I hope nobody minds, I'd like to address those who have an ex that does not come back. Because I have been there personally, & it rocked me to my core. So I just wanted to share my opinion, & what helped me get through the worst of it. This will be long, but I wish someone had summed up a few pointers for me when I was going through it, I know it would've saved me a lot of unnecessary grief. So please forgive the length, I know it's basically a mini novel. I hope it helps someone, if even just a tiny bit. 9:09 "They may not come back, they may find something better." That does *not* mean someone better than you. It just means someone who is better suited for ur ex. And if that's the case then it means there's definitely someone out there who's better suited for you, too. It means there's someone out there who will think the Sun rises & sets in you, someone who will feel like there is no one else in the world they'd rather be with than you. Your ex wasn't the right one, so the right one is still out there. Probably many of them, actually. Since there's billions of people in the world it makes sense that at least a few of them would be great partners. Until you meet that person this is the perfect time to focus on yourself. Do the inner work of processing the grief of losing someone you love. In my personal experience I have found that grief doesn't just go away on it's own in time. And your brain will only be able to process this new reality in bits & pieces, so the sooner you start the better. You don't want to still be in the same emotional Hell in 7 months that you are in today. The pain will hit you in waves. So sit with those feelings, but don't stay too long. Acknowledge the pain, feel those feelings, ugly cry if you have to, & them put them up on the shelf until they come up again. There's lots of great videos here on RUclips that can teach you how to start processing that grief. We all can make improvements on ourselves, & this is a good time to reflect back on your last relationship & consider what you may want to do differently next time. I can't tell you how many videos I watched about being a good listener, a better communicator, recognizing my partner's needs, being a better spouse in general. Those videos taught me so much, even though I decided to end my marriage I know that I'm going to be an even better partner in my next relationship. Those communication skills also help with any other relationships you have, be in family, friends, coworkers, etc.. Start doing things that make you feel great, like eating better, starting a light workout routine, or a hobby you enjoy. Force yourself to make one small change, nothing drastic, just one small change. Once you've mastered that one change then make another small change, forcing yourself again if need be. How do we move a mountain? One stone at at time. It's also important to spend time with friends & family bc isolating has a way of keeping you a prisoner to negative thoughts. You have to get out of your head every once in a while. Here's an exercise that helped me a lot: When a negative thought pops into your head then make yourself focus on something else, whatever is present at that moment. For instance, "You're going to be alone forever" pops into your head. That's a tough one, & you must pull yourself out of it before it escalates. So you look around & focus on whatever you see first. If you're outside "There's s tree. It's leaves are so green. Wow, the neighbor's yard looks great. Maybe next spring I'll plant a few flowers out front. And I recently heard something about "Clover Lawns", I'll have to check into that. Low maintenance lawn means more free time for me.". And just like that, you've changed your mind to positive focus. We all have a constant inner dialogue going on all the time, so it is of vital importance that we are in charge of our thoughts. Changing your focus, controlling your thoughts so they don't control you, is something you can work on all the time. That one small practice will change your life so drastically for the better! It can change your entire world. Try to remember that there's no point in fearing something that hasn't even happened. Worrying about things you imagine is like rocking in a rocking chair, you're feverishly rocking back & forth but you're getting absolutely nowhere. You're working yourself very hard to stay stuck in the same sick place. Finally... Mind, Body & Soul- feed all 3, because if any one of the 3 is unhealthy then it absolutely will affect your entire being, make no mistake about it. I try to make sure I'm feeding my mind with positive things, educational things, lovely things. I pray everyday in order to feed my soul. So whatever feeds your soul, if it's meditation, prayer, journaling, music, whatever - make sure it is a part of your *daily* routine. Even if you do only 3-5 minutes a day. You don't have to set a time to go by, you do it as long as it pleases you to. What you choose to feed yourself with is what you put out to the rest of the world. What you put out to the world is what you're going to attract. And you want to attract a healthy, well rounded, & confident person. So become what you want to attract, that way you & your new boo will compliment each other's lives beautifully. So stay strong, take one baby step at a time, you will falter from time to time, that's ok, just stay the course. Don't give up before the miracle arrives, because it *is* going to arrive 🤍
Awesome ❤️. I'm going thru this now. Together 10 yrs married 6 yrs. He's in a rebound relationship now.Been separated now for 2yrs. In those 2 yrs separated we got back together for 10 months n then he was gone again. That's when I found out about his rebound. I've been working on myself so..hard now. Meditation n Journaling.
