How to Overcome Relationship OCD | Intrusive Thoughts
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
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In this episode, I discuss Relationship OCD. When a person has Relationship OCD he or she experiences intrusive thoughts and doubt or uncertainty regarding their romantic partner or their relationship as a whole. In this episode, I talk about examples of relationship OCD, some practical things to consider with relationships, and the treatment process.
About Matthew Codde:
Matthew Codde LCSW has worked in the field of mental health for over a decade and maintains a specific passion for helping others take their lives back from OCD & Anxiety-Related Disorders. Matt maintains the firm belief that recovery from OCD & Anxiety is absolutely possible, despite what others may proclaim. By utilizing various programs and digital resources, his company, Restored Minds, has helped thousands of people learn the proper evidence-based techniques needed to find freedom from OCD & Anxiety and go on to live fulfilling lives.
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My soul and heart knows she perfect, I love her, and I’m never going to find someone I’d rather be with but my critical inner thoughts always subconsciously attack her with untrue thoughts on my behalf and they seem so real sometimes that I get the urge to give up. I’m fighting it until it goes away for good because at the end, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.
How it's going? Can I know it?
@@fidha3733 well Madi and I are doing great
@@hunterjc3231 so happy to know this. She loves you a lot. Why do we hurt someone who has nothing rather than good intentions to love US! I know it's hard. Get out of the comfort zone and make every thing together. May you both live happily ever after and choose each other over everything...
@@fidha3733 dude how is it going for you?
@@bhavikdarolia i don't know how to describe, we're not great still trying
Me and my boyfriend had a long conversation about my relationship OCD yesterday, and he was SO caring and understanding and was just listening to me and trying to understand me. And I just know I want to fight for this one and get rid of my OCD with this shit. I hate that I can’t even allow myself to be sexual Bc I’m scared that it will prove that I’m not attracted or anything so I just don’t want him to touch me ig, but i don’t want to run away anymore, especially not from this one :(
I have this and it is a pure living life-destroying Hell...thank you for this video 💖
needed to hear this because in my first serious relationship and finding myself scared and fearful of potential hurt and heart break so i guess within that i am trying to find projected flaws in my relationship and even compulsively trying to "prove" to myself that i have feelings for them and thus causing me to feel like i should be constantly happy and enthusiastic with my partner 24/7 when honestly being happy and enthusiastic 24/7 is literally exhausting and unhealthy like u said we are all gonna have our bad days, and ultimately love is a choice : ) and i choose to have my partner in my life forever as long as they let me (and they would)!
I'm feeling the same way. I'm in my first serious relationship and I'm terrified. I'm having these thoughts so much, do I love her which I do but did I say it to quickly, is she the one for me. Thank you for writing this cause I feel like I'm not alone
@Luke Rickert of course, there is always gonna be someone out there in the same boat. hope this eases you a bit, but my relationship is still going strong! healthy and weekly communication is what saved our relationship and easing bad hypervigilant habits and thoughts of mine is one thing i had to get over. i wish you peace within your anxieties and im here to say you will feel better once you learn to trust the uncomfortableness of what is vulnerability in relationships. u got this!
Amazing! :)
Oh my god.... I have been searching for this for years... I am in a new relationship.... I was single for 3 and a half years cause every time I would meet someone i would find so much that i dont like about this person.... Now i am doing it again and there are days i wanna break up cause i just cant handle myself anymore... But i dont want to... I wanna fight for this one cause my bf is awesome in every way. I just feel like a horrible person for doing this every time we hang out... For the first couple of hours i feel so good and enjoy being with him and then it hits me... Look at the way he laugs...is he really the right one? This is driving me insane...
So are you still together?
@@akaunderdog4223 yes we are :)
@@miramare1991 keep going!
marija marinčić how are u now?
I feel you.. i seriously want to break up because it'd be easier for me, i cant handle all of this but at the same time i dont want to break up and aghhhhhhh
Thank you so much for this explanation. I started having awful intrusive thoughts about my partner of several years who I love very much a few months ago and didn’t understand why it was happening or what was happening. My thoughts consistently return to “do I love actually him?“ which then begin the cycle of compulsive behaviors in my head. It is a terrifying feeling but knowing this happens to other people and it’s something I can work on with my therapist helps immensely.
I’ve just started this had it constantly for 2 weeks I feel horrendous I don’t want to go home or be around him then I worry about our poor sex life we’ve bin together 12 years are we just friends am I just settling etc this all started from a panic attack non related 3 weeks ago it’s hell my life is consumed with feeling off with everything
this is exactly what i needed. you have no idea how many people you are helping. thank you so much for this! u are my go to person for comfort and motivation
Zoya Tareen hey, go on reddit and visit rocd, there is some good stuff on there, also ... have a look at a site called conscious transitions.
Very thoughtful and well spoken, thank you for sharing!
