Severe Social Anxiety vs Being an Introvert [Key Differences]
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- Опубликовано: 11 июн 2024
- Watch our full series on anxiety w Dr Ramani HERE: bit.ly/395y23h
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Not everyone loves to socialize, and being an introvert is extremely common. But when does being an introvert get confused for social anxiety? What are the signs that social anxiety deserves intervention from a psychologist or psychiatrist?
In this video, clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula and MedCircle host Kyle Kittleson break down severe social anxiety vs being introvert. There are key differences you should know.
In this video, Dr. Ramani answers...
- From the perspective as a psychologist-when does social anxiety become a real concern?
- What are the potential mental health conditions that may cause social anxiety?
Additionally, is it genetic, environmental, or both?
- What are the signs that someone is experiencing severe social anxiety vs being an introvert or having a little “performance anxiety”?
Get the anxiety workbook HERE: amzn.to/3vj6Fcn
#SocialAnxiety #Introvert #MedCircle
*MedCircle is not a referral service and does not recommend, endorse, discourage, screen, or approve any providers, medical procedures, products, or services; nor does MedCircle provide medical advice of any kind. This information is not specific medical advice and does not replace information you receive from your healthcare provider. You must talk with your healthcare provider for complete information about your health and treatment options. Only your healthcare provider has the knowledge and training to provide advice that is right for you.
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*Watch our FREE series on anxiety w Dr Ramani HERE: **bit.ly/3wcgTNb*
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I can relate to all the above
Where is the link to the anxiety series?
If you have social anxiety listen to this ruclips.net/video/clcJz2_0kI4/видео.html
Jesus loves you all:)
I can relate i never been overly Social!
I feel like social anxiety is one of those things nobody cares you have. For the last few years I don’t tell anybody I have it anymore and it affects my day to day life more than anything. I don’t want to be extremely extroverted or the ‘life of the party’ I just want to be normal and do normal things without the intense irrational fear holding me back.
and its one of those things everyone brushes off as shyness or timidity
Ask your doctor for propranolol. It is blood pressure medication and makes a huge impact on reducing your anxiety. Don't drink coffee with it.
@@softerhaze it’s said that shyness is a selfish behavior. That perception angers me.
@@AB-qe8cs do u think it works. How many pills and mg do u take a day. My doctor prescribed it for me last week nut dont know if it is helping. How long do u need to take it before seeing results. Do u still get nervous in social sotuations. Sorry for all the questions i just really wamt the meds to work
@@indimist390 First of all. Do you have any physical activity? If not, that your anxiety might come from that.
I'm 54 and have had social anxiety and been an introvert since I was a kid..., it's terrible. When the pandemic began I had no problem staying home.
I'm about to say the same i found your comment, my social anxiety had really effects my life. And i think I'm an introvert at the same time. Even when I'm not anxious i prefer to be alone ,it more peaceful
i cried when she said people with social anxiety miss out on big events in life. that describes me so much
Same . My whole childhood passed me by
I'm definitely and introvert with anxiety, and I think some of that anxiety has a social aspect. But I feel like I don't fit into the classic description of social anxiety. I find social interactions draining, and I exhaust myself reading other people and making sure I behave appropriately. Knowing that this exhausts me makes me anxious and want to avoid interactions. I also find communication frustrating sometimes, because I want to jump into a conversation but I'm somewhat inhibited and take a while to form my ideas into words. I might still end up talking quite a lot, but I also get really tired after that and keep replaying how things went in my head.
Never related to something more
👌
As I understand your comment, it seems to be introversion at a point where you don’t fulfill your needs.
As an introvert myself, I feel a lot better since I take more control of my interactions, and my breaks.
What I mean by that: I choose to keep going on an interaction if I feel it’s worth it (emotionally/ intellectually) and I allow me to breathe after alone, so I can recharge my energy you know (without feeling guilty about it)
Before, I was used to erase myself in an unhealthy way during most of my interactions.
I think back in middle school days, I had characteristics of social anxiety.
I used to overthink, I thought I was in the central of attention, I used to think everyone was paying attention to my behaviors all the time. When I had a question, I used to overthink about it : I imagined the possible answer so I can prepare myself all my possible answers in advance. It was really tiring, and when you add introversion on top of that, at the end of the day I was just exhausted.
I think back in the days, I had what seems to be social anxiety due to bullying.
Now, I have gained more confidence (but still learning haha) and it allows me to trust more people around me and put things in perspective.
So maybe, I feel like you don’t have social anxiety, but more a difficulty to accept and control your introversion at a point where you feel anxiety.
It’s just a conjecture, feel free to answer or not.
Have a great day, hope you the best :)
That sounds like adhd
literally same
Socail anxiety makes me feel like something is wrong with me
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way❤️
Yea me too :P Even replying to this made my mind shake lol
There is something wrong with you
@@StaaaaNzHD no, there isnt
Yeah I feel like everyone is secretly hating me
Alcohol is confidence in a bottle. I rely on alcohol to be able to talk in groups of people. Years, I would binge drink on nights out. Otherwise I say nothing and stand at the back. I feel like I don't have the social skills to speak to people
I’ve been trying to avoid this for a while now but I’m thinking of just going on with it and drinking my nerves away because I recently lost my job by not showing up because of anxiety.
@@aworology3027 Please don’t resort to drinking, I dont know how bad ur anxiety is but I saw firsthand what alcohol did to my father and I’d wish it upon no one. I’ve experience really bad anxiety too, but I’m looking for a better way out and you can too.💕
Well, you do, but you must be resisting your natural state of being. Just be who and what you are and don’t believe the b.s.; craft your own path in the world. What makes you think everyone else is right, if they’ve never even attempting a different way? They wouldn’t, quite logically, be correct, because they will have never been forced to challenge their own creative problem solving skills, as they will have had an easy time being accepted within society. A person can’t really discover their depth of creativity without challenges. Extroverts aren’t faced with these kinds of challenges, and therefore, do not have a need to reflect much, about other options. It’s really a massive blind spot for them, and a huge advantage for us.
