The Darkest Truth About Love
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- Опубликовано: 31 мар 2015
- We're generally hugely upbeat about how relationships might go. But every now and then, we should allow ourselves a glimpse of the darkest realities.
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I think some people don't understand how positive this video is...
1. You'll never find the RIGHT person.
This most likely means the perfect ideal person in one's head.
2. You'll never be understood.
This most reasonably means someone else cannot understand you like you can.
3. Therefore the ideal "telepathic" love is an illusion.
Because someone who is perfect in your head AND can have access to your mind/memories does not exist. This is talking about the stereotypical movie fantasy love in which couples are the perfect ideal for one another and can read their mind 100%.
This means that:
1. There is something WRONG with everyone.
Because we break the ideal person and we vary in our personality, skills and physical appearance. One person that fits the perfect ideal AND can read minds is very very unlikely to exist. We're all too diverse to satisfy someone exactly. This doesn't mean there aren't people that can build trust and learn how to care for one another. This point warns us not to look for perfection, but to look for growth.
2. This also calls for growth. One needs to learn how to take care (therefore understand as much as possible) other people. Someone cannot understand you 100%; you cannot understand someone 100%. This calls for not perfection, but growth in communication.
3. Therefore the perfectionism in love is an illusion. All we can do is learn how to care for one another to make this existencial loneliness less lonely.
The ideal person can vary as an: ideal parent, ideal friend, ideal sibling, ideal partner, ideal child, etc
Beautiful explanation/interpretation!
Loved it thanks!
I like your understanding of the video
Depression my mans
Maybe you won't be understood by one person, but different people will understand different parts of you.
DelRey aww :3
I love this SO much!
I know someone who understands me verry good. In many parts.
Lynnygreen yeah, not wholely, but you will be understood from many different perspectives
this is actually a great argument for polygamy.
“Love is a delusion. However, when two people believe that same delusion that love becomes reality” - Ryukishi07
That sounds right :)
but love will never objectively become reality.
It will only become the reality within the both people's heart which means they are just benumbing themselves which is really miserable
Same thing with religion and some other beliefs
Thank you for your comment, really inspiring.
Pretty much
the truth is that we've known this all along, the pain comes from refusing to accept it
Yup 👍
@@gazagxrlx2974 I don't get how feeling love could be wrong. Love is love. You feel it, or you don't. For me, it's rare and precious, and I can feel it without expecting an outcome. I want him by my side, even if just figuratively. How could that be bad?
This hit different 🥲
I don't recommend this video for depressive people.
If anything they'll find great comfort in something like this. I DO recommend it.
+Rob B. (driftin) Why?
Depressive types already know this, so I doubt it'll make much difference.
Actually, i agree with Olga. I feel horrible after watching this. Just reminded me that nothing really matters in the end
No don't
"The idea of love distracts us from an existential loneliness."
I never thought about love in that way.
It distracts us from reality, not our fault
I hate love virginity rocks
@@radioactivegaming6781 It is not that bad, especially amidst a pandemic, when most people are dealing with anxiety, uncertainty about future, panic attack, and despondency. Most of us badly need distraction in these scary times.
@@prashantvicky but nobody loves me outside of my family
@@radioactivegaming6781 looks like we are in the same boat. I have no lovelife whatsoever either, but I wish I did. It is a great feeling to be loved amorously. I am getting sick of all this filial love, though I have some great friends and cousins who really care about me. The only thing keeping me sane in this pandemic is RUclips.
Whatever, one has to live, whether they are loved or not. You will find someone, I hope, and if you feel that you are happier being single, then still the better. Better not be in a relationship that will make you feel even more lonelier and miserable.
God, I am preaching like an old aunt. We Indians are like that. Everyone here is an expert on everything. Well, what can I say more? Yes, be safe from covid 19, and just love yourself (sorry, for another banality)😇😇😇
I love being reminded that we are all struggling. It is comforting. And makes me stop fighting the fight.
Why do you stop fighting?
Always fight
You are breathing right?
@@nayrtnartsipacify why fight? When you can be free.
@@nayrtnartsipacify why should one fight all the time, am i napoleon or what
No one :
RUclips : you will never find the right person
I actually searched for this myself. Confirmation received.
You already have the right person yourself
😂😂😂😂😂actually
LMAOO
Ok
I think the ending is what really signifies what love is about. Even knowing these things, you cast them all aside and forget they even exist just to be in a state of momentary bliss with someone you love.
L Lawliet Life is desperately trying to hold on to even a single slither of happiness, and then you die. Fuck this world.
I agree with you. I think a lot of people who say this video is "so depressing" are missing the point. There is a good bit of "truth" in what the video says, even if it is a bit more absolute than is necessary.
"You will never find the right person"...if you think "right" means someone who checks 100% of your idealized qualities (and as they discuss in other videos, sometimes the qualities we find ideal can be unhealthy!) AND that you also check 100% of THEIR ideal qualities. Finding a perfect match is not impossible, per se, but highly unrealistic.
"You are irredemably alone...You will not be understood"...a bit harsh! But, fundamentally, true. Our identities are based on a singular, unique composite of experiences that no one else can share. People can get close, we can open ourselves up for understanding, but no one will think like us 100% of the time, which is the romanticized notion of a "soulmate".
"The moments of love were an illusion"...To a certain extent, the things we think of as love are mostly just chemical signals of happiness stemming from moments of connection. And as above, we can feel love in a moment when our partner was already contemplating leaving us. But the things that make up real love, we tend to think of as sacrifices, or impediments, or obstacles, or frustrations. That we are willing to do this for someone are the real moments of love. The overall experience of being with and caring for someone, not a single "moment."
And then like you said, the key is to just live with a better understanding of our motivations and strengths as well as our limitations, and then to go forward in pursuit of these beautiful illusions that give us personal meaning, because there is very little objective meaning. (Pardon my bastardizing of Camus' absurdity.)
real shit man..
The idea that people are, in fact, really just in search for themselves, might be a Zen concept.
olwyn I'm glad I read your reply, or it would have made me seriously depressed
Love is only as real as you make it.. If there is someone in your life whom you love, go forth and feel that way.
