricks. I have had chronic pain flair ups pretty much every day. There have been days this month where I can’t even get up from bed. I can’t even walk. I lift a bad and next thing I know I have thrown my entire back. It has been hell and I have to keep reminding myself “it’s okay”. But it’s hard. Rent and bills keep coming, and I can barely work. I was the scapegoat of the family for 35 years so there’s a lot of trauma and pain stored in my body that is coming up now that I’ve removed myself from the family unit. “It’s okay”. I keep telling myself, thank you so much for this video, it is so validating 😢❤
I had my narc mom abusing me on Saturday, I left and told her I was done. I am trying to minimize contact as much as I can. I have felt awful and tired all weekend.
@kathleenklein4231: She didn't take everything in your life/personality -- just what she could reach from the outside. I know because of sad experience. There is STILL a YOU deep within that nobody can take away. This YOU is what will enable you to rebuild your life. You can use what is left to your benefit. In the Bible, when the Apostle Paul's ship was wrecked, he floated to shore on the pieces of the ship that were left. The cargo had been tossed, and the ship was wrecked. STILL, there was enough left to preserve Paul's life. We are like that, too. We can survive on what the storm didn't take from us. Maintain the peace you have won, and keep going (alone).
Black Elk said once: "If there is a still surviving root of the holy tree, take good care of it. So that it will grow up once more, bring fruits and the birds can sing and build their nests in the branches." That is why the willow is my favorite tree. The immortal spirit never dies. Look on mother nature and she 'll teach thee.
20 years of surviving a destructive narc of a mother, 23 years surviving a hell of marriage. Thank you for your work. I am free now. May the creator bless you. 🙏
😍 Happy New Year Danish and Gorgeous Kitties! Be of good courage for the power of God is with us. Knowledge IS Power so the best is yet to come in this new year. We are here for you…ALWAYS and together, WE HAVE overcome evil. ❤️
Yes my outside narcs made my inhome narcs shame me day in day out , that I am only sitting at home not doing anything. I should run on treadmill because I am fat (no one in my family or relatives run themselves), look for a proper job and get married. Reality is : I struggle to get to the washroom without losing balance . I was visiting my brother for four days of Christmas holidays, he judged and laughed at me while offering towel that "take the towel , dont stay without shower for 4 days". (He is a clean freak himself). But what I found weird was that both of his kids stayed without shower at all for all four days. I atleast fucking shower after 2 days! A$$hole!!!
This entire video has been me since making my escape 28 months ago. I get up to work (from home) but I’m mostly in bed otherwise. I rarely leave home. My house is a mess and it drives me crazy but I’ve been unable to tame it. I don’t worry about what others think. I just don’t allow anyone in my home. I developed Hashimoto’s disease and adrenal insufficiency as a result of the narcissistic abuse. I also have neck issues that I am dependent on pain management for and as a result of a very bad case of Covid in 2020, I’ve been on oxygen ever since. You’d never know any of this since I had weight loss surgery in December 2022 and lost 130 lbs. I look quite healthy. I want to live again. I don’t know how to get there. Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m on the autism spectrum and have ADHD so executive function was already quite a challenge.
A person who suddenly sinks into dirt and disorder should not be judged harshly. Unfortunately, people don't ask for the reason and just complain or gossip, unwilling to support the person in severe depression. I' ve been through this and in my case it passed. Step by step, one can return to normalcy. To be honest, "expressing" the disorder in my life was a kind of a rebellion against the previous pressure of my narcissist. It was like: "It will be me in the end who will clean and wash all which is dirty, so let it be under my terms!"
As far as the society goes, while I was undergoing abuse, I tried to keep it together, but the exhaustion was evident. I gained weight but in a way that I just blew up like a balloon as my hormons were all over the place and I kept getting ill. Not only that I wasn't offered help at work but one of the colleagues spread the gossip that my face was swollen and I was tired because I was hungover all the time...I found that out months later when one of my other colleagues was surprised when I said that I don't like alcohol.
I totally agree and relate with this video. I've been so exhausted 😩 and ill with so much pain pain. I really feel like I'm dying and that has caused increased the stress. 😢. Just listening to you has given me energy. I love your videos and relate so much to them. Happy New year 🎉 ✨️
Danish, this video has been so incredibly validating. I am on my third watch back to back right now because I really need these words to sink in. I relate to every single point you have made, but especially being able to keep my environment clean. I am a mother of a 6 year old and parallel parenting with her narc father. The days I don’t have her I convince myself I will be able to get up and do something and most times it doesn’t happen. She then comes back to my house and the mess grows because I am so overwhelmed being in the presence of my child or working all day that all I want to do is sit down after I get her in bed. I work from home but have been struggling with being able to concentrate and they don’t understand the struggle. I have to take days off to just not have that level of input to my brain because my inability to be functional is nonexistent. Thank you for speaking out and helping people.
My toxic shame apparently comes across as being a pathological liar. I am always being treated as a liar. Even in the medical realm where I have an encyclopedia of records and proof.
The things you are describing resonate very much with me. Thank you for saying that it's ok. I'm so very exhausted at 49. 💤 😴. Surviving this type of abuse as well as being in an unloving and alcoholic home as a child has left me so tired. I always had to depend on myself. I had no where to fall safely.
Sleeping for 12 or 14 hrs is needed. If not given we will face other health crisis like Adrenal Fatigue or Cancer. We have lived all our life in a WAR zone like a COMBAT soldier and we need rest as many of us may be going through CPTSD or PTSD. This is real. We are survivors of a never ending WAR with no break just one COMBAT after another.
Hi Danish, my husband is Npd. Last 19yrs I lost completely my energy. Now I'm standing for myself. I av crossed over continuous health issues. My digestive system completely collapsed .Now I'm being like what you have spoken in this video , your speech heals me. No words to express, what you doing is great . Thank you 🙏
Omg, Danish this video spoke to my soul. I could not clean, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't even make a plate of food. I burnt my leg on his dad's car and it heal until a year later when I escaped him. I couldn't breathe because I cried everyday and I could only breathe again until he and his family was gone. He was very intelligent and knew exactly what he was doing to me and would fake having seizures trying to paint me as the bad guy towards the end of the relationship. My empathy came in and I felt horrible. He said the first time he had a seizure on the floor for several hours because I said that I'm not signing off the least until I get all my stuff and my cat. I let him have his way and signed off because he said I was giving him hour long seizures. Again I was broken at the time. Come to find out I signed off the least and he abused me badly again and gave away all my things. He tricked me into signing off the least 😢. I also found out that you don't have hour long seizures. I told him to go see a doctor and he said he doesn't have too anymore . He lied. He used my empathy to hurt me . I was broken and being abused by his sister at that point. Oh Lord I pray the Lord will teach him a lesson. He tried to hoover me back by using the pet hospital but I blocked. It was a cruel evil cold discard. Complete isolated and abused by his whole family. Called the suicide hotline several times a day. I want him to fall flat on his feet. He will crash and burn. I know it with all my being .
I don't know why I watch you. I usually only get halfway through before I have to stop and cry rocking myself back and forth like I'm in a rocking chair. It takes hours to watch these things. It's like you are a different version of me.
I’m just going through a break up of 1 year of narcissistic relationship and it’s so painful,although I was always verbally abused gaslighted manipulation but I miss him and it’s so painful.
Right? I went from a regular hard-working person to a complete workaholic. i think it was a sort of coping mechanism to numb the sensation of narc abuse, and also a escape plan to detangle myself from narc parents' clutches.
I also did this. workaholic. to avoid thinking and sitting with my feelings. Now I know what to do but then I didn't - hope you are actively healing.....these videos help. (to make us aware that we are not nuts but that this stuff is actually happening to us as a narc pretends that it is YOU and they are "innocent". sadistic. God bless you.
@@simonpegg1196🙏🏼great realizations! Maybe, too, it’s to avoid and distract the self from the voice/memory that keeps popping up to be healed. We squash it with addictions of all sorts until we learn to heal it as opposed to cope with it. 🙏🏼 Happy new year and blessings on your journey 🙏🏼
One very interesting and very consistent aspect of a narcissist is that as soon as you explain in detail to them their behaviour, they will first deny it, then process it for about one minute then suddenly they passionately accuse 'you' of those very same things. I have experienced it with multiple narcissist people I know. They go into hyper gasslighting mode and even when you explain that you just told them they are like that and now they are instantly parroting it back at you as an accusation they just double down.
