Silence is not awkward, you make it awkward. If the other person feels awkward and you do not, then you should take a lead in the conversation. But no pressure. You are in the winning position if you do not treat silence as something awkward.
"Silence is *not* emptiness. There are some lessons which sound... cannot teach." --Artemis (DD1) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge; hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)
Why would I take the lead 😂 I'm fine with the silence, if they're not and live on constant talking, they should be the one (and usually are) to initiate conversation
@@xooperzI break the silence if I see that the other person feels uncomfortable. Still, sometimes silence is a good thing, especially around people that know each other well. Edit: I am that one person that just loves talking lol. On the other hand, I also love spending time alone in absolute silence. I guess I am both an extrovert and introvert or however you call it.
Level 1 listeners will just think you're asking about their lawn and if they even have one to upkeep. Level two listeners will wonder if you're talking about their genitals 😂
The problem I always have with the “just actively listen and ask a bunch of questions” advice (which is not bad advice at all) is that for the other person, the conversation will start to feel like an interview, as they’re being bombarded with questions. You have to be prepared to tell the other person things about yourself as well as being able to ask leading questions, which is something I somehow didn’t figure out until after I’d left university.
True that. I had one friend in particular who would ask a lot of questions. At first it was nice, but soon it started to feel like the conversations could never go where I wanted them to go. They weren't the questions i wanted to explore. She was the one picking the topic and asking the questions. Also, one of those fast talkers. I would try to keep up, but she was like a fire hose. I liked her but found her exceptionally tiring.
@@SongsOfRelief that's the problem with "just ask a bunch of question" advice people may just say something in passing or answer the question and not wanting to have a conversation about it because they want to focus the convo on something else, but since the person already took the lead and bombards you with questions, it throws you off and after the convo you realize that actually didn't talk about what you wanted to talk about
@ClassicTor "Oh really? So it's not true at all? Where did you grow up? What are your favorite pets? And where do you work? How many kids do you have? What are their ages? Do you believe in xyz? Who else do you know that thinks like you? Where does your spouse work? That is so unreal. Isn't it unreal? So what's that like?" Etc ad nauseum. See what I did there? If at some point, your conversation partner brings up a topic that spurs a new idea you'd like to delve into more thoroughly, but then she never lets you flesh it out or go deeper, but instead pelts you with more and more surface- level questions, really just grilling you... I tell you, it gets tiring. That's the kind of conversation we're talking about.
One thing I learned to be a better conversationalist is to not just wait for your turn to talk. Listen to their whole statement. If you've already formed a response before they're done, you're not listening. You might not be interrupting them, but your mind is. Taking a few seconds to process what they said before replying doesn't stall the conversation. If anything, it makes you seem more thoughtful and considerate.
of course, there are people who take even a milisecond of silence as an opporunity to just keep talking and never let you say anything. Lean back and relax. They're obviously not interested in what you have to say anyway.
That is honestly quite genius, never thought about or heard someone say that before even though it seems so simple. It's just so straight forward and is guaranteed to start a conversation wether they know what their favorite conversation topic is or not.
This is actually so good, as long as you can work up the courage to say it, you can easily make a conversation out of it. Some may feel its awkward, but in reality it's not, the other person will instantly realise that you just want to have a conversation
i was hesitant at first, but I used "do you mow the lawn?" as a conversation starter two days ago. "Do you mow the lawn?" > "Yes!" > "Oh, is it hard? I've never owed a home where I am the one that needs to do that, but I plan on owning one one day. Mowing the lawn seems like it will be the most annoying task when it comes to home ownership" > an entire conversation about the struggles of owning homes and renting apartments. Thanks!
I loved the point about asking a random question when the converstaion is heading towards a potentially awkward direction. Could be useful for kickstarting a conversation with randoms as well to move it away from the driest of small talk
As someone who is rather on the introverted side I learned that 2 introverted strangers are often like trying to light a fire with wet firewood. I force myself to be more active and ask stuff, but if the person doesn't play the ball back well to get into a flowing conversation, then I just feel stranded. but pair me with an extrovert though and I will gladly listen until I find good points to fill in or we reach a topic where I know stuff to be the more active part. often it's simply the personalities that will determine if a conversation will be amazing or a stop-and-go.
He mentioned this but honestly I don't think it got enough attention, if the other person doesn't put in the same amount of effort you shouldn't exhaust yourself trying to carry the convo
The problem with this is that it is so energy draining. I can hold a good quality conversation for about an hour before I get completely drained and don’t even want to talk anymore no matter who it is.
This. I can chat up a stranger just fine for an hour, but after I start to get acquainted I have less and less to say to the point that the next day we met I become silent as a brick and the awkwardness begin again
It takes a little practice, but you'll get there. It's a skill that you can definitely make look and feel "effortless." Especially if you don't mind that it might not work all the time. If you enjoy the process and the experience of doing that (you might as well not enjoy it and that's okay!), just keep doing it! It might take some time, but if you practice this skill, it will come to a point where it kinda becomes second nature.
Here's a fourth tip that works hand-in-hand with tip 1: at 2:08, you present a ton of questions based on their singular statement. You can't ask them all at once. Each may bring you down their own line of dialogue. When a topic ends or turns dry, you can go back to some of these unasked questions from earlier in the conversation. Just because you didn't ask it in the moment doesn't mean it's gone forever. Let's say you ask about their cut on the hand; the conversation goes from how they cut their hand, to you asking to see it, etc... and maybe you even start a new conversation about injuries you've both sustained in the past that lasts a while. But once that line of conversation has run out, you can go back to the car. "Oh hey, by the way, what type of car were you working on when you cut your hand, anyway?" ... and start a new line of conversation from there. I've heard someone refer to this as "threading." Each question you could've asked or comment you could've made is its own "thread" to be explored. You don't have to explore each, and many of them may be boring, but so long as it's not a conversation doomed from the start as explained in the video, you'll discover more and more "threads" as the conversation goes on.
I have learned to be completely comfortable with silence. This makes the other guy really, really nervous and HE will search franticly for things to say. There is much strength in not giving a flying F.
For that, you need to want to have friends and actually talk to that person. Why start a conversation when you’re not interested in getting to know them?
@@jujuoof174 A valid question. And here's my answer: It is always useful to make connections, either pragmatically (having friends for favours, networking for career purposes, or getting someone to like you so you can sleep with them). It can also be useful emotionally. You can love your grandparents or a small child dearly, while also admitting that you don't share too many interesting conversation topics with them.
An important note is to have a sensitivity to what the other person cares abt. And what they're tryna talk abt. If they're rlly distraught abt their cut hand, they're gonna feel unheard if you try and steer the convo towards cars. It's better to prioritise who cares the most abt what they wanna talk abt + relevance. Sure you could be rlly passionate abt cars, but I don't think there's anyone passionate enough to excuse being rude. Cars can be talked abt anytime, whereas the cut on their hand is recent and therefore more relevant. If you asked them abt their hand rlly late in the convo or a few days later even, they're gonna be like "wow thanks for the consideration"
Talking genuinely drains the shit out of me. I have those burst social energy and then go completely silent after like an hour as I try to take a break after a conversation.
The thing I wanna add is: *This takes practice, practice, practice.* I used to be very shy and introverted as a teen, and being very social still drains my battery like nothing. But nowadays I can start a conversation with anyone, and keep it going as long as they give me something to work with. It also helps to have at least approximate knowledge of many things. Be open minded and inform yourself about things you never thought about before, and it will broaden your horizon.
Agree. Went through a very similar experience. Still need to recharge after extended periods of socialising (and sometimes short ones) but these days I actually find myself craving conversation, even just to meet a stranger and make small talk. I never would have thought.
It does feel like people can make topics more interesting if they themselves are interested in what they are a talking about. If I’m reading an article I might get bored and uninterested but hearing someone talk about it would definitely increase interest from me
I had the same experience. I would get so much anxiety from each conversation but now I feel like I’m the one taking charge of the conversation when nobody else is.
@@ja5664 I think it comes with confidence and experience. Don’t focus too much on your “bad” qualities. If you did something wrong don’t overthink it. Just go along with it. Own it if you can. “Wear it like armor”. The more mistakes you make the faster you will learn and you will be less afraid of doing them.
don't water it still, life is a series of things-left-unsaids vs. going to faraway places because of aforementioned things-left-unsaids-which-eventually-lead-to-super-duper-sekrit-and-fun-misadventures-with-someone-or-a-few-motley-crew-of-peeps-sharing-the-same-misfortune-and-laughing-together-until-subway-goes-bankrupt-and-the-sun-becomes-black.
