Would you date a bisexual man? Unpacking The "Downlow" Paradox | Khadija Mbowe
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 10 июн 2023
- FREE TOYS OR GIFT CARDS FOR TOYS! Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! www.bboutique.co/vibe/khadija...
Link to resources and Works Cited
docs.google.com/document/d/1o...
********Khadija’s Socials************
Instagram Twitter Tiktok
@khadija.mbowe
*MERCH*
letsflawnt.com/
/ letsflawnt
*Patreon*
/ khadijambowe
*Podcast*
theleftovermillennials.buzzsp...
Creator, Producer, Host
Khadija Mbowe
Production Assistance
Adam Mbowe
Editing
Travis Davis
Khadija Mbowe
Research
Antonia McClennan
Khadija Mbowe
Fact checking
Reina Cowan
Spanish & English CCs
Raul Alcazar
French CCs
Sosena Tilahun
Theme animation
Alice Gaboury-Moreau
Herby’s channel
tinyurl.com/2pmap8jp
I'll just say this: as a bi woman, it is not my responsibility to coddle the feelings of insecure lesbians and straight men who assume the worst of me because of my sexual orientation. That's something they need to work on by themselves.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
Period
Nope. It doesn't work that way. No one is entitled to coddle your feelings cause you want to sleep with someone too. The problem with us as bisexuals is that we have double standards ourselves and don't wanna accept that ppl have the right to say no to us no matter what or why, even if it's biphobic. We need to stop being insecure within ourselves and expecting the world to cater to us.
@@s.s.ss.4848 tf are you talking about? Bisexual people are not entitled to have sex with whoever they want because literally nobody is and nowhere in the comment was that ever questioned. In fact nowhere in the comment was sex ever brought up, you made it about sex which is such a straight thing to do. Bisexual people do not owe you anything they don’t have to sit you down and explain basic knowledge to you or coddle your feelings because you’re to ignorant to actually admit that you’re biphobic. And no they sure as hell do not have accept your bigotry.
@@s.s.ss.4848
Thank you! Thank you so much!
People need to understand that everyone has their own sexual preferences, and sometimes, those preferences aren't rooted in hatred or fear. In fact, there doesn't have to be a reason behind sexual attraction, and even if there was, a person doesn't owe an explanation.
For any other bi or pan person who reads this, if a person tells you that they're not interested in dating bi or pan people, you shouldn't get mad at them, or prod their minds for why they aren't interested. Just accept it, respect their preferences, and move on. Just because a person is not interested in dating people of a certain sexual orientation, that does not mean that they are morally evil. They are a person with their own personal preferences, just like you. And they shouldn't be criticized or shamed for those preferences.
I’m a lesbian but holy fuck biphobia is everywhere, especially among femmes.
As a bi chick finding a gf who isn't bi is like impossible
@@CaptainMorganne1227 This is the opposite from my experience, I don’t know any many bi and black women like me.
@@myasmith1820 Hi, hello--I am also a bi black woman. On a lighthearted note, I swear my family must have gotten most of us because I have several female relatives across generations who are bi.xD I don't know if it's luck, the result of the environments that I find myself in, or a combo of both, but I feel like I know more bi women than straight or lesbian women. That said, I also think I know/interact with more straight women than lesbian women--I definitely *feel* the biphobia more from lesbian women.
@@CaptainMorganne1227 is that a problem?
@@bubbles4897 yes and no like of course I'd date a bi chick but a lesbian will find out I'm bi and won't be into it or me
I have dated two bi men and the first was a disaster because he cheated on me with multiple men, but the second is the most darling sweet angel who treats me like a queen. It's a case by case basis. If a person is a cheating bastard, it's a moral failing on an individual level, not because they're bi.
I hope you got a full STD panel after that first one because that is literally my worst nightmare. Bi men are *extremely* high risk. It's one of the top reasons I refuse to date them as a woman.
@@vegetaismydad5382 did you that a recent statistic came out and said that straight got more stds than bi or gay men even though there were more likely to catch it. I known a lot of straight men who cheated and have gave their partner one. I watched one of my RUclipsrs who told me they got an std from their boyfriend which he was straight. So what you are saying kinda is biphobic
@@thisabambii2323 There are a lot of "straight" men who aren't really straight but on the DL. That's probably what is going on there. And did you read the recent statistics that STDs are on the rise in the gay and bi male communities due to PrEP use? A lot of them are getting sloppy and going raw because they erroneously believe they're immune to all STDs now that they're on PrEP which isn't the case.
Bottom line, men (ALL MEN) are disease carriers and toxic to women. They're also incapable of loving women, emotionally cold, and only view us as sex objects while simultaneously being laughably bad at sex. There is zero incentive for me as a biromantic (mostly homoromantic at this point tbh) asexual woman to be with a man. There are no wins involved. Men are horrible and gross.
@@vegetaismydad5382This kind of stigma needs to end. Everybody needs to be safe, tested, and use protection. No excuses.
@@filip.henryk The moment that gay, bi, and MSM get their STD and STI numbers down and are no longer considered by the CDC to be a "high-risk group," the "stigma" will end. They are doing this to themselves with their behavior. Plain and simple. Not my problem.
I’m a bi black man and dating is hard for me. I’ve had straight people and people within the community tell me bisexual men are really just gay and in denial. It’s really demoralizing.
i'm sorry to hear that. bisexuals exist and are beautiful. everybody who tells you to just 'stick to one' are the ones who live in their own narrow world. bisexuals are the best. keep your head up, everything is gonna be okay. we're gonna be okay.
That's the most infuriating shit. I can handle someone not dating me because I'm bi (even though I'll still think they're biphobic) but if someone told me I'm "gay and in denial"...I'm not saying I'd do it, but I am saying the thought of throwing a punch would cross my mind.
I’m in the same boat. Dating outside the community is better. I’m gen Y and dating gen Z is usually more accepting. And also I don’t bring it up till asked. But I’m moving to Kenya soon so… we’ll see how that works out haha
@Donovan Oh damn, how come you chose Kenya?
@@billybobbobson been living in China for a while and wanted to try something new.
Honestly as a pansexual, I'd much rather date a bi man than a straight man.
Same, same, same!!!
No seriously.
Right
I have found my people
ditto
As i am dating a bisexual man I know the clichés bc friends and family have been asking me a lot about him. The biggest fear was that he was especially unfaithful bc he has a "bigger range of people to choose from" and I think this is so f*cking dumb. He is the one person I am trusting the most on earth bc he is such a respectful and loving person. Sexuality is not a character trait omgg
This always makes me laugh because straight men cheat all the time even though there is one “option “ for them
@@100Stratusfiedx yeeeesss and honestly I don't wanna know where straight men put their hands ngl
My fiance is bi and I love this answer because love and monogamy aren't restricted to one very specific sexual orientation!!
Yeah, I agree. Cheaters are cheaters. And that’s determined by a person’s character and not their sexual orientation. For me, the fear of dating a bisexual man is if he’s not out as a bisexual, it is possible that he prefers men but he’s dating a woman to get married and have kids with because it makes more sense depending on how accepting their friends and family are. A woman is just the more acceptable choice. I have heard many bisexual people, men and women, say they have a same sex preference. And if that’s the case how sustainable is the relationship. Personally, I have this same fear with straight men as well. For example, if he has a preference for a certain body type or a certain race or whatever and I don’t fall in that category, I will not date them. But that’s me.
@@dayd6383 I feel like the issue you're raising applies to any kind of preference and shouldn't really single out bi people that much. Someone could prefer a person who is not like you and simply be approaching you because you are convenient.
At the same time some people might have their preferences and yet be open to relationships with people outside of that because it's a preference not an end all be all and they won't pass a good thing just bc it's not the idealized version they have in their heads.
As a cis het black man myself I always found it ironic that the most hyper-masculine dudes have the most fragile egos that *desperately* needed to be validated by strangers in one form or another. A quote that lives rent free in my head since childhood is "Confidence is not walking into a room & thinking that you're better than everybody else. Confidence is not feeling the need to compare yourself to others in the first place." & I apply this to masculinity as well.
Beautifully said
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer copy and paste as much as i can so i can get advice
@@weeb6316
I used to think the same thing about bi women but I realized that was more of a me problem than a them problem. You shouldn't be with someone you don't trust no matter their ID. Now the only thing that wouldn't work for me is Ace & Poly women.
@@weeb6316I reported you for spam
@@alphamail8974 thank you for ur service
I'm a bi man and I'm just gonna say: It's okay to say no. I would rather being denied than having to deal with constant paranoia. If you don't know, if you have doubt, if you think it's icky, just say no. I'm not gonna hate you for it, I'm not gonna have a meltdown. What I'm gonna hate is having to constantly deal with your bs.
I've go a step further and say- if someone has a problem with dating bisexual men, I just... wouldn't want to date them to begin with, just like I wouldn't want to date any other flavour of bigot
@@Magmafrost13 oh, so high a mighty. I'm really no very concerned with why X person doesn't wanna bang me.
These people are fine, they have some weird hang up. Whatever. There are things much worse than that. Just don't mistreat me and I'm good.
I don't date people who are too much into dogs or disney movies? Does that make me a bigot?
There are some really repulsive types of bi chasers out there. I would worry about them.
yea its honestly better if theyre up front about it from the start so you can dodge that bullet early. last thing i'd want is to find out the person i've been dating for some time has a problem with my sexuality 😬
I'd really rather people not date me than think they gotta or they're a 'bad person'.
Obviously preferences can and often do reflect biases that can be rooted in some bigotry (if not a lot), which means I very much don't wanna spend my time on them tbh
@@damien678 yea honestly the "not dating you" part isnt even the problem and i think everyone is getting way too hung up on that bit. like nobody is trying to force anyone to date someone, its just the bias and misconceptions that are behind that decision that people have a problem with. i could care less if someone didnt want to date me for literally any reason, id actually be glad to not date someone that felt that way, but if their belief in harmful stereotypes is seriously the _only_ reason they don't want to, than they got some serious unlearning to do tbh. but thats their business, not mine
YESSSS!!!! It. Bothers me so much how prevalent biphobia still is both within the straight and gay communities.