Sincerely I am tired n tired. I have held on for 20yrs n I feel exhausted. I need strength and a mind to help my children because they are in the vulnerable teenage age. They need me more now.
This is things I try to remind people of it is OK. I found I was set free with a song my friend wrote called permission. It was a simple song that gave me permission. It didn't mater who said it or what they gave me permission for. Just hearing "you have permission " was so validating and freeing. I am also no one to tell anyone how to live but I will still give permission for them to heal in any way if it helps.
I've already thanked you for the comforting impact this video had on me personally. Returning to thank you for giving me a video I have shared with my young adult daughter. She has not suffered specifically from narcissistic abuse, but has been burdened by far too much trauma in her 25 years and is her own worst critic and enemy in ways I feel powerless to alleviate. From the ages of 8 to 12 she experienced psychosomatic seizures. Thankfully, the doctors and psychiatrists diagnosing and treating her at the time recognized the high probability that her seizures were a response to trauma and, after monitoring her for years and running all appropriate tests, elected not to record Epilepsy in her medical records to ensure that she wasn't further burdened with misdiagnosis and unhealthy medications or treatments into her already challenging future. I'm hoping she now finds the same recognition and comfort from this video that I and others have. That she can allow herself to rest as much as necessary now and eventually recover the joys in life she so richly deserves. Thanks again Danish. Deep, true love to you and everyone watching this channel.
I tried to write a comment several times but it was too long and too complicated and too embarrassing and so I just am saying this. You cannot overstate what you already have and I much appreciate what you, are doing and saying and I only wish that the medical professionals I have now only had one iota of the understanding and the insight that you have .
I will say it again.. you are truly a gifted man. The way you put things is so eloquent. Bro, you have articulated things that would have taken me lifetimes.
My first reaction when I understood my husband was a covert N, I was in chock. The I was soooo angry on myself! How could I not see? Not understand? I am financially independent, I am seen as an intellectual and intelligent woman. I work in a great position. Then came the shame!!! After a year with therapy I have forgiven myself- I am an empath and proud to be one!
Salve to my soul - thank you for this particular video and message. I love all of your messages but this one hit me so much. Anyone who has not experienced an "event" like being with a Narc definitely doesn't understand it- I don't fault them but it's still tough. The main question I've been asked "why do you think you keep attracting men like this?" - of course, I go over and over it, and I now, finally (after 5 of them) understand the "why" but those things don't just change overnight. I'm healing, caring and loving myself in ways I never have - happy for the awakening - but the pain and confusion is wildly overwhelming sometimes.
There is a Native American belief that when we are grieving, we are closest to God. Therefor, grief is seen as sacred and we need to allow ourselves the time to go through it and heal. God deeply resides with those who are grieving. We need to respect that.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s comforting 😊
That is beautiful, thank you.
I have been feeling close to God through all this even though its been difficult. I've been telling myself my prayer is my suffering and thats almost all I can manage because I've been in such shock over the realization that it is abuse even though no one in my family recognizes it as such. His behaviour is not an acceptable way for one person to treat another. But I was also a child of two narcisstic parents.. I often wondered why my colds last so long or my back goes out constantly. As soon as one thing seems healed then something else acts up. And thank you also for mentioning the thing about the clothes... What a genuinely caring way to share with us whats going on. I didn't understand. I will add this video to my fav list and watch it often to remind myself that I'm okay. I instinctively hugged myself as you spoke and cried gentle tears until the end of your video, hopefully releasing some hurt and trauma. Thank you so much for your dedication and support. Feeling like you have a friend who understands, really understands and cares is as powerful as any natural medicine. Let the healing continue! ❤ Thanks again and Happy New Year to you all!
Thank you for sharing these very comforting and compassionate words about the native American attitude towards recovering from grief.
I keep trying to rush myself out of my grief because I feel I'm wasting time, but your words are wise and so, very helpful. God bless you on your journey.
Thank you for sharing this bit about the grief. It's highly comforting ❤. Big giant hugs to you.!
They are evil
.. It's been 2 years now and I'm just healing ...much love to you all ❤ we got this 💪
Healing takes its time. Takes as long as it takes. Love yourself build yourself love up 💕
Me too.❤
Energetic reflections of unresolved trauma
🙏🏽
Omg I have all of these! Just got away in august 25 years of an utter lie! 3 children they are the only thing that was real inThis relationship 😢 yeah, some days where I could barely function and get an out of bed and I’m like I’m doing nothing. Why am I so exhausted? I felt exhausted for years when I was with him and actually thought I had an autoimmune disease like lupus, or something to explain it. He has immediately moved on, of course, and was on the dating sites, probably even as we were together, along with going to prostitutes and transgender; gave me STDs and gaslight me always telling me everything was OK but the money was always disappearing and didn’t make sense! Through God’s grace in my upright, and not in the grave! I give God the glory for getting me out of this situation; but I feel guilty like I should be happy but there’s an inner sadness that doesn’t go away
I've wept through this video. This is so accurate to how I feel. sitting around condemning myself. Because I can't function
I wept also. His kindness, softness means so much. I identified with most of what he explained even the cold that took a month to get over. I’m a year out from a 39 year abusive marriage and I need so much healing.
Don’t beat yourself up. You’ve been through enough abuse already. ❤
@@gemsngiftsusa2281and you will heal. Take your time do not beat yourself up. God will deal with evil.
We are going through this as well. It took us 2 years post his walking out & divorce to accept that his behaviors were actually narc abuse. Now we're trying to navigate laws that say his abuse is not real and therefore visitations continue!
Me too. *hugs*
The Shame comes from other people too - their enablers. The Narcissist scapegoats you and character assassinates you. Thanks Danish, I appreciate your videos.
Yes, I can relate
I can relate also. My ex’s mother who I suspect is narcissistic also, would call me and yell at me on the phone that I was being mean to her son. He had obviously lied to her and said he was trying to be my friend and I was rejecting him. My friend??? After being faithful to him for 17 years and helping him when his family wouldn’t, he was cheating on me, gaslighting, and smearing my name to play the victim. That’s NOT a friend! She actually expected me to still spend holidays with the family, him, and the new girlfriend. Nope! Been no contact with him 18 months and the family for 10 months. I’m at peace and healing finally.
Bigtime! Other people are the worst
It's horrible. I realized that my mom is a narcissist. And I started to remb stuff she did. I have insomnia. I just left narcissistic lady I stayed with on July 31. Oh yes I'm supposed to have a job . Place to live just a hour aft I got slammed Abt it at my mom's house. My younger sister passed away in 2018 and then my dad .. friends from covid it's terrible. Right now I'm so sick with multiple infections. I just want to leave asap. I want to work but I was injured at my last job taking care of people with disabilities. Then I found out I'm prob have autism.. it makes sense now.. my whole life. The abuse I've survived thru. But I see signs.. saw a mourning dove today.. I see angel numbers... Thank u so much this was long... I'll write a book someday. I prob have PTSD too💜💜💜
@@QueenBee-fg1iz I totally understand. My x I was with almost 30 years... Th cheating put me in a mental hospital. I was the crazy one and my family believed him. I took care of his kids...and I have one son with him. He's my rock... He's a beautiful young man
I’m sorry you went through all this and I can testify to what you say. I was scapegoated by narcissistic parents and completely collapsed as a person in my 20s. I could not stand the shower because the water hurt me. I didn’t go out in the daytime because the sun felt painful. I needed a drink to go to the corner store.
My body and mind collapsed. I was also traumatized by a sexual assault I had to keep secret and a suicide attempt where my father said, before turning his back on me and my bleeding wrists, “If she wants to kill herself, let her.”
I didn’t see these things as traumatic then. I blamed myself for being "worthless", for being born bad because that’s what I was told about myself for so long. It was a lie and it was only when I started to get to know myself better and stopped listening to the lies that I improved.
Thank you for all you do on this channel. I’ve recently found out that my ‘partner’ is a vulnerable narcissist and this was revealed in full when he took the side of a man who, a couple of years ago, tried to force a kiss on me. If not for this community, I don’t believe I’d here and able to talk about these things.
May the New Year bring new insights and awakening to all how need them. Love to all.
