The Hardest Year Of Our Relationship (1 Year With A Baby)

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  • Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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    Music In this Video: Don't I - Jared Brady: beacons.ai/enj...

Комментарии • 277

  • @imjennim
    @imjennim 2 года назад +668

    You two have no idea how much you're helping other parents and parents-to-be by sharing the raw truth of how a child transforms your lifestyle and mindset. Thank you both for being so vulnerable. ♥️

    • @aadxy
      @aadxy 2 года назад +6

      Hi Jen! Love seeing you here :)

  • @SwissMissss
    @SwissMissss 2 года назад +192

    As a mother of a 12 year old (I just turned 30 this month), I can say I look back on my life and had recently just realized that I've actually never been an adult without a child. I had him when I was 17. To have that realization that I've never experienced life outside of motherhood besides being a child and teenager, it really hit me hard. The epiphany that I just don't have much of an identity outside of being a mom who had her kid young, is probably the most difficult to grasp for me.

    • @SwissMissss
      @SwissMissss 2 года назад +10

      @@id3389 Thank you for this comment! I appreciate you and you're right, I definitely can find myself more as he grows older and gets closer to college etc.

    • @uponyajilifecoaching9351
      @uponyajilifecoaching9351 2 года назад +7

      Jazzie I am 32 with an 11 year old - I feel you on a cellular level. I find some weird things are happening to me the majority of what I am finding is I myself mourning the parenting experiences I didn't experience because I was too busy surviving

    • @SwissMissss
      @SwissMissss 2 года назад

      @@uponyajilifecoaching9351 Oh yes, I feel the same way! All the while I was steady trying to just get through with him and for him, I missed out on the experiences and moments that make parenting great. I totally agree with you using the word mourning. That's exactly how it feels.

    • @savannahk792
      @savannahk792 2 года назад +4

      My heart just broke for you. Im currently feeling this way everyday but I’m 20 and I had my son at 18. I hope that somewhere along this journey we can both find our individuality. The strange thing is though, and tell me if you relate, It’s hard to fully understand and cope with the fact that you never got a chance to discover yourself outside of being a parent. In my opinion it’s different than having your 20s then having children later, I imagine that feels like a loss. Mourning who you once were. But if you never got to experience life outside of motherhood, it’s like a burning curiosity that never goes away. I love my son so much and I wouldn’t change anything but I promise you there is not a day that passes where the curiosity doesn’t set in. Im praying for the both of us because I know how haunting these thoughts can be.

    • @SwissMissss
      @SwissMissss 2 года назад

      @@savannahk792 I can definitely relate! The idea of losing my identity is on my mind constantly, but being his mom definitely trumps the negative aspects. I totally feel everything you said! And yes, I believe we both will find our way in this world as mothers, and as women! We got this!

  • @kierre8938
    @kierre8938 2 года назад +40

    0-1 was so hard! I was contemplating divorce everyday, after 13yrs of being together. Having a baby didn't create our problems, it just put a magnifying glass on what was already there. My baby is 5 now. It still can be difficult, but there is light because the load is not as heavy anymore. She's becoming so independent. She's brilliant and everything I never knew I needed in this life. I'm so thankful for her.

  • @madelynbecker9162
    @madelynbecker9162 2 года назад +23

    Jared such an emotionally mature man. It’s amazing to see him support his wife so much and it’s beautiful to see the love these two have for each other.

  • @mnmatte
    @mnmatte 2 года назад +183

    I love y’all’s open conversations. My husband and I aren’t at the point we’re ready to have children, but this made me think of things we haven’t even thought of. I’ll definitely be sending it to him

  • @_kimmikim_
    @_kimmikim_ 2 года назад +158

    No children yet but I think I'm most nerves about the lost of freedom and losing myself. These convos are so helpful to giving insight to what is to come so thank you for this space and for sharing the unpleasant truths that can happen.

    • @shilohgoes5544
      @shilohgoes5544 2 года назад +20

      You lose yourself and simultaneously learn so much about your true self. Parenthood is all about dichotomies.

    • @aubreyjames8795
      @aubreyjames8795 2 года назад +11

      Even if you have a child at 40, wait for a child until you have the time and desire to share yourself.

    • @_kimmikim_
      @_kimmikim_ 2 года назад +2

      @@aubreyjames8795 i definitely am 💯

  • @salemafangideh560
    @salemafangideh560 2 года назад +21

    I love this!! My parents definitely prioritized raising me to be a free and curious child. And lots of people thought they were crazy but I’ve always been so grateful for it. Im more free and more embodied than a lot of my peers. And even though I have hella opinions, part of that free upbringing actually gave me a lot of empathy because I want others to feel like themselves in my presence. I think parents fear that allowing children to be free will make them obnoxious and selfish adults but it’s the opposite. Free children tend to be wonderful adults with boundaries and empathy.
    I can’t wait to have and raise my own babies when I meet a partner who is as thoughtful & intentional as Jared is!

