Conversational Narcissism | The Signs
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- Опубликовано: 14 июл 2024
- Narcissistic behavior is not always easy to spot. In this video, MedCircle expert and clinical psychologist, Dr. Ramani, dives into the psychology of conversational narcissism and what a conversation with a narcissist may look like.
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There are 9 signs of conversational narcissism you need to know.....
00:00 Intro
00:22 Conversational narcissism 101
00:39 1. Controls the conversation topics
01:58 2. Monopolizes the conversation
02:26 3. Displays a superiority complex
03:03 4. Presents as a "know-it-all"
04:09 5. Interrupts frequently (with no remorse)
05:04 6. Praises themselves often
05:53 7. Gives unsolicited, self-serving advice
06:38 8. No empathic listening or awareness
07:27 9. Manipulates the conversation
07:52 What Dr Ramani sees in therapy
08:51 How to watch more like this
#Narcissism #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #narcissist #narcissistic #narcissists
Get instant access to dozens of exclusive MedCircle videos on narcissism with Dr Ramani HERE: *bit.ly/3rNSpZr*
Can you help women at 24 hour fitness who are undressing and girls taking photos in a mirror capturing naked women while photographing meanwhile 24hour fitness club does nothing to stop it in Lancaster CA club? Can you help? These girls are displaying narcissistic behavior at the risk of other women's physical privacy being posted on the internet.
@@Rebecca-hv2rb If Dr Ramani says that people don't like it when others "try to help" if it's unsolicited, how do you think these girls are going to react?
I am in therapy. I can tell you that therapy works because people want to change. You cannot impose therapy on someone who doesn't know they have a problem, or want to change. If it was me, I would tell management that there's a problem and let them investigate and deal with it. I know I have just given some unsolicited advice. If you don't want it and it's unwelcome, you have my apology.
@@briankocheraabcdt4628 You didn't read my post. They are taking photos in a woman's locker room where that is prohibited. Period. They don't obey the rules and regulations. Does not apply to them? Good luck with your therapy.
@@Rebecca-hv2rb I am sorry. When I read your post, I assumed you were asking for Dr Ramani or one of her associates to assist in an intervention.
If you tried talking to these girls and qotton nowhere, the next 23.
@@briankocheraabcdt4628 Already went through management protocol. I was looking for suggestions as to how I could approach these younger women of today that would be beneficial for all parties involved.
I haven't spoke to my Narcissist is years, i didn't want to interrupt
🤣, OMG you hit the nail on the head 💕
Spewed my drink on this comment
😜😂🤣👍
@@C.S.99 Why did the narcissist cross the road?
They thought that was your boundaries
@@777Pattie How do you spot a narcissist in a grocery store?
He'll be doing the self checkout
🤣🤣🤣
I find myself very drained after having a conversation with a narcissist. For me that too is a sign.
It’s not a conversation. It’s a lecture!
This 🙌 I had a cerebal narc do this not long back. I had to cut him off as he did nothing but lecture me and patronise me. Always refered back to what he was doing and it drained the life out of me.
The endless monologues!
Whenever I experience this, I go home, find it hard to sleep, and need several hours to decompress with a glass of wine. Some people are just compulsive talkers who give unnecessary details, ad nauseum. They have no ability for turn taking. They never ask fallow up questions as they are constantly self-referent. Circumlocution drives me crazy. People who talk to much are generally poor listeners with likely "auditory processing disorders." When they talk, they don't have to listen.
Are these the people that talk at you as if you have never experienced life? That is so demeaning
It can go both ways, 1) speak about themselves nonstop or 2) pry in your personal life to gather information and use it later against you.
Yes, a relative who brags about herself, and gossips about others ( sharing only negative information, true or not).
They'll even distort the information gathered...
That is so true...great point. I have learned not to express insecurities with them. I was exercising once when my mother was over and I found out later my teen daughter stopped her from filming me and posting it on social media. I would never do that to someone but it reinforced the lack of emotional safety with her.
You nailed it.
Yes! You just described an ex friend of mine who I got rid off finally after 30 years! You are spot on.
My NPD father absolutely loved having 'conversations' with me when I was a child, because he could essentially lecture me, patronize me, dominate the conversation and dictate the subject matter. He'd spend hours just talking AT me, while I nodded dumbly, so impressed with all his wisdom and knowledge. It was only when I became an adult - and we became, mercifully, estranged, that I realized he just wanted someone to validate all of his opinions - and an impressionable kid is perfect for that. He had almost no real friends because he wasn't able to have balanced conversations with other adults. I've often noticed a lot of narcissists enjoy talking with kids because they can sometimes be easier to manipulate than adults.
My dad was like that. A good man yet he bored me to tears. Of all the things I have done in my life I told him so little because he only wanted to talk. Oh well...
Oh wow same. When another person talks he gets quiet and then goes back to his thing. The only time it's "fluid" is when you say something to support his point. It makes sense now why my dad dates on the younger side
I get it. They can wear you out. I just zone out with the same stories over and over.
Wow lmao same! I can remember clear as day dreading when he wanted to come into my room and talk to me when I was upset by something. It was always about how amazing and resilient he was, how he wouldn’t feel bad about it because he was “made differently”. I even told him as a kid “all you do is talk about how great you are, you don’t ask me how I feel” he was dumbfounded lol. I recall some narcissistic rage after saying that
I've had older people at work and in family like this. It also called "make you their confidant". They can come and use you as a venting sink. They will come and talk about their problems and you will have to soothe and encourage them. This is your role to them. They are not interested in knowing you as a person. You just exist as their confidant.
Narcassists talk at you, not with you engaging in the typical exchange or talking about common ground. The love to lecture, orate, grandstand, dominate conversations, etc... sometimes I wonder if their ideal "conversation" partner is a cardboard cutout of someone or a bobblehead doll
This! Cut a friend out with whom I felt that way. Not sure if she has narcissism or autistic but damn its draining.
I’ve literally put my phone on speaker and walked away for 20 min and come back and my dad is still talking. Doesn’t even realize I left lol
I think a narcissist has a thousand ways to grab the conversation. You got an award? I got a better award. You got a new car? I have friends in the industry. I got a better car. The narcissist never wants to feel ignored.
So funny how they have to out do you at everything but can't decide between being a bigger hero or victim.
Totally!! They also never want to feel shamed or that they perhaps don't know something that another does. Deep insecurity.
My covert ex didn’t do that. She sas much more strategically evil.
I see all these obvious red flags other people got and I’m envious. If I’d had those I wouldn’t have been so traumatised by it and left very early.
I have had a couple of “friends”. that I know everything about and they’ve never asked me a personal question about myself. After a while, I started to avoid them.
I've had friends like that! I went to a small church where I was the pianist, the youth sponsor, and one of three church trustees ..... no one EVER even knew what kind of work I did. The whole time I was there. Could the whole church be narcissistic? Or they just couldn't relate to my profession?
@@sarahspencer1010 I know the feeling.
I like talking about subjects that come up naturally and not pry into peoples business. If you want to bring something up, do so! I’ll be happy to talk about your thing. But you waiting for me to guess that you want to be asked about it (but not asked about other things) is an unpleasant manipulative game.
