I'm in my 60s and my husband was in his 70s. I always flirted with my husband, joked with my husband. When he smiled my whole world lit up. Getting caught and then chasing was more than fun. Missing my guy. Sudden Cancer in Nov 22. Two months and gone.
When my boyfriend moved to another state for a year, I helped him pack. I had a pocket full of pieces of paper that I had written ...."I love you, Mr. W." on. I stuck these notes in books, and boxes, and this and that as the day went on when he was distracted. We married when he returned. Even today, he finds one of these notes in his belongings and brings it to me with a smile...."guess what I found today!"
I did that once to an ex boyfriend. I left an I love you note inside his lunchbox and never acknowledged it. I don’t even know if he ever saw it😅 I never asked … maybe I did it to wrong person .. but very cute your experience.. great job 👏
@@lilianrodriguez8312 yesss girl u did it to the wrong person is all, I made a cute card for a guy and he mocked me, wrong guy, right heart ❤ don't stop being so giving like that, it's cute and sweet and the right one will love it ❤
I feel very cherished and appreciated by the man I'm currently dating and believe me, he's the first real man and I tell him that. 😍😍😍 He makes so much effort because I don't initiate most of the contact. I'm loving being pursued and romanced for the first time in my life. Until now I SETTLED for crumbs when I was insecure and afraid to be alone. Self love is the key ladies 🔐🔓 I worked on my emotional wounds mostly from childhood and feel so much self love and joy, it attracted him to my life. 💖💖💖
men also need to appreciate what women do for them and if they don’t do it that will kill little by little the attraction and love that women have for them
Agree, my late husband was not good at showing his appreciation of the things I did. It did affect my feelings a bit...wish now I was more outspoken and told him there and then.
I used to take my husband's meals to him in living room so he could watch TV.. there were some times I'd leave everything on the stove/oven for him to get it for himself if I felt under appreciated.. not often but he stopped saying or doing things to upset me.. I told him my doing that was a courtesy I didn't have to do.. I loved cooking for him though. He passed away 10 years ago and I still miss our little rituals. He was a great man . He got sick and literally died in my arms 6 days later. I believe he is in Heaven having a wonderful time.
Him appreciating things, and her feeling appreciated are two different things. An example is cats that bring dead animals into a house. Why? This is behavior is induced by the love cats feel for their owners, it's their natural honest expression. In it's mind it's sharing it's food and feeding you. The cat has a diffent way of expressing appreciation because the cat is not the same as the owner. The owner doesn't understand and is annoyed and feel unappreciated, ironically by the cat's attempt at showing appreciation. You can train your cat to do other behaviors you prefer, but those would be fake dishonest behaviors that are not naturally induced. E.g. if you are stabbed, the natural honest expression of what you are feeling would be to cry out in pain, but if you forced yourself to laugh like you are being tickled that would be a fake dishonest expression. The biggest destroyer of relationships is not understanding that men and women are not the same. Men are naturally induced to show appreciation differently then women. When we feel appreciation for a women it induces the following: 1. we become almost happy to die to protect her (this is the ultimate sacrifice) 2. we become more motivated and happy to provide for her (e.g. he'll grind himself to the bone at work, be more ambitious, etc) In other words, like the cat bringing strange things home, men show appreciation differently than women by providing security and provisioning (this is the natural honest expression), some women dont understand men are not women and are instead annoyed by this honest induced behavior. Some DO understand, probably by growing up observing a healthy dynamic between both parents, and these women do feel appreciated and appreciation in return, like a feedback loop. most of the time, when a man doesnt view to girls as the future mother of his children, will be mainly focused on manipulating a female's feelings to his advantage, by figuring out what she wants to hear and dishonestly saying whatever makes her feel good (e.g. appreciated), and the same with behaviors. The aim is to manipulate via dishonesty, instead of honest expressions of what he truly feels and thinks. Whereas a man who honestly expresses what he truly feels and thinks will typically be labeled an ashole, instead of being focused on manipulating what the partner feels for positive outcomes for himself (sex) etc. It's called selling her a dream, and men do this purely for long term sexual access. And women who've encountered this too often become ruined by it, because they will come to expect being lied to and manipulated for short term dopamine, in exchange for sex. What you are asking for, is to be sold a dream (to be lied to and manipulated). If your man is honest in his expression of appreciation, it will take the shape of trying to provide more security and provisioning, with less complaint by him. (He'll grind harder and talk about work less).
@@tylerdurden3722 you have a good point. But also to let someone know you appreciate the effort, it can help a lot to simply say "thank you" (goes for both men and women). Both parts should make an effort ans work (around the same amount) in the relationship, but the type of effort dont have to be exactly the same
Married 43 years this year. We have faced some hard times, but always standing together. We still love to spend time together, but also have our own projects going on. We laugh and act like teenagers sometimes much to the embarrassment of our grown children. Love is work and lots of fun times, too. And kiss your man more, grab him, hug him. Laugh at his dad jokes. Lift him up. And enjoy when he does the same. ❤❤❤
STOP!!! If you have to do all this and keep doing it, that is not realistic. First, just find a decent person, not someone you want to change. Let them have their own hobbies. Friends, etc. If a man hates to come home because of drama, criticism, etc, you've lost him already. If he loves to come home because it's his safe place, he'll never leave. I am very old fashioned. I love the comfort of marriage, how we both have our roles. Romance is not just about sex. Because we are older and have physical limitations that have made sex very infrequent, we still have romance. A glance across the room, finishing each others sentences, just being together. I don't believe opposites attract, if you can find the male/female version of yourself, you'll never have to play silly games or have to pretend you're something you're not. Dont keep score, and don't cross boundaries.
I believe what you said, whole-heartedly. Which is precisely why I have been single most of my life. It is hard to find a non-game-playing anyone. Or, at least someone who isn't so broken they can't function on a normal level anymore. I read that book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and was so annoyed at the waste of time, because, all that guy's advice would not work with any couple I had ever met up to that point, or any guy I had ever tried to get to know in that sort of way. And, then I realized "Oh! He's talking about normal people, like people the way they should be." But, I did have a guy friend when I was younger that was quite a bit like me in the way he thought, and he would go off and do his own thing sometimes, and I wouldn't wait for him but be doing mine. He'd come back or, if I went away intead, I would come back and we'd pick up where we left off or start doing other, new things together. If life had worked out better, we would almost certainly have married. Unfortunately, due to circumtances beyond our control he was removed from my life before I was even 18. The advice in that book would have worked with him but with him I wouldn't have needed that advice. He would have just told me how he was feeling.
I've told people in the past that Love has to only grow stronger the more time you spend with someone. It wouldn't make sense for it to go away unless you never really liked the person to begin with. The more memories shared, the more attached someone should be naturally.
You either get along or you don’t, things will naturally flow if they’re meant to. It’s peoples mind games that get in the way and complicate things. Be natural!
You must naturally play the game. Doing things right and in the right timing is an art. It's not really games if your intentions are in the right place. It's showing them what you can bring to the table that is not a game. That's your game in a way but if you're a good player then they might enjoy your game. Lol enjoy life and enjoy them. That's something you can't fake for long
@@Ericatrue1974 Yes precisely! If people’s minds are in the right frame to play the ebb and flow dance in an authentic way, it can be fun! Sadly with the sheer amount of relationships and marriages that fail, many people are not being authentic, they play the game to grasp onto, dominate or manipulate the other.
@@judyb1643 Neither of the two games are sustainable. The main obstacle to long term success is dopamine addiction. When an experience feels fun, what you are actually experiencing is dopamine released into your blood interacting with hormone receptors. Low dopamine and withdrawal is experienced as boredom. These hormone receptors can become desensitized to dopamine, meaning more dopamine than normal is needed just to feel normal, and not bored. A lot of women are dopamine addicts chasing more and more dopamine, becoming more and more desensitized, to the point where a fulfilling healthy relationship is experienced as boredom. Some relationships are like fireworks, fun and exciting, but shortlived and not sustainable. Some relationships are like a fireplace...warm and fuzzy feelings of fulfilment that's long lasting. It's hard to appreciate the soothing feelings of a fireplace while suffering dopamine withdrawals like a crackhead. And it's hard to keep the fireplace going when fireworks are tossed into the fire for some dopamine release. It's easy make relationship work, find someone who is not easily bored (who isn't a dopamine addict and chaser), and don't be someone who is easily bored in return (a dopamine addict)...and then you'll be able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, warm fuzzy feelings in a relationship.
My boyfriend and I decided to went out for dinner the day before he's going back to the u.k. and after meal he asked me if I pay half of our dinner and after that I always bring my pocket money in case. It's kinda like discouraging. I just couldn't believe it. Ha ha 😊 . We're all unique..I guess?🤗
I’m now 62 with some marriages under my belt. Took me ages to figure out that I am not suited to it and don’t like it. I wish that I had this knowledge years ago, would have saved some good men from being hurt. I don’t like being a wife or these days even a girlfriend. But I am suited to being a mother, it the best thing that ever happened in my life. So that and my doggies are enough for me now. I am happy, no drama in my life, just lots of love. I am very lucky. PS am still great friends with my last husband and when we talk on the phone we still say I love you, just in a different way now. He is a great friend, we weren’t friends when we were married. That was the problem.