Me too!! This post is extremely relatable.
@Shelby Rateike Reminds me of a few first dates and nights out.
🙈🙉🙊
I'm now looking into self help, confidence boosters because I feel this isn't something my GP can help with or can they? Something has to give.
I'm an introvert and I also have anxiety, sometimes its hard to figure out which one I'm feeling on any given day
I relate to this 100%
Same here, I can't figure out what is the problem behind my anxiety, sometimes...
I have social anxiety. It effects my life everyday. If someone needs
someone to talk to I'm here! I would love to talk with someone.
and shy :)
me too!!
I was diagnosed with social anxiety, severe depression and ptsd. For me being around pretty much anybody outside my very small group triggers "Fight or flight mode". What people don't understand is it is a circle. You WANT to be part of something bigger. You try, which causes anxiety, which makes you reserve, which gives you more anxiety, which triggers ptsd memories. After a few loops of that you just try to avoid people as a way of survival.
Oh my God you are one many. So sad Dawn cares🌞
I’ve been doing this and I’ve been feeling the exact same Jason. It’s really difficult, how are you ?
As an introvert, I value showing up for work, diving in and just doing my job. I have a really hard time with the extraneous small talk that interferes with my work. The HR types talk about the importance of getting to know your coworkers on a more intimate level. This apparently facilitates a more cohesive team. I hate it.
yeah I hate those HR ice-breakiing session where they force you to tell your deepese darkest screts and cry and hug together...nope. You know my name, my address and my next of kin's number. That's it. I can still perform, submit my projects within the deadline, without the whole office knowing my entire life history.
What do you do for a living? I'm just asking cuz as someone with severe social anxiety I don't know what kind of a job I will have in the future , since most require talking in-front of or with others.
You may want to consider doing contract work if that's possible in your field. The employee bonding nonsense is not usually expected of contractors.
@@notthatyouasked6656 I did that in January for a job I thought would end by March... I'm still there.🤣
@@MNP208 I bet you’re enjoying it.
I grew up thinking I was introverted but realised as an adult that it was just a mask to hide my social anxiety. I pretty much had to rebuild my entire identity.
wow, this sounds both hard and rewarding. How are you feeling now? (from someone on the introversion - anxiety spectrum)
woah im doing that rn! did anything in particular help you in that thought shift?
This is what I feel like rn. I hate being alone and would love to meet more people and make a lot of friends but i always struggle with it and because of that I have been forever telling myself that I'm introverted even though that's not really the case
I have suffered with severe social anxiety since my memory started. Missing classes in the 2nd grade because I’m in the bathroom sick to my stomach from anxiety and never knowing why. I’m almost 30 now and STILL suffering and cannot leave my house alone or even sit on my balcony where people could see me. Time to find a therapist 😞
Same. But I'm too anxious to even see a therapist. Unless it's on the phone
@@misswhite4650 I’m sorry you relate I hope you can get the help you need too ❤️
I lost my job a month ago because of my severe anxiety. This is the second time this happens. I should go see someone about it but I probably won’t because I’m broke and of course too anxious to step outside my home. I can’t even look outside my windows because I’m afraid my neighbor will see me, fml.
@@aworology3027 wow- that sounds really painful!
I feel really bad for you guys because I can relate. I feel like the epidemic has made things even worse.
I am diagnosed with severe soacial anxiety. But instead of alcohol, meth made me have all the confidence in the world. And when you finally find that confidence and ability to relax and socialize in a substance such as meth it leads you down a long hard battle with addiction. But as of the 7th this month, I have a year clean.....again lol
congratulations- that is a major achievement to overcome!
So many of us with anxiety end up on drugs💗💗💗congrats for making the escape!
@@nectarshrub thank you!! It isn't easy to escape. I owe my escape to Jesus and my family. God couldn't have given me a better mother. She has the utmost patience, dedication, and love for her children especially me I put that women through hell in my addiction. I pray for you or anyone that's suffering from an addiction, that they can find peace and find their own escape like I have.May God heal your wounds. In Jesus name I pray AMEN!
@44JesusIsLord44 amen! Praise the lord!! he's a great healer indeed!!! He saved me from my addiction. So i know what you mean. Thanks for spreading some of his love and light!! I appreciate it, and so does he! 🙏😁
You got this!!
I have social anxiety bad. I have no interest in social situations. It drains me, I love being alone..
I’m extremely introverted but can be social. I could never live with another person, but I like going out with friends and getting drinks and stuff. I just need a home base where I can recharge without noise or interruption.
Exactly! I like being with friends and family, but when it's time to go home I crash.
Red 88 you can live in my garden shed.
I agree. But I could really imagine living with my sister (but only with her, never with anyone else) because i already know how she is. We come along really well, she is also extreamly introvertet and we are both somewhere on the INTP spectrum. So basically, we'd sit in our seperate rooms for most of the day and see each other only for a few minutes and then suddenly we'd have an hourlong conversation about an interesting topic. And then someone would tell the other to fuk off because their battery ran low and the other would accept that and leave. And i think that's beautiful
I am a introvert who had to learn how to be a extrovert to survive in society.
I'm an introvert who fools people into thinking I'm an extrovert. I've had the same counselor for 2 years and she thought I was an extrovert. I am fine one on one but genuinely don't enjoy groups.
