@Cory Alaric if you feel the need to do that firstly you should probably not be together you must be insecure or summit bro... and secondly it’s not cool to encourage other people to do that too and thirdly.... we’re here for kermodes epic rant so.... keep your weird shit to yourself ya?
Whenever a day starts to get a little grey, I pop on a Kermode Transformers review. So maybe, in a roundabout way, the Transformers movies did do some good.
This is, without doubt, my favourite Kermode review. I try to explain to people what is wrong with Transformers and any other pointlessly graphic action films, and I just send them this link.
What a wonderful rant =) I agree with everything except digital projection, its better for the environment and it makes it easier for indies to distribute their films, don't get me wrong I love a good 35mm print as much as the next filmgeek but wouldn't you agree mr Mark Kermode, that thas is also true?
You know whenever I had a bad day or low morale I open up this clip and listen Kermode's pure gold classic rant about Michael Bay. It always brightens me...
He's a film critic and journalist. With a PhD and everything. So yes, he's well-read, well-researched and well-versed in talking about movies - his job. Also his rant is completely justifiable, and, incidentally, more thrilling and entertaining than any of Bay's Transformer movies. Have you got that pen and paper ready for your apology, yet? ;)
Great Mark. I love it. You get paid to see these films and still demand you should get your money back. You're a national treasure. That said, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to see the thing anyway, but the cost of making it was justified by your eloquent rant.
With reference to the 60mins battle sequence, it worked with Seven Samurai although that was well spread out with impeccable timing. I can't see it working in a Transformers film.
Probably my favourite Kermode rant. Maybe even favourite Kermode moment. I just wish I didn't love 'Armageddon' so much. I can watch it over and over. I despise the Transformers movies but 'Bad Boys' and 'The Rock' were two of the great 90's Action Blockbusters in my opinion..and I don't recall either of them being particularly pervy.
He had openly expressed that he liked The Avengers, Spider-man, Men In Black, Prince of Persia, Harry Potter, Twilight Saga ('Tis I dissent) and other blockbusters (of Transformers' mold). He also changed his mind about some directors or some films.
I was looking at this film's IMDb page a while back and on the section where they have a single user review, the review that was used gave TF3 ten stars and called it things like "The next Lord of the Rings!" and "Michael Bay's Masterpiece". And the basis for this user saying these things was "I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane." And that's literally it. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
"No editor in their right mind would say that a battle sequence should go on for 60 minutes." Well, someone hasn't heard of the film Gettysburg. Of course, in that film, the battle was kind of the point...
I heard this from a dubbing editor that worked on the Mexican dub of all Transformers movies, "Michael Bay makes the worst movies to work with" He constantly changes edits, and thus, some of the material has to be redubbed. To avoid piracy, the video material is sent with everything blacked out except for the mouths, which is a nightmare for the dubbing. I can say from what I've seen that Michael Bay really is an overtly succesful bad filmmaker.
@ShingoEX He was comparing Transformer's use of endless action scenes to the porn industry's use of the word, so the origin of the actual word doesn't quite matter. The fact that Transformers is a children's franchise kind of suggests that it's in some way a children's film, if not then children will go to see it anyway. Michael Bay has produced all of the live-action Transformers films to date, so it's fair to say he oversees the script.
“I hope McDormand goes on to take the money and make one of the best independent films of ALL TIME…” Five years later: 3 Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Demonisation? Self-appointed guardian of good cinema? Well, one sees what one wants to see. To others, that video is an apt description of the suffering some had endured while watching Bay's Transformers. And he is not alone in thinking that Bay's Transformers (not just T3) films are "a sexualisation of a kids toy," if you cared to browse other reviews. Good thing Megan Fox left. I'd like to see her becoming a real actress than a mere "boy's toys" in Bay's hands.
I'm just sat here reading your comments with kwisnothere wondering how the hell you took "The Godfather and Fight Club don't have complex storylines," to mean "Inception was hard to follow." I find your comments hard to follow, so please explain.