Well. there's one thing we never address here w biphobia....
All the bi- sexual women (I was with). They treated us lesbians like we ain't worth shit.
Run all over our emotions and stealthing their own emotional tone to maintain the fem status qou of heterosexual norms. That impacts the lot of us as they struggle with the world being phobic to them and then us. Pending on where your biases lies. You may hate lesbians more than bi sexuals (see what I'm saying).
Sadly, in order to never be "fullly gay, ".."I'm just playing around w girls" types are harmful to us/me. This isnt anything new im saying. been saying it since i was 15 and held onto the bi title until Lesbian felt right. 😂 I had to stop complying with that designation and be THE GAY ONE though after that. Also, saldy..this did not help to avoid the pain of it. I am not your experiment, and I am not teaching you. Nope.
Using bi status to NOT be gay and to NOT be not straight at the same time. it's odds and evens sometimes.
@@Idolikethis Not to be rude or anything, but...what does your bad experiences with bi women have to do with biphobia?
Yup. Monosexist people are so irritating especially because they don't even realize that they are upholding a system of oppression.
@Idolikethis This whole comment smacks of the sht in "man-o-sphere" videos. Truly. A woman treated them "badly" once, so now every woman must be the same. You had some f'ed up experience with, from the sounds of it, an experimenting bi-curious woman and now you're making hugely sweeping generalizations about an entire sexuality. There's always something extra shameful when someone from a minority group, who understands what it's like to be othered, does the same thing to another minority group. I'll never understand it.
@@PoeInTheDitch Exactly. I don't think they realize it, but they're being biphobic themselves because it's as you said - not all of us bi women are assholes who treat lesbians as an experiment because we're not secure in our sexuality.
I love dating Bi men. As a bi woman I feel like there’s a bit of mutual understanding already there.
It really depends on the person, but sometimes bi men are less insecure about presenting feminine, which I find attractive.
This is exactly how I feel!! Bisexuals unite btw 🌈
RIGHTTTTT!!! Same thoughts 🌈💖
And then sometimes they are just sassy as gay men and think they can be sassy to women bcus they are bi.
@@bubbles4897 everyone can be “sassy” lmfao that is not an inherently bi or gay trait but ok
@@bubbles4897 Why do you think gay men are "sassy"? Where did you see dat?
I've had a staggering number of male friends confide in me that they have either experimented or had continuing sexual encounters with other men while presenting as straight. The stigma we place on bisexuality is heartbreaking.
As I gay men I see sooo many bi, or bi-curious guys on dating apps...
I've noticed people say the same on reality t.v.. hella bi/bi curious but heavily identify as straight
They were still straight men , every man is curious at some point in his when he is young it's a phase .
In school the boys used to cuddle and do things and touch each other parts which grown men will not .
Young men have more testosterone and its hard to handle and it's causes them to act weird
Bullsh1t. If they were straight they would be disgusted by even the thought of touching a man sexually@@thereality3398
what's even more heartbreaking is how they cheat & bring someone down with them because they can't figure it out for themselves lol smh
I’m a bi woman dating a bi man (bi4bi all the way!), and honestly it really exposes who still has some very outdated views on bisexuality. My parents knew my boyfriend before and knew he was bi, and when I started dating him they asked me ‘so what happens if he cheats on you with a guy?’
which, people don’t ask this about straight people, and they never addressed the possibility of him cheating on me with a woman, as he equally well could do. Like if my boyfriend was straight, they probably wouldn’t be asking me so what happens if he cheats on you. It feels that people still feel that bi people can’t be ‘trusted’ to be monogamous and they are slutty and cheaters.
BI4BI PERIOD
or people making homophobic remarks about your bi bf because they can’t fathom that we don’t all live in a cis-het bubble
I'm rooting for your relationship. And idk why they would ask that question because hypotheticslly if your partner cheats, it doesn't matter if it's a man or woman (including trans or nonbinary), cheating is not acceptable based on whatever your relationship is founded upon. You and your partner establish the rules or foundation of your relationship.
Biphobia is irritating and nonsensical
For the record, I'm appalled by that kind of behavior as a straight person. I have 0% of that stupid, ignorant stereotype-illusion; *anyone* can cheat and there is no "cheat sheet" for who will. It's about whether the individual person is trustworthy. I'm sorry this numbskulled take even exists and I hope it fades soon.
what do you say to people who say ew i could never get cheated on by a dude and saying it in a way that gay sex is disturbing
Biphobia and patriarchy can intersect to really harm men here in unique forms. Such a good topic to cover 🧡
Really appreciate this sentiment from the positive comments defending bi partners ^_^ ❤
Nah it's this ideology and normalizing this nasty behavior that will harm society PERIOD
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer copy and paste as much as i can so i can get advice
This is very interesting because a confidently bisexual guy is a major green flag for me - it makes me want to date him more. Granted, I do not fully identify as a woman, so that might be partially why.
I agree, it indicates he might have thought about masculinity and discrimination by the patriarchy more than the default straight man. And I’m saying this as I’m identifying as a woman.
Same here. I identify as a woman, but bi guys just come off as healthier to be around and less pushy about gender roles. That's a big green flag for me
I absolutely identify as 100% a women and a man being bi is also a massive green flag for me
@KC i agree with this so much, way less toxic masculinity
As a bi woman, they are the only man I want
I used to date a confident, charismatic, and openly bisexual man, and omg, that was the best relationship i've ever had. Like.. I'm bisexual, he's bisexual, we have this energy of endless acceptance of the world with all its aspects, idk how to explain but bisexuals just HAVE it in them. That was such a harmony. We part ways but still are friends.
Edit: also now he dates a man and it's funny how often people tell him "oh so you turned gay after her". Like even i got hate for that from people that we both knew (like how awful was i that he turned to men after me), and he just got so sick of telling people "i didn't TURN GAY. i was ALWAYS BISEXUAL" like people just can't take the idea of it or something
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
olechka agapova, as a true Slavic woman, you're such a handmaiden who has been played
this video just reminded me of a tiktok i saw that completely left me speechless:
“funny how men assume that bisexual man are gay and bisexual women are straight and faking it for male attention. all these conclusions centre around the assumption that everyone is only attracted to men”
As a bi man, I've had gay women say "you're not into men, cause you're not a bottom," even my mom didn't wanna accept I was into boys, and tried accepting it in the same way a racist parent accepts a black son in law...and then that's before we get into how many women don't wanna date bi men even if they're bi themselves....
uhm... are we now allowed into lgbt+ community only if we're bottom or what lmao
That's terrible. Facing that from within your community and within your own sexuality has got to be SUCH an isolating experience
@@malum9478 I'm certain there's an omegaverse spin on The Handmaid's Tale, and when I find that treasure we shall ascend together
Isn't it sad how they think gay sex is always one is the top and the other is the bottom? It's like there always has to be a power imbalance with sex and rigid sexual roles. This is a result of heteronormative ideas. But what does that say about heterosex then? Women must always be sexually submissive and 'dominated'/ used by the man?
Just offering solidarity from a bi-girl to a bi-bro.
As a bisexual person, what bothers me most about straight people is when they assume that i’m less into women because i’m into men. they always assume everyone has a preference for men🤦♀️
It’s not hard to understand they’re just dense. I’m a bi femme so I completely get you
I, for one, am definitely less into men than I am women bc sometimes men open their mouths and say the absolute wildest shit and it sends my pussy to drought town lol
i mean it depends, i’m bi but with a preference for women/enbies 😭 everyones a little different
GOD YESS THIS. So many ppl seem to think being bi means being 50% gay 50% straight. It's not math y'all bi ppl don't divide our attraction. *Some* of us might prefer certain genders over others, but in general it's the same "amount" of attraction across the board
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer copy and paste as much as i can so i can get advice
The biphobia I've experienced is insane. You don't know how many times femmes have been like "But it's different, you're gay Jordan" I am not. I am very bi. And it's aligned me mostly with dating men because i don't have that issue.
Okay, so date men then. Let women have their preferences
@@knowvilleknows1075 buddy, you can dip. I have no desire to change minds like yours. I don't lie about my sexuality to any girls (or guys) I date and I don't chastise them for it. (Or force myself) You just came here to support bigotry and the door is that way 👉🏾
@@knowvilleknows1075 shaming others and quite literally spreading misinformation is not a "preference".
@@knowvilleknows1075Why should be shut off the other part of him just to please others and their opinions?
💟💜💙
Trans woman perspective: I would rather date a bisexual man than a straight man. Why?
Less questions.
Less debates.
Less fear.
More love.
More curiosity.
More peace.
And you're right, Khadija! Men who date women often do not discuss sex before having it. It is **wild** be a queer or transgender person dating a cishet man.
But a male dating a male IS bisexual
We’ll put. I’d say a good portion of this even applies as a straight woman dating bi men. They get things, straight men don’t get. Less toxic masculinity, more emotional intelligence.
*meant to say cis
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
People in monogamous relationships withstand desires/attractions outside their relationships, no matter if they’re straight, gay or bi. Why should that be harder for a bi person? If they want to be monogamous with someone, they can do that just as well as the next person. You just decide to be with someone and that’s it.
Regarding the masculinity thing: Why should it be important to be “masculine” and by whose standards? Isn’t it most desirable to be open minded, to know and be who you are, to be kind and to accept your body and your sexuality (both can take different forms throughout life)?
Constantly being afraid of not performing a certain ideal of “masculinity” well enough and therefore acting against your own interests to hide insecurities isn’t sustainable, healthy or “masculine” in the way people mean it. That’s the irony.