Yup! I've spent my entire work life in customer service. I had to learn real quick! It's very exhausting, but at least I'm employed!
i am a monkey. i shaved my body and put on a suit, to survive in society
In the United States you are forced to be extroverted. If you don’t talk to strangers at a restaurant or bar, you’re considered rude or a snob.
I have social anxiety and some people think im a mute but once they get to know me they find out that I talk all the time
The difference is : when you’re in your introvert world - you are at your happiest in life by yourself and you don’t give a flip about what others think of you. When you start caring what others think of you, that’s when the anxiety kicks in. Also, thank god I’m not like my one uncle (god bless him, RiP), who was an extrovert and a drunk to make people like him. He had no life until night time. Me, I’m at peace and enjoy my whole 16 hours in a day being healthy. People that I would like to be close to, don’t see it this way. You have to be the life of the party. And that’s why if you’re a true introvert - you got to just say “fu off, this is my life and I’m not here to please anyone”.
I can relate
I'm an extrovert with social anxiety lmao. Everyone always believed I was just an introvert, but nope... It's not a part of my personality. I'm suffering oof.
What stands in the way if I may ask? A physical symptom?
@@Barefoot67 Just generally awful mental health lmao. Low self-esteem, depression, social anxiety etcetc
I’m also autistic, so I find myself struggling to fit in a lot - so I kinda give up before I try now lol
Im the exact same
I had to give a speech in my class and it was perfect because I had been rehearsing it for weeks beforehand. When it was my turn, I walked up to the front of the classroom and I instantly was hit with waves of anxiety and it felt like everyone was staring at me. I tried to ease my heart rate by taking a few breaths but I was struggling to breathe before I even started my speech. I stood there in the front of the room for a few moments wishing my heart rate would slow down and I could catch my breath but I just couldn’t. I finally started speaking and it was pure torture. I could barely get the words that I had been practicing for so long out of my mouth. I was not able to get air into my lungs when I was speaking and it felt like I was gasping for air and I had to take long pauses between my sentences. After it was done I tried to talk to my teacher because it feels like I have no one to talk about my struggles. I ended up having a 20 minute meltdown after class. This happened about a month ago and it keeps me up at night thinking about this.
I froze after the first sentence, let the time run out on the clock and sat down. That was Grade 6. I'm 62 now. Same thing happened during a presentation I had to give as a Nursing Student. My marks were in the 90's. But I froze. Curled up in a ball for three days and quit the program. My life is very small and still closing in. I finally asked for help today.
I'm extrovert with social anxiety. I really love communicating with people. But because of anxiety I can't communicate
what exactly happens when you try to communicate, if I may ask? A physical symptom is in the way?
@@Barefoot67 blank brain and shaking depending on how bad it is... just the same way anyone would experience it but with the desire of wanting to talk to people and not being able to because of extreme fear. its very soul crushing so being alone seems like the only time you can feel safe its def worse for an extrovert to have social anxiety because you feel very trapped
@@riinazen7443 I shake as well and I'm an extrovert too. The problem with the symptom for me is that I am embarrassed by it, I feel judged if somebody hears my voice shake e.g. If only I could get rid of that physical symptom I'd do fine.
But one thing I don't do is view myself as mentally ill, I dont think it helps to think of myself that way, and I don't think it's an accurate way to look at things either. If I am mentally ill because I have built up a lot of muscle tension over many years why isn't a person who smokes mentally ill? Or a person with back pain due to stress? Those are symptoms of being neurotic as well. Why the discrimination?
I see myself as a person who have had very bad luck when it comes to which symptoms I got of being neurotic. Not as a person who's more neurotic than anyone else. Everybody has symptoms and you can't measure who's ahead of another when it comes to this stuff. My symptom is "just" very tabooed, and that's the problem. If 40% of the worlds population had the same problem I'd be fine, cause it wouldn't freak people out anymore, like it does now.
It has helped my selfesteem to think like this and it has made it easier to explain my problem to the people around me.
@@riinazen7443 Hello again, if you have a minute, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know, just real brief, what you think about what I wrote below? Does it make sense or do you think I have gone off the rails here?
@@riinazen7443 ok, it seems like you think I have gone off the rails or have offended you somehow. Like I said, if at some point you'd care to explain, I'd love to hear it. In the mean time ponder this if you like
Why is it a mental illness if you cut yourself to get relief from pain when smoking is not? Smoking is much more dangerous.
Because of the storytelling about the two symptoms. Smoking is socially accepted, cutting is absolutely not. You can't argue that one is more mentally ill than the other. We're all equal
I’ve had over the top criticism preferring little contact with others. 99% of family and neighbors constantly tell me it’s not healthy to always be alone. I finally got a backbone and tell them to back off, you worry about your life I’ll worry about mine! Sick of nosey intrusive people. Just stay in your own lane. I’m very happy spending time by myself. I’m an only child, spent 30 years alone in a marriage so this is normal to me.
That last sentence was really sad to read. I love, love, love being alone! I literally have never felt lonely. I go out my way to find alone time. People who feel the same as you and I know that we're fine. It's not unhealthy being alone all the time and I don't care what anyone says.
I want to go out and interact with others , but it’s just the thought about being judged for being me holds me back. One side of me wants to be very social with others , then that other side of me is like nawww I’m good. It’s just so frustrating because I feel like it’s holding me back. I feel like I’m the only one that feels this way 💯
No.. you are not the only one
I've always been an introvert who is just happy being along with my thoughts. I'm always studying something. Glad to know I have other tribe members out there. Most people in my circle seem to want to "fix" me, and/or constantly seeking me out to fix their socially related issues. Irs beyond exhausting and frustrating.
,*alone😁
Maybe it's extroverts who need fixing. Less talking and more listening and understanding would do society some good. Whenever someone calls me quiet I think well maybe I seem quiet because you talk too much and don't actually say anything.
