Hey Happy Holidays beautiful, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's holidays coming, I didn't know your channel last year. So these holidays with Lana. Will be great
I am in my 50's and lost my dear Partner 3 years ago. I realized the 24 years i spent with her cannot be duplicated ( i think i was already in Heaven). She always reminded me to "enjoy every moment in life"; she and i did - i enjoy your videos and newsletters; please continue doing them you have a special talent.
*5 things to quit for all people:* *1. Caring about what others thing* *2. Not believing in yourself* *3. Not prioritizing your health* *4. Wasting your precious time* *5. Chasing meaningless relationships*
I've never liked the checklist nature of it. There's no substitute for reacting to the organic spark of unexpectedly meeting someone in person, hitting it off with them, and going with the flow. Body/eye language when we're in each other's presence says so much more than a profile *ever* could - there's energy there and that's the fuel that keeps the connection moving. A well-chosen pic might be hot but it says little to nothing about how you and I vibe. "Well yeah, that's the whole point of contacting/meeting up with them - to see if you do vibe." ...Okay sure of course but I have to be compelled to meet up with them in the first place, and that's almost certainly not going to happen at a distance so I have nearly zero motivation to go after her in such an inorganic environment.
@Etevaldo Skylab even then, I didn't like it for the same reasons I stated. Similar interests and philosophies on life, how active we are, and where we are on our life journey all play a role in the connection we have yes... But who we are on paper doesn't necessarily translate to who we are together. There's a gravity between some souls that's indescribable - an energy that you can't feel until you're with them - which is all the more exciting when it's unplanned and not orchestrated by some framework.
I agree with what you wrote. But here’s the problem. You can’t meet someone just walking down the street. Nobody else is ever walking down the street when I am. In fact, hardly anyone is walking around at all. It’s still pandemic. So what do you do if you really want to meet someone but it isn’t going to happen organically. Just sit home and wait? I’m in NYC. Some people are going out like there is no virus around. But mostly it’s really quiet, not like NY was before pandemic. It’s nearly impossible to meet someone organically and forget my friends, they are penthouse going to introduce me to anyone. So what do I do?
@@AdrienneMint i agree that everyone's situation is different, and understand that some people don't have much opportunity at all to meet new people. Me personally, I actually go out to bars and clubs and house gatherings. I fantasize about meeting a girl at the grocery store but it's yet to happen lol... But as for you asking "what do I do?" I would say to not be afraid to strike up conversations with strangers in basic settings (like stores and coffeeshops), with no expectation as to where it leads - that said, I'm sure NYC is a tough cookie to crack in that regard.
@@chrisjfox8715 I will definitely try what you suggested, I do still go to the market and the drugstore and sometimes to a park. They seem safe , regarding the virus, though I am vaxxed. I still want to be safe and not catch it. I used to go to clubs and bars a lot and I did meet men that way but I don’t do that now. Believe me I’ve done plenty of online dating. I went with a doctor that I met online, for 6 years. I take full responsibility but he did steal over a quarter of a million bucks from me. I still tried again last year .,I met some men but I didn’t click with any of them, though I was asked out for another date by all of them. Nothing worked for me. I don’t want to give up. I’ll keep trying. Thank you!❤️ and I wish you the best.
It’s so hard to find people nowadays. Which is why online dating becomes the best option. But a relationship I feel has to start with in friendship stage and not rushed in to the partnership stage. But it’s so hard to find that.
I totally agree. I think it was easier in older generations because people were not so complicated as now, they literally had matchmakers or someone from their family would set them up to somebody else (most of my family members met like that). Maybe this is not for everybody but people today have such high standards.
@@indimist390 so I tried the app for a week or so and I gotta say. Wasn’t impressed lol, a lot of dudes on there assumed I was gay and wanted to hook up and the females were more or less the same. I think it’s a hook up app lol. It’s been since deleted
To me, someone who is shy and not very confident online dating is a necessary evil. It's great when it works, but it seems to work less and less the older you get. Being in a good relationship is wonderful, but being off dating apps and getting away from the game is equally wonderful.
Why not work on self development? Btw this is exactly why I stopped online dating. There’s a certain kind of guy on there. I don’t want to end up with someone who wouldn’t have the balls to talk to me face to face.
I am 19 years old and I have never dated anyone. But, for some reason society often makes it seems that not dating means you're a loser (or at the very least not cool). But, I can honestly say that I have never met someone who indulges in online dating and is happy. Everyone regrets that and still makes it seem as if it is cool! So, what's the meaning of dating like that anyway?
I heard of people who have met online and matched perfectly, but NOT because of a dating app. I find them (the dating apps) so fake anyways, like I hate judging people based on their appearance, and a few lines about them. I'm also 19 and I've only tolerated being on a dating app for a week. Afterwards I become too self-conscious and I hate being ghosted.
@Anthony A Lol true, What exactly is the difference between "dating" and just having some conversation here and there. I see no difference. I don't like going out and spending money on a bunch of BS. Seems like such a waste. Also, women will often ask you to "hang out" instead of asking you out on a date. Its just a clever way for them to protect themselves from the sting of rejection. Its BS I can see right through it.
Please don’t feel pressured to date. That’s literally the worst reason to date. Be free and single until the right person comes along that you feel being in a relationship with, is better than being single.
@@jgtheman84 The relationship process has been eroded by "progress" 1st: Become friends with a girl 2nd: Decide you like each other and think you want to marry 3rd: Ask the father if you can date his daughter 4th: Go on dates to "test drive a marriage" 5th: Ask the father for the daughters hand in marriage and then propose to the girl 6th: get married - at witch point YOU became responsible for her and were expected to provide clothing, food and health. That is right, dates were meant to see how you got along on a 1 on 1 basis and get a taste of what it would be like to live with each other. The meal part was to get a feel of what it was like to have a "family dinner" at the end of the day And dates were required to test the 1 on 1 conversations as at this time you DID NOT have a girl and boy alone with each other as it was improper and lead to temptations.
I think meeting people by cultivating your interests in a social setting or purusing social hobbies is the best way to meet possibly compatible partners/friends!
Can't approach women in real life because can't risk getting harassment case filed against me, can't approach women online because of hookup culture. That's why I don't date.
''that old fashioned way'', I have the feeling you don't get away with that stuff anymore these days since most people (mostly women/girls) think it's creepy or weird.
Same. That's how I found my current girlfriend when I was 25. I think online dating lowers the standards (depending on app) and I would rather get a first impression first.
After a year long on/off relationship with these apps, I finally just put them down. I’d much rather feel lonely than feel the multitude of other things that dating apps made me feel. You can only hope the Universe favors you, but in the end you just leave it to the wind.
I prefer first time meetings face-to-face rather than online meetings, whether dating or friendships. Far more genuine because it forces you to be on the spot with your true character as soon as possible when in person because it's unexpected to meet someone that catches your interest in person. For romantic interests, I find it far more "hotter" too because of the mystery of first knowing the person face-to-face.
I agree so much. I feel like online dating just feels weird. Like if you don’t know the energy of the person, you’re talking to a total stranger, how are you supposed to act normal when you first meet? There’s no magic, no mystery.
@@LanaBlakely Just got back from the date! It was really fun. I feel like we're closer now. Idk how she feels about me but at the very least I think we could be good friends :-)
It's a mcdonalized take on relationships, giving you consistent mediocre experiences. It's incredibly rare to find quality but then again why are you going to mcdonalds for quality, you know what I mean? I stopped using online dating and I've felt so much more relived.
What a wonderful exploration of the topic. As someone who used to go on online dating sites all the time, I can tell you I was only there to temporarily rid myself of loneliness and poor self-esteem. In order to find the real shit, you gotta get outside.
Don't limit yourself to the USA. It is easy to find a wife in SE Asia. Admittedly, you don't need an app if you go there first. But using an app to talk to them first might motivate you to get your passport and plane ticket, especially if you suffer from low self-esteem.
@gab hug Ukraine is good if you are looking for a Caucasian wife. Nothing against it. There are a lot of good countries for finding a wife. I retired in Kenya with a good wife. The reason I suggest SE Asia (especially Philippines) for beginners is that their culture is similar. It is always best if you can save up money and retire in her country. Bringing a foreign woman to USA is often asking for problems, especially if she is a lot younger and the guy is inexperienced with relationships.
27 and never used any dating app or tinder. All my long relationships were from my travels or old friends. Now I'm at a different stage in my life I do worry about how I'll meet someone. But I've decided that it will be organically for me, somehow. I still have hope. I really don't want to be swiping people and judging from a one page profile.