Omg, I’m so sorry to hear how your relationship goes, how such a beautiful woman like you be treated this way, that’s so bad, you’re such a beautiful woman, you don’t even look 64 years old, you look so younger than your age, hope I can hear from you soon?
Hi Karen, I'm the same! Realized it after my second relationship ended in my late 20s. I don't like being a live-in gf, certainly showed me I'm not suited to being a wife. I didn't want motherhood either, I knew that even earlier than that. It's a good thing to know yourself, better late than never. Enjoy life + yr doggies.
@@truerosie At least you realised it sooner than I did so good on you. Some of us just are not suited to living with a partner, and that goes for males too. I love NOT having someone, not having to ring if a girlfriend asks me to stay for dinner and then you have to ring them and they carry on like you’re abandoning them. I decided that I would only be answerable to and for my son. Once I did that, life was wonderful. He is the love of my life but I fully respect your decision to not have children. My best wishes to you from Australia ❤️
@@pricewood1284 Gross! she said she doesn't want marriage or even to be a girlfriend. What's wrong with you that you chase after women who don't want men?
I was 13 years younger than my ex-husband. We had been going through a dull period in our marriage, so I dressed up, wearing sexy lingerie, drove 17 miles to his office to spice things up. (it was his private, stand-alone office, not in a building where others worked) I waited while he was on his business call, I waited, & waited and then I drove home. That was the moment I knew I would divorce him. I didn't realize it then but he always put work ahead of his marriage and family.
I'm attracted to women who don't act like dog show judges. Who are nice to everyone. Someone who all my aunt's and uncles will enjoy at a party because they are lovely. And my friends will get excited when they know we are coming by because we are good company. No B.S. Also not having to barter or trade for love. That's a red flag . Basically her loving me because she wants too. It's her choice. Her decision. And I didn't have to do jack S* for it. The loves not real or it's shallow if you have to do things to get affection from another individual. They're capacity is low like an empty tank of gas. C'mon people. Instead of looking on the outside for your source of happiness and coming from a lack mindset of scarcity . Know that you are enough and find someone else who knows that too in every fiber of their being. I feel sorry for people who slave for love because love is a giving characteristic. A fullness quality.
literallyyy the guy i was involved with a while ago. Im a bit frustrated he isn't where I'd like him to be because I'm ready and he isn't, but im just moving forward cuz there isn't anything else left for me to do. I was clear and receptive, but i'm not desperate. It's a shame he's like this because it wouldn't stop me from loving and accepting him - we had a really strong connection going. But oh well
Many years ago I surprised my husband with lingerie under my work clothes when we were at a family thing. His response was "where did you get the money?" Needless to say, there was no sex that night.
I'm 75, was married for 42 years til death did we part and had three beautiful inside and out daughters, one died from Covid19 at age 41 in 2020 plus losing my two beautiful cats just months before! Thankfully, we have her beautiful 25 year old daughter, a real blessing! One of two sweet granddaughters. Post menopause~ what do you think menopause means? A pause from men! The only thing that might get me going again late in life with my wee bit of Scottish ancestry is a man with a Scottish accent, so watch out! LOL ♥
Chasing is highly overrated. Most are chasing a dopamine hit. Yet so many dating coaches talk about "how to get him to chase you" and women make fools of themselves playing games with sexy lingerie and tricks. Lots of singles at midlife (40s until retirement) have been burned by divorce and other wounds and don't even have a clue what they want. Thanks so much for your wisdom, Brian. It's realistic common sense. HUGS!
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you, okay? 0:02 0:02
Men need recognition & encouragement for their efforts . The more efforts they put in a relationship , the harder for them to get out of it . Somehow women just don't know that .
Yes, well, ditto! I have known a lot of men who had nothing but criticism for their wife because the women they had left at home with the children all night, while they were trying to get in my pants, just didn't appreciate the way they worked hard for 8 hours a day to provide for her children (who they were the biological father of) and the way she got to be home with them every day, not working. Never noticing that there were groceries in the house, laundry done, the house was clean and so were THEIR children, etc. They really and truly thought their wives did nothing hard all day and had no right to complain when the man tromped in mud all over the man's clean floor in the house he paid for and found her thoroughly ungrateful for the 8 hours of work he did before he went off to go play with his friends, leaving her after her 12 hour shift to do another 12 hours of work alone. And, then there were the women that were also running an at-home business or working a full time job when the kids were in school, who had to take time off work to go to the school to meet teachers and all, who were still told that they did nothing for their husband, on top of doing all the housework, shopping, yard work and whatever house repairs they could manage and were still being told they did nothing for their husband and were purely selfish and lazy. So, absolutely, 100% DITTO. Women who do things for their family which is still most of them, need recognition and encouragement for their efforts. The more effort they put in a relationhip the harder for them to get out of it. Somehow, men just don't know that. Except, in both cases, often at least one or the other, in most relationships, do. It's a problem that there is often only the one person in the relationship that does.
@@just_breatheyeah, i had a guy argue with me about this same exact thing. he insisted “but men need it more!” how could that even be proven? everyone is on their own level. some men/women feel desperately needy. others don’t give a flying F.
........ Dog training, sounds similiar to this. And for all the effort put into it, seems less exhausting than this. I used to do all of this, & after a while, the men just aren't worth all of this. My dog is more interesting. Good luck with that.
I agree whole heartedly! Leave these men alone to themselves because your dog is actually appreciative of your company and all you do for it. Men only take you for granted, are attracted to you only when you show no emotions and/or you have to play the constant head games. No way. 👎🏻
@@irinaivanovic9792 I just want to be me, & accepted for who & what I am. Not having to keep learning all these techniques that go nowhere after all is said & done. Whatever happened to men doing things to woo a woman their way? I'm literally surrounded by an entire two generations of men that are quite lazy. They need to put more work into it. I'm tired. And getting too old to tapdance my entire life through a relationship. We either click, or we don't, I guess. I don't want to remain single for the rest of my life. But I need a man, not another hobby.
It's always us women catering to them, pleasing them, keeping them happy while they like and friend lots of other women. They say it's nothing but they don't like or friend the ugly ones. Hmmm
SOOO true! This is the reason why so many women get divorced after kids - the ‘husband’ is in fact the oldest child. Instead of being a coparent, he ADDS to the woman’s labour and responsibilities. I’ve lost count of the number of women who told me that their workload actually lessened instead of increasing post-divorce: their ex-husbands were a mountain load of work in and by themselves
Once I figured these things out dating and courting became so much more fun! Rejection when it happened was so much easier to handle even if my heart was broken. Because I always knew there would be more instances to create chemistry with people and that I’d be surprised again with another person I didn’t imagine existed. Me and my bf are both really excited to spill on our entire day to each other at the end of the day but we both realized that we have a more romantic time when we hold back and only hide a little at a time and wait to be asked more. We’re so similar though and have a very uniquely amazing g relationship. We’re so on point that we get excited when we have an argument because we’re like “phew, we’re normal!”
@AZ-su1zg “Once I figured these things…….” 🌷So happy for you sweetie! I too, have a new love in my life, after almost 20 years! I’m 71, but I refuse to give up on life, fun, even a future. I know I have way more behind me, than ahead of me, but I want it to be good! This guy & I are learning how to be together … and luvin it! Ups & downs like the gyro on a plane but we change direction to one that suits us both. If we ‘have words’ … making up is so much fun lol. Hugs
@@robinr.9007 Could you communicate well from start, or learning that too? Is one of you better at something and can teach the other? Are yoiu both willing to learn? does he want to learn from you if you have worked on and know/can more than he? It's difficult when men are lazy, want to go trial end error instead of efficient and stimulating...It is unknown that women become women from beiung treated as such, f ex getti ng to feel beautiful, attractive, wanted.In Sweden, we don't get brought up learning that, it is strange that we have a reputation of sexual freedom. For what is sexual activity without soul, style, courtesy, wisdom, eroticism? As to you having more behind you: what if what you have before you is of higher quality and thus really...more? And - we are created to live to 120. I even read 140. That takes very well use of body, energy, mind and spirit though. I am still wanting to get married at 60, but want to get out of mistreatment stopping me from healing. bUt many people live in love despite ill health, I have waited for me to heal first in vain.LAthough it depends on what and how it is. - All the best!
I'll never stay with a guy who won't pay for dinner. And it's not because I'm a good digger. I want a man who is a gentleman, generous, financially secure, and know where his financial limits are. I don't want him to invite me to a restaurant that he wouldn't be able to afford unless we split the bill. That indicates poor financial skills and even if he's a lawyer that makes tons of money, he'll spend himself into the poor house. And i won't go down with him like that.
I think you guys make it too compliated. It is really not that complicated it is about harmony connection and chemistry. Dont force it when it s not there
Women don't want men to do things for them. Because for some men it means that she owes him something. Some do fake gestures. I'd appreciate emotional support / connection (rare).