I avoided moving up in my job because of my anxiety. Anxiety makes it hard for me to do the simplest things
Oh, wow. I have (diagnosed) social anxiety disorder and I often say that I suddenly don't have it when I drink. Didn't realize that was so common.
It does makes u feel you're having such fun and confidence booster. I have problem with people staring at me too.
Getting a haircut while having anxiety is really shit in the summer, I’ll be sitting in the chair dripping of sweat
It’s embarrassing when my barber has to stop cutting my hair to whipe my sweat off.
@@ledsabbath3298 I feel your pain😂
I understand how you feel. Literally dripping in sweat during every social interaction 😩
Plus I have acne it makes it more worse
Oh maaaan ... I just got the chills. I'm not the only one. I thought I was nuts. Seriously. Living in cold climate helps, but if I have to make a few faster steps to the "chair" ... I'm sweating bullets.
Dr Ramani really has a gift when it comes to explaining these concepts and giving great examples. So easy to learn from her!!! Love love her. Her dynamic with Kyle is great too 💜
The only issue I have with Kyle is when he uses misplaced teachers’ phrases (e.g., “very good”). I bet it’s all with good intentions but I just feel like a woman with PHDs who teaches and practices psychology for a living would probably be a little patronised by a young man using terms that would be more appropriate coming from her. But he’s a cool guy.
Dr Ramani’s amazing (and incredibly humble about it as well). I don’t think she realises how many lives she literally saves.
The older I get the more I want to spend time by myself. At work I don't mind being around colleagues but I hate it when we now have to do meetings and parties. I always feel like I don't know what to talk about, plus honestly I'm just not interested in over socializing with them. I do want to have friends and social life, but I've been rejected so many times I just gave up even trying.
Social anxiety sucks. And it's sad that people don't understand it
After watching this I realize I became an introvert because of the social anxiety. I used to want to go more places, but due to the anxiety being alone has became more comfortable.
I wish my family understands what social anxiety is :(
Interesting. I avoid alcohol for several reasons, one of them being the fear of getting drunk, which would mean acting weird, therefore embarrass myself in front of everyone. When I drink, I don't feel confident but extremely self-conscious.
i'm going through therapy right now for anxiety...all my issues stem from it...i feel super self aware of it too. like i know my social anxiety is SO BAD that it hinders my life. it hindered my experience through uni (where i wasted every opportunity to advance in my field because of extreme anxieties, mainly social/communicative anxiety). and now as a graduate lost in life (adding the pandemic on top of all this), i still feel super held back in life by it...
id be way more extroverted if i wasnt so anxious😩
Same
i’ve worried about someone that’s close to me dying and then me having to give a speech at the funeral 😭 it’s messed up but i can’t help but worry about it
socializing is work. making sure everyone is happy or taken care of is exhausting. Of course alone is the vacation. and i never get one
I was called "anti-social" because of my anxiety, but this is so far from the truth. I rarely share with others that I have anxiety and I think it's quite confusing for people I am close with to see me functioning in a social event. I wouldn't consider myself an extrovert as I don't feed on social situations but I am someone with a big personality, and quite talkative around those I am comfortable with, so for those people to see how hard it is for me to even give my order at a restaurant, it must be so confusing. I always thought that I was extremely shy, but realized when I started high school which was a very small one, that I am not necessarily shy, just an "introvert", I thought. I thought getting nauseated at the thought of crowds and getting put on the spot was something everyone who saw themselves as an introvert faced. The day I realized that it might of been more than just being an introvert was when I travelled outside of my tiny country for the first time. I was in the immigration line surrounded by persons who clearly were not used to seeing a black girl and I remember how I felt like I would rather die than be in the situation I was in. I was on the verge of tears and just wanted it to end. I remember that summer sparked something inside of me that I would despise forever. I couldn't speak to the persons I met, I wouldn't go out with my parents, which really annoyed them as they thought I was just being an annoying teenager. I couldn't even speak on the phone. From there my anxiety just got worst and it didn't help that I would have to be travelling to that country every summer and winter break because my parents moved there. In my country no one really takes mental health seriously so imagine telling my family and close friends that me, a usually talkative and confident person at home, has a debilitating fear of social situations because of the dreaded feeling of being judged. And it should have been obvious, it really should be obvious that someone who can be so confident in certain situations is so fearful in others. I have not received professional help and I do want to but it isn't has easy as just having the desire to in my small third world country, but the older I get, the more I have made it my resolve to not allow anxiety to ruin my life. I am currently in college to become a teacher which is something so scary for me, but not as scary as although still very hard, have always felt more comfortable with children. Also, I am no where as socially anxious in my small country as when I travel, which I think has to do with the fact that travelling is what really started it off. Which is why I have decided to take the biggest step I can ever think of, which is to move to another country, by myself. That is currently the goal I am working toward and while I am somewhat excited to push my limits, I have deadly afraid that I will in the end decide not to go because of my fear. Moving to a new country would be scary for anyone but for a person with social anxiety seems like a death sentence, to me at least, but I really think I have to do this for myself. If I stay in the comforts of my own country where I have my family to depend on to shield me from the outside world I will never really live and as much as I dread social situations, I hate the idea of ruining my own life more.
Hey I get it my family has said this for years!!! You have to ignore them and they don't get it.Dont be down on yourself.How are you doing?
The “antisocial” thing’s never bothered me, to-be-honest. When people say that they mean it in the “asocial” since of the term. “Antisocial” is only used in a diagnostic sense (in-reference to sociopathy/psychopathy). In normal parlance that’s not what it means at-all.
Wow, good luck on your across the country!
