Unfaithful spouses put a huge burden on the betrayed. It's just not right fair or just. There is no reason why the betrayed should suffer trying to fix anything. The whole responsibility for mending the relationship rests on the unfaithful. This is not the time to pass the back
It’s only been one month since I found out my husband had an affair for 8 months. I was sent pictures of him at work hugging her in ways he don’t even hug me. I saw compassion, love, intimacy. He started being mean and smart mouthed with me, but he was so happy around her. He still deny that anything ever happened. She was Just a friend and it was just conversation. She told me different, plus I could see the change in him towards me. I have decided to divorce him and move on. He’s never going to come clean. They can have each other.
Two years later, I am starting to enter the empowered place. My help has come through a 39-week healing class. I am not a victim! I am free! I am responsible for my life and choices and learning to love myself. I am worth it. I am not responsible for his choices. I love him and want the best for him and us but he is responsible for his choices and he will reap what he sows. I am determined to have a beautiful future with or without him. I hope it is with him but my happiness is not contingent on him. I’ve decided to keep moving forward and let the new me emerge. I’m liking her a whole lot!
Way to go dude, I'm happy for you. I've been trying to do the same but find myself dwelling way too much even 14 months later. We have two kids too so it's complicated. Keep moving forward bean. Good luck
It's a shame she can't see past that... As a person who is the betrayer -- I can't imagine not owning my actions and wanting to find resolve. Begin the healing process. I'm willing to fight for my our marriage and do whatever I need to do begin the healing process. I think that's the problem though sometimes --- the betrayer can often not see the implications of their actions. As a betrayer myself, I'm willing to fight to save my marriage at any cost.
The hardest part is trusting again, especially when there were many layers of lies after discovery, and several reconnect attempts after discovery as well. One can forgive and go forward if there is trust established again....without trust, the path is unclear, without trust its hard to commit., hard to heal, hard to go to work, hard to stop being paranoid....all of these " returning to normal" things require the reestablishment of trust.
I'm struggling with this myself. 6 weeks since the original D- Day. At least 6 BIG disclosures since then. Each heavier than the last. Each time ending with a plea to stay and a promise that no more disclosure is necessary. I'm entirely lost.
I want to believe you every time you say that I can get through it. Almost 10 months and I am still a mess in my head. Seeing a counselor and working on it. Not so much flooding but I just keep my thoughts to myself most of the time. The loss of trust is the hardest part. I forgave the emotional affair but not all the lies afterwards. He’s working on that but I just don’t trust him. I hate that it has come to that after 50 years.
I will have to play this everyday. I need as much hope as possible. Because right now...there isn't much. This is coming from the person who betrayed and regrets it immensely...
Jaime, it takes time and lot of courage to walk through shame and deep deep deep regret, I understand I’ve been there and still have days where I’m just like how could I?! Go to God and ask for forgiveness with a true repentant heart, what has helped me is to identify those mistakes that I’ve made and try to see why I made them, I write down everything so I won’t forget. Then you become more conscious about them and don’t go through life feeling so overwhelmed. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way but hey you already did the hardest part which was to acknowledge and truly repent. So proud of you!!! Will be praying for you!
@3:25 - now from the betrayed husband perspective, add in you've lost your wife AND the kids as she took them to establish precedence so she can get paid for her affair. It wasn't enough to discard the betrayed spouse, she had to take the children as well. Since he worked and she was, for the greatest part of the marriage, a stay at home mom, courts don't care if she's dishonest, just that she's been the one for the kids most of the time.
It's been two years and I'm still scared. I watched this video and realized I have not grieved the loss of my marriage, my husband finally admitted a week after I buried my dad....really need to get it together and get back to being me....I'll keep watching the video.
Thanks Samual, I just love listening to you speak. 5 months on and my life feels like it’s falling into place. I never could’ve imagined hurt or trauma like I’ve been through but nor could I have ever imagined the love and appreciation that I’m experiencing now. It truly feels like a painful but beautiful metamorphosis into a richer more fulfilling life. I don’t think I could have appreciated that so soon without listening to your words so thank you so much 😀
it’s been little over five months for me as well.... That constant stabing pain in the heart is gone.... But, I'm really really depressed right now.... we were able to build some really good memories in last couple of months...But, when i remember about the sexual part in her infidelity i still get so mad and i tend to withdraw from her... when she's with me, we are hugging, laughing and having a good time i really want to forgive her and see a bright future with her... But, When I'm alone and flooding emotionally, i just think "man, are you sure you're making the right choice to stay with her?"