Let's get spooky - by far the best comment!
The video says about 1) Finding the right person. I.e. the exact only one that is truly correct in some verifiable or very sure sence. Not a randon person whom you choose at whim/at will. Something that should be there without you making anything artificial. Chosen by God(in one sence or another), not by you. Somebody who cannot willfuly deny you at any given moment. 2) You being understood exactly without any errors, knowing how you feel exactly. So that they feel it all the same. So that you really don't need to explain yourself. So that they know what you need even without you knowing it. Like your mother when you were a child.
These are the 2 fundamental problems. Simply having someone in your life does not resolve them. Even marriage happy forever won't cut it. Not in in an absolute sence. There are other such problems of course, like having no sence of life, existence of life after death, God and other problematic stuff.
Let's get spooky Over the garden wall is the best
No, it’s called love. But we’re too trapped to feel it.
I still love my ex, i love the familie we built but couldnt manage to keep toghether.
Going back to her will defenitly end my life.
"The idea of love distracts us from an existential loneliness", fuck that hit hard
Me too 😣, but it's true, and I am ok with it
Ola that good you good with
It doenst matter if its make you happy go for it
So fuck all yall
The School of Life doesn't mess about. Straight to the quick they go.
I think this video is for someone who has extreme ideas of perfection in another human and remarkably high expectations of what a relationship can be like.
I found the right person for me. I was understood by her far better than anyone ever has. There was no illusion to me of what that felt like to be cared for by another person for the first time in my life.
Every day with her was amazing, because the most mundane moments came with the recognition of good fortune by both of us. It was a quiet, joyous peace of two people healing each other in the ways we each needed to heal.
When she suddenly died one morning after a short six years together, it was devastating. But the incredible love we had for each other is something I still carry and will always treasure. I do not pretend this kind of love is available to everyone. While i will never stop missing her, this depth of love is what continues to make me incredibly grateful to have experienced it at all.
THANK YOU , you didn’t believe the lie that love doesn’t exist, you carried on believing and found the one for you, you are strong, Godbless you’ll see her in heaven again
Very lucky
I'm so sorry for your loss, and the fact that you choose to still be grateful to have experienced it in the first place is so beautiful
Thank you so much for saying this, it helped me, Universe bless
God bless you ❤ You will find love again because you ARE love, the entirety of your comment reveals someone who is able to establish and maintain deep emotional connections with other humans, which makes much the sum of that which we call love. ❤️ take care & many thanks for sharing your beautiful & inspiring story ❤
I understand people think this video is depressing. But in fact, it's the quite oppisite. It is very deliberating to know these truths. Because if we are unawere of the things said in the video, it could lead to a lot of heartbreak and pain.
- You will never find the right person. We tend to have this fantasy about someone who is perfect and can solve all our problems. This is not possible and having these expectations will lead to a painful disappointment.
- We were born alone and will die alone. Expecting your partner to consistently fulfill this hole in your heart caused by (the fear of ) loneliness is an unfair standard. We need to find a way to feel whole by ourselves. Your partner will be able to love and care for you, yes, but only we can fulfill that hole in our heart. As soon as we learn how to do that we can love our partner unconditionally and form a healthy relationship.
- there is something wrong with everyone. Nobody is perfect. If you are able to ambarce your flaws and accept and love yourself exactly as you are, you can accept and love anyone exactly as they are. We tend to look for external validation in the form of love to feel worthy. But the most powerful validation for our self-worth can only come from within.
I hope this helps anyone
Sarah osman You can hate yourself and love others. Self love creates narcissism and maybe even hate. I'd rather not have it for myself.
Sarah osman Well said. This has helped so much.
Sigh I hope one day I can ambarce my flaws
Did you mean ' L I B erating?" Or maybe , deliberately liberating. as in Freeing.
just wondering. I thing I agree with you.
Good way to view it :)
I actually believed in these statements my whole life...When we think we're in love, we actually just delude ourselves from our lonesomeness. It's true.
But I won't deny that the delusion of love is beautiful.
KELLOGS
I have a philosophy that debunks Sigmund Frued. Do you love to hide painful loneliness, or do you instead, love regardless of circumstances because you give your heart, not out of neediness, but out of purehearted kindness?
If you love only for selfish pleasure, than that is not love. Real love is unconditional, through the good times and through the bad times.
Yh the delusion is beautiful until you get hit in the head with the brick of reality.
What's the name of that song?
@@djpsykix9266 I think I can relate. I went through a bad relationship it was abusive and stressful and my first proper one . now I feel like I love someone. it's not out of selfish needs . I just like them / love them, talking to them, being around them and that's it. of course th at brings respect and wanting them to feel comfortable too. I don't think that's selfish . it's extremely rare I like someone that much . unfortunately it's a complicated situation and I don't think it's reciprocated just as much as I would like and that kind of sucks. not going to lie but hey it's nice to feel it :)
DJ Psykix I agree on every part up until the statement that unconditional love exists
I myself can't bring myself to believe that or I haven't experienced it myself which may be a possibility
"you will never find the right person"
I can't even find the wrong person, I tend to shove people away, because I'm afraid of attachment, I'm afraid I can't love someone enough, I always wonder how long until people I know start to hate me.
hey man. i don't hate you. you're awesome.
@@Jordan_Dossou i hate him then :XD
Don't worry..They do already.
This is not depressing, it's liberating
If we're best friends with ourselves, we'll never be alone. And how we shouldn't be with someone to be happy, but be someone to be happy.
I think that the feeling of loneliness will never disappear but you can be more accepting of it over time and learn to feel okay when feeling alone
It's not that easy man. We are human beings, we need companion. Loving yourself might be a big step for self-esteem, but what's the point of the self-esteem, if no one sees it? That's like wearing make up, so only you can see it. Would it make you happy seeing yourself more beautiful? Probably, but not in a long term. You want to share that experience to someone obviously. All those "I only do it for myself" things are mostly bullshit anyway. You'll NEVER do things 100% for yourself. You also want to seek peoples attention with it. Even if it's not your priority, you still want to show off a bit. Same with self esteem. Who wouldn't want to show their self esteem to others?
