Can a Narcissist Choose to Not Abuse People?
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- Опубликовано: 8 май 2023
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If you're a man struggling with narcissistic traits and seeking the path, community, and transformation that I've experienced, I'm here to help - but only if you are serious about investing the time and energy. To begin this journey with me, schedule a session at www.rawmotivations.com/break-...
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Tune in to hear the perspective of a self aware narcissist. That’s me - Ben Taylor a narcissist in recovery trying to promote awareness, healing, growth and change. I do that by these videos on here, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook.
Platforms I am on:
TikTok - / raw_motivations
Instagram - / rawmotivations
Facebook - profile.php?...
Podcast - anchor.fm/rawmotivations
RUclips - / rawmotivations
Narcissists use everyone, they are users. They think everyone who gives them the benefit of the doubt is a sucker. They think that everyone who doesn't trust them or dislikes them is just a hater trying to stop their shine.
Narcissists will play nicer to those they can extract more benefits from. Narcissists love to be mean to anyone they can get away with abusing without it jeapordizing their benefits and privileges.
Narcissists would love to be mean to everyone 100% of the time but it's simply not practical for them to do that and still receive all the accolades and resources they want and so they must be careful who they blatantly abuse and who they kiss up to.
Yes they can control themselves and choose who they abuse.
My narcissist sister has to suck it up because if she abuses her husband he would probably leave her and she will be screwed and be homeless.
Also I seen narcissist behave really good to their boss but everyone else like trash.
Yes, but they don't do it consciously. They think that either people like them, that's those who end up traumabonded with them, or it doesn't work, these are the ones not falling for their shit. Of course they know who they can do it to, these are the people who tell them all about their vulnerabilities and pain. My covert Narc ex is member of an organisation, not once has he tried to get one of the many female members into a relationship, only women outside the organisation of whom only two, myself and another woman, Gabe him the chance to abuse us
@@danielaspitz3052 Oh, my ex did it absolutely consciously for nearly 50 years. It wasn't confined to me; I was just the one he could abuse the most because I protected the privacy of our "marriage."
If a Narcissist knows the difference between love bombing and devaluation etc, then they know how to choose whether or not to abuse and the severity of that abuse as long as it serves them to do so. 🍒
And that is called criminal behavior.
The hardest part of this for me is my reactive abuse mimics narcissistic abuse. Its tough to get over things i have said and done
And the cycle repeats and continues .
They love blood suckin their victims to zero energy leaving them dry had plenty of narcs try this with me sadly I have thick skin they got to try harder.
They don't feel that they abuse others, so they can't make a conscious descision against doing what they do
My ex used to always say “hurt people hurt people”.. and “perfectly imperfect”
Before I watch this, the answer is yes for a covert narcissist since that is what my sister has. She had zero NPD around my anti-social mom consistently for 48 years because my mom passed away. She didn’t even have an NPD disorder around her. Go figure! Weird isn’t it? I could say more. I’ll say one more. Since my sister had me trained well, I walked on eggshells around her so she herself didn’t get triggered but the minute that I started to challenge her ( because I learned what the disorder was ), her control of me was slipping away and so was her mask of sanity then all of the, “play book “ NPD stuff came out full force at around age 49. I tried to stick around, try things to make some sort of a connection work, then finally, it got so bad, I gave up all hope and quit her for good. She gets waaay too much sadistic pleasure beating me down. She has been aware of me telling her that she has the disorder. She had 4 1/2 years to roll it around in her brain and struggle it out with me. She is deliberately choosing to abuse me and that’s when I said, hell no. This person is NOT a friend. She is a full-on enemy and I’m done. Some have too much sadism inside of them.
She has been self aware since childhood. They just don’t know that it is called narcissism/ psychopathy. Back then they called it sibling rivalry and bullying. They said that she would outgrow her bullying. So that’s what she believed that she had when she was younger. She can accept being diagnosed as: bully, a-hole, control freak, and sadistic but she cannot accept Narcissist because they’re seen as evil people even though she has admitted to me of being evil inside and wanting to live up to her true nature. I begged her not to.
She also thought she was god one time at college age. I think that delusion happened because of the stress. It was tougher than high school. She must have felt inferior and it put her in over drive to go into a delusion that she was smarter than the students and even the professor. She believed that she was omnipotent. So that was an interesting thing to witness. That’s just added info to prove that she does indeed have this disorder and she has been controlling it very hard all of her life, just not on me, or, I didn’t push forward so she didn’t have to that much because I was very much destroyed by my own mental illness of severe depression and other disabilities. So she didn’t have to act up around me too much.