wow that was an amazing bit of writing. My world feels like it’s a bit of a tomato that has five or six months and still ongoing with Lost my girlfriend after 10 year relationship I’m afraid and a half-year-old boy we wasn’t getting on for the last year, and I did say some hurtful things to her. I did have a drug problem last year too but she was complaining about one night. I was high and drunk with friends she come back kicked out the friends and then I was wasted and she was dragging me around taking my phone and recording me doing crazy stuff. It got physical eventually when she should’ve just left me alone. She got me arrested the next day. I’ve got a restraining order took my house to my kid found out she was having parties at the house after two weeks with a guy asking around which I’ve got that I actually know. and she said that he was nothing for years and everything else three months later moved in together I’ve lost all my confidence. I had companies I had everything. My lawyers took most of my money. I find it hard to get up in the morning without thinking about her in dreams, don’t sleep properly and she seems to be having the time of her life moved on with this guy that was supposed to be nothing with my son and then posted all over social media all lovey-dovey photos like I never existed after 10 years it hurts like hell and I don’t know how to get out of this still got a court case coming up. I just want to go back to my old self. I’m completely clean of anything else. I’ve just lost all my confidence and yes, probably could find a better girlfriend. Many people did say that to me over the years they didn’t like herbut love is blind and I thought I was happy. I never thought you’d do stuff like this to me.
One, if not the BEST vid I’ve watched in my three year off and on with my now ex. She was avoidant. I’m about me now. I’ll always love her, all way, always but… THIS WAS GREAT!!!
Wise words indeed. You have made it clear to me how to deal with my situation now, I have watched so many videos before this one and they give no clarity. Thankfully I have already started working on myself physically and mentally. My ex knows how I feel about her and I have acknowledged my mistakes. I’ll crack on with my improvements and implement what you have said - it makes so much sense. Thanks ! 👍🏻
I liked it when you said "let the relationship die" my story is different. He tells me in my face that I am the wrong profile for him because I want commitment and he wants to have a freedom to date other ladies while having me in my his life. When he finds the right match so he will tell me and I can leave.
Let him have. Your ideas of a relationship do not align and that is okay. Let him go and be with someone who only wants to date you. Don’t be his plan B.
Totally correct on the whole idea that you have to let them explore the world without you & deal with that. My first love & I split after 5 years and she had a rebound relationship after 3 months which lasted a few months. I had told her on the last day we were together that I was never going to call her as I needed to rebuild my life and mental health without her now, felt let down by her, as I was the one who wasn't really ready to give up on us & I knew my pride would never allow me to pick up the phone. But - she could & should call me after a year if she wanted to talk. She called. She didn’t say it, but I am 100% sure she wanted to reconnect, not say the last goodbye (which it was). We did the whole "what have you been doing?" thing - I had thrown myself into life and had plenty to update, more so than her, but she had tried seeing somebody else shortly after the split. A slightly older guy in the Airforce. When that had failed, she'd taken a job in London and left the city we had moved to together. I found myself thinking that if she could enter a new relationship in 3 months, which would have been unthinkable for me, that I never ment very much to her. It didn’t occur to me that swallowing her own pride and trying to come back to me showed just how much I had. My life and mental health was in a bit of tailspin when we split, and I had also gone through the anger stage of "she gave up on me right at my lowest ebb, and I deserved better", which was still a hard fact as far as I was concerned at that point. I now simply understand that most women (particularly the ones I seem to go for) who are attracted to men with a strong dynamic personality (which I have at my best) simply cannot cope with you not coping. Their romantic attraction just shivels up. They will hang on a while because they do love you, but the genuine affection & support you crave will be absent. You'll actually get LESS than normal. They are watching for a sign that you can fix yourself, because a man with that strength is the thing they want. Women sabotage what could be great "happily ever after" relationships with this inability to see through the situation. People don't hit the lows forever, and if they had the ability to rationalise that how they currently felt was also temporary, they could come out of it with a partner who was more deeply bonded to them than ever. Anyway... When she asked me at the end of the conversation if we had made the right decision, I answered yes without hesitation. I understand now that her reaching out some time