Yes I have been through something like that. Not exactly like that but there are similarities. Be careful of the covert narcissists. They try to get you to feel sorry for them to escape accountability for treating you badly.
I'm 85. Yep. Narcs have filled my life beginning at birth. In 2022 I, too, collapsed. Literally. Today is Jan. 1, 2024. Danish's wisdom and experiences that he shares is making a huge difference in showing me the reality of this situation. How to recover: wow, a blessing know that Recovery IS possible !!!!! Thanks for sharing; that, too, helps many of us. NO, SURVIVORS ARE NOT CRAZY!
I agree and I'm glad you are finding some answers.@@deedoyle4069
That is one of the trickier aspects and I agree it's important to be very aware of it. Good luck to you.@@jasminebarratt1809
Far to many people are in that vicious Demonic spiral.
The paralysis created from 58 years of 60 total to wake up instead of suicide that FAMILY encourages towards has also been life long.
Glad to know my filthy rich loves one's can take my earthly fortune. Mine, inheritance GOD has safe from them.
Desperately working to hurt me isn't working & the disgust on their face 😈 is theirs, not mine.
When I was 12, and was comin into my own, and narc parents started their abuse, I realized that the best way to cope for me personally was to
1) Take a bath everyday - maintain hygiene.
2) Exercise regularly.
3) Maintain regular sleeping and waking times.
4) Declutter my room at frequent intervals.
5) Avoid junk food. Maintain a healthy, nutritious diet.
Overall, maintain a good firm routine. Tweak things a little bit every now and then, thereby the narc can never predict your next move.
Nice :) Stay strong.
@ somonpegg1196 That is the Holy Spirit's guidance. Your spirit is connected to your creator.
From my childhood up till today I had narcs lined up in my life. Jesus was with me throughout my journey. Jesus can help. In fact, in Jesus’ very first sermon, he says it’s one of the reasons he came.
Whether you’ve been let down by disappointment, rejection, or resentment, Jesus came to heal your heart.
Jesus said about the Father, “He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted” (Luke 4:18 NKJV).
If you’ve been hurt, God wants to help. The Bible says in Psalm 147:3, “[God] heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds” (The Message).
You’re never closer to God than when you’re hurting. He’s here to help.
Will you let him?
I found making my bed was an absolute. or the depression was on display. im very visually oriented. amen to all your suggestions.
wow so wise for a young person. my response was honestly, I would get in the bathtub over and over and go under the water, or sit there, up to 9 times a day......when I would wake up at 3am panicky, I would run a tub and get in the tub. I realized later that this was the last time I felt "safe", was in the "womb" surrounded by warm water before I came into this world......good for you. I miss my bathtub though
Yes, I always wanted to bathe as a teenager very often but my narc mother would not let me bathe like I wanted nor would she let me sleep and be rested...always bitching at my heels like the bitch dog she was...I am glad she is dead...but I can still hear her voice...she haunts me still...In The Name of Jesus; be gone satan...
I wish I could sleep 15 hr a day-instead of 1.5 hours. It is better now.
I wish I had friends. I was alone almost.
This is beautiful! Thank you.
My thoughts exactly.
I have been crying I have to listen again…
🙋🙋🙋
I feel you. I also wish I could sleep, it's a very debilitating part of survival. I fear sleep due to the traumatic dreams.
I also don't have friends. I can cope with the isolation, but I fear being hurt again. I struggle with trusting people.
Recovering from cancer treatment and surgery some years ago was less painful emotionally, physically and psychologically than recovering from the 15 years of narcissistic abuse.
@@annegaskell9842 - I have been shot emotionally for 3+ years now. I worry if I’ll ever be able to function again. At sone point I quit eating and almost starved to death.
Hearing this video today made me cry.
Some days I still can’t get out of bed. I was such a beautiful human being. I had made many beautiful things. This pisses people off apparently.
My family only wanted money. They kicked when I was down… I haven’t talked to them in years. Friends wouldn’t return calls. Lost my home; a home I built myself.
Sorry rambling.
@@michaelgarrow3239 please don't apoligise for sharing your pain. Our experiences are very similar. 2 years 4 months since i was upgraded when my money ran out and he found his new victim.
I also lost my home which i designed and built myself. Its a guest house in the Kings Valley Egypt. I now have to rent a room in my own home as he stole all my legal papers so i can't prove it's mine. I live alone, i'm not allowed visitors, i have also lost a lot of weight. I sold my home in the UK, i've lost everything.
I can't talk about my life to anyone, due to the feeling of shame and failure.
I have vowed to try to have a more positive year, bur so far i've not been able to get out of bed.
The fear of the future is unbearable.
Watching videos by Danish are helping me to understand what has happened to me. I'm glad they're helping you too.
God Bless you❤
Thank you so much for this video, Danish. I was married to a Narcissist for 34 years and together with him for 3 years before we married. I was young and, at the time, no one discussed personality disorders. Thankfully, my mother got me to a therapist in 2006 after he threatened to kill both of us. The therapist managed to dare Henry to come in for "couple's therapy" to evaluate him. At my next session, he replied that Henry was a Narcissist and was the most self-absorbed person he'd ever met!! If I planned to stay, that I would always need a therpist to help me. Henry died in 2021 from cirroshis. He drank himself to death. He died in surgery to try and save him. 4 months later, I opened the door to his room, looking though drawers for something. I found a large envelope of pictures and condoms that his "girlfriend" had given him. He'd been havinga 5-year affair. I collapsed. When I had the strength, I called some friends and told them. They came down to visit immediatedly and help. It was that same week that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Everything you discribed in this video and I needed to hear it again. I'm SLOWLY healing but feel guilty because I can't get anything done...like my cluttered house, baths, and cooking. At least I can start 2024 guilt-free. Thank you so much💖. PS: Forgot to add that he took the cash value of $180,000 of life insurance that his brother put on him for his kidney disease that I was supposed to get. Left me financially destitute too.
I am praying for you...your cancer WILL leave...it is just a STRESS response to the truth coming forth...God be with you...by HIS STRIPES WE (YOU) ARE HEALED...
❤❤❤❤
Lord is with you. After reading your story, I understand that mine was nothing and am still so disturbed mentally. Thank you for sharing. I pray that 2024 bring you immense love joy n excellent health. Loads of love
I wish you the best
@@ryangrundy4290 When my husband and I went to Christian counseling years ago, 1989, my pastor actually told me when counseling with us separately, that a woman like me should be able to use my sex on my husband and get him to do exactly as I wished...I thought that was terrible advice coming from a pastor...I am not a whore...someone give feedback, please...we had no health insurance at the time...and the way my narc husband was treating me, I certainly did NOT want sex with him...that pastor is now dead...can you imagine my life with a baby with this guy (my husband)...$10,000.00 at the time to deliver the baby; then he would have left me...then later, I found out that the pastor himself was sweet on me...what a mess...I finally got away from my husband AND his church...like I said that pastor is now dead...the churches are filled with evil things going on...satan has definitely infiltrated the modern day churches...RUN to Jesus only...I ask God to please forgive me for marrying my husband in the first place...I thought we would have a good life...I was very decieved but then again; I should have known better...
Dear Danish. Thank you again for helping me not to feel guilty about not being able to exercise, take regular showers, keep my home immaculate or to need to sleep for hours and hours during the day because I have terrible insomnia at night. You really are helping so many people with your wisdom, kindness, understanding and compassion. I really hope you are feeling better soon. God bless you.
Also slept for few days after chat with narcissist. They are energy vampires.
I can understand and feel your pain. Take care ♥. May God bless you to heal soon and go back to your normal routine.
It’s nice to know that this is normal. I felt and feel so bad about doing this. Nobody understands. I’m told to move on. Move on to where??? I’m old 🤣67, I recovered from 44 chemo rounds but this is harder. Until things are settled between us in 6:31 domestic violence court, divorce settlement, I feel stuck. Today I had a long talk with myself and I DO have to move forward and I will! He’s not going to take me down!! I’m winning this battle 💪💪
I'm just an internet stranger but rooting for you! There's a light at the end of the tunnel at least!
Lol move on to where.. so true.. i will use that line from now on! I mean seriously wat t these pl tell us to move on about… when they have no idea wat we r stuck in.?? U move out of my way n preach
else where is wat i feel i wanna say to those guys… n hey u there hang in there .. we all live in hopes. Some day…. Just some day… some place….❤
Oi! 67 ain't old !!!
