Eugh, I'm in Autistic Burn Out AGAIN...
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- Опубликовано: 15 ноя 2023
- This is simply no fun at all.
Burnout is far too common for us autistic folks and it's seriously disabling. I was hoping I'd be able to hold on and keep functioning for another few weeks and then take a nice Christmas break and recover but life had other plans.
Burnout is a state of complete exhaustion and overwhelm. For me, it's accompanied by a rather worrying loss of skills, a decreased tolerance for sensory input and a strained social battery. My burnouts are typically triggered by a build-up of emotional baggage, usually precipitated by significant life changes. This time definitely fits that pattern. My life has changed quite a bit this year, for the better mostly, but there have still been some losses and challenges to face that have been tough and some fundamental shifts that have overwhelmed me.
During this video, I talk about what burnout looks and feels like for me, what support I've been offered and the support I'm trying to give myself. I give examples of how this manifests and dive into the specific aspect of 'change' that gives me the most trouble (heads-up, it's around how I relate to it rather than the shape, size of flavour of it/ how it feels and intersects with my core values and sense of self vs what the change actually is).
I've tried to make this video as raw and unedited as possible but have also been mindful not to frame it as an 'if it bleeds, it leads' warts-and-all expose. I'm just not a fan of that. Instead, I hope this episode of My Suddenly Autistic Life will shine a light on this all-too-common phenomenon so that we might all support each other better in future.
I was diagnosed with Autism around 2 years ago, also have ADHD and am still recovering from CPTSD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I have found all my diagnoses useful and helpful in my self-growth and healing journey. I relate very differently to my neurospicy diagnoses than I do to the trauma (the neurospicy being the 'forever' me, the trauma being only a few chapters).
As always, I'd be interested to hear about your experience with Burnout, what triggered it for you and how you managed it and (hopefully) recovered.
Thanks for watching and for your continued support. It means a lot.
I appreciated very much your sharing in this video. It has helped me a lot! Thank you!
"Burnout happens because of the feeling trapped" This resonates 100% ❤🙏
That is definitely one of the reasons.
Grief is HUGE!! It’s a longer process than most think. And deeper! I’ve lost most of my family members (5) and most recently, my mom who I cared for 7 years! And, I only just learned I’m autistic at 72. A lot to process! You’re describing it very well. It’s confusing and very disruptive. The amount of processing is huge!!
Wow, it sounds like you've also had a lot to process. Thank you for the validation. It definitely helps to know I'm not alone in this chaos. I can't even imagine how it would feel to be in your shoes. I do hope you've found some peace and acceptance also.
@SueDamron holy cow I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that. Losing someone close to you is absolutely strange and difficult.
Also, I thought I was diagnosed late, when I was 35. I can't even begin to imagine how mind boggling but also satisfying it must be to finally be diagnosed in your 70's.
In my experience, I'd been suspecting I was for almost a decade, so the testing was something I actually sought on my own; ultimately, the diagnosis was validating and satisfying, though also I felt mostly a sense of, "I knew I was right!"
Of course, thinking back over 35 years and making sense of everything through a new lens was enlightening but time consuming and draining. I'm guessing it's probably even more rough to have to think over 70-odd years.
I'm glad for you that you finally have some closure.
However, again, I'm sorry for your losses.
Amanda, I appreciate your sharing here about burnout and our relationship to change. I lost my father just a little over a year ago, and it was sudden and shocking and really quite confusing and difficult to process. What we might expect when losing a loved one to death, especially all of a sudden, and especially a parent. And yes, this sudden change (the unchangeable change), and my relationship to change has been a journey peppered by periods of burnout and emotional disregulation, etc. (the list we are tired of listing and having narrated by others). It, too, has been a growing period for my family and our individual connections in relationship to this new family dynamic. We've been met by challenges and heavy doses of acceptance. Anyway, I just want to thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. I didn't realize how much I've needed my experience with burnout this past year to be understood and communicated in a way that really is validating and helpful. Well wishes, Amanda.
I am currently in a severe episode of AB, myself. Working through it, forcing my employer to accommodate me. AB gets worse, each time, as we get older. I am pretty sure what the next time, I'm going to have to simply get on government aid for disability and maybe quit my job.
Suddenly going from what they call 'high functioning' to barely functioning or even able to leave bed some days... yeah, it's not fun. I've been through this too many times.
I agree it gets worse and feel similarly. I am taking life at a slower pace at this stage in the hope I can work with rather than against my brain and body. It's a challenge
I am different because moving was so difficult for me that I ended up in the psych hospital. I couldn't get rid of stuff the way I wanted to and I just had to quickly pack it all. It was horrible. I want to move sometimes but it is overwhelming.
And I wanted to move. I didn't have to move. I planned this move carefully. But it was still overwhelming.
I may end up there myself too as while I don't have so much attachment with place or stuff, I do struggle with building and changing routines. I'm also living with a feeling of never really being safe due to my trauma triggers. I do hope that resolves once this period passes. Thanks for sharing, I hope you're in a comfortable spot in life now.
@@suddenlyautistic I have been living in the same apartment for 15 years. The only problem is I collect too much junk. I have a lot of trauma from childhood but I am slowly getting better. I tend to be hyper vigilant still. But therapy has helped over the years.
@@suddenlyautistic I hope that you are in a better place as soon as possible!
Yeea
It sounds like you'd like your friends and doctors to help by providing practical advice or actual assistance. Meanwhile, they are merely listening and providing sympathy, which doesn't help fix your problems.
What happens when the situation is flipped? Imagine that someone you cared about is burned out and grieving. I'm guessing that you would try to reduce their workload, to fix something, to solve a problem.
You may be experiencing the common problem-solving vs sympathy dichotomy. Both populations are large, but the underlying assumptions are incompatible, especially under stressful situations. When a sympathizer gets help from a problem-solver, they are insulted because their feelings were trivialized when the solution is given top priority. When a problem-solver gets help from a sympathizer, the help on offer is infuriating because they are just wasting time while the problem gets worse.
This is my experience as a problem-solver myself. If this resonates with you, here are two things that have helped me:
1. Explicitly state your needs. When your friend lends a sympathetic ear, you can try asking for what you want from them. “I am so overwhelmed, can you please help me do X?” Ideally, this is something they find easy but you do not. I find calling to make appointments draining, so if someone can do that for me, it removes a source of stress. It might seem embarrassing to need help for “trivial matters”, but a real friend would be happy to be able to support you
2. Actively surround yourself with people who are like you. I've noticed that I have unconsciously befriended people with the same thinking patterns that I have. They are also neurodivergent in very similar ways. This makes it easier to get the support you need, because you don't get confused looks of disbelief. Also, I find it easier to support them, since I won't accidentally offend when I'm trying to help.
I do hope that your problems are resolved quickly and to your satisfaction. Forced life changes are often overwhelming, but you can overcome them!
That is great advice, thanks. I do feel half the time is I don't know what I need or even what options I have to help me discover that. I feel I'm often asking for validation and a safe haven, things that are extremely hard to come by. I'm also asking to be heard without judgement. I guess that probably too much for some people.