What a perfect commentary for me to stumble upon. I’m at about -5 spoons right now and everything you’ve said is so helpful. I’m not going to try to do anything else and I’m planning a kinder day for tomorrow. Thanks!
Dude, this is such a great, down to earth, accessible, explanation of energy management. Nice work! I love the acknowledgement and discussion of the journey from the theory to actually implementing it in your own context - this is super useful, plus the call to self forgiveness at the end
I have neither autism nor ADHD, but anxiety and had two burn outs in the span of three years. The last was two years ago, I have been recovering since. Things do get easier, I have more and more energy, I now rarely cry at night from exhaustion (in the beginning of my recovery, I used to cry every night from exhaustion and frustration of not being able to do everything I wanted). I struggle to have energy for everything and moreover, I struggle with coping with not having enough energy to do everything. I noticed that, to restore myself, I need to sleep right and enough, but I also need to have self care day and have days without anything planned when I just do the things that require the least energy and just potato in my bed for a day. I need that, otherwise I'm burning myself out. That's like a reset. I know that I have a some days that I go into negative spoons, the following day I always have the impression that I went under a truck. My body feels sore even when I didn't work out and the exhaustion is just mental one, I have no energy and anything (and I mean, anything, even just going to the bakery that is just on the other side of the road or lauching the washing machine) feels way to much.
Thanks for sharing - this all sounds very familiar. For years before I realised I was neurodivergent, I used to describe days like this as my 'heavy boot days' where I just couldn't get the starter motor going, no matter how much it frustrated me about myself. The rollover effect of negative spoons was revelatory for me. I always used to think a good night's sleep would cure all. It doesn't. Whenever you get down into negative spoons (or however you want to categorise it), you're floored from the get-go the next day and starting with even LESS spoons than you usually do and will continue to feel cr*p until you can rest and recuperate properly and re-set your energy equilibrium.
Thank you so much, I really needed this ! Will try and implement to get out of the autistic burn-out I'm currently in, starting with getting a significant amount of negative spoons back to zero... 🙏
Interesting, thanks for making this video. My therapist suggested to check my energy levels several times a day by visualizing a battery like the one on the phone display. My battery has 5 beams. If only 2 beams are left I need to stop and get into the recovering mode quickly. If I keep pushing until only one beam is left, I'll need a lot of time to recover (days in silence with zero interaction) and risk a total burn out.
Yep, exactly the same principle: depleted energy, more limited energy reserves and not over-extending ourselves. I'm so envious of people who seem to have unlimited amounts of energy and just keep going and going like Duracell bunnies and can keep going again the next day.
Very helpful. Good to hear the conversation and to read the comments. Frequently observing intentionally and nonjudgmentally is essential for keeping me in reality about the coherence between what is demanded externally and what is authentically available from within my personal boundary. I'd like to be fluent in graphics, too. Cheers.
I'm not 100% sure what you mean by spoon collecting -I think you mean being better at preserving your energy so you have enough spoons for big tasks, is that right?
This is a great explanation. I just found your page and have really enjoyed your videos. I have heard of spoon theory and it makes a lot of sense as a way to monitor energy, however I have alexithymia and it can be difficult to notice when I’m approaching fatigue until I hit a complete wall. It’s like I can’t measure accurately how much energy certain tasks will take from me so I keep going and going during the day. It’s extremely frustrating so if you have any advice I’d appreciate it!
Limit the number of tasks you will take on in a day, and refuse to let yourself do more than that. Over time you'll learn which ones take up a spoon or a bar or however you want to think of your units of energy. It's a thing for ND people that different things work for different people but this is probably the best way I can think of to find what works for you before hitting a wall. I'm pretty sure I have alexithymia too (I'll do a video on this) but trying to pick my way through how certain things make me feel, the combination of journalling and using this feelings wheel have helped: feelingswheel.com Good luck!
