Worst Parenting Mistakes + Going to Therapy | Ep. 298
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- Опубликовано: 12 июн 2024
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Mentioned during podcast:
- "When Your Child is 6 to 12" by John Drescher - amzn.to/3VkTshg 
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I would really love it if you guys did an entire episode on your favourite parenting books
When I came to Christ, one of the first things I knew I needed to do was forgive my parents (to God) and I felt such compassion towards them instead of disappointment. They were not bad people at all, just broken and not great at parenting. Now I'm an adult and a I have my own family and I get to live this life in Christ much differently than my own childhood and I'm not hurt. Christ will redeem everything.
Love this!
Years ago, I fell into the cultural trap of whining about my parents...until I met my future husband, who had endured all manner of ACTUAL abuse. Despite this, he had developed a Christian heart of gold and refused to be defined by bitterness. I decided then that I needed to get over myself. So many cases of therapy and trauma etc etc are just overblown navel gazing these days.
You guys this is a great episode (as usual!). One of my biggest regrets is starting screen time. If I could go back, I would never introduce screens to my child.❤
Doug Wilsons Dad Jim taught on bitterness. As Christians we aren't allowed by Christ to be bitter either at our parents or children.
He points out that bitterness is from someone sinning against us...and our parents have and our kids but we must forgive. If we are bringing up the past at kids or parents there is a good chance we are bitter and need to repent.
" don't make their sin your sin".
Praise God we are forgiven as we forgive.
As a foster mom, there are valid reasons children grow up and want nothing to do with their parents. Some people experience the worst betrayals you can imagine from their families, so I have to disagree that we need to assume all parents did their best. Sexually abused children have every right to set a strong boundary of no contact and denounce the name of their abuser. I will never say to those kids, "Forgive." I respect and honor their timeline of processing emotions and personal journey on the path of freedom for their souls. If they struggle with bitterness towards them for the rest of their lives, I don't believe that makes them immature. It is the Holy Spirit protecting them. Forgiveness doesn't always mean you don't have bitterness. It can mean that you simply don't take revenge. We have to make room for people who do not come from nice upbringings. You are blessed if you can look back and say your parents did their best despite their imperfections. Totally different from looking back at agony and despair purposely caused by your family. That doesn't deserve any acknowledgment.
Yes, well said. Not all parents do the best they can.
I agree this unfortunately didn't show compassion to those who really have suffered. They were blessed and even privileged to have been raised in a Godly home by moms who chose to stay home and love and raise them
Katie clearly said that whining about things that aren't actual trauma takes away due attention from those who have actually experienced trauma, so I'm sure she would agree with you here!
If at all possible, It would be ideal for those children to never be around the abusing parent ever again. The Holy Spirit could help the abused child to forgive. This may not happen until adulthood.. Bitterness… is not what Christ wants for us. He has called us to a new life in him. Only he could heal and weed out this kind of sin and hurt. God bless & help you in taking care of the children he has put in your care Ana.
@eileenhershberger4686 I don't think it's our place to judge how well someone handles certain situations. Someone I know suffered heavily from depression, almost suicidal, and when you looked around you wouldn't even expect it. A family member of mine said to her something around the lines of" what do you have to be so sad about" , and this reminds me of that . No one on the outside can really judge how any event affects people
Such good insight about how holding on to bitterness is now regarded as a sign of “spiritual growth,” while in the past humbling yourself in confession and repentance was the mark of growth. We millennials like to confess the sin of others against us instead of confessing our own sins 😂. It’s good to recognize things we need to change from our own upbringing and to repent of generational sins, but our generation has to stop having grace for everyone except the people who hurt us.
My husband grew up poor in a family of 7 children, I grew up in an orphanage in Russia and adopted into a family of 7 children. Parents will raise their children differently because they have different experiences...so each family and generation is unique.
I don't typically comment, but wow. This may be my favorite episode so far.. which is hard to say because I've had lots of favorites! Thank you so much for sharing and being vulnerable. I am part of the GIAD club and sometimes it can feel hard to relate to y'all because you seem like you have it together so well. But Katie, what you shared in regards to reacting to your children, myself and so many other Mother's I know struggle in that area and it is just a relief to know that we are not alone and an encouragement to keep growing.
"Most parents do the best they can with what they have" this could mean what they have financially what they have emotionally what they have spiritually. This is something I have been saying for a long time, and I think it really makes sense when you get older. I have also heard the quote that no two children grow up in the same household .
It’s also used as an excuse…
Thank you for this podcast! Out of all the parenting books you have what would be your number one to read right away?
This is exactly what I was crying to my Husband about last night. Perfect timing!
Thank you for this… I am realizing that I have been too critical of my parents who were really overall so wonderful … you are shedding light on an important topic…
Love this! I do feel like when you guys said “taking responsibility is a life long skill” that can apply to parents even as they are in their 60’s, and 70’s etc….I heard on the Intentional Parents podcast, Diane Comer say “someday when your kids are older, you will have to apologize and own the things you did that hurt them.” And I feel like that is so healthy and true!