I wouldn't date online again. Did it once, even got engaged. Tried again afterwards on a number of sites. What a joke the whole thing is. Never ever again.
I never met anyone I would go on a date with offline - and I never met anyone I would have gone on a date with online. In the end, how you meet people is secondary. The people themselves are the most important. And someone who is very "abnormal" is gonna have a hard time either way. With that said however, my obsession with getting a six-pack definitely started with tinder...
Interesting topic. I've been married for over 30 years and never had to date online (it didn't exist back then). I can see where it can be tough because of the "ghosting." Also, I used to live near Baltimore, Maryland (Gaithersburg, Maryland to be exact) and I'm vegan so I enjoyed your intro! Thanks again, Lana, for the awesome video as usual! Stay healthy!
Online dating is toxic. It does work for a small amount of people who are looking for a meaningful relationship. But for most people who have been through it, they will tell you that it's not worth it. Just last night I was watching a RUclips video of a guy that was putting himself out there on apps and getting frustrated with the revolving door of women and rejection. But we now live in a disposable society and it's so easy to pick up a cell phone than to get out in the real world and meet real people in realistic settings. Family, friends, school, church, work, the bus stop etc. It also leads to more depression and mental health issues like low self-esteem. Being single is hard I totally get that.
I'm a bit old fashioned for a twenty something. I definitely prefer meeting people in person whenever I can. It comes with its own risk, but you get a better feel for a person when looking them in the eye. I used tinder for one week in college and immediately found it too overwhelming. Though I have a friend who met her husband on tinder. Its all preferences and a bit of random luck.
This video is so well made and so insightful!! I agree with these points, and I have to say that I had really bad experiences with these apps. And you never know the intentions of people in the beginning. So, as someone who looked for genuine meaningful connections, it was just too hard, and constantly having to start over with new people was just too exhausting, at least for me. I used those apps because as an introvert living in a big city, 'online dating' felt like the only way to find the right match. Maybe most of the introverts living in big cities feel the same. Thank you Lana for sharing your thoughts!! Glad to hear someone telling the truth !
I have tried online dating since 2009/2010, never been on one date, just wasted time and money . . . At the end of the day you should always date someone you know that compliments you, holds the same values and makes you feel good
I used internet dating sites for a good 13 years or so & I got absolutely nowhere with them. Met up to 30 women and everything Went tits up basically. Heard the same old excuses & bullshit time & time again like “I just want to be friends” or “there is no chemistry between us” hearing that all the time combined with a lot of ghosting made me feel very very depressed.
Lana, its still haunting me how we are somewhat in the same path and you upload these videos which depicts my life. First, the 'taking a break from social media' which I too decided to do the time. And now saying goodbye to dating apps which I'm currently doing starting a couple of weeks ago. I love you. I love us. I love our journey together.
I have seen a lot about online dating recently and the negatives. When I was on online dating apps, I learnt a lot and it's true about what they say. Although dating apps have been successful for me, it took so much of my energy and I don't think I could ever do it again. Great video Lana!
Yeah that is very true. I have the same/ a similar experience. I changed my behaviour towards swiping and so on. We all know, that we as men can just see a blurry image of the Girl that liked us. So what i did is, i just waited to get a like and tried to find that person who liked me. For me that works. BUt many people on these Dating Apps have serious Problems and thats a whole other Issue.
It's much easier to start out with a common interest and build on that. Really the best way to find someone that way is to have many interests and to travel everywhere locally. Even if your not the one that meets your special someone, one of her girlfriends that you have met will recommend you to her
from someone who does not use dating apps, i have noticed how socially awkward women have become (or maybe it is just towards me). It is very hard for a man to breakthrough your walls to get to know you, when someone isn't receptive in conversation cues. Some people have full personalities on social media but in person they are totally different. I think that is why people use dating apps.
Give up on online dating. It’s gross to be honest. I gave up dating years ago, much less online dating. That too is also why I am celibate, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing either…
Don't worry anymore. I will introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me get my ex back in 48 hours. He can help you reunite with your ex quickly and bring a smile back to your lips.
Recent weeks have been hell, working from 7:00am and getting home at 12:00am at the earliest as well as working through the weekend. As lame as it sounds, listening to Lana before sleeping has been the highlight of my day!
online dating is awful, if i don’t respond to their message immediately i get the flip out, one date couldn’t get off his dating app during our date👀, your profile says u want conversation and when u get conversation u say i’m not looking for a friend, 👋 goodbye. Apps make people disposable like shopping for a pair of shoes, easily replaceable, meaningless and terrible. I love just being single, taking myself out, it’s pretty great actually once u get used to it.
As all these points are valid, I met my wife via online dating. So, I am heavily biased and think Online Dating is fantastic for this day & age. People just have be careful. The pandemic accelerated the modern ways people court each other through technology. Or was invetiable it was going to increase in popularity. Its hard enough to meet people you connect with in-person these days. You have to be extremely lucky and be in the right place at the right time. In the end its about patience and not giving up. True love is out there and if one wants to marry for the right reasons that correspond with him or hers and meet someone under the right intensions- it all works out in the end.
Thanks for sharing!! Glad you found your person. May I ask what year you me her? From what I've heard, the apps are getting less and less "serious" with time.
@@moripiepenbrink4502 Very true, its not for everybody. I would argue anyone having a issues in live situations; should give it a shot. Anything ia possible in dating.😉⚘
@@wenbemol888 100% it depends what site, where you live, are you open to long-distance temporarily, time of year, how long you stayed on the site, how you engaged with others, how frequent or long you stayed on the site/day or week.........etc...I could go on 😉😅 but these variables with a mix of some good/bad luck determines the experience and outcome of obtaining a spouse.
9 years off and on when I got bored yet nothing not one person. Combining with the few in my area in person. Now is the time to go within where happiness and love exist. With abuse negativity nothingness is what exists externally. At least there is a light inside
Don't worry anymore. I will introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me get my ex back in 48 hours. He can help you reunite with your ex quickly and bring a smile back to your lips.
In other words, the stats show if you want to have a legitimate relationship these apps can be a HUGE waste of time. I think people need to come back to the real world and meet people (love interest, friends, etc..) the old fashion way, face to face.
I think there's an inherent insecurity that comes from meeting anonymously online, and it has to do with how much our social groups inform our identity. In order to meet certain types of people, you would (normally) have to be interested enough in a certain activity to not only be good enough to do it with other people, but also to plan time for it in your life, and find a group of people to do it regularly. If you made it this far, there's a lot of social filtering that's already taken place, and the people you meet will trust you more and know much more about you. With online dating, the ''price of entry'' into a person's life is so low that you have to do all of the work of showing who you are from scratch. It's a bit weird, seeing as how a big part of why we find someone attractive comes from our perception of how desired they are by others. For people that already have vibrant social lives and strong identities this is probably not as big of a problem, but I imagine those types probably don't spend as much time looking for dates online.
THANK YOU! Finally someone FINALLY brings it up. I've literally never matched w/ a real person on Tinder. I've tried it on and off for 3/4 years. I don't know why this is or how actual people are matching/meeting.
When you said in the beginning 'Hey You' I suddenly remembered Joe from the Netflix show YOU :D the way you talk is so calming, same mind speech as Joe's. Looks like its an INFJ thing.. well many INFJs think he's one :) Loved the video. Definitely online dating is a dilemma... The ending was funny lol
I'm 23m and never dated ever. I'm in University and kept thinking that I'll find someone after I start my career, but what I heard is meeting people after you start working is incredibly difficult, especially without online apps. Also I'm Indian, so I guess arranged marriage is my fate 🤷
it's good you will save a lot of time from going through a lot of relationships. Just make sure your compatible with the person you have been arranged with.
I have a friend from Goa who had his marriage arranged..that was 30 years ago...they're still married, kids are grown, and they're doing fine. Your 23 my friend, and its a long life... let go of that anxiety, you'll be ok.
Dating Apps want to keep you on their platform. Also i do not like texting that much, rather spend time with her, have conversations and see if there is a "spark".
This is a really thoughtful and well-analyzed video, and you make lots of great points on the limitations of online dating. But, on the other hand, you state that 30% of people do find their long-term partners online - so presumably it does work for many!