I think the main reason why I devolved into severe social anxiety and later on evasive personality disorder, is that I felt that I was not judged as being "enough" by others, especially at parties, in my early teens and later on.
I actually liked just sitting and listening to others talk in groups, but at some point during my teen years it felt like I was "wrong" for doing that and not participating more, because people kept on poking at me to be more outgoing, here and there. A cousin that was annoyed that I didn't entertain her enough at the dinner table of a party, ignited the whole thing (primed by some other episodes that happened before that). So being very introvert became equated to not being enough and wrong, which meant that I was a wrong person at my core.
Everyone always thinks I'm an introvert but it's mainly the social anxiety. I've come so far but it still gets in the way. I just want to get to a point where I still have it but it isn't a part of my decision making. I'm almost there.
Everyone thought I was over exaggerating social anxiety. That is until I was unable to leave my home for five years.
I struggle a lot with social anxiety because where I live banter, roasting, teasing, dry wit are standard and expected forms of communication. It's not enough to be nice and friendly, to really be one of the good ones you need to know how to banter. It's like a whole different language to me. My mind is like on 0.25x speed trying to process everything that's happening and being said, and witty comments just fly right over the top of my head and the interaction is already over by the time I realise how I should respond. It's alienating and exhausting.
I can see so much of myself in what Dr Ramani is saying. I'm 32, avoid most social situations, and have never even been on a date because of how uneasy I know it will make me feel. I've also been in the same job since 2005 when I was 16 years old because I can't face the thought of a job interview. I know all the changes I need to make but just can't get myself to do it. It's not a great place to be.
you're in a great community of people who are all seeking to help ourselves become more whole!
@@devidaughter7782 Thanks
Hey dont worry I am 45 and on the same boat
@@devidaughter7782 can I join this community please
That's the reason I became stock trader and am very happy now🙏 no conversation with anyone here
Introvert shaming: After attending a gathering, I was advised that the hostess said I was “socially inept “. Even worse, after going to a party where I knew no one except for two people, one of those people yelled at me and berated me because I was quiet and she was “ embarrassed for me”. She was really embarrassed for herself. It’s difficult to bounce back from those comments.
What an awful person, couldn't imagine saying anything like that to anyone. Ironically enough, they are the ones clearly not knowing how socially interact with people politely and how to treat other people in social gatherings, they are the weird ones for saying that to a person in the first place.
@@aspannas That’s good of you to say.
@@aspannas agree
Those people are trash. Period. I hope you don't take it to heart ❤️
I have never consulted with any mental health specialist so what i'm going to say is based on my self diagnosis. I'm an introvert and i have social anxiety (which may be severe).
Ps. I won't be listing 'everything' in this comment but what i will mention (i believe) is enough.
Pps. long comment alert lol
Why i think i'm an introvert :
1. I value showing up for work, diving in and just doing my job. I have a really hard time with the extraneous small talk that interferes with my work. Getting to know each other on a more 'intimate' level with coworkers... I hate it.
2. I enjoy trips, alone, mostly at night when the streets are empty and no one's around.
3. I hate small talk. I can tolerate it but it gets annoying and usually gives me a headache. I noticed that even when my sibling talks to me about her day at school i'll sometimes try to tell her to get to the point because i'm not interested ( reason : i can already feel the headache coming ).
4. Don't look for me. You'll only find me laying in bed all day snacking and watching some videos or playing video games. Oh, i'll also put my phone on silent, so unless you're my mom/dad i'll act like i didn't see you texts/calls. ( i wish i could ignore everyone but my parents will argue with me for having my phone on silent so... but i can't say i didn't ignore some of their calls/texts )
Why i think i have social anxiety :
1. I easily sweat and become tongue-tied in social situations. Sometimes i don't even notice i was sweating until i'm done with whatever i was going through. I also often manage to make a fool of myself for sounding like a kid trying to pronounce a word but failing miserably. I'm 25 btw. ( i sweat even when i'm on a phone call ... let alone a presentation *crying inside* )
2. I am more likely to respond to other's initiatives than to initiate a phone call or a get together. I would most likely try to find an excuse to get out of a social gathering... be it, a wedding, a get together, college classes, gym.. i tried to avoid all these situations at least once in 2021 alone. Excuses (mostly lies) like : i have a headache, i have a knee injury, i'm against social gatherings during the pandemic, it's pouring i won't make it, my parents made a surprise visit, etc....
3. Sometimes I put off making phone calls or sending email for days/weeks because the reply might be something like "you need to show up at...". I also avoided applying for jobs and internships just because i was dreading the thought of sitting for an interview.
4. I fear that I'm being judged, I am very self-conscious and i'm very often that one person in a circle of relatives/friends/coworkers that doesn't talk much and just nods and smiles and laughs.. basically i react with my facial expressions and the words 'right', 'yes' and 'no'. ( and yes i was bullied pretty much throughout all my teenage years and had no one to talk to )
5. I hate feeling wronged and/or misunderstood which is also why i absolutely fear social interactions. As soon as someone 'accuses' me of something i am not and/or didn't do : chest pain, teary eyes, difficulty breathing and voice crack as soon as i try to speak. Which also brings me to this point : criticism is one of my worst enemies... you can criticize me, but don't be a pr*** about it. I can take criticism, but let's be honest, most people would criticize you in a way that makes you feel that you're disgusting.
6. I know I need time after engaging with others to 'come back to myself' because 'interacting' just wears me out completely and more often than not gives me a headache and i also end up over thinking the whole conversation.
