Ooh you're speaking truths! When my ex told me "I feel like I'm not good enough for you" I knew that was time to go... he picked someone less....so he didn't feel inadequate. I never did anything to make him feel that way, he did it to himself. No more low hanging fruit for me.
Sometimes you just gotta be honest with yourself and see that it could be YOU. I went through this. Five years ago my guy picked another woman. And Ofcourse I thought he did me dirty and I was sad and mad, and thought he was just a narcissist and he would just find some woman who would take his shit. When we don’t see our own faults we tend to think it’s all them. He is still with this woman 5 years later and she is very much a part of his family. He would not commit to me, but he did to her. Now 5 years later I have grown emotionally and have become a better version of myself. The stuff I did back then makes me cringe. I had very anxious attachments, wounds not healed, I unknowingly sabotaged, I wasn’t a good communicator, etc. heck I don’t blame him for choosing her. He didn’t want the drama I brought. I was a pain in the ass. He did the right thing choosing her. I wasn’t healthy. But I didn’t see it back then. God opened my eyes and helped me to transform into a healthy woman who can bring peace to a relationship. ❤
Same for me too. Although, I am the one that left them first. I listened to the critiques of my last bf and I started healing and working on myself. It was painful but it is worth it! They weren't the best choices anyway, but I had issues too.
same here. now Im married to a Godly man that I deserve as well. I praise God for the realization though that 5 yrs man tried to come back for me but i didnt let him. Im married to my 8 month ex boyfriend/husband and now expecting our first bby..
Stephan you just told the whole truth!🔥 I was that woman who got treated like that. He tried to come back and tell me he still loves me being that he was engaged to the last woman he cheated on me with. He tried to get me to come back using his mother’s death for an opportunity. I’m not the one. I don’t go backwards. He cheated on me from the beginning and abused me. Thank GOD I know my worth now and what I deserve.💯
@@tashwillu, Yes Sir! You have to let GOD help you heal. When I thought I was healed I wasn’t. I finally threw my hands up and gave GOD my life. I pray GOD helps you all the ways you need in JESUS’ mighty name. Thank you, LORD JESUS in advance! All GLORY TO GOD.🔥🙌🏽🙏🏽❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks, Thank you very much! You have taught me so much. I thank GOD for you. You care. I pray THE LORD’S blessings rain down on you abundantly in JESUS’ holy name. Thank you, LORD JESUS in advance! All GLORY TO GOD.🔥🙌🏽🙏🏽❤️
No one chooses anyone “over you” the man made a choice and it’s not a competition. Women, we are not competing against each other, we are the prize…always! Live your life and stop focusing on external matters, yes. It isn’t that complicated. Men are not complicated, we trivialize things. He’s either the one for you or he isn’t.
I understand your point and it’s valid, but still it’s not about competition, more about being rejected/left by someone you love. The feeling of not being enough even though it’s not a reflection of our value
As far as men are concerned, relationships are absolutely a competition, both for them and the women they want. Women have a universal criteria for men to meet, and men do for women as well. It’s best for no one to get hung up on impressing one particular person, but there should always be a conscious effort to self-improve at the things the opposite sex generally wants, so you always have the best options available to pick from.
100% Agree he is for you or he is not. Unfortunatly ! Many women can't Understand that and view their female friends or colleagues as the competition/enemy.
Married 33 years and he left the marriage for his Exec Assistant from work. He is CEO. She is my age and has 4 kids. I still just don’t understand. But have worked very hard to move forward and face my own pain and learn! Be better, more open and value myself. I pray and trust there is something better for me out there.
There is someone out there for you, my ex left me for his co-worker too and a person I’ve been friends with for 30 plus years is now about to be my husband in June ❤
I don't mind a man choosing another woman over me because If I don't fit his expections he have the right to leave. Why would I want a man who don't want me or can't offer me the same love. 👉🏼 The problem I have with some men is, when men date women for over a month and waste her time. Treating her like a Queen and making her believe they a couple and he leave.. Get her pregnant and leave, now complain she not good enough anymore. Staying until they find somebody else.
I mean, apart from the "get her pregnant part" (which, by the way, you need two people for), it does take a bit of time to actually get to know someone. And men might not like what they find, or not like themselves in the relation dynamic.
Today, I experienced a healing moment. I met a guy I had fancied 21 years ago, and we had a connection back then. I chose to pursue my studies, and over the years, he asked about me but was told that I was seeing someone. Surprisingly, we felt that same connection 21 years later. However, when his ex-whom he had broken up with two years ago-found out that he was happy with someone else, she came back into the picture. At that point, we had not yet established a strong foundation. Although our connection is deep, he had been with her for 14 years, and my bond with him wasn't strong enough to sustain a relationship. As painful as it is, I have to step back from this situation. I am glad I listen to you today as much as this hurts my feelings. I have chosen peace and singleness over chaos. I trust in God. Thank you. 🙏🏾
I had an ex boyfriend tell me once circumstances shape choices. She was in his town and wasn’t in the same line of work and I guess it was a why he chose her. I was really pissed off for a long time as we were going around and around for 10 years and I felt like he wasted my time but I found someone better and we’ve been married four years now
@@MeetStephanSpeaks This guy I was with 4 yrs ago had broken up with his ex gf because she cheated on him & treated him like garbage. So he tells me that he's always wanted me.. So I'm scared understandably. I was vulnerable from a break up myself.. But I really was attracted to this guy so I thought to give it a chance. Well it lasted maybe 2 weeks. And he told me that he was going back to his ex. Fast forward 4 yrs. I didn't talk to him for 2 yrs straight. But he found a way to talk to me & apologize. Saying he missed my friendship & needed me as his friend again because we were friends first off. Well I was there for him through the times he was with this girl he left me for and soon she got pregnant back to back with 2 boys. 11 months apart. So she is an alcoholic & NOT a good Mother. She even said she didn't want to be a Mother. She already lost her 1st daughter with another guy... And she STILL treats him like shit & puts her hands on him.. So long story short while he worked 12-14 hour shifts he would come back home to her passed out drunk drooling on herself and NEGLECTING their 2 and 3 yr old sons! Well eventually The State took them. He got ahold of me again saying he had been trying to but couldn't get through. He told me that after ALL she has done.. Cheating, lies, getting his sons taken by the state.. He was DONE. He told me she was completely DEAD to him. But I told him that It was guys like him that broke me and now I just don't want anyone. He now is saying that however long it takes he wants to prove that I'm the one he wants and always was but he was scared & a fucking COWARD because he went back to "what was comfortable" (ALL his words) and now he has to live with all of that.. I say all this because I'm not sure if he is for real this time. It seems like it. But he hurt me BAD! So I have my walls up with him.. And just decided to be friendly with him like we used to while he is fighting for his kids back because he IS the more responsible parent. His ex won't even BEGIN to do ANY of the shit The State is telling her to do to get her boys back! All she cares about is alcohol. But he is busting his ass & IS clean! Idk.. I guess I just don't want to fall into that shit again with him when I've been doing so well.. I don't want to allow him to hurt me.. For the 2nd time!? Anyway, thanks for reading if you get to 🙏💯😊💯🙏
He will choose the woman who gives him more freedom, less expectations, does it hold him accountable for his actions. Men don't cheat for better, they cheat for what's easier. You can give him all your time and attention and energy. But if the other woman isn't making him put in a lot of effort, then that's the one he'll choose. They want eazy and takes less effort
I was with my ex for 12 years and no proposal… he was there during me getting my degree and last year he left me for a co-worker (he works at fed ex) now they live at his momma house because she lost her place… some of his friends and family say he’s miserable but I’ve moved on so his misery isn’t my problem
One way to not allow rejection to impact us is to look back and remember the men that we dated that thought we were the best thing since sliced bread! If a man doesn't want us, it's his loss. Sometimes, "peace and singleness" is a blessing. Do what you want, when you want to do it, keep all your money for yourself! Outstanding advice, Stephan! Real truth that we all need to hear.
Yup, my last relationship with a guy ... who I “thought” had all eyes for me chose another woman, while we were in the initial stages of falling for each other. It was devastating and unexpected!! I was putting up with more than I’d like to have with him when no other woman was in the picture. They ended up developing a more serious relationship. I’d forgotten about it all after being heartbroken.... and he shows up at my house... 2 years later with the I’m sorry sob story. I told him he had to leave. I won’t entertain the feel sorry for me type. Done.
