That's what I thought. The very fact that he was trying to stop her going in the bedroom showed he knew it was wrong for his mum to do it and he knew his future wife didn't want her to try it on. Yet he still went against his future wife's wishes anyway.
The fact that the mommas boy stood guard and tried to stop her from seeing monster in law in the wedding dress means they KNEW that what they did was wrong
More like them demanding OP deletes the photo and shows no one is proof they knew what they were doing was wrong. If it’s so innocent, why can’t she show other people? Monster in law should be proud to strut around in her DIL’s still unworn dress cause it’s not inappropriate at all right? 🙄
@@Bommelle and he's making HER apologie to his mother!!! Like for what? Sorry I got photo of your mother going against my wishes and wearing my wedding dress? Like if she thought it was acceptable to try it on then why she's scared that others would find out what she did it?
For the first story: I guarantee the son not only stood guard so his mom could try on the dress, but schemed with her and made it happen. While MIL’s behavior is concerning, even more concerning is the fact that the fiancé is going behind his future wife’s back to enable his mom’s behavior.
I agree. Cause how else would Mom know WHEN to come and try on the dress. He probably called his Mom when his bride to be wasn't at home and told her to come try the dress on, and he was CLEARLY guarding the door because he tried to stop the bride from going in and seeing MIL in the dress. I think both the MIL AND her son need to apologize to the bride at the very least for disrespecting her and breaking her trust. And she doesn't need to marry him. If he will take his Mom's side in this, when his bride sets a clear boundary, he will do it in future conflicts too. He's a Mama's Boy.
Looking at a lifetime of that nonsense if she married him. Ugh. Sounds like an other mommy has issues with her baby being with another woman stories 🤢🤮 oddly creepy.
the fact that the fiance and MIL in the first story knew how much trouble that photo could cause means they absolutely 100% knew what they were doing was wrong
And the fact that they wanted her to log out of the family group chat and ALL of Facebook for at least a month!!!! What are they planning on doing on Facebook that they don’t want her to see?
@@flutterbug13 at first I thought they were planning to talk about her badly behind her back but maybe they want it so she couldn't public that photo/send it in a family group chat before wedding?
I agree.... what I don't get is why he said she needs to quit the family group chat and log out of Facebook for a month!!!!! What the #### has that got to do with it!!!!! 😅
@@LisaT_Take it from me, because I nearly married the man I loved, despite his mother's constant criticism of me. She saw some framed photos of me in his house and said I looked like a prost. It got to a point where I had to make an important decision. I'm very well educated and had an amazing job. I owned my own apartment and was financially secure. I realised I had to break up with him. I called and asked him to come over. I told him my decision. We were both crying. The phone rang. It was his mother calling to ask if he was there. I said yes and she screamed at me. I hung up, went and opened the front door, and told him to leave. He pleaded with me to understand his mother, but I pushed him back and closed the door. Sure, I was really sad, but I kept the engagement ring. Sold it several months later and paid for a wonderful holiday.
There is something psychologically wrong with these women. As a mother of 2 sons and no daughters, I’m hoping when the time comes for them to get married that I am invited to go dress shopping since I won’t have that opportunity with a daughter of my own, but it would never occur to me in a million years to ask to TRY ON the dress. That’s just creepy and weird.
I agree, something is off if you want to put on the dress your son will be taking off his bride after the wedding. I would be horrified at the thought of seeing my MIL in my dress. The MIL over stepped boundaries and if she cannot see that than RUN. No woman wants a husband who has a side chick named Mom. 😂
@fallenbee the bride should not go through with this wedding. But even if she does, the bride does not want to wear *this* wedding dress anymore. Understandably. She spent $3,000 of her own hard earned money on this dress and the fiance's mother basically ruined it *for her* by creating this horrible memory. I understand why she asked to be reimbursed, but the attempt at extorting the reimbursement from the MIL wasn't the greatest idea. Unfortunately, I think OP isn't getting reimbursed unless she accepts $ from the fiance. And marrying hin would be a HUGE mistake, so maybe she could try to look at the $ she is out as the cost of dodging that bullet.
@@suepongallo unless she ripped the dress or ruined it physically, there is no reason for her to pay for it. If her MIL wearing it ruined it for her that badly, something tells me she already didn't like it lmao.
Same here my mother in law treats me like a son and not a son in law and I love that about her. In fact she acts more like a mom than my mother does. Out of me and my wife. My mother is the problem. And I apologize to my wife all the time about my mother's behavior.
OHHHH the fact the FIANCÉ was complicit!!!!!!!!!!! NTA, and I would frankly call off the wedding. Knowing I’m getting into a partnership where my husband and MIL will happily team up to go behind my back and against my wishes waves a bigger red flag than Les Miserables. “Boymoms” are THE WORST.
The man I was marrying had an unhealthy relationship with his much older sister...I knew it at the time but married him anyway. Don't do it. You'll always be the "third wheel" and you don't want to marry him AND his mother.
Who in their right mind would allow their mother to wear their fiancé’s wedding dress? That sounds like a little more is going on between the mother and son
It’s sad, really. The fact that his mom wants to ruin the wedding by stomping over her soon to be DIL’s wedding dress… and how the son is allowing it. Hopefully after he loses OP, he will reflect on all his past failure of relationships and see why they failed: my guess the key factor to them all is his mother. And then he will then get out of her spiderweb grip and move on to be happy with someone that his mother has no say over
I was told by a dress saleswoman that “in Roman times” Maid of Honors were also allowed to tackle and carry away anyone they feel was a threat to the bride or the marriage. I still care if it’s true- I freakin’ love it!!
This is true. Sometimes bridesmaids were also priestesses of Juno who were specifically trained for this purpose. Groomsmen also originally had the task of protecting the bride from abduction.
I'd have sent the picture to everyone and said just that: Regrettably, we will not continue with the wedding, but congratulations to the lovely couple. The Oedipus energy is strong with them two.
Nah Oedipus straight up gouged out his eyes when he realized he'd slept with his mom. Bro disabled himself out of disgust with his own actions regardless of his lack of knowledge of whom he'd slept with. The dude in that story just straight up probably got groomed by his mother and she wanted to make sure he was hers alone.
For me, the biggest issue with the first story is that there is no trust, at all, in that relationship. The bride couldn't trust the MIL or the groom. The groom and the MIL broke that trust together and risked the relationship with the bride. The groom obviously didn't trust the bride or he wouldn't need to delete the photo himself and make her promise she didn't have copies of the pic!
Exactly! If I was her, my relationship with both of them would be tainted. He also sounds like a walking red flag for not sticking by his fiancee's side throughout that whole mess, and not trusting her with that photo.
The groom doesn't trust the bride not to use the photo in the future because, given the reverse situation, HE would use something for future leverage. So, he is doubly not trustworthy.
I'm a parent of a toddler. I recently went to a child free wedding. I wasn't offended at all! It was a late wedding and my husband and I, really enjoyed an evening out and adult conversation with the rest of the people at our table. I don't get why it is an issue. We got my parents to babysit. Everyone was happy, the wedding was beautiful, they happy couple didn't have to worry about babies crying during their vows (which I've seen happen MANY times), and a great time was had by all. Be an adult, respect other's wishes or don't go. Simple:)
I never understood why people got upset. Like I know you love your child, but you'd think parents would be thrilled to have a night with all there friends and or family celebrating a special night. Have a small break not have to worry about anything idk.
I think it's the adults that treat weddings like expensive family reunions (so ALL the kids have to come, of course) who'd object the most. OR, the adults who are so wrapped up in their kids they don't remember how to socialize without them and just be with a group of adults for a night. They're so used to including kids and assume all events have to include 'em. Nope--there were PLENTY of times when parents could be parents and go out together decades ago, and you'd have several children in those families. Don't think any of 'em felt neglected by an occasional night out. Besides, it's a good time for kids to learn that the world is not catered to them and they don't get to go everywhere... there are some things best saved for when they're older, and a ceremony and party that'll be late-night affairs? Hells yeah, leave the kids at home. Who wants to dress in their best, dance and chat, & stop an hour in because the kids are whining about how sleepy they are while the other adults are sticking around for 3-4 more hours?
Mothers that don't allow you to have boundaries are unhealthy. That's not the way you treat your children or your children's spouse. That's the mom's problem
28F here, my mom and I have an amazing relationship, but for the longest time we didn't have even normal healthy boundaries. Now as adults we are learning we don't have to share and tell everything, it's okay not to know everything, and we no longer overshare with strangers either. Not everyone need to know everything about you either.
First story Step 1 let him pay you the $3000. Step 2 apologize to your future mother-in-law saying " I'm so sorry I had no idea you were a crazy cunt your son was a little momma's boy" Step 3 break up with your fiancé. These steps will ensure a happy and long life with no drama and possibly in the future someone who actually respects and loves you.
Exactly...except my step 2 would be to post the picture with the caption "I'm sorry I had no idea you had an oedipal complex and lusted after your son....hope you guys are happy together always"
Step 1.5: Pretend you're not mad anymore and that you now think it's sweet and cute. Have fiance and MIL pose together, preferably in the bedroom where you caught her trying on the wedding dress (bonus points if you can get fiance in his tux). Distribute photos to anyone and everyone everywhere. Proceed to Step 2.
The MIL wanting to try on the dress is a power play. She was pissing on her territory. That way she could watch the bride walk down the aisle knowing she wore that dress first.
Can you imagine walking up the aisle in your dream dress on your wedding day, seeing your groom smiling from ear to ear, maybe a little tear in his eye, and not knowing if it because of you or because he is picturing his mommy in the dress? 100% thats what that mom was hoping for. She totally wanted to share that moment with her own child. The creep factor is high on this one. This is the same dress he would be removing from his brides's body on their wedding night and he saw his mom in it first. Oh, God. I just made myself throw up a little bit. That girl better run far and fast.
i swear some of these moms like this are emotionally attracted to they're sons. your 100% right, she's the type of mother to go to a wedding and be like "Anna its not all about you, its still my baby boy's wedding." and then get poured red wine on by the moh.
💯% I can't believe she didn't immediately say she's calling it off. Also, I don't understand why the creator of this video doesn't think the MIL should pay for the dress, because she absolutely should.
I was thinking of all the symbolism that a wedding dress actually stands for and it is 100% the fact that FMIL tried on THAT dress. HELL NO. I would never be able to look at my fiancé the same way or respect him as much. The fact that he's being SO insistent that the picture be deleted and not copied means he deeply understands the significance of what is going on.
The list of "Requirements" in the first video from her fiancé was just more proof as to how much he planned to disrespect her in the future and control/manipulate her. Girl, run.