Ummm, then you just need a really good female friend bc men’s brains are not wired like females & never ever can be👉at a man’s root/core they’re mostly logical thinking & problem solvers👉and men fall in love when they experience/feel like they’re problem solving w their mate👉they’re family backgrounds are also important bc they can’t/won’t give what they never had (w mom/dad)👉Unfortunate there are sooo many out here w mommy/daddy issues which will ruin every kind of relationship they’ll ever have 👉For example, a man I experienced (early 50’s) came from a divorced family unit at the age of 9. He has a biological older sister & a younger sister & lived w mom & sisters where dad went on & married the affair woman who also had kids (a son)👉Bio mom ruined him sexually in the attempt of keeping possible incest instincts at bay, basically making him the other husband, man of the house while she was away working long hours as a nurse then out drinking in the bars having numerous encounters w other men, marrying then divorcing (having house parties where he & his older sis would drink alcohol left over from the party, once being drunk & falling & severely injuring his head & mom wouldn’t take him to the emergency bc of being a nurse & a still drunk one at that👉has left him emotionally stunted for life where he yearns for the newness but prefers to be alone (like the teen boy growing up, locking his door to his sisters), prefers sex w women he don’t love & emotionally & physically starves the women he loves (Madonna/whore complex) & certainly enjoys playing mind games like the only male sibling would having 2 sisters👉even talked him into not having a relationship w a woman he got pregnant so not parenting a child he had part in making & made him not trust any woman but her👉very sad really😢
I'm 73, a woman, don't need a man stanking up my home, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom, and kept telling me that he may have to apply for low-income housing, thinking that I would invite him to move into my condo, that I paid for, by myself...... a narcissist, already has been married 3 times......asked if I would change my last name to his FUCK NO.....told him to "Go Home"....the end......
My current SO, who is a really good man, tells me that he needs to miss me and so I give him his space. What he, and I suspect many other men, don't understand is that if you make your woman get used to being happy without you... She may well just decide to be that. Flexing the "I can be without you in my life" muscle might not go as he'd like. JS
Your comment has the feel to it, that you retreat in rejection and try to shield yourself from that rejection. It's normal to have alone time in most any relationship. Clinging to someone else is not healthy. You need to be completely fine in your own skin and with yourself in order to appreciate him expressing his needs for some alone time and being happy to enjoy yourself during it, without offense.
I actually like when l can spend some days alone every now and then, that's when I can fully relax and not think about anyone else's expectations. Maybe a LDR would be the best for me 😃
@@Katrn30 Did I struck a nerve in you? Did you copy/paste your own needs in here? I'm not unfair at all. I'm giving kind advice. But what's with this 'trend' to have a significant other and not even get married before sharing the bed? Do you know (about) the clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson? He's got some interesting insights in the matter. Seems the sexual revolution didn't bring most women what they actually need and want. There are more in the field, that have come to this conclusion. It's on RUclips as well. I think it's about time we rethink the 'strategies' forced down our throats for the last 50 years or so.
😢Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you had a long loving love. Prayers for your life, and watch out for users and opportunist even in your own family. Be aware that not all people who say they are looking out for you really are. Widow after being married for 33 1/2 years.🎉
The way you set up your videos, Hirth - is absolutely easy go to, light & fun. I learn every time & the easy 1, 2, 3 steps help me remember things. Love your wonderful humor & positivity. Cheering you on. God's richest blessings.
I always said, he would have to knock on my door and he did. It was ok till my daughter's died and he kept saying "It's just drama" he was not available to me. 😢 Fully recovered from the end of us...😂
Are there ever videos on what men should do to get or keep women? Not just on this channel but in general. All I ever see is videos about how women can get a man. It just seems like there’s a subliminal message that women should be desperate for men/men are the prize. Rarely see anything that make it seem like women are something men should work to get.
I’m getting divorced from a 16 year marriage. My husband is a decent person, good citizen. If you want to be a decent person and good citizen And keep your wife. Get the fuck over your child trauma. Search for a good therapist that is trained to help MEN Be masculine and tender. If you can’t figure that out, I can send you many many links to great male role models Watch them. Don’t bang on the first date Don’t obsess - that’s trauma attachment not real interest Make her orgasim before you, - I’m not being weird, women bond through the hormones released from orgasm. Make decisions Make plans Communicate Don’t be her yes man If she has a vice Don’t give into it Expect things from your women that she can give And say thank you when she gives those things to you Be honest if she hurts your feelings or emasculates you. And understand maybe she thinks it’s ok because of the modern world My husband had issues Resulting in him (all his siblings as well) to be narcissists I didn’t know what that was as a young wife and mother And I spent 16 years thinking Just one more - fill in the blank, job, move, promotion, chore getting done, dollar in the bank Would make that fucker happy. But narcs don’t know happiness. They are broken people who use narcissism as their shield. Sadly it negatively effects everybody around them. Learn about your own emotions so you don’t get yours manipulated and you don’t manipulate others. We’re broken people and sometimes we learn too late our mistakes. Reach your potential Don’t be afraid to fail Failure is ok to a loving wife Not trying is a way to lose respect from your wife. Most woman happily Serve their masculine husband, as long as he remembers why he is a man in the first place. My husband cared more about providing Than he did about the family he provided for. Don’t be that asshole. Establish yourself and what makes you live, you have a decent grip on that, a woman will see it. Women are strong in so many ways, but we are complete with a strong man. Strong mind and body, and a grateful heart and soul. Embrace the monster you can be, don’t run from it, because it will find you.
There is a whole culture of men who listen to videos about how to manipulate women to get sex. Men do not love women, the only thing they do is use women for sex and to bolster their egos. They want young and good looking women to impress other men. Again, men do not love women. Stop trying.
Actually there are alot. They may just not come to you but I've seen many. Alot of men don't feel like they can get a woman. In the magazines yes you're right. On u tube though it is different. More are available saying women but then there's alot of bad advice too. Lol
During this video i realised my partner and I still have playful banter after 7 years, quite a bit of silly playful communication and flirting goes on, we make each other laugh. We still are very much physically attracted to each other and I wonder if this has helped that?
My husband and I do the same. I really believe this is more important than sex. During my darkest period with post partum depression we didn't have that intimacy for a year to year and a half. I really think the playful banter is what kept us going till my depression cleared. Doing great this year. ❤
Went on a date from app couple months ago, he seemed into me and said would you like second date i agreed ( Didn't fancy him) but he was nice to talk to, we swapped no's and few hours later he txt he had changed his mind lol
@@andersnielsen6044 Maybe, he kept touching me when he was talking, sat nearly on top of me and then kissed me on the lips( which i wasn't expecting) a wet sloppy one, so i thought that was a bit cheeky when i had not been giving him any signals i liked him that way.
When on earth did dating get so complicated. A guy likes a girl, and vice versa and just goes for it, and they are commited to each other. I would rather stay single, and yes, with my cats 😉🤣 than bother with all this malarky... wishing anyone who reads this the best 👍
This guy is doing what most men are guilty of. Lying to women, by telling women what they want to hear, for personal benefit(in his case it's financial benefit). Among men, it's called selling her a dream. If any person gives you advice on men, and it doesn't cause you emotional discomfort, then that person is busy lying and manipulating. The same goes for men in dating and relationships. If a man is trying to sell you a dream, his main focus will be on manipulating how you feel and what you think, to gain positive outcomes for himself (typically long term sexual access)...and this requires dishonesty in all it's forms. True honesty by a man, requires him focusing on expressing what he truly feels and thinks, regardless of how the truth makes her feel...and typically he's labeled an ashole by women he interacts with, but comes to respect him later on. Truth causes emotional discomfort more often than not...whereas lies cause are comforting more often than not. When you are being sold a dream by a man, the things he says and does will feel very comforting, by design.
Excellent advice, Brian/ Geert. Thank you for explaining the 'dopamine effect'. (And referencing Helen Fisher). Everything you have said is 'spot on'. I used to chase my guy - then I became 'independent'. Now he wants to be with me the whole time ! Incredible. He does so much for me, it's heart-melting. Grooms my dog,puts up bookshelves,paints the house, completely transforms my garden!!! And, yes, I am deeply appreciative of everything he does. We are always playful and loving. I NEVER nag or demand anything. It's all about FUN and emotional connection. The art of loving xx He also values and appreciates me, as I do a lot for him in return. Quid pro quo. Great video! Doing thoughtful loving things for each other is the greatest 'high' ever!
Good advice. I'd say to keep your own life, friends, interests, and enjoy his company and the differences he brings into your life. That sexual interest brings a lot of zing into your life, but you don't need it to become your whole life. No games, just enjoy and appreciate his company.
07:32 as someone who loooves to give, the takes before and after this one a great but this specifically isn’t doing it for me… what about taking over some of the acts of service she’d do. “Oh honey you want to wash the dishes as always? Well… too bad… I already did ‘em!” “Thanks for getting me beer! I got you your favourite chocolate :)” “I planned a date for us this weekend!” If only there were more proactive people instead of people who become used to receiving and don’t make efforts to give, or even think they _deserve_ to only receive.
I wore lingerie for my husband; he called me a whore and shouted obscenities at me. Your tips only work on a stable, healthy man. Please add disclaimers next time that say this, it’s so very important
Here's a question for you, Brian. I know of a woman who is difficult, especially around her man, who doesn't live with her. Whenever she acts up (which is practically every other week), he feigns leaving her forever by walking out on her. Yet the next day, he changes his mind and returns. This has been an ongoing pattern in their relationship. For what does he return? The only reason that I can come up with is that the sex is good. What do you think?