Oh and btw, alone ≠ lonely. Like the video said, you'll be alone. But that's not a bad thing. I mean, it's inevitable anyway. But being lonely, is something that can really kill you, like shortening your lifespan. And things like self esteem will never fill that void.
🔥🔥❤️
@@Adeyum64 that’s is so true I’m recovering from the struggle of being by myself for all of my childhood and now that I’m older it’s even worse. I would say being dead is better than being alone.
@@karizmajohnson7503 Yeah I kinda feel it... but then again, alone ≠ lonely. It's probably lonliness that's killing you rn
There is a poem that says
" Love is too short, and forgetting too long"
Pablo Neruda.
Love exists...we just want it to be something different. More permanent. More tangible. More all-encompassing. When we understand its true nature we can actually experience it all the time.
This is the deepest shït that I've ever watched. This is so brutally honest and real. It heals my soul. I feel a sense of relief after watching this. Maybe that's odd. But maybe I was ready for it. Are you?
I feel the exact same way
i feel hopeless now, i dont even care if its an illusion because it's a real feeling that will make me feel ok.
Nah man. I feel like maybe half way there though. I feel better than the first time I watched it.
"The deepest shit I've watched"....😂😂 Yes indeed, quite deep, and brutal. But we all need to know it, even if it's in a transient sense. Puts our feet on terra firma and opens up the grand opportunity to define "love" in other, more realistic and healthy ways.
This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful things that I have ever seen. It isn't saying that love is illusory, pointless, or meaningless: it is saying the exact opposite.
1. Perfection is as slippery a foe to the human mind as infinity or zero.
2. You are a mind trapped in a brain and unless you are schizophrenic or technology intervenes, you are either one or you are nothing.
3. Because we are all imperfect there will never be a person who finds all of our elements logical and vice versa.
4. MOMENTS of love are illusions, that is, experiences that have been reviewed and polished by our experiences and egos into something meaningful. These moments are subject to change at any time from revelation and new insights/experiences.
5. We are all inherently flawed and self-acceptance/improvement is a life's work meted out at birth and ultimately our responsibility alone.
6. This is the big one: the clock is ticking. Every prick of love acts as acupuncture to assuage the (relative) despair of mortality.
Any person with the handful of life experiences to relate to all of these points will also have the wisdom to know that love is a real thing, whether it be an emotional, psychological, or physiological phenomenon. It is in awareness of these truths about love that it becomes rich and nourishing rather than futile.
Just because a comet crosses the night sky so briefly only to disappear does not mean that it is not already on its way back around to fill your heart and mind with awe and wonder. It is real and its existence will linger in your mind to be called upon during the doldrums of mundane life.
So beautiful.
+Margarita Ozuna Thank you! Let's hope they make more :D
+spooncreature I love your understanding.
+spooncreature Thank you, this is beautiful.
+spooncreature Your example of a comet streaking across the night sky is very fascinatingly similar to something I just read on Walter Pitts. Here's a little snippet.
"Pitts knew how to tackle the problem. He used modulo mathematics, which
deals with numbers that circle back around on themselves like the hours
of a clock. He showed McCulloch that the paradox of time t+1 coming before time t
wasn’t a paradox at all, because in his calculations “before” and
“after” lost their meaning. Time was removed from the equation
altogether. If one were to see a lightning bolt flash on the sky, the
eyes would send a signal to the brain, shuffling it through a chain of
neurons. Starting with any given neuron in the chain, you could retrace
the signal’s steps and figure out just how long ago lightning struck.
Unless, that is, the chain is a loop. In that case, the information
encoding the lightning bolt just spins in circles, endlessly. It bears
no connection to the time at which the lightning actually occurred. It
becomes, as McCulloch put it, “an idea wrenched out of time.” In other
words, a memory."
But surely being flawed and everybody else being flawed doesn't remove the possibility of love. The lack of a perfect person doesn't point to the lack of love, which is really all about acceptance and understanding and understanding and acceptance are very much possible. Though as Wittgenstein aptly pointed out and as this comment kind of shows most philosophy is just arguing semantics, in this case the semantics of the word love, so whether true love exists depends entirely on each individual's view of the meaning of that word.
The question is not whether love exists or not. The question is: "Do we really need it?"
Andrey Denissyuk It probably varies from person to person and culture to culture as to whether it's needed really. And I'd say the question posed in the video certainly is whether love exists or not.
Wilf Shaw Yes, maybe it really is the question of this video. The problem is: this question was answered billions of times (partially because of different definitions, as you rightly said), and there is not much of a point in making another video about it. That's why, probably, I gave to this video a better meaning than it actually carries.
And I agree with you on the fact that importance of love varies from person to person, but I think that there is a very small percentages of those, whom love can change for the better.
Andrey Denissyuk Agreed on most of that really. Though on love changing for the better as long as it's long lasting and mutual I reckon it can on many people, but again it's dependent on how you define and think of love.
To quote bergman "love is perfect in its imperfections"
Love of two partners is truly an illusion. A person cannot be owned. To get a lover, you have to build your self and that’s why you are alone, on your own. But we tend to pass time with others. That’s how we end up in relationships. Deep down, we are all alone. Alone we achieve things, alone we win relationships. Loneliness and being on your own is a boon, not a bane.
What if you're ugly?
@@dethbedsmolzwhent.t6498 doesnt matter.
Love used to be such a big want for me. Now I just feel like it’s a useless distraction. The result of hormones and chemicals and the biological instinct to breed. Love is difficult, it’s like poker, when you invest all your chips in a hand it’s a gamble, and I’m the worlds worst poker player.
Try meditation and kriya instead. Works like a drug🥴👌
well this is depressing
TDubsKid - Most of his videos are.
Yea fuck me this didnt help at all
Some Name I Guess. Lmao it was a joke, kid.
TDubsKid Get your shit together kid.
Jason M Umm.. What the fuck?
yet i still want to love with all my heart
Time to give it up.
It don't exist
love dont exist. ilearned the hardway. never trust no1. never love no1. its all conditional.
