Father Knows: Feeling Stuck
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- Опубликовано: 4 апр 2022
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD.
This episode features write-ins that are all across the board but have a common theme of feeling stuck, whether it be pressing problems or big decisions.
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It’s easy to say ‘the past is the past’ when you weren’t the one cheated on. If I wasted 7 years on someone and they ended up cheating on me, I’d be done with them. There is zero respect there. I don’t blame the brother for being mad and to be quite honest, I couldn’t continue to be friends with someone who cheated on my family member. Shows too much bad in their character
Jerry has been cheating on and so has Justin
It’s not childish to not want to be around a cheating ex. If you don’t want to be around someone that’s more than fine
The driving anxiety story - I wish I could talk to you in person because this was me!! I could drive to work and back and that was it, now I will drive anywhere, I'm working on my confidence for driving through cities but I know I will get there. Just in case you happen to read this I will leave some tips on how I recovered. I assume his anxiety is not just related to driving and he experiences it with other things, so he will have to work on his anxiety as a whole, with agoraphobic related anxieties exposure is key (I know he will hate this) but practicing how to get somewhere with all the help; a supportive person, GPS, looking at directions and videos on how to do certain manoeuvres beforehand). I also conditioned myself not to feel anxiety when I get into my car by chewing gum, chewing deactivates the fight or flight response, making you feel safe, so every time he sits in his car he should chew gum. A music playlist he loves to sing along to, singing is another way to deactivated fight or flight. I also had to cut out caffeine because of health issues and ever since I never get that fluttery, shaky, physical anxiety feeling and that has helped immensely. Good luck, i know your partner can get better, if I did it anyone can!
I have terrible driving anxiety, i started learning now at 30 and am going for my license test next month. The only way of getting through the lessons was going weekly (consistently!) and a lesson I didn’t cry was a win from me. Thank you for these tips cause I know I will still need them in the future
@@givemesomesugar oh my gosh well done!! The freedom you will eventually feel will make it all worth it. Took me over a year of lessons to pass but I'm glad I took my time. Don't be afraid of booking lessons even after you've passed either, I know people who have done this and they're much more confident now. I also used to practice parking in carparks after the shops close really helps you get comfortable with the area. Good luck for your test you will smash it and even if you don't, no big deal just keep trying!
I love the tools you implemented to get through the anxiety.. Thank you for writing in. As far as talking in a real situation or one on one with me, it is totally possible we do it on our Patreon live show.
@@jerrysiegel3354 Thank you for your reply Jerry, I live for your podcast it's helped me so much. Also think I may have been confusing in my comment, I was offering some tips as I was also in this position, this wasn't my write in, oops!
😢 Yeeee😅😅w iou 😮😂I 😮 I ihi😂w
I'm sorry I just can't get over that Cadillac! $250!!!! TWO HUNDRED!!! AND FIFTY DOLLARS!!!!!😲
So sad that her mother would not back off and allow our writer to decide for herself what was important to her. Especially for that the mother and father were divorced and she had no rights. Her mother let her own personal feelings anger and vengeance take cold and deny her daughter the right and Possible needs to deal with these items and connect or disconnect at her own pace
I always love hearing Jerry’s stories about when his kids were little. How freaking adorable was that story at the beginning about little Morgan in her playhouse charging him for his own tools? Can we get a bonus show that is just Jerry reminiscing and sharing cute memories like that because I’d be 100% here for that!
Story 2: I can 100% see this from every side and I really don't know how I would handle it. Good luck OP
Where can we send dad socks? He's so sweet i want to send him a gift! Love this podcast!
Thank you as I can not wait to see what you Picked
the driving story- as someone who nearly died in a car accident in 2019, it's been 3 years and i have only tried to drive twice since then and it is TERRIFYING. i sometimes can't even sit in the passenger seat or the backseat of a car because my reflexes kick in or the trauma kicks in. driving anxiety is really hard but its not THAT debilitating. especially with ubers/lyfts.