Oh this is such a red flag. Of course it's not a diagnosis but it's something to note. In my experience, it happens a lot with men. Recently, I was having drinks alone this guy came to buy me a drink and chat with me so I said sure. Then for the next 2-3 hrs I just sat there while he talked about himself. After the first 30mins I wanted to see how far this would go but damn. He was positioning himself as a good man/bf to have (I'm gay something he would be known if he asked me a single question).
@@sarahspencer1010 or sn alarming percentage Autistic. My oldest is Autistic. She's had the same few friends for 10yrs and still wouldn't be able to tell you what they do on the weekends. The reason is obviously much different, there's no motive it personal gain, which is fairly easy to pick up on.
There's something I've always noticed when dealing with a narc. I always get that cringed, embarrassed feeling around them. Like they do strange things but act like it's normal and I've been sat there thinking 'why would someone even do something like that?'. I've now learnt to trust my gut instinct. If I get embarrassed, I usually find they are a narc.
I fell in love with a narc back in 2012. It's been 10 years, but I still remember that feeling I was embarrassed and uneasy the very first time I met him, fascinated but scared. He was a huge red walking flag but you know, I was 22 and VERY naive and unexperienced. I only had one boyfriend before him. I remember telling him spontaneously that same day "Stop staring at me that way, I feel uncomfortable around you, you make me feel embarrassed." A few dates later he told me that this was a huge turn on for him and that he was even way more interested in me when I said he made me feel embarrassed..... I should have ran away because months later I was on the edge of depression. He started playing games with me: ghosting, zombieng and orbiting around me, telling me lies. But I think I was already too hooked at the time to run away. I literally had to start feeling phisically sick in order to decide to block him everywhere and having no contact with him at all.
@Sonna Thank you Sonna. I am sorry you had to go through that too. Yes, I know and I think those kind of experiences are so strong that can make us stronger. He literally made me understand that I had to change something and I needed to start loving myself a lot and stop falling in love with the idea of love itself. Now I'm in a healthy relationship since 7 years because I started to listen to myself more.
@@chiara7413 I too was extremely naive and had only had one prior boyfriend (who was also abusive), but I still haven't gotten all the way away from him. I've looked back so many times over the years at all of the red flags that I wasn't REMOTELY equipped to recognize, and try to remember what I was like, what my general mod and personality was like before I started dating him, and wonder what my life might have been like if I had listened to my gut instead of all the background old man voices in my head replaying every cliched argument about how us "young people these days never want to stick around and try to actually make it work! They just want to bail at the first signs of difficulty!"
--Don't know how familiar y'all are with that; I think it was more a thing from the Seventies. But have you ever noticed it's a man saying that? In media from the time, at least. TV, movies, interviews, whatever; it wasn't *women* decrying the increasing divorce rate and people just "giving up" on marriages, it was men. Cranky, old, recently-divorced men.
Because no-fault divorces were only recently a thing, whereas before you were only legally *allowed* to get a divorce for a very few, very specific things. So pretty much if you weren't able to prove that they cheated on you, you couldn't get divorced.
Anyways. Sorry. I just wanted to say that I was where you were, but I didn't leave when I should have.
And you did.
I know how hard it must have been. I'm so proud of you. And I'm so glad you got out. Sincerely. Well done.
Yes when you pull up at their house to talk to your friend who is in a relationship with them and she yells from the neighbors front porch where she is standing to let the person know you are there by screaming their name even tho the door is closed and of course the person can't hear , but all the nieghbors are standing looking at her like what ???? She won't give you time to get out of the car to get to the door ,she has to run across the yards to get there first ! And then stands next to your friend and everyone just akward but the narcissist is so happy ,these are grown people mid thirties ,So obvious what she doing !!!!
@@KryssLaBryn Thank you Kryss. :) Your message is beautiful. Don't worry, you will get out of it too. It takes time and patience. Sometimes we also need help. I have looked for some help myself because I could not do it on my own. The most difficult thing was to realise and admit to myself that he has never ever even saw me as a person. Sometimes I felt like to him me or another person was exactly the same thing. He was just mirroring and validating himself through my pain. I wanted to be seen so badly by someone who did not want to and could not see me. I had to accept that I could not do anything about it, drop my stupid ego and desire of being loved back and leave.
I know one of these!!! Can’t stand talking to that person any longer.. They refuse to let you get one word in. You are totally exhausted after this conversation.
Agree 100% highly narcissistic individuals monopolize conversations. When I was in college my mother was going off on one of her lectures and I put the phone down gently on the bed. I have diagnosed ADHD Inattentive type and I completely forgot about the phone. About 30 to 40 minutes later I noticed the phone and I literally gasped. I gingerly picked up the phone, expecting to hear a dial tone but no - my mother was still talking. Unbelievably self centered!
I had a friend like this hahaha! Talked so much I couldn't even cut her off to let her know that I had to go back to work, I had to hang up on her. I tend to attract a lot of these types idky.
Lmfao 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's crazy but accurate
@@Hollablackgirl93 you're an empath. I've learnt to just stay quiet and look away when I get tired. Or make an excuse to leave. I make sure they know I don't listen to them...
I've done this during conversations with 😳🙄😳 "girlfriends" and I did not feel bad at all.
Each time I returned (picked the phone up off the counter/bed/table) 👀 they were still having an exciting convo, with themselves, all by themselves! 🤣😂🤣
LMFAO
It's funny, in college we used to call people like that, "toppers." No matter what experience you had, they had an experience that was bigger, greater, more horrible, or more awesome. It didn't matter what the experience was; they had something more interesting. Now I see that those people were conversational narcissists.
I have a friend who is like that. I had exams the other day for my online course, I told her I have to leave the chat and instead of 'good luck' she started talking about exams she took a while ago 😂
"One upper mother fuckers"
We used to say ' if you've been to Tenerife they have been to elevenerife!' The first time I heard that I cracked up as it describes them perfectly.
Sounds a bit like my mom. When I was young ,whenever I would bring up something that caused me anxiety/stress etc, she would bring up times from when she was working at a young age, neglected at home, rivalry between all her sisters, her war experiences, etc I always would feel whatever I went through she had it far worse so I should stop complaining.
Toppers, great word for them, I have even used the phrase. right t righter's.. Always right, so annoying .
I have a “friend “, and I remember the very day that I realized that there was a problem. I had not seen her for a few years, and was amazed that she blabbed and talked the whole time about problems with her child. She never asked one question about me. When I tried to help with some of the problems, she didn’t hear and didn’t want to hear. She just loved listening to herself. When she calls, I feel as if I have been run over by a truck. If I call her, she has no time to talk and never calls back. I just gave up on that one sided relationship.
I get that. I feel like I used to be the listener though always listening now I'm the one always talking it's so annoying I think because I've been so codependent for so damn long that I've turned into this selfish person and now I'm just left confused.
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them. That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves. Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
So both me and my ex are narcissists. Nice. lol! Love it. I'm just done I'm working on myself from now on. Thanks for the self awareness now.