I feel like I would've, well, actually * I know I thought things like this when I was younger. At 40, w/ a 2nd kid, a newborn, im already burnt out. On everything & everyone. I wish I never met him. & he has lost in his eyes for everyone. Luckily, kind of glad I can see the humor in everything. Even though he's a pointless spouse. I know he'll be pointless to anyone he comes across too. This ignorant willing intentional side loves that he lusts over her... he's like that w/ everyone! He could prob adhd his way on over to me while texting her & me not even know what he's doing & what do u know. Lust for the 2nd. I mean, on his part. Not mine. Really don't get females who do this. He's so easy, you what? Meanwhile he's physically walking around naked thinking idek or care to know. But yeah weirdo, his shlong just kind of roams around freely around here. anyways, w/ the Mr steal ur man, idk y they think they're catches. U met him married... I wouldn't even doubt he's been looking for his other flings. It doesn't really shock but I'm sure others... somehow, idkw. But yeah, he pulls the same sh on everyone. It's just I was the unlucky to have tried to take him seriously.. or in other words,, awww, u really thought he loved u? Ad the wife, b. Momma, u seriously don't think I hear this bs too? I just unfortunately know better now. But as always, "at least I got cool kid out of it." Which I love my kids but I hate trying to always be the strong 1. The independent 1. The reliable 1. The responsible 1. I'm fn human, there's only so much I can do completely on my own. But I also think these r all his problems. Idrc if I'm not good enough for him. He's not good enough for me. Never has been. Couldn't even be good for his own kid. & w/ that much lack of concern, he could rot in jail/ prison wever for all I care. I'm guilty of telling him idec about his life. But stop draining mine & constantly expecting me to be some cheerleader psychiatrist. I'm really not his mom & he's dead weight to me. If he didn't like what I say, prob change. Or prob just not say sh u don't mean then. But thats def 1 of my many "threats." Don't ever come crying to me about any of that type locked up ish cause I'll leave you there! Get the hell over yourself. If I just focus on my babies futures, I'll get out of this funk. I feel guilty as hell thinking maybe she'd just be better off, ... but second time around, I think I've learned some things. Plus w/ her cute self I just can't. I really just didn't want to struggle w/ her, not at this age, but idc if I hafta be poor. As long as I know I can get assistance then me & her(/s) will be ok. I actually could juggle in more of that chase for a career now. I just hafta get off my ass, funk. My 2nd is so young... she's plenty enough to keep me out of my negative head space anyways. Also, I hate males that prob tell themselves they're more important than the innocents kids (who never asked to even exist) they helped create to bring in this crazy world. I'd say I like to see ppl put a spin on that but oh yeah. Nevermind, they do. Well w/ out looking, I'm sure there's more missing Father's than there is moms. But yet I'm sure that's still the mom's fault. I guess, im more glad I have girls. Less likely to get locked up__. Plus I have mini besties for life & I know ppl say females r difficult but so far, even my teenager & r still pretty close. So that's at least a good start, sign, that I can do this. But Round 2. 😪😓🤕 here we go 🤰 at like freakin 40.
Yep. My mother always would say growing up, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" Nope, nope, nope. You don't get a second time to hurt my heart.... your loss....
same thing happened to me .. he expected me to still stay after choosing her.. i definitely knew it was gonna happen and was still trying to make it work. it definitely wasn’t worth it and i learned my lesson. always listen to your gut and never ignore the red flags.
In a relationship, we should make our goal to give our best friend their best life. Take care and give care. See the excellence people have and nothing else. Our love isn't a prison, so, if they choose to leave, it wasn't meant to be.
When I tell you every guys from middle/high school onward I was always somebody’s second choice. And I have struggled with this for years. All the tears and depression spells. I’m 24 (25 soon) and I just celebrated my first anniversary ever. I met the man that I was meant for. He sees me as his first choice and he doesn’t want anyone else. I’m so grateful bc I’ve told him about these past situations and he understands it and continues to show me he has me the way I always wanted/dreamed. I had given up on relationships too right when we met. While my exs know it’s wraps, there is no coming back (wasn’t really an option b4 anyways but still). And he and I are planning our lives together and it’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced. Godspeed y’all, Godspeed ❤
Biggest mistake for telling him how other men rejected you. No matter how much you love someone, never reveal this. They may start seeing you differently or question their choice. Most people want to know the picked the best and that you are a catch even in the eyes of other people. I wish there was a way to undo this. Someday he is likely to use it against you to say he did you a favour, nobody wanted you
@@melmel7011 vulnerability is very important in a relationship. Probably this man is not the kind of person that will get the vulnerability of their partner and use it against them. Besides, this lady must be doing the necessary things to help her heal, so, even when the guy uses that line, she won't be affected by the past things as she will have healed from them. She will have known love and that sort of discourse will be just a weak line for one to use.
His rejection is for your protection. Let him go. I've learned what's meant for me will never pass me by and it took me decades to grasp that concept! Furthermore it's a good thing to ask for Divine guidance when either looking for a love or actually entering into a relationship with a person. It can only help the situationship/relationship or whatever ship you're on!😃😇🥰
Once again Stephan you are sharing the deeper truths. I have learned if someone is willing to let you go, let them go. It just means they were not meant to be in your life. It doesn't matter how much time you invested.
I was seeing someone for nearly 6 years and he left me for someone else and it's been 3 years now I won't date,I'm scared it will happen again,glad I found your channel it really helps listening to you ❤️
but also for better or for worse. when ur married u love your partner at their best and worst. there will always be someone better, funnier, prettier etc. love is sacrificial. you sacrifice your own desires for the love of the other person
Yup.. he cheated with a woman that allows him or don’t care he’s with other people.. I have boundaries.. I’m good.. and he see’s her like once maybe twice a week if that..
The problem we are facing as Women is, we have been programmed/conditioned by society, media, etc to think that the ultimate goal of life is to be in a relationship with a certain Man. I am in Africa and even when people are in family gatherings, they'll crack jokes about who will marry who. We have been duped. The most important thing in this life is YOU, YOU fulfilling purpose and being the best that God has created you to be, reaching destiny and being fulfilled with or without the relationship/marriage.
There are a lot people are looking for someone that makes them feel "safe." Meaning safe in the knowledge that they can look at that person knowing they'll never fall in love with that person.
Or their idea of "safety" and familiarity comes from the neglectful and/or abusive childhood they had. They're more inclined towards a relationship that reminds them of the relationship they have/had with their primary caregiver(s).
Seeing how my ex talks to the younger... girl, it's like I'm glad I've always been a jaded person. Bc that stuff she desperately wants to believe, I would've prob ended up dead, hurt, w/ a billion more kids,,,, bc even at that age, no damn way. Even younger than her, no damn way. Somexs I wonder, if ppl do have that safe bubble they've always grown in... does that make em more ignorant or gullible 🤔 . Or do they just feel more safe to have less boundaries, & be more stupid. She's got 2 kids, trying to be a creeper to mine, & he's saying he wants more w/ her, while he just had 1 w/ me, afraid of c support obviously not really being all that invested, it's like holy ish bish. I see great things for you. Sarcasm. At the rate she's going she's gonna have a hunded kids by 30 and they'll all be from different dads. Worry about ur own kids!
Thanks for this. I’m was in a dating situation where he is taking me for granted. He is unwilling to commit but still wanting to keep me .. this gave me the courage to pull the plug. Much love.
I agree there's many broken hearts on both sides. I dated a divorce man and he kept comparing me to hes x and bringing her up, because she cheated on him and left him for another man. The final straw was he was drunk and beat me up calling her name, am not going to go into more details but it was worse. Anyway, I ended it. Am sharing this for those people who are in a toxic relationship with people who don't know how to get over their x. Never carry the burden of their exes. Ended it if they don't go for help in dealing with their past and not taking out on you. Doesn't matter if its male or female. This I've learned can go both ways.
My ex left me for his cheating ex gf. 2 years later he texted me apologizing and telling me I deserved the world. He asked me if I was in town. I didn’t entertain it, way too much pain caused by him.
My ex got with someone else at the end of our relationship & at the time it broke me. Years later I can see they belong together! She’s just as manipulative & full of 💩 as he is lol and I’m so much more happier w/o that headache too. Sometimes it really is the best!
Shitty people deserve other shitty people so it's a win for us. They miss out on us good people and end up with someone just like them and eventually suffer the consequences of it. And they will never get a chance at a good woman like us again.
We struggle with this because we don't have clarity. Clarity is in alignment and when we don't have it, we align with the wrong men. PERIOD. Many women think they know what they want...I know I did. But truth be told, I was VERY unclear about what I NEEDED in a life partner. I believe when women have 100% clarity in who they authentically are, the life they genuinely want to live, and the exact kind of person they need in order to build and grow, it's SIGNIFICANTLY easier to find someone. This is how it worked for me. We don't realize that clarity creates boundaries as well, and the people who are truly not here for us and our good, end up taking themselves out most of the time. Low quality men will show their true colors, and if we are clear about what we need, we're going to see right through them because they don't have the emotional intelligence and maturity to handle it.
