Wow! I’m living this mess!!! We’ll be engaged in a discussion (for instance a suggestion I would give to make our relationship better such as more date nights that occur more than once or twice a year), and the conversation will take a far left resulting in him saying something like, “So you think I’m just a horrible husband, huh?” or “I can’t do anything right!” The conversation would escalate to the point of no return.
"Stop! That is not what I said, and it is certainly not what I meant." Repeat as necessary. Don't be suprised by a major pushback. Thank you Dr. Denise!
You re correct about the push back that comes afterward when u say stop! It may even be a day or two later which gives the narc time to think about how they can get u back. So be brave and have an escape route planned.
Thanks! I had actually forgotten he had done the twisting of my words and meanings. It was very frustrating to me. But now I can picture him doing that, and watching for my reaction!! Ugh! So glad to be away from him, coming up on a year!!
Exactly, dont take the bait bcuz u are feeding them and they know exactly what they are doing. It takes lots of practice bcuz its sooooo frustrating when someone stands there and tells u something completely different than what u actually said. They HATE being called on it, but it gives u back yor sanity to not engage them. U might still walk away frusterated but u know yor not the crazy one. When their food source starts drying up, they look for it somewhere else.
I anticipate this happening almost every conversation. How he can convince me that i feel a certain way by what i say? Hes not even good at being a liar. ..and yet he does it with the confidence of a pro.
My husband says he knows me inside and out. Puts words in my mouth. Loves to complete my sentences. I feel like a non-human being. Kind of makes me sick.
My personal favorite. I didn’t call you a liar, I said you were lying. If you don’t want to be a liar then stop lying. The whole lying thing coming from me saying he said something he absolutely said and then he says he didn’t say (usually when I’m forced to confront him on especially bad behavior) what he just said and counters with saying I’m a liar. This happens enough and I then believe his truth and not my own. 16 years in and I’m not sure I recognize reality anymore.
im in 16 years also. I dont recognize myself. i let this happen to me at the point of knowledge. by then its so hard to leave cuz he has already infiltrated his damaging ways into my life and i am being blocked at every turn. even the money is gone and ways of earning it are even more dificult,,,,,by design.
This is definitely resonating with me and after finding out about gaslighing just a week ago and watching your videos, I'm caught between numb shock with a touch of surrealism and a kind of grief. How may I get in touch with you, Dr Denise Dart.
I just went for a job interview and a woman there twisted everything I said ....she was very manipulative and she must be quite happy now coz i didnt get the job....not sure I could put up with her.
I used to do this when he would start cussing me and calling me names, I would walk away. Now he says that I dont want to listen to him, that I would do anything not to have to hear what he says, to get out of the conversation. That I just want to run away. He has even threatened to leave if I walk away.
I record everything now. I can go back and listen to everything and show it to a therapist.
Wow! I’m living this mess!!! We’ll be engaged in a discussion (for instance a suggestion I would give to make our relationship better such as more date nights that occur more than once or twice a year), and the conversation will take a far left resulting in him saying something like, “So you think I’m just a horrible husband, huh?” or “I can’t do anything right!” The conversation would escalate to the point of no return.
Gaslighting at its finest. They don't even allow u to own your words/intentions/feelings, by them twisting everything. Sooo emotionally painful!!
"Stop! That is not what I said, and it is certainly not what I meant."
Repeat as necessary. Don't be suprised by a major pushback.
Thank you Dr. Denise!
You re correct about the push back that comes afterward when u say stop! It may even be a day or two later which gives the narc time to think about how they can get u back. So be brave and have an escape route planned.
Thanks! I had actually forgotten he had done the twisting of my words and meanings. It was very frustrating to me. But now I can picture him doing that, and watching for my reaction!! Ugh! So glad to be away from him, coming up on a year!!
Yes, this is a very creepy phenomena! First time this was done to me I was dumbfounded to say the least! Crazy making at its finest!
Exactly, dont take the bait bcuz u are feeding them and they know exactly what they are doing. It takes lots of practice bcuz its sooooo frustrating when someone stands there and tells u something completely different than what u actually said. They HATE being called on it, but it gives u back yor sanity to not engage them. U might still walk away frusterated but u know yor not the crazy one. When their food source starts drying up, they look for it somewhere else.
I anticipate this happening almost every conversation. How he can convince me that i feel a certain way by what i say? Hes not even good at being a liar. ..and yet he does it with the confidence of a pro.
My husband says he knows me inside and out. Puts words in my mouth. Loves to complete my sentences. I feel like a non-human being. Kind of makes me sick.
It doesn’t feel good to have your boundaries violated in the name of “love”
Great practical advice for response to this type of gas lighting.
My personal favorite. I didn’t call you a liar, I said you were lying. If you don’t want to be a liar then stop lying. The whole lying thing coming from me saying he said something he absolutely said and then he says he didn’t say (usually when I’m forced to confront him on especially bad behavior) what he just said and counters with saying I’m a liar. This happens enough and I then believe his truth and not my own. 16 years in and I’m not sure I recognize reality anymore.
Oh yes, gaslighting at its finest 🙃
im in 16 years also. I dont recognize myself. i let this happen to me at the point of knowledge. by then its so hard to leave cuz he has already infiltrated his damaging ways into my life and i am being blocked at every turn. even the money is gone and ways of earning it are even more dificult,,,,,by design.
This is definitely resonating with me and after finding out about gaslighing just a week ago and watching your videos, I'm caught between numb shock with a touch of surrealism and a kind of grief.
How may I get in touch with you, Dr Denise Dart.
Thank you.
I just went for a job interview and a woman there twisted everything I said ....she was very manipulative and she must be quite happy now coz i didnt get the job....not sure I could put up with her.
I used to do this when he would start cussing me and calling me names, I would walk away. Now he says that I dont want to listen to him, that I would do anything not to have to hear what he says, to get out of the conversation. That I just want to run away. He has even threatened to leave if I walk away.
Omg 😲
Gaslighting ... sigh
Nice try tho ...