If I ever want to get my brother off the phone, all I have to do is start talking about something good in my life. Like clockwork
I can't do that as my mother will always get jealous and then guilt trip me about it
That’s so unfortunate :( sorry
@@GwrecksMachina It is what it is. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
@@eileenhumes4884 Wow.
I had a friend like this. Even when I was talking to him about my cousin dying he turned the conversation about him and playing video games.
O my God!
Wow. But I also know tons of people like this, so it’s not surprising, but it’s amazing to me how PERVASIVE this is, and how these narcs are ok w/ being like this.
I wonder why Nature wanted to create SO MANY of these narc creatures. 🤔
What baffles me is I only see videos like this, which are very informative, but if someone is unknowingly doing this in conversation & sees this video, even if they recognize themselves in doing this, who is teaching them how to properly engage in conversation? This can be hard if you think it’s a conversation so you acknowledge understanding… or ask a question to make sure you follow and correctly understood each part of what actually is a “speech”… so that person is now labeled an interrupter?
WOW
Wow. I have friends like this. I remember telling someone about the death of a family member They said "oh" and moved on. It's strange how many narcissistic people I've attracted over and over...even though I'm 'on to ' their antics.
The Art of Conversation is a beautiful skill. It involves and dignifies all participants. It expands a topic with everyone contributing until it comes to a natural conclusion. Then the group moves on to a new topic, with everyone again participating. Upon completion of the meeting, everyone walks away satisfied and with an open heart and mind. Basically, a treat.
Yesssss
No speech then?
yess, evrything is a deal now?
I’d like to live in that world where that would happen 😂
@@mrsp8999 I think it is mostly possible. The key is an ability to introspect so as to locate communicative errors in oneself and then think of a solution. A solution can be found again through introspection and through information obtained in books, etc.
Six months later the icy, blank yet intimidating stare is still the thing that haunts me.
I got it whenever I tried to talk about anything that wasn’t him.
Or you forget to praise them when they tell you what they have done! Its bloody terrifying!
I love Dr. Ramani so much. She has saved so much of us with her knowledge and advice. Thank you seriously you're a gem!
She is very, very good.
Yes she has! What a treasure! She's like that cool auntie who tells you what's really going on and how to navigate through it 😎
Your programmed
I agree. I'm so grateful for her work.
I once had a son in law like this. He could talk nonstop about himself for hours! He would actually follow me out to my car, still talking, even though I told him that I had to go. He’s be talking clear up until I actually drove off. Once, he spent more than an hour telling me how to build a deck…..I never asked. He just started talking about it while I was trying to help my child with his homework. He was the most annoying person. People would run when they saw him coming. I was so glad when she finally divorced him.
Sounds to me like your ex-SIL was autistic. I work with autistic teens, who do exactly this... give overly detailed information about their subject of interest. It's a different flavor than with a narcissistic personality disordered person, and is actually more annoying. An NPD person is focused on impressing you and has the social skills to manipulate your opinion of them. They know perfectly well that you are annoyed, so can subtly change their approach to try to win you over. An autistic person has no clue you are annoyed and is operating under the assumption that you are just as interested as they are.
Sounds like the character Kevin in Monk tv series, Monk's neighbor. He was so funny😂🤣🤣
Could it have been autism?
@@paigemama5904 He was diagnosed by a professional as being a narcissist. He had a whole host of problems. I don’t know… maybe autism was in the mix.
lol! Sounds just like me but isn't that autism? lol! At least now I know you know? Otherwise people won't tell me. But then I will listen to people. I'm so confused.
Recently ended a 27-year friendship, with a conversational narcissist, who has transitioned into a full-blown narcissist. I am feeling so much happier and more relaxed.
Wow, didn't know this was a thing! I assumed my brother did all the talking, and would constantly steer the conversation from me back to himself, simply because I was an uninteresting person (which, I don't believe I am, but was made to feel that way by his reactions).
I couldn't figure out why I always felt drained, exhausted, devalued, and stressed after his (marathon) conversations. I now understand!
Thank you for this comment - it was very illuminating to read that the trapped listener can very well end up internalizing the idea that they must not be an interesting person. I know some kids whose father is a conversational narcissist and now it completely makes sense that they have low/unstable self-images. Reading your comment has been so, so valuable ❤️
@@jumbolumps666 glad I was a help and support for you, Katie DeRogatis 💗
Ive encountered this. I often sense that the person I'm having a conversation with is not the slightest bit interested in what I'm saying and cant wait to cut me off and talk about themselves. Exhausting. On occasion ive been bold enough to say, "i dont think youre listening to a word I've said". The look on their face .... priceless😅
I'd just like to add sometimes people think autistic or ADHD people are turning to convo onto them when they're trying to relate with empathy
Changing the conversation would be changing the entire topic and focus
When we are relating events and emotions, this is our way of trying to relate with you
I hope people can learn to understand the difference
She has a video about the differences between autism and narcissism. Also, there is a big difference between someone who either; excitedly, passionately, empathetic teaching, and those who are speaking about things they know…and a narcissist. Narcissist won’t let you change the conversation, not for long. They will convince you that they know what they are speaking about, versus someone who has a strong interest and high knowledge in an area.
I know that when you here a lot of these thing you may feel that you do them. It is common especially for anyone on the spectrum. However, the difference between you and a narcissist is that you don’t fit all the traits. You just identify with one or two things. Almost every cluster B diagnosis has traits others can relate to, however it does not mean you have the diagnosis. There is a lot more to it. When a narc talks, if you voice your opinion and it differs, they will become defensive. They do not understand that others may think differently.
Yes!!!! I have ADHD but never realized that this the “wrong” way to relate to neurotypicals. In my mind, the BEST way to connect with someone is to show that you’ve experienced the same thing, and that you understand. But it’s only been fairly recently that I’ve learned that most people see this as that you’re trying to one up them.
That’s insane to me! Frankly, the attempts at empathy that most people make towards me have always felt hollow and impersonal. Hearing someone say generic things like “I’m so sorry to hear that” or “That must be so hard for you” does nothing for me. It’s so generic and takes zero effort on their part.
My goal in relating to people is always to customize what comes out of my mouth for the specific person I’m talking to. Otherwise, what’s the point of even having relationships at all?
@@kconrad5893
Those who say those typical phrases are usually ambivalent and you should not care too much about them, it is a waste of time and effort.
@@kconrad5893 hunny, keep doing what ya doing. We aint all therapists... and this is coming from a therapist in training lmao. Be authentic, be you! I love when people can "feel me" and affirm that through sharing their own experiences in a conversation.
no
Nailed a certain in-law of mine. Such a huge difference between a person who comments similar experiences as an exchange of ideas vs. this type of person who talks just to hear themselves talk.
Mother in law? Yup.
Sister in law?
😆 You summarized that beautifully! ♥️♥️♥️♥️ Excellent work!
I worked with a person that does this and no one liked her at all because of it. She was nicknamed the "one upper". She aways said she would be missed when she's gone. Guess what? She left and nobody misses her.