Most likely it comes down to practicality and the fact that he is afraid(not willing to) of the consequenses a break up would cost him, not moneywise but also status, identity etc.. Bottomline is - that he is a very weak human being, that need to grow up and face reality. You do NOT walk out on anyone who you love - that is not love. He comes back because he is so insecure of himself, that he need someone to cook his meal, do his laundering, do the grocerytrips and to do the house cleaning. He does NOT come back for sex. ;)
He leaves because her behavior irritates him. Once he's had some peace on his own, he can see the good parts of her and their relationship, and what he has invested in it. He also may have been single for a long time otherwise, some people are harder to partner than others. He may not be trauma bonded (though he may of course, we don't know;) he may simply have recognized that no one is perfect, including both him and the gf. And accepted that he'd rather be with her than without her, even with her acting up. He may recognize that her acting up is also the stuff of not being well-loved when young for her. It would be an interesting conversation with him if he is aware enough to know his motives; but probably too intrusive too.
There are many gas lighters out here. She is probably crafty enough to make him think that no one would love him as well as her, or put up with 'him' the way she does either. I know a mind gamer like that. It's narcissistic evil, is what it is and people fall for it.
Interesting and fun. And not so darn serious. Enjoyed the lightness of this video. Very good examples. Perfect speed and diction, so easy to understand. Thank you ! 😊
An 80 year old man told me "the secret" of men. "Basically" he said "men are like a different form of a child, they would always need something, even if they claim not to. You have to keep them occupied." The difficulty is they can make adult decisions. But once you keep them happy and the play going, set rules, be motherly...you will have a great relationship
@@deniseatthelake not really lmao it sounds insanely easy and simple to do. she didnt say men ARE a child/children. she said they're a different form of what one may be. and that they can make adult decisions. keep the "how exhausting attitude" and you will continue to treat partners that way and have dating difficulty.
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hearing from you, okay?
smart good suggestions, I appreciate the real science, even lightly given behind it. We women tend to give reality in return as our signalling interest received and accepted --meaning how we really feel and open to receiving how he reallllly feels. There is where the crossed wires come in often, a man seeing that as neediness, or pushing (this other than what you described, which was spot on, by the way) , when she is opening for real echange and relationship, giving respect. A thought to add a video on, perhaps ; )
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you, okay?
I would just like to share that the showing appreciation is powerful and wht can make it even more powerful is appreciating the love and energy a man puts in. Let me explain, I once had a man who I had asked for him for something. I can't remember what it was. He tried very hard to get whatever it was for me, but couldn't. He apologised to me and said he'd failed. Failure is a big thing for men. I told him while the desired outcome or result, wasn't achieved, he hadn't failed. Often in life we don't always get what we want or a desired result however, I explained to this man that while the result hadn't been achieved he hadn't failed because what was important was his love and caring and the energy he put into achieving the result. Whether an outcome or result is achieved or not, really isn't as important at recognising that love and energy put into achieving the goal or result. That doesn't change whether the result is acheived or not. If woman can appreciate the love, time and energy he put into trying to make it happen, even if through no fault of his own, he is still left feeling a success. Because the success is caring and love he displayed and this counteracts any feelings of failure, because he hasn't failed, his reason for doing it in the first place was to show love.
@@kellyaustin7911In my experience, the average man doesn’t know what appreciation looks like. They also think bitchy demanding women are showing appreciation because “they say exactly what they want.” In the end, it’s laziness in men and then they complain about women being bitchy. Yeah, if they’re hanging out with the wrong kind of woman that views them as an ATM.
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you, okay?
I don't chase anymore. I'm done with that. I chased, and chased, and chased. It got me nothing but heartache. I've no time for these kinds of bullshit games. You either like me or you don't. You either want me or you don't. Chase ME, or get lost.
Well, I am not quiet sure, if I got everything quiet right, probably I have to rewatch it, but I like the examples! Would like more of them. Are they in the books? Having an idea of a conversation makes it more imaginable.
If a man I liked flirted with me, or asked me out, Id be pleased. Id flirt back/ say yes. To me, 'chasing' implies a kind of slightly obsessive relentlessless, regardless of whether the person being chased has shown any interest in the chaser. Instant red flag.
I'm touched by the authentic and profound nature of this content. A book with parallel subjects altered my life's trajectory. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
I'm in my 60s and my husband was in his 70s.
I always flirted with my husband, joked with my husband. When he smiled my whole world lit up.
Getting caught and then chasing was more than fun.
Missing my guy. Sudden Cancer in Nov 22. Two months and gone.
Sorry for your loss.🙏
I know it must be hard. My condolences. Sounds like you had a great relationship.
@@mojo4293 Big smile. Not only that, but he was a beautiful dancer.
I was extremely blessed!
Teach play and laughter.
Thank you for your condolences.
I'm sorry you lost your husband. Hugs
I'm sorry for your loss, but so pleased you had such a great love ❤
When my boyfriend moved to another state for a year, I helped him pack.
I had a pocket full of pieces of paper that I had written ...."I love you, Mr. W." on.
I stuck these notes in books, and boxes, and this and that as the day went on when he was distracted.
We married when he returned.
Even today, he finds one of these notes in his belongings and brings it to me with a smile...."guess what I found today!"
Cute
Amazing idea😊👍
I did that once to an ex boyfriend. I left an I love you note inside his lunchbox and never acknowledged it. I don’t even know if he ever saw it😅 I never asked … maybe I did it to wrong person .. but very cute your experience.. great job 👏
@@lilianrodriguez8312 yesss girl u did it to the wrong person is all, I made a cute card for a guy and he mocked me, wrong guy, right heart ❤ don't stop being so giving like that, it's cute and sweet and the right one will love it ❤
....then why are you here?
I feel very cherished and appreciated by the man I'm currently dating and believe me, he's the first real man and I tell him that. 😍😍😍 He makes so much effort because I don't initiate most of the contact. I'm loving being pursued and romanced for the first time in my life. Until now I SETTLED for crumbs when I was insecure and afraid to be alone. Self love is the key ladies 🔐🔓 I worked on my emotional wounds mostly from childhood and feel so much self love and joy, it attracted him to my life. 💖💖💖
❤❤❤
thanks for sharing
Update us when it all goes to 💩
These things would only work on EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE AND HEALTHY MEN. You won't find this in these modern day men.
There are emotionally available and healthy minded men out there.
A lot of men do chase after those feelings. They just don't really care who is creating them. They don't want you, they want the high.
@@catche85 Not my experience with them. 😊
Exactly, once they “have” you, suddenly they flee
Hey we exist! :)
“Can’t chase after someone when they’re chasing after you.” WHEW!!!! I bought your book too. You are the best I’ve seen!
shapely butt, shapely breasts, speaks infrequently, and is grateful. Women - these 4 traits alone will catch Prince Charming.
I feel the same way! He's the best!🥳
@@garybusey7625 Let me guess. In this situation, you're the prince charming?🤣
@@roma15131 😉
@@garybusey7625 No, that'll attract a man who just wants to fuck you. Not Prince Charming.
men also need to appreciate what women do for them and if they don’t do it that will kill little by little the attraction and love that women have for them
Agree, my late husband was not good at showing his appreciation of the things I did. It did affect my feelings a bit...wish now I was more outspoken and told him there and then.
I used to take my husband's meals to him in living room so he could watch TV.. there were some times I'd leave everything on the stove/oven for him to get it for himself if I felt under appreciated.. not often but he stopped saying or doing things to upset me.. I told him my doing that was a courtesy I didn't have to do.. I loved cooking for him though. He passed away 10 years ago and I still miss our little rituals. He was a great man . He got sick and literally died in my arms 6 days later. I believe he is in Heaven having a wonderful time.
Him appreciating things, and her feeling appreciated are two different things.
An example is cats that bring dead animals into a house. Why? This is behavior is induced by the love cats feel for their owners, it's their natural honest expression. In it's mind it's sharing it's food and feeding you. The cat has a diffent way of expressing appreciation because the cat is not the same as the owner. The owner doesn't understand and is annoyed and feel unappreciated, ironically by the cat's attempt at showing appreciation.
You can train your cat to do other behaviors you prefer, but those would be fake dishonest behaviors that are not naturally induced.
E.g. if you are stabbed, the natural honest expression of what you are feeling would be to cry out in pain, but if you forced yourself to laugh like you are being tickled that would be a fake dishonest expression.
The biggest destroyer of relationships is not understanding that men and women are not the same. Men are naturally induced to show appreciation differently then women. When we feel appreciation for a women it induces the following:
1. we become almost happy to die to protect her (this is the ultimate sacrifice)
2. we become more motivated and happy to provide for her (e.g. he'll grind himself to the bone at work, be more ambitious, etc)
In other words, like the cat bringing strange things home, men show appreciation differently than women by providing security and provisioning (this is the natural honest expression), some women dont understand men are not women and are instead annoyed by this honest induced behavior.
Some DO understand, probably by growing up observing a healthy dynamic between both parents, and these women do feel appreciated and appreciation in return, like a feedback loop.
most of the time, when a man doesnt view to girls as the future mother of his children, will be mainly focused on manipulating a female's feelings to his advantage, by figuring out what she wants to hear and dishonestly saying whatever makes her feel good (e.g. appreciated), and the same with behaviors. The aim is to manipulate via dishonesty, instead of honest expressions of what he truly feels and thinks. Whereas a man who honestly expresses what he truly feels and thinks will typically be labeled an ashole, instead of being focused on manipulating what the partner feels for positive outcomes for himself (sex) etc.