Prayers for my husband to be mentally physically emotionally spiritually n God fearing a man designed for me from God I pray for good heart spirit healed man let me be healed so we can love n care for each other balance each other out amen
OMG!! I can so relate to many of the things you said I went through this, and hurt is not the word, I was devastated and when you are going through the fire, you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But now that I am in a new relationship with an amazing man, I am so grateful that things didn't work out with my ex. It truly was a blessing in disguise. Great advice Stephan!! Thank you! 👍👏🙏
What you said about 2 women fighting over a man for years that treats neither one right it reminded me of my uncle who’s wife actually shot him. She ended up dying at the dentist and he ended up with another woman who he told he wasn’t going to marry. He only wanted to be married once in life so anyhow she agreed to that and he started messing with his son’s wife’s mother. Those 2 women used to have fist fights in the laundromat over my uncle 😂 so after like 5 years he finally left his side chick and the lady he was with after his wife passed is still with him till this day. He had a stroke and she takes care of him despite the fact he never married her and put her through all that hell. He also never wanted to live with her and after the stroke she accepted him into her home to take care of him. Folks really be going thru some sh.
Him choosing another because he feels less vulnerable is sooooooo true lol. I'm a deep diver so I think some men just love it at first because they feel they can be so open with me but after I am able to see i to them deeply they get scared. I see the real them and they don't know how to take that.
Right?!!!! I'm an Infj and is too a "deep diver". It's all fun and games until we get to the root cause of their issues😂😂😂.....*sigh*......its a curse and a blessing. But the way I see it is, the right one for us will appreciate our depth and will be willing to stay long after their exposure.
I agree. It's does not matter on your level of education or income. The man just wants what HE wants, unfortunately it is not YOU! I look at it as a DIVINE BLESSING. Thank you GOD!
I've was always been that pretty girl that felt like men were not a challenge for me. To top it off.....considered highly intelligent and well educated. I pretty much knew what I wanted in relationships and life. Coming from a big family and being the oldest sibling, I didn't desire to commit to marriage or having children. I enjoyed being single but later got married in my 30's and conceived two daughters which I've raised as a single Widower. Now my daughters are grown and I'm enjoying myself approaching retirement and in a relationship with a man 20 years my senior that treats me like an absolute queen! Looking back at my life I must honestly say that I broke a lot of hearts. Some deserved and others not. I now realize I had serious issues after watching my mother's marriage and her rearing me to stay single because of her regrets. After making regretful decisions I was lucky to have been a mom and grandmother as well as have a great career. And for that I'm thankful.
Sometimes he chooses a woman because she looks like his first love, she triggers his buttons in a trauma bond from childhood, she reminds him of his crush in kindergarten, your energy isn’t polarised with his, you illuminate his insecurities just by being your winner self, he can’t be a hero for you ANY OTHER REASON which has nothing to do with you
Just shows you ladies.. right now there are broken men choosing to be in relationships and even marry women who they KNOW that they can keep by never allowing themselves to truly fall for her in an emotionally healthy way. He can screw this woman for years. Give her babies. Present her to friends and families . Build a life with her, well aware the entire time that he will never truly love her to the depth he could like the “the one who got away”. Meanwhile his woman is thinking she found her soul mate, their chemistry and connection is divinely ordained, and she don’t have a clue that’s he is with her because “he can love her less”. Do you all see how futile this all is? It’s like chasing the wind. Humanity is broken. This was prophesied and no one is talking about THAT. There are no guarantees with any of this stuff. Marry for the right reason and it turns out wrong. Marry wrong and it becomes right because both people simply settle. Just stop chasing what doesn’t exist. Get a dog and good friends and pour into yourself. These men are lost. The good ones already married to women they probably don’t love anyway.
This has saved my life 🙌 thank you ❤ you put everything into perspective. 10 months of my life wasted, grieving his loss and losing myself in the process. Now I can work in gaining my strength back ❤
Stephen you speak volumes I went through this exact thing last year and I saw that the more I gave him the more I pushed him away because he didn't actually want what I was giving him .I was trying to be in a relationship,he was trying to be sneaky links .I realised with time he didn't value me the way I had thought and it makes so much sense now because I thought by giving him more I'd make him fall harder for me,but he just left me for someone else.When I healed I've found myself attracting men that love me for who I am and it's incredible how everything worked out in the end!❤️
Thank you so much I so needed to hear this, the past couple of years no matter who i date always ends up choosing another women over me and it's always a women whom they so called do not like. example women who twerk all the time or who are disrespectful to them and curse them out or cause scenes etc... and i be so confused because i do everything to please them in what they want, unfortunely i was raised to be submissive to a man no matter which im learning that not every man deserves all of me . and fighting over a man is something i will not do
Since I been watching you I’ve been in touch with my feminine energy like never before,been getting lots of attention from men I can feel them looking however no matches yet.Thank you for all these helpful videos.❤
Every time I start thinking I might want to try dating again, I come watch one of Stephan's videos to remind myself why I stay single and made the decision to never date again 😁
Get Stephan’s books healing after heartbreak and the Man God has for You. It will help you with a different perspective ❤ hope you find the love that you deserve
B'day may seem a small event, but it does feel awesome when a loved one makes it special. And it feels equally bad when the person we love forgets it. *Been on both the sides.
🤯🤯🤯 27 minutes in. I experienced a situation when I was married. A man started to pour into me, not in sexual ways, but in ways that fulfilled my needs and emotional well being. In turn I started to do the same for him. He was married and my neighbor at the time. I do not condone cheating in any way and neither did he. Without a long drawn out conversation we both recognized this and then God sent us our separate ways. It was the best thing that could have happened to me though. I ended a very unhealthy and unhappy 18 year marriage after that. I am now 5 years divorced, happy and healing. Found a wonderful man I want to make it work with and just signed up for the course mentioned in this video today. Thanks for the good information that has been on RUclips. Been watching Stephan for at least 2 years and learning a lot. Now I’m ready to take it to the next level ❤
I agree on the point of fearing vulnerability. Im a woman and im like that, its not because I have not healed though but its because I know love is a risk. You risks being heartbroken. Also the fact that even if you find someone who will commit to you whole heartedly, the fact that they are a human being makes them imperfect so they will hurt you unintentionally. If you deeply love someone, your heart becomes sensitive and you usually feel hurt deeper even if its a minor thing. I always go for the man I love less as security. I avoid men I love more completely... Its the life iv chosen for myself and im happy that way.
I walked away from a man that chose someone else. Instead of fighting her, i Chose myself first, invested and leveled up. All of a sudden he wants me back. Funny how things turn around. My friend told me he FAILED AT REPLACING YOU.
I'm a woman and I can relate to this because it happened to me in my first marriage I was in love with this other guy but in fear if getting hurt I married someone else
The frame of thinking starts with why, when sometimes we need to be focus on who am I to myself which unravels family dynamics, how we personally see ourselves and our mindset. If we can take the time with ourselves to discover our talents, our purpose and potential, and how to enjoy and embrace ourselves , we can take steps toward self- love . We can begin to change the why into a what and elevate our journey into discovering who we are and what is God's plan. God desires the best for us and we need to learn how to get out of the way and trust him instead of thinking we got this. Yes it will lead to bumps in the road but that is part of the journey that will lead to success with yourself. We can't ask of others what we can't give ourselves.
I was in competition with his baby moms. Yes his babymoms. And he always complains about her and I heard all of the bad things she’s done to him that I would never do if me and him was in a relationship. Long story short he chose his kids mother over me . Stephan please do a video on dating people with kids because it’s so tricky.
I cannot deal with a man with a baby mama...let alone at least one. If a kid/kids are under 21, it's a NO GO! Can't deal with that nonsense. That's a forever bond whether he's with the baby mama or not
Agreed. My man's children are grown adults in their 40s. He will not tolerate any dissension from them about us. They actuall encouraged him to date after his wife died...
You are so wise. I keep hearing you say things that not only experience may have given you, but God surely is in the picture and taught you. Some men just don't recognize a woman's true worth. They aren't smart or wise enough. Then the woman all of a sudden believes that there's something wrong with her. He's the problem, because he just hasn't recognized her true worth. When you know who you are (royalty), move on. He's just either in the dark or stupid. "Wisdom is the ability to RECOGNIZE difference."