Barely middle aged.
I hope as the weight lifts you feel younger and fresher and so so much better =)
@@freescot8035 thank you
It is done! ❤ It's your time to shine! 🌻
It is NO joke. If you have survived this most sinister, invisible abuse- you are blessed! My kids are 12 and 13 and I have been teaching them bout narcissistic people for 5 years. They recently went on a trip with their narc dad- rock climbing. (It is only ever what HE wants to do!) they are telling me stories of how he sneaked on paying for the buffet dinner, cheating the parking. So glad I wasn’t there so he didn’t make it my fault. ❤😊
Mine was a house coat. That's what I wore all the time. You are so right with everything that you say and I'm still going through it. Even after my husband committed suicide in 2022. After I caught him had an affair with a married woman. We were married for 40 years and I had fallen into mass depression. I needed an even care. He threw me away like trash but one month later. When she broke up with him, he committed sdecide. And i'm still trying to fix myself
So so sorry I am familiar with your pain. Stay strong. Hugs from an internet stranger, you are not alone.
@@gorjess4real Thank you and my god keep you strong
I'm recently divorced and one of the first things I bought was a fuzzy robe and a pair of pajamas because I wanted to feel warm and cozy. I'm wearing that robe as I write this. It came in the mail today and I put it on and didn't take it off all day. I might even go to sleep in it.
What an incredibly empathetic message for 2024. It’s so hard that I don’t have this kind of understanding irl, which makes me that much more thankful for Danish. I love you, man!! Thank you so much for all of your support. I wish you all the best that 2024 has to offer.
🤍 Thank you for being a comfort! I’m not ashamed of anything I did to survive. It got me here and I’m proud of myself! I have no timeframe to “get over it “ I am taking however much time I need and am celebrating my accomplishments! I’ve been 5 years free from a 20 year marriage to a psychopath. ❤
God bless you
Everything you say is true. Can’t shower, can’t clean up, just making it through the days. Since I left. My brain is trying to normalize after the constant attacks for 20 years. It’s messy but it’s ok. Waking up everyday and being lazy is so wonderful! 😂 my kids and boyfriend do not complain about the clutter and mess. They know. I notice that after the kids spend time with their aggressive father they get to my place and slack off.
My boyfriend was married to a narcissist woman- HE slacks off. There is just a feeling of being DRAINED from these people. We go to work, the kids go to school. I still cook but the dishes wait til the next morning. I could go on- but the body knows- we need to rest! A narcissist never lets you rest. And try to suck any life force and energy you have!!! Grrrr. 👿 this is the most horrible disorder to deal with. It is spiritual. ❤❤❤❤
It absolutely is spiritual. God bless and strengthen you all. In Jesus mighty name. Amen.❤
I am feeling this right now. Exactly that I should be better than I am.
I am feeling seen.
Stay strong lady :)
I'm dealing with the clutter issue. My home isn't dirty, just cluttered - and dusty.
I can't get my brain around decluttering!
I need to declutter. My brain has it figured out. I feel like my brain is 20 or 30; but my body feels too slow, as if I was 200 yrs old !!! 💗💗💗
Same
Plan and organization is needed for dusting and decluttering part by part. I learnt it from an old woman. She had divided all tasks, every task or part of the house done on a different day.
@@brookejones6777 👍🙏
Thank you Danish, I think this is something a lot of us need to hear. To allow ourselves time to heal and be compassionate towards ourselves regardless of what others judge us to be. You are the kindest youtube channel on this subject. Happy new year and good health and happiness to you and everyone here.
Huge blessings to you too!!🤍💖🤍💖🙏💞
Happy New Year! I hope you and all of us can heal.❤
All of this happened, and even after year and a half later, I still have a lot of these issues.
God bless you, Danish. People need to hear supporting words to show that somebody cares. Keep up all the good work!!
🙏 Thank you, Danish, for your honesty and compassion! I wept through this video...I'm still crying. I so relate to all of this. I wish people understood. It's NOT depression; it really is just exhaustion after so many years of abuse. The strange thing is that I know I'm healing and moving in a positive direction...it just doesn't look like it from the world's perspective. I'm sure you and others can relate. I think that's the point, maybe...we need to stay focused on our perspective, not the world's. As long as we're going in the right direction? It's good.
🙏 God bless you, Danish, and all who read this! I'm going through this, too, but I believe things will continue to get better as we heal. No Contact is HUGE in this (distance provides clarity), and I expect this year to be better than last for all of us. Wishing Peace, Calm, and Safety to you all! 🙏⚔💜
Thank you so much and may God bless you and keep you as you heal and basically relearn how to live again. I wish you all the best for 2024 and hope it's one of if not the best year of your life ❣️
I Totally understand!! Every time I go for my yearly phys. exam, my Dr asks me if I have any problem with depression. NOOoooo!! I cry every day for about 5 mins. or less, then it just stops. I don't dwell or languish over the past... I'm just a sensitive person who has an amazing memory !!! I was Always remembering things everyone else long forgot about !!! ... But I'm Not depressed!!!
I'm recovering from n.a. but I never heard of These side effects B4. Also, this helps me to understand my 3 grown daughters more. 💗💗💗
Thank you so very much sage. You described EVERYTHING I have been going though and still feel. It is comforting to know others totally understand what we feel. Thank you again for your very comforting words!❤❤❤❤
Thank you Danish for sharing your personal history, it meant a lot to me and was very healing. I was sent away at 15 years old to be a child bride in another country. Unfortunately I was married to a narcissist for 23 years, while trying to protect four children. Doing 4 years in the military made my perfectionism worse. It has been absolute hell how bad it makes me feel, slacking off from doing everyday chores and self care. I have been diagnosed with Lupus, I have also developed absence seizures, that kick in when I am not able to stop the drive and compulsion to get things done. Thank goodness with your help I am able to be kinder to myself, even though it does still feel awkward to do so. I am however getting better at doing it and feeling okay about it. 😊
Everything you covered, I have been & am still going through. Thank you for validating the time it takes to heal & recover. This helped me understand that my self criticism is just shaming myself & not helping.
VALIDATION helps immensely to recover!
Give yourself some compassion. Force yourself to say kind things to yourself as if it were another person who is hurting.
This is my life. All conditions present. After decades of narcissist abuse, I developed polycystic kidney disease. It is usually heredity, but in 1% of the population, it just appears. I am in that 1%. Some claim to extreme fear is linked to the formation of kidney disease. This condition has no cure. Thank you for making this video. It was very validating.
Wow. I have never heard any of the narcissist channels talk about this and I could relate to ALL of it. I have been serially gang stalked by narcissists my entire life as if I had a mark on my forehead identifying me as an empath. It has been constant and relentless. I have all these symptoms that he talks about. I thought it was just me.
Me too...he explains everything so well
Never feel bad about taking too long to leave.
Think of it as if you were suffering a disease, and survived. Mourn it , get over it and move on. Aren't you ready to live?❤❤❤
DAY 1
Inspiring and helpful to read while healing. ❤️🩹
@dsmusicbird your still the person you used to be before narcissistic abuse. He stomped on you emotionally and stamped it down. You are still you. He took nothing from you . Claim yourself back. I'm not saying you won't be scarrd by it , you might , i am , but im great considering what i have been in. YOU will be a better you. It's going to happen
Easier said than done
@@proanimaluver6487
I sure hope so. Such a long healing process and journey. What makes it drag out more is because I we have 3 kids together. It’s a nightmare.