Loved this comment. Keep loving. If everything goes downhill, then there's no such thing as downhill.
jesus everyone is so bitter, keep loving man
You love how a person makes you feel, or you love the idea of how you will feel when you're with that person. Love is conditional: if it were not, you would love everyone, even those who spitefully hurt and persecute you.
Yes - and when you found that person who makes you feel that way (meets condition), the love you're willing to give them is unconditional.
@@roses6564 Unless your conditions or their properties change. You loved how their joyfulness made you feel, but now they're bitter like a poison so you don't love them anymore.
@@eaaeeeea Well, yes. People and conditions CAN change. The hope is that the two will last forever. Soulmates do. Can.
@@roses6564 Indeed, that is what I hope for myself and others :)
@@eaaeeeea The problem is people don't understand what a soulmate is because most can't really have one. Hence the myth: "no such thing as soulmate." Correct for most, untrue for a few. As they say, partial truths are the most pernicious lies. Most people being various shades of materialistic and superficial by genetic make up, pair up on some combo of physical attraction and social goals. "We have chemistry, I like his personality, we share similar goals," which goals are often materialistic and/or social, not intellectual and spiritual. Most people can hardly articulate or enact anything related to the latter two, and the former two simply don't last. Not even with the most gorgeous or successful creature alive. "We are physically attracted to each other, we are successful and/or respectable members of society, we're in admirable social roles (careers, family, etc), we look good on Insta." Then boom. It's over because material and social stuff doesn't hold for the long term. Existential angst kicks in, the two grow apart because they don't have anything internal to keep them glued. Some divorce, some stay for convenience, but that's irrelevant. As a thriving couple, they are over. Real soulmates can't do without each other even if they try. You can beg the other to go "cheat" or whatever and they won't bc they can't. The two are connected in mind and soul which means all alternatives become paltry options. Thing is one must have a mind and soul first before they can have a soulmate. Most people don't have the ingredients that go into "soulmating."
Love is a double edge sword. Both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because love motivates you and gives you a sense of purpose in life. But, at the same time, love is a curse because it can potentially create unhealthy attachments to the person we love and it will make them feel harassed and scared of us because of our unhealthy attachments.
Is it an unhealthy attachment to want to spend your life with your partner?
@@blackbullet4254 good question. Spending your life with your partner is an act of love.
Though, the love has to be go both ways in order to be healthy connection. If the love is only one sided, then this is where you see unhealthy attachment...
@@dontran391 obviously it has to be both ways. But you said that it could be a curse because it can potentially create unhealthy attachment to the person we love and make them feel harassed and scared of us which I don't quite understand.. I mean when two people decide to spend their life together, they both want it, nobody forces themselves to just be attached to someone if they don't personally want it
@@blackbullet4254 Not everyone gets to spend their life with the person they love. Then the attachment is a handicap.
@@FrozenMermaid666 of course there is a factor of transaction in love, otherwise it would be completely one-sided. Also, why would you get involved with guys who want to force you to get laid?
I don't think this is negative, I think this is more of a "Everything you think about love is mostly idealization, but, it is still worth it at the end, so don't try because of the wrong reasons, try because you really want too."
Why were my moments of love an illusion? They felt real and wonderful.
+Gordon Tendick Because love is just there for you to reproduce ... maybe they felt real but feelings are an illusion too , a subjective coat of paint over a inherently objective universe...
Qawn LELEK Ok. So the illusion that is the feeling of love is no different than the illusion of the feeling of pain. I don't find this a depressing thought. I embrace it, and play the game. Life is a ride, but you choose where it goes.
before you embrace a thing , it is important to be think about it objectively. i'm not telling you to not love anyone. i literally can't love in the romantic sense and my emotions are very limited in any other way... it does give me an advantage in speculating about emotions without being extremely biased about it.
Qawn LELEK I felt the same way about love for a very long time. You probably won't believe me, but you'll find someone eventually. Keep your eyes open. There are billions of people on this earth!
+Gordon Tendick All love, is a stimulus saying 'mate with that person!'
But, w.e. Cling to that illusion. Everyone is free to believe in whatever so.
"'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
Alfred Lord Tennyson
And I will add, it is better to have loved late that to never have loved at all.
Yes indeed.
I understand that, and have mumbled it to myself often over the years, but I also think that Alfred Lord Tennyson is Alfred Lord Easy For You To Say and he can Alfred Lord Fuck Off.
@@StefanGBucher 😂
"Love" does EXIST !! GO HUG YOUR MOM ! She loves you more than you will ever know ! & That carries me through the dark lonely times ! 😀😀 I love you momma 😘😘
InTheEyes OftheBeholder my mother doesn't love me.
My mother abandon me
Damn glad I am not you 2 guys
Mine also abandoned me... with a note - but no explanation. Mothers are just people, there's no such thing as eternal love. Not even from your parents. Now go hug YOUR mom!
Attachment exist but love doesn't.
Remember.. *"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth"*. -Marcus Aurelius
Believe in love? Good for you. The contents of this video is just perspective and opinion.. much of this opinion is based on Freud's theories of Psychoanalysis which is NOT science. In fact, many of the ideas communicated through The School of Life relationship videos are inspired by Psychoanalytic theories, so take them with a grain of salt.
k4ir0s strong words.
Thanks for this.
k4ir0s But your comment here is just an opinion too...
What Marcus said it just an opinion though, but I do agree with you
Ahmad Zarief Bin Zaferi relativism itself could be relative...
that was the most depressing thing I have ever seen
yasmin4494 same here
yasmin4494 this is BS, it's a lie.
yasmin4494 hahaha!
yasmin4494 LOL
yasmin4494 truss
Luckily I came to these conclusions really young and it taught me unconditional love for everything
I would still fall in love and seek for happiness, satisfaction and welfare.
Objectively nothing has meaning at all...life itself has no meaning... Therefore I decide what is true because nothing has a purpose and we do not exist after our death and before our birth; our existence is only a blink of an eye to the universe. Live your life to the fullest and treasure the negligible time when you are existing, do not be embraced of any rule of man.