after a rebound failed is actually her saying "I tried somebody else, and they didn’t compare to you" - nothing that guy had to offer helped her to get over me. It doesn’t matter how handsome, rich, charming, good in bed etc... he was, all it left her wanting was me. There was no honeymoon romance, which I would get to enjoy in my next relationship, whenever I was ready for that. The fact she tried to get what she had with me from somebody else and failed, and then came crawling back was actually a huge swing towards me in the power dynamic. At the time, I saw it the other way around - that she had got to "enjoy" getting it on with somebody else, whilst I had stayed celibate & that ment that I was disempowered & if I took her back I would be allowing her to "have her cake and eat it" and that she'd feel able to walk away & have me back again at will - my feelings at the time do demonstrate powerful self-respect - but, that had consequences too. I will always have a little curiosity over how things might have been and how life may have been different for me. We were ultimately very compatible. My advice at 45 to guys if they experience a similar thing is, don't "enjoy" telling her how great your life is and slamming the door shut forever as a kind of victory, as I did at 26. Give yourself the opportunity to consider things more carefully before you make a decision. You didn’t just lose her in a day, women mull it over for months before they pull the plug. She was months further into processing the decision than you were, so the length of time it took her to get another dick inside her is no reflection on you, as long as there was SOME separation between you & him. Also bear in mind that women are the sexual selectors and get hit on. Just because you weren't out pursuing women 3 months in or ready to, doesn't mean you would have said no if one put it on a plate. You would not have done.
@Graforama I'm saying that not exploring that avenue remains a great unknown. It is only with the benefit of hindsight that I appreciate how compatible we were as people, and how each failed relationship takes a little from you, leaves scars, and leaves you with a little less to give. I have loved two other women in my life, but not with the same certainty and lack of doubt.
Your explanation of how women are attracted to men with high dynamic personality but can’t cope with us not coping, hit me like a ton a bricks. She made it known to me that I was all and great provider, proud that I was getting help w my mental health, but she need to know if this was all there was. 3-mos of no contact is taking my on a ride!! Now I feel it at times, the change in me and my way of seeing things after doing all this work. Sadly, now I am also starting to remember our bad parts or incompatibility which was absent in my thoughts at the beginning of our separation. All after a 24-yr marriage.
very well written and you’re very stronger. I have a kid with mine complicated ended after a fight after 10 years when I was wasted got me arrested and then she moved onto her new supply. Somebody that I know and she’s known for years having him round the family house after two weeks moved in with him with my son after three months and I posting stuff on Facebook of a happy romantic beach birthday when she’s not even admitted to me that she’s with somebody else and before I was talking to Mom about sorting stuff for the goodness of my little boy and everything else and would take time to TRUST again now because she’s with somebody else doesn’t want nothing to do with meand said that she could never trust me again hurts like hell and the fingers are so many lies afterwards as well I know I wasn’t perfect but for her to lie to say that she wasn’t seeing somebody else and then telling everybody that she was with him and then after my mum speaking to her the other day and she wouldn’t say that she was with anybody else, but is there any chance of us to sort anything out? Never gave an answer about the other guy said that she couldn’t trust me and then the next day all the photos of them on the beach I know it’s a different dying grade but I’ve take it. He’s a big softy and I do really think that she’s a narcissist or she cannot just be on her own. She’s had no time to grieve or anything unless she did it in our relationship because we wasn’t getting on for the last year. I really can’t understand it and get my head round it all we did get on so well at the beginning the last year was to do with my drug problem getting out of Control. I’ve got clean now like she asked but still want nothing to do with me because she’s found somebody else.
Another great insightful video Nick, really helping people whilst cutting through the bullshit, keep up the good work, if you're ever in the west midlands id love to buy you a beer to say thanks for helping me personally
I was in NC with my ex for 3 months. However, I broke NC and called him because I needed help and unfortunately, he was the only person that could help. I called,he answered and First thing I said was,I was not calling about us,rather asking for help. He was helpful and ever since we talk here and there, seen each other and we laugh more and are just at ease. Do you think there is a chance of getting back together even though he said he doesn't see a future together?