For the person who lost their Father..there is also the book by Megan Devine- It's ok to not be ok..about grief..because there is no time line on grief. 💜💜 to you for your loss
I can’t believe u only have 7.8k subs I am shocked . YOUR VIDS ARE LIFEEEE
Shilan, help spread word… also thanks for listening
THANK YOU for bringing up Burning man. My mind immediately went to it as well. If you need healing from the power of fire, its the spot.
ps. There are plenty of regional burns since BM is so $$
Hi SpOoks.... seem my long burner post just written!! Agree on the regionals. I'm Jerry's Burner Cousin. See you on the Playa!
@@paulwiderman1 Cant't wait to come home!
The driving story- I actually have the same problem as the boyfriend, here’s some advice from an extreme anxiety ridden young woman! Don’t keep pushing for the license let him do it; let him choose cause for me the more others around me push it the more I pull back from it and my boyfriend is so supportive of me either way and of course he hopes I get my license but he isn’t pushing which is making me want to drive more to show him that I’m worth believing in. I used to have nightmares as a kid driving the car and my dad trying to catch up and I end up crashing so I’ve always hated vehicles in general and I thought I’d get over it but once I started driving at 19 I started having non stop nightmares of crashing or someone crashing me and either I die or someone I love dies which makes it so much harder but I told my boyfriend I will do whatever it takes to get my license but I refuse to do the interstate and huge cities but I’m fine with long car rides and our lil city and other lil cities so give him time and he will most likely feel guilt about you driving and will hopefully put in the effort
Young dude seemed ignorant about the driving anxiety story. The older guy was pretty cool and understanding of it. I have a friend that has driving anxiety, it came at him out of nowhere, no traumas. He can drive local but not too far. His girl drives him around when it’s far and she doesn’t seem to mind because he wasn’t always like that. I pick him up when we hang out but it’s no big deal.
I had a car accident about 15 years ago and it gave me anxiety driving the car afterwards and I was terrified of driving at higher speeds like on the motorway. I was like that for a while, I slowly got better after driving around urban areas at slower speeds and eventually got to the motorway. Now I’m completely fine and it was just a stage I had to work through. But you have to be willing to try
The driving one got me. I have so much anxiety with time I’ve been able to kinda control it but it acts up in very busy cities freeways or in snow. When I was a kid my mom would get into car crashes one of which we drove off the Road which was a small cliff probably as tall as a truck but as a kid it was huge. I believe is where my anxiety comes from. Also it was during snow and/or ice. It’s so weird when I’m driving I can be so happy and then thoughts of driving off the road or my car messing up comes to mind and then I have gasp for air and my hand get sweaty .. one time driving from my moms (this past winter) it started to snow on the way the whole ride which is about 13 mins I was breathing so heavy once I parked my car and turned it off i had a full on panic attack my son (10) had to calm me down and reminded me to breath in and breath out while doing it with me 🥹. It can get pretty bad. Please don’t make him feel like that fear isn’t real (my sons dad when we were together did) just be supportive and tell him you’ll be there while he drives a bit more and if he can’t pull over and switch until he can drive. It definitely takes time though.
I am writing in response to the father that passed and left a grieving child in the wake.
My suggestion is to write him a letter telling him everything that you wanted to tell him. Share your feelings, ask your question, tell him it all in this letter. You can work on this letter until you feel it is ready.
Then you find a place and time or a quiet moment and choose how you'd like to release your letter to your dad. This could be anything like buring the letter with good intentions, tying it to a balloon and letting it go, placing it into a bible or putting it in a treasured place.
You'll know where or what to do when the time comes to you.
Sending heart felt sympathy and know this will soften with time and you'll find that there will be more positive memories that come forward.