I wish that women would realize that an open bisexual man is not the same as someone on the downlow. Worry about these hypermasculine guys who have to posture their prowress all the time
they're the gayest of them all, literally.
This!
I agree, but I've seen some gay men who claimed they were bi before they "completely" came out of the closet. Like, let's not pretend that doesn't happen.
@@frenchgirl5878 that's called bi now gay later but it's mostly a phenomenon in white queer spaces during highschool due to there being less stigma around being bi because you're "half straight". and that's a really bad excuse for biphobia.
@@stanloonaur69 that's weird because when I was in high school, bi and gay were practically synonymous with one another, at least for guys. Being a bi girl was a lot more acceptable than being a lesbian though, whether or not you were currently dating other girls (don't ask me why, it never made sense.)
Does not wanting to date a bi man make you a bad person? Yes, if the reasoning behind it is biphobia and homophobia.
(Editing to add, because it didn't seem to come across to some people: there is almost no acceptable reason. It's almost always JUST biphobia and homophobia)
No absolutely not. Preferences.
Nothing to add to that 👏
@@blairsantillana Bi&homophobia are not "preferences" they are the expression of hatred.
Not dating someone because they're bi is definitely just biphobia. Them being bi has no significant impact on an exclusive relationship at all.
I've dated a bisexual man. And it was whatever. It didn't phase me. But what if a straight person just wants to date a straight person? Does that make them biphobic?
my mom asked me once if a man cheating on me with a man would be worse than them cheating with a woman. Both are terrible becasue Im being cheated on, but this kind of thing is something a lot of people think which is so weird to me. They're literally ignoring the problem of the partner being a cheater
As a gay man, I've seen the same thing happen with gay men where they won't date a bi man, which is insanity.
Why?
@rejectionisprotection4448 As a gay man. My argument surrounding all of this "biphobia" rhetoric is this.
Is bisexuality, the same as hetero/homosexuality? If your answer is yes, then you are in fact engaging in bi-erasure.
If your answer is no, and that bisexuality is a different type of sexuality from hetero/homosexuality then I have a follow up question.
Would you expect a gay man to date a hetero sexual man/woman? No because homo/heterosexuality are different from each other. Therefore it is reasonable to assume bi people should date other bi people.
It seems that the main reason gay men don't want to date bi men is because, in their experience, the bi men usually go back to heterosexual conformity.
@@berickslime6718that's dumb. Being bi is a sexual preference, not a gender. You're just insecure.
@@rejectionisprotection4448some people need their partners to have limited opinions because they know no one would be with them otherwise.
It’s weird to think about all the people dating/married to bisexual people (or even just bi-curious people), who have no idea, and will never find out about that part of them, all because the bi person in question thinks their partner can’t handle it, and that telling them might ruin a perfectly good relationship / marriage. 🤐
Their phobia never rids their partner/children/friends from the very thing they despise! It just keeps them in hiding for a longer time.
@@Jordan-xg4pn maybe it’s just an omission rather than ‘hiding’, if you’ve been married for 20 years, you probably don’t see a point in telling your spouse that once upon time back when you were single you had same-sex encounters, especially if you think that might bother them. It’s already ancient history by that point, probably better to focus on your present and future, rather than the past.
Eh that’s pretty sad imo. Why would you want to be with a bigot? To the point that you can’t be yourself with them? Leave them where they are. There’s plenty other women who would accept or who are seeking you. Whatever is destroyed by telling the truth deserves to be destroyed.
@@mandeanraje2300 thats a very western mindset, think about the world, Middle East, Asia, Africa, some countries where you would just compartmentalise your bisexuality and live your best ‘straight’ life because society already made the decision for you.
@@nameisamine sure, valid point. But it’s fair to assume that this conversation is happening about a western society. The conversation would be a lot more complex if we put it through a global lens. The entire video would be different. And the reason you provided above was not based on culture but “all because” of the fear of the partner’s reaction.
I’m a heterosexual guy who wasn’t always the most progressive but as I learned more it always weirded me out when I heard women say “I mean I wouldn’t dare a bi guy” but thought it was fine for a woman to be bisexual lmao.
I’m glad you’re here growing and learning with the rest of us 🫶🏽
For all the bi guys out there: I am a woman what would date you if we get along. Being bi isn't a turn off for me, you are all wonderful and deserving of love
@@fallenking578 i mean it's whatever at this point. i know i'm worth a shit, and one of the biggest turn offs for me is not liking me. if you look at me funny because i like bussy you ain't worth my shit no way.
@Deemo202 This!
But that's the thing girl on girl relationships aren't taken as seriously as hetero or gay male relationships. A lot of guys find girl on girl to be hot. When you see girl on girl often it's displayed as being a show for male view and men's pleasure then a real romantic intrest. A lot of men see bi women as a plus and lesbian women as a challenge. It's like they are still sexually available. But if a man is gay or bi then their is not chance for 'normal' relationship because that man will always want another man. Many see girl on girl as just experimentation but that women will eventually 'settle' down and have kids with a guy.
As a bi woman. Biphobia like this has always confused me. It's like, with bi women, when you date a man, they say you are straight. When you date a woman, they think they can "turn" you straight or that you are just 'experimenting' (ew). And with man, no matter what you do, you're gay. It's so weird, why is being bi such a hard concept to grasp for some people?
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
I'm consistent across the board. Homosexuality doesn't matter the sex. Male or female
I’m a cisgender straight woman, and it has never occurred to me that I would ever have a “problem” with dating a bisexual man. If we are both attracted to each other, why should it matter who he’s had sex with previously? The only things that I would care about are the same things I’d care about with a straight partner ie; were they safe and do they get tested regularly. As some other comments have mentioned, I would only find it unattractive if a bi man was trying to cover up who he was or trying to make excuses for his sexual encounters with other men. Honesty is sexy and why on gods green earth should I penalize a potential partner for who they are attracted to?
Right! The issue would be the same for me. Men in general don’t do regular check ups or have their partner and themselves tested (both std screening and blood work) whether it’s man or woman. People don’t even know how much your mouth harbors bacteria. People have to be careful regardless who they date. Everything is too casual for me in the dating scene.
I totally agree. As a queer woman dating a bi man has been wonderful because of the person he is. Funny enough others were not okay with that. It never crossed my mind why that would be bad. It doesn’t matter what others think, we are in a happy healthy relationship. Its wonderful being supported by our friends and loved.
You don't have to and that is great for you. But for someone else, the first time he says the male lead is hot, it will be a turn off. When they are sharing about their past relationships and he talks about the men he was dating who broke his heart, it will be a turnoff. If he ever says anything about what he enjoyed sexually, it would be a turn off. If you run into his ex boyfriend in public, it will be a turn off. If you discover that he cheated on you with a man. The cheating was bad enough but now you have placed your mouth where....
These things are problematic for some, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just as there is nothing wrong with you having no problem with them at all.
@@mikochild2 There is a problem
@@voxomnes9537 there is definitely a problem with people acting like there is something wrong with not wanting to date bi people.
I'm bi/trans and I've decided to only date cis guys who are queer- being bi is a huge green flag for me. I just feel more comfy/understood from the start
EDIT TO CLARIFY: I'm trans and I prefer to date other trans and/or queer people. My wording was confusing. I'm not going to delete it to avoid further backlash, you can read the comments if you're curious
Genuine neutral question: why only cis people?
@@rookregent5623 i'm assuming they meant they would date cis and trans people but only queer cis people
@@rookregent5623 To clarify, my preference is to not date straight cis men. I prefer to date trans and/or queer folks. In my experience dating other trans people, even if they're straight, there's a baseline understanding of each other's queerness.
@@rascal_rae OH I super misunderstood what you were saying then lol. I thought you ONLY dated cis queer guys like. No trans people as a trans person which I've stumbled across before but! Always strikes me as odd!
I'm the same way, I prefer fellow trans people, but if I date a cis person they can't be straight and monosexuals are on thin ice depending on how they view nonbinary people. Bi and pan folks are the sweet spot!
@@rookregent5623 "thin ice" lmao TRUE
I feel like the term "alphabet mafia" is far to hillarious not to be used more. love it.
I'm a biromantic and cis woman, and I experienced that bi men I dated were much more open-minded in general, compared to straight men. Bi men seem to be more open to being vulnerable, as well as more open to you being vulnerable, and it's just plain refreshing, imo.
Am in a relationship with a bi man, and I've never been happier.💙💜💗
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
@@weeb6316that's s myth, and not only a myth but a biphobic stereotype. Anyone can cheat, regardless of their sexual orientation. It's stupid and not worth even debating. Date whoever you want. I'm a bi woman dating a bi man in a monogamous relationship and none of us have ever cheated on each other with ppl of the same gender because we are decent people with emotional responsibility and basic human decency.
I just hate this pretension of fellowship from bi girls. Every bi girls I ever been with was a cheating, ever attention devouring, narcissist.
And the funny thing is that they're even more paranoid the other women.
Some bi men seem to disrespect women who don't want to date them.
I'm also Biromantic! 💙💜🩷
One of my fave conversations, bc it really exposes the bi/homophobes, lol! No one seems to be able to explain exactly WHY they dont wanna date a bi man.
The explanation is wanting to be with someone who is heterosexual. I don’t ask bisexual people to explain themselves when they do not want someone who is heterosexual. Call them what you want but they can like what they like. My best friend who is lesbian would not date a bisexual woman. Who cares. Some people just want i date who they are. If someone who works out alot whether date someone who also works out thats fine. Calling everyone a phobe is weird.
@@TinyyTinkerbell Sure, im non religious, so I prefer to have a partner that's also non religious. Thats a preference that makes sense - it makes life easier, and we have similar ideas of morality and therefore less conflict in our relationship. But it really doesnt matter to our relationship if my partner has previously been with a man. That doesnt change his love for me. Why would it?