I did reach out to my ex that I ended the relationship on Oct.16th 2022, but she told me she has moved on with someone else after 2 months or less. We were together for 6 years. I let her know I made a mistake, I still had feelings for her, and that I was sorry. I never begged or pleaded, I just simply stated where I was mentally. It definitely was a mistake that it was so soon to see her but I had no clue what I was doing, first ever relationship for me really. Now I have left her alone and will let her go through that rebound, I have stayed single because I need time for myself. The day I broke it off, instant no contact from her. I don't stalk her on social media and I stopped talking about her with friends after a month. I'm working on myself and I'm way happier overall, but 6 years is a long time and I still have a ways to go to forget all of this. My question is, will she come back? She was a very insecure person and it seems like she needed to be in a relationship too fast. That's a red flag for me. What should I say to her in the best way possible if she does come back?
Sorry to hear that buddy. A better question for you. Would you want her back after she rebounded? If she comes back and you accept her, then you’re telling she can do whatever she wants and you’re the back option.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick A small part of me says that she can change but a big part of me thinks she may never change. Ik that's what a few people told me too. She was always doubting herself. She had clinical depression and I always had to pick her up from her lows. It was draining, however we did have great chemistry and we had a lot of things in common as well as values and sense of humor. That's why I was with her for so long, even with all the struggles of her affliction. I wasn't the best boyfriend either, I used to be verbally abusive and would yell when we had arguments. Something I was never proud if and I'm glad the last 1 and a half I wasn't that person at all to her. I didn't know how to handle that. I'm just scared that I will fall into that trap of old feelings catching up to me. I am closer than I ever was with moving on but I just need to remind myself that we weren't good together. And you are right, I don't want to be someone's back up replacement, I'm better than that. Thanks for your content btw lol it helps a lot
Sounds rough buddy, but also sounds quite toxic at times man. Go to therapy my friend and work on the things you need to work on. As for her man, rebounding is a no no for me. I wouldn’t ever take s rebounder back.
He is hiding his Whatsapp in the folder and what does that mean? We both don't speak the same language so the WhatsApp that he has in language, it's on the screen and the one in English is inside the folder.
Nick for me it's been 90 days today. I believe she has someone else. She has no interest I believe in communicating with me. I send her a text in late July and she never responded. I'm not sure if I should text her today to get my things back from her, and move on. Thank you for your advice.
Unless you really really those things my friend, I’d encourage you to stay no contact. Focus every bit of energy on you now. Get you back. Level up and move on to someone better. You’ve got this.
It’s been 40 days no contact. My ex gf always changing profile picture and deactivating and activating her account and she posting pictures and have caption “me and I, single, available 😆😆😆😆😂” her friend sent me screenshot that caption… what is that means?
Then what makes you think I would know? I’m not trying to be a dick. My point is, only your ex knows what is in her head. So unless she tells you what it means, it means nothing to you and take pity on her immaturity. Rise to the person you aspire to be my friend. Not the person you once were or the person wasting time on social media overthinking a girl’s immature behaviour. You’re better than that. You’re gonna be fine, I promise. But you must focus on you and level up.
wow what a statement.."the idea is not to get the X back..but yourself back"..My gawd!
So crazy it may just work 😁
I hope nobody minds, I'd like to address those who have an ex that does not come back. Because I have been there personally, & it rocked me to my core. So I just wanted to share my opinion, & what helped me get through the worst of it. This will be long, but I wish someone had summed up a few pointers for me when I was going through it, I know it would've saved me a lot of unnecessary grief. So please forgive the length, I know it's basically a mini novel. I hope it helps someone, if even just a tiny bit.
9:09 "They may not come back, they may find something better." That does *not* mean someone better than you. It just means someone who is better suited for ur ex. And if that's the case then it means there's definitely someone out there who's better suited for you, too. It means there's someone out there who will think the Sun rises & sets in you, someone who will feel like there is no one else in the world they'd rather be with than you.
Your ex wasn't the right one, so the right one is still out there. Probably many of them, actually. Since there's billions of people in the world it makes sense that at least a few of them would be great partners.