I'm a gay dude in the US, and let me tell you that queer dating is largely based on the apps, especially if you live in rural areas away from urban centers that have more active LGBTQ+ communities. I met my current (and first lol) boyfriend on Tinder, but I had to wade through people who weren't honest about what they're looking for, as well as people who were just looking for validation. Also, if you live in an area like I do, unfortunately there's a lot of desperation and queer folks who are dating only because they're lonely, which is obv not healthy. I even caught myself questioning if I was on tinder because I was lonely, or if I was actually here seeking something real and long lasting. It's tricky though. So many positives and negatives of apps like Tinder, especially in queer dating. You can easily put yourself into the queer community, which is sometimes just plain hard to find unless you seek it out on an app in rural areas, but also if you do find it, the people within the community have a lot of problems they need to work through themselves. Thanks for the video : )
i too hated the idea of dating apps, probably because i dont got nothing to show but my personality thru chat (first). I approached it differently compared to other people, by adjusting my mindset which is really to seek people to just hangout with since i maybe new to the area and basically looking for an attractive, fun tour guide who i hopefully get a connection with on some level
I like that you combine this video with better help sponsorship. Also, I like that you clarified that online dating can work for some individuals. I can definitely agree with that.
Folks, you are not weird or deficient with dating... online dating attracts abusers, narcissists and psychopaths from all walks of life and from both genders. The online dating world is ideal for creating false representations which is deceptive. Do it the old fashion way if possible, especially with social events, work, clubs, and group activities where you can see and meet people interacting... its safer and easier to spot red flags. The virtual world is ripe with abusers that can hide their true intentions.... get out there and learn to mingle. Online dating is a false reality.
Lol I saw this title less than 10 minutes after re-activating my dating apps. Holding out hope. Definitely prefer meeting new people IRL, it doesn't happen often though.
Thank you for another great video. I feel that when you are in alignment and you are truly meant to meet someone, you will naturally run into them in person. It happens all the time you just have to be open to it 💖
I was able to meet cool people through online dating apps, but it would always leave me a bit unsatisfied. The fact that there could be a better catch if I kept swiping is what makes these so prevalent in today's age - it is a bit toxic, but we ultimately have the decision.
They always say don't go desperately seeking for a girlfriend because women sense you're desperate and ghost you, ignore online dating unless you're very attractive looking, or that the right person will cross your path when you least expect it... So, well, here I am, 50 years and I'm still waiting for that one person! 🙈😂😂
Dating is hard. Just focus on getting your college degree as well as getting your certification and hitting the workplace. You must have something in common with your future spouse. Opposites do not attract regardless of what the critics say. No woman will marry a homeless person and no man will not marry a woman whom they do not find attractive physically. Have a better bank account, and focus on living a good life and then let the rest fall into place with time. Don't rush into marriage, that will not work. Don't let society force you to get married just because you are 23 or 36. Love will either find you or not but in the meantime be happy and live a happy life. Do not get down and be bitter. Enjoy life, you are alive. February 20, 2022, USA. North America.
just had the worst tinder date ever last friday. The guy was a pretentious jerk filled with red flags. Long story short, I left him and escaped in the middle of the movie we were watching telling him i just needed to go to the toilet lmao. Best decision I ever made 🤣
shit this one sucks ahh … it can b dangerous sometimes but u can end up meeting someone cute & nice so its not that bad havin an online dating app but it is in a way !!
It can be an easy way-out for people (especially guys) who are scared of approaching others romantically or sexually in real life. This past year I got super close to two girls (at different times) who lived far away from me and I got addicted to the high of being liked and appreciated. I put myself out there more easily, in ways that I absolutely couldn't do with the same confidence in real life. But at the end of the day, it never felt real. I never met neither of the girls. Now I look at myself in the mirror and I realize that I'm still the same insecure guy when it comes to relationships and intimacy. I realize that the the online world can get you hooked very quickly if you let it. For a guy like me, afraid of intimacy, with low self-esteem, it was so easy to fall into this trap. It can be a trap. But I don't want to be trapped any longer. I swear that I'll resist the tentation and that I'll do my best to improve and experience the real world fully.
I have met all my previous ex's online and it's put me off online dating completely. Everything can be so contrived and you don't really get to know a person for who they really are for a very long time as they try to keep up this persona they've created of themselves online. I'm at an age where people start worrying about being single but I am willing to wait it out for an authentic connection in real life, even if there's a risk that it won't happen 😅
I tried online dating but the times I really fell for someone were when I saw them in person for the firs time. There is something about chemistry, body language, scents, accents, voices which cannot be portrait and show on social media apps. I am sorry but I am not able to feel for someone seeing only a picture and their interests. I have fallen for people I have never imagined ... I think I will miss that using online dating aps.
What I really enjoy about your videos is how you explore a subject from an anthropological/societal point of view - you don't simply talk about it from your perspective (which is already relevant), but you explain it with very interesting insights that makes so much sense - and makes the overall online dating experience not as lonely as we actually think, meaning... we're not alone, so many people are experiencing the same. Which leaves me wondering: are we all just little islands trying to connect in a big ocean of noise, and we never really reach other no matter how much we try?
I no longer date online since ever, I think. Since the begining I had resistence to this "fast food" thing. I never liked, but I used to see if it was some sorta of a prejudice I had. I wasn't wrong. Crazy world!
Online dating is quite literally the only way of finding a partner for many gay people. I don't like dating apps but it is almost impossible to find a partner without using it, so I'm kinda forced to use it.
@Lana Blakely So, to start with the most obvious reason: there are just very few gay people in the world. 95% of all men, that you encounter in your daily life, are heterosexuals. It is thus much easier to stumble upon someone that is compatible with you. For homosexual men (I don't precisely know the situation of lesbian women, but I assume it's the same) it's about 5%. This is even smaller if someone lives in a small town or in the countryside. Dating sites make it much easier for homosexuals to meet other similar people. + the chance of being introduced to a fellow gay man by your friends or family is even smaller than it is for heterosexual men and women. Secondly, you never really know who's gay. People that you may see in your daily life can look stereotypically gay or can have stereotypically gay traits/behaviours, but it is not certain that this person is gay or bisexual. This is also the case for men that 'look like heteresexuals' but in fact are not. In addition, you never know how someone will react if you address them or make a move. It can lead to both verbal and physical abuse. This can of course happen to heterosexual men and women too, but the chance of it happening is significantly smaller. Thirdly, online dating can be literally the only (safe) way of finding a partner for closeted people or people living in homophobic areas/environments/countries. In the case of those people, they can't just make a move on someone, be introduced to other gays by their family or friends, walk up to someone et cetera. For them, nothing is scarier than the threat of being outed or facing discrimination. Dating sites provide a safer and accessible alternative for these gay people. Elaborating on this, even in more open and progressive societies/areas, there is still a fair amount of closeted gay/bisexual people. This is also why it is hard [for out-of-the-closet homosexual people] to meet gay people or be introduced to them by your surroundings.
darkcrawlerz youre right, thanks for pointing out my dumb mistake. What I wanted to say is that 45% of the population are heterosexual men. The other 50% are women. I’m gonna change my comment to correct this mistake
Do apps harm people's self-esteem or do they attract those already with low self-esteem? I say both. Anyone who already has low self-esteem will be drawn to dating sites/apps/etc like moths to a flame, cos they offer a beacon of (false) hope for finding what they cannot through conventional methods. But also, those with moderate-to-healthy self-esteem who decide to try them out will soon get beaten down by the negativity and toxicity of the shallow superficiality and cruel narcissism of it all. Kind of like politics : Those already corrupt will always be drawn to it, and those even with the best intentions and morals will soon become corrupted as well (if they stay long enough). If you aren't (suffering low self-esteem / corrupt) already, you will be.
I forgot to point out that there is of course an exception to every rule ; occasionally, regardless of your self-esteem, a person can just get "lucky" and find exactly what they're looking for and have it all work out quite well - those looking for hookups will find hookups and be content. Someone looking for "the one" who actually find it, will have no further need to continue using the app and go one to be content as well. But those instances are very rare. The trick I suppose is making sure expectations are on par with the reality of the situation. Many people set themselves up for disappointment by having unrealistic expectations, whatever they might be, and that's where a lot of the toxicity can come into play.
@@BlackieNuff why do you think these instances are so rare? It just comes down to expectations? To me it also feels like it has a lot to do with how clear-headed someone can be, and how efficiently they are able to set boundaries and stuff like that. I read somewhere that it's a matter of where your looking. Some apps are more designed for hookups, others for a more long-lasting relationship but even then, nothing is guaranteed. It almost feels like the whole system just set you up for failure, unless, like you said, you aren't extremely lucky. And it's just a shame that those instances are the exception and not the norm. Because this means that there's a lage part of the population that is just suffering unnecessarily.