Mama's boy is the MAJOR problem here. (1) He KNEW this was wrong. (2) Not only did he defend his wannabe fiancée (aka MIL) but he HELPED her and then expected an apology to her.... its a straightforward **ck off there. (3) The idea of sending pic to invitees and wishing 'good luck to the happy couple' is savage 😂 do it!! 😂😂
• MIL puts on your wedding dress & fiancée takes her side= Deal-Breaker • MIL bookes the room next door to the Honeymoon suite= Deal-Breaker • MIL changes guest list behind the Bride's back and shows up wearing a white dress at the wedding= Deal-Breaker
Completely, my BF's mom called him her life partner while weeping when he chose to move out of her house and in with me in his mid 30's instead of moving across Canada with no prior discussion. She expected him and I to want to drop our lives and move across country with her to keep helping pay the mortgage.
AND the fact that he wanted to delete the picture himself tells me that HE knows HE couldn't be trusted to keep his word if the situation were reversed. In psychological terms, it's called transference, blaming the other person what he himself is guilty of.
I remember reading that first story on Reddit, and the ick factor was huge! Basically everyone told her to dump the fiancé: if he couldn't stand up to his mother on this one extremely reasonable point, there would never be any boundaries in their relationship. Also, the FMIL wanting to try on her FDIL's dress is beyond creepy!!!
Story 1: I’ve said this before down here but I sell wedding dresses. Brides that feel that strongly about their dress spend a L O T of time and energy finding a dress they love. We’ll flat out say NO when a bride asks for their sister/mother/best friend to try it on so they can “see it on someone else” - this will ALWAYS ruin a perfectly good dress and confuse a bride up and down. So you have your dress dress essentially stolen and worn by your mother in law can ABSOLUTELY ruin the fantasy!!
Thank you for explaining this. Tbh I had a beautiful wedding and got along great with my MIL and couldn’t understand what the big deal was. I loved my dress but I definitely love family way more.
@@DeeLite220 I think the big thing here is consent and betrayal. I imagin you're thinking of letting your mil try on your dress and it being a silly happy thing. For this bride she said no, and her fiance and mother conspired to break her trust and lie to her and do something she explicitly said no to, I imagine this betrayal is what's creating/enhancing the negative feeling about the dress.
@@foxinasweater2300 oh I totally get it. It’s obviously a different situation. It does make me think this isn’t the guy or family for her though, and vice versa. Like incompatible.
Listening to these I am so grateful for my amazing MIL. She was always welcoming and treated me like a bonus daughter. My in laws had moved a good distance from us and our son is disabled so when she fell ill and the prognosis was terrible I sent my husband to be at her side and did the 24/7 care of our boy so he could focus on her. I didn't see her again but sent a letter with him telling her how wonderful a job she had done raising her son, that it was my honour to have been welcomed into her family and how much I loved her and how I promised to look after him and make sure that our son would never forget his Gramma. I hope my words gave her a little comfort knowing her boy would be ok and I would support him through the tough times ahead.
why are people so afraid of canceling a wedding? Yes, it will cost you money, but if it's the wrong kind of marriage it will cost you your sanity! get out now while you can!
Because some weddings are planned over a year in advance. During the entire time it’s a lot of talking, planning, and purchasing. So I get how someone wouldn’t want all that time, effort, and money to go down the drain and have to spend more money to cancel.
@@dorkiedoodles2297 still it's better to cancel a wedding than to go through divorce after years of hell or spend life with those mommy boys and their mils
As a psychotherapist in training, the defenitions you would give to these MILs is "enmeshment", "overbearing", "co-dependent parents", and most probably "narcissistic enmeshment"- where a parent needs to be involved in their childs decisions, their childs relationships and all form of boundaries is blurred. What surprises me are the children who are 100% okay with it, meaning it started from when they were so young that to them this dynamic is considered totally normal and everyone else needs to blur their boundaries for the sake of the parent involved.
Before I married my now ex-husband, I bluntly asked him if his mother or any other family members were "crazy." I told him that I refused to deal with crazy MIL bullshit. Long story short, we met each other's families before making the decision to take the next step. Even though I have been divorced for more than 10 years, I still keep in touch with my former MIL and the entire family. Lesson: Spend some time with your SO's family before you get married. Like a person with kids, the family is part of the package!
I divorced my husband of one year, 30 years ago and have had no contact with him since before the divorce. I love my MIL, or as I prefer to call her, my son's beloved grandmother. In fact, today is her birthday and I'm going to call her. We'll probably chat for an hour, as usual. She has been there for me through the hardest years of my life. She even spent thousand$$$ on a private eye to find my ex when he kidnapped our baby and disappeared for a year. Then she testified against him after he was arrested! You just don't throw a high quality MIL like that away, so I made her my friend instead.💕
@@MarzBlueSoul While I completely feel you on this sentiment, if your SO isn't on the same page, you are marrying his/her family as well unfortunately.
5:52 the fact that the mom and son want the picture deleted and don't want her to show anyone is like an admission of guilt. if they didn't think it was a big deal, they wouldn't care if people knew.
This was my ex MIL. She also blamed me when he was actively threatening to off himself, even though I was leaving because he was both physically and mentally abusing me for several years. (Wonder where he got that from.) It's been 10 years, and I'm happy to say I'm marrying again next March, to the kindest man with the most amazing Irish mother. She is seriously amazing.
The common theme in each of these stories is how the men (other partner) see absolutely nothing wrong with the behaviours, and even go as far as defending their mothers rather than their partner. THAT is the red flag. THAT is the person you need to be looking at. The way they respond/react tells you everything about everything in your relationship.
The grooms/partners are absolutely in the wrong for defending their mother over their fiancee but I still feel sorry for them. They grew up with this controlling/abusive behavior from their mothers and I think it warps their sense of normal.
@@magicsiren91 100% agree, I feel for the childhood and upbringing. I start to swerve here because I do not feel for a grown man who has committed his life to his partner yet still chooses not to get help or maybe even acknowledge his behaviours. Honestly, I'd have to watch it again but if the wife was clearly mortified/angry/voiced it whatever, still gives the ick. That is what kills any empathy because he has no respect for his wife. I feel like respect is hidden in between the letters L O V E. They kinda go together.
I always want to drop in after watching one of these and say I had a lovely mother in law, and I was SO awkward. She would often see the best in me, and was always honest and kind as she showed me how to interact with a healthier family than I was used to. She was so good at it, that it took me a few years to realize how much she’d helped me. She was that good 😂
It is important, but I've learnt that it's not possible to set boundaries with people who have no healthy boundaries themselves. I finally had to cut off my mum, as she just does not understand the concept of boundaries. She has no boundaries and she does not understand that other people have those.
I totally agree with bride 1. A wedding dress is a huge thing. Nobody else wears that dress. If your fiance can't understand why going against your wishes and then trying to hide it from her between him and your mother, is a problem, then you are going to have worse problems down the line. If that doesn't get across, I'm ending the engagement.
where I am coming from there is a huge superstition about trying on wedding bands. nobody, NOBODY else can put it on their fingers otherwise it will be tainted and bring bad luck to the couple. It's like a curse. The old wish was putting a curse on the union. Maybe she doesn't know that that's what she was doing, nevertheless, it was some sick sh.t she was pulling there
If my fiancé let his mom try on my wedding dress after I explicitly said no, I would have called off the wedding. He went behind her back and sided with his mom. And the demands… Huge Red Flag!🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
@@ms.annthropic6341 I agree it's borderline incest for the MIL to wear her almost daughter in law's wedding dress. The fact that her fiance went along with his mother wearing the dress on the sly was a major red flag. I hope she called off the wedding.
It doesn’t matter if someone’s paying for the wedding or not, they don’t get to dictate the wedding guest list. If the bride and groom don’t want children, there shouldn’t be children there.
@@flirtinggracefullplatypus8496Children weren’t invited due to it being “black tie”. Which means formal and alcohol will be present! They didn’t want children there, most likely, because of it being a formal event with alcohol! Even if this wasn’t the reason, it’s still their right to not have children attend their day.
My daughter-in-law is the best thing to happen to my son. I prayed for that girl for years. It takes two women to raise a good man. A good mother and a great wife.
Story 1: OP doesn’t have a MIL problem. She has a major fiancé problem. You just know MIL wants OP out of the family chat so she can trash her to the rest of the family without OP being able to say what really happened. Last story: is there a way to get past MIL’s behaviour at our wedding? Yes. Going full non -contact with MIL and everyone who showed up to the dinner in white, no matter how uncomfortable they were about it, because they will also be flying monkeys reporting back to the wicked witch MIL.
I had the greatest MIL ever (she adopted my husband when she was 50 something years old. She passed away about ten years ago 😢). She was AMAZING with our kids(now 21 years old and 17 years old). I miss her everyday and it kills me that our SURPRISE youngest child never got to meet her (he is now 5 years old). But she definitely respected all boundaries!!😅❤😢 I am now a MIL and I try to be like her.❤❤❤
It never ever entered my mind to ever interfere with my son's lives. I have always strived to respect them as adults, and to respect their choices with their children. I have great relationships with both my sons and their wives. Their lives are theirs to live, not mine. I don't always agree with them, but I keep it to myself.
I like the suggestion of sending the photo of MIL in your wedding gown to the entire family chat and say "regrettably I will not be participating in the wedding but I wish the lovely couple a happy life together."
When I was engaged to my husband my mother in law called up his ex-girlfriend and sent her to the dock where he was cleaning his boat. She asked her to wear her sexiest bathing suit, so she wore a barely there leopard print bikini. Didn't work though. His brother, who was with him at the time, told me my guy sent her packing. We've been married 39 years this October. 😁
THE 80s LEOPARD PRINT BIKINI FANTASY IS REAL?????😂😂😂😂😂😂 Thank you so much for sharing. I will never forget this story 😂 I had no idea those cheesy 80s romcoms actually happened in real life, and to FAIL at that 🤌 Your guy is the best
On the first story, it's not just that he won't stand up to his mother; he will actually actively go against his wife if he doesn't happen to agree that her boundary "makes sense" to him. He will never have her back against anyone, including himself. He clearly feels like he has the ability to decide for her which of her wishes are reasonable and he will ignore the ones that "aren't". And he's willing to be deceitful about it too. Can you imagine trying to parent with this guy?!
How much do you want to bet that future MOL has already trampled many other boundaries? There’s no way this is the first or only time she has ignored OP’s wishes and there’s no way this is the first or only time the fiancé has taken his mother’s side.
exactly! This is why I'm so annoyed with these stories. I get it that OPs are right, but they also know what their partner's family is like and they're delusional for thinking that this behaviour isn't a deal breaker. There's a line between being the victim of a horrible future-MIL and choosing to have that woman as a MIL knowing she'll make your life a living hell, and these people are mindlessly taking a stroll over that line. There's a point where OPs are just being stupid.
My son is getting married next year and I am bound and determined to be the best MIL to his fiancée. I am taking a page from these videos on what NOT to do. 👏🏻
I had REALLY bad luck in the MIL department when I was young. These women were the reasons I kicked these guys to the curb. 1) Asked me if I was pregnant because that was the only reason someone would marry her son. 2) I cooked a meal for my prospective ILs. Beef stroganoff, hand made egg noodles, spinach salad, poached pears with chantilly cream. I was told that if I cooked like this all the time her son would be dead of a heart attack before 30 and maybe I should learn to cook healthy. When my face fell, she asked my BF what was wrong with me. 3) Was told within a couple of weeks of my next BF deciding to propose that if I was looking to get any of their money, I was badly mistaken. I don't know what is wrong with these moms. There is no reason for it. But I sure didn't stick around to find out.