Finally I waited for this video so much
Keep the great work man
this is an amazing and helpful video! I don't have ROCD, but I do have depression and SAD. I have been struggling with some anxiety surrounding my partner. I believe our honeymoon phase just ended and I want to be able to keep our relationship healthy and thriving so I've been watching RUclips self-help channels. Thank you so much for doing this video!
thank you for this . this made me feel a lot better and helped clear my thoughts
I feel like my relationship OCD is genuinely inhibiting my ability to feel love for my significant other. I’m crazy about her, she’s an amazing person, however constantly having these thoughts (especially because the honeymoon stage wore off) I find myself criticizing them all the time and I feel it’s greatly impeding my ability to feel a healthy loving relationship. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and I know I have comorbid anxiety. Would it be possible getting back on my adderall or taking any anti anxiety medication would help solve this? I’m crazy about this girl, but this disorder makes me crazier.
Thank you so much for the wonderful video by the way!
Find a therapist who specialized in pureO.
This is so so helpful, thank you!
interesting that you brought up this specific book that i found at the thrift store a couple months ago ...and i am now finding this video as I deal with my OCD beef. Tells me i made the right call grabbing it.
Just found your channel. Thank you so much. Such great content! Subscribed!
Awesome, thank you! More videos to come!
I appreciate this video, thank you sir!
Great vid helped me a lot! :)
Best advice. thanks!
It's kind of sad that year 2024 and there's still so many professional therapists that may say they understand OCD but they're totally clueless about pure-O or mental compulsions. They simply tell the person suffering from OCD that "yea, your relationship sounds awful" when the ROCD is rampant in the therapy session. Or the therapist says "my god, quit that job - it's too much for you" when the mental compulsions are about some aspect of the person's work that OCD is hyper-focusing on. Thanks for this video, lots of good info!
I get jealous and worried about other people. We have rocky days, and it makes me question why the hell I still care so much and sometimes I need to take a step back and let things flow. I cause a lot of stress in him but he also has issues that he needs to get resolved and I'm always here to help. All I want is to better our relationship, stop my intrusive thoughts questioning everything; (ROCD), and become stronger together and fix toxic habits we both have had that could strain us. I create my anxiety, but I just want to be stronger, I want to be happier and not jeopardize or worry that he's gonna leave. I pray everyday, I want to spend my life with him and we've planned our house and everything and are waiting for things to calm down with the virus before we go.
I feel like, my anxiety masks my love and I question but I don't wanna leave. I want a life with him, it happened with quarantine and when we have rocky days and I'm being female doggish and he's being a real, cockadoodle doo. It can be unhealthy, but I want to better our relationship so we don't end up jeopardizing and I want to better my toxic habits so things do get better and anxiety stops. I do a lot of these that you pointed out and then feel GUILTY.
He does put a lot of his own stress on my unintentionally and I think it stems from me feeling all of that and being like, why is this happening. BUT I want to be with him. I need someone like you to talk to because it makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. It was worse a month ago, but I've identified it's a thought and not reality but I still hate this feeling.
@@kylie-.- rocd is often very related to reassurance ocd which is what youre doing. you wont get better this way, you need erp or imaginal exposure. watch this video ruclips.net/video/w4r0kir8COY/видео.html youll be okay, you don't need to make a decision on whether to stay or not nor should you right now.
Madison Edwards I've actually gotten a lot better, not looking for reassurance. I don't have thoughts that are intrusive anymore. I just have that worry that it will happen again, which I know will go away eventually. I do love him, and I am staying with him. I know what'll also help this and him and I talked about it.
Thanks, mate, that was a great vid!! 🙏 I am struggling with rocd. have an amazing partner right now and want to get through this with her. Rocd gets really hard sometimes, but it really will be like that with every person we meet, unless we stick around and do something about it. Sometimes it seems as though you've done everything you could, but than you do a little bit more...
Sometimes I think that maybe I don't want to be in a relationship at all throughout my life, but I don't think that is really true.
Any advice on what books to read to change these beliefs?
Thanks again, great video and a great support!!
How are u and her now??? If u don’t mind me asking
@@thatgirl5630 We're doing much better. I have learned a lot of stuff along my journey. A lot of irrational beliefs were a big factor. Trying to make peace with uncertainty and becoming more vulnerable in the face of unknown. A lot of stuff has come up and triggered my childhood wounds, which I'm working on to resolve and let go. I've realized that I live a lot through the eyes of myself as a child and started to be aware of that. I now have times when I allow myself to be a child, but know that it's only my little part of me and as an adult try to take more responsibility. It's really a long road, but I'd rather walk it and grow, than stay where I'm at.
RUclips and Instagram- awaken into love. These really helped me out in understanding and addressing
Thanks for your help.
I have a question . How long should I keep focusing on her flaw ( nose) as an exposure?
And for example if she's turning aside, shall I try to look at the other side to focus on her flaw properly ,or it would be checking compulsion ?
Please someone answer.
Wow thank you
Thank you.