@@sunniva3252 i am bisexual and would no date someone who is heterosexual. I do not dislike them or fear them. I just want to date someone who is like me. So they can do the same thing. It doesn’t make me bad or them.
@@sunniva3252 it’s not always about that dude. Yall make everything deep. Who cares if dating a man who hasn’t been with a man wouldn’t affect their relationship? Why is that an important question. Why is she vilified for wanting someone who is heterosexual and monogamous based on her other comments? And if it did affect her so? She is a heterosexual woman so she will have heterosexual mindset lol. It comes with the sexuality- all of a sudden its weird for a heterosexual person to be heterosexual? I agree some things are biphobic but this girl and a few others I’ve seen are not! And i will not guilt trip her into dating someone bisexual.
@@sunniva3252 and how do you know it wont matter to some people? And why do you care if it does? I have had lesbians who didn’t want to be with me and i never thought they hated me lol. And I’ve dated someone who is religious and im not religious….it had no importance to my relationship because my value do not reside there. It all depends on what your values are in a relationship. I could ask you what does someone being a Christian have to do with the importance of yall relationship if yall loved each other but I would not do that because you can date and value what you want to as long as you don’t hate anyone.
Before I came out as a lesbian, I've never felt more secure in a straight relationship than with a bisexual partner. There's an immediate kinship I'd say. However that partner talked me about the extent of biphobia not only in gay male communities, but also among straight women, several of those he talked with on social media eventually rejected him because they assumed he was actually "lying to himself" about being gay. Lots of straight women want a gay best friend for mimicking what they se in the media, but don't want actual queer men in their private lives. That's pretty saddening.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer copy and paste as much as i can so i can get advice
This... The gay best friend trope that straight women seek actively is an entire conversation
why you even here, lesbian?
As a bi/pan cis-male, I have primarily been with bisexual cis-women who did not like the fact that I was into other genders. Bisexual women discriminate against bisexual men as much as anyone. Women in general seem to be intimidated by any amount of femininity or softness in a man. I am told I am too communicative, too open, too vulnerable, and too sensitive to date, on a regular basis. Bi-men are seen as effeminate. In my experience, women uphold unhealthy hegemonic standards of patriarchy just as much as anyone. I think it's time to face that reality because it's destroying everyone.
I think its time to stop calling people intimidated when they arent actually intimidated... they just don't want a gay men. To spread disease or be feminine. Most women aren't attracted to feminine. Just like men aren't attracted to manly
Gender non-conforming/masculine women might be better experience
But yeah, there is unfortunately a double-standard in pop feminism were a woman can be whatever she wants but these same women expect patriarchal standards for men. Which is sad because it undermines what they claim to believe in.
I never really considered biphobia against men until I started dating a bi man and he told me about it. Like, some of the things people will say and think about bi men are wild. As someone who's never had to hide my sexuality, it was eye-opening that my 6'5'' partner was afraid to be open about who he is.
I am bisexual and my partner is a bisexual man, and I love it so much. He just really gets me and I don’t think I have ever felt so understood 💖
Ugh I’m jealous that’s literally my dream relationship as a bi femme 😭
Same!! My current partner is the first bi man I've ever dated (all the men I've dated have been cishet) and oh my god the DIFFERENCE. There's just something so nice about not having to explain queer and feminist concepts to a partner
I want this so bad. Bi men are just so much more open minded and knowledgeable about stuff than the straights (derogatory)
@Max I thought this...until the cheating with men happened. This shit isn’t better, dating a bi guy doesn’t automatically make things better because he’s bi.
@@attabooii same, i don’t ever want it to fail
Oooh we NEED this convo!!! Im bisexual and had to descontruct my internalized homophobia about bi men. I can’t wait for this one.
What was your process of deconstructing your internalized homophobia around bi men like? Did you ever feel like you needed to get over any sort of possessive urge to exclude past sexual experiences bi men may have had that made you uncomfortable, or unlearn disgust towards gay intimacy? Or was it mainly just about unlearning stereotypes about bi men being more indecisive and less likely to commit and stuff like that? I'm curious as a fellow bi person who has never really struggled with having aversions or biases against bi men like that.
@@sinfulAesthetics it was some form of all that but the most important factors were 1) examining my own sexuality and learning I was bi 2) recognizing the hypocrisy, misogyny and privilege of women being allowed to be bisexual while seeing bi men as strictly gay 3) examining the homophobia behind gay/bi/pan men being excluded from our ideas of traditional masculinity and why this would be a turn off 4) getting over the social stigmas of having relationships with openly queer men and being seen as “just a beard”. It wasn’t so much being turned off by gay intimacy but getting over the insecure feelings of “are they really attracted to and turned on by women?” I got over it really quick when I recognized it wasn’t anything to do with a personal preference. it was game on after that lol. Now I prefer to be with open queer men.
Edit: also learning more about romantic and sexual spectrums in general was very important.
@@Canthavemybones what do you mean by “you got over it quick when you realized it wasn’t a personal preference”?
@@superdupeninja8149 I mean that after close examination I realized my negative feelings towards dating queer men were a manifestation of internalized homophobia and personal insecurity. The only real preference I have is for masculine people. Period. And even that is not hard set in stone. At the end of the day, a person’s heart, love, values and respect matter more than anything. Everyone else is just a bonus.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer copy and paste as much as i can so i can get advice
My husband and I are both bisexual and the amount of hilarious comments we've gotten from friends and family will fuel our senses of humor for YEARS. The black side of my family was especially homophobic about it yet we have the healthiest relationship in the family.. it's giving bitter, it's giving insecurity.. it's sad and I hope more women start to recognize that a man who knows himself and is fully in touch with his sexuality is worth bagging.
Groomer couple
@@thereality3398yup no straight groomers 😅 🤡
As a bisexual girl myself, I used to not want to date bisexual men because I had this weird subconscious belief that bisexuality was only for girls and therefore being bisexual made you more feminine and i'm more attracted to masculine men. Luckily, I've gotten over this mindset and I'm open to dating a bisexual guy.
Congrats! It's a way more significant achievement to get over this bias than you might think.... many straight and bi women who have an aversion to bi men basically just rotate the same old biphobic biases and double standards around in their head over and over again and do all sorts of weird mental gymnastics to justify it.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
Bisexuality doesn't exist , you are a homosexual get over it
I'm extremely masculine, naturally. I came to accept Im bi and will not be dl. I have integrity and self respect. I want a woman to love me for who I am, and to accept me having also ONE male partner and that's it. I am not a dog. Bisexual people are misunderstood. I hate promiscuous dl bi men who cheat behind a woman's back. They are cowards and scum. We are individuals first.
@@weeb6316 Unfortunately that person that told you that is just a biggot, no other way around it. They're extremely wrong on just about every point. There aren't any articles that say "being gay makes you less of a man" because the belief that "being gay makes you less of a man" is literally just an unfounded opinion, and there is no scientific way to respond to someone's baseless opinion; you can rebut it based on case studies though: gyms and bodybuilding culture were basically founded by gay men, and yet working out is seen as a very masculine activity, and haircuts like buzzcuts are a similar story.
It's honestly bewildering to me how people from a marginalized community can spend so much time trying to educate others about their struggles and still fight so hard not to acknowledge that they may have learning to do as well. Like, do you not remember trying to get straight people to believe you about your own sexuality when they refused to trust that you understood something they didn't? Maybe don't step into that role with other people? Can we not avoid becoming orientation police the same way they've policed us?
And the same thing goes for communities of color and communities with disabilities and issues surrounding gender. Honestly if everyone who wasn't cis-straight-white just had each others' back even when we didn't live it ourselves, we would outnumber the bigots. The world would be ours already. But no. Infighting and disbelief and hypocrisy even when we've experienced similar bigotry our own damn selves.
Yes yes yes to all of this
Preaching to the choir!!!! 👏
What would "the world be ours" exactly mean
@@TheChocolateDrop2 we wouldn't have to live as marginalised, we could be treated fairly
Agree with what you've said, but the zero paragraphs don't make it dyslexia/ADHD friendly
i'm basically completely undatable because not only am i bisexual, but I'm also disabled.
disabled men aren't seen as valid human beings in tiny towns. the fact that I don't really identify as a man is another huge strike against me. around here EVERYONE has fish pics in their dating profiles.
One up them with a pic of you cooking fish?
@@wintergray1221 yea, cooking fish absolutely counts as a fish pic in this context.
🫂 As a queer disabled woman, i can relate a bit. Everyone is posting these hiking and vacation pictures on dating apps, i am undatable in their eyes haha.
You're not alone. I'm a cishet woman, but I do have a disability. Ain't nobody checking for me. Lol!!
@@LaLadybug dating apps are the worst. just read about "grey" flags, to which my disabled ass is one giant grey flag lmao
pictures with my dog? yup! he's my only friend! everyone else abandoned me years ago.
selfies only?? my only friend is not good with cameras so I'm pretty much the only one who's taking pictures of me. [also i was born with cleft lip and palate, which has caused me SEVERE self image issues]
my online dating profile was just telling potential dates to swipe left and there's literally nothing i can do to change it other than delete.
I’m bi and still haven’t had the chance yet to date another bisexual person. I always hear from other bi folk that the energy is way more calm, free and comforting when you date another bi person. I’d love to experience that at some point 💜
I hope you do get to experience it. I am a black bi Fem dating another black bi fem and it is the most comforting, freeing, rewarding relationship I’ve ever been in
I love that our community is way better about that aspect of relationships but that should be the standard for everybody😓hope all your future partners match that energy
I'm a bi man and loving a bi girl in any capacity(platonic or romantic) is a constant experiment in how much of a doormat you can be.
Male and female bisexuality, in the end of the day, are fundamentally different.
Female bisexuality is identitarian, performative, and has this obligation to complete social coherence. This necessity to be constantly feed, not sexually, but socially. This necessity to be constantly purged, trimmed and flourished into a new bogus aesthetic.