A life without love is not worth living anyways. You can go on and on about how everything is meaningless because in the end we all die, and that life is not really meaningful ect, but I think that's a very unhealthy way to think and live. Who cares if things are meaningless or not? You get one chance in this life. Cherish love and love purely with your heart
The universe is blinking a lot
this is the best comment 👍
@@blackbullet4254Life is still meaningful without love..What matters is respect..Cuz love can be poisonous without respect.And it would be selfish to beg it from people who will never appreciate you no matter what you do because you cannot please everyone
This video is a work of art.
+David Rozbořil Hey David, I just watched the video now, and I will provide my hand at explaining it.
The school of life seems to have a pessimistic view of the world when you look at their videos on the surface, but really, what they are trying to do is create a contrast that is truly beautiful!
So, what I got from this video is that we are all alone - nothing can change that, not even love. I've been in two very serious relationships, and the feelings of being incomplete, and alone were always there. However, that's not the point of love. There was a very good reason that they showed people on the fence (with the birds).
I feel as though that just shows that we decide to remain on the fence with love because we don't want to be alone and we also don't want to be hurt. Paradoxically, our partners feel the same way, and that is kind of how everything goes.
So the point isn't that we love to fill the void of loneliness, we love because love is in itself, its own entity. We keep looking for the perfect people - someone that fills our needs and takes away the loneliness. But it doesn't work that way. Rather, love is what compliments life, just as does loneliness.
The feelings you have of your crush being the most beautiful person you have ever seen do fade, and they fade because they are illusions. So when you age, so do the passionate feelings - but that's not to say newer feelings cannot be made.
+Suhail Agha Yeah... modern art. This shit where stupid people stare at bullshit for killing time and call it "art".
+Ashton Hudson this is a very beautiful explanation, :) you should share this with other people, :)
+jonathan cahigan How? :), I would love to share it :)
+Ashton Hudson
Nice explanation, thanks, but love isn't an illusion. It just seems like an illusion after love. Love is real. Lot of people miss that detail, and the results of that are loneliness and depression. If you don't go on and meet your crush, you would have missed an opportunity of your life. Just like in the video. They are a couple of meters apart on a fence. I never said this was going to be easy though, on this video it also shows that, they could just approach, but one false movement and you fall of the fence.
You can actually view this video from different points of views. It's important though to not miss an opportunity of a lifetime.
This actually make me feel in peace like they say you were born alone you're going to go alone ☺️
Damn right
What about twins?
This is EXACTLY what i needed
*steps towards the cliff*
*I TOLD YOU LOVE WAS A LIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!*
Richard Doherty facts
It's A LIE OF COURSE
No its not
@@rudigruenberg6591 is disagree
"I asked her where I went wrong " because she went away outta nowhere ,there was no fight, no quarrel I could think of.
Yet after a days andweeks I feel like the most selfish person ever. Yet knowing I didn't do anything wrong which I could think of...... Maybe she just grew tired of me or maybe be all these time I was doing everything wrong or maybe maybe maybe...
Jack Summer or maybe she learned what she spouse to learn from you and pass on another level
I think more accurately we are on our own but, together.
If you find this depressing, doesn't that mean you think it's true?
But others only exist because I exist. I am therefore you are (therefore we are I/you)
But "being" is not the same as "being human", and this channel deals with the issue of "being human" specifically, not issue of just being, we've got pure philosophy/metaphysics for that ;)
(P.S. I take your nickname as a claim and this is a test if the claim is true, welcome :) )
This is the same shit.I am thinking about at night.
My life is perfect as it is,even pain is needed.
If I could change with anyone I woulddn't do it.
Everything is just perfect.I am sometimes thinking that I created this world for myself.Others are npcs.
I know the brain sometimes finds patterns where there aren't,but I still can't get rid of this thought.
the only thing I find depressing is the fact that there is a vast majority of people here that think it is true.
Mike Jack how? you realize that this video doesn't back itself up with any explanation or evidence right? it's just a collection blunt generalized statements that simply calls itself "truth".
the worst part is when the video says that "love is something thats is wrong with you and everyone else".you already know that part isn't true. because obviously not everyone is interested in having a relationship.
Mike Jack I agree that people aren't careful enough when getting married. but to say "all people in love are miserable" is a super generalized statement and it clearly isn't true. unless you are suggesting that all of the happily married couples including most of my family members have been just lying to everyone this whole time.
Right now I'm only focused on loving myself, it makes me extremely happy and I don't feel lonely. Learning to love yourself, will help you to better love someone else. Optimism is one day finding a likeminded person with an intimate bond.
This video actually makes me calmer. The thought of giving no expectations and just let yourself live the moment is kind of freeing.
I think the hardest part about love is giving it to someone who doesn't want it, from you.
To watch them completely apathetic to your actions and even worse: not realizing that until it's far too late. To be blinded by hope just to knock your head into another dead end. Yep, what a game we play.
This is so relatedable i ever seen in my life at this moment!
Truth
That's the truth right there.
This a strange game. The only winning move is not to play the game!!
@@illusionbreaker7789 since you are born you are playing the game
The song is Zavi by Tom Rosenthal for anyone who’s wondering. :)
THANK YOU!
thank you!!! you have no idea how long i've been searching for it, i've even saved it as "bgm for school of life" lmaooo XD
Yet I can't find it through Shazam, RUclips or Spotify :(
@@cpengwin me neither i have searched it for too long and cant find it
Bridget from the school of life helped me find it, so grateful. It's on soundcloud here: soundcloud.com/tomrosenthal1/zavi
This video sent me into a full blown panic attack thanks RUclips for recommending this to me ❤
Why this comment is so poorly liked? They told "the truth" in 2 minutes but don't care for a sencere reflection.. This endless internet wisdom.. The video is good, though.. :)
there is no perfect person, the perfect person is just anyone that wants to be the perfect person for u
Do you ever try to motivate yourself and try to just learn or try to laugh and then run into something like this? Yeah. I’m planning on calling out now :/ I don’t want to mistreat anyone at work.
I know this was two years ago but I’m sorry this feeling is what you got out of this video :c I hope now maybe you’ve seen the beauty and heart of what this video was trying to convey 💕
@James Townley same
Is it strange that this gave me so much peace?