I work at a cinema now and all I do is push a button and wind back the curtains then turn the sound up (It's more than most corporate cinemas do!). I to don't like the fact it's become completely digital and something about film is fantastic. It feels very real where as digital not only takes jobs but it makes you feel brain dead when something goes wrong and you can't sort it yourself but have to phone up a special engineer..
The biggest problem with Bayformers is Bay does not see the robots as characters, he just sees them as CGI set-pieces. Contrast Bay's approach with that of Simon Furman. The thing that made Transformers cool was that they had such vivid personalities, not the "giant robots hitting each other" crap which is such a waste of the TF concept.
@Goosterooo Your comment reminds me of my thoughts on part 2. A couple who's dating while miles away from each other and doing the whole "tell me you love me, come on tell me, no you say it". WTF a desert? " You said you loved me, well you said it first". THE END.
I've been saying 3D is a flash in the pan for years...we've been here before, it will come and 'save' the industry but then they never work out what to do with it other than spectacle - ie. help tell a story, really include the medium - and then it goes away again for another 20 years.
I'm caught in a RUclips hole of only watching Kermode review movies I know he'll hate, it's marvelous.
I hear you bro.
Me too, we must discuss this problem to people
Something good that came out of COVID finally
@Cory Alaric if you feel the need to do that firstly you should probably not be together you must be insecure or summit bro... and secondly it’s not cool to encourage other people to do that too and thirdly.... we’re here for kermodes epic rant so.... keep your weird shit to yourself ya?
I’m here from a Letterboxd list of his best rants lmao
I'd rather watch Kermode rant about the movie than the movie itself.
An adult swin style animation to mark kermode's review would be great
Watch cats review haha
"Shall we hear a clip"
"No, let's not."
That summarises it nicely I think.
he's too traumatized
Whenever a day starts to get a little grey, I pop on a Kermode Transformers review. So maybe, in a roundabout way, the Transformers movies did do some good.
"Well, that bottom called the director Hitler.." Greatest line in the whole review
It really is. I also love his "no" after "would a text be enough".
Michael bays number one fan
This review is more thrilling than the film.
"PHWOAR! EH! PHWOAR! EH!" - Mark needs to do this impression all the time!
It’s 2019. I still chuckle when I hear “completely inexplicable fluids.”
5:18-5:30 is probably the most hilariously true thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
I completely concur!!
Rosie Huntington WHRROOAHH
I...I think he liked it.
Agreed. Opinions are so black and white these days, it’s nice to have a measured and balanced review for a change. Thanks Mark.
This review is ten times more exciting than the actual film
I just watch this review from time to time when I'm in a bad mood and it always cheers me up immensely.
I love kermode’s impression of people complaining about critics 😂
"Would a text be enough?"
"... No."
😂
9:42
"You remember the bottom we had from the first two movies? Unfortunately that bottom called the director 'Hitler' - but here's another one!"
LOL
5:13 - Literally the only time I've ever seen Mayo laugh at one of Kermode's jokes.
That part about projectionists losing there jobs did actually happen, they had to rehire the projectionists as "Technicians" at our cinema, poor guys.
This is, without doubt, my favourite Kermode review. I try to explain to people what is wrong with Transformers and any other pointlessly graphic action films, and I just send them this link.
a proper british critique.
WWWore ay! WWWore ay! WWWore ay!!!! Lol classic kermode!!!
I love how Mark compares every film that's too long to 2001.
Perfect
8 years later you have a podcast with him. Pretty amazing. Congrats. ❤️
As a big fan of the original children's toy I agree fully with what Kermode says. Michael Bay's Transformers Movies are a hideous disgrace.
"Cluster fruitcake is a word that has two meanings"
Definitely going to be quoting that out of context.
I love how bonkers he goes on this one. Off the hook!
What a wonderful rant =) I agree with everything except digital projection, its better for the environment and it makes it easier for indies to distribute their films, don't get me wrong I love a good 35mm print as much as the next filmgeek but wouldn't you agree mr Mark Kermode, that thas is also true?
Waah-eh?-waah-eh?-waah-eh?
It's spelled "Whoar!", FYI.