Male bisexuality is just a function of love and desire, it's personal, vulnerable. It doesn't need to be coherent, it doesn't need to be supported by discourse. It's something between you and your partner, they may feel intimidated by it, but trust can be built. It just can't be imposed.
@@ghfudrs93uuu So there’s no such thing as a genuine bisexual woman, only bisexual men exists..
Is that what you’re stating?
@@stephskeeper6161 no, it's just two different experiences. There's just not a lot of common ground.
Like personally I wouldn't date a man in general (lesbian) but I immediately feel better about my male attracted friend's partners if they're queer. I feel like it's a huge green flag because of how much more self-awareness and acceptance it takes to not only realize you aren't straight but also be open about it
Same !
What are you even doing here?
I love that y’all are having a conversation about bi men because I date a man who is bi and a lot of people look at me like how do I do it. I have to tell them I don’t care if he is bi cause as long as he likes me his sexuality has nothing to do with it. I hope that doesn’t sound wrong by the way.
In any relationship, all people involved being invested and interested is the most important, no?
I don't see how being bi inherently changes that
A straight man might at one point be more interested in a woman he's not dating, so could a gay woman, or an asexual non binary
Yeah, I don’t really understand why people wouldn’t date a bi man.
I definitely would date another bi person regardless of their gender, as long we were compatible. I think especially as a bi person myself, I think it would be easier for them to understand my bisexuality without fetishizing it.
@@jennagrace1534hat do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and having sex with another men isnt masculine(btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
When I was trying to figure myself out for the first time and I seriously considered if I might be bisexual my partner at the time straight up told me she’ll break up with me if I am. That set me back about 3 years with admiting it even to myself.
Thanks for sharing man. I hope you're in a better place now. You deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are 💜
i’m sorry my friend. there are so many girls out there who are thrilled to love bi/queer boys and i hope you have more encounters with our type 🩷 thank you for sharing so that ppl in the comment section see the real consequences to their biphobia
As a bi woman Mark, I would have never let you go. We would have been locked in... foreva.
I'm really fucking sorry that you were treated that way by someone you loved. Love is such a beautiful experience, and you should not be denied love just because you have less pre-requisites to loving and being loved.
sorry to hear that bro. it's more often than we'd hope, unfortunately.
When I was in high school I had a massive years-long crush with one of guy friends. Just before we graduated he came out as bi and I noticed that I was immediately put off. Not in a straight forward homophobic way (I’d been totally cool with other friends of mine coming out), but just he no longer seemed a viable romantic partner.
Since then, I’ve been on a journey of realizing my own queerness and coming to terms with my attraction towards women. Turns out my reaction was just a manifestation of internalized biphobia, go figure.
Wow good 4 u bro
I’m a bisexual woman who is working through her internalized biphobia. During my process, I’ve discovered that my fear of dating bi men stemmed from comparison/not wanting to compete with men for a man’s affection. Once I identified that fact, I slowly started to unwind my feelings about bi men as well as my attraction to them. I say all that to say it’s possible to work through the biphobia, you just gotta deal with the uncomfortable parts first
I am a bisexual woman as well, and I just wanna say, we got this. I have a bit of internalized stuff myself. I hope you are able to get through this and work things out with your partner. 💖💜💙
@@themarshmellow6466 Aww, thank you for your kind words my love. I appreciate you ❤️✨
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
@@weeb6316'd say they're insecure. If a woman thinks gay sex is disgusting, they are just bad at sex. They're afraid you'll get your dick sucked.
@@weeb6316 I’m sorry for the late response but I hope I can still provide some help. First things first, you have to recognize that there is no such thing as “less of a man”, you simply ARE a man. Your pleasure and how you get that pleasure doesn’t change that. You also have to start unwinding societies view of what it means to be a man and figure out that means to you. Do some introspection and figure out what you value.
In regards to the someone saying they can’t please you or that gay sex is disgusting…don’t bother. If she had just left it at anxiety in regards to pleasing you sexually, I’d give advice…but it seems she’s already had her mind made up. I wouldn’t suggest pursuing anything with her as your bicuriousity will come up and that’s bound to cause heartache
I so appreciate this! I remember when I started dating my husband how he kept asking me if his bisexuality made him seem less masculine and attractive to me. That thought had literally never crossed my mind, but being bi myself probably helped with the shared understanding. Honestly, women who reject men in the basis of bisexuality are missing the fuck OUT. There are so many positives!!
Im in a relationship like that too. I believe the issue comes to us when our partner is straight, mostly. Every time I have loved someone who is bi I instinctively feel more secure about everything about myself.
To be honest everybody has his own journey. I dated a bi guy who wasn't open about his sexuality and immediatly shutted down when I asked questions about it. He announced me one and a half month into the relationship that he was bi even tho he criticized lgbt people before that, I think there was self hatred from him. So I think some women such as me are open to date bi guys but are not willing to date guys that don't own it, and making it a big secret. By keeping it a secret, some of them contribute to the stigma of being indecesive people
@@bromleycontingentfan8267 it makes sense if you want to date someone who have already come to terms with their identity and integrated it into their life. Especially if they're projecting their unhealed stuff onto other people. As long as we aren't generalizing this one guy's issues into the wider bi male population - I think that's the only place where it would get problematic. And I'm not hearing you make those assumptions.
Just the slightest note - if someone's actions hurt others, that's valid enough of a criticism, we don't have to say they shouldn't do X because they will reinforce stigma (the stigma is the problem - we need to be allowed to be just as indecisive and human as the next person 🙃.) And yeah, keeping it a secret may result in harm to others which makes sense to criticize. Just keep in mind it could be for self-protection, especially since not everyone can be out in all situations. For example, my husband isn't ashamed of his identity, but he's not out at work bc it would absolutely impact his career for the worse. (there's actually a pay gap for out bi men 🤦🏼♀️)
Been in a relationship with a Bi Man for three years now, best partner I have ever had 💗 When my parents knew about his sexuality they freaked out and we had arguments for a month. They thought that he would be unfaithful and spread stds. It was such an awful time, but I knew the type of man he is. Love him so much and now my parents accept him.
He lowkey wants to cheat on you or hopes you’ll ask him for a threesome with another man. None of them will reject having sex with other men on the low or a threesome, they all miss dick, you’ll find out the hard way.
what do you say about people who think gay sex is disgusting and they could never date a man who kissed another man since thats not masculine (btw im bi curious someone i cared for said this and i don’t know how to approach it
@@weeb6316I suppose everyone is entitled to their own feelings and thoughts
"They thought that he would be unfaithful and spread stds."
It's a reasonable concern. All men are cheaters, regardless of sexual orientation. They all lie. They all cheat. A bi man cheating with another man is taking a higher sexual health risk and exposing you to that. It's just a fact.
Just as an experiment I put the fact that im bi in my tinder bio, and my matches were cut in half at least. I've been ghosted after opening up about my sexuality countless times. I've been told by gay men that I'm not really attracted to men, and by straight women that I'm not really attracted to women- even other queer people have told me I'm just confused, or doubted the sincerity of my attractions. I have felt genuinely displaced, and without a sense of community, my entire life.
Cool story. Try being asexual and watch your dating prospects dwindle even further while also being asked very personal questions about your mental health and childhood. 😒
@@vegetaismydad5382 I understand you're bitter, and it sounds like you have good reason to be, but why are you taking it out on someone who's done nothing wrong and is just speaking to their own experience?
@@user-pt1re4qp1r Because reading the OP invoked the same level of irritation that I imagine the impoverished feel whenever billionaires complain about having to pay taxes.
Edit:
Or when the unfortunate looking hear really good-looking people complain that others are too intimidated by their gorgeous looks to approach them.
Or when C- students relegated to trade schools hear academic high-achievers complain about being overwhelmed with choosing the right Ivy League university because they got accepted into every single one of them.
Or when a fat person hears a skinny person complain about how hard it is to gain weight and "fill out/bulk up."
I could go on...
First example is kind of extrem, don't you think?
And tearing someone down for complaining while 'having a better situation' isn't going to do you any good other than mild short-term catharsis
@@SicklyWindows I like "mild short-term catharsis" though. 🤔
Biphobia is so real and I’ve definitely noticed it more towards men.
I’m bi and I just don’t understand why women who are attracted to men would be so bothered by a man being attracted to both genders. I love my husband but I wouldn’t have a problem dating a bi man (tbh that’d be really hot imo)
Ppl just need to be more open minded. When I came out to my mom she literally said “so what you’re gonna cheat on your husband now” like wtf no, that’s ridiculous to assume
I love my bi men 💪 also as a bi girl I know how we are considered too straight for the gays or too gay for the straights, so dating somebody that knows the struggle feel safer
I feel sometimes like an imposter. I just came out as bi (and honestly finally felt safe enough and comfortable enough), and I’m in a straight relationship and have only had experience with men. I realized that I have a preference for women though but I will most likely never date a woman because I love my boyfriend with my whole heart. It’s just the lack of experience with women saddens me, and I feel like I’m missing out. But I love my boyfriend and wouldn’t give him up for anything.
this reminds me so much of the "Gold Star Lesbian" trope. why can't people just let others do what makes them happy?! thank you for putting the research in for these videos, i always learn so much from you
Conversely, “gold star gay men” aren’t really as much of a thing
ugh yes i HATE THAT!!! biphobia from inside the queer community makes so little sense
why is it frowned upon to like men ?? don't men want to be liked !??!?
@@jomaq9233 because apparently to be gold star gay you must also be born via Cesarean section. No, not kidding.