  • @aleksandrabg10
    @aleksandrabg10 2 года назад +61

    “I’m not gonna let life make me its bitch” is my new life motto 😜

  • @trenorfleet9541
    @trenorfleet9541 2 года назад +57

    These are the types of conversations I had with my ex. She's an amazing mother to our child and there was so much emotional intimacy between us. It's so beautiful to see these types of conversations and shoutout to shan for really acknowledging Jared for having this conversation with her.
    And Jared, yo I feel you on the life change as a single man as compared to a parent. One day at a time, you're already doing so many amazing things!
    Happy for both of you and Ryu!

  • @TamsPsychAdvice
    @TamsPsychAdvice 2 года назад +52

    You’re both iintuitives which means you are FUTURE oriented. Which means you are always several steps ahead. Its actually helpful. It’s difficult for intuitive people to be in the MOMENT. But I agree, sometimes it helps to practice enjoying the moment. (I’m speaking in terms of Myers-Briggs personality types by the way.)

  • @diannalovesfood
    @diannalovesfood 2 года назад +74

    We don't have a baby but his daughter is with us full time at the moment and the conversation about time management is super crucial. This video is a convo that needs to be had for every one in relationships with kids or other dependents! Thanks yall!

  • @Rosalyn3211
    @Rosalyn3211 2 года назад +132

    It’s definitely a goal to be able to communicate w a partner and articulate myself as well as Shan does. #relationshipgoals #powercouple

  • @DebtFreeMillennials
    @DebtFreeMillennials 2 года назад +41

    I resonated with this conversation HARD. I have a 7 month old and I feel myself slipping into that self-sacrificing role and my relationship with my husband has suffered because of it. You all brought up some good questions that I’d love to ask my partner about.

  • @KaijaSerene
    @KaijaSerene 2 года назад +14

    Aww Shan! This made me so happy. Congrats on surviving the first year! I love hearing your conversations with Jared and how you both listen and seek to understand each other's point of view. Thank you for modeling what healthy conversation between couples can look like. 💕

  • @jenniferrouse8590
    @jenniferrouse8590 2 года назад +39

    I love how open you two are with deep questions. It’s so refreshing to hear such intelligent people discuss their feelings etc. I really love your candidness! Much love to you all. 🥰 you’re both such beautiful humans!

  • @ivysrainbow6735
    @ivysrainbow6735 2 года назад +65

    0-1 takes the most adjusting for sure but you catch on quick and take time to learn your baby. NOW, when she turns about 2.5-3 TRUST ME YOU’LL miss when she was small and not getting into everything and talking back. I’m so weak 😂 bc I remember feeling like oh I can’t wait to hear her talk and converse with her and it’s fun but I’m telling you having lived both, the newborn stage to about 1.5 through 4 or 5 is way easier. They’ll talk back to you and they revert back to screaming like babies in the toddler phase too and they ALWAYS want you to play with them, they will always come to the bathroom with you, you will learn waking up before them is a necessity for having a good day. Y’all will see I can’t wait until she’s about 4 to hear y’all’s thoughts 😂🥰

    • @rachellawrence702
      @rachellawrence702 2 года назад +1

      Did you and your partner have the same fire as before your pregnancy?

    • @claudiaclaudia8599
      @claudiaclaudia8599 2 года назад +1

      @@rachellawrence702 You lose fire once you have kids and you’re forever tired.Haven’t you heard men complaining about no sex after the kids are born? It’s true.

    • @alishawilkerson6225
      @alishawilkerson6225 2 года назад

      SO TRUE! The newborn stage is and adjustment…but MUCH easier than toddlerhood…in my experience.

  • @emilierichardson5592
    @emilierichardson5592 2 года назад +48

    My partner and I are pregnant with our first child, after only a year of dating. I’ve never felt more secure or happy in a relationship, but this made me think about things I’ve never truly thought about. Defiantly Put into perspective how hard this will be and how intentional we need to be instead of just “going with the flow”. Thank you for posting such an open, honest conversation!!