@@proanimaluver6487
Thank you for your supportive words, they help 🙂
Thank you for this compassionate list. It's so true. We need to cut ourselves some slack. This narcissistic abuse by both my now dead parents who disinherited me & my 3 elder gc brothers, extended family & others who bought into the narcs' smear campaign is draining. It stole my own health, caused me cancer, menengioma and primary progressive multiple sclerosis and now I'm non weight-bearing and confined to a wheelchair...but...when I think back to the chore of cleaning the apartment's clutter, what 'normal', non scapegoats don't GET is that , in doing so, we'll encounter several triggers that will activate flashbacks, remind us of backstabbing, sentimentality, loss, our healthier, happier, younger naive selves...all those opportunities missed, foregone, lost etc cuz of the c-ptsd. Even listening to music, seeing an old shirt when we mighta THOUGHT, erroneously there was a chance our parents would eventually encourage and be loving and proud of us. Love us. Accept our individuality. Fragrance...maybe, while cleaning, encountering a former fragrance, a photo, brooch, pebble, necktie, music box...from people who once had us convinced they were friend & revealed, in fact to be foe...just another narc. Makes us afraid and not trust our ability to DISCERN friend from foe. Like lyrics of the song *_"why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down and mess me around..."_*
Point being, in the vulnerable mindset, what SHOULD be experienced as a refreshing, energizing, inspiring de-cluttering the apartment session can morph into a not so welcome head trip down memory lane. It takes energy beyond just the physical to power thru that procedure. All in good time. Baby steps. ❤
Can´t collapse when you have a toddler and an ancient mother to look after. Also... having a detail-oriented job you can´t quit, while on five hours of sleep a night are not good either. And yeah... I sew blankets into coats, have fibro, and the clutter is remarkable.
You rock 🤝👸🌹🍰
I remember after 'that day' when I was 15...I stopped all hygienic practices, partially because I just didn't care anymore / nothing mattered anymore and partially because I wanted to be as unappealing to others as possible. It seems familiar that a parent or older sibling literally forced me into a shower in my clothes to get me to start cleaning myself.
Narcissists expect you to just get up the next day after they have shattered your reality and destroyed all your hopes and dreams, as if nothing happened at all.
Thank you very much. This helps me not feel like such a freak or disgusting human being for these things happening. And all I ever want is someone to hear me and you answer me more than people that really know me do. I truly appreciate your help and putting in the time to make these videos for us because you don't have to. You are appreciated. Love you, take care ❤
You take care of yourself today. You are in my prayers ❤ we are all in this together ❤
Thank you sir Namaste !!! You really speak to me and I appreciate you and your message today!!! I salute you ! You Sir… survived !! And God had a plan for you and here you are sharing your path and Journey helping others like me !
I can relate with everything you mentioned, but the hygenie and clutter part.
For my sanity and stress level to ease, I MUST stay clean, hygienic, smelling fresh, hydrated, moisturized and my environment MUST be decluttered and clean. Otherwise I will get unexplained stress and anxiety.
I figured this out about myself a decade ago that I defineity get anxiety when it's a dirty and cluttered environment , I'm surrounded by people who arent keeping up with their hygenie, or if I myself am not clean enough to my standards.
Once all these are checked off to my standards, my stress goes down to 95%.
If these things are not done, no matter how exhausted I am, I force energy out of me to get my desired environment and hygenie, and then rest for as long as my brain needs.
This is something that works for me.
I'm not judging people who are unable to brush their teeth and shower. As their situation, and recovery is different than mine. My sister recovers this way. So I know this type exist. I have seen her very closely. It works for her to take out exhaustion by not brushing her teeth, taking shower, washing hands after washroom visit for weeks.
But for me it's the opposite. I dont judge her from a distance, it only becomes a problem when we have to cohabitate. Because my recovery style is different than hers' . I relate clutter and bad hygenie to anxiety for myself, however clutter and not well kept hygiene is her comfort zone. I cant sleep with a dirty kitchen and bathroom. Whereas my sister eats from the same dirty dish for almost 2 weeks. Alot of times when I visit her apartment I do all her dishes because I cant sit seeing she eating from a dirty plate. She seems fine with it. I am not. When we used to live together, after cleaning my room I used to sometimes clean hers' too, and she used to find it frustrating to a point that we used to argue over this. She used to bring out the clothes I folded and kept away, spread them all over, make that chair heaped with clothes again and feel comforted by that heap of clothes which I originally saw it as a mess.
I used to 'fix' her room because I couldnt sit there to spend time with her in her room. So we worked it out by me not going into her room, only she used to come sit in my room for hours every day to talk.
Until some years ago, I didnt use to understand her behaviour and we used to fight over it because it wasnt working for either of us to live together in our ways, but from last few years i do get it. And it's okay if she is finding comfort in these things, it just becomes a problem to spend time together. Because both of us can't adopt to one another' environment of either getting comfortable in what seems dirty to me or for her to keep things clean to my standards. Even though we have lived for over 30 years together. My desired environment is too difficult for her to adapt and her living situation gives me anxiety, frustration and irritability as I relate to peace when I, people around me and my environment is clean.
You have to find your recovery style and what gives you that peace and follow it.
*** By any means, I am not trying to say that oh look how clean I am and how dirty she is.
There is a solid reason behind why both of us have these poles apart recovery style. When we were young, my mom used to make me do all the cleaning, helping in the kitchen and decluttering of the entire house , where as my sister was always the privileged one and a book worm wanting to become a doctor when she grows up, so she was never bothered by mom , Instead pampered by both parents because they wanted her to become a doctor. Hence she was supported in hopes to bring pride to the family one day with her doctor degree.
However I used to get beaten up multiple times daily (mostly for being the unwanted child being born due to unprotected sex) if I didnt meet my mom' standard of cleanliness. Even though she also enjoys sitting in clutter and making a mess, (which is why my sister finds it homely and comfort in mess), however as messy my mom is, when she cleans , her cleaning standards are also very high. So I, as a child had to maintain those standards routinely otherwise I'd get beaten up badly. Which is why decluttering became my comfort zone eventually because after a while you adapt to what you are thrown into. My sister on the other hand didnt have to live up to that expectation and standards of my mother in regards of chores, hence her recovery style turned out to be completely different. Had she gotten the same treatment as I did, maybe we would both have the same recovery style. So the point is, I'm not shaming her online, I'm only explaining that within the same house hold there can exist two VERY different people, with different habits, mindset and recovery styles due to certain history and experiences as explained above. Hope it helps. 😊 ***
Thank you so much for for this. Today I managed to go for a jog for the first time. . But then came the familiar crash. since then I've been sitting here in my chair all day in my workout clothes under my blanket ..too frozen to shower..change..eat.. nevermind clean stuff..and beating myself up for 'wasting the day'. Its so easy to forget that theses are trauma healing responses. Thank you sooo much for the kind reminder! Small steps!!
@reshmasingh9086 It gets better. but not in a straight line... 2 or 3 steps forward.. 1 step back.
I am 71 years old. Brought up by a narcissist mother and survived 4 marriages to malignant narcissists. The 4th spouse was introduced to me by the therapist that I was seeing to heal from the 3rd marriage which included every level of hell including physical abuse.
I was literally meditating on the toxic shame that still can come in waves even tho I know it is not deserved when you posted this vid.
I have been no contact with all family including my adult narcissistic daughter for 10 years. The healing continues. No therapy. No new relationship or friendships have helped. Radical surrender and spiritual growth is the only succor.
You are blessed and blessing others in a way that is miraculous. Thank you for being.
God Bless You❤
Good energy of animals may help💜
I relate to all. Chronic unexplained shoulder, back and leg pain. Frequent chronic migraine attacks making me immobile for few days pushing me in bed. Unexplained low bp which doctors couldn't find out even after blood tests and no signs of major deficiency. Unexplained tears flowing out of feelings of helplessness, giving up.
I am thankful to your detailed videos I could figure out I was a narc victim as everything was so rosy for 4yrs and suddenly all illusions fell apart. I joined yoga, started walking 6kms early morning, cut off tea coffee n sugar n replaced with green tea, regular daily meditations and lot more. Today's video helped me realize that inspite of all these changes I am still not good mentally, I don't feel happy or joyful from within. I understood that I need to give myself some more time instead of beating myself up for not coming to a normal stage like others.
What a kind and gentle message for the first day of a new year! You are very much appreciated, Danish, and wished many blessings!
It really was a kind and gentle message. It made me feel a little better. I just WANT and NEED to heal 💯 %.
Will I ever heal 💯 %?
Do we ever heal 💯 %?