❤
I love these podcasts. Listening to Jerry soothes my brain. Someday I hope to have an ounce of zen he seems to have lol
This podcast brings me joy
Spread the love , and the link to it to your friends
@@jerrysiegel3354 I do every time!! I also post clips on my story with the link🤍🤍🤍
I had horrible driving anxiety due to multiple car crashes as a kid. It took me being forced to drive on the highway repeatedly and now i love it. Shying away from it made it so much worse.
To the persons who lost their father, grief is so tricky and it’s okay if it takes time. It’s okay to be angry at them for things they did and still miss them too. I’m sorry you were pressured into selling his car before you were ready to figure out what to do with it. There is an amazing podcast called A New Day that discusses handling grief among other thing and wonderful resources. Processing grief doesn’t look one way. Please be kind to yourself as you figure it out. Also, and it may not work for everyone, but sometimes I talk out loud to that person and tell them I miss them or whatever it is I needed to say.
Awe I’m so early! I loooove this podcast! I hope everyone has a wonderful day ❤️
Me personally, I’d never knowingly be friends with a cheater. If they’re willing to cheat on the person they’re supposed to be closest to its very telling of their values which don’t align with mine. The only time I think cheating is okay is when getting away from abusive relationships. I do not believe in that “it wasn’t intentional, I didn’t mean for it to happen” blah blah blah. Consciously making a decision to cheat on your partner is an absolute disgusting behavior that I do want no part of ESPECIALLY if you do it to someone I’m close to? I can’t imagine my siblings being friends or close to someone I brought into the family that did me dirty. I would cut everyone off expeditiously regardless of how toxic that may seem bc not only is the trust broken I simply don’t see them as a good or valuable person anymore.
I love this podcast. Jerry has given such a liberating outlook on life.
Thank you Chappy
The girl is a bad sister
Love the podcast! I would love to hear more about maybe relationships with parents!
My anxiety for driving probably started when I was 5 in a two door truck with my dad and someone cut us off hitting my side of the door 😂 I remember the cops asking me what was in my princess cup.. it was milk 😭 38:15
Jerry is a dead ringer for my father, other then the way they look and sound of his voice, I can hear him in everything he says. I’m Morgan’s age, and we too, we’re inseparable, My dad past this June and it brings me so much comfort listening to this podcast❤
Kirsten, I’m so sorry to hear of you dad passing to the other side.. some people don’t believe this possibility, and if you don’t, not disrespect intended.. i offer this thought close your eyes and think of him, and tell me if you hear him in your minds eye… if so tell him, I appreciate his daughter and her thoughts. Ps . I felt him saying thank you…
The driving story, I totally relate. I'm 23 and don't even have my license. I don't know what it is but I just have so much anxiety about being in control of such a big machine. I'm the opposite of my dad, he gets anxiety if he's not driving the car and he doesn't ride roller coasters because of it. I have 2 kids and my fiance does all the driving, sometimes I feel guilty for making him drive everywhere but we live in a small town so I can walk to most of the places if I need to. We used to live in a city that has city busses and honestly I'd like to go back to having access to the bus so I can be more independent. I think if someone really does have that much anxiety it's not safe for them to drive, if you've ever watched Canada's worst driver you'll see scared drivers aren't safe drivers.
Driving Anxiety: this poor person seems a little more extreme than I was. But I have/had very bad driving anxiety! I went to my dr and she helped me so much! I do have generalized anxiety disorder, so I am now medicated. But it really has helped so much. When I don’t know the parking situation I get anxious. This will only get worse for him and it will trickle into other phobias if it’s not dealt with.
This was nice to wake up to as my 4:30 AM wake up call 😃
I've always had driving anxiety and I don't drive because of it
It's not post traumatic, driving just freaks me out because there is so much to keep track of and I'm just not build for it
31:00 ish story
(29 F) i have never thought about hypnosis but my anxiety has affected me even being able to get my driver’s license. I’ve gotten my permit a few times because I know what and how the driving laws work, I just can’t stop feeling panic being behind the wheel.