@@federica4829 Well, if they were not rare, I think we'd hear a lot more about those accounts of "happily ever after" or ""lots of good clean fun", and the entire concept of online dating would not have such a dour, negative reputation. Why would anyone say they had a bad experience if they actually had good ones? Even if people had "mostly" bad experiences, I think if there were any good ones to acknowledge, they'd choose to focus on those like everyone claims to do with everything else in life... but if they lie about the everyday things (say they focus on the positive but really obsess over the negative), then maybe they lie about the ration of failure/success in online dating too? Maybe positive experiences are not so rare after all? I guess the only people who know for sure are those who have used the services. I myself have had nothing but negative experiences with them, and did not waste much time on them. The only "women" who ever contacted/answered me were either cruel people who got off on playing cruel mind games, or, as the technology advanced, they were just "bot" accounts designed to make my buy "membership" privileges, like being able to respond to messages received. Amdist all the bellyaching form women about how "male privilege" makes life easier for men, this is one of those genuinely sexist examples of how men do NOT have any "privilege" at all ; it's the women. Men have tot PAY good money for this shit, while women have it 100% free across the board. I don;t there has ever been an instance where even one of these services required women to pay for anything at the same level men had/have to. Plenty Of Fish had SOME free services for men when they first started, and it ran that way for a long time, but still had "premium" upgrades that cost money. I don't think women had to pay for any of that either. And after a few years of all the no-cost availability for men, POF has changed their policy on that and followed suit with the rest of the sites/apps, and started charging for EVERYTHING that was directly interactive. You could browse profiles, but not contact or respond to messages without paying. Sometimes, profiles had 75% of the content hidden until a "paid membership" was purchased. Just a disgusting scam. Whatever was free for men now cost money as well. I think the free period was just an incentive to draw men in and get them "hooked' (pun intended). Clear-mindedness definitely plays a part in all this. And so few people have that. They either go in with complete naivete, or are wrought with emotion over a bad experience or breakup and just go into full "react" mode and do not think about what they're doing when they mess with these things. Anyone with a clear mind will proceed with caution, but even clearer minds will avoid the damn things altogether, seeing them for what they are : traps and money-grabs.
Online dating is really shallow and caters to people who want fast results. I personally don't like chatting online with people. Because I hate online chatting in a relationship too. So I rather meet people in real life and make sure the conversations are meaningful. I'm an introvert with Asperger's so I need to feel comfortable and really get to know someone for a longer period. Online dating makes me really anxious because I don't know what is expected. Online dating made me unhappy. Also because there are no results or dates. The girls I've spoken to don't understand that it is hard for a guy to get a date there. However I have more success in real life by just doing many hobbies and voluntary work.
Anyone who uses tinder as a confidence booster is attractive already. I definitely did not have any success when I made one 10 years ago. I was in high school and had zero matches for a year. People did say I looked super young back then though and nowadays I get people checking me out now
I've been in an ldr for 2.5 years and he's the love of my life. sadly, we had to breakup bc the distance got too much :( I hope we get to be together irl. Please do keep us in your prayers 🥺
Please love yourself and check why are you hook on fantasy. When there is True love, there are no obstacles for getting together. Maybe effort is just one-sided. Love of your life should want to share your life with you, not break up. Long distance relationship are sometimes sign of immaturity or incapability for healthy relationship. Stay healthy and happy 🥰
I gave up on being with another at 19, tried again in my 30's and on the third date in numerous terms; the expression was the same as Netflix and Chill. My interests fall apart; I'm not too fond of the physical part, as the bonding mentally part. So I am single still, now 36, probably going to be for the rest of my life as no woman likes an old guy who doesn't like the physical aspect of being with her.
Pro e dating tips. 1. Never give up. This process can be long. Remember the law of numbers. For every person you meet that isn't for you, you are that much closer to meeting a person for you. 2. Be honest about who you are and what you want. 3. Be cautious and take your time to really get to know somebody. 4. Be safe! If you ever get weird or bad vibes get out of there immediately. You don't owe these strangers anything. Your safety is top priority. I've had a lot of luck with e dating off and on. My current gf Jen is great. It took me almost 2 years of online dating to find her. Good luck.
Wait wait wait. I'm just ten seconds in and Lana has just described me! I have brown eyes and brown hair and I GO TO PENN STATE UNIVERSITY!!! AAARRRGHHHHH!!!!!
That was a great presentation on online dating and is true from my experience. I must say online dating is a numbers game and I did find success surprisingly... But if I were looking for a life partner, meeting someone at the library, shoping centre or via friends/family would be much better!
Why did you need online dating??? You are beautiful enough to meet men if you just go outside. C'mon!! You are gorgeous.. I mean in real!! I really envy you. If you walk across the street or in the park, don't pretend that no one (man or woman) notize you!
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Happy Halloween, You. 🎃
Thank you, same to you
Happy Halloween Queen!💐😍
Thank you so much for such a great video! Hope you all the best!
Hey Happy Holidays beautiful, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's holidays coming, I didn't know your channel last year. So these holidays with Lana. Will be great
See ya later 💝
I am in my 50's and lost my dear Partner 3 years ago. I realized the 24 years i spent with her cannot be duplicated ( i think i was already in Heaven).
She always reminded me to "enjoy every moment in life"; she and i did - i enjoy your videos and newsletters; please continue doing them you have a special talent.
So sorry 😢
🙏🏿
@A Banana She passed Dec 27th, so Christmas is hard. But I am moving on. Hoping this covid with go away.
So Sory
@@lifewithnosibusisodingaan6411 thank you for your kind words.
You can chat and really have a good connection online for months, and yet when you meet them in person they're not even close to what you thought.
*5 things to quit for all people:*
*1. Caring about what others thing*
*2. Not believing in yourself*
*3. Not prioritizing your health*
*4. Wasting your precious time*
*5. Chasing meaningless relationships*
Wait - why can't we be prioritizing our health? Isn't that how we 'focus on ourselves'?
@@lavans06 he’s dating people should quit NOT prioritizing their health. Meaning they should
I've never liked the checklist nature of it. There's no substitute for reacting to the organic spark of unexpectedly meeting someone in person, hitting it off with them, and going with the flow. Body/eye language when we're in each other's presence says so much more than a profile *ever* could - there's energy there and that's the fuel that keeps the connection moving. A well-chosen pic might be hot but it says little to nothing about how you and I vibe.
"Well yeah, that's the whole point of contacting/meeting up with them - to see if you do vibe." ...Okay sure of course but I have to be compelled to meet up with them in the first place, and that's almost certainly not going to happen at a distance so I have nearly zero motivation to go after her in such an inorganic environment.
Greatly put.
@Etevaldo Skylab even then, I didn't like it for the same reasons I stated. Similar interests and philosophies on life, how active we are, and where we are on our life journey all play a role in the connection we have yes... But who we are on paper doesn't necessarily translate to who we are together. There's a gravity between some souls that's indescribable - an energy that you can't feel until you're with them - which is all the more exciting when it's unplanned and not orchestrated by some framework.
I agree with what you wrote. But here’s the problem. You can’t meet someone just walking down the street. Nobody else is ever walking down the street when I am. In fact, hardly anyone is walking around at all. It’s still pandemic. So what do you do if you really want to meet someone but it isn’t going to happen organically. Just sit home and wait? I’m in NYC. Some people are going out like there is no virus around. But mostly it’s really quiet, not like NY was before pandemic. It’s nearly impossible to meet someone organically and forget my friends, they are penthouse going to introduce me to anyone. So what do I do?
@@AdrienneMint i agree that everyone's situation is different, and understand that some people don't have much opportunity at all to meet new people. Me personally, I actually go out to bars and clubs and house gatherings. I fantasize about meeting a girl at the grocery store but it's yet to happen lol... But as for you asking "what do I do?" I would say to not be afraid to strike up conversations with strangers in basic settings (like stores and coffeeshops), with no expectation as to where it leads - that said, I'm sure NYC is a tough cookie to crack in that regard.
@@chrisjfox8715 I will definitely try what you suggested, I do still go to the market and the drugstore and sometimes to a park. They seem safe , regarding the virus, though I am vaxxed. I still want to be safe and not catch it. I used to go to clubs and bars a lot and I did meet men that way but I don’t do that now. Believe me I’ve done plenty of online dating. I went with a doctor that I met online, for 6 years. I take full responsibility but he did steal over a quarter of a million bucks from me. I still tried again last year .,I met some men but I didn’t click with any of them, though I was asked out for another date by all of them. Nothing worked for me. I don’t want to give up. I’ll keep trying. Thank you!❤️ and I wish you the best.
Nailed the Joe Golberg impersonation.