Until you meet that person this is the perfect time to focus on yourself. Do the inner work of processing the grief of losing someone you love. In my personal experience I have found that grief doesn't just go away on it's own in time. And your brain will only be able to process this new reality in bits & pieces, so the sooner you start the better. You don't want to still be in the same emotional Hell in 7 months that you are in today. The pain will hit you in waves. So sit with those feelings, but don't stay too long. Acknowledge the pain, feel those feelings, ugly cry if you have to, & them put them up on the shelf until they come up again. There's lots of great videos here on RUclips that can teach you how to start processing that grief.
We all can make improvements on ourselves, & this is a good time to reflect back on your last relationship & consider what you may want to do differently next time. I can't tell you how many videos I watched about being a good listener, a better communicator, recognizing my partner's needs, being a better spouse in general. Those videos taught me so much, even though I decided to end my marriage I know that I'm going to be an even better partner in my next relationship. Those communication skills also help with any other relationships you have, be in family, friends, coworkers, etc..
Start doing things that make you feel great, like eating better, starting a light workout routine, or a hobby you enjoy. Force yourself to make one small change, nothing drastic, just one small change. Once you've mastered that one change then make another small change, forcing yourself again if need be. How do we move a mountain? One stone at at time.
It's also important to spend time with friends & family bc isolating has a way of keeping you a prisoner to negative thoughts. You have to get out of your head every once in a while.
Here's an exercise that helped me a lot: When a negative thought pops into your head then make yourself focus on something else, whatever is present at that moment. For instance, "You're going to be alone forever" pops into your head. That's a tough one, & you must pull yourself out of it before it escalates. So you look around & focus on whatever you see first. If you're outside "There's s tree. It's leaves are so green. Wow, the neighbor's yard looks great. Maybe next spring I'll plant a few flowers out front. And I recently heard something about "Clover Lawns", I'll have to check into that. Low maintenance lawn means more free time for me.". And just like that, you've changed your mind to positive focus. We all have a constant inner dialogue going on all the time, so it is of vital importance that we are in charge of our thoughts. Changing your focus, controlling your thoughts so they don't control you, is something you can work on all the time. That one small practice will change your life so drastically for the better! It can change your entire world. Try to remember that there's no point in fearing something that hasn't even happened. Worrying about things you imagine is like rocking in a rocking chair, you're feverishly rocking back & forth but you're getting absolutely nowhere. You're working yourself very hard to stay stuck in the same sick place.
Finally... Mind, Body & Soul- feed all 3, because if any one of the 3 is unhealthy then it absolutely will affect your entire being, make no mistake about it. I try to make sure I'm feeding my mind with positive things, educational things, lovely things. I pray everyday in order to feed my soul. So whatever feeds your soul, if it's meditation, prayer, journaling, music, whatever - make sure it is a part of your *daily* routine. Even if you do only 3-5 minutes a day. You don't have to set a time to go by, you do it as long as it pleases you to. What you choose to feed yourself with is what you put out to the rest of the world. What you put out to the world is what you're going to attract. And you want to attract a healthy, well rounded, & confident person. So become what you want to attract, that way you & your new boo will compliment each other's lives beautifully. So stay strong, take one baby step at a time, you will falter from time to time, that's ok, just stay the course. Don't give up before the miracle arrives, because it *is* going to arrive 🤍
Awesome ❤️. I'm going thru this now. Together 10 yrs married 6 yrs. He's in a rebound relationship now.Been separated now for 2yrs. In those 2 yrs separated we got back together for 10 months n then he was gone again. That's when I found out about his rebound. I've been working on myself so..hard now. Meditation n Journaling.
I hope you’re feeling better Teresa.
This is amazing thank god bless u
wow that was an amazing bit of writing. My world feels like it’s a bit of a tomato that has five or six months and still ongoing with Lost my girlfriend after 10 year relationship I’m afraid and a half-year-old boy we wasn’t getting on for the last year, and I did say some hurtful things to her. I did have a drug problem last year too but she was complaining about one night. I was high and drunk with friends she come back kicked out the friends and then I was wasted and she was dragging me around taking my phone and recording me doing crazy stuff. It got physical eventually when she should’ve just left me alone. She got me arrested the next day. I’ve got a restraining order took my house to my kid found out she was having parties at the house after two weeks with a guy asking around which I’ve got that I actually know.
and she said that he was nothing for years and everything else three months later moved in together I’ve lost all my confidence. I had companies I had everything. My lawyers took most of my money. I find it hard to get up in the morning without thinking about her in dreams, don’t sleep properly and she seems to be having the time of her life moved on with this guy that was supposed to be nothing with my son and then posted all over social media all lovey-dovey photos like I never existed after 10 years it hurts like hell and I don’t know how to get out of this still got a court case coming up. I just want to go back to my old self. I’m completely clean of anything else. I’ve just lost all my confidence and yes, probably could find a better girlfriend. Many people did say that to me over the years they didn’t like herbut love is blind and I thought I was happy. I never thought you’d do stuff like this to me.