TY for this 👏🏼💯💯 The healing process is long, arduous & painful. 4 years into recovering from Narcissistic Abuse from 1st learning about what was happening to us and it's still debilitating. Healing will be a lifelong path, but geez... Just trying to get through the initial Healing is agony. Thank you for your understanding & compassion. I wish more could truly empathize with HOW BAD the abuse & trauma really, truly WAS & frustratingly, the EFFECTS of N.A. STILL ARE. 🤗💔🙏🏼©️
I empathize with you 🤗 I'm 6 years divorces from a narc and probably 4 years cut off from my narc/physically abusive dad. I'm still struggling, in pain (emotional and physical), and would absolutely love to have someone who has been where I am and truly gets what I'm going through in my day to day life. The support of viewers of channels like these is helpful, but it isn't building a relationship. It isn't enough to feed my soul in a meaningful way. I empathize with you 🤗
When my son died and my husband, now ex, was still cruel to me, i could finally see how much energy it took to deal with how he treated me. I had nothing inside me to deal with the abuse and that was when I knew i had to get out. It was eye opening to see how much energy I was spending just to stay married before I was grieving. I couldn't do both. It was impossible.
I feel like I am surrounded by very toxic people. I feel everywhere I turn. My heart is broken. The people I have known are liars and thieves. Talking about people i have known for my whole life or very long time. I don't feel I have anyone to trust. I feel I am losing hope in humanity. I pray the Lord protects me from the wolves in sheep's clothing. God bless anyone else who is having this experience. I pray in almighty God that he protects you as well. God bless!
Thank-you Danish, for being transparent and truthful!! We all need to realize where the trauma has come from, and slowly recognize our true worth. In the sight of God, not the human definition of ourselves. It's ok to be you, God's perfect creation!!
God Bless you Danish, and everyone on this channel,,,have a wonderful and Blessed New Year, one day at a time. ❤🙏❤️
Happy new year to you too and God bless 💗
Thank you for today’s episode. I’ve been through it all. I needed to hear that message. I’m trying to heal myself from IBS and fibromyalgia as well. I’m trying to exercise and rebuild myself because I’ve gone through a lifetime of Narcissistic abuse from family and relationships and friends. I’m getting better but all that you said is so true. I’m only sharing myself with others if I have the energy and then retreating to myself and resting and trying to eat better and take care of myself first from now on like I have done for so many narcissists before. It’s rough but I’ve survived it and trying to recover and make a new life for myself. I am thankful to God for not leaving me and helping me along the ways. I will eventually make new friends as I have gone no contact with the former narcissistic friends and family. They are all toxic. Appreciate your message very much as nobody else understands what we are going through. Blessings 🙏
And a 7th one: suffering from regrets because you allowed him to cause you a real permanent illness. 😢🥀🍃
💚💐@@user-el8nz4yu4t
Currently healing from a fever watching this and it makes such sense... Thank you for this information. Bless the healing of us all🌷
Thankyou x
I can sleep 15 hours a day and I’m still so exhausted! and to be honest I’m spending longer than that in bed. It feels like death but I want to live!
I want to clean my home…I just can’t. I was homeless 9 months prior to this due to domestic violence and should be so happy to be here but I’ve been moving almost daily for the past year and it’s just too much. I want to close my door and be alone. The damage is horrific.
I love your videos and I love you for speaking so honestly x
I’m not lazy and I never have been but showering is exhausting. I want to go back to bed because it takes what little energy I have left. I want to be clean but I don’t care and I want to be alone. I think you are the most honest person I’ve ever watched about narcissistic abuse. Thankyou for letting me know that it’s ok to feel the way I do. From the bottom of my heart thankyou,
I have will but it’s not happening at the moment.
Thankyou 💕
You're are so right..the damage inflicted is horrific..drains the body but more so the soul..this is the first channel that I found that has addressed how I feel to a T. I'm really struggling horribly after my last Narc attack. Let us pray for all of us who have literally endured HELL
Yes!!!!!!!! This type of relationship has been the worst to heal from.. I compared this to my divorce and this was by far the worst and we were married for 12 years vs the narc relationship was way less... I didn't have the energy to do anything but eat, sleep and repeat. It's been a year and I still have my days, but it's getting better.. Please give yourself grace and make sure to give your healing some time. This wasn't a normal relationship/marriage so the process to heal won't be easy.
My shame is surrounded around the things I did to satisfy my narc.
Don't be ashamed. It wasn't your fault. The shame should be his, for how he treated you.
@@kindheart9676 thank you
I feel the same way. But our bodies reacted in the appropriate way at the time, it's valid to fall into a trauma response, but now you know your power. Give yourself compassion and understanding, and give none to the person that forced you to do it.
That happened by having my family get me drugged and into psychosis.
38 yrs I knew how to self care to cope. First few years very sad confused but knew projection. Denied love and affection.
Yes it's a lot. 13 yrs avoid family dysfunction, now free.
Ups and downs still.
Don't beat myself out as much.
❤😂🎉❤😂🎉
Listening to ur voice herewith, Danish, is so comforting, like slowly pulling a soft, warm, cozy blanket up over my body and wrapping it snugly around me for a long, deep sleep. These times of immobility are like tiny electric jolts that serve to re-arouse our trauma long after much of our healing work has been done. This is the moment when we must practice self-compassion, and ur words give us the power to do so. Thank u, dear friend! ❤
What a wonderful person is Danish Bashir.
He has reassembled the jigsaw of my shattered psyche.
Thank you Danish.
Thank you Danish. I feel calmed when listening to you and you validate us in the way we've needed to be but don't get by those who don't understand in our lives. I have more or less struggled with a lot of these things, some more severe than others. Clutter has been one of them. It's a daily struggle. I want to clean but the fatigue and lack of focus impedes my efforts. I also have lupus which I am 100% certain was from having too much stress in my life. This is what I needed to hear today ❤.
Hi Danish, .I'm so happy I found your channel. You validate everything I'm going thru. My narcissist husband died 6 years ago. He was brutal. I feel like he still controls me from the grave. How do I get past this? I'm still healing. But I can hear him yelling at me, and he's gone. I feel like I'm going crazy. I do everything you discussed in this video. I feel like I am stuck in the mud. I could never get in another relationship cause I'm terrified I'd go thru the same thing again.
okay, how can i explain this? i,m speaking from a spiritual standpoint.. marriage is 2 bodies becoming 1 flesh, that stays or remains forever. whether it,s spirit physical or mental.. you and he take on certain characteristics from each other.. that,s why it,s called a mystery .. if that person has suicidal tendencies, or depression bouts or manic phases, you now have those things in your person also! that,s why the scriptures are really tantamount in who YOU CHOOSE as a partner.... But ! your NEW HOPE is when you turned to get a different web page the old has been rejected.. our choices can affect our whole lives! Continue to go in right direction.....people who understand what common sense is WILL find good. another bible quote from proverbs! I send you only wellness girlie........ keep going
I left the Covert, wounded, fragile narcissist (I am male) when I was 51 1/2 years old, in 2012. I fled to foreign country and learned a new language. It took me about 4 years to even desire to think about what happened. She had a 4 1/2 year old girl child when we married. We had 4 more... 3 boys and one girl. The youngest was my eleven year old son, when I left. Physically, I could barely walk away. In this physical condition she kicked me in my left knee, which swelled up with an hematoma, paralizing my leg. She locked me in the bedroom. I removed the window pane and my 16 year old son supportred me on one side, while I climbed out the window and hobbled to my vehicle. I was not a wimp. I was a construction worker skilled in all trades. Two weeks later, arriving in the New York air port, I hobbled off the jet and sat in the waiting area for 25 minutes, trying to stabalize myself for walking with my carry on bag, which I could barely manage. Of course, the night mare is much longer, so I will not be tedious. That was Jan. 2012. We finally got a divorce in May 2023. I had started a divorce in 2010, and rescinded it in 2011, because I fell for her hoovering, which include the opening of her legs. I let her choose therapist, and she would not participte. I had to be fixed... By the middle of 2011, I started perparing for my exit, which I barely succeded with in Jan of 2012. Hobbling away from the New York air port, I stayed with an old friend for 6 weeks before departing to a foriegn country. I had my say in court in 2023, and she was mortified publicly. But, she was still awarded everything, which came from me and my families inheritance. I have been rebuilding myself for these 12 years. 2 children communicate with me sparsely, and the 16 year old son, who helped me out the window, is now 27 and will communicate on deep levels. The story has many levels.... So, I wish the best to all of you in your journey of recovery....🙂
Danish you are like fairly angel ❤whoi think can understand pain which I can't share or express fully
I am a 50 year old woman and I only sleep 2 to 3 hours every night I wake up every 2 to 3 hours through the night and I'm so exhausted from the stress that has been put on me and everything I literally feel like my heart is going to give out I don't know what to do anymore to get sleep. I wish you a happy New Year too thank you for your videos they are so helpful and comforting!
