The History Channel Detectives
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- Опубликовано: 19 дек 2021
- What REALLY happened when Jesus of Nazareth was born? What's the TRUE story behind all the Christmas myths, legends, and fables?
The History Channel Detectives are here to figure it out. 
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"To be fair, you just described 98% of Lutheran Pastors"
"Ooh, Touche."
While I don't always theologically agree with Hans and the others who work on this channel, I can respect satirist who can poke fun at themselves.
Well, actually Hans is poking fun at the "Lutheran" pastors out there, who aren't really Lutheran. They are in name only. Matthew represents what actual Lutheran (no air quotes) pastors and laity confess - The truth of the Holy Scriptures, verbal inspiration, inerrant and Holy Spirit given.
@@jimflys2 There's nothing heterodox or sub-Lutheran about being "too pedantic to be an academic, too goofy-looking to be an actor, and too boring to be a politician."
AWWWWW Snap! Just met a Missouri Synod Sunday.
"We'll, there's many ways to interpret the Bible." when discussing literal hellfire.
100th like on this comment!
Pretty sure the comment was directed at the Evangelical arm of Lutherans which is growing like wildfire.
“Deny the existence of poke dealers and then conclude I am the luckiest guy in the world” 😂😂😂
I also lost it when they said this...🤣
The History Channel stopped being the History Channel for a long time.
The only good thing worth watching there is Forged In Fire.
...stopped being the History Channel long ago in history. :)
@@AdirondackRuby 100%
It was the WW1 WW2 channel for a while. Then....
I'm not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens
"And yeah the Aliens build the pyramids and hid them in Bosnia, also Hitler has a secret timetravel base hidden on the moon."
"What do you mean he walked on water?"
In one of the first lectures of my Historical Theology class at my Christian college, my professor (a brilliant, well-versed scholar in early Church studies) wrote out some names on the board of scholars we should avoid when we were doing research about the early church and its beliefs (Bart Ehrman was among them; I forgot the others). Then she said, "Basically, avoid anyone who has ever been on the History Channel."
We then had a lengthy discussion about how important it is to stay grounded in Christian community and avoid overwrought, unchecked skepticism. It is sad to see how many people, even former Christians, have chosen to twist the scriptures and early Church history just to get some cash and views. Thankfully, the truth prevails, and the Church marches on against the lies. Thank you for these videos, by the way. They always make me laugh and cause my theologian heart to sing. :)
The funniest thing about Ehrman is that he makes claims that even atheistic and/or secular scholars would laugh at. That there was an historical man in the first century named Ιησούς (Jesus) whose life and ministry inspired a multiethnic Jewish sect is factually provable. That Ehrman is a Jesus mythicist puts him outside of the scholarly norm (and outside of integrity).
@@mikeymcgee1509 Ehrman is famously anti-mythicist. Do you have him confused with Richard Carrier?
@@Simul oops, you're right.
@@mikeymcgee1509 Yeah, Jesus mythicists will often cite Ehrman not realizing he thinks that viewpoint is nuts.
I'm a Southern Baptist and I love this stuff! I only watch the History Channel for laughs. They should get an Oscar for getting things wrong 99.9% of the time. Especially on Biblical themes.
I only watch it for the bladesmithing.
wait a minute...are you saying that the History channel is not always historical or factual? Gasp
The History Channel has not had many real historical shows for a while now.
At least be an independent Baptist instead of a woke SBC member :P
@@ryansetliff7416 Way to broadbrush an entire group and to pretend as though no independent Baptist churches were woke.
You should do one on ancient aliens. I totally lost it when I heard some of their theories, they were so hilariously ridiculous.
The entertainment factor was good though.
Well, I mean, the guy with the crazy hair. . . . !
I watch Ancient Aliens "religiously" because I'm a big fan of Ancient Humans. The AA sure are pleased to have the Catholic Church to kick around. They don't have to smear any other religious groups. I have mixed feelings about their exposing the general public to Christian miracles. I think they did 2 shows about Fatima without bringing up the Virgin Mary, the thousands of skeptical witnesses in that field, the villages and cities in Portugal. Eventually they get around to it, but it's sad that their fans get this information wrapped up in their dead fish conspiracy theories
You know the atheists and anti-Christians are desperate when they have to theorize about aliens being the ones who created humans.
I'm a believer, but also accept the idea of the otherwise unbelievable. Just one example, the Dogon tribe in africa. They have been worshiping the star Sirius B for some 400 years. It was only discovered by modern science in 1970.