One, if not the BEST vid I’ve watched in my three year off and on with my now ex. She was avoidant.
I’m about me now. I’ll always love her, all way, always but… THIS WAS GREAT!!!
I’m glad to hear you’re putting yourself first. 😊👌
Wise words indeed. You have made it clear to me how to deal with my situation now, I have watched so many videos before this one and they give no clarity. Thankfully I have already started working on myself physically and mentally.
My ex knows how I feel about her and I have acknowledged my mistakes. I’ll crack on with my improvements and implement what you have said - it makes so much sense. Thanks ! 👍🏻
I liked it when you said "let the relationship die" my story is different. He tells me in my face that I am the wrong profile for him because I want commitment and he wants to have a freedom to date other ladies while having me in my his life. When he finds the right match so he will tell me and I can leave.
Let him have.
Your ideas of a relationship do not align and that is okay. Let him go and be with someone who only wants to date you.
Don’t be his plan B.
Totally correct on the whole idea that you have to let them explore the world without you & deal with that.
My first love & I split after 5 years and she had a rebound relationship after 3 months which lasted a few months.
I had told her on the last day we were together that I was never going to call her as I needed to rebuild my life and mental health without her now, felt let down by her, as I was the one who wasn't really ready to give up on us & I knew my pride would never allow me to pick up the phone. But - she could & should call me after a year if she wanted to talk.
She called. She didn’t say it, but I am 100% sure she wanted to reconnect, not say the last goodbye (which it was).
We did the whole "what have you been doing?" thing - I had thrown myself into life and had plenty to update, more so than her, but she had tried seeing somebody else shortly after the split. A slightly older guy in the Airforce. When that had failed, she'd taken a job in London and left the city we had moved to together.
I found myself thinking that if she could enter a new relationship in 3 months, which would have been unthinkable for me, that I never ment very much to her. It didn’t occur to me that swallowing her own pride and trying to come back to me showed just how much I had. My life and mental health was in a bit of tailspin when we split, and I had also gone through the anger stage of "she gave up on me right at my lowest ebb, and I deserved better", which was still a hard fact as far as I was concerned at that point. I now simply understand that most women (particularly the ones I seem to go for) who are attracted to men with a strong dynamic personality (which I have at my best) simply cannot cope with you not coping. Their romantic attraction just shivels up. They will hang on a while because they do love you, but the genuine affection & support you crave will be absent. You'll actually get LESS than normal. They are watching for a sign that you can fix yourself, because a man with that strength is the thing they want. Women sabotage what could be great "happily ever after" relationships with this inability to see through the situation. People don't hit the lows forever, and if they had the ability to rationalise that how they currently felt was also temporary, they could come out of it with a partner who was more deeply bonded to them than ever.
Anyway... When she asked me at the end of the conversation if we had made the right decision, I answered yes without hesitation.
I understand now that her reaching out some time after a rebound failed is actually her saying "I tried somebody else, and they didn’t compare to you" - nothing that guy had to offer helped her to get over me. It doesn’t matter how handsome, rich, charming, good in bed etc... he was, all it left her wanting was me. There was no honeymoon romance, which I would get to enjoy in my next relationship, whenever I was ready for that. The fact she tried to get what she had with me from somebody else and failed, and then came crawling back was actually a huge swing towards me in the power dynamic. At the time, I saw it the other way around - that she had got to "enjoy" getting it on with somebody else, whilst I had stayed celibate & that ment that I was disempowered & if I took her back I would be allowing her to "have her cake and eat it" and that she'd feel able to walk away & have me back again at will - my feelings at the time do demonstrate powerful self-respect - but, that had consequences too. I will always have a little curiosity over how things might have been and how life may have been different for me. We were ultimately very compatible.