W-H-o?
i feel like giving this video a standing ovation.
‘Megan Fox PHWOAR EH PHWOAR EH PHWOAR!’
You know whenever I had a bad day or low morale I open up this clip and listen Kermode's pure gold classic rant about Michael Bay. It always brightens me...
How am I only seeing this now? Absolutely incredible
Holy crap, I must have watched this review five times in a row, SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!
This was epic, right up there with Mark losing it over SATC 2. Love your passion for cinema Mr. Kermode, you're a good egg!
Love how there's a tab to buy this film to the right of the video.
i'm bingeing this till the end of time
Haha, brilliant review! Michael Bay should be given Life in prison with no parole for what he did (and still doing) to the Cinema!
Congratulations, you've come up with the perfect description of Michael Bay. Keep up the good work.
I needed to watch this again. Thanks Mark.
Still never gets old 💝
The most anticipated movie review of the year DELIVERS. This is a rant for the ages.
This review is actually thrilling.
He's a film critic and journalist. With a PhD and everything. So yes, he's well-read, well-researched and well-versed in talking about movies - his job. Also his rant is completely justifiable, and, incidentally, more thrilling and entertaining than any of Bay's Transformer movies.
Have you got that pen and paper ready for your apology, yet? ;)
Great Mark. I love it. You get paid to see these films and still demand you should get your money back. You're a national treasure.
That said, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to see the thing anyway, but the cost of making it was justified by your eloquent rant.
'When are we going to hear the clip?'
'No, let's not do that...'
I love that rant!
With reference to the 60mins battle sequence, it worked with Seven Samurai although that was well spread out with impeccable timing. I can't see it working in a Transformers film.
"13 assassins" was a good film with a 60 minutes battle sequence, great review though
*great
this review is 1000X better than the the movie
Probably my favourite Kermode rant. Maybe even favourite Kermode moment.
I just wish I didn't love 'Armageddon' so much. I can watch it over and over.
I despise the Transformers movies but 'Bad Boys' and 'The Rock' were two of the great 90's Action Blockbusters in my opinion..and I don't recall either of them being particularly pervy.
I've never heard this one before, Mark does make me chuckle.
He had openly expressed that he liked The Avengers, Spider-man, Men In Black, Prince of Persia, Harry Potter, Twilight Saga ('Tis I dissent) and other blockbusters (of Transformers' mold). He also changed his mind about some directors or some films.
this is going down in history as one of best, most coherent rants of all time
The very definition of optimism - RUclips are offering that I "Buy or Rent" this movie on the right hand side of the screen.
"As far as the rest of the acting is concerned, there basically isn't any"
Top 3 Kermode Rants
1. Entourage
2. Sex And The City 2
3. Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Have I missed anything?😂😂😂😂😂
Pirates 3
FRED: The Movie
And we can now add Avatar 2: The Way Of Water to this hallowed list. And perhaps also Moonfall.
This is the best thing about Transformers 3.
I've watched this review countless of times. Love it.
"Would a text be alright?" ".........no"
Wow what an awesome review/rant
So I'm guessing Mark didn't like TRANSFORMERS 3?
Pure 21st Century Gold. LOVE your passion Mr. Kermode
This Is Precisely Why I Love Kermode.
Did Mark ever get his letter?
Fabulous rant, mainly due to the fact that Mark is correct.
I was looking at this film's IMDb page a while back and on the section where they have a single user review, the review that was used gave TF3 ten stars and called it things like "The next Lord of the Rings!" and "Michael Bay's Masterpiece". And the basis for this user saying these things was "I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane." And that's literally it.
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
"No editor in their right mind would say that a battle sequence should go on for 60 minutes."
Well, someone hasn't heard of the film Gettysburg. Of course, in that film, the battle was kind of the point...
OK, that's legitimately awesome. Thank you Mark Kermode!
I heard this from a dubbing editor that worked on the Mexican dub of all Transformers movies, "Michael Bay makes the worst movies to work with"
He constantly changes edits, and thus, some of the material has to be redubbed. To avoid piracy, the video material is sent with everything blacked out except for the mouths, which is a nightmare for the dubbing.