I always feel when I watch Dr Ramani that im sitting on my sofa and having a cup of coffee ! Narcs are experts on everything without knowing anything about it!
My husband was the king of knowing it all. The most boring person I've ever met but stupid enough to stay for 40 plus years
Yes he mimicked his daddy who never worked for a lifetime mooching instead and manipulating as a victim ..
At a drinks party last week, I started talking to a woman who knew a mutual friend. She seemed charismatic, friendly and nice...until I realised within 10 minutes that she dominated the conversation and talked at length about herself. She was telling me at all about her travels to South Africa and said I could ask our mutual friend for her number so she could send me more info and we could chat some more.
I would have felt quite enthusiastic about her invitation as I don't make friends easily, but after years of one-sided friendships, I didn't need another potential self-obsessed friend. I listened politely but made a mental note, that after that evening, didnt want anything more to do with her.
I appreciated your definition of conversational narcissism, as well as your other excellent points. I've also noticed that conversational narcissists rarely ever validate your statements. They will either remain silent, change the subject, directly contradict you, take sides with a third party (triangulation), or slightly alter the meaning of what you have said.
Unfortunately, many of the people I know who are like this will not pursue advanced learning because they appear incapable of accepting what others say - they cannot learn from anyone.
Another aspect of this "sub-disorder" of narcissism is that these individuals frequently avoid reading how-to manuals for the same reason since they appear to regard an author's words as a "silent conversation," preferring to focus exclusively on their own self. And sometimes this disorder is co-morbid with schizoid personality disorder where conversational narcissism is a way of pushing people away.
Ok so you’ve just described me. Shit.
How can I stop??? Practice discipline, focus on the other person/people, be more inquisitive?
I don’t want to make people feel like that. 😔
A good insight leads to a good solution.
I was raised by narcissistic parents and was the scapegoat…still am. At almost 40 I am believing I have narcissistic traits with this one! Growing up I never felt heard, kicked out on my 19 birthday I dated for the first time which quickly led me to being a single mother for 11 years and the only adult conversations I got I get so excited about and run over people and my kids. I swear I hate it and sometimes think because my mind moves too fast and jumps around to different topics. I really don’t mean to devalue people. I’ve been in the healthcare field for over 20 years and a nurse for 13. I really love people and sometimes force myself to stay quiet. I literally drive myself crazy with this conversational flaw.
Great to see you accept the challenge. I wish you good luck and with perseverance, training and knowledge you will succeed.
That’s emotional neediness, not narcissism, making you do some of the same things. I recognize it in myself as well.
If you were one you’d never admit that, trust me lol. Which means you aren’t. I tried to tell my parent that he never lets me speak or has to always go when it’s about me and he went into rage and gaslighting for 2 hours. It’s just not worth it. I’d rather just not speak much
My parent did this to me this morning! But does it constantly!! Always draws the topic back to herself and is NEVER NEVER happy for me for anything and never smiles at my achievements etc
Mine gives he “oh” that’s almost unamused and meh. Always. It’s like to push you down so he’s on top. He will never truly be genuinely happy for me and all he ever says is he wants the best for me to others but one on one the experience is very different. You can shine, but he must always shine brighter 🙄
Yes! And the attention a narcissist emphasizes on their ego lifting one-sided conversation marathons can really feed the codependent partner’s desire for interaction if they are ignored most by of the time. It hurts but it’s a very reliable sign to look for.
"their ego lifting one-sided conversation marathons" - thank you for this! love this phrasing!!
Can’t lie this made me feel very insecure about my conversational abilities. I get anxious because I never know what to say or how to say it. I struggle so badly with interrupting because I guess I am just so off with conversation cues. I forget or feel awkward when it comes to asking questions. It scares me to think that I may suffer from this on some level. I am neuro divergent but how much is that and is possible that some is this?
Love the work Dr Ramani does and shares. She is fantastic at breaking things down. I would love an opportunity to ask her so many questions.
I can relate I don't interrupt but I get into a lot of self referencing . It's my way of trying to establish a rapport with the other person,because I expect the same from them..I want them to share their experiences and anecdotes so that I can get to know them . Lately I've been wondering if I should tone that down.
@@Trollika_Devi I do the same. A lot of my stuff comes from my exhusbands. 1st told me I was terrible at conversation because nobody cared about stories including people they didn’t know and why I shared them made no sense. He also used to ask why I repeated myself a lot and sometimes retold a story. I don’t mean to and sometimes it was because no one responded and I am not sure if I was heard. My 2nd husband would get mad when I would engage in random conversations with employees where we shopped and sometimes other random customers. He used to tell me to stop that he couldn’t understand how I couldn’t tell people didn’t want to talk to me. It all hurt and even though I know it was abusive behavior and I didn’t deserve it it still hurts and haunts you.
Write in a journal and when ure conversing let it flow.
@@Kageoni187 I'm in that club too. I get so embarrassed when I realize later that I kinda didn't pick up on any of the clues.
@@Kageoni187 My mother talks to people like that at the store etc Sometimes she doesn't pick up the cues and keeps talking and people end up blowing her off or patronising her. I constantly have to remind her to stop because she sucks at reading the room. So I kinda get what your exes were getting at. But yes they should have been gentle and considerate while telling you about it. Shaming someone and yelling at them can only make things worse for them..you are right ,you didn't deserve to be shamed like that;it definitely hurts .
You really nailed it. They do dominate conversations and interrupt you. They may actually accuse you of interrupting them just for trying to pop into the conversation to say ONE thing about the topic they've been filibustering on for an hour. It can be bad enough that if they are feeling needy they may talk 3 to 5 hrs straight and barely give you an opportunity to respond. Anyway, this is something I experienced from a narcissist friend. It is difficult to get off the phone usually because she gets upset if I even ask to go. It's night 🌙 time, usually late, but she doesn't want to let me even go to bed.
They hold you hostage to their long winded monologues. Guilt tripping you about not listening to them and you just begin to think how do I get out of this. Just had to cut off an old friend who's desire to talk was based on me listening and never talking during our 2 hour conversations.
@@battlevain thanks for the comments they are helping me realize how I can change I'm trying to figure out if I do this with everyone though or just some people as I have stated above I feel like I went from super codependent chasing every man to narcissistic and I can't figure out how the hell I got this way the only thing that helps is AA but then they say, "eog and we were selfish" and I'm sitting there thinking but I wasn't always this way what happened? My dad I feel like is narcissistic and he moved me and my family around a lot while my mom was into her next new hobby stringing me along when I was younger. Yes I remember her having me in certain activites when I was younger they weren't horrible family members but I was gas lit and groomed when I was about 6-8 by a female cousin so now it's like I can't trust anyone and cut my whole family out of my life so I'm just done I'm happy not having any friend's or family I'd rather work on myself and I need to know that's okay. Everyones story on here helps and sorry that happened to you maybe this is just the new trend IDK
Wow, this video really makes me self-reflect and wonder if I am a conversational narcissist myself. Definitely will be more conscious of how I project myself in conversations now...