Yeah I'm curious too ? In a lots of situation we are kind of all dead plants, but in some that can be very awkward and stressful. Do you know CPR techniques to wake the dead plant up ?
Being okay with not having anything to say has helped me the most over the years. Awkward silence isn't awkward unless someone makes it so. Chances are if I'm with another quiet person, they're the one feeling awkward while I'm just vibing out. Not only that, but if you try to force conversation, chances are it'll just feel more awkward. Being risk avoidant isn't usually the answer to improvement, but it's certainly made me more comfortable with my personality and being around others.
I am a taxi driver myself (21) who drives around many older (60+) people and people who are disabled in some way. So sometimes I really dont get conversations, depends on the interests and if they want to talk and are interested in me. Sometimes a passenger doesnt ask or say anything and then i just keep silent after talking about the weather for a bit lol. For me its fine. Im usually not gonna ask random questions cuz i don't want to act like im too curious
My personal favourite ice breaking conversation starter is “what’s your favourite soup?” And after they give an answer say “oh okay” or “ahh yes” or smtn, if they don’t ask you why you asked about their favourite soup, just randomly say “you can tell a lot about a person based on what soup they like”, this is sure to get them curious out of shear boredom, now when they ask “oh what does it say about me?” Then you have to just say “it means you like (the type of soup they said)” and depending on the person that hears this, this can have varying effects
Great, let's summarize this groundbreaking wisdom - develop a fun personality - have genuine interest in what the other person is saying - stop talking to people who are not interesting to you or to whom you are not interesting alright I'll get right on that
As a Brazilian, this video is so interesting. It's like peaking a very different culture suddenly. Brazilians talk like they breath. Mind you, I'm ASD, and although up to my teens I was absolutely clueless, eventually I learned how to mask pretty well and sometimes even get genuine pleasure interacting with people. But is unusual someone being naturally silent in our culture. Our *raison d'etre* is based on person to person communication and we can talk with each other about any subject whatsoever
For real. Met a few Brazillians and they seem like a different species to me 😂 I envy them. Being able to communicate well and effortlessly is one of the most important if not the most important life skill
I know! Brazilians are so damn nosey! They want to know everything and they get personal in fvck;ng seconds! What's your job? How much do you earn? How long you've been here? Where do you live? It's none of your business, folks, ask something else and maybe I'll not be running away from Brazilians at every possible encounter. People from other parts of South America are like that too, and Italians. But Brazilians are the kings of personal space violations.
Brooooo. You were exactly what I needed 8 - 10 years ago. I'm glad I figured it out. It is truly so wonderful of you to share all this. It was difficult figuring it out. Thank you.
@@wilbertvanvulpen9553I guess that’s an indication that other person doesn’t want to talk with you, at least that’s what I do, I answer questions without any other conversation continuing hoping eventually it’ll stop
Asking people questions about themselves is helpful. People love talking about themselves. And really listen and reply, don’t interrupt, actively listen.
the problem for me is that I genuinely don’t have any interest in talking to people and I find most people are just boring in general. I hate to say it but I really don’t care about what most people have to say. I just do what society expects me to do which is to strike up a conversation.
I’ve tried talking with a lot of people (introvert here so I’ve I’ve been put in these situations by other people most times) And while I don’t think there are dumb or silly questions, I do think there are boring ones. That being said, as long as you’re not just trying to keep a conversation going and are genuinely interested and/or curious about the response, I don’t think a conversation will be boring, People feed off of your emotions and if you’re interested and curious, chances are they will be too. It’s less about what you say, and more about why you say the things you do.
That's right. In my case, it's that I don't want the other side to feel like they're being interrogated. And if you only ask questions and don't say anything about yourself at the same time, something's wrong, too. I think this should be a two-way street, and if someone sees that someone wants to get to know you, you should also try to get to know them by asking questions. But that is purely subjective.
I remember watching a video about how there are no boring questions, but it all matters about how you present the question, like your tone, humor throughout and various other factors.
There are conversations that are less meaningful than others. There was one where I had to listen to their entire story about how bad other people are to them. And all I hear is just a toxic person who is not self aware. I just didn't say much and made it clear I was uninterested in them making fun of disabled people.
I don't really have a problem with engaging with people like this to have them talk about themselves, I do it excessively. It's easy to connect to others. But my problem is the insane lack of reciprocation from everyone I meet. People will take all the care and listening and space you give them, and just walk away never caring to learn about you in return.
I think that's related to the fact that majority of people are very inert and prefer to go with the flow. That is, if you make the conversation about them, they'll just roll with it. And in order to avoid it, you might want to set the stage yourself and make it about both of you
I hate talking about myself, so that's really not a problem. 😅 "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." Charles Stewart
if you never talk about yourself people are gonna take that as a sign that you dont want or like to do so, its not that they dont care. thats how a conversation works, you add onto it instead of waiting until they ask you to speak. dont get me wrong there are people that actually dont care and wont ask anything no matter what, but the majority just misunderstood you
You can have a good conversation end in silence. It’s not necessarily awkward. I’ve had many conversations go on for hours, but I’ve also had conversations go on for 5 minutes and end in silence which have had a significant impact on me and my life. Tldr; a conversation ending in silence doesn’t necessarily have to be awkward
Something that people with social anxiety likely struggle with (I did at least) is blaming themselves for awkward silences. But when you talk to people more, you realize that a lot of people just kinda suck at social interactions in their own way and that pauses of silence is pretty normal, and most especially that it often takes 2 people to make a situation awkward.
Very solid points, and keep in mind that some people will synergize very well with others, while others might not be so compatible. I love talking about my interests, especially if the other person shares them. But what's very special to me is if I can have a period of silence with a friend that *isn't* awkward. To me, it feels normal and even calming to simply exist with someone's presence. Not many people really prefer that though which is understandable.
I have no problem listening actively, I just have a conditioned irrational fear that everyone hates every word that comes out of my mouth. That my existence is offensive to everyone around me, but people I know just barely tolerate it. Also I don't want to bother anyone unnecessarily (me trying to get to know someone is unnecessary because I'm unnecessary).
Unfortunately you just gotta power though this. Like the video says sometimes people don't click and that's fine, they're not going to hate you. If it helps, the idea everyone hates you is ridiculous and cannot possibly be true.
maybe your conditioned irrational fear is something to work on. I can tell you right now, that it is certainly not true, what your mind is telling you. Most likely some event happened in your past that caused this belief to stick to you and now you see the world through this lens. Right now you are seeing the world and other people through the lens of this belief, and its convincing you very well because the emotion is so powerful.
I feel that. Some days more than others. But, if it's any consolidation, I didn't dislike any word you wrote there, and I don't feel like your presence in the comments section is unnecessary, so, rejoice! Your self-doubt seems to be keeping you hostage, but all is not as it seems. Besides, Jesus loves you and died for you. You have value, definitely. ❤
I feel like 50% of the people I meet drone on about themselves in every conversation we have. Its like damn I know everything about you and you barely know a thing about me. Everyone's so self centered I find myself "actively listening" to their entire life story and it makes me tweak tf out.
Holy crap i relate to this, like im geniually intrested in people, i love learning about them, but also would be nice to meet someone who gaf about me, like anytime i make new convos i ask the questions, they never ask me back, and then i ask again or whatever, like do ppl just wanna talk abt themselves only? I can talk about myself but i dont think i would love to overshadow someone if i wanna be friends with them
i used to think like this as well. but recently i've started to realize that some ppl (especially those more extroverted) see conversations as a kind of free for all, and operate under the expectation that everyone will pitch in when/if they have something to talk about. if you're not talking about yourself they assume you don't like to, or that you just have nothing you want to tell them at the moment. and other people, especially those who are introverted/trying to be polite, feel they need to be directly invited to share something about themselves. don't get me wrong, some people are just self-centered and treat others like mirrors to interact with themselves through, but i think a lot of the time its a misunderstanding where one person assumes that if you had something to share you would be saying it, so they don't ask you to share and continue volunteering things about themself to keep the conversation going, leading the other person to never really say anything about themself and assume the other is egocentric for never asking questions. i've started just saying things about myself unprompted to those people and realized that usually they actually do care about you, most of them listen to and remember all the things you say and interact with you thoughtfully, and the conversations naturally balance out to be about both people.