My advice at 45 to guys if they experience a similar thing is, don't "enjoy" telling her how great your life is and slamming the door shut forever as a kind of victory, as I did at 26. Give yourself the opportunity to consider things more carefully before you make a decision. You didn’t just lose her in a day, women mull it over for months before they pull the plug. She was months further into processing the decision than you were, so the length of time it took her to get another dick inside her is no reflection on you, as long as there was SOME separation between you & him. Also bear in mind that women are the sexual selectors and get hit on. Just because you weren't out pursuing women 3 months in or ready to, doesn't mean you would have said no if one put it on a plate. You would not have done.
@Graforama I'm saying that not exploring that avenue remains a great unknown.
It is only with the benefit of hindsight that I appreciate how compatible we were as people, and how each failed relationship takes a little from you, leaves scars, and leaves you with a little less to give.
I have loved two other women in my life, but not with the same certainty and lack of doubt.
Your explanation of how women are attracted to men with high dynamic personality but can’t cope with us not coping, hit me like a ton a bricks. She made it known to me that I was all and great provider, proud that I was getting help w my mental health, but she need to know if this was all there was. 3-mos of no contact is taking my on a ride!!
Now I feel it at times, the change in me and my way of seeing things after doing all this work. Sadly, now I am also starting to remember our bad parts or incompatibility which was absent in my thoughts at the beginning of our separation. All after a 24-yr marriage.
very well written and you’re very stronger. I have a kid with mine complicated ended after a fight after 10 years when I was wasted got me arrested and then she moved onto her new supply. Somebody that I know and she’s known for years having him round the family house after two weeks moved in with him with my son after three months and I posting stuff on Facebook of a happy romantic beach birthday when she’s not even admitted to me that she’s with somebody else and before I was talking to Mom about sorting stuff for the goodness of my little boy and everything else and would take time to TRUST again now because she’s with somebody else doesn’t want nothing to do with meand said that she could never trust me again hurts like hell and the fingers are so many lies afterwards as well I know I wasn’t perfect but for her to lie to say that she wasn’t seeing somebody else and then telling everybody that she was with him and then after my mum speaking to her the other day and she wouldn’t say that she was with anybody else, but is there any chance of us to sort anything out? Never gave an answer about the other guy said that she couldn’t trust me and then the next day all the photos of them on the beach I know it’s a different dying grade but I’ve take it. He’s a big softy and I do really think that she’s a narcissist or she cannot just be on her own. She’s had no time to grieve or anything unless she did it in our relationship because we wasn’t getting on for the last year. I really can’t understand it and get my head round it all we did get on so well at the beginning the last year was to do with my drug problem getting out of Control. I’ve got clean now like she asked but still want nothing to do with me because she’s found somebody else.
Wish I had found this weeks ago! Simply the best advice
Another great insightful video Nick, really helping people whilst cutting through the bullshit, keep up the good work, if you're ever in the west midlands id love to buy you a beer to say thanks for helping me personally
Are Londoners allowed in the West Midlands? 😂😂
Thanks mate, I hope you’re doing well.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick yeah youll be all good mate just keep your head down 🤣
Im much better than i was mate slowly getting there
Glad you’re doing better buddy. Keep it up.
Man. You are good!
Thank you for your kind words.
I hope you’re doing well.
He’s the goat for real ain’t even got my ex back but feel like million dollars cause of you
🫶🫶🫶
Best advice ever!
Thank you Pretty.
I was in NC with my ex for 3 months.
However, I broke NC and called him because I needed help and unfortunately, he was the only person that could help. I called,he answered and First thing I said was,I was not calling about us,rather asking for help.
He was helpful and ever since we talk here and there, seen each other and we laugh more and are just at ease.
Do you think there is a chance of getting back together even though he said he doesn't see a future together?
He doesn’t see a future right now, so it’s possible that could change. However, don’t wait around my friend. Plenty more guys out there.
Can you do a video on capabilities
Capabilities?
Do you mean compatibility?
@@TheLoveFix-Nick yea mate iam a bit retarded in the English department I do mean compatibility as I have no clue think that's where I go wrong
No worries. I suffer with dyslexia so I know how challenging it can be.
