Working While Autistic. Managing Social, Cognitive & Energetic Demands And Introducing My New Job!

When I was younger, my dream was to run my own business. To be the master of my own destiny. To be able to set my own agenda and craft the rules of engagement in a way that aligned with my values and sense of self-worth. My Business success would be my legacy, everything would feel amazing and I would finally know what it felt like to be safe, protected and free.
Legacy: The long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life.
Spoiler alert, as if one is needed, I did the thing and instead of calm serenity, I’ve spent the bulk of the last 15 hanging on, by my fingertips, for dear life…
This is suddenly autistic, a vlog where I share my late-diagnosis life experiences, I was diagnosed around 2 years ago at the age of 46. I make content about the insights I’m having around my neurodivergence as it presents in everyday life. I find this form of self-reflection very helpful for my recovery and personal growth and hope in telling it in this, highly personal way, I’m creating space for others to reflect and share also.
If that’s something you feel you’d enjoy, please stay tuned as I unpack the cognitive dissonance that is, my (suddenly autistic) working life.
I wasn’t looking when my dream job popped up in my email in-box. In fact, I’m not even sure I recognised it as such when I opened and read the contents of that correspondence but something in me, possibly the ADHD Impulsivity ,fired up and had me immediately act on what I’d just seen by calling the contact person, who I knew already, and asking if they thought I was suitably qualified and should apply.
ADHD shows up this way for me. In unplanned, impulsive actions that run contrary to my own sensory needs, better judgement and value system. And it’s not that leaning into my impulsivity typically brings rich rewards, there have been many occasions where I’ve jumped into something that’s clearly not for me and been outright rejected many times before. However, on this occasion, I’d persist, because somewhere inside me was an unshakable drive towards what was right for me and this opportunity really did feel right. Long story short, I got called up for an interview, attended said interview and promptly got the job. Hooray!
The job I am now doing has the title of ‘Landcare Coordinator’. I was telling this to one of my neurodivergent friends and buddies over coffee the other weekend and they said ‘wow, that sounds like a complete nightmare’ and I agreed. Not the Landcare bit which is all about the environment, conservation projects and deepening our appreciation for and connection to the land, we both agreed that would be a dream come true. It was the coordination part i.e, the job title that got both of us wincing in pain!
Neither of us feels like we can coordinate a piss-up in a brewery but in reality, both of us definitely could and have! The self-gas lighting force is strong and often overwhelming and self-defeating but thankfully for me, not this time.
Gas lighting: a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind.
What we both recognised is that the word ‘coordinator’ triggers two painful things in us. First, our very real neurobiological struggles with executive function and second the fact that this is a role that, by definition will involve organising externalities - people and projects. Cue Social relationship issues - an underlying component of autism and a part of my business life where I’ve had my fair share of misunderstandings and struggles.
But I went for and got this job. Cue Cognitive dissonance...
In this video I discuss the following:
1) Cognitive Dissonance. Leon Festinger.
www.britannica...
2) Autism Spectrum Disorder, ASD.
www.autismspec...
3) Attention Deficite and Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD
www.additudema...
4) Albert Camus, Philosopher and his book 'The Stranger'
www.amazon.com...
5) The Lobster, film by Yorgos Lanthimos
www.imdb.com/t...
6) Delusional Thinking
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
7) Integrity
www.authentich...) Values Cards, a tool by Russ Harris to help us live out our values.
www.actmindful...

[@artemisXsidecross]

Congratulations on a new opportunity to be creative with your skills and always in the midst of an internal dialogue.
Creativity and autism can be good partners; it is always a pleasure to witness the weave of creativity with autism.
We each leave a different trail after the combination of autism and modernity. No two ways may ever be the same, but the feeling of accomplishment will always ring the same in each of us living with autism.
As for ‘self-reliance’, context and persona work better as a team and not an adversary for me. "Self-Reliance" written by Ralph Waldo Emerson is a part of my many threaded weave.

[@suddenlyautistic]

Oh yes, good old Emerson. I agree

[@artemisXsidecross]

@@suddenlyautistic
As a person thirty years past my forty-ninth birthday, keep your autistic compass and navigation tools sharp. Being accepted as ourselves is a process where success is continuing work.
Just like obtaining good physical conditioning with a complementing diet it is unfinished work. ☮