  • @paigealexandriax
    @paigealexandriax 2 года назад +16

    Ah I love these open, transparent and intentional conversations! My husband and I are parenting our daughter in a parallel way. Having this mindset is certainly not about “instant gratification” of forcing a “perfect kid”.
    My focus is giving her the space to be herself, to process natural human emotions and occurrences. Holding boundaries. All while molding and guiding her to express herself in an appropriate and healthy way. With the hopes of supporting her growing into a dope functioning independent adult haha
    I always say that her traits and qualities are going to pan out SO well for her as an adult. She just needs some purposeful guiding.
    It’s beautiful to see the fruits of our labor, from all of the consistency and intentionality

  • @tatianymonteiro529
    @tatianymonteiro529 2 года назад +7

    I just ended a 10 year marriage, because I wanted to have a child and he didn't. And watching content like this has been amazingly helpful, because I tend over romantisize motherhood. It's great to see what really goes down and to hear stories of real emotion. It's so wonderful to see that it is possible to prioritize one another and when that isn't possible, to provide a caring and non judgemental space for communication. It gives me hope for a new relationship that has clear and honest communication. It's really beautiful to see your dinanic. Thank you so much for this. 🙌 Lots of love from Brazil.

    • @rheajoy4039
      @rheajoy4039 2 года назад +5

      This was a very very brave step! Good for you! That’s how you make change and wonders possible! I wish you all the best and I hope the universe will fulfill your dreams!

  • @agnesmefful9661
    @agnesmefful9661 2 года назад +21

    The way Jared said the question in 20:00 speaks volumes as to how he feels. I don't know if that's how he feels about Shan or if that's how he feels about himself. He asked her how does he feel about losing her individuality vs how do you feel about losing your freedom....

  • @kingabe07
    @kingabe07 2 года назад +23

    Excellent Conversation. What yall touched on had been on my mind a lot recently pertaining to parenthood as someone who's a single non parent. It scares me that the love me and my hypothetical partner have can accidentally fully transfer to our child. I'm still not sure if I want to be a parent but this convo gave me insight on parenthood that I've not seen openly discussed.

  • @chrissylove7361
    @chrissylove7361 2 года назад +8

    Being a parent is hard periodt! When you think you've figured it out and your routine is set the baby switches it up and it's back to square 1 but that's growth and it's a blessing to be able to experience.

  • @puttyfish
    @puttyfish 2 года назад +37

    Aww Shan, I feel you mama. Being desired is important to you and that feels lacking/missing and you do not want to force it. Hope you guys find your "new normal".

  • @alyx2781
    @alyx2781 2 года назад +2

    Ive always been obsessed with love and connection and sex so shan’s channel was always something that intrigued me so much. The way jared’s love has enhanced her in so many ways just brought my love for this channel to an even higher level. Your relationship and your guy’s discussions has saved me so much suffering and wasted energy. Seeing yall be yourselves and loving yourselves and each other through it all is just so helpful and realistic. The authenticity has been everything for me. You guys have given me guidance and ultimately supported me through my relationship now without even knowing me. It’s guidance I always prayed for and it feels so in alignment with me.

  • @ninosknorales5827
    @ninosknorales5827 2 года назад +8

    Ryu took Jared’s entire face ☺️ she is the cutest baby ever…. It has been great seeing her grow into the adventures child that she is lol when you both post stories I’m expecting to see her (y’all don’t matter anymore, sorry not sorry) Happy to watch a beautiful relationship. Sending lots of love ❤️

  • @Stphsttn
    @Stphsttn 2 года назад +11

    Love you guys!
    man the hardest for me was 1 to 2. My second child’s much more challenging lol. It’s all hard, but oh so rewarding! My boys are 6 & 3yo’s, fun ages and beginning to be more independent. ❤️

  • @teallover11
    @teallover11 2 года назад +16

    thank you so much for allowing us into your relationship and these honest conversations. i’m always in awe of you both!

  • @jessabella5576
    @jessabella5576 2 года назад +34

    Gurl if yall dont get housekeeper and get your freak on

  • @PatriciaPatricia_
    @PatriciaPatricia_ 2 года назад +5

    I am nowhere near being in a relationship or experiencing motherhood to my present knowledge but I APPRECIATE this transparency and open conversation yall be showing us. The way I’m taking notes for future application! Thank you guys. Forreal forreal! 💕

  • @chelseavp7
    @chelseavp7 2 года назад +14

    I don’t know if Shan does it intentionally or not, but she always has particularly sexy wardrobe with Jared on the other side of the mic. I think it’s awesome. Just not sure if it’s conscious.

  • @dinaisis2991
    @dinaisis2991 2 года назад +14

    Why do you guys have so many haters in these comments? It's crazy how much people project. But anyway, I absolutely loved this video and the open and honest conversation. Keep it up guys 🙌🏽

    • @viceanterra3
      @viceanterra3 2 года назад

      Cause they're jealous a couple can have adult conversations.