Yeah
Sometimes I watch these videos to check my own behaviour. Live and learn.
This doctor has given so much valuable info to lessen humanity’s suffering: a doctor in the truest sense as she teaches you to “heal thyself”
Thank you. I always felt yucky having conversations with narcissists. I couldn’t explain why I felt it was yucky to interact with them, especially after 24 hours. I always felt like I was protecting others because the narc would hijack the most interesting conversation around him. I ALWAYS felt oddly violated when they would casually interject. Your articulation of how most people would apologize, or in real life for me, do a “I was eavesdropping but…” disclaimer, was affirming that conversation hijacking IS NOT norm and that there’s an arrogance to doing it.
I really appreciate your work. Thanks, Dr. Ramani!
1. controls the topic
2. monopolizes the conversation
3. presents as a "know-it-all"
4. shows a superior attitude, holds court
5. interrupts and talks over others
6. praises, extols themselves, their achievements
7. gives unsolicited, self-serving advice
8. No empathic listening, no give and take, no flow to the conservation.
I grew up in an Italian family ..we cut each other off and never apologized..it doesn’t work with my husband so I had to be more respectful thank you for this information
Wow, this is my kids' father. It's always whatever interests him. I used to say it was like being in a classroom and he was a professor. He will talk almost nonstop. Whenever I try to converse about the kids or household issues it is like he zones out until he gets the upper hand on talking about his favorite subject again.
I understand you there.
I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. It's a difficult way to live, for sure.
A very close friend of my mom is like this. I go back to visit my family like twice a year and every time she hangs out with us, she steers the conversation to herself, her kids, and her husband but won't let the conversation go to anything about us.
Its exhausting, dont they leave and wonder hmm gee I dont even know what the other person is up to because I talked about myself the whole time?! I start to wonder if they have a narrative about you and dont want to hear otherwise.
@@Jess-kn8vl they don't care about anyone else.
Tell her … excuse me I was talking to or about.
@@Jess-kn8vl My sister is like this, and she’s VERY high on the spectrum (Donald Trump is her doppelgänger, and she does indeed admire him-I think she’d want his power, as well as that of any dictator-she likes all of them…no surprise there).
Another thing narcs do-and I’m sure you’ve probably experienced this-is not pause what they’re saying, if you interject while they’re talking, thus creating a wall of sound. I asked my sister if she knows she’s doing this, and if it’s deliberate, and after a long pause, she finally admitted it, hesitantly. Her rationale is that SHE WASN’T DONE TALKING. I said that this isn’t how conversation works, and unsurprisingly, she looked back at me blankly, because this doesn’t compute in her narc robot brain. 🤖
Narcs don’t understand that conversation is about adding value for the other person, and that it’s an EXCHANGE.
Yawn every other minute, show how bored you are, than say something that’s completely unrelated to what they said
I’m so glad to hear this because it describes my husband to a T . It is so exhausting. When I ask him to give it a break, he of course …gets mad! It’s awful! So I have minimized my conversation with him. So much more peaceful for now. Still navigating all this knowledge.
Yep. When the narcs are the center of the conversation throughout the evening, they go home saying it was a fun night, let’s do it again. But when they are just part of the crowd with strangers and has no opinion of the evening, they would say it was boring.
🤷🏽♀️
I've experienced this plenty of times in my family. I tend to simply stay silent in conversation unless I have something significant to say, I try to be concise in speech but attempt to not be a conversational narcissist.
I am so tired of dealing with people like this. Part of the problem is that I tend to be quieter and I can take a little while to marshal my thoughts. I was also brought up to be very polite and not interrupt people while they were talking. But I am getting so sick of being talked at, dismissed, ignored, interrupted, or have the subject suddenly changed on me or turned back to them, that I just crave a decent conversation with someone empathetic.
Many years ago I realised I wasn’t very good at conversation, so I read books on it and did courses to learn how to be a better conversationalist. So, now I listen with empathy, give eye contact, try to relate others’ experiences to my own, but I am very careful to hear the other person out. Often, I’ll think of something I want to say in response to what’s being said, but resist interrupting, then the other person goes on so long I never get the chance to say what I wanted, the conversation moves on, or I’ve forgotten it.
I feel like my personality gets squashed by these people and I’m just a receptacle for them to pour their thoughts and feelings into.
Ironically, there was an occasion where a friend of mine who is a better listener than these people later hinted that I’d talked too much in our conversation, and I was mortified. Because he was such a good listener, I did talk a lot, because I so rarely get the chance to be heard. I did try to draw him into the conversation at times though, because I was aware I had talked a lot.
It seems I can’t win.
I kinda feel the same 🙃
I have a lot of traits from Asperger and ADD and I struggle a little to not be perceived as a narcissist. Because I do have a hard time staying focused in conversations and I am not good at asking questions....because I am not sure what to ask people. I get worried that others will think I don't care and so on. I am also quite a logical thinker so I don't always understand emotional perspectives - which would also be a trait for a narcissist. So yeah.....I worry about it.
Do you also say things like, "What am I doing wrong? I don't know what I'm doing wrong how do I fix it?" My ex does this all the time. My ex also has a hard time staying focused in conversations and I get mad when he sets a boundary because I want him to say it like this, "I don't want to talk I'd prefeer we talk at 10am tomorrow." But he says, "I will talk to you tomorrow" not setting a time then I swear he gas lights me and says, "That's what I said that I'll talk to you on my break at 10am tomorrow." I finally blocked him. He had me sleeping in his own car homeless and when I asked him to sleep in the car with me he couldn't even do that. When I had to pee early in the morning he couldn't even take me to the gas station to go eventually having me pee in a cup. NO never again I'm done.
@ Vibeke - Are you from Danmark by chance? I had an Aunt also named Vibeke and I am half Danish.
@@IKARIANOFFICIAL Yes, I am exactly Danish :)
@@vibekeporsborgkristensen3039 - Ah so my guess was correct:) I've only been to Danmark once back in 1997 for one month to stay with my Aunt and cousins. It was near Randers. Such a beautiful little country and culture though.
I watch your RUclips channel every day Dr. Ramani! This is a great topic! Thanks so much!
Dr. Ramani, amazing as always. This video is so helpful. Thank you for making it freely available.
I know a guy like that. When we would talk it was always about him. I'd say something about my life or whatever and he'd respond with something about his life as if we had never stopped talking about him in he first place. So basically saying anything about me didn't get a reaction because he was just waiting for his turn. He also talked over me and he thinks he's the smartest and what not.
It can happen over the phone as well in conversations. Best way to get out of it is to tell the person monopolizing the conversation that you have a phone call from your doctor coming in that’s very important and you’ll have to talk to them later
I knew my mother has a narcissistic trait but this explains why every single conversation anyone ever has with her is about her... and everything is about how such a victim she is. She can talk for hours without ever realizing she's the only one talking and whenever the conversation is not about her she will turn it around to herself and how the other person you were talking about, and that includes yourself is so much more lucky than she has ever been, she drives me mental, and the way I get through our conversations, which thankfully happen over the phone 90% of the time is put the phone down and do something else while she talks away and every now and again I pass by the phone and say, Oh yes! .... You're right!!!