I'm angry because I'm finally at that place in life where I'm good w being single. It seems to work best for me. Now, I'm angry because I feel like at any moment I'm going to fall head over heals for someone, and I honestly want no part in any of it anymore. I don't want to negotiate and share anymore, I want to stay single. I remember all I ever wanted was a fairytale love story, but realized way too late that shit doesn't exist.. at least not for me. So be it Lord, so be it, but plzzzz keep all love very far away, thank you, but no thank you ❤
3 or 4 times in my life when men chose other women over me, this is what they said to me... (did you finish college? she has this and that) the next said (I have a bachelor's and a masters degree, what can you do for me?) and another said (she has a better job). I forgot one, another said ("I have child support, she more independent.") I was always asking him for a 'few' dollars for gas...lol..he couldn't handle that, I guess. This was my experience!
I’m struggling to move pass my breakup. It’s been a month and I just found out he’s on a cruise. I’m sure he was talking to another woman and is on the cruise with her. Make sense why he didn’t want to make future plans with me. Thank you for this…. Though I do tell myself these things. It’s nice to be reminded. Thank you for helping me heal and grow.
Thank you Stephen, This is amazing and eye-opening. I need to understand here whether I should go on. I had 2 small kids n met this young guy in 2010. He took us to his home n we stayed with him till middle of 2011. He was such a lovely person at 19yrs, who never talked that much or argued with me (I was 32yrs). He was drinking too much n I was working in the minesite, I decided to leave as my job n kids was my priority. Around 2018 we met again, by then he had 2 children with his next door neighbor lady which I knew...he took me to the same area n told his woman that she is my first n she has nothing to say. We hung around for some months and I left for another minesite. Now it's 2023 I meet him again and he wants me back for good. He now has 3 kids n tells his woman to shut up n say nothing as am his first. We both are flexible and respect each other. He treats me very well. How do I know he is being real here? I also respect his woman n kids.
I think that the most important is to ASK your partner his reasons instead of assuming. Because not to contemplate why a man left you without any explanation at all is bad but isn’t productive either to make assumptions
I just discovered this channel and am glad I did. I’m currently going through a breakup of like 12 years and we have a young child, he finally called it off like a month ago because he’s miserable about everything in his life…he battles depression and a lot of demons. I ignored the red flags for years even though deep down I knew it wasn’t going to work, a couple of years ago he cheated and I thought we could work through it but clearly we couldn’t because I didn’t feel like I got the effort from him. As of recently, he’s been hanging out with friends and staying out all night getting too drunk to come home (escapism). The problem is we have our young child and still live together so it’s hard to get over him completely when we are essentially in each other’s faces all the time. A few days ago we had a candid conversation of all of our feelings about the relationship and he proceeded to tell me he was “talking” to someone else. Personally, I wasn’t surprised because it’s his MO to rebound from one relationship to another. I called him out on it and he agreed and says he doesn’t know why he started talking to this chick so soon when he knows he’s not mentally capable to try and date someone else, he says it was just a rebound and he only went on 1 date with her. He says he will always love me but he knows mentally he can’t give me what I want and I deserve better. He says he will always have my back even when we do finally live in different households. Not gonna lie though, even though he has been the toxic man child you describe on this channel, I am struggling with the fact that he’s talking to someone else even though it probably won’t go anywhere because she now knows that he still lives with me for the time being and according to him she wasn’t happy about it, but I think he’s still reaching out to her which hurts. It does give me some comfort that this new lady is probably just an easy distraction to avoid the hurt he is going through with our breakup. I can’t wait until I can get completely over him and start to heal to find the right man for me.
Bonjour Stéphan Je voulais juste dire Merci, Merci pour les messages que tu partages, et celui ci particulièrement me touche, parce que j'ai vécu des relations très éprouvantes. Et Merci pour la simplicité des explications.
When i finished my ex. He moved on very quickly. Whilst still always wanted to see me. Even pick me up in his new " latest" ones car. When i asked what the whole self sabotaging was about. His reply its easier with the new one. He gets to put in very little or no effort and alot of perks, driving her car, gives him money, with me it was harder work and made him insecure because he did not feel good enough he said. So men like this will go to a vibrational match to what and who they are at that time. Whilst wanting a women who will accept anything to hold they hands, whilst still looking for the one or reminising on the one who got away.
We had a sweet connection.. like I've never experienced before.. but he chose his mother basically after she first disrespected me.. He didn't say anything I put my limits he constantly was telling me to forget about the situation I felt hurt because I was his ride or die.. and he made me feel alone.. no once twice he took his mom side... Long story short we broke up..
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How can I tex u in private
How can I get a session with you
Excellent feedback because Im in this situation right now.
I like your videos but they are abit too long for my purpose
Oh ok yeah it hurts bad 😞😞😞
Sometimes they go for something less, easier, a good time, no boundaries, no standards, no morals, or no values.
Ooh you're speaking truths! When my ex told me "I feel like I'm not good enough for you" I knew that was time to go... he picked someone less....so he didn't feel inadequate. I never did anything to make him feel that way, he did it to himself. No more low hanging fruit for me.
Preach
Right... exactly 💯
💯💯💯💯💯
The whole truth!🔥
Never stop a man that wants to leave!
🙏 🕊️ Reisende soll man nicht aufhalten.
Sometimes you just gotta be honest with yourself and see that it could be YOU. I went through this. Five years ago my guy picked another woman. And Ofcourse I thought he did me dirty and I was sad and mad, and thought he was just a narcissist and he would just find some woman who would take his shit. When we don’t see our own faults we tend to think it’s all them. He is still with this woman 5 years later and she is very much a part of his family. He would not commit to me, but he did to her. Now 5 years later I have grown emotionally and have become a better version of myself. The stuff I did back then makes me cringe. I had very anxious attachments, wounds not healed, I unknowingly sabotaged, I wasn’t a good communicator, etc. heck I don’t blame him for choosing her. He didn’t want the drama I brought. I was a pain in the ass. He did the right thing choosing her. I wasn’t healthy. But I didn’t see it back then. God opened my eyes and helped me to transform into a healthy woman who can bring peace to a relationship. ❤
Great comment, this level of accountability we can all learn from!
Same for me too. Although, I am the one that left them first. I listened to the critiques of my last bf and I started healing and working on myself. It was painful but it is worth it! They weren't the best choices anyway, but I had issues too.
True we attend to think they are at fault, but its also our fault for being toxic ourselves
This level of transparency, self accountability, acceptance, and growth is the kind of maturity that makes you vibe differently... and it's beautiful!
same here. now Im married to a Godly man that I deserve as well. I praise God for the realization though that 5 yrs man tried to come back for me but i didnt let him. Im married to my 8 month ex boyfriend/husband and now expecting our first bby..
It’s EXTREMELY hurtful especially when you know you’re worthy & know what you bring to the table 🤷🏾♀️
Oh say it again sis..
That part.
It is and when I asked him what does he bring to the table he said “Myself”
Men like trash. Let them play in the dumpster. Move on and prosper.
My guy met a rich widow..
Stephan you just told the whole truth!🔥
I was that woman who got treated like that. He tried to come back and tell me he still loves me being that he was engaged to the last woman he cheated on me with. He tried to get me to come back using his mother’s death for an opportunity. I’m not the one. I don’t go backwards. He cheated on me from the beginning and abused me. Thank GOD I know my worth now and what I deserve.💯
That’s amazing you know your worth and was able to move on i am in a similar situation but need to move on
Just move on…and don’t look back…God closes doors to open new ones….
I'm sorry to hear about that, and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@tashwillu, Yes Sir! You have to let GOD help you heal. When I thought I was healed I wasn’t. I finally threw my hands up and gave GOD my life. I pray GOD helps you all the ways you need in JESUS’ mighty name. Thank you, LORD JESUS in advance! All GLORY TO GOD.🔥🙌🏽🙏🏽❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks, Thank you very much! You have taught me so much. I thank GOD for you. You care. I pray THE LORD’S blessings rain down on you abundantly in JESUS’ holy name. Thank you, LORD JESUS in advance! All GLORY TO GOD.🔥🙌🏽🙏🏽❤️
No one chooses anyone “over you” the man made a choice and it’s not a competition. Women, we are not competing against each other, we are the prize…always!
Live your life and stop focusing on external matters, yes. It isn’t that complicated. Men are not complicated, we trivialize things. He’s either the one for you or he isn’t.