The difference in my life is that my s/o (29) and I have been together since hs so he’s always known about my driving anxiety and has never complained. So maybe op just doesn’t have patience or is with the wrong partner….idk 🤷🏻♀️
Hearing you talk about hemophilia related to me so much. My moms dad had it and my mom was a carrier. My brother was born with it and my sister is also a carrier . I’m the only one who didn’t get it.
My best friend died two days before my 21 birthday and days before I was supposed to go see him but I flaked. He got mad and ignored me till he passed 💔 it’s been almost 3 years I regret not going to see him every time I think of him 43:13
I used to have driving anxiety as well in my late teens/early 20s. No particular reason or ptsd just afraid. My first bf used to drive me most places and I had major anxiety over driving on the highway or somewhere I had to follow a gps. And I absolutely would not drive someone else’s car. I started to get over my fear around 22yrs old because my bf and I broke up and I moved to a different area where I had a longer commute to work which I had to take the highway to get to. I got over the fear more and more as I drove and got even more comfortable and could parallel park when I moved in the city. Now I’m almost 29 and am a great driver with 0 anxiety around it. This might not be the case for everyone, but in my experience the more you cater to the fear over time, the harder it’s going to be to break.
The Story with the car: maybe they should move into a city , so he can use public transport. Diving is scary af don`t force him.
to the girl in the first story, if you somehow see this feel free to reach out. I’ve been in the same position before and I remember that feeling very well.
Hello 👋 thank you for you’re comment ❤️ I am just seeing this now as I usually listen on Spotify
The driving anxiety story, she may have already suggested therapy/hypnosis and got nowhere as some people don't believe in it. She can't give up her life completely for him. What did he do before he started dating? It seems like he has gotten comfortable and has trouble with any changes. What's wrong with him taking public transportation or being part of a work car pool and just contributing money? I have anxiety driving, too, but I have anxiety in general. Is he anxious all of the time? He has to be willing to admit something is wrong. I will pray for these two.
Regarding the last story… I’m annoyed that the woman in both scenarios is regarded as the one to speak for their respective partnerships. Did the father not marry his cousin, as well? Did Jerry’s Great-great Uncle not marry his niece? I think it’s more “bold” for a man to marry his niece, rather than vise versa, but nonetheless, assuming all persons involved were consenting adults, then all questions / concerns ought to be directed towards the pair(s) as united equals… not the woman speaking for them both as if she’s responsible for some dirty shenanigans having taken place. It really comes across that way, like there’s some Ricky Ricardo “Lucy, you got some ‘splaining to do” type vibes. Ugh.
Edit: For clarification, Jerry’s take didn’t come across as shaming at all. Just that the grandmother was bold and forth front about the situation, yet no mention of the great great uncle having to answer for anything, which is more reflective of a societal take than any personal one, it seems.
The driving story: she is too young to settle for someone who will limit her in the future. It looks like he’s not trying to fix it. Is she going to mother him forever?
First couple: I think they need couples therapy. It would probably help a lot.
It's not unreasonable to not want a cheating ex around. It's fine to still be friends with them but ultimately the brother's wishes should be more respected since he did get cheated on and she ruined the relationship. That's the price you pay. Also there is no excuse for cheating if they aren't the right person for them or aren't happy then leave!
Worst advice on the medium psychic they will take advantage of a grieving person
First: FULL DISCLSOURE!!:
Jerry... of "Father Knows Something" is my dear "Cousin Jerry" and we have been very close for many many years supporting each other in life, and our creative quests. Jerry knows lots about many things....(AND, I am a hard core "Burner" having made the trip to Black Rock City 11 of the last 13 years.....so Jerry did call me to tell me he COULD NOT GET BURNING MAN OUT OF HIS HEAD as a "Healing Vehicle"when giving advice to the writer (her letter is at the 40 min mark) who had lost her father, sold his possessions, and was feeling both upset and stuck)
Second: Jerry does give great advice...on many topics. So, truth be told -- quite often when I'm stuck, I am lucky enough to be able to give Jerry a call.... ;)
Third: Here are some more real thoughts for the writer - now that I've listened to this podcast 3 times.