It isn't. What I love about the video is just how beautiful it is without having the narrator's voice -- the animation and the hand-drawn (?) text itself feels so... poetic at times. Unlike what the video claims, no, you are not alone.
Kirstie G. I think it is nice in that it removes some of the pressure from finding the perfect partner and perfect love. however it was a bit sad at the end but as I would not have gotten the first bits in the vid 10 years ago maybe I did not get what the last bits meant.
Kirstie G. Nope, but I would tell you that this isn't completely true
That's the dumbest thing I heard anyone say today
hahahahaha I agree with you man
"now let's pretend we did not know any of this"
that hit hard.
please explain
One of the most sane videos i have watched. Finally i know im ok.
Very true we're alone and even if we do find someone who does understand you and you understand them one of you going to die first and leave the other alone. With that said we're not required to feel lonely by default, "loneliness" is in the mind just like all the riches.
For example my granddad died a few years ago and everyone was worried about what would happened to my grandmother who hadn't been alone in over 50 years, they had been inseparable.
What I've learned from her is that its all in the mind, her grief is replaced by gratitude. I don't know how she does it, I'm so interested in finding out.
Don't seek to be understood, seek to understand. If you can understand yourself its enough! And then finally because we're all just human, by understanding yourself you can understand others.
+Nancy Kamuzora Wow!
amazing
she said no to my proposal yesterday n that we would remain friends.... i said OK.
I had no other way
"even if we do find someone who does understand you and you understand them one of you going to die first and leave the other alone" FACTSSSS 💯💯 this is why even if you do find "the one" you're never ever fully in the clear, literally anything can happen to them at any given time or they could choose to turn on you etc.
It is actually quite comforting that you won't find THE right person. I think that takes a lot of the pressure off from relationships. There is always that underlying fear that the person you are with might not be Mr/Mrs right, by accepting that such a person doesn't exist makes you appreciate the differences you might have with your partner.
That is the perfect way to put it. I felt the same way, I felt very relieved by this video.
There is something so peaceful about this melody. It starts off depressing, you are reggressing and digging yourself a hole of eternal sorrow. Just then it transitions, 1:06, you are now starting to realise that you are strong and time heals all, the love of your life is somewhere out there looking for you just like you are looking for them. :)
I keep coming back to this again and again.. This video is just out of this world type of art. The music, animations and the story resonates exceptionally well.
We are not properly alone, dude.
And there will be people who will understand us sometimes...
this is the reason why I have a dog
True that
You mean a slave.
😆
Your dog would die some day
Tibiiilllz Fubi Everyone dies.
Im in broken heart today, i got insomnia and i didnt sleep for whole night today,
please cheer/calm me up, anyone from anywhere, with your perspective and anything to make me not keeping crying, thankyou..
I feel relief regarding love. This video was oddly liberating. Now I know to stop looking for someone else and find my own happiness by enjoying the good around me. I won’t feel bad if someone doesn’t understand me. Now I know to let them go when they are not matching my efforts. Thanks to this video I am learning how to detach and not be overly needy. It instills independence and comfort in me.
Great I hope you doing well 🙏
Thanks I'm more depressed than I already was now.
Me too
Some truths are better if they are not known
@@dioc8699 ignorance is bliss
@@Onxide cypher was preaching gospel. ignorance is bliss.
that just means you were never depressed, dep. people know this and when they see that someone understands this truth they feel understood and get strength to get up and eat something
I think someone was going through a break up when they made this video...
Katherine Tolley I think you could very well be correct.
There is lots of extreme, superlative language used
Idiot
This is strangely comforting. I went through seven different roommates in college before I realized the problem was me. I lived with my college boyfriend for a month when I was a sophomore, he had his own apartment. I hated it!!! I realized during that time I was not meant to cohabitate with others, outside of a palace with my own wing. Now at 43 I feel peaceful. I would like to meet someone to be with so long as we each live in our own homes, but if I don't, this video lets me know it's not me. Everyone forces themselves to live and be bound to people who are not their ideal and I would rather be alone than chained to someone I don't feel passion for.
I, am myself. You are yourself, and that's what makes it so beautiful. Different people loves different parts of you. And that is where, the concept "friends" come in. A being so perfect is nonexistant, the fact that everyone has different types of personalities and interests proves that point.
I actually feel relieif from this video.
matthew woods it is the recognition of fears and the acceptance of them, that one is relieved of them.
matthew woods Me too. Makes me all "See? I'm right!"
+matthew woods WELL LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A POTENTIAL HUSBAND CROSSED OF MY LIST
+Declyn Drejza hahaha ;) sorry.
+matthew woods Because we don't love anyone :(
i can't stop watching this purely because of the nice song in the background
exactly
do you know what song it is?
Marie Grothues it’s zavi by Tom rosenthal :)
Be the right person instead of looking, don't be afraid to express yourself to be understood most are afraid and act fake around strangers friends family and authority
It’s true that we probably won’t ever find someone who understands us fully, and that’s okay. The fact that we’re all alone is what brings us together, it’s what motivates us to talk to each other, to comfort one another.
On what basis is love an illusion? It is no more an illusion than any other feeling: happiness, suspicion, sorrow, boredom etc. It is really happening in the mind of the individual. The concept of a 'one true love' and being 100% understood and fulfilled may be a cultural fabrication, but to ignore the presence of an emotion is ridiculous.
Kathryn Evans first argument against the 'love is an illusion' statement that made me rethink it. And even if it's an illusion, it's not really an illusion if we truly experience it
DelRey Exactly. Something doesn't have to be a physical object to exist. Wind exists, but it's just the movement of air. 'Love' and 'wind' are words to describe what is happening to something else. 'love' is the word we use when certain neurons get fired in the brain or certain chemicals are released that make us feel good. Something is still happening, so it's not an illusion.
There exists a prevalent widespread putting down of "neurotransmitters firing down in your brain causing certain emotions." What these putter down deprecators do not see is that it (the putting down and deprecating of these neurotransmitters, as JUST a BUNCH of so and so...) is an interpretation of a materialistic scientific mindset to an indifferent neutral event.