It's called selling her a dream, and men do this purely for long term sexual access. And women who've encountered this too often become ruined by it, because they will come to expect being lied to and manipulated for short term dopamine, in exchange for sex.
What you are asking for, is to be sold a dream (to be lied to and manipulated). If your man is honest in his expression of appreciation, it will take the shape of trying to provide more security and provisioning, with less complaint by him. (He'll grind harder and talk about work less).
@@tylerdurden3722 you have a good point. But also to let someone know you appreciate the effort, it can help a lot to simply say "thank you" (goes for both men and women). Both parts should make an effort ans work (around the same amount) in the relationship, but the type of effort dont have to be exactly the same
@@tylerdurden3722thank you so much. I really needed to understand this
Married 43 years this year. We have faced some hard times, but always standing together. We still love to spend time together, but also have our own projects going on. We laugh and act like teenagers sometimes much to the embarrassment of our grown children. Love is work and lots of fun times, too. And kiss your man more, grab him, hug him. Laugh at his dad jokes. Lift him up. And enjoy when he does the same. ❤❤❤
Such good advice! Hope I get the chance again!
How did u get over the infidelity I can't get over it
My late husband and I flirted throughout the day every day,
The last year was as fresh as the first ❤
One of the lucky couples.❤
You complete yourself, nobody completes you. They just add value or not to your life.
I say that if a man doesn't pursue you, he's not interested. Move on.
So true
maybe hes just shy
My husband took the train 800 km to me
Exaclty. If he really likes you, he will pursue no matter what.
What if he pursued me for the first few months and then he cruelly changed his mind because he discovered I wasn't perfect!
STOP!!! If you have to do all this and keep doing it, that is not realistic. First, just find a decent person, not someone you want to change. Let them have their own hobbies. Friends, etc. If a man hates to come home because of drama, criticism, etc, you've lost him already. If he loves to come home because it's his safe place, he'll never leave. I am very old fashioned. I love the comfort of marriage, how we both have our roles. Romance is not just about sex. Because we are older and have physical limitations that have made sex very infrequent, we still have romance. A glance across the room, finishing each others sentences, just being together. I don't believe opposites attract, if you can find the male/female version of yourself, you'll never have to play silly games or have to pretend you're something you're not. Dont keep score, and don't cross boundaries.
Amen!🙏🏼
Everybody is different, every marriage is different.
Thank you for this great advice.
I believe what you said, whole-heartedly. Which is precisely why I have been single most of my life. It is hard to find a non-game-playing anyone. Or, at least someone who isn't so broken they can't function on a normal level anymore. I read that book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and was so annoyed at the waste of time, because, all that guy's advice would not work with any couple I had ever met up to that point, or any guy I had ever tried to get to know in that sort of way. And, then I realized "Oh! He's talking about normal people, like people the way they should be." But, I did have a guy friend when I was younger that was quite a bit like me in the way he thought, and he would go off and do his own thing sometimes, and I wouldn't wait for him but be doing mine. He'd come back or, if I went away intead, I would come back and we'd pick up where we left off or start doing other, new things together. If life had worked out better, we would almost certainly have married. Unfortunately, due to circumtances beyond our control he was removed from my life before I was even 18. The advice in that book would have worked with him but with him I wouldn't have needed that advice. He would have just told me how he was feeling.
Our 48 year marriage speaks to the truth of your comment. Blessings...
I've told people in the past that Love has to only grow stronger the more time you spend with someone. It wouldn't make sense for it to go away unless you never really liked the person to begin with. The more memories shared, the more attached someone should be naturally.
You either get along or you don’t, things will naturally flow if they’re meant to.
It’s peoples mind games that get in the way and complicate things.
Be natural!
You must naturally play the game. Doing things right and in the right timing is an art. It's not really games if your intentions are in the right place. It's showing them what you can bring to the table that is not a game. That's your game in a way but if you're a good player then they might enjoy your game. Lol enjoy life and enjoy them. That's something you can't fake for long
@@Ericatrue1974 Yes precisely!
If people’s minds are in the right frame to play the ebb and flow dance in an authentic way, it can be fun!
Sadly with the sheer amount of relationships and marriages that fail, many people are not being authentic, they play the game to grasp onto, dominate or manipulate the other.
@@judyb1643 Neither of the two games are sustainable.
The main obstacle to long term success is dopamine addiction.
When an experience feels fun, what you are actually experiencing is dopamine released into your blood interacting with hormone receptors. Low dopamine and withdrawal is experienced as boredom.
These hormone receptors can become desensitized to dopamine, meaning more dopamine than normal is needed just to feel normal, and not bored.
A lot of women are dopamine addicts chasing more and more dopamine, becoming more and more desensitized, to the point where a fulfilling healthy relationship is experienced as boredom.
Some relationships are like fireworks, fun and exciting, but shortlived and not sustainable.
Some relationships are like a fireplace...warm and fuzzy feelings of fulfilment that's long lasting.
It's hard to appreciate the soothing feelings of a fireplace while suffering dopamine withdrawals like a crackhead. And it's hard to keep the fireplace going when fireworks are tossed into the fire for some dopamine release.
It's easy make relationship work, find someone who is not easily bored (who isn't a dopamine addict and chaser), and don't be someone who is easily bored in return (a dopamine addict)...and then you'll be able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, warm fuzzy feelings in a relationship.
My boyfriend and I decided to went out for dinner the day before he's going back to the u.k. and after meal he asked me if I pay half of our dinner and after that I always bring my pocket money in case. It's kinda like discouraging. I just couldn't believe it. Ha ha 😊 . We're all unique..I guess?🤗
I’m now 62 with some marriages under my belt. Took me ages to figure out that I am not suited to it and don’t like it. I wish that I had this knowledge years ago, would have saved some good men from being hurt. I don’t like being a wife or these days even a girlfriend. But I am suited to being a mother, it the best thing that ever happened in my life. So that and my doggies are enough for me now. I am happy, no drama in my life, just lots of love. I am very lucky. PS am still great friends with my last husband and when we talk on the phone we still say I love you, just in a different way now. He is a great friend, we weren’t friends when we were married. That was the problem.
Omg, I’m so sorry to hear how your relationship goes, how such a beautiful woman like you be treated this way, that’s so bad, you’re such a beautiful woman, you don’t even look 64 years old, you look so younger than your age, hope I can hear from you soon?
Hi Karen, I'm the same!
Realized it after my second relationship ended in my late 20s.
I don't like being a live-in gf, certainly showed me I'm not suited to being a wife.
I didn't want motherhood either, I knew that even earlier than that. It's a good thing to know yourself, better late than never. Enjoy life + yr doggies.
I am relating to this.
@@truerosie At least you realised it sooner than I did so good on you. Some of us just are not suited to living with a partner, and that goes for males too. I love NOT having someone, not having to ring if a girlfriend asks me to stay for dinner and then you have to ring them and they carry on like you’re abandoning them. I decided that I would only be answerable to and for my son. Once I did that, life was wonderful. He is the love of my life but I fully respect your decision to not have children. My best wishes to you from Australia ❤️
@@pricewood1284 Gross! she said she doesn't want marriage or even to be a girlfriend. What's wrong with you that you chase after women who don't want men?
I was 13 years younger than my ex-husband. We had been going through a dull period in our marriage, so I dressed up, wearing sexy lingerie, drove 17 miles to his office to spice things up. (it was his private, stand-alone office, not in a building where others worked) I waited while he was on his business call, I waited, & waited and then I drove home. That was the moment I knew I would divorce him. I didn't realize it then but he always put work ahead of his marriage and family.
Yeah, that's too bad. I married and divorced two workaholics. No wonder I have trust issues!
ouch
He was waiting for you to interrupt and seduce him.
God bless you❤
@@LisaGeminigod bless you❤
Geez, men are like children...also neurotransmitters, are way more complex than your description...I think I am gonna get me a puppy instead
Men are kids - women are... puppies..
Yes! Anything is better than one of these modern, brainwashed men.
Lol
Get the puppy. You're not ready yet for a healthy relationship.
Get the puppy. You will have a healthy relationship.
I'm attracted to women who don't act like dog show judges. Who are nice to everyone. Someone who all my aunt's and uncles will enjoy at a party because they are lovely. And my friends will get excited when they know we are coming by because we are good company. No B.S. Also not having to barter or trade for love. That's a red flag . Basically her loving me because she wants too. It's her choice. Her decision. And I didn't have to do jack S* for it. The loves not real or it's shallow if you have to do things to get affection from another individual. They're capacity is low like an empty tank of gas. C'mon people. Instead of looking on the outside for your source of happiness and coming from a lack mindset of scarcity . Know that you are enough and find someone else who knows that too in every fiber of their being. I feel sorry for people who slave for love because love is a giving characteristic. A fullness quality.
Love your comment! 🙂
Well said💯💯💯
Never understood or liked the idea of game playing…feels like it’s manipulation and dishonest.
@@ginasmitasin479
ME too🙌👌
@@ginasmitasin479 EXACTLY!!! I feel like I'm with stupid when I have to pull her strings to get something's
literallyyy the guy i was involved with a while ago. Im a bit frustrated he isn't where I'd like him to be because I'm ready and he isn't, but im just moving forward cuz there isn't anything else left for me to do. I was clear and receptive, but i'm not desperate. It's a shame he's like this because it wouldn't stop me from loving and accepting him - we had a really strong connection going. But oh well
Currently in this stage
Many years ago I surprised my husband with lingerie under my work clothes when we were at a family thing. His response was "where did you get the money?" Needless to say, there was no sex that night.