I 100% agree with @Rayhem. This is a two way street dude, pipe up! Part of conversing is adding, not always expecting the other person to invite you to speak. Active listening is good, but you also need to learn when to interject or add to their conversation. I say this as an autistic person with severe social anxiety, this did NOT come naturally and I thought the same way you did, but once I learned how to converse I understood I was wrong, people do care but you have to participate. If someone isn't sharing about themselves in a conversation most people will assume they dont want to share. I'm sure you're right and there are people who are jerks who just want to be the only one to talk, in fact I KNOW you're right, but it's nowhere near 50% it's just that you have a misunderstanding of how conversations work. You don't need to be invited to speak, so speak up. If you've tried to have a (pretty equal) conversation and they keep interrupting or rushing you, stop talking to them, they're a jerk and not worth your breath. (HOWEVER if this happens to you a LOT, maybe you should also check out the common denominator. Maybe you are part of the problem. I genuinely don't know, I haven't talked to you lol. I just think everyone should be self-critical and aware without being self deprecating. I see a lot of people online say "everyone" treats them some way, and I do always think the common denominator should be investigated lmao)
i know people like that and its exhausting to talk with them for any extended period of time. a very simple, "how about you?" will usually go a very long way in convo. shame that a few people didnt get the note on that.
I noticed a funny thing about Americans, that for some reason they always need to start conversations. While in my country, if you are silent and another person is silent next to you, if you are absolutely strangers, this is more than normal, it will rather be strange if you suddenly speak for no particular reason. Therefore, such advice sounds funny to me, but for maintaining a conversation with friends, the advice is really good)
I have a friend who just has an ability to ask out of the blue, introspective engaging personal questions and sometimes idek how to respond. I value her a lot for that
I was once on a date with this girl, just fresh out of high school (I've always been a shy kid). We were chatting away, and then, wouldn't you know it, we reached the "awkward silence" zone lol. Of course, I started to panic. I was so nervous that I even thought about making up an excuse and leaving. But then I had a crazy idea. I turned to her-her eyes starring at me ("tf is this dude on about?)-and asked her if she wanted to play a "game". This game-that I somehow had just made up on the spot-was all about talking about anything and everything that was on our minds at that moment. I was really surprised that she went along with it. That moment actually changed my life. It was kind of one of those "eureka" moments. And it... actually worked. It's definitely a skill, one that definitely takes practice, but it's so powerful, especially to the regular dude that doesn't have much going on besides his creativity and will to connect (hey, that's me!). There's always something to be said about something.
@@Max-zl8lp You kinda have to look at what people are saying with a different perspective, always looking for ways to branch out the conversation to new paths. There are no guidelines set in stone, sometimes you just ...say a lot of random things and it works, sometimes people stick to one subject and you just got to go along with it, being able to read people is essential, otherwise you will end up looking like a weirdo (and that will happen to all of us eventually lol). "Can you give me an example on how this would work like would you have a conversation about it or just like say stuff?" Just your question alone, I could've replied with examples of all the times it didn't work, and it would probably be a funny (and a bit cringe admittedly) reply. Try watching stand-up comedians working the crowd. Because it's basically that (conceptually), you won't be making jokes all the time but that's the core idea.
The thing that everyone enjoys talking about the most is themselves. My dad taught me that when I was a kid. Once you have some practice it’s pretty easy to get people to talk about their interests. What’s really funny is you’ll start hearing “he’s such a great conversationalist,” and you know they just talked about themself for 30 minutes lol. Really helped me in sales too
This makes me really belive that pointing out the simple has a greater impact on solving a problem than overanalising what went wrong. A mere 4 minutes of my time and I feel way more confident in leading conversations now. Thanks m8 for an eye-opening video.
I absolutely needed this video! I’ve been trying to be a bit for social for the school year and one of the biggest weaknesses I found was that the conversations went in a boring circle or I couldn’t find topics to talk about, so thanks for making these videos!! 💕✨
this is so nice, im glad you've learned and decided to share your methods, learning how to speak properly is heavily underrated because people usually blame other things like "im not interesting/cool" and never realise that it's not what you talk about, it's how you talk that makes people want to talk and hang out with you, also active listening is the most misunderstood part of talking and you explained it very nicely, amazing work :D
Ok you have no idea how much I needed this. As someone who's got a touch of the 'tism I kept sitting here trying to figure out what the difference was between when conversation flowed and when it didn't. Knowing this helps a lot! It can be hard to get stuck in those awkward silences and not know what to say. Thank you!
Love how personal you make these and of course your Aussie sense of humour makes them that much more enjoyable to watch. Keep up the awesome videos brother!
Here's a free tip for anyone who drives their truck off I-80 and onto the Salt Flats. When you get to Wendover (if going West) or Salt lake City (heading East), find a car wash ASAP and thoroughly spray out your truck's undercarriage, frame, and wheel wells. You'll be glad you did. All that salt sticks like crazy to the bottom of your truck!
I'd rather be silent and kind, and be perceived as an awkward, it's a lot more better than forcing things to say, and gossip about other people's lives.
This is so real, my bf and i basically just got to know eachother after i noticed i also listen to the Band on his shirt on the day we met and asked him about it. I felt kinda stupid approaching him but it worked and i'm so glad i did it:) I also have learnded that you can literally talk about anything when u meet someone new
I wish I had this video when I was younger. Learning all this on my own kinda took a long time to get there, but boy was it worth it. I think something else that helped me personally was just having a lot of things to add. If you find yourself having opinions and wanting to discuss them, it often leads to really cool conversations you wouldn't even think of having. Be careful what topics you do that one on that, it can get dicey.
careful, this can lead to an interview type of conversation. it takes two and if the other side isn't nearly as engaged in the convo as you, leave it behind and call it a day.
Accurate as hell. Constant bombardment of questions will annoy the other party and cause them to want to end conversation. Questioning here and there will balance things out.
"dont water a dead plant" is a good one, i like "you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink" you can sure as hell try but someone is gonna die...
*People are also just selective. They like having convos with “cooler” ones. If you’re not cool and such a boring guy, they won’t bother creating a good conversation with you. Sad but true.*
This usually happens to me, but lately I just realized that it happens more often when the other person doesn't help to make the conversation going. Sometimes they are just there waiting for you to lead alone, instead of helping to develop topics
a stupid question would be a question about something that's already been communicated previously, or implied, or something insensitive I'd imagine. my memory is horrible when it comes to what I've already talked about with someone so sometimes in response to a question they'll reply, "you've asked me that before"
Thank you for emphasizing the importance of listening. I posit that if any of us actually found a way to never run out of things to say, we'd just become endless chatterboxes. I have found 100% of the time that conversations are more meaningful and interesting if you enter into the moment instead of being stuck inside your head thinking, "what should I say next?"
I'm a very good conversationalist and I +1 everything said here. I always ask questions because I'm genuinely curious about them and want to indulge in their interests. In return, this makes the other person open up more, and they'll usually end up asking about yours. It makes for an engaging two-way conversation. I actually have a first date with a guy I really like tomorrow and I have a mental list of things I want to know about him and ways to make the conversation flow. Also something else not mentioned here is spatial cues. I find myself talking about context or what's around me when the conversation 'dies' slightly or the topic hits a dead end, which can happen. This doesn't always have to be small talk like 'it's a bit rainy today', it can be a genuine point of interest such as 'I really love the scenery, it reminds me of...' and then link it to an interest (e.g. a movie you like). This will usually help prompt the other person :)
"Don't water a dead plant" is a great thing to keep in mind when interacting with someone who isn't a conversationalist. You wouldn't want to keep asking questions when the person is obviously disinterested, they could be having a bad day and don't feel like talking. Otherwise you may seem rude. However, sometimes you're caught in situations where you need to make conversation and the other person doesn't seem to be interested. I run into this sometimes because of my job, which involves mainly just talking to people, and some people i come across aren't good at maintaining conversation. With these situations or with these types of people, I always try to find a topic they're interested in. It can be especially difficult with a person who doesn't talk much, but that's why I start with the most general of questions. Good examples are "where are you from?" or "what do you do for work?" I ask these because people usually like to talk about their home and their job. This is because these are topics people usually feel more comfortable talking about. Their job is something they do a lot of and in most cases I find people enjoy describing. Their home is their origin, and if they haven't been there in a while, they may find it comforting thinking of old memories, perhaps of their favorite restaurant or spot of entertainment. If you find yourself in a situation where conversation is needed, ask the easy questions, then just do what the video says and let your mind wander and come up with questions on its own.