*Story 1 OP:* As Charlotte said, it’s not that the FMIL tried on OP’s wedding dress against her wishes, it’s that she broke OP’s trust and overstepped a boundary. If OP’s fiancé cared enough about his FW, he would’ve defended her against his mother’s mistreatment towards OP. The fact that it’s the COMPLETE OPPOSITE is enough grounds for cancelling the wedding, and dumping mama’s boy. 100% NTA. OP, run for the fucking hills girl.
I think the MiL should have to buy a new dress SPECIFICALLY because she was told no on multiple occasions before sneaking and doing it anyway. No way to pretend she didn’t know what she was doing!
It probably no longer felt like HER dress and fiance had a highly likely chance of seeing it now. If bride's wishes, before wedding only she should wear it.👰♀️
@@brookespencer6212 100% agree. MIL knows this and just trying to take advantage and pushing boundaries just to fullfill her own weird dreams. MIL already had her big day and kids. Let someone else have a turn.
Even if you are paying for the wedding you don't get to decide the guest list! Paying for the wedding is a GIFT to the couple, the wedding is about THEM not YOU.
Yes, but many parents don't get that & act as if them paying for it means they get to pick everything, as if it reflects on them. They do it for funerals too! "Oh, no! (gasp) Aunt Sally can't possibly have (gulp) sunflowers by her coffin! That's so crass. (or low-class or "not traditional", whatever they fear others will think & thus judge them over) I don't care that they were her favorite & she specifically requested them!"
Honestly this. A billion times over. Where I'm from it is not a thing that your parents on either side pays for your wedding. You pay for it yourself. Can't afford a huge wedding? Then don't have a huge wedding. IF someone contributes it is absolutely CRYSTAL CLEAR that it is a gift and it was given completely with no strings attached and it gives the gifters ZERO influence on anything in the wedding! I can't understand why it's even a thing where anyone's parents are supposed to pay for a lavish wedding that isn't their own? Have the wedding you can afford! But if someone gives money it comes with no strings or it is not a gift, it's a conditional service to maintain control over someone else's day. Fuck. No.
Totally agree! You should never offer to pay for something if all you are doing is buying in so you can have a say. It's not a business deal. It is supposed to be a gift so the couple can have the wedding of THEIR dreams.
As soon as I saw "Apologize to his mom" I screamed! AB-SOLUTELY NOT! Dont marry that man! EDIT: Also YES to the mother/MIL thing. The last thing my mom basically said to me before we finally cut off contact was that I was an ungrateful and difficult child/adult bc I made her have to accept my life or she couldnt be in it. I was like....yeah? thats called being an adult???
The second one with the family next door to the honeymoon suite is related to an old tradition called shiveree. Its a hazing of the bride. I always heard it being done in the South, and when I heard my friends were going to do it, I told everyone, including my groom and his family, that we were going to Albuquerque for the honeymoon. We pulled out of the church and went in that direction until we got to the outskirts of town and I was sure nobody had followed us. Then we went the opposite direction to Amarillo, where I picked the hotel when we got into town so that nobody could find a reservation.
A man who will go against you, after knowing full well how you felt about something is NOT someone you should be marrying. ~It's about respect and trust!
I'm so so blessed to have an amazing mother in-law!! She made me my wedding dress,and it was beautiful! It was her gift to me.. Now still, 21yrs later, she is one of my closest friend,and I love her so much! We go shopping,travel together and she is an amazing grandma to our kids.. Her son,my husband, is so happy that we get along . Now, we're moving,and she bought us new furniture and is making me beautiful curtains! I love her so much! I don't have a relationship with my own mom, because she did so many messed up things to me growing up, but my mil is everything I could ask for as support and as a family..
I, thankfully, have the sweetest MIL on this earth. She’s been so supportive and sweet never overstepping boundaries and a 3 time cancer survivor. I look up to this wonderful woman and love her wholeheartedly. 💜💜💜
The bigger concern beyond the future MIL crossing the boundary is that the fiancé not only facilitated it but took the mom’s side. That bride to be needs to RUN!! Can you imagine all the crap coming down the pike from his mother if she does marry him?🤯
Not only did MIL cross the boundary that was clearly set, he also crossed an even bigger one. He knew you did not want his mother to try on your dress. And he did not even bother to stand for YOU, his future wife.
My in laws and I did not get along for a loooong time. It took a lot of work on our parts but now they are very comfortable and respectful with our boundaries. They are extremely proud of all their son has accomplished as an independent person. They even contribute to our rent so we can live much closer to them which makes my hubs so crazy happy. Parents can be crazy, it’s all about how the couple as a unit approaches it.
These stories are horrifying 😳 😂 I am so blessed to be able to have my MIL, she is absolutely amazing and my second mom. We have our 'things' once in a while but always talk it out. She helped me plan my wedding, found the perfect venue, got our cake and helped me shop for my dress - clearance at DEBs😂 , that was more than 20yrs ago😊
My problem with the first issue, is that her fiancé went against her wishes as well. Not only that, but now he's blowing up at her about her feelings. This has the makings of a very bad marriage. I don't give it long or even wonder if it will actually happen, and I'll lay odds, that should she go through with the wedding, that MIL shows up wearing a white dress as well.
The first op , this is the strongest case for throwing the baby (the OP's fiance ) with the bathwater . Throw the wedding dress , delete the woman's photo and all photos of the fiance and call off the engagement . Forget the 3k for the wedding dress . It is peanuts for saving you a lot of heartburn , heartbreak and bitterness .
Exactly. If she doesn't, then years down the road that will be her biggest regret. $3k versus a life with people who scheme behind your back to trample your boundaries. That is the type of MIL who would help their kid cheat on their spouse.
My husband and I married later in life. Our venue could comfortably seat 250 guests. We allowed each side half of the invitations. My MIL married on an Army base due to a pregnancy, so did not experience her "dream" wedding. I included her in as many wedding plans as possible given the 3-hr drive distance. My husband is the second son she had and no daughter was born to her union. She photocopied our wedding announcement and handed it out to her dancing friends as she was a widow so followed several bands and went dancing two to three times per week in a 100-mile radiis of her place. In the end, we had 450 guests at our wedding and sit-down meal. My husband and I found out about two weeks before our wedding what she had done, so increased our portions and told our venue. We borrowed chairs and tables from every church amd restaraunt in our area and brought them to our church. Mind you, I made our wedding food... roasted pork, roasted turkey, real mashed potatoes, separate roasters of. grean beans, corn, and peas, gravey, salad bar, and since my MIL made wedding cakes, she made ours. She asked me what I wanted for cake [flavors and design], but I told her to make whatever she would like in the design she would have wanted when she got married. I wanted her to feel included but also experience a wedding she never had. She made a beautiful wedding cake which took three banquet tables set up in a U-shape to accomodate. It was massive! It was also lovely, so we used it as part of our wedding banquet decoration focus. My husband and I paid for everything... ddcorations, photo collages, church and mealsite decorations... everything. We had even made our announcements and thank yous at a joint family party, assembly line-style. It was fun and they were beautiful. In the end, we had people who were in our original invite list seated by a half-dozen ushers inside the venue with the rest seated in lounge areas, hallways, and Sunday-school rooms. The church sound tech guy is a friend of ours so piped sound into all of these extra spaces. It was before the age of tech, so they couldn't see the wedding, but they felt included and heard it. It was truly a beautiful... and packed... wedding! Everyone was accomodated, ate to their heart's content, and at the end of the day, we were married -- which was the point of the day. If everyone gets too stuck on the details of the wedding, feelings will get hurt and chaos will endure for decades. When we built our home about six months later, we made an in-law apartment so she [or my folks] could visit whenever they wanted and have their own place and privacy. We had thought that eventually my MIL would move in as she grew older. Sadly, she developed brain cancer five years after our marriage when I was 8-mo pregnant with our first child. She passed without getting to meet her grandchildren, nor them getting to meet her [we had five children in six years]. Life is short, family is everything. Don't waste stress and reactions on things which are temporary. While boundaries are important, so is sacrifice and reasonable accommodation... on both sides. That's my advice.
Excuse me while my lip wobbles a bit reading your story. What lovely, wonderful gestures you made to include your MIL - she must have felt so honored and loved. And how amazing that you were able to (so calmly and kindly!) welcome so many of your MIL’s friends to the wedding you paid for and cooked for! It sounds like she hit the jackpot when her son found you. Also, I’ll bet you anything she sent her grandchildren to earth for to join your family with Grandma hugs and kisses and blessings. They might never have met her in this life, but they came to you enveloped in their Grandma’s love.
Oooooh! This is my time to shine! 😂 So on our wedding day, it just so happened to be my brother in laws birthday. When we first mentioned that day, my mother in law was upset because it was my hubby’s brothers bday and it would take away from his day. Well, it just so happened that was actually the only available date we could do for the venue we wanted. We talked to his brother and he said he had no problem with us sharing our wedding day on his birthday. No big deal, go ahead. So we did. Cue the day before the wedding, we head off to a an intimate family dinner and TONS of people are there and they all yell surprise! My MIL turned it into an early surprise bday party for my brother in law. All right, no harm. We celebrate, all is good. The next day is our wedding. Now due the wedding day. We head to our luncheon and we start toasting. And all of a sudden, the waiters bring out a birthday cake to my brother in law and turn it into ANOTHER birthday party while I’m sitting there in my wedding dress. And she proceeds to go on and on about my brother in law and what a special day it is for HIM. So yeah… I cut her off 2 years ago and it’s been bliss ever since. 😊
A good rule to remember is when you marry the person, you're also marrying the family. In these cases, I'd have run as far and fast as I could. It only gets worse after the wedding!
I remember seeing the first story and literally commented saying you'd have a field day with this one 😂 so glad it ended up here. We did discuss that it was shifty he was saying to be out of the family chat and off FB for a month, likely so they could spin their own story and she couldn't argue or defend herself until way after and too late. Is it too harsh? No, everything from the fiance and MIL was red flags and it just got worse when he tried to "fix" things.
@@butchershoppequartet8690 yah I'd be so gone, boy bye. I love the idea one of the Redditor's had of post the pic when you cancel the wedding and wish the new couple well lol
Get the money from the fiance, pretend you have a new dress, tell mother-in-law to wear the wedding dress on that day and then leave them both at the altar 😂
For the last misbehaving MIL....ask her "what do you think we should name our first child when we have it?" Act all excited and when it arrives name it after your own mother. lol
The absolute BEST advice my mother gave me... Make sure you fall in love with your future MIL because your husband will always be her little boy. MANY relationships ended after I met my boyfriends mothers. I am married 28 years to the love of my life because of that advice.