My brother goes into chat rooms. He puts on a nice personality and then begins to put them down. So he gets his sadistic bullying pleasure that way until the website permanently kicks him off. These people know what they’re doing.
They need to be exiled out of cities. Normal people are going to have to start building their own cities where people do not own their homes and the anti-social can be exiled out. Otherwise, they’re having a gay’ol time on us and destroying love and community.
You are right. Thanks so much for being honest and vulnerable. You and Lee have helped me to understand what I’m dealing with.
To my h cheating was just outside dating and not an issue. His words. So no awareness at all. Verbal abuse pours out of him like water.
If you can choose to not abuse people then you are not a narcissist. Narcissist do not have that ability to choose and that is precisely what makes them a narcissist. It is ingrained in their soul so they are always right and you are wrong no matter what.
I guess I missed the engrained in their soul part inside of the DSM-V...
@@RawMotivations No need to be passive aggressive lol.
I remember this very vividly
This is why narcissism cannot be a tenable defense if one were to be charged with abuse. It cannot even be considered as an extenuating circumstance that would lower the penalty or the amount of damages to be awarded. These people know exactly what they are doing and they know them to be wrong. They are completely conscious of the fact that they are willingly abusing their partners or those that are close to them. Like the rest of us, they all have a choice.
That hurts.. screwed up.. as the cognitive dissonance fades, my anger has been surfacing more and more. I’m making an appointment with a therapist right now.
God bless you brother. My ex cheated on his wife after she had their second child and sis to her “I didn’t feel like I was the most important person in the world to her”😳
Just like an empath has natural traits of caring, loving and being emphatic, the nature of a Narc is such that being unaware or aware, they will end up hurting people.....
Empaths are narcissists. Humans have empathy, to think you are somehow more empathic than others is a telltale sign of narcissism. Stop fooling yourselves, empaths.
@@devnull1013
Try spending a few years studying psychology
I really appreciate this channel. You and Mental Healness have given me insight into my parents and my ex-husband.
Can I ask though, as a self-aware NPD person… is this hella brave channel helping you to heal? I’d imagine it must be so hard to speak up with the stigma. Thank you for what you’re doing.
It does help. But a lot of that helps with healing is helping others now too
@@RawMotivations helps to deal with guilt?
Thank you for your explanation. What you’re saying makes perfectly clear sense. I needed to listen to this today to help me have a better understanding of not only the narcissist but I’ve been internalizing. I’m looking forward to connecting with you in my healing process. You reached out to me already and I want to thank you for that. I’ve been been going through different levels of emotions since I was discarded, I pushed for the discarded because I knew something wasn’t right about my relationship with this person. I had to do it because I’m also weak when it came to our sexual relationship and I allowed this relationship to continue. Becoming self aware is probably the best thing I could have done for myself. As soon as I get out of my living situation and away from the other narcissist in my life can I really start a healthy recovery and healing. Thank you for sharing this video and information.
If a Narcissist truly CAN choose not to abuse people Ben would know...whether they do or not is another story. Hurt people will hurt people, of course they will. But "That Dog Will Not Hunt" as the solution. Not in a million years. After all, who has been "Hurt" or "Abused" more than an Empath? And they are never ever converted over to abuse. Even the thought of tyrannically abusing a human being, let alone an innocent one, would make a real Empath puke.
Unhealed ppl hurt ppl. Hurt ppl don’t always hurt ppl. And that phrase ppl don’t know where that came from.
@@RawMotivations 😆😆😆 Agreed...Musta been the same genius that "socially engineered" young bachelors to spend 3 months salary on their engagement ring...
@@RawMotivations ❤
Can you make an extended video on this topic specifically? I would really appreciate it. It helped me understand how little the abuse has to do with me. But I need more insight.