I understand your point and it’s valid, but still it’s not about competition, more about being rejected/left by someone you love. The feeling of not being enough even though it’s not a reflection of our value
Yessss
As far as men are concerned, relationships are absolutely a competition, both for them and the women they want. Women have a universal criteria for men to meet, and men do for women as well. It’s best for no one to get hung up on impressing one particular person, but there should always be a conscious effort to self-improve at the things the opposite sex generally wants, so you always have the best options available to pick from.
100% Agree he is for you or he is not. Unfortunatly ! Many women can't Understand that and view their female friends or colleagues as the competition/enemy.
I agree. It still hurts especially when the want to break you
Married 33 years and he left the marriage for his Exec Assistant from work. He is CEO. She is my age and has 4 kids.
I still just don’t understand. But have worked very hard to move forward and face my own pain and learn! Be better, more open and value myself.
I pray and trust there is something better for me out there.
Damn....its like the 1st wife do the wrk....while the next woman reap the benefits 😵
That's sad.
You Deserve better & I pray that you have healed or are in the process of healing. Love on yourself and enjoy your life
Sorry to hear this. Wishing you healing and restoration. I pray you look back and think thank God he left because God has given me better xx
There is someone out there for you, my ex left me for his co-worker too and a person I’ve been friends with for 30 plus years is now about to be my husband in June ❤
I don't mind a man choosing another woman over me because If I don't fit his expections he have the right to leave. Why would I want a man who don't want me or can't offer me the same love. 👉🏼 The problem I have with some men is, when men date women for over a month and waste her time. Treating her like a Queen and making her believe they a couple and he leave.. Get her pregnant and leave, now complain she not good enough anymore. Staying until they find somebody else.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
I mean, apart from the "get her pregnant part" (which, by the way, you need two people for), it does take a bit of time to actually get to know someone. And men might not like what they find, or not like themselves in the relation dynamic.
Factssss
Today, I experienced a healing moment. I met a guy I had fancied 21 years ago, and we had a connection back then. I chose to pursue my studies, and over the years, he asked about me but was told that I was seeing someone. Surprisingly, we felt that same connection 21 years later.
However, when his ex-whom he had broken up with two years ago-found out that he was happy with someone else, she came back into the picture. At that point, we had not yet established a strong foundation. Although our connection is deep, he had been with her for 14 years, and my bond with him wasn't strong enough to sustain a relationship.
As painful as it is, I have to step back from this situation. I am glad I listen to you today as much as this hurts my feelings. I have chosen peace and singleness over chaos. I trust in God. Thank you. 🙏🏾
I had an ex boyfriend tell me once circumstances shape choices. She was in his town and wasn’t in the same line of work and I guess it was a why he chose her. I was really pissed off for a long time as we were going around and around for 10 years and I felt like he wasted my time but I found someone better and we’ve been married four years now
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
A MAN REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION!
🙏
Whew chile😭😳😬😁👌
So TRUE@@MeetStephanSpeaks
@@MeetStephanSpeaks
This guy I was with 4 yrs ago had broken up with his ex gf because she cheated on him & treated him like garbage. So he tells me that he's always wanted me.. So I'm scared understandably. I was vulnerable from a break up myself.. But I really was attracted to this guy so I thought to give it a chance. Well it lasted maybe 2 weeks. And he told me that he was going back to his ex. Fast forward 4 yrs. I didn't talk to him for 2 yrs straight. But he found a way to talk to me & apologize. Saying he missed my friendship & needed me as his friend again because we were friends first off. Well I was there for him through the times he was with this girl he left me for and soon she got pregnant back to back with 2 boys. 11 months apart. So she is an alcoholic & NOT a good Mother. She even said she didn't want to be a Mother. She already lost her 1st daughter with another guy... And she STILL treats him like shit & puts her hands on him.. So long story short while he worked 12-14 hour shifts he would come back home to her passed out drunk drooling on herself and NEGLECTING their 2 and 3 yr old sons! Well eventually The State took them. He got ahold of me again saying he had been trying to but couldn't get through. He told me that after ALL she has done.. Cheating, lies, getting his sons taken by the state.. He was DONE. He told me she was completely DEAD to him. But I told him that It was guys like him that broke me and now I just don't want anyone. He now is saying that however long it takes he wants to prove that I'm the one he wants and always was but he was scared & a fucking COWARD because he went back to "what was comfortable" (ALL his words) and now he has to live with all of that..
I say all this because I'm not sure if he is for real this time. It seems like it. But he hurt me BAD! So I have my walls up with him.. And just decided to be friendly with him like we used to while he is fighting for his kids back because he IS the more responsible parent. His ex won't even BEGIN to do ANY of the shit The State is telling her to do to get her boys back! All she cares about is alcohol. But he is busting his ass & IS clean!
Idk.. I guess I just don't want to fall into that shit again with him when I've been doing so well.. I don't want to allow him to hurt me.. For the 2nd time!? Anyway, thanks for reading if you get to 🙏💯😊💯🙏
So true
Betty wright said it best in her song... The best girls don't always win.... Sometimes you lose for the better...
He will choose the woman who gives him more freedom, less expectations, does it hold him accountable for his actions. Men don't cheat for better, they cheat for what's easier. You can give him all your time and attention and energy. But if the other woman isn't making him put in a lot of effort, then that's the one he'll choose. They want eazy and takes less effort
Facts!
When men don’t wanna put the effort or time into you then they look for someone who is easy and doesn’t expect much. It makes it easy for them
Absolutely!
I was with my ex for 12 years and no proposal… he was there during me getting my degree and last year he left me for a co-worker (he works at fed ex) now they live at his momma house because she lost her place… some of his friends and family say he’s miserable but I’ve moved on so his misery isn’t my problem
Looks like he married her because she had a house 😅
@@karrey2706 they aren’t married just shacked up at his momma house
One way to not allow rejection to impact us is to look back and remember the men that we dated that thought we were the best thing since sliced bread! If a man doesn't want us, it's his loss.
Sometimes, "peace and singleness" is a blessing. Do what you want, when you want to do it, keep all your money for yourself!
Outstanding advice, Stephan! Real truth that we all need to hear.
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response!
It's the keep all your money for yourself for me.
What if no man has ever treated you like that?
@@TheVioletMagic29 Then you spend all your time taking good care of yourself, loving yourself, taking care of your own needs. Be good to you!
Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Yup, my last relationship with a guy ... who I “thought” had all eyes for me chose another woman, while we were in the initial stages of falling for each other. It was devastating and unexpected!! I was putting up with more than I’d like to have with him when no other woman was in the picture. They ended up developing a more serious relationship. I’d forgotten about it all after being heartbroken.... and he shows up at my house... 2 years later with the I’m sorry sob story. I told him he had to leave. I won’t entertain the feel sorry for me type. Done.
♥️♥️
I feel like I would've, well, actually * I know I thought things like this when I was younger. At 40, w/ a 2nd kid, a newborn, im already burnt out. On everything & everyone. I wish I never met him. & he has lost in his eyes for everyone. Luckily, kind of glad I can see the humor in everything. Even though he's a pointless spouse. I know he'll be pointless to anyone he comes across too. This ignorant willing intentional side loves that he lusts over her... he's like that w/ everyone! He could prob adhd his way on over to me while texting her & me not even know what he's doing & what do u know. Lust for the 2nd. I mean, on his part. Not mine. Really don't get females who do this. He's so easy, you what? Meanwhile he's physically walking around naked thinking idek or care to know. But yeah weirdo, his shlong just kind of roams around freely around here. anyways, w/ the Mr steal ur man, idk y they think they're catches. U met him married... I wouldn't even doubt he's been looking for his other flings. It doesn't really shock but I'm sure others... somehow, idkw. But yeah, he pulls the same sh on everyone. It's just I was the unlucky to have tried to take him seriously.. or in other words,, awww, u really thought he loved u? Ad the wife, b. Momma, u seriously don't think I hear this bs too? I just unfortunately know better now. But as always, "at least I got cool kid out of it." Which I love my kids but I hate trying to always be the strong 1. The independent 1. The reliable 1. The responsible 1. I'm fn human, there's only so much I can do completely on my own. But I also think these r all his problems. Idrc if I'm not good enough for him. He's not good enough for me. Never has been. Couldn't even be good for his own kid. & w/ that much lack of concern, he could rot in jail/ prison wever for all I care. I'm guilty of telling him idec about his life. But stop draining mine & constantly expecting me to be some cheerleader psychiatrist. I'm really not his mom & he's dead weight to me. If he didn't like what I say, prob change. Or prob just not say sh u don't mean then. But thats def 1 of my many "threats." Don't ever come crying to me about any of that type locked up ish cause I'll leave you there! Get the hell over yourself. If I just focus on my babies futures, I'll get out of this funk. I feel guilty as hell thinking maybe she'd just be better off, ... but second time around, I think I've learned some things. Plus w/ her cute self I just can't. I really just didn't want to struggle w/ her, not at this age, but idc if I hafta be poor. As long as I know I can get assistance then me & her(/s) will be ok. I actually could juggle in more of that chase for a career now. I just hafta get off my ass, funk. My 2nd is so young... she's plenty enough to keep me out of my negative head space anyways. Also, I hate males that prob tell themselves they're more important than the innocents kids (who never asked to even exist) they helped create to bring in this crazy world. I'd say I like to see ppl put a spin on that but oh yeah. Nevermind, they do. Well w/ out looking, I'm sure there's more missing Father's than there is moms. But yet I'm sure that's still the mom's fault. I guess, im more glad I have girls. Less likely to get locked up__. Plus I have mini besties for life & I know ppl say females r difficult but so far, even my teenager & r still pretty close. So that's at least a good start, sign, that I can do this. But Round 2. 😪😓🤕 here we go 🤰 at like freakin 40.