To the first one : It's the fact that he stood guard and freaked out when op came home shows that he KNOWS that this was wrong yet he still not only let his mom do it anyway he also tried to cover her , tried to make op look like the one in the wrong and then even told op to apologize to the FMIL and other commands
Literally those MILs are so entitled. They want their son to marry them because they didn’t get someone like them. It’s ridiculous. OP should definitely not marry him
The MIL trying on the dress pretty much ruined the dress for the bride. Plus the MIL could have streatched out the fit and popped the stitches that was custom to the bride!
Ugh. Eye roll. I've had 2 toxic MILs, albeit in different ways. 1st one was straight up crazy and that marriage fell apart in 2 years due to her shenanigans and her son being unable to resist her. Their loss, I raised my beautiful son first myself with my parents' help, then with wonderful 2nd husband. His mom is histrionic and narcissistic, but he sets boundaries and confronts her when she gets out of line. If your partner has s crazy parent, make sure they have their head on straight. 2nd husband and I now have 3 kids (he considers my son his) and we'll celebrate 22 years of marriage this year.
The day I got married my mil said to me her son could do better than me. Ugh. He cheated and physically and emotionally abused me. I saw her a few years ago and I flat out told her I have done much better than her son
My mother is a lot like the mothers in this video. I stopped having contact with her in 2004, and will having nothing more to do with her ever again. She did a lot of bad things to me over the years, a few of which were illegal. The final straw was when she made an ultimatum, demanding that I choose between her and my wife.
Don't let those in the family bully you into connecting with her. Like in "She is your mom. You need to forgive and move on." Or "How would you feel that she died and you were not able to reconnect. Wouldn't you be ashamed that you didn't forgive her?" Stuff like that.
What's the deal that jealous women grab someone else's wedding gown? IT'S WRONG!!! IT'S WRONG FOR HER, IT'S WRONG FOR EVERYONE ... Period. Concerning your future family: RUN!!
Wow! That first story is wild, major red flags run for the hills girl! Majorly controlling. Doesn’t take your feelings into consideration and is a total mummy’s boy! Get out now!
For the first story, imagine the damage MIL and the fiance would do to future children if they have kids, or if someone gets seriously sick, etc. Her fiance will never take her side. I'm totally surprised she didn't dump him as soon as she found him in the house! And the demands he's making even before they're married are a good indicator of what he will be like in their marriage. Op should cancel the wedding and dump her fiance, but first send the photo of the MIL in the wedding dress to everyone she knows (and the family chat).
My MIL was a gem. It was my grandmother who was the pain... she offered to throw me a shower. When I gave her my guess list, she said that she would invite HER friends and family only because they "owe her" for all of the showers and gifts she gave for their daughters. I had to throw a second shower so I could have the groom's family, other friends, and bridal party there.
As cathartic as it is to hear awful mother-in-law stories, I feel we also need some awful daughter-in-law stories, but boy oh boy, my sweet mother has been through the wringer. My five brothers are all currently married, but due to several divorces my mom has had eight daughter-in-laws over the years, six of whom have not entirely been the best to be around. Most are manageable, but my one brother's first wife was a doozy. She came from an affluent family and came with all the stuck up bs that can come with that. The incident that really frustrated my mom was when my mother arranged a bridal shower for my brother's soon to be wife, a catalog affair where people would come and order things from a giant book to be given later near the wedding. My mom invited a ton of the other side of the family, and was surprised when only a grandmother came among a dozen invitees. That night my mom got a very mean and loud phone call from DIL declaring that she had no right to have any party that involved her family, because they were HER family. She even refused all the bridal shower gifts....... Then to top things off on the day of the wedding my mom lent DIL her very own bridal veil, and DIL never gave it back, declaring it now hers and that it had always been hers. If my mom has one toxic trait, it's trying to be too good to family members, even the ones that hurt her.
Your mom sounds like a lovely person. It's a shame not everyone can appreciate a loving person. And also, you are right. Would love a video about evil DIL's. :)
Every video i watch makes me more and more appreciative of the relationship my husband and i have with our respective inlaws. Both sets of inlaws respect our boundaries and understand we will always put each other first. We have never had a family member or inlaw cross a boundary and i am more aware of how lucky we are
As a future MIL, I’ve learned exactly how NOT to behave from my MIL. I’m so terrified that I’m gonna screw up, that I’m basically ignoring everyone and staying out of the way, but then I don’t want my boy and his wife to feel like I’m not interested. It’s so hard🤦🏽♀️
TBH IMO a genuine heart to heart convo with them about it and just telling them that you're there when they need you. Would probably go a long way, lack of communication messes things up, being upfront and honest is easier and would put all of you at ease.
Agreed. I have always made an effort to stay out of my DIL's way, never offer advice or tell them what to do. At this point I get the impression that she thks I don't like her. (Not the case!) It is hard.
My MIL tried to take my seat my son's wedding. So when I came down the aisle with my youngest son, there she was in all her glory. I made her move to her place. She was steaming. Then she loudly interrupted the ceremony, by announcing that she could not see or hear. She refused to wear her hearing aids. 😂😂😂 I already knew that her toxic personality was going to cause problems. I was cracking up inside. I wish that I had been better prepared for this event. I wish that I had arranged for a special chair ( a throne perhaps? ) to be placed about 1 foot beside my son and his wife, so that she could take center stage, see and hear the ceremony. But alas, no such preparation occurred.
@@schoolgirl4suzuki it's never too late to sit down with a coffee and start to communicate that you want to supprort without being overbearing and will be there if needed. Saw with my grandma, MIL to my mum, that even living in the same house a lot of resentment lasted literally with my grandma dying still holding grudges over silly insignificant things because they never really communicated with each other besides a 'being decent'-front. so while I have trouble to communicate my own needs too, I try to grow from seeing my family-issues ^^ I hope you have wonderful years with your family!
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
Do not marry anyone who would cover up behaviour he knew would upset you, then gaslight you, pressuring you to apologise. F*ck that noise.
That's what I thought. The very fact that he was trying to stop her going in the bedroom showed he knew it was wrong for his mum to do it and he knew his future wife didn't want her to try it on. Yet he still went against his future wife's wishes anyway.
Yep, when your sig other starts waving big red flags, salute and run away. Dont settle
@@alisonpendlebury-brown7885 yup!
@@Heathcoatmanseriously!
THIS ❤
The fact that the mommas boy stood guard and tried to stop her from seeing monster in law in the wedding dress means they KNEW that what they did was wrong
accomplice!
yeah i wouldn't marry him after that
Also did he see his mother in her dress???😭 he’s not even supposed to see the brides dress before the wedding day. That’s shocking
More like them demanding OP deletes the photo and shows no one is proof they knew what they were doing was wrong. If it’s so innocent, why can’t she show other people? Monster in law should be proud to strut around in her DIL’s still unworn dress cause it’s not inappropriate at all right? 🙄
@@Bommelle and he's making HER apologie to his mother!!! Like for what? Sorry I got photo of your mother going against my wishes and wearing my wedding dress? Like if she thought it was acceptable to try it on then why she's scared that others would find out what she did it?
For the first story: I guarantee the son not only stood guard so his mom could try on the dress, but schemed with her and made it happen. While MIL’s behavior is concerning, even more concerning is the fact that the fiancé is going behind his future wife’s back to enable his mom’s behavior.
I agree. Cause how else would Mom know WHEN to come and try on the dress. He probably called his Mom when his bride to be wasn't at home and told her to come try the dress on, and he was CLEARLY guarding the door because he tried to stop the bride from going in and seeing MIL in the dress. I think both the MIL AND her son need to apologize to the bride at the very least for disrespecting her and breaking her trust. And she doesn't need to marry him. If he will take his Mom's side in this, when his bride sets a clear boundary, he will do it in future conflicts too. He's a Mama's Boy.
It certainly won't stop there
Looking at a lifetime of that nonsense if she married him. Ugh. Sounds like an other mommy has issues with her baby being with another woman stories 🤢🤮 oddly creepy.
@@RajiahJacobs Mom wants to marry son. Why couldn't mom wait until after the wedding and ask to try on the dress? Good grief.
It will happen again, and again. Guaranteed.
the fact that the fiance and MIL in the first story knew how much trouble that photo could cause means they absolutely 100% knew what they were doing was wrong
TRUTH 100%
And the fact that they wanted her to log out of the family group chat and ALL of Facebook for at least a month!!!! What are they planning on doing on Facebook that they don’t want her to see?
@@flutterbug13 at first I thought they were planning to talk about her badly behind her back but maybe they want it so she couldn't public that photo/send it in a family group chat before wedding?
I agree.... what I don't get is why he said she needs to quit the family group chat and log out of Facebook for a month!!!!! What the #### has that got to do with it!!!!! 😅
Yip. They're so desperate for no one to see the photo, but at the same time, they're gaslighting her into thinking she's overreacting 🚩🚩🚩
The advice to cancel the wedding is absolutely correct. Dump mommy''s boy and find a worthwhile partner.
Yes! Run! Like the wind. Do not look back. Wow.
@@LisaT_Take it from me, because I nearly married the man I loved, despite his mother's constant criticism of me. She saw some framed photos of me in his house and said I looked like a prost.
It got to a point where I had to make an important decision. I'm very well educated and had an amazing job. I owned my own apartment and was financially secure. I realised I had to break up with him. I called and asked him to come over. I told him my decision. We were both crying. The phone rang. It was his mother calling to ask if he was there. I said yes and she screamed at me. I hung up, went and opened the front door, and told him to leave.
He pleaded with me to understand his mother, but I pushed him back and closed the door.
Sure, I was really sad, but I kept the engagement ring. Sold it several months later and paid for a wonderful holiday.
Best case scenario if she stayed is hearing "wow, honey! You wore YOUR wedding dress better than my mom!" on her wedding day.
That is very weird. The fact he tried to keep his fiance from seeing his mom in the dress knew he was doing something wrong.
I think MIL stole the first look for the bride as well. Now the fiance has seen the dress and ruined that unveiling moment from OP
*the wedding night, in the hotel room* “Wow, that dress looks even better on you than it did on my mom”.
That’s why she needed a new dress. 😂
Omg that would send anyone to the therapist's couch....
🤣🤣🤣
There is something psychologically wrong with these women. As a mother of 2 sons and no daughters, I’m hoping when the time comes for them to get married that I am invited to go dress shopping since I won’t have that opportunity with a daughter of my own, but it would never occur to me in a million years to ask to TRY ON the dress. That’s just creepy and weird.
Exactly how I feel as a mom of 4 sons. I want to be involved with my grandkids one day ❤
I agree, something is off if you want to put on the dress your son will be taking off his bride after the wedding. I would be horrified at the thought of seeing my MIL in my dress. The MIL over stepped boundaries and if she cannot see that than RUN. No woman wants a husband who has a side chick named Mom. 😂
Yeeeeah, not only asking, but insisting,
And then manipulating the son to secretly try it on..... that's a giant red flag
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jocasta_complex
Yes, it mistake.