  • @ola3rd
    @ola3rd 2 года назад +13

    For me I am terrified of losing sleep, its one of the biggest things that I worry about choosing to have kids. I know its selfish but I really do not play about my sleep :-(

    • @Nicki568
      @Nicki568 2 года назад +1

      Thats how I thought before I had my baby and all my fears came true. Losing sleep is definitely the HARDEST part. Wait as long as you can😂

    • @ola3rd
      @ola3rd 2 года назад

      @@Nicki568 yes definitely going to wait

  • @Momdrogynous
    @Momdrogynous 2 года назад +4

    I LOVE how Jared has grown and become so comfortable with expressing himself over the years, not that he wasn't, just highlighting his growth! Great content guys!

  • @simonettegiselle2655
    @simonettegiselle2655 2 года назад +2

    I have an almost 13 year old and a 10 year old. I don’t miss anything about them being babies.. Life got so much easier after they turned 5 and became independent.

  • @nikkitube8816
    @nikkitube8816 2 года назад

    I have a 14-month-old. Going from zero to 1 has been WILD and so overwhelmingly life changing, there was no way to have been prepared for this. Especially with the added challenges of going through this during a pandemic, on top of being a military family who lives far from our familial support system. Despite all that, we FUCKIN made it somehow 😅 Also, I feel you with the whole constantly imagining something bad happening. It worries me that it sometimes borders on intrusive thoughts and it can cause a lot of anxiety for me

  • @JaieElizabeth
    @JaieElizabeth 2 года назад +27

    If I could pull myself aside after the hospital it would be a gentle whisper in my left ear… get a part time nanny boo 😂😮‍💨
    Congratulations on your first year ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • @CarloGonzalezTV
    @CarloGonzalezTV 2 года назад +3

    I thank my parents so much for raising me with a focus in my creativity, and truly allowing me to learn from my own mistakes. What I will say is, I definitely feel that I was not challenged enough growing up. I was really allowed to pave my own path in life, and not need to follow any of the paths my older brothers had gone down. (Example: I graduated high school when i was basically 20) While that was a blessing, it was also a curse once I hit my early 20’s. I hadn’t refined any of my creative interests, and was constantly getting burnt out.
    TLDR; focus on teaching how to be responsible with creativity, and how to participate in the game we were all born into. My parents wanted me to believe I really could make up and live in my own game, but the reality is we all need to know how to participate in this system we all live in.
    I have a deep interest in science, literature, philosophy, art across all mediums, and nature. I just wish I would have been pushed to further explore those interests. A simple way to do this would be asking someone, “what about literature do you love so much?” Going to more museums growing up and actually *learning* about the artist behind the art would have also really helped with this.
    That all being said, I am so blessed to have had been raised with a genuine focus on my individual identity. I just wish I was pushed to refine it as I developed that identity throughout the years. Not by force, but by recognizing interests, and explicitly showing interest in expanding your child’s understanding of their interests that already exist. Don’t be afraid to push people to refine their creativity; don’t bring in capitalizing off that interest though

  • @Azlooful
    @Azlooful 2 года назад +3

    Do not miss the baby stage at all! My kid had just turned 4, it is a wholeeee lot better! I would go as far as to say after the first 2 years, it gets better. Once you get past the whole potty training and they get better balance and strength with running and walking it is great.

  • @akilasultana2368
    @akilasultana2368 2 года назад +1

    How to BE present (because I know a lot of people used to say it to me but it wasn’t until I was in therapy I learnt what that actually meant in a way I could BE it, I had all these ideas of what it meant but when I learnt what it meant it changed everything so here it is and this is all you do):
    You focus on all the physical sensations you are having in that moment - so what are you feeling through touch, what taste is in your mouth, what can you smell right now, what can you hear right now, what are you looking at right now? And that’s it. You just keep doing that, focus on physical sensations, and you’re in the present.

  • @yasmynmcgee1372
    @yasmynmcgee1372 2 года назад +8

    Hey y’all! I really enjoyed watching this conversation between the two of you. You both seem to do well communicating and listening (REALLY listening) to each other when discussing your life together. Love to see it! As a person with no kids I’m looking most forward to giving someone a life experience different than my own. Not in all aspects, but quite a few. Least looking forward to the anticipated lack of sleep everyone seems to have after a kid 😩

  • @elvisjoelle
    @elvisjoelle 2 года назад +22

    “less desire to be liked, more desire to be understood” ooph that was a good gem!

  • @singwhenhappy
    @singwhenhappy 2 года назад +1

    I'm 28 weeks with our first and I just so appreciate reflective videos like this!! It makes me so conscious of aspects of parenthood I hadn't considered (or considered enough), and gives me an awesome springboard for conversations with my husband about the big change that is coming our way. I am thrilled that you feel like you haven't changed as a person, because that is something I have been quite anxious about! Just really awesome to hear all sides of your experience.