Yep. My mother always would say growing up, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" Nope, nope, nope. You don't get a second time to hurt my heart.... your loss....
I hope this happens to Terrell Rashawn Weaver
same thing happened to me .. he expected me to still stay after choosing her.. i definitely knew it was gonna happen and was still trying to make it work. it definitely wasn’t worth it and i learned my lesson. always listen to your gut and never ignore the red flags.
God bring me a man that chooses me 🙏🏻
Amen 🙏
🙏
❤
Amen 💯 🙏🏽
The right man
In a relationship, we should make our goal to give our best friend their best life. Take care and give care. See the excellence people have and nothing else. Our love isn't a prison, so, if they
choose to leave, it wasn't meant to be.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
When I tell you every guys from middle/high school onward I was always somebody’s second choice. And I have struggled with this for years. All the tears and depression spells. I’m 24 (25 soon) and I just celebrated my first anniversary ever. I met the man that I was meant for. He sees me as his first choice and he doesn’t want anyone else. I’m so grateful bc I’ve told him about these past situations and he understands it and continues to show me he has me the way I always wanted/dreamed. I had given up on relationships too right when we met. While my exs know it’s wraps, there is no coming back (wasn’t really an option b4 anyways but still). And he and I are planning our lives together and it’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced. Godspeed y’all, Godspeed ❤
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
Amen.. may the good riddance continue to last!
Biggest mistake for telling him how other men rejected you. No matter how much you love someone, never reveal this. They may start seeing you differently or question their choice.
Most people want to know the picked the best and that you are a catch even in the eyes of other people. I wish there was a way to undo this. Someday he is likely to use it against you to say he did you a favour, nobody wanted you
Totally agree with you Mel Mel….
@@melmel7011 vulnerability is very important in a relationship. Probably this man is not the kind of person that will get the vulnerability of their partner and use it against them. Besides, this lady must be doing the necessary things to help her heal, so, even when the guy uses that line, she won't be affected by the past things as she will have healed from them. She will have known love and that sort of discourse will be just a weak line for one to use.
His rejection is for your protection. Let him go. I've learned what's meant for me will never pass me by and it took me decades to grasp that concept! Furthermore it's a good thing to ask for Divine guidance when either looking for a love or actually entering into a relationship with a person. It can only help the situationship/relationship or whatever ship you're on!😃😇🥰
Once again Stephan you are sharing the deeper truths. I have learned if someone is willing to let you go, let them go. It just means they were not meant to be in your life. It doesn't matter how much time you invested.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
Thank you for being real!
I was seeing someone for nearly 6 years and he left me for someone else and it's been 3 years now I won't date,I'm scared it will happen again,glad I found your channel it really helps listening to you ❤️
That’s why it’s so important to keep yourselves looking good at all times.. In or out of a relationship
Indeed, it really helps when we embrace that 🙏
but also for better or for worse. when ur married u love your partner at their best and worst. there will always be someone better, funnier, prettier etc. love is sacrificial. you sacrifice your own desires for the love of the other person
Yup.. he cheated with a woman that allows him or don’t care he’s with other people.. I have boundaries.. I’m good.. and he see’s her like once maybe twice a week if that..
Yes.. good skincare and working out
I was told that men before they break up with you they will always have someone waiting for them. They can't handle being alone after a relationship.
Always
If he says you're not worth it. Take it how he meant it.....
Most definitely!
This is what I’m going through now he’s been hurt in past every time we get closer , he runs away so now I know!! Thank You so much!!
My pleasure ❤️
The best position to be in as a woman, is not to choose men who do not fit well with our spirit and choose ourselves instead. That’s the ultimate goal
Exactly if he didn't choose you initially forget dude. Their loss. It's God's way of blessing you with someone better.
Peace is my number one priority above everything
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
The problem we are facing as Women is, we have been programmed/conditioned by society, media, etc to think that the ultimate goal of life is to be in a relationship with a certain Man. I am in Africa and even when people are in family gatherings, they'll crack jokes about who will marry who. We have been duped. The most important thing in this life is YOU, YOU fulfilling purpose and being the best that God has created you to be, reaching destiny and being fulfilled with or without the relationship/marriage.
So beautifully and eloquently said sis! I know first hand that it is 10 times worse in African culture. We need to continue to advocate for change!
Yesss❤
It feels humiliating and even traumatizing. Lately I’ve been having the same dream were I keep revisiting my ex who now lives with another woman.
Sooooo true 👍 when a man FEELS VUNERABLE TO FALL IN LOVE with a MARRIAGE MATERIAL WOMAN They Run 🏃♂️. Sad but True 💯💥. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL !!!
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Very interesting 🍵🍵 thank you for this video!!!! This sums up me and my child's father situation...from the roots TO THE toota!!!!
There are a lot people are looking for someone that makes them feel "safe." Meaning safe in the knowledge that they can look at that person knowing they'll never fall in love with that person.
Harsh reality yet so true (hardship relationship) down grade 😖
You're absolutely right!
Or their idea of "safety" and familiarity comes from the neglectful and/or abusive childhood they had. They're more inclined towards a relationship that reminds them of the relationship they have/had with their primary caregiver(s).
@@tanyarawat9700 that too. Either way, toxic environment.
Seeing how my ex talks to the younger... girl, it's like I'm glad I've always been a jaded person. Bc that stuff she desperately wants to believe, I would've prob ended up dead, hurt, w/ a billion more kids,,,, bc even at that age, no damn way. Even younger than her, no damn way. Somexs I wonder, if ppl do have that safe bubble they've always grown in... does that make em more ignorant or gullible 🤔 . Or do they just feel more safe to have less boundaries, & be more stupid. She's got 2 kids, trying to be a creeper to mine, & he's saying he wants more w/ her, while he just had 1 w/ me, afraid of c support obviously not really being all that invested, it's like holy ish bish. I see great things for you. Sarcasm. At the rate she's going she's gonna have a hunded kids by 30 and they'll all be from different dads. Worry about ur own kids!
Thanks for this. I’m was in a dating situation where he is taking me for granted. He is unwilling to commit but still wanting to keep me .. this gave me the courage to pull the plug. Much love.
I agree there's many broken hearts on both sides. I dated a divorce man and he kept comparing me to hes x and bringing her up, because she cheated on him and left him for another man. The final straw was he was drunk and beat me up calling her name, am not going to go into more details but it was worse. Anyway, I ended it. Am sharing this for those people who are in a toxic relationship with people who don't know how to get over their x. Never carry the burden of their exes. Ended it if they don't go for help in dealing with their past and not taking out on you. Doesn't matter if its male or female. This I've learned can go both ways.
Oh yes the person u love most can hurt u the most...that is factssssssss
You're absolutely right!
My ex left me for his cheating ex gf. 2 years later he texted me apologizing and telling me I deserved the world. He asked me if I was in town. I didn’t entertain it, way too much pain caused by him.
I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
My ex got with someone else at the end of our relationship & at the time it broke me. Years later I can see they belong together! She’s just as manipulative & full of 💩 as he is lol and I’m so much more happier w/o that headache too. Sometimes it really is the best!
I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
I no u glad.....we don't realize...them leavin is the blessing 🙏....thank God for deliverance 💃
@@beefaye6861 no kidding! I’m so much happier. And you can’t receive God’s blessing if you’re holding on to something like that
Shitty people deserve other shitty people so it's a win for us. They miss out on us good people and end up with someone just like them and eventually suffer the consequences of it. And they will never get a chance at a good woman like us again.
@@beefaye6861EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!