Future wife needs to come first….
This man has a lot to learn …🙂🙂
It's a NO-NO on wearing anyone's wedding dress without permission. The bride should not be apologizing to her MIL.
BEFOREEEE THE WEDDING!!!!
Asking her to pay for another dress is a bit much tho. The dress wasn't ruined, why does she need to pay for another?
Honestly, this sounds exactly like a story that Charlotte's read before... only in that story the mom did rip the dress trying to squeeze into it 😅
@fallenbee the bride should not go through with this wedding. But even if she does, the bride does not want to wear *this* wedding dress anymore. Understandably. She spent $3,000 of her own hard earned money on this dress and the fiance's mother basically ruined it *for her* by creating this horrible memory.
I understand why she asked to be reimbursed, but the attempt at extorting the reimbursement from the MIL wasn't the greatest idea. Unfortunately, I think OP isn't getting reimbursed unless she accepts $ from the fiance. And marrying hin would be a HUGE mistake, so maybe she could try to look at the $ she is out as the cost of dodging that bullet.
@@suepongallo unless she ripped the dress or ruined it physically, there is no reason for her to pay for it. If her MIL wearing it ruined it for her that badly, something tells me she already didn't like it lmao.
I don’t believe I’ve ever been grateful enough for my late mother-in-law. She treated me more like a daughter than a daughter-in-law. I miss her.
Same here my mother in law treats me like a son and not a son in law and I love that about her. In fact she acts more like a mom than my mother does. Out of me and my wife. My mother is the problem. And I apologize to my wife all the time about my mother's behavior.
Same here. She was awesome to me and my son from ex husband from day 1. I miss her very much, she passed in 2010
My former MIL and my MIL now are fabulous! I’m blessed!
Lucky you.
my FMIL is the same way treats me like a daughter and I've only met her once I love her
OHHHH the fact the FIANCÉ was complicit!!!!!!!!!!! NTA, and I would frankly call off the wedding. Knowing I’m getting into a partnership where my husband and MIL will happily team up to go behind my back and against my wishes waves a bigger red flag than Les Miserables. “Boymoms” are THE WORST.
Facts.
Until he sets healthy boundaries, no go. Usually that doesn’t happen.
The man I was marrying had an unhealthy relationship with his much older sister...I knew it at the time but married him anyway.
Don't do it. You'll always be the "third wheel" and you don't want to marry him AND his mother.
Not boy moms but mama's boys and Oedipal moms. Not just boy moms.
This!!! I couldn't imagine ever ever even thinking of asking to try on anothers wedding dress. Wth.
@cosmicrae a Toxic Boy Mom and a mom of boys (boy mom) are different things. I get your point though.
Who in their right mind would allow their mother to wear their fiancé’s wedding dress? That sounds like a little more is going on between the mother and son
That’s what I was thinking as well!! The thought of that gave me the creeps… so weird!
Exactly. I was like you wanna think of your Wife on Wedding night not how your Mom wore it better 😂
Her best bets to end that engagement lickity-split
My first thought on her excuse of "because I love wedding dresses" was it was a last second word change from "because I love my son"
It’s sad, really. The fact that his mom wants to ruin the wedding by stomping over her soon to be DIL’s wedding dress… and how the son is allowing it. Hopefully after he loses OP, he will reflect on all his past failure of relationships and see why they failed: my guess the key factor to them all is his mother. And then he will then get out of her spiderweb grip and move on to be happy with someone that his mother has no say over
I was told by a dress saleswoman that “in Roman times” Maid of Honors were also allowed to tackle and carry away anyone they feel was a threat to the bride or the marriage.
I still care if it’s true- I freakin’ love it!!
Now I'm picturing muscular women in sports jerseys surrounding the bride smiling viciously, like try me. 😂
@@paulagoeringer9466 Female gladiators armed with nets, tridents, ...
Too bad we still can't do that😂 I'd go to weddings just to see it!
@@Katfall2012 Who says we can't?
This is true. Sometimes bridesmaids were also priestesses of Juno who were specifically trained for this purpose. Groomsmen also originally had the task of protecting the bride from abduction.
I'd have sent the picture to everyone and said just that: Regrettably, we will not continue with the wedding, but congratulations to the lovely couple. The Oedipus energy is strong with them two.
The only other commentor I have seen that referenced Oedipus Rex!
🔥🔥🔥👍
Nah Oedipus straight up gouged out his eyes when he realized he'd slept with his mom. Bro disabled himself out of disgust with his own actions regardless of his lack of knowledge of whom he'd slept with. The dude in that story just straight up probably got groomed by his mother and she wanted to make sure he was hers alone.
Really creepy guy!
🎯🎯🎯💯💯💯
For me, the biggest issue with the first story is that there is no trust, at all, in that relationship. The bride couldn't trust the MIL or the groom. The groom and the MIL broke that trust together and risked the relationship with the bride. The groom obviously didn't trust the bride or he wouldn't need to delete the photo himself and make her promise she didn't have copies of the pic!
Exactly! If I was her, my relationship with both of them would be tainted. He also sounds like a walking red flag for not sticking by his fiancee's side throughout that whole mess, and not trusting her with that photo.
What more he wanted her to leave the family group chat
The groom doesn't trust the bride not to use the photo in the future because, given the reverse situation, HE would use something for future leverage. So, he is doubly not trustworthy.
I'm a parent of a toddler. I recently went to a child free wedding. I wasn't offended at all! It was a late wedding and my husband and I, really enjoyed an evening out and adult conversation with the rest of the people at our table. I don't get why it is an issue. We got my parents to babysit. Everyone was happy, the wedding was beautiful, they happy couple didn't have to worry about babies crying during their vows (which I've seen happen MANY times), and a great time was had by all. Be an adult, respect other's wishes or don't go. Simple:)
Like adults have the right to adult and it's not a family reunion and its not a kids birthday party 😂
I never understood why people got upset. Like I know you love your child, but you'd think parents would be thrilled to have a night with all there friends and or family celebrating a special night. Have a small break not have to worry about anything idk.
I think it's the adults that treat weddings like expensive family reunions (so ALL the kids have to come, of course) who'd object the most. OR, the adults who are so wrapped up in their kids they don't remember how to socialize without them and just be with a group of adults for a night. They're so used to including kids and assume all events have to include 'em. Nope--there were PLENTY of times when parents could be parents and go out together decades ago, and you'd have several children in those families. Don't think any of 'em felt neglected by an occasional night out.
Besides, it's a good time for kids to learn that the world is not catered to them and they don't get to go everywhere... there are some things best saved for when they're older, and a ceremony and party that'll be late-night affairs? Hells yeah, leave the kids at home. Who wants to dress in their best, dance and chat, & stop an hour in because the kids are whining about how sleepy they are while the other adults are sticking around for 3-4 more hours?
Mothers that don't allow you to have boundaries are unhealthy. That's not the way you treat your children or your children's spouse. That's the mom's problem
I don't understand why are all those OPs getting involved in these situations. Just walk away.
@@curtisalex456 someone with a difficult mother still deserves love too. Sometimes they're trying to get away from that mother also.
Boundaries keep us safe.
@@curtisalex456 because toxic empathy is a side effect of living with a narcissist and control freak.
28F here, my mom and I have an amazing relationship, but for the longest time we didn't have even normal healthy boundaries. Now as adults we are learning we don't have to share and tell everything, it's okay not to know everything, and we no longer overshare with strangers either. Not everyone need to know everything about you either.
First story
Step 1 let him pay you the $3000.
Step 2 apologize to your future mother-in-law saying " I'm so sorry I had no idea you were a crazy cunt your son was a little momma's boy"
Step 3 break up with your fiancé.
These steps will ensure a happy and long life with no drama and possibly in the future someone who actually respects and loves you.
☝👏👏
Exactly...except my step 2 would be to post the picture with the caption "I'm sorry I had no idea you had an oedipal complex and lusted after your son....hope you guys are happy together always"
😁 yeeessssss
This is strong advice. A man who would go behind your back like that is not actually your man.
Step 1.5: Pretend you're not mad anymore and that you now think it's sweet and cute.
Have fiance and MIL pose together, preferably in the bedroom where you caught her trying on the wedding dress (bonus points if you can get fiance in his tux).
Distribute photos to anyone and everyone everywhere.
Proceed to Step 2.
The MIL wanting to try on the dress is a power play. She was pissing on her territory. That way she could watch the bride walk down the aisle knowing she wore that dress first.
Super weird and sus AF. Like what the....
Can you imagine walking up the aisle in your dream dress on your wedding day, seeing your groom smiling from ear to ear, maybe a little tear in his eye, and not knowing if it because of you or because he is picturing his mommy in the dress? 100% thats what that mom was hoping for. She totally wanted to share that moment with her own child. The creep factor is high on this one. This is the same dress he would be removing from his brides's body on their wedding night and he saw his mom in it first. Oh, God. I just made myself throw up a little bit. That girl better run far and fast.
my thoughts exactly. creepy
i swear some of these moms like this are emotionally attracted to they're sons. your 100% right, she's the type of mother to go to a wedding and be like "Anna its not all about you, its still my baby boy's wedding." and then get poured red wine on by the moh.
Yes, I not-so-faked a gagging when Charlotte read this. Disturbing, & a new one for moi to fathom.
💯%
I can't believe she didn't immediately say she's calling it off.
Also, I don't understand why the creator of this video doesn't think the MIL should pay for the dress, because she absolutely should.
I was thinking of all the symbolism that a wedding dress actually stands for and it is 100% the fact that FMIL tried on THAT dress. HELL NO. I would never be able to look at my fiancé the same way or respect him as much. The fact that he's being SO insistent that the picture be deleted and not copied means he deeply understands the significance of what is going on.
The list of "Requirements" in the first video from her fiancé was just more proof as to how much he planned to disrespect her in the future and control/manipulate her.
Girl, run.
Mama's boy is the MAJOR problem here.
(1) He KNEW this was wrong.
(2) Not only did he defend his wannabe fiancée (aka MIL) but he HELPED her and then expected an apology to her.... its a straightforward **ck off there.
(3) The idea of sending pic to invitees and wishing 'good luck to the happy couple' is savage 😂 do it!! 😂😂
• MIL puts on your wedding dress & fiancée takes her side= Deal-Breaker
• MIL bookes the room next door to the Honeymoon suite= Deal-Breaker
• MIL changes guest list behind the Bride's back and shows up wearing a white dress at the wedding= Deal-Breaker
Completely, my BF's mom called him her life partner while weeping when he chose to move out of her house and in with me in his mid 30's instead of moving across Canada with no prior discussion. She expected him and I to want to drop our lives and move across country with her to keep helping pay the mortgage.
Periodt. 🫰😉
I wouldn't call them deal breakers immediately. I'd tell the MiL that she can either respect my wishes/boundaries or she won't be in our lives.
@@roseblue800xx sorry that you went through that.