Love it when you challenge materialists and modernist biases
The best day of my life was....well there have been many, but certainly ONE of the top days of my life is when I left and never looked back at those in the Lutheran church who were speaking just like these two interrogators. When I found that I didn't have to be alone in my confession and that there were Lutherans that taught and confessed as Matthew does here, I was at home! It's really great being built up in the faith rather than trying to convert those who are trying to teach you what they ought not. "MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN"
"Virgins don't give birth...not even a little bit." LOL! As a virgin, can confirm. I've never even remotely given birth. I've also never been visited by an angel either, so. "...exceedingly rare occurrence followed by..." How boring and sad life must be for people that deny any possibility of miracles.
Well, Mary could have lied, that's the simpler and more likely answer in a vacuum. Jesus' ministry, which included miracles, and his eventual death and resurrection are much, much harder to dismiss, as well as Paul's 180 degree about face later. If we accept those much more surprising and wildly witnessed events, then the virgin birth just isn't that shocking...
Every time people were saying "god did it", we found a natural explanation.
@@ianosgnatiuc Really? Every single time? So there's no unexplained phenomena in this world? Huh...perhaps check your reasoning a bit, because your premise simply isn't true or provable.
@@evangelicalcatholics
Remind me of an explanation which we found to be not natural?
@@ianosgnatiuc "we" haven't found anything. Further, explanations are only that, explanations based on human observations. Surely you're not suggesting that human observations are the sole dictatorship of objectivity and truth?
Somehow these are more believable than the actual ones
I like your PFP. 😉
“The parting of the Red Sea wasn’t a miracle. A volcano exploded on the other side of the Mediterranean, which caused the water to recede before a tidal wave hit land. 🧐”
“…and this just so happened to be at the exact moment Moses said ‘see the salvation of the Lord’ and stretched out his staff over the water? That timing sounds pretty miraculous to me!”
No clearly Moses ripped a sweet Beyblade down the middle of the sea, clearly parting it with the might of rapidly-spinning Chinese produced plastic.
Note, this is accurate lore to the Beyblade series.
Most atheists simply deny Moses existed and the exodus occurred. They say its all made up myth
It was all good but I burst out laughing at the last line. Always wait until the very end for the best of Lutheran Satire.
Yess, the ending of “Donall and Conall meet Richard Dawkins” is especially hilarious.
Thank you for portraying me well in this video. I was a bit husky, but I forgive you.
That's ok. Hardly anyone even knows about me, much less wants to make a video
That's because people found Fr. Spyridon Bailey instead and ran for the hills when he started dropping truth bombs.
I don’t know what I love more, the silly comebacks or the noir vibe.
"Aliens."
Love it. Looking forward to joining Prince of Peace Lutheran on Christmas.
That last part about Lutheran pastors had me on the floor!
Remember when the History Channel was not antagonizingly Misotheistic?
Pepperidge Farm remembers.
My favourite line of argument: Prophet: here is an event so unlikely that it shows it is an act of God
Skeptic: Such events don't happen because they would be acts of God who doesn't exist. Therefore that event didn't happen.
"Grandpa Moses"
I am never going to forget that
Hope to see the other three Evangelists hauled in for questioning, and the Epistle authors too.
Lutheran Satire is the key to dialogue across Christian groups, ha ha! Who doesn’t love his stuff?
As a Lutheran pastor... I resemble that remark!
I smell butthurt!
Just messing with ya. Lutheran pastors are some of my favorite people. 😉
Heh, we are a weird bunch, especially in flocks... or herds... squads? Murders? I'm not sure what to call a group of Lutheran pastors.
@@ChristianCombatives a kegger?
Heh, I wasn't going to say it, but there is a certain Lutheran strategy of lubricating the mental gears before theological conversation.
We definitely want more from the detectives.
I saw one of those history channel bits on the creation of the tower of babel and their attempts to estimate it's size. To do this, they took what was a common brick at the time, entered it vertically into a machine that compressed the brick, and used the applied force necessary to compressed the brick to calculate how much weight the brick could hold and used that to figure out how tall the tower would be before the bottommost bricks broke. There are only 5 major flaws with this method. First they stacked the thing in there vertically, not horizontally as it would have been stacked in the tower, which would have yielded different results as wider things don't buckle as easily as slender things, and they loaded this brick in the most slender way possible. Second, they only tested it once, instead of taking the average of a few trials. Third, they didn't calculate it in terms of pressure but just applied force, which assumes that all of the bricks are the same size as this one. Fourth, their calculations were just... strange. Fifth in their calculations they assume that the bricks would have just been nearly stacked linearly on top of each other, instead of in a manner intended to maximize height with the least amount of material.
This needs to be a series.
Haha it's always funny how they say .. our ancient ancestors didn't understand basic biology but the same people try to tell us that men can be women and women can be men..