  • @danaboo88
    @danaboo88 2 года назад +4

    Shan you nailed it on how you (and I) were feeling about being turned on in different ways and it can be frustrating and even disappointing that the man normally feels differently. But the strong bond always comes through! My son just turned 5 on Wednesday and my man and I have been having the BEST sex we’ve ever had lately (not that the two go hand in hand lol), but truly it gets easier as the babies get older! I love this conversation I could go on forever ha!

  • @sammcmarsh2729
    @sammcmarsh2729 2 года назад +5

    Jared. Your slippers. Own your fatherhood bro! ✊🏾
    Great convo 😊

  • @yves2016
    @yves2016 2 года назад +6

    She's kinda mean? That cracked me up, looking at that innocent baby and imagining her being mean but that's part of her finding herself and I'm glad you guys are giving her the space to do so. One of the biggest issues women have is always being told to be “nice” which often translates to letting others take what they want.

  • @MrsMrsJones
    @MrsMrsJones 2 года назад +15

    My wife and I are approved Foster parents. We will start taking placements next year. We will be starting with babies 0-2 because we live in a one bedroom right now and they can share a room until 2 years old. We are not looking forward to the lack of sleep. 🥴

  • @lisasiawild5816
    @lisasiawild5816 2 года назад +6

    So grateful for your honesty as a couple/family/lovers.

  • @tinafrancesse2162
    @tinafrancesse2162 2 года назад +9

    Wow I've missed this kind of videos from this channel!! Well done.
    (So for me, my son's 1st year was the easiest!! BUT!!! Relationship wise it was chaos!!!! 😂😂😂).

  • @susfar
    @susfar 2 года назад +12

    Probably getting help in the household for cleaning would help creating some alone time.

  • @Itsdaddey
    @Itsdaddey 2 года назад +3

    i am so so grateful for you guys feeling confident in yourselves enough to make raw, powerful content like this. love love love, dont ever stop please.

  • @tamarastandard9541
    @tamarastandard9541 2 года назад +4

    I’m looking forward to being a mom so much and infertility has been getting in the way PCOS. It’s hard when people ask when u are going to have a baby not knowing that’s all you want. But the what I am looking forward to is learning with my child through their eyes. I know it will be hard at times but having someone that you created with your partner and seeing them develop is so worth it.

    • @emmelymuyakui7513
      @emmelymuyakui7513 2 года назад +2

      Am relating so much to you. I have PCOS as well and the questions make it more worse and it's not like you can explain to everyone asking. I kind of brush it up but it sucks.. I watch these videos alot trying to prepare myself for when God blesses me

    • @annilightworker9599
      @annilightworker9599 2 года назад

      I found Reiki music and mantras for getting pregnant in youtube and a lot of women comment becoming pregnant with it. Maybe also uterus blessings or energetical uterus cleanings migh help. 🙏

  • @kam.kam.
    @kam.kam. 2 года назад +6

    I love these conversations!! I hope to find a lover to discuss our lives with. This is beautiful and very intentional, truthful and loving. I appreciate this and you two. 💙

  • @njackson4301
    @njackson4301 2 года назад +12

    Beautiful Shan! You are a goddess. Hate advice giving too - like who the f asked you - however LOL - LEAN BACK - lean back with Jared, lean back into your own feminine gorgeous self - 'retreat' - not literally, unless you can with your girlfriends,- but more so metaphorically meant - Jared is great don't get me wrong - however you sister - are PHENOMENAL- lean back and let adoration, love, attraction come to you - you gotta allow space to have that come to you! Poor that love into yourself and your baby, let Jared come to you more over you loving him - girl he knows you love him - indulge in yourself - let him chase after your affection more! Whatever though, thoughts from a stranger. Take them or leave them. I have just turned 22, living in London, studying psychotherapy! WE DA QUEENS sister, love your creations xox

    • @susfar
      @susfar 2 года назад +2

      So true. It feels like he has been pulling away ever since she got pregnant and the more she needs him the less he has that fire for her. You put out some great advice up there!

  • @Antoinetteelean
    @Antoinetteelean 2 года назад +5

    For me as a parent the ages 1-2 are the hardest. It is way easier to schedule, have her on a routine, discipline etc.

  • @14hanie
    @14hanie 2 года назад +2

    This conversation was everything. I think I should have conversations with my husband regarding life in general esp having, not one, but 2 kids now. Trust me, 1 kid I thought was hard but having 2 is harder - I'm finding. Keep these conversations going! I love it!