@@arielbujnowski3340 thank you. I'm certain plenty of people have it much worse. Some people just boggle the mind.
The fact he offerd to pay and wanted to delete the picture himself clearly shows he knows it was wrong yet he let it happen in the first place anyway.
Right?! He knows he’s guilty but he’s trying to make himself feel better.
AND the fact that he wanted to delete the picture himself tells me that HE knows HE couldn't be trusted to keep his word if the situation were reversed. In psychological terms, it's called transference, blaming the other person what he himself is guilty of.
Wrong AND Creepy!!
My Mother In Law is an angel and stories like these remind me how grateful I am for her!
I remember reading that first story on Reddit, and the ick factor was huge! Basically everyone told her to dump the fiancé: if he couldn't stand up to his mother on this one extremely reasonable point, there would never be any boundaries in their relationship. Also, the FMIL wanting to try on her FDIL's dress is beyond creepy!!!
Story 1: I’ve said this before down here but I sell wedding dresses. Brides that feel that strongly about their dress spend a L O T of time and energy finding a dress they love. We’ll flat out say NO when a bride asks for their sister/mother/best friend to try it on so they can “see it on someone else” - this will ALWAYS ruin a perfectly good dress and confuse a bride up and down. So you have your dress dress essentially stolen and worn by your mother in law can ABSOLUTELY ruin the fantasy!!
Yeah cuz then all imma think about it how my mil is marrying her son. What a mind melt. These poor folks.
Thank you for explaining this. Tbh I had a beautiful wedding and got along great with my MIL and couldn’t understand what the big deal was. I loved my dress but I definitely love family way more.
@@DeeLite220 I think the big thing here is consent and betrayal. I imagin you're thinking of letting your mil try on your dress and it being a silly happy thing. For this bride she said no, and her fiance and mother conspired to break her trust and lie to her and do something she explicitly said no to, I imagine this betrayal is what's creating/enhancing the negative feeling about the dress.
@@foxinasweater2300 oh I totally get it. It’s obviously a different situation. It does make me think this isn’t the guy or family for her though, and vice versa. Like incompatible.
Listening to these I am so grateful for my amazing MIL. She was always welcoming and treated me like a bonus daughter. My in laws had moved a good distance from us and our son is disabled so when she fell ill and the prognosis was terrible I sent my husband to be at her side and did the 24/7 care of our boy so he could focus on her. I didn't see her again but sent a letter with him telling her how wonderful a job she had done raising her son, that it was my honour to have been welcomed into her family and how much I loved her and how I promised to look after him and make sure that our son would never forget his Gramma. I hope my words gave her a little comfort knowing her boy would be ok and I would support him through the tough times ahead.
I can’t imagine a more comforting gift than what you gave her as she was leaving this life. That is priceless.
These people need to RUN away from these situations.
why are people so afraid of canceling a wedding? Yes, it will cost you money, but if it's the wrong kind of marriage it will cost you your sanity! get out now while you can!
AND divorces aren't cheap either when that eventually happens because of bad marriage
Well said!!!
Because some weddings are planned over a year in advance. During the entire time it’s a lot of talking, planning, and purchasing. So I get how someone wouldn’t want all that time, effort, and money to go down the drain and have to spend more money to cancel.
Word.
@@dorkiedoodles2297 still it's better to cancel a wedding than to go through divorce after years of hell or spend life with those mommy boys and their mils
As a psychotherapist in training, the defenitions you would give to these MILs is "enmeshment", "overbearing", "co-dependent parents", and most probably "narcissistic enmeshment"- where a parent needs to be involved in their childs decisions, their childs relationships and all form of boundaries is blurred.
What surprises me are the children who are 100% okay with it, meaning it started from when they were so young that to them this dynamic is considered totally normal and everyone else needs to blur their boundaries for the sake of the parent involved.
Before I married my now ex-husband, I bluntly asked him if his mother or any other family members were "crazy." I told him that I refused to deal with crazy MIL bullshit. Long story short, we met each other's families before making the decision to take the next step. Even though I have been divorced for more than 10 years, I still keep in touch with my former MIL and the entire family. Lesson: Spend some time with your SO's family before you get married. Like a person with kids, the family is part of the package!
I divorced my husband of one year, 30 years ago and have had no contact with him since before the divorce.
I love my MIL, or as I prefer to call her, my son's beloved grandmother. In fact, today is her birthday and I'm going to call her. We'll probably chat for an hour, as usual. She has been there for me through the hardest years of my life. She even spent thousand$$$ on a private eye to find my ex when he kidnapped our baby and disappeared for a year. Then she testified against him after he was arrested!
You just don't throw a high quality MIL like that away, so I made her my friend instead.💕
Watch out family can change so drastically with life events especially babies essentially they can go crazy at any time
I didn't marry your family, I married you.
@@MarzBlueSoul While I completely feel you on this sentiment, if your SO isn't on the same page, you are marrying his/her family as well unfortunately.
@@justhereforthecommentslol2425 Well then I guess in not married then.
5:52 the fact that the mom and son want the picture deleted and don't want her to show anyone is like an admission of guilt. if they didn't think it was a big deal, they wouldn't care if people knew.
good point!
They know it’s not totally innocent of them and they know it represents a real problem with their relationship.
This was my ex MIL. She also blamed me when he was actively threatening to off himself, even though I was leaving because he was both physically and mentally abusing me for several years. (Wonder where he got that from.)
It's been 10 years, and I'm happy to say I'm marrying again next March, to the kindest man with the most amazing Irish mother. She is seriously amazing.
The common theme in each of these stories is how the men (other partner) see absolutely nothing wrong with the behaviours, and even go as far as defending their mothers rather than their partner. THAT is the red flag. THAT is the person you need to be looking at. The way they respond/react tells you everything about everything in your relationship.
Not the last story tbf. In the last story the son was absolutely calling her out.
@@ilz_y ya I didn’t think I needed to clarify the obvious. My bad!
The grooms/partners are absolutely in the wrong for defending their mother over their fiancee but I still feel sorry for them. They grew up with this controlling/abusive behavior from their mothers and I think it warps their sense of normal.
@@magicsiren91 100% agree, I feel for the childhood and upbringing. I start to swerve here because I do not feel for a grown man who has committed his life to his partner yet still chooses not to get help or maybe even acknowledge his behaviours. Honestly, I'd have to watch it again but if the wife was clearly mortified/angry/voiced it whatever, still gives the ick. That is what kills any empathy because he has no respect for his wife. I feel like respect is hidden in between the letters L O V E. They kinda go together.
GEEZ, hearing all of these insane MIL stories makes me want to give my MIL a hug. She’s awesome!
Same tho 👌
Same 🥲 she’s literally more chill than my mom lol
Mine aint...
Same. I have great MIL
I always want to drop in after watching one of these and say I had a lovely mother in law, and I was SO awkward. She would often see the best in me, and was always honest and kind as she showed me how to interact with a healthier family than I was used to. She was so good at it, that it took me a few years to realize how much she’d helped me. She was that good 😂
That is amazing. Your MIL is a beautiful person.
This is why setting boundaries are. So. IMPORTANT.
This! …Also not relenting on said boundaries.
It is important, but I've learnt that it's not possible to set boundaries with people who have no healthy boundaries themselves. I finally had to cut off my mum, as she just does not understand the concept of boundaries. She has no boundaries and she does not understand that other people have those.
Yes please cancel this wedding. This will only be the beginning of many more boundary issues the MIL will ignore. Walk away from this
Run, don’t walk!!😮
Anybody else didn't like the background music?
@@miiimI didn’t like it, it was pretty annoying and made it harder to listen to Charlotte
I totally agree with bride 1. A wedding dress is a huge thing. Nobody else wears that dress. If your fiance can't understand why going against your wishes and then trying to hide it from her between him and your mother, is a problem, then you are going to have worse problems down the line. If that doesn't get across, I'm ending the engagement.
where I am coming from there is a huge superstition about trying on wedding bands. nobody, NOBODY else can put it on their fingers otherwise it will be tainted and bring bad luck to the couple. It's like a curse. The old wish was putting a curse on the union. Maybe she doesn't know that that's what she was doing, nevertheless, it was some sick sh.t she was pulling there
Agreed!
If my fiancé let his mom try on my wedding dress after I explicitly said no, I would have called off the wedding. He went behind her back and sided with his mom. And the demands… Huge Red Flag!🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Also just being cool with his mom putting on the wedding dress his wife was going to wear is so weird, like emotional incest kind of weird. 🤢
@@ms.annthropic6341 I agree it's borderline incest for the MIL to wear her almost daughter in law's wedding dress. The fact that her fiance went along with his mother wearing the dress on the sly was a major red flag. I hope she called off the wedding.
It doesn’t matter if someone’s paying for the wedding or not, they don’t get to dictate the wedding guest list. If the bride and groom don’t want children, there shouldn’t be children there.
I love how they keep ignoring the fact that kids get BORED at weddings! Granted, the younger they are the worst it gets, but still.
And to protest??! What is wrong with these people? They can be disappointed, but the entitlement of making a protest is beyond reprehensible 😡😡
i don't get that thought as they're part of family . but i don't get a lot of americans wedding
@@flirtinggracefullplatypus8496Children weren’t invited due to it being “black tie”. Which means formal and alcohol will be present! They didn’t want children there, most likely, because of it being a formal event with alcohol! Even if this wasn’t the reason, it’s still their right to not have children attend their day.
My daughter-in-law is the best thing to happen to my son. I prayed for that girl for years. It takes two women to raise a good man. A good mother and a great wife.
Story 1: OP doesn’t have a MIL problem. She has a major fiancé problem.
You just know MIL wants OP out of the family chat so she can trash her to the rest of the family without OP being able to say what really happened.
Last story: is there a way to get past MIL’s behaviour at our wedding?
Yes. Going full non -contact with MIL and everyone who showed up to the dinner in white, no matter how uncomfortable they were about it, because they will also be flying monkeys reporting back to the wicked witch MIL.
I had the greatest MIL ever (she adopted my husband when she was 50 something years old. She passed away about ten years ago 😢). She was AMAZING with our kids(now 21 years old and 17 years old). I miss her everyday and it kills me that our SURPRISE youngest child never got to meet her (he is now 5 years old). But she definitely respected all boundaries!!😅❤😢 I am now a MIL and I try to be like her.❤❤❤
It never ever entered my mind to ever interfere with my son's lives. I have always strived to respect them as adults, and to respect their choices with their children. I have great relationships with both my sons and their wives. Their lives are theirs to live, not mine. I don't always agree with them, but I keep it to myself.
I like the suggestion of sending the photo of MIL in your wedding gown to the entire family chat and say "regrettably I will not be participating in the wedding but I wish the lovely couple a happy life together."