a) The Temple at Burning Man is a key element of the city and the experience. Every year I go I make many trips to the Temple to process the year. You "are allowed" and encouraged to write on the walls of the Temple, AND you may leave behind any momento that is combustible. So, in the year my parents passed I brought out actual clothes and set them up ritually in the Temple to Burn. This is now only allowed, it is encouraged. You can bring whatever you need to release to the Temple...your thoughts, your writing on paper, something combustible of your fathers.
b) Getting to Burning Man is not easy. Let's be real about that. Getting a ticket is hard, the physicality of it is hard, and it can be costly. So....here are some thoughts:
- Watch The Video "Charlie Goes to Burning Man". I have seen it many many times and recommend it as a great introduction. However, NOTE. Charlie is 81 years young and one of the reasons he goes to BM is to "release and make peace with the energy of the relationship with his Father. BE SURE to watch the last 3 minutes of this 13 minute video. The first 10 minutes are fun and interesting. The last 3 minutes may be important for your process. I'll see if I can put a link in the next comment.
- Go on the Burning Man website and read the 10 principles.... Learn more about the event and the community.
- You did mention finances were an issue in terms of getting counseling. Doing BM from FL will end up costing about $2000. So, you many need to save some money and I definitely recommend learning more about this desert based event. You really need to know what your getting into in terms of the environment an dust. Jerry did mention it's NOT FOR HIM LOL.... He likes hotel rooms. Me? I like Dust as to experienced burners.
- Lastly, there is a Burner community in FL and there is Love Burn every winter, I believe in Feb. I've never been to it, but others seem to love it and I would totally recommend researching the community and seeing about attending Love Burn as a first step in this process of growing and making peace with your Dad.
c) This was a LONG THOROUGH Comment!! I hope it was helpful and wish you the best,
Paul
(Jerry's Cousin (2nd cousin once removed, or something like that, but he is like a dear brother.... :)
ruclips.net/video/Ho9umwLzyJA/видео.html
CP, thanks for defining better about what BM is and how it Affected you. Or maybe should I say infected you, however in a good way. I’d also like to mention there’s probably other ways the burners may see this and somehow a “go fund me” or some scholarship, could be setup up for the benefit of this “Writer” . Maybe this is a conversation for our community.
@@jerrysiegel3354 Yes Jerry.... There are in fact "low income tickets" where you write an essay as to why you want to attend and show prove of your financial status.....All of this and your other insights are great tools and advice for moving forward and processing the pain of what the write went through.....)*(
Why is no one bringing up the fact that in the story about the little girls first birthday party it’s literally not about any of them?! If you are going to let something that happened years ago dictate showing up for your niece and her first birthday you are selfish. You’re going to miss a milestone because of someone else’s mistake YEARS ago?!? Gross.
What if the friend came for the beginning and the brother came a little later
DRIVING ANXIETY GUY needs to accept his issue, get professional help, and work on it. y'all won't have a proper relationship when you're independent and have live to deal with, and yet have to stress over having to drive everywhere for everything. sucks and is a tough pill to swallow but you've got to face your traumas to be able to work on them and hopefully get over them. he may be drained from anxiety and you'll be drained both physically AND mentally. clearly it's begun to wear you down.
good luck. much love to you
Here is the Link that goes with my last comment:
ruclips.net/video/Ho9umwLzyJA/видео.html
Anyone else ever wonder if Jerry is ever accurate on his made up names he gives people?
back in the day incest was so normal… even have it in my family as my great great grandparents were first cousins one was raised in america one was raised in russia was legal then i think??? idk just learned about it while sitting shiva for my grandpa
oh no don`t recommend charlatans. qualified medium as if that was a thing
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