Thanks! 😆
DUDE!!! i JUST COMMENTED THAT ABOVE :D The intro is 'You' Intro.
Haha trur
😂😂😂
Exactly, that was what I was thinking...
It’s so hard to find people nowadays. Which is why online dating becomes the best option. But a relationship I feel has to start with in friendship stage and not rushed in to the partnership stage. But it’s so hard to find that.
I totally agree. I think it was easier in older generations because people were not so complicated as now, they literally had matchmakers or someone from their family would set them up to somebody else (most of my family members met like that). Maybe this is not for everybody but people today have such high standards.
I wonder if there’s a only friends app. Like tinder but it’s to meet friends
@@Hampappi bumble bffs is a good app to make frends
@@indimist390 so I tried the app for a week or so and I gotta say. Wasn’t impressed lol, a lot of dudes on there assumed I was gay and wanted to hook up and the females were more or less the same. I think it’s a hook up app lol. It’s been since deleted
Same lol.
To me, someone who is shy and not very confident online dating is a necessary evil. It's great when it works, but it seems to work less and less the older you get. Being in a good relationship is wonderful, but being off dating apps and getting away from the game is equally wonderful.
Good news, shyness can be overcome...through exposure and facing our fears. That's what I did and now I am a confident man.
Why not work on self development? Btw this is exactly why I stopped online dating. There’s a certain kind of guy on there. I don’t want to end up with someone who wouldn’t have the balls to talk to me face to face.
@@weekend1rocks wow u get all my respect. Most girls think like you but arent bold enough to say it
I am 19 years old and I have never dated anyone. But, for some reason society often makes it seems that not dating means you're a loser (or at the very least not cool). But, I can honestly say that I have never met someone who indulges in online dating and is happy. Everyone regrets that and still makes it seem as if it is cool! So, what's the meaning of dating like that anyway?
I heard of people who have met online and matched perfectly, but NOT because of a dating app. I find them (the dating apps) so fake anyways, like I hate judging people based on their appearance, and a few lines about them. I'm also 19 and I've only tolerated being on a dating app for a week. Afterwards I become too self-conscious and I hate being ghosted.
@Anthony A Lol true, What exactly is the difference between "dating" and just having some conversation here and there. I see no difference. I don't like going out and spending money on a bunch of BS. Seems like such a waste. Also, women will often ask you to "hang out" instead of asking you out on a date. Its just a clever way for them to protect themselves from the sting of rejection. Its BS I can see right through it.
Please don’t feel pressured to date. That’s literally the worst reason to date. Be free and single until the right person comes along that you feel being in a relationship with, is better than being single.
@@jgtheman84
The relationship process has been eroded by "progress"
1st: Become friends with a girl
2nd: Decide you like each other and think you want to marry
3rd: Ask the father if you can date his daughter
4th: Go on dates to "test drive a marriage"
5th: Ask the father for the daughters hand in marriage and then propose to the girl
6th: get married - at witch point YOU became responsible for her and were expected to provide clothing, food and health.
That is right, dates were meant to see how you got along on a 1 on 1 basis and get a taste of what it would be like to live with each other.
The meal part was to get a feel of what it was like to have a "family dinner" at the end of the day
And dates were required to test the 1 on 1 conversations as at this time you DID NOT have a girl and boy alone with each other as it was improper and lead to temptations.
You're literally a loser according to evolution
I think meeting people by cultivating your interests in a social setting or purusing social hobbies is the best way to meet possibly compatible partners/friends!
From previous experience;
It needs to have more than 3 females in the group.
@@RetroCaptain so, having only one girl in my fight club ain't enough he? 🤣
Well said!!
That’s why I don’t do online dating. It’s all about hookups and I’m the type of person who seek for emotional and supportive relationship
Me too, only irl dating for me tho.
Right
It’s not all about hookups. U can use for hookups or dating
The majority of guys just want sex. I'm so tired of dick pics and tired of feeling like just a sex object
Can't approach women in real life because can't risk getting harassment case filed against me, can't approach women online because of hookup culture.
That's why I don't date.
i never used those apps. I find that old fashioned way is a lot more charming. Kudos to those who found your special someone online though
''that old fashioned way'', I have the feeling you don't get away with that stuff anymore these days since most people (mostly women/girls) think it's creepy or weird.
@aleagria03 i must be good looking to my wife then because online dating worked for me.
Same. That's how I found my current girlfriend when I was 25. I think online dating lowers the standards (depending on app) and I would rather get a first impression first.
@@Hybrid_Technique if that’s the case then men needs to start getting used to being called creeps and turned that thing into something positive.
@aleagria03 I was instantly touched. I misinderstood though.
After a year long on/off relationship with these apps, I finally just put them down. I’d much rather feel lonely than feel the multitude of other things that dating apps made me feel. You can only hope the Universe favors you, but in the end you just leave it to the wind.
the universe has no power
The feeling of loneliness isn’t worth it
Same.
The feeling of loneliness in the dating app is also big
*"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." - Marcus Aurelius*
Demetri you comment on so many RUclips videos, honestly it's very spammy...
@@cherrystar16 yeah but you are just shaming so who’s the troll?! Show me a woman that cares for Marcus aurelius….
But what if you don't know where it is in yourself?
Have you ever been to a university history lecture? It's mainly women dude...💀😂
I prefer first time meetings face-to-face rather than online meetings, whether dating or friendships. Far more genuine because it forces you to be on the spot with your true character as soon as possible when in person because it's unexpected to meet someone that catches your interest in person. For romantic interests, I find it far more "hotter" too because of the mystery of first knowing the person face-to-face.
I agree so much. I feel like online dating just feels weird. Like if you don’t know the energy of the person, you’re talking to a total stranger, how are you supposed to act normal when you first meet? There’s no magic, no mystery.
This is super convenient because I recently gave up on online dating and decided to ask my crush out on a date directly. She said yes!
Ohhh this is so awesome!
Keep us posted on the date
@@LanaBlakely Just got back from the date! It was really fun. I feel like we're closer now. Idk how she feels about me but at the very least I think we could be good friends :-)
Big congrats buddy
@@lotuswolf1518 thanks, although she started ignoring me so 🤷
It's a mcdonalized take on relationships, giving you consistent mediocre experiences. It's incredibly rare to find quality but then again why are you going to mcdonalds for quality, you know what I mean? I stopped using online dating and I've felt so much more relived.
Online dating, especially ones like tinder, are extremely toxic. There's nothing quite like getting rejected without even being present.
What a wonderful exploration of the topic. As someone who used to go on online dating sites all the time, I can tell you I was only there to temporarily rid myself of loneliness and poor self-esteem. In order to find the real shit, you gotta get outside.
FACT!
Don't limit yourself to the USA. It is easy to find a wife in SE Asia. Admittedly, you don't need an app if you go there first. But using an app to talk to them first might motivate you to get your passport and plane ticket, especially if you suffer from low self-esteem.
@gab hug Ukraine is good if you are looking for a Caucasian wife. Nothing against it. There are a lot of good countries for finding a wife. I retired in Kenya with a good wife. The reason I suggest SE Asia (especially Philippines) for beginners is that their culture is similar. It is always best if you can save up money and retire in her country. Bringing a foreign woman to USA is often asking for problems, especially if she is a lot younger and the guy is inexperienced with relationships.
@gab hug Wrong. Americans living overseas are in high demand even if they aren't returning to the USA. We have a lot to offer besides a visa.
@gab hug I am from the USA, but have lived all over the world.
27 and never used any dating app or tinder. All my long relationships were from my travels or old friends. Now I'm at a different stage in my life I do worry about how I'll meet someone. But I've decided that it will be organically for me, somehow. I still have hope. I really don't want to be swiping people and judging from a one page profile.
You and I both lol. We got a long bumpy road ahead of us. Although I have heard people meet each other through social media such as Instagram
Yes is happen sometimes
I wouldn't date online again. Did it once, even got engaged. Tried again afterwards on a number of sites. What a joke the whole thing is. Never ever again.
I never met anyone I would go on a date with offline - and I never met anyone I would have gone on a date with online. In the end, how you meet people is secondary. The people themselves are the most important. And someone who is very "abnormal" is gonna have a hard time either way. With that said however, my obsession with getting a six-pack definitely started with tinder...
Interesting topic. I've been married for over 30 years and never had to date online (it didn't exist back then). I can see where it can be tough because of the "ghosting." Also, I used to live near Baltimore, Maryland (Gaithersburg, Maryland to be exact) and I'm vegan so I enjoyed your intro! Thanks again, Lana, for the awesome video as usual! Stay healthy!