Having such a hard time letting go..after 20 years of marriage and all of a sudden being betrayed just makes my tongue want to slap my brains out..she continues the so far “emotional affair” of course my trust is zero..we are still in same house but have set boundaries as far as separate bedrooms..which is painful in its self after sleeping with same person for so long. I want our marriage to work she does not we have 17 yo together who has lost respect for her due to my hurt so trying to rectify that on top of my own hurt and life in general.. everyday it takes all of the emotional strength I have .. night time is the worse trying to get through emotions without being vocal or without getting in those “little digs” this has made me someone I don’t even know anymore and the woman I married no longer exists..thank you so much for these videos they help me get through just one more day..they are the one thing I can find to be thankful for. No matter what the future holds I know I will get through the other side stronger and better than I was..I WILL NOT GET STUCK! God bless you guys and thanks again.
After 5 years, I finally accepted that my ex had no remorse, didn't ever say she was sorry. She never did any of the work towards recovery. Quite the sociopath. For several years I beat myself up for choosing and marrying such a person.
Same here and thought I wasnt good enough in anyway . But I see all this was him and I was always good enough he's got the problems he's not good enough for me and he found someone on his level he could feel him with.
Thank you for all your videos. They have been an integral part in beginning of my journey to healing and understanding the destruction and devastation I have caused my loved ones with new comprehensive outlooks on how I can continue on. Hopefully to help heal and remove toxic behaviors for the betterment of myself and hopefully I can reflect positivity and proper skills to my children again one day.
A book by Russ Harris helped my immensely. ‘ACT with love’ It helped me though I didn’t expect it to save US. Turns out it kind of did. Good luck Dennis, better times are ahead. Though It’s been 3 years for us and I still listen to these posts and feel pain daily, it’s not so much now and for me it’s worth it!
@@samshealingpodcast thanks for replying she don't know how she destroyed us, I am trying it's hard been almost 2 years I'm still upset but in control, thanks for listening
I agree! I have decided to only "do for me" I am the betrayed and I just feel that it's up too me to move on in order to be "Happy" we live in different lives anymore. :/
I am in that place where I am just waiting because he is still in denial until this moment. I am suffering silently, he said he was just helping a friend but they secretly text chat email call each other up and was in deep conversation... they were together since 2013 as co-workers but is till emotionally connected until this moment... pray for us, my son wanted us to be a family but this hurting me... and our marriage vows because of my spouse secret philandering and flirtations...God help us in this marriage and family...
I always enjoy your videos, Samuel! They definitely give me hope in my current situation! I've been working on myself since D-Day 3 months ago and really digging deep to find myself. My wife recently filed for divorce, does the rewriting of history, gas lighting and anything else her family will believe. If she refuses to seek help together how do I even keep a little hope that her limerence or whatever she's into will go away before the divorce goes through?
i really don't know Martel. you can't control it. all you can control is the work you're doing and the effort you're putting into it. i'm so sorry to hear that, but you can't make someone want you. all you can do is work on you, heal you, prioritize you and your own healing. let's hope and pray she sobers up, but i would start to develop a plan for your own well being if she does not.
@@samshealingpodcast Thank you very much for your response! I will continue on finding myself and being the best Dad I can be for my boys. The sad thing is that her lying is a pattern and until she comes to terms with it I can see her continue going down the same path. Thank you for your videos. They really are a huge help!
I've never been the same man to this day. Wife cheated in 1999,and we are still married in 2023. Nothing is the same. I'm still a solid moral and ethical man, but my wife is missing a piece of herself that her AP took. I can't get it back and she can't get it back. Her AP owns that piece of her. He is a Narcissist so his whole game was to take a piece of her and he got.
cinderella man is phenomenal and one of my favorites for motivation and encouragement. all the rocky series. braveheart. robin hood with russell crow. just to name a few.
It is my sincere hope that all come to the knowledge of Christ. He is the Ultimate Healer and Comforter. Without Him, it is impossible to endure the pain, difficulties and hardships.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Mamushi (Remix) [feat. TWICE] [Official Audio]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5c0_u9PsrsQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Unfaithful spouses put a huge burden on the betrayed. It's just not right fair or just. There is no reason why the betrayed should suffer trying to fix anything. The whole responsibility for mending the relationship rests on the unfaithful. This is not the time to pass the back
It’s only been one month since I found out my husband had an affair for 8 months. I was sent pictures of him at work hugging her in ways he don’t even hug me. I saw compassion, love, intimacy. He started being mean and smart mouthed with me, but he was so happy around her. He still deny that anything ever happened. She was Just a friend and it was just conversation.
She told me different, plus I could see the change in him towards me. I have decided to divorce him and move on. He’s never going to come clean. They can have each other.