Great informative video...... I have a friend who's a narcissist and he is ALWAYS doing these things and I have to let him know he's doing it, God bless his wife of 25 years I always wondered how she did it and she told me she ignores majority of what he says and does and it seems to make the marriage work. I love him and the family because they are literally FAMILY to me
Great post !! Dr Ramani, you really outlined this subject well. The “ destabilizing “ effect of trying to have a conversation with the conversational narcissist really hit home.
Thanks for this list. It’s validating.
I have found that monitoring my breathing,
( when I find myself panicked by the shut-out aspects of the ConNar ) and turning my attention to noticing the ConNar person’s nuances of attachment to basically having the floor and not giving it up has helped me feel balanced. And I have to constantly remind myself “ this person has no interest really in my pov “ so I try to let go of that expectation. Sometimes easier said than done. :-)
How about witnessing 2 conversational narcs going at it?..YIKES...it's one of the most PAINFUL and UNCOMFORTABLE things to hear. A "Panorama" of chaos and NONSENSE. 😖 Thanks Dr. Ramani for the great work you do.
Game changer.
I do this on accident 😬 It's not intentional but I turn conversations to my own experiences if I don't take care not to, and sometimes zone out if I'm trying to listen but suddenly think of something. It's frustrating because I try but sometimes my brain just doesn't have the bandwidth to be a good listener no matter how much I want to. 😐
I'm autistic and adhd and I do it too, it's not to make the attention draw to me. I do it to empathise because I am not usually very good at comforting in the "normal" way
For me I find comfort when people have relatable experiences.
Being a "good listener" isn't a natural thing. Being a "great conversationalist" isn't a natural skill trait either. Both are a learned and practiced skills. I've read lots of books about both because I wanted to improve these talents. ☝🏾 I also hated the way I overshare (🤦🏾 and it comes back to bite me.) All of this takes time 💁🏾but it's worth it. When I've had an amazing convo and shared vibes with a great person (who means well) it's awesome. The times I spotted a conversational narc, stayed off their radar, without their energy vampirism were awesome. It's worth looking into.
@@nena_gz there's nothing wrong with oversharing though.
I have this tendency too. Way a bit too much in areas I’m interested and passionate about also have an experience of. 😬😬😬 But I’m excited to hear more on other people’s experiences though. It’s just that there are other people though that wants an audience rather than a discussion. I am trying to detect these types when having conversations to make sure I just have to listen and nothing else.
PERFECT explanation of a beloved three-generation family friend … a destination for a visit- but only once every 18 months or so. Oh we do have a wonderful time, but only… by. timely separation. Thanks, … every one of your descriptive sentences are almost humorous.
Even in team meetings at work the narcissist has to be the first one to speak. She doesn't wait for the person holding the meeting to do any introduction, she just stats saying what she thinks and she will keep control of it by not letting up and when she finishes talking about one thing she will say "also" and go on to the next thing without any pause.
We got one of those at my workplace. Everybody knows it. We laugh behind her back. She's a complete joke.
EXACTALLY, THIS IS WHAT i HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH MY SISTER.... the most annoying part is she is trying to be a therapist, she's getting a degree in psychology. LIKE WHAT??? how are you gonna be able to help other where ALL YOU DO ID TALK ABOUT YOURSELF!!!! ughhhhhhh
You should watch the video by Dr. Todd Grande - Therapist with Personality Disorders Case Study | Cluster B Boundary Violations
This is what my mother taught me about phone conversations & friendships! She would get & stay on the phone when she should have been mothering. She's done it with her grandkids. It's a form of neglect. Most of my friends/boyfriends were conversational narcissists. What do I know now? I like my own company. And I'm getting into a new level of setting boundaries.
Wow. This is my mother. It’s so hard to talk with my dad when she’s around.
Thank you for the great video, Dr. Ramani. You have helped me more than all the therapists I visited over a 30 year period.
This is exactly right! I have seen all of this!!!! They also tend to explain things you already know and they know you probably already know, when you interrupt to say, "I know that" so that you can get to the one-word answer that is asked for, they will act irritated and are angry. But if you don't interrupt their long explanations about things you already know they will keep going with the long answer and at the end you will have spent five minutes listening to what you already knew to get the final answer that required only one word. If you ask a question because they were not clear they get angry that you had a question.
this is very helpful, I've been interrupting so much lately and my fiance keeps calling me out on it (thank god haha). I hate it, but I've just been getting so excited about things lately, it's like I have to get a thought out, in my mind it's to add something to whatever he was saying, or it's just gone forever. Gotta reel it in and at least stop myself more or apologize and slow down. Nice reminder thank you
Thankyou so much Dr. Ramani! You are truly wonderful for sharing your knowledge and promoting awareness. I can’t Thank you enough!
I wanted to share a story; I met up with a friend (a narc) and when I got in his car, for the first 15min he was blasting his music and had no interest in speaking with me or asking me how I was doing or touching base at all. It was very strange. Just loud jarring music for the first 15min.
Later when we went for a walk we had very superficial conversation all the while he carried his music around and tuned me out from time to time. It’s interesting what you can notice with people and how they behave and how superficial they can be. Very telling indeed.
I am so triggered by my family member who is like this. What does this mean about them? I don't want to be in the room when they put on this arrogant show. Our family loves it. They're so superior and witty that it leaves others laughing. They're always giving advice to people even when they don't ask for it. It drives me nuts. Also, they never asks how anyone else is. Whenever they ask a question, I'm surprised. They also interrupt me when I'm connecting to other family members in a jealous way making the topic about them. I feel like I can't even connect to my own family.
Seems like bullying. Just say. Excuse me .. I was talking to ( my mother )
@@evka24 I think you're right. She's also very insecure. I was talking to my mother-in-law and she came in and said, "I don't share my mother very well." And threw her arms around my mother-in-law. I get very triggered by competitive and jealous behavior because of growing up with a narcissist. Im just tired of it. Shes just weirdly possessive toward me about her family. She even cut me off years for 4 years because I started dating her brother when we were friends. My mother in law and father in law didn't see me because of her. Anyway, it's hard being around her.
@@mendingmandy869 she has some issues for sure. Stand up for yourself. U will feel empowered instead of like a resentful victim
@@evka24 thank you so much. I will.
My advice would be to be silent and let her win, she is like a deprived child. Try to make yourself feel better by feeling superior and patronizing in your head. hate her even. But don’t say anything. It will hopefully put her at ease and she’ll cut it down
When my husband is in the love bombing phase, he calls, texts, and talks nonstop, and it's all complaining, anger, criticism, and insults towards others (when in the devalue phase, it's mostly towards me though). Whenever he would come home from work, I would have to sit quietly, literally for hours, while he talked at me. He would call and talk at me during the day while I'm trying to take care of our 3 toddlers and keep house. He interrupts everyone and no one can get in a word edgewise. The first time we talked, I saw this, but I was unfamiliar with narcissism and made excuses for it. I should have run fast and never looked back. This is a narcissistic trait that seems almost irrelevant compared to the other traits. Maybe that's why they get away with it so often - the focus is on the "worse" traits that seem more abusive.