Thank you I though something is wrong with me, but no nothing is wrong with me, it is the natural reaction of my body dealing with years of abuse and trauma. Thank you
As you talked about having something warm and comfortable on like a robe tears fell down my face. I have had this blue robe that actually has a name it’s blue boy lol for over 12 years it thick and warm and I wear it constantly and now I know why! 🥺😢
Long story short this past year I found out through a probate attorney in NM that my narcissistic Mother died over 2 years ago… I cut her and my entire family off over 10 years ago. My brother tried to keep my share of the inheritance for himself and me hidden.
9 months later after having to hire my own attorney because of my brother, who is the Golden Child and I the Scapegoat; I only found out a few days ago how my Mom actually died. She was only 62 and died a pretty painful death that involved a stroke, paralyzation, a blood clot to the brain and after a week in hospice died, finally.
Within that same week I came down with a really bad the flu/cold or whatever. No one else in my family has gotten sick from me. I have done everything you described. I can barely function. I collapsed. I have a 14 month old so I do have responsibilities I need to take care of but I’m very blessed to have an amazing husband who gets me and has been through my recovery process since 2015.
As I lay here in bed pissed off that I’m feeling so rotten, I can’t help but feel like it’s the last time she can ever hurt me.
Wow. This is the first video that popped up in my feed after waking from a nap I didn’t want to take that reduced the amount of time I had planned to work on the clutter and mess in my house. I had fallen asleep with a cozy sweater jacket on, woke up overheated, annoyed with myself that it’s midday and I haven’t taken a shower yet and trying to remember if I had even brushed my teeth when I got up this morning. For real. All of this.
And watched this video. And felt like spirit was speaking to me through your words.
I am recovering from narcissistic abuse. And I still have to deal with him as he’s the father of my children. My children who both have numerous challenges including hypersensitive nervous systems which also triggers my own. I’m trying to heal while continually being hit with retraumatization over and over and over. It’s exhausting. Dealing with my narc ex brings up feelings of rage. My children induce stress and panic inside of me and I try to help them regulate, I also have to regulate myself. And the dysfunction in my nervous system and years of depression and anxiety led to a chronic illness that only gets worse the more inactive and bedridden I am.
I’m hard on myself to overcome these challenges and get to a better place. I began the day optimistic but when succumbing to exhaustion and waking up disappointed in myself for napping, AGAIN, there is no video that could have offered me as much compassion and understanding as this one. Thank you, Danish. Truly.
Here,
🍸 I got you water with lemon in it to keep you hydrated so your head doesnt hurt.
Happy New year to you too Danish 😊
Thank you so much Danish. All of this. Being gently encouraged by my recovery coach to tell myself 'well done' for even the smallest daily accomplishment; like having a wash, making a sandwich, taking the dog for a walk, changing my clothes etc because those normal things are so difficult some days. Love and healing wishes to everyone going through this ❤
Thank you for this video. My therapist turned out to be very abusive and my energy level is very low recently. My house is a mess and it has never been like that and I'm really ashamed of it but I struggle to get up.
Thank you so much!! So now I understand why i am up and down...energy wise, needing more sleep, have lack of energy, not shaving my legs, needing naps, feeling like I have anchors on my arms and legs when even thinking about showering, struggling to wash my hair. Some days it takes so much effort I just toss my hands up. My hair has got gray areas. I have the hair dye but no energy to dye my hair. I have some cluttered areas. Saturday I tackled my walk in closet and today i struggle to unload the dishwasher. Comfort clothing is a thing too. I wear certain sweatshirts, sweaters over and over. No energy needed to choose an outfit either. I went no contact over a year ago. But I am still healing from 15 miserable years with a covert narcissist. I will heal with time. But honestly Danish the amount and extent of damage was not truly apparent to me until now. Thank you for letting us know all this is okay. Happy New Year!
So accurate on recovery from abuse. Those never abused don't get it. They do try to rush you and I'm sorry it takes what it takes to recover not a day sooner. Your so in tune with Narcissistic Abuse suffering. You are a King for showing us the way out of this dark tunnel. Best all out Empath is you The rest of us learning from you. God Bless your New Year Danish. Your a 💎 gemstone
Thank you Danish! Your confirmation and support means so very much. I have been watching your videos for the past 6 months and they have been so very helpful in my recovery journey. You are a Godsend. God bless you. 🙏💖🕊
I have just gone no contact, and I was feeling well and healing but then the holidays came and hit me like a ton of bricks. I have had chronic pain flair ups pretty much every day. There have been days this month where I can’t even get up from bed. I can’t even walk. I lift a bad and next thing I know I have thrown my entire back. It has been hell and I have to keep reminding myself “it’s okay”. But it’s hard. Rent and bills keep coming, and I can barely work. I was the scapegoat of the family for 35 years so there’s a lot of trauma and pain stored in my body that is coming up now that I’ve removed myself from the family unit. “It’s okay”. I keep telling myself, thank you so much for this video, it is so validating 😢❤
I had my narc mom abusing me on Saturday, I left and told her I was done. I am trying to minimize contact as much as I can. I have felt awful and tired all weekend.
@kathleenklein4231: She didn't take everything in your life/personality -- just what she could reach from the outside. I know because of sad experience. There is STILL a YOU deep within that nobody can take away. This YOU is what will enable you to rebuild your life. You can use what is left to your benefit. In the Bible, when the Apostle Paul's ship was wrecked, he floated to shore on the pieces of the ship that were left. The cargo had been tossed, and the ship was wrecked. STILL, there was enough left to preserve Paul's life. We are like that, too. We can survive on what the storm didn't take from us. Maintain the peace you have won, and keep going (alone).
Black Elk said once: "If there is a still surviving root of the holy tree, take good care of it. So that it will grow up once more, bring fruits and the birds can sing and build their nests in the branches."
That is why the willow is my favorite tree. The immortal spirit never dies. Look on mother nature and she 'll teach thee.
20 years of surviving a destructive narc of a mother, 23 years surviving a hell of marriage. Thank you for your work. I am free now. May the creator bless you. 🙏
😍 Happy New Year Danish and Gorgeous Kitties! Be of good courage for the power of God is with us. Knowledge IS Power so the best is yet to come in this new year. We are here for you…ALWAYS and together, WE HAVE overcome evil. ❤️
Thank you for all you do for us.
MY HERO !!! ❤️
Happy New Year Everyone! :)
So honest and helpful. ❤Happy New Year and healthy full recovery to all survivors.
Yes my outside narcs made my inhome narcs shame me day in day out , that I am only sitting at home not doing anything. I should run on treadmill because I am fat (no one in my family or relatives run themselves), look for a proper job and get married.
Reality is : I struggle to get to the washroom without losing balance .
I was visiting my brother for four days of Christmas holidays, he judged and laughed at me while offering towel that "take the towel , dont stay without shower for 4 days". (He is a clean freak himself). But what I found weird was that both of his kids stayed without shower at all for all four days. I atleast fucking shower after 2 days! A$$hole!!!
This entire video has been me since making my escape 28 months ago. I get up to work (from home) but I’m mostly in bed otherwise. I rarely leave home. My house is a mess and it drives me crazy but I’ve been unable to tame it. I don’t worry about what others think. I just don’t allow anyone in my home. I developed Hashimoto’s disease and adrenal insufficiency as a result of the narcissistic abuse. I also have neck issues that I am dependent on pain management for and as a result of a very bad case of Covid in 2020, I’ve been on oxygen ever since.
You’d never know any of this since I had weight loss surgery in December 2022 and lost 130 lbs. I look quite healthy. I want to live again. I don’t know how to get there. Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m on the autism spectrum and have ADHD so executive function was already quite a challenge.
Hugs 🫂💞
A person who suddenly sinks into dirt and disorder should not be judged harshly. Unfortunately, people don't ask for the reason and just complain or gossip, unwilling to support the person in severe depression.
I' ve been through this and in my case it passed.
Step by step, one can return to normalcy.
To be honest, "expressing" the disorder in my life was a kind of a rebellion against the previous pressure of my narcissist.
It was like: "It will be me in the end who will clean and wash all which is dirty, so let it be under my terms!"