An individual might say that this firing (or whatever it is that they do) of these neuro-shit-so-and-so can be seen as a wonderful dance of lights.
Another might see as just a bunch of so and so doing nothing special.
Another might perceive it as a fireworks show in the brain.
Another a microscopic reflection of what is happening up there in the cosmos (clashing of stars,etc).
Another might not even care if they do or do not.
Different people interpret it differently: to claim, as most [fundamentalist] scientific materialists do, that their interpretation (that neurotransmitters firing NOTHING BUT--JUST a BUNCH of ...) is the Truth, the absolute Truth, the complete Truth about this matter can be regarded as perniciously dogmatic and rigid and (irocinally!) unscientific!
Though i agree with you Kathryn Evans, i have to correct you on wind, we may not be able to see it but it is the movement of gas and it is an object.
Limitbreakur isn't it the gas/air that is the object/material thing and wind is describing how that material thing is behaving?
Love is just a chemical in your brain that compels one to breed.
That.
That is the darkest truth.
Isabelle Requejo
Exactly. Even un-romantic love, like love for our children, it's just a chemical in our brain that compels us make sure our genes are passed on.....In the end we're only animals tricking ourselves that we are something more....
Isabelle Requejo asexuality? For me that stands as proof that though it may originate from a chemical reaction in our brain we have the capability to make it into much more.
That's not a truth. That's an interpretation by a materialistic scientific mind. Other people don't regard love as JUST a CHEMICAL in one's brain. Are they wrong then? If you say that it IS just a chemical dancing in your head, you are disqualifying other viewpoints about love--and you are claiming in your statement that this statement is COMPLETELY ABSOLUTELY ALL human beings CAN talk about LOVE, and any statement (other than yours) regarding love is not true and is false.
Yeah, I'd agree. So many people realize our material nature then automatically assert only material explanations have any value. You don't say, when you love someone, this or that chemical is being released. Of course it is, but I don't see why that takes away from the holistic experience that is informed by context and process. It's not just a chemical, otherwise you could inject yourself with it and have the same effect. It's a complex intermingling of chemicals and brain chemistry that has formed in accordance with your own experiences. Being reductive here is simply wrong.
Yeah. And I could interpret those "Hormones JUST firing and fucking in your brain, etc." as a beautiful musical-dance and artistic-visual production inside me (and that I am DOING that, cause my beating heart and my swimming sperms in my testicles and my antibodies having a hell of a fight with the foreign dangerous virus/bacteria/etc. and all those "involuntary" happenings inside me ARE ME too! Contrary to the fundamentalist materialistic dogma that all those ARE NOT me, and that I AM NOT my body. Of course you are your body! I am NOT merely my conscious experience, I also am my unconscious "doings", as Alan Watts used to say.)
This is where philosophy gets you. Mental noise, true, but mental. Live from the heart and even being alone is very different!
It's been 4 years I hve seen this video. Hands down, still remains one of the greatest RUclips creations.
My yearly pilgrimage
"There is something wrong with you." like damn okay
Lol
Nigga went from 0 to 100
truth hurts sometimes
Reminds me of my parents :-)
Lmao I so weak right now 💀
Laughs sarcastically and all the while dying inside
This made me feel like I was being roasted the entire time.. I couldn't stop laughing though😂
This is one of those videos I come back to about once a year when Im in a certain mood and Im amazed at how my opinion has changed over the years. I went from agreeing to thinking it is more nuanced than what the video makes it out to be. Either way tho the beauty of the video has brought me back and that alone says something.
Does no one realize this was posted on April 1st?
😃😊😉🙃Ahhhhhh
That's my birthday and I'm not a joke :))
That's my birthday and I'm not a joke :))
Dang, you got us all there ;)
Yes, because April Fools Day has absolutely no meaning especially on RUclips at all, and all people go about their lives as Jehovah witnesses living out holidays and whatnot just the same as any other day.
Though this video is pessimistic and what I believe is false, I still greatly appreciate its artistic value.
This is bliss because after that you HAVE to love yourself, nobody else will understand you like you do and you can't expect anyone to love you except yourself.
Love i s compromise; either you do it or you don't !!! This is from someone who is married to the same person for fifty years !!! Yikes !!!
Quantity over quality? Longevity as a proxy for love? That doesn't necessarily mean love. Some mar argue that one year of burning love in a match made-in-Heaven is preferable to decades of compromise and 'make it work' efforts..
@@roses6564 You aren't smart
@@mixrable1212 But I know love.
@@roses6564 So do I. I've seen the fact that my parents have been together for 33 years and they still love each other like the first day. The difference with them is that they don't really have to TRY to "make it work", they just do. The bond, the commitment, the communication and the incessant need to out do the other person in doing nice things for each other, that's what love is to me.
My point is that saying that the only two choices are between a boring "try to make it work" and fiery-sex-and-passion-for-a-year-followed-by-dead-bed-room is a false dichotomy and rather a defeatist way of thinking.
@@mixrable1212 And who in the world said that those are the only two choices? Your parents probably had great compatibility from the start. Such marriages are relatively rare. The world is not 'your parents.'
Suddenly I'm wondering if if any depressed people actually did kill themselves because of this video. It has over eight hundred thousand views.
I would argue that the knowledge that everybody else is in the same position as you, makes it easier to deal with your own faults.
There are depressed people who kill themselves because the deli forgot to put mayo on their sandwich, just as there are depressed people who might find solace in a video like this.* It's a tricky disease that affects people differently, and it can lead to suicide on something minor or major, just as it can be lifted by something insignificant. I highly recommend the Hyperbole and a Half series about how her experience with depression.
(*Forgive my crassness; I am a depressed person and I fall into the latter category.)
The video does make one contemplate the meaning (or the lack of which) of life, doesn't it? Love, one could say happiness in general, is all an illusion, because none of us are ever meant to be satisfied with all the things we want. Life is primed for reproduction, for the replication and maintenance of itself, not enjoyment or fulfilment on part of the individual. If there is truly an all powerful being responsible for this design, I cannot help but despise it.