When I was engaged to my husband my mother in law called up his ex-girlfriend and sent her to the dock where he was cleaning his boat. She asked her to wear her sexiest bathing suit, so she wore a barely there leopard print bikini. Didn't work though. His brother, who was with him at the time, told me my guy sent her packing. We've been married 39 years this October. 😁
This is so satisfying. Congrats to you and your husband ✨
The fact that the ex gf went along with it makes it seem she’s as crazy and delusional as your mil
THE 80s LEOPARD PRINT BIKINI FANTASY IS REAL?????😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you so much for sharing. I will never forget this story 😂
I had no idea those cheesy 80s romcoms actually happened in real life, and to FAIL at that 🤌
Your guy is the best
Update on the mother in law do you guys talk to her still?
@@CreativeCreatorCreatesThank you so much! ❤
On the first story, it's not just that he won't stand up to his mother; he will actually actively go against his wife if he doesn't happen to agree that her boundary "makes sense" to him. He will never have her back against anyone, including himself. He clearly feels like he has the ability to decide for her which of her wishes are reasonable and he will ignore the ones that "aren't". And he's willing to be deceitful about it too. Can you imagine trying to parent with this guy?!
How much do you want to bet that future MOL has already trampled many other boundaries? There’s no way this is the first or only time she has ignored OP’s wishes and there’s no way this is the first or only time the fiancé has taken his mother’s side.
☕️
exactly! This is why I'm so annoyed with these stories. I get it that OPs are right, but they also know what their partner's family is like and they're delusional for thinking that this behaviour isn't a deal breaker. There's a line between being the victim of a horrible future-MIL and choosing to have that woman as a MIL knowing she'll make your life a living hell, and these people are mindlessly taking a stroll over that line. There's a point where OPs are just being stupid.
That first story. Girl.. forget the wedding. Period! Run! Run far, far away and don't look back.
I’m so glad I had the most wonderful MIL! I love her so much and always will I miss her so much!
My son is getting married next year and I am bound and determined to be the best MIL to his fiancée. I am taking a page from these videos on what NOT to do. 👏🏻
You really have to take notes? It's common sense...
@@geode_rocks I swear I wish the internet had a sarcasm font. Of course I know what to do!! I’m not an idiot! 🤦♀️
🎉😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉
I had REALLY bad luck in the MIL department when I was young. These women were the reasons I kicked these guys to the curb.
1) Asked me if I was pregnant because that was the only reason someone would marry her son.
2) I cooked a meal for my prospective ILs. Beef stroganoff, hand made egg noodles, spinach salad, poached pears with chantilly cream. I was told that if I cooked like this all the time her son would be dead of a heart attack before 30 and maybe I should learn to cook healthy. When my face fell, she asked my BF what was wrong with me.
3) Was told within a couple of weeks of my next BF deciding to propose that if I was looking to get any of their money, I was badly mistaken.
I don't know what is wrong with these moms. There is no reason for it. But I sure didn't stick around to find out.
That meal you made sounds absolutely delicious.
Also…. The dude co-signing the FMIL trying on OPs wedding dress????
YEET THE WHOLE FAMILY!
*Story 1 OP:* As Charlotte said, it’s not that the FMIL tried on OP’s wedding dress against her wishes, it’s that she broke OP’s trust and overstepped a boundary. If OP’s fiancé cared enough about his FW, he would’ve defended her against his mother’s mistreatment towards OP. The fact that it’s the COMPLETE OPPOSITE is enough grounds for cancelling the wedding, and dumping mama’s boy. 100% NTA. OP, run for the fucking hills girl.
I think the MiL should have to buy a new dress SPECIFICALLY because she was told no on multiple occasions before sneaking and doing it anyway. No way to pretend she didn’t know what she was doing!
But the son was/is a spineless slug and allowed it to happen. I'll say this relationship is damaged beyond repair. Send in the wrecking ball.
It probably no longer felt like HER dress and fiance had a highly likely chance of seeing it now. If bride's wishes, before wedding only she should wear it.👰♀️
accomplice @@perjus
@@brookespencer6212 100% agree. MIL knows this and just trying to take advantage and pushing boundaries just to fullfill her own weird dreams. MIL already had her big day and kids. Let someone else have a turn.
He wasn't standing guard, he was waiting for her to come out for their first dance!
Even if you are paying for the wedding you don't get to decide the guest list! Paying for the wedding is a GIFT to the couple, the wedding is about THEM not YOU.
Why do more people not get this?
Yes, but many parents don't get that & act as if them paying for it means they get to pick everything, as if it reflects on them.
They do it for funerals too! "Oh, no! (gasp) Aunt Sally can't possibly have (gulp) sunflowers by her coffin! That's so crass. (or low-class or "not traditional", whatever they fear others will think & thus judge them over) I don't care that they were her favorite & she specifically requested them!"
Honestly this. A billion times over. Where I'm from it is not a thing that your parents on either side pays for your wedding. You pay for it yourself. Can't afford a huge wedding? Then don't have a huge wedding. IF someone contributes it is absolutely CRYSTAL CLEAR that it is a gift and it was given completely with no strings attached and it gives the gifters ZERO influence on anything in the wedding! I can't understand why it's even a thing where anyone's parents are supposed to pay for a lavish wedding that isn't their own? Have the wedding you can afford! But if someone gives money it comes with no strings or it is not a gift, it's a conditional service to maintain control over someone else's day. Fuck. No.
Totally agree! You should never offer to pay for something if all you are doing is buying in so you can have a say. It's not a business deal. It is supposed to be a gift so the couple can have the wedding of THEIR dreams.
Came to say this!
As soon as I saw "Apologize to his mom" I screamed! AB-SOLUTELY NOT! Dont marry that man!
EDIT: Also YES to the mother/MIL thing. The last thing my mom basically said to me before we finally cut off contact was that I was an ungrateful and difficult child/adult bc I made her have to accept my life or she couldnt be in it. I was like....yeah? thats called being an adult???
The second one with the family next door to the honeymoon suite is related to an old tradition called shiveree. Its a hazing of the bride. I always heard it being done in the South, and when I heard my friends were going to do it, I told everyone, including my groom and his family, that we were going to Albuquerque for the honeymoon. We pulled out of the church and went in that direction until we got to the outskirts of town and I was sure nobody had followed us. Then we went the opposite direction to Amarillo, where I picked the hotel when we got into town so that nobody could find a reservation.
Yes, that’s true! The shivaree is even in the musical “Oklahoma.”
A man who will go against you, after knowing full well how you felt about something is NOT someone you should be marrying.
~It's about respect and trust!
I'm so so blessed to have an amazing mother in-law!! She made me my wedding dress,and it was beautiful! It was her gift to me.. Now still, 21yrs later, she is one of my closest friend,and I love her so much! We go shopping,travel together and she is an amazing grandma to our kids.. Her son,my husband, is so happy that we get along . Now, we're moving,and she bought us new furniture and is making me beautiful curtains! I love her so much! I don't have a relationship with my own mom, because she did so many messed up things to me growing up, but my mil is everything I could ask for as support and as a family..
I, thankfully, have the sweetest MIL on this earth. She’s been so supportive and sweet never overstepping boundaries and a 3 time cancer survivor. I look up to this wonderful woman and love her wholeheartedly. 💜💜💜
The bigger concern beyond the future MIL crossing the boundary is that the fiancé not only facilitated it but took the mom’s side. That bride to be needs to RUN!! Can you imagine all the crap coming down the pike from his mother if she does marry him?🤯
These are mothers who had a kid to fill the void and now they can’t let him go.
Probably. Either that or they're narcissistic or just plain crazy. Either way, you can tell that these women were NOT suited for motherhood.
Or reverse Oedipus complex
Not only did MIL cross the boundary that was clearly set, he also crossed an even bigger one. He knew you did not want his mother to try on your dress. And he did not even bother to stand for YOU, his future wife.
My in laws and I did not get along for a loooong time. It took a lot of work on our parts but now they are very comfortable and respectful with our boundaries. They are extremely proud of all their son has accomplished as an independent person. They even contribute to our rent so we can live much closer to them which makes my hubs so crazy happy. Parents can be crazy, it’s all about how the couple as a unit approaches it.
Work together, not against your soon to be wife
I'm very happy you have a great relationship with your in-laws
Yeah. I'd DEFINITELY call off the wedding. This bride is being given a clear picture of what her marriage will be like.
These stories are horrifying 😳 😂 I am so blessed to be able to have my MIL, she is absolutely amazing and my second mom. We have our 'things' once in a while but always talk it out. She helped me plan my wedding, found the perfect venue, got our cake and helped me shop for my dress - clearance at DEBs😂 , that was more than 20yrs ago😊
Ps
We have a pact to the death and she already said years ago, if we ever divorced she was keeping me😂 js😅
@@HerbalAmandaLAwww!! That’s my husband and my folks. They love me. They ADORE him!
My problem with the first issue, is that her fiancé went against her wishes as well. Not only that, but now he's blowing up at her about her feelings. This has the makings of a very bad marriage. I don't give it long or even wonder if it will actually happen, and I'll lay odds, that should she go through with the wedding, that MIL shows up wearing a white dress as well.
The first op , this is the strongest case for throwing the baby (the OP's fiance ) with the bathwater . Throw the wedding dress , delete the woman's photo and all photos of the fiance and call off the engagement . Forget the 3k for the wedding dress . It is peanuts for saving you a lot of heartburn , heartbreak and bitterness .
Exactly. If she doesn't, then years down the road that will be her biggest regret. $3k versus a life with people who scheme behind your back to trample your boundaries. That is the type of MIL who would help their kid cheat on their spouse.
I'd even tell her to maybe consider selling the dress to try to get at least some of the money back.
My husband and I married later in life. Our venue could comfortably seat 250 guests. We allowed each side half of the invitations. My MIL married on an Army base due to a pregnancy, so did not experience her "dream" wedding. I included her in as many wedding plans as possible given the 3-hr drive distance. My husband is the second son she had and no daughter was born to her union.
She photocopied our wedding announcement and handed it out to her dancing friends as she was a widow so followed several bands and went dancing two to three times per week in a 100-mile radiis of her place.
In the end, we had 450 guests at our wedding and sit-down meal. My husband and I found out about two weeks before our wedding what she had done, so increased our portions and told our venue. We borrowed chairs and tables from every church amd restaraunt in our area and brought them to our church. Mind you, I made our wedding food... roasted pork, roasted turkey, real mashed potatoes, separate roasters of. grean beans, corn, and peas, gravey, salad bar, and since my MIL made wedding cakes, she made ours. She asked me what I wanted for cake [flavors and design], but I told her to make whatever she would like in the design she would have wanted when she got married. I wanted her to feel included but also experience a wedding she never had. She made a beautiful wedding cake which took three banquet tables set up in a U-shape to accomodate. It was massive! It was also lovely, so we used it as part of our wedding banquet decoration focus. My husband and I paid for everything... ddcorations, photo collages, church and mealsite decorations... everything. We had even made our announcements and thank yous at a joint family party, assembly line-style. It was fun and they were beautiful. In the end, we had people who were in our original invite list seated by a half-dozen ushers inside the venue with the rest seated in lounge areas, hallways, and Sunday-school rooms. The church sound tech guy is a friend of ours so piped sound into all of these extra spaces. It was before the age of tech, so they couldn't see the wedding, but they felt included and heard it. It was truly a beautiful... and packed... wedding! Everyone was accomodated, ate to their heart's content, and at the end of the day, we were married -- which was the point of the day. If everyone gets too stuck on the details of the wedding, feelings will get hurt and chaos will endure for decades. When we built our home about six months later, we made an in-law apartment so she [or my folks] could visit whenever they wanted and have their own place and privacy. We had thought that eventually my MIL would move in as she grew older. Sadly, she developed brain cancer five years after our marriage when I was 8-mo pregnant with our first child. She passed without getting to meet her grandchildren, nor them getting to meet her [we had five children in six years].