I’ve been doing this for years! I used to get really uncomfortable in silences and just asked any question or brought up anything that might be interesting. “I was out with my friends fishing yesterday”. Just that opens up a whole lot to ask, “Oh, you like fishing?”, “do you and your friends fish often?”, etc. Also I learned to get over silences making me uncomfortable. Sometimes like briny said, conversations just dry up or end. You can still hang out with someone and enjoy their presence. You don’t have to talk 24/7 all the time, just relax and let conversation start up naturally again, or say whatever pops into your head like an opinion you have
I used to be the dryest smalltalker ever. Then i got a job, watched golf and a soccer game, read a few books, started playing two kinda popular videogames and read the news and now i can pretty much talk to anyone with ease.
i realised all this myself as i grew up and i also learnt not to care about awkward silence, but the problem is in order to have a good conversation i need energy, and often i just dont have the physical energy to be thinking about what others are saying and what will come out of my mouth
Having topics in the back of my head is a life saver. Preplanning about something to talk about has helped me alot and it works as a backup if you can't think of anything else to say. The more you have planned the more other people can reply to, therefore higher chances of them bringing up something related or liking the topic and carrying it on
a few weeks ago i had no topic to talk about, so i just asked the first thing i thought. and it was: "what is your favorite kind of bread?" it was a good convo. btw this dude is the salvation for introverts
and he's back! great stuff dude, thats something my friend told me was silence is fine and use it to really think what the other person said, so i usually pause after what someone speaks to make sure i understand
I LOOVEE that you mentioned active listening!! I just did a short lesson on it with my education class, and surprisingly, a lot of people dont know what it means, but it's SO important when it comes to conversations! Just being present in conversation and actually fully listening makes a world of a difference!
if nothing of this works, then there’s one thing left… “Just Smile and Wave boys! Just Smile and Wave.” Jokes aside, Reality is that if you feel confident you tend to try more stuff out, to be confident is to feel at home. What I like to do most of the time is literally smile! I can only have a good conversation if the other is feeling comfortable aswell!
I am massively disinterested in pretty much most topics and I can't fake being interested, and that's a problem because I can't hold a conversation most of the time because, when I'm not interested, I can't think of anything. No questions. Mind empty. Small talk is just not my thing either. Then the awkward silence settles in and I get stressed out because my mind is blanking and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A new friend of mine and I were talking during lunch, my sister went to get ready for her next class. My friend, she asked me: “what brand’s your microwave?” I was like “what.” I was actually gonna answer her question if I remembered the brand name.
Im autistic and have adhd, this is gonna be such a life saver especially considering im in highschool so everything can definitely get awkward. This is definitely better than playing a one-sided game of 20 questions just to keep up an average conversation.
I have been getting a lot of these kinds of videos on my youtube recommendations recently and I have recently starting getting into a relationship for the first time recently, and I've to say that all of these are extremely helpful. Escpecialy when people don't normally teach you these things (only through experience you learn them).
I used to be terrified of awkward silences but I started to own them. I found I tend to connect better with people who ate also comfortable with silence and don't feel the need to fill every second with speech. I would recommend this to people, there's something special about being able to sit in silence for a bit and then continuing the conversation naturally instead of forcing constant follow-up questions etc.
Appreciate you trying to help, just wanted to add that some people like silence. I've had a few friends who just enjoy company, and find talkers to be exhausting.
![Twenty One Pilots - “The Line” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E2Rj2gQAyPA/mqdefault.jpg)
Silence is not awkward, you make it awkward. If the other person feels awkward and you do not, then you should take a lead in the conversation. But no pressure. You are in the winning position if you do not treat silence as something awkward.
"Silence is *not* emptiness. There are some lessons which sound... cannot teach." --Artemis (DD1)
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge; hope's strength, resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (series)
@@Novastar.SaberCombat bot?
Exactly ! More people should realize that
Why would I take the lead 😂 I'm fine with the silence, if they're not and live on constant talking, they should be the one (and usually are) to initiate conversation
@@xooperzI break the silence if I see that the other person feels uncomfortable. Still, sometimes silence is a good thing, especially around people that know each other well.
Edit: I am that one person that just loves talking lol. On the other hand, I also love spending time alone in absolute silence.
I guess I am both an extrovert and introvert or however you call it.
instructions unclear, asked the delivery driver how tall they were instead of taking my food
I mean if my delivery driver was really tall I’d probably ask
hahahaha
@Garblunk while short guys would perceive it as offensive question😭
@@Arslan-f2r id imagine tall people must get tired of the question too lol
@@Arslan-f2rcause it is an offensive u goof.
“Do you mow the lawn” sounds like a euphemism
😏😏😏😏😏perfectly normal question to ask a girl yknow?
From the same vein as "does the carpet match the drapes?"
Level 1 listeners will just think you're asking about their lawn and if they even have one to upkeep. Level two listeners will wonder if you're talking about their genitals 😂
Cukur jembut
i've heard it used as a euphemism, in reference to killing innocent people though
I always go for "are you afraid of dying?" It always makes things a lot worse.
Works all the time.
Sounds like a great starter for philosophical convos
I like this. My only concern is that it might trigger something in certain people with past trauma involving near-death experiences.
No way this is real
Followed by "Are you a fast runner?"
Test me now
The problem I always have with the “just actively listen and ask a bunch of questions” advice (which is not bad advice at all) is that for the other person, the conversation will start to feel like an interview, as they’re being bombarded with questions. You have to be prepared to tell the other person things about yourself as well as being able to ask leading questions, which is something I somehow didn’t figure out until after I’d left university.
True that. I had one friend in particular who would ask a lot of questions. At first it was nice, but soon it started to feel like the conversations could never go where I wanted them to go. They weren't the questions i wanted to explore. She was the one picking the topic and asking the questions. Also, one of those fast talkers. I would try to keep up, but she was like a fire hose. I liked her but found her exceptionally tiring.
this video is just shite basically. clickbait,.
@@SongsOfRelief that's the problem with "just ask a bunch of question" advice
people may just say something in passing or answer the question and not wanting to have a conversation about it because they want to focus the convo on something else, but since the person already took the lead and bombards you with questions, it throws you off and after the convo you realize that actually didn't talk about what you wanted to talk about
Not true at all
@ClassicTor "Oh really? So it's not true at all? Where did you grow up? What are your favorite pets? And where do you work? How many kids do you have? What are their ages? Do you believe in xyz? Who else do you know that thinks like you? Where does your spouse work? That is so unreal. Isn't it unreal? So what's that like?" Etc ad nauseum.
See what I did there? If at some point, your conversation partner brings up a topic that spurs a new idea you'd like to delve into more thoroughly, but then she never lets you flesh it out or go deeper, but instead pelts you with more and more surface- level questions, really just grilling you... I tell you, it gets tiring. That's the kind of conversation we're talking about.
One thing I learned to be a better conversationalist is to not just wait for your turn to talk. Listen to their whole statement. If you've already formed a response before they're done, you're not listening. You might not be interrupting them, but your mind is. Taking a few seconds to process what they said before replying doesn't stall the conversation. If anything, it makes you seem more thoughtful and considerate.
of course, there are people who take even a milisecond of silence as an opporunity to just keep talking and never let you say anything. Lean back and relax. They're obviously not interested in what you have to say anyway.
FACTS
Everything you just described is waiting for your turn to talk, no?
@@icantthinkofanameoof4792 no he said to think and not just say whats on your mind for the sake of saying it
@@SteveAkaDarktimes 2 chads having a convo right here.
My personal favorite is “what is your favorite conversation topic?” It works every time and is on the nose so it’s funny lol
That is honestly quite genius, never thought about or heard someone say that before even though it seems so simple. It's just so straight forward and is guaranteed to start a conversation wether they know what their favorite conversation topic is or not.
I would be weirded out by that ngl
@@theoneitalianniceguy but it would force conversation while being a tad funny wouldnt it?
Bloody genius, holy hell
This is actually so good, as long as you can work up the courage to say it, you can easily make a conversation out of it. Some may feel its awkward, but in reality it's not, the other person will instantly realise that you just want to have a conversation
No joke. I asked her "what brands your microwave?" And she thought it was cute
Update: if they're not chill, this won't work
She's a keeper
lmao I’m stealing that one
Edit: I tried this irl and turns out she don’t have a microwave 😭🙏
bro is the guy from the me
@@likeagami op stole it too dw
hes got that undeniable microwave rizz
Just remember a conversation is a 2 way street. If it’s silent it’s not always your responsibility to break that silence
Wsp Fortnite fuy
that is so right! im saving this
i was hesitant at first, but I used "do you mow the lawn?" as a conversation starter two days ago. "Do you mow the lawn?" > "Yes!" > "Oh, is it hard? I've never owed a home where I am the one that needs to do that, but I plan on owning one one day. Mowing the lawn seems like it will be the most annoying task when it comes to home ownership" > an entire conversation about the struggles of owning homes and renting apartments. Thanks!