As far as the society goes, while I was undergoing abuse, I tried to keep it together, but the exhaustion was evident. I gained weight but in a way that I just blew up like a balloon as my hormons were all over the place and I kept getting ill. Not only that I wasn't offered help at work but one of the colleagues spread the gossip that my face was swollen and I was tired because I was hungover all the time...I found that out months later when one of my other colleagues was surprised when I said that I don't like alcohol.
I totally agree and relate with this video. I've been so exhausted 😩 and ill with so much pain pain. I really feel like I'm dying and that has caused increased the stress. 😢. Just listening to you has given me energy. I love your videos and relate so much to them. Happy New year 🎉 ✨️
You are so so so awesome Danish…thank you thank you thank you.
from JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA-
Danish, this video has been so incredibly validating. I am on my third watch back to back right now because I really need these words to sink in. I relate to every single point you have made, but especially being able to keep my environment clean. I am a mother of a 6 year old and parallel parenting with her narc father. The days I don’t have her I convince myself I will be able to get up and do something and most times it doesn’t happen. She then comes back to my house and the mess grows because I am so overwhelmed being in the presence of my child or working all day that all I want to do is sit down after I get her in bed. I work from home but have been struggling with being able to concentrate and they don’t understand the struggle. I have to take days off to just not have that level of input to my brain because my inability to be functional is nonexistent. Thank you for speaking out and helping people.
Thank you so much, I am truly grateful for you
My mother in law she is NPD disorder and dengerously torture me mentaly,,,I jst feeling hell,,it's dengerous
My toxic shame apparently comes across as being a pathological liar.
I am always being treated as a liar.
Even in the medical realm where I have an encyclopedia of records and proof.
The things you are describing resonate very much with me. Thank you for saying that it's ok. I'm so very exhausted at 49. 💤 😴. Surviving this type of abuse as well as being in an unloving and alcoholic home as a child has left me so tired. I always had to depend on myself. I had no where to fall safely.
Sleeping for 12 or 14 hrs is needed. If not given we will face other health crisis like Adrenal Fatigue or Cancer.
We have lived all our life in a WAR zone like a COMBAT soldier and we need rest as many of us may be going through CPTSD or PTSD. This is real.
We are survivors of a never ending WAR with no break just one COMBAT after another.
SLEEP has been more than recovery for me since childhood. it has been an escape. an addiction. does that sound reasonable?
Hi Danish, my husband is Npd. Last 19yrs I lost completely my energy. Now I'm standing for myself. I av crossed over continuous health issues. My digestive system completely collapsed .Now I'm being like what you have spoken in this video , your speech heals me. No words to express, what you doing is great . Thank you 🙏
Thank you for this Danish.
Omg, Danish this video spoke to my soul. I could not clean, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't even make a plate of food. I burnt my leg on his dad's car and it heal until a year later when I escaped him. I couldn't breathe because I cried everyday and I could only breathe again until he and his family was gone. He was very intelligent and knew exactly what he was doing to me and would fake having seizures trying to paint me as the bad guy towards the end of the relationship. My empathy came in and I felt horrible. He said the first time he had a seizure on the floor for several hours because I said that I'm not signing off the least until I get all my stuff and my cat. I let him have his way and signed off because he said I was giving him hour long seizures. Again I was broken at the time. Come to find out I signed off the least and he abused me badly again and gave away all my things. He tricked me into signing off the least 😢. I also found out that you don't have hour long seizures. I told him to go see a doctor and he said he doesn't have too anymore . He lied. He used my empathy to hurt me . I was broken and being abused by his sister at that point. Oh Lord I pray the Lord will teach him a lesson. He tried to hoover me back by using the pet hospital but I blocked. It was a cruel evil cold discard. Complete isolated and abused by his whole family. Called the suicide hotline several times a day. I want him to fall flat on his feet. He will crash and burn. I know it with all my being .
I don't know why I watch you. I usually only get halfway through before I have to stop and cry rocking myself back and forth like I'm in a rocking chair. It takes hours to watch these things. It's like you are a different version of me.
I’m just going through a break up of 1 year of narcissistic relationship and it’s so painful,although I was always verbally abused gaslighted manipulation but I miss him and it’s so painful.
@@user-el8nz4yu4t Thank you,hopefully I get over this soon.
❤ to all experiencing this right now. My experience was a little different, i got hyperactive to work through my trauma and the betrayal.
Right? I went from a regular hard-working person to a complete workaholic. i think it was a sort of coping mechanism to numb the sensation of narc abuse, and also a escape plan to detangle myself from narc parents' clutches.
I also did this. workaholic. to avoid thinking and sitting with my feelings. Now I know what to do but then I didn't - hope you are actively healing.....these videos help. (to make us aware that we are not nuts but that this stuff is actually happening to us as a narc pretends that it is YOU and they are "innocent". sadistic. God bless you.
@@simonpegg1196🙏🏼great realizations! Maybe, too, it’s to avoid and distract the self from the voice/memory that keeps popping up to be healed. We squash it with addictions of all sorts until we learn to heal it as opposed to cope with it. 🙏🏼 Happy new year and blessings on your journey 🙏🏼
@mollienight ❤️
One very interesting and very consistent aspect of a narcissist is that as soon as you explain in detail to them their behaviour, they will first deny it, then process it for about one minute then suddenly they passionately accuse 'you' of those very same things.
I have experienced it with multiple narcissist people I know.
They go into hyper gasslighting mode and even when you explain that you just told them they are like that and now they are instantly parroting it back at you as an accusation they just double down.
Sincerely I am tired n tired. I have held on for 20yrs n I feel exhausted. I need strength and a mind to help my children because they are in the vulnerable teenage age. They need me more now.
This is things I try to remind people of it is OK. I found I was set free with a song my friend wrote called permission. It was a simple song that gave me permission. It didn't mater who said it or what they gave me permission for. Just hearing "you have permission " was so validating and freeing. I am also no one to tell anyone how to live but I will still give permission for them to heal in any way if it helps.
I've already thanked you for the comforting impact this video had on me personally. Returning to thank you for giving me a video I have shared with my young adult daughter. She has not suffered specifically from narcissistic abuse, but has been burdened by far too much trauma in her 25 years and is her own worst critic and enemy in ways I feel powerless to alleviate. From the ages of 8 to 12 she experienced psychosomatic seizures. Thankfully, the doctors and psychiatrists diagnosing and treating her at the time recognized the high probability that her seizures were a response to trauma and, after monitoring her for years and running all appropriate tests, elected not to record Epilepsy in her medical records to ensure that she wasn't further burdened with misdiagnosis and unhealthy medications or treatments into her already challenging future. I'm hoping she now finds the same recognition and comfort from this video that I and others have. That she can allow herself to rest as much as necessary now and eventually recover the joys in life she so richly deserves. Thanks again Danish. Deep, true love to you and everyone watching this channel.
Thank you I needed this today. 22.5 years with him but a year away And I still sleep so much.
I tried to write a comment several times but it was too long and too complicated and too embarrassing and so I just am saying this. You cannot overstate what you already have and I much appreciate what you, are doing and saying and I only wish that the medical professionals I have now only had one iota of the understanding and the insight that you have .
This video is the Most precious new year gift to survivers ... thanks once again.... LET THE HEALING BEGIN is the the new life mantra for us...
I will say it again.. you are truly a gifted man. The way you put things is so eloquent. Bro, you have articulated things that would have taken me lifetimes.
My first reaction when I understood my husband was a covert N, I was in chock. The I was soooo angry on myself! How could I not see? Not understand? I am financially independent, I am seen as an intellectual and intelligent woman. I work in a great position.
Then came the shame!!!
After a year with therapy I have forgiven myself- I am an empath and proud to be one!
Salve to my soul - thank you for this particular video and message. I love all of your messages but this one hit me so much. Anyone who has not experienced an "event" like being with a Narc definitely doesn't understand it- I don't fault them but it's still tough. The main question I've been asked "why do you think you keep attracting men like this?" - of course, I go over and over it, and I now, finally (after 5 of them) understand the "why" but those things don't just change overnight. I'm healing, caring and loving myself in ways I never have - happy for the awakening - but the pain and confusion is wildly overwhelming sometimes.
Thank you Danish for your compassion. May you be uplifted and have a joyous new year.