Thanks so much for your reply! I have been pretty dissociated from my body most of my life so I think the journaling will help me start to be more aware of what I’m feeling. Looking forward to your future videos!
i want to use the spoon theory to track my energy but i have alexithymia and i think that connects to this in the way that i don't realize how low my spoons are until i am faced with things i can't handle as well. idk how to guess how many spoons i might have until i'm trying not to cry talking to my mom or throwing laundry on the ground because it hurts my hands, you know? if anyone has a method for gaining better sense of this please tell me. ps. thank you for this video and your channel, making information accessible and sharing your Autistic and neurodivergent experience!
Yes, this is the hardest part for me, and there doesn't seem to be a clear answer - unless someone out there has one? Different approaches work for different people and unless others have a clearer answer all I can do is what I set out in the second half of this video for me personally with sleep and recharge spoon levels determining my starting point. I also score highly for alexithymia so it's hard to judge when something not intellectually taxing has still floored me and drained my spoons down to zero, so therefore allowing myself to stop pushing and go into recharge mode and not feel guilty over that. It's definitely been trial and error learning to listen to myself more. Sorry I don't have anything more concrete yet, hope you can find your way with it!
Different things work for different people - the spoons chimed with me and I was determined to work and tweak at it until i found a version that worked for me. If tasks, time and not overdoing it work for you, that's amazing! I think I tried that for many years prior to the big burnout and just about got by with it. It worked for me until it didn't, if that makes sense, and the spoons metaphor helped start to pick me back up out of my slump when I needed something more abstract to latch onto. I do wonder if the drive to over-do it with too many things and the feelings of guilt and shame when one just can't is potentially more of an ADHD thing that beats up the methodical focus of the autism behind the bike shed. I really wish it was easier to disentangle the two, I find it very tricky.
I struggle getting my head around spoon theory as it's a bit vague to me. I guess I'd need to know specifics like the energy value of a spoon. How many spoons we're supposed to have. How many spoons certain things use up, and how many spoons do certain activities create for us. I watched a Tony Attwood conference on RUclips discussing women and girls on the spectrum and he discusses 'Energy Accounting' which allows us to decided how much energy certain tasks remove from our energy account, and how much certain tasks deposit into the account. I'll add a short clip from his talk here ruclips.net/user/clipUgkxZN5ZbAykVsf0_SHvEIuS6D99DNtDvdRA I'm a very visual thinker so I thought I'd adapt to spoon theory but what it HAS done for me is create a mindfulness and awareness of when I'm stepping out of my depth energy wise and not to push on through like I used to try to do. These days, since the burn out I have noticed the batteries fall out all of a sudden. I can be ok one minute and then get this sudden sense of everything draining out of me all at once, and I need to just stop and go home, or go lie down, so even energy accounting doesn't quite work as like you say, we don't always know how much energy a task will require.
This is what I found frustrating about the spoons concept - the lack of clarity! The only answers I was ever able to get was "people have to find what works for them" and I eventually found what worked for me (just about) with the sleep achieved minus the rollover of negative spoons from where I ended up the day before. I really like that Tony Attwood clip on energy accounting - "fight autism with autism"; I do love a list, but I think I was at such a low ebb that I couldn't even face making an overly complex system for myself, so a very simplified version of Spoons got me off and running. What the Tony Attwood clip describes is similar(-ish) to the Spoons and Forks Theory that I bunged into the description (www.neurodiverging.com/spoons-and-forks-autism-and-fatigue) - forks that weren't planned activities can unexpectedly drain energy and all of a sudden you end up on zero reserves the way you describe and just have to stop. Thanks for sharing this video, I feel like there's some kind of refined version of these things hovering somewhere. But ultimately suspect people have to stitch together a version that works for them rather than a one-size-fits-all, which is frustrating. Sometimes you just want a checklist of how not to feel sh*t that you can follow, particularly when you're at a point you most need that.....
extremely helpful! thank you for making this.
What a perfect commentary for me to stumble upon. I’m at about -5 spoons right now and everything you’ve said is so helpful. I’m not going to try to do anything else and I’m planning a kinder day for tomorrow. Thanks!
Dude, this is such a great, down to earth, accessible, explanation of energy management. Nice work! I love the acknowledgement and discussion of the journey from the theory to actually implementing it in your own context - this is super useful, plus the call to self forgiveness at the end
Thanks, really glad to hear it made sense and landed well!