Most important is know when to leave the convo while it’s still good, don’t milk it too hard even if it’s good at first
Yeh bro like eating chocolate and stopping before hitting diminishing returns
You are touching something important here. Sometimes a good convo can be ruined by holding on to it and depraving it from flexibility and life.
What if you think its getting dry or get anxious about it and leave the conversation but it could have been better. Your perception could be wrong.
@@frankes028 thats FOMO anxiety, man
@@thegnmm Not exactly, i mean if you leave the convo too early, not if after it you feel bad for not making it longer.
I loved the point about asking a random question when the converstaion is heading towards a potentially awkward direction. Could be useful for kickstarting a conversation with randoms as well to move it away from the driest of small talk
Facts brother so true
"what are your thoughts on the socio-economic environment of urzukhistan?"
Me: "Would you rather have hands for feet or feet for hands?"
@@Sasquatch10feet for hands so I can run faster like a dog and get to places faster 😎
@@tree2414 hands for feet so i can be monke
i never run out of things to say. (I usually never say anything to anyone 💀)
Avoid the problem before it happens. Genius
@@ron_sr1218for me it never worked out and am out of words always
This guy is the next Albert Einstein, he will one day go down in the history books.
same, I also use this strategy, 100% success
Same... 🗿
As someone who is rather on the introverted side I learned that 2 introverted strangers are often like trying to light a fire with wet firewood. I force myself to be more active and ask stuff, but if the person doesn't play the ball back well to get into a flowing conversation, then I just feel stranded. but pair me with an extrovert though and I will gladly listen until I find good points to fill in or we reach a topic where I know stuff to be the more active part. often it's simply the personalities that will determine if a conversation will be amazing or a stop-and-go.
ewfkivwvywe89fyvcy08wfy67qrfyq23y7frh this!!!!
He mentioned this but honestly I don't think it got enough attention, if the other person doesn't put in the same amount of effort you shouldn't exhaust yourself trying to carry the convo
4:22 “Don’t water a dead plant.” 💯
The problem with this is that it is so energy draining. I can hold a good quality conversation for about an hour before I get completely drained and don’t even want to talk anymore no matter who it is.
an hour is pretty long i think that’s normal
Expand on answers that seem interesting or remind you of your own fun stories
What about your family
This. I can chat up a stranger just fine for an hour, but after I start to get acquainted I have less and less to say to the point that the next day we met I become silent as a brick and the awkwardness begin again
It takes a little practice, but you'll get there. It's a skill that you can definitely make look and feel "effortless." Especially if you don't mind that it might not work all the time. If you enjoy the process and the experience of doing that (you might as well not enjoy it and that's okay!), just keep doing it! It might take some time, but if you practice this skill, it will come to a point where it kinda becomes second nature.
I always hit them with the “do you believe in aliens?” Hasn’t done me wrong before
omfg thats kicks of 2 hours of conversation minimum
It works with men but I'm not sure if it would work with girls
Do you alienate believers?
@@higorss With girls just ask for her zodiac sign
@@higorss works with the good ones. I would know, im a girl
Here's a fourth tip that works hand-in-hand with tip 1: at 2:08, you present a ton of questions based on their singular statement. You can't ask them all at once. Each may bring you down their own line of dialogue.
When a topic ends or turns dry, you can go back to some of these unasked questions from earlier in the conversation. Just because you didn't ask it in the moment doesn't mean it's gone forever.
Let's say you ask about their cut on the hand; the conversation goes from how they cut their hand, to you asking to see it, etc... and maybe you even start a new conversation about injuries you've both sustained in the past that lasts a while.
But once that line of conversation has run out, you can go back to the car. "Oh hey, by the way, what type of car were you working on when you cut your hand, anyway?" ... and start a new line of conversation from there.
I've heard someone refer to this as "threading." Each question you could've asked or comment you could've made is its own "thread" to be explored. You don't have to explore each, and many of them may be boring, but so long as it's not a conversation doomed from the start as explained in the video, you'll discover more and more "threads" as the conversation goes on.
oo this is good thank you i will try it
It's like doing a side quest in a video game and then going back to the main quest
sombody on pain and you ask about the car he was in sound pretty good idea 😂
depth first search
@@SmashhoofTheOriginaldamn beat me to it by an hour
I have learned to be completely comfortable with silence. This makes the other guy really, really nervous and HE will search franticly for things to say.
There is much strength in not giving a flying F.
Real shit
The real hard part is being genuinely interested.
I'm not even interested in my own day, let alone that of someone else!
I think fake interest can morph into real interest
For that, you need to want to have friends and actually talk to that person. Why start a conversation when you’re not interested in getting to know them?
Often times other people's lives can be more interesting than yours.
@@jujuoof174 A valid question. And here's my answer:
It is always useful to make connections, either pragmatically (having friends for favours, networking for career purposes, or getting someone to like you so you can sleep with them). It can also be useful emotionally. You can love your grandparents or a small child dearly, while also admitting that you don't share too many interesting conversation topics with them.
Faking being interested or enthusiastic will, over time, turn into genuine emotion.
An important note is to have a sensitivity to what the other person cares abt. And what they're tryna talk abt. If they're rlly distraught abt their cut hand, they're gonna feel unheard if you try and steer the convo towards cars.
It's better to prioritise who cares the most abt what they wanna talk abt + relevance. Sure you could be rlly passionate abt cars, but I don't think there's anyone passionate enough to excuse being rude. Cars can be talked abt anytime, whereas the cut on their hand is recent and therefore more relevant. If you asked them abt their hand rlly late in the convo or a few days later even, they're gonna be like "wow thanks for the consideration"
wht lnguag is ths
We r svng so much tme
@@Magst3r1 I kn rght, its amzg!
icl idk wyll bc u r tbh nsfw
@@Magst3r1 they're just using very common text slang... plus they're only shortening 3 words i don't get what's wrong with this
Talking genuinely drains the shit out of me. I have those burst social energy and then go completely silent after like an hour as I try to take a break after a conversation.
Thats exactly how i feel aswell. Do you have a specific story about this you can share?
@@GeorgeDimovelisSorry but our conversation meter needs to recharge
@@raz_hz lmao
So you shit your pants when talking?
@@porkerpete7722I know I do
The thing I wanna add is: *This takes practice, practice, practice.*
I used to be very shy and introverted as a teen, and being very social still drains my battery like nothing. But nowadays I can start a conversation with anyone, and keep it going as long as they give me something to work with. It also helps to have at least approximate knowledge of many things. Be open minded and inform yourself about things you never thought about before, and it will broaden your horizon.
Agree. Went through a very similar experience. Still need to recharge after extended periods of socialising (and sometimes short ones) but these days I actually find myself craving conversation, even just to meet a stranger and make small talk. I never would have thought.
How did you improve, what did you do?
I really need to know im tired of being the shy one scared by talking 😭😭
It does feel like people can make topics more interesting if they themselves are interested in what they are a talking about. If I’m reading an article I might get bored and uninterested but hearing someone talk about it would definitely increase interest from me
I had the same experience. I would get so much anxiety from each conversation but now I feel like I’m the one taking charge of the conversation when nobody else is.
@@ja5664 I think it comes with confidence and experience. Don’t focus too much on your “bad” qualities. If you did something wrong don’t overthink it. Just go along with it. Own it if you can. “Wear it like armor”.
The more mistakes you make the faster you will learn and you will be less afraid of doing them.
2:47 F1 MENTIONED 🗣🗣🗣
RAHHH 🏎️🏎️🏎️
Literally my response 😭
"Don't water a dead plant" but what if I find that plant interesting what can I do?
don't water it still, life is a series of things-left-unsaids vs. going to faraway places because of aforementioned things-left-unsaids-which-eventually-lead-to-super-duper-sekrit-and-fun-misadventures-with-someone-or-a-few-motley-crew-of-peeps-sharing-the-same-misfortune-and-laughing-together-until-subway-goes-bankrupt-and-the-sun-becomes-black.
Identify the plant and go shopping for a new one which isn't dead. No point in doing dark rituals to bring back a dead plant...
Yeah I'm curious too ? In a lots of situation we are kind of all dead plants, but in some that can be very awkward and stressful. Do you know CPR techniques to wake the dead plant up ?
@@kagura7107 are you a pterry or gaiman fan ?
Than it's time to move on...
Being okay with not having anything to say has helped me the most over the years. Awkward silence isn't awkward unless someone makes it so. Chances are if I'm with another quiet person, they're the one feeling awkward while I'm just vibing out.