@@TuffLuv1984 reminds me of that cursed post, saying that “the hardest a woman will 💦 is when she gives birth” and that it’s “totally the most pleasurable thing” wtf
I find it hard to say that you actively choose not to date bi folks and it not be biphobic cause my thing is this, if you’re out on a date and everything is going great and then they tell you that they’re bi what just changed? Like yes everyone is entitled to their preferences but realize that whatever feelings you have or whatever negative connotations you have now associated them with are your problem. Great topic!
Honestly I wouldn't even call it a preference because someone not matching that preference wouldn't be something worth ending a date over, I like to call it a deal breaker cos it stops people hiding behind their "preference" without coming off as an attack.
Imagine you see what, to you, is the hottest guy you've ever seen on a dating app. You start chatting. You click on everything.
You finally agree to meet. You see him from across the way at your meet up spot and are relieved to see that he looks even better than his pictures. As soon as he opens his mouth, you notice he sounds like Winnie the Pooh. He has a congenital vocal chord deformity that causes his voice to be super high pitched like Winnie the Pooh. The more he talks, the less you become attracted to him. All because of his voice. Something that is 100% out of his control. You end the date and decide that it can't work. Are you Winnie the Pooh voice-phobic?
@@vegetaismydad5382 Not really a great analogy since you can't tell someone is bi unless they tell you.
@@kev2034 That's literally what happened in the OP's "what if" scenario.
@@vegetaismydad5382nope literally NOT the case. it would only work if the guy op referenced wouldn't talk AT ALL. the voice guy doesn't have to disclose that his voice is like that lol. a bi guy can be bi and can never tell you. what if after like 10 years you've spend together in a monogamous relationship, one day he just goes 'y'know i also find men kinda hot.' like are you gonna break up with him just because he likes men too? also people have never been oppressed or discriminated against for their type of voices lol. if you say that a man being black/asian is a dealbreaker, then that is bigotry. and it is the same with bi men. bi men are literally attracted to women. what more do you want? you really need to unpack how you view sexuality in general 'cause no matter how hard you now go 'i don't see queer people as less than me.', you DO. you still are homophobic. and there's literally nothing you can say to change the fact. if you can't accept that, just accept that you are homophobic and leave the discussion.
Back when I was dating before I met my partner, I pretty quickly gave up on dating straight women; a lot of people I've mentioned that to assumed it was because I ran into problems as a trans man, but the bigger issue was the fact that I'm bi. I eventually reached a place where I only really wanted to date other bi/pan people because we just get each other without having to explain anything. Biphobia is everywhere and it's tiring.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
I thought the obvious answer would be biphobia is wrong but based on the comments it's seemingly accepted or they turn it around by saying they don't consider it as biphobia 😂
Because it is not always biphobia. Fear or strong disliking. If some people are not expressing that then it is not a phobia. So far i have seen several bisexuals like myself, maybe two lesbians, and a few heterosexuals just simply want to date within what their sexuality is. And i never felt hate towards or from them.
@@justliving397 I've said it a couple times already, phobia in terms of sexuality can be as simple as assuming a woman doesn't like dresses because she's a lesbian.
It's just an umbrella term if you want to focus so much on semantics. There's a difference between actively avoiding bi people and just preferring to date someone with a similar sexuality. There are no reasons to not want to date someone for their sexuality outside of malicious bigotry or underlying stigmas that somehow make a sexuality unattractive to you.
I don't think you're a bad person for not being attracted someone, I just think it's worth discussing where those feelings come from and how our own prejudice can exist without meaning to.
@@marslara so the new definition of phobia is stereotyping? Even if you had your definition….that still may not even be the case. Lol yes some things are deep and somethings are as simple as wanting to date within your sexuality. Im bisexual and i do the same thing. I like everyone as they are. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to them- but i also know that I romanticize with other bisexual people. And it is not rocket science. It is just that.
@@justliving397 The definition of biphobia literally has prejudice in it which means yes stereotyping would fall under it 🤦🏾♀️
This is useless argument trying to talk about semantics, at the end of the day it is prejudiced I don't know why it bothers you so much that I use the more obvious term biphobia when this is literally about people being aversed to bi people.
Just because a word has a latin root in it doesn't mean the word is an exact translation nor does it mean it can't evolve over time.
Phoney has nothing to do with sound and yet it has the root phon, bully used to mean sweetheart. Languages evolve and develop with nuance as time goes on..
You sound like the people who argue over the definition of racism when a cop just shot some black kid. :/
@@justliving397 The 2000s called, they want their 'um actually islamophobia means I'm scared of Muslims and I'm not scared' argument back (along with this joke format)
But seriously, minority groups wanting to stick to themselves when dating is a safety and comfort thing. Straights only dating straights is not the same at all. A couple examples:
Womens only spaces - cool and good (as long as trans friendly)
Mens only spaces - oof that's gonna be a cesspit
Black only spaces - good reasons for safety and community
White only spaces - oh god run
Thanks for covering this topic. My partner of 2 decades came out as bi 2 years ago, and we had to have a lot of convos about what this meant for our relationship. I am so happy that he’s able to embrace his full self finally (we’re Gen X) and it’s been an amazing development in our relationship.
This was beautiful- you are blessed to have each other.
I married a bisexual man! It's great because I'm also bi so we get some fun times unpacking our attractions and what each of us find attractive and why and how!
as a bi cis male, its happened so much. the whole me coming clean, being up front about it, and people being "okay" with it in a romantic setting into a quick shut off. ive just been off trying to date for the last year and a half because the confusion of how people feel towards bi men, esp when i try my best to be up front and honest, its just tough. im still proud of it, and cant "stop" being bi cus it comes out. i know im just rant/venting but ty for this video :'3
Just for the record, haven't watched the video all the way through but I can feel hundreds of identical, angry commenters-- *No one's forcing you to date bisexual people.* You're not being guilt tripped. You're _allowed_ to have preferences, and you are in no way obligated to explain said preferences , let alone justify them. This is not a personal attack.
with that being said, I am a bi4bi elitist
The top liked comments sure don't reflect your statement
@@mariabrown6926 how so?
@@actualgoblin i was just about to say lmao. as long as these straight girls are respectful im not exactly gonna complain if they leave all the bi men for the rest of us
I won't judge them but i will make fun of them >:)
My only issues with bi men were that 2/3 I dated acted like they didn't know what being bi was. First guy was openly bi had fun with him no issue. The second found the idea of sex and dating men disgusting which as a bi woman made me laugh and roll my eyes. The last and most recent claimed he doesn't do that shit anymore meaning be with men. I would date a bi man any day if i could find another that isn't hung up on what others think of their sexuality. As a bi black woman I fought to hard to be proud of myself. I don't got time for the ones who aren't proud of who they are.
right! i'm on the other side of that. i'm a gay guy and the only reason i'm cautious of bi guys is due to their homophobia that they often don't feel like unpacking because they can just date women/femmes instead.
edit: it goes without saying that this obviously doesn't apply to every bi guy.
Hmmm I’m curious about the second guy you mentioned. Was he ace/aro at all? Was it all men, or just men from same background? I’ve learned over time that some of us are legitimately turned off from same sex dating within our own culture bc it feels incestuous and no other reason beyond that. Just curious
@@Canthavemybones incestuous??? what?
@@myasmith1820 i don't think that's the issue at hand. to me, it sounds like unpacked homophobia that makes the bi guy "turned off" by queer relationships.
@@stanloonaur69 Pretty much. I can not be with someone who has internalized homophobia or external transphobia and biphobia. I refuse to do this as a bi woman, it can be draining.
Edit: obviously not all bi men are like this. I have noticed bi men who unpacked their internalized homophobia are sooo much better as partners.
I’m genderfluid and bi and my bf is bi. Honestly life has never been better dating a bi man who is comfortable in his sexuality. He understands me and I love it. I don’t have to really explain stuff because we’re both bi so it’s just very nice not having to jump through so many hoops to get someone to understand me.
As a bisexual man i really appreciate this video and in particular Herby's part. Thank you all. ❤
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
@@weeb6316 I don't know your story but I can tell you that I understand how stereotypes, hatred and discrimination can influence us and question who we are, just because we are a social minority and I don't think it makes sense to seek answers for people who say this kind of things but we can only try to get away from them, if possible, as they only harm us.
In this economy i could date anyone who wants to date me. it's that simple. 😅❤
That’s bare minimum. Got to find common connections.
Any standards or boundaries? and what does the economy have to do with it?
😂😅
😂😂😂
Tell it, sis!
P.s I could tell its a joke, I just adding in on it.
Bi, and same
I've had people raise i shouldn't date someone because they'd been with men too, and i was like, so? It baffled me how that was an issue. Granted this is over a decade ago but the fact that was the "no, you can't!" Moment was so weird
omg heyyy I love your videos queen! ❤
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
At least openly Bi people are honest. Just because a few people said they don’t prefer you, there’s always someone else who will appreciate you for who you are.
For all the people saying "I dated a bisexual man, had problems so I would never do it again", have you never have problems with straight man? Why this double standard? Straight man can be nasty and you would give a second chance to them. But a bi man is weird, and you would never try again... Give me a break
Because straight men are their preference. A bi man is not.
@@renealexander2703 If you like a man, but he tells you "I'm bi", and you all of the sudden stop liking him, that's biphobia.
@@anabelsama , no. Its not. You can stop liking someone for all kinds of reason. What if he is related to you? What if he has 10 kids?
@@anabelsama , nope. It's not. If someone tells someone that they have been married before and they lose interest is that marriagephobia? If you talk to a man online and find out that he's short and lose interest, is that shortphobia?
@@renealexander2703 just say you are biphobic and move on. They don't want to date you either way.
I'm married to a bisexual man. Best relationship I've ever been in (I did marry him lol).
I'm tryna be like you.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
@weeb6316 just because someone is bi doesn't mean their gonna desire for other things and cheat, straight people can cheat and desire things to. It's about the person there are a lot of bi men and women who want one person and one person only.