That good cop was definitely horus.
I was just waiting the whole time for that "aliens". I started to get a bit disappointed and it dropped right at the end. Perfect! Lol
I always love your videos. And sometimes I learn stuff. Please keep making more. :)
I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical on this but you got me with:
"I thought your explanation was gonna be . . . more believable than mine?"
This skit was a lot funnier than I thought it would be, great job!
Aliens. It's always aliens.
Oh how I have missed these 😁 Awesome stuff
Merry Christmas my clever fellow Christian
These are really great. Keep' em coming
Them: that's impossible, *or* can't see it so it didn't happen or exists
Also them: it must be aliens, but I said it louder so therefore I am right
Great work man! Best christmas present yet!
You had me at the droning jazz soundtrack. 😂 Love your stuff like always!
Thank you for the new content! Sound theology and superb satire, love it!
Love the vid Hans. Keep it up.
These videos always make me want to become a Lutheran.
Always awesome, more please. Thank you.
Scholars say that Luke and Matthew did not have access to each others' gospels, which would mean that BOTH authors had to have invented the virgin birth independently.
Miraculous!
As luck would have it, I was just going through your other videos!
Dude I literally went on a rant on Gab and Facebook about this 2 days ago! You rock 😂
I just found this and I am so happy I found it. 😊thank you for this
Ha! 2 years since you've done this type of video and it's still just as good! is this the start of a comeback?
psychodelic lentils!!!! hahahha
Amazing as always!
Great video!
Yay, you're back! 🎉
Well done. And well reasoned.
Good stuff sir 😌
Hey! It's been a while!
I enjoy these. I hope they become recurring characters.
beautiful work
That was hilarious.
Thank you for your humour
Merry Christmas.
God be with you.
Great stuff brother.
Merry Christmas!
A joy as always.
Brilliant! Where are all the views?
This is so wonderful!!! Great to make these History Channel explanations appear as insanely absurd as they are. With all those psychedelics, why don't we hear about any drum circles?
Maybe it's because that's not the reasonal explanation at all?
@@ianosgnatiuc I agree. It's not reasonable at all. So why do "reasonable" people keep presenting it and why do "reasonable" people keep drinking that psychedelic Kool aid? It's insanity. Good day.
@@NotOfThisWorld567
Reasonable people don't do that. It's used to strawman them by people like the OP.
@@ianosgnatiuc I COMPLETELY agree, again. People who *see themselves as* reasonable, NOT reasonable people, create these ludicrous explanations because their minds are limited to natural phenomena. No strawman needed.
@@NotOfThisWorld567
That supposes that there are no reasonable natural explanations. There are.
3:10 have you seen the show they did over a decade ago called "The Exodus Decoded"? It was... interesting.
This was excellent. You should really take the channel in this direction. Direct - if slightly biting - humor.
Merry Christmas Hans
Top notch stuff
Actually LOLed!! Kudos, Lutheran Satire!! Kudos!!
As a Lutheran Pastor, I resemble that last remark...
Gangster discovery channel theologians… this is awesome!
I thought that they were impersonating corrupt law enforcement, not outright outlaws.
Nice !
Thank You, Patrick!
Could you do a Connal and Donnal meet Nieztche?
"Illiterate publican" got me good.
Brilliant!!!!!!!!
I was waiting for the ALIENS to drop 😂 this was great
I have never watched one of those fantasy shows on the “History” channel but apparently they are hilarious! 🤣
What no Horus? Really though love your work.
This art to be a series.
This is hilarious. Satire at its best!
So Matthew had a crew cut. Did not see that coming.
Awesome
Thank you
Jesus DID say His Kingdom was not of this world... haha! Love the humor as well!
I think History Channel is basically Gnostic televangelism sometimes.
That was hilarious! Merry Christmas from a Mennonite Pastor.
Lutheran Satire, better than any modern commentary.
4:19 Two new jobs I qualify for? What an exceedingly rare natural occurrence!
Great stuff 😂
"Aliens"
"Ok, I walked right into that one"
Instant classic
This is hella funnny
My wife asks why I watch secular tv shows about the Bible when all I do is yell at the tv. It’s ridiculous how they always bring on skeptics and infidels to mock the story but never believing scholars who could rebut every one of their lies.
"So what do you think happened?"
"ALIENS"
IM DEAD LOL
Psychedelic lentils. Pure gold!
It's pretty bad when even the Lutherans start using the politically correct term BCE instead of the centuries old BC.
😂😂😂
Keep it up Hans!
Superior!
0:23 The History Channel became the Mafia Channel
An early Christmas present!
LS hasn’t been this active in years