Not only that, but if you try to force conversation, chances are it'll just feel more awkward. Being risk avoidant isn't usually the answer to improvement, but it's certainly made me more comfortable with my personality and being around others.
I am a taxi driver myself (21) who drives around many older (60+) people and people who are disabled in some way. So sometimes I really dont get conversations, depends on the interests and if they want to talk and are interested in me. Sometimes a passenger doesnt ask or say anything and then i just keep silent after talking about the weather for a bit lol. For me its fine. Im usually not gonna ask random questions cuz i don't want to act like im too curious
Yes
My personal favourite ice breaking conversation starter is “what’s your favourite soup?” And after they give an answer say “oh okay” or “ahh yes” or smtn, if they don’t ask you why you asked about their favourite soup, just randomly say “you can tell a lot about a person based on what soup they like”, this is sure to get them curious out of shear boredom, now when they ask “oh what does it say about me?” Then you have to just say “it means you like (the type of soup they said)” and depending on the person that hears this, this can have varying effects
That‘s a good one, I‘m stealing it
“That’s not alot of things to tell about a person”
I can tell you've never actually said this, and if you have I assure the other person thinks you're a weirdo
@@BennyVegas313 no, but they were sure as heck bamboozled
@@BennyVegas313 and life goes on. stop fearing being perceived as a weirdo, you only have to live with yourself.
I generally do this part physically 0:15
Great, let's summarize this groundbreaking wisdom
- develop a fun personality
- have genuine interest in what the other person is saying
- stop talking to people who are not interesting to you or to whom you are not interesting
alright I'll get right on that
This video truly is a nothing burger
@@manuelp7472 it's 4 minutes long bro
As a Brazilian, this video is so interesting. It's like peaking a very different culture suddenly.
Brazilians talk like they breath. Mind you, I'm ASD, and although up to my teens I was absolutely clueless, eventually I learned how to mask pretty well and sometimes even get genuine pleasure interacting with people. But is unusual someone being naturally silent in our culture. Our *raison d'etre* is based on person to person communication and we can talk with each other about any subject whatsoever
That’s really interesting. Thanks for sharing!
For real. Met a few Brazillians and they seem like a different species to me 😂 I envy them. Being able to communicate well and effortlessly is one of the most important if not the most important life skill
I know! Brazilians are so damn nosey! They want to know everything and they get personal in fvck;ng seconds! What's your job? How much do you earn? How long you've been here? Where do you live? It's none of your business, folks, ask something else and maybe I'll not be running away from Brazilians at every possible encounter. People from other parts of South America are like that too, and Italians. But Brazilians are the kings of personal space violations.
Guess I'm unusual then ha
Sounds great if its a hot woman, but thats about it. I don't wanna hear too much talk from others. 😅😅😅
Brooooo. You were exactly what I needed 8 - 10 years ago. I'm glad I figured it out.
It is truly so wonderful of you to share all this. It was difficult figuring it out.
Thank you.
Alr
was jus common sense tbh
@@chaska8144 well, there are socially awkward people.
Much simpler tip to sum up the video: just ask questions more. In general.
People prefer an "interested" person to an "interesting" one.
Mmh, if you keep asking questions to someone and they dont ask anything back at all, thats not really a great conversation imo
@@wilbertvanvulpen9553I guess that’s an indication that other person doesn’t want to talk with you, at least that’s what I do, I answer questions without any other conversation continuing hoping eventually it’ll stop
Problem is idk what to ask
Asking people questions about themselves is helpful. People love talking about themselves. And really listen and reply, don’t interrupt, actively listen.
the problem for me is that I genuinely don’t have any interest in talking to people and I find most people are just boring in general. I hate to say it but I really don’t care about what most people have to say. I just do what society expects me to do which is to strike up a conversation.
I’ve tried talking with a lot of people (introvert here so I’ve I’ve been put in these situations by other people most times) And while I don’t think there are dumb or silly questions, I do think there are boring ones.
That being said, as long as you’re not just trying to keep a conversation going and are genuinely interested and/or curious about the response, I don’t think a conversation will be boring,
People feed off of your emotions and if you’re interested and curious, chances are they will be too. It’s less about what you say, and more about why you say the things you do.
That's right. In my case, it's that I don't want the other side to feel like they're being interrogated. And if you only ask questions and don't say anything about yourself at the same time, something's wrong, too. I think this should be a two-way street, and if someone sees that someone wants to get to know you, you should also try to get to know them by asking questions. But that is purely subjective.
Who's your favorite Sounder??
I remember watching a video about how there are no boring questions, but it all matters about how you present the question, like your tone, humor throughout and various other factors.
There are conversations that are less meaningful than others. There was one where I had to listen to their entire story about how bad other people are to them. And all I hear is just a toxic person who is not self aware. I just didn't say much and made it clear I was uninterested in them making fun of disabled people.
I don't really have a problem with engaging with people like this to have them talk about themselves, I do it excessively. It's easy to connect to others. But my problem is the insane lack of reciprocation from everyone I meet. People will take all the care and listening and space you give them, and just walk away never caring to learn about you in return.
I think that's related to the fact that majority of people are very inert and prefer to go with the flow. That is, if you make the conversation about them, they'll just roll with it. And in order to avoid it, you might want to set the stage yourself and make it about both of you
I hate talking about myself, so that's really not a problem. 😅
"Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." Charles Stewart
if you never talk about yourself people are gonna take that as a sign that you dont want or like to do so, its not that they dont care. thats how a conversation works, you add onto it instead of waiting until they ask you to speak.
dont get me wrong there are people that actually dont care and wont ask anything no matter what, but the majority just misunderstood you
You can have a good conversation end in silence. It’s not necessarily awkward.
I’ve had many conversations go on for hours, but I’ve also had conversations go on for 5 minutes and end in silence which have had a significant impact on me and my life.
Tldr; a conversation ending in silence doesn’t necessarily have to be awkward
I don't think those two paragraphs needed a TLDR, if I'm being honest.
its not even a paragraph we got a tldr for 2 sentences 😭😭😭😭@@thenumberseven959
Something that people with social anxiety likely struggle with (I did at least) is blaming themselves for awkward silences. But when you talk to people more, you realize that a lot of people just kinda suck at social interactions in their own way and that pauses of silence is pretty normal, and most especially that it often takes 2 people to make a situation awkward.
@@thenumberseven959 Lol, I agree. People’s attention spans are getting shorter and shorter though.
@@thenumberseven959yeah it felt weird seeing a comment with two short paragraphs that are easy to read in under a minute that has a TLDR
Love me a quiet hangout session. Words aren't always needed. Empty, mindless conversation serves no purpose.
3:27 "what brand is your microwave"
I ask that really often but the conversation begins to end instant because no one knows his microwave brand
Very solid points, and keep in mind that some people will synergize very well with others, while others might not be so compatible.
I love talking about my interests, especially if the other person shares them. But what's very special to me is if I can have a period of silence with a friend that *isn't* awkward. To me, it feels normal and even calming to simply exist with someone's presence. Not many people really prefer that though which is understandable.
I have no problem listening actively, I just have a conditioned irrational fear that everyone hates every word that comes out of my mouth. That my existence is offensive to everyone around me, but people I know just barely tolerate it. Also I don't want to bother anyone unnecessarily (me trying to get to know someone is unnecessary because I'm unnecessary).
Unfortunately you just gotta power though this. Like the video says sometimes people don't click and that's fine, they're not going to hate you. If it helps, the idea everyone hates you is ridiculous and cannot possibly be true.
maybe your conditioned irrational fear is something to work on. I can tell you right now, that it is certainly not true, what your mind is telling you. Most likely some event happened in your past that caused this belief to stick to you and now you see the world through this lens. Right now you are seeing the world and other people through the lens of this belief, and its convincing you very well because the emotion is so powerful.
I feel that. Some days more than others. But, if it's any consolidation, I didn't dislike any word you wrote there, and I don't feel like your presence in the comments section is unnecessary, so, rejoice! Your self-doubt seems to be keeping you hostage, but all is not as it seems. Besides, Jesus loves you and died for you. You have value, definitely. ❤
I'm the dead plant. I don't find silence awkward at all. Why can't people sometimes just shut up and enjoy the silence?
Real.
Silence can feel awesome sometimes!
That’s how you know you’ve found a good friend
i agree
Sometimes they just like talking to you :)
I feel like 50% of the people I meet drone on about themselves in every conversation we have. Its like damn I know everything about you and you barely know a thing about me. Everyone's so self centered I find myself "actively listening" to their entire life story and it makes me tweak tf out.