Online dating is toxic. It does work for a small amount of people who are looking for a meaningful relationship. But for most people who have been through it, they will tell you that it's not worth it. Just last night I was watching a RUclips video of a guy that was putting himself out there on apps and getting frustrated with the revolving door of women and rejection. But we now live in a disposable society and it's so easy to pick up a cell phone than to get out in the real world and meet real people in realistic settings. Family, friends, school, church, work, the bus stop etc. It also leads to more depression and mental health issues like low self-esteem. Being single is hard I totally get that.
*You can't always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes you have to dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what could have been...*
Everyone should allow yourself to do online at least once so you can have a chance and the experience. 😊
I'm a bit old fashioned for a twenty something. I definitely prefer meeting people in person whenever I can. It comes with its own risk, but you get a better feel for a person when looking them in the eye.
I used tinder for one week in college and immediately found it too overwhelming. Though I have a friend who met her husband on tinder. Its all preferences and a bit of random luck.
This video is so well made and so insightful!! I agree with these points, and I have to say that I had really bad experiences with these apps. And you never know the intentions of people in the beginning. So, as someone who looked for genuine meaningful connections, it was just too hard, and constantly having to start over with new people was just too exhausting, at least for me. I used those apps because as an introvert living in a big city, 'online dating' felt like the only way to find the right match. Maybe most of the introverts living in big cities feel the same.
Thank you Lana for sharing your thoughts!! Glad to hear someone telling the truth !
I have tried online dating since 2009/2010, never been on one date, just wasted time and money . . . At the end of the day you should always date someone you know that compliments you, holds the same values and makes you feel good
Presumably you meant "complements"
@@DavenH you must be bored to look up something I wrote 2 years and point out one vowel. My condolences
I used internet dating sites for a good 13 years or so & I got absolutely nowhere with them. Met up to 30 women and everything Went tits up basically. Heard the same old excuses & bullshit time & time again like “I just want to be friends” or “there is no chemistry between us” hearing that all the time combined with a lot of ghosting made me feel very very depressed.
Lana, its still haunting me how we are somewhat in the same path and you upload these videos which depicts my life. First, the 'taking a break from social media' which I too decided to do the time. And now saying goodbye to dating apps which I'm currently doing starting a couple of weeks ago. I love you. I love us. I love our journey together.
I have seen a lot about online dating recently and the negatives. When I was on online dating apps, I learnt a lot and it's true about what they say. Although dating apps have been successful for me, it took so much of my energy and I don't think I could ever do it again. Great video Lana!
Yeah that is very true. I have the same/ a similar experience.
I changed my behaviour towards swiping and so on. We all know, that we as men can just see a blurry image of the Girl that liked us. So what i did is, i just waited to get a like and tried to find that person who liked me. For me that works. BUt many people on these Dating Apps have serious Problems and thats a whole other Issue.
It's much easier to start out with a common interest and build on that. Really the best way to find someone that way is to have many interests and to travel everywhere locally. Even if your not the one that meets your special someone, one of her girlfriends that you have met will recommend you to her
THE END is so Lana - love all your videos.
Thank you!!
@@LanaBlakely and if it would ever cross your mind that I’d be happy if you left, your right, I’d be happy.
from someone who does not use dating apps, i have noticed how socially awkward women have become (or maybe it is just towards me). It is very hard for a man to breakthrough your walls to get to know you, when someone isn't receptive in conversation cues. Some people have full personalities on social media but in person they are totally different. I think that is why people use dating apps.
Give up on online dating. It’s gross to be honest. I gave up dating years ago, much less online dating. That too is also why I am celibate, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing either…
Don't worry anymore. I will introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me get my ex back in 48 hours. He can help you reunite with your ex quickly and bring a smile back to your lips.
Message him no WhatsApp
±2348059415144⏭"**
Recent weeks have been hell, working from 7:00am and getting home at 12:00am at the earliest as well as working through the weekend. As lame as it sounds, listening to Lana before sleeping has been the highlight of my day!
online dating is awful, if i don’t respond to their message immediately i get the flip out, one date couldn’t get off his dating app during our date👀, your profile says u want conversation and when u get conversation u say i’m not looking for a friend, 👋 goodbye. Apps make people disposable like shopping for a pair of shoes, easily replaceable, meaningless and terrible. I love just being single, taking myself out, it’s pretty great actually once u get used to it.
As all these points are valid, I met my wife via online dating. So, I am heavily biased and think Online Dating is fantastic for this day & age. People just have be careful. The pandemic accelerated the modern ways people court each other through technology. Or was invetiable it was going to increase in popularity. Its hard enough to meet people you connect with in-person these days. You have to be extremely lucky and be in the right place at the right time. In the end its about patience and not giving up. True love is out there and if one wants to marry for the right reasons that correspond with him or hers and meet someone under the right intensions- it all works out in the end.
i highly agree w u !! online datin apps can b so fantastic for sum ppl. But, not for many others
I think it is something related about luck. I've had twice these apps and at one time it was awesome but at the 2nd it was terrible
Thanks for sharing!! Glad you found your person. May I ask what year you me her? From what I've heard, the apps are getting less and less "serious" with time.
@@moripiepenbrink4502 Very true, its not for everybody. I would argue anyone having a issues in live situations; should give it a shot. Anything ia possible in dating.😉⚘
@@wenbemol888 100% it depends what site, where you live, are you open to long-distance temporarily, time of year, how long you stayed on the site, how you engaged with others, how frequent or long you stayed on the site/day or week.........etc...I could go on 😉😅 but these variables with a mix of some good/bad luck determines the experience and outcome of obtaining a spouse.
9 years off and on when I got bored yet nothing not one person. Combining with the few in my area in person. Now is the time to go within where happiness and love exist. With abuse negativity nothingness is what exists externally. At least there is a light inside
You are a good example of a stoic mindset. I love your content, Lana.
You know, Im almost done too. Im always talking to people who are draining me for no reason on fb dating. Torment of the heart, no lie.
Don't worry anymore. I will introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me get my ex back in 48 hours. He can help you reunite with your ex quickly and bring a smile back to your lips.
Message him no WhatsApp
±2348059415144⏭"**
In other words, the stats show if you want to have a legitimate relationship these apps can be a HUGE waste of time. I think people need to come back to the real world and meet people (love interest, friends, etc..) the old fashion way, face to face.
I think there's an inherent insecurity that comes from meeting anonymously online, and it has to do with how much our social groups inform our identity. In order to meet certain types of people, you would (normally) have to be interested enough in a certain activity to not only be good enough to do it with other people, but also to plan time for it in your life, and find a group of people to do it regularly. If you made it this far, there's a lot of social filtering that's already taken place, and the people you meet will trust you more and know much more about you.
With online dating, the ''price of entry'' into a person's life is so low that you have to do all of the work of showing who you are from scratch. It's a bit weird, seeing as how a big part of why we find someone attractive comes from our perception of how desired they are by others.
For people that already have vibrant social lives and strong identities this is probably not as big of a problem, but I imagine those types probably don't spend as much time looking for dates online.
THANK YOU! Finally someone FINALLY brings it up. I've literally never matched w/ a real person on Tinder. I've tried it on and off for 3/4 years. I don't know why this is or how actual people are matching/meeting.
You don't look for love anywhere, specially online. Love find you in Divine timing wherever you are and when you less expect it.
Lana, was that intro a Joe Goldberg tribute? You really channelled the Penn Badgely style of self-aware narration, hahah!
It sure was!! 😆
@@LanaBlakely nailed it!
When you said in the beginning 'Hey You' I suddenly remembered Joe from the Netflix show YOU :D the way you talk is so calming, same mind speech as Joe's. Looks like its an INFJ thing.. well many INFJs think he's one :)
Loved the video. Definitely online dating is a dilemma...
The ending was funny lol
I'm 23m and never dated ever. I'm in University and kept thinking that I'll find someone after I start my career, but what I heard is meeting people after you start working is incredibly difficult, especially without online apps. Also I'm Indian, so I guess arranged marriage is my fate 🤷
lol, good luck buddy
it's good you will save a lot of time from going through a lot of relationships. Just make sure your compatible with the person you have been arranged with.
I have a friend from Goa who had his marriage arranged..that was 30 years ago...they're still married, kids are grown, and they're doing fine. Your 23 my friend, and its a long life... let go of that anxiety, you'll be ok.
Dating Apps want to keep you on their platform.
Also i do not like texting that much, rather spend time with her, have conversations and see if there is a "spark".