What’s their end game honestly? My soon to be divorced wife never thought she abused mentally when she would ignore me hours during the day, tear me down as a man and saying I didn’t satisfy her emotional physically, but still claims she never abused me 🤦🏽♂️. All the things she said loved about me, she hated all of a sudden. I’ve suspected her cheating with this bitch ass plumber and I end up catching her meanwhile calling me crazy when I saw late night phone calls and him liking her pictures online. I’m still struggling with the divorce process and I am currently still in therapy. It’s been a blessing but it’s a long process to soak up. The videos are my additional therapy to remind me I was a good man but not perfect. I didn’t deserve this. My first time getting married makes me want to avoid intimacy as far as my feelings and I know that’s not good. I’m working on it now as we speak through therapy
I'm sorry that happened to you bro and you're doing a great job
It doesn't have to be your first time. I'm 55 and have such deep trust issues now. I had never attracted the kind of man who cheated in the past, but all it takes is once. We aren't all like that, and I sure do know the scars and trust issues run deep. I'm realizing my ex of 10 years is likely a narcissist too. I ignored all these too trendy videos on narcissistic abuse, because most were over the top and labelling any jerk or cheater as such. Lee's videos resonated w/ me far too much and his admissions sounded all too much like my ex. He's now trying to get me back after his second round of affair w/ some bimbette half our age. He was hoping when she came to her senses that I'd take him back, because I'm apparently at least better than being alone. Plus he'd like to be back in the house we co-own. Nope. His first pitch at it, he said he missed being at home and missed the cats. That was it. Guess I was supposed to melt at his feet, counting on my love for him making up for how he doesn't even love me anymore. Nope. I finally figured out I only loved a mirage anyway. He got that one second chance, back when I got all the lies of it being just an emotional affair, how he would never cross that line and he knew she was too young for a real relationship, he always loved me, blah blah. Anyhoo, I really get it. I'd give you a big hug if we lived closer. I'm a Canuck, so that's not likely, lol.
One thing that should help you is you fell for someone who doesn't exist. The person she pretended to be is a cartoon character. She had on her nice girl sweet loving costume. It wasn't reality. Narcissistic women are very good at finding decent men out of a crowd and charming them into marriage.
The lies. The gaslighting, the manipulation are all the real personality, not the facade. That mask slips off, and the real them comes out. What a lot of ppl don't acknowledge is that experts have done brain scans on them and have found extensive brain damage.
Experts also believe that narcissism can be genetic, environmental, and/ or the result of abuse or overindulgence.
I talked about the brain damage in this video. I hope this helps.
ruclips.net/video/1N-UHXfJK2o/видео.html
Their end game is to hurt you for their amusement. Narcissists are all sadists. All of them. All of them. They simply enjoy making other people suffer. It makes a narcissist happy to see you sad. It brings them Shaudenfreude.
@@PassionateFlower I don't believe all narcissists are sadists at all. Only the malignant narcissists, sometimes w/ cluster B can be that, but it's not the norm. They are broken, there is something missing and they can be cruel w/ their extreme selfish need to feed that all important ego. You're collateral damage, but the aim is self preservation and they lack the empathy to know the damage they do.
Wow!!!!! sad but so true
My ex punched me in the face and slammed my head into the dashboard, knocked me unconscious and then got mad at me when I one day called the police. He ended up going to jail for 6 months and at one point, fell off the top bunk in his cell, cracked his skull and was in critical condition. He said it was my fault that happened because I’m the one who “put him” in jail. Said he held resentment towards me, and blamed me for years about that. Told me 3 years later.
i can 't thumbs up. smh. can't comment. smh. can't even believe THIS INSANITY!!! smh. LORD!!!! WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and NOW i'm THANKING GOD, AGAIN, THAT I DODGED A BULLET...BECAUSE..SMH...LORDGOD!!!!!! PHYSICAL ABUSE...UNH-UNH!!!!!!! JUST NO!!!!! I would have been the one in jail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Hurt people, hurt people", isn't using hurt in the past tense. It means people who are still hurting, hurt people. Which aligns with what you're saying, that unhealed people, tend to hurt people. Just my thoughts on it.
I agree - just not where the phrase originated from my research on it.
Spot on!!
Ohhhhhhhhh this helps a lot
Actually knowing now that this dude I was with believed I deserved it makes me angry. I thought he was just abusive because he had a personal problem. But it takes on a whole different type of darkness when you realize they actually are deliberately abusing you because they believe we deserve it. How twisted is that?
Like, he made me think he just had some sort of uncontrollable issues. So I was like “okay, this guy can use some help”.. but to know he did it consciously and not because of some BS impulse. ESPECIALLY because there was NOTHING I did that would even trigger a person to feel so vengeful, how kind I was, and this dude literally looked at me and manipulated, feigned helplessness, as if it was some birth defect. Come to find out it was a conscious decision?
What a prick dude
yeah, "we screw up phrases"
Wow dude.. that’s evil man.
Can you tell us what was the reason in your past that caused you to wanna be abusive?
Why’d you feel that way? Why were you feeling attacked and disrespected?
I need therapy
Man, this makes me mad.