Thank you:)
You're welcome!
thank you for explaining rocd
I really love my boyfriend. He fell in love with the happy, independent, joyful person I was when I met him. We've been together for ten months now and it has been mostly great but within the past few months I've been completely riddled with anxiety and fear about us. It's affecting our relationship as well as my relationship with others.. I just started searching and found this. Now I feel a sense of relief that I know what it is, and I have faith in God and myself. I've got a ways to go, but now I can start working on it.
How's it going Abbey?
So what do you judge a relationship on?
Is it normal to feel anxiety when you never had anxiety around your partner before? Like I feel dread and anxiety around him I never felt this way it makes me sad and think something is wrong, I need to leave.
sometimes I feel like I communicate with a partner with reluctance. Sometimes I feel it real that i dont want to communicate with him. It makes me sad and nervous. I think maybe my compulsion is be with my partner, because doubts were in the beginning of our relationship... I tried to leave him, but I felt so bad, because I know yhat he is my person, he is the one, I dont want to be with someone else, but sometimes In my bran i think about him so negative and I see him in my brain not attractive but when I communicate with him, I really want him... 😥😥 Help me please.. I have a depression..
Hi Mathew. Do you see patients by teleheath? I have ROCD with severe anxiety and would like to talk to you. Is this possible?
Hi Jamie, you can always join our community at www.restoredminds.com/
What if im getting some anxiety attacks because of this what should i do?
Now wtf do i do if i broke up with my girlfirend before finding out what ROCD was? I’ve told her i wanted to start over efter i’ve gotten help with my issues... like anxiety, depression and making sure if i in fact have ROCD and i think i do but i dont want to self diagnose...
I Think if you relate to it then that’s okay, I feel the same way, I’m going to speak to my boyfriend about my thoughts how I think I may have this and let him know what is going on in my head
Do I really need a therapist or can I do it on my own?
Hey bro, I'm from Scotland and there is little information or treatment for OCD. I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I worry about my marriage as a Christian and maybe I have disobeyed God by marrying the wrong person and the lord has punished me by turning away from me. Any advice
Hey there! I'm not married, I'm in a long term relationship, but this is something that I have struggled with in the past. Before the ROCD theme hit, I struggled with religious/moral OCD and the first area that it really touched in my life was my relationship ("He's not as religious as me, what if that means that God is angry and going to punish me by destroying my relationship?") I'd start by getting in with a licensed OCD specialist if you can!
@@heidichamberlain9548 I like that last sentence!
👑🙏
I have a question people with rocd can it make you afraid to go up and talk to the opposite sex and if so is there anyone out there who can tell me how I can treat this
Hey, we offer a FREE MASTERCLASS - 5 NECESSARY SHIFTS FOR BREAKING FREE FROM ANXIETY & PSYCHOLOGICAL STRESS - just visit our website at www.restoredminds.com to register - hope to see you there and answer your question!
My question is what If I really don’t like or accept that thing in a person? Either its color, nose, teeth, personality! How can I know the difference between my own desire and ocd? What if these thoughts and anxiety are caused by my desire to have someone doesn’t look like that 😢
Always assume it's OCD. Love is a choice, not a feeling. I loved this video as Matt has so much good information to discuss, but I often tell people to also listen to OCD Stories episode about relationship OCD with Sheryl Paul and Sheva Rajaee where they discuss love, settling and relationships.
@@liljemark1 true, it is funny how it come and go and sometimes disappears. Sometimes also it feels like if it was never an issue once u think of it again. So yes it can be a part of obsession as well as anxiousness
@@shammaja I don't personally have OCD but have been with my partner for over 11 years and she suffers from OCD. Sometimes ROCD gets weaker when her OCD focuses on something else such as work or kids. Then ROCD can get stronger again later on. People say the subtypes of OCD can change, and that is exactly what I witness in my life as a family member. I imagine it can be the same when OCD focuses on certain features of your partner.
Since i move with my bf i do not have butterflies often and im always worried that it means the love isnt there..
same!! but love isnt only butterflies..and i wish my mind could get it
I wish too
How are u now with him? :)
Butterflies die....but love changes and grows
How to help with the intrusive thoughts?
Stay tuned for our upcoming event this month! It's going to be a BIG event!
@@restoredminds what is the link?
What about family relationships? My son has 16 and OCD and one day just decided not to talk to us, we can’t even touch him....
he's probably going through some kind of stage in his life where he doesn't feel comfortable to speak up so he keeps his thoughts to himself. It's a normal stage in his life as he is in high school and if anything he is probably speaking up to his friends! Don't take it personal it's just a phase and if it gets worse you can always try to talk to him too! Hope this helps!
JDRvidz thank you! It did
Tuxedo Mask what’s ERP?
Tuxedo Mask ok. I will look into it. Thank you so much! I don’t know what else to do. Are you ok now?
Tuxedo Mask sir, GOD bless you!
There ain’t shit on the internet about obsessive compulsive disorder thinking your partner is cheating , everyone has all these videos with all these different themes but not one covers I do love her , I do want to be with her but I have this belief/obsession that she is having a sexual affair
Hey! Sounds like you may be struggling with something that's fairly common in ROCD, which is called retroactive jealousy. I would start there :)