I can say from what I've seen that Michael Bay really is an overtly succesful bad filmmaker.
The phrase "the walking bottom" just reminds me of that South Park episode which consists of butt-faced adults and the Afflecker.
@ShingoEX He was comparing Transformer's use of endless action scenes to the porn industry's use of the word, so the origin of the actual word doesn't quite matter. The fact that Transformers is a children's franchise kind of suggests that it's in some way a children's film, if not then children will go to see it anyway. Michael Bay has produced all of the live-action Transformers films to date, so it's fair to say he oversees the script.
This is by far the greatest rant by the Doctor.
"he's not making avatar" and "the ship has sunk" wow 2 james cameron references I'm impressed
One of Marks Best Rants Ever!!
Haha! I love it how he always tries to contain himself, but then it's like a nuclear reactor going into meltdown, then finally it explodes.
God, I love when he rants!
Mark Kermode tells it like it is, he's on my wavelength.
Um... No film should have a 60minute fight? Wait, how long was the final chase in the Road Warrior?
....................................so Mark liked it?
I actually liked this film for some reason
Cluster "fruitcake" in a kids' film? What happened to "fiasco" or "disaster" as acceptable terms?
“I hope McDormand goes on to take the money and make one of the best independent films of ALL TIME…”
Five years later: 3 Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
EPIC rant....x1000 times better to watch than the film
8:38 what's the name of that comedy? anyone knows?
Demonisation? Self-appointed guardian of good cinema? Well, one sees what one wants to see.
To others, that video is an apt description of the suffering some had endured while watching Bay's Transformers. And he is not alone in thinking that Bay's Transformers (not just T3) films are "a sexualisation of a kids toy," if you cared to browse other reviews. Good thing Megan Fox left. I'd like to see her becoming a real actress than a mere "boy's toys" in Bay's hands.
“Phwoar! Eh!”
“Phwoar! Eh!”
“Phwoar! Now!”
That's how you review Transformers. Well done Mark
Takashi Miike did a good job of an hour-long battle scene in '13 Assassins'.
I'm just sat here reading your comments with kwisnothere wondering how the hell you took "The Godfather and Fight Club don't have complex storylines," to mean "Inception was hard to follow." I find your comments hard to follow, so please explain.
Great rant Mark! Kermode is spot on.. because Michael Bay is one of the reasons for cinema going down the pan.
I work at a cinema now and all I do is push a button and wind back the curtains then turn the sound up (It's more than most corporate cinemas do!). I to don't like the fact it's become completely digital and something about film is fantastic. It feels very real where as digital not only takes jobs but it makes you feel brain dead when something goes wrong and you can't sort it yourself but have to phone up a special engineer..
12 years later... 3D? Anyone?
The biggest problem with Bayformers is Bay does not see the robots as characters, he just sees them as CGI set-pieces. Contrast Bay's approach with that of Simon Furman.
The thing that made Transformers cool was that they had such vivid personalities, not the "giant robots hitting each other" crap which is such a waste of the TF concept.
@Goosterooo Your comment reminds me of my thoughts on part 2. A couple who's dating while miles away from each other and doing the whole "tell me you love me, come on tell me, no you say it". WTF a desert? " You said you loved me, well you said it first". THE END.
Well to be fair, Michael Bay asked projectionists to turn up the brightness in order to counteract the dimming effect that comes from the 3D glasses.
Sounds like Michael Bay has worn 3D glasses for too long....
Transformers 3 is a total clusterfruitcake! Hopefully one day a good director will come along and make a proper Transformers film.
Paul Anka and Lisa Simpson told us how to get rid of Michael Bay years ago: "Just don't look, just don't look."
one of the very best from Kermode
I've been saying 3D is a flash in the pan for years...we've been here before, it will come and 'save' the industry but then they never work out what to do with it other than spectacle - ie. help tell a story, really include the medium - and then it goes away again for another 20 years.
The animated movie was a masterpiece. The modern films are a crime against humanity.