We struggle with this because we don't have clarity. Clarity is in alignment and when we don't have it, we align with the wrong men. PERIOD. Many women think they know what they want...I know I did. But truth be told, I was VERY unclear about what I NEEDED in a life partner. I believe when women have 100% clarity in who they authentically are, the life they genuinely want to live, and the exact kind of person they need in order to build and grow, it's SIGNIFICANTLY easier to find someone. This is how it worked for me. We don't realize that clarity creates boundaries as well, and the people who are truly not here for us and our good, end up taking themselves out most of the time. Low quality men will show their true colors, and if we are clear about what we need, we're going to see right through them because they don't have the emotional intelligence and maturity to handle it.
Indeed, it really helps when we embrace that ❤
This happened to me several time. I was questioning myself as to why I end up not being chosen. I felt depressed and now don't trust anyone.
I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
You will find the one, the best one. A Rare Gem so to speak 🙂👏
Get to work....GYM!
Prayers for my husband to be mentally physically emotionally spiritually n God fearing a man designed for me from God I pray for good heart spirit healed man let me be healed so we can love n care for each other balance each other out amen
OMG!! I can so relate to many of the things you said I went through this, and hurt is not the word, I was devastated and when you are going through the fire, you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But now that I am in a new relationship with an amazing man, I am so grateful that things didn't work out with my ex. It truly was a blessing in disguise. Great advice Stephan!! Thank you! 👍👏🙏
My pleasure ❤️
That's me everytime. Men I date always discard me and trade me for another woman. Months later these men return...
I guess they didn't trade so well 🤷
What you said about 2 women fighting over a man for years that treats neither one right it reminded me of my uncle who’s wife actually shot him. She ended up dying at the dentist and he ended up with another woman who he told he wasn’t going to marry. He only wanted to be married once in life so anyhow she agreed to that and he started messing with his son’s wife’s mother. Those 2 women used to have fist fights in the laundromat over my uncle 😂 so after like 5 years he finally left his side chick and the lady he was with after his wife passed is still with him till this day. He had a stroke and she takes care of him despite the fact he never married her and put her through all that hell. He also never wanted to live with her and after the stroke she accepted him into her home to take care of him.
Folks really be going thru some sh.
Him choosing another because he feels less vulnerable is sooooooo true lol. I'm a deep diver so I think some men just love it at first because they feel they can be so open with me but after I am able to see i to them deeply they get scared. I see the real them and they don't know how to take that.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
Right?!!!! I'm an Infj and is too a "deep diver". It's all fun and games until we get to the root cause of their issues😂😂😂.....*sigh*......its a curse and a blessing. But the way I see it is, the right one for us will appreciate our depth and will be willing to stay long after their exposure.
100Percent!
I agree. It's does not matter on your level of education or income. The man just wants what HE wants, unfortunately it is not YOU! I look at it as a DIVINE BLESSING. Thank you GOD!
I've was always been that pretty girl that felt like men were not a challenge for me. To top it off.....considered highly intelligent and well educated. I pretty much knew what I wanted in relationships and life. Coming from a big family and being the oldest sibling, I didn't desire to commit to marriage or having children. I enjoyed being single but later got married in my 30's and conceived two daughters which I've raised as a single Widower. Now my daughters are grown and I'm enjoying myself approaching retirement and in a relationship with a man 20 years my senior that treats me like an absolute queen! Looking back at my life I must honestly say that I broke a lot of hearts. Some deserved and others not. I now realize I had serious issues after watching my mother's marriage and her rearing me to stay single because of her regrets. After making regretful decisions I was lucky to have been a mom and grandmother as well as have a great career. And for that I'm thankful.
Sometimes he chooses a woman because she looks like his first love, she triggers his buttons in a trauma bond from childhood, she reminds him of his crush in kindergarten, your energy isn’t polarised with his, you illuminate his insecurities just by being your winner self, he can’t be a hero for you ANY OTHER REASON which has nothing to do with you
I am a good woman and I have learned from my mistakes my king is coming
I pray that you receive the man who is truly best for you, the man God has for you 🙏
Just shows you ladies.. right now there are broken men choosing to be in relationships and even marry women who they KNOW that they can keep by never allowing themselves to truly fall for her in an emotionally healthy way. He can screw this woman for years. Give her babies. Present her to friends and families . Build a life with her, well aware the entire time that he will never truly love her to the depth he could like the “the one who got away”. Meanwhile his woman is thinking she found her soul mate, their chemistry and connection is divinely ordained, and she don’t have a clue that’s he is with her because “he can love her less”. Do you all see how futile this all is? It’s like chasing the wind. Humanity is broken. This was prophesied and no one is talking about THAT. There are no guarantees with any of this stuff. Marry for the right reason and it turns out wrong. Marry wrong and it becomes right because both people simply settle. Just stop chasing what doesn’t exist. Get a dog and good friends and pour into yourself. These men are lost. The good ones already married to women they probably don’t love anyway.
👏👏👏 learned this after throwing away 18 years
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart of my heart.
You will never truly know how much you have helped me.
Glad I could help 🙏
The nuggets that you shared are priceless! I love this breakdown and it so factual and real! As always I appreciate you and your content
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
This has saved my life 🙌 thank you ❤ you put everything into perspective.
10 months of my life wasted, grieving his loss and losing myself in the process.
Now I can work in gaining my strength back ❤
That first reason is very sad! People should get it together life is too short to pass up beautiful connections based on being “safe” smh.
Stephen you speak volumes
I went through this exact thing last year and I saw that the more I gave him the more I pushed him away because he didn't actually want what I was giving him .I was trying to be in a relationship,he was trying to be sneaky links .I realised with time he didn't value me the way I had thought and it makes so much sense now because I thought by giving him more I'd make him fall harder for me,but he just left me for someone else.When I healed I've found myself attracting men that love me for who I am and it's incredible how everything worked out in the end!❤️
Your comments are so healing. Thanks from the bottom of my heart ❤️🙏
My pleasure ❤️
Thank you so much I so needed to hear this, the past couple of years no matter who i date always ends up choosing another women over me and it's always a women whom they so called do not like. example women who twerk all the time or who are disrespectful to them and curse them out or cause scenes etc... and i be so confused because i do everything to please them in what they want, unfortunely i was raised to be submissive to a man no matter which im learning that not every man deserves all of me . and fighting over a man is something i will not do
Since I been watching you I’ve been in touch with my feminine energy like never before,been getting lots of attention from men I can feel them looking however no matches yet.Thank you for all these helpful videos.❤
Every time I start thinking I might want to try dating again, I come watch one of Stephan's videos to remind myself why I stay single and made the decision to never date again 😁
Before you give up on dating, try changing your focus from dating to learning, and you will start to see positive results in your dating experiences!
@Stephan Speaks Nah, trust me, I'm good 👍🏾I watch to continue to learn why to stay away.
Best decision
Yea honestly, I don't understand it at this point. It's just mind games. You can't be honest with anyone nowadays.
Get Stephan’s books healing after heartbreak and the Man God has for You. It will help you with a different perspective ❤ hope you find the love that you deserve
B'day may seem a small event, but it does feel awesome when a loved one makes it special. And it feels equally bad when the person we love forgets it.
*Been on both the sides.
🤯🤯🤯 27 minutes in. I experienced a situation when I was married. A man started to pour into me, not in sexual ways, but in ways that fulfilled my needs and emotional well being. In turn I started to do the same for him. He was married and my neighbor at the time. I do not condone cheating in any way and neither did he. Without a long drawn out conversation we both recognized this and then God sent us our separate ways. It was the best thing that could have happened to me though. I ended a very unhealthy and unhappy 18 year marriage after that. I am now 5 years divorced, happy and healing. Found a wonderful man I want to make it work with and just signed up for the course mentioned in this video today. Thanks for the good information that has been on RUclips. Been watching Stephan for at least 2 years and learning a lot. Now I’m ready to take it to the next level ❤
I agree on the point of fearing vulnerability. Im a woman and im like that, its not because I have not healed though but its because I know love is a risk. You risks being heartbroken.
Also the fact that even if you find someone who will commit to you whole heartedly, the fact that they are a human being makes them imperfect so they will hurt you unintentionally. If you deeply love someone, your heart becomes sensitive and you usually feel hurt deeper even if its a minor thing.
I always go for the man I love less as security. I avoid men I love more completely... Its the life iv chosen for myself and im happy that way.
Sometimes the women was just fine and the man being a narcissist will have no reason at all to go to someone else ..
Can you liberate?
I walked away from a man that chose someone else. Instead of fighting her, i Chose myself first, invested and leveled up. All of a sudden he wants me back. Funny how things turn around. My friend told me he FAILED AT REPLACING YOU.