If it wasnt for biphobia and bierasure, it wouldn't be so damn hard to find an openly bi/pan man to date and partner with.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
I have to say that a few years ago I would have not dated a man that had been or felt attracted to other men. But after some deconstruction and accepting my own bisexuality, I totally would!
Just as a note, I think whenever we mention Maslow’s hierarchy of needs we need to address the Blackfoot Nation he stole the idea from and how self actualization is actually at the bottom of the pyramid below community actualization and perpetuity. Great video! I just wanted to add this note! ❤
Thank you! Wasn’t taught that in my degree
I’ll have to read up on that! Thanks!
Hello! I'm a bit of a Maslow fan and had not heard of this. I researched a bit... the sources below, at least, suggest that your formulation is misleading. Maslow did encounter and was very inspired by the Siksika (Blackfoot) people. They influenced the trajectory of his research and honestly, their perspective sounds wonderful and very relevant today. However, it seems like Maslow did not 'steal the idea' because, according to the scholars quoted in the sources, the Siksika did not have a systematic model of needs that they presented to Maslow or anything like that. The PowerPoint slide that we find online presenting the two is best read not as a direct comparison, but rather to emphasise differences in thinking and perspective.
The Siksika people also lived in a very different cultural context than Maslow and thus had different views on individualism/community. This is also why it's in my view incorrect to say how 'self-actualisation is actually at the bottom of the pyramid...'. These are not facts where we can say what the reality *actually* is. These are models of human needs and human flourishing from different cultural contexts and with different emphases.
Lastly, there is certainly indigenous erasure to be bemoaned here, but it seems to have happened by governments and other systemic actors rather than Maslow 'stealing the idea' (as you may be able to tell, that formulation in particular irked me, haha). That's at least what the last source suggests to me.
Sources:
gatherfor.medium.com/i-got-it-wrong-7d9b314fadff
www.resilience.org/stories/2021-06-18/the-blackfoot-wisdom-that-inspired-maslows-hierarchy/
barbarabray.net/2019/03/10/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-and-blackfoot-nation-beliefs/
shanesafir.com/2020/12/before-maslows-hierarchy-the-whitewashing-of-indigenous-knowledge/
As a straight dude. I’ve always found this conversation interesting. Like I wonder if people realize they sound like the same people their against (usually) when it comes to bi men.
What do you mean?
@@CyberMachine bi women or women who’ve experimented judging harshly men who are the same or have done the same.
Major prejudices based off of fear of the down low dudes, not recognizing why that is in the first place but more telling unable to seperate dudes in the closet versus those who are out or honest.
That’s just a few examples.
they don't. a lot of these people(women) have already convinced themselves that they're progressive and beyond reproach. so they don't even recognize that they're being bigots, it literally doesn't pass through their head.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
@@weeb6316 please rewrite this in a way that’s eligible. Not bashing but it’s to run on to understand.
Also what is an “smb”
25:01 I’m a bisexual trans man and your question of “Do straight people talk about sex?” Was a big “!!!” Moment for me. When I’ve been interested in cis straight women, there is a lot of expectation to read the cues and figure out if she’s interested/the girl playing coy (in my experience) because that’s the scripts heterosexual people have seen/been given as how it’s supposed to play out.
This, it's real demented stuff, I don't get it.
I've had genuine conversations with people where they'll tell me things to the effect of "It's kind of a turn off if they talk about whether or not to do stuff."
Which, that's fine, you can't help how you feel, but people have got to recognize that that is not a sensible MO.
You should not just be cool with people that you don't know very well (this conversation doesn't really apply to sexually well acquainted partners) just doing stuff. Because, yes, sometimes you will like it, but sometimes you won't, and debatably more importantly *other* people might not.
Like this is not the kind of behavior we should be "training" people to have.
If someone is very specific and clear about what things they would/wouldn't like to go down, even if they're a bit awkward about it, that is a *huge* green flag.
honestly, talking about sex with the straights is mad weird because bc they get so damn uncomfortable. Like, so ur good with sticking your whole ass schlong into a random ass stranger you know nothing about, but the moment you realize they are/were a sexual being before they got to you suddenly makes you less turned on? shit's mad weird lol
exactly 😭😭. i'm a cis woman whose dating experiences with straight guys have been mixed a few times because of that. every time i wanted to have conversations related to sex in a casual setting i was met with surprise and a bit of wariness, as if that wasn't "the thing" to do. at the moment i'm in a happy relationship with a straight man who isn't like that and we can have those conversations, but it's a sad reality that women in straight settings aren't expected to talk about sex or even... act on our desires to pursue people, especially men. the script you talk about tells us to wait until the guy approaches us and react instead
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer copy and paste as much as i can so i can get advice
@@weeb6316 I think the “a bi person will not be satisfied in a straight relationship” is a really big misconception/negative stereotype that a lot of people throw out and a lot of folks don’t realize the shitty thing they’re implying when they say it. Additionally, a lot of straight folks think that having sex *with* a man/being penetrated is inherently a feminine/submissive trait or not something that a masculine person would want to engage in, which I personally think comes from a very heteronormative view of sex where the penetrating partner is masculine/dominant/aggressive and the other is “taking it”
I am a cis het woman and I’ve been with my cis pan boyfriend for over two years and he is literally the best person I know ❤️ he’s the love of my life! He is leaps and bounds above all the straight men I’ve been with. He has way more positive masculinity traits, way more secure in himself, I feel like the male ego of the straight men I’ve dated is more fragile and it’s not very attractive. I don’t ever wanna go back to straight men 😅 queer men for the win!
Biphobia, homophobia, transphobia, purity culture and the desire to control women’s sexuality and reproductive rights are all connected to one thing: phallocentricism, which means “centered on the penis.” It’s a construct across cultures that has evolved with/through patriarchy, which is most of the ruling cultures and religions across the globe. It is the foundation on which the concepts of masculinity and strength rest. In phallocentric societies, the penis is an object whose symbolic purpose is to be a weapon conquering the bodies it touches/enters. Sex in this framework is not simply a means of reproduction; it symbolizes conquest and the marking of territory/property. “Vagina” is one of the few Latin-originated words that has not changed from its original state, and in Latin, “vagina” means “sheath” or “scabbard,” which is literally the thing you put your sword into.
For the conquered-anyone who’s been touched or penetrated by a penis-they are now less than, and if the person on the receiving end is either not supposed to be submissive in any scenario (cis men), or they aren’t bonded to the owner of the penis through the property conquest of marriage (cis women who are unmarried and sexually active, anyone who has been raped outside of marriage by someone with a penis), they are now marked, sullied, conquered with all the shame that is associated with surrender in war.
In the case of homophobia against cis men and transphobia against trans women assigned male at birth, they are both considered to be unnatural and freakish because they are not using their penis to conquer women, and are instead allowing themselves to be conquered-simply unacceptable and shameful for the construct of masculinity, strength, conquest-or, worse, in the case of gender reassignment surgery for trans women, they are deliberately throwing away their weapon of conquest and control and instead identifying as a member of the conquered, submissive class of “women”.
Across millennia, phallocentricism has been used to brutalize men and boys who were somehow lesser. Male slaves and captives of war across millennia have been and still are raped and/or castrated as a symbol of the shame of having been conquered, and male children of lower caste based on their nationality/race/etc were castrated before or during puberty to serve as literally neutered “eunuchs” to guard and serve royal and aristocratic women without the possibility of conquering/marking/sullying those women.
Phallocentricism is ancient and is perhaps the worst mythology humans have ever created. It is the basis of patriarchy, of nationalism, of war, of racism, of colonialism, of female oppression, of homophobia and transphobia, of plundering the earth for its resources as opposed to worshipping it/respecting it as an equal or greater and more powerful force.
TL:DR-if you are a straight woman somehow disgusted by bi men, know that you are falling for, defending, and enacting the same phallocetricism that oppresses you and all women.
Commitment is the only thing I care about, and sexuality has nothing to do with that.
My partner of 5 years is bi-sexual. Not only have i never asked him if he slept with another man before me, i have never asked him about any of his prior relationships. Not. My. Business. Unless he's got a criminal record or a baby he abandoned somewhere, I dont expect him to disclose anything to me. If he wants to share stuff from his past, he is more than welcome to. I look to our present and future together.
In 5 years y'all never talked about exes?
@@user-ri5ex9xl9e Nope. What's the reason to? They are exes and unless something major happened with them there's no reason to discuss them.
@@jaday7282have you asked about children then?
@@lucyl4603 Yes, actually, we were both almost 40 so we did.
@@jaday7282 Maybe it's because I tend to have long relationships, that it seems odd to me to not discuss them with my partner at some point. I have like 3 exes and those relationships were all more than 2 years, one was 5 years long, would they not come up organically in conversation? When you tell a story about something are they not in any of them? Were there not significant personal growths that happened as a result of those relationships? Do you talk about your other past relationships like with friends or family? I guess if by exes you mean very short flings I kind of get it, is that your experience?
As a gay man, my experiences with bi-men are mostly cautionary… not due to the fact that they romantically & sexually form relationships with either sex but how they view gay men as easier to tolerate for sexual pleasure. I’ve been told by some bi-men, which is a double standard, that they like gay men because sex is readily accessible and for women they prefer ones that are not as “available.” So if you’re a gay man it feels expected from them that you can be more detached and eager for sex… and when they pursue women (either straight or bi ) the investment for developing a relationship is fostered more through meaningful non-sexual interactions. Even in more heteronormative relationships, i’ve encountered bi-men committed to women that are allowed to explore their sexuality with other men, and again that feeds into the over-sexualization of male 2 male encounters… in all it’s a very isolating/ disheartening position in my experiences from being with bi-men, because I had to learn my place from dealing with their expectations in romantic partners. I never close off the opportunity in finding a healthy relationship with a bi-man that is not invalidating my feelings in comparison to that of a woman’s. I feel most are comfortable with a heterosexual relationship in the context of societal norms, which stems from the shame bi-people, more so men and their masculinity in opposition with the ability to be vulnerable about their sexual interests bleeds over into how they treat other potential types of relationships since they aren’t valued as a heterosexual relationship.