🤣 Chile...
What a buzz kill!
I'm so sorry
Such jerks exist. They are clueless
What a jerk.
I'm 75, was married for 42 years til death did we part and had three beautiful inside and out daughters, one died from Covid19 at age 41 in 2020 plus losing my two beautiful cats just months before! Thankfully, we have her beautiful 25 year old daughter, a real blessing! One of two sweet granddaughters. Post menopause~ what do you think menopause means? A pause from men! The only thing that might get me going again late in life with my wee bit of Scottish ancestry is a man with a Scottish accent, so watch out! LOL ♥
Loving and being loved ...Seems like it "should be" more simple than this. But life in today's world is not very simple.
Isn’t that the truth!!!
Bingo!
Chasing is highly overrated. Most are chasing a dopamine hit. Yet so many dating coaches talk about "how to get him to chase you" and women make fools of themselves playing games with sexy lingerie and tricks. Lots of singles at midlife (40s until retirement) have been burned by divorce and other wounds and don't even have a clue what they want. Thanks so much for your wisdom, Brian. It's realistic common sense. HUGS!
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you, okay? 0:02 0:02
I would say the most effective tip is to just not care too much ! The average man is just not built for it
Men need recognition & encouragement for their efforts . The more efforts they put in a relationship , the harder for them to get out of it . Somehow women just don't know that .
Women also need recognition & encouragement. Somehow men just don't know that.
Yes, well, ditto! I have known a lot of men who had nothing but criticism for their wife because the women they had left at home with the children all night, while they were trying to get in my pants, just didn't appreciate the way they worked hard for 8 hours a day to provide for her children (who they were the biological father of) and the way she got to be home with them every day, not working. Never noticing that there were groceries in the house, laundry done, the house was clean and so were THEIR children, etc. They really and truly thought their wives did nothing hard all day and had no right to complain when the man tromped in mud all over the man's clean floor in the house he paid for and found her thoroughly ungrateful for the 8 hours of work he did before he went off to go play with his friends, leaving her after her 12 hour shift to do another 12 hours of work alone. And, then there were the women that were also running an at-home business or working a full time job when the kids were in school, who had to take time off work to go to the school to meet teachers and all, who were still told that they did nothing for their husband, on top of doing all the housework, shopping, yard work and whatever house repairs they could manage and were still being told they did nothing for their husband and were purely selfish and lazy. So, absolutely, 100% DITTO. Women who do things for their family which is still most of them, need recognition and encouragement for their efforts. The more effort they put in a relationhip the harder for them to get out of it. Somehow, men just don't know that.
Except, in both cases, often at least one or the other, in most relationships, do. It's a problem that there is often only the one person in the relationship that does.
Women need the same. We aren't robots, this is why women end relationships.
@@just_breatheyeah, i had a guy argue with me about this same exact thing. he insisted “but men need it more!”
how could that even be proven?
everyone is on their own level. some men/women feel desperately needy. others don’t give a flying F.
........ Dog training, sounds similiar to this. And for all the effort put into it, seems less exhausting than this. I used to do all of this, & after a while, the men just aren't worth all of this. My dog is more interesting. Good luck with that.
I agree whole heartedly! Leave these men alone to themselves because your dog is actually appreciative of your company and all you do for it. Men only take you for granted, are attracted to you only when you show no emotions and/or you have to play the constant head games. No way. 👎🏻
@@irinaivanovic9792 I just want to be me, & accepted for who & what I am. Not having to keep learning all these techniques that go nowhere after all is said & done. Whatever happened to men doing things to woo a woman their way? I'm literally surrounded by an entire two generations of men that are quite lazy. They need to put more work into it. I'm tired. And getting too old to tapdance my entire life through a relationship. We either click, or we don't, I guess. I don't want to remain single for the rest of my life. But I need a man, not another hobby.
It's always us women catering to them, pleasing them, keeping them happy while they like and friend lots of other women. They say it's nothing but they don't like or friend the ugly ones. Hmmm
😂
SOOO true! This is the reason why so many women get divorced after kids - the ‘husband’ is in fact the oldest child. Instead of being a coparent, he ADDS to the woman’s labour and responsibilities. I’ve lost count of the number of women who told me that their workload actually lessened instead of increasing post-divorce: their ex-husbands were a mountain load of work in and by themselves
Once I figured these things out dating and courting became so much more fun! Rejection when it happened was so much easier to handle even if my heart was broken. Because I always knew there would be more instances to create chemistry with people and that I’d be surprised again with another person I didn’t imagine existed.
Me and my bf are both really excited to spill on our entire day to each other at the end of the day but we both realized that we have a more romantic time when we hold back and only hide a little at a time and wait to be asked more. We’re so similar though and have a very uniquely amazing g relationship. We’re so on point that we get excited when we have an argument because we’re like “phew, we’re normal!”
Couple goalssss 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
@AZ-su1zg
“Once I figured these things…….”
🌷So happy for you sweetie! I too, have a new love in my life, after almost 20 years! I’m 71, but I refuse to give up on life, fun, even a future. I know I have way more behind me, than ahead of me, but I want it to be good! This guy & I are learning how to be together … and luvin it! Ups & downs like the gyro on a plane but we change direction to one that suits us both. If we ‘have words’ … making up is so much fun lol. Hugs
❤
@@robinr.9007 Could you communicate well from start, or learning that too? Is one of you better at something and can teach the other? Are yoiu both willing to learn? does he want to learn from you if you have worked on and know/can more than he? It's difficult when men are lazy, want to go trial end error instead of efficient and stimulating...It is unknown that women become women from beiung treated as such, f ex getti ng to feel beautiful, attractive, wanted.In Sweden, we don't get brought up learning that, it is strange that we have a reputation of sexual freedom. For what is sexual activity without soul, style, courtesy, wisdom, eroticism?
As to you having more behind you: what if what you have before you is of higher quality and thus really...more? And - we are created to live to 120. I even read 140. That takes very well use of body, energy, mind and spirit though. I am still wanting to get married at 60, but want to get out of mistreatment stopping me from healing. bUt many people live in love despite ill health, I have waited for me to heal first in vain.LAthough it depends on what and how it is. - All the best!
@@robinr.9007 good for you !!!! Long may ur good life continue.. sending u positive, happy, future energy TC 😊
I'll never stay with a guy who won't pay for dinner. And it's not because I'm a good digger. I want a man who is a gentleman, generous, financially secure, and know where his financial limits are. I don't want him to invite me to a restaurant that he wouldn't be able to afford unless we split the bill. That indicates poor financial skills and even if he's a lawyer that makes tons of money, he'll spend himself into the poor house. And i won't go down with him like that.
👍🏻agree!!
Actually dated the like. It was me shelling out EVERY time😢😂 even for his vices 🤦♀️🤦♀️ lost any respect and i fled so fast
Well, good luck, no wonder you're single. Also there are countries like Spain, Germany and Netherlands where split bills is a norm.
I think you guys make it too compliated.
It is really not that complicated it is about harmony connection and chemistry. Dont force it when it s not there
This is excellent! I'm naturally playful and would love to use these. Thank you for not promoting games. God bless you 😊
Based on my personal experience, this is BRILLIANT advice! Thank you Brian! 👏👍🙋♀️🥰‼️
Women don't want men to do things for them. Because for some men it means that she owes him something. Some do fake gestures. I'd appreciate emotional support / connection (rare).
Wrong. Men do not want women to do things for us - we expect it!
Exactly this
Ummm, then you just need a really good female friend bc men’s brains are not wired like females & never ever can be👉at a man’s root/core they’re mostly logical thinking & problem solvers👉and men fall in love when they experience/feel like they’re problem solving w their mate👉they’re family backgrounds are also important bc they can’t/won’t give what they never had (w mom/dad)👉Unfortunate there are sooo many out here w mommy/daddy issues which will ruin every kind of relationship they’ll ever have 👉For example, a man I experienced (early 50’s) came from a divorced family unit at the age of 9. He has a biological older sister & a younger sister & lived w mom & sisters where dad went on & married the affair woman who also had kids (a son)👉Bio mom ruined him sexually in the attempt of keeping possible incest instincts at bay, basically making him the other husband, man of the house while she was away working long hours as a nurse then out drinking in the bars having numerous encounters w other men, marrying then divorcing (having house parties where he & his older sis would drink alcohol left over from the party, once being drunk & falling & severely injuring his head & mom wouldn’t take him to the emergency bc of being a nurse & a still drunk one at that👉has left him emotionally stunted for life where he yearns for the newness but prefers to be alone (like the teen boy growing up, locking his door to his sisters), prefers sex w women he don’t love & emotionally & physically starves the women he loves (Madonna/whore complex) & certainly enjoys playing mind games like the only male sibling would having 2 sisters👉even talked him into not having a relationship w a woman he got pregnant so not parenting a child he had part in making & made him not trust any woman but her👉very sad really😢
No, you just think you owe him.