Life is short, family is everything. Don't waste stress and reactions on things which are temporary. While boundaries are important, so is sacrifice and reasonable accommodation... on both sides. That's my advice.
Excuse me while my lip wobbles a bit reading your story. What lovely, wonderful gestures you made to include your MIL - she must have felt so honored and loved. And how amazing that you were able to (so calmly and kindly!) welcome so many of your MIL’s friends to the wedding you paid for and cooked for! It sounds like she hit the jackpot when her son found you.
Also, I’ll bet you anything she sent her grandchildren to earth for to join your family with Grandma hugs and kisses and blessings. They might never have met her in this life, but they came to you enveloped in their Grandma’s love.
I don’t think the first bride should get a new dress because she shouldn’t get married if fiancé is acting like that.
Oooooh! This is my time to shine! 😂
So on our wedding day, it just so happened to be my brother in laws birthday. When we first mentioned that day, my mother in law was upset because it was my hubby’s brothers bday and it would take away from his day. Well, it just so happened that was actually the only available date we could do for the venue we wanted. We talked to his brother and he said he had no problem with us sharing our wedding day on his birthday. No big deal, go ahead. So we did.
Cue the day before the wedding, we head off to a an intimate family dinner and TONS of people are there and they all yell surprise! My MIL turned it into an early surprise bday party for my brother in law. All right, no harm. We celebrate, all is good. The next day is our wedding.
Now due the wedding day. We head to our luncheon and we start toasting. And all of a sudden, the waiters bring out a birthday cake to my brother in law and turn it into ANOTHER birthday party while I’m sitting there in my wedding dress. And she proceeds to go on and on about my brother in law and what a special day it is for HIM. So yeah… I cut her off 2 years ago and it’s been bliss ever since. 😊
Gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! She sounds like an utter nightmare!
Charlotte, you are a hoot with the way you read the stories. You are very animated and funny.
A good rule to remember is when you marry the person, you're also marrying the family. In these cases, I'd have run as far and fast as I could. It only gets worse after the wedding!
6:25 as a married person, call off the wedding. Trust was broken by her partner and her partner was not on her side.
He knew it was wrong too, if he didn't he wouldn't have tried to block her and warn his mom
I remember seeing the first story and literally commented saying you'd have a field day with this one 😂 so glad it ended up here.
We did discuss that it was shifty he was saying to be out of the family chat and off FB for a month, likely so they could spin their own story and she couldn't argue or defend herself until way after and too late.
Is it too harsh? No, everything from the fiance and MIL was red flags and it just got worse when he tried to "fix" things.
Absolutely that! If I were her you wouldn't see me for dust.
@@butchershoppequartet8690 yah I'd be so gone, boy bye. I love the idea one of the Redditor's had of post the pic when you cancel the wedding and wish the new couple well lol
FMIL not only tried on the dress against FDIL’s wishes, but her fiancé allowed it, he also then took his moms side! Run girl!!
As a mom I never brought my kids to weddings even if they were invited because I wanted to relax & have fun
Get the money from the fiance, pretend you have a new dress, tell mother-in-law to wear the wedding dress on that day and then leave them both at the altar 😂
For the last misbehaving MIL....ask her "what do you think we should name our first child when we have it?" Act all excited and when it arrives name it after your own mother. lol
You're an evil genius 😂
Spicy! I like it 😉
The absolute BEST advice my mother gave me... Make sure you fall in love with your future MIL because your husband will always be her little boy. MANY relationships ended after I met my boyfriends mothers. I am married 28 years to the love of my life because of that advice.
To the first one : It's the fact that he stood guard and freaked out when op came home shows that he KNOWS that this was wrong yet he still not only let his mom do it anyway he also tried to cover her , tried to make op look like the one in the wrong and then even told op to apologize to the FMIL and other commands
Literally those MILs are so entitled. They want their son to marry them because they didn’t get someone like them. It’s ridiculous. OP should definitely not marry him
Geez, listening to these stories make me appreciate my awesome MIL even more!
The MIL trying on the dress pretty much ruined the dress for the bride. Plus the MIL could have streatched out the fit and popped the stitches that was custom to the bride!
Yes! Not to mention any body fluids, deodorant marks, and other dirt.
And the fact that the groom has now seen the dress for the first time on someone who is not his fiancé 🤢
Ugh. Eye roll. I've had 2 toxic MILs, albeit in different ways. 1st one was straight up crazy and that marriage fell apart in 2 years due to her shenanigans and her son being unable to resist her. Their loss, I raised my beautiful son first myself with my parents' help, then with wonderful 2nd husband. His mom is histrionic and narcissistic, but he sets boundaries and confronts her when she gets out of line. If your partner has s crazy parent, make sure they have their head on straight. 2nd husband and I now have 3 kids (he considers my son his) and we'll celebrate 22 years of marriage this year.
Congrats on your anniversary and family! 😊
The day I got married my mil said to me her son could do better than me. Ugh. He cheated and physically and emotionally abused me. I saw her a few years ago and I flat out told her I have done much better than her son
My mother is a lot like the mothers in this video.
I stopped having contact with her in 2004, and will having nothing more to do with her ever again.
She did a lot of bad things to me over the years, a few of which were illegal.
The final straw was when she made an ultimatum, demanding that I choose between her and my wife.
I cut contact with my mother in 2016. There truly is no other pain quite like it.
I hope you're doing well now, and I wish you the best.
@@rio_222 Thank you. I hope you are doing well too.
Good for you.
“Ah yes the abusive witch or the love of my life? However shall I choose? *massive eye roll here*”
-You probably
Don't let those in the family bully you into connecting with her. Like in "She is your mom. You need to forgive and move on." Or "How would you feel that she died and you were not able to reconnect. Wouldn't you be ashamed that you didn't forgive her?" Stuff like that.
Can we appreciate how much work it probably takes Charlotte and her crew to post every day :0 like omgg you go girl
Absolutely! She's the best ☺
💯 I agree she's awesome. The team is awesome 🫂 ❤
What's the deal that jealous women grab someone else's wedding gown? IT'S WRONG!!! IT'S WRONG FOR HER, IT'S WRONG FOR EVERYONE ... Period. Concerning your future family: RUN!!
Wow! That first story is wild, major red flags run for the hills girl! Majorly controlling. Doesn’t take your feelings into consideration and is a total mummy’s boy! Get out now!
For the first story, imagine the damage MIL and the fiance would do to future children if they have kids, or if someone gets seriously sick, etc. Her fiance will never take her side. I'm totally surprised she didn't dump him as soon as she found him in the house! And the demands he's making even before they're married are a good indicator of what he will be like in their marriage. Op should cancel the wedding and dump her fiance, but first send the photo of the MIL in the wedding dress to everyone she knows (and the family chat).
My MIL was a gem. It was my grandmother who was the pain... she offered to throw me a shower. When I gave her my guess list, she said that she would invite HER friends and family only because they "owe her" for all of the showers and gifts she gave for their daughters. I had to throw a second shower so I could have the groom's family, other friends, and bridal party there.
As cathartic as it is to hear awful mother-in-law stories, I feel we also need some awful daughter-in-law stories, but boy oh boy, my sweet mother has been through the wringer. My five brothers are all currently married, but due to several divorces my mom has had eight daughter-in-laws over the years, six of whom have not entirely been the best to be around. Most are manageable, but my one brother's first wife was a doozy. She came from an affluent family and came with all the stuck up bs that can come with that. The incident that really frustrated my mom was when my mother arranged a bridal shower for my brother's soon to be wife, a catalog affair where people would come and order things from a giant book to be given later near the wedding. My mom invited a ton of the other side of the family, and was surprised when only a grandmother came among a dozen invitees. That night my mom got a very mean and loud phone call from DIL declaring that she had no right to have any party that involved her family, because they were HER family. She even refused all the bridal shower gifts....... Then to top things off on the day of the wedding my mom lent DIL her very own bridal veil, and DIL never gave it back, declaring it now hers and that it had always been hers. If my mom has one toxic trait, it's trying to be too good to family members, even the ones that hurt her.
Your mom sounds like a lovely person. It's a shame not everyone can appreciate a loving person. And also, you are right. Would love a video about evil DIL's. :)
".....Or maybe I would just be extra, extra loud"
Every video i watch makes me more and more appreciative of the relationship my husband and i have with our respective inlaws. Both sets of inlaws respect our boundaries and understand we will always put each other first. We have never had a family member or inlaw cross a boundary and i am more aware of how lucky we are
As a future MIL, I’ve learned exactly how NOT to behave from my MIL. I’m so terrified that I’m gonna screw up, that I’m basically ignoring everyone and staying out of the way, but then I don’t want my boy and his wife to feel like I’m not interested. It’s so hard🤦🏽♀️
TBH IMO a genuine heart to heart convo with them about it and just telling them that you're there when they need you. Would probably go a long way, lack of communication messes things up, being upfront and honest is easier and would put all of you at ease.
I came to say the same as scarletspidernz. Let them know you are excited and want to help wherever they need you to help. 😊
Agreed. I have always made an effort to stay out of my DIL's way, never offer advice or tell them what to do. At this point I get the impression that she thks I don't like her. (Not the case!) It is hard.
My MIL tried to take my seat my son's wedding. So when I came down the aisle with my youngest son, there she was in all her glory. I made her move to her place. She was steaming. Then she loudly interrupted the ceremony, by announcing that she could not see or hear. She refused to wear her hearing aids. 😂😂😂 I already knew that her toxic personality was going to cause problems. I was cracking up inside.
I wish that I had been better prepared for this event. I wish that I had arranged for a special chair ( a throne perhaps? ) to be placed about 1 foot beside my son and his wife, so that she could take center stage, see and hear the ceremony. But alas, no such preparation occurred.
@@schoolgirl4suzuki it's never too late to sit down with a coffee and start to communicate that you want to supprort without being overbearing and will be there if needed.
Saw with my grandma, MIL to my mum, that even living in the same house a lot of resentment lasted literally with my grandma dying still holding grudges over silly insignificant things because they never really communicated with each other besides a 'being decent'-front.
so while I have trouble to communicate my own needs too, I try to grow from seeing my family-issues ^^
I hope you have wonderful years with your family!