The issue is less to do with sexuality and more to do with gender stereotypes, which sucks for everyone involved.
I'm dating a bisexual man and it barely gets brought up. we just love and care for each other.
My partner is bisexual. Closeted to be exact. Hai own family doesnt know. But my mine does. I had to deal with my own biphobia about it because this is my first time with a bi man. Im happy to have learned so much from him and break down my biases.
(afab myself) Happily married to a bi man for two years now. As a bi myself, it's great being with someone that understands my sexuality and as a gender fluid individual it's a perk being with a man that finds me hot whether I present masc or femme.
It is VERY important that we do not conflate "preference" with "phobia". As a cis-gender, 100% gay male, I personally am ONLY attracted to cis-gender men or biological men who present as male, regardless of their gender identity. If I discover that they are pan-sexual, bi-sexual, ect., I may still be physically and sexually attracted to them; however, I would prefer not to date or enter a committed relationship. In the same way that I FULLY accept transmen as my brothers; however, I will not sleep with them, as I am not in any way attracted to a vagina or a phalloplasty (and trust me I have tried to be). In today's society, we are very quick to label something as a "phobia" without understanding the meaning of the term which denotes "fear" or "hate". One can fully validate, respect and accept someone's identity socially, without wanting to have a sexual relationship with them: THIS IS NOT A PHOBIA! In the same way that numerous factors can simply be a dealbreaker (being too tall, being too fat, being too thin, having children, not making a certain income, not having a certain level of education, etc.), their sexuality can also be a dealbreaker for pursuing a romantic relationship. As long as you do not exhibit hating, disdaining, belittling or judging them for their sexual OR gender-identity and are showing them the same love and respect as any other human being, YOU DO NOT NEED TO INVITE THEM INTO YOUR BED TO PROVE IT! We all have the right to respectfully have a preference for who we want to sleep with and what constitutes a deal breaker. This is not discriminating against their social wellbeing (the right to life, liberty or the pursuit of happiness) by denying them employment, access to public spaces, financial security, housing, education, etc. If these aspects of their life are being interfered with because of who they are, THEN it is a phobia.
I agree. It doesn't make sense to expect everyone to be sexually attracted and open to relationships with people of every sexuality.
This is why I was so scared to come out as bi for so long. Thanks for addressing this head on.
would i?! i'm looking for him! 😂
no but srsly. LOL as a pan woman, out Bi//Pan//Queer men are really the only men i'm dating at this point; men who've done the work.
otherwise, i just don't have the spoons. soooo yea. very much looking forward to this video!! 🖤✊🏾
Agreed
@hellaSwankky AMEN
@@APrftCrclTempest + ase. LOL 🖤✊🏾
@@greenthinggg 🖤✊🏾
can a hetero man not have done the work?
Or is the work you are talking about intrinsic to the queer experience?
Or are the odds with straight men just too bad?
For me i saw being with a bi man as someone mentioned before as "more competition" and he wouldn't be fully satisfied with being with me because of this desire to sexually be with both women and men at all times. I had to unpack this way of thinking once i found out a boy who i had liked for years was openly bisexual. Finding out that he was bi didn't make me stop liking him.
I agree
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
@@weeb6316 my only advice to you would be go where you're wanted and appreciated! Don't tolerate anyone speaking to you like that. Plenty of women are okay with whatever your sexuality may be so instead focus on that group ! Please allow me to reassure you that nothing is wrong or disgusting about you. Youre normal and have the right to desire whatever it is that you do as long as it's consenting adults involved ! ❤️
The first part of the title, "Would you date a bisexual man?" doesn't have much to do with the video. What's really being discussed here is CLOSETED (Downlow) bisexual men, and all of the complexity and drama that can come with them. Which is a great topic, and I love the video! I just wish I wasn't misdirected by that first part of the title.
This was a great vid, Khadija! The guest spot from Herby was beautiful. So insightful and compassionate.
I love that about your channel in general, but you both really showed your care and kindness in this one and I deeply appreciate it.
Really do think that people "forget" that the near most important parts of a relationship is "Is your partner attracted to you?" and "Are we compatible?".
Frankly I now move through the world giving people a "neutral" sexuality (i.e. bisexuality/pansexuality) as such it helps me focus on question 1 and then question 2 because if 1 is met, why would I reasonably care how my partner identifies, they're attracted to me and in relationship with me.
THIS. I really don't understand how people get so far away from the fundamentals of attraction and compatibility between the (usually) two people involved.
I've heard some heterosexual women in the past argue against dating bi men because they want "their man to be into p*ssy ONLY", which I found to be a strange argument. Why? Why is him being into *your* particular p*ssy simply NOT enough? Why do you care so much about someone's past or future attraction to people of your own sex? It literally has nothing to do with you! Makes 0 sense to me...
Maybe their just not attracted to bisexual men and that's ok
@@jcbrad4709 Sexuality isn't something to be attracted to in itself lmao. Its like saying you aren't attracted to people who don't have 20/20 vision. Weirdo.
@@KIDPLZZ exactly!!
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
I would definitely. I think they are more secure in their masculinity.
Exactly
Yep.
👏👏👏👏👏👏. This! Their masculinity is not performative. They aren't worried about everyone questioning it just because they choose to explore their sexuality fully with their partner. They know who they are and don't let others' prejudices or perceptions sway that.
Talk about strength and confidence. Hot AF. And I am a cis het woman.
Thank you for talking about this Khadija! It's been really tough for me to come to terms with my bisexuality but you make it so much easier to feel comfortable with myself. Much love, keep up the great work!
Thank you for explaining this. I've never understood why women don't want to date bi-men, and I've asked and asked and this is the first time someone has been able to explain the whole picture adequately.
I think a few main issues are left put still. One is the idea that men are always horny all of the time, so they should settle for whatever they can get. A straight man may never get satisfying sex in a relationship or even get to feel sexually desirable. He may try to cheat on his partner, but if she won't do what he wants, another woman probably won't either.
Another factor is Karens. A lot of women want to be with a guy she can punch up against. Having to hear a guy talk about his systemic oppression is not something a lot of women are prepared to do.
Because women are afraid that they won't satisfy their bi bfs. Bi people most likely have experienced different things and find different things attractive. Like, for example bi men are more into pegging ( some straight men also like it, of course ) and women think " i can't give him it. I can't satisfy him because I don't have male body/ don't like this staff, so he will leave me for a man"
Gay/lesbians often same logic "I won't satisfy my partner because I don't have a penis/vagina or boobs".
@@lefu87williford55 I'm FtM and this is 💯 on point
What's hard to understand? There are not everyone's cup of tea.
Really excited for this video. I think this isn't talked about enough, and I don't feel comfortable justifying it as a preference. Especially so when it's often stated as one with the assumption bisexuals are more likely to cheat, or just want an open relationship (no judging for polyamorous bisexuals with consenting partners, just that boring monogamous bis like myself do exist lol)
Then again, some people do use bi as an identity as a shorthand for those things. But is that most people? I don't think so. Arghhh! Should we make sweeping judgements about a whole group of people based on a few bad apples (who exist in every group)? Sure you'll be able to speak more eloquently on this than I will ever be able to.
Also outside infidelity and ignorance about sexual health. Some people also think bisexual men are less masculine. I don't see a lot of people talking about that though, when it comes to criticism of this ''preference". People usually think all the biphobic women are afraid of bi men cheating or affecting their health. I don't see a lot people talking about how women can have rigid ideas of masculinity too, particularly when it comes to bisexual men in this case. Probably because that conversation would be bigger than just bi men.
@@markstriker925 True, true, good point. What's really frustrating when talking about misogyny to certain people is that they think we're saying all women can do no wrong and are immune from misogynistic/patriarchal ideas. Misogyny can harm men too, the many who don't fit the arbitrary 'masculine' standard in some people's eyes. Whether that's down to fashion choices, hobbies, 'being emotional' or being a part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum.
Women can most definitely uphold misogyny and harm or insult men in the process. Though some biphobic women are paranoid about their partner cheating, the internalised misogyny is also a huge factor. Verilybitchie's video on why society hates bisexual men is great on lining out some of these issues (there's one for bi women I think too). Can't remember whether it had a section on women's expectation on masculinity, but this is something that needs to be talked about more.
what do you say to smb who said i cant date a bi men since he would always desire something i cant give and also said gay sex is just disgusting and who said gay isn’t masculine and i like masculine so i cant I haven’t found any articles on that being attracted to dudes make you less of a man but hearing it all the times im starting to believe it btw bi curious and smb i said cared for said this please answer if you have a good answer
Woooh. Hearing you say, “I’ll give you something to cry about.” Took me right back to my childhood and not in a good way. 😅
Me too
I love how nicely the subtitles were written, it must've been a lot of work to go through the entire video and transcript it. Really appreciate it s2 :)
I just clicked, Haven't watched the video yet, and I'm already just happy about even seeing someone finally having an open productive talk about this subject. Just in general, for premise and representation alone. Thank you!
The answer is yes, sounds great.
bi men are just better
Literally
If this were true then there wouldn’t be such low rates in dating in bi men vs bi women…
@@imanigordon6803 because biphobia exists??
@@akash-pu5bz yes biphobia exist but then your statement is false because it isn’t reflected in reality.
Funny how when you say men things its called stereotyping but when you say good thing it’s called a fact. There are good and bad in every race, sexuality, gender, etc. no one is better than anyone.
I appreciate the collab, Herby has a lot of good things to say and think about
fire video as always 🔥🔥 loved herby's appearance, they had a lot to contribute to the conversation.
I love that we're calling it a paradox, like it's a warp in the space-time continuum 😂