I'm 73, a woman, don't need a man stanking up my home, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom, and kept telling me that he may have to apply for low-income housing, thinking that I would invite him to move into my condo, that I paid for, by myself......
a narcissist, already has been married 3 times......asked if I would change my last name to his FUCK NO.....told him to "Go Home"....the end......
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
queen
Prince 😂
Yo it sounds like a rap 😅😅
kinda sad you dont have one and are traumatized because they banged you and left you when you were younger
My current SO, who is a really good man, tells me that he needs to miss me and so I give him his space. What he, and I suspect many other men, don't understand is that if you make your woman get used to being happy without you... She may well just decide to be that. Flexing the "I can be without you in my life" muscle might not go as he'd like. JS
Your comment has the feel to it, that you retreat in rejection and try to shield yourself from that rejection. It's normal to have alone time in most any relationship. Clinging to someone else is not healthy. You need to be completely fine in your own skin and with yourself in order to appreciate him expressing his needs for some alone time and being happy to enjoy yourself during it, without offense.
I actually like when l can spend some days alone every now and then, that's when I can fully relax and not think about anyone else's expectations. Maybe a LDR would be the best for me 😃
Bingo!
@@gardenjoy5223did you consider she may want marriage? Calling her clingy is very unfair.
@@Katrn30 Did I struck a nerve in you? Did you copy/paste your own needs in here?
I'm not unfair at all. I'm giving kind advice.
But what's with this 'trend' to have a significant other and not even get married before sharing the bed?
Do you know (about) the clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson? He's got some interesting insights in the matter.
Seems the sexual revolution didn't bring most women what they actually need and want.
There are more in the field, that have come to this conclusion. It's on RUclips as well.
I think it's about time we rethink the 'strategies' forced down our throats for the last 50 years or so.
I have been binge watching your video's over the last few days, learned a lot here! Thank you so much, Geert, for your excellent video's!
I miss my husband of 52 years he passed oct 14, 2023
Sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace
Sorry for your loss. My husband passed on 14th of March 2023. I can relate to your pain. I miss him too. Hoping you'll be able to manage.
So sorry. What a wonderful long love you had together!
My sister lost her husband October 13, 2023. Sorry for your lose.
😢Sorry for your loss. Sounds like you had a long loving love. Prayers for your life, and watch out for users and opportunist even in your own family. Be aware that not all people who say they are looking out for you really are. Widow after being married for 33 1/2 years.🎉
Yesss love the playful communication! I think both people like to work and play a little Chas with each other
Flirting is an art!
Yes.
The Dance of Intimacy.
I dont want to be with someone thats influenced by hormones. I want someone whose dedicated no matter what.
We all are influenced by hormones whether we realize it or not. It has to do with brain chemistry.
Dedication has to do with character, morals, and values. It's their belief system.
@@murahkami Maybe, but then if one can make something more important than hormones.... Then I think that is what they were talking about.
Agree. He will move on to the next dopamine rush if he doesn’t keep getting it from you.
So you can do and get away with whatever you want a year, two, or ten down the line?? 🤔 Ok 👌
So I backed off from a dude who seemed interested and he just forgot about me…and even had the balls to tell me that. Buh bye.
Throw the whole man away!
Oh hell no!!! FORGET What's his name sister girl!!!
Lol we want to be wanted…I’m sure it goes both ways…
The way you set up your videos, Hirth - is absolutely easy go to, light & fun. I learn every time & the easy 1, 2, 3 steps help me remember things. Love your wonderful humor & positivity. Cheering you on. God's richest blessings.
I don't want to be chased by a bad behavior man.
Its really good to hear these things, gives a bit of a foothold in the dating jungle
I always said, he would have to knock on my door and he did. It was ok till my daughter's died and he kept saying
"It's just drama" he was not available to me. 😢 Fully recovered from the end of us...😂
I was happily married; the love of my life past away 3 years ago…and nobody will take his place.
I'm sorry for your loss.
These are great tips... If you live in the 80's
Funny. It is very Helen Gurley Brown.
Are there ever videos on what men should do to get or keep women? Not just on this channel but in general. All I ever see is videos about how women can get a man. It just seems like there’s a subliminal message that women should be desperate for men/men are the prize. Rarely see anything that make it seem like women are something men should work to get.
I’m getting divorced from a 16 year marriage.
My husband is a decent person, good citizen.
If you want to be a decent person and good citizen
And keep your wife.
Get the fuck over your child trauma. Search for a good therapist that is trained to help MEN
Be masculine and tender. If you can’t figure that out, I can send you many many links to great male role models
Watch them.
Don’t bang on the first date
Don’t obsess - that’s trauma attachment not real interest
Make her orgasim before you, - I’m not being weird, women bond through the hormones released from orgasm.
Make decisions
Make plans
Communicate
Don’t be her yes man
If she has a vice
Don’t give into it
Expect things from your women that she can give
And say thank you when she gives those things to you
Be honest if she hurts your feelings or emasculates you.
And understand maybe she thinks it’s ok because of the modern world
My husband had issues
Resulting in him (all his siblings as well) to be narcissists
I didn’t know what that was as a young wife and mother
And I spent 16 years thinking
Just one more - fill in the blank, job, move, promotion, chore getting done, dollar in the bank
Would make that fucker happy.
But narcs don’t know happiness. They are broken people who use narcissism as their shield. Sadly it negatively effects everybody around them.
Learn about your own emotions so you don’t get yours manipulated and you don’t manipulate others.
We’re broken people and sometimes we learn too late our mistakes.
Reach your potential
Don’t be afraid to fail
Failure is ok to a loving wife
Not trying is a way to lose respect from your wife.
Most woman happily Serve their masculine husband, as long as he remembers why he is a man in the first place.
My husband cared more about providing
Than he did about the family he provided for.
Don’t be that asshole.
Establish yourself and what makes you live, you have a decent grip on that, a woman will see it.
Women are strong in so many ways, but we are complete with a strong man.
Strong mind and body, and a grateful heart and soul.
Embrace the monster you can be, don’t run from it, because it will find you.
Agreed!
There is a whole culture of men who listen to videos about how to manipulate women to get sex. Men do not love women, the only thing they do is use women for sex and to bolster their egos. They want young and good looking women to impress other men. Again, men do not love women. Stop trying.
Actually there are alot. They may just not come to you but I've seen many. Alot of men don't feel like they can get a woman. In the magazines yes you're right. On u tube though it is different. More are available saying women but then there's alot of bad advice too. Lol
There are as many videos to help men seduce women, believe me ! They don’t pop up in your feed but they exist and they are numerous !
During this video i realised my partner and I still have playful banter after 7 years, quite a bit of silly playful communication and flirting goes on, we make each other laugh. We still are very much physically attracted to each other and I wonder if this has helped that?
My husband and I do the same. I really believe this is more important than sex. During my darkest period with post partum depression we didn't have that intimacy for a year to year and a half. I really think the playful banter is what kept us going till my depression cleared. Doing great this year. ❤
All men are not the same. Some grow up and some stay boys😅
With guys, just treat them like you don’t care and they’ll go crazy
Not true..I would just go away.
That's not true. You have to show interest. Just not too much. Let him wonder.
Itseems like it's nearly impossible to keep a relationship going. If it's so much work it's not worth it. It's exhausting. I just wanto to be myself.
And quite often if you let him pay for your dinner, he’s going to expect something in return when he takes you home. Truth.
Went on a date from app couple months ago, he seemed into me and said would you like second date i agreed ( Didn't fancy him) but he was nice to talk to, we swapped no's and few hours later he txt he had changed his mind lol
A man can feel that you "didn't fancy him".
@@andersnielsen6044 Maybe, he kept touching me when he was talking, sat nearly on top of me and then kissed me on the lips( which i wasn't expecting) a wet sloppy one, so i thought that was a bit cheeky when i had not been giving him any signals i liked him that way.
Gamer. Good riddance.
This is exhausting….
When on earth did dating get so complicated. A guy likes a girl, and vice versa and just goes for it, and they are commited to each other. I would rather stay single, and yes, with my cats 😉🤣 than bother with all this malarky... wishing anyone who reads this the best 👍
What if we just relax and be ourselves.
YES!!
You always have very helpful relationship guide💖
This guy is doing what most men are guilty of. Lying to women, by telling women what they want to hear, for personal benefit(in his case it's financial benefit). Among men, it's called selling her a dream.
If any person gives you advice on men, and it doesn't cause you emotional discomfort, then that person is busy lying and manipulating.
The same goes for men in dating and relationships. If a man is trying to sell you a dream, his main focus will be on manipulating how you feel and what you think, to gain positive outcomes for himself (typically long term sexual access)...and this requires dishonesty in all it's forms.
True honesty by a man, requires him focusing on expressing what he truly feels and thinks, regardless of how the truth makes her feel...and typically he's labeled an ashole by women he interacts with, but comes to respect him later on.
Truth causes emotional discomfort more often than not...whereas lies cause are comforting more often than not. When you are being sold a dream by a man, the things he says and does will feel very comforting, by design.
What an amazing accent you have. Love it. Can sometimes zone out from what you're saying and still be listening to the accent.
Excellent advice, Brian/ Geert. Thank you for explaining the 'dopamine effect'. (And referencing Helen Fisher). Everything you have said is 'spot on'. I used to chase my guy - then I became 'independent'. Now he wants to be with me the whole time !