Thank you for the info. You are the narcs friend when you give them praise...you are thier enemy when you stop praising them even one time or even heaven forbid disagree with them. Praise the narc till you are out of there. During the love bombing phase whatever they say to you is what they want said to them. Stay hydrated and have fun.
Omg You absolutely nailed one of my family members in every single description. From start to finish 🤓
💜💜💜💜💜🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🌎🌎🌎🌎🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️. Dr. Ramani and all of the folks at MedCircle, and all of the genuine psychologists and human helpers out here trying to do the right thing. Thank you!!! I know we are ALL still learning and growing, but d*mn!! You don’t have any idea how much of a difference you are making. Thank you!
Your video was very helpful as I struggle to identify when someone is displaying narcissistic behaviours even though my gut tells me there is something is unpleasant about the conversation. Definitely would recommend to others. Thank you!
Hi dr Ramani, could you maybe make a video on differences between a conversational narcissist and a neurodivergent person? Or explain a bit more about it? I'm adhd, diagnosed at 30 and throughout my life so far (before the diagnosis) I learned and created tactics for myself to better focus and be in the moment and let people shine in conversations but, not to interupt them whenever a great random thought enters my mind. It's exhausting but worth it and I love seeing how people light up talking about their stuff and asking them questions about it is a delight. But like a lot of adhd people, I get paranoid wondering if I am a narcissist (my therapist once joked he will gift me a huge poster saying I am not one because I can never process that information) especially since adhd has some symptom overlap with narcissism. And I end up holding myself back so much in conversations that I don't always get to take up space. Falling to the opposite side entirely. This personal and elaborate question comes down to: "Narcissist or just not a neuro typical? How to tell?"
Thanks for your amazing content, I have been watching you for years now and I really wish I knew half of what I know now thanks to you, back when I got myself into a relationship with someone really unable of love.
I have had similar conversations with my therapist because my brain also refuses to process that I am not a narcissist and oh jeeze here I am talking about myself again 🫣
Does a conversational narcissist typically mean that person is also a narcissist? I have lots of girlfriends that do this. It always leaves me feeling so drained, so I avoid their phone calls many times.
Mine was is a narcissist but won't admit it . Married to it for 40 plus years and yes so very very draining.
Not all of course. Some may have been brought up by narcs and mimic that behavior. Or they have never had an opportunity to speak all their lives.
Sara M: I actually attribute that trait to the invention of the telephone! A learned behavior that I just can't envision "evolving" in any way prior...I could easily be wrong! 🤕
@@Me-xoxoz I think you’re correct. The “test” would be if you talk to them about it are they dismissive or rude, or are they sorry and want to improve?
@@deejames1st A good suggestion indeed .Thank you.
I think that from all Dr Ramani's lessons, this is the only one I would have understand if I had it 20 years ago. I had lots of friends from high school who did this, and teachers at university...
Well, I’m not saying your professors weren’t narcissists, but a lecture that’s supposed to be a lecture is different from a conversation which is not supposed to be one
Work narc are what you need to watch out for
@@M_SC we used to socialize a lot with professors off classes, which made room for great conversations sometimes. But often, they were just looking for an ego boost and an audience.
@@M_SC Those profs ARE narcs. The ones who aren’t will always value feedback, even if it’s not during class. Most like to talk AT people, and what better than a captive audience who HAVE to be there, and are relying on you for a grade?
Most don’t care about their students, in my experience, and I’ve heard lots of interviews w/ academics who share that their colleagues are, indeed, egomaniacs.
You have to be a certain kind of person (i.e., narc) to want to hear the sound of your own voice giving the same boring lecture OVER & OVER & OVER…. 🙄
Those who want to make better use of their time & energy will probably RECORD their knowledge/info into a book, podcast, video, etc., then move on. They’ll update or make modifications to their work as necessary, but I can’t imagine why anyone would WANT to give the same lecture more than once. Where’s the value in that, when there’s no engagement? That is, unless you’re a narc and deliberately DENY & AVOID engagement, as to prevent anyone from “interrupting” you & refuting/debunking some crap you’ve said.
@Francisco Sotelo𝄞 source?
Another catchphrase is if you say an opinion that is different than theirs ,they will say " well I always say that everybody has the right to be wrong"
It would be great if you could explain something for me. When I was younger and in therapy, part of the things I was supposed to work on was talking with people. I didn't know how. The therapist said, "When they tell a story, share something you experienced, too, that is similar. That way you will have common ground." Well, that was the only way I knew how to partake in a conversation, and you know what was said? "Well, you sure do like to bring it back around to you, don't you?" From that point forward, I said, SCREW IT! How does one communicate if it's a struggle without being called a narcissist? If sharing a similar response is narcissistic, and there is probably a difference, but most don't seem to understand that point, then how does one let the other person know they aren't alone? This isn't coming out right, is it?
A lot of the time people seek a listening eat just for the sake of having someone listening to their worries, feelings, experiences and thoughts. Sometimes they seek guidance or advice. Sometimes they want to connect with shared experiences.
Its sometimes difficult to know what the other person wants and needs. The best thing to do in those situations is to aks, because it shows your concern for their wellbeing (and its wise to specify that that is the reason that you're asking them so that they also don't start to create wierd reasons for your actions in their head).
Sometimes when others bring the topic back to themselves over and over and over again, when the other person needs to be at the center of the conversation, it can seem a bit... out of context and a bit rude. For example:
Someone's grandparent just died. The other person brings the moment and attention onto them by starting to tell the story or experience of how their own grandparent died.
This can seem insensitive because the person that is experiencing grief in this given moment don't have the capacity to think about another person's experiences that might have taken place some time ago. What they needed in this moment was to be in their feelings, grief and have someone's shoulder to cry on. And also perhaps to feel some love from their loved ones and friends so to feel that they aren't alone. This isn't a time for shared moments and connecting over how 'we both have dead grandparents, I know how you feel'.
I don't know if this touched upon some of the troubles you are experiencing, but I hope it helps some. If not, then just ignore my comment. I hope you have a good day. Good luck :)
Maybe the person who said that to u was narcissistic. 🤗
It is difficult. It’s not as simple as that therapist indicated. There’s no one size fit all answer. It’s a very complicated skill and there is such a thing as people you relate to more easily and those you don’t. I think you see now that giving up doesn’t work either. Like madame butterfly said, maybe that one person who said that to you was a narcissist or just a mean person that took your lack of conversational sophistication as a weakness they could bully. Or perhaps they were stupid and didn’t see the commonality. for me I’ve learned that waiting At least 2 extra full seconds before speaking gives me a chance to change what I was going to say, let other people add something they hadn’t quite finished, etc. and I learned very late that if you say (and mean) “I’m sorry that happened to you” before saying your thing, the point is much more clear.
@@evka24 All psychologists are narcs. 😄🤷🏻♀️
My advice: Show interest! Ask questions!