Thank you for your series, alot of what you've covered does resonate with me. . So I'm sure it's useful for others too!
This was the best explanation of spoon theory and how to customize it for your needs I've found. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Thanks for watching and commenting - glad to hear this was helpful!
I have neither autism nor ADHD, but anxiety and had two burn outs in the span of three years. The last was two years ago, I have been recovering since. Things do get easier, I have more and more energy, I now rarely cry at night from exhaustion (in the beginning of my recovery, I used to cry every night from exhaustion and frustration of not being able to do everything I wanted). I struggle to have energy for everything and moreover, I struggle with coping with not having enough energy to do everything. I noticed that, to restore myself, I need to sleep right and enough, but I also need to have self care day and have days without anything planned when I just do the things that require the least energy and just potato in my bed for a day. I need that, otherwise I'm burning myself out. That's like a reset.
I know that I have a some days that I go into negative spoons, the following day I always have the impression that I went under a truck. My body feels sore even when I didn't work out and the exhaustion is just mental one, I have no energy and anything (and I mean, anything, even just going to the bakery that is just on the other side of the road or lauching the washing machine) feels way to much.
Thanks for sharing - this all sounds very familiar. For years before I realised I was neurodivergent, I used to describe days like this as my 'heavy boot days' where I just couldn't get the starter motor going, no matter how much it frustrated me about myself. The rollover effect of negative spoons was revelatory for me. I always used to think a good night's sleep would cure all. It doesn't. Whenever you get down into negative spoons (or however you want to categorise it), you're floored from the get-go the next day and starting with even LESS spoons than you usually do and will continue to feel cr*p until you can rest and recuperate properly and re-set your energy equilibrium.
Relatable.
This was very helpful! Especially about having less spoons the following day, after a hectic day.
Thank you so much, I really needed this ! Will try and implement to get out of the autistic burn-out I'm currently in, starting with getting a significant amount of negative spoons back to zero... 🙏
Interesting, thanks for making this video. My therapist suggested to check my energy levels several times a day by visualizing a battery like the one on the phone display. My battery has 5 beams. If only 2 beams are left I need to stop and get into the recovering mode quickly. If I keep pushing until only one beam is left, I'll need a lot of time to recover (days in silence with zero interaction) and risk a total burn out.
Yep, exactly the same principle: depleted energy, more limited energy reserves and not over-extending ourselves. I'm so envious of people who seem to have unlimited amounts of energy and just keep going and going like Duracell bunnies and can keep going again the next day.
@@amineurodivergent same :) But it also seems very alien and unnatrual to me, that people have this very different energy-circuit built within them.
Very helpful. Good to hear the conversation and to read the comments. Frequently observing intentionally and nonjudgmentally is essential for keeping me in reality about the coherence between what is demanded externally and what is authentically available from within my personal boundary. I'd like to be fluent in graphics, too. Cheers.
If I have don't have enough spoons for an upcoming activity i want to do, sometimes I will dismiss myself for "Spoon collecting"
I'm not 100% sure what you mean by spoon collecting -I think you mean being better at preserving your energy so you have enough spoons for big tasks, is that right?
Very helpful!
Great, really pleased it was useful! I don't think I 100% landed what I was trying to say so I'm really grateful it's been of some help
This is a great explanation. I just found your page and have really enjoyed your videos. I have heard of spoon theory and it makes a lot of sense as a way to monitor energy, however I have alexithymia and it can be difficult to notice when I’m approaching fatigue until I hit a complete wall. It’s like I can’t measure accurately how much energy certain tasks will take from me so I keep going and going during the day. It’s extremely frustrating so if you have any advice I’d appreciate it!
Limit the number of tasks you will take on in a day, and refuse to let yourself do more than that. Over time you'll learn which ones take up a spoon or a bar or however you want to think of your units of energy. It's a thing for ND people that different things work for different people but this is probably the best way I can think of to find what works for you before hitting a wall. I'm pretty sure I have alexithymia too (I'll do a video on this) but trying to pick my way through how certain things make me feel, the combination of journalling and using this feelings wheel have helped: feelingswheel.com
Good luck!