Holy crap i relate to this, like im geniually intrested in people, i love learning about them, but also would be nice to meet someone who gaf about me, like anytime i make new convos i ask the questions, they never ask me back, and then i ask again or whatever, like do ppl just wanna talk abt themselves only? I can talk about myself but i dont think i would love to overshadow someone if i wanna be friends with them
Well 50% is a good ration honestly, that's just part of the whole experience!
i used to think like this as well. but recently i've started to realize that some ppl (especially those more extroverted) see conversations as a kind of free for all, and operate under the expectation that everyone will pitch in when/if they have something to talk about. if you're not talking about yourself they assume you don't like to, or that you just have nothing you want to tell them at the moment. and other people, especially those who are introverted/trying to be polite, feel they need to be directly invited to share something about themselves. don't get me wrong, some people are just self-centered and treat others like mirrors to interact with themselves through, but i think a lot of the time its a misunderstanding where one person assumes that if you had something to share you would be saying it, so they don't ask you to share and continue volunteering things about themself to keep the conversation going, leading the other person to never really say anything about themself and assume the other is egocentric for never asking questions.
i've started just saying things about myself unprompted to those people and realized that usually they actually do care about you, most of them listen to and remember all the things you say and interact with you thoughtfully, and the conversations naturally balance out to be about both people.
I 100% agree with @Rayhem. This is a two way street dude, pipe up! Part of conversing is adding, not always expecting the other person to invite you to speak. Active listening is good, but you also need to learn when to interject or add to their conversation.
I say this as an autistic person with severe social anxiety, this did NOT come naturally and I thought the same way you did, but once I learned how to converse I understood I was wrong, people do care but you have to participate.
If someone isn't sharing about themselves in a conversation most people will assume they dont want to share.
I'm sure you're right and there are people who are jerks who just want to be the only one to talk, in fact I KNOW you're right, but it's nowhere near 50% it's just that you have a misunderstanding of how conversations work. You don't need to be invited to speak, so speak up.
If you've tried to have a (pretty equal) conversation and they keep interrupting or rushing you, stop talking to them, they're a jerk and not worth your breath. (HOWEVER if this happens to you a LOT, maybe you should also check out the common denominator. Maybe you are part of the problem. I genuinely don't know, I haven't talked to you lol. I just think everyone should be self-critical and aware without being self deprecating. I see a lot of people online say "everyone" treats them some way, and I do always think the common denominator should be investigated lmao)
i know people like that and its exhausting to talk with them for any extended period of time. a very simple, "how about you?" will usually go a very long way in convo. shame that a few people didnt get the note on that.
I noticed a funny thing about Americans, that for some reason they always need to start conversations. While in my country, if you are silent and another person is silent next to you, if you are absolutely strangers, this is more than normal, it will rather be strange if you suddenly speak for no particular reason. Therefore, such advice sounds funny to me, but for maintaining a conversation with friends, the advice is really good)
I have a friend who just has an ability to ask out of the blue, introspective engaging personal questions and sometimes idek how to respond. I value her a lot for that
I was once on a date with this girl, just fresh out of high school (I've always been a shy kid). We were chatting away, and then, wouldn't you know it, we reached the "awkward silence" zone lol. Of course, I started to panic. I was so nervous that I even thought about making up an excuse and leaving. But then I had a crazy idea. I turned to her-her eyes starring at me ("tf is this dude on about?)-and asked her if she wanted to play a "game". This game-that I somehow had just made up on the spot-was all about talking about anything and everything that was on our minds at that moment. I was really surprised that she went along with it. That moment actually changed my life. It was kind of one of those "eureka" moments. And it... actually worked.
It's definitely a skill, one that definitely takes practice, but it's so powerful, especially to the regular dude that doesn't have much going on besides his creativity and will to connect (hey, that's me!). There's always something to be said about something.
Can you give me an example on how this would work like would you have a conversation about it or just like say stuff
@@Max-zl8lp You kinda have to look at what people are saying with a different perspective, always looking for ways to branch out the conversation to new paths. There are no guidelines set in stone, sometimes you just ...say a lot of random things and it works, sometimes people stick to one subject and you just got to go along with it, being able to read people is essential, otherwise you will end up looking like a weirdo (and that will happen to all of us eventually lol).
"Can you give me an example on how this would work like would you have a conversation about it or just like say stuff?"
Just your question alone, I could've replied with examples of all the times it didn't work, and it would probably be a funny (and a bit cringe admittedly) reply.
Try watching stand-up comedians working the crowd. Because it's basically that (conceptually), you won't be making jokes all the time but that's the core idea.
I would have said "the game involves you running, and me chasing." Then you make a weird face. 😅
2:50
“To have more fun and interesting conversations I developed my personality using interests”
See, now there’s the problem
Sounds like you'll need two video tutorials instead of just one!
It's all about interest until your interest is horribly niche and nobody in real life knows about it
this is sooooo real everyone around me talks about football im just there like "anyone like synths??" 😭😭
@@beatsbylarsMusic is a pretty common and appreciated hobby, I think alot of people would definitely be interested in synths
@@beatsbylars Can you teach me about synths pls I don't make music but it sounds interesting🥺
I like how you keep your videos in 1:1 ratio. You don't really see that anymore and it kinda makes me feel cozy for some reason
it kinda looks 4:3 to me tho, I'm not sure lmao
It's not 1:1 lol.
cozy.. that word.. it triggers me.. but why..
@@googoogaagaaytidk
@@googoogaagaayt cosy. American spelling, innit?
The thing that everyone enjoys talking about the most is themselves. My dad taught me that when I was a kid. Once you have some practice it’s pretty easy to get people to talk about their interests. What’s really funny is you’ll start hearing “he’s such a great conversationalist,” and you know they just talked about themself for 30 minutes lol. Really helped me in sales too
This makes me really belive that pointing out the simple has a greater impact on solving a problem than overanalising what went wrong. A mere 4 minutes of my time and I feel way more confident in leading conversations now. Thanks m8 for an eye-opening video.
I absolutely needed this video! I’ve been trying to be a bit for social for the school year and one of the biggest weaknesses I found was that the conversations went in a boring circle or I couldn’t find topics to talk about, so thanks for making these videos!! 💕✨
this doesn´t work for me bc one day one person said "why are you always asking so many questions?" and i felt that really deep
Genuine curiosity can be misinterpreted by the genuinely uncurious.
awkward silence exists only in your head bro
2:09 Bro that is the most relatable thing ever I thought I was the only one 💀💀
this is so nice, im glad you've learned and decided to share your methods, learning how to speak properly is heavily underrated because people usually blame other things like "im not interesting/cool" and never realise that it's not what you talk about, it's how you talk that makes people want to talk and hang out with you, also active listening is the most misunderstood part of talking and you explained it very nicely, amazing work :D
This is the type of video you randomly see in your recommended 5-10 years after it was posted
my favorite way to get a conversation going is absurd hypotheticals, they’re fun to think about and it also can give you insight into the other person
What are your favorite absurd hypotheticals
Ok you have no idea how much I needed this. As someone who's got a touch of the 'tism I kept sitting here trying to figure out what the difference was between when conversation flowed and when it didn't. Knowing this helps a lot! It can be hard to get stuck in those awkward silences and not know what to say. Thank you!
Love how personal you make these and of course your Aussie sense of humour makes them that much more enjoyable to watch. Keep up the awesome videos brother!
Ah jeez, I have to get to and then somehow past the introduction phase
My friend’s conversation starter when meeting new people is asking what religion they are 💀💀💀💀
Here's a free tip for anyone who drives their truck off I-80 and onto the Salt Flats. When you get to Wendover (if going West) or Salt lake City (heading East), find a car wash ASAP and thoroughly spray out your truck's undercarriage, frame, and wheel wells. You'll be glad you did. All that salt sticks like crazy to the bottom of your truck!
Thank you 👍
I'd rather be silent and kind, and be perceived as an awkward, it's a lot more better than forcing things to say, and gossip about other people's lives.
Gotta say, there's a lot of dumb things I regret saying just to fill the gaps.
Dude you NEED to ask about others. It shows you arent self centered.
It's not
"I want to be mediocre for the rest of my life!"
@@sushisushimaster right, I don't want that, but how to start? 😓
This is so real, my bf and i basically just got to know eachother after i noticed i also listen to the Band on his shirt on the day we met and asked him about it. I felt kinda stupid approaching him but it worked and i'm so glad i did it:) I also have learnded that you can literally talk about anything when u meet someone new
I wish I had this video when I was younger. Learning all this on my own kinda took a long time to get there, but boy was it worth it. I think something else that helped me personally was just having a lot of things to add. If you find yourself having opinions and wanting to discuss them, it often leads to really cool conversations you wouldn't even think of having.