  • @Lerato_Morailane
    @Lerato_Morailane 2 года назад +1

    With my first child is didn’t feel that. But now with my twins, during the lockdown… we just made it passed the one year and only now am I piecing myself back together nd going out, putting on some lipstick, working out, looking up at my husband and realising how scrumptious he is, reading… just doing things that make me happy. Parenting is wild, every day it’s something different…

  • @mamacasti7827
    @mamacasti7827 2 года назад +1

    Year one was saying good bye to the idea of the mom and wife I thought I was going to be. We had our first born beginning of April 2020. We had a scary delivery and ended up having a c sec. I had PTSD before we got pregnant and due to the type of delivery we had, it definitely brought things to the surface of my past traumatic experiences. I lost myself and found new versions of myself. Having a person you can speak honestly with, without them making agreements with those words was the thing that saved my marriage and myself from loosing myself. I forgave myself for how I delt with healing bc I didn't know better but now I strive to be the change my baby needs to be a more resilient, confident and empathetic being. Peace beautiful beings, peace be with you always🙌🏼🌻

  • @TheLazyMom
    @TheLazyMom 2 года назад +5

    my husband and i are having our first baby right now, definitely needed this video!

  • @AprilT72
    @AprilT72 2 года назад +43

    I won't lie, I'm guilty of watching Shan's ig stories and thinking "wow they just let Ryu tear that house up". Lol

    • @lachsforelle7565
      @lachsforelle7565 2 года назад +4

      My ex was raised this way and it has taught them so much, this gives you a different view on the world

    • @AprilT72
      @AprilT72 2 года назад +2

      @@lachsforelle7565 I don't doubt that, I'm not saying it's wrong. It just wasn't how I was raised. Maybe I'd be a braver person if I was raised that way🤷🏾‍♀️

  • @JenniferPrefers
    @JenniferPrefers 2 года назад

    Community is sooo important when it comes to the babies.. I remember my grandma and other family members taking care of us from time to time and Mom and Dad did a lot of romantic alone time all throughout our childhood... Summers theyd be alone all summer while we vacationed overseas at the homeland. When my sister was born, once momma recovered grandma stayed with the baby while my mom took a disney vacay with me and my bro who were older more autonomous kids. Momma had opportunities to be refreshed and so did Dad. So grateful for community!

  • @tallassjasminee_
    @tallassjasminee_ 2 года назад +1

    ahhh shan, you and jared are my favorite people to listen too. i always smile when i watch you two together because your guys’ conversations could be so simple but so fascinating. i really don’t know how to explain it, all i gotta say is you guys have an amazing chemistry and energy together and it shows and i love it! you guys are so inspiring 🙌🏽

  • @missladygray
    @missladygray 2 года назад +4

    The reason people commonly say you're going to miss is, is because in the moments, some of the really good ones (and sometimes they're small), they embed in you. As time goes past, you forget the sleepless nights, the dirty diapers, the spit up on your favorite shirt and the argument over whose turn it is to get up. You look up, and your kid is now 4 or 8 or 17 and you go "oh my gosh... what happened to my baby who was scooting across the floor and looking for his binky?!?!" The wretchedness of previous year's parenting fades. You just remember how cute or small they were, how much you loved your partner as you watched them sleeping with your baby on their chest, how they smelled, how chunky their little legs were, their goofiness as they were singing in their kindergarten program. Etc. It's a weird phenomenon, but I think it happens to most, if not all parents.

  • @sunshinegyal
    @sunshinegyal 2 года назад +4

    I see the comments and some of them are just UBER negative. I pray you two are the best unit you can be, for each other and for your daughter. We do not know your insides by looking at the outsides- especially when you’re just sharing an intimate conversation.

  • @theofam1696
    @theofam1696 2 года назад

    This was a dialogue I needed to hear from someone else’s perspective. As a mom of 2 now (toddler and newborn), I’m not so much running away from that first year, but figuring out how to cope with the toddler years. The personality and mood changes hit hard with my 2 year old and navigating tantrums is harder than I thought it would be. I’d love to see your family’s evolution as babygirl gets older, and how you both navigate the continued changes. The bit about not giving your love for your partner to your child hit me hard bc I think I’ve done just that. There’s so much I could say here. Thx for this content!

  • @samsopretty
    @samsopretty 2 года назад +3

    2-5 is by far the hardest! Once they start moving, walking, talking... game over! 🤣 6 - is when my hubby and I had room to breathe.

  • @hittheboulevard
    @hittheboulevard 2 года назад +32

    Jared: “still got forever to go” 🥺

  • @treasure6883
    @treasure6883 2 года назад +1

    I was thinking he looks hotter now before y’all said it! Both of you have always been gorgeous but you have a new calm and confidence.

  • @kaitlynmichal6346
    @kaitlynmichal6346 2 года назад +1

    Our daughters are about the same age, give or take a week or two and this video is EVERYTHING! Literally everything that my husband and I are going through/have gone through

  • @azmomconnection
    @azmomconnection 2 года назад +3

    Twos are pretty hard, Shan. Nothing cheered me up more than when a fellow mom shared 2 is sh*tty. I breathed a lot more year 1 and 4.