Incredible. He does so much for me, it's heart-melting. Grooms my dog,puts up bookshelves,paints the house, completely transforms my garden!!! And, yes, I am deeply appreciative of everything he does. We are always playful and loving. I NEVER nag or demand anything. It's all about FUN and emotional connection. The art of loving xx He also values and appreciates me, as I do a lot for him in return. Quid pro quo. Great video! Doing thoughtful loving things for each other is the greatest 'high' ever!
His books are on audible also!
I'm for sure bringing a few tips on my date this Friday 🙏
Best mentor ever! Love all of your contents❤❤❤
Good advice. I'd say to keep your own life, friends, interests, and enjoy his company and the differences he brings into your life. That sexual interest brings a lot of zing into your life, but you don't need it to become your whole life. No games, just enjoy and appreciate his company.
07:32 as someone who loooves to give, the takes before and after this one a great but this specifically isn’t doing it for me… what about taking over some of the acts of service she’d do. “Oh honey you want to wash the dishes as always? Well… too bad… I already did ‘em!” “Thanks for getting me beer! I got you your favourite chocolate :)” “I planned a date for us this weekend!”
If only there were more proactive people instead of people who become used to receiving and don’t make efforts to give, or even think they _deserve_ to only receive.
I wore lingerie for my husband; he called me a whore and shouted obscenities at me.
Your tips only work on a stable, healthy man. Please add disclaimers next time that say this, it’s so very important
Normal people don’t need disclaimers for this
And before you assume, I’ll tell you that I’ve been in abusive relationship and I still hold this belief
The world is full of more abnormal depressed people than normal
people. Sick of people with perfect lives and their bubble worlds
You need to leave that relationship. Other people don't need disclaimers for this...I'm sad you went through this.
Run
Here's a question for you, Brian. I know of a woman who is difficult, especially around her man, who doesn't live with her. Whenever she acts up (which is practically every other week), he feigns leaving her forever by walking out on her. Yet the next day, he changes his mind and returns. This has been an ongoing pattern in their relationship. For what does he return? The only reason that I can come up with is that the sex is good. What do you think?
If she is a Narc. it could be a trauma bond that makes him keep returning.
Most likely it comes down to practicality and the fact that he is afraid(not willing to) of the consequenses a break up would cost him, not moneywise but also status, identity etc.. Bottomline is - that he is a very weak human being, that need to grow up and face reality. You do NOT walk out on anyone who you love - that is not love. He comes back because he is so insecure of himself, that he need someone to cook his meal, do his laundering, do the grocerytrips and to do the house cleaning. He does NOT come back for sex. ;)
@@higherselfandholistichealt3169 Probably. Or just good sex :).
He leaves because her behavior irritates him.
Once he's had some peace on his own, he can see the good parts of her and their relationship, and what he has invested in it. He also may have been single for a long time otherwise, some people are harder to partner than others. He may not be trauma bonded (though he may of course, we don't know;) he may simply have recognized that no one is perfect, including both him and the gf. And accepted that he'd rather be with her than without her, even with her acting up.
He may recognize that her acting up is also the stuff of not being well-loved when young for her. It would be an interesting conversation with him if he is aware enough to know his motives; but probably too intrusive too.
There are many gas lighters out here. She is probably crafty enough to make him think that no one would love him as well as her, or put up with 'him' the way she does either. I know a mind gamer like that. It's narcissistic evil, is what it is and people fall for it.
Works both ways
I am 30 years old I’m no longer in the same position to chase anymore you don’t want me good riddance
Interesting and fun. And not so darn serious. Enjoyed the lightness of this video. Very good examples. Perfect speed and diction, so easy to understand. Thank you ! 😊
Love your videos but I just discovered them today and binged too many in one day and now my head's spinning 😅
"thank you for staying to the end of my video, I love when you do that."
I see what you did there 👀
Hey Brian, how come you don't seem like aging? You're still the same you when I first subscribed on your RUclips channel years ago. 😅❤
@@lovelaughrelationship2079 I see what you try to do here..
Sorry, could not keep me interested for more than 3,4 mins.. heard it all before.
@@sunnya.2665 Agree. Seriously if you are 15 and your mom and dad haven't thought you these basics in life - you are really really skrewed.
An 80 year old man told me "the secret" of men. "Basically" he said "men are like a different form of a child, they would always need something, even if they claim not to. You have to keep them occupied." The difficulty is they can make adult decisions. But once you keep them happy and the play going, set rules, be motherly...you will have a great relationship
That's the truth!
How exhausting! sounds like an immature man!
@@deniseatthelake not really lmao it sounds insanely easy and simple to do. she didnt say men ARE a child/children. she said they're a different form of what one may be. and that they can make adult decisions. keep the "how exhausting attitude" and you will continue to treat partners that way and have dating difficulty.
Play was for secs* right??
That’s a mommy relationship, not a man-women relationship No thanks
Yes but the banter can turn into passive aggressive anger
Thank you Brian another thought provoking video 🤗
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hearing from you, okay?
First time here, good advice. And I could add, even if you are smarter than he is, don't let him know (but don't play dumb either). Give and take
I hope there are sensitive and intelligent men who are live to these kind of hints that the woman truly wants his involvement !!! 🌹
George Clooney and Amal have mutual respect and a compasion of justice shared. That’s all you need not a bunch of silly games like this.
They also have looks
smart good suggestions, I appreciate the real science, even lightly given behind it. We women tend to give reality in return as our signalling interest received and accepted --meaning how we really feel and open to receiving how he reallllly feels. There is where the crossed wires come in often, a man seeing that as neediness, or pushing (this other than what you described, which was spot on, by the way) , when she is opening for real echange and relationship, giving respect. A thought to add a video on, perhaps ; )
This was a really good one, thank you Brian ^^ Cheers from Paris
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you, okay?
Not trying to brag, but I do all three of those things on a regular basis! Best girlfriend ever right here🙌😎
Never be in constant contact with the guy.... excellent advice 😊
I dont want to b3 chased and to chase.
In today’s world, we get overloaded with dopamine. Where does that leave a relationship?
Ha! Yes this is a problem. Though it still comes to finding that right person. Takes time and alot of personal growth
I would just like to share that the showing appreciation is powerful and wht can make it even more powerful is appreciating the love and energy a man puts in. Let me explain, I once had a man who I had asked for him for something. I can't remember what it was. He tried very hard to get whatever it was for me, but couldn't. He apologised to me and said he'd failed. Failure is a big thing for men. I told him while the desired outcome or result, wasn't achieved, he hadn't failed. Often in life we don't always get what we want or a desired result however, I explained to this man that while the result hadn't been achieved he hadn't failed because what was important was his love and caring and the energy he put into achieving the result. Whether an outcome or result is achieved or not, really isn't as important at recognising that love and energy put into achieving the goal or result. That doesn't change whether the result is acheived or not. If woman can appreciate the love, time and energy he put into trying to make it happen, even if through no fault of his own, he is still left feeling a success. Because the success is caring and love he displayed and this counteracts any feelings of failure, because he hasn't failed, his reason for doing it in the first place was to show love.
Wery well spoken. But it applies to both men, women and kids.
@@andersnielsen6044 women are more motivated by being cherished, and heard.
@@kellyaustin7911 Both is a part of being appreciated. ;)
@@kellyaustin7911In my experience, the average man doesn’t know what appreciation looks like. They also think bitchy demanding women are showing appreciation because “they say exactly what they want.” In the end, it’s laziness in men and then they complain about women being bitchy. Yeah, if they’re hanging out with the wrong kind of woman that views them as an ATM.
Reeeeally interesting and helpful. I’m a chronic overgiver so understanding the psychology of this was great 🤗appreciate ya! 🥳
Your videos are the best. Brilliant advice. Thank you 😊
Yeah, you’re right, and I guess this video really teaches you a lot of things about relationships, hope you enjoy watching the video as much❤❤❤. Looking forward to hear from you, okay?
I don't chase anymore. I'm done with that. I chased, and chased, and chased. It got me nothing but heartache.
I've no time for these kinds of bullshit games.
You either like me or you don't. You either want me or you don't.
Chase ME, or get lost.
I think I read one of your e-books years ago. It was a big help. :)
Well, I am not quiet sure, if I got everything quiet right, probably I have to rewatch it, but I like the examples!
Would like more of them. Are they in the books?
Having an idea of a conversation makes it more imaginable.
great, I loved it. as a psychotherapist - i really appreciate "no bullshit" content :)
~This is fantastic advice!!!~Im distracted by your accent tho, trying to tell if its scottish, or irish, or...???
As always,thank you for your videos!
This has really changed things in my relationship ❤
If a man I liked flirted with me, or asked me out, Id be pleased. Id flirt back/ say yes. To me, 'chasing' implies a kind of slightly obsessive relentlessless, regardless of whether the person being chased has shown any interest in the chaser. Instant red flag.
Dude have you been there done that; How do ya know; Experience is real. Ima gonna turn 62 this month. I been to hell and back made me a Warrior
This advice is great.
I am very much so resonating with your reading dear MJ ! I can't wait to finish with this cycle. God bless you😊
I'm touched by the authentic and profound nature of this content. A book with parallel subjects altered my life's trajectory. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Thanks for the recommendation, will check it out ☺️
i can't understand any of your "examples"
Me neither.
3:20- keep romantic feelings