I notice that I easily sweat in social situations - even just on a phone call! I am more likely to respond to other's initiatives than to initiate a phone call or get together. Sometimes I put off making 'unessential' phone calls for days/ weeks, just because its uncomfortable for me to make that extra effort! I don't fear that I'm being judged, but I do feel self-conscious, and somewhat socially anxious, as I make an effort to practice my communication skills, and I try to be pleasing to the other (ah, yes, this is it!). If the exchange is somewhat strained, I try hard to 'keep the conversation going' by drawing the other person out. I often wonder/ worry about how I come across to others, and I admire those who seem so much more socially at ease than how I feel. I know I need time after engaging with others to 'come back to myself'. Does this mean that I have 'mild social anxiety'?
Hi, are that 'unessential' phone calls include the ones from family/parents? I'm struggling with my introvert daughter, just to get her on WhatsApp or phone call. She is studying abroad now, and i fear of loosing connection with her.
@@nevyavianti9128 I'd say, keep reaching out to your daugher. it can be easier to engage if someone else initiates; initiating a call can be a lot harder. if she is your child, there is love there, and her avoidance isn't personal to you, it's probably about her own feelings of overwhelm/ depression/ introversion, etc. I appreciate all who kept reaching out to me, even when I didn't initiate contact. unless she tells you she 'needs space' then I'd say keep being true to yourself, sending and expressing love and support, and holding unconditional space/ presence for her to be exactly where she's at. hope that helps!
Love that vacation idea of being left alone in a nice hotel room with room service, lol.
Great conversation! I went from being an introvert to an extrovert after realizing social anxiety was driving my introversion. I like the distinction Dr. Ramani makes about social anxiety being the looming fear of being scrutinized which would definitely make social events exhausting!
Got diagnosed with social anxiety and depression today 😔 I kinda knew it my whole life
Omg this made so much sense to me. I'm definitely an introvert and I find so much peace and comfort in spending my time alone, however for years I've struggled with a social kind of anxiety. I think for me I definitely knew how society perceives introverts like "you always want to go home" "if only you understood the value of friendships" kind of judgements I'd receive from people (usually extroverts) who tried to be my friend, but whom I would gravitate away from as I knew it wasn't the type of friendship I wanted. Over the years, I think having all these social expectations have weighed heavily on me and gave me anxiety about whether I should stay home or suck it up and go out with people even if I didn't want to. And when I chose to stay home, I'd feel a sense of guilt - like what's wrong with me? I find I often need a good reason to voluntarily be around a group of people. It's just tiring for me because although I am nice and joke around, it's draining for me, which gives people whiplash when I don't want to spend more time with them - restarting the cycle of guilt and anxiety about my introversion. This video definitely helped me differentiate between introversion and anxiety, and made me realise my anxiety stemming from societal perceptions of introversion. Most importantly, that it is perfectly normal to be who I am - an introvert - and to find friends who can respect me for who I am instead of guilt or push me into becoming someone more socially "likeable".
That's the most what I'm scared from too having anxiety ...is people disagreeing with my views or rejecting them or making fun of me for my knowledge. Because it happens a lot when peol always make me want to look less intellectual.
I used to have horrid social anxiety but the more research I did and the discovery of what an introvert is, really freed me up to accept that I am a true, blue introvert and I'm GREAT with that. Knowledge can be a powerful tool and bring about relief from social anxiety. I don't sit outside the circle because there is something "wrong" with me. It's just my introversion and I'm a thinker. It's freeing and now I'm much more comfortable in social settings. Still exhausted by people at the end of the night and happy to be home, reading or whatever alone!
Social anxiety is something of a medical thing that can (and probably does need to) be treated but getting to know yourself a bit better in an allied sense is a great way of becoming at peace with yourself and realising that you’re not as abnormal as you might have thought (far from it). Other people might have you down as someone who bases their whole personality on their “social anxiety” and completely miss out on the blessing it is to know you because they’d rather pathologise and ridicule you instead (this per-se may or may not apply to you; I’m just talking in general terms) but the people who really know you aren’t going to have a caricatured image of your social demeanour/skills (or supposed lack thereof) as fundamental to who you are and won’t really mention it unless there’s a contextual reason for it. Anyone who reduces you to that and dismisses you as merely socially-anxious/awkward and fails to see you in terms of your experiences, goals/aspirations, gifts (especially if they’re the type of person/people who are quicker to point out what’s allegedly wrong, rather than right, with you), background, opinions, hobbies and beliefs isn’t worth occupying freely-rented space in your mind. They don’t know you at all.
Spending a weekend alone sounds perfect to me.
I'm well-acquainted with my introverted personality by now, but it took me most of my life to discover the MBTI and find out that I was *the* most introverted type of introvert - INFJ. It was one of the most enlightening and freeing revelations of my life! So now, even though I still feel "weird" and "odd" and "unusual" most of the time, I know I'm not a crazy freak. I'm just an unusual personality that is well defined and perfectly normal!
Who told you INFJs are the most introverted of the introverts?
Thank you I needed this just in time.
Thinking introvert. Working on being more present.
I wonder how many extroverts with social anxiety think they are introverts?
I wonder that too, cause I'm pretty sure I'm one of them myself..😅
Me too lol but the only person i can go out with is my mum cuz i dont have friends
Many.
I always get to the door of an event, then just turn away and make excuses why I don't need to go... even though I'm dying to go
Dr. Ramani is so beautiful! And of course so wise❤
I have severe social anxiety and it has really affected my life
Social anxiety has been with me my whole life. I am age 64.. its caused me. To not go to many places or do many things.
I really appreciate this Dr's style. I wish I could find one like her IRL. Unfortunately pay walls are everywhere & in the US we're pretty much on our own.
Great conversation, thank you!
I'm definitely introverted. I can remember going to a wake fir my husband's family member and he left me in the dinning room while he socialized and I was extremely anxious because there was so many people I didn't know. This pandemic was okay for me not a problem at all.