  • @Sunnysanndra
    @Sunnysanndra 2 года назад +3

    Shan is like I love you, proud of you, Jared “yes” lol

  • @KathleenHema
    @KathleenHema 2 года назад

    Great chat and connection between y'all as a couple and as parents. What y'all said about being on the same page when it comes to parenting is so true. My partner and I are always checking in with each other because things change and kids develop their own personality and the parenting method you thought was great may not mesh with the kid! Sometimes your partner notices it before you do - so checking in is key!

  • @Nah-ah
    @Nah-ah 2 года назад +6

    Oh 0-1 is trying of course! The teenage yrs are another thing.
    Sincerely
    Mum of a teenager

  • @lbia5122
    @lbia5122 2 года назад

    I think we're all changing from day to day and learning as we go. We take chances even though we will get burn. Most ppl will learn from getting burn, even some enjoy the heat and the unknown too. Ive learned and am still learning that just because "I" didn't think it up doesn't mean its always RIGHT or Wrong. Its an opinion and we just have to maneuver through all decisions and choices we make. Thanks for just being real and speaking respectfully and kindly.

  • @siarramae1220
    @siarramae1220 2 года назад +1

    Dang… the way you guys fully express your emotions in words is amazing…

  • @S2Naughty456S2
    @S2Naughty456S2 2 года назад

    I constantly feel like I’m having an existential crisis. I’m afraid of giving birth, I’m afraid of my bodying being destroyed, I’m afraid of losing who I am because I don’t even know if I’ve fully worked out who I am. I am afraid of balancing motherhood, relationships , family, etc. There’s a lot of anxiety around starting a family that increases with age for me.

  • @blancarodriguez1340
    @blancarodriguez1340 2 года назад +2

    Are we all watching the same video? 🤔 Cause the negativity in the comment section is unusual….regardless, such a great video Shan ♥️ Your relationship w/ Jared is beautiful! Keep thriving!

  • @AshleyJones-yu2vf
    @AshleyJones-yu2vf 2 года назад +2

    I’m about to have a baby in a week, this was very helpful! Thanks!

  • @HawtAsianChica
    @HawtAsianChica 2 года назад

    YES this! this was why I am one and done. My husband and I are clear in what we need. Our family of 3 is perfect for us

  • @Hannahdealer8180
    @Hannahdealer8180 2 года назад

    I don't know if you are still in this phase of your lives, but you could have a climbing frame with a ball/foam cube pit underneath, so it's safe to fall

  • @kelliebrennan2399
    @kelliebrennan2399 2 года назад

    I completely agree with you and always appreciate your perspective. My son is turning one in a week and this was such a difficult year. If you would have asked me when my son was about 4 months old if my husband and I were going to survive this, in the midst of my PPD fog and all of the changes we were going through as a couple, I would have said I really didn't know.. but we are ending the year in such a great place. We have really become a team this year and I love him even more than I did on our wedding day.

    • @kelliebrennan2399
      @kelliebrennan2399 2 года назад

      By the way, I am often emotional because my son has grown so quickly but I don't miss the newborn phase at all. As a child development major, I am really loving seeing my son grow up. When he was six months old, I started seeing his personality develop and he is so much fun.

  • @savannahk792
    @savannahk792 2 года назад

    I’ve never related more than when you said you spent a lot of time in a state of fight or flight. I was so afraid of SIDS when my son was a newborn that I could hardly sleep. Every 15 minutes I would check if he was breathing then the crazy worry just built up from there. Now he’s 2 and a half and I’ve definitely got waaay better. You want to know something kind of interesting though? When my son was 1, I got with my current partner and I see him going through the same stages I was in. He is EXTREMELY protective, always fearing for what might happen to him and I’m curious if that has to do with him just being within his first year of caring for him and if it will fade in time. This has been a little hiccup in our relationship because I’m the “let him explore, let him be wild! 🤗” and he’s all “no, safety safety safety” it’s sweet to know that he cares so deeply for my son but it’s so sad to see him struggle through all the emotions that I felt in the beginning.

  • @savannahmuniz3421
    @savannahmuniz3421 2 года назад +1

    Such a wholesome connection and bond man🥺🤧🤍

  • @nictowns
    @nictowns 2 года назад

    I really appreciate this video. I remember watching videos in the first few months and it seemed soooo perfect and opposite of my experience and knowing that the first year did get hard normalizes my experience so much more. (And let me tell you-having a 5 year old is sooooo awesome, I feel like 5 has been the best year so far and 3 and 4 were some good years too… much more independence and communication and less neediness).