Thanks so much for your reply! I have been pretty dissociated from my body most of my life so I think the journaling will help me start to be more aware of what I’m feeling. Looking forward to your future videos!
Thank you!! ❤
i want to use the spoon theory to track my energy but i have alexithymia and i think that connects to this in the way that i don't realize how low my spoons are until i am faced with things i can't handle as well. idk how to guess how many spoons i might have until i'm trying not to cry talking to my mom or throwing laundry on the ground because it hurts my hands, you know? if anyone has a method for gaining better sense of this please tell me.
ps. thank you for this video and your channel, making information accessible and sharing your Autistic and neurodivergent experience!
Yes, this is the hardest part for me, and there doesn't seem to be a clear answer - unless someone out there has one? Different approaches work for different people and unless others have a clearer answer all I can do is what I set out in the second half of this video for me personally with sleep and recharge spoon levels determining my starting point. I also score highly for alexithymia so it's hard to judge when something not intellectually taxing has still floored me and drained my spoons down to zero, so therefore allowing myself to stop pushing and go into recharge mode and not feel guilty over that. It's definitely been trial and error learning to listen to myself more. Sorry I don't have anything more concrete yet, hope you can find your way with it!
@@amineurodivergent it's okay, i appreciate it a lot! thank you
I don't like the spoon analogy at all. I'm happier thinking in tasks, time and not overdoing it.
Different things work for different people - the spoons chimed with me and I was determined to work and tweak at it until i found a version that worked for me. If tasks, time and not overdoing it work for you, that's amazing! I think I tried that for many years prior to the big burnout and just about got by with it. It worked for me until it didn't, if that makes sense, and the spoons metaphor helped start to pick me back up out of my slump when I needed something more abstract to latch onto. I do wonder if the drive to over-do it with too many things and the feelings of guilt and shame when one just can't is potentially more of an ADHD thing that beats up the methodical focus of the autism behind the bike shed. I really wish it was easier to disentangle the two, I find it very tricky.
I struggle getting my head around spoon theory as it's a bit vague to me. I guess I'd need to know specifics like the energy value of a spoon. How many spoons we're supposed to have. How many spoons certain things use up, and how many spoons do certain activities create for us.
I watched a Tony Attwood conference on RUclips discussing women and girls on the spectrum and he discusses 'Energy Accounting' which allows us to decided how much energy certain tasks remove from our energy account, and how much certain tasks deposit into the account. I'll add a short clip from his talk here
ruclips.net/user/clipUgkxZN5ZbAykVsf0_SHvEIuS6D99DNtDvdRA
I'm a very visual thinker so I thought I'd adapt to spoon theory but what it HAS done for me is create a mindfulness and awareness of when I'm stepping out of my depth energy wise and not to push on through like I used to try to do. These days, since the burn out I have noticed the batteries fall out all of a sudden. I can be ok one minute and then get this sudden sense of everything draining out of me all at once, and I need to just stop and go home, or go lie down, so even energy accounting doesn't quite work as like you say, we don't always know how much energy a task will require.
This is what I found frustrating about the spoons concept - the lack of clarity! The only answers I was ever able to get was "people have to find what works for them" and I eventually found what worked for me (just about) with the sleep achieved minus the rollover of negative spoons from where I ended up the day before. I really like that Tony Attwood clip on energy accounting - "fight autism with autism"; I do love a list, but I think I was at such a low ebb that I couldn't even face making an overly complex system for myself, so a very simplified version of Spoons got me off and running. What the Tony Attwood clip describes is similar(-ish) to the Spoons and Forks Theory that I bunged into the description (www.neurodiverging.com/spoons-and-forks-autism-and-fatigue) - forks that weren't planned activities can unexpectedly drain energy and all of a sudden you end up on zero reserves the way you describe and just have to stop. Thanks for sharing this video, I feel like there's some kind of refined version of these things hovering somewhere. But ultimately suspect people have to stitch together a version that works for them rather than a one-size-fits-all, which is frustrating. Sometimes you just want a checklist of how not to feel sh*t that you can follow, particularly when you're at a point you most need that.....