Alcohol really helps me socialize and let loose, even then I still feel a bit of anxiety. It just lessens it.
Mindfulness helps a lot. The guide book "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels is a great resource.
... and Sam Harris. That's the key I feel - ability to self analyze through mindfulness.
Dr. Ramani and Kyle are so beautiful that they even look good from the down up camera angle. Seriously! Blessings to both of you and Med Circle
Thanks for sharing this message it's very helpful.
I would like to know if this phenomenon of alcohol turning quiet & anxious people into "the life of the party" is happening to socially anxious extroverts or does that happen with introverts too?
I'm an introvert and it happens with me too. As soon as I'm drunk I say whatever I'm thinking and idc what people will think of me. I get loud and easily participate in conversations. But I don't do this often, I'd much rather stay at home and watch Netflix or read a book
Everybody finds it hard to believe that I have social anxiety since I am always the life of the party. But that's how I cope. I make everybody laugh, and always filling in silences. I usually come very late so I don't have to stay long
i have social anxiety and im an introvert, working in retail is harddd. i feel like everyone’s judging me because im the new girl that doesn’t know what she’s doing, i keep making mistakes over and over and i feel like my coworkers are all secretly making fun of me. My social anxiety makes me feel and seem alot younger than i am which is 23, and it makes me stupid but i know deep inside i am very smart. i feel so uncomfortable operating the cashier because im too shaky and don’t want to give the wrong change. i just want to quit, i feel so out of place 😥 why can’t i just be a normal person.
You are normal, just ignore the negative thoughts
I have so much anxiety that i panic and run because i am too shy to take a parcel from the postman at the door :/
I have social anxiety. It effects my life everyday. If someone needs
someone to talk to I'm here! I would love to talk with someone.
I am introvert, but social only by choice and when it is needed
I have social anxiety and introversion learning a lot about the difference 👏👏
Thanks 2 both of you💓
I'm a thinking introvert but prefer the term selectively social. I'm not anxious, I just really like my company.
I know even Therapists don’t know people or stereotype. So yes I agree it’s protecting your energy.
I would love to see them do a video on agoraphobia.
I am an introvert. I love my alone time but also love spending time with my husband and kids. I don’t like big get-togethers and events. Weddings and funerals are awful for me.
I have agoraphobia. I can go to a store that’s not busy, maybe 3 customers, and I’m fine. No problem. No anxiety. But if I go to a store that’s crowded, like Walmart, I get panicked, feel like I can’t breath, like I’m suffocating, I sweat profusely and all I want to do is get out of there as fast as I can. Same with traffic. If there’s a few cars on the road, I’m fine, but if there’s lots of traffic, I panic.
Because of all the anxiety I have being in public, and other chronic illnesses, I had to quit my job. I do online grocery pickup orders. I no longer go to church. I stay home as much as possible.
yep, done it a million times and it never helped. It’s hereditary as two of my daughters have the same thing, one of which has fainted several times and landed in the ER.
I could be at a birthday party with mostly strangers and not talk to anybody the entire evening. Even thinking of what to say to hold a conversation made me anxious so i just shut off.... the drinking at going out is also relatable... when i stopped drinking I stopped going out all together.
My social anxiety vacillates greatly. Sometimes I can do improv standup, but other times I'm so nervous I can't talk to a bank teller. I used alcohol and benzos in my youth, but that caused more anxiety when I'm not on them. I now just deal with it...
I am an introvert who has some level of social anxiety. recently I've been given a position at work to handle human resources and oh boy, think what that affect my anxiety...but life must go on and the struggle is real.
That moment when you want to get yourself checked out (especially in regards of social anxiety), but you're too scared to talk to anyone about it..
I missed my dream job. Got shortlisted hired, and the day of work. I sat outside the building and left. I’m now jobless.Covid made it worse, now I get muscle spasms when I’m out in public leaving me completely handicapped. I do not know what to do anymore. Social anxiety is not a joke and people really need to have some awareness about severity of this. Workplaces also need to prioritise such issues so everyone can get equal opportunities.
I have social anxiety. It effects my life everyday. If someone needs
someone to talk to I'm here! I would love to talk with someone.
Hello
Hi
I'm an Introvert with a capital I. I feel guilty saying quarantining during Covid was very easy for me. I prefer being alone. Do I get anxiety about people judging me? HELL NO. People judge me. Big freakin deal. It's a part of life. I just find keeping up social relationships EXHAUSTING.
Nailed it with the lightheadedness with the severe social anxiety. But ive improved alot through the years and im more confident 😌
Howww
@@indimist390 Putting yourself is social situations gradually..or simply understanding alot of people feel the same way you do
I always knew I'm an introvert but recently i think it's actually more than that. I'm afraid to socialize in family function i'm overthinking, worried if i would say something wrong to them. I completely avoid gathering and meeting with other people.
I always thought of myself as an introvert but I'm realizing now that I may be more of an extravert who has severe social anxiety. I can't have a conversation with someone without thinking about the way my mouth is moving and how my hair is positioned and I panic before saying anything. Unless I've been drinking. Ughhh
Me: wanting to go to a therapist and get help
My anxiety: babes you forgot they’re gonna judge you
Me: oh I forgot
I feel tension in my eyes. And I become lightheaded. But mainly my eyes start to hurt. And my look becomes tensed. Like someone can tell instantly and notice if I look at them. It's so annoying.
But then my irrational fears are about looking at other people.
Omggggg i thought i was the only one it feels likenim starting to go cross eyed
Oh wow, the alcohol thing really spoke to me. I'm from a family of extroverts and have always felt out of place, thinking something must be wrong with me because I don't crave social interactions the way they do.