It shows you can listen and pay attention. Using sth to talk about yourself is the ultimate way of saying „I don‘t care about anything, if it‘s not about ME.“
It‘s very common to do it and it ruins a deeper connection, trust and genuine intimacy. Often for good if the subject was serious or important. Grief is a typical example for how our sick society is unable to have good conversation by respecting the status quo of the person you‘re talking to. Showing interest, support, empathy - it‘s really not so hard if you WANT to and if you CARE enough to do so. 😄
It's frustrating getting out again after self isolating from narcissist abuse just to meet people who just want to talk about themselves. I'm at a point that I think I don't really need anyone in my life. I love myself and my company, I just feel left out since society pushes that we're somehow weird or something is wrong with us if we don't have friends. I keep trying to find "my people" only to settle for some form of a self centered person. Where are the healthy people? Lol
Finding her and Dr. Carter's channels was a blessing for me.
Dr Ramani - not only perpetually educational but I feel pinged to be a better caregiver after these vids thank you 🙏💛🌤
There's one catch phrase that identifies the narcissist all the time it's when they're done talking they say " well, enough about ME talking about myself! what do YOU think about me?
Love and gratitude.❤️
My sister has ADD and is a conversation narcissist. A few years ago,we had a phone conversation, she asked me a question. I kept trying to say something, she kept speaking over me, I reminded her multiple times I was still speaking, and each time it was, "but I'm (insert excuses here). It is always about her, no matter what the topic. I couldn't share anything without her turning it back to herself and one upping me. I got tired of it and finally hung up on her. It just feels like a form of abuse to me. We have not spoken since.
Joanie S,You don’t need a narcissist in your life…
I first like the video and then watch it. That's how good you are. Thank you.
I love the doctor. I am noticing a new hair style and color. Loving it❤️
My Dad is an absolute champion at doing this. It was tough for my brother and I as teens bc my Dad could take any topic and in one sentence turn it back to his interests. This made it nigh on impossible for us to tell him about school, problems etc... I spent years trying to have a conversation with him to no avail.
I was married to one. It always felt one sided. I was embarrassed to be there...seeing eyes glazed over. Finally I tried to explain how most conversations are like playing table tennis or tennis. Talk .listen. talk. Listen. Take turns......Obviously it doesn't work...🥰🥰🥰
This so spot on. This particular family member talks all about her plans or how far ahead in life she is and as long as I ask questions about her it's ok but if anyone else talks about themselves and their goals then she will say that she hates self centered people but yet she talks about herself and how she is decorating her house or how she is exercising and the clothes she wears or the money they have etc. Everything seems to fall into place for them but she also uses people for whatever she can get from them and if they no longer have anything to give her then she moves on to someone else. I have helped her many times but couldn't anymore and I never hear from her unless she has no one to talk to or wants something. So I decided that I wasn't going to chase people. I stay in relationships with people who also make an effort and are caring and friendly like I am with them. Thos person also used other family members to get ahead financially by saving her own money but saying that she needed this or that and myself and others would pay for it and now i am the one struggling financially. It pissed me off to the point where i don't do anything for them. It's just not right. Relationships and give and take not just take.
Thank you. I need some self reflection about this one. 😑
Wow, tons of good comments and questions already on this video, Dr Ramani! What a great subject. I too am trying to learn how to be relatable by sharing similar stuff about myself and it sometimes comes off as selfish. What if I'm on the spectrum? But I do love hearing others stories and can feel their pain. I am sometimes guilty of validation seeking. Sigh. HELP 🤪
My experience is we are all going through something. If we live with and especially love those we want to grow with (spouse/so) then it is something to discuss together when not heightened. Some people fail to disclose up front that this is not intended to be conversation but a vent or rant or speech. Period. They want to run and get it all out right or wrong. And you are to sit quietly regardless if they list you a mile back bc they imagine a bunch of crap then let it fester before actually wanting to “talk” (remember you can’t jump in even when they seem to have a break or pause). I think the older I get so do others & they get so mad bc they know their brain will lose track of their own conversation they planned in the mirror 🪞
I wonder if when they are all alone giving that speech does their own ECHO become the interruption- bc I’m gone & they’re all alone with just that echo🤔🤭🤫
Most lack empathy - only give “advice” ! This is so trueeeee!
I know one of these type of conversationalists. Dr Ramani is spot on.
03:03 4. Presents as a "know-it-all"
An ex-coworker of mine is this kind of person. He acted like know-it-all, but actually he was utterly incompetent. Everyone hated him. I injured my foot because of him. He got removed from my team because he failed his project.
I removed all my conversation-hijacking friends. They gave me unsolicited advice during my difficult time. They are so exhausting.
My step dad is the most narcissistic person I've ever met. Hes constantly talking, all day everyday non stop. Hes always bragging about himself and trashing everybody. If hes mad at you he will sit you down and dress yu down and barrage you with passive aggressive insults. Hes a insufferable person.
Stand up to him in assertive way.
@@evka24 i cut out of my life. Haven't seen him in 4 years. He's passing away of cancer last I heard.
@@ericdelossantos1 sorry for your sad experiences.
@@evka24 its okay. Its okay now. I've learned a lot from a year of therapy and watching Dr ramani on RUclips. I have many regrets mostly because I had a lot of toxic traits and also was very narcissistic. I've ruined many relationships in my youth and hurt many people. I'm a changed person now I do a lot to not hurt anyone, I don't want to be what my step dad made me. Its been tedious work but at the end its worth learning that life is a very short experience and we have to be aggressively loving and caring to one another. I hope you find peace and love and wealth on this short journey. No matter our past we must overcome and give our children the life and wisdom that we lacked.
I was 100% a narcissist until I went to Jail. And now I am 100% healed. Now I am a successful business man without any problems and haven’t committed any crimes since I got out of Jail. Thank you Dr Phil, he changed my life
Oh Dr. Ramani. What did we do to deserve you? 😍🥰🥲
Excellent lesson. Please consider a series of episodes of Narcissistic Conversations: an excellent topic. Speaking for myself, as one whose "fruit of the spirit" is counselor: I find this topic to be "on point". Finally, at the age of 50+, I have learned the need to know when someone wants me to be a dedicated counselor vs those who want to be a friend, and to accordingly govern myself/my expectations. Thank you Dr. Durvasula.
What gets me is people watch these types of videos and then think they have a PH.D in this sort of field. If what you say is true then most people I know including myself are highly narcissistic. Although I work in a casino. A place of misery and status
@@barbarazurek4648 Completely agree with you on the overuse of psychological terms. "Conversational narcissist", however, is a term that was used by a sociology professor Charles Derber in his work describing a certain behaviour during a conversation, and she is referring to that work. Probably would be best if she would have made it clear that this video is about a type of behaviour and not about the personality disorder.
Always a danger in a group, one of these - even if a dig on the nose is the simplest solution.
I wonder (it's easier to wonder about such people when you are away from them) if deep down there is a sense of emotional inadequacy in the narcissist, something that drives them to always assert their importance so as to get the emotional response from others that they feel lacking ?
A clinic in under 10 minutes! You nailed it!! Excellent insights all through!!!