  • @irisotero6561
    @irisotero6561 2 года назад +7

    Jared’s shirt is EVERYTHING 😩🥰🥰 Ryu is so darn cute!! 🙏🏾💛 Blessings

  • @shantalebify
    @shantalebify 2 года назад

    I can remember how hard 0-3 was(exhaustion is real!!). But now that my dudes are about to be 14 and 12, I seriously look at parents with littles with such magic in my eyes. Not because I don't love right now(I love right now) but there is nothing like the tiny magic. Parenting is different and magic and hard in all the stages. You guys are doing amazing. Communication, communication!! Love your podcast.

    • @shantalebify
      @shantalebify 2 года назад

      Ps my husband had a hot for pregnancy and breastfeeding. I didn't except that. That was amazing and strange for our relationship. I would feel guilty for turning him down. But when the babes were little I can remember being so exhausted, but here we go. We going do it. Shan I have love watching for a long time. And I love that you share your process.

  • @blacktinkerbell2324
    @blacktinkerbell2324 2 года назад +1

    Jared said 2 things that stood out to me.
    1. DON'T take the love you have for your spouse and pour it into the change. (Great advice, keep that friend around.)
    2. I'm not going to let life make me it's bitch! 💯 💪🏾

  • @GIPgarden
    @GIPgarden 2 года назад +1

    This is a very western centric Convo with western problems. Would be cool to see this on more eastern or middle eastern marriages

  • @lee-annebruce9938
    @lee-annebruce9938 2 года назад

    EXACTLY how I'm raising my kid. Loved this interview. I so relate to the first-year struggle, especially as it relates to prioritizing my romantic relationship with the huzzy.

  • @brooke_smittttt
    @brooke_smittttt 2 года назад

    I love how well you both communicate with one another, it's so refreshing and gives me hope for a future relationship as I have not experienced such openness with a partner.

  • @MeetMeOnTheMoon
    @MeetMeOnTheMoon 2 года назад

    Thank you for this video. I relate to y’all so much. My baby boy is 6 months and I totally agree with what y’all said about not putting all of your love solely to the child. And I agree with being present. I can be completely there with my baby, playing and loving and hugging and all of that, but as a parent you just have soooooooo much to do so there is always that little voice in your head running down the list of things you have to do. I send love and great energy to y’all cause I get it.

  • @k2kfitchannel944
    @k2kfitchannel944 2 года назад +1

    the t-shirt is EVERYTHING

  • @ednasey
    @ednasey 2 года назад

    omg! friking hardest thing I have eveeeeeer Done! I genuenly thought our relashionship (that I thought It was the strongest) wasn't going to survive!!! We did it but ohhhh my God, motherhood it's haaaaaaaaard!!!

  • @yejisadiku
    @yejisadiku 2 года назад

    I just love you guys together so much. Such a healthy relationship. Obviously I never want to aspire to be like a certain couple or model mine after yours but damn, the love and honesty between you two is so admirable. Please never stop sharing your truth with us. I recognize the privilege i have in being able to see so much but know I appreciate it all the time.

  • @PhoenixBlade538
    @PhoenixBlade538 2 года назад

    You guys are my relationship goals. I love how openly and honestly you communicate.

  • @anonymous2043
    @anonymous2043 2 года назад

    You guys are the best ! Open and honest communication is key to a healthy and lasting relationship

  • @darkangel0388
    @darkangel0388 2 года назад

    I've heard a lot of these same things from a couple I'm friends with who adopted 2 sons. It just changes everything from time spent with each other as a couple, to not being able to go out on whim. Date nights have to be scheduled with child care arranged.

  • @janinweinkauf5900
    @janinweinkauf5900 2 года назад

    I agree that Jareds Dad glow is way more attractive than the boyish look before. Shan I think you are a stunning woman, mom, wife all at the same time!

  • @abigailgomez2503
    @abigailgomez2503 2 года назад

    I have a 16, 14, and 7year old, 2 girls and a boy. The only stage I could not deal with was the teething stage. Maybe that’s because I felt helpless while they are in pain, I don’t know but I hated it. Now, I thought it would get easier as they get older, but boy I was wrong about that! Dealing with teens and their emotions and learning how to help them get through what they are feeling has been super draining. I have had to learn to parent differently. Meaning, I can’t talk I to them or discipline them the same as when they were 5yrs old. I have had to learn how to listen and to remember what it was like to be their age. No parent is perfect but if you and your partner are on the same page, maybe different opinions but same page you will be fine! Bless you both your a beautiful couple and you have made a beautiful family together!❤️🍹

  • @futurern375
    @futurern375 2 года назад

    Over been married for 12 years the first year was the hardest and we had a baby 1 year ago that was another hard year. So you did two hard things at the same time

  • @SelfLoveIsKey
    @SelfLoveIsKey 2 года назад

    Congratulations on making it this far. I wish you more years of great experiences with each other and your beautiful child that help you evolve into better versions of yourself ❤️.