So true ! The person you love the most can hurt you the most..
THERE IS A REAL MAN WHO CHOOSES, AND THEN THERE IS THE NARCISSIST WHO CHOOSES. TWO DIFFERENT SCENARIOS.
I'm a woman and I can relate to this because it happened to me in my first marriage I was in love with this other guy but in fear if getting hurt I married someone else
God will not let you be overwhelmed with love for anybody who doesn't love you
❤ 🙏
Could you explain this?.
The frame of thinking starts with why, when sometimes we need to be focus on who am I to myself which unravels family dynamics, how we personally see ourselves and our mindset. If we can take the time with ourselves to discover our talents, our purpose and potential, and how to enjoy and embrace ourselves , we can take steps toward self- love . We can begin to change the why into a what and elevate our journey into discovering who we are and what is God's plan. God desires the best for us and we need to learn how to get out of the way and trust him instead of thinking we got this. Yes it will lead to bumps in the road but that is part of the journey that will lead to success with yourself. We can't ask of others what we can't give ourselves.
I was in competition with his baby moms. Yes his babymoms. And he always complains about her and I heard all of the bad things she’s done to him that I would never do if me and him was in a relationship. Long story short he chose his kids mother over me . Stephan please do a video on dating people with kids because it’s so tricky.
I cannot deal with a man with a baby mama...let alone at least one. If a kid/kids are under 21, it's a NO GO! Can't deal with that nonsense. That's a forever bond whether he's with the baby mama or not
Agreed. My man's children are grown adults in their 40s. He will not tolerate any dissension from them about us. They actuall encouraged him to date after his wife died...
You are so wise. I keep hearing you say things that not only experience may have given you, but God surely is in the picture and taught you. Some men just don't recognize a woman's true worth. They aren't smart or wise enough. Then the woman all of a sudden believes that there's something wrong with her. He's the problem, because he just hasn't recognized her true worth. When you know who you are (royalty), move on. He's just either in the dark or stupid. "Wisdom is the ability to RECOGNIZE difference."
My gratitude for you and your work is beyond words right now-- thank you! So much. I needed this more than you know.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks absolutely! 💗
We should not take the path of least resistance, if a person has positive self esteem within himself
Thank you for your feedback I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
I'm angry because I'm finally at that place in life where I'm good w being single. It seems to work best for me. Now, I'm angry because I feel like at any moment I'm going to fall head over heals for someone, and I honestly want no part in any of it anymore. I don't want to negotiate and share anymore, I want to stay single. I remember all I ever wanted was a fairytale love story, but realized way too late that shit doesn't exist.. at least not for me. So be it Lord, so be it, but plzzzz keep all love very far away, thank you, but no thank you ❤
I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you, truly. God bless ❤️
Stephan you hit the nail on the head, this happen to me, my so called friend was the other woman he chose . He was not best for me anyway.
I have never agreed with you about anything as much as I agree with this video. And the bonus reason just blew my mind!!! So on point, so on point.
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
It happens over and over. You start believing you are worthless.
You attract what you feel you are. If you feel worthless, you attract worthless. Gotta work on self.
@@rayecaters2u yes but not always.
Oh no...I know I'm not
@@zaragray6199 yeah man good people in general man or woman barely exist anymore
It can become a terrible cycle if you let it. That's all I know.
3 or 4 times in my life when men chose other women over me, this is what they said to me... (did you finish college? she has this and that) the next said (I have a bachelor's and a masters degree, what can you do for me?) and another said
(she has a better job). I forgot one, another said ("I have child support, she
more independent.") I was always asking him for a 'few' dollars for gas...lol..he couldn't handle that, I guess.
This was my experience!
A man has to take care of the woman especially financially.
This is so true. I just want to cry tears of relief...
It feels like I can ever live up to those standards. Men can just leave if I’m not perfect.
🙏
They aren't perfect either.
Every time Stephan opens his mouth wisdom just flows out, EVERY TIME!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤️
So true everything. Myself and seeing my family members in this too. I’ve got to heal and move on. Wasted years!!!
I'm sorry to hear about that. I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
I’m struggling to move pass my breakup. It’s been a month and I just found out he’s on a cruise. I’m sure he was talking to another woman and is on the cruise with her. Make sense why he didn’t want to make future plans with me. Thank you for this…. Though I do tell myself these things. It’s nice to be reminded. Thank you for helping me heal and grow.
i did take him from someone else.
i did accept more of his nonsense at the beginning when i baited him.
lesson learned.
Thank you Stephen, This is amazing and eye-opening. I need to understand here whether I should go on. I had 2 small kids n met this young guy in 2010. He took us to his home n we stayed with him till middle of 2011. He was such a lovely person at 19yrs, who never talked that much or argued with me (I was 32yrs). He was drinking too much n I was working in the minesite, I decided to leave as my job n kids was my priority. Around 2018 we met again, by then he had 2 children with his next door neighbor lady which I knew...he took me to the same area n told his woman that she is my first n she has nothing to say. We hung around for some months and I left for another minesite. Now it's 2023 I meet him again and he wants me back for good. He now has 3 kids n tells his woman to shut up n say nothing as am his first. We both are flexible and respect each other. He treats me very well. How do I know he is being real here? I also respect his woman n kids.
I never wandered why, I know who I am and what I got and I'm for sure not one for the average guy.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
Yup, didn't want to commit and you would think that we were about to be married to way we were..... Whelp!
Truth be told,you are on point 💯 as always Stephan, keep up the good work 👍🙏 blessup
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks you are most welcome
I think that the most important is to ASK your partner his reasons instead of assuming. Because not to contemplate why a man left you without any explanation at all is bad but isn’t productive either to make assumptions
It's like you're talking to me, this is exactly how I feel
🙏
I just discovered this channel and am glad I did. I’m currently going through a breakup of like 12 years and we have a young child, he finally called it off like a month ago because he’s miserable about everything in his life…he battles depression and a lot of demons. I ignored the red flags for years even though deep down I knew it wasn’t going to work, a couple of years ago he cheated and I thought we could work through it but clearly we couldn’t because I didn’t feel like I got the effort from him. As of recently, he’s been hanging out with friends and staying out all night getting too drunk to come home (escapism). The problem is we have our young child and still live together so it’s hard to get over him completely when we are essentially in each other’s faces all the time.
A few days ago we had a candid conversation of all of our feelings about the relationship and he proceeded to tell me he was “talking” to someone else. Personally, I wasn’t surprised because it’s his MO to rebound from one relationship to another. I called him out on it and he agreed and says he doesn’t know why he started talking to this chick so soon when he knows he’s not mentally capable to try and date someone else, he says it was just a rebound and he only went on 1 date with her. He says he will always love me but he knows mentally he can’t give me what I want and I deserve better. He says he will always have my back even when we do finally live in different households. Not gonna lie though, even though he has been the toxic man child you describe on this channel, I am struggling with the fact that he’s talking to someone else even though it probably won’t go anywhere because she now knows that he still lives with me for the time being and according to him she wasn’t happy about it, but I think he’s still reaching out to her which hurts.
It does give me some comfort that this new lady is probably just an easy distraction to avoid the hurt he is going through with our breakup. I can’t wait until I can get completely over him and start to heal to find the right man for me.
Bonjour Stéphan
Je voulais juste dire Merci, Merci pour les messages que tu partages, et celui ci particulièrement me touche, parce que j'ai vécu des relations très éprouvantes. Et Merci pour la simplicité des explications.
When i finished my ex. He moved on very quickly. Whilst still always wanted to see me. Even pick me up in his new " latest" ones car. When i asked what the whole self sabotaging was about. His reply its easier with the new one. He gets to put in very little or no effort and alot of perks, driving her car, gives him money, with me it was harder work and made him insecure because he did not feel good enough he said. So men like this will go to a vibrational match to what and who they are at that time. Whilst wanting a women who will accept anything to hold they hands, whilst still looking for the one or reminising on the one who got away.
This was a great video. Great advice and I appreciate the information. I don't compete with anyone never will. I love this❤️
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback ❤️ 🙏
Rejection is gods protection. I try to remember that.
Your insight on relationships is amazing
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
We had a sweet connection.. like I've never experienced before.. but he chose his mother basically after she first disrespected me.. He didn't say anything I put my limits he constantly was telling me to forget about the situation I felt hurt because I was his ride or die.. and he made me feel alone.. no once twice he took his mom side... Long story short we broke up..
Most men do not choose the women that is better. They choose the woman that is easier. Men know when they are not good enough for you.