My ultimate point is that not everyone is going to see this video the same way. Some people might be comforted, but clearly many others see it as depressing or even an attempt to deliberately make them depressed. Some people even like it BECAUSE they see it as pessimistic and depressing. Not everyone has the same experience of life. Some people are happy, but other's aren't, and in either case I was concerned that this might do some damage to their quality of life.
Actually if you compare this to the video they made about suicide, this kind of seems rather irresponsible given it comes across almost as an attempt to undermine some of the fundamental needs that they themselves admit that humans require to be fulfilled to avoid it.
AbyssalZones
Oh...kay.
Maybe you don't pick someone because you love them.
Maybe you pick someone, and love them.
Or have I just gone off in a whole different type of wrong direction.
"You must be ourselves, before we could be other's"
Straight after this finished the KFC advertisement with the "I don't care! I love it!" Refrain started playing. Nothing short of gold👌
It's true, we never truly can love another person, we might love our perception of them or the feelings they make us feel but perhaps not the actual person, kind of sad but also inevitable so whatever
I think we can truly love another person, you unconditionally love your mums and dads....and we unconditionally love our babies. But relationships are like partnerships....someone you can get along with, be friends with and work together for the rest of your life.....thats all i really need
BadGuy - the release of serotonin and oxytocin is the effect of love on our bodies. What you say is like you are taking S and O and make a love potion and when you drink it you start loving the first person you see. It's actually backwards.
The Bad Guy - You are right about not loving our parents and babies unconditionally. It's the nature's trait to create bonds between parents and children. The parents need their genes to go further so they will protect their offsprings. Same as babies need feeding and safety and they have to rely on their parents for this. Between parents and children, at least in the early stages of their life together there is no unconditional "love", it's nature at work - it's the animal side, ensuring the survival of the species in general and the survival of the biological treasure of the individual.
real
I wish I could watch this for the first time again. What a fantastic video
Zak Zaki It makes about as much sense as your profile picture
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who thinks so… I think the only way out is to be able to understand yourself and love yourself, so you don’t need another person by your side in order to be content.
And to be honest relationship is usually an additional source of depression and frustration. It from time to time makes me feel used or neglected or betrayed… I’m already depressed enough, so I don’t think I need a relationship to make me more so, lol.
💯💯💯💯
Honestly speaking i felt liberated after watching this .
It has been a month since I had this sense of rush in my body . Thanks to this video I finally got to understand that my priorities in life wouldn't be achieved by him , and It is I who will need to do whatever I can to get the life i want😌.
I am addicted to the school of life videos, I feel it is probably the healthiest addiction I have experienced so far.
***** I can't stop watching these videos I feel like if I owe you something yet you owe me back for my loyalty of never missing an episode, so I want to ask for a favor....
Don't go to rehab
So true. Love can be the most wonderful thing, once you understand its nature. Osho said it right: "If you love a flower don't pick it up, because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower let it be. Love is not about possesion. It's about appreciation." So, enjoy that special person's prescence in your life, but never declare her/him as yours, and keep in mind it is temporary, as everything else in this world.
Why is being single, and alone portrayed as something bad! I'm happy with it😩😜❤
Because of society, don't let them bring you down into their misery.
@@freeman405 haha XD
that's really cool
@@freeman405 because sooner or later u get tired of it
@@dread1262 I still enjoy it everyday.
So many flashbacks speeded through my head as I watched this. So many beautiful memories. They were immediately shattered like glass that had fallen from a four story building. Love is fragile. And loneliness is inevitable.
"The school of life" has taken something that is an absolutely subjective experience and talks about it as if it were a universal truth, as if it had been scientifically proven. But it is absolutely subjective point of you and it should start the video by presenting the mindset and the point of view of the voice who is speaking.
Julia Teles But you can't deny what they've shown... It's bitter truth.
Ayaka Mori "The moments of love were an illusion" - you can deny that. To determine what was an illusion, you have to know what is true. If anything at all is true, and can be agreed as true, then there is plenty of hope that such moments can be agreed as true.
+Julia Teles you're not perfect Julia
"now let's pretend we do not know any of this"
i don't know. ...maybe i wouldn't mind having someone to Love Existential Loneliness with.
You mean like: "Let's be alone together?"
I agree, would be cool to have that.
nick volta I will write these two comments on my book of important quotes.
thrisbt1 Well...that's what love is really about.
thrisbt1 yeah, It's become impossible for me to feel any kind of real intimacy with anyone, unless we can share this feeling.- and it isn't often that people admit it to themselves, let alone before another person. So, yes, it would be incredibly liberating.
thrisbt1 ...maybe a drinking bird.
I love this! If you're strong enough, you will appreciate the truth. There's so much more to LIFE than finding some fairytale romance. Find those mysteries to life that make it worth living. Stop wasting your time thinking about some significant other that may never come. Find purpose in why YOU exist. Not in others.
Even in fairytales,love isn't the only way to life
exactly lol most of this is just common sense, yes there's no such thing as unconditional love but there's still moments of happiness to be shared with other people, and that's honestly enough for me, it's best to just try to live your life and have fun without thinking too deep about these things, always keep busy and don't leave your mind to be idle because that's when you start becoming obsessed with this type of existentialism
That's the space for God, only He can fill it 🦋🕊️
This video makes me physically ill...
it's a cover story for oxytocin addicts.
oxytocin highs never last, though.
Enemies Of The People probably the best reply I heard in a while :D
Sonor Transient strange, mine's been steadily giving me the kick for the past 4 years
Sonor Transient Now this video makes more sense.
TinkAbouRit He doesn't need us, but he loves us? Can I love my children and at the same time believe that I don't need them? No, contradictory beliefs like these don't work in the real world and are only possible through an illusion, such as love, especially from God.
TinkAbouRit In order to avoid "becoming" mere myths, all gods need people so much that they coerce those people to accept them.
"You will not be understood" I just can't even express how fucking muck l relate to this in reality .
"The moments of love were an illusion" that hit .
This channel has always been inspiring me to be kind and altruistic. I also wish to help people in way this channel does.