Katie…I feel like I was watching myself talking when you went into talking about letting stress affect how we treat our children and husbands. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable in sharing your thoughts. Loved this episode you guys!!!
I’m a long time silent viewer and just had my first baby, In my third trimester my healthy christian father was diagnosed with glioblastoma and He died 10 days after my daughter was born. I was saddened to hear Elisha joke about ‘fighting cancer’ so casually. Just remember a lot of families do deal with this disease and it isn’t a joking matter.
I am so sorry for your loss. May God continue to comfort you as you learn to live without your father.
I was in my 2nd year of college when my stepdad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Had a huge tumor in his right side of his brain. He was the closest thing I had to a father figure. Such a great man. I met my husband when I was 15. Because of him my mom accepted for me to date him. He saw my husband as a wonderful kid in love with Christ. He died 4 months before our wedding. He still encouraged us to married. Next month we r celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary. We welcome our second baby girl 8 months ago and to Gods glory we continue to enjoy each other in a godly marriage. Super thankful. We were just kids when we met and just young adults when we married at 19 and 20 years old.
Last year while I was expecting our second baby girl, my husband’s dad was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully he is been treated outside of the usa and is receiving top notch treatment and was recently told that he has about 15-20 years left. 🙏🙏
I am sure Elisha did not mean to hurt anyone but yes a gently reminder to him that so many families are going through so much.
Sending you big bear hugs to your entire family.
So true. I had 3 cancer scares this last year surgery and biopsies, it's not a laughing matter at all, I do think they both have the best intentions and I think they are such wonderful souls but I agree with the above comment it should be a gentle reminder that people do deal with health issues and trauma
@49:00 Reaction vs Response... I'm a pharmacist and love words. A reaction to a medication is negative, while a response to it is positive 😀
With me it's an instantaneous, impulsive, over reaction. Responses are more measured and prayerful. I don't know as much about the latter.
Wow I just really appreciated your words on trauma and that not everyone genuinely had situations happen to them that are as bad like you said as the extreme situations. It’s tough when trauma is just a word to cover a lot of hurt whether it was surface level, could be fixed with reconciliation versus something that was not okay and truly traumatic.
I now have a good relationship with a family member but I grew up in a home where in my adolescence my eldest brother was an alcoholic living at home with us. It really was traumatic for me, then this closest family member in my family was very emotional abusive and was very vile with words. There has been no perfect reconciliation other than God enabling me to forgive, to love when it doesn’t make sense, but firm boundaries in place, and giving some of that time. There has been many instances though in my marriage where I notice “why does this affect me the way it does?” But it usually stemmed from either unhealthy communication of it growing up or things of that nature.
But sorry for the life story. Genuinely thankful for your perspective on that! We always have a choice, especially as Christian’s (a duty moreover) to move forward in love.
I read a book called bold love and it really opened my eyes to loving the *unworthy* so to speak.
Katie, what you said at the beginning is such an important message! Thank you for sharing your heart on that. I thought it really set the stage well and it brought me great perspective and how I should be looking back on my childhood! Thank you for getting on your soapbox about it! I really think it was important.💜💖
You both are amazing. Thank you for your dedication and your content is life-changing. All glory be to God!
I have to say that I have more and more respect for you guys…I can really see y’all growing. A lot of wisdom said here. Thanks for the encouragement.
Thank you for being so honest about your difficulties. Especially snapping at the kids, I really struggle with that, and it's heartening to see two people struggling with that while still shooting for the stars with their children. I love my kids more than anything, but I'm also human and sinful.
Excellent episode; so encouraging.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so relatable. I just re-read To Train Up a Child again this week and can resonate so much with this. The consistency part can be the hardest depending on the scenario, because you can do it all right nine times out of ten, but if you let something slide that one time, they’ll only keep testing and trying even further to see if mom or dad will cave in. Currently trying to re-train my kids and hoping it really is only 2-3 days to get fully on track, because this mother can use some rest and delight with my children.
Clicked so fast on this! Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. Very encouraging.
This episode was so good and really spoke deeply to me! Thank you so much Elisha and Katie for what you do! You are a real blessing! May God bless you and guide you and give you wisdom in whatever you're going through! Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you!
Such a good point about having kids young. There is something to be said about figuring it out as you go. I have seen friends and family have their first children older and they are so hard on themselves.
Wanted to cry just reading the title of this episode ❤ thank you for your transparency! Can’t wait to listen
Thank you for this. Thank you for being so open and helpful to us young parents. May God continue to use you guys ❤ this was so convicting.
Hello! Can you please share all your recommended parenting books? I have a 3 year old & 1 year old.
Great podcast
Very hard hitting podcast
Do yall have a video or blog with a list of Biblical parenting toddler books?
Was your mother Katie the youngest sibling or favoured one? That can also have some effect
I thought this as well
"Best interest" of the child is such a vague and gray area. Many abusive parents have done things thinking it was in the "best interest" of the child. What is considered abuse to one can be considered "best interest" to another. It's not so simple. Just saying.
Agree 100% even if you look at very Christian households they children who have suffered because of the upbringing, it truly saddens me to brush all that off
What other parenting books/resources do you recommend?