@TheLoveFix-Nick yea its like even the word dyslexia is a challenge lol I do laugh at my self sometimes I say some dump shit it come out backwards 🤣 😂
I did reach out to my ex that I ended the relationship on Oct.16th 2022, but she told me she has moved on with someone else after 2 months or less. We were together for 6 years. I let her know I made a mistake, I still had feelings for her, and that I was sorry. I never begged or pleaded, I just simply stated where I was mentally. It definitely was a mistake that it was so soon to see her but I had no clue what I was doing, first ever relationship for me really. Now I have left her alone and will let her go through that rebound, I have stayed single because I need time for myself. The day I broke it off, instant no contact from her. I don't stalk her on social media and I stopped talking about her with friends after a month. I'm working on myself and I'm way happier overall, but 6 years is a long time and I still have a ways to go to forget all of this. My question is, will she come back? She was a very insecure person and it seems like she needed to be in a relationship too fast. That's a red flag for me. What should I say to her in the best way possible if she does come back?
Sorry to hear that buddy.
A better question for you.
Would you want her back after she rebounded? If she comes back and you accept her, then you’re telling she can do whatever she wants and you’re the back option.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick A small part of me says that she can change but a big part of me thinks she may never change. Ik that's what a few people told me too. She was always doubting herself. She had clinical depression and I always had to pick her up from her lows. It was draining, however we did have great chemistry and we had a lot of things in common as well as values and sense of humor. That's why I was with her for so long, even with all the struggles of her affliction. I wasn't the best boyfriend either, I used to be verbally abusive and would yell when we had arguments. Something I was never proud if and I'm glad the last 1 and a half I wasn't that person at all to her. I didn't know how to handle that. I'm just scared that I will fall into that trap of old feelings catching up to me. I am closer than I ever was with moving on but I just need to remind myself that we weren't good together. And you are right, I don't want to be someone's back up replacement, I'm better than that. Thanks for your content btw lol it helps a lot
Sounds rough buddy, but also sounds quite toxic at times man.
Go to therapy my friend and work on the things you need to work on.
As for her man, rebounding is a no no for me. I wouldn’t ever take s rebounder back.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick Thanks for the advice man. I will be seeing my new therapist on Monday actually 🙏
Good man! 💪💪💪
Thank You!
Great video Nick.
Thanks L G. I hope you’re well.
He is hiding his Whatsapp in the folder and what does that mean? We both don't speak the same language so the WhatsApp that he has in language, it's on the screen and the one in English is inside the folder.
He’s probably hiding something.
Nick for me it's been 90 days today. I believe she has someone else. She has no interest I believe in communicating with me. I send her a text in late July and she never responded. I'm not sure if I should text her today to get my things back from her, and move on. Thank you for your advice.
Unless you really really those things my friend, I’d encourage you to stay no contact.
Focus every bit of energy on you now. Get you back. Level up and move on to someone better. You’ve got this.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick Thank you so much for your input and advice
@@TheLoveFix-Nick Thank You Sir.
It’s been 40 days no contact. My ex gf always changing profile picture and deactivating and activating her account and she posting pictures and have caption “me and I, single, available 😆😆😆😆😂” her friend sent me screenshot that caption… what is that means?
What do you think it means?
I don’t understand why?
Then what makes you think I would know? I’m not trying to be a dick. My point is, only your ex knows what is in her head. So unless she tells you what it means, it means nothing to you and take pity on her immaturity.
Rise to the person you aspire to be my friend. Not the person you once were or the person wasting time on social media overthinking a girl’s immature behaviour. You’re better than that.
You’re gonna be fine, I promise. But you must focus on you and level up.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick ah okey, thanks
Get you back first Lisa. 😊
I am wondering if people are not compatible is it possible to stay 20 years together?
My husband dumped me based on this accusation after 20 years…
Compatibility can indeed change over time. That’s the risk we all take sadly.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick thank you Nick. We’ll see where it all goes. I am in a limited contact for 4 months now;)
I hope it works out for you. Try and use this time for you and getting you back.
@@TheLoveFix-Nick 🙏yeap
If time apart cannot be accounted for, they are a statistic from the past. Why pick up the phone.
I am 34 I am too old to find my purpose
No you’re not! You can find purpose at any age.
I’m 44 still learning and growing and dating 35 year olds. You’re never too old to find purpose!