I had a period of two years where I would force myself to get drunk early at parties just so I could be less shy around extroverts, even tho I hate the taste of alcohol. People kept me around not because they liked me, but because they could laugh at the cringe things I'd do and say to grab their attention, as I thought it was the entire point of a party/reunion with people.
Then I crashed into a deep depression (caused by other factors of course but forcing myself to get into parties I dreaded with people I hated wasn't helping). I haven't touched a single drop of alcohol ever since, I don't force myself to go to parties anymore, and while I still suffer from social anxiety, I'm slowly starting to accept there's value in my introverted personality even if our world of extroverts don't agree with this statement. Feels so much better.
Definitely an introvert with anxiety aswell, cant really make Eye contact while in conversations I catch myself staring at anything almost looking zoned out,I’ll look anywhere but the person I’m talking to. I’m very quiet at times unless you’re the one making the conversation which is why I like being around very social people they make it 100x easier for me. Also when I walk into a store or anywhere i feel like there’s someone just staring at me so I’m just trying to “act” normal the whole time.after talking to someone or hanging out I think about How awkward I was or if I did okay. I’m that boring friend people chill with if no one else is answering I usually see all that fake shit so that’s why I’ve chose to be alone a lot and it’s developed the social anxiety even mores any help lmk 🙏
Makes me so sad. I was diagnosed with severe social anxiety years ago & this hits so true. I'm the best social drinker ever but sober, talking to a Stanger is a whole different story. My Collage teacher was the one who actually saw that I was "way too shy" so she had me tested. I never went back for the results but straight away the lady said I had server social anxiety. It sucks cause when my dad got sick he was limited visitors because of covid rules.. I had a chance to be one of the 2 main visitors but I couldn't do it cause of the fear of the nurses & doctors talking to me & me having to tell my family but messing up what they said or even worrying about not making the right emotions cause I didn't want to look weak nor did I want to look heartless. It's hard to explain but I over thought everything & missed out on visits with my dad because of it. I wish I didn't have my brain. I wish I was the coincident bitch. My dad, son & I were so close. It's still hard to accept that he's gone.
Reading these comments make me feel better... knowing that there are others that go through social anxiety. I'm 16 and my anxiety is getting worse everyday. I refuse to go to markets, family gatherings, everything. It's not like I don't want to go... I'm just scared. I avoid my backyard cuz I don't want to be seen. I feel extremely guilty to everyone around me. I want to buy groceries for my mom so she can relax but i just cant. I cant bring myself to do it and i hate it so much. And i only have internet friends which makes me feel even more pathetic. I just hope that one day.... maybe when I have a job I can go to a therapist
I'm 20 my social anxiety started when I was 16, you will regret It If you don't fight It.
@@ender8759 100%
The guilt is so real. My anxiety started around your age and my biggest regret is not fighting it/ getting help before it got worst. I know it is hard, but whenever you feel it's time, I really encourage you to work on it as much as you can. Don't let it waste your teen yours like it did mine. It wont be easy but you'll get through it,
I am 54 years old. I have been white knuckling my way through this type of anxiety/irrational fear since the age of 15. About 5 years ago I started taking Paroxetine. It has helped tremendously, but I still wake up the same crippling thoughts every day. I did try cognitive therapy but it was moving too slow for me. I am not a full introvert but the less I have to deal the better.
Hello anxious friends. I have battled with social anxiety since before I can remember. Every day you have to remind yourself that you are not your thoughts or those symptoms and you’re actually swag af. I know it’s hard as fuck and some days it’s impossible to believe you are swag. But you are ! You guys got this shit. It’s not easy it makes life harder but it also opens your mind, makes you less judgmental, and you begin to realize what matters to you. All I can say is those anxious thoughts are not you ! Show those thoughts some love say wow that is sucky to feel like that here and give them a mental hug. I see these thoughts as troubled ghosts. They just need love and compassion and understanding. You all are beautiful creatures I love you all
Thanks!
Social anxiety has ruined my life l. I can’t talk to old friends, I’ve never made a friend in high school after three years, and I never leave the house
I was extrovert as a child, but I don't know if I am introvert or extrovert now. When I am in a relationship I enjoy circulating more in the social groups, because I feel the support. By myself, I am too scared to be left out or scrutinized. :(
WOW. This is on point. I'm an introvert and I blackout#are nervous#panic#anxiety#worry#stress- to the point where by I will rehearse a basic conversasion. I don't experience embarrassment for example : I'm not afraid to introduce myself to others. But once I introduced myself, I don't know what to talk about...weird
Hi, I have severe social anxiety as you have defined. Particularly examples of avoiding toasts at weddings, avoiding going to social gatherings the pub, a party etc even though I need to for human interaction. Meeting a partner. I quit university with only one subject to complete because I couldn't bring myself to do an oral presentation of a project. It is severely stopping me in life and I have given up hope that I can even fix it, I have had this issue for so long. What can I do to begin to fix this issue? F*** I can't tell you how accurate your explanation is. The alcohol use!
Therapy can help. I hope you will not give up on yourself. Things can change for you.
One way I moderated social anxiety was by becoming a comic in high school.
Was it an outlet for anxiety or did it make it worse?
@@jfjdjdji723 Outlet - but did not make it worse; certainly made ME more socially acceptable to my peers because I APPEARED less anxious at least😂.
How did you do it? I never know what to say ☹️
@@AllisonWisecup The dialogue inside my childhood family always involved humor even though sometimes hostile and irreverent so I was raised with permission to be funny by my upbringing. Therefore it wasn’t that hard to translate it to other social settings but, because of that background I could take the humor too far over the edge, so to speak. Still, people like to laugh so it was an easier entree into social settings.
I did that too but never thought it in this way.
I always peek before go outside to make sure nobody’s on the road 😂
Their inner world is keeping them company