Two years later, I am starting to enter the empowered place. My help has come through a 39-week healing class. I am not a victim! I am free! I am responsible for my life and choices and learning to love myself. I am worth it. I am not responsible for his choices. I love him and want the best for him and us but he is responsible for his choices and he will reap what he sows. I am determined to have a beautiful future with or without him. I hope it is with him but my happiness is not contingent on him. I’ve decided to keep moving forward and let the new me emerge. I’m liking her a whole lot!
loved reading all that. thanks for sharing that my friend.
Well done..keep up with your wonderful life.may God bless you with the mate you deserve.
How did you do it. We have been, together for 23yrs I don't know how
This is my goal for myself.❤
I finally just made the decision that her actions were not my fault and I decided to move on with my life. With or without her.
proud of you
Way to go dude, I'm happy for you. I've been trying to do the same but find myself dwelling way too much even 14 months later. We have two kids too so it's complicated. Keep moving forward bean. Good luck
Beans beans best wishes. It’s a great place to be and to start.
It's a shame she can't see past that...
As a person who is the betrayer -- I can't imagine not owning my actions and wanting to find resolve. Begin the healing process. I'm willing to fight for my our marriage and do whatever I need to do begin the healing process.
I think that's the problem though sometimes --- the betrayer can often not see the implications of their actions. As a betrayer myself, I'm willing to fight to save my marriage at any cost.
I wish you all the great you can get out of life. You deserve it
The hardest part is trusting again, especially when there were many layers of lies after discovery, and several reconnect attempts after discovery as well. One can forgive and go forward if there is trust established again....without trust, the path is unclear, without trust its hard to commit., hard to heal, hard to go to work, hard to stop being paranoid....all of these " returning to normal" things require the reestablishment of trust.
I'm struggling with this myself. 6 weeks since the original D- Day. At least 6 BIG disclosures since then. Each heavier than the last. Each time ending with a plea to stay and a promise that no more disclosure is necessary. I'm entirely lost.
Gosh you said it all that I feel. I didn't get anything but more lies and betrayals and told I made him do it when I had him red handed out of dozens.
I want to believe you every time you say that I can get through it. Almost 10 months and I am still a mess in my head. Seeing a counselor and working on it. Not so much flooding but I just keep my thoughts to myself most of the time. The loss of trust is the hardest part. I forgave the emotional affair but not all the lies afterwards. He’s working on that but I just don’t trust him. I hate that it has come to that after 50 years.
I will have to play this everyday. I need as much hope as possible. Because right now...there isn't much. This is coming from the person who betrayed and regrets it immensely...
Jaime, it takes time and lot of courage to walk through shame and deep deep deep regret, I understand I’ve been there and still have days where I’m just like how could I?! Go to God and ask for forgiveness with a true repentant heart, what has helped me is to identify those mistakes that I’ve made and try to see why I made them, I write down everything so I won’t forget. Then you become more conscious about them and don’t go through life feeling so overwhelmed. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way but hey you already did the hardest part which was to acknowledge and truly repent. So proud of you!!!
Will be praying for you!
@3:25 - now from the betrayed husband perspective, add in you've lost your wife AND the kids as she took them to establish precedence so she can get paid for her affair.
It wasn't enough to discard the betrayed spouse, she had to take the children as well.
Since he worked and she was, for the greatest part of the marriage, a stay at home mom, courts don't care if she's dishonest, just that she's been the one for the kids most of the time.
It's been two years and I'm still scared. I watched this video and realized I have not grieved the loss of my marriage, my husband finally admitted a week after I buried my dad....really need to get it together and get back to being me....I'll keep watching the video.
Thanks Samual, I just love listening to you speak. 5 months on and my life feels like it’s falling into place. I never could’ve imagined hurt or trauma like I’ve been through but nor could I have ever imagined the love and appreciation that I’m experiencing now. It truly feels like a painful but beautiful metamorphosis into a richer more fulfilling life. I don’t think I could have appreciated that so soon without listening to your words so thank you so much 😀
it's an honor my friend.
it’s been little over five months for me as well....
That constant stabing pain in the heart is gone.... But, I'm really really depressed right now.... we were able to build some really good memories in last couple of months...But, when i remember about the sexual part in her infidelity i still get so mad and i tend to withdraw from her...
when she's with me, we are hugging, laughing and having a good time i really want to forgive her and see a bright future with her...
But, When I'm alone and flooding emotionally, i just think "man, are you sure you're making the right choice to stay with her?"
