My husband is avoiding intimacy still after 3 months after DDay.. He says he loves me and how sorry he is he made a huge mistake by having an affair but i don't believe him. He's not trying hard enough! Why!?? He tried hard to pursue the other woman! Why can't he do what is right!??? No amount of therapy is going to help someone who can't or won't help themselves.
I wanted intimacy but he gave it to someone else. Now I try to avoid it with him. I don’t have much left for him after knowing how long he played his emotional affair game. 40 years down the drain for 9 years of a game at church. She played it with any married men who were weak and selfish. Sad but he turned me completely off playing this game for so long. We’re together because we have no where else to go. She was a joke, he’s just too much of an idiot to have figured that out early on. Blind as a bat, now ruined our marriage. He wants to sweep it under the rug and pretend all is well. Is that enough avoidance for you? I’ve never received one bit of sympathy for being broken. He’s tired of my drama and you need to get over it, are his two favorite terms of endearment for me.
It does mean they were not loving towards their partner though right? Whether it’s an internalised “inability” to care or comfort their partner due to childhood or FOO issues, it is not “loving” their partner to act out.
You are absolutely correct - in no way is it "loving" toward a partner to act out. It is an almost violent pushing away - a means of finding "safety" (not real safety but perceived) in disconnection (and in fantasy)... in this case, forced disconnection that the partner feels but does not know why and is traumatic in itself even before discovery - James
This was a very heavy yet extremely enlightening episode. Thank you for what you do. By chance is there any plans for one upcoming on compartmentalization?
My husband is avoiding intimacy still after 3 months after DDay.. He says he loves me and how sorry he is he made a huge mistake by having an affair but i don't believe him. He's not trying hard enough! Why!?? He tried hard to pursue the other woman! Why can't he do what is right!??? No amount of therapy is going to help someone who can't or won't help themselves.
Have you looked at limerence? My wife is similar but also is an undiagnosed covert narcissist
The go numb about it. That’s what I did. It made things so much worse. I sincerely wish I could have been stronger than that.
I wanted intimacy but he gave it to someone else. Now I try to avoid it with him. I don’t have much left for him after knowing how long he played his emotional affair game. 40 years down the drain for 9 years of a game at church. She played it with any married men who were weak and selfish. Sad but he turned me completely off playing this game for so long. We’re together because we have no where else to go. She was a joke, he’s just too much of an idiot to have figured that out early on. Blind as a bat, now ruined our marriage. He wants to sweep it under the rug and pretend all is well. Is that enough avoidance for you? I’ve never received one bit of sympathy for being broken. He’s tired of my drama and you need to get over it, are his two favorite terms of endearment for me.
My husband is definitely on that spectrum. It's difficult for us both.
It does mean they were not loving towards their partner though right?
Whether it’s an internalised “inability” to care or comfort their partner due to childhood or FOO issues, it is not “loving” their partner to act out.
You are absolutely correct - in no way is it "loving" toward a partner to act out. It is an almost violent pushing away - a means of finding "safety" (not real safety but perceived) in disconnection (and in fantasy)... in this case, forced disconnection that the partner feels but does not know why and is traumatic in itself even before discovery - James
This was a very heavy yet extremely enlightening episode. Thank you for what you do. By chance is there any plans for one upcoming on compartmentalization?
Powerful. BM.
Fantastic episode.