You have truly been blessed and privileged with Godly parents who raised you and taught you of Christ, but unfortunately many Christian parents failed that aspect of parenting and following Gods Word in that aspect and I see it all the time. Tooooo many times I see those who were raised in very religious homes, but so so so broken and torn.
I so truly appreciate and agree with your look on how God has forgiven us and we should forgive parents and the unfortunate bitterness that arises as we get older. Its so true I went through that myself, however, it saddens me because there are MANY people who have suffered, whose lives have been damaged due to the non-parenting that went on during their childhood. Women left their children to come home from public school with nothing to eat while they worked , sexual abuse, from close people , emotional, mental, physical, and Spiritual. These are now raising their children and dying on the inside because of it. I think the lack of compassion and realization of this came off in this video. As my pastor says its not juvenile delinquency its PARENTAL delinquency that causes so much mess. I think the work youre doing is amazing and NEEDED , and i hate to be critical, but i feel so bad for those who listened to this who have suffered and is still suffering through.
Will the homeschool course be going on sale any time soon? ;)
I have a question. Have you guys read this parenting book? Having a new kid by Friday. If so, would you recommend it?
What book is it?
❤❤❤
I have appreciated your podcasts. However, I was hoping you would be more open in this one given the title.
Often, when one of them is confessional, the other will smooth it over and not let them get real.
Ok what is your kid doesn’t give you immediate obedience?
Wow, didn't know you were psychologists now. How dismissive of others' experiences. You talk about growth and truth all the time, but reject the opportunity when brought to you by an adult child? Katie especially being disrespectful towards others' childhood experiences. The eye rolling and all. How do you know people are making up trauma? Have you spoken intimately with such people. Maybe you personally know a few people who might be "stuck" in childhood, but to generalize like you do is very immature. You talk as if it's all made up and over dramatized. What would be the motive for an injured soul to do such a thing (make up or dramatize an experience)? I would say this is the exception, not the rule. Evolution and advances in parenting as a result of emerging knowledge of the effect of certain practices is a good thing. Not a good idea to suppress it.
Perhaps you didn’t hear everything she said. Katie clearly stated that the masses of people who are obsessing over childhood trauma recently are actually taking away from those of us who have had real trauma. She addressed that abuse is a real thing and was not referring to those who were legitimately traumatized. I appreciated that she said this. I had real trauma. Real childhood abuse. Dark stuff. I worked with a clinical psychologist for 18 months. She would agree that it is disheartening to see masses and masses of people in recent years claiming they are triggered and traumatized because they are simply chronically online and it’s being spewed everywhere. It waters down the amount of support available for the few who really need it. So I personally appreciated that Katie addressed this.
@@JuniperLynn789 Masses and masses? Another exaggeration.
Agree! Katie had a very weird take on this. She said it breaks her heart the amount of adults going to therapy to talk about their childhood. Just because someone goes to therapy doesn't mean they don't love or respect their parents. Katie talks a lot about controlling her children. It seems like she is insecure and wants to even try to control her children's emotions. I think Katie would benefit from therapy.
I was just telling my husband before this podcast that it seems like almost everyone I meet lately Christian and secular says they are estranged and/or had to go to therapy to recover from family. It's been pretty discouraging because I have always had it in my heart that I want to get parenting "right." Obviously it will never be perfect but I have thought...if all these people got it so wrong that their kids have grown up and now feel like abuse victims, how can I as broken and sinful as I am ever possibly get it right?
It makes me anxious. And I grew up in a secular home with drugs addictions, I got hurt some but overall when I look at my parents with Christ in my heart I know that he put me in their home for a reason and they really loved me and wanted what was best. I can see the good in them and why God wanted me there.
I think it's just imorotant to note that we live in a culture, like Elisha said that encourages looking back at how you were wronged. A victim culture. Not a culture of forgiveness and conviction. That can free us from living with this anxiety that somehow everything we do is going to mess up our children. If someone is lying or overreacting isn't for us to judge but we can say we live in a victim culture and we shouldn't let that stop us from using God's word to teach our children.
@@jessicamarie7322why would an adult who is happy, has good relationships with their family, and is self-sufficient need to go to therapy? You do realize therapy can't make us perfect or keep sin out of our lives? This idea that we need therapy to fix our problems is so crazy. People can address their own problems and grow without a psychologist getting involved. there are people out that were raped, starved, tortured, in war zones, orphaned waiting to see therapists. And you think someone that seems too type A needs therapy? This is exactly what they were talking about. The tendency in the modern world to say I have some kind of flaw or bad habit so I am going to go to therapy to fix it. Not saying we shouldn't ever be convicted and work on ourselves but people are just messy and broken and therapists cannot fix that.
Katie thank you for your vulnerability ❤ my husband and I are in a similar stage of life 5 kiddos 9 to 1. I have learned and grown over time in how I react to my loved ones (not perfect, still human) by the Grace of God and also the podcast Make Joy Normal by Bonnie Landry , good stuff 🙌 🙏 ❤ruclips.net/video/vB3BZ22VzLM/видео.htmlsi=L-BL8Dl_k1_QrP8H