Be careful what topics you do that one on that, it can get dicey.
careful, this can lead to an interview type of conversation. it takes two and if the other side isn't nearly as engaged in the convo as you, leave it behind and call it a day.
Accurate as hell. Constant bombardment of questions will annoy the other party and cause them to want to end conversation. Questioning here and there will balance things out.
So what you recommended
Especially from an extroverts POV, how do you lead that convo with an introverts if this is the case 😭
"dont water a dead plant" is a good one, i like "you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink" you can sure as hell try but someone is gonna die...
1:30 of basically nothing said to start, atleast i know he knows how to fill silence
I came to comment the same thing 😂 literally said the same thing like 3 times and I decided to exit the video. I’m not even gonna finish it lmao
*People are also just selective. They like having convos with “cooler” ones. If you’re not cool and such a boring guy, they won’t bother creating a good conversation with you. Sad but true.*
Thanks man, I really need this. I have autism and anxiety so for me it’s really hard to make or continue conversations. I’ll remember these tips
This usually happens to me, but lately I just realized that it happens more often when the other person doesn't help to make the conversation going. Sometimes they are just there waiting for you to lead alone, instead of helping to develop topics
3:27 side note, as a tall person, please avoid that one, we get it a LOT
As a tall person, ask me, I wanna brag, but if you ask me first I can brag while still feeling humble
Im tall too boohoo
Don't worry, I'll make sure not to ask if you mow the lawn :D
Yeah but whatever? Does it offend you or bother you in any way when someone asks that question? I just answer it and move on.
How tall are you?
a stupid question would be a question about something that's already been communicated previously, or implied, or something insensitive I'd imagine.
my memory is horrible when it comes to what I've already talked about with someone so sometimes in response to a question they'll reply, "you've asked me that before"
Love those emojis!! ❤
Thank you for emphasizing the importance of listening. I posit that if any of us actually found a way to never run out of things to say, we'd just become endless chatterboxes. I have found 100% of the time that conversations are more meaningful and interesting if you enter into the moment instead of being stuck inside your head thinking, "what should I say next?"
I'm a very good conversationalist and I +1 everything said here. I always ask questions because I'm genuinely curious about them and want to indulge in their interests. In return, this makes the other person open up more, and they'll usually end up asking about yours. It makes for an engaging two-way conversation. I actually have a first date with a guy I really like tomorrow and I have a mental list of things I want to know about him and ways to make the conversation flow.
Also something else not mentioned here is spatial cues. I find myself talking about context or what's around me when the conversation 'dies' slightly or the topic hits a dead end, which can happen. This doesn't always have to be small talk like 'it's a bit rainy today', it can be a genuine point of interest such as 'I really love the scenery, it reminds me of...' and then link it to an interest (e.g. a movie you like). This will usually help prompt the other person :)
yea thats true, you gotta come up with something specific to keep the convo going, small talk is just lazy fr
Wanna date lol? Jk, how did it go?
1:03 @brinyheart. if your dog actually died im am so sorry for you man
That's the worst. 😪🐶💔
DID YOU KILL HIS DOG OR SOMETHING??
this video is "how to talk as an introvert" disguised as a general tutorial
I feel like if I ask to many questions it might seem like I'm interrogating them
"Don't water a dead plant" is a great thing to keep in mind when interacting with someone who isn't a conversationalist. You wouldn't want to keep asking questions when the person is obviously disinterested, they could be having a bad day and don't feel like talking. Otherwise you may seem rude.
However, sometimes you're caught in situations where you need to make conversation and the other person doesn't seem to be interested. I run into this sometimes because of my job, which involves mainly just talking to people, and some people i come across aren't good at maintaining conversation.
With these situations or with these types of people, I always try to find a topic they're interested in. It can be especially difficult with a person who doesn't talk much, but that's why I start with the most general of questions. Good examples are "where are you from?" or "what do you do for work?" I ask these because people usually like to talk about their home and their job. This is because these are topics people usually feel more comfortable talking about. Their job is something they do a lot of and in most cases I find people enjoy describing. Their home is their origin, and if they haven't been there in a while, they may find it comforting thinking of old memories, perhaps of their favorite restaurant or spot of entertainment.
If you find yourself in a situation where conversation is needed, ask the easy questions, then just do what the video says and let your mind wander and come up with questions on its own.
I’ve been doing this for years! I used to get really uncomfortable in silences and just asked any question or brought up anything that might be interesting. “I was out with my friends fishing yesterday”. Just that opens up a whole lot to ask, “Oh, you like fishing?”, “do you and your friends fish often?”, etc. Also I learned to get over silences making me uncomfortable. Sometimes like briny said, conversations just dry up or end. You can still hang out with someone and enjoy their presence. You don’t have to talk 24/7 all the time, just relax and let conversation start up naturally again, or say whatever pops into your head like an opinion you have
I used to be the dryest smalltalker ever. Then i got a job, watched golf and a soccer game, read a few books, started playing two kinda popular videogames and read the news and now i can pretty much talk to anyone with ease.
Sometimes it's just okay to run out of things to say.
i realised all this myself as i grew up and i also learnt not to care about awkward silence, but the problem is in order to have a good conversation i need energy, and often i just dont have the physical energy to be thinking about what others are saying and what will come out of my mouth
Having topics in the back of my head is a life saver. Preplanning about something to talk about has helped me alot and it works as a backup if you can't think of anything else to say. The more you have planned the more other people can reply to, therefore higher chances of them bringing up something related or liking the topic and carrying it on
a few weeks ago i had no topic to talk about, so i just asked the first thing i thought. and it was: "what is your favorite kind of bread?" it was a good convo.
btw this dude is the salvation for introverts
and he's back! great stuff dude, thats something my friend told me was silence is fine and use it to really think what the other person said, so i usually pause after what someone speaks to make sure i understand
Bold to assume there is a genuine interest in what anyone has to say
Yup. Sometimes, people genuinely dont care to talk.
Then what are you doing here if you don't want to talk to people???
its because you dont have social skills
Nah deadass tho, why would you click on this video then
I LOOVEE that you mentioned active listening!! I just did a short lesson on it with my education class, and surprisingly, a lot of people dont know what it means, but it's SO important when it comes to conversations! Just being present in conversation and actually fully listening makes a world of a difference!
if nothing of this works, then there’s one thing left…
“Just Smile and Wave boys! Just Smile and Wave.”
Jokes aside, Reality is that if you feel confident you tend to try more stuff out, to be confident is to feel at home. What I like to do most of the time is literally smile! I can only have a good conversation if the other is feeling comfortable aswell!
Questions often pop up in my brain but talking is such a hassle that I just stay silent instead.
I find it really energy consuming.
2:36 F1 mentioned
No way bro I watch 1 video to escape it
no way
No way
The reason why I'm watching this video... I need F1 friends 😭
@@Daniiebcars du du du max verstappen
I am massively disinterested in pretty much most topics and I can't fake being interested, and that's a problem because I can't hold a conversation most of the time because, when I'm not interested, I can't think of anything. No questions. Mind empty. Small talk is just not my thing either. Then the awkward silence settles in and I get stressed out because my mind is blanking and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A new friend of mine and I were talking during lunch, my sister went to get ready for her next class. My friend, she asked me: “what brand’s your microwave?” I was like “what.”
I was actually gonna answer her question if I remembered the brand name.
instructions unclear, cars with goofy red and blue lights are in my driveway and some goobers wont stop knocking at my door
I fr lost nearly all my friends (except one) cuz I'm not good at talking so i'mma try this thank you 😭
Im autistic and have adhd, this is gonna be such a life saver especially considering im in highschool so everything can definitely get awkward. This is definitely better than playing a one-sided game of 20 questions just to keep up an average conversation.
This video changed my life
I have been getting a lot of these kinds of videos on my youtube recommendations recently and I have recently starting getting into a relationship for the first time recently, and I've to say that all of these are extremely helpful. Escpecialy when people don't normally teach you these things (only through experience you learn them).
I used to be terrified of awkward silences but I started to own them. I found I tend to connect better with people who ate also comfortable with silence and don't feel the need to fill every second with speech.
I would recommend this to people, there's something special about being able to sit in silence for a bit and then continuing the conversation naturally instead of forcing constant follow-up questions etc.
Appreciate you trying to help, just wanted to add that some people like silence. I've had a few friends who just enjoy company, and find talkers to be exhausting.