Online dating is a pretty weird concept when you try to take an objective view about it
our entire world is
I don't know about anyone else but i personally feel that when it comes to dating offline is always better than online
This is a really thoughtful and well-analyzed video, and you make lots of great points on the limitations of online dating. But, on the other hand, you state that 30% of people do find their long-term partners online - so presumably it does work for many!
I'm a gay dude in the US, and let me tell you that queer dating is largely based on the apps, especially if you live in rural areas away from urban centers that have more active LGBTQ+ communities.
I met my current (and first lol) boyfriend on Tinder, but I had to wade through people who weren't honest about what they're looking for, as well as people who were just looking for validation.
Also, if you live in an area like I do, unfortunately there's a lot of desperation and queer folks who are dating only because they're lonely, which is obv not healthy. I even caught myself questioning if I was on tinder because I was lonely, or if I was actually here seeking something real and long lasting.
It's tricky though. So many positives and negatives of apps like Tinder, especially in queer dating. You can easily put yourself into the queer community, which is sometimes just plain hard to find unless you seek it out on an app in rural areas, but also if you do find it, the people within the community have a lot of problems they need to work through themselves.
Thanks for the video : )
Thank you for opening up and sharing! I have little to no insight about that side of dating, so this was interesting. :-)
Dump it- its a hyper sexualized, predatory cess pool.
i too hated the idea of dating apps, probably because i dont got nothing to show but my personality thru chat (first).
I approached it differently compared to other people, by adjusting my mindset which is really to seek people to just hangout with since i maybe new to the area and basically looking for an attractive, fun tour guide who i hopefully get a connection with on some level
Oh I'm really looking forward to watching this Video! I've been thinking about the topic a lot recently!
I like that you combine this video with better help sponsorship. Also, I like that you clarified that online dating can work for some individuals. I can definitely agree with that.
I was never too keen on Dating Apps. I'd rather just have it come naturally and unexpected. Guess I'm old school like that.
Nice vid. Cheers
You are so intelligent and well-spoken… I’d love if you could make a video on your tips to communicate thoughts more eloquently and clearly
I got ghosted by a mother of four who has no job.
Lol
your win
Super interesting to link behaviorism and online dating. I also appreciate the research you put into this. Congrats!
Folks, you are not weird or deficient with dating... online dating attracts abusers, narcissists and psychopaths from all walks of life and from both genders. The online dating world is ideal for creating false representations which is deceptive. Do it the old fashion way if possible, especially with social events, work, clubs, and group activities where you can see and meet people interacting... its safer and easier to spot red flags. The virtual world is ripe with abusers that can hide their true intentions.... get out there and learn to mingle. Online dating is a false reality.
Lol I saw this title less than 10 minutes after re-activating my dating apps. Holding out hope. Definitely prefer meeting new people IRL, it doesn't happen often though.
If it feels right for you, go for it! You never know what may come out of it.
It’s still nice to meet new people, no matter what the outcomes are. So enjoy it, nobody knows who you’re gonna meet on there.
So real human interaction is more essential like meeting friends and families that are closer to you than from online social platforms.❤️
My new opening line will actually be “hello fellow human, do you belong to the 49 percentile group or the 47 percentile group or are you just bored?”
Thank you for another great video. I feel that when you are in alignment and you are truly meant to meet someone, you will naturally run into them in person. It happens all the time you just have to be open to it 💖
I was able to meet cool people through online dating apps, but it would always leave me a bit unsatisfied. The fact that there could be a better catch if I kept swiping is what makes these so prevalent in today's age - it is a bit toxic, but we ultimately have the decision.
They always say don't go desperately seeking for a girlfriend because women sense you're desperate and ghost you, ignore online dating unless you're very attractive looking, or that the right person will cross your path when you least expect it... So, well, here I am, 50 years and I'm still waiting for that one person! 🙈😂😂
not only is this a great, well-spoken video with clear points, but it is also beautifully shot and edited! i think i just found a new yt chanel i love
Dating apps and social media have destroyed dating and courting today
Stumbled by accident on Lana's channel. What a great girl. As an old man, I found her presentation interesting, and her advice very pragmatic.
Dating is hard. Just focus on getting your college degree as well as getting your certification and hitting the workplace. You must have something in common with your future spouse. Opposites do not attract regardless of what the critics say. No woman will marry a homeless person and no man will not marry a woman whom they do not find attractive physically. Have a better bank account, and focus on living a good life and then let the rest fall into place with time. Don't rush into marriage, that will not work. Don't let society force you to get married just because you are 23 or 36. Love will either find you or not but in the meantime be happy and live a happy life. Do not get down and be bitter. Enjoy life, you are alive. February 20, 2022, USA. North America.
just had the worst tinder date ever last friday. The guy was a pretentious jerk filled with red flags. Long story short, I left him and escaped in the middle of the movie we were watching telling him i just needed to go to the toilet lmao. Best decision I ever made 🤣
Ahh sorry to hear that! Glad you got away!! Did he try to contact you afterwards?
I made an excuse about a fake emergency 😅 he wasn't really happy about it, which made me feel even more better 🤣🤭
shit this one sucks ahh … it can b dangerous sometimes but u can end up meeting someone cute & nice so its not that bad havin an online dating app but it is in a way !!
@@dania_galicia lmao you go girl! I admire your decision. I'm glad you trusted your intuition.
Don't they call actions like that ''ghosting''.
amazing video! I've thought quite deeply about online dating myself and the Anonymity point really agreed with me
It can be an easy way-out for people (especially guys) who are scared of approaching others romantically or sexually in real life.
This past year I got super close to two girls (at different times) who lived far away from me and I got addicted to the high of being liked and appreciated. I put myself out there more easily, in ways that I absolutely couldn't do with the same confidence in real life. But at the end of the day, it never felt real. I never met neither of the girls. Now I look at myself in the mirror and I realize that I'm still the same insecure guy when it comes to relationships and intimacy. I realize that the the online world can get you hooked very quickly if you let it.
For a guy like me, afraid of intimacy, with low self-esteem, it was so easy to fall into this trap. It can be a trap. But I don't want to be trapped any longer. I swear that I'll resist the tentation and that I'll do my best to improve and experience the real world fully.
online dating is more terrifying than Halloween for sure 😂
What the dating apps are doing should be some kind of fraud or consumer trade violation.
I have met all my previous ex's online and it's put me off online dating completely. Everything can be so contrived and you don't really get to know a person for who they really are for a very long time as they try to keep up this persona they've created of themselves online. I'm at an age where people start worrying about being single but I am willing to wait it out for an authentic connection in real life, even if there's a risk that it won't happen 😅
@@redbeard2330 I actually am 😂
I tried online dating but the times I really fell for someone were when I saw them in person for the firs time. There is something about chemistry, body language, scents, accents, voices which cannot be portrait and show on social media apps. I am sorry but I am not able to feel for someone seeing only a picture and their interests. I have fallen for people I have never imagined ... I think I will miss that using online dating aps.
I never believed in online dating 😅 I absolutely cannot date anyone just knowing them online and never met them in real life.
I'm addicted to the dopamine I get when I get a match or when a girl sends something!
Find someone through a hobby, church, or social events of some type. Online dating is a sewer.
What I really enjoy about your videos is how you explore a subject from an anthropological/societal point of view - you don't simply talk about it from your perspective (which is already relevant), but you explain it with very interesting insights that makes so much sense - and makes the overall online dating experience not as lonely as we actually think, meaning... we're not alone, so many people are experiencing the same. Which leaves me wondering: are we all just little islands trying to connect in a big ocean of noise, and we never really reach other no matter how much we try?
Tinder is most definately "confidence boosting procrastination" for me
Sorry to every dissaponted match who never got a message
I no longer date online since ever, I think. Since the begining I had resistence to this "fast food" thing. I never liked, but I used to see if it was some sorta of a prejudice I had. I wasn't wrong. Crazy world!
Online dating is quite literally the only way of finding a partner for many gay people. I don't like dating apps but it is almost impossible to find a partner without using it, so I'm kinda forced to use it.
I know next to nothing about dating for gay people. Do you want to share more about why it’s almost impossible? If you’re open to it of course :)
@Lana Blakely
So, to start with the most obvious reason: there are just very few gay people in the world. 95% of all men, that you encounter in your daily life, are heterosexuals. It is thus much easier to stumble upon someone that is compatible with you. For homosexual men (I don't precisely know the situation of lesbian women, but I assume it's the same) it's about 5%. This is even smaller if someone lives in a small town or in the countryside. Dating sites make it much easier for homosexuals to meet other similar people. + the chance of being introduced to a fellow gay man by your friends or family is even smaller than it is for heterosexual men and women.