Having such a hard time letting go..after 20 years of marriage and all of a sudden being betrayed just makes my tongue want to slap my brains out..she continues the so far “emotional affair” of course my trust is zero..we are still in same house but have set boundaries as far as separate bedrooms..which is painful in its self after sleeping with same person for so long. I want our marriage to work she does not we have 17 yo together who has lost respect for her due to my hurt so trying to rectify that on top of my own hurt and life in general.. everyday it takes all of the emotional strength I have .. night time is the worse trying to get through emotions without being vocal or without getting in those “little digs” this has made me someone I don’t even know anymore and the woman I married no longer exists..thank you so much for these videos they help me get through just one more day..they are the one thing I can find to be thankful for. No matter what the future holds I know I will get through the other side stronger and better than I was..I WILL NOT GET STUCK! God bless you guys and thanks again.
After 5 years, I finally accepted that my ex had no remorse, didn't ever say she was sorry. She never did any of the work towards recovery. Quite the sociopath. For several years I beat myself up for choosing and marrying such a person.
Same here and thought I wasnt good enough in anyway . But I see all this was him and I was always good enough he's got the problems he's not good enough for me and he found someone on his level he could feel him with.
Thank you for all your videos. They have been an integral part in beginning of my journey to healing and understanding the destruction and devastation I have caused my loved ones with new comprehensive outlooks on how I can continue on. Hopefully to help heal and remove toxic behaviors for the betterment of myself and hopefully I can reflect positivity and proper skills to my children again one day.
very welcome. so glad you're here Bernard.
Listening to video helps but I don't think I can do it, can't stop seeing it
get help dennis. our online courses can help you personally.
A book by Russ Harris helped my immensely. ‘ACT with love’ It helped me though I didn’t expect it to save US. Turns out it kind of did. Good luck Dennis, better times are ahead. Though It’s been 3 years for us and I still listen to these posts and feel pain daily, it’s not so much now and for me it’s worth it!
@@samshealingpodcast thanks for replying she don't know how she destroyed us, I am trying it's hard been almost 2 years I'm still upset but in control, thanks for listening
Thank you so much for what you do. My wife and I have been very blessed over the past several months.
so glad i could help and be a friend to you during this time.
I agree! I have decided to only "do for me" I am the betrayed and I just feel that it's up too me to move on in order to be "Happy" we live in different lives anymore. :/
Thanks.... This video was probably the best you made....and I will keep your words... Just keep moving forward. Greetings from Panama.
I am in that place where I am just waiting because he is still in denial until this moment. I am suffering silently, he said he was just helping a friend but they secretly text chat email call each other up and was in deep conversation... they were together since 2013 as co-workers but is till emotionally connected until this moment... pray for us, my son wanted us to be a family but this hurting me... and our marriage vows because of my spouse secret philandering and flirtations...God help us in this marriage and family...
I am sure God will work out d best for all of us. Trust him
Probably the best vlog from you EVER. 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙏🏼👏🏼
you're incredibly kind. thank you
everything is still fresh . hopefully I can try and continue to exercise various tools. it’s the anger right now tha
I always enjoy your videos, Samuel! They definitely give me hope in my current situation! I've been working on myself since D-Day 3 months ago and really digging deep to find myself. My wife recently filed for divorce, does the rewriting of history, gas lighting and anything else her family will believe. If she refuses to seek help together how do I even keep a little hope that her limerence or whatever she's into will go away before the divorce goes through?
i really don't know Martel. you can't control it. all you can control is the work you're doing and the effort you're putting into it. i'm so sorry to hear that, but you can't make someone want you. all you can do is work on you, heal you, prioritize you and your own healing. let's hope and pray she sobers up, but i would start to develop a plan for your own well being if she does not.
@@samshealingpodcast Thank you very much for your response! I will continue on finding myself and being the best Dad I can be for my boys. The sad thing is that her lying is a pattern and until she comes to terms with it I can see her continue going down the same path. Thank you for your videos. They really are a huge help!
Sending you a hug. 🌸
I've never been the same man to this day. Wife cheated in 1999,and we are still married in 2023. Nothing is the same. I'm still a solid moral and ethical man, but my wife is missing a piece of herself that her AP took. I can't get it back and she can't get it back. Her AP owns that piece of her. He is a Narcissist so his whole game was to take a piece of her and he got.
Please share the encouraging movies that you watch repeatedly. Thanks you
cinderella man is phenomenal and one of my favorites for motivation and encouragement. all the rocky series. braveheart. robin hood with russell crow. just to name a few.
It is my sincere hope that all come to the knowledge of Christ. He is the Ultimate Healer and Comforter. Without Him, it is impossible to endure the pain, difficulties and hardships.
Thank you so much for these videos.... God bless!
I'm still trying to heal.
And don't blame the other guy or girl. Hard to do but it's a fact. They were led on.
Wow this was exactly what I needed today thank you!
so glad my friend.
Thank you