Secondly, you never really know who's gay. People that you may see in your daily life can look stereotypically gay or can have stereotypically gay traits/behaviours, but it is not certain that this person is gay or bisexual. This is also the case for men that 'look like heteresexuals' but in fact are not. In addition, you never know how someone will react if you address them or make a move. It can lead to both verbal and physical abuse. This can of course happen to heterosexual men and women too, but the chance of it happening is significantly smaller.
Thirdly, online dating can be literally the only (safe) way of finding a partner for closeted people or people living in homophobic areas/environments/countries. In the case of those people, they can't just make a move on someone, be introduced to other gays by their family or friends, walk up to someone et cetera. For them, nothing is scarier than the threat of being outed or facing discrimination. Dating sites provide a safer and accessible alternative for these gay people.
Elaborating on this, even in more open and progressive societies/areas, there is still a fair amount of closeted gay/bisexual people. This is also why it is hard [for out-of-the-closet homosexual people] to meet gay people or be introduced to them by your surroundings.
@@tempestosfugi9846 I learned something new today. Thanks so much for sharing that!
@@tempestosfugi9846 45% of all men are heterosexual? I find that hard to believe. I think its closer to 80 to 90% of men are heterosexual.
darkcrawlerz youre right, thanks for pointing out my dumb mistake. What I wanted to say is that 45% of the population are heterosexual men. The other 50% are women. I’m gonna change my comment to correct this mistake
Apps connect people to Internet, but disconnects people from reality and people around.
Do apps harm people's self-esteem or do they attract those already with low self-esteem?
I say both.
Anyone who already has low self-esteem will be drawn to dating sites/apps/etc like moths to a flame, cos they offer a beacon of (false) hope for finding what they cannot through conventional methods.
But also, those with moderate-to-healthy self-esteem who decide to try them out will soon get beaten down by the negativity and toxicity of the shallow superficiality and cruel narcissism of it all.
Kind of like politics : Those already corrupt will always be drawn to it, and those even with the best intentions and morals will soon become corrupted as well (if they stay long enough).
If you aren't (suffering low self-esteem / corrupt) already, you will be.
Wow, this is so spot on.
I forgot to point out that there is of course an exception to every rule ; occasionally, regardless of your self-esteem, a person can just get "lucky" and find exactly what they're looking for and have it all work out quite well - those looking for hookups will find hookups and be content. Someone looking for "the one" who actually find it, will have no further need to continue using the app and go one to be content as well. But those instances are very rare.
The trick I suppose is making sure expectations are on par with the reality of the situation. Many people set themselves up for disappointment by having unrealistic expectations, whatever they might be, and that's where a lot of the toxicity can come into play.
@@BlackieNuff why do you think these instances are so rare? It just comes down to expectations? To me it also feels like it has a lot to do with how clear-headed someone can be, and how efficiently they are able to set boundaries and stuff like that. I read somewhere that it's a matter of where your looking. Some apps are more designed for hookups, others for a more long-lasting relationship but even then, nothing is guaranteed. It almost feels like the whole system just set you up for failure, unless, like you said, you aren't extremely lucky. And it's just a shame that those instances are the exception and not the norm. Because this means that there's a lage part of the population that is just suffering unnecessarily.
@@BlackieNuff thank you for taking the time to share your insights, btw!
@@federica4829
Well, if they were not rare, I think we'd hear a lot more about those accounts of "happily ever after" or ""lots of good clean fun", and the entire concept of online dating would not have such a dour, negative reputation.
Why would anyone say they had a bad experience if they actually had good ones? Even if people had "mostly" bad experiences, I think if there were any good ones to acknowledge, they'd choose to focus on those like everyone claims to do with everything else in life... but if they lie about the everyday things (say they focus on the positive but really obsess over the negative), then maybe they lie about the ration of failure/success in online dating too? Maybe positive experiences are not so rare after all? I guess the only people who know for sure are those who have used the services.
I myself have had nothing but negative experiences with them, and did not waste much time on them. The only "women" who ever contacted/answered me were either cruel people who got off on playing cruel mind games, or, as the technology advanced, they were just "bot" accounts designed to make my buy "membership" privileges, like being able to respond to messages received.
Amdist all the bellyaching form women about how "male privilege" makes life easier for men, this is one of those genuinely sexist examples of how men do NOT have any "privilege" at all ; it's the women. Men have tot PAY good money for this shit, while women have it 100% free across the board. I don;t there has ever been an instance where even one of these services required women to pay for anything at the same level men had/have to.
Plenty Of Fish had SOME free services for men when they first started, and it ran that way for a long time, but still had "premium" upgrades that cost money. I don't think women had to pay for any of that either. And after a few years of all the no-cost availability for men, POF has changed their policy on that and followed suit with the rest of the sites/apps, and started charging for EVERYTHING that was directly interactive. You could browse profiles, but not contact or respond to messages without paying. Sometimes, profiles had 75% of the content hidden until a "paid membership" was purchased. Just a disgusting scam. Whatever was free for men now cost money as well. I think the free period was just an incentive to draw men in and get them "hooked' (pun intended).
Clear-mindedness definitely plays a part in all this. And so few people have that. They either go in with complete naivete, or are wrought with emotion over a bad experience or breakup and just go into full "react" mode and do not think about what they're doing when they mess with these things.
Anyone with a clear mind will proceed with caution, but even clearer minds will avoid the damn things altogether, seeing them for what they are : traps and money-grabs.
Online dating is really shallow and caters to people who want fast results. I personally don't like chatting online with people. Because I hate online chatting in a relationship too. So I rather meet people in real life and make sure the conversations are meaningful. I'm an introvert with Asperger's so I need to feel comfortable and really get to know someone for a longer period. Online dating makes me really anxious because I don't know what is expected. Online dating made me unhappy. Also because there are no results or dates. The girls I've spoken to don't understand that it is hard for a guy to get a date there. However I have more success in real life by just doing many hobbies and voluntary work.
I think we achieved a point in time where we can’t communicate anymore, we dont connect as much as we used to, Isn’t it ironic?
Anyone who uses tinder as a confidence booster is attractive already. I definitely did not have any success when I made one 10 years ago. I was in high school and had zero matches for a year. People did say I looked super young back then though and nowadays I get people checking me out now
I've been in an ldr for 2.5 years and he's the love of my life. sadly, we had to breakup bc the distance got too much :(
I hope we get to be together irl. Please do keep us in your prayers 🥺
Please love yourself and check why are you hook on fantasy. When there is True love, there are no obstacles for getting together. Maybe effort is just one-sided. Love of your life should want to share your life with you, not break up. Long distance relationship are sometimes sign of immaturity or incapability for healthy relationship. Stay healthy and happy 🥰
I gave up on being with another at 19, tried again in my 30's and on the third date in numerous terms; the expression was the same as Netflix and Chill. My interests fall apart; I'm not too fond of the physical part, as the bonding mentally part. So I am single still, now 36, probably going to be for the rest of my life as no woman likes an old guy who doesn't like the physical aspect of being with her.
Pro e dating tips.
1. Never give up. This process can be long. Remember the law of numbers. For every person you meet that isn't for you, you are that much closer to meeting a person for you.
2. Be honest about who you are and what you want.
3. Be cautious and take your time to really get to know somebody.
4. Be safe! If you ever get weird or bad vibes get out of there immediately. You don't owe these strangers anything. Your safety is top priority.
I've had a lot of luck with e dating off and on. My current gf Jen is great. It took me almost 2 years of online dating to find her. Good luck.
U know what’s funny, I have never even downloaded tinder in my life😂
lool i did once & met some ppl there but sometimes it’s dangerous, sometimes its not !!
i deleted every single dating app only because i really want to push myself to approach someone i'm interested in real time. wish me luck
THE MORE WE EXPECT, THE MORE WE GET HURT.
just sing yourself a song to sleep. we’ll be better🙂
Wait wait wait. I'm just ten seconds in and Lana has just described me! I have brown eyes and brown hair and I GO TO PENN STATE UNIVERSITY!!! AAARRRGHHHHH!!!!!
That was a great presentation on online dating and is true from my experience. I must say online dating is a numbers game and I did find success surprisingly... But if I were looking for a life partner, meeting someone at the library, shoping centre or via friends/family would be much better!
You can paint anything as negative or positive. It all depends how you wanna look at it.
Why did you need online dating??? You are beautiful enough to meet men if you just go outside. C'mon!! You are gorgeous.. I mean in real!! I really envy you. If you walk across the street